EITM: Beach Sandwiches 5/20/24

Elliot will be checking all coolers as you head out for MDW.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
A beach sandwich. They're saying,this is what you've made at home and
you've thrown in the cooler. Yes, thank you. One of the greatest
things you'll lead on the beach.Absolutely not drink, but one of the
greatest things you'll lead on the beach. A big old But it's got to
be right. It's got to bedone right. You can't dick around with
it. I don't want soggy.Now what kind of sandwich we What do

(00:23):
you want it to be? Imean that's the beauty. Well, that's
the beauty. It can't be soggy. No, no, no, no,
no hard bread. You want ahard roll or you want to bag
at something that's got some crunch toit and it's gonna sit. So you
got from when you make it untilyou get it out there. Oh,
a beach sandwich, though, nothingbeats the beach sandwich. I've already messed

(00:44):
this up. The how do youmess up the beach sandwich? City?
We haven't made in Frocan City,but when we go to the shore,
we usually just make peanut butter andjelly. No. No, first of
all, yeah, first of all, let's start with soft bread. Not
good, not good at all becauseit's sitting in the cooler and there's there's
more sensation condensation. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no,

(01:07):
no no. The beach sandwich iskey key. Would you be okay
with PB and J for the ride? How many sandwiches car sandwich eating?
Yeah, that's a lot of sandwiches. That's a lot of it, because
again, the beach sandwich is hearty. The beach sandwich is like the equivalent

(01:30):
of two sandwiches. The no,I mean, I wouldn't call it.
I mean you can make a bigone. Absolutely. That's where your hard
role comes in to play. Allright. Well, if you're talking hard
roll, you're doing like turkey,right. You know I don't like turkeys.
You No, I don't. Ahyeah, now you're talking cured meats.
Sorry, but I didn't commit theturkey nugget you. No, I

(01:52):
don't like turkey. The only timeI've seen you eat turkey on a claw
four thousand times. Eat, I'lleat, I'll Thanksgiving and I'll eat I
said, not a club. I'lleat, I said on a club,
or I'll eat a gobbler. Agobbler I won't eat on the beach.
That's not a beach. Sandwich.You have to be able to picture yourself.
What's wrong, what's wrong? What'swrong? You're just ridiculous. No,

(02:19):
yes, and it's not on It'snot hard. You have to be
able to listen. I don't careif you're sitting in a chair or on
a blanket. You have to beable to see yourself eating the sandwich.
How many people have you chied it? Then they've passed you a sandwich that
wasn't up to your standards at abeach pass. I just I won't eat
it. I'm just going to walkup there. I won't eat it.

(02:42):
I won't eat it. I willnot eat I honestly, honestly, I
didn't know there were this many rulesfor a beach sandwich. Absolutely. I
was part of myself forgetting a sandwichwas a fun beach treat. And then
you immediately jumped down my throat.It's not a fun beach treat. It
is the beach meal. It's nota fun treat. And I'm not talking

(03:02):
like during the day. Right,we're laying out, we're having some beers,
maybe we're having some drinks. Youdefinitely have to have chips, right,
but you have the no, youdo the the I now, listen,
could you go with something other thanthe the like like like meats.
Yeah, of course, I don'tknow why you would, but it don't.

(03:23):
It don't. It's not an Italiansandwich because it doesn't have to have
that. You can have ham onit, you can have you you can't
have like a excuse me. Youcould have more todella on it. You
can have any of that. However, you gotta be careful what goes on
it. But it's you want toturn yourself back on. Sorry, thank

(03:44):
you. The sagi, the sayadbecause of the sagi. See now you
put these ideas in my in myhead and then I reiterate them and then
you're like, no, it's nobecause you don't know what you're saying.
The you kind of racking my brainto try to think of Like as a
kid, did I ever even haveI don't remember beach vacations we would go

(04:05):
to we were in Michigan, wewould go go to lakes and then you
were so there was a grill rightthere, so it was hot dogs.
It was never sandwiches. Okay,what beach are you going to? Little
little beaches on lakes? We're onthe shore you going where there's a grill

(04:25):
set up on the beach. Toldyou didn't do a beach vacation with you.
The only the only thing you're burningyour feet on is somebody didn't bury
a cigarette deep enough. But wewould grow up in Chicago, go to
Lake Michigan Lakes. I'm not likean ocean front, and we would bring
sandwiches. Okay, I've never beento I've been to Lake Michigan, but

(04:45):
not not for a beach strip.Nothing beats the beach sandwich. No,
no, it is. It isagain. Tell me for breakfast that you
had, you had something to eat, You had an egg sandwich or something
like that. That's fine, you'renot bringing that to the beach. And
by the way, if you're goingin the morning, you're like, oh,
I just bought an egg sandwich.Where am I gonna sit? We
did this all the time in Manusquan. You don't walk that to the beach

(05:08):
to eat it. Hells no,you sit your ass down right there on
the picnic table that's right outside fromChris Meat. Hold on Chrissy meats.
You want meats on there? Theydo say that if you're if you are
like a like a like a vegetarianor something that there's some kind of like
I don't know, throw it out, doesn't matter. Get yourself some meats

(05:31):
on there, and then you gottahave you gotta have a little bit of
something to give some crunch. Yeah, like iceberg, right, lettuce,
Absolutely, you can go tomato ifyou want on a beach sandwich. It
depends on where you are. Youmust have onions. You must have onions.

