Down & Nearly Out

A new week and a new set of problems for a beaten and battered Ben Maller as he narrowly avoids the disabled list, Ben returns with a new set of information and greats news on the diet front. Back with his volatile wingman, Ben calls BS with a couple recent reports and he digs into his bag to answer some questions from the Facebook crowd. All that and the fellas don't stick to sports with more drama from Florida. Sit back and enjoy!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Have you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
was enough? I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller

(00:24):
starts right now. That it does, and we are in
the air everywhere the vast power of I Heart the
global reach of podcasting, as we are everywhere. You can
download the podcast her weekly. Even when my tongue is
all mangled. I am such a glutton for punishment coming

(00:46):
in here, especially having to work with David Gascon. I mean,
my god, what a nightmare. But it's all part of
the I Heart podcast network. Available wherever you get your podcast,
you can hear this show, and I'd like to give
you the menu. I I'm told you don't need to
do this in a podcast, but what the hell now? Normally,

(01:06):
if this was a successful podcast, I would be reading
like Joe Rogan, like seven minutes of commercials. Uh, there
are no commercials. I'm reading right now, zero zippo bub kiss.
That's a bad job by you by a damn commercial anyway.
On the menu today we have the Apology Tour Wordy

(01:29):
study this because I love that, and also we will
have It's in the bag. Your your questions are answers,
and don't stick the sports bizarre jumbalayah of craziness from
around the world and none of them really sports stories.

(01:49):
You You will be enthralled with this show, unless you're not.
I have been told by someone on Twitter that the
fifth Hour with Ben Maller is like a Norman Rockwell
painting from back in the old days. It's like apple
pie and baseball. It's all of those things. And Gascon,

(02:09):
are you awake? Guy? I gotta carry this show, are
you there? Gascon? I think that's a huge compliment to
to me right, because that I have to carry you
on my back. Even when my tongue is all messed up. Still,
you're playing itself way too much. No, I'm not. I
am not. I should send out a photo of my
throbbing tongue, which he is, uh is in a great

(02:31):
amount of But you can literally see the agony, all right,
and then you will you will suddenly change you too.
So has the Mrs put you on the injured reserve list.
Then that's the bigger question. Well, she has tried to
and I have pushed back. I actually did feel better.
Here's the problem, Gascon and I have a great medical
background from years of practicing medicine on radio and helping athletes,

(02:53):
sanitize athletes, clean them up, fixed athletes and all that.
But uh yeah, so I I typically the way it
goes is I'll feel better during the day because I'm
not talking, uh, and I'll do the usual bells and
whistles the stuff too. They treat it the injury when
you bite your tongue really bad. But then the problem
is I I go in and do the show, and

(03:15):
then by the second segment of the overnight show, Uh,
it is uh freaking brutal, man, it is. Uh So
it's it's basically rinse, wash, repeat, and so I just
have to batten down the hatches. Now. I'm hoping that
this weekend, where you know, this podcast was being aired,
that wall that's going on, I will I will have

(03:37):
no longer the pain there. But it's quite the new
hookie what I've developed. I don't know the origin of
the story. What did you do to bite it? Onto
your tongue pretty hard. Well, thanks for listening to the show.
I'm usually a week. I appreciate that. Very very loyal,
very supportive. Thank you. Uh well, you know, a Sunday,

(04:00):
my wife was working and I made a pizza. I
like to make pizza on Sunday watching football because that's
a man's food, pizza, pizza and football. And so I
made the pie and just like normal, nothing spectacular. I mean,
there are a few issues actually making the pie because
the pizza stuck to the pan, which is a pain
in the ass. But but anyway, Um, I got it

(04:21):
done and I cut the pizza. I made it from scratch,
cut it up, put a couple of pieces on my plate,
went sat down to watch. Uh. This was like the
early part of the late TV window. So I had
the Rams game on. I had the Cardinals Seahawks. Um.
I was flipping around to a couple of different games.

(04:42):
I forgot what there were a couple other ones. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Minshew Mania Gardner, Minshew who I keep calling Gary for
some reason. I don't know why. But but b anyway,
so I'm sitting down and eat the pizza and uh,
you know, I by it into the pizza and fine,
second by uh, and then I made a miscalculation and uh,

(05:05):
I was in deep water. My tongue was in it
just got bitten really bad. And yeah, I figured, Oh,
it's no big deal. I mean, I mean kind of
woos is upset with a bitten tongue. But I have
the only job that you can have where if you
have an injured tongue, it's a problem. All two, you're

(05:26):
also married, so needs come into play. So clearly that's
why I was curious if your wife put you on
the injured reserve list, because right now you're you're not
doing too much. You can't slug as as much as
you possible. I mean, I'm in the injury a tent.
Somebody pointed out that I sound occasionally like little Holds
because there's a little bit of a list there. But

(05:47):
it's not my fault, So I don't feel shame in that.
I don't have any real vanity about that because it's
an injury. Are you purposely trying to derail the product
the podcast? Because every week it sounds like your voice
is just it when you first kick it off, and
now you have this element. These are like different things
that I have to overcome to promote this podcast, which

(06:08):
is there. There is no promotion. You do nothing, There
is absolutely nothing. And I know you have the gag
on parody account that you've run, but other than that,
I mean, what are we talking about here? Yeah? My
goal is to sabotage this every week? How can I
f up the podcast? How can I how can I
ship all over the pocket? That is my goal every week? Okay?

(06:30):
And how am I doing? Right? Then? I think it's
kind of fair, right because you're because your colleagues torpedo
your show money through Friday, and so now you torpedo
your own podcast. Well, I learned. I learned how to
destroy a radio show from years of being a witness
to the radio show being destroyed, and so I figured
out why not right not go the other way? Speaking

(06:51):
of which, we gotta put this out there, but I
want to ask you, before asking any of the listeners
on this, when are we gonna have our first guest?
And in what kind of capacit? See we'll he or
she be on the show. We're gonna get a sports figure,
a coach, a political junkie, and entertainer, Like, where are
we going with this? Next? Be sure to catch live
editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am

(07:13):
Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the
I Heart Radio app. Alright, so here's the way I
look at this now. I know that the podcast game,
a lot of it is dependent on people love interviews,
they love hearing famous people. There's a lot of celebrity worshiping.
All that. I get it. I'm not much different. I
when I listened to a certain podcasts that are in

(07:35):
my rotation, and if I see a guest I recognize,
I will be more likely to download that episode of
the podcast. I I understand that, but that a couple
of things. It's not what we normally do. But I
I like, I don't mind doing the interviews here. Uh,
and I think it would be good. This is the
perfect format, So I I I'd like to bring on

(07:59):
some people, like a wide range of people. The problem
is gas on. Second thing here is you know you
don't like production meeting, You're You're like the laziest guy
in the West. It's talking about content throughout the entire
week that you actually use on your radio show. You
use words and Texas I send you with your opening monologue. Yes, correct,

(08:23):
you don't even give me credit for that. What do
you want me? You think that you're you're being I'm
not admiring you. You don't know. Yes, No, okay, listen
to me, gas okay, uh, this show this inside radio,
or in this case, inside podcasting. So I roll into
the studio three hours of sleep, right, three hours of sleep.

(08:47):
I rolled into this, this studio that we do the
podcast from, and gas on. No, Hey, what are we
talking about today? None of that's totally amateur and it
just wants to turn the mics on and start talking,
talking and figure it out as we go. What I'm
on a minor league operation that I have to work
the budget podcasting for a budget show, right, wow, unbelief? No,

(09:11):
and no, hey, how's your tongue? None of that, I mean,
what's up with that? Because one, I'm talking to you
for the next couple of hours too. I'm gonna see
you later on today. Three maybe not, I'll be here
calling sick. You're not gonna call him sick, you know,
I mean, calling sick during the dog days of summer.
You're not gonna call him. I'll change my ways here.

