July 3, 2023 • 13 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John is joined by Dee Ahmed! Dee is taping his first comedy special at the Loft in DC 7/14 & 7/15! Use code YMS at check out to get half off! Tickets: https://www.dccomedyloft.com/shows/207356
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Now, last time I called thisman, he sent me a voicemail.
So we're gonna try this again.We're gonna see if we get on first.
Take. Hello, there, heis, welcome to the Thought Shower,
d Ahmed. I literally said,last time that you're on d you
sent me the voicemail. So I'mglad this time we got it first.
(00:25):
Ring baby, Hey, I gottaI gotta improve sometimes, and I appreciate
the opportunity. No, that wasI'm just glad you weren't Hollywood and me.
You know what I'm saying, Iwould never do that to you,
mister. In turn, I knowthis guy he's like now that he's taping,
especially, he's getting a little bittoo big for his britches. As
(00:46):
the kids say, I would never. I'm just super busy all the time,
and I'm terrified that I keep missingstuff and I keep getting voicemails saying
I'm missing stuff. Do you actuallyget voicemails and people every once in a
while. You did leave me avoicemail that was actually also on the podcast,
which was very embarrassing. Yeah,but hilarious. Yeah. I only
(01:07):
leave voicemails. I leave him asproof that, like I called that's the
soul. It's like leave a notein somebody's ask. I used to leave
voicemail, so it's like you can'tsaydn't get the call because here I'm saying,
I'm calling you for proof. OhI dread a voicemail, but that
one that definitely felt like something thatI might need to put on the comedy
album of like behind the scenes literallyjust announcing that I'm gonna be having a
(01:33):
special BAM sensive voicemail. Well,in speaking of so the Comedy Law July
fourteenth and fifteenth, you're be doingyour dang thing, Hickett's what. There's
a code people can get a discounton. Yeah, this was something I
thought about for a while. Itwas the promo code is y m S.
(01:55):
It's kind of a thank you foryou guys always giving me these great
opportunities, these and all the peoplethat saw me kind of grow from being
a silly, little kind of shycomics to the crazy, outgoing guys and
now the older Mary Dukes now sohell yeah, yeah, Now what kind
of discounts that code give us?That code y ms D it's gonna give
(02:16):
fifty percent off, So it's gonnajust be a half half price ticket.
Come see it'll be a tape special. So bring all of your laughter,
will have some fun, make somememories. Well, I'm all about memories,
and so my plan is is I'ma tough I'm a tough critic,
and so my plan is to sitin the front and just cross my arms
(02:38):
and maybe breathe out of my nose. When you wash a Netflix in your
house and you southings funny, youjust kind of go, I guess outwardly
breathe. That's what I plan doing, Just a lot of like exhaling chicks
to show that you don't necessarily approve. But yeah, I don't know,
man. I think I can getyou to laugh a little bit, or
(02:58):
I could try to, uh,what do you think could be the worst
thing to do that? Or tryto finish the punch lines. Oh my
god, if you finished. Butyou know some of my jokes too.
If you finish my punchlines, Iwill be devastating, completely understand, dude,
it's funny, not funny. ButI got hit by a drunk driver
like three weeks ago. Since I'vebeen doing chiropractic stuff. My chiropractor,
(03:21):
we're talking about comedy and he saidhe went to a show in New York
and he's like, I made themistake of wearing like a pink shirt and
sitting in the front row. Andmy dude, that front rebber comedy show
is like being in the front rowat Sea World. It's a splash though,
you know, Yeah, you gottaknow what you're getting into. I
personally don't like doing too many likecrazy things. I got heckled recently real
(03:45):
bad because I was making fun ofa band from Arlington called Soldia and it
was a guy that was all theway in the back. I thought it
would have came from the front,but it usually the people in the back
that are the ones that actually wantto talk smack back to you. And
that's why I love my front rowepeople. I try to be nice to
him. Did you did you smackhim down from the back or what did
you do? Oh my god,it was spinning back fast from the top
(04:10):
of just absolute knowledge and absolute facts. I basically read the Wikipedia page about
this band and it was just toomuch for him to handle. And then
it turned out he was the drummerfrom that band, so it was pretty
hilarious. Okay, is the band? Because what are they called Soja?
