Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello friends, It's Matt Heath and I've started a substack
email newsletter called a Lifeless Punishing, just like my book.
It's weekly and full of stuff that might have made
my book if I'd thought of it at the time.
You can subscribe to it for free at Matdheath dot
substack dot com and one will appear in your inbox
once a week. That's Matdheath dot substack dot com. If
you really like it, there's a paid subscription model that
(00:22):
will support the thing as well as give you extra staff.
A Lifeless Punishing the substackmail out at Matdheath dot substack
dot com. Anyway you seem busy, I'll let you go.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Bless, bless, bless.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Good by the It's the twelfth September in the Year
of Our Lord, twenty twenty four. Welcome all you bespoke
you dokeies to the day he Bespoke Podcast in a
particular warm welcome. I'm a friend of the show, Guy Montgomery. Hey,
(01:13):
it's a pleasure to be here. That intro it's just
so good and it never gets old and not suhere
it started like you wouldn't sit down and panel that
with a group of writers and come up with the
intro of that show because it is humiliar. You don't
think it wouldn't you if you sat down with a
panel of experts, Yeah, you wouldn't come up with anything
better than that.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Ultimate honor for you, guy Montgomery, because normally the new
format of the Met and Jury podcast is that we
have a little preamble, Yeah, talk about the guest that's
coming out, ah, and then take a break and then
then we come back. We come back with the guest,
and then we leave the guests, and then we come
back and then backstab the guest after the guests left.
(01:52):
Below O'Reilly from the O'Reilly Factor. But that was the
great moment to you here you are here on the preamble.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It's incredible here too. That was a brilliant plan from
Billowilly to do that, to talk about the interview, going
to do for an hour beforehand, and then do the
interview for an hour and and talk about it for
an hour afterwards. That's when Obama was on. He talked
about Obama and he goes he was saying what he's
going to do, and then Obama came on, and then
afterwards he goes, he's no wimp. That's the first thing
he said that Barack Obama is no wimp. He's a
(02:20):
powerful man and Republicans should be. Republicans should be. He's
a very competent He came out the back and I
think he the Obama star factor, even he even washed.
It's crazy to think that was like, you know, that
was when the media cycle everyone was like, oh, this
billow Riley's out of control, this blow hard sort of
Republican pundit. And now it's like that is a very normal,
(02:42):
sensible by modern standards. Yeah, you know, and he was
like very handsy around the office, and yeah, there were
problems behind the scenes, don't get me wrong, but you know,
you look at like Tucker Carlson now who was meant
to be the heir apparent, and he's on stage with
Russell Brand well like, well, Russell Brand leads a prayer circle.
Well back then he was wearing a bow tie and
(03:03):
he was part of Hannity Tucker Tucker Caulson was on
that show called Crossfire, yeah, which with a little bow tie,
which Dave Stewart came in and destroyed John John Sorry,
who's Dave Stewart. He was the guitar. Yeah, Dave Stewart
coming on and destroying guitar. Yeah. Anyway, Guy Montgomery from
(03:24):
Guy Mont's Spelling b S would put plug in early
for the shows on three night.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
It's a good idea.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
I was just going to say, before we move and
start talking about you guys. I saw this thing the
other day with Bill O'Reilly from back in the day.
You may have remembered this. This is this is you
know Bill O'Reilly, the former Fox News host of The
Early Factor.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
This is what do you call it?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Historian? He writes a lot of his books on history.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah, this is a behind the scenes like outtake that
was that was recorded with him being himself.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I know that.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
It really gets angry at a couple of papers on
the show. Hopefully this comes through to you is because
you know what my computer's like. Sometimes it only comes
through one. Let's have a lesson. This is this is
BROI Riley here it is.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's not coming through any ease?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Is okay?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
I don't know what here we got start.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
That's tomorrow and that is it for us today. Okay,
I don't know what whatever it is, it's not right
on the teleprompter. I don't know what that is. I've
never seen that.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
No, there is We are going to do sting. Yeah, okay,
but now I can't read it.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
There's no there's no words on it. Okay, right, there's
no words there to play us out? What does that
mean to play us out? It's sting is going to
do It's a video sting video.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
What is credit?
Speaker 5 (04:53):
I don't know what that means to play us out?
