June 14, 2026 • 53 mins
For years, Annkia knew something wasn't right. At just 9 years old, she was living with constant pain, countless trips to the bathroom, and long periods away from school. As doctors searched for answers, she found herself navigating a childhood marked by hospital visits, procedures, medication, and the loneliness of being misunderstood.
In Part 1 of her story, Annkia shares what it was like growing up with a chronic health condition, being dismissed by adults who should have helped, missing school because of pain, and carrying the emotional weight of an illness that nobody seemed able to explain.This is a story about resilience, survival, and the lasting impact of not being believed.
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#LegallyCluelessPodcast #LegallyCluelessAfrica #AfricanStories #KenyanPodcast #Storytelling #Healing #MentalHealth #PodcastKE
In Part 1 of her story, Annkia shares what it was like growing up with a chronic health condition, being dismissed by adults who should have helped, missing school because of pain, and carrying the emotional weight of an illness that nobody seemed able to explain.This is a story about resilience, survival, and the lasting impact of not being believed.
Sign up for our newsletter:
https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com
Share your story:
https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/share-your-story
Connect with us:Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica
https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica
https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com
#LegallyCluelessPodcast #LegallyCluelessAfrica #AfricanStories #KenyanPodcast #Storytelling #Healing #MentalHealth #PodcastKE
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is a girl on youngle and welcome to
another episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no
clue what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not
the only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of
legally Clueless. This is what's coming up a glass of
water for me.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I've told you it's twenty trips to the washroom. So
that means that if I take about ten trips to
the washroom and there's still urine remaining in my bladder
just becomes this acidic liquid that is constantly burning you.
I'm a child. I don't even know how did we
get here? How did we get here to an inflamed bladder?
(00:39):
That is even the best parties. He recorded everything and
got to play the video. I got to see that indeed,
this bladder is very sick. In primary, several times I
was given a Daily Fresh as an award for being
a polite girl, being the most quiet one. People didn't
understand that. It's because at some point, I think I
(01:02):
was just traumatized as a child when you're given an
award like I remember, like anytime there would be awards,
I would get a couple of Daily Fresh packets. Because
you've been given an award for being neat. That's because
you don't leave class. You don't play. He was not playing.
I do not swim. I'm not allowed to swim because
(01:22):
you've been told this can even cause more infections. I
can't run. Movement is hard for me. So there's a
daily refresh for being neat. There's a daily fresh for
being polite. Because you do not talk. They don't talk
to at home, does not talk to in school.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
That is part one of Ankia's story. We're about to
jump into it a little later in this episode. First off,
Ill was welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the OG members who've
been here from the jump. I truly appreciate you. If
you're a new bie, and we've got quite a few
new listeners checking in, welcome to the family. Here we
are all about African stories, specifically African women's suffries and
(02:01):
our healing and our journey to being our vestselves. So
on Monday we have this show Legally Clueless, where different
Africans come and share stories from their lived experience. On
Wednesdays we have the Midwig TI's where I unpack different
topics that I think could be helpful to you on
your journey of becoming or of being. Our newsletter also
(02:23):
goes out on Wednesdays. To make sure you sign up
for that on our website the linksins the show notes,
and then on Thursdays we have for Manneralist Women, a
show where we have different African women come through share
expertise and inspiration that is so necessary on our awakening.
(02:44):
Do you feel that awakening on the continent, because I
really do like African women coming to their own questioning
who they've always been told to be, questioning who they
truly want to be, and trying to like reach for that. Ah.
It's such a beautiful time to be alive and to
be an African woman. I truly believe it. So yeah,
(03:04):
that's sorry, I went on a tangent. When I hear
about our weakening, I just get super excited because it
just feels like a lot of the sacrifices the women
before is made. I can see myself living the result
of those sacrifices, being able to change my mind, being
able to live alone, being able to have hobbies and
(03:28):
be happy. Rest fucking rest, you know what I mean.
It's truly incredible, It's truly incredible anyway, So I have
two major things to share before we jump into the story. Okay.
The first one is that this Thursday, a very special
season for Mannerless Women is beginning. Oh my god, Like honestly, internally,
(03:55):
we are just so excited about this. And so I
got together six of my favorite African women who are
from Nigeria, from South Africa, from Zimbabwe, from Ghana, from Somalia,
Oh my god, they're from outside Kenya, and I decided
(04:19):
to have conversations with them on sensuality, pleasure, on spirituality.
Oh my god, I can't wait for you to hear
that particular episode, ah, because okay, let me just give
you a teaser. One of the ladies I met her
in Dubai in twenty twenty one, I think, and she
(04:40):
is an incredible DJ dedicated to African music. And in
the middle of her becoming this notable DJ, she gets
called by I'm just gonna say her elders because she
has been chosen to be an ancestral healing and so
(05:01):
she has to go through initiation while showing up to
gigs and like, oh my god, ah, I can't wait.
I can't wait to share all of these episodes with you.
So the special season begins this Thursday. So wherever you're
listening to this on, make sure you subscribe so you
(05:24):
don't miss out on this. We are expanding, We're going
past Kenya and connecting African women. It feels so good
because this is truly my calling. This is truly my
calling to serve African women and to be about our awakening,
(05:46):
which includes our healing, which includes our unlearning. Oh guys,
I'm so happy. Anyway. Second thing I want to say
before you jump into the story, if you are a newbie,
I saw probably two comments that I just want to
nip in the bud from Genet story, which was in
the previous couple of episodes, and one of them first
(06:11):
and foremost, we prioritize kindness here, we prioritize empathy. And
some of the comments were like, oh so so it's
not a good storyteller, etc. Please that is a show
way to get expelled from this community. The people who
(06:31):
come on all of our shows are not performing, especially
this show. They're not performing. We have not scripted their stories.
Please trust and believe in fact, when our correspondents reach
out to storytellers, all we do is help them remember
what story they want to share, and then we let
(06:53):
them share their stories. These are raw stories, not all
of them are of happy, chirpy things, and nobody gets
to decide who is good at telling their lived story
and who is not. Honestly, it's not a performance. It's
not a musician coming here to perform their song. Even then,
(07:16):
even then, a musician sharing their art with you is
them really being vulnerable. And if you don't like it,
which is your right, you keep it pushing, you scroll past, right,
You don't stop and start poking at someone who has
been vulnerable with you. That just is not gonna fly.
(07:42):
It's not gonna fly here. Stories have an opportunity to
spark empathy. Listen to the story with the with the
acknowledgement that you're listening to another human, another African. Lean
in with curiosity. But always remember, the people who come
(08:04):
on the shows are not performing. They're being so gracious
by opening up their lived experiences, their lives with you.
What an honor, What an absolute honor. And I just
thought the whole week, I was like, oh my god,
(08:27):
I have to share this reminder with you, especially for
you who maybe has just discovered us there's no performances here.
And the people that we honor the most, you and I.
The people we honor the most are the brave Africans
(08:47):
who come and share their stories and their insights with us. Cool.
All right, let's jump into part one of ankias story. First.
I just love her name. I just love her name,
and her story just really puts into focus how when
we talk about illness, we're often focused on the diagnosis,
(09:10):
but we forget the journey when you're sick and nobody
knows what's wrong. Imagine being a child in class three
trying to explain your pain and you don't even have
the language for it yet. So one of Anko's story
dives into that. What was it like growing up with
symptoms that left her constantly in and out of hospitals
(09:34):
from when she was just in class three? A hundred
African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Hi, Am, my name is like kah jer Gunjiri. I
was born and raised in gizung Guri. So would you
believe that for someone who comes from a place where
we plant a lot of coffee, that I'm actually a
tea girl. I prefer a nice hot cup of tea.
I am a product of my grandparents. It's a very honest,
(10:12):
hard working people. Fortunately I was not lucky enough to
have her dad around growing up, so my mom had
a lot of help from my grandparents. I come from
a family of three, so my mom, my sister, and
I My sister is an awesome human being. She has
been awesome during this period. Not only this period, but
(10:35):
since I was born, basically from a young age that's
around like nine years old, my mom noticed there was
something very off when it came to clean. I wasn't
very active. I had a very hard time in school,
like sitting through a whole class. I was those kids
who used to need permission like a million times to
(10:58):
rush to their washrooms. And when you're nine years old,
this is not something you can articulate and tell your parents.
There's something very often you go to the osh room
like this is I say, is it my short call?
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
So when you're in class three, I was in I
was in class three. I remember my teacher. Then she
wrote a note to my mom like, uh, you're my
age Tana diaries, her diaries. My teacher wrote a note
to my parents, my mom, and she noted down there
that she was like an care and care doesn't doesn't
(11:39):
seem to be comfortable in class. She has a hard
time sitting through like a whole lesson. She seems uncomfortable
and seated, and I was not very happy. And remember
when my mom saw those saw this note and she
was like, where, well, I do not know what is happening,
(12:04):
but you know, maybe it's just it's just it's just
a kid being a kid. There wasn't a lot of
information back then on young kids can like get you tis.
