EITM: If This Is A Crime 7/26/24

Arrest me.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What illegal thing do you do ona regular basis? Go, there's a
lot of them. I mean it'sprobably something like rolling through a stop sign
in a neighborhood. Wow, thatis not what I was expecting. Sometimes
stops and yeah at four in themorning. Wow, that doesn't make it

(00:20):
legal. I know. Yeah,so you run. I didn't say run,
I said roll through. That's runninga stop sign. Okay, then
I do that. Shocking. Ithought you were going to go with a
driving one, but it was kindof lame. Oh like going under the
speed limit. No, I wasgoing to say, oh, speed the
but Dian, you know, youget hit somebody. It's pretty wide open

(00:44):
at four between Bailey and Billy Joeland now this it's just been twenty four
hours of disappointment with you. Iwill tell you this. Speeding is it
comes up a ton. Okay.So when they go and they ask people
what is what is something that isillegal that you do on a regular basis?
Speeding comes up a ton daily.The oh you don't think you speed

(01:07):
daily? Oh one hundred percent speeddaily? Yes, one hundred percent speed.
Well I don't run the stop signs, not daily. The but yes,
for for for people speeding came upa million times, and that makes
sense, but that's kind of aneasy go to. I will tell you

(01:30):
this. Rolling a stop sign cameup a lot, that comes up a
lot. So yes, riding orrolling a stop sign that comes up a
lot? Tyler, what is illegalthat you do on a regular but please
don't say nothing. Well, Ialready said speeding, right, I had
one that you admitted to just twentyminutes ago that I did. Yeah,

(01:53):
that you do on a regular basis. Some would call it daily. That's
illegal, but you do it also. No, oh, so you're naming
one for me. Well, itwas the first thing that came to mind
before speeding. Okay, because youcop to it IPTV. I don't know
that that's illeg It's not illegal inCanada. It may be illegal here.

(02:17):
Oh it is the okay, wellyou know what, come get me.
No, please don't, oh pleasedon't. Please don't the lawn walk in
here. But it's like it's customsand border protection. Yeah, the oh,
I don't need that. I hopethey're on a tour. Kristin,

(02:38):
turn yourself on. I'll take abunch of these, by the way.
Eight six six to Elliott eight six, six, two three, five,
five, four six eight. Iwill tell you this reading through the people
who responded. They are great.They are great, and there's some that
you forget is illegal, but man, some of them are really really good.
Hi Kristin, how are you good? I am too. Illegal thing

(03:01):
you do on a regular basis Aj walk every day? There you go?
Oh, there you go twice aday. I hate that. I've
seen you do it, and Idon't like it because that's a busy road.
Yeah, but not when Kristen walksacross the street in the at what
four point thirty in the morning,you want her to walk all the way
to the light corner and cross thereand come over. No, you know

(03:23):
not everyone observes stop signs. Talkingabout a neighborhood, not rock a neighborhood
where people lived like drive like yourkids live here. I'll get the dog
out for an early walk this morning. Just a cheap community. I'm not
rolling over people, well, notintentionally. Nobody's there. I'm gonna go

(03:43):
through it. Wouldn't that be abad answer? What illegal thing do you
do on a regular basis? Irun people over all, right, give
me a bunch of them. Eightsix six to Elliott eight six six two
three five five four six eight CanI share one in the mean time?
Though that I liked. You don'tthink we'll get this one the no,
I don't think you will. Idon't think you will. I don't think

(04:04):
anybody will call this in and it'sthey all don't have to be this long.
But I like it. No,somebody responded with a story, but
I like it. But this happensto this person frequently. When I was
in college, parking was five hundreddollars a semester, which I couldn't afford.

