January 21, 2023 • 45 mins
Ben Maller & his 5th Hour homie Danny G. are having fun on your Divisional Round Saturday! They're talking Unmasked, Auto Shop Graduate, Mary Poppins Bag, Back Scratcher & Pop Goes the Culture!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere as it
is the Saturday edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben
Mallard and Danny G. Radio. I'm on drugs right now, man,
and we do this podcast because listen, eight days a
(00:47):
week is required, four hours a night or not enough
for me. And Danny does the show during the week
during the day there late afternoon, depending on where you
are with Cavino and Rich. But we are hanging out
with you all all weekend long. You can get this
podcast wherever you find podcast. Now you've already found it,
so I don't need to tell you, but you can
(01:07):
tell a friend. And this the Saturday podcast Danny G Radio.
So exciting, this is so amazing. We've got NFL playoff
football today and tomorrow. This is the last Saturday with
a playoff game. Because next week Championship Sunday, and then
it's the Super Bowl a couple of weeks after that.
(01:29):
That's the whole nine yards. Yeah, I love Saturday football.
And one thing I've been loving about this podcast, Ben,
even though we have thousands and thousands of downloads, nobody
ratted you out on Twitter this past week about what
you did to the microphone in the studio. It makes
me feel comfortable that we could share intimate things on
(01:50):
this podcast without snitches getting stitches. It is funny that
you would bring that up, Danny, because I actually am
going to tell a tale about that part of the
podcast and something that is very important to me. And uh,
it's it's it's an added bonus from doing the podcast
(02:11):
because people have said, like, what are you doing? You
do the show during the week. You don't need this,
what why why would you bother with the podcast made
with a shame on you? Uh? But but but there
are reasons for it. Um not really financial, as you know, Danny,
We're not getting rich doing this, but there's other reasons.
So on this Saturday editional the podcast, I've got Unmasked
(02:32):
Autoshop graduate, Mary Poppins Bag, and we've got pop goes
the culture backscratcher and whatever else pops up, and we
are the flag is up, Danny, We're off to the races.
Are you ready? Let's do it? All right? So this
past weekend I was away from my watch post and
I want to tell I'm gonna tell a story in
(02:53):
this podcast that's never been told before and probably should
not be told because it's the kind of thing. When
I tell this story later on, and it's a tease, Danny,
people will be bringing this up and harassing me from
the story. But I feel like I need to share
the story. It's an embarrassing story, it's an awkward story,
but I'm really doing it as a psc So I'll
do that later. But this past week and I was
(03:15):
away from the watch Tower for a couple of nights.
And if you listen to this podcast every weekend, and
if you listen last weekend, you had insider information. I
had a memorial my father, my dear old dad, Papa,
passed away h in early one, like the second day
of one. I celebrated New Year's with him, actually with
(03:37):
the hospital, and then I got he ended up dying
in the hospital. But I had family traveling to the
North Woods from four time zones. I had the eastern,
the East Coast times on three hours ahead of the
West Coast. I had the Central times on so all
(03:58):
of them, and Mountains time zone, and of course people
traveling from from the Pacific time zone, so I had
every time zone covered, and my family spread out all
of the country. These are important people in my life.
I had a chance to hang out, for example, with
my seventy nine year old uncle, is gonna turn eighty
in February, my last living aunt or uncle that I
(04:20):
know of. But but yeah, they're gonna hang out and
and it's it's awesome, and it gives me hope, you know,
because as we get older, Danny, we kind of looked
at relatives that are older and we're like, well, that
gives us a pathway that we have a shot. Otherwise
you're like, oh, we're fucked. You know. It's like the
famous story about Mickey Mantle. This is probably a dated
story now, but this great Yankee Mickey Mantle, and he
(04:43):
drank himself. I mean he had he thought he was
gonna die when he was like fifty, and so he
just kept drinking and drinking because his father had passed
away young and a bunch of relatives, but he didn't
like he didn't die when he thought he was gonna die,
and then he had all the health problems because of it.
So I thought you were gonna say, just fucking go
for it because it doesn't matter. No. No, he died
(05:08):
and then, if I remember correctly, his death was prematurely
reported before social media, and then they had to apologize
for him dying, and then I think it was NBC,
and then they had to report on him dying again,
which was awkward. Yeah, that's a that's an awkward situation.
So it was great to see my uncle. You know,
I be gud. I see everybody by my uncle Mel.
(05:30):
We have we have people in our lives. We live
different lives, much different lives, but we know people that
that kind of crossed. Like there's a buddy of mine
who's a realtor who knows my uncle. There's a there's
a kid in Israel who's studying to become a rabbi
(05:50):
who knows my uncle, and there's a few other people.
Over the years, so I and being around him, I
felt like I was like nine years old and a
family reunion or a barn for or something like that.
So it was really it was really neat and some
of the some of the weekend was like a Brady
Bunch reunion. It was like a flashback to a different time.
(06:12):
My my wife went over the top. You've been to
some of these parties, Danny, and yet again showing that
she's the hostess with the mostess there. If it was
up to me and my brothers, we would have had
some bagels and some locks and maybe a couple of
drinks and some crackers and that would have been that.
Um and she, of course over Roade are planning for
(06:38):
this shin dig and she put together the spread for
the ages. It was bananas. It was like pasta to
the right, sandwiches to the left, dessert here there and everywhere,
and uh and so so she did an amazing job.
And one of the other bonuses of this weekend get
to the point, please Weekend with Family is unmasked the
(07:03):
guys that are p ones but kind of folk p ones, right,
And what I mean by it was an added benefit
like the radio listener, the person that's loud and proud
and interacts with the show when I'm on terrestrial radio,
but they don't religiously download and we get great numbers
on the podcast. It does very well. But I'm I'm
(07:25):
fascinated by this because some of the biggest fans of
the show don't tune in. If you listen, we talked
about our personal lives. We divulge things that we don't
talk about sometimes on the radio, and because we can
in the podcast. It's a more intimate set up here
than it is maybe in the radio studio, and so
the naked truth is given and you if you listen
(07:47):
to this podcast regularly, you are rewarded for being loyal.
I had big time super fans and so Anthony and Anaheim,
Justin and Cincinnati among others who were like outraged, they
were blindsided, Danny that I was not at my position
in my chair overseeing the playoffs in the NFL for
(08:08):
that show, and these guys like busting my balls and
they give me a hard time to throw in jabs
at me, totally oblivious, totally clueless that this a has
been planned for over two months and be we talked
about it in detail on the podcast. Now there were
some Mr Nice Guy and a few other guys were like, oh, yeah,
we know what's going on. But bad job by them.
(08:30):
And again they were unmasked, and my my brothers were
in town, and my my younger brother from Wisconsin, my
older brother from New York, and my my wife was
actually upset Danny that he did not talk more. She
wanted me to talk more. But as you know, working
in radio, we we do are talking into microphones. We
don't have to be the star of the show all
(08:51):
the time when we're not on the radio. I don't anyway,
kind of me in the background, in the shadows a
moment when she wants you to talk more, she should
hand you an old school mr microphone. Yeah, exactly, hand
me a karaoke microphone or something along those lines. That's
that's all I need. I'm good on that. I am
such a radio loser, dare you. So that was my weekend.
(09:13):
There is more to the weekend, uh, much more, which
is quite embarrassing but needs to be said as a
public service announcement, and we'll get to that. But I
am not a graduate, certainly not an auto shop graduate.
When I have a problem with my car, you know
where I go a mechanic. That's where I go, Danny,
g I go to a mechanic that's my spot. I
(09:37):
I pay a professionals. What I do. I think you've
already had another issue with your mallarmobile. Yes, a lot
of us. When something goes wrong with our car, we're like, oh,
this is not in the budget. My little race car
has had the fancy cover on it in the carboard
(09:58):
for a couple of months. Now, I remember when this happened.
You were going like either uphill or something there down right.
Do you remember the price on that clutch? It was
like thousands of dollars and it's double or triple what
you might think these days. So since I told that story,
I have not had extra funds to get that new
(10:19):
clutch because obviously wedding and you know now I got
a little one on the way. So what I did, Ben,
I found a broker way better than just trading your
car in at a dealership. So this broker is gonna
get me almost full money and my down payment on
the car, which is nice. So I get to go
shop for a new car eventually. Here. Yeah. To get
(10:43):
the car sold though, I had to get the battery jumped.
