We Do(n't) Podcast: Episode 15 Another Brick In The Wall

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the Weed Owned podcast starringhusband and wife Mojo from Mojo in the
Morning and his better half Chelsea.On this episode, you know, I
usually know what we're going to talkabout before we actually do the podcast.

(00:27):
I have no idea what we're goingto talk about, which scares me because
I think you're going to spring somethingon me right now. Did you rehire
an attorney and you now have somebodyI never had an attorney hired. Okay,
did you finally hire an attorney?And if you did, please tell
me you actually found a good one. All right, let's begin this podcast.
Well, all right, all right, all right, without further delay,

(00:48):
here are Mojo and Chelsea. Sousually we have an idea of where
we're going with this thing. ButI don't have the idea you do,
because you're the only one that actuallyknows where we're heading with us. Well,

(01:11):
yeah, we usually typically will talkabout what we're gonna discussed on the
podcast, and on the way overhere was what do we talk about?
I don't know what do we talkabout? By the way, you look
so beautiful today, Well say Ishowered. I haven't seen you in a
little bit. I know, becausewe were down in Florida and we celebrated
our anniversary. We went to somereally romantic spots, like, for instance,

(01:36):
we went to a bar where therewas a guy who smelled like he
hadn't taken a shower in about aweek that was sitting right next to us.
There was a bachelorette party that wassitting on the other side of us
at a fun bar, though that'san outside fun bar. And then we
went to the most romantic spot ever, We went to a Lions football game

(01:56):
in Tampa. Yes, what saysromance more than football? Why did you
not find it as romantic as Ifound it? Too? Well, I
don't like football, so I've neverliked football. I don't enjoy football.
The only time I've really ever goneto football games is when my children were
playing in them, and that wasrare. But why would it not be
romantic for us to be spending fourconsecutive hours together being able to sit right

(02:21):
next to each other undivided attention.Well, because it's not undivided attention on
each other. It's undivided attention ongrown men slamming themselves into each other playing
keep away. That's how you describewhat football is for sure, what would
be more romantic than that, Likeif you were to have planned our anniversary,

(02:43):
which next year is a big onefor us. Next year we'll be
celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary. SoI vowed I would never ever, ever,
ever plan another anniversary after what youdid on our fifth year anniversary.
Re explain to people that don't rememberfrom the earlier podcast when I got well,
no, I don't think we've everI don't think we've ever discussed this.

(03:04):
Actually for anniversary, we had somewhereeither on the show, or maybe
it was on the show, butit was for our fifth anniversary. I
was doing a my brain parting heres Gavenger hunt, right, So I
started off and then it was atthat point the five most important spots in

(03:30):
our marriage up until that point,And you know, the first one was
where we met. No, I'msorry, the first one was the apartment
and I was living in its timethat we met that, Yeah, and
we first lived in and then secondone, what's the second apartment? Our
favorite restaurant where the boys were bornwith the hospital the boys were born at.
And then you were to end upat the church that we got married

(03:53):
at, and the mont signior whomarried us, is going to renew our
vows, and then we were goingto go off and spend the weekend and
Phoenix and my parents were going totake the kids, because when we renewed
our vows, it was just goingto be you, myself, my parents,
and the boys at the church wherewe got married. Yeah, and

(04:14):
why did it not happen? BecauseI gave you the first clue and like,
I'm not doing this. Come on, I don't want to do this
is ridiculous. I'm not doing this. And I said, are you sure?
And I and I arranged with everysingle person you know, he's gonna
come here this. I gave themyour photo, I gave you know,
told them what was going on,and everyone was really excited. And I'm

(04:38):
not doing this. I'm not doingthis. This is ridiculous. I just
want to go to Phoenix. Thisis dumb. So I said, I
asked you twice, and then Igot very hurt and upset and I what
are you doing? I was turningthem up, pulling the Michael a little
way from your mouth because you're you'reright on it loud today. Well,
you always tell me to get righton it and also I was hoping people

(04:59):
wouldn't hear this next exactly, andso anyway, so we I had to
call and cancel everything, and Ivowed I would never ever ever do anything
for anniversary again. One thing Ilearned from that moment was, guys,
h always make sure that you evenif you don't like surprises, just go
along with it. Because it wasbecause to tell you where we were at

