Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This one or so it's time to make a date
or break on tip in the morning Tuesdays, our relationships
and therapy come together right here on the show. And
you guys know how this works. But by now, if
you're not, let me welcome you into this party. Lori
Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor she.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Sees it all.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're more than welcome to hit us up with your
specific questions. The segment has evolved over time, like most
things in our lives, and whether you're newly dating, married,
you moved in together, whatever the case may be, what
we're going to talk about today, I feel, you know,
the women's names always get the bad rap, And first
it was Karen, and now it's Rebecca.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, the Rebecca syndrome.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Has this come up in your office or on your
feed or where have you? Says Rebecca syndrome.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
This is my first time coming across this language just
recently came across my feed. But I have dealt with
us a lot with different couples and individuals over the years,
and it is that really intense, almost up sess of
jealousy that some people can have about their partner's X.
And this can be really harmful to relationships, not just
(01:08):
with your person across the table, with your relationship with
yourself too.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Question.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Now, this is named Rebecca, meaning most likely this is
happening girls are jealous of guys exes. Well, have you
seen this on the other way around? Like, what's the Yeah,
I would say it actually is equal. I've seen it
equally on both sides. It's named Rebecca after a novel,
and I do agree. I think women's names get the
rock rap on that So a character in a novel.
(01:36):
But no, this happens equally on both sides of the
gender spectrum.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Okay, it could also be called the Olivia syndrome. I'm
so obsessed with you? So how are you navigating couples
through this?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So whenever this comes up, we've got two key things
at our play. First of all, we've got comparison, and
we all know comparisons the thief of joy. It's the
losing game we all play with ourselves. So there's that
we got to be mindful of that. But the other
thing is there's usually some level of insecurity present. This
doesn't just pop up for no reason. So whether it's
insecurity within yourself, comparing yourself to the ex or insecurity
(02:16):
in your relationship, feeling like your partner is not fully
closed that door, or that there's some uncertainty there for you.
Those are usually the culprits for this. But if you
find yourself going into multiple relationships and having this experience,
then I think there's something for you to explore within
yourself as far as how we can getch you more
(02:36):
confident in your relationships. You're not wasting time obsessing over
someone who really should not matter in this equation.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's me the problem.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's me, okay, but I know that there's a guy
right now in their car being like, oh my god,
my girl is driving me nuts with this.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
What can I say to her to get her off
my back?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah? I think the best thing to reflect on is
that there, you know what, what trust has been built
in the relationship, So really focusing on you know, we
have built trust together, We have built trust in these ways.
And trying not to spend a lot of time in
the weeds on this issue. That's the other thing I
would try and redirect away from it as much as possible.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So sweep it under the rug, not sweep it under
the rug.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Acknowledge it, say I understand that you feel that that
level of jealousy, but I'm here with you, I'm present
with you and really trying to cement that piece of
the conversation instead of focusing on digging up stuff from
the past.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
How does this ruin relationships? I mean, I'm sure it
does well.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It creates two different narratives, especially you know, with the
person that is obsessed with the X, it can really
create a lot of disruption and discontent in the relationship,
which ultimate leads to resentment.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
And resentment is the relationship killer? So obsessed with un
though she's been asleep on my set of your bit
and I can feel it. You know, anything goes here.
You know what I say.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
If you can't let it out here and you can't
admit it, where are you going to let it out?
Five win, three seven four nine one o seven one.
Let's give Rebecca a little bit of a break and
let's call her Olivia.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So I'm obsessed
This one or so it's time to make a date
or break on tip in the morning Tuesdays, our relationships
and therapy come together right here on the show. And
you guys know how this works. But by now, if
you're not, let me welcome you into this party. Lori
Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor she.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Sees it all.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're more than welcome to hit us up with your
specific questions. The segment has evolved over time, like most
things in our lives, and whether you're newly dating, married,
you moved in together, whatever the case may be, what
we're going to talk about today, I feel, you know,
the women's names always get the bad rap, And first
it was Karen, and now it's Rebecca.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, the Rebecca syndrome.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Has this come up in your office or on your
feed or where have you? Says Rebecca syndrome.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
This is my first time coming across this language just
recently came across my feed. But I have dealt with
us a lot with different couples and individuals over the years,
and it is that really intense, almost up sess of
jealousy that some people can have about their partner's X.
And this can be really harmful to relationships, not just
(01:08):
with your person across the table, with your relationship with
yourself too.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Question.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Now, this is named Rebecca, meaning most likely this is
happening girls are jealous of guys exes. Well, have you
seen this on the other way around? Like, what's the Yeah,
I would say it actually is equal. I've seen it
equally on both sides. It's named Rebecca after a novel,
and I do agree. I think women's names get the
rock rap on that So a character in a novel.
(01:36):
But no, this happens equally on both sides of the
gender spectrum.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Okay, it could also be called the Olivia syndrome. I'm
so obsessed with you? So how are you navigating couples
through this?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So whenever this comes up, we've got two key things
at our play. First of all, we've got comparison, and
we all know comparisons the thief of joy. It's the
losing game we all play with ourselves. So there's that
we got to be mindful of that. But the other
thing is there's usually some level of insecurity present. This
doesn't just pop up for no reason. So whether it's
insecurity within yourself, comparing yourself to the ex or insecurity
(02:16):
in your relationship, feeling like your partner is not fully
closed that door, or that there's some uncertainty there for you.
Those are usually the culprits for this. But if you
find yourself going into multiple relationships and having this experience,
then I think there's something for you to explore within
yourself as far as how we can getch you more
(02:36):
confident in your relationships. You're not wasting time obsessing over
someone who really should not matter in this equation.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's me the problem.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's me, okay, but I know that there's a guy
right now in their car being like, oh my god,
my girl is driving me nuts with this.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
What can I say to her to get her off
my back?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah? I think the best thing to reflect on is
that there, you know what, what trust has been built
in the relationship, So really focusing on you know, we
have built trust together, We have built trust in these ways.
And trying not to spend a lot of time in
the weeds on this issue. That's the other thing I
would try and redirect away from it as much as possible.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So sweep it under the rug, not sweep it under
the rug.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Acknowledge it, say I understand that you feel that that
level of jealousy, but I'm here with you, I'm present
with you and really trying to cement that piece of
the conversation instead of focusing on digging up stuff from
the past.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
How does this ruin relationships? I mean, I'm sure it
does well.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It creates two different narratives, especially you know, with the
person that is obsessed with the X, it can really
create a lot of disruption and discontent in the relationship,
which ultimate leads to resentment.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
And resentment is the relationship killer? So obsessed with un
though she's been asleep on my set of your bit
and I can feel it. You know, anything goes here.
You know what I say.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
If you can't let it out here and you can't
admit it, where are you going to let it out?
Five win, three seven four nine one o seven one.
Let's give Rebecca a little bit of a break and
let's call her Olivia.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So I'm obsessed
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