So what my mom did is, you know, we just
I think we just brushed it off because everyone was
quite confused. And I don't blame them really, but it
(12:26):
came to a point where I could I could miss
like a whole time from school. That was like in
class five because of pain that I could not sit
in class anymore. A glass of water for me meant
twenty trips to the washroom. So that's not a kid
that constay in school. Really. In class six, I got
to we were given advice my mom. My mom is
(12:48):
a nurse, so she was given advice from people around
and friends. She was told, have you tried taking her
to a gay nacologist? And we did go to again
a color logist, and the gay nacologist was like, this
is not again of problem. I'll refer you to a urologist,
like because I don't know. Like as I said, I
(13:10):
don't blame them. But also by the time we were
getting to the urologist, things were not.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Great.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
So we went to this urologist in Aga Khan and
he was an old man, remember him, And the first
thing he asked me was have you ever had sexual intercourse?
I was like, I'm twelve. Because he listened to my story,
he listened to my symptoms, and I remember I told
(13:41):
him there was a point where I actually saw blood
in my urine, like plots of blood. And he asked me,
have you has someone ever touched you like a man
as a man ever touched him? Like no, no, no,
and even asked my mom to leave, and he was
He kept insisting that this might be something that is
(14:01):
related to sexual assault, and I was like, oh, the
being is understood. Continues it say that we've gone from
staying at home for a whole time because you're in pain.
I could barely sit this due to burning sensations. So
(14:21):
you see, when you explain to this to a person,
this STI. By the time you get appointed, someone can say,
oh this might real yout I. All people could think
about is an STI. Because of burning sensation. Therese blood
cloths in your urine. You can balyce it can you
can't hold urine. And this urologist, this old man, because
(14:45):
I remember it was an old man is now very old.
It's like a grandfather right now. He decided let's do
a couple of tests. And it took a million tests
for this man to believe that I was not kidding
that I at twelve years old. When I twelve year
(15:05):
old tells, you know, I've never had the sexual intercourse,
I'm being very serious. So he was the first person
to do a procedure in theater, and that's when they found, No,
it's not a UTI, it's not an SDI. It's just
I have a narrow eu retra in my mind. When
(15:26):
this doctor asked this question, the first thing I thought
of was I just want to get out of here.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Like I.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
When you've gone through this scruciating pain since nine years
old and now you're twelve, and the first thing someone
asks you, a whole consultant, the whole specialist the first
thing they ask you is while in pain, did you
have time to be sexually active? Like it didn't make
(15:58):
sense to me, like and can we just leave? And
even my mom at the time, like when we got
home after the appointment, we didn't even talk about it. Unfortunately,
she did sweep it under the rug and we just
got home and it was way back to it's a
normal day. Well, we saw this doctor and we're going
(16:22):
to go for this procedure and know what's next. So
there was a lot of confusion, and I felt very alone,
did feel very lonely, especially this is the time when
I think by sister was in boarding school, so there's
no one you can actually tell. My grandparents also, being older,
they don't then they don't have access to information. So
(16:47):
expect the people who should know better and do better.
They didn't do right by me. So we did go
for the procedure. Finally we have a diagnosis. You have
a narry retra. And at the time, I remember healthcare
is expensive, so after the procedure, we didn't afford to
get me to be admitted. I had to go home
(17:07):
immediately after theater. So it's you've left theater, you're awake,
Now let's go home. My mom was like, we actually
didn't like take like a cab. We had to take
a mat tattoo, which was very painful. So the only
help my mom had was her younger brother was there,
and my Mom's like, carry for me these things and
meal helping Jerry walk. And I remember crying the whole
(17:30):
way back home. And I remember that night my mom
being a nurse, she went, she had to go for
night shift, so I was left with this uncle who,
this younger uncle who feels completely helpless at home. I
can be very honest by telling you that things did
not get better after that procedure. We did have to
(17:53):
go back to hospital a couple of times that you've
found diagnosis, you've been told you have an arry. This
doctor has said, what I've done is I've dilated it
to be bigger, to be a normal size. So you're
supposed to be back to normal. So he kept asking why,
why why, So when we went back to hospital and
we told him, nothing has changed, still the same, and
(18:17):
he's like, but I dilated it, how come is it
narrow again? So a narrow eurethra when you have a
narrow eurethra means that your bladder doesn't completely empty urine,
so they still when you do go for a short call,
there's an amount of urine that remains in your bladder,
(18:39):
and that is just just a base for infections. Because
I can imagine, like if I a glass of water
for me, I have told you it's twenty trips to
the washroom. So that means that if I take about
ten trips to the washroom, and there's still urine remaining
in my bladder and just becomes this acidic liquid that
(19:01):
is constantly burning you, and it's just a base for infections.
And that's why I was always on antibiotics. That's why
I'm telling this doctor nothing is getting better. So this
doctor has dilated this narrow eurethra, he's told you it's
back to normal, and then but you're still going back
to hospital. So we did have to seek a second
(19:23):
opinion because you're getting older. I remember asking my mom
now that we are headed to what class eight and
after that is high school? Am I going to manage?
Are we going to will refiel the need to look
for like a boarding school that is near home. Will
I not? Will I get to go to my dream
high school or will not Will it be possible to
(19:45):
be able to get permission from school so that I
can constantly go back to hospital. That's so stressful. Nobody
wants that. I remember telling her that it took forever
for this primary school teachers to get to the program.
To get to the program that and Kia needs. You
have to give an care permission to go to the washroom.
(20:07):
It's not that I'm trying to evade your lesson. So
I told my mom. It gets tiring because not everyone
is quite understanding. There are teachers who would make me
sit in class and not give adam. And I told
my mom, I can't imagine going through that in high
school because having an older sister, you know that high
school is in Kenya, especially public high schools, can be
(20:30):
quite difficult. So we did, we did take a second opinion,
and we were sent to another doctor, another urologist. I
remember noting that we were not going to general practitioners,
we were going to specialists. And this second doctor was like,
oh my god, I think we can do another procedure
(20:51):
in theater and take a look at this bladder and
get to know what is happening. So this second doctor
takes me to theater. I think I was in. I
think I was in. I don't know if I was
in closet. I just remember being away from school in closet.
So I had to go to theater. And this doctor
(21:13):
came up with a different diagnosis. Now, so this one
told us it is not only a narrow e retra,
but also your bladder is red and inflamed. So it's
like a normal bladder is whitish, it's not inflamed. So
it's like it's red and inflamed. There might might even
be pass inside of Like, oh god, I was like,
(21:34):
oh god, don't don't even say that. I'm like, I'm
a child. I don't even know what. How did we
get here? How did we get here to an inflamed bladder?
That is even the best parties. He recorded everything and
got to play the video. I got to see that indeed,
this blurder is very sick. It was red, it was inflamed.
(21:55):
It looked wrong. And he said, as much as we
had deleting this ureath ran clearly nothing, nothing is happening.
It keeps getting narrow again again and again. And this
doctor decided my life in high school based on to
get through, like high school, I had to be on
antibiotics throughout. So what this doctor would do is I
(22:18):
would be he would prescribe antibiotics, very strong antibiotics, for
three months. So that means that when you go back
home for your holiday or midterm, he gets you another
prescription for another set of antibiotics. So my mom would
come to school just to bring like another fresh set,
like oh shares enough funds to buy this very expensive
(22:41):
and strong antibiotics. So what they did was just to
numb the pain, but lost the plot that they still
are very sick bladder here. The treatment in school was,
of course, it was different. I was known as the
kid was always sick. So your friends did I have friends?
Your classmates, they pity you from a very young age, like,
(23:06):
oh no, and care and case in pain, Oh no,
and care is not showed up for the whole time.
Oh god, driven. I don't even know what to say.
It's it becomes hard to form connections with people in
school because you also, as a kid, don't know how
to explain to your friends. You know, I think for
most of them, as being children, that they may most
(23:30):
of them, I'm pretty sure they thought I had the area,
like she's rushing to the washroom, Like she's rushing to
the washroom, like she's been keeping permission to go to
the washroom every time he needs calling? What is happening?
What kind of illnesses this? So they were they were clueless,
and I too was clueless. And I remember, of course
(23:55):
kids being kids, people come up to me and ask
me and care, what's the name of your illness? And
I could not tell them because I even I didn't
know you do. There's no way that no one teaches
you how to explain to your fellow twelve year old
that you have an arrow. Nobody, there's no guide, there's
(24:17):
no blueprint for that. And you just seem like I remember,
like at some point, even look like a liar. You're like,
you're pretending. Now, this is pretense. By the time people
get to understand you, they doesn't even get to understand you.
She's a pretender. This must be pretense. She's pretty sure
she just doesn't want to sit in class. And it's
(24:41):
of course it did hurt, but well, we get you
do develop a thick skin eventually because you I notice
from a young age that when you when you're going
through pain. You don't have the bandwidth to accommodate people's feelings.
