Everybody's Minute

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Them all join. I'll good.I can't believe that it's already back.
It feels like it's been already backlong. This came back much quicker than
I anticipated, anticipated, or whatI was gonna say that. I thought
anticipated was a better choice of wordsfor this circumstance. But it's been a

(00:27):
while, and apparently this is back, and you're making all of us chose
different topics. And keV volunteered mefirst volunteer. Yeah, he had to
run. It's actually is this Josiah'sday that he's graduating. He's graduating today,
so Josiah is leaving. By theway. It's nice to be on
this side of the board, eventhough it's the same side of the board.

(00:49):
But you actually hosted this. Ihate it. Don't worry. This
was never my dream in life.I'm not trying to be the host of
a show. I'm here to makebad jokes and do bitchy busy work behind
the scenes. Binchy busy work.Yeah, it's usually called bitch work.
And then I thought that's bad,so I should change it to buchy busy
work because I don't know if youguys know those, but ninety percent of

(01:11):
my day is just doing bitch workaround here speaking. The whole reason I
was volunteered by keV is because Iwas telling him how overwhelmed I was with
the amount of things on my plate. And then you went on the air.
Mojo brought up that we're bringing itback, and he goes, Megan,
we'll go first, like there wasn'talready enough on my plate. End
of the fire. He and Iare enemies right in the morning. Oh

(01:34):
god, no, please, no, thank you. That was a fun
day. I never needed to actuallyenvision that happening. But that led me
to wanting to go off on arant. And we all know that rants
are kind of my thing around here. We call Megan's Minutes, and they
are the most cathartic, beautiful thingthat I've ever been given on this show
or really any airtime that I've hadin the past. And I thought,

(01:55):
for the first podcast back, Iwould give the gift of the it to
every single member here. I Ilike it Meghan's Minute for yourself. I
even have a countdown scare with abuzzer at the end to tell you when
you're done. But I just thought, this is truly what I strive for,

(02:17):
really every day on the show isjust one minute for me to get
everything off of my chest because itfeels so good. Yeah, okay,
so everybody, you go around theroom and everybody gets a minute to just
bitch about something. Yeah, andI'll even I'll help out. I'll name
the podcast and instead of calling itMegan's Minute, we'll call it Everyone's minute.
Love it. I like this idea. I like this idea too,

(02:37):
because in Meghan's Minute, you haveto watch your language. We don't have
to watch our language on this That'scorrect. And if if do you want
me to start with one while youguys think about you, it will be
about what the podcast was originally supposedto be. Okay, you ready?
Yes, I have a problem withevery fucking person who has to deal with
copyright because I spent a fucking hourcoming up with the best podcast idea for

(03:01):
the first one back, spend anhour getting all of the audio, getting
everything organized, coming up with anentire game for us to play that I
know Mojo would never let us doon the air for the first time,
and I thought, Wow, thisis genuinely my only opportunity to play this
game and prove to him that it'sa good idea. And an hour after
I had worked on this game,I realized we're no longer allowed to play

(03:22):
music in our podcast, and everythingI had done was fucking useless. Oh.
I was livid. It was soaggravating, all because one person wants
six cents from streaming revenue, Gofuck yourself, my god, next time
I want to see an artist andjust throw pennies at him and being like,
I'm playing your song in our nextpodcast, You're welcome, Pierre.

(03:46):
I didn't even need the full minute, and I feel genuinely much so what
okay there? That's where did youfind this clock thing? Well? I
you know what I genuinely did tomake things even worse. Talking about how
I'd wasted an hour, I foundfive different timers. One was like electric
music and soothing music, and thenI realized, you dumb motherfucker, they

(04:06):
all have music, and then youcan't play any of them. A man,
wait, do clicking noises count assounds? You can't play anything.
To god, if the makers ofmetronoligue come after me, I'll what is
this other thing here? Can Iplay this? Or no? You can,
but I don't think you'll like Oh, really. Oh jeez, turn

(04:27):
up you bitch all the time.And I believe all right, you said
that to me. All right,Can I go next? Yeah, it's
nice to be able to let Megango first so I can kind of think
about my thing. My minute isabout Meghan. The thing I hate the
most about No, I'm just kidding. My bitch is going to be about