(05:23):
the end of the whole thing,we were going away for the night on
the weekend. My parents were takingaway. Yeah, and we had never
gone away by ourselves. And it'sinteresting because I really screwed this thing up
because it stopped us from probably evergoing away by ourselves, like you stopped
a lot of stuff. Actually thatthat was a big That was a big

(05:43):
hurt for me for sure. Yeah, And you know what I regretted to
this day because my thing was Iwas so anticipating, anticipating the what we
were going to do going away.We were going to get out of town,
you know, we were going tospend the weekend in a hotel,
eating it, you know, acouple of good restaurants and stuff. And

(06:04):
I wasn't with you. We don'talways have to make an excuse. It's
just a moment. No, it'sa total dick moment. Yeah, And
I'll be quite honest with you.I think that there are many times in
a relationship where you don't have control. And I think that sometimes it's the

(06:26):
best time of your relationship when thereis no control, like when you in
this ghost for everybody that could belistening to this. When the control is
done by somebody else, like whetherit be your spouse or it could be
some you know, other people aroundyou, sometimes you don't need to have
control to make to make everything good. And I was not happy about giving

(06:47):
up control over this because I andyou had the control over it, and
I should have gone along for theride. It would have been such a
cool moment. It would have beenfun to be able to, uh,
to go back to those spots.Yeah, it would have been fun.
I mean it was to think ofthe spots that you just said, I
mean I remember them well. Butto think of the fact that we had

(07:10):
a family of two kids at thetime, so there's the four of us,
and we had lived in a littlehouse that we that we you know,
was our first house that we bought. But to go back to the
spot that I lived in, youknow, the five hundred square foot or
something apartment with just a couch ina single mattress, you know, and

(07:32):
to go back to just that apartmentcomplex where there's a lot of memories that
were made in that apartment complex.Yeah, I mean, that was a
pretty cool place. We should doit now, too late, I think,
I'm a matter of fact, it'sapartment thirteen oh two of the east
Ridge Apartment complex and Tucson, Arizona. I don't know if that's even it
is anymore. Well, the eastRidge I think is there, but I
don't think they call it that anymore, but it is, but apartment thirteen

(07:55):
oh two. I will remember that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah
all right, So where are yougoing with this thing? You said that
a lot of people liked the lastpodcast. You got some good feedback on
the questions that we were answering.Yeah, a lot of people liked when
we were doing those questions. SoI have a couple more, Yeah that
we're going to do. Are anyof these gotcha questions like I'm going to

(08:16):
get myself into trouble? No,which, by the way, go back
to why I haven't seen you ina while. So, so we did
the Florida thing. Then you stayeda little bit longer down there. I
didn't think you were going to comehome. I didn't think I was going
to come home. You were ata point where you were like really enjoying,
you know, being in a warmclimate and the weather, was kind

(08:39):
of having having some time with Joe. It was really nice to be able
to spend time with your son.Yeah, it's really good. So one
of the other things that's different tooin our relationship is I feel like I
used to be so extremely codependent onyou. So I So it's funny you
say that, because I think forthe first couple of days after you left,

(09:03):
you were fine, and then youwere starting to get really snippy with
me with some of the with someof our conversations. Really oh yeah,
And I was talking to one ofmy friends and I'm like, I think
it's just he's mad that I'm hereand he's there, and I think it
was I don't know, I thinkit was just all the shit was kind

(09:24):
of fallen at that time, likethe dogs were acting weird, and I
don't know, why do you thinkthat I am I talking myself into the
fact that I actually enjoyed being awayfrom you or no, No, I
mean I think it's good again becauseI used to never when you would go
away, like to go visit yourparents, and you'd bring the kids with
you. I hated when you andthe kids weren't home. Yeah, I

(09:45):
get depressed me. I used tonot go home. Wait, so are
you saying you like to be alone? Now? It's not that I like
to be alone. I think I'mcontent now. I like being alone.
You do, I do, Ireally do. I love just having it
be quiet and I don't have toanswer anything or do anything for anyone.
Or do you miss me at allwhen you're gone? Of course I do.

