Why Fights Keep Looping (and How to Break The Cycle)

Why do neurodiverse couples clash so often? Licensed counselor Greg Fuqua shares the hidden patterns—and how to finally break them.

If your neurodiverse relationship feels like a boxing ring—or you keep looping the same arguments—this episode gives you a new playbook. Jodi sits down with licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) to talk about what really changes things: shifting from blame to inner work, breaking the cycle of “negative assumptions of wrongness,” and why individual therapy often helps autistic/ADHD couples more than traditional couples counseling.

 

Greg also shares the turning point in his own 30-year marriage: a career collapse, intrusive suicidal thoughts, and the affect-based therapy that cracked open his emotions and rebuilt his capacity for connection.

 

You’ll come away with practical language you can use today, a clearer map of autistic–neurotypical differences as strengths (not flaws), and a preview of Part 2, where we dive into specific co-regulation and attunement tools you can practice at home.

 

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic/ADHD–NT couples who keep circling the same argument
• Late-identified adults reframing a lifetime of “why am I like this?”
• Partners tired of score-keeping who want practical, non-pathologizing tools

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?

01:06 – Meet Greg Fuqua: Late-Identified Autistic Therapist

01:51 – Why Neurodivergent Therapists See Things Differently

02:30 – Inside AANE’s Level 2 Couples Training

07:21 – Relational Trauma & the “Assumption of Wrongness”

12:33 – Greg’s 30-Year Marriage: Struggles, Turn-Taking & Survival

17:46 – From Suicidal Thoughts to Healing & Authenticity

29:21 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

 

Resources

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/
• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses)
• Questions? Email: [e-mail]

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.