I had to had triple A come out also running
the engine to try to keep the battery charged over
these past few months. The tank was on empty, so
I had to go down and get some fuel and
put that in and you know, get the engine going
because now when the buyer comes, they obviously want to
(11:07):
make sure that the car is running. I've had my
hands full of that. So I'm driving a little bucket
right now. In l A And in San Jose we
called this a hoopdi. You know what a hoop de
is a hoop he is a beat up car that
(11:27):
you don't mind denting. Okay, so yeah, we used to
go we call them beaters back in the day. My
right hand was getting a workout. Yeah, okay, I didn't know.
I've not heard the term hoopti though, So yeah, you know,
it sucks driving a hoopdi because the seed is uncomfortable.
(11:47):
There are some upsides to it, like if you dent it,
if you spill something inside. You know, you can kind
of be sloppy with a hoopdi because it doesn't really matter. Yeah,
it's already beat up, it's already got the cruises on
it and all that stuff that it's a and you
can get these really cheap. There's a guy that worked
at did some work on the Mallard mansion. Who's like,
(12:10):
here's a guy from Mexico and he's like, oh, yeah,
you need a car. I get your car for three grand,
you know, I get your brand new car, you know,
and not brand new obviously, but one of those like
three thousand bucks. And you know it's it's amazing. There's
a whole underground network of these cars. Wid. Yeah, you're
exactly right now. The thing is, this doesn't belong to me.
(12:31):
This car belongs to my tender Roni's oldest son. But
he's at the dorms right now. He just started college,
so he doesn't need the car on a day to
day basis. So that's what gave me a cushion here
to go ahead and find a broker and sell my car.
I'm gonna do the responsible thing, Ben, since I have
(12:53):
a kid on the way, I'm gonna get a bigger
race car. Oh. I thought I was to ask you
if you're geting a minivan or like a station wagon,
like an old school bio, like a nineteen seventies station
wagon or something like that. But yeah, right, get a
HEMI engine in a car that has a back seat.
(13:14):
So I'm gonna trade my small race car in for
a bigger race car. But I gotta get to the
other side with this beater, as you call it. And
I'm not doing a good job because I was at
the McDonald's down the street from our Sherman Oaks studios
because right before going in to prepare the Coveno and
(13:36):
Rich show, I needed an iced coffee. I'm like, okay,
I got time to get a coffee here and run
back to the studios. You know what a ship show
it is right there on Sepulvida. Oh it's a nightmare. Yeah,
And now I gotta pull out. But there's a line
of cars trying to get back onto Sepulvida, and one
lane is supposed to go straight and one lane is
(13:59):
supposed to turn right onto Sepulvida. You've probably seen this
bend where that asshole gets right in the middle of
both lanes. Oh sure, yeah. So there's a big line
of cars and we're like, you idiot, like move over
to the left so we can all turn right onto Sepulvida. Here,
I wanted to get to the studios, you know how
(14:19):
it is before the show. You're aunty, you want to
be in the building Yeah, you definitely want to. You
don't want to be walking in when you're like a
minute from the You gotta get there earlier. Otherwise I'm like, crap,
you know you had a breath. Jeez. Well, you and
I are so psycho about our radio shows that I
(14:39):
feel that way a half hour before the show, Like,
I don't feel comfortable unless I'm in there forty minutes
before the show. So I'm looking at my watch and
I'm like, shoot, I only got forty five minutes before
the show starts. I'm not gonna wait on this person.
So I do what a race car driver would do,
and I scowed it all the way over to the
(15:00):
and even though there wasn't enough space to get by,
I still went ahead and did it. But men I
turned right, Boom was a dynamite. Oh no, the right
side of the front of the car. Did that big
drop off the curb? Yeah, and you know the feeling
(15:22):
of the whole tire, the wheel well front bumper, and
you you kind of panic because you're like, holy shit,
what did I do? Is that permanent damage? What's it
gonna look like when I get out of the car.
And also when you do something like that, the In
this case, there were a couple of homeless people right there.
(15:43):
They just they like are they doing the Nelson? They're
like from the sembis ha ha. They're like pointing at you,
like you They all turned their heads and they looked
like who just did that? Down to like the front
of a car falling apart? Did you have to get
out of the car at this point? Are you try? You?
And that's the worst one. You don't really know and
(16:04):
you have to get out and make that walk and
like the anticipation, you're like, is that as bad as
I think it is? Maybe I'll get lucky, you know
that whole thing. Wow. Instead of a walk of shame,
this is a drive of shame. As I go underneath
the overpass turn into our parking garage. As I'm trying
to find a parking space, that front wheel is dragging
(16:28):
and I'm like, oh, this is not good. So I
get into the parking space and I turned the car off.
I walk around, and You're right, it's that anticipation, like
what am I about to see right now? That front
bumper on the right hand side was dragging down by
(16:51):
the tire. I was like, holy sh it, how am
I gonna mess up two cars in a row. But
I had auto shop in school, all right, and not
just a normal auto shop class. I had R. O P.
Auto Mechanics, which was you got to stay in the
class two classes in a row. All you were the
(17:13):
teacher's pet. Oh you were special. I'm wearing a bathrobe
and I'm not even sick. This though, is auto body class.
I've never had that. That's a class many of us
would benefit from. After Colvino and Rich was over, I
finished the podcast, and now it's dark outside. I go
(17:34):
to the parking garage and I'm like, I remember what
the front of this car looks like. I lay my
jacket down on the ground, bend, turned my flashlight on
my phone on, crawl underneath the front of the bumper,
and I was able to snap the front bumper back
into position. It's almost like made out of plastic. It's
like a liner inside of the bumper, right around the tire.
(17:59):
And I was able to snapped that back into place.
Oh nice. My clothes were filthy from being on the
on the the ground there at our garage. But once
I was able to snap all that back in place,
you can't even tell, really it was that good. That's awesome.
The Hoopdi is back to being in its standard Hoopdi condition.
(18:21):
This is a circle of trust. As long as nobody
tells my TENDERNI what I did, and she's not bored
one day and downloads this podcast, nobody will be the
wiser she's she's married to you. That that the podcast
being downloaded happens only sporadically. Now now that now that
she signed you up to the contract, you don't need
to worry. You're you're good on that. That's great. I
(18:43):
had I had a bumper issue years ago. I was
driving to the old Mallard Matsion after the show. They
were doing some Caltrans construction work, so a couple of
lanes were closed. I got cut off by this guy
going about seven any five, so I had to go
into the kind of construction the cone zone, and I
(19:06):
ended up hitting like four or five cones. You don't
think of those cones is doing much damage, but if
you're going fast enough, they fucking rip your car apart.
And they took my bumper half My bumper was off
the car like it was. It was bouncing as I drove,
and uh and I and I didn't know how to
fix it, and it cost a freaking fortune to get
(19:29):
that thing done. So it was it was a nightmare
as we pressed on, So I wanted to I want
to tell the stories A P s A. I probably
should not tell this story. It's a story that will
come back to haunt me. But I'm gonna tell a
name because it's all about the life of myself and
Danny g and So this is a global podcast exclusive.
(19:53):
Nobody else has what I'm about to say. Nobody else
has this content. This past week, Danny I made a
tactical error. Sun Zoo said that every war is one
before it has ever fought. That the fighting it's already
won before. So that also goes for some medical maladies
(20:16):
that pop up. Now my routine was broken. This is
also kind of a car story. So last week I
had family in town. But before that, the mallarmobile broke
down yet again, and that meant we only have a
couple of cars here. So my wife has she has
to go to a job. I don't. I can do
the show from the home studio, So my wife took
(20:37):
the car and so I was landlocked at the Mallard match.
I was under home arrest for you for the time
that the car. We were down to one car. My
treadmill is broken. I have no vehicle to get to
the gym. So I am living a sedentary life, sitting
on my ass watching sports and then talking about sports
(20:57):
all night. Is it too far away to do an
uber rye Uh yeah, I mean I could have conceivably
done that, but I was being frugal. I'm not gonna lie.
So I'm doing a lot of soul serci. I'm sitting
and I'm contemplating, you know, life and how I'm in
this situation. But I had a kind of a digestive
(21:18):
issue that popped up, or so I thought. My initial
thought was I was doing the arithmetic, and I was like, wow,
it's been a you know, a couple of days, and uh,
you know, I haven't gone to the to the to
the little boys room, you know, number two. So I
was clogged up a little and a little snag in
(21:39):
the digestive system. So it had been a couple of
days since I'd gone to the potter room. Call it
a constipation situation. This is the kind of content you need, Danny. Yeah,
So that's what I thought it was. Now my wife
recommended a cleanse. She said, oh, no, I got some
(22:00):
out something for you know, I said, you know, clean
out your small intestine and you'll be pooping like a champ.