(09:32):
Maybe I will be pressured and bullied calling, and you've
got enough guys on your staff that take time off
during football season. I don't think you're going to I
know Eddie's going to Uh it's a shot at Eddie.
By the way, Eddie's going to Chicago. They'll miss some
shows didn't go to two years ago. Yeah, and he
went to here up a couple years ago. But now
he's also he's going to Chicago for a Charger Bears game,

(09:56):
and we're trying to have him meet Doc Mike. Connie's
piecing Chicago and Doc's got his friend Frankie. You've never
met Doc Mike. No, you gotta meet Doc. If you
go to Chicago, you gotta meet this guy. Uh. What
an unbelievable character. I met him one time for a
few hours in Kansas City, and he is he didn't

(10:19):
even know what a podcast is, so we can rip
the ship out of him. But uh, he is bizarro world.
I mean, I love the guy. He's quite a character.
I don't know that I'd love him if I live
next door to him, but I don't live next door
to him. And uh, he's done some of the most
ridiculous stuff I'm any Mallard militia person, Doc Mike, who's
been with me longer than like of the people that

(10:42):
that call the show and whatnot, the characters on the show.
And uh, I mean going to Michael Vick, going to
Leavenworth Prison to interview Michael. Yeah, yeah, when he was
in jail, and and he called me up outside Leavenworth
Prison for like four nights in a row, and he
kept going in thinking he was gonna talk to Michael

(11:02):
Vick and and they kept denying him because Vick didn't
know who the you know, who the hell he was
or whatever. So, uh, that was great. The goat head
thing he called up as he was dropping off a
goat head at at Wrigley Field multiple times, the Curse
of the Billy Goat and all that, and occasionally that

(11:23):
made national news. And uh, one of the funniest was
the old mayor of Chicago, Rama Manuel. Uh, this guy
after it was Cubs opening day and Doc Mike such
a whacker doodle. He shows up to Wrigley and he
drops the goat head off the Cubs offices in a box, right,

(11:44):
so the secretary of the Cubs takes the goat head. No,
it was a goat head because he didn't open the box.
It was for the owner of the Cubs. And then
somebody in the Cub's office and opened the box and surprise, surprise, surprise. Wait.
Rob Emmanuel, the mayor of Chicago at the time, he
got up on the microphone and he looked right in

(12:07):
the camera and he said that the city of Chicago,
we'll use all police resources to find out who did this.
All right, we are, We're gonna spare no expense. You know,
I'm giving a paraphrasing, and uh, and I was just laughing.
I said, I can play the voicemail as he did
it if you want, so let's do it. And even
Doc was like, oh, the police don't care. I think

(12:28):
he's stupid. They don't, they don't care. And they didn't
they never never bothered. That's like what they did with
Jesse smallertt. This is something straight out that movie Seven.
Have you seen that movie? Uh? I don't think I have.
Seven was with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman and Kevin
Spacey and Kevin Spacey is just a serial killer and
one of his final acts as he kills uh brad

(12:49):
Pitt's wife. He was a detective at the time, David Mills,
and he chops off her head, puts it in a
box and they go out in the middle of nowhere
here in California, like out in the desert, and he
opens up the box and sees it as his wife's
head and she was on top that she was pregnant too.
So it's wonderful. This is great. That's a great movie.
Solid movie. It sounds like a Is that a kids movie? Yes? Yes,

(13:12):
a Disney movie PG. Yes. It's available on Disney also online.
You can download it anytime. Bambi's mom. He cut the
head off. It's a great that's a great move. Man,
Like I gotta meet Doc Mike. Now, don't you think
like Walt Disney was a sick bastard? I mean, all
these moms dying in movies. Who wants their mom to die?

(13:32):
I meanyone loves her mom, right, I mean, come on,
how many movies? How many movies do you have a
girl or a woman dying though back from the dead. Well,
the traditional Hollywood story Damsel in distress and all that
you know, and the Shining Night, uh, the night writing
in and all that. I mean, there's only there's only

(13:54):
a few different storylines. I mean, that's the odd thing
about somebody the movie business told me, explain to the
this to me many many years ago, and he was
absolutely right that there's only I don't know that. I
don't have to look up. I wrote down what they were,
but there's only a few different stories that are used
in Hollywood. And and that's it. I mean, uh, and

(14:19):
so it's it's odd the way that people write. But anyway,
that's not somebody to talk about here, I guess. I mean, well,
I mean, do you watch a lot of HBO or
Showtime shows? Uh? Not a lot. I mean I I
loved some of the stuff on HBO, but I don't
I don't have a DVR right now, so I don't

(14:39):
record a lot of stuff. So it's pretty much I
have to be up watching. We have HBO on demand,
so I guess I can watch stuff on there. You
HBO goes. Somebody has to tell me something that's like, hey,
I gotta watch that. Well, okay, So season one of
True Detective was fantastic with Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.
Another show that's fantas Asset that's ending at the start

(15:01):
of next year's Homeland, Claire Danes is in that she's
just she's diabolical, but she's uh, she's fantastic. A lot
of that show is just based on current events of
today's political atmosphere, so you see a lot of crossover.
But those two shows come to my mind just immediately
to the the jump out. There obviously a lot different from
what we see in the regular landscape of CBS and

(15:21):
Fox and NBC with the regular programming money through Friday. Yeah, no,
I mean, listen, I liked a lot of stuff and
this they try different things and whatnot. But I mean, now,
with like YouTube, anybody can put pretty good content out
and people can get The problem is getting an audience,
but anybody can do it. But anyway, all right, let's

(15:42):
get on with the show. What oh yeah, be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Well, are we
done with the production meeting? Is a highly combustible situation.
What's that? So we're done with our production meeting now,
so we can move forward. And so let's uh, let's
push on Dick, all right, the apology tour and uh,

(16:04):
and this is We're starting with this only because it's
plausibly sporty. And I'm told that I need to mention
a little sports occasionally, because I think we told our
bosses it would be a little bit about sports, but
it's pretty much anything we want. I think it's a podcast. Uh.
And and and the numbers tell me that some people

(16:25):
are actually listening, not many, but some. Anyway, the apology tour?
Who did it better? I mentioned this on the overnight program.
Kirk Cousins on his radio show on CAFAN in Minnesota
apologize publicly to Adam feeling essentially for being bad at
his job right and and being as exciting as a

(16:49):
pancake with no syrup. And so anyway, Cousins apologizing all
this stuff. Uh, And well, I like accountability, and I
did a rant about accountability and all that this was
so ridiculous. Uh, this apology by by Cousins. He does
this all the time. He apologizes all the time, and

(17:11):
then he goes out and vomits all over the field,
and then he comes back and apologize it again. And
occasion will have a good game, he won't apologize, and
they'll come back and have a crappy game and ship
all over the fifty yard line and then he will announce,
you know, it's no big deal whatever, I'm sorry about it.
So we had that, and then behind door number two
the Baltimore Orioles. Now this I I had not seen

(17:33):
this one. This is a wild story. So the Baltimore Orioles,
who are not only a baseball team, they are an embarrassment,
all right. They aren't even close to being a competitive
baseball team. They are out in the back waters of
Major League Baseball. I cannot emphasize that enough. They are

(17:54):
so far away from even sniffing, even sniffing wild card content,
and it's it's ridiculous. But the Orioles this week, in
a tremendous plot twist for fan appreciation, these seven people
that go to Orio games, uh, and the season ticket
holders are getting No it's not not all of them.

(18:16):
They're getting hand written thank you notes saying things like
thank you and hang in there. How crazy is this?
I don't know, But you know what I recommend that
what we do after this podcast is over is I
can go to Right Aid or a thrifty store and

(18:37):
buy a bunch of thank you cards and we should
get the listeners addresses, and you should write thank you
cards for your tongue. I think that would be amazing
than I should get sympathy cards for having to work
with you. I think that would be my condolences on
the loss of your quality broadcasting career. So you could

(18:58):
just imagine that if you're a fan, would you rather
go to an Orioles baseball game or go to a
Miami Dolphins football game. That's the same. It's an you know,
it's uh either way, you're losing. It's a selfie's choice.
There's no good choice in that. But but the the
Oriel thing. I got questions about this, right, were these

(19:18):
actually written by the Oriole players? Because it the story
made it it seemed like some of these came from
Oriole players, Like was this punishment like rememb when you
were a kid and you got sent to detention in
elementary school or junior high and you had to you
had to write out things as punishment. Is that whether
the Oriels did or did they actually hire a firm

(19:41):
that does this and outsource it and hire someone to
write all these notes make it seem like it came
from the players, because who would really know Yeah, well
it could be something like this. I don't know, if
you when you were younger and you went to elementary
school or even high school, if you're if your parents
would buy scripts or they'd have to do some kind
of service with your elementary high school, like community service