(10:07):
Does it make you because I getthis feeling? And I said this
to a guy friend of mine.I think that when we do spend a
little time apart, it's good forus because we are I am so needy
and I feel like I sometimes likesmother you with my neediness. I don't

(10:30):
know if it's yes, you areneedy, but also you cannot be alone.
You do not like quiet, soI know you know. You just
picked me uprom the airport. Westopped off at the radio station to record
this. I know when I gethome and I know that we've got the
boys at home, but it's goingto be TV's on everywhere and it's loud,

(10:50):
and it's going to be you know, it's constant. Where when I
was by myself, it was justquiet and it was nice. Really.
Yeah. I get up and Imake my bed in the morning and no
one messes it up. And thereare dishes in the sink because as soon
as I'm done, I put themaway, and it's just that sound pouring

(11:15):
do. I go for a walkoutside and it's just a g I was
before I was picking you up atthe airport, I was cleaning up all
the ship that has been there inthe sink has been made. No,
that's okay, No, don't getme. I mean I did miss you
and I miss yeah, I missall of that. It's just it's it's
different and it's nice, and Ithink our life is changing and there's going

(11:39):
to be more moments like that whereI'm going to That's that's the bonus of
this part in our life, wherewe're going to be able to travel a
little bit more and I might beextending my stay at some of those stops
a little bit longer, and wherewhere's the beginning of our marriage? You
know, you would have to travelfor work or you'd have to and I

(12:01):
would be dealing with everything at ourhouse by myself, you know, whether
it would be the kids or dogsor just shit at the house. And
now now you have to deal withit. Yeah. Thanks, It's funny.
I watch new relationships, like wetalk so much on our show about
this Taylor Swift Travis Kelcey thing,and I look at that relationship and I

(12:26):
think to myself, I'm like,did Chelsea and I ever have? Is
it really a relationship or is itjust a publicity? Well, I think
it's all bullshit. But where Chelseaand I ever that kind of a relationship
where you know, you'd walk handin hand and you'd go into places and
stuff. And I laugh because ofwhen I see some of these relationships that
are like that, or I seethe couple that sits on the same side

(12:48):
of the table at restaurants or feedseach other, you know what I mean,
No one, You have never witnessedanyone feed another person unless they physically
could not feed themselves, unless theywere child. I mean that is yeah,
that does not happen. That isweird and we I don't think we've
ever shared a meal before in ourlives intentionally. Now you know what I

(13:09):
mean? All right, So goahead, let's pop these questions out.
Let's go okay, So here ishere is one. What's the best thing
you learned from our worst fight?Oh gosh, I don't even know what
I would quantify as the worst fightwe've had. We've had a lot of
fights, have some and we've hada lot of worse moments. And I'm

(13:33):
not saying that those worst moments weren'tfor a purpose. I think they all
were. But I think that oneof the best things that I I and
I've talked to I think I talkabout the same stuff over and over again
on this podcast sometimes is one ofthe best things that I learned was that
I can't fix everything, like Ican't be always trying, like I have

(13:54):
to stop that, like I thisweek there was one of those moments where
you even said something to me,I don't I want you to fix this,
and you had to remind me aboutit. But I would say,
probably to try to listen a littlebit more and let you speak, and
let you get to a point whereyou get everything out and have felt that
you've been listened to and heard andthen just go, yeah, that sucks.

(14:18):
I mean, I hate to sayit, but sometimes just telling you,
yeah, that's that what you know, I get it, I get
while you're upset by that, itis like the relief for you. So
I think that's probably the biggest thingI've learned is to to not always try
to think that I can fix everythingand make everything right and I'm going to

(14:41):
fuck up in my life. Well, okay, so if it's a fight,
so I'm just trying to re dirrectyou in this. If it's a
fight, we're not typically fighting oversomething that I want you to fix,
right, So so then I don'tknow what would you say it and then
let them your answer, Well,I'll I'll work off your answer, go

(15:03):
ahead, and again, like yousaid, like the worst fight I'm trying
to think about. I think thatthere was a point in our marriage where
we were really, really, reallygood and the rug was pulled out from
underneath me and with a huge decisionthat was made behind my back, a