(04:50):
people who don't understand that you're inthe studio taping right now, and you
always do until a certain hour everyday, and Lydia knows as well.
It's our sales department. Why isit that the sales department thinks that the
show ends at ten thirty and thatthat's when we are not, you know,
even done with the show? Dothey not see us leave the studios

(05:12):
here at two o'clock in the afternoonsometimes? And the part that drives me
the most crazy about it is thatwhen I say goodbye to them, they
actually will say, hey, you'restill here, like they'll do that,
which makes me want to say,yeah, you're still here too, you
haven't been fired yet, how isit that you're still here? I actually
love ninety nine point nine percent ofthe salespeople. It's the one person though

(05:35):
that sits there and goes. Ican I do an appointment with you at
nine o'clock. No, nine o'clockis still the middle of our fucking show.
We can't do a nine o'clock appointment. But oh sorry, shurn up,
you bitch that commission man. Allright there, I feel so much

(05:56):
about it. By the way,Megan, you never told me this was
therapeutic, so therapeutic. I evenwanted to jump in on yours, but
I let you have that minute.You you actually probably could agree. Couldn't
join some of this? Not onlythat there is a guy here who has
a locked studio that is his,that only he has access to, and
he's never at home. He worksfrom home. But on the days where
he is here, guess who studiohe uses. So I can't get my

(06:18):
fucking worked up. Well, yourshit's locked up. Oh I think that
if you and this is not partof another minute, but I think that
if you don't show up to workat least three out of the five days,
that's all I'm asking, three outof five days, you don't get
a fucking office. I agree withyou, get you get a cubicle.
And those people, yes, yay, the people that are here five days

(06:40):
a week, you know, theI mean the cases and the Sharon's and
uh whoever else those people are.But they should get the offices because they're
here five days a week, sometimessix or seven days a week. So
who's next? I'm trying to decideshould I slam my new husband or my
children? Which one? No?Which one? Because they're very different topics.

(07:02):
We'll then do thirty and thirty.Oh okay, all right, I'm
gonna do thirty. No, I'mgonna do it on my phone. All
right, ready, are you ready? All right? I'm going to start
with West. I truly don't understandhow men are incapable of actually putting something
in a dishwasher. So what he'lldo is he'll eat, and he will

(07:23):
clean his plate. He'll even rinsehis plate and put it either in the
sink, which is right next tothe dishwasher, or he'll put it on
the counter, which is right ontop of the dishwasher. So I'm really
understand trying to understand where the disconnectis of opening said dishwasher, putting in
plate and fork, and then closingit instead of just leaving it on there.

(07:43):
For me, that's thirty seconds.Okay, here's my next thirty seconds.
Kids and sports. They ask youto be signed up for these sports.
So Mom, I want to playbaseball. I want to play lacrosse.
I want to swim. When theyget off the school bus and they
go, do I have today?You have to go swimming. Don't want
to go. Don't make me go. You are part of a team.

(08:03):
We are seeing this through. Idon't want to go to that. You
are the You're the worst mom inthe whole entire world. You told me
you wanted to play. I quit. I want to quit. I could
have done more on that. Bythe way, are we playing that for
for Wes or your kids? Areboth? You can't say shut up your
bitch to your kids. No,I wouldn't. That was excellent. By

(08:24):
the way, every every relationship,every every wife can relate to the dishwasher,
every single mom can relate to theor dad can relate to their kids.
So it feels good. Did Zachcome in at all? Yeah?
Can we put Zach up next weekand then we'll do the Uh, we'll
do the girls. You're not wait, that's perfect. Get it out,

(08:50):
Zach. This is a one minuteminute to get off your chest ready.
Yeah, I fucking hate radio.I hate all the bitches in it.
I hate the sales team. I'msick of people not fucking listening to me
or not answering my phone calls whenI fucking need the goddamn answer right then,

(09:11):
because radio's fucking time. It's goddamntime, answer right, fucking you
bitch. And that is my minute. That was actually amazing. I stopped
breathing for a second and I gotby the way, for those listeners that
don't know Zach, they think thatthis guy is like, that's the most

