February 11, 2025 • 24 mins
One of the biggest reasons we overthink is because we're waaaaay too focused on the final destination rather than just taking the next right step.
This episode is all about learning how to let go of control, trust yourself and your daily choices, and most importantly -- trust God in the unknown.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:24):
What's up, beautiful people?
Welcome back to theWrestling With Life podcast.
I am your host, Em Led.
I hope this podcast episode findsyou doing well and thriving.
Gosh, that just sounded like an email.
Oh my goodness.
I've been writing a lot of emails lately.
You can't tell.
I hope this email finds you well.
So sorry, guys.
I hope this podcast episodedoes find you well though
(00:46):
and I hope that some of y'allat least have been getting to
experience some nicer weather.
Dude, North Carolina in Februaryhas been such a pleasant surprise.
It's been 70 and sunny or like inthe 60s and mostly sunny for the last
week here and I can feel the seasonaldepression just exiting my body and
(01:07):
I've just been thanking the Lord.
that I was able to movesomewhere like here.
Like I was on the beach the other day inFebruary and I was sweating and it was
sunny and I was just like laying on mybeach blanket reading the Bible, looking
at the ocean and the beach was packed.
There were so many people thereand I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's
February and this is happening.
Like, thank you, Jesus.
(01:27):
I just, I felt so grateful and so blessed.
So I hope that some of y'all sorry to rubit in if you're in the but I hope some
of you, some of my non North listenersare getting to enjoy some sunshine.
It is so beautiful and God isso good and I'm just so thankful
for beautiful days, dude.
It's crazy how much the weatherimpacts, um, my mental health.
(01:50):
I definitely feel itwhen it's not nice out.
So very thankful for that.
And I'm so excited to continueour series on overthinking.
In the last episode, we were kind oflaying the groundwork for this brand
new series, and we talked a lot aboutwhy we overthink where it comes from.
And kind of just, again, set thatgroundwork for the rest of the series,
(02:14):
which is going to be, how do weovercome this issue of overthinking?
And if you guys remember, we are stilldoing polls on Instagram, and I have some
pretty cool stats that you guys gave meabout your overthinking and even some of
your control habits that I polled you on.
And 81 percent of responders to thatpoll said that they are overthinkers.
(02:40):
and remember, I've been pullinga specific age bucket of who this
podcast is geared for, right?
So these are people between theages of 22 to 35 who consider
themselves overthinkers.
And that's 81 percent of us.
If you guys don't follow me onInstagram, you can go follow
me at em underscore led 11.
(03:01):
I am posting polls all the time to domy own research to figure out where you
guys stand with the different topicsthat we're covering so that I can bring
your voice into these conversations.
So in addition to that stat, anotherone I wanted to mention before we
really get into this episode is that29 percent of us, only 29%, report
(03:22):
that we always pray over big decisions.
And I wanted to focus on thesetwo stats in this episode.
One, because 81 percent of us areoverthinkers, big chunk of us, but
only 29 percent of us are reallytruly bringing God into the equation
when we are making big decisions.
(03:43):
And in this episode specifically, I wouldlike to talk about why we struggle so much
to make big decisions, why we overthinkmaking a choice so much, what kind of
stuff we are overthinking the most.
Next.
And why we don't trust ourselves,why we don't trust God to make these
choices to make the best choice forourself and what we can do when fear
(04:07):
flares up, how can we move forward?
How can we move through those scaryemotions and end up making a decision
and a choice that is best for us?
So let's get into it.
Y'all sound good.
I would like to kickthis off with a quote.
From a really, really cute little bookthat I've never read the full book.
I've just heard this quote and acouple other quotes from the book,
(04:28):
but all of them are just reallylike, wow, that's impactful for
what sounds like a child's novel.
So this quote is from The Boy,the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
And this is by Charlie Makacee,I think that's how you say it.
So, it goes like this.
The boy and the horse are in the woods.
And the boy says to the horse,I can't see a way through.
(04:51):
And the horse says, well,can you see your next step?
And the boy says, yeah.
And the horse says, Then just take that.
This is just so cute, first ofall, and so wholesome and so
simple, but it's something thatall of us freaking forget, dude.
We get so focused on the big picture,the end goal of where we're trying to
(05:14):
go or the way that we hope a decisionthat we make unfolds in the future
that we get so overwhelmed and nervousand fearful and scared thinking about
the future because we have no idea.
What's gonna happen a couple weeksdown the road a couple months a couple
years five years, you know We knowthat we have no way of knowing what
(05:36):
the future holds and we allow thatto paralyze us We won't move forward.