They're like a reggae band from Arlington, Virginia. Are they well known and
(04:30):
at me and disrespect bro? Theyare? They pretty well known in the
area in Arlington. They are godsbecause they want a Grammy. But it
happened during the pandemic, so noone really realized it. And then when
you just well, I, yeah, a little bit of it's a band
full of white dudes with dread lost. It's awkward because you don't yeah,
(04:51):
yeah, that's the optics part thatyou don't remember every once in a while.
But I looked at the picture onmy phone and I air dropped into
a bunch of audience members and Ijust described with a band to them with
nothing but facts. I didn't evensay I didn't like their music or anything.
I didn't say it were bad.I just explained that they exist.
(05:13):
And it made one guy feel terribleand he got very mad. Dude,
that's kind of funny. I beteverybody was this raw dog and air drops.
Oh yeah, I tell a bunchof people to do that in the
in the audience, I'm like,hey, turn on your air drop right
now if you want me to sendyou a very funny picture of a band,
and then I would send them picturesof other stuff just because I think
(05:36):
it's like funny means and whatnot.I saw it this TikTok popped up of
like, next time you're at abar, do this, and it was
create a group chat with everybody who'sin the bar, and so you start
with us like your friend group.Then he added brand people strangers in the
bar in the group chat, andmy mind went to, like, this
(05:56):
sounds like a miserable idea. Thisdoesn't sound gonna be fun to have thirty
people I don't know in one groupchat. Oh my god, especially if
someone's bad at texting or even worse, they send like a selfie and they're
not even there. Yeah, itget we get real weird. You don't
know if I like that? Well, the guy was saying too, He's
like I never felt like I wasa part of something as much as when
(06:17):
I was in this group chat atthe bar. My brother, you need
Okay, volunteering maybe would be helpful, maybe going to mass but if you
are I Nope, group chats ingeneral, what people you know suck.
I can't imagine a group chat withthirty strangers. Is gonna be something special,
dude. The the bar is solow for like human interaction that people
(06:42):
will just put themselves in group chatsand be like, this is a retasance
of communication. Oh it's trash.I just want to tell something people,
I don't want to talk. Yeah, exactly. I have had a penpal
in college because we had too mycommunications class and this ship. Yeah,
it was the worst because my professorshe um like knew she had a friend
(07:04):
that she went to school with wasa professor somewhere else, so we had
to be pen pals with each other. And like my girl, their classes
requirements was less than mine. Solike, once she hit her mark,
she stopped responding to me, Likehere, I am, like, I
don't give a damn about her life. I'm just trying to pass the class.
But when she hit the market,like they had to do like ten
responses, we would do like twenty, she like stopped responding to my stuff
(07:27):
and will leave me on red.Oh my god, in the traditional way
of being left on red. Yes, oh my god. You had like
a notebook sort of situation, didn'tyou. Yes, And I wrote her
every single day, and the biggestthing anxiety was my parents were professors at
the school, and I'm like,if I get an F in a communications
class, my parents will it'll bethe end of me. It'll be done.
(07:50):
You'll never see me again. Ohgod, that is ethic. I
mean I've always wanted to ask,what was that like with your parents being
professors at Yeah, well, solike I grew up on the campus,
so like I you know, wasthere basically my whole life, and so,
um it was like there was alwayseyes on me. But I also
(08:11):
used that to my advantage, Likeanytime I was accused of doing something,
whether or not I did it,I would just say, do you really
think I would do X, Yand Z, knowing that my parents work
at this school, and you knowmost of people are like, yeah,
probably not. And that kind gotme out of everything. Like there was,
um, we in our freshman dorm. It was boy girl floors and
(08:31):
every other floor. In one year, they had to fix the elevator,
so they gave us the girls floorand the lobby. There was a painting
of a ballerina and somebody into intothis day. We're not too sure who
drew a giant phallic with a thickass black sharpie on the ballerina painting and
you're this is gonna be surprising,Udelpha. But they accused me of drawing
(08:54):
it, and so I had togo down and talk to Red's life and
that's why I said, do youthink I be so stupid to drive fallic
on a piece of art the schoolmy parents work at? And they right,
yeah, yeah, I can't arguewith that. And to the day
we don't know who it was.We don't know, but I think we
both know who it was. Yeah, and it was you and you were
(09:16):
gaslighting come into thinking that you wouldn'tdo that. I wasn't gaslight I was.