(20:02):
for them as opposed to making a donation. What if
it's like this or the oriole players are actually writing
these notes and then in turn they don't have to
do any additional community service work. Yeah, so this the sins,
the sins of being bad at baseball that is overlooked
as long as you write the note games back of

(20:22):
first place they finished this year. If I was Peter Angelos,
I would have just had Chris Davis. I would have
had him just write all the notes and none of
the other players would have had to write the notes
because he's the only one making any real money in
Baltimore and he is horseshit and has been that way
ever since he signed a contract. Yeah, but if you're Davis,
do you just hire a bunch of interns and have

(20:43):
him write something out that's legible. I mean, you just
sign your John Hancock on the bottom of it. So anyway,
just to wrap up the apology thing. So I would
give the the edge here to none other than the Orioles.
If if and this is a key caveat here in
a qualifier, if the Oriole players actually were forced to
really write out, uh these these photos or not photos,

(21:07):
these letters. If that's the case, then that's I mean,
that's better than what cousins did. Anybody can go on
the radio show and and apologize. He keeps going down
that rabbit hole. It's like he's living in Alice in Wonderland.
He's gonna get out of it, man. Anyway, all right,
wordy Now. I used to do this bit on the
Overnight show. I got rid of it, and some people

(21:28):
are saying, why don't you do it anymore? I'll do
it here. It's the fifth hour. I always say the
fifth hours for the crap we don't get to during
the week. Uh and it's you know, leftovers with gascon
but wordy word of the week. All right, now, I've
read this the other day, and I was unaware of this.
There is a term that is regularly used by people
like myself sportscasters that is an homage to Michael Vick's

(21:52):
favorite sport, dog fighting. It has become part of our language.
Did you know this, guest, Like, for example, this weekend,
the Washington Redskins are fifteen and a half point underdogs
against the Patriots, right, I mean that's a big point spread. Yes,

(22:12):
so they are the underdog. Right. That term underdog comes
from the language of dog fights. Did you know that? Yeah?
The term underdogs start originally was used in in the
lexicon in the late nineteenth century, and it was related
to dog fights and what would happen in those fights.

(22:34):
They would obviously put two dogs, and two dogs would
attack each other, and whoever lost, whichever dog was declared
the loser was termed the underdog because they were under
the other dog who was eating them, and the winner
was called what was called top dog. So both those

(22:55):
terms underdog and top dog are a tribute to the
dog fight era back in the late nineteenth century in
the United States. I thought that was interesting. Have you
ever been to a dog fight? I have not. I've
I've seen when when the Michael Vick stuff was going on,
I went on YouTube and it was the early days

(23:16):
of YouTube, and I remember watching some dog fights from
like the Philippines or somewhere like that. I forget where.
But they might have been Mexico. It might have been Mexico,
but I I watched I've never been at one of person.
You probably run a dog fighting win in your backyard.
Could you imagine? Could you? Absolutely? I could imagine you
doing it? Would you Have you ever been to a bullfight?

(23:39):
How would I be to a bullfight? I've never been
to Europe? How would I go to a bull I
do a bullshit fight every night on the radio. I
know that your nickname is bullshit? Oh man? Would you
ever condone any kind of any kind of fighting, whether
it's a dog, a cock fight, whatever it may be. Yeah,
I mean, I'm not I mean I'm not I the

(24:00):
animals and all that stuff, but I'm not against. I
mean I wouldn't go out of my way for it,
but if it was presented to me, I mean I
would check it out out of curiosity and all that.
But the running of the bulls, why why have you
not done that? Guess? Why have you not run with
the bulls? And I'm actually I've actually considered that. I
wanted to do that a handful of years ago in

(24:20):
uh in Spain, but I didn't get to do it.
And just standing in front of the bull and see
what happens. I had just tab as screw loose and
stand in front the bull and see what happened. I see,
I'm afraid I'm gonna blow a hamstring while I'm trying
to run, and then as soon as I do, it's
just Gord, Gord Gordon. Then game over. But what a
way to go out. It actually happens in the middle
of July too, so it could like that tough enough,

(24:44):
and you gotta be like that woman at the was
the bronxoo or I think you might have been Brooklyn.
You see that story this week? I did, actually, yeah,
I think I sent it to you. Yeah, the woman
standing in the lions dead literally and like airing the
lion to eat her for lunch or like a snack.

(25:05):
And you should be more like that. That's a tough woman. Crazy,
but she's got brawn, not brains, but she got braun.
Oh man, how much do you have to be paid?
Or do? The running? The bull has been well number one?
I don't run. I I fast walk on the treadmill,
like what you do in the gym. I do a

(25:27):
lot of cardio on the well. I mean I don't.
I'm running. I'm more like a jog than a run.
But you've been in your thousand steps at night, I
know that. Yeah, I have well more than ten thousand,
way over ten thousand. I mean, I'm in these competitions
are this, uh this app with my fitness device, and
so I'm very competitive and I it's a bad thing

(25:48):
because I walk a lot more than I should because
I whoever at the end of the week gets the
most steps, he just declared the winner, and so I
want to win. And uh, it's so stupid, it's so dumb.
And I'm in there with like people that run fitness
classes and some of these contests, and what am I doing? Well,
I sit on my ass for four hours a night

(26:12):
and spit out nonsense with a broken tongue, and they're
out there in cardio doing cardio every day for work.
That's exactly that's exactly why you should be competing, alright,
shut up. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart

(26:33):
Radio app. Search f s R to listen live. Let's
get to study this. You wanted to study this all right,
let's move on with the fifth Hour with Ben Maller.
And I'm told you don't need to say that, but
what the hell study this bring on the meats? An
international group of researchers, not just America but around the
world has discovered that decreasing red meat consumption, which I've

(26:56):
been told pretty much the last twenty years does not
does not improve health. As it turns out, our current
processed and unprocessed red meat consumption levels are actually, apparently,
according to study, just fine. The brand new study says
the average American man knows after actually that's not the one.

(27:18):
This is about the red meat one. But I will
I will say that was that was what would call
screw up, but i'd be added out in the podcast. Yes, yes, absolutely,
all right anyway, alright, so so study this u as
far as the red meat thing. So essentially the we're fine,
eat as much meat as you're eating right now. Uh Now,

(27:38):
I don't know, first of all, if this is true
or not. I mean, who knows, right, this could be
a complete nonsense and it could be debunked. But I've
always lived my life I love these studies that you know,
that's why we do this segment study this, and and
I learned. I look for these things because I find
them interesting. But these things change, Like one year there

(27:59):
will be a study won't drink coffee, you don't kill you,
and then five years later a different independent study think
tank will say no, no, you gotta drink a cup
of coffee a day. You'll live until you're ninety five
years old, and you'll be perfectly healthy. You'll have you know,
wonderful blood and all that stuff. So, uh, nobody knows anything.
It is essentially my position on this guess gut, so

(28:21):
pretty much do what you want within reason, right within reason. Yeah,
we've been like that with what alcohol. We've been like
that with eggs, I know as eggs and then egg
whites for the longest time talking about the impact of cholesterol,
talking about that with wine. I mean, steak has to
be Do you eat steak a lot or at least chicken? Um? Well,

(28:46):
I eat I don't eat a couple of meals during
the week, and usually one of them is uh, well,
both of them actually are somewhat meat related. So I
that's pretty much my entire diet. I don't I don't
really eat that much, and so I try to get
as much protein or whatever as I can when I
eat so. But but again, I mean I I lived
my life by the philosophy. Nobody knows anything. I also

(29:08):
think it was a movie years ago, in the early
two thousand's, I believe, I don't. I don't think I
saw the movie, but I remember seeing the headlines saying
I use that line all the time. I didn't believe
they made a movie about it. But see, your consumption
of meat has come down tremendously over the last ten
or fifteen years when you were living on the West Side, right.
I don't know what do you refer to, because you

(29:29):
said you would eat a ton of fast food. Oh yeah, well,
well yeah, I don't think I was referring to. I
don't know. I mean, I thought you were making some
kind of a joke about something. I don't know. But
but you love Tito's. You loved a couple other places
that we would that we would go to, and you
just said you were like four hundred pounds. Yeah, I
mean I would eat, you know, three meals a day

(29:50):
and they were all fast food, and I'd hit seven
eleven for some snacks and have my Mr. Big gulp
and all that crap. And so yeah, I mean I
have cut down my food consumption a lot and uh
so that has absolutely uh happened. And then you know
the real kicker, like, I'm doing this in part because
I want to lose weight. Uh and I think I've