What does that mean? To end the show? Yeah? Yeah,
all right, go go in fine four three, that's tomorrow
and that is it? Yes, fine four, that's tomorrow, and
(05:13):
that is it for us today. And we will leave
you with a I can't do it. We'll do it live.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Okay, we'll do it live. Fuck it, do it live.
I can go all right it and we'll do it live.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
The voice is we'll fucking thinks. He sounds like Will Ferrell.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
So angry.
Speaker 5 (05:36):
That's tomorrow and that is it for us today. I'm Bill, O'Reilly,
thanks again for watching. We'll leave you with Sting and
a cut off his new album Take It Away.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
Right tack in the end. That was live.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
But so he saw the word sting and thought they
were going to play because the sting is also a
technical term for like, you'll play tripped up on the
word playing. But what But that says something because I
didn't think I've ever been that angry in my life.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Should see him as well on the actual video, he's like,
he's like slamming it down.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That reveals so much about a person.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
Yeah, to treat.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
People that bad, absolutely, do you know. At the same time,
credit to the man phenomenal broadcasting. I wouldn't have heard
a whisper of that on the live show. So sweet
when they when he actually actually does it. I actually
saw a bit of this with Paula Bennett when she
was hosting the show. It was a clue, give us
a clue. Oh yeah, well, she can be quite a
cerbic to the people, the people in the back end.
(06:29):
I'm always apologetic to the people because I always put
myself below the people and that like the floor manager
and the directors and the producers and stuff. I always
see myself as the sort of flying they as opposed
to the you know, the only time I feel I
always feel like that as well, and I always assume
I'm in trouble like but I the only time I
feel differently. So I was in a store in Melbourne
(06:49):
and it was it's quite a nice store. And I
went in there and this, you know, a store with
the staff are better than you. We are in there
and You're like, the staff are treating you like you
should be grateful to just be in this.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, you get treated like dirt. And I'm like, this
is not right, This doesn't feel right. Yeah, you know,
is everyone's interest. I have a good it's the only
time if you're milking me then and milked me nicely.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I once walked up to a shop in Roam. It
was a Prator shop and the doors closed, and I thought,
walking past the Prator shop, and I know, I don't
really want to buy any prodicos, but I thought, I
just have a look at the shop. A beautiful looking shop,
like it's their signature store. And I thought, I have
a look at here. And this is in the nineties.
And then I stood on the thing and you have
(07:33):
to push a doorbell. And I pushed the doorbell.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
It was glass.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
The front of the money it was glass. I couldn't
I couldn't open the door, push the doorbell. There was
no one in the store and the guy walked up
looked at me, right up close to the glass, like
just stared at me and then just walked away.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Push the doorbell again.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You running the mince and cheese, frosted tips.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
I was running frosted tips. I was reasonably fashionable.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I've told the story a number of times, but I'll
tell it again. I was when I was in Paris.
This when me and and I a Stuart and Glane
and Joseph Torry went out to get to a cafe
and we sat down and the waiter came out and
looked us up and down, all of us, like turned
his nose up and went three ship lagers, I assume,
(08:19):
and we were yes, thank you, three ship lagers.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
And then he came out and he put them down,
and then he said you're ship lagers. And then we
called him back over and said another another another round
of ship line, their fringe line, and then he smiled
at that point because we loved it. Yeah, yeah, but
it was actually I guess that's different in Powis because
because you're actually looking for that experience, he's kind of
(08:45):
giving you what's on them. I would say, is that
you're British to them, Yeah, it's like anytime you're traveling
is in New Zealand that you've got to get your
axing out there early. Yeah, to let people know you're
not American. All right. So probably when he came back
and was smiling at us as because you'd realize the
interim that we weren't English or American. No, because you're
still inside the joke and I think in a foreign
language if you hear an English voice, yeah, you're not
(09:07):
placing accents, right, I don't know, you know, so that
you're still possibly tainted with the British brush. Yeah. Well,
I think the smiling and the cajoling and the plane
along is a huge Oh. We were tackled. We were tackled.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Chink forced you to the back of the restaurant. You
weren't allowed to sit on the front of the restaurant.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Business.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
They were like, they only have really good looking people
on the front.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
On straight.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Yeah, we had that that That was at a restaurant
down near the Louver.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Do you know that?