You know, it'll be just just just great. And uh.
And at the time, Danny, it seemed like a wonderful idea.
But this is actually a couple of days later, after
the original problem popped up, I was like, oh, I'll
give it a couple more days. And then I told
my wife I was waiting a couple extra days, and
(22:22):
and she had this great idea, and so she gave me.
She went into her Mary Poppin's bag and she gave
me some of her magic potions. That's the best laid
plans of mice men and gastric experts. Well, much to
my chagrin, Danny, it turns out that when I had
self diagnosed myself as having a constipation situation, while I
(22:44):
did have that, I somewhere along the way because of
my sedentary life that ten days or so had developed.
How can I describe this year? Um, there was a
a situation that sometimes pops up if you you sit
too long and don't move around. Dan, I don't know
if this ever happened to you. Um, certain things take
(23:04):
place on the back side there that uh, let's just say, well,
we'll limit how things come out of that area. The
garage door is covered. There's something there. You know what
you're feeling what I'm saying here, you you know, uh
to where that starts with an h oh yeah yeah yeah.
(23:29):
Now keep in mind, I didn't realize this, but I
guess there's different types of hemorrhoids. There's some that will
be very painful, um and and and and and and
bloody and all that, t am I. But there's others
that's like, I kind of a flare up. I don't
even know if that's the right term. I'm using. Hemorrhoid
might be something else. But I I read a bunch
of medical websites and uh so it didn't really cause
(23:54):
me a lot of pain, So I didn't realize quite
what the issue was. It was only when I when
I had taken the magic Mary Poppins vitamins to cleanse
my body, that I realized what I had done is
I had created the perfect storm, Danny. I had sent
a tidal wave of ship to exit out of the body,
(24:15):
but there was a door closed, no exit situation. So
the the trash shoot was closed for repairs, but there's
a lot of trash that needed to go down the
trash shoot, and uh man, so I I was in
(24:36):
a lot of a lot of pain and it was
a real, uh real shitty a couple of days. Danny
and I got every kind of like, there's all kinds
of medicine you can can put in that situation, that environment.
But it would not have been nearly as bad if
(24:57):
I had not made the decision to take the magic
and I'd self, it's not my wife's ault. I thought
I had a just a pure clogged situation and all
that and from being sedentary for a few days and
uh yeah, but I'm all back to normal now. But
it was it was bad for a couple of days. Man,
(25:18):
that sounds uncomfortable just tearing about it. And I've taken
those cleansing pills before cleaning out. What a ship show, right,
It is a ship show. And I you know, my
wife's so great about coming up with the other remedies
and stuff. So it's great, you know, having her and
helping me out so much. It was great to see Pooh,
you know, she is like Mary Poppins. But this was
(25:39):
not super califragilistic xp aidocious. It was the opposite. This
was shitty, shitty, bang bang exactly. It was shitty, shitty
bang bang. Uh. As far as Backscratcher is GONC we'll
move on from that. But I just wanted to share
that story. So if my advice is, make sure if
(26:00):
you get clogged up, well it happens as you go
through life, make sure that that's your only problem, and
and and double and triple check that you don't have
a hidden problem elsewhere that might pop up. Okay, that's
all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying, Backscratcher. Did we
have one, three or none this week? Danny, g one,
(26:20):
three or none? I'm gonna say we had no, Danny.
You are an optimist. You are wrong. We pitched a shutout, Danny.
We had not a single review. We had a bunch
of last week, but none this week. That man, you're
like a day Oh no, Mo, that's terrible. I have
a feeling though, this story that I just told will
(26:41):
inspire people to give us a nice review, probably rip
me and goof on me. And that's fine. I don't care.
T M I yeah, exactly. Uh So anyway you can
you can help us out on the backscratcher and check
that out via up the Apple podcast page, which it's
(27:02):
in the description. Danny has been great about that, very simple,
you can figure it out. So you're a smart person.
I believe in you. I trust you. So let's get
to pop goes the culture. Are you excited for pop goals?
The culture? Here? Poopoooo? So these are stories that not
(27:32):
necessarily sporty stories, but stories that have come across our
our attention, our desk, if you will. And then we
we didn't talk about them, maybe some of us did,
but we're gonna spend more time on them here. So
the the headline on this one, they're talking about weird.
The lights have been on at a Massachusetts school for
(27:55):
over a year because no one can turn them off. Danny,
you see this story. Yeah, what a redunculus story. You
talk about incompetence at the higher highest level. So the
they're blaming this on the pandemic and supply chain issues.
This comes from the the school district in Wilbraham, Massachusetts.
(28:21):
For almost a year and a half, a high school
in that city has had the lights on around the clock. Uh,
and they have been unable to turn off. They have
about seven thousand lights in this massive old building and
it looks like the White House. I'm looking at a
photo of it. It's it's pretty cool. I wonder if
(28:44):
that includes lights like on their sports fields. UM, not
sure about that. But it's m I N N E
c h A U G min Chog Minschog. It might
be Minshog, I don't know, but it's it's a region
all high school in this town in Massachusetts. And so
the story on this is that they built this thing,
(29:09):
this light system, like a decade ago. The system was
installed and the whole plan was they're gonna save money
and energy and all this stuff. But the software that
that runs the light system failed in August of this
in the spring it's in the suburbs of Springfield where
(29:30):
alf the alien O Piner lives. And so the lights
failed in August, and ever since then they've continued to
run and the taxpayers and this they've had to pay
a small fortune in in electric bills, and so the
the idiots at the school district they're like, wow, there's
nothing we can do. It's a significant amount of money.
(29:52):
But they had to get these special lights out of
China to that to replace the system, and they could
and get the lights and there was no other way
to turn that of off. The system was fucked up,
and they use these highly efficient fluorescent and led light
bulbs and in anyway, so they couldn't get the lights fixed.
(30:14):
They didn't have the access to it because of supply
chain issues, and so rather than figure out a way
to solve the problem, they just left the lights on
and said, Okay, that's it. And the school the building
dates back to nineteen fifty nine and it was it
(30:35):
was replaced the original high school nineteen was replaced by
this other building like over a decade ago. And anyway,
if they finally just got the green light to get
the system from China, but a year and a half, Danny,
that is insane, right, I mean, that is it is
(30:56):
not so. I mean I yell when the kids leave
the living room light on for an hour. Yeah, you've
become We've all become like our father or a mother.
We've morphed into that as we've gotten older. He was like,
what are they act like that? Now? We're like, we're
just like them. We have new Ammo now you can say,
what do you think you're in fucking Massachusetts? That's right,
you think you're at a high school in Massachusetts. Come on,
(31:18):
you think that power is free? Come on that way,
you're born in a barn? Yeah, all right? Did you
guys talk about this story on Caveto and Rich a
woman has sued a concert venue because she got so
drunk she blew up a home and caused fifteen million
(31:39):
dollars of damage. About that? What? Yeah, this is in Canada,
so I was reading this story. So apparently the woman
went to like a Maryland Manson concert. I think she
got completely ship faced drunk. She gets kicked out of
the concert, she's that intoxicated. She then drives, because why
(32:01):
wouldn't you do that if you're stinking drunk? She drives,
She of course crashes her car because she's hammered. She
ran her car into a house. The house then exploded
because the car ran into it. A bunch of people
got injured that the fire spread to three other houses,
(32:22):
so four houses are destroyed. She played guilty. She she's
in jail, but she's decided to sue the food services
company from the concert venue because the claim is it's
their fault because they kept serving her alcohol while she
(32:42):
was drunk, and they didn't stop her from driving drunk.
And so she's blaming all these other people and so
and just trying to that you're liabel. Maybe the laws
are different in Canada, but she's an adult, I believe, Like,
what's what's the deal on that? We're not in charge
(33:04):
of your life? You moron? Yeah, if you make bad decisions,
you're going to end up doing things that you're going
to regret and could get you in jail. You're lucky
no one died in that in that I'm looking a
photo here. It's it's freaking nuts. Like she took out
(33:24):
one home and then that fire, like the whole neighborhood
had to be evacuated and these homes are completely like
charcoal craziness. What a loser? All right? How about this one? Spotify?
There's a story out of Spotify. They they did a
(33:46):
study on the top music to listen to to go
to bed, the best music to help you fall asleep.
It's going to replace the Bed Mallard show out there.
You are you you want to take a swing at this?