(09:35):
that might be the most energy I'veever seen out of him, you know,
And all the time that you've beenI've never seen you with rage.
You are the sweetest human being.You're always checking in how everybody else is
feeling. Now are you happy?Are you good? You're the guy that
that that we're out in front ofthe office with who Paula Tuttman from Channel
four going what do you think?I've never seen him this way? I

(09:58):
remember he was really a nice guy. I do feel like that was directed
in me, know, because hecalled me this weekend about a work question.
I didn't say anything, No,it wasn't. It was just in
general, Yeah you have it istoday, your busy day where you got
to do it like eight thousand people'sYeah, and on top of like family
bullshit, which I'm sick. I'mjust sick of dealing with all that again.

(10:20):
I just had this conversation of like, you can only take so much
ship in your bucket before the bucketoverflows and you like you lose your mind
and druk out. My bucket wasfilled with drops. It wasn't even filled
with like waterfalls or cups. It'sjust like so many little things we're spilling
over today. So I get it. Do you agree though that it kind

(10:41):
of feels good to let that out? Of all I was seeing was red
so like I can't even remember whatI was saying, but yeah, it
feels great. Megan, is justyour show. Who's going next? Kp
Lydia? Either of you have onethat you want to do that you're ready
with? Oh? Lydia grabbed themics's natty. Oh no, I've scared.
Besides, Zach, Lydia might bethe only person I've never seen get

(11:03):
angry. Are scared of me?You kind of scare me? I know,
I scare you you're ready? Ohokay, okay. Well, I
love our listeners so much to thepoint where I answer our phones and we
talk to them all day, everyday, specifically me, when I pick
up their phone calls and I'm talkingto them and trying to get them to
get to a point. And that'sgreat when they say their point, except

(11:24):
for it when they text in andthen I'm calling them five billion fucking times
and they don't pick up their damnphone. It's like I have to pass
twelve letters. Yes, I haveto do nine to one before I dial
you. And you're not answering mytext message, and you have a good
fucking text. And of course everyonein a room is reading this text and
is pointing in the producers studio saying, get him on the air, get
him on here, get him onthe air, And I can't get you

(11:46):
on the air. And then guesswhat, we close up the topic and
then boom. I want a goodcall. I want your call to be
one of our last callers. Whyso I can make the show fucking laugh.
I want you to laugh too,So if you want to laugh,
you're gonna answer my call and makethe show good. I know you want
to be a part of it,so just do me that favor. Answer
the fucking phone if you text ourshow, please, please, please,

(12:11):
Wow. She did end with please. Did you notice that she was really
angry for about maybe forty eight secondsof the minute. She's gonna have to
do twelve rosaries after that. Thatis true. You guys don't get to
see Lydia because we're in a wholedifferent studio. But she hello, load

(12:31):
on the morning, You'll be likeyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
pie, yeah yeah yeah, becausethis is the top, will be why
did your dog shit on the porch? And they'll be like, well,
I got up this morning, Iput my muffin in the microwave, and
then I turned the curtain open,and I saw my dog open his asshole.
Look, I saw my dog opensI just don't didn't know why your

(12:54):
dog took a shit on the porch. Please. There's nothing better than when
Lydia's trying to call person over andover and over and over and over again.
They finally call back, right aswe go to commercials. The look
of rage Lidia's face, like,oh, I saw you call. Can
I tell you like I was backin the day, I was kind of
like taught radio like you gotta haveit in the now. You got it

(13:16):
has to be in the now.And it wasn't until Steve Reynolds, who's
a very good friend of the show, was a former consultant the show,
said to me, he goes,if the person who just you know,
you know, freed hostages from abank robbery calls you at ten oh one,
you take the call at ten ohone, you know what I mean.
So it's kind of like nobody givesa fuck whatever, you know.