We won't even take a step forward becausewe can't see the future The full way
through, like the boy in the story, right?
But the horse is so wise insaying, just take the next step.
You can see the next step, you know,just, just take that next right step.
(05:56):
That's all you have to do.
And that's going to be thetheme of this episode, y'all.
If you take anythingaway from this episode.
All you have to do is focuson that next right step.
You don't have to know anythingelse besides that, okay?
We have free will, right?
We are in the driver's seat of our dayto day choices, but I think a lot of
(06:20):
times we forget that there is someoneabove us, a higher power, whether you
want to call him God, the universe,divine, wherever you're at in your
spiritual journey, no judgment here.
We forget that there is a higher power.
Who has already authored and ordered oursteps, who already knows what's going
(06:40):
to happen before it happens, who alreadyhas the book of life in his hands, the
book of your life, the book of my life.
He already knows.
So, we forget that.
Because we can only experience thisone point in time that we're in, and we
We get so overwhelmed by the unknown.
I don't know about you guys, Ido so horrible in the unknown.
(07:04):
And I'm actually in a season of my liferight now where I'm in a lot of unknown,
and it's feeling a little bit scary,and uh, I was on the phone with my mom
the other night, kind of talking toher about what I'm going through, and
I said to her, I was like, Geez, mom,I just wish there was a big, flashing,
neon sign in the sky that told me whatto do, exactly what to do, and told me
(07:26):
how it's all gonna work out in the end.
And she, she could relate to that.
She had been at times in her life whereshe wished the same thing, but something
that she's said to me and that I've heardin, you know, several other conversations
with people is if we had a big flashingneon sign in the sky telling us what to
(07:46):
do, then we would never have to trust God.
We would never need faith.
We would never, ever, ever needto put our trust or depend on God.
And we talked a lot about this inthe first series on the podcast about
humility and how we are actuallydesigned For a dependence on God and
(08:09):
a lot of our struggle and a lot of ourstress and anxiety comes in when we are
fighting that when our pride flares upand we're trying to take God's place.
We're trying to be in control.
We're trying to be all knowingand we suffer because we
are not fit for that role.
We suffer because we constantlyare letting ourselves down
(08:31):
because we can't fill that role.
We can't even fill that hole.
We have that God sizedhole in our hearts, right?
We talk about that a lot too.
Dependency on God, full dependency on God,is the only thing that can fill that hole.
Not success, not money, not a greatreputation, not a bunch of cool
(08:53):
things, not a bunch of cool friends.
Nothing that we think is going to fillthat hole in us fills it, except for God,
except for truly, fully depending on him.
We think we can find all theseanswers by ourself, but we can't.
And so I love that perspective that sheintroduced to me where it's like, no, like
(09:14):
this unknown is so critical, actually.
It's so critical to be in thisspace of unknown, because this
is when you are formed into theperson that God wants you to be.
And I would really like to read,um, a little excerpt from this
book called Practicing the Way.
Okay, I'm obsessed with this book.
(09:35):
I talk about it to all of myfriends, like anyone who will listen.
This book was so, so criticalin me finding my way back to
Jesus about six months ago.
This is kind of what my return to faith.
And I love this section of the book.
It's on page 114 and it'stitled Terrible, wonderful news.
(09:56):
You are not in control.
Let me just read this toyou guys real quick, okay?
Let me make one lastthing perfectly clear.
You are not in control ofyour spiritual formation.
This is one of the hardest lessonsfor followers of Jesus today.
We can't control our spiritualjourneys, most of the circumstances
of our lives, and certainly not God.
(10:19):
Ours is the digital age.
Indeed, one interpretation of thesocio political chaos of the last
few years in America and beyond isthat it's not about politics at all.
It's about the social disruptioncaused by the shift from an
industrial to a digital world.
We're living through a key inflectionpoint in human history, and we're feeling
the vertigo of an entire world Turnedupside down in just a few decades.
(10:43):
I grew up in Silicon Valley, and I'mwell aware of the power of tech for good.
But for all of the genuine value it'sadded to the world, digital technology
has had at least three disastrouseffects on our generation's formation.
It's formed us to expect life tobe easy, Fast, and controllable.
(11:04):
After all, we can just slide ourthumb, and dinner will magically appear
at our door twenty minutes later.
And as a result, we are conditionedto expect quick, fast results with
minimal effort, at our beck and call.
We often carry this mindsetover into our formation.
We assume that we just need to findthe right technique or lifehack
to solve the problem of the soul.
(11:26):
But in reality?
Formation into the image of Jesus ishard, slow, and we are not in control.