Speaker 1 (09:33):
That's and they were like that and Cooper Enthusiasms have
done an episode on Larry Davis ks getting put on
the Ugly Sixess. Right, But but the thing is we
were with these these girls and they had and one
of them the day before had described herself as having
pretty privilege. She was the skill. She goes, I've got
pretty privilege. That's one being treated so well. And then
she and this she didn't she had pretty privilege in
(09:54):
the in the you know, like there she was down
with the water. She was a as me. The number
scale completely changes when you're in front, and for me,
I enjoyed. I'm visualizing. There are probably clientele or customers
who go there and they're regulars, and they're always on
the pretty table, and there's one you know, there's a
(10:15):
there's a tipping point. There's a morning you wake up
and you look in the mirror and you think I'd
still look like myself and you go for the meal
and they and you go, yeah, we'll take a table
for two. And they say, oh, certainly, follow me, and
they lead you to a different table. What's happened here?
Ten years I've been sitting out. Meanwhile, in New Zealand,
they're struggling to get anyone through the door over and
(10:35):
power us.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
They're like, no, we don't want we know what.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
You you you're a two. We're only taking twelve's here.
Oh yeah, brilliant. But now you want to talk about
the guy. You said you're going to hold off talk
about guy, and we're going to talk about.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Ourselves a break and come back with more from guying
a stop talking about ourselves?
Speaker 4 (10:59):
So, guy, how are you you?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I'm good? How are you? How? Actually?
Speaker 4 (11:03):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
How am I? Actually? They're struck back the layers of
irony and the Guy Montgomery that that you project to
the world public face. I appreciate that, actually, because there
has become an entity.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
The persona, Yeah, the persona.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And and that's a problem because your name does sound
made up. It doesn't sound like a real It is
your real but it sounds like you've you've made that up.
But yeah, you know, there are emotional depths to me
that the entity Guy Montgomery cannot represent.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
So good that your first name is so short, isn't it,
because if it was a longer name, I mean, if
it was Christopher Montgomery, for example, too much, there would
be a lot there's a lot of syllables in that.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, well, no, it's it's lovely, isn't it, Because you think, oh,
this is going to be straightforward, you know, Guy no worries. Montgomery, Yeah, Montgomery.
But it's good because you got Guy and then mont
then you've got another g coming in. It's your classic.
It's actually your party up the front, business out at
the back, isn't It's.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
A very good name, good pairents.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
It did well.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
I mean they obviously your father just inherited his name.
Your mother did well to marry into that particular name.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
But she was very name focused. Apparently she was looking
for a name.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
But you got to say, you know, they did well
naming you. It was very good.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
I appreciate it. Too few people think about whether their
kids are going to go into a comedy career. Yeah,
you got to. You got to account for that. They
certainly didn't plan for that. I will say I was.
I was, in truth, I was a little flat. I
was feeling self condious about the name. But I can't
hear I sitting no, no, I sit down with the
lad Yeah you guess me. Well, you know that Engelbert Humperdink,
you know, one of the great names. Yeah, that's a
(12:34):
made up name. And I thought it's not surprise. I mean, yeah,
I know, but it's really gilding the lily. Well, Yeah,
Elton John is Dwight Dwyight, original original Dwight. But Elton
Johnny has hardly gone crazy with Elton John, has he?
I think because he was a huge John Lennon fan,
wasn't he so? So he wanted to have John in
there somewhere. Angel Bert Humberdink's real name is Arnold George Dorsey.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Arnold recited Arnie Dorsey. Arnold Dawsey is not a good name.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
While we're on Elton, I did did you guys watch
that Rocketman? Yeah? I thought that was quite a good one.
I love the way they did that. I thought that
was had enough grit, not so you know, you could
still see he as an EP, but enough grit. I
thought we're getting a bit of a broader picture here.
But I enjoyed Behamian Rhapsody, that movie, but watching again,
it's so made for TV movie now. And Brian May
(13:23):
was all over the EP because he seemed to put
his hand up, as you'll pointed out a number of
times Jeremy and be the voice of reason right through
the whole thing. The live aid gig is the best
part of that. They nailed that. Yeah, that where they
put a gig inside of the movie. That was a
clever trick, but the rest of it this is and
that's sort of the comparative data I think for rocketmaners,
I think they sort of.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Miss I love Rocketman too. He's an interesting guy. Elton.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I interviewed Rod Stewart once and Rod Stewart was saying
that he became mates with Elton in the seventies and
at Christmas time he got to the point withe our
quite close friends, and he gave him a present for Christmas.
