November 13, 2025 • 18 mins
The worst things to say to someone.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Yolley in the morning, Hi inod morning. Hey who's
this mean? Hey Megan? How are you? I'm good?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
You're you got to you got divorce, you got divorced. Yeah,
I actually had my divorcary of one year yesterday. Oh
was that a thing?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I don't know how else to call it.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Wait, so yesterday was the one year anniversary of your divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yes, it was.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So. Let me ask you. I can't tell if you're
good or bad anyway, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Else sounds good, I'm great, okay, good?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Good. When you when you were first getting divorced or
telling people, did people say things to you even though
you know they meant well, but it was still like
hurt your feelings?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Oh yeah, I think it's still there's still a stigma
of like failure.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Oh yeah, I mean maybe, I guess so, I don't know.
I don't look at it that way.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
The what are you talking about those that were actually
trying to support her.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, like they would say something like like they would
I was reading this whole thing like I always congratulate
somebody when they get divorced, right and the the And
I always thought that was because I don't know what
you're supposed to say, Like I don't want to say
I'm sorry, Like a lot of people aren't getting divorced
if they want to be married, So I'm not sorry
you got divorced. And I thought, like, I'll be positive
(01:30):
and I would congratulate them. And then I also I
fell guilty to another one on here because I'm always
the first to go, oh what happened? And they don't
want you.
Speaker 5 (01:40):
I'm surprised you didn't ask her.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
No, because I had just read that. I just I
had read that. But you're you know, you're not supposed
to You're not supposed to say what happened. You're not
supposed to say that to somebody. But the well, no,
but it is. But it does come from they they
recognize it does come from a place of concern of
like just going oh, oh no, what happened, And they're
(02:04):
they're they're like, well, why, that's really none of your business.
They'll tell you instead that what they what they want
you to say. Could you imagine this coming out of
my mouth?
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Oh is this one of those instead of this say this.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yes, yes, yes, yes. So instead of instead of me
saying to somebody who got divorced? What happened? Which I
always comes out of my mouth, always comes out of
my mouth. Here's what I'm supposed to say, thank you
for bringing me into this hard news. I'll be careful
with it.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Oh that that sounds like it's really coming out of
your mouth.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
But it also but it also doesn't get to what happened.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, you're just showing some support, and yeah, well I am.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's why I want to know what happened.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
What level of friend is this?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I'm a good friend.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
No no, But like is this are you a coworker
or are you a bestie?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
No, I'm I'm I'm I'm not a best friend, but
I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
So you you're not just a casual run in here
and there?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Correct? Yeah, they said a lot of times people will
ask what happened more for themselves than for you. No, no,
I'm being serious.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
I believe that, Eliet.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You want the gossip.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
You're no no, no, no no no no no no
no no no no no no, you're that that you're
you're taking that the wrong way. You're taking that the
wrong way.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
How to respond? Right?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Well, I don't even know what that means the I'm
not asking, Yes, I am asking because I want the gossip. Absolutely, yes,
But they're saying most people ask that out of a
desire to protect their own marriage. It's their way internalizing
of going if this happened to them, it might happen
to me. Oh really yeah, which for me is the
(03:56):
furthest thing from the truth. I just I just want
to be able to like cause somebody and go, hey,
what did you hear? Yeah? For me, it's all gossip,
and it is out of interest, Like I am interested
in you, You're my friend, so I want to know
what happened, but I can't say that. So that's why
I want to say thank you for bringing me into
this hard news.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
And that you'll be careful with it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Oh, and I'll be careful with and I'll be I'll
be careful with it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yes for six seconds.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Well, I think everyone has a different reason. So if
you were to say, oh, congratulations, and then they respond with, well, yeah,
my husband cheated on me, and that's exactly the example
they use for me.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Exactly. That's different than we had a long run and
fell out of love.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yeah, but if you don't know that, if somebody like, ma'am,
I don't know you is if I would have said, oh, dude,
that's awesome, good for you, it'd be like, no, not really,
I got completely blindsided. I thought we had a perfect marriage.