(15:28):
bit a business decision, a businessdecision with the show that affected but affected
us yeah personally, and I rememberI remember that people would say to us
in radio and like I, Ilisten. I would rarely go to your
radio things. I just didn't dothat or participate in going into conventions or

(15:50):
whatever that. But when I wouldgo to things, people would come up
and say, oh, my gosh, you're such You're the perfect radio wife.
You you know him so good,you know, blah blah blah,
building me up, building me up. And I thought, wow, I
am such a good radio wife.I just yeah, I let him do
whatever he wants and I just stayedhome with the boys, and that's my

(16:11):
job. And I really, youknow, and I support you. And
I remember that everyone who would hadbuilt me up, or there were two
people specifically that had built me upinto that position. Let's just say that
made me feel like I was this, you know, so important and a
part of this team. And Iwas so so so so so so so

(16:34):
hurt, like devastated hurt from thisthat had happened. And these two people
that I respected, that you respectand to this day still do, made
me feel so small for my reaction. It made me feel like I didn't
matter and everything that I did,you know, just whatever it I was

(16:57):
supposed to be a part of thisteam. At the end of the day.
It is you and I and thisat the end of the day,
and it's not you know, amarriage is between two people, it's not
between four. And those two otherpeople had a huge influence over you,
and at that point they had moreinfluence over you than I did, an
influence not in a bad way,but they just you know, and I

(17:22):
realized, I think at that moment, coming out of that fight, that
it's not ever going to be easy, like marriage, like even even at
your best time, even at yourlike best time, get ready for that
rug to be pulled out from underneathyou and hopefully you can recover from it
and you can trust again and youcan build that back. But I remember

(17:47):
thinking, gosh, we are sogood, We've got this down, you
know nothing. And then and thenthat moment happened, and it became a
moment where you felt like you didn'tmatter to me right and our family wasn't
It was just it made me feelat that moment, Okay, everything that

(18:15):
I thought that we were, yeah, we're not. But but also and
then I realized, because you know, I've done a lot of therapy just
because that that moment in our marriagewas very defining for me, for me
personally, and it affected us bothin different ways by the way that was.
But that would be a defining fightfor us in my Yeah, and

(18:37):
you know it's I should not havepersonalized it as much and just realized that
there were other things out there thatwere affecting your decision how much because the
listeners are probably going to want toknow exactly what this is. But this
was about a decision that I madework wise financially with me and and taking

(19:00):
a pay cut basically for work andfor somebody, uh you know that I
that I worked with on the show. How much of a decision And I
didn't go to you and talk toyou about it? Well, it's cheaper
than that too, Yes, itwas how much of if somebody has a
if somebody's listening right now and they'rein a work situation, how much does

(19:25):
their partner play again there because ofit? It affected us personally, it
affected us financially. So if youwould have come to me and said,
hey, I'm thinking of doing thisto you know it, this is what
we need to do, of courseI would have said, are you crazy?
Absolutely not, no way, Andthen hopefully we could have come to

(19:52):
had discussions and come to an agreementabout it. But that was robbed for
me, like it wasn't even Iwasn't even allowed to do you think it
was worse also that because you area stay at home mom, and like
if we were both, if wehad both had dual incomes, No,
I think it would have been worse. I think I don't think it mattered
because again, it impacted our family. So it's not like and and again

(20:18):
because there's sometimes where people will say, well, why does she have even
have a say so in that,Well, because in our marriage, we
have decided that it is our marriage, you know, our account, our
money, our and to me,this was taking away money from my children,

(20:40):
so you know, and it wasn'ta one time thing. It was
a long commitment. So it justit and it wasn't just so much about
money as it was also what itdidn't make you part of the the decision
making. And and another person cancome in in between our marriage and when
I which I thought and work couldcome in between and I thought it was

(21:02):
our marriage. I just thought ourmarriage was really great at that point,
and it just you know, allof this was going on behind my back.
It was never And I was satdown and told the night before that
this it had already been finalized andsigned, everything was taken care of.
And then I was told the nightbefore that check had to be written.

