HIGHLIGHT- Should you Sleep with Someone New to Get Over An Ex?

with Dr. Desiree Robinson

join us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onairwithryan

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Paramore misery business on one or two point seven. It
is kiss f M. Let's get into it relationships. And
you know, when you break up with somebody, it is
very hard to emotionally get past that breakup, right, you
can go through ebbs and flows of it all. But
Dr Desirie Robinson is joining us now a certified sex
therapist and psychotherapist who focuses on the connection the intimacy

(00:23):
to trauma that we all go through. Dr Desire, thank
you for coming on. We appreciate it, Thank you, just fine,
happy to be here. Great Desire, Thank you for coming on.
So you say, if you're fresh out of a breakup
and you find yourself really hung up on that other person,
then the best thing to do is sleep with someone else.

(00:46):
It's an option, It's truly an option. Yet and why
is that a good option? So here's the key here.
My biggest philosophy is that people have to be honest
and truthful with themselves. Right, we're not romanticizing this next person.
They are not your next relationship or spouse. This is

(01:07):
really closing the chapter that this previous relationship is over,
and so how do we move you forward in your story?
And that doesn't have to be abstinent of sexual pleasure
at all. Cesany you were saying that you do, you
think it could be a good option if you need
to get over somebody to do this. If this person

(01:29):
ended up becoming my husband success story, Yeah, I went
from getting over to getting under a lot and it
just made me depressed. It was like I was so
I felt so sad. It made way way worse. That
makes a lot of sense to me, And a lot

(01:50):
of people actually do this, and so I wouldn't encourage
if it's more so nameless, faceless spects, if it's not
with any sort of intention and right. So, the idea
is that pleasure sex intimacy first off, is super subjective.
It means different things to different people. So if we're
going into this like, hey, let me try to do

(02:12):
revenge or prove something that wouldn't be helpful to you
as an individual compared to how can I work on
my sexual communication skills? A third of MYSS just building
my yes as a nose without the emotional connection, right,
because sometimes we're worried about oh I don't want to
hurt someone's feelings, etcetera. This can absolutely be a space

(02:32):
to move through a breakup without associating it with this
other person per se. It comes to me a self
confidence booster in a way. Yeah. I mean I when I,
when I was trying to get over an X, I
essentially started dating my now husband And we didn't obviously
have sex right away, but we just essentially started dating
and then it led to that. But it was this method.

(02:55):
It was like my sister set me up with him
so that I could get over my ex. Like it
was a quote unquote rebound. Like it was. That's what
I thought it was going to be. It was the
beginning of summer, and I thought it was going to
be a summer fling and that would be the end
of it. What about let me ask you this, we're
talking about this earlier. What do you think of the

(03:15):
dynamic that two people are busy in a relationship and
they have to schedule intimacy. Is that a good thing
or is that tragic? I love it. I absolutely love it.
Part of it is the intention, Right, you make time
for baseball, for your kids, whatever, but you're not going
to make time to really make love to your partner.

(03:36):
Absolutely not. We're all busy people, busy lives and some
of this can be scheduled. The beauty is leading up
to the scheduled sex. You can absolutely create a culture
of intimacy, eroticism, flirt, sex, do whatever. It's not just
the act, it's also the dynamic that you're building, the
build up. I like that. It's a good spin on it. Well,

(03:59):
listen right, thank you so much for coming on. We
appreciate the insights. Always interesting. Thank you so much for
having me. Of course, you take care. She was really
into that. Yeah, she likes it does make sense to her,
say it the way she says perspective. The scheduling is
we never schedule it. But I might be into that.

(04:19):
All right, Uh, but I'm still not making food my
homework assignment. You're doing the apple taste test, Okay, send
us the apples. I'm just too lazy to go pick
them all out. Yeah, I want the whole setup and
the cups. I decided I'm gonna be busy tonight. Bills
in the five six too. Let's get you paid next