Oh well, never mind what happened. I like to combine them.
I like to combine all right, very good, Thank you, ma'am,
(05:03):
thank you. What here's another thing not to say, But
you guys always seem so happy.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
That's yeah, that's like twisting a knife.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Instead, you did what was right for you, and that's
never easy. I admire your strength.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's that second sentence that I cannot envision you ever deliver.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It now, because I was even thinking could he text
that now?
Speaker 1 (05:29):
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
But but again I'm not If somebody says you looked happy,
I would almost say, well, thank you. We tried to.
You know, listen, we're not out here, you know, showing
off that we've got marital problems.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Can they do about the pain beneath the surface of
doing that?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, I show, by the way, if I'm inflicting pain
and I don't know I'm inflicting pain, I'm not inflicting pain.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
No, No, I'm not saying you as the curious friend
or even the friend that's trying to be there for them.
I'm saying you're congratulating them or or questioning them on
something that was a facade. So you're bringing something up trying.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, I get that. I get that.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
That's the happiness was fake.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah. Well yes, but we also we weren't broadcasting that
we had problems. Line two here comes with des are
you ready?
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Hi Ellie at the morning?
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Hey, good morning?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Hey? Are you Are you divorced?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I am separated in process of divorce.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Can I use an example of what you shouldn't do?
What happened?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
You already hit the nail on the head earlier with
the last taller he was infidelity.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Oh I'm assuming on her? Yeah? No, yeah, I could
have told that. You sound way too happy. You guys
always seem so happy together. Then can you ask you?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Does this stuff you're not supposed to say sound perfect familiar?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah? Do you guys have kids together?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
We do?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Has anybody come to you, has anybody come to this
with you? Hey, well, at least you'll get a break
from the kids.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Oh God, thankfully not yet.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But you know what, I get the sentiment, I get
the sentiment having kids is hard, and so it's like
their way of going, hey, look on the bright side,
like you'll get a weekend off every now and then
and you can go do your thing. And what they're
saying there that you shouldn't like, you shouldn't do that
because people are like, yeah, but I love my kids.
Well I know you love your kids, but you know,
(07:37):
but that's aggressive.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I think people naturally may bring up the children, but
not in that way.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, how are you gonna bring it up? Oh? I
hope this isn't affecting them, of course it is.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Well, what you're supposed to say. It's a beautiful thing
to be able to start over again. It also never
never apologize, Never say sorry, I hear that or I
am so sorry. Yeah that because and because now you're
(08:10):
forcing them, it says this common statement does not land well.
Saying you're sorry communicates pity.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It assumes tragic Instead, you know what you say instead
of I'm.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
So sorry, I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Sir, you're an amazing person with a lot of love
left to give.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Is that a text?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I like it? Thank you even for me, Thank you
even from you, especially from.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You, but a lot of common that people find so
many around them say the wrong thing, though.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But it comes from it's coming from the heart here.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, it's an awkward back and forth, right if somebody
you know comes out with, hey, guess a what.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Do most people say stuff? Sir? Do most people say stuff?
And you're like, you're an idiot.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
A little bit? Yes, I know what's coming from the
right place. So I don't really say that out loud,
but I think it.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Do you truly believe you have a lot of love
left to give? I hope?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So can I know you're You're good? You're good? He said,
he's not even we're in the process. Yeah, no, you're
you're an angry effort. Hey, let me say instead of that,
let me give you another one. Let me know how
this lands, right, so you tell me like you did. Hey,
I'm in the process of getting a divorce. Do you
(09:44):
Is it wrong for me to say, oh, you need
my attorney?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
That was one of the first things told.
Speaker 5 (09:52):
To me, like, I'll hook you up.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And now does that land poorly?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
It didn't with my situation at the time.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, would it feel better if instead of just being
so direct if I said, are you feeling well resourced?
Do you have good consultants walking with you on this journey?