I was asking them their opinion.It wasn't. I was just asking,
hey, do you think I'd bethat stupid? And it turns out
they think I'd be that stupid.Man, if you weren't in radio,
you should definitely consider prosecution because thatwould have been a like key witness sort
of move right there. I'm justimpressive. I will say, slow class
(09:37):
prosecution or prostitution, Which one doyou think I mean? Or in that
before I'm not gonna lie to you. I think I would if I was
your pimp, we would make alot of money. Man, we would
make a lot of money, butI feel like I could, I could
go solo. Do you know whatI mean? What what skills do you
think you'd offer as a pimp forme? Oh my god. I would
(09:58):
get I see you up, givesyou protection and stuff. I would also
do the things that you wouldn't wantto do. Let's negotiate, And now
I think you would actually really likenegotiating. Yeah, I'm not sure,
John, I'm gonna be honest inmy resume. I'm gonna be honest.
I've known you for like seven years. Of those seven years, I've probably
been single for at least five ofthose years. I don't know if you've
been the best wingman dude. Thissaying actually, you haven't been a wingman
(10:22):
period, John. I want tobe honest and clear about it. Yeah.
You put me as like a shieldin front of you, in front
of other people sometimes, and sometimesthere were these gals that would definitely want
to talk to you, and whatI would do is just distract him with
conversation and you would throw the smokebomb down and run away. There's always
(10:45):
point, Yeah, there's there's alwayssome point night where it's everybody's too drunk,
and I go, there's no wayany of this ends. Well,
so I'm just I'm gonna see myselfout. That's that's my calling card.
If we're out, I get publicor something. There comes a point in
evening, right again, ain't I'mout? And once I get the idea
in my head, like once Iremember that I can go home, then
it's like it's game over, doyou know? I mean, yeah,
(11:09):
there's something about soft pants and asoft couch with a silly movie on in
the background and playing on your phone. Uh, nothing cuts that while pretending
to watch the movie, but thenyou know what happened, and then you
can't keep going. Yeah, youshould play on your phone the whole time.
I think I've watched multiple seasons ofthings without actually ever watching it.
So you mentioned your soft pants,see what do your go to? Soft
(11:31):
pants? Oh gosh, Mike Galfound like a pair of like hands from
a Walmart that doesn't exist anymore,and there were somehow like on accidental sale,
there were seven butts. I gotthree pairs of those bad boys in
two different colors, one the samecolor, and I can't wait to wear
(11:52):
them all the time. They're amazing. What kind of what what color do
you get? I went with babyblue as well as a light pink.
Oh okay, I like that.Yeah you gotta. I mean that's home
where home attire. I'm not outin the streets trying to impress anyone with
my cool outfits. Yeah yeah,mode, Yeah, function. I want
(12:16):
function in texture more than I actuallywant I don't know the cool Instagram video
or the cool Instagram pictures. Yeah, you're you're sounding hella old right now.
Listen, fashion is about function,John, You gotta just figure out
if ugs actually are comfortable, figureout if crocs are compable. When you
(12:39):
open your heart and your eyes tothose sorts of moments, anything's possible.
Listen, I can. I canassure you are good friend. Andrew Day
gay crocs and is one of thegreatest, most kindness gifts I've been giving
my entire life. Oh my god, I love Andrew O Day and he's
a dad. He unlocks that foryou. You're welcome. He is so
again. D I mad If youwind go to see him. It's a
(13:01):
great show. At July fourteenth andthe fifteenth, the Comedy Loft in the
District DMed dot com for your tickets, use code yms get half off.