(05:53):
Don't tell them and I don't meanoh we saw tad. No,
you didn't lose her fresh onions.A little bit of lettuce to give it
some crunch, and then give mea condiment. Give me a condiment,
and careful with what you choose.You could do a nice oil and vinegar.
Not too much though, because youdon't want the bread to get soggy.

(06:14):
Also, let's make let's be mindfulwhere we put it. Also,
nothing wrong with mayo and mustard comboon the sandwich. Gives you a little
bit of fat with mustard to cutthrough it. Chrissy, you know how
hungry I am right now you canhear it. Chrissy says, uh,
definitely chips, huge drink but peebeand jet no no or Chrissy says,

(06:39):
or tuna fish the ah, ohmy god, that not tuna. That
was Diane's nickname at Radford. No, no, no, no, I'll
tell you why you don't want I'lltell you why you don't want tuna soggy?
Now, are you gonna tell meyou're gonna put it on a hard
roll? I still don't like it. I still don't like it, Bill

(06:59):
said, chicken salad. The no, that's saggy again. No, no,
oh my god, no, Bucksays, eating on the beach is
nasty. No, it's not.You always end up crunching some sand in
your teeth. And that's why,thank you. You don't eat peanut butter

(07:20):
and jelly on the beach. Ifa little bit of sand blows on my
beach sandwich, no no, no, no, no, I've got a
hard roll. There's no you tapit. The Yeah, a little bit
of sand blows on your peanut butter, you just got crunching. Oh so
you can't clean your no sticky yoursaga sandwich. So think about you're holding

(07:43):
like a regular piece of bread,hold a roll. No your role,
John says, plain old white bread. No now out now, or miracle
whip tomato, little salt and pepper. Oh, don't even bring a sandwich
bump from someone. That's horrible.By the way, that's somebody, you

(08:05):
know what. And again I don'tknow, I don't know what his upbringing
was, but that is that that'sthat's like a kid. He's like an
orphan. Like they didn't they didn'tmake sandwiches. It was just like they
made a hundred for all the kids. It was him and Wassman and they
went to the beach and that's allthey had. They went once from General
Brandon, thank you. He'll know, he'll know. This is a guy

(08:26):
who's been in Orgies Myrtle Beach vacationsfor fifteen years as a kid. Ham
and cheese sandwich with cold mellow yellowon the beach every day. Salty lip
with cold soda. Amazing. Waitwhat what bread was that on? Ham
and cheese on what? I guaranteeit, guarantee you, by the way.

(08:50):
Over over the weekend I also sawa list of the twenty four best
sandwiches in the world. The Rubinobviously gets mentioned, The muffiletta gets mentioned,
the smoke meat sandwich and Montreal getsmentioned. The bond me gets mentioned.
You know, not on the listthe beach sandwich. No, that's,

(09:11):
by the way, number one,number one. But you did mention
that you're okay with some variety,so you can't definitively pain No. But
the beach sandwich is better than amuffiletta. And for the people, there's
no disrespect. I love a muffiletta, but a beach sandwich, and by
the way, it makes you feelhappy. But there are people saying,

(09:33):
what about ice cream and custard?This is what you're bringing. You're not
going to stand by god, it'sstupid. Listen, frozen custard delicious.
Oh I'm sorry, that's your beachsandwich is frozen custard. But I'm not
bringing that in the cool. No, you bring it in the cool,
you pack them up, you rollthem, you bring it to the sand,
to the beach. When you're donewith your beach sandwich in your afternoon

(09:54):
swim, then you get some custard. Jonathan says growing up, his grandma
had a house block away from thebeach in Ocean City, New Jersey.
He said, my grandma would makeus beach sandwiches liver worst on rye with
whole grain mustard, and onions Tothis day, I can still taste it
just talking about it. What washis name, Jonathan, last name Highfield,

(10:18):
m that's debatable. That sounds jewish. I get it. The he
got the onions part right, liverworst, I guess you could do.
But not on rye bred No,no, soggy soggy susie. Right,
ye, goddamn hard roll bag it? Yes, thank you, thank you
with ham and American cheese mayo andNacho cheese dorito winter winter winter winter.