They gave each other present so exchange them. And he
gave Elton some quite sort of rudimentary, sort of a
(14:05):
present that was probably valued at like a couple of
hundred bucks or something like that, like a calendar, something
that was I feel like I keep thinking it was
a wine cooler or something right and something that was.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
It was electric, but it cooled bottles of wine quite quick.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
Man.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
He thought that it was an amazing presence. Ro and Elton.
John gave him a rem brand for Christmas. He got
a rem brand from Mountain.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
John's your classic that someone's blown past the budget on
a secret sander that's misbehaving. That's the office.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
He's still got it.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
He's still got this rem brand and Mountain John gave
it to me Christmas seventil.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's actually a mean present. It seems like love, but
it's actually a statement. But you're burying someone. I heard actually,
I was listening to a podcast yesterday. I'll give them
the name because I'm going to basically pull a quote
from It's called The Rest is Entertainment. But they were
talking about Rod and Elton's friendship as well, and saying
that when Elton got married to a woman, Rod sent
to night or Rod sent a note or something him
(15:00):
on the day saying, you know, you're still standing, but
we're all on the floor, as in, like no one's
buying this stuff. That's really really well in the movie,
that's dealt with really when he pulls pulls a straight
glass of vodka for for breakfast the next morning after
the wedding and just drinks it, it's such a good
way to This is not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
He'll get out there, righty, He'll fix a pothole and
his street and stuff, righty, will chuck on the high version.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
He's a good dude, and he's still doing a.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Bit of partying right Like I follow him on Instagram
and he has his family over and they get massively person.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
He can still he can still boot a soccer ball
deep into a stadium as well as he does in
every one of his live concerts just before the When
does he do that? I think it's is it at
the start of the uncles?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
He just because it's going to be a soccer player,
wasn't he? He was a really good soccer player. And
Liam his son worth our age. Yeah, as obviously ice
hockey for a good ice hockey plays, so clearly there's
some some good sports.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, go keiw give me a taste. I'll tell you
what I love. During the Olympics, you know, there was
that campaign where you'd send in your message of support
if you're watching the coverage on Sky God, you send
a selfie video for like you know, and you'd send
it and they'd play them in between the industitials and
it was just a bunch of fucking people in their house,
you know, saying the most random ships. You know, in
(16:24):
New Zealand, we're all rooting for you go KeyWe You
just imagine them sitting at home being like, you know
what I'm going to do and take it out, you know,
you've got to take out the phone, you've got to
film it, you've got to be happy with it, you've
got to see it off. Yeah, just to see it
on tell. I actually loved it because I was like,
people still do want to see and you see it
sports games too. People. Do you know we're all on
(16:45):
our screens all the time. You can make your own stuff,
but you do want to see yourself on the big screen. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
It's not quite the commitment that it used to be,
saying to be on telethon, where you'd have to get
up and then you'd go down to the town hall
Auckland town Hall where they'd be filming Telethon.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
It was all is my dream.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
My dream was to go to Telethon and just watch
telethon being filmed and to get in the background like
I would have made you.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
It's very easy and I would have loved.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
To have done that.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
And I'd ask my parents every time. I were like,
can we go down my parents?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And we're not going down there. No, you're not going
to tell them, No, there's no way that's going to happen.
It was just I just would have loved to have been.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
You can do it. Like, so me and my friends
are the spaces of on where we played Spaces for
very long time, which was looked down upon the school
because they were like, you guys are just doing that
because you want to play spaces. It wasn't like you
weren't doing anything hard. We're playing played spaces for twenty hours.
Anything long enough is interesting. I mean, there's the backbone
of commercial radio these days. But we went down and
we were filmed, but it didn't go didn't go national.
(17:41):
Ah lo the news, they didn't take it all.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
I was it on the South tonight.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
It wasn't anywhere. They just they just on the cameras
were there and we're like we got home and we're
like got to school and we're like, hey, we'll we on.
Like non even make the We didn't even make the highlights,
So thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
So wait on they filmed you doing it, but then
it didn't even make the telethon and it didn't even
make the South tonight.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
They took our money though, so we used to pledge
it as well. Remember yeah, people pledging, and how many
of those people isn't even as a child, I was
cynical of whether people are going to turn up and
hand that money in.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Yeah, And there were a lot of people doing pranks,
like I remember there was this one thing when we're
doing any media lunch, we watched telethons. Oh my god,
it takes a long time to watch a bloody Telephon's
pretty punishing. But there was people that would ring up,
like one person pledged in the Auckland one two hundred
and fifty dollars, which was a wine and cheese evening
from the Spastic Society and like that sort of stuff.