Basically makes the bogos if you andyour friend go that way. Used a
guy, basically buy a ticket usedcode yms. You're a good to god
Alpha. Always a pleasure to givemy best to the misses. I will
you do the same with Molly andmuch loved man. Thanks again
Now, last time I called thisman, he sent me a voicemail.
So we're gonna try this again.We're gonna see if we get on first.
Take. Hello, there, heis, welcome to the Thought Shower,
d Ahmed. I literally said,last time that you're on d you
sent me the voicemail. So I'mglad this time we got it first.
(00:25):
Ring baby, Hey, I gottaI gotta improve sometimes, and I appreciate
the opportunity. No, that wasI'm just glad you weren't Hollywood and me.
You know what I'm saying, Iwould never do that to you,
mister. In turn, I knowthis guy he's like now that he's taping,
especially, he's getting a little bittoo big for his britches. As
(00:46):
the kids say, I would never. I'm just super busy all the time,
and I'm terrified that I keep missingstuff and I keep getting voicemails saying
I'm missing stuff. Do you actuallyget voicemails and people every once in a
while. You did leave me avoicemail that was actually also on the podcast,
which was very embarrassing. Yeah,but hilarious. Yeah. I only
(01:07):
leave voicemails. I leave him asproof that, like I called that's the
soul. It's like leave a notein somebody's ask. I used to leave
voicemail, so it's like you can'tsaydn't get the call because here I'm saying,
I'm calling you for proof. OhI dread a voicemail, but that
one that definitely felt like something thatI might need to put on the comedy
album of like behind the scenes literallyjust announcing that I'm gonna be having a
(01:33):
special BAM sensive voicemail. Well,in speaking of so the Comedy Law July
fourteenth and fifteenth, you're be doingyour dang thing, Hickett's what. There's
a code people can get a discounton. Yeah, this was something I
thought about for a while. Itwas the promo code is y m S.
(01:55):
It's kind of a thank you foryou guys always giving me these great
opportunities, these and all the peoplethat saw me kind of grow from being
a silly, little kind of shycomics to the crazy, outgoing guys and
now the older Mary Dukes now sohell yeah, yeah, Now what kind
of discounts that code give us?That code y ms D it's gonna give
(02:16):
fifty percent off, So it's gonnajust be a half half price ticket.
Come see it'll be a tape special. So bring all of your laughter,
will have some fun, make somememories. Well, I'm all about memories,
and so my plan is is I'ma tough I'm a tough critic,
and so my plan is to sitin the front and just cross my arms
(02:38):
and maybe breathe out of my nose. When you wash a Netflix in your
house and you southings funny, youjust kind of go, I guess outwardly
breathe. That's what I plan doing, Just a lot of like exhaling chicks
to show that you don't necessarily approve. But yeah, I don't know,
man. I think I can getyou to laugh a little bit, or
(02:58):
I could try to, uh,what do you think could be the worst
thing to do that? Or tryto finish the punch lines. Oh my
god, if you finished. Butyou know some of my jokes too.
If you finish my punchlines, Iwill be devastating, completely understand, dude,
it's funny, not funny. ButI got hit by a drunk driver
like three weeks ago. Since I'vebeen doing chiropractic stuff. My chiropractor,
(03:21):
we're talking about comedy and he saidhe went to a show in New York
and he's like, I made themistake of wearing like a pink shirt and
sitting in the front row. Andmy dude, that front rebber comedy show
is like being in the front rowat Sea World. It's a splash though,
you know, Yeah, you gottaknow what you're getting into. I
personally don't like doing too many likecrazy things. I got heckled recently real
(03:45):
bad because I was making fun ofa band from Arlington called Soldia and it
was a guy that was all theway in the back. I thought it
would have came from the front,but it usually the people in the back
that are the ones that actually wantto talk smack back to you. And
that's why I love my front rowepeople. I try to be nice to
him. Did you did you smackhim down from the back or what did
you do? Oh my god,it was spinning back fast from the top
(04:10):
of just absolute knowledge and absolute facts. I basically read the Wikipedia page about
this band and it was just toomuch for him to handle. And then
it turned out he was the drummerfrom that band, so it was pretty
hilarious. Okay, is the band? Because what are they called Soja?
