Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I want to teach everybody a lessontoday, and I want you to learn
from my mistake that took place Idon't know about twenty minutes ago, give
or take. Was this before theThe yes, Diane, that's recent.
The no. No, it's you'vegot to be You can't linger. You
have to be decisive. So whenwhen you when you insert yourself into an
(00:24):
uncomfortable situation, you can't linger andloiter. You have to be decisive.
Right, So I go downstairs formy morning ritual. So I go into
the parking garage and I have Imeet up with one of my good friends,
mister Marlborough, and then then Igo from P one to one.
(00:44):
And what do I do on one? Usually use the bathroom. I evacuate,
right, I evacuate. So Igo in and you know which bathroom
I use? The wins, Yes. So I push in the code of
one, three, five, don'tgive that out. And I opened the
door. And as I open thedoor, I take one step in and
(01:07):
I connect eyes through the mirror ofa woman washing her hands, and I
was like, and this is amulti stall bathroom. This isn't a single
Yeah, I don't think I've everbeen in that bathroom. It's it's probably
no different than the one here.Yeah, it's five. I think it's
five. Four stalls in a handicapper, which I always use the handicapper because
(01:30):
it's a teeter tot with the oneon the in the men's room. So
you connected eyes, Diane, welocked eyes, and here's scared the hell
out of her. Oh, firstof all, why is he coming in
here? Well, it's a coupleof things. Number one, I know
her. Number two, so it'schilling. No, no, no,
the other somebody who works on fourthat didn't want to go on four,
(01:53):
if you know what I'm saying,Oh, definitely went because I locked dies.
It was hit with a wall,so you couldn't your eyes were burning.
Wait, no, it was awoman the well it's here we go.
(02:16):
No it's not. I know whoyou're thinking of. Well, go
ahead, and you're gonna option one, option two. It could only be
neither the of the wet number two. So anyway, I lock eyes right
in the in the mirror. Yeh. Three? And then is it three?
(02:37):
You said? No, No,it's none of those people any puzzled
anyway, the puzzled I was gagginganyway, I walk in and in the
mirror we lock eyes. I havea look of like, why is somebody
in here? She has a lookof mace or no Initially, initially I
(03:00):
sort have helped his eyes, butshe knows who I am. Okay,
so I make this. She's like, of all people to walk in here
at this moment, oh god,it's him. So I make this stupid
mistake, right, And what's theright thing to do? At that point
you turn around and you look atthe door. I'm sorry, Well I
will utter wrong room, but notfor a while. So I take another
(03:25):
half step in because in my mind, I'm thinking I'm just going to walk
by her and go into my regularstall. The how defensive was her posture
at this point? Well, now, so I take a half step and
she's like washing her hands, andwith wet hands, she turns and faces
me, and so what do Ido. I'm not turning around yet.
(03:51):
I take two more steps towards her, at which point her eyes are the
size of like plates, like whatthe hell are you doing? And then
it dawned on me because I'm debatingin my head, like I'm literally thinking
about it of like just walk byher and go to the bathroom. Who
cares. So in my head I'mlike, I'll just walk by. Excuse
(04:14):
me, what are you doing inhere? No? And then I really
embarrass myself. But the so Istart, I take two steps, She's
looking at me like please stop.So this is you're still confident about what
you've done. As you said,you eventually embarrass yourself. Oh no,
I'm embarrassed at this point. Yeah, I was gonna say this. This
is pretty bad. The yeah,and so there's and so half a third
(04:38):
of my brain is like, welljust walk, just go where you normally
go. Treat it like why isshe here? Number two is like I'm
confused. Well, first of all, I'm thrown off. I've never seen
her in there before. And thenin the other third of my brain,
I'm like, what the hell didyou eat to? Oh my god,
(05:00):
this is like one of the thisis one of the top ten worst days
of her life. Now you knowwhat it's like. It's it's the damn
meme Lindsey has shown me for amonth now on Instagram of like the dumbfounded
dogs. Oh my god, Ilove them. They're all over TikTok,
go to the next Yeah, andthen they go to the right. That's
(05:23):
Elliott, the the two like blacklap looking dogs. Yeah, they're my
favorite. So now I'm getting soif I started probably this far from her
right, yeah, when when Iopened the door, she's probably where Tyler
is. Well, why don't weuse Diane a woman for the example of
(05:44):
how far you are from her?Far enough away from Diane in the ladies
room, Yeah, because I can. So you're about you're about ten twelve
feet away. Here's how close Iend up to her. When I finally
utter something, I'm right here.Oh god. And which at that point,
Now, keep in mind, likethis is all going on quickly,
I should have just walked right byher and gone into the store. You
(06:08):
should have left the not an optionat that point. The and so I
get there, and what do Isay? And this is the worst,
this, this was my big mistake. No, the worst would have the
worst would have been like, ohmy god, see a doctor Christ,
Oh my god, Oh my god. I pity this person of all people.