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Probably not with those terms, nor along the lines of, hey,
you have a support group that you can go talk to.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Right, yeah, same thing, same thing. Can I ask you this,
who offered you their attorney first? Like you said, that
was one of the first things.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
My next door neighbor he went through the same exact
process about six years ago. When he's still going through
that process now six years their is not so amicable
as mine, I gotcha?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
So his is still going to be friendly?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well, I mean, what argument does she have?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Well, she had no argument exactly.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Saying it's once or double sided. But it doesn't necessarily
mean that he should go in it.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
With a happy face.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Well no, I don't think he's going in like like
tap dancing. But no, like what is she gonna say? No,
I want I want the truck? Oh no, I'm sorry,
you cheated?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Right? Done?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Have your boyfriend byry one?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
The do you like? Will it? I know it'll be amicable,
but will you? Will you guys be able to get along?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
I think so? Yeah, we've already done like the trick
or treating with the kids together, and wow, planning to
do these major holidays together.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So, oh my god, earth, wow, you are you are? Wait?
Hold on, hold on, hold on, Nope, that's okay, that's
a well, no, here's another one. Hey, listen, I'm sorry
to hear that, but it's better than staying in a
bad marriage. You're not supposed to say that. You're not
supposed to say that to somebody, but that is, if
(12:05):
she's cheating on you, that's a bad marriage.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I love that you've set him up on the phones
for all these scenarios. He finally gave you an honest,
genuine response, and you replied with I started thumbing through
your papers. Were you Were you trying to find that
I admire your strength line from earlier?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Maybe maybe no, but but yeah, I mean yes, yeah,
But I don't know if I admire your strength or
I'm amazed at your strength, like I couldn't do that.
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I would believe that that, I would believe.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
But Elliott doesn't know exactly what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Well, no, he told me, he told me.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Not enough for your liking like cheating.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
All right, very good, very good. I appreciate the phone call.
Thank you, sir. All right, you got it. I'm so fresh.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
That's a fresh wound that he was able to be
so open with us.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Absolutely, I always love that, no matter the topic, when
somebody can be so vulnerable and it ends with you
making an oral sex joke that I don't know, probably,
like many of these sayings or responses, doesn't land well.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Now there there is. There is one that I learned
the hard way that I won't say anymore. Like I'm
good about this one.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
This is not something you learned yesterday.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, no, no, no real life. Yes, when a buddy
of mine had told us, like our friends, that he
was getting divorced, and I didn't say it in front
of everybody. Now I did say it to everybody away
from him, but I also said it to him when
he was like, oh, you know, whatever the case was.
(13:55):
I remember saying that, and it wasn't as direct as
I'm going to say it, but there wasn't a lot
of like toying with it. Oh I never liked her anyway.
Oh good, do not say that. Now, you do not
say that, And I'll tell you why. For two reasons.
For two reasons. Number one, it it well three reasons,
why didn't you say something sooner? Like why wouldn't you
(14:16):
have said, like so all the times that we were
around each other and you acted like everything was fine,
you didn't like her. But people do that. That doesn't
bother me. It sends a message to them they only
make bad choices.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Wow, I feel like that. To me, that would have
been number one. When you went with why didn't you
say something sooner? That seems secondary. It implies that you
make bad choices. Yeah, it was a terrible judge of character.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Now that's not why it changed me. Why it did.
What did change me was when they reconcile exactly yes,
and then it was like, hey, good news, Marie and
I are getting back together. We worked through it, and
I was like, oh, remember I told you I didn't
really like her anyway. So at that point you got
(15:04):
to you got to backtrack, like, well, hopefully that therapy work.
That's not what I meant. She's better to both of us.
So if you do.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Feel that way, what did they say? Alternatively, you should
tell them.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I know you did everything to make your marriage work,
even when it was difficult, which cannotes she's difficult. Yeah,
but that way, you're not saying you make bad choices,
which that never crossed my mind. If I said that,
wasn't you made bad choices?