There's no killer app, noquick fix, no shortcut.
The formation of the humansoul is more like growing a
vineyard than ordering takeout.
I absolutely love, first of all, justbomb rating, like, wow, John Mark
(11:49):
Comer, if you guys don't know him.
incredible writer, also justincredible thought leader.
I love his sermons.
I love just his perspective onwhat it means to follow the Lord
and, um, live a life of humility.
I really recommend that book.
I'll link it in the shownotes if anyone's interested.
Practicing the Way, John Mark Comer.
But wow, he really hit that home.
(12:11):
Dude, it really comes backto we are in the digital age.
We are so used to everythingbeing instantaneous that we can't
stand This period of unknown,this feeling of unknown, this
feeling of not being in control,
this feeling of not being incontrol causes so much fear and
anxiety and overthinking for us.
(12:34):
This is really where that overthinkingcomes from because we're not
comfortable with that not knowing.
But what does God tell usover and over and over again?
Do not fear.
Do not be anxious.
Trust me.
I'm in control.
But we just don't believe him.
We just don't believe him.
So really, What this comes down to is alack of trust in ourselves and a lack of
(13:00):
trust in God to make the right choice.
This is a trust problem.
Overthinking is a trust problem.
So I think this begs thequestion, well, why don't we
trust ourselves to choose well?
Like, where does that come from?
And I think a lot of it comes topainful past experiences, right?
Like, if you've, if you've made achoice in the past that blew up in
(13:23):
your face or caused you a lot of pain,you're going to be hesitant before
making a similar decision again.
I think a lot of times we have fear ofupsetting other people in our choices.
We think, if I make choice A, whenso and so wants me to choose choice
B, even though A might be bestfor myself, I have to deal then
(13:47):
with upsetting someone else right?
So we think about that, we considerhow it affects other people.
We also think about, okay, so if Imake this choice, what's going to
actually have to change in my life?
And sometimes the change that wewould have to make if we make a
choice is intimidating and scarybecause again, it's the unknown.
Maybe we've never done that before.
(14:09):
Maybe we're scared that we're notgoing to like that type of change
that's going to come in our life.
We have a lot of fear of, again,painful, uncomfortable feelings
that come with making decisions.
Sometimes we don't even know the depthof what that's going to feel like.
Maybe you're in a toxic relationship,and closing that chapter and unattaching
(14:31):
from the person that you're withis going to be incredibly hard.
And even though you think long term it'sprobably best for you, maybe you don't
fully believe that because you don't know.
You don't know what five years downthe road is going to look like.
Sometimes when we make a hard choice,we will lose something or we're going
to have to say goodbye to something.
And again, this is all unknown territorythat probably comes with painful
(14:54):
feelings and we're afraid of that.
We're not willing to experiencethat uncomfortable feeling
or that space of the unknown.
So how can we regain trust inourselves and how can we trust
God to make good decisions?
The biggest thing that I've ever learnedabout developing self trust, and a lot
(15:15):
of this kind of comes from the self helpworld, but there is a lot of truth in it.
And I've, I've found this to be truealso in my day to day life, is that you
have to first start with the small stuff.
to gain self trust.
So you have to deliver on the smallpromises that you make yourself
and that you make to others.
(15:36):
You have to practice coming throughon your word with the little stuff
and doing the things that yousay you're going to do, right?
Like if you're telling yourselfthat you're going to go to the gym.
tomorrow, and then you don't go tothe gym tomorrow, and then you do
that again the next day, you arecontinuously breaking trust within
yourself over and over and over again.
(15:59):
So if you say you're going to dosomething, whether it's a promise
you make to yourself or someone else,start by actually delivering on that.
Stop promising things that youknow you're not going to do.
Stop setting yourself up for failure.
That kills your self esteem.
That kills your self image.
That kills all kind of trust that youcould possibly have with yourself.
(16:20):
So set reasonable expectations.
Like before you even speak something outloud, think about whether or not that's
even reasonable for you to make a promise.
I think some good examples of smallthings that you can start with on,
on delivering to yourself is be like,okay, I'm going to go take the trash
(16:40):
out and then go take the trash out.
Okay.
I'm going to clean my roomand then go clean your room.
Tell your friend that you'regoing to bring them dinner tonight
and then bring them dinner.
Like just small, tiny things that aredecisive and that follow through on
what you, you say, you're going to do.
And notice that none of these really hadanything to do with making a big choice.
(17:02):
The only choice that you made waschoosing to follow through on a promise.
So start with that small stuff, right?
Give yourself lots and lots andlots of grace too, because you
are going to disappoint yourself.