What do you think the top music is? If you
want to snooze. Well, usually it's like quiet Storm, which
(34:10):
is like jazz, soft, R and B. I mean I
I use that. Um. There's an app where it plays like,
you know, the rainforest and little birds chirping and a
shotgun being cocked. I like the sound of rain um.
But I don't usually have I like background I was
(34:31):
I have a fan, I have some I gotta have
background noise. But as long as I have white noise,
I'm good. But according to Spotify, they claim that Billie
Eilish a track from from Billie Eilish, and also there's
a song from a South Korean boy band, Dynamite from
(34:53):
the boy band BTS. I don't know what that is.
Are you up on your South Korean boy bands? Then?
I mean know who that is? Because there's there's even
a K pop store at the mall in Thousand Oaks
and it's everything BTS. It's ridiculous. That's a world I
don't know anything about. That's a that's just a whole
(35:15):
different universe for me. But anyway, they did the stock out, Yeah,
they did the study and they identified that based on
their information, this is what people end up end up
listening to. And they claimed that the tracks, including Dynamite
and Lovely are very popular, very very now, is it possible, Danny,
(35:40):
that the people listen to this music to fall asleep
because that's just music they like and they happen to
fall asleep. Is that conceivable that this just happens to
be music that's important to these people and they happen
to listen to it at night when they fall asleep
or is that outrageous? Well, it also confirms that this
generation has really bad taste in music, I would think so.
(36:04):
They say that Lovely the Billy Eilish duet with Khalid,
and it was featured in a Netflix drama Thirteen Reasons Why,
that has people go to sleep. So I don't know.
How about this one from Vegas? You were just in
(36:25):
Vegas a v I P. A big wig in Vegas
has revealed how big a high roller you have to be?
How much money do you have to spend to get
a high rollers status in Sin City? Danny? To be
called a whale, I'm gonna say you have to drop
at least a hundred thousand dollars. Hundred thousand dollars you're
(36:50):
going with here, So the numbers on this the way
this is broken down the high rollers status. Uh you
have to but I should take this back that the
whale thing is maybe not the right term, just high roller. Um,
so you have to play the twenty five dollar slots,
(37:12):
the five dollar slots, things like that. I'm trying to
get the exact number here. There's a lot of numbers
in this in this story. So to get gold status,
and that means he's got rooms are free, as much
food and beverage as you want. Everything's done, uh, he said.
(37:34):
In twenty this goes back to he bet sixties six
thousand dollars. Yeah, not too far off. Yeah, he said,
he won. This is wild. So he put sixty six
grand in a slot machine or different slot machines, and
(37:57):
he ended up netting a win of two was in
one nine. So it's a lot of That's a lot
of work, man, that's a lot of work, uh, he says.
And then he this guy goes through everything. He's like
two thousand eighteen. He was like the king right because
he went it was in Vegas. The limo would pick
him up. He was in the VIP lounge. He had
(38:20):
a nine d square foot suite with a balcony overlooking
the Bellaggio fountains. But in order to get that, he
had to spend a hundred eighty three thousand dollars on slots.
He lost that year almost fifteen thousand dollars. But that sheez.
(38:45):
But he goes through. He he spends. He has a
whole like spreadsheet this dude on how much he's spent
at the slot machines per year, how much he's won. Like,
he goes through the whole deal and he's yeah, he's
gonna wind up dying of lung cancer. You spend that
(39:06):
many hours in those smokey casinos. Yeah, Like it's cool
getting the v I P status and all that, but
does that offset the whole How about this? If you
lose fourteen grand, but you get you stay at the
hotels all the time and you get free free money,
like free free drinks, food rooms, does that offset the
(39:28):
loss of fourteen thousand? If that you'd have to live there,
wouldn't you. It's like the Mallard calculator at the Super
Bowl last year. Let's see, you would be adding up
all of that stuff to make sure the offset was correct. Yeah,
I did to do the math on that. Yeah, the
free the free food in the hospitality room at the
(39:50):
radio road things. So this guy coined out, since seven
hundred thousand dollars, seven thousand, seven hundred thousand dollars coined
out Jack Potts, he ended up winning a hundred and
twenty four thousand dollars. Uh. And he goes through the
(40:11):
whole thing and he ended up I believe he's lost
over since he's lost over thirty four almost thirty five
thousand dollars on slot machines. So, but he's a V.
I P. Danny. Guys, if I'm reading this right, you
guys a VP. Come on? What more do you need?
(40:31):
All right? This is pop goes the culture with you
a few more? Did you see this? Uh? Pamela Anderson
said she she's never watched the tape that made her
more famous than anything. I did see this? Yeah you
believe that? No? I don't believe it. Yeah, she gotta
be lying, right? Strippersh of people too not come Twitch
(40:53):
banned a streamer this, this woman for showing her feet
on camera? Should you be banned? Danny? Should be banned
for showing your feet? They're like some Kevin Durant looking feet. Yeah, yeah,
I mean I looked at a photo. I mean, maybe
I'm looking at a bad photo, but they look all right.
(41:13):
It don't look like the worst feet I've ever seen.
You are, I'm an expert, me and Rex Ryan. Uh.
Here's when waffle house employees are rebelling against a menu
hack that has popped up on social media. And there
(41:35):
are these people that work at the waffle house have
said no, uh f you, we are not doing doing this,
and some people have learned the the hack. It involves
a breakfast sandwich that features eggs, cheese, and a variety
of meat between two waffles. And so these people have
(41:56):
been saying, oh, here's what you can get and all
that you can assemble the sandwich yourself, ordering the ingredients
by a number of customers have gone to waffle house
and they've they've started to try to get the people
at the waffle house to put the sandwich together and
they're like, fuck you, we're not We're not doing it,
and uh they've been shut down all because of a
(42:20):
TikTok video. We did some research on the Covino and
Rich show. There is one waffle house location in Phoenix.
Oh okay, are you gonna go to the waffle house
when you're there. I haven't been to one since I
was in Atlanta. Yeah, it sounds good to me. It's
better than way better than Denny's. I have not been
to a waffle house since I was in Florida, like
(42:44):
a long time ago in the nineties, i ate as
at a waffle house and it was like the coolest thing,
you know, because I've never seen a waffle house. I've
heard about the waffle house, but you you go to
the waffle house, it's like, oh man, this is like
the legendary place in the South. Um. Now, when you're
in Arizona, you gotta go to Holvers, which is a
Wisconsin restaurant but a great, great fast food place. And
(43:05):
it's all over Phoenix. They got a bunch of locations
around Phoenix. Wonderful. Uh, let's see do a couple more,
get out of here. On the the pop culture, all right,
how about this one. A recent report says that something
people use to commute is filthier than a toilet. And
(43:25):
this is something we see all the time, especially where
we do the show from you know those e scooters,
Oh yeah, and those e bikes. Yeah, they're gross with germs. Yeah,
they say that those are up to that's the weasel term,
up to fifty eight thousand times filthier than a toilet.
(43:48):
Researchers have looked at the amount of bacteria covering public
transportation options, and they've pointed out that your typical public
e biker scooter is carrying thousands of times germs of
the average toilet bowl. Wow, how does that happen? Are
people like pissing on the scooters? Are they shipping on
(44:09):
the bikes? Like? What's going on with that? Yeah? Is
that homeless people popping wheelie's on the bird scooter? Gotta
be it's it's it's got I mean, it's gotta be
the homeless people. I mean, maybe there's just disgusting people
that aren't homeless, but man, and that is why right
there that I have hand sanitizer attached to my keys
(44:30):
and in my pocket at all times. Yeah, they say this,
This thing says the two most bacteria written surfaces in
public gyms are exercise mats and the weights. O good
Sotta used the treadmill of the gym. My ass feels
so good right now, so I don't have to necessarily
worry about that. All right, We'll get out on that
we got the mailbag on Sunday. Anything you'd like to
(44:52):
promote here, Danny, As we wind things down on this
fifth hour, it is our last NFL Saturday, I'm gonna
be going to have some fun with Jonas Knox his
Saturday program eleven am to one pm on the West Coast.
And then right after that, Steve Hartman the loose Cannon
himself along with Ephraim Salam a Heisman Trophy voter. Steve
(45:14):
Hartman he is, yeah, he was never mentioned that. He
doesn't like to bring that up. He said he never.