They're like a reggae band from Arlington, Virginia. Are they well known and
(04:30):
at me and disrespect bro? Theyare? They pretty well known in the
area in Arlington. They are godsbecause they want a Grammy. But it
happened during the pandemic, so noone really realized it. And then when
you just well, I, yeah, a little bit of it's a band
full of white dudes with dread lost. It's awkward because you don't yeah,
(04:51):
yeah, that's the optics part thatyou don't remember every once in a while.
But I looked at the picture onmy phone and I air dropped into
a bunch of audience members and Ijust described with a band to them with
nothing but facts. I didn't evensay I didn't like their music or anything.
I didn't say it were bad.I just explained that they exist.
(05:13):
And it made one guy feel terribleand he got very mad. Dude,
that's kind of funny. I beteverybody was this raw dog and air drops.
Oh yeah, I tell a bunchof people to do that in the
in the audience, I'm like,hey, turn on your air drop right
now if you want me to sendyou a very funny picture of a band,
and then I would send them picturesof other stuff just because I think
(05:36):
it's like funny means and whatnot.I saw it this TikTok popped up of
like, next time you're at abar, do this, and it was
create a group chat with everybody who'sin the bar, and so you start
with us like your friend group.Then he added brand people strangers in the
bar in the group chat, andmy mind went to, like, this
(05:56):
sounds like a miserable idea. Thisdoesn't sound gonna be fun to have thirty
people I don't know in one groupchat. Oh my god, especially if
someone's bad at texting or even worse, they send like a selfie and they're
not even there. Yeah, itget we get real weird. You don't
know if I like that? Well, the guy was saying too, He's
like I never felt like I wasa part of something as much as when
(06:17):
I was in this group chat atthe bar. My brother, you need
Okay, volunteering maybe would be helpful, maybe going to mass but if you
are I Nope, group chats ingeneral, what people you know suck.
I can't imagine a group chat withthirty strangers. Is gonna be something special,
dude. The the bar is solow for like human interaction that people
(06:42):
will just put themselves in group chatsand be like, this is a retasance
of communication. Oh it's trash.I just want to tell something people,
I don't want to talk. Yeah, exactly. I have had a penpal
in college because we had too mycommunications class and this ship. Yeah,
it was the worst because my professorshe um like knew she had a friend
(07:04):
that she went to school with wasa professor somewhere else, so we had
to be pen pals with each other. And like my girl, their classes
requirements was less than mine. Solike, once she hit her mark,
she stopped responding to me, Likehere, I am, like, I
don't give a damn about her life. I'm just trying to pass the class.
But when she hit the market,like they had to do like ten
responses, we would do like twenty, she like stopped responding to my stuff
(07:27):
and will leave me on red.Oh my god, in the traditional way
of being left on red. Yes, oh my god. You had like
a notebook sort of situation, didn'tyou. Yes, And I wrote her
every single day, and the biggestthing anxiety was my parents were professors at
the school, and I'm like,if I get an F in a communications
class, my parents will it'll bethe end of me. It'll be done.
(07:50):
You'll never see me again. Ohgod, that is ethic. I
mean I've always wanted to ask,what was that like with your parents being
professors at Yeah, well, solike I grew up on the campus,
so like I you know, wasthere basically my whole life, and so,
um it was like there was alwayseyes on me. But I also
(08:11):
used that to my advantage, Likeanytime I was accused of doing something,
whether or not I did it,I would just say, do you really
think I would do X, Yand Z, knowing that my parents work
at this school, and you knowmost of people are like, yeah,
probably not. And that kind gotme out of everything. Like there was,
um, we in our freshman dorm. It was boy girl floors and
(08:31):
every other floor. In one year, they had to fix the elevator,
so they gave us the girls floorand the lobby. There was a painting
of a ballerina and somebody into intothis day. We're not too sure who
drew a giant phallic with a thickass black sharpie on the ballerina painting and
you're this is gonna be surprising,Udelpha. But they accused me of drawing
(08:54):
it, and so I had togo down and talk to Red's life and
that's why I said, do youthink I be so stupid to drive fallic
on a piece of art the schoolmy parents work at? And they right,
yeah, yeah, I can't arguewith that. And to the day
we don't know who it was.We don't know, but I think we
both know who it was. Yeah, and it was you and you were
(09:16):
gaslighting come into thinking that you wouldn'tdo that. I wasn't gaslight I was.