It's that big skin develops as early as that that
(25:04):
class six, that twelve years that got a point where
I didn't even care. I would I would go back
to school and I would not speak. And I remember
there's the I remember being I don't know if it
was in class seven or it was in that class three.
I'm pretty sure somewhere in primary several times I was
(25:25):
given a day refresh as an award for being a
very being a polite girl, being the most quiet one.
Like people didn't understand that. It's because at some point,
I think I was just traumatized as a child when
you're given an award, like I remember, like any time
(25:48):
there would be awards, I would get a couple of
day refresh packets because you've been given an award for
being neat. That's because you don't leave class, you don't play.
He was not so I knew that I'm going to
get a daily fresh today for being neat because I
do not leave the class. I do not play with
(26:09):
the rest during break. I do not swim. I'm not
allowed to swim because you've been told this can even
cause more infections. I can't run. Movement is hard for me.
So there's a daily fresh for being neat. There's a
daily fresh for being polite, because you do not talk.
They don't talk to at home, they does not talk
to in school. So you know, it was tough. When
(26:36):
you look back at it, you're like, oh, there's something
very wrong during that period. But people saw it as
being neat and being polite. It wasn't. Missing school and
being away from like a whole time. Surprisingly did not
affect my academics. I love reading. I do, and my
(27:00):
mom would make sure that she gets like these practice exams.
They're always at home. Those two booklets that had practice exams.
I always had a couple at home, and she would
do her best to teach me. And also my sister
during like a break from school, like she was in
boarding school, but when she was home, she tried her
(27:22):
best for me. It was but that was like when
you're in class six, nothing nothing is really hard really
in terms of academics. But when it got to a
point where I was missing her whole time lets in
class seven, now that one, that one, that one took
her toll on me. I became frustrated because you can
(27:43):
imagine when you've missed the whole time and in class seven,
you come back and you and you sit in class
and you're completely blank. You don't know what they've learned,
and the teachers they nobody will pause the sillabus for
you for one kid in her class, so that it
(28:05):
is like the teachers would say, I remember during like
when we were taking like marks for exams. Of course
automatically for me it was zero. So they're like a
student A got ninety five. They read of their marks
ninety five and then get to un care, okay zero,
moving on, and then you're like, let's go to the
let's let's let's go to the next chapter, like where
(28:28):
are we before the exams? Like and you're and you're
told and care don't worry, you'll catch up, Like Okay,
I've missed the whole time, but thank you, I'll catch up.
And I remember my mom she well, how do you
(28:49):
put it? Uh? When I was doing well in school,
nobody would show up for those prise giving days. So
when I'm being called up, blet like there's an award
for one care for she was number two in class
at a coma she missed a whole time. I was
(29:09):
not present for a whole time. But there I am two,
number two out of a class of what forty seven,
so no one was present. But when my Marx began
to drop and I started being like, let's say, like
you're now number forty five out of forty seven students,
Mama became frustrated. And I remember there was there was
(29:36):
this day I was at home because I was I
was annual, and I think I was watching what was it?
I think I was watching high school Music Hall because
I was bored. There was nothing, nothing really to do.
And remember she turned off the TV and she was
like like you just pick up a book and read,
like what is this? And I'm like I was like,
(29:58):
oh my bad, Like I didn't ask for this, but
here we are, and just extend some grace. It's just
one movie. Well being, being a child with health issues
was tough, no, and I thoroughly enjoyed days where we were.
(30:23):
We would spend our holidays with our grandparents. These are
very understanding people. The zero frustration. They're like, why would
you frustrate someone because of classics syllabus? No, no way,
like bring them, bring Virginia in jury to Gizunguri. Let
(30:44):
work around with that coffee firm with Babu because home
home home was not really as safe haven for me.
And unfortunately, when things got really really tough, in terms
of when you undergo a couple of procedures in theater,
(31:07):
they are quite pricey. And I remember my very absent
and very abusive father. He decided, you know what, he
decided to use my illness as an excuse to leave.
(31:27):
Like we didn't it for him to be this. Of
course he was always absent, didn't get to see him
much as a kid. But when things got really bad
and he was like I think he noted like for him.
I think he he noted from a young age that
(31:49):
this was not going to be a very simple journey.
So I remember he used this. He used this as
an excuse to disappear completely. In twenty thirteen, we never
saw him again, like of course he had. He would
show up like resurface once in a while, and he
would cause trouble. He was an abusive husband. It was
(32:11):
an abusive father. And when he realized that if his
days and someone tells him provide two hundred thousand four
theater again, this would be This was stressful to him.
So that's when he decided I'll never resurface again. As
a child, when you realize that this person has left
(32:39):
because they don't want to be responsible for their children anymore,
especially this ill child, oh my god, it's costing them
antibiotics and antibiotics and clearly they are more procedures in
theater in the future. It does take a tool on you.
And I remember my mom would call him and he
(33:02):
would not pick and then and then my mom would
tell me call your father, like because because I think
to her, maybe she thought if I if he picks
up the phone and calls my voice, maybe something would change.
And he would say, ah, this is your daughter talking
(33:23):
to you. She's a very young daughter talking to you.
Maybe something will shift. There's a shift that will happen.
No shift happened. He completely disappeared. That was it. I
don't think I've ever been the same after that from
that period. The way you move through life with an
illness is that you will always be a bother to people.
(33:46):
There are days where I would not tell my mom
that I am unnuell, simply because I don't want anyone
to feel like I am bothering them, this very sick
bladder is cooking and cooking and cooking infections. But there
are days were I would not even tell us all
that time, Annuel, and I remember that is even in
(34:08):
high school. That is what happened. That's I would come
back home during the holidays. My Mum would ask the
medication is working, and I would say yes, they were
not working, but I would say yes because we don't
want another parent to pack up and leave, do you, yeah, shy.
And also I remember like now that, of course my
(34:31):
mom has been a single mom forever. You when you
when you're when you're back home and you realize she's
paying school fish for when I was in high school.
My sister was in university. So she's paying school fish
in Uni. She's paying school fish in high school. And
(34:51):
she has rent to pay, she has to put food
on the table, she has to get to work. That's
transport right there, and she's working these night shifts. So
you you decided the best you can do is just
to say these antibiotics that are very strong, and you
(35:13):
they're costing a lot, they're working, Yes they are. Things
went downhill from that, they did. I ended up after
these two procedures in data in what was that? What?
In primary school, they ended up becoming more I did.
I did get a point where I was in excruciating
(35:35):
pain that I could not leave my bed in high school.
And remember those are the least where matrons would get
you out of their domes. It's like prep. So it
was either life or death. And remember my classmates had
to help me get out of bed and I was
in so much pain. And that was I don't know
(35:56):
how how many weeks it was to closing day, but
they refused to tacked my mom. And it's because I
remember the nurse telling me, you have medication here, like
where is the pain coming from?
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Wow, I don't know. There was something. There was something.
There's something off about education system was very kind to everyone.
For sure, there are people who are lucky enough to
enjoy that time in school, but I didn't. I remember they.
I was telling my friend recently when I was in hospital.
I told my friend that I remember our deputy in
(36:34):
high school. She remember she pointed out that this day
I walked past her like we used to move by
running in school. I remember m BR and and this
this lady was you know, she was kind enough to
stop me and let me know that my academics were
(36:55):
poor because I was always outside class. I said class
in that I was going to the washroom, not because
I was going for sports or anything. So it's like, oh, okay,
thank you. I will keep that in mind. And she
also pointed out that, you know, like I really want
to go home, like keep insisting that I'm Anuel. How dear, I,
(37:18):
When such people run the system, you don't really have
an option. Really you can't. So it's not as if
you can easily like callers like a teacher, to to
contact your parents and tell and tell your parents that
you're not doing well. So things did go down here
from there, and after that I had to go for
(37:40):
well it doesn't like my minor procedure in theater. We
started getting to the major ones. Now with time, as
this bladder cooks and cooks infections and infections, you get
to the major, major ones. Now done with high school.
My father was still not in the picture, of course,
I don't know. He went get a packet of milk
(38:01):
and still at the shop, and I got into campus
and you know, surprisingly what would shock people, It wasn't
it wasn't for me. It wasn't a compliment. People are
shocked that, wow, you finished high school. Wow you you
you've you're going to you and you've made it to
(38:23):
you and really with a health problem, you're a strong person.
Like even you, you don't see it, like my mum
would even praise God. She's like, oh my goodness, we've
done it, like this is this is exceptional to me?
It was an exceptional It was as I said, the
(38:45):
people who would was supposed to do right by me
did not do right by me. This it's not it's
not you know, supposed to be given a trophy for
finishing high school? Am I getting into campus while ill?
It just didn't make sense to me, like I did.