(21:23):
So it was just it was Yeah. To go back to my answer on
this and what my answer would be, my answer would be that the biggest
thing that I learned was that ifyou agree that you guys are going to
be partners, you know, lifepartners, that you are truly partners.

(21:44):
Yeah. And if you were ina partnership with somebody, you know,
no matter what it might be,some people are you know, life partners
and relationship partners, some people arebusiness partners. You wouldn't do something without
asking your partner, you know whatI mean and talking about that. Yeah,
And that was honestly, that wasthat was a very immature move on

(22:06):
my part. And my part wasI always I never looked at the financials
of things and thought to myself anythingother than you know, I looked at
our life and our lifestyle and justsaid, you know, I again,
it was more and it was moreright, and it was more than just
the money. But we don't haveto get into that because you know that

(22:27):
was a long time ago. Thatwas a long long time ago. Well
obviously not long enough for you notto remember. But go ahead. What
was a question? Do you didn'task any more question? Should I not
do? Only to answer them towhere it makes you look good? Next
question? Now here we go.What do I do that makes you feel

(22:49):
that I understand you? Nothing?What do you do I When I am
at my lowest, and there's beenmany times where I'm at my lowest,
you tell me it's okay to beat my lowest, like you've actually given

(23:12):
me you know, Hey, it'sit's okay. You're very reassuring to me,
Like I know that if I'm havinga really really tough uh time going
through it, going through a difficulttime, I know that you would.
You're the first person that I wantto talk to because of you always have

(23:33):
a you always have an answer,but you also don't have an answer that's
what I want to hear, whichactually is good because you could turn to
people, and sometimes that does happen. Sometimes you actually do turn to certain
people, Like if I want ananswer that I want to hear, I'll
turn to my sisters. You knowwhat I mean, they'll give me an
answer that it's going to be youknow, probably more so, oh everything,

(23:56):
you're great, whatever the whole dealis, you're gonna me one and
say, hey, it's okay notto be great. So what are your
thoughts? So what do you dothat makes you feel that you understand me?
So I think that you I thinkyou've gotten a lot better recently and
i'd say, like within the pastcouple of years where you can really start

(24:21):
to read my tone and my andyou know when I need space, and
then you know when I need encouragement, and you know, you definitely have
gotten better with that because I thinkyou have to learn a person, learn
someone right, And so I thinkthat you give me a lot of you

(24:44):
know, again with the boys leavingand all of that, you are extremely
supportive and that measure like with althoughmaybe not as good as I should have
been, because if I know,we talked in a couple of podcasts ago
about me not kind of dropping theball a little bit for that for sure,
I said, you've gotten a lotbetter, a lot better. They're

(25:07):
not perfect, but I think Ithink your actions, some of your actions,
like again, when I'm having abad day, and I can just
say to you, listen, I'mhaving I'm having a bad day. I
don't for whatever reason, and youjust adapt to it like you're very You
don't try to push me anymore likeyou used to try to push me.
You don't if I don't want totalk about it. Especially when my grandfather
was passing away. That was areally hard, hard, hard time for

(25:30):
me, and I was trying tobe the rock for everyone, and you
just knew. You weren't constantly callingme and asking me like I was being
his caretaker, and you just youjust knew that I had to have some
space and had to process it andhad to. I process things a lot
alone. You like to have youlike to have someone there with you to

(25:52):
process it. And so you gaveme the space that I needed, and
you were there, you know,picking up the slack for me, like
with stuff at the funeral, andso you I need more. I needed
more acts of doing things for meat that moment. Well, I also
had time to prepare for that becausethe man was dying over how many years,

(26:17):
A long time, I mean itwas I'm not going to lie to
you. I knew that that daywas going to come for at least a
decade, but we just didn't.I mean, we thought ten he was
like a cat because like ten yearsbefore that, I thought he was going
to die and I was like,oh fuck, I know, she's going
to spiral with this. I worriedabout that because he was your He was
your guy, you know, hewas so I still don't know if you

(26:41):
necessarily have gotten not yet I will. Yeah, I'm getting over it.
I talked to him about I amready. I am ready for you to
crumble. When you crumbled, Iwill be here to help you, all
right. I'm ready for a kidone, yeah, go ahead. Is
the love a parent feels for theirchild like any other love. I think