(30:10):
lost a lot doing this. The other thing, the reason
I'm doing this intermitute fasting is because I read online
that it will help reverse some of the bad effects
from being you know, big fatass all these years. So
I'll see if that actually happens. If not, I will
write a book saying essentially, fuck uh these uh these uh,
these interminute fasting situations and all that. But you also

(30:33):
your big boned you're tall, right, you're what five six six?
Uh yeah, something like that. So I mean, you need
all the help you can get with the intermittent fasting
because it adds to some clarity. It cleans up your diet,
which is well they say that after sixteen hours your
body goes into cautosis. I believe, and so you'll lose weight. Uh.
You know that could again be bullshit, but I read it,

(30:56):
and I believe it. Because I read something, I believe it,
and uh and it actually has proven true for me.
I'm true for me. It's not some kind of fish story.
But I know a lot of people are like, I
don't want to live my life and not not eat
every every five hours or whatever, And what kind of
life is that? I I don't disagree. I trust me.
I love eating. I love but yeah, I blame the

(31:19):
aging process. Also, well, yeah, you're on the other side
of fifty you have you'd have to worry about that.
I mean, that's a lot we're looking forward to. Can
we do special edition of the Fire fifth that with
Ben Miller post colonoscopy? That's what we should do post colonoscopy. Yeah,
that would be great. Why don't I give you a colonoscopy?

(31:40):
How about that, guys con Yeah, that would be a
boondoggle in it. Yeah like that. I take my sweet time. Also,
by the way, I do that. Bring Doc Mike over
to the lest side, Ben Miller, Color, get the Gay Together.
I'll be coming up in the six dollar with Ben
Maller coming to a podcast near you. Another study, a

(32:01):
new study says that the average American man knows after
seven months of dating if his partner is the one bush. Yeah,
I agree. I I knew pretty much right away. I
I was like, when I met my wife, I was like, oh, man,
she's beautiful, She's out of my league. What am I
doing here? So I was like, I wonder if there's

(32:22):
a chance. I wonder if I got a shot here,
and uh, and it worked out. But I I knew
pretty much within like, uh, you know, an hour and
a half or two hours or whatever. Uh, well, maybe
the second date, because because the first date, if it
goes well. Uh. This is my experience when I was dating.
Sometimes I'd have good first dates and then the second
one would go to hell, you know what I mean.

(32:44):
And so you gotta get a couple of dates in
until you're til you're like, oh, this person seems pretty cool.
But the other problem with dating is everyone puts up
a bullshit front at the beginning. You know, everyone's phony,
everyone's fake. No one farts around each other, everyone's clean.
You know, no one leaves their trash around. So you
have to be with someone a little bit to find
all their you know, the normal things that we all

(33:05):
do that we're all a bunch of pigs, and so
that takes a little time. But I don't think it's
seven months, but you guys go, Apparently itst your entire
life because you haven't found anybody that's a little bit different.
Team shot. No, I could identify right away if she's
a keeper or not. I'm sure. I'm sure the miss
has probably had a weight things out with you real
quick to see where you'd be out. Where did you
take her on your first date? By the way, we

(33:27):
were in Pasadena, and we were she and she used
bait and switch on me because I had agreed we
were gonna go see a movie, because I loved going
on dates movies because I didn't have to talk about
You don't have to talk at all. You don't have
to see her talk to her. Unbelievable, and as an introvert,
I love that. Because I don't have to talk, I
can say I'm on a date and I'm watching the
movie and popcorn. I mean, that's a great date. It's

(33:47):
kind of an interol thing to do. If you want
to get to know somebody, let's go on a date
and go to a movie. Apparently that's why I didn't
work out, but everyway, So I met her at the
movie theater in Pasady and Oldtown Pasady right there in
Colorado Boulevard and that shopping mall there. I met her
there and then, uh, she said, why don't we go
get something to eat or whatever? I forget, maybe she

(34:08):
showed up a little late or I showed up late.
In the movie it already kind of started. So we
went to get something to eat at a bar right
across the way there, and uh, and we never actually
saw the movie. We just kind of hung out and
uh and I remember what movie it was, but we
talked and it went well. So she forced it to
talk because you two have completely different like a beer

(34:32):
or something, a couple of beers or whatever, if I
remember correctly. And then how long did you guys date
until you dropped the knee? Uh? Not that long. I
mean it was probably uh maybe seven six seven months
or something that maybe I don't know the exact timeline,
but it was not like it wasn't even a year.

(34:54):
There were all there were mitigating factors that were reason
part of that. But I mean we kind of expedited
the process for some reason. By but yeah, I mean
we heard it up. So that's impressive. I remember going
on a date with this woman in San Diego and
it was after she got over a relationship after I
was getting over a relationship, and she was smoking hot

(35:14):
and she was a friend of a friend, so I
went on a date with her. We went to dinner
and had a casual conversation and left it at that,
and I thought, Okay, you know, she lives in San Diego.
I live in l a long distance. It's gonna be
a little bit of a hasshole to get down there.
I got invited the next time to hang out with
her for her thirtieth birthday, and Ben, I kid you not.
She didn't get into one. She got into two and

(35:37):
then three fist fights that night on her thirtieth birthday. Ben,
she was throwing haymakers, she was throwing bottles of champagne.
Her talk came off twice when we were in a club.
It was all out chaos. I had to drive home
from San Diego at like three in the morning, and
I could not get the hell out of there fast enough.

(35:58):
So you learn that she is a Mr Hyde drunk. Right,
There was like four kinds of people that drink. There's
the hemingway doesn't change anything. The Mary Poppins gets actually
happier and nicer, and I love you the nutty professor
that becomes more social if you're like an introvert like me.
And then there's Mr Hyde who is hostile and wants

(36:20):
to fight everyone after they become intoxicated. And you met
this woman and she was like that, Oh yeah, absolutely,
I've gone through a gamut of those where they'll either fight,
they'll pass out because they drank too much, they'll throw
up all of themselves. Yeah. I didd a girl one
time that was the bar fur and that was really
I mean, that was disgusting. I mean that was I mean,
I don't know if she was just she had one

(36:41):
hand she had scotch, the other hand she had whiskey,
and the third hand she had bourbon. But my god,
brutal see. And I felt I felt so annoyed that
she actually did this to me that I stayed. I
kept hanging out with her on a regular basis, just
to hang out with her when she got hammered. And
every time she did get hammered and threw up, I
take cell phone pictures of her and send it to

(37:02):
her the next day. Yeah, so I'd be like she'd
asked the you know, the rhetorical question, like how bad
was it that said, once you go check yourself phone
and then bang, all of a sudden, She's like, I
can't believe you just did that, you know, face on
the toilet seat, barfing, Harris covered in vomit. It was great.
Well you should be like Warner Wolf. Let's go to

(37:22):
the video tape, all right, study this, what's next. Stanford
researchers estimate that if you haven't tried sushi by the
time you're thirty nine years old, there is a ninety
five percent chance you never will. And I agree with
this because I have never tried sushi, and I have

(37:45):
no planes at all to try sushi, So I think
this is true at least for me. Are you a
fish guy though? Uh? No? I When I was a kid,
my mom fed me diet of tuna, fish sandwiches and
fish sticks and salmon. But no, as an adult, I
hate it all right, too much of it as a kid.
So you don't need salmon, you don't need shark, you
don't need lobsters. No, no, no, I I am What

(38:10):
is the term for someone that doesn't partake in seafood?
Is there a term for that? I know? If you
only eat seafood, it's a pesketarian, right, they call it that,
but I don't know what the opposite term would be. Carnivore.
I don't know carnivore. Yeah, there you go. But but no,
I I I think this is trueman because no, sushi
seems to be something that you would do when you were,
you know, in your twenties or college or I think

(38:32):
it's more eating. Yeah, it's more of a dating entree. Yeah,
and some people are part of the sushi colt and
I to each their own, but it's not for me.
It's like the whole coffee thing. I don't drink coffee.
I I don't need to. And I'm at the point
now where why would I drink coffee? Because it's a
conversation starter. I go to parties and I'm I've never