Okay, it doesn't matter how good you getat developing trust within yourself, there
(17:23):
are gonna be times when you inevitablymess up because none of us are perfect.
So in those moments, you need to giveyourself grace and you need to not
beat yourself up for not being perfect.
And another thing that kind of can helpwith self trust is mastering a skill.
If you are interested in learninglike a new hobby or I don't know,
(17:43):
something small like knitting or apickleball, that's a big one for me.
Practicing something like that over andover and over again and watching yourself
get really freaking good at it, that'sgoing to develop confidence in you, right?
That's going to give youa little bit of swag.
It's going to give you a little bit oftrust and, and, um, Confidence in yourself
(18:03):
and that actually equips you to make thosesmall decisions as everyday decisions to
just kind of carry yourself with a littlebit more, um, direction and purpose.
Okay, all of these little things aregoing to help with that self trust.
and then we get to a pointwhere like, okay, I trust
myself a little bit more now.
The bigger question is, do you trust God?
(18:25):
Okay.
Do you trust God in that unknown?
Do you trust that he will deliver?
This is where I struggle the most becausemy pride tells me I don't need God.
My pride tells me I can do it by myself.
I'll figure it out alone.
And I don't know about you guys,but that always blows up in my face.
So I've been working a lot on, ontrusting God and submitting to God.
(18:47):
And the way that you do thatis by spending time with him.
Getting to know him.
You don't just trust arando on the street, right?
You develop trust with someoneby getting to know them.
By trusting them with small things bycoming to them by talking to them by
them keeping your their word to youAnd we don't even give God a chance
(19:09):
to do that a lot of times because wejust circumvent him We just skip him
in the decision making process again 29percent of us say that we pray over big
decisions always that's such a smallnumber compared to the 81 percent of
us who say we are over thinkers, right?
We're over here stressed anxiousworried about how we're gonna
(19:30):
We're going to figure this out.
What choice are we going to make?
We're not even taking it upwith God most of the time.
And I know that that'shistorically how I've been.
So now I'm consciously telling myselfevery single day, okay, Emily, all you're
in charge of is the next right step.
That's all you can see anyway.
All you can see is your nextright step and everything else.
(19:53):
I'm going to the Lordand I'm saying here, God.
Here's where I'm at.
Here's what I don't know.
Here's my anxiety and my fear.
Here's everything.
Can you take it?
Can I just put it at your feet?
And can you just giveme your peace in return?
And he does, dude.
I have had a weird amount of peacethat just does not make sense.
in the last couple weeks.
(20:15):
Like I said, I'm going throughsome weird unknown right now,
and I've had weird peace.
Peace that does not make sense.
And I know that that's from God, andI know that's because I'm actively
choosing to just take the nextright step and to give him the rest.
Don't get it twisted, wehave free will, right?
You have to make a conscious decision.
Whether or not to trust God and whetheror not to act in any way, shape or form.
(20:38):
And the point of this whole episode isjust to empower you to take that next
right step, to make that next right choicefor your life and to stop stressing about.
The rest.
Going back to the quote that westarted with, the horse says,
can you see your next step?
The boy says, yeah.
And the horse says, then just take that.
(20:59):
Guys, we're overcomplicating it a lot.
We overcomplicate everything.
I know I do.
And we don't have to.
It's not our job.
Going back to humility.
It's not our place.
That's God's place.
Let God be the author of your life.
Let God be the author and justallow yourself to be the poem.
(21:21):
Oh, I love that analogy.
I can't take credit for that.
I didn't come up with that.
That's in this song that I'm obsessedwith right now called Be Alright.
It says, You are the author.
I am the poem.
God is writing our story.
God is writing your character.
God is writing who you are.
You're just that next word on the page.
(21:41):
You're just that next step.
You're just that next puzzle piece.
And when you can just get comfortablewith that, embrace that, accept your
place as creature and, and his place ascreator, guys, so much pressure comes off.
Sometimes when fear doesflare up, something that I
remind myself is, I'm safe.
(22:03):
I'm alive.
I've taken care of what I can control.
I've controlled the controllables.
The rest is in God's hands.
Remember that all you cancontrol is how you respond.
You can control your attitude, you cancontrol your perspective, you can control
your actions and your words, right?
Those are all things that you can control.
(22:23):
Everything else, out of your hands, baby.
Out of your freaking hands.
So I know it's cliche, butseriously, let go and let God.
That is how you are going to find peaceand not be overthinking and in this puddle
of stress and anxiety all the time, okay?
Just take the next right step.
(22:43):
Alright, y'all, that'sall I got for you today.