Speaker 5 (15:36):
I think that's first and foremost.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That's why I stick with what happened. Where am I
going line to hi Ellie in the morning. Does a
true gentleman he wish you the best for an amical
resolution or be to get laid? No, it does say
(15:59):
there is one from in here. Hold on, oh here
we go, here, we go there? Because this he's right,
You just need to get out there and start dating again.
You'll feel better. They don't want you to say that. Instead,
invite them to go for a drive or grab a coffee,
let's order takeout and watch TV.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
So you'd be the one that they're getting out in
the world with again, so they don't feel as alone,
I guess. And then and then rely on the craziness
that is dating the people these days. On the third dates,
open up joint bank account insanity?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, but going? But where am I going for it? Oh?
My god? The you did what is right for you,
and that's never easy. I admire your strength. Let's go
for a car ride. Wonderful. Okay, that's awesome, Elliott.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
But then where would you take somebody that seemed a little,
not a little, a lot down in the dumps.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
I'm a lot, really.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, I don't know where would I take them? It
just says go for a drive. Hey, I'm going to
crack both windows. I'm smoking.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
How about just out for a meal?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Okay, well that's not out for a drive. Then we're
just I'm driving us to dinner.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You can eat a camelot.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
That is true, That is true? Where am I going?
Line three? Hi? Elliot in the morning? Hey, yeah, Hi,
who's as.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Richmond?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yes? Are you? Are you divorced?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I am so.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I was married for almost twenty years and my divorce
was finalized last year.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I admire your strength. Well, thank you.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
It took a lot. You did what was right for you.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I did.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yes, Diane, you're next, No pressure, Diane.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But you guys were so hap I know.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
I admire your strength. How about coffee? That was okay?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You know what. I hope you're surrounded with good counsel.
What happened? Oh, I've been dying to know I've been dying.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
When we go for coffee.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
What what happened? What happened? What happened? Uh, he was
a jerk. I never liked him anyway unless he's a listener.
If he's a listener, I always you know what. I
always like both of you equally. You know that.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And if he is a listener, it makes this news
even harder. But thank you for bringing us in on it.
Hi, Yolley in the morning, Hi inod morning. Hey who's
this mean? Hey Megan? How are you? I'm good?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
You're you got to you got divorce, you got divorced. Yeah,
I actually had my divorcary of one year yesterday. Oh
was that a thing?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I don't know how else to call it.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Wait, so yesterday was the one year anniversary of your divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yes, it was.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So. Let me ask you. I can't tell if you're
good or bad anyway, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Else sounds good, I'm great, okay, good?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Good. When you when you were first getting divorced or
telling people, did people say things to you even though
you know they meant well, but it was still like
hurt your feelings?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Oh yeah, I think it's still there's still a stigma
of like failure.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Oh yeah, I mean maybe, I guess so, I don't know.
I don't look at it that way.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
The what are you talking about those that were actually
trying to support her.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, like they would say something like like they would
I was reading this whole thing like I always congratulate
somebody when they get divorced, right and the the And
I always thought that was because I don't know what
you're supposed to say, Like I don't want to say
I'm sorry, Like a lot of people aren't getting divorced
if they want to be married, So I'm not sorry
you got divorced. And I thought, like, I'll be positive
(01:30):
and I would congratulate them. And then I also I
fell guilty to another one on here because I'm always
the first to go, oh what happened? And they don't
want you.
Speaker 5 (01:40):
I'm surprised you didn't ask her.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
No, because I had just read that. I just I
had read that. But you're you know, you're not supposed
to You're not supposed to say what happened. You're not
supposed to say that to somebody. But the well, no,
but it is. But it does come from they they
recognize it does come from a place of concern of
like just going oh, oh no, what happened, And they're
(02:04):
they're they're like, well, why, that's really none of your business.
They'll tell you instead that what they what they want
you to say. Could you imagine this coming out of
my mouth?