(38:53):
had a cup of coffee. People like, what what? What
kind of asshole are you? You don't like talking to people?
So it's usually goes hat in hand, right, Well, I
have to have something to talk about, though, you always
have something to talk about. Not really. A recent study
that surveyed more than adult Americans found that seventy seven
percent of people always you have tips to restaurant servers

(39:17):
that means almost don't. But the number they say drops
with food delivery people dramatically, with people like you know,
the Uber eats and the and whatnot, and also the
taxi drivers as well, and and and uh and Uber.
I think it goes with the shaming. If if you

(39:37):
can see the person that's providing a service, then you're
more often than not gonna leave a tip. Both Uber
and Lift you don't see the driver after they drop
you off, so you're you don't have You're not compelled,
you're not looking at them. They're not looking at you
looking for that extra tip. I'll say this much to you.
Ben going to San Francisco and I eat in the city,
I don't tip anymore, you know, because San Francisco is

(40:00):
one of those cities that charges a percentage of your
bill as a tax, and they do that in order
to pay for your waiters and waitresses, so they they
circumvent the wage that they provide for their employers by
having you pay it through a tip and attacks. I
didn't know that. Yeah, Now, when you're in San Francisco,

(40:22):
you also shipped on the street like the locals. No,
I avoid I avoid the ship and I avoid the
syringes because they say, went in Rome, do as the
Romans do. Win in San Francisco. If they're all shipping
and there's species all over the street, you might as
well join the party, right, that's the proper decorum in
San Francisco. Trigger a lot of people in the Bay
Area if you talk like that anymore, now they know

(40:42):
they've got a problem. Man. And then my, my guys
that we got a lot of Bay Area listeners. We
do very well in San Francisco and that region, and
people are they like the frankness, and I think a
lot of people agree, they like these politicians are just
a bunch of assholes. This is a ship hole all
of a sudden. It's a beautiful city, sans this go
but what are you doing? It's just as bad here

(41:03):
in l Tho too. Oh, it's so, it's terrible in
Los Angeles too. It's horrible. But I don't think they're
shifting on the streets as much. But maybe they are.
I don't I don't know. I have no idea. Deep
next week, what's that deep dive? Next week we'll do
a full in depth investigation. We'll go out to skin roll,
we'll do the podcast from skin Roll all Right. A

(41:24):
new study says blank has the slowest speed when it
comes to drive through service. Who do you think it is?
Gascon slowest fast food restaurant for service? Um, I'd say well,
i'd say McDonald's. No, McDonald's is known for being pretty quick.

(41:44):
It's a bad job by you. There's someone to choose
for him. But yeah, I was gonna say McDonald's just
because they're so busy. I think that's the only one
you have in your head. That's what you said, McDonald's
according to this According to study, the answer is Chick
fil A. That Chick fil A is the slowest at
giving you your food and when you're in the fast

(42:04):
food dry through lane corn this new study, they found
out the Chick fil A has the slowest lines, with
an average time of about five minutes in twenty three seconds.
I can live with that, but see the Chick fil
A's that I've been to don't have drive throughs, and
the other ones that are like in San Bergino and Corona,
they have the dual drive throughs where you have two tellers,

(42:26):
you have two ways to order, and so you get
double the traffic, but they get you in and out.
I mean it's pretty much like in and out, in
and out next to our studio. It usually has a
line that's a quarter of a mile deep, especially like
at nine ten o'clock at night. Those lines are long. Yeah,
I mean, but I've been in that line at the
in and out in the in the valley there, and

(42:47):
it is exhausting at times. I mean it is all
the way out to the street. Yeah, I mean, it's
it's uh, it's punishment, is what it is. But but
here's my theory. As a veteran of eating fast food,
I'll give you some frankness here, But I used to
eat it all the time. And my note, I learned
that if you go in rush hour, it's gonna go quicker. Uh.

(43:10):
If you're a nighttime eater, if you make a food
you run. One of my listeners in the Bay Area there,
Marcus in Oakland. He was on the air earlier this
week guest Gone, and in the middle of our conversation
was ordering some burritos at Taco Bell because he was
had he had the munchies. But if you go after,

(43:31):
say like midnight, one of these overnight drive throughs, you're
going to have to wait because the food is not prepared,
it's gonna take him time to cook the food. They
gotta find some spit to put in the food. Uh,
and so it becomes a problematic. That's my theory. I'm
good with that. And I'll give you a pro tip too.
If you ever eat fast food, and you do eat
in your car, especially in and out, leave the wrappers

(43:53):
and the packages in your car overnight because the aroma
from in and out is fantastic when you get in
your car first thing in the morning. Wow, what's wrong
with that? All right? Like this gasoline? Also, you're like, actually,
I do like, I do like. I actually like it too.
All right? Now, Uh, what do you feed? Do you

(44:15):
have a dog or a cat? No, you're not an
animal person, right? No. I used to have a dog,
but no, not anymore. The dog died and needs to
that's it. Yeah. But there's a study out that says
dog owners are paying three percent more to buy organic
and vegan dog foods. What kind of asshole? I mean
you deserve to pay three more? It's a it's a dog, okay.

(44:39):
The dog will eat anything and will lick anything. What
are you doing? Right? The dog doesn't know what organic
and vegan is and all this. I mean, I know
you're trying to do the right thing. You want the
dog to live forever, but spoiler alert, doesn't matter. Dog
got a lifespan, maybe to live an extra year or two.
But it's ridiculous. Yeah, my sister feeds her dogs shred

(45:00):
a chicken. She just makes it like she does with
her dinner and then just cuts it all up and
feeds the dogs that way. But organic, no, sir, no
chance in hell. Now do you allow when you had
the dog, maybe your sister does this? Do you allow
the dog to lick the plate when you're done with
the plate? No? Never, I never did this until I

(45:20):
met my wife. My wife is a big advocate of
dog looking plates, and so it's now become a tradition
in the Mallard mansion where we get done with the meal.
If we don't finish everything, we let the dog get
to let the leftovers and lick the plate. All right, Now,
that makes sense because there's a drop on your show
where you say that dogs lick that whole plate. Yeah yeah, yeah,

(45:41):
So so that's what I uh, that's what we do here.
And we have a very nice dishwasher uh, we didn't
go cheap on that, and so we make sure that
thing is is in extreme heat to get all those
dog germs off the plate and all that stuff. I
watched it twice. I watched those plates. I'm the dishwasher
in the house, yeah, I and I washed those plates twice.

(46:01):
I've never heard someone rave about their home appliances as
much as you have dishwasher, barbecue, refrigerators. Like, I get it. Man,
Like I'm a very suburban man. When I live at
the city. I didn't even have a refrigerator. You're very
you're very upper class. We get a white collar Ben mallain.
All right, Well, one final thing in this portion of

(46:22):
the podcast. Here the study this portion which is my
favorite part of the podcast. But is that I read this.
It's not really a study, but it's a scientifical They
say that every year blank tons of moose roadkill are
salvaged in Alaska and eaten. How many tons of moose

(46:43):
roadkill per year did they scoop up off the streets
in Alaska? Did you say tons tons, ten tons? No,
according to the study or the research, rather a hundred
of somebody a hundred and ten tons moose road kill.

(47:04):
How much does the average moose weigh? They must weigh
a ton, right, I mean not not literally a ton,
but close to a ton. They must live a weigh
How many pounds eating a moose is a big fat
moose and Alaskan moose, they say, an average mail ways
anywhere from about eight hundred forty hundred pounds. Well there
you go, all right, there you go. So you know

(47:25):
you have hundred and figure how many moose die on
the road, and uh, that's good, that's a lot of
Well it's not it's not moose shit, it's moose dead,
moose flesh. Yeah, but can you always thought of that
that the cliche is like below the Mason Dixon line,
you know, somewhere in the dirty South they're eating road kill.

(47:46):
You know, that's the cliche and all that. But in Alaska,
which it can't get much more further north than Alaska,
and they're eating eating road kills. So a hundred and
ten tons hundred and ten point two tons to moose
road kill approximately are salvaged from Alaskan roads to be eaten.
That's just quick math. That's over two twenty thousand pounds.

(48:10):
That is unreal. That can't be right. That must be.
That must be wrong. I guess the bigger question is, now,
what do they do with it after? I don't have
to fact check that I read that, But that must
not be. That seems like too much, doesn't it. I
know Alaska is a very large place, but I don't know.
All right, it's in the bag. These are actual questions
by actual listeners. Are you ready for this? Yeah, let's go.