(39:06):
I felt that I deserved to be a healthy child,
like high school, getting too high school, get into campus
and not do all the while being worried that, you know,
you might you might not finish high school in the
(39:27):
four years because maybe you have to repeat a class
or three because you missed a time or two. So
I did feel that maybe someone had done something, things
would have been different. Instead of getting a trophy for
doing all this well and well because at the end
(39:47):
of the day. You're still a child. It's not as
if I was an adult then. So getting into campus,
I was still ann well, but not to I would
I put it compared to when I was nine years old,
I was better because when you're nine years old, there's
no diagnosis, there's no antibiotics in play. But being in campus,
(40:11):
you also have a very high threshold for pain. You're older.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Now you know that.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
There are things, there are foods that do help in
such situations, like you've known that you can you should.
If I stay away from pineapples, may you will not
be as acidic. If I stay away from oranges, may
you will not be as acidic, So it's easier. So
and also you've learned that if I decide to take
a bike from here to from the gates to the stage,
(40:42):
less movement, less pain, less irritation. So it's you you.
I developed the scooping mechanisms compared to when I was
nine years old. So as much as maybe people would
think that, ah, maybe the meds are working and that
bladder is no longer sick, it's because as a as
in you've you've done your research. Now you've decided, let
(41:04):
me become my own doctor. So you are seeing especially somewhere,
but also you've you've also developed your own kind of
two rituals. You developed your own rituals.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Well.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
You decided that if the doctor says and care, take
lots of water, and clearly he does not understand this.
Doctor does not understand you when you say lots of
water means lots of trip to the washroom. Those many
trips to the washrooms meant more pain for me because
it's like it's constant irritation. That means that I can't
(41:40):
I can't just relax. You're not relaxing your muscles. So
I did get appoint her. I would not do what
the doctor was saying when it came to drink lots
of water. So I did take less water. And I
noticed these less trips to the washrooms. There is less irritation.
So yes, I was a bit different then. But yeah,
(42:00):
so you and they did help. Those those coping mechanisms
did help, but they didn't tell for too long because
in that day in campus, I did have to go
back to theater. I remember, now, why did I go
back to theater? I had to go back to theater
because this was the day is where you go for
your industrial attachment. I did a course where I had
(42:24):
to be on my feet all day. So I did
food science and technology, so you have to be in
safety boots all day, you have to be in a
discoot all day. And I was trying to prove myself
during my industrial attachment. You'd think that I was a
permanent employee, and I was not. I just wanted to
show these people that if they get up with that,
(42:45):
you know I am, I am Annuel, they'll say we
can we can give her a job later on because
she has proved herself. She's Annuel, but she seems to
be to know what she's doing. I don't want to
be left out. I don't want to be the kid
who's only sick anymore. So I I wasn't well. I
(43:07):
remember when people in class noted that I was a sickly,
sickly students. But that didn't bother me because I was like,
when I show up to this industrial attachment, I'm going
to prove myself. And I did. I worked like a
permanent employee and it almost killed me. I ended up
in hospital, and I was like, oh, shoot, now they know,
(43:29):
now they know I'm sick. We were supposed to do
an industrial attach meant for two months only. I didn't
mind for four months. So the fourth month is where
I got to my breaking point and I was like, okay,
now that's enough, that's enough proving myself now. I was like, Jerry,
calmed down, that's enough now. And my body said stop
(43:50):
or I'll stop. And well I did stop, and I
found myself in hospital. But I found myself in hospital
with a very difficult doctor. This doctor saw my file
and he said, I don't think we should do another procedure.
So the procedure that they had been doing to dilte
this narrow retra He said, it gets to a point
(44:13):
where if you do too many no, it becomes a
cause for concern and it becomes actually, it becomes more
harm than good. And I told him, but I can't
live with this narrow red raka and I it's causing problems.
And this is what we've been doing. This, this is
what I am used to, this is what I was
told that this moving forward, there will be a lot
(44:36):
of procedures in the future. So of course we did
do the procedure and there was no after care. Really,
I used to go for follow up appointments, and I
would cry after those follow up appointments. For the first
time in a long time, I felt frustrated because because
(44:57):
I was an adult now and I'm going into Fort
dear my last year in UNI, and after that it's
it's employment. And I was frustrated because I've really proved
myself during this industrial attachment and now we're back to
back to zero, back to we're back to procedures. Now
(45:18):
we're back to me having to explain to my employer
that I may not be as reliable and also I'm
being advised to take its lower. I remember being asked,
can you get an office job? And I was like,
I I've done product development. There's no office job for
me starting out like, I'm not even I'm not even
(45:38):
done with UNI. After that, I stopped going back to
hospital because I felt very frustrated. So that was in
twenty twenty twenty three. I did stop going back to
hospital because this doctor would frustrate me, well not really
the doctor, but the methods would frustrate me. There was
no permanent solution. I remember there was always some sort
(46:03):
of back and forth where we would move from a
urologist to a gynecologist in campus.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
I remember my urologists did a couple of tests and
there was now a new soldier was introduced in this war,
and this soldier was ovarian sists. Now we've gone into
gynacology now. So I remember explaining to my doctor, this
is what I'm feeling. These are the symptoms. The pain
(46:35):
is here and there, but it's all in the abdomen.
So this doctor will be like, let me see, we
have to bring someone on board. We have to bring
a gaynacologist on but I have to refer you to
a gynecologist now. And I remember getting so frustrated because
I was like, oh my god, I don't even have
insure runs. I'm just an attachee, a student still under
(46:57):
my mom's And then it got so frustrating because you
now do not know where the source of the pain is.
Is it urology. Is it a urology problem. Has it
been a gynecology problem all this time? Is it that
nothing was nothing comprehensive was done, Like comprehensive tests were done.
(47:20):
I was very confused at the time, and I was
very frustrated. So I was dealing with ovarian cysts that
kept recarrying. They were quite painful, but I was also
dealing with that very sick pladder. The ky nacologist that
I was referred to, I have never forgotten this doctor.
This doctor told me to my face. I don't know
(47:43):
if I'm allowed to say this, but HM told me
that you have ovarian cysts. Yes, but he was like,
the pain, can you know it will just it will
just cease as you grow older? And I was like,
no way, but I'm already older. Because I just didn't
(48:04):
get what was happening at the time, because I had
carried every you know how you carry every medical record
since I think that class three, and you bring it
to this urologist and then they refer you to this
kind of ecologist. I was just given it was I
think I was just given meds and I was told,
you know, just come for a follow up, you know,
(48:26):
maybe like a perpsmea next time, and perhaps me I
was clear, and really no one was. I felt like
I was forcing these people to do comprehensive tests, like
you know that moment where you've been in hospitals for
so long that you realize that no one has done
(48:51):
pat from an ultrasound and a couple of blood tests.
None has really done much, and you've gone to theater
and you're going to a couple of times. Nothing was
adding up. None was giving me tangible information that could
actually help. Yes, I have a sick bladder, and yes
(49:13):
the avariance is what's the way forward? Will you just
give me mads to manage my hormones and antibiotics to
manage the sick bladder? And that's it? Like this is
this the fusiness can't be the future. It was a period,
but it was so frustrating because I was telling my mom,
I feel like we're going back to the kind of
pain I was feeling in class three, and I felt
(49:36):
that even she did not understand what I meant. And
even I've been taking a look at photos from twenty
twenty four and twenty twenty three, and I look so
different compared to currently. As I'm sated here there was
something wrong. And finally, when when we when we got
(50:02):
into twenty twenty five, and someone who actually listened to
me was my sister.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally
Culling That was part one of uncas story. Make sure
you subscribe wherever you're listening to this episode on so
that you do not miss out on part two, which
will be out next Monday. There were just so many
moments in her story that hit me. But like, the
one thing that I think is top of mind is
(50:35):
how easy it is for adults to mistake a child's
silence for strength. And like when she was being awarded
for being neat, for being this, that and the other,
and like she was carrying pain that was the reason,
and she was so young she didn't have the words
(50:56):
to explain it. And instead of the adults around her
meeting her with curiosity and compassion, you know, they're meeting
her with like disbelieve, misunderstanding, frustration, dismiss or living. And
I think one of the biggest reminders, and I've said
this in the previous episodes, honestly, and it's something I
(51:17):
truly believe in, is that children are whole beings. When
a child keeps saying something is wrong, when I don't know,
their behavior changes, or they like withdraw, or they seem
uncomfortable or different, imagine it's worth paying attention to. Let's
not dismiss it as like stubbornness or laziness, or like
(51:39):
poor performance or maybe this child is being difficult. Dude,
this child is trying their best to survive and they
don't even understand what it is that they're surviving, you know,
and man and care is just remarkable. I really can't
wait for you to listen to the other parts of
his story because man, despite everything she was caring, she
(52:02):
just keeps showing up. So part two is going to
take another turn when she's searching for answers and eventually
comes face to face with a diagnosis that completely changes everything. Now,
as you've been listening to ncia story, if you have
been moved to want to share your story as well,
please fill out our story TeleForm. A link to it
(52:25):
is in the show notes, and one of our correspondents
is going to get back to you. Remember to subscribe
because this Thursday, I'm so excited. This Thursday, a very
special season of for Mannerleist Women rolls out. Okay, I'm
not meant to tell you, but since you've listened to
the episode to the very end, let me just whisper
(52:45):
the first episode, We're going to Ghana ends. I'll told
you about this particular book. It's one of my favorite books.