I hope you have a fabulous week,and tune back in to our next episode
in our series on overthinking.
Alright, bye, y'all.
What's up, beautiful people?
Welcome back to theWrestling With Life podcast.
I am your host, Em Led.
I hope this podcast episode findsyou doing well and thriving.
Gosh, that just sounded like an email.
Oh my goodness.
I've been writing a lot of emails lately.
You can't tell.
I hope this email finds you well.
So sorry, guys.
I hope this podcast episodedoes find you well though
(00:46):
and I hope that some of y'allat least have been getting to
experience some nicer weather.
Dude, North Carolina in Februaryhas been such a pleasant surprise.
It's been 70 and sunny or like inthe 60s and mostly sunny for the last
week here and I can feel the seasonaldepression just exiting my body and
(01:07):
I've just been thanking the Lord.
that I was able to movesomewhere like here.
Like I was on the beach the other day inFebruary and I was sweating and it was
sunny and I was just like laying on mybeach blanket reading the Bible, looking
at the ocean and the beach was packed.
There were so many people thereand I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's
February and this is happening.
Like, thank you, Jesus.
(01:27):
I just, I felt so grateful and so blessed.
So I hope that some of y'all sorry to rubit in if you're in the but I hope some
of you, some of my non North listenersare getting to enjoy some sunshine.
It is so beautiful and God isso good and I'm just so thankful
for beautiful days, dude.
It's crazy how much the weatherimpacts, um, my mental health.
(01:50):
I definitely feel itwhen it's not nice out.
So very thankful for that.
And I'm so excited to continueour series on overthinking.
In the last episode, we were kind oflaying the groundwork for this brand
new series, and we talked a lot aboutwhy we overthink where it comes from.
And kind of just, again, set thatgroundwork for the rest of the series,
(02:14):
which is going to be, how do weovercome this issue of overthinking?
And if you guys remember, we are stilldoing polls on Instagram, and I have some
pretty cool stats that you guys gave meabout your overthinking and even some of
your control habits that I polled you on.
And 81 percent of responders to thatpoll said that they are overthinkers.
(02:40):
and remember, I've been pullinga specific age bucket of who this
podcast is geared for, right?
So these are people between theages of 22 to 35 who consider
themselves overthinkers.
And that's 81 percent of us.
If you guys don't follow me onInstagram, you can go follow
me at em underscore led 11.
(03:01):
I am posting polls all the time to domy own research to figure out where you
guys stand with the different topicsthat we're covering so that I can bring
your voice into these conversations.
So in addition to that stat, anotherone I wanted to mention before we
really get into this episode is that29 percent of us, only 29%, report
(03:22):
that we always pray over big decisions.
And I wanted to focus on thesetwo stats in this episode.
One, because 81 percent of us areoverthinkers, big chunk of us, but
only 29 percent of us are reallytruly bringing God into the equation
when we are making big decisions.
(03:43):
And in this episode specifically, I wouldlike to talk about why we struggle so much
to make big decisions, why we overthinkmaking a choice so much, what kind of
stuff we are overthinking the most.
Next.
And why we don't trust ourselves,why we don't trust God to make these
choices to make the best choice forourself and what we can do when fear
(04:07):
flares up, how can we move forward?
How can we move through those scaryemotions and end up making a decision
and a choice that is best for us?
So let's get into it.
Y'all sound good.
I would like to kickthis off with a quote.
From a really, really cute little bookthat I've never read the full book.
I've just heard this quote and acouple other quotes from the book,
(04:28):
but all of them are just reallylike, wow, that's impactful for
what sounds like a child's novel.
So this quote is from The Boy,the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
And this is by Charlie Makacee,I think that's how you say it.
So, it goes like this.
The boy and the horse are in the woods.
And the boy says to the horse,I can't see a way through.
(04:51):
And the horse says, well,can you see your next step?
And the boy says, yeah.
And the horse says, Then just take that.
This is just so cute, first ofall, and so wholesome and so
simple, but it's something thatall of us freaking forget, dude.
We get so focused on the big picture,the end goal of where we're trying to
(05:14):
go or the way that we hope a decisionthat we make unfolds in the future
that we get so overwhelmed and nervousand fearful and scared thinking about
the future because we have no idea.
What's gonna happen a couple weeksdown the road a couple months a couple
years five years, you know We knowthat we have no way of knowing what
(05:36):
the future holds and we allow thatto paralyze us We won't move forward.
We won't even take a step forward becausewe can't see the future The full way
through, like the boy in the story, right?
But the horse is so wise insaying, just take the next step.