(48:33):
The questions better than last week, slightly slightly better these
I think these all came from Facebook and the email.
You can send a question in, but no one's doing that.
Uh Matt, the Bears fan Matt writes in, and I'm
not sure what city he's in. He didn't say, but
where was your first radio job and how long did

(48:55):
you work there? That's a that's the question. Uh well,
thank you, Matt. I get asked this some time to
time now. The first radio job that I had was unpaid.
I was worked at the college radio station at Saddleback
College k s b R, and we kept you jazz
commercial free in South Orange County, and we played bosh

(49:17):
a cruising for a bruising, and we had Brantford Marsalis
and all these jazz, smooth jazz performers back in those
days that we would play. But my first paying job
in radio was at the mighty six ninety in San Diego.
I started as an intern. I was an intern for
a few months and they hired me. And I started

(49:39):
out as a guy that would get I would do
UH production. I did that. I was an engineer, a
board op as they call it in the radio jargon UH.
And then I got hired as a reporter and I
lasted at the mighty six ninety from UH, I forget
the exactly I think it was three three years. UM.

(50:03):
I was there, and then I got transferred to a
station from San Diego to Los Angeles, and then I
was at that station, and then eventually I came to
the Fox Sports Radio. But that was my first paying gig.
So I lasted about three years, but technically I didn't
get fired. I just moved on to another thing. And
I've always had like side side work. What about you

(50:27):
gag on first radio gig. It's funny you say that
because my first radio gig was actually at the same
studio that you were at, but it was relabeled as
Extra Sports thirteen sixty now My circumstances were different because
I got at grad school and then I was doing
post graduate work in Los Angeles, all unpaid. And then

(50:49):
my first job a year later was that thirteen sixty
and just like you, I was a board op. They
hired me as a board op, working part time ten
dollars an hour, twenty nine hours a week, so ben
I didn't leave the house. I had no cable, so
I would stay in the station all day and all night,
watching sports and keeping up with with the Joneses. I

(51:12):
would stay there all day and all night. And then
I finally got some on air opportunity six months into
the job. And then I won't forget this, but it
was my thirteen month there at my heart down San Diego,
and I got this huge letter from the general manager
of the building. Her name is Melissa Forrest. I think
she's still down there, and she said, congratulations, someone vouched

(51:33):
for you for for raise. We appreciate your efforts, we
appreciate your performance, or to give you a raise. It
was a whopping ten percent raise. It went from ten
dollars to eleven in bed. I was working my ass
off all day, all night. The station said they had
no money, which was total bullshit. And then twenty months

(51:54):
from this day I started, I got moved up here
to Los Angeles and started working for Fox Sports Radios.
The rest is a nightmare. Well it was. It was
a brutal start, man, it was. It was wild. My
first on air opportunity, believe it or not, I was
the game day host of the San Diego State Aztecs.
I was doing a game on Christmas. Yeah, I was

(52:14):
doing a game for Christmas and Ben the exact play
that happened when I hit the air was Raheem More
getting burned by Joe Flacco over the top and the
a f C Divisual round when the Broncos lost at
home with the Baltimore Ravens. I could not remember. Yeah,
I was because we actually had televisions in our studio

(52:35):
and like yours, and I was watching that play as
I was on radio, and it was unbelievable as a
surreal moment. I also, we we both have ties to
San Diego State. One of my first board op jobs
was San Diego State men's basketball, and I ran the
board for the Aztecs and uh and they they they farmed.

(52:57):
The ASTECX was so bad in those days, they farmed
the game out to Cogo in San Diego, so I
was technically working for Cogo, even though I was in
the mighty six ninety It was a sister station and
all that. And I I don't want to get into
it here because I'm gonna get bogged down. But I
had the single worst performance ever by a radio engineer. Uh.

(53:17):
And it's amazing that I've still worked in the business.
It was I destroyed a college basketball radio broadcast. Uh.
I'll have to remind me down the line. We'll do
a whole podcast dedicated to our funk ups. Okay, we'll
do that. Yes, we can do that, definitely. Alright, Moving
on Chris and Hagerstown, Maryland says, how much list radio

(53:38):
are you planning on the fifth hour? Gascon on? That'st
your department, Go listen. We don't do list radio. The
list radio is set for the opening monologues of certain
shows Monday through Friday between eleven and three o'clock Pacific,
and that's usually when we we cook up a couple
of different things. We make it into a nice stew,
or put a little topping on on a pizza, uh,

(54:00):
or put it in bake a pie. Pepper can do that. Uh.
Now the list thing that you're you of course are
the Godfather list, but it does work, Like Cowhard does
that stick a lot. But yeah, I mean, but I
I know why they do it because and I was
telling you know, it's like the story this week we
talked about on the radio show about Alan Iverson is

(54:22):
all upset because he was not on on the list
of Bleacher Report had their top fifty NBA players or whatever,
and he was all upset. And and I always get
a kick out of that because the whole reason to
make a list is to create controversy. It's it's artificially
creating contrived outrage. That's why you do a list. And

(54:42):
so Cowherd's a master this a lot of these guys
in radio. That's their stick. It's not my stick, but
it's a lot of their stick and the and it
plays well because I don't know, it's we're all wired
the same way. But but people get frustrated and annoyed
if they see a list and they don't agree with
the list, and they have to correct the list. And uh,

(55:03):
and so if I was good at this, I would
not steer away from list but I usually I usually do.
My plan originally was to have list radio with you,
but on in the podcast, a segment of nothing but list,
but you have pushed back on that. That's a bad
job by you. Do you think we could get away
with that for one segment. We can do maybe twenty
or thirty minutes and just straight list radio. Oh yeah,

(55:24):
we could absolutely do that. Top five NFL coaches right now,
go Belt Jackson one, who's totally yeah, we can do.
We can do Kyle Shanahan, we can do Sean McVeigh,
we can do Pete Carroll, we can do Uh, you're
not gonna say Jason Garrett. You can say Sean Hardmall
always has good teams on their right, Sean Sean Payton. Yeah, yeah,

(55:48):
that's more about Drew Brees to me. But ye, Sean Payton,
he annoys me. I'm annoyed by him. He bitched so
much after the NFC Championship game. He's on my ship.
They got fucked. That's why he's bitching about lost the game.
A bunch of freaking cowards, the New Orleans Saints. What
a gutless football team. They deserve to lose. Keep your

(56:08):
composure asshole. It was a tie game, all right, It
was a tie game. And uh and the actually at
that point they had a three point lead, right, I
believe they had a three point lead, but it would
have been first down and goal to go, and said,
you have a great defense. You're at home and everyone's
eating gumbo and jambalaya and all that stuff, having a
wonderful time. No one can go in there and that

(56:30):
pit of vipers in New Orleans and come out of winner.
And you play like a bunch of weaklings and allow
the Rams and Jared Golf, Jared fucking Golf to go
down the field and get in the field goal range.
And then in the overtime, your Hall of fame quarterback
decides to puke all over the field, throws in interception
like a pile of gelatinous goo, and uh, and the

(56:51):
Rams go down and win the game. You deserve to
lose that game, Sean Payton, screw you. Well, there you go.
There's your top five lists to NFL coaches here in Alright.
Shane in Australia writes in uh, we have an international
reach on this podcast. She has a long time Mattler
Militia guy. Uh. He says, is it okay to drink

(57:14):
for three days straight with your mates without speaking to
your misses in that time? All right, what do you
want to go first? On this gascon? So you just
go on a bender for three days and don't talk
to your your lady fri it loud or not allowed?
I think it's allowed as long as you're texting. Does
that still count as talking to your mate or no?
In the modern world, that does count as talked. Okay,

(57:35):
So if you're if you're going three days without talking
to her, you better have a pretty damn good excuse,
like you're blacked out drunk, or you got a side
piece that you need to give attention to you for
three days and you can just tell her you're like, hey,
I lost my phone, my phone was stolen, whatever it is,
I couldn't communicate with you. You better have a damn
good excuse otherwise, Yeah, it's not. You can't justify that

(57:56):
well in America. But maybe in Australia or Europe or
somewhere else in the world you can get away with it.
But my experience in America is you cannot get away
with it yet that you will have hell to pay
and it will be people that are very upset with you,
and it'll be it'll just it'll be a pin in
the ass. So why bother? Right, Well, when you go
on trips and it's only guys, how frequently do you