(04:25):
I simply went to class each dayuntil I got a parking ticket.
I then went online and paid fiftydollars fine, but I kept the ticket.
Every time I would park on campus, I would toss that ticket onto
my windshield, so the parking policethought I was already ticketed. It's funny.
That one is great. That's illegal, but that's awesome. So that's

(04:51):
what I mean. That's a littlelonger than just saying jaywalking or speeding or
just running, you know, stopsigns. But that I like a lot.
That one, I really like alot. Where am I going?
Line two? Hi, Elliot inthe morning. Hello, Hey, who's
that? I am? I am? Well who is this? I won't

(05:13):
say my name? Okay, sothey could get you, but they won't
know who I am to come getme. That's a good point. That's
a good point. Yes, Butwhat do you do? What do you
do that's illegal on a regular basis? Hot box, my car? There
you go. That came up alot drugs. That one came up,

(05:35):
That one came up a lot ofBut again, like that's one of those
that you don't even think of asbeing illegal. It also depends on what
you're doing. But yes, nowI did put in parentheses certain drugs because
it may not be that this isthat what you're doing here is illegal,
but that may be. But yes, drugs came up a lot. Yes,

(05:57):
and you were smart not to useyour name. Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you. That one's pretty good. Can I give you another one?
That's a little bit long. Sothere's a story to it. I've
never told anyone this before, butback when I was fifteen years old,
I stole a dots in two fortyz in my neighborhood. I was walking

(06:17):
home from a friend's house one hotsummer and as I walked by this cool
z I noticed a single key stickingout of the driver's door lock. I
had always thought that that car wasbadass and it would have been fun to
drive. Well it was. Theytook the key, they unlocked the door.

(06:39):
Yeah, they went for a drive, and when they got back,
they were like, I'm gonna keepthe key because whoever the person is will
think they just misplaced it. Soevery weekend, oh my god, they
would take didn't just do it once, It has to be a regular basis.
They would take the car for adrive and that by the way,
and they said, to their credit, they'd put gas in it. They

(07:00):
would, they would, they wouldbring it back. They were like,
so unless they checked like the mileageor like maybe I didn't put gas in
every time, But every weekend theywould take their key because the person just
thought they misplaced it. They didn'tgo re key the car. Took the
car for a regular drive. Thatalmost seems illegal, yes, but it
seems impossible that but that's a greatone, by the way, great,

(07:25):
oh yeah, to be able topull that off, and that's balls,
Like you literally stole someone's car everyweekend. And keep in mind the first
part of that when I was fifteen. That's amazing. All right, Where
am I going? Kristen? Lineone? Thank you, Hi Ellie in
the morning. Good morning class atChairmick Knoxville. How are you? Hey,

(07:46):
I'm doing great. How are you, sir? Good? So I
occasionally forget to pay for something inthe self checkout lines. Umm, wait,
hold on, here we go selfcheckout line that was very highly ranked,
very highly Yes that is yeah,no, no, don't feel bad.

(08:07):
Don't feel bad. It's clearly intentionalon his part. Yes, of
course it is. Can I giveyou the other grocery store one which is
good and it is illegal? Isit buying organic but ringing it up as
non organic? It talks about that. Yeah, that's a mood. You
were supposed to remember the four oneone for the bananas. Oh oh well
that's that was also just to chargeall produce as bananas. But yeah,

(08:31):
like if you get organic, soexpensive. But if I'm self checking it,
I just go to the look upand I checked the non organic one.
That's a good one. I likethat one too. Uh. Let
me go to line five. HiElliot the morning, Hi, Yeah,
Hi, who's this? Oh mygod? Hey, this is Emily yes,

(08:52):
what can I do for you?Hey, Uh, my husband and
I drink in public. We bringbeers with us when we walk the dogs
evening. That's great, that's great, that's great. Can I ask we
live down We live down the streetfrom two cops too. They never say
anything. Can I ask a questionat Yeah? Okay, yeah, that's

(09:13):
fine. Is it is it illegalto walk around your neighborhood drinking? It
is? Is it? Really?Yes? It is? Yeah, So
as you step off your curb.I've gotten a friend that had a ticket
from that before Whosies. But Imean you can see the beer like that's
you know what. That's lame,that's lame. Yeah. I didn't.
I gotta be honest, I didn't. I didn't know, Like I know,

(09:35):
you can't just go walk around likecities and stuff, But I didn't
know you couldn't walk through your neighborhoodhaving a having a roadie. Yeah.
But thankfully it wasn't in my neighborhood. But yeah, good. We like
to enjoy life. That's really good. Good for you. Let me tell
the cop. Hey, I'm tryingto enjoy life. Come on, man,
hi elliot in the morning. Hello, it's me. Yeah, Hi,