(10:45):
Absolutely, thank you, bag itor hard roll, not the sand.
Yes, I didn't realize how muchit came in handy for the condition.
She keeps dropping it. She getsit. Where am I going live in
one hi Elliet the morning? Anddon't go getting all fancy, Oh this
is our cheese tray. Oh god, Karen, I'm sharing thing, the

(11:13):
cheese tray. No. I justI hate what you see that where it's
like somebody sets up like their chairhas a little thing that folds out of
it, and they've got brie softin the sun, all sand, but
they've got brie, and they've gotcandied walnuts, and they've got like some
cranberry coolie or something like that.You know what we do overthrow a football

(11:35):
and it hits right on the drayDick. I'm sorry, ma'am. Yes,
what can I do for you?Hi? Yes? Yes, Hi?
What can I do for you?Hi? Yeah? What's wrong with
chicken salad? That's it's not goodfor the batch? No, it's not
actually it's not the Can you doit? No? No, it doesn't

(11:58):
have so crunch. I'll give youthat. It's just I don't like it.
I don't like it sitting there allday sopping up my bread? What
kind of bread you putting that on? Oh? Sticking to get mad?
Butter bread? Goodbye? You justI can't talk to you butter bread.
Please? Now, I guess thisis a tip for Look how my finger

(12:20):
goes right through it going to Sorry, man, I shouldn't have hung up
on You're going this weekend Ocean Cityfor the first time, Cooper says Italian
cold cuffee Anthony's liquors. Oh,no problem with that. Are you okay
with me buying and not packing?I'd rather you buy than pack garbage,
and Em says what about the fruit? Elliott? Are you overthrowing a football?

(12:45):
Fruit? We eat fruit on thebeach for grapes, watermelon, Oh
my god, cold plums, Ohgod, we brought the kids out for
a day at the beach. Eatyour melon, the goddamn house. Eat
it in the car. A bagof grapes, the no bag of chip,

(13:05):
come on, bag of chips.I thought you would have been okay
with a little bit of fruit inside. Oh god, no, no,
throw it to the seagulls. Sothen you're definitely not gonna like this advice.
Who's bringing who's bringing fruit to thebeach? Oh, Chris says,
I don't get sand in my keywayslices. Chris says, don't forget the

(13:26):
baby wipes to clean your hands beforeyou eat. You're surrounded by water.
You just kind of shake them backand forth, more washington than you do
in a bathroom. Wipe them on. If your suit's somewhat dry, you
wipe them on that. If not, rub them on a towel. Baby
wipes. Oh my god, Ohpussy, family's done. Tryrds. So

(13:52):
if you're oh my god, ifyou're spotted, because we know you're afraid
of the ocean, right, ifyou're spot trotting down to the water,
do we know you're about to eator pee one of the two. I'm
pean or eating. Yes, youget, just you get, you get
belly button deep to pea, bendover and just wipe wash your just shake

(14:16):
your hands in the water deep enoughwhere your hands aren't rubbing the shells or
glass. But you want to makesure that you're rubbing. You're starting to
hinge at the hips. Just towash those hands or is he going into
your innate? Oh hey, theybrought out the fruit for the kids,
set up spike balls. Where amI going? I'm sorry? Line seven?

(14:37):
Oh, line eight? Hi,Elliott the morning. H yeah,
Hi? Who's this? Oh?Hello, this is from Charlotte. Oh
yes, oh hi? How arethings in Charlotte today? Uh? Fabulous,
extremely beautiful outside. Oh good,good to hear. What can I
do for you? I eat tomatosandwiches all summer long on the beach.

(15:01):
It's my favorite thing. I lookforward to it. We take every family
that goes with us to Douter Banksevery year, bring tomatoes from their garden
and we load up the table andthat's what we eat the entire week.
Can I ask you? Is thata well? Now I know why you
got through the Now wait a minute, is that maybe maybe I'm wrong.

(15:24):
Is that a? Is that likeA like I don't mean southern, It's
not like North Carolina's the South?But is that? Is that the excuse
me? Is that the differentiation oflike if you're going to Dewey or Bethany
or Ocean City or anything LBI,wherever you're going Manasquan, anything like going

(15:46):
north up to Atlantic City, nobody'seating a tomato sandwich. Oh my god,
I don't think so. I'm originallyfrom Heresonburg, Virginia, and I
lived in Baltimore for ten years.I just moved to last year. You
never eat, you never ate atomato sandwich growing up in Baltimore. Yeah

(16:06):
there, nobody, nobody even reallyknows what it is. I don't think
everybody thinks that I'm super weird.But it's fine because they're delicious. The
see maybe maybe y'all week or something. I don't know, one week.
All right, Very good, verygood, thank you, ma'am. Yes,
Tyler, So, Kelly Ray wantsto know you've you've thrown a football

(16:27):
at the cheese play, you playedspikeball into the fruit containers. What about
if she brings her soggy toppings inlittle containers to add separately and make a
beach front. That's a no.That's so she's bringing condiments to the beach.