You can see the next step, you know,just, just take that next right step.
(05:56):
That's all you have to do.
And that's going to be thetheme of this episode, y'all.
If you take anythingaway from this episode.
All you have to do is focuson that next right step.
You don't have to know anythingelse besides that, okay?
We have free will, right?
We are in the driver's seat of our dayto day choices, but I think a lot of
(06:20):
times we forget that there is someoneabove us, a higher power, whether you
want to call him God, the universe,divine, wherever you're at in your
spiritual journey, no judgment here.
We forget that there is a higher power.
Who has already authored and ordered oursteps, who already knows what's going
(06:40):
to happen before it happens, who alreadyhas the book of life in his hands, the
book of your life, the book of my life.
He already knows.
So, we forget that.
Because we can only experience thisone point in time that we're in, and we
We get so overwhelmed by the unknown.
I don't know about you guys, Ido so horrible in the unknown.
(07:04):
And I'm actually in a season of my liferight now where I'm in a lot of unknown,
and it's feeling a little bit scary,and uh, I was on the phone with my mom
the other night, kind of talking toher about what I'm going through, and
I said to her, I was like, Geez, mom,I just wish there was a big, flashing,
neon sign in the sky that told me whatto do, exactly what to do, and told me
(07:26):
how it's all gonna work out in the end.
And she, she could relate to that.
She had been at times in her life whereshe wished the same thing, but something
that she's said to me and that I've heardin, you know, several other conversations
with people is if we had a big flashingneon sign in the sky telling us what to
(07:46):
do, then we would never have to trust God.
We would never need faith.
We would never, ever, ever needto put our trust or depend on God.
And we talked a lot about this inthe first series on the podcast about
humility and how we are actuallydesigned For a dependence on God and
(08:09):
a lot of our struggle and a lot of ourstress and anxiety comes in when we are
fighting that when our pride flares upand we're trying to take God's place.
We're trying to be in control.
We're trying to be all knowingand we suffer because we
are not fit for that role.
We suffer because we constantlyare letting ourselves down
(08:31):
because we can't fill that role.
We can't even fill that hole.
We have that God sizedhole in our hearts, right?
We talk about that a lot too.
Dependency on God, full dependency on God,is the only thing that can fill that hole.
Not success, not money, not a greatreputation, not a bunch of cool
(08:53):
things, not a bunch of cool friends.
Nothing that we think is going to fillthat hole in us fills it, except for God,
except for truly, fully depending on him.
We think we can find all theseanswers by ourself, but we can't.
And so I love that perspective that sheintroduced to me where it's like, no, like
(09:14):
this unknown is so critical, actually.
It's so critical to be in thisspace of unknown, because this
is when you are formed into theperson that God wants you to be.
And I would really like to read,um, a little excerpt from this
book called Practicing the Way.
Okay, I'm obsessed with this book.
(09:35):
I talk about it to all of myfriends, like anyone who will listen.
This book was so, so criticalin me finding my way back to
Jesus about six months ago.
This is kind of what my return to faith.
And I love this section of the book.
It's on page 114 and it'stitled Terrible, wonderful news.
(09:56):
You are not in control.
Let me just read this toyou guys real quick, okay?
Let me make one lastthing perfectly clear.
You are not in control ofyour spiritual formation.
This is one of the hardest lessonsfor followers of Jesus today.
We can't control our spiritualjourneys, most of the circumstances
of our lives, and certainly not God.
(10:19):
Ours is the digital age.
Indeed, one interpretation of thesocio political chaos of the last
few years in America and beyond isthat it's not about politics at all.
It's about the social disruptioncaused by the shift from an
industrial to a digital world.
We're living through a key inflectionpoint in human history, and we're feeling
the vertigo of an entire world Turnedupside down in just a few decades.
(10:43):
I grew up in Silicon Valley, and I'mwell aware of the power of tech for good.
But for all of the genuine value it'sadded to the world, digital technology
has had at least three disastrouseffects on our generation's formation.
It's formed us to expect life tobe easy, Fast, and controllable.
(11:04):
After all, we can just slide ourthumb, and dinner will magically appear
at our door twenty minutes later.
And as a result, we are conditionedto expect quick, fast results with
minimal effort, at our beck and call.
We often carry this mindsetover into our formation.
We assume that we just need to findthe right technique or lifehack
to solve the problem of the soul.
(11:26):
But in reality?
Formation into the image of Jesus ishard, slow, and we are not in control.
There's no killer app, noquick fix, no shortcut.
The formation of the humansoul is more like growing a
vineyard than ordering takeout.