(06:30):
God. And it's why I don'tgo at work. It's not like
you're using the bathroom on this floor. She's she's trying to high Yes,
oh, that's why she's on one. Oh, and I understand why I
do. I understand why? SoI get this far and I like and
instead of being confident in what I'mdoing, I utter this, Oh,
(06:56):
must be the wrong room. AndI turned around and walk out. Why
did it take you so long?Declause I'm in such a habit of going
She's never been in there before.Those dogs don't talk, Diane. She's
also she's also probably never eaten rawlike roadkill. And then had to crap
(07:21):
it out in the morning. Ohmy god. And then I know that.
So then I had to go intothe men's room, which I hate
going in. But so then,because what was I gonna do stand in
the hallway and wait for her tocome out? So I then I went
into the men's room. That's fivethree one instead of one three five.
(07:44):
Again, don't tell anybody the althoughthey'll probably change it today. That's not
like I don't get in trouble forthat, right, Oh, you went
into the wrong room. Yeah,I made a mistake, Yeah, just
an accident. And I walked outimmediately once I uh, once I got
in there. But then so thenI'm sitting there, so now I settle
in. I'm playing solitaire, like, now I got my routine going,
(08:07):
and the all I could think Icould all I could think of is that
she came back upstairs and was likethat son of a bitch walked in on
me. Thank god she wasn't,because if she would have been in the
stall, I would have gone.We wouldn't probably wouldn't have known anybody who
was in there. I have towalk to the last one you could see.
Well, thank you, Tyler.Tyler reminding us that it's stank.
(08:30):
Oh they brought a septic truck in. Oh god, I don't even know
who it is. No, Ifeel for them, No, because I've
been in there before when people havecome in to use the bathroom and I
just stay in there. What amI gonna say? Busy? And they'll
be like, why is that aman's voice? So I just there's the
dog at so anyway, So thatbut yes, if she would have been
(08:58):
seated in there, I probably wouldhave just gone just out of habit,
I would have just gone in becauseyou're locked in at that point. It's
not like I'm going to see herbagoon or anything. She behind a door.
So I can't wait until you haveto verify with HR that you said
on the air. So anyway,what's the lesson? Don't go and work.
(09:22):
I don't care if it's if it'sthat or the er. Don't go
and work. No, you can'tlinger. You have to turn around immediately,
learn the code for the floor two. If floor one is not an
option anymore. By the way,I didn't even think that through. You're
probably right. She'll never go onone again. No, she'll never here
(09:45):
again. Yeah, well you thinkshe's mortified, Elliott, I don't know.
What do you think? Why wouldshe be? She was in the
right. She didn't do anything wrong, doesn't matter. No, No,
if you walked in on her,yeah, I know she was in the
right. Right. He was inthe place where she was supposed to be.
She didn't be Oh, no,she didn't. If she'll if Tyler's
(10:07):
ice, she'll never go here again. I'm wrong with that asparagus. If
that was the smell of urine.Wow. Do I need to say something
to her? No? No,just like no, sorry, I know
where she is. I could Icould just pop my head in there.
Don't say anything. Oh my god. Oh So the lesson, don't linger,
(10:33):
don't linger, be confident, noteven like okay, he'll forget about
it. I'll never see him again. No, you're you're going to see
her today and every day from hereon out. And what is she going
to think of? Man, didI drop a bomb in there. Let's
say she's less worried about maybe seeinghim again, and knowing the second it
(10:54):
all went down that he'd opened hisshow talking about it. She knew as
soon as she saw you. Butyou know what, you know what the
other thing is is like when whenI'm when I'm going Their show has already
started, So think of the emergencyit had to be to leave the show
to go downstairs. And you knowwhat, play play a third God for
(11:16):
music, Thank God for Christmas songs.