(58:19):
talk to the missus? I'll check out, whether once a
day or whatever, maybe text her occasionally, but you know,
it's not all the time. I mean, and I don't
even go on guy trips much anymore. I don't go anywhere.
I just stay home. That's pretty much what I do.
That's my whole body. That's a pretty ballsy plan. That'll
go three days drinking on a binge and not taught

(58:40):
your your girl, I like that. You you better be
rico suave in the bedroom to get away with that one, right, Yeah,
if you're loaded, if you're great in the sack, you
can get away with those certain things. So if you're not,
then you're gonna be shot. She'd probably cheating on you anyway.
So all right now, Matt from Fort Royal, Virginia, You
ever been to Fort Royal, Virginia. No, I've never been
to Virginia. Great place on God's being Earth And Matt says,

(59:02):
can you teach gag on how to park. So guests,
we should do this on the podcast. I can actually
teach you how to park. You don't know how to park?
Your terrible, your an embarrassment. Listen from that wants me
to help you. Are you willing to take my help?
I will teach you how to park. Well, we can't
use your car to be teaching me how to park
because your car is small. You have a lot of
blind spots. Um your right spots would make it hard

(59:25):
to park, wouldn't it. Yeah, exactly, So we can't use
your car. We can use my car. It's a it's
a high performance sports utility vehicle. You have no blind
You're hurting the environment over warming and all that. And
you know, you get some of those people that are fanaticals.
That's right. No, I'm a great driver. I'm probably one

(59:46):
of the best drivers I know. Just because well, you
don't know many people. I know a lot of people.
Not really, I know a lot of the same people
you know. I know you do a lot of those
people that are high up in the food chain, the executives,
you don't know them at all. Do you think you
know them? But you don't know? There is a divide
you know, separate and divide between me and you. Yeah,

(01:00:11):
you know what your nickname is, the bad Apple. That's
your nickname. If I get that reputation, it's lights out,
all right. So I guess Matt the answers he does
not want help parking Colin the Electrician. I don't know
where Collins is. He didn't say what city he's in.
But do you think that the NFL should just do
away with the reviewable past interference penalties already? Uh? Colin

(01:00:32):
obviously does he think he's a waste of time? Uh?
And whatnot? This is a sporty question, but I put
it in here. Uh yeah, I am. I'm not for
the current the new setup, the reviewable pass interference penalties,
because my experience the first four weeks of the NFL
season is almost never do they actually overturn the call.

(01:00:53):
Like so, my theory on this is that the officials
are pushing back, fighting back against the machine of the NFL,
and only like one percent are going to be overturned.
The most egregious pass interference penalties night this is it
doesn't matter, it's a waste of time. We're not going
to overturn the call. Don't do it. Even though it

(01:01:14):
is technically reviewable, it's not worth your time. Yeah, I'm
I'm right there with you. I'm on the same page.
It's like reviewing balls and strikes in Major League Baseball.
I mean, umpires miscalls all the time. Same thing with
fouls in the NBA. Every play in the National Football League,
you can call a penalty for something with it's holding
passenger ferents for offense, passenger ferents for defense. There's a

(01:01:35):
lot of blowing calls for rough in the pastor that
are called against certain teams and they're going after the quarterback.
I think there's just way too much in terms of
instant replay. It's using today's game. Obviously, it's it's drummed
up for controversy. It helps for ratings when we're talking
about this on a Monday or Tuesday. I want to
get rid of it. Yeah, I don't like it. I
mean it's it's I know we talked about a lot

(01:01:56):
of these controversies on radio shows and podcasts and whatnot,
but it's it does annoy me, and unfortunately I turned around.
I'll just go to a different game. When they go
to replay, I'm like, I don't really care that much,
I'll go to another game. But it is, it is annoying.
It is the fifth hour, it's in the bag. Do
we have any more here? Let's see. Daniel had an

(01:02:17):
interesting idea. Daniel works at Walt Disney World, and he said,
should the NFL have just one week, say after week eight,
where the entire NFL goes on hiatus rather than have
teams stagger their bye weeks after three weeks and over
the next like what eight weeks or something like that
by weeks. But um, well, the way I would answer it,

(01:02:38):
I think that's actually not a bad idea. But the
NFL wants to have content every week. They make a
deal with television, so I don't think they'll actually do that.
But it's not it's not wild. I mean everyone would
have the same No one would have an advantage because
right now, if you have your bye week like late
in the year, traditionally you want to have it as
late as you can because that gets you refreshed for

(01:03:00):
the home stretch. Right Yeah, But I wouldn't want to
have I wouldn't want to be a team that has
to play because you get a lot of teams that
play Thursday night in football, and then they have their
bye week following it, or they had the bye week
before their Thursday night football affair, so they have a
little bit more leniency on the days oft and whatnot.
But like you mentioned, CBS, Fox, ESPN, NFL network, that's

(01:03:22):
their that's their money maker for the entire calendar year.
The highest television ratings come into play during the fall.
That's the National Football League, that's the NFL. The NFL
then ten times again Sunday night football for NBC. It's huge.
There's no way you'd want to cut that off for
one week to have them all go dark because frankly,
the college product isn't as good or it's nowhere close
to what the National Football League provides. Yeah, yeah, so

(01:03:46):
I mean's it's serious. Sounds fine, But I don't think Daniel,
there's a chance. Plus, yeah, we play fantasy football. Would
you want to go dark for a week playing fantasy football?
I go dark every week? What are you talking about? Talking?
What dark? Dark? Humor? Whatever? What do you think? Pervert?
All right, Uh, don't stick the sports. This is your

(01:04:07):
department gascon here. One more thing, this is actually not
a sports story. I hate the one more thing I
read this this weekend. Again, this might be bullshit, but
I read that at the Alien Telescope Array or Allen
Telescope Array, California alien uh Astromer's ut. I can't even talk,

(01:04:28):
uh the the uh astronomers, I guess is what they
call it? That the term I think that's the term. Anyway,
this this uh this telescope in California. They have champagne
with them at all times in the refrigerator. Why is
that gascon In case they find a new star and
they could name it, No, in case they find alien life,

(01:04:48):
they have a bottle of champagne in the fridge to
pop the bottle of champagne to celebrate that they found Martians.
Now what do they do do they do like a post? Uh?
They do uh an night party at Area fifty one,
the place that we can't go to after in celebration
and talk to the guys and our military. Yeah, well
they should go to Prorompt, Nevada, where Art Bell used

(01:05:10):
to work from overnight on the coast to coast, because
that's I always think of aliens. I think a Prorompt Nevada.
All right, let's get to your stories of the week.
What do you have. Let's do this. Have you ever
been body shamed before? Oh? Yeah, I've been a fat person. Yeah,
your body shamed all the time when I was when
I was younger. People, you know, even now, people are
assholes and say nasty things and that this is how

(01:05:32):
it works and that that's how they were raised by
their parents. Know that's true. We'll check this out. A
Texas woman found out that she was being body shamed
online by a potential employer. The company it's a startup
company named kick Ass Masterminds and the woman's names Emily Chow.
What happened was she actually applied for an internship at
the company and actually a couple of other companies as well.
But what they did after following her account on Instagram,

(01:05:57):
they screen captured a couple of pictures and one particular
where she was in a bikini, and they posted it
inside their company portal, saying, hey, you know, if you
want to apply for a job, it's best and it's
in your best interest that if you're looking to do
something like this, don't have all your social media out
there's to your potential employers can look at that stuff.
Oh so they were using her as an example. Or uh,

(01:06:20):
I mean, that's not the way to go. But that's
not the worst. I thought you were gonna say something.
So they were she fat or something? No, she was.
She was actually really attractive. She's in fantastic shape. Who
the hell cares, especially especially for a marketing company. Right,
there's there's only a handful of things that men look
at online and that come to marketing and it plays right.