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Oh is this one of those instead of this say this.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yes, yes, yes, yes. So instead of instead of me
saying to somebody who got divorced? What happened? Which I
always comes out of my mouth, always comes out of
my mouth. Here's what I'm supposed to say, thank you
for bringing me into this hard news. I'll be careful
with it.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Oh that that sounds like it's really coming out of
your mouth.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
But it also but it also doesn't get to what happened.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, you're just showing some support, and yeah, well I am.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's why I want to know what happened.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
What level of friend is this?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I'm a good friend.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
No no, But like is this are you a coworker
or are you a bestie?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
No, I'm I'm I'm I'm not a best friend, but
I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
So you you're not just a casual run in here
and there?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Correct? Yeah, they said a lot of times people will
ask what happened more for themselves than for you. No, no,
I'm being serious.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
I believe that, Eliet.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You want the gossip.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
You're no no, no, no no no no no no
no no no no no no, you're that that you're
you're taking that the wrong way. You're taking that the
wrong way.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
How to respond? Right?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Well, I don't even know what that means the I'm
not asking, Yes, I am asking because I want the gossip. Absolutely, yes,
But they're saying most people ask that out of a
desire to protect their own marriage. It's their way internalizing
of going if this happened to them, it might happen
to me. Oh really yeah, which for me is the
(03:56):
furthest thing from the truth. I just I just want
to be able to like cause somebody and go, hey,
what did you hear? Yeah? For me, it's all gossip,
and it is out of interest, Like I am interested
in you, You're my friend, so I want to know
what happened, but I can't say that. So that's why
I want to say thank you for bringing me into
this hard news.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
And that you'll be careful with it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Oh, and I'll be careful with and I'll be I'll
be careful with it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yes for six seconds.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Well, I think everyone has a different reason. So if
you were to say, oh, congratulations, and then they respond with, well, yeah,
my husband cheated on me, and that's exactly the example
they use for me.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Exactly. That's different than we had a long run and
fell out of love.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yeah, but if you don't know that, if somebody like, ma'am,
I don't know you is if I would have said, oh, dude,
that's awesome, good for you, it'd be like, no, not really,
I got completely blindsided. I thought we had a perfect marriage.
Oh well, never mind what happened. I like to combine them.
I like to combine all right, very good, Thank you, ma'am,
(05:03):
thank you. What here's another thing not to say, But
you guys always seem so happy.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
That's yeah, that's like twisting a knife.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Instead, you did what was right for you, and that's
never easy. I admire your strength.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's that second sentence that I cannot envision you ever deliver.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It now, because I was even thinking could he text
that now?
Speaker 1 (05:29):
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
No.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
But but again I'm not If somebody says you looked happy,
I would almost say, well, thank you. We tried to.
You know, listen, we're not out here, you know, showing
off that we've got marital problems.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Can they do about the pain beneath the surface of
doing that?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, I show, by the way, if I'm inflicting pain
and I don't know I'm inflicting pain, I'm not inflicting pain.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
No, No, I'm not saying you as the curious friend
or even the friend that's trying to be there for them.
I'm saying you're congratulating them or or questioning them on
something that was a facade. So you're bringing something up trying.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, I get that. I get that.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
That's the happiness was fake.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah. Well yes, but we also we weren't broadcasting that
we had problems. Line two here comes with des are
you ready?
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Hi Ellie at the morning?
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Hey, good morning?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Hey? Are you Are you divorced?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I am separated in process of divorce.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Can I use an example of what you shouldn't do?
What happened?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
You already hit the nail on the head earlier with
the last taller he was infidelity.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Oh I'm assuming on her? Yeah? No, yeah, I could
have told that. You sound way too happy. You guys
always seem so happy together. Then can you ask you?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Does this stuff you're not supposed to say sound perfect familiar?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah? Do you guys have kids together?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
We do?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Has anybody come to you, has anybody come to this
with you? Hey, well, at least you'll get a break
from the kids.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Oh God, thankfully not yet.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But you know what, I get the sentiment, I get
the sentiment having kids is hard, and so it's like
their way of going, hey, look on the bright side,
like you'll get a weekend off every now and then
and you can go do your thing. And what they're
saying there that you shouldn't like, you shouldn't do that
because people are like, yeah, but I love my kids.