It has everything to do with sex and pleasure, and
we're going to be top looking to the author behind
this book. It's a book that has gone global. That's
all I can say. All Right, that's all I can say. Well,
(53:10):
thank you, Thank you so much for listening to the
episode to the very end. I truly truly appreciate you.
I value you so much. I'm so glad you're part
of this family. Ah. I'm really just moving with gratitude
today anyway, and until next time, just remember that I
think that you have every single thing it takes to heal.
(53:31):
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends, you can keep it
for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here
next week for the next episode.
My name is a girl on youngle and welcome to
another episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no
clue what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not
the only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of
legally Clueless. This is what's coming up a glass of
water for me.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I've told you it's twenty trips to the washroom. So
that means that if I take about ten trips to
the washroom and there's still urine remaining in my bladder
just becomes this acidic liquid that is constantly burning you.
I'm a child. I don't even know how did we
get here? How did we get here to an inflamed bladder?
(00:39):
That is even the best parties. He recorded everything and
got to play the video. I got to see that indeed,
this bladder is very sick. In primary, several times I
was given a Daily Fresh as an award for being
a polite girl, being the most quiet one. People didn't
understand that. It's because at some point, I think I
(01:02):
was just traumatized as a child when you're given an
award like I remember, like anytime there would be awards,
I would get a couple of Daily Fresh packets. Because
you've been given an award for being neat. That's because
you don't leave class. You don't play. He was not playing.
I do not swim. I'm not allowed to swim because
(01:22):
you've been told this can even cause more infections. I
can't run. Movement is hard for me. So there's a
daily refresh for being neat. There's a daily fresh for
being polite. Because you do not talk. They don't talk
to at home, does not talk to in school.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
That is part one of Ankia's story. We're about to
jump into it a little later in this episode. First off,
Ill was welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the OG members who've
been here from the jump. I truly appreciate you. If
you're a new bie, and we've got quite a few
new listeners checking in, welcome to the family. Here we
are all about African stories, specifically African women's suffries and
(02:01):
our healing and our journey to being our vestselves. So
on Monday we have this show Legally Clueless, where different
Africans come and share stories from their lived experience. On
Wednesdays we have the Midwig TI's where I unpack different
topics that I think could be helpful to you on
your journey of becoming or of being. Our newsletter also
(02:23):
goes out on Wednesdays. To make sure you sign up
for that on our website the linksins the show notes,
and then on Thursdays we have for Manneralist Women, a
show where we have different African women come through share
expertise and inspiration that is so necessary on our awakening.
(02:44):
Do you feel that awakening on the continent, because I
really do like African women coming to their own questioning
who they've always been told to be, questioning who they
truly want to be, and trying to like reach for that. Ah.
It's such a beautiful time to be alive and to
be an African woman. I truly believe it. So yeah,
(03:04):
that's sorry, I went on a tangent. When I hear
about our weakening, I just get super excited because it
just feels like a lot of the sacrifices the women
before is made. I can see myself living the result
of those sacrifices, being able to change my mind, being
able to live alone, being able to have hobbies and
(03:28):
be happy. Rest fucking rest, you know what I mean.
It's truly incredible, It's truly incredible anyway, So I have
two major things to share before we jump into the story. Okay.
The first one is that this Thursday, a very special
season for Mannerless Women is beginning. Oh my god, Like honestly, internally,
(03:55):
we are just so excited about this. And so I
got together six of my favorite African women who are
from Nigeria, from South Africa, from Zimbabwe, from Ghana, from Somalia,
Oh my god, they're from outside Kenya, and I decided
(04:19):
to have conversations with them on sensuality, pleasure, on spirituality.
Oh my god, I can't wait for you to hear
that particular episode, ah, because okay, let me just give
you a teaser. One of the ladies I met her
in Dubai in twenty twenty one, I think, and she
(04:40):
is an incredible DJ dedicated to African music. And in
the middle of her becoming this notable DJ, she gets
called by I'm just gonna say her elders because she
has been chosen to be an ancestral healing and so
(05:01):
she has to go through initiation while showing up to
gigs and like, oh my god, ah, I can't wait.
I can't wait to share all of these episodes with you.
So the special season begins this Thursday. So wherever you're
listening to this on, make sure you subscribe so you
(05:24):
don't miss out on this. We are expanding, We're going
past Kenya and connecting African women. It feels so good
because this is truly my calling. This is truly my
calling to serve African women and to be about our awakening,
(05:46):
which includes our healing, which includes our unlearning. Oh guys,
I'm so happy. Anyway. Second thing I want to say
before you jump into the story, if you are a newbie,
I saw probably two comments that I just want to
nip in the bud from Genet story, which was in
the previous couple of episodes, and one of them first
(06:11):
and foremost, we prioritize kindness here, we prioritize empathy. And
some of the comments were like, oh so so it's
not a good storyteller, etc. Please that is a show
way to get expelled from this community. The people who
(06:31):
come on all of our shows are not performing, especially
this show. They're not performing. We have not scripted their stories.
Please trust and believe in fact, when our correspondents reach
out to storytellers, all we do is help them remember
what story they want to share, and then we let
(06:53):
them share their stories. These are raw stories, not all
of them are of happy, chirpy things, and nobody gets
to decide who is good at telling their lived story
and who is not. Honestly, it's not a performance. It's
not a musician coming here to perform their song. Even then,
(07:16):
even then, a musician sharing their art with you is
them really being vulnerable. And if you don't like it,
which is your right, you keep it pushing, you scroll past, right,
You don't stop and start poking at someone who has
been vulnerable with you. That just is not gonna fly.
(07:42):
It's not gonna fly here. Stories have an opportunity to
spark empathy. Listen to the story with the with the
acknowledgement that you're listening to another human, another African. Lean
in with curiosity. But always remember, the people who come
(08:04):
on the shows are not performing. They're being so gracious
by opening up their lived experiences, their lives with you.
What an honor, What an absolute honor. And I just
thought the whole week, I was like, oh my god,
(08:27):
I have to share this reminder with you, especially for
you who maybe has just discovered us there's no performances here.
And the people that we honor the most, you and I.
The people we honor the most are the brave Africans
(08:47):
who come and share their stories and their insights with us. Cool.
All right, let's jump into part one of ankias story. First.
I just love her name. I just love her name,
and her story just really puts into focus how when
we talk about illness, we're often focused on the diagnosis,
(09:10):
but we forget the journey when you're sick and nobody
knows what's wrong. Imagine being a child in class three
trying to explain your pain and you don't even have
the language for it yet. So one of Anko's story
dives into that. What was it like growing up with
symptoms that left her constantly in and out of hospitals
(09:34):
from when she was just in class three? A hundred
African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Hi, Am, my name is like kah jer Gunjiri. I
was born and raised in gizung Guri. So would you
believe that for someone who comes from a place where
we plant a lot of coffee, that I'm actually a
tea girl. I prefer a nice hot cup of tea.
I am a product of my grandparents. It's a very honest,
(10:12):
hard working people. Fortunately I was not lucky enough to
have her dad around growing up, so my mom had
a lot of help from my grandparents. I come from
a family of three, so my mom, my sister, and
I My sister is an awesome human being. She has
been awesome during this period. Not only this period, but
(10:35):
since I was born, basically from a young age that's
around like nine years old, my mom noticed there was
something very off when it came to clean. I wasn't
very active. I had a very hard time in school,
like sitting through a whole class. I was those kids
who used to need permission like a million times to
(10:58):
rush to their washrooms. And when you're nine years old,
this is not something you can articulate and tell your parents.
There's something very often you go to the osh room
like this is I say, is it my short call?
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
So when you're in class three, I was in I
was in class three. I remember my teacher. Then she
wrote a note to my mom like, uh, you're my
age Tana diaries, her diaries. My teacher wrote a note
to my parents, my mom, and she noted down there
that she was like an care and care doesn't doesn't
(11:39):
seem to be comfortable in class. She has a hard
time sitting through like a whole lesson. She seems uncomfortable
and seated, and I was not very happy. And remember
when my mom saw those saw this note and she
was like, where, well, I do not know what is happening,
(12:04):
but you know, maybe it's just it's just it's just
a kid being a kid. There wasn't a lot of
information back then on young kids can like get you tis.
So what my mom did is, you know, we just
I think we just brushed it off because everyone was
quite confused. And I don't blame them really, but it
(12:26):
came to a point where I could I could miss
like a whole time from school. That was like in
class five because of pain that I could not sit
in class anymore. A glass of water for me meant
twenty trips to the washroom. So that's not a kid
that constay in school. Really. In class six, I got
to we were given advice my mom. My mom is
(12:48):
a nurse, so she was given advice from people around
and friends. She was told, have you tried taking her
to a gay nacologist? And we did go to again
a color logist, and the gay nacologist was like, this
is not again of problem. I'll refer you to a urologist,
like because I don't know. Like as I said, I
(13:10):
don't blame them. But also by the time we were
getting to the urologist, things were not.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Great.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
So we went to this urologist in Aga Khan and
he was an old man, remember him, And the first
thing he asked me was have you ever had sexual intercourse?