I was asking them their opinion.It wasn't. I was just asking,
hey, do you think I'd bethat stupid? And it turns out
they think I'd be that stupid.Man, if you weren't in radio,
you should definitely consider prosecution because thatwould have been a like key witness sort
of move right there. I'm justimpressive. I will say, slow class
(09:37):
prosecution or prostitution, Which one doyou think I mean? Or in that
before I'm not gonna lie to you. I think I would if I was
your pimp, we would make alot of money. Man, we would
make a lot of money, butI feel like I could, I could
go solo. Do you know whatI mean? What what skills do you
think you'd offer as a pimp forme? Oh my god. I would
(09:58):
get I see you up, givesyou protection and stuff. I would also
do the things that you wouldn't wantto do. Let's negotiate, And now
I think you would actually really likenegotiating. Yeah, I'm not sure,
John, I'm gonna be honest inmy resume. I'm gonna be honest.
I've known you for like seven years. Of those seven years, I've probably
been single for at least five ofthose years. I don't know if you've
been the best wingman dude. Thissaying actually, you haven't been a wingman
(10:22):
period, John. I want tobe honest and clear about it. Yeah.
You put me as like a shieldin front of you, in front
of other people sometimes, and sometimesthere were these gals that would definitely want
to talk to you, and whatI would do is just distract him with
conversation and you would throw the smokebomb down and run away. There's always
(10:45):
point, Yeah, there's there's alwayssome point night where it's everybody's too drunk,
and I go, there's no wayany of this ends. Well,
so I'm just I'm gonna see myselfout. That's that's my calling card.
If we're out, I get publicor something. There comes a point in
evening, right again, ain't I'mout? And once I get the idea
in my head, like once Iremember that I can go home, then
it's like it's game over, doyou know? I mean, yeah,
(11:09):
there's something about soft pants and asoft couch with a silly movie on in
the background and playing on your phone. Uh, nothing cuts that while pretending
to watch the movie, but thenyou know what happened, and then you
can't keep going. Yeah, youshould play on your phone the whole time.
I think I've watched multiple seasons ofthings without actually ever watching it.
So you mentioned your soft pants,see what do your go to? Soft
(11:31):
pants? Oh gosh, Mike Galfound like a pair of like hands from
a Walmart that doesn't exist anymore,and there were somehow like on accidental sale,
there were seven butts. I gotthree pairs of those bad boys in
two different colors, one the samecolor, and I can't wait to wear
(11:52):
them all the time. They're amazing. What kind of what what color do
you get? I went with babyblue as well as a light pink.
Oh okay, I like that.Yeah you gotta. I mean that's home
where home attire. I'm not outin the streets trying to impress anyone with
my cool outfits. Yeah yeah,mode, Yeah, function. I want
(12:16):
function in texture more than I actuallywant I don't know the cool Instagram video
or the cool Instagram pictures. Yeah, you're you're sounding hella old right now.
Listen, fashion is about function,John, You gotta just figure out
if ugs actually are comfortable, figureout if crocs are compable. When you
(12:39):
open your heart and your eyes tothose sorts of moments, anything's possible.
Listen, I can. I canassure you are good friend. Andrew Day
gay crocs and is one of thegreatest, most kindness gifts I've been giving
my entire life. Oh my god, I love Andrew O Day and he's
a dad. He unlocks that foryou. You're welcome. He is so
again. D I mad If youwind go to see him. It's a
(13:01):
great show. At July fourteenth andthe fifteenth, the Comedy Loft in the
District DMed dot com for your tickets, use code yms get half off.
Basically makes the bogos if you andyour friend go that way. Used a
guy, basically buy a ticket usedcode yms. You're a good to god
Alpha. Always a pleasure to givemy best to the misses. I will
you do the same with Molly andmuch loved man. Thanks again
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