I absolutely love, first of all, justbomb rating, like, wow, John Mark
(11:49):
Comer, if you guys don't know him.
incredible writer, also justincredible thought leader.
I love his sermons.
I love just his perspective onwhat it means to follow the Lord
and, um, live a life of humility.
I really recommend that book.
I'll link it in the shownotes if anyone's interested.
Practicing the Way, John Mark Comer.
But wow, he really hit that home.
(12:11):
Dude, it really comes backto we are in the digital age.
We are so used to everythingbeing instantaneous that we can't
stand This period of unknown,this feeling of unknown, this
feeling of not being in control,
this feeling of not being incontrol causes so much fear and
anxiety and overthinking for us.
(12:34):
This is really where that overthinkingcomes from because we're not
comfortable with that not knowing.
But what does God tell usover and over and over again?
Do not fear.
Do not be anxious.
Trust me.
I'm in control.
But we just don't believe him.
We just don't believe him.
So really, What this comes down to is alack of trust in ourselves and a lack of
(13:00):
trust in God to make the right choice.
This is a trust problem.
Overthinking is a trust problem.
So I think this begs thequestion, well, why don't we
trust ourselves to choose well?
Like, where does that come from?
And I think a lot of it comes topainful past experiences, right?
Like, if you've, if you've made achoice in the past that blew up in
(13:23):
your face or caused you a lot of pain,you're going to be hesitant before
making a similar decision again.
I think a lot of times we have fear ofupsetting other people in our choices.
We think, if I make choice A, whenso and so wants me to choose choice
B, even though A might be bestfor myself, I have to deal then
(13:47):
with upsetting someone else right?
So we think about that, we considerhow it affects other people.
We also think about, okay, so if Imake this choice, what's going to
actually have to change in my life?
And sometimes the change that wewould have to make if we make a
choice is intimidating and scarybecause again, it's the unknown.
Maybe we've never done that before.
(14:09):
Maybe we're scared that we're notgoing to like that type of change
that's going to come in our life.
We have a lot of fear of, again,painful, uncomfortable feelings
that come with making decisions.
Sometimes we don't even know the depthof what that's going to feel like.
Maybe you're in a toxic relationship,and closing that chapter and unattaching
(14:31):
from the person that you're withis going to be incredibly hard.
And even though you think long term it'sprobably best for you, maybe you don't
fully believe that because you don't know.
You don't know what five years downthe road is going to look like.
Sometimes when we make a hard choice,we will lose something or we're going
to have to say goodbye to something.
And again, this is all unknown territorythat probably comes with painful
(14:54):
feelings and we're afraid of that.
We're not willing to experiencethat uncomfortable feeling
or that space of the unknown.
So how can we regain trust inourselves and how can we trust
God to make good decisions?
The biggest thing that I've ever learnedabout developing self trust, and a lot
(15:15):
of this kind of comes from the self helpworld, but there is a lot of truth in it.
And I've, I've found this to be truealso in my day to day life, is that you
have to first start with the small stuff.
to gain self trust.
So you have to deliver on the smallpromises that you make yourself
and that you make to others.
(15:36):
You have to practice coming throughon your word with the little stuff
and doing the things that yousay you're going to do, right?
Like if you're telling yourselfthat you're going to go to the gym.
tomorrow, and then you don't go tothe gym tomorrow, and then you do
that again the next day, you arecontinuously breaking trust within
yourself over and over and over again.
(15:59):
So if you say you're going to dosomething, whether it's a promise
you make to yourself or someone else,start by actually delivering on that.
Stop promising things that youknow you're not going to do.
Stop setting yourself up for failure.
That kills your self esteem.
That kills your self image.
That kills all kind of trust that youcould possibly have with yourself.
(16:20):
So set reasonable expectations.
Like before you even speak something outloud, think about whether or not that's
even reasonable for you to make a promise.
I think some good examples of smallthings that you can start with on,
on delivering to yourself is be like,okay, I'm going to go take the trash
(16:40):
out and then go take the trash out.
Okay.
I'm going to clean my roomand then go clean your room.
Tell your friend that you'regoing to bring them dinner tonight
and then bring them dinner.
Like just small, tiny things that aredecisive and that follow through on
what you, you say, you're going to do.
And notice that none of these really hadanything to do with making a big choice.
(17:02):
The only choice that you made waschoosing to follow through on a promise.
So start with that small stuff, right?
Give yourself lots and lots andlots of grace too, because you
are going to disappoint yourself.
Okay, it doesn't matter how good you getat developing trust within yourself, there
(17:23):
are gonna be times when you inevitablymess up because none of us are perfect.