I was like, I'm twelve. Because he listened to my story,
he listened to my symptoms, and I remember I told
(13:41):
him there was a point where I actually saw blood
in my urine, like plots of blood. And he asked me,
have you has someone ever touched you like a man
as a man ever touched him? Like no, no, no,
and even asked my mom to leave, and he was
He kept insisting that this might be something that is
(14:01):
related to sexual assault, and I was like, oh, the
being is understood. Continues it say that we've gone from
staying at home for a whole time because you're in pain.
I could barely sit this due to burning sensations. So
(14:21):
you see, when you explain to this to a person,
this STI. By the time you get appointed, someone can say,
oh this might real yout I. All people could think
about is an STI. Because of burning sensation. Therese blood
cloths in your urine. You can balyce it can you
can't hold urine. And this urologist, this old man, because
(14:45):
I remember it was an old man is now very old.
It's like a grandfather right now. He decided let's do
a couple of tests. And it took a million tests
for this man to believe that I was not kidding
that I at twelve years old. When I twelve year
(15:05):
old tells, you know, I've never had the sexual intercourse,
I'm being very serious. So he was the first person
to do a procedure in theater, and that's when they found, No,
it's not a UTI, it's not an SDI. It's just
I have a narrow eu retra in my mind. When
(15:26):
this doctor asked this question, the first thing I thought
of was I just want to get out of here.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Like I.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
When you've gone through this scruciating pain since nine years
old and now you're twelve, and the first thing someone
asks you, a whole consultant, the whole specialist the first
thing they ask you is while in pain, did you
have time to be sexually active? Like it didn't make
(15:58):
sense to me, like and can we just leave? And
even my mom at the time, like when we got
home after the appointment, we didn't even talk about it. Unfortunately,
she did sweep it under the rug and we just
got home and it was way back to it's a
normal day. Well, we saw this doctor and we're going
(16:22):
to go for this procedure and know what's next. So
there was a lot of confusion, and I felt very alone,
did feel very lonely, especially this is the time when
I think by sister was in boarding school, so there's
no one you can actually tell. My grandparents also, being older,
they don't then they don't have access to information. So
(16:47):
expect the people who should know better and do better.
They didn't do right by me. So we did go
for the procedure. Finally we have a diagnosis. You have
a narry retra. And at the time, I remember healthcare
is expensive, so after the procedure, we didn't afford to
get me to be admitted. I had to go home
(17:07):
immediately after theater. So it's you've left theater, you're awake,
Now let's go home. My mom was like, we actually
didn't like take like a cab. We had to take
a mat tattoo, which was very painful. So the only
help my mom had was her younger brother was there,
and my Mom's like, carry for me these things and
meal helping Jerry walk. And I remember crying the whole
(17:30):
way back home. And I remember that night my mom
being a nurse, she went, she had to go for
night shift, so I was left with this uncle who,
this younger uncle who feels completely helpless at home. I
can be very honest by telling you that things did
not get better after that procedure. We did have to
(17:53):
go back to hospital a couple of times that you've
found diagnosis, you've been told you have an arry. This
doctor has said, what I've done is I've dilated it
to be bigger, to be a normal size. So you're
supposed to be back to normal. So he kept asking why,
why why, So when we went back to hospital and
we told him, nothing has changed, still the same, and
(18:17):
he's like, but I dilated it, how come is it
narrow again? So a narrow eurethra when you have a
narrow eurethra means that your bladder doesn't completely empty urine,
so they still when you do go for a short call,
there's an amount of urine that remains in your bladder,
(18:39):
and that is just just a base for infections. Because
I can imagine, like if I a glass of water
for me, I have told you it's twenty trips to
the washroom. So that means that if I take about
ten trips to the washroom, and there's still urine remaining
in my bladder and just becomes this acidic liquid that
(19:01):
is constantly burning you, and it's just a base for infections.
And that's why I was always on antibiotics. That's why
I'm telling this doctor nothing is getting better. So this
doctor has dilated this narrow eurethra, he's told you it's
back to normal, and then but you're still going back
to hospital. So we did have to seek a second
(19:23):
opinion because you're getting older. I remember asking my mom
now that we are headed to what class eight and
after that is high school? Am I going to manage?
Are we going to will refiel the need to look
for like a boarding school that is near home. Will
I not? Will I get to go to my dream
high school or will not Will it be possible to
(19:45):
be able to get permission from school so that I
can constantly go back to hospital. That's so stressful. Nobody
wants that. I remember telling her that it took forever
for this primary school teachers to get to the program.
To get to the program that and Kia needs. You
have to give an care permission to go to the washroom.
(20:07):
It's not that I'm trying to evade your lesson. So
I told my mom. It gets tiring because not everyone
is quite understanding. There are teachers who would make me
sit in class and not give adam. And I told
my mom, I can't imagine going through that in high
school because having an older sister, you know that high
school is in Kenya, especially public high schools, can be
(20:30):
quite difficult. So we did, we did take a second opinion,
and we were sent to another doctor, another urologist. I
remember noting that we were not going to general practitioners,
we were going to specialists. And this second doctor was like,
oh my god, I think we can do another procedure
(20:51):
in theater and take a look at this bladder and
get to know what is happening. So this second doctor
takes me to theater. I think I was in. I
think I was in. I don't know if I was
in closet. I just remember being away from school in closet.
So I had to go to theater. And this doctor
(21:13):
came up with a different diagnosis. Now, so this one
told us it is not only a narrow e retra,
but also your bladder is red and inflamed. So it's
like a normal bladder is whitish, it's not inflamed. So
it's like it's red and inflamed. There might might even
be pass inside of Like, oh god, I was like,
(21:34):
oh god, don't don't even say that. I'm like, I'm
a child. I don't even know what. How did we
get here? How did we get here to an inflamed bladder?
That is even the best parties. He recorded everything and
got to play the video. I got to see that indeed,
this blurder is very sick. It was red, it was inflamed.
(21:55):
It looked wrong. And he said, as much as we
had deleting this ureath ran clearly nothing, nothing is happening.
It keeps getting narrow again again and again. And this
doctor decided my life in high school based on to
get through, like high school, I had to be on
antibiotics throughout. So what this doctor would do is I
(22:18):
would be he would prescribe antibiotics, very strong antibiotics, for
three months. So that means that when you go back
home for your holiday or midterm, he gets you another
prescription for another set of antibiotics. So my mom would
come to school just to bring like another fresh set,
like oh shares enough funds to buy this very expensive
(22:41):
and strong antibiotics. So what they did was just to
numb the pain, but lost the plot that they still
are very sick bladder here. The treatment in school was,
of course, it was different. I was known as the
kid was always sick. So your friends did I have friends?
Your classmates, they pity you from a very young age, like,
(23:06):
oh no, and care and case in pain, Oh no,
and care is not showed up for the whole time.
Oh god, driven. I don't even know what to say.
It's it becomes hard to form connections with people in
school because you also, as a kid, don't know how
to explain to your friends. You know, I think for
most of them, as being children, that they may most
(23:30):
of them, I'm pretty sure they thought I had the area,
like she's rushing to the washroom, Like she's rushing to
the washroom, like she's been keeping permission to go to
the washroom every time he needs calling? What is happening?
What kind of illnesses this? So they were they were clueless,
and I too was clueless. And I remember, of course
(23:55):
kids being kids, people come up to me and ask
me and care, what's the name of your illness? And
I could not tell them because I even I didn't
know you do. There's no way that no one teaches
you how to explain to your fellow twelve year old
that you have an arrow. Nobody, there's no guide, there's
(24:17):
no blueprint for that. And you just seem like I remember,
like at some point, even look like a liar. You're like,
you're pretending. Now, this is pretense. By the time people
get to understand you, they doesn't even get to understand you.
She's a pretender. This must be pretense. She's pretty sure
she just doesn't want to sit in class. And it's
(24:41):
of course it did hurt, but well, we get you
do develop a thick skin eventually because you I notice
from a young age that when you when you're going
through pain. You don't have the bandwidth to accommodate people's feelings.
It's that big skin develops as early as that that
(25:04):
class six, that twelve years that got a point where
I didn't even care. I would I would go back
to school and I would not speak. And I remember
there's the I remember being I don't know if it
was in class seven or it was in that class three.
I'm pretty sure somewhere in primary several times I was
(25:25):
given a day refresh as an award for being a
very being a polite girl, being the most quiet one.
Like people didn't understand that. It's because at some point,
I think I was just traumatized as a child when
you're given an award, like I remember, like any time
(25:48):
there would be awards, I would get a couple of
day refresh packets because you've been given an award for
being neat. That's because you don't leave class, you don't play.