(13:39):
It's like, so I kind ofI get it. People live in their
their lives at their time, andit's kind of like, you know what
it is. It's like Wes tryingto put the dish in the dishwasher.
You don't have to do it now, Shannon, you can do it at
ten oh one. West will eventuallyput it in the dishwasher. But come
on, my fingers aren't sweating fornothing. It's like dialing the same number

(14:01):
over and over again. Sometimes thismore Mojo podcast is a bad idea.
We should have never brought this thingback. Let me do another one minute.
No a KP. Are you ready? Oh my head is spinning.
Sure, let's do it. Ithink that every person that lives in my
apartment is an absolute fucking wackyoo.The guy next door fuck's the same girl

(14:26):
every single night and she has thesame sound every single night and not stand
it. And I've looked through mypeople decide to get a pit. I'm
not doing that sound because somebody elseis gonna replay it and it's gonna be
weird. Yeah. I try tolook on my people to see what he
looks like. And this motherfucker's ugly. How do you get that girl?

(14:46):
How do you get that girl?How do we know it's not him?
It's him? He's coming outside.Oh, maybe it is him. The
girl next door is extra weird.She screams all hours of the night,
not at a sexual way, butto are friends about other people. And
I'm really afraid of her, quitefrankly. And then what I don't understand

(15:07):
is to do that. I wenton a date with who lives down the
hall, has been parking in ahandicapped spot spot for the last eight months,
and as far as I know,he doesn't have any physical impairments,
just metal mental ones. Oh mygosh. That was actually excellent. All
of them were excellent. Oh mygod, just you know, uh,

(15:28):
And I have to say this,Megan, and then you take over because
this is your thing. Like Ihaven't tried to every time somebody said there
minute. I do want to saythis that I hope that people don't get
a bad thought about us because ofthis. This is the local human being
has their times of rage inventing,and if you don't, then you're a
fucking wackadoo. And in K's apartmentbuilding, we all do. I actually

(15:52):
kind of want to go to KP'sapartment. You don't just hearing about that,
like you know what I mean,like the wacky neighbors. Yeah,
No, I feel like everybody wholives there is just is first of all
irresponsible, myself included. I shouldnot be living there. It's they charge
way too much fucking money. Andif you do live there, you I
I could just tell that you're nota very kind person. Because every time

(16:15):
I overhear a conversation in the hallway, it's somebody that's talking shit about somebody
else on the phone to somebody,And I get that that's your private space
event, but when it's everybody,it makes me think there's a certain type
in my apartment complex, and thenit makes me think about myself. Maybe
this is I know, like shit, anyway, you're the one is your

(16:37):
show? Did anybody else pay attentionthis whole podcast? Did you just pay
attention? Though? He just saidthat he's going to hand it over,
But the whole time, I don'twant to do the more emotional podcast.
I don't want to host it.I wanted to be everybody else's responsibility name
not mine. Should go back andre listen every time somebody did. How

(16:57):
I tried to talk then and hejust is past. It's exactly what we
all expect. Start the timer again. I'm fucking sick of expectations being sent
by Mojo and then he doesn't fallthrough and then he plays you for him.
I'm fucking sid of it. Thankyou. I feel better. I
did turn up you bitch perfect.He said it to me on the air.

(17:22):
He said that to me. Idid not. I don't know what.
I don't know what you're talking about. You're highly unprofessional. What they
say, be it professional and goback there and do your job. That
wasn't it? Who was that?That was? That was me in the
Spikephones camp. Yeah, pick upthe line, will you put the guy

(17:48):
Jesus put the call in hold.That was That was actually no, that
was That was when we had internsanswering our calls, and we would be
like it would stay on there wouldsay star Star Star Stars, our stars,
the this person's gonna jump off theAmbassador bridge. Great, put the
fucking call on hold. Let metalk to me. I can't, I
honestly can't believe we had interns.It was the dumbest thing ever that we

(18:11):
did. That. Answering phones isbold, but that's the ones that answered
phones. Couldn't be me. No, No, we're gonna say I thought
I thought you wanted me to endit and done, but no, I'm
gonna end it the way he usedto end it. I don't want to
do this the podcast it out getmad at his I love doing this podcast.

(18:38):
Did I tell you how much Ilove this podcast? I think that
wait real quick, we're not endingthis podcast. I think this podcast should
be I think this podcast should beeight hours long, like Mike in your
podcast that you guys do you knowstart that one