He also doesn't like to point out that he worked
for Al Davis and there in the Raiders that no, no,
I know, it's it's you've never heard that before. All right,
have a great rest of your day, enjoy the playoff
games today, and we will catch you next time. Osta Pasta,
(45:39):
gotta murder, Gotta go,
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of Hot takes
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere as it
is the Saturday edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben
Mallard and Danny G. Radio. I'm on drugs right now, man,
and we do this podcast because listen, eight days a
(00:47):
week is required, four hours a night or not enough
for me. And Danny does the show during the week
during the day there late afternoon, depending on where you
are with Cavino and Rich. But we are hanging out
with you all all weekend long. You can get this
podcast wherever you find podcast. Now you've already found it,
so I don't need to tell you, but you can
(01:07):
tell a friend. And this the Saturday podcast Danny G Radio.
So exciting, this is so amazing. We've got NFL playoff
football today and tomorrow. This is the last Saturday with
a playoff game. Because next week Championship Sunday, and then
it's the Super Bowl a couple of weeks after that.
(01:29):
That's the whole nine yards. Yeah, I love Saturday football.
And one thing I've been loving about this podcast, Ben,
even though we have thousands and thousands of downloads, nobody
ratted you out on Twitter this past week about what
you did to the microphone in the studio. It makes
me feel comfortable that we could share intimate things on
(01:50):
this podcast without snitches getting stitches. It is funny that
you would bring that up, Danny, because I actually am
going to tell a tale about that part of the
podcast and something that is very important to me. And uh,
it's it's it's an added bonus from doing the podcast
(02:11):
because people have said, like, what are you doing? You
do the show during the week. You don't need this,
what why why would you bother with the podcast made
with a shame on you? Uh? But but but there
are reasons for it. Um not really financial, as you know, Danny,
We're not getting rich doing this, but there's other reasons.
So on this Saturday editional the podcast, I've got Unmasked
(02:32):
Autoshop graduate, Mary Poppins Bag, and we've got pop goes
the culture backscratcher and whatever else pops up, and we
are the flag is up, Danny, We're off to the races.
Are you ready? Let's do it? All right? So this
past weekend I was away from my watch post and
I want to tell I'm gonna tell a story in
(02:53):
this podcast that's never been told before and probably should
not be told because it's the kind of thing. When
I tell this story later on, and it's a tease, Danny,
people will be bringing this up and harassing me from
the story. But I feel like I need to share
the story. It's an embarrassing story, it's an awkward story,
but I'm really doing it as a psc So I'll
do that later. But this past week and I was
(03:15):
away from the watch Tower for a couple of nights.
And if you listen to this podcast every weekend, and
if you listen last weekend, you had insider information. I
had a memorial my father, my dear old dad, Papa,
passed away h in early one, like the second day
of one. I celebrated New Year's with him, actually with
(03:37):
the hospital, and then I got he ended up dying
in the hospital. But I had family traveling to the
North Woods from four time zones. I had the eastern,
the East Coast times on three hours ahead of the
West Coast. I had the Central times on so all
(03:58):
of them, and Mountains time zone, and of course people
traveling from from the Pacific time zone, so I had
every time zone covered, and my family spread out all
of the country. These are important people in my life.
I had a chance to hang out, for example, with
my seventy nine year old uncle, is gonna turn eighty
in February, my last living aunt or uncle that I
(04:20):
know of. But but yeah, they're gonna hang out and
and it's it's awesome, and it gives me hope, you know,
because as we get older, Danny, we kind of looked
at relatives that are older and we're like, well, that
gives us a pathway that we have a shot. Otherwise
you're like, oh, we're fucked. You know. It's like the
famous story about Mickey Mantle. This is probably a dated
story now, but this great Yankee Mickey Mantle, and he
(04:43):
drank himself. I mean he had he thought he was
gonna die when he was like fifty, and so he
just kept drinking and drinking because his father had passed
away young and a bunch of relatives, but he didn't
like he didn't die when he thought he was gonna die,
and then he had all the health problems because of it.
So I thought you were gonna say, just fucking go
for it because it doesn't matter. No. No, he died
(05:08):
and then, if I remember correctly, his death was prematurely
reported before social media, and then they had to apologize
for him dying, and then I think it was NBC,
and then they had to report on him dying again,
which was awkward. Yeah, that's a that's an awkward situation.
So it was great to see my uncle. You know,
I be gud. I see everybody by my uncle Mel.
(05:30):
We have we have people in our lives. We live
different lives, much different lives, but we know people that
that kind of crossed. Like there's a buddy of mine
who's a realtor who knows my uncle. There's a there's
a kid in Israel who's studying to become a rabbi
(05:50):
who knows my uncle, and there's a few other people.
Over the years, so I and being around him, I
felt like I was like nine years old and a
family reunion or a barn for or something like that.
So it was really it was really neat and some
of the some of the weekend was like a Brady
Bunch reunion. It was like a flashback to a different time.
(06:12):
My my wife went over the top. You've been to
some of these parties, Danny, and yet again showing that
she's the hostess with the mostess there. If it was
up to me and my brothers, we would have had
some bagels and some locks and maybe a couple of
drinks and some crackers and that would have been that.
Um and she, of course over Roade are planning for
(06:38):
this shin dig and she put together the spread for
the ages. It was bananas. It was like pasta to
the right, sandwiches to the left, dessert here there and everywhere,
and uh and so so she did an amazing job.
And one of the other bonuses of this weekend get
to the point, please Weekend with Family is unmasked the
(07:03):
guys that are p ones but kind of folk p ones, right,
And what I mean by it was an added benefit
like the radio listener, the person that's loud and proud
and interacts with the show when I'm on terrestrial radio,
but they don't religiously download and we get great numbers
on the podcast. It does very well. But I'm I'm
(07:25):
fascinated by this because some of the biggest fans of
the show don't tune in. If you listen, we talked
about our personal lives. We divulge things that we don't
talk about sometimes on the radio, and because we can
in the podcast. It's a more intimate set up here
than it is maybe in the radio studio, and so
the naked truth is given and you if you listen
(07:47):
to this podcast regularly, you are rewarded for being loyal.
I had big time super fans and so Anthony and Anaheim,
Justin and Cincinnati among others who were like outraged, they
were blindsided, Danny that I was not at my position
in my chair overseeing the playoffs in the NFL for
(08:08):
that show, and these guys like busting my balls and
they give me a hard time to throw in jabs
at me, totally oblivious, totally clueless that this a has
been planned for over two months and be we talked
about it in detail on the podcast. Now there were
some Mr Nice Guy and a few other guys were like, oh, yeah,
we know what's going on. But bad job by them.
(08:30):
And again they were unmasked, and my my brothers were
in town, and my my younger brother from Wisconsin, my
older brother from New York, and my my wife was
actually upset Danny that he did not talk more. She
wanted me to talk more. But as you know, working
in radio, we we do are talking into microphones. We
don't have to be the star of the show all
(08:51):
the time when we're not on the radio. I don't anyway,
kind of me in the background, in the shadows a
moment when she wants you to talk more, she should
hand you an old school mr microphone. Yeah, exactly, hand
me a karaoke microphone or something along those lines. That's
that's all I need. I'm good on that. I am
such a radio loser, dare you. So that was my weekend.
(09:13):
There is more to the weekend, uh, much more, which
is quite embarrassing but needs to be said as a
public service announcement, and we'll get to that. But I
am not a graduate, certainly not an auto shop graduate.
When I have a problem with my car, you know
where I go a mechanic. That's where I go, Danny,
g I go to a mechanic that's my spot. I
(09:37):
I pay a professionals. What I do. I think you've
already had another issue with your mallarmobile. Yes, a lot
of us. When something goes wrong with our car, we're like, oh,
this is not in the budget. My little race car
has had the fancy cover on it in the carboard
(09:58):
for a couple of months. Now, I remember when this happened.
You were going like either uphill or something there down right.
Do you remember the price on that clutch? It was
like thousands of dollars and it's double or triple what
you might think these days. So since I told that story,
I have not had extra funds to get that new
(10:19):
clutch because obviously wedding and you know now I got
a little one on the way. So what I did, Ben,
I found a broker way better than just trading your
car in at a dealership. So this broker is gonna
get me almost full money and my down payment on
the car, which is nice. So I get to go
shop for a new car eventually. Here. Yeah. To get
(10:43):
the car sold though, I had to get the battery jumped.