He was not so I knew that I'm going to
get a daily fresh today for being neat because I
do not leave the class. I do not play with
(26:09):
the rest during break. I do not swim. I'm not
allowed to swim because you've been told this can even
cause more infections. I can't run. Movement is hard for me.
So there's a daily fresh for being neat. There's a
daily fresh for being polite, because you do not talk.
They don't talk to at home, they does not talk
to in school. So you know, it was tough. When
(26:36):
you look back at it, you're like, oh, there's something
very wrong during that period. But people saw it as
being neat and being polite. It wasn't. Missing school and
being away from like a whole time. Surprisingly did not
affect my academics. I love reading. I do, and my
(27:00):
mom would make sure that she gets like these practice exams.
They're always at home. Those two booklets that had practice exams.
I always had a couple at home, and she would
do her best to teach me. And also my sister
during like a break from school, like she was in
boarding school, but when she was home, she tried her
(27:22):
best for me. It was but that was like when
you're in class six, nothing nothing is really hard really
in terms of academics. But when it got to a
point where I was missing her whole time lets in
class seven, now that one, that one, that one took
her toll on me. I became frustrated because you can
(27:43):
imagine when you've missed the whole time and in class seven,
you come back and you and you sit in class
and you're completely blank. You don't know what they've learned,
and the teachers they nobody will pause the sillabus for
you for one kid in her class, so that it
(28:05):
is like the teachers would say, I remember during like
when we were taking like marks for exams. Of course
automatically for me it was zero. So they're like a
student A got ninety five. They read of their marks
ninety five and then get to un care, okay zero,
moving on, and then you're like, let's go to the
let's let's let's go to the next chapter, like where
(28:28):
are we before the exams? Like and you're and you're
told and care don't worry, you'll catch up, Like Okay,
I've missed the whole time, but thank you, I'll catch up.
And I remember my mom she well, how do you
(28:49):
put it? Uh? When I was doing well in school,
nobody would show up for those prise giving days. So
when I'm being called up, blet like there's an award
for one care for she was number two in class
at a coma she missed a whole time. I was
(29:09):
not present for a whole time. But there I am two,
number two out of a class of what forty seven,
so no one was present. But when my Marx began
to drop and I started being like, let's say, like
you're now number forty five out of forty seven students,
Mama became frustrated. And I remember there was there was
(29:36):
this day I was at home because I was I
was annual, and I think I was watching what was it?
I think I was watching high school Music Hall because
I was bored. There was nothing, nothing really to do.
And remember she turned off the TV and she was
like like you just pick up a book and read,
like what is this? And I'm like I was like,
(29:58):
oh my bad, Like I didn't ask for this, but
here we are, and just extend some grace. It's just
one movie. Well being, being a child with health issues
was tough, no, and I thoroughly enjoyed days where we were.
(30:23):
We would spend our holidays with our grandparents. These are
very understanding people. The zero frustration. They're like, why would
you frustrate someone because of classics syllabus? No, no way,
like bring them, bring Virginia in jury to Gizunguri. Let
(30:44):
work around with that coffee firm with Babu because home
home home was not really as safe haven for me.
And unfortunately, when things got really really tough, in terms
of when you undergo a couple of procedures in theater,
(31:07):
they are quite pricey. And I remember my very absent
and very abusive father. He decided, you know what, he
decided to use my illness as an excuse to leave.
(31:27):
Like we didn't it for him to be this. Of
course he was always absent, didn't get to see him
much as a kid. But when things got really bad
and he was like I think he noted like for him.
I think he he noted from a young age that
(31:49):
this was not going to be a very simple journey.
So I remember he used this. He used this as
an excuse to disappear completely. In twenty thirteen, we never
saw him again, like of course he had. He would
show up like resurface once in a while, and he
would cause trouble. He was an abusive husband. It was
(32:11):
an abusive father. And when he realized that if his
days and someone tells him provide two hundred thousand four
theater again, this would be This was stressful to him.
So that's when he decided I'll never resurface again. As
a child, when you realize that this person has left
(32:39):
because they don't want to be responsible for their children anymore,
especially this ill child, oh my god, it's costing them
antibiotics and antibiotics and clearly they are more procedures in
theater in the future. It does take a tool on you.
And I remember my mom would call him and he
(33:02):
would not pick and then and then my mom would
tell me call your father, like because because I think
to her, maybe she thought if I if he picks
up the phone and calls my voice, maybe something would change.
And he would say, ah, this is your daughter talking
(33:23):
to you. She's a very young daughter talking to you.
Maybe something will shift. There's a shift that will happen.
No shift happened. He completely disappeared. That was it. I
don't think I've ever been the same after that from
that period. The way you move through life with an
illness is that you will always be a bother to people.
(33:46):
There are days where I would not tell my mom
that I am unnuell, simply because I don't want anyone
to feel like I am bothering them, this very sick
bladder is cooking and cooking and cooking infections. But there
are days were I would not even tell us all
that time, Annuel, and I remember that is even in
(34:08):
high school. That is what happened. That's I would come
back home during the holidays. My Mum would ask the
medication is working, and I would say yes, they were
not working, but I would say yes because we don't
want another parent to pack up and leave, do you, yeah, shy.
And also I remember like now that, of course my
(34:31):
mom has been a single mom forever. You when you
when you're when you're back home and you realize she's
paying school fish for when I was in high school.
My sister was in university. So she's paying school fish
in Uni. She's paying school fish in high school. And
(34:51):
she has rent to pay, she has to put food
on the table, she has to get to work. That's
transport right there, and she's working these night shifts. So
you you decided the best you can do is just
to say these antibiotics that are very strong, and you
(35:13):
they're costing a lot, they're working, Yes they are. Things
went downhill from that, they did. I ended up after
these two procedures in data in what was that? What?
In primary school, they ended up becoming more I did.
I did get a point where I was in excruciating
(35:35):
pain that I could not leave my bed in high school.
And remember those are the least where matrons would get
you out of their domes. It's like prep. So it
was either life or death. And remember my classmates had
to help me get out of bed and I was
in so much pain. And that was I don't know
(35:56):
how how many weeks it was to closing day, but
they refused to tacked my mom. And it's because I
remember the nurse telling me, you have medication here, like
where is the pain coming from?
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Wow, I don't know. There was something. There was something.
There's something off about education system was very kind to everyone.
For sure, there are people who are lucky enough to
enjoy that time in school, but I didn't. I remember they.
I was telling my friend recently when I was in hospital.
I told my friend that I remember our deputy in
(36:34):
high school. She remember she pointed out that this day
I walked past her like we used to move by
running in school. I remember m BR and and this
this lady was you know, she was kind enough to
stop me and let me know that my academics were
(36:55):
poor because I was always outside class. I said class
in that I was going to the washroom, not because
I was going for sports or anything. So it's like, oh, okay,
thank you. I will keep that in mind. And she
also pointed out that, you know, like I really want
to go home, like keep insisting that I'm Anuel. How dear, I,
(37:18):
When such people run the system, you don't really have
an option. Really you can't. So it's not as if
you can easily like callers like a teacher, to to
contact your parents and tell and tell your parents that
you're not doing well. So things did go down here
from there, and after that I had to go for
(37:40):
well it doesn't like my minor procedure in theater. We
started getting to the major ones. Now with time, as
this bladder cooks and cooks infections and infections, you get
to the major, major ones. Now done with high school.
My father was still not in the picture, of course,
I don't know. He went get a packet of milk
(38:01):
and still at the shop, and I got into campus
and you know, surprisingly what would shock people, It wasn't
it wasn't for me. It wasn't a compliment. People are
shocked that, wow, you finished high school. Wow you you
you've you're going to you and you've made it to
(38:23):
you and really with a health problem, you're a strong person.
Like even you, you don't see it, like my mum
would even praise God. She's like, oh my goodness, we've
done it, like this is this is exceptional to me?
It was an exceptional It was as I said, the
(38:45):
people who would was supposed to do right by me
did not do right by me. This it's not it's
not you know, supposed to be given a trophy for
finishing high school? Am I getting into campus while ill?
It just didn't make sense to me, like I did.
(39:06):
I felt that I deserved to be a healthy child,
like high school, getting too high school, get into campus
and not do all the while being worried that, you know,
you might you might not finish high school in the
(39:27):
four years because maybe you have to repeat a class
or three because you missed a time or two. So
I did feel that maybe someone had done something, things
would have been different. Instead of getting a trophy for
doing all this well and well because at the end
(39:47):
of the day. You're still a child. It's not as
if I was an adult then. So getting into campus,
I was still ann well, but not to I would
I put it compared to when I was nine years old,
I was better because when you're nine years old, there's
no diagnosis, there's no antibiotics in play. But being in campus,
(40:11):
you also have a very high threshold for pain. You're older.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Now you know that.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
There are things, there are foods that do help in
such situations, like you've known that you can you should.
If I stay away from pineapples, may you will not
be as acidic. If I stay away from oranges, may
you will not be as acidic, So it's easier. So
and also you've learned that if I decide to take
a bike from here to from the gates to the stage,
(40:42):
less movement, less pain, less irritation. So it's you you.