(16:49):
You're gonna schlep all that crap therejust to squirt it on your sandwich.
Make it beforehand and wrap it sothat isn't a oh my god,
of course it's a no ah.Oh the wind's blowing. Hold on a
second, Hey, am, Iopen my mustard. No, by the

(17:10):
way, you know how you treatthat? Throw me the ball? Oh
it went over my head and asI go running up, I shuffle my
feet, so all the sand goesup from Christian or crispy. Why is
everybody so hoy ploy at the beach. I want a beach sandwich so bad

(17:30):
right now? Thank you. Yes, I'm right there with you. But
Emily on Facebook says, I wantone bite to feel like at the end,
if it comes to a point ofyour hard roll comes to a point,
I want to bite into the endand think I broke a tooth.
Elliott, A bomb me sandwich isthe way to go? Who said that?
Emily? Last name Wiggins? Zerochance? No, Like if it

(17:53):
was win or something, I'd belike, Okay, it's a taste to
home. But you know what homemainehomemade Maryland and the uh oh she is
actually I get it. No,you know what. I get it.
So Emily willgas. Okay, butthat makes sense. She's from somewhere.

(18:15):
No, she may be. Shemay be Vietnamese. The name Wiggins doesn't
make you think so, but boy, that picture sure does the Listen.
I love a Bondbee sandwich. Itwas one of the twenty four world's best
sandwiches. But unless you're on thebeach in Vietnam, No, let's see.
Let's see that. Let's eat oneof our beach sandwiches. Donna says,

(18:38):
this is she likes her with alittle hair sweat from Facebook. Oh,
make sure if you double wrap inwax paper and then put it in
zip lock, it helps protect thesandwich. Oh my god, in this
headgear will help protect your head.Wax paper. Do I need cheesecloth to
does? Nobody? Does? Nobodyowned like like just like cling wrapped.

(19:03):
Just wrap it tight, sandwich bag. That's all this morning. Careful,
careful, careful. It depends onhow big your sandwich is. Just roll
it in plastic. Yeah, Soyou don't want to go with those like
I unwrapped the sandwiches. Who's gonnamake a run to the garbage? Oh?
Did you do this at Folly?By the way, you're stuffing it

(19:26):
all into a chip bag when you'redone. Anyway, did I do what
at Folly? Josh says, Insteadof a bag of chips, you can
get a can of peanuts, andthat's what they would bring down with the
with the sandwiches. I get itfrom that Birt's Market. Did you go
there? I know Birt's Market.We definitely went there. Never got a
can of peanuts, though I'm nota big peanut on the beach, guy,
chips, sandwich, something to drink? No fruit, No, don't

(19:52):
fruit your lunch. No. No, Listen, when we went to Folly
we did have like at the atthe at the at the little at the
house, we had fruit. Mm, but no, not on the beach.
What do you lug in a wholestore there? It does seem like
a lot of rules have been Actuallythere's very few rules. But when you

(20:17):
then break down what you've said,you've said no to a lot of stuff.
It's actually very simple. What youwant, Yeah, like think of
think of think of me as astore. Different scenario. Right, the
rules aren't no shirt, no shoes, no servants. Right. Three things
everybody's trying to add to it.No, three rules, same thing.
Beach sandwich, hard bread or ora bag yet meats, little bit of

(20:44):
lettuce, onions always always you wantthat onion breath on the beach, chips
in a bag, gone, giveyourself a condiment on there. This ain't
hard people, so you'd be againstKatie's see their salad and that was I
can't find the comming out, butit was a Jersey Shore caesar salad.

(21:08):
Yeah. Who she tried to impress? Well, you spent some summers at
the Jersey Shore. Yeah, notone person in Manasquan broke out a caesar
salad. Oh my god. WhoI'm trying to keep a tight body.
Eat a sandwich, you probably won'teat dinner. Who cares? Well?

(21:30):
Most people know now going into thisholiday weekend in case they need to change
up their shopping plans. So ifI can encourage everybody on the twenty four
World's Best Sandwiches to include the beachsandwich, that would be nice. Also,
and again, Tyler, I thoughtof this for you in Ocean City.
I don't know who went around withI think it was one of the
Ocean City Police department is looking forhelp. Somebody keyed the car and slashed

(21:52):
the tires. Don't do that,police truck, don't do that. Oh
good, But it wasn't like avisitor. You