(10:01):
who's this? Hey, Fank?Hey, what's going on? Frank?
What can I do for you?Well, we can't smoke weed legally,
Lana, but we still do.No you as recently as I was

(10:24):
dialing. Yeah, no, listen, I get it, I get it.
That's uh that, like I said, drug certain drugs, and we
did come up pretty regularly, Thankyou, Frank. On the list,
there's one on here that I don'tlike because you are an offending party.
Well I wouldn't. I don't wantto admit yes or no to me.
It's not regular enough, but itis done regularly. But it's also the

(10:48):
boring one. But it's one thatprobably everybody is done. What is it?
Cheat on your taxes? Oh,like the deduction that you really shouldn't,
I mean whatever, but yes,not report cash, yeah, not
report lottery winnings. Okay, thisis people. These are just mistakes that

(11:09):
were made out of like not beingeducated enough when doing the tax No,
this is intention know that you're cheating. Yeah, this is like rolling a
stop sign. You know you're doingit. Let me go to line seven
month. Hi Ellie the morning,Yeah, Yeah, Hi, who's this?

(11:30):
Yeah? Hi? This is Shawingfrom camel Lock yes, sir,
What can I do for you?Yeah? Hi, So I've been driving
without my license for the last twentythree years and I'm actually currently driving right
now on my way toward now didthe state take away your license or did

(11:52):
you just let it lapse? SoI had multiple dalish, damn it,
I lost you. That's back whenyou were young and done two in a
week. Good, settle it back. But now you're good. Right now
you're game on the limit. Yeah, that'll get you. That'll get you.

(12:18):
By the way, thank you,sir, thank you. I thought
of one that I was definitely guiltyof in the past. Can I just
can I just add to him realquickly, driving without a license did come
up regularly. The other one thatcame up regularly, driving without insurance?
That also came up regularly. Youjust thought the one that you do because
looking at my life now, outsideof speeding, Oh not, there's nothing,

(12:41):
okay, but no, there isn't. However, peeping Tom, why
would you go with that? No, because I wanted to, like,
well, I would never mother mother, I would never break a law other
than peeping Tom. Go ahead,burnie CDs. Oh you know what?

(13:03):
Pirrating did come up? Pirting movies, yes, Pirting CDs music, yes,
well the one that like when Isaw on the list like people who
would like pirate movies in in CDsand stuff like that, we used to
go buy like this was back inCD player time when I was living in
New York. We would go andI'm sure it went on everywhere. It

(13:24):
was just going on while I wasin New York. When I was doing
it, there was always somebody thatwas set up on a corner of a
street in Chinatown and we would justgo buy. Like literally, if the
movie came out on Friday, wehad what appeared to be a studio copy
of it on Saturday. So wewould go buy movies all the time.
And it wasn't like some guy sittingin the back of the theater like clucking
his way through the movie like itwas legit, Like I don't know how

(13:46):
they got it, but it wasgreat. That was great. But yeah,
pirrating, that's a good one.That's a good one that's on there.
And then look you saw it's it'snow become the button. Many jokes,
but with some of those applications likeNapster and LimeWire, you saw lawsuits.
Oh you So remember that one teenagegirl. Didn't she go to jail?
Or does she just get fine aton of money I jail? Or

(14:09):
maybe she got a suspended sentence.Now I am willing to bet Shoehorn did
one yesterday? Yesterday at the movies? Yes? What is it? Sneaking
in snacks? Oh? Now,I don't know. Is that illegal though
it came up a lot. Sneakingfood into venues came up a lot.

(14:33):
Remember he told us when we wereat raw he would bring in an popcorn
right, get the free refilled.That's steel bad, that's shoplifting. It
might be against the rules of theestablishment. That's got to be illegal.
But are they if you sneak foodinto a movie theater? Are they calling
the cops? We never did,and did a lot of people do it

(14:54):
all the time. No, ButDiane's right, sneaking food in may not
be against the law. But isbringing a container to go get refills again,
that's stealing. That's still stealing.That shoplift. Yeah, yes,
that is shoplift. But they're givingit to you. I don't know who
would fall under shoplifting if I ask, if I go to Walmart and go,