I want to teach everybody a lessontoday, and I want you to learn
from my mistake that took place Idon't know about twenty minutes ago, give
or take. Was this before theThe yes, Diane, that's recent.
The no. No, it's you'vegot to be You can't linger. You
have to be decisive. So whenwhen you when you insert yourself into an
(00:24):
uncomfortable situation, you can't linger andloiter. You have to be decisive.
Right, So I go downstairs formy morning ritual. So I go into
the parking garage and I have Imeet up with one of my good friends,
mister Marlborough, and then then Igo from P one to one.
(00:44):
And what do I do on one? Usually use the bathroom. I evacuate,
right, I evacuate. So Igo in and you know which bathroom
I use? The wins, Yes. So I push in the code of
one, three, five, don'tgive that out. And I opened the
door. And as I open thedoor, I take one step in and
(01:07):
I connect eyes through the mirror ofa woman washing her hands, and I
was like, and this is amulti stall bathroom. This isn't a single
Yeah, I don't think I've everbeen in that bathroom. It's it's probably
no different than the one here.Yeah, it's five. I think it's
five. Four stalls in a handicapper, which I always use the handicapper because
(01:30):
it's a teeter tot with the oneon the in the men's room. So
you connected eyes, Diane, welocked eyes, and here's scared the hell
out of her. Oh, firstof all, why is he coming in
here? Well, it's a coupleof things. Number one, I know
her. Number two, so it'schilling. No, no, no,
the other somebody who works on fourthat didn't want to go on four,
(01:53):
if you know what I'm saying,Oh, definitely went because I locked dies.
It was hit with a wall,so you couldn't your eyes were burning.
Wait, no, it was awoman the well it's here we go.
(02:16):
No it's not. I know whoyou're thinking of. Well, go
ahead, and you're gonna option one, option two. It could only be
neither the of the wet number two. So anyway, I lock eyes right
in the in the mirror. Yeh. Three? And then is it three?
(02:37):
You said? No, No,it's none of those people any puzzled
anyway, the puzzled I was gagginganyway, I walk in and in the
mirror we lock eyes. I havea look of like, why is somebody
in here? She has a lookof mace or no Initially, initially I
(03:00):
sort have helped his eyes, butshe knows who I am. Okay,
so I make this. She's like, of all people to walk in here
at this moment, oh god,it's him. So I make this stupid
mistake, right, And what's theright thing to do? At that point
you turn around and you look atthe door. I'm sorry, Well I
will utter wrong room, but notfor a while. So I take another
(03:25):
half step in because in my mind, I'm thinking I'm just going to walk
by her and go into my regularstall. The how defensive was her posture
at this point? Well, now, so I take a half step and
she's like washing her hands, andwith wet hands, she turns and faces
me, and so what do Ido. I'm not turning around yet.
(03:51):
I take two more steps towards her, at which point her eyes are the
size of like plates, like whatthe hell are you doing? And then
it dawned on me because I'm debatingin my head, like I'm literally thinking
about it of like just walk byher and go to the bathroom. Who
cares. So in my head I'mlike, I'll just walk by. Excuse
(04:14):
me, what are you doing inhere? No? And then I really
embarrass myself. But the so Istart, I take two steps, She's
looking at me like please stop.So this is you're still confident about what
you've done. As you said,you eventually embarrass yourself. Oh no,
I'm embarrassed at this point. Yeah, I was gonna say this. This
is pretty bad. The yeah,and so there's and so half a third
(04:38):
of my brain is like, welljust walk, just go where you normally
go. Treat it like why isshe here? Number two is like I'm
confused. Well, first of all, I'm thrown off. I've never seen
her in there before. And thenin the other third of my brain,
I'm like, what the hell didyou eat to? Oh my god,
(05:00):
this is like one of the thisis one of the top ten worst days
of her life. Now you knowwhat it's like. It's it's the damn
meme Lindsey has shown me for amonth now on Instagram of like the dumbfounded
dogs. Oh my god, Ilove them. They're all over TikTok,
go to the next Yeah, andthen they go to the right. That's
(05:23):
Elliott, the the two like blacklap looking dogs. Yeah, they're my
favorite. So now I'm getting soif I started probably this far from her
right, yeah, when when Iopened the door, she's probably where Tyler
is. Well, why don't weuse Diane a woman for the example of
(05:44):
how far you are from her?Far enough away from Diane in the ladies
room, Yeah, because I can. So you're about you're about ten twelve
feet away. Here's how close Iend up to her. When I finally
utter something, I'm right here.Oh god. And which at that point,
Now, keep in mind, likethis is all going on quickly,
I should have just walked right byher and gone into the store. You
(06:08):
should have left the not an optionat that point. The and so I
get there, and what do Isay? And this is the worst,
this, this was my big mistake. No, the worst would have the
worst would have been like, ohmy god, see a doctor Christ,
Oh my god, Oh my god. I pity this person of all people.