I developed the scooping mechanisms compared to when I was
nine years old. So as much as maybe people would
think that, ah, maybe the meds are working and that
bladder is no longer sick, it's because as a as
in you've you've done your research. Now you've decided, let
(41:04):
me become my own doctor. So you are seeing especially somewhere,
but also you've you've also developed your own kind of
two rituals. You developed your own rituals.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Well.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
You decided that if the doctor says and care, take
lots of water, and clearly he does not understand this.
Doctor does not understand you when you say lots of
water means lots of trip to the washroom. Those many
trips to the washrooms meant more pain for me because
it's like it's constant irritation. That means that I can't
(41:40):
I can't just relax. You're not relaxing your muscles. So
I did get appoint her. I would not do what
the doctor was saying when it came to drink lots
of water. So I did take less water. And I
noticed these less trips to the washrooms. There is less irritation.
So yes, I was a bit different then. But yeah,
(42:00):
so you and they did help. Those those coping mechanisms
did help, but they didn't tell for too long because
in that day in campus, I did have to go
back to theater. I remember, now, why did I go
back to theater? I had to go back to theater
because this was the day is where you go for
your industrial attachment. I did a course where I had
(42:24):
to be on my feet all day. So I did
food science and technology, so you have to be in
safety boots all day, you have to be in a
discoot all day. And I was trying to prove myself
during my industrial attachment. You'd think that I was a
permanent employee, and I was not. I just wanted to
show these people that if they get up with that,
(42:45):
you know I am, I am Annuel, they'll say we
can we can give her a job later on because
she has proved herself. She's Annuel, but she seems to
be to know what she's doing. I don't want to
be left out. I don't want to be the kid
who's only sick anymore. So I I wasn't well. I
(43:07):
remember when people in class noted that I was a sickly,
sickly students. But that didn't bother me because I was like,
when I show up to this industrial attachment, I'm going
to prove myself. And I did. I worked like a
permanent employee and it almost killed me. I ended up
in hospital, and I was like, oh, shoot, now they know,
(43:29):
now they know I'm sick. We were supposed to do
an industrial attach meant for two months only. I didn't
mind for four months. So the fourth month is where
I got to my breaking point and I was like, okay,
now that's enough, that's enough proving myself now. I was like, Jerry,
calmed down, that's enough now. And my body said stop
(43:50):
or I'll stop. And well I did stop, and I
found myself in hospital. But I found myself in hospital
with a very difficult doctor. This doctor saw my file
and he said, I don't think we should do another procedure.
So the procedure that they had been doing to dilte
this narrow retra He said, it gets to a point
(44:13):
where if you do too many no, it becomes a
cause for concern and it becomes actually, it becomes more
harm than good. And I told him, but I can't
live with this narrow red raka and I it's causing problems.
And this is what we've been doing. This, this is
what I am used to, this is what I was
told that this moving forward, there will be a lot
(44:36):
of procedures in the future. So of course we did
do the procedure and there was no after care. Really,
I used to go for follow up appointments, and I
would cry after those follow up appointments. For the first
time in a long time, I felt frustrated because because
(44:57):
I was an adult now and I'm going into Fort
dear my last year in UNI, and after that it's
it's employment. And I was frustrated because I've really proved
myself during this industrial attachment and now we're back to
back to zero, back to we're back to procedures. Now
(45:18):
we're back to me having to explain to my employer
that I may not be as reliable and also I'm
being advised to take its lower. I remember being asked,
can you get an office job? And I was like,
I I've done product development. There's no office job for
me starting out like, I'm not even I'm not even
(45:38):
done with UNI. After that, I stopped going back to
hospital because I felt very frustrated. So that was in
twenty twenty twenty three. I did stop going back to
hospital because this doctor would frustrate me, well not really
the doctor, but the methods would frustrate me. There was
no permanent solution. I remember there was always some sort
(46:03):
of back and forth where we would move from a
urologist to a gynecologist in campus.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
I remember my urologists did a couple of tests and
there was now a new soldier was introduced in this war,
and this soldier was ovarian sists. Now we've gone into
gynacology now. So I remember explaining to my doctor, this
is what I'm feeling. These are the symptoms. The pain
(46:35):
is here and there, but it's all in the abdomen.
So this doctor will be like, let me see, we
have to bring someone on board. We have to bring
a gaynacologist on but I have to refer you to
a gynecologist now. And I remember getting so frustrated because
I was like, oh my god, I don't even have
insure runs. I'm just an attachee, a student still under
(46:57):
my mom's And then it got so frustrating because you
now do not know where the source of the pain is.
Is it urology. Is it a urology problem. Has it
been a gynecology problem all this time? Is it that
nothing was nothing comprehensive was done, Like comprehensive tests were done.
(47:20):
I was very confused at the time, and I was
very frustrated. So I was dealing with ovarian cysts that
kept recarrying. They were quite painful, but I was also
dealing with that very sick pladder. The ky nacologist that
I was referred to, I have never forgotten this doctor.
This doctor told me to my face. I don't know
(47:43):
if I'm allowed to say this, but HM told me
that you have ovarian cysts. Yes, but he was like,
the pain, can you know it will just it will
just cease as you grow older? And I was like,
no way, but I'm already older. Because I just didn't
(48:04):
get what was happening at the time, because I had
carried every you know how you carry every medical record
since I think that class three, and you bring it
to this urologist and then they refer you to this
kind of ecologist. I was just given it was I
think I was just given meds and I was told,
you know, just come for a follow up, you know,
(48:26):
maybe like a perpsmea next time, and perhaps me I
was clear, and really no one was. I felt like
I was forcing these people to do comprehensive tests, like
you know that moment where you've been in hospitals for
so long that you realize that no one has done
(48:51):
pat from an ultrasound and a couple of blood tests.
None has really done much, and you've gone to theater
and you're going to a couple of times. Nothing was
adding up. None was giving me tangible information that could
actually help. Yes, I have a sick bladder, and yes
(49:13):
the avariance is what's the way forward? Will you just
give me mads to manage my hormones and antibiotics to
manage the sick bladder? And that's it? Like this is
this the fusiness can't be the future. It was a period,
but it was so frustrating because I was telling my mom,
I feel like we're going back to the kind of
pain I was feeling in class three, and I felt
(49:36):
that even she did not understand what I meant. And
even I've been taking a look at photos from twenty
twenty four and twenty twenty three, and I look so
different compared to currently. As I'm sated here there was
something wrong. And finally, when when we when we got
(50:02):
into twenty twenty five, and someone who actually listened to
me was my sister.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally
Culling That was part one of uncas story. Make sure
you subscribe wherever you're listening to this episode on so
that you do not miss out on part two, which
will be out next Monday. There were just so many
moments in her story that hit me. But like, the
one thing that I think is top of mind is
(50:35):
how easy it is for adults to mistake a child's
silence for strength. And like when she was being awarded
for being neat, for being this, that and the other,
and like she was carrying pain that was the reason,
and she was so young she didn't have the words
(50:56):
to explain it. And instead of the adults around her
meeting her with curiosity and compassion, you know, they're meeting
her with like disbelieve, misunderstanding, frustration, dismiss or living. And
I think one of the biggest reminders, and I've said
this in the previous episodes, honestly, and it's something I
(51:17):
truly believe in, is that children are whole beings. When
a child keeps saying something is wrong, when I don't know,
their behavior changes, or they like withdraw, or they seem
uncomfortable or different, imagine it's worth paying attention to. Let's
not dismiss it as like stubbornness or laziness, or like
(51:39):
poor performance or maybe this child is being difficult. Dude,
this child is trying their best to survive and they
don't even understand what it is that they're surviving, you know,
and man and care is just remarkable. I really can't
wait for you to listen to the other parts of
his story because man, despite everything she was caring, she
(52:02):
just keeps showing up. So part two is going to
take another turn when she's searching for answers and eventually
comes face to face with a diagnosis that completely changes everything. Now,
as you've been listening to ncia story, if you have
been moved to want to share your story as well,
please fill out our story TeleForm. A link to it
(52:25):
is in the show notes, and one of our correspondents
is going to get back to you. Remember to subscribe
because this Thursday, I'm so excited. This Thursday, a very
special season of for Mannerleist Women rolls out. Okay, I'm
not meant to tell you, but since you've listened to
the episode to the very end, let me just whisper
(52:45):
the first episode, We're going to Ghana ends. I'll told
you about this particular book. It's one of my favorite books.
It has everything to do with sex and pleasure, and
we're going to be top looking to the author behind
this book. It's a book that has gone global. That's
all I can say. All Right, that's all I can say. Well,
(53:10):
thank you, Thank you so much for listening to the
episode to the very end. I truly truly appreciate you.
I value you so much. I'm so glad you're part
of this family. Ah. I'm really just moving with gratitude
today anyway, and until next time, just remember that I
think that you have every single thing it takes to heal.
(53:31):
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends, you can keep it
for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here
next week for the next episode.
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