(01:06:44):
She's not an ugly duckling or something like that. And
she doesn't look like Joseph Merrick who Joseph meerkas, but
she's the elephant man. She doesn't look like the elephant
woman Josephine Merrick. Then uh the soh hell? Hell the
hell cares? Get over Yeah, speaking of way getting over it.
A teacher in Florida was was down in her luck

(01:07:04):
and in fact that the cost of living for her
in Florida was pretty hard, so she actually turned herself
to a sugar daddy's website. Um, ben, if you were
a woman, yes, would you go to a sugar daddy website? No?
You wouldn't know. I would probably do it because there's
there's a great value in that and and pretty much

(01:07:25):
you can make a lot of money doing it, right, Yeah,
but why would you want to be caught because you
could do this stuff online on your own and there's
so many different platforms. So that just prostitution. I mean,
it's really, I mean, all this is prostitution. I mean
just just it's just saying in a different way, we're
all paying for sex right one way or another, of
course we are. Yeah. So so what happened with this

(01:07:46):
this particular teacher, Yeah, a teacher, and so she obviously
joined this website to supplement her income as a preschool teacher.
That's the worst part about it. But then she started
going on dates, and then when she would go to
school to take her kids to school, she began to
see the guys that she would go on dates on
at certain schools when she would drop off her kids. Wow,

(01:08:10):
that's how old is she? She looks like she's in
her mid thirties, all right, So maybe she was in
her late twenties or something like that when she did this. Maybe.
But yeah, that's tough. I mean, they say you're not
supposed to ship where you eat, right, isn't that what
they say there? And all that? And uh, well yeah,

(01:08:30):
I mean that's uh I know she's probably some nice
candlelight dinners there and and had a wonderful time romantic
songs and all that and lovey dovey, but stuff I
always had When I was dating. Most of my dates
did not go well, and I was always worried that
I would like run into one of these people. You know,
I had this paranoia when I go out that I

(01:08:51):
like running to someone I had dated. And it never
never happened, at least I don't want to call it. Yeah,
how are you gonna run in a former dates in
the movie theater? You can't see the other ones? Wow?
Really slobbering idiot? Uh No, No, I would go other
places occasionally, but you never And I usually dated people

(01:09:11):
that were far away from where I lived. That was intentional.
Plus I lived in the hood and I didn't just
it was hard to meet people in the hood that
you wanted to hang out with that were you a
serial dater? Like, did you date all the time? No? No,
it was hard to get dates. And when you're fat,
it's hard to get dates. Women don't give you the
time of day, so it's difficult. And plus I worked
in radio man for years. Those years I was dating heavily.

(01:09:34):
I was working overnight weekend radio, and imagine talking to
some someone online or something like that, and you're you're
trying to go out with him, and you said, well,
I'm available every day except Friday night and Saturday night.
I'm not available to nights. I mean, what woman wouldn't
jump at the opportunity to it wouldn't be persuaded to

(01:09:54):
to date a guy who's not available the two most
popular nights of the week. Yeah, I got that problem
right now. Anyways, you can follow me on Twitter at
David J. Gascon And he was trying to get a date.
Don Juan over there, Prince Charming. Swipe right, swipe right,
yes man, plenty of fish right, Ben we Go from
Florida to Dallas were the wife of a seventy two

(01:10:16):
year old man in Dallas was charged with a fatal
shooting of someone that he thought was a burglar. And
he contacted the lawyers. He called one and whatnot. This
guy was charged with murder after shooting somebody that he
thought was a burglar. Bonn was said of a hundred
fifty thou dollars. According to the reports, the perpetrator came
into the apartment building. He was shot killed, and the

(01:10:37):
man that shot him after he was done, he went
right back to bed. Well that's the definition of cold bloody.
So that the guy's body was still in the Yes,
was he dreaming? Was he like sleep walking when he
did this? No, he just said, well, wa Florida to Dallas, Texas.

(01:10:58):
You know they're the gun laws and what people are
a little gun happy? None in a little star state.
I know that's the cliche. But wouldn't like being a
human being. Uh, I mean I'm not against guns and
all that, and maybe that's not popular to say. I'm
not anti gun. I think there should be some some
restrictions on it. I don't think you should be like
the old West. But uh, fine with the right to

(01:11:20):
bear arms and all that. But my my god, here,
I mean there are If I killed somebody, I would
have such guilt and such even if it was even
it was necessary, I would still be like I took
a life. I mean that would be I would feel horrible. Yeah,
speaking of which, you remember Ray carew Right, Oh yeah, yeah,
he was behind the uh the murder of his wife.

(01:11:41):
Then yeah, that's right. I bring that up because this
this woman in Florida. Her name is Jesse Lopez. She
was facing she was in jail. She was facing fill
any charges of operating an unsanctioned weight loss clinic. And
then while she was in prison, she started talking to
a couple of cellmates and put a head out her
husband at the time, and she got cot wash. She

(01:12:03):
was doing that. She was a part of, like this
huge money laundering scheme. But they had officials and obviously
undercover informants that were in there, and she was corresponding
with a undercover police officer, going back and forth about
putting a hit on her husband, making some phone calls
through the communications that she gets on her one time
phone calls and whatnot. But she was planning this from

(01:12:24):
behind the prison wall. Yes, a dumb bitch. I mean,
my god, here gascon Uh. This is an asset test
with stupidity, I mean common sense, common sense. That is
profound ignorance, and that woman deserved get caught and deserved
whatever punishment she's gonna get from this. I mean, Mike,

(01:12:47):
I know you're not in your right mind when you're like,
let's put a hit out on someone, but still, this
is beyond ridiculous. Year last one are you paper plastic?
I am plastic, more of a plat Yeah, so am
I I bring that up because the city of brotherly Love,
Philadelphia is making a little bit of history right now,
the first major US city right now in the United

(01:13:08):
States to actually ban cashless stores. Now, there's a new
bill that's out. It's supposed to go into effect and
during the summertime, but it was delayed, so now it's
gonna take part here in a couple of days. But basically,
the bill prevents most retail locations from refusing to take cash. Now.
It does not include parking garages, internet transactions, and hillsale

(01:13:30):
clubs that operate on membership models, but it prevents them
from charging people who use cash at a higher price
than those who use cards. Now, people might think about, well,
what does that all mean. It's simple. If you go
to a gas station right now, just for example, I
bought gas today, was four dollars a gallon, But if
you if I use my credit card, it's four ten.

(01:13:51):
So if I go cash, it's four dollars. If I
go with a credit card, it's four ten. So really
I thought it was cheaper than with cash. I thought, yes, yes,
it is. What you said, but okay I did. Yeah,
so it is cheaper, so they want to say they
want your quality. I will tell you that, you know,

(01:14:12):
if you if you want to budget, I started budgeting
about a year ago to try to get out of
debt and pay off some stuff that I have built up,
the great debt that I've built up in my life
with my wife's as well. In on this. But any
book you read, any advice from like Dave Ramsey and
those type of people, they tell you that envelopes cash envelopes.

(01:14:35):
You're supposed to put put cash for your budget every
week in an envelope and not spend any more than
that budget, and you will actually get out of debt
faster that way. So even when I used credit cards
a lot because it's just easier than going to the
bank and getting cash and all that, I I understand.
Uh you know, listen, it's uh and it's kind of

(01:14:57):
ridiculous the way they set it up where you get
charge is more one way than the other, and all
that stuff you don't. You don't sock away every every
pay period for your four oh one can Uh, yes,
you max out your four oh one. K man, what's wrong?
With you. No, listen, you're taking some bad advice from

(01:15:19):
a a dentist that used to work here, television dentist.
Television dentists, by the way, during this podcast sent me
several text messages. I want you to know, he was
texting me. Yeah, were they in sexual nature or were
they No? No, he He listens to local radio in
Los Angeles and then comments on the radio like when
stuff happens that it's just ridiculous. You'll tell me that.

(01:15:42):
I can't believe I heard this on the radio. And
so and so said this. It's all people we we
know and people we work with over the year. It
was he critiquing their language or the way that they spoke,
or even the words that they used in a report.
He's he's known for that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's a
he's a dick. Yeah. I mean he does all that
stuff absolutely. So yeah. Anyway, all right, so is that

(01:16:04):
it put the ball on, the baby on the package
or whatever? He yes, put baby to bed and all
those cliches blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah. Al right, Uh. There it is the fifth
Hour with Ben Mallard. Thank you. If you love the podcast, boy,
you really love it. If you're still listening, uh, just
downloaded every week like you're doing right now. Tell a
friend that will help us out a lot. Give us

(01:16:26):
a nice review that would be pretty cool, with vivid
details how much the podcast has changed your life. The
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallory. Have a great weekend. Hopefully
my tongue will actually heal by the time I get
back on the radio. If not, I might actually have
to take a sick day, which would be embarrassing. Uh
next week. But have a great weekend and thank you.