Well I know you love your kids, but you know,
(07:37):
but that's aggressive.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I think people naturally may bring up the children, but
not in that way.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, how are you gonna bring it up? Oh? I
hope this isn't affecting them, of course it is.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Well, what you're supposed to say. It's a beautiful thing
to be able to start over again. It also never
never apologize, Never say sorry, I hear that or I
am so sorry. Yeah that because and because now you're
(08:10):
forcing them, it says this common statement does not land well.
Saying you're sorry communicates pity.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It assumes tragic Instead, you know what you say instead
of I'm.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
So sorry, I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Sir, you're an amazing person with a lot of love
left to give.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Is that a text?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I like it? Thank you even for me, Thank you
even from you, especially from.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You, but a lot of common that people find so
many around them say the wrong thing, though.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But it comes from it's coming from the heart here.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, it's an awkward back and forth, right if somebody
you know comes out with, hey, guess a what.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Do most people say stuff? Sir? Do most people say stuff?
And you're like, you're an idiot.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
A little bit? Yes, I know what's coming from the
right place. So I don't really say that out loud,
but I think it.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Do you truly believe you have a lot of love
left to give? I hope?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So can I know you're You're good? You're good? He said,
he's not even we're in the process. Yeah, no, you're
you're an angry effort. Hey, let me say instead of that,
let me give you another one. Let me know how
this lands, right, so you tell me like you did. Hey,
I'm in the process of getting a divorce. Do you
(09:44):
Is it wrong for me to say, oh, you need
my attorney?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
That was one of the first things told.
Speaker 5 (09:52):
To me, like, I'll hook you up.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And now does that land poorly?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
It didn't with my situation at the time.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, would it feel better if instead of just being
so direct if I said, are you feeling well resourced?
Do you have good consultants walking with you on this journey?
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Probably not with those terms, nor along the lines of, hey,
you have a support group that you can go talk to.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Right, yeah, same thing, same thing. Can I ask you this,
who offered you their attorney first? Like you said, that
was one of the first things.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
My next door neighbor he went through the same exact
process about six years ago. When he's still going through
that process now six years their is not so amicable
as mine, I gotcha?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
So his is still going to be friendly?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well, I mean, what argument does she have?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Well, she had no argument exactly.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Saying it's once or double sided. But it doesn't necessarily
mean that he should go in it.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
With a happy face.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Well no, I don't think he's going in like like
tap dancing. But no, like what is she gonna say? No,
I want I want the truck? Oh no, I'm sorry,
you cheated?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Right? Done?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Have your boyfriend byry one?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
The do you like? Will it? I know it'll be amicable,
but will you? Will you guys be able to get along?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
I think so? Yeah, we've already done like the trick
or treating with the kids together, and wow, planning to
do these major holidays together.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So, oh my god, earth, wow, you are you are? Wait?
Hold on, hold on, hold on, Nope, that's okay, that's
a well, no, here's another one. Hey, listen, I'm sorry
to hear that, but it's better than staying in a
bad marriage. You're not supposed to say that. You're not
supposed to say that to somebody, but that is, if
(12:05):
she's cheating on you, that's a bad marriage.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I love that you've set him up on the phones
for all these scenarios. He finally gave you an honest,
genuine response, and you replied with I started thumbing through
your papers. Were you Were you trying to find that
I admire your strength line from earlier?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Maybe maybe no, but but yeah, I mean yes, yeah,
But I don't know if I admire your strength or
I'm amazed at your strength, like I couldn't do that.
I couldn't do that.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I would believe that that, I would believe.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
But Elliott doesn't know exactly what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Well, no, he told me, he told me.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Not enough for your liking like cheating.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
All right, very good, very good. I appreciate the phone call.