I had to had triple A come out also running
the engine to try to keep the battery charged over
these past few months. The tank was on empty, so
I had to go down and get some fuel and
put that in and you know, get the engine going
because now when the buyer comes, they obviously want to
(11:07):
make sure that the car is running. I've had my
hands full of that. So I'm driving a little bucket
right now. In l A And in San Jose we
called this a hoopdi. You know what a hoop de
is a hoop he is a beat up car that
(11:27):
you don't mind denting. Okay, so yeah, we used to
go we call them beaters back in the day. My
right hand was getting a workout. Yeah, okay, I didn't know.
I've not heard the term hoopti though, So yeah, you know,
it sucks driving a hoopdi because the seed is uncomfortable.
(11:47):
There are some upsides to it, like if you dent it,
if you spill something inside. You know, you can kind
of be sloppy with a hoopdi because it doesn't really matter. Yeah,
it's already beat up, it's already got the cruises on
it and all that stuff that it's a and you
can get these really cheap. There's a guy that worked
at did some work on the Mallard mansion. Who's like,
(12:10):
here's a guy from Mexico and he's like, oh, yeah,
you need a car. I get your car for three grand,
you know, I get your brand new car, you know,
and not brand new obviously, but one of those like
three thousand bucks. And you know it's it's amazing. There's
a whole underground network of these cars. Wid. Yeah, you're
exactly right now. The thing is, this doesn't belong to me.
(12:31):
This car belongs to my tender Roni's oldest son. But
he's at the dorms right now. He just started college,
so he doesn't need the car on a day to
day basis. So that's what gave me a cushion here
to go ahead and find a broker and sell my car.
I'm gonna do the responsible thing, Ben, since I have
(12:53):
a kid on the way, I'm gonna get a bigger
race car. Oh. I thought I was to ask you
if you're geting a minivan or like a station wagon,
like an old school bio, like a nineteen seventies station
wagon or something like that. But yeah, right, get a
HEMI engine in a car that has a back seat.
(13:14):
So I'm gonna trade my small race car in for
a bigger race car. But I gotta get to the
other side with this beater, as you call it. And
I'm not doing a good job because I was at
the McDonald's down the street from our Sherman Oaks studios
because right before going in to prepare the Coveno and
(13:36):
Rich show, I needed an iced coffee. I'm like, okay,
I got time to get a coffee here and run
back to the studios. You know what a ship show
it is right there on Sepulvida. Oh it's a nightmare. Yeah,
And now I gotta pull out. But there's a line
of cars trying to get back onto Sepulvida, and one
lane is supposed to go straight and one lane is
(13:59):
supposed to turn right onto Sepulvida. You've probably seen this
bend where that asshole gets right in the middle of
both lanes. Oh sure, yeah. So there's a big line
of cars and we're like, you idiot, like move over
to the left so we can all turn right onto Sepulvida. Here,
I wanted to get to the studios, you know how
(14:19):
it is before the show. You're aunty, you want to
be in the building Yeah, you definitely want to. You
don't want to be walking in when you're like a
minute from the You gotta get there earlier. Otherwise I'm like, crap,
you know you had a breath. Jeez. Well, you and
I are so psycho about our radio shows that I
(14:39):
feel that way a half hour before the show, Like,
I don't feel comfortable unless I'm in there forty minutes
before the show. So I'm looking at my watch and
I'm like, shoot, I only got forty five minutes before
the show starts. I'm not gonna wait on this person.
So I do what a race car driver would do,
and I scowed it all the way over to the
(15:00):
and even though there wasn't enough space to get by,
I still went ahead and did it. But men I
turned right, Boom was a dynamite. Oh no, the right
side of the front of the car. Did that big
drop off the curb? Yeah, and you know the feeling
(15:22):
of the whole tire, the wheel well front bumper, and
you you kind of panic because you're like, holy shit,
what did I do? Is that permanent damage? What's it
gonna look like when I get out of the car.
And also when you do something like that, the In
this case, there were a couple of homeless people right there.
(15:43):
They just they like are they doing the Nelson? They're
like from the sembis ha ha. They're like pointing at you,
like you They all turned their heads and they looked
like who just did that? Down to like the front
of a car falling apart? Did you have to get
out of the car at this point? Are you try? You?
And that's the worst one. You don't really know and
(16:04):
you have to get out and make that walk and
like the anticipation, you're like, is that as bad as
I think it is? Maybe I'll get lucky, you know
that whole thing. Wow. Instead of a walk of shame,
this is a drive of shame. As I go underneath
the overpass turn into our parking garage. As I'm trying
to find a parking space, that front wheel is dragging
(16:28):
and I'm like, oh, this is not good. So I
get into the parking space and I turned the car off.
I walk around, and You're right, it's that anticipation, like
what am I about to see right now? That front
bumper on the right hand side was dragging down by
(16:51):
the tire. I was like, holy sh it, how am
I gonna mess up two cars in a row. But
I had auto shop in school, all right, and not
just a normal auto shop class. I had R. O P.
Auto Mechanics, which was you got to stay in the
class two classes in a row. All you were the
(17:13):
teacher's pet. Oh you were special. I'm wearing a bathrobe
and I'm not even sick. This though, is auto body class.
I've never had that. That's a class many of us
would benefit from. After Colvino and Rich was over, I
finished the podcast, and now it's dark outside. I go
(17:34):
to the parking garage and I'm like, I remember what
the front of this car looks like. I lay my
jacket down on the ground, bend, turned my flashlight on
my phone on, crawl underneath the front of the bumper,
and I was able to snap the front bumper back
into position. It's almost like made out of plastic. It's
like a liner inside of the bumper, right around the tire.
(17:59):
And I was able to snapped that back into place.
Oh nice. My clothes were filthy from being on the
on the the ground there at our garage. But once
I was able to snap all that back in place,
you can't even tell, really it was that good. That's awesome.
The Hoopdi is back to being in its standard Hoopdi condition.
(18:21):
This is a circle of trust. As long as nobody
tells my TENDERNI what I did, and she's not bored
one day and downloads this podcast, nobody will be the
wiser she's she's married to you. That that the podcast
being downloaded happens only sporadically. Now now that now that
she signed you up to the contract, you don't need
to worry. You're you're good on that. That's great. I
(18:43):
had I had a bumper issue years ago. I was
driving to the old Mallard Matsion after the show. They
were doing some Caltrans construction work, so a couple of
lanes were closed. I got cut off by this guy
going about seven any five, so I had to go
into the kind of construction the cone zone, and I
(19:06):
ended up hitting like four or five cones. You don't
think of those cones is doing much damage, but if
you're going fast enough, they fucking rip your car apart.
And they took my bumper half My bumper was off
the car like it was. It was bouncing as I drove,
and uh and I and I didn't know how to
fix it, and it cost a freaking fortune to get
(19:29):
that thing done. So it was it was a nightmare
as we pressed on, So I wanted to I want
to tell the stories A P s A. I probably
should not tell this story. It's a story that will
come back to haunt me. But I'm gonna tell a
name because it's all about the life of myself and
Danny g and So this is a global podcast exclusive.
(19:53):
Nobody else has what I'm about to say. Nobody else
has this content. This past week, Danny I made a
tactical error. Sun Zoo said that every war is one
before it has ever fought. That the fighting it's already
won before. So that also goes for some medical maladies
(20:16):
that pop up. Now my routine was broken. This is
also kind of a car story. So last week I
had family in town. But before that, the mallarmobile broke
down yet again, and that meant we only have a
couple of cars here. So my wife has she has
to go to a job. I don't. I can do
the show from the home studio, So my wife took
(20:37):
the car and so I was landlocked at the Mallard match.
I was under home arrest for you for the time
that the car. We were down to one car. My
treadmill is broken. I have no vehicle to get to
the gym. So I am living a sedentary life, sitting
on my ass watching sports and then talking about sports
(20:57):
all night. Is it too far away to do an
uber rye Uh yeah, I mean I could have conceivably
done that, but I was being frugal. I'm not gonna lie.
So I'm doing a lot of soul serci. I'm sitting
and I'm contemplating, you know, life and how I'm in
this situation. But I had a kind of a digestive
(21:18):
issue that popped up, or so I thought. My initial
thought was I was doing the arithmetic, and I was like, wow,
it's been a you know, a couple of days, and uh,
you know, I haven't gone to the to the to
the little boys room, you know, number two. So I
was clogged up a little and a little snag in
(21:39):
the digestive system. So it had been a couple of
days since I'd gone to the potter room. Call it
a constipation situation. This is the kind of content you need, Danny. Yeah,
So that's what I thought it was. Now my wife
recommended a cleanse. She said, oh, no, I got some
(22:00):
out something for you know, I said, you know, clean
out your small intestine and you'll be pooping like a champ.