(18:39):
It was clever because you get through, but everybody who
knew knew that there's no way this society were running.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
The modern version of that is you know Mark Lundy
on Crackant Foe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know David Bain
have just got back from my paper, So that's your
modern sort of A million Indian fans just read that
and they've got their eyes just gloss yeah, whenever it comes.
And I think you absolute chapeauite, so good saying that.
(19:08):
You hear a lot on the show, as I've told
the story before, but I have, but I think both
you and me and Bentley Jeremy we used to write
fake letters to the TV Guide I used to do
that as well as Yeah and so We're Me and
my friends would write the same letter each week, and
it would be like I tuned in to watch watch
the ads, and it kept getting interrupted by the TV
show last night, the best one, the best one we
(19:31):
got on was I hate the ads. So when they
come on, I get my wife to put her fingers
in my ears and they closed my eyes side so
I can't see or hear them print.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Everything they printed, they were like because they were making
up the letters, mister Telly. It was called mister.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Telly, that's your old I used to read my sister's
Dolly MEGGI, you know, di and stuff or like the
embarrassing letters, and I was always like, even then, I
was like, listen is not you're making this up. Don't
get me started on some of those forums. I don't
think a lot of those happen.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Guy Montgomery, thanks for coming in.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Best of like with everything, always good to see you.
Guy Montgomery's game on spelling Bee is.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Currently on three Thursdays Thursday, seven pm. Please tune down.
You're not pleading, I'm saying please, I'm saying it's really
good it's really funny. Obviously you don't have to, but
like there's no one in the country seems to know
it's happening. So that's why I'm out on the road.
I'm telling people I'm going door to door and you
(20:35):
want to be. You want to be saying I've been
there with them before before. Its super global. And look,
you asked before because you signed up to my you
were paid subscriber to my new substect man Heath dot
subject dot com and you said, what are these special subscribers?
And what they get is to thank you to your
to your face. Oh wow, if we subscribe, get spots
(20:58):
on the podcast. Yeah yeah, So thank you guy Montgomery
for signing up to my substack. It's free, but you
went the extra mile. Well, I'm looking forward to it,
and I did that because I've been I'm a paid
subscriber for Dylan Cleaver's Fantastics. A Bounce substack. I think
is the one email I look forward to coming into
my inbox. I open it's straight. I actually got one.
I text while we're recording now, I text him when
(21:21):
telling when's it coming? Like alf and all backs, all
blacks gay, I'm like, when's it coming home on holiday.
I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how it's going from,
but I hope it's going fantastics.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Do we know it.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, it's going really well.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
From living out of that.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah. Yeah. It makes me make some people. I mean,
he left the hero to go and do it, and
that was it was a risk, and he's just the
quality of what he's done. You want to talk about
New Zealand sub sects, David Ferrier was an early adopter,
and I think he's creaming it with a Yeah I've heard.
I've heard he's absolutely creaming it with that. And me,
I've got Montgomery coming in with five dollars a week.
(21:53):
So that's that's every little help. I'm excited to be here. Well,
I tell you get a discount. I paid up front.
It's fifty dollars for the year, two free weeks. Can't
wait to check in on your content.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Thanks for coming in.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Thank you. So we're going to do that. But where
he leaves and then we bitch about him afterwards, we're
just going to stop you.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You're not going to bother with that.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Noah, okay, no one, No one would believe it because
the love in the room was just so genuine nice
to see guy. Congratulations mate, what an asshole? All right, Hello,
I'm Matt Heath. You have been listening to the Matt
(22:33):
and Jerry Daily Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen
to our Radio Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get
barred up about anyway, Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer,
review all those great things. It really helps myself and
Jerry and to a lesser extent, mess and ruder. If
you want to discuss anything raised in this pod, check
out the Conclave, a Matt and Jerry Facebook discussion group.
(22:54):
And while I'm plugging stuff, my book, A Lifeless Punishing
Thirteen Ways to Love the Life You've Got is out
now get it wherever you get your box, or just
google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy, I'll let you go.
Bless Blessed, blessed. Give them a taste of Kiwi from me,