(15:16):
hey, I'm interested in buying thatTV and they get it off the
shelf and they hand it to me. That doesn't mean I just get to
walk out with it. They stillgave it to me. Yeah, but
not under the deal that was given. Intense. They gave it to you
because they thought that, and youwould look at Josh and think it's believable.
He already sucked down a large popcorn. Listen, I'm not want to

(15:37):
break the law. But if someonesaid that peeping tom stuff you have,
I don't know why that because therumor has so often. Oh no,
is it bad when something false aboutyour sticks? Diane, You admitted to
running stop signs. And if someonesaid you can either bring a used popcorn
bag to Capital One Arena and tryto get some food or steal a television

(16:00):
from a big box store, Ithink I'm gonna go with the popcorn theft.
This theft, theft is theft.I may as well walk into Harry
Winston and steal a thirty thousand dollarswatch just the Rules is rules absolutely.
Hi Elliet in the morning, HeyElliott, good morning. I don't know
if this will be on your list, but I work in Bethesda and once

(16:21):
in a while. I walk byand see an empty meter, I'll put
a quarter or two in it ifI have them. And I got accosted
by a parking person, that's illegal. It's not your car. You can't
do that. You can be finedfour worse. So yeah, I'll do
that one. I don't know ifthat's illegal. Wait a minute, he
was just doing that. You can'tdo that. Wait so you can't.
You can't pay, thank you,sir. You can't pay someone else's someone

(16:42):
else's thing. There's been a lotof videos that have gone viral about that
where people are attempting to and thenare oh my god, meet her.
Made get a life by law enforcement. It's our life. The doing your
job now, Tyler, can Iask you something? It's about uh,
looking in the windows? When youyou when you whether it was at Ocean

(17:06):
City or the Jersey Shore, Yes, when when when you have the kids
and you're on the beach, ifyou guys see like a like a nice
seashell, will you pick it upand take it? I've told the kids
I don't like when they do it, but they do it. Their mother
allows them to law breakers. Ihate it. That's breaking the law.
You may you may as well belooking in a window. That is that's

(17:26):
against the law. I never knewthat to take seashells, I have a
whole little jar. Lock me up. God, I bet it's loose in
the car, so when you doit to slam on the brakes, it'll
come up and hit you in thehead. Now, I will say this,
I did not know this one.But similar to stealing seashells, I

(17:47):
did not know this was against thelaw. And I would like for a
very specific listener to tell me ifthis is true. And I'm talking to
you, Hoby picking up bones outof the woods. Now, he already
checked in earlier about this. Ohhere we get Wait about picking up bones
out of the woods. Yes,are you serious? No? No,

(18:10):
he was wondering if Rody's countered.We answered that. Wait, hold up,
Kristin, Yeah, picking up bones? Do you think Kristin does it?
Well? No, but I can'ttell. She was either shaking or
nodding her head like she knew.Hi, Kristin, good morning. Again.
You know that technically that is true, but nobody, Yeah, you
pick up bones? Okay? Whywhy are you picking up? Why not?

(18:34):
I got something struck in my tombs. I'm a whittle. It is
this like a cool animal skull,skulls, antlers, legs, fem Yeah.
No, that says it is illegalto pick up bones out of the
woods, and I'd never heard thatbefore. Is that because it interrupts the
cycle of life? I don't reallytechnically know. I just know my mom

(18:57):
said don't pick that up. Butwe'd always bring stuff back and she'd say,
take it back to where you foundit. I will say this back
to the woods. I will saythis my mom. My mom told me
a lot of things, but mymom never once said don't pick up bones
out of the woods. See,all right, very good, very good,
Thank you, Kristen, thank you. Uh where am I going?

(19:18):
Mine? Six? Hi? Elliottthe morning party, Elliott. I was
going to say, throwing your cigarettebutts out the window, it's considered littering.
And there's always those signs on theside of the road finds for littering,
and rightfully so and rightfully so.All right, very good, thank

(19:44):
you, thank you, bad oneto and on. All right, let's
do some follow up phone calls.Please. It's only nine months to a
year to decompose. That's not inthe Grand scheme that based on like some
of the crap you see on theside of the road. I'm not throwing
fast food bags out, but inthe cigarette Are there any and I would
have to look this up. Arethere any harmful chemicals or toxins that could

(20:06):
zero leak into the environment. Idon't think so.