You know, it'll be just just just great. And uh.
And at the time, Danny, it seemed like a wonderful idea.
But this is actually a couple of days later, after
the original problem popped up, I was like, oh, I'll
give it a couple more days. And then I told
my wife I was waiting a couple extra days, and
(22:22):
and she had this great idea, and so she gave me.
She went into her Mary Poppin's bag and she gave
me some of her magic potions. That's the best laid
plans of mice men and gastric experts. Well, much to
my chagrin, Danny, it turns out that when I had
self diagnosed myself as having a constipation situation, while I
(22:44):
did have that, I somewhere along the way because of
my sedentary life that ten days or so had developed.
How can I describe this year? Um, there was a
a situation that sometimes pops up if you you sit
too long and don't move around. Dan, I don't know
if this ever happened to you. Um, certain things take
(23:04):
place on the back side there that uh, let's just say, well,
we'll limit how things come out of that area. The
garage door is covered. There's something there. You know what
you're feeling what I'm saying here, you you know, uh
to where that starts with an h oh yeah yeah yeah.
(23:29):
Now keep in mind, I didn't realize this, but I
guess there's different types of hemorrhoids. There's some that will
be very painful, um and and and and and and
bloody and all that, t am I. But there's others
that's like, I kind of a flare up. I don't
even know if that's the right term. I'm using. Hemorrhoid
might be something else. But I I read a bunch
of medical websites and uh so it didn't really cause
(23:54):
me a lot of pain, So I didn't realize quite
what the issue was. It was only when I when
I had taken the magic Mary Poppins vitamins to cleanse
my body, that I realized what I had done is
I had created the perfect storm, Danny. I had sent
a tidal wave of ship to exit out of the body,
(24:15):
but there was a door closed, no exit situation. So
the the trash shoot was closed for repairs, but there's
a lot of trash that needed to go down the
trash shoot, and uh man, so I I was in
(24:36):
a lot of a lot of pain and it was
a real, uh real shitty a couple of days. Danny
and I got every kind of like, there's all kinds
of medicine you can can put in that situation, that environment.
But it would not have been nearly as bad if
(24:57):
I had not made the decision to take the magic
and I'd self, it's not my wife's ault. I thought
I had a just a pure clogged situation and all
that and from being sedentary for a few days and
uh yeah, but I'm all back to normal now. But
it was it was bad for a couple of days. Man,
(25:18):
that sounds uncomfortable just tearing about it. And I've taken
those cleansing pills before cleaning out. What a ship show, right,
It is a ship show. And I you know, my
wife's so great about coming up with the other remedies
and stuff. So it's great, you know, having her and
helping me out so much. It was great to see Pooh,
you know, she is like Mary Poppins. But this was
(25:39):
not super califragilistic xp aidocious. It was the opposite. This
was shitty, shitty, bang bang exactly. It was shitty, shitty
bang bang. Uh. As far as Backscratcher is GONC we'll
move on from that. But I just wanted to share
that story. So if my advice is, make sure if
(26:00):
you get clogged up, well it happens as you go
through life, make sure that that's your only problem, and
and and double and triple check that you don't have
a hidden problem elsewhere that might pop up. Okay, that's
all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying, Backscratcher. Did we
have one, three or none this week? Danny, g one,
(26:20):
three or none? I'm gonna say we had no, Danny.
You are an optimist. You are wrong. We pitched a shutout, Danny.
We had not a single review. We had a bunch
of last week, but none this week. That man, you're
like a day Oh no, Mo, that's terrible. I have
a feeling though, this story that I just told will
(26:41):
inspire people to give us a nice review, probably rip
me and goof on me. And that's fine. I don't care.
T M I yeah, exactly. Uh So anyway you can
you can help us out on the backscratcher and check
that out via up the Apple podcast page, which it's
(27:02):
in the description. Danny has been great about that, very simple,
you can figure it out. So you're a smart person.
I believe in you. I trust you. So let's get
to pop goes the culture. Are you excited for pop goals?
The culture? Here? Poopoooo? So these are stories that not
(27:32):
necessarily sporty stories, but stories that have come across our
our attention, our desk, if you will. And then we
we didn't talk about them, maybe some of us did,
but we're gonna spend more time on them here. So
the the headline on this one, they're talking about weird.
The lights have been on at a Massachusetts school for
(27:55):
over a year because no one can turn them off. Danny,
you see this story. Yeah, what a redunculus story. You
talk about incompetence at the higher highest level. So the
they're blaming this on the pandemic and supply chain issues.
This comes from the the school district in Wilbraham, Massachusetts.
(28:21):
For almost a year and a half, a high school
in that city has had the lights on around the clock. Uh,
and they have been unable to turn off. They have
about seven thousand lights in this massive old building and
it looks like the White House. I'm looking at a
photo of it. It's it's pretty cool. I wonder if
(28:44):
that includes lights like on their sports fields. UM, not
sure about that. But it's m I N N E
c h A U G min Chog Minschog. It might
be Minshog, I don't know, but it's it's a region
all high school in this town in Massachusetts. And so
the story on this is that they built this thing,
(29:09):
this light system, like a decade ago. The system was
installed and the whole plan was they're gonna save money
and energy and all this stuff. But the software that
that runs the light system failed in August of this
in the spring it's in the suburbs of Springfield where
(29:30):
alf the alien O Piner lives. And so the lights
failed in August, and ever since then they've continued to
run and the taxpayers and this they've had to pay
a small fortune in in electric bills, and so the
the idiots at the school district they're like, wow, there's
nothing we can do. It's a significant amount of money.
(29:52):
But they had to get these special lights out of
China to that to replace the system, and they could
and get the lights and there was no other way
to turn that of off. The system was fucked up,
and they use these highly efficient fluorescent and led light
bulbs and in anyway, so they couldn't get the lights fixed.
(30:14):
They didn't have the access to it because of supply
chain issues, and so rather than figure out a way
to solve the problem, they just left the lights on
and said, Okay, that's it. And the school the building
dates back to nineteen fifty nine and it was it
(30:35):
was replaced the original high school nineteen was replaced by
this other building like over a decade ago. And anyway,
if they finally just got the green light to get
the system from China, but a year and a half, Danny,
that is insane, right, I mean, that is it is
(30:56):
not so. I mean I yell when the kids leave
the living room light on for an hour. Yeah, you've
become We've all become like our father or a mother.
We've morphed into that as we've gotten older. He was like,
what are they act like that? Now? We're like, we're
just like them. We have new Ammo now you can say,
what do you think you're in fucking Massachusetts? That's right,
you think you're at a high school in Massachusetts. Come on,
(31:18):
you think that power is free? Come on that way,
you're born in a barn? Yeah, all right? Did you
guys talk about this story on Caveto and Rich a
woman has sued a concert venue because she got so
drunk she blew up a home and caused fifteen million
(31:39):
dollars of damage. About that? What? Yeah, this is in Canada,
so I was reading this story. So apparently the woman
went to like a Maryland Manson concert. I think she
got completely ship faced drunk. She gets kicked out of
the concert, she's that intoxicated. She then drives, because why
(32:01):
wouldn't you do that if you're stinking drunk? She drives,
She of course crashes her car because she's hammered. She
ran her car into a house. The house then exploded
because the car ran into it. A bunch of people
got injured that the fire spread to three other houses,
(32:22):
so four houses are destroyed. She played guilty. She she's
in jail, but she's decided to sue the food services
company from the concert venue because the claim is it's
their fault because they kept serving her alcohol while she
(32:42):
was drunk, and they didn't stop her from driving drunk.
And so she's blaming all these other people and so
and just trying to that you're liabel. Maybe the laws
are different in Canada, but she's an adult, I believe, Like,
what's what's the deal on that? We're not in charge
(33:04):
of your life? You moron? Yeah, if you make bad decisions,
you're going to end up doing things that you're going
to regret and could get you in jail. You're lucky
no one died in that in that I'm looking a
photo here. It's it's freaking nuts. Like she took out
(33:24):
one home and then that fire, like the whole neighborhood
had to be evacuated and these homes are completely like
charcoal craziness. What a loser? All right? How about this one? Spotify?
There's a story out of Spotify. They they did a
(33:46):
study on the top music to listen to to go
to bed, the best music to help you fall asleep.
It's going to replace the Bed Mallard show out there.
You are you you want to take a swing at this?