So in those moments, you need to giveyourself grace and you need to not
beat yourself up for not being perfect.
And another thing that kind of can helpwith self trust is mastering a skill.
If you are interested in learninglike a new hobby or I don't know,
(17:43):
something small like knitting or apickleball, that's a big one for me.
Practicing something like that over andover and over again and watching yourself
get really freaking good at it, that'sgoing to develop confidence in you, right?
That's going to give youa little bit of swag.
It's going to give you a little bit oftrust and, and, um, Confidence in yourself
(18:03):
and that actually equips you to make thosesmall decisions as everyday decisions to
just kind of carry yourself with a littlebit more, um, direction and purpose.
Okay, all of these little things aregoing to help with that self trust.
and then we get to a pointwhere like, okay, I trust
myself a little bit more now.
The bigger question is, do you trust God?
(18:25):
Okay.
Do you trust God in that unknown?
Do you trust that he will deliver?
This is where I struggle the most becausemy pride tells me I don't need God.
My pride tells me I can do it by myself.
I'll figure it out alone.
And I don't know about you guys,but that always blows up in my face.
So I've been working a lot on, ontrusting God and submitting to God.
(18:47):
And the way that you do thatis by spending time with him.
Getting to know him.
You don't just trust arando on the street, right?
You develop trust with someoneby getting to know them.
By trusting them with small things bycoming to them by talking to them by
them keeping your their word to youAnd we don't even give God a chance
(19:09):
to do that a lot of times because wejust circumvent him We just skip him
in the decision making process again 29percent of us say that we pray over big
decisions always that's such a smallnumber compared to the 81 percent of
us who say we are over thinkers, right?
We're over here stressed anxiousworried about how we're gonna
(19:30):
We're going to figure this out.
What choice are we going to make?
We're not even taking it upwith God most of the time.
And I know that that'shistorically how I've been.
So now I'm consciously telling myselfevery single day, okay, Emily, all you're
in charge of is the next right step.
That's all you can see anyway.
All you can see is your nextright step and everything else.
(19:53):
I'm going to the Lordand I'm saying here, God.
Here's where I'm at.
Here's what I don't know.
Here's my anxiety and my fear.
Here's everything.
Can you take it?
Can I just put it at your feet?
And can you just giveme your peace in return?
And he does, dude.
I have had a weird amount of peacethat just does not make sense.
in the last couple weeks.
(20:15):
Like I said, I'm going throughsome weird unknown right now,
and I've had weird peace.
Peace that does not make sense.
And I know that that's from God, andI know that's because I'm actively
choosing to just take the nextright step and to give him the rest.
Don't get it twisted, wehave free will, right?
You have to make a conscious decision.
Whether or not to trust God and whetheror not to act in any way, shape or form.
(20:38):
And the point of this whole episode isjust to empower you to take that next
right step, to make that next right choicefor your life and to stop stressing about.
The rest.
Going back to the quote that westarted with, the horse says,
can you see your next step?
The boy says, yeah.
And the horse says, then just take that.
(20:59):
Guys, we're overcomplicating it a lot.
We overcomplicate everything.
I know I do.
And we don't have to.
It's not our job.
Going back to humility.
It's not our place.
That's God's place.
Let God be the author of your life.
Let God be the author and justallow yourself to be the poem.
(21:21):
Oh, I love that analogy.
I can't take credit for that.
I didn't come up with that.
That's in this song that I'm obsessedwith right now called Be Alright.
It says, You are the author.
I am the poem.
God is writing our story.
God is writing your character.
God is writing who you are.
You're just that next word on the page.
(21:41):
You're just that next step.
You're just that next puzzle piece.
And when you can just get comfortablewith that, embrace that, accept your
place as creature and, and his place ascreator, guys, so much pressure comes off.
Sometimes when fear doesflare up, something that I
remind myself is, I'm safe.
(22:03):
I'm alive.
I've taken care of what I can control.
I've controlled the controllables.
The rest is in God's hands.
Remember that all you cancontrol is how you respond.
You can control your attitude, you cancontrol your perspective, you can control
your actions and your words, right?
Those are all things that you can control.
(22:23):
Everything else, out of your hands, baby.
Out of your freaking hands.
So I know it's cliche, butseriously, let go and let God.
That is how you are going to find peaceand not be overthinking and in this puddle
of stress and anxiety all the time, okay?
Just take the next right step.
(22:43):
Alright, y'all, that'sall I got for you today.
I hope you have a fabulous week,and tune back in to our next episode
in our series on overthinking.
Alright, bye, y'all.
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