(06:30):
God. And it's why I don'tgo at work. It's not like
you're using the bathroom on this floor. She's she's trying to high Yes,
oh, that's why she's on one. Oh, and I understand why I
do. I understand why? SoI get this far and I like and
instead of being confident in what I'mdoing, I utter this, Oh,
(06:56):
must be the wrong room. AndI turned around and walk out. Why
did it take you so long?Declause I'm in such a habit of going
She's never been in there before.Those dogs don't talk, Diane. She's
also she's also probably never eaten rawlike roadkill. And then had to crap
(07:21):
it out in the morning. Ohmy god. And then I know that.
So then I had to go intothe men's room, which I hate
going in. But so then,because what was I gonna do stand in
the hallway and wait for her tocome out? So I then I went
into the men's room. That's fivethree one instead of one three five.
(07:44):
Again, don't tell anybody the althoughthey'll probably change it today. That's not
like I don't get in trouble forthat, right, Oh, you went
into the wrong room. Yeah,I made a mistake, Yeah, just
an accident. And I walked outimmediately once I uh, once I got
in there. But then so thenI'm sitting there, so now I settle
in. I'm playing solitaire, like, now I got my routine going,
(08:07):
and the all I could think Icould all I could think of is that
she came back upstairs and was likethat son of a bitch walked in on
me. Thank god she wasn't,because if she would have been in the
stall, I would have gone.We wouldn't probably wouldn't have known anybody who
was in there. I have towalk to the last one you could see.
Well, thank you, Tyler.Tyler reminding us that it's stank.
(08:30):
Oh they brought a septic truck in. Oh god, I don't even know
who it is. No, Ifeel for them, No, because I've
been in there before when people havecome in to use the bathroom and I
just stay in there. What amI gonna say? Busy? And they'll
be like, why is that aman's voice? So I just there's the
dog at so anyway, So thatbut yes, if she would have been
(08:58):
seated in there, I probably wouldhave just gone just out of habit,
I would have just gone in becauseyou're locked in at that point. It's
not like I'm going to see herbagoon or anything. She behind a door.
So I can't wait until you haveto verify with HR that you said
on the air. So anyway,what's the lesson? Don't go and work.
(09:22):
I don't care if it's if it'sthat or the er. Don't go
and work. No, you can'tlinger. You have to turn around immediately,
learn the code for the floor two. If floor one is not an
option anymore. By the way,I didn't even think that through. You're
probably right. She'll never go onone again. No, she'll never here
(09:45):
again. Yeah, well you thinkshe's mortified, Elliott, I don't know.
What do you think? Why wouldshe be? She was in the
right. She didn't do anything wrong, doesn't matter. No, No,
if you walked in on her,yeah, I know she was in the
right. Right. He was inthe place where she was supposed to be.
She didn't be Oh, no,she didn't. If she'll if Tyler's
(10:07):
ice, she'll never go here again. I'm wrong with that asparagus. If
that was the smell of urine.Wow. Do I need to say something
to her? No? No,just like no, sorry, I know
where she is. I could Icould just pop my head in there.
Don't say anything. Oh my god. Oh So the lesson, don't linger,
(10:33):
don't linger, be confident, noteven like okay, he'll forget about
it. I'll never see him again. No, you're you're going to see
her today and every day from hereon out. And what is she going
to think of? Man, didI drop a bomb in there. Let's
say she's less worried about maybe seeinghim again, and knowing the second it
(10:54):
all went down that he'd opened hisshow talking about it. She knew as
soon as she saw you. Butyou know what, you know what the
other thing is is like when whenI'm when I'm going Their show has already
started, So think of the emergencyit had to be to leave the show
to go downstairs. And you knowwhat, play play a third God for
(11:16):
music, Thank God for Christmas songs.
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