What do you think the top music is? If you
want to snooze. Well, usually it's like quiet Storm, which
(34:10):
is like jazz, soft, R and B. I mean I
I use that. Um. There's an app where it plays like,
you know, the rainforest and little birds chirping and a
shotgun being cocked. I like the sound of rain um.
But I don't usually have I like background I was
(34:31):
I have a fan, I have some I gotta have
background noise. But as long as I have white noise,
I'm good. But according to Spotify, they claim that Billie
Eilish a track from from Billie Eilish, and also there's
a song from a South Korean boy band, Dynamite from
(34:53):
the boy band BTS. I don't know what that is.
Are you up on your South Korean boy bands? Then?
I mean know who that is? Because there's there's even
a K pop store at the mall in Thousand Oaks
and it's everything BTS. It's ridiculous. That's a world I
don't know anything about. That's a that's just a whole
(35:15):
different universe for me. But anyway, they did the stock out, Yeah,
they did the study and they identified that based on
their information, this is what people end up end up
listening to. And they claimed that the tracks, including Dynamite
and Lovely are very popular, very very now, is it possible, Danny,
(35:40):
that the people listen to this music to fall asleep
because that's just music they like and they happen to
fall asleep. Is that conceivable that this just happens to
be music that's important to these people and they happen
to listen to it at night when they fall asleep
or is that outrageous? Well, it also confirms that this
generation has really bad taste in music, I would think so.
(36:04):
They say that Lovely the Billy Eilish duet with Khalid,
and it was featured in a Netflix drama Thirteen Reasons Why,
that has people go to sleep. So I don't know.
How about this one from Vegas? You were just in
(36:25):
Vegas a v I P. A big wig in Vegas
has revealed how big a high roller you have to be?
How much money do you have to spend to get
a high rollers status in Sin City? Danny? To be
called a whale, I'm gonna say you have to drop
at least a hundred thousand dollars. Hundred thousand dollars you're
(36:50):
going with here, So the numbers on this the way
this is broken down the high rollers status. Uh you
have to but I should take this back that the
whale thing is maybe not the right term, just high roller. Um,
so you have to play the twenty five dollar slots,
(37:12):
the five dollar slots, things like that. I'm trying to
get the exact number here. There's a lot of numbers
in this in this story. So to get gold status,
and that means he's got rooms are free, as much
food and beverage as you want. Everything's done, uh, he said.
(37:34):
In twenty this goes back to he bet sixties six
thousand dollars. Yeah, not too far off. Yeah, he said,
he won. This is wild. So he put sixty six
grand in a slot machine or different slot machines, and
(37:57):
he ended up netting a win of two was in
one nine. So it's a lot of That's a lot
of work, man, that's a lot of work, uh, he says.
And then he this guy goes through everything. He's like
two thousand eighteen. He was like the king right because
he went it was in Vegas. The limo would pick
him up. He was in the VIP lounge. He had
(38:20):
a nine d square foot suite with a balcony overlooking
the Bellaggio fountains. But in order to get that, he
had to spend a hundred eighty three thousand dollars on slots.
He lost that year almost fifteen thousand dollars. But that sheez.
(38:45):
But he goes through. He he spends. He has a
whole like spreadsheet this dude on how much he's spent
at the slot machines per year, how much he's won. Like,
he goes through the whole deal and he's yeah, he's
gonna wind up dying of lung cancer. You spend that
(39:06):
many hours in those smokey casinos. Yeah, Like it's cool
getting the v I P status and all that, but
does that offset the whole How about this? If you
lose fourteen grand, but you get you stay at the
hotels all the time and you get free free money,
like free free drinks, food rooms, does that offset the
(39:28):
loss of fourteen thousand? If that you'd have to live there,
wouldn't you. It's like the Mallard calculator at the Super
Bowl last year. Let's see, you would be adding up
all of that stuff to make sure the offset was correct. Yeah,
I did to do the math on that. Yeah, the
free the free food in the hospitality room at the
(39:50):
radio road things. So this guy coined out, since seven
hundred thousand dollars, seven thousand, seven hundred thousand dollars coined
out Jack Potts, he ended up winning a hundred and
twenty four thousand dollars. Uh. And he goes through the
(40:11):
whole thing and he ended up I believe he's lost
over since he's lost over thirty four almost thirty five
thousand dollars on slot machines. So, but he's a V.
I P. Danny. Guys, if I'm reading this right, you
guys a VP. Come on? What more do you need?
(40:31):
All right? This is pop goes the culture with you
a few more? Did you see this? Uh? Pamela Anderson
said she she's never watched the tape that made her
more famous than anything. I did see this? Yeah you
believe that? No? I don't believe it. Yeah, she gotta
be lying, right? Strippersh of people too not come Twitch
(40:53):
banned a streamer this, this woman for showing her feet
on camera? Should you be banned? Danny? Should be banned
for showing your feet? They're like some Kevin Durant looking feet. Yeah, yeah,
I mean I looked at a photo. I mean, maybe
I'm looking at a bad photo, but they look all right.
(41:13):
It don't look like the worst feet I've ever seen.
You are, I'm an expert, me and Rex Ryan. Uh.
Here's when waffle house employees are rebelling against a menu
hack that has popped up on social media. And there
(41:35):
are these people that work at the waffle house have
said no, uh f you, we are not doing doing this,
and some people have learned the the hack. It involves
a breakfast sandwich that features eggs, cheese, and a variety
of meat between two waffles. And so these people have
(41:56):
been saying, oh, here's what you can get and all
that you can assemble the sandwich yourself, ordering the ingredients
by a number of customers have gone to waffle house
and they've they've started to try to get the people
at the waffle house to put the sandwich together and
they're like, fuck you, we're not We're not doing it,
and uh they've been shut down all because of a
(42:20):
TikTok video. We did some research on the Covino and
Rich show. There is one waffle house location in Phoenix.
Oh okay, are you gonna go to the waffle house
when you're there. I haven't been to one since I
was in Atlanta. Yeah, it sounds good to me. It's
better than way better than Denny's. I have not been
to a waffle house since I was in Florida, like
(42:44):
a long time ago in the nineties, i ate as
at a waffle house and it was like the coolest thing,
you know, because I've never seen a waffle house. I've
heard about the waffle house, but you you go to
the waffle house, it's like, oh man, this is like
the legendary place in the South. Um. Now, when you're
in Arizona, you gotta go to Holvers, which is a
Wisconsin restaurant but a great, great fast food place. And
(43:05):
it's all over Phoenix. They got a bunch of locations
around Phoenix. Wonderful. Uh, let's see do a couple more,
get out of here. On the the pop culture, all right,
how about this one. A recent report says that something
people use to commute is filthier than a toilet. And
(43:25):
this is something we see all the time, especially where
we do the show from you know those e scooters,
Oh yeah, and those e bikes. Yeah, they're gross with germs. Yeah,
they say that those are up to that's the weasel term,
up to fifty eight thousand times filthier than a toilet.
(43:48):
Researchers have looked at the amount of bacteria covering public
transportation options, and they've pointed out that your typical public
e biker scooter is carrying thousands of times germs of
the average toilet bowl. Wow, how does that happen? Are
people like pissing on the scooters? Are they shipping on
(44:09):
the bikes? Like? What's going on with that? Yeah? Is
that homeless people popping wheelie's on the bird scooter? Gotta
be it's it's it's got I mean, it's gotta be
the homeless people. I mean, maybe there's just disgusting people
that aren't homeless, but man, and that is why right
there that I have hand sanitizer attached to my keys
(44:30):
and in my pocket at all times. Yeah, they say this,
This thing says the two most bacteria written surfaces in
public gyms are exercise mats and the weights. O good
Sotta used the treadmill of the gym. My ass feels
so good right now, so I don't have to necessarily
worry about that. All right, We'll get out on that
we got the mailbag on Sunday. Anything you'd like to
(44:52):
promote here, Danny, As we wind things down on this
fifth hour, it is our last NFL Saturday, I'm gonna
be going to have some fun with Jonas Knox his
Saturday program eleven am to one pm on the West Coast.
And then right after that, Steve Hartman the loose Cannon
himself along with Ephraim Salam a Heisman Trophy voter. Steve
(45:14):
Hartman he is, yeah, he was never mentioned that. He
doesn't like to bring that up. He said he never.
He also doesn't like to point out that he worked
for Al Davis and there in the Raiders that no, no,
I know, it's it's you've never heard that before. All right,
have a great rest of your day, enjoy the playoff
games today, and we will catch you next time. Osta Pasta,
(45:39):
gotta murder, Gotta go,
Host
Ben Maller
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