Thank you, sir. All right, you got it. I'm so fresh.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
That's a fresh wound that he was able to be
so open with us.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Absolutely, I always love that, no matter the topic, when
somebody can be so vulnerable and it ends with you
making an oral sex joke that I don't know, probably,
like many of these sayings or responses, doesn't land well.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Now there there is. There is one that I learned
the hard way that I won't say anymore. Like I'm
good about this one.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
This is not something you learned yesterday.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, no, no, no real life. Yes, when a buddy
of mine had told us, like our friends, that he
was getting divorced, and I didn't say it in front
of everybody. Now I did say it to everybody away
from him, but I also said it to him when
he was like, oh, you know, whatever the case was.
(13:55):
I remember saying that, and it wasn't as direct as
I'm going to say it, but there wasn't a lot
of like toying with it. Oh I never liked her anyway.
Oh good, do not say that. Now, you do not
say that, And I'll tell you why. For two reasons.
For two reasons. Number one, it it well three reasons,
why didn't you say something sooner? Like why wouldn't you
(14:16):
have said, like so all the times that we were
around each other and you acted like everything was fine,
you didn't like her. But people do that. That doesn't
bother me. It sends a message to them they only
make bad choices.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Wow, I feel like that. To me, that would have
been number one. When you went with why didn't you
say something sooner? That seems secondary. It implies that you
make bad choices. Yeah, it was a terrible judge of character.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Now that's not why it changed me. Why it did.
What did change me was when they reconcile exactly yes,
and then it was like, hey, good news, Marie and
I are getting back together. We worked through it, and
I was like, oh, remember I told you I didn't
really like her anyway. So at that point you got
(15:04):
to you got to backtrack, like, well, hopefully that therapy work.
That's not what I meant. She's better to both of us.
So if you do.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Feel that way, what did they say? Alternatively, you should
tell them.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I know you did everything to make your marriage work,
even when it was difficult, which cannotes she's difficult. Yeah,
but that way, you're not saying you make bad choices,
which that never crossed my mind. If I said that,
wasn't you made bad choices?
Speaker 5 (15:36):
I think that's first and foremost.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That's why I stick with what happened. Where am I
going line to hi Ellie in the morning. Does a
true gentleman he wish you the best for an amical
resolution or be to get laid? No, it does say
(15:59):
there is one from in here. Hold on, oh here
we go, here, we go there? Because this he's right,
You just need to get out there and start dating again.
You'll feel better. They don't want you to say that. Instead,
invite them to go for a drive or grab a coffee,
let's order takeout and watch TV.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
So you'd be the one that they're getting out in
the world with again, so they don't feel as alone,
I guess. And then and then rely on the craziness
that is dating the people these days. On the third dates,
open up joint bank account insanity?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, but going? But where am I going for it? Oh?
My god? The you did what is right for you,
and that's never easy. I admire your strength. Let's go
for a car ride. Wonderful. Okay, that's awesome, Elliott.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
But then where would you take somebody that seemed a little,
not a little, a lot down in the dumps.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
I'm a lot, really.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, I don't know where would I take them? It
just says go for a drive. Hey, I'm going to
crack both windows. I'm smoking.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
How about just out for a meal?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Okay, well that's not out for a drive. Then we're
just I'm driving us to dinner.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You can eat a camelot.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
That is true, That is true? Where am I going?
Line three? Hi? Elliot in the morning? Hey, yeah, Hi,
who's as.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Richmond?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yes? Are you? Are you divorced?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I am so.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I was married for almost twenty years and my divorce
was finalized last year.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I admire your strength. Well, thank you.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
It took a lot. You did what was right for you.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I did.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yes, Diane, you're next, No pressure, Diane.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But you guys were so hap I know.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
I admire your strength. How about coffee? That was okay?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You know what. I hope you're surrounded with good counsel.
What happened? Oh, I've been dying to know I've been dying.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
When we go for coffee.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
What what happened? What happened? What happened? Uh, he was
a jerk. I never liked him anyway unless he's a listener.
If he's a listener, I always you know what. I
always like both of you equally. You know that.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And if he is a listener, it makes this news
even harder. But thank you for bringing us in on it.
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