(27:03):
that I would say that no,because they're yours. They're there, they
are yours, You created them,you know. I mean, I think
that the love that I have foryou is is great, but it's not
their love is going to be forever. Your love for me and my love

(27:26):
for you may not be right.There's there's it's it's very hard to divorce
or break up or break up withyour child. You don't you can't,
yeah, I mean, and Iexperienced that with my dad. My dad
did that kind of with my mytwo of my siblings, and to me,

(27:47):
I look at it and when Ihear the stories about you know,
men who who leave their children andwalk out on their children, I just
don't. I can't get it.Like I get mad when I you know,
don't have them call me or pickup my phone calls or text messages,
you know. Yeah, And I'vealways said that a love, my

(28:07):
love for my kids is unconditional,and my love and a love in a
marriage is conditional. You know.That's why people can get divorced, and
you know, there unfortunately, thereare conditions, right, there are reasons
that that your love can break.And for a child. That's I used
to call the boys my irreplaceables,you know, and they still are my

(28:30):
three irreplaceables. But you know,marriages sometimes fail and relationships can fail,
and you think it's the end ofthe world, and you do, you
do, and you can find anotherperson to love as far as a spouse
goes, but I don't. Thereis no replacement for a child, or

(28:51):
there is no well, and sometimesI don't think our kids understand that,
like because we are pretty involved inour kids' lives, and I think sometimes
they won't understand it. And Iprobably didn't understand it until I had a
child, till I had Joe,and that's when I started to realize,
and I'm like, wow, youknow, I cannot imagine my life without

(29:15):
my three children. Well, it'slike having wearing your heart is on the
outside of your body, it's insomeone else's chest, and it's you know
you. I remember when we broughtJoe home from the hospital, and we
lived with my parents at that time, and I was sitting in the living
room and that movie with John Travoltaand Uma Thurman Kill Bill Yeah, was

(29:40):
on, Got You and my dadwere watching it and I there was this
fight scene and I thought, ohmy god, someone could actually punch his
face one day. That's perfect littlebit like. I don't know why I
went there, but I thought,oh, like, and I just wanted
to protect him, protect him fromeverything and anything. And you don't want
your child to hurt. You don'twant them to fall down, You don't
want that, you know, youjust protective. You're so so, so,

(30:02):
so so protective over your kids.How strange is it that we bring
your dad's first grandchild in my firstchild home and we watch kill Bill.
Oh yeah, there's something wrong withyou. One last question. That's all
we got time for. Okay,because if we don't, we get charged
over time for being too long ofa podcast. Okay, if you could

(30:29):
go back and change anything about ourrelationship, what would it be and why?
Well, every example that you heardtoday, I'd go back and do
it differently. Honestly, I wouldgo back to that moment that you were
talking about, that scavenger hunt,and I would redo it. Thinking back
on it, all the things thatwe talked about today all pretty much show

(30:52):
that I don't understand why the fuckyou marry me and are married to me.
And there are people I know thatsometimes we'll go God, she complains
a lot about things, but they'relegit things. I don't know why the
fuck you're married to me. Thispodcast has made me realize that you could
have done so much. Well.I'm not perfect either. I just think
that I'm more vocal. I don'thave a problem so well. I think

(31:17):
that also, the wounds that Ihave caused for you go deeper than the
wounds that you have caused for me. I kind of let them. I
don't. I don't think I dothink about them as much. Do you
agree or disagree? So you thinkthat because I think about them, No,
I think that. No, Ithink that I. I think that

(31:38):
there's been hurt from from both ofus to each other, for sure.
And I think that there's a lotof cases where my hurt I don't I
don't bring up because I honestly probablyam digging them to they're probably there's they're
packed away and I don't even thinkabout them. I think they heard.
I think that. Oh, I'mdefinitely I think if I could do things

(31:59):
all day differently in our relationship,I would you talked about Travis and Taylor
Swift. I would want you tobe a little bit more, you know,
affectionate with me and make me feellike I'm not that much wanted a
little bit more. But you can'teffect someone to be something that they're not

(32:20):
right. Well, but you werea little bit like that in the beginning.
Yes, remember that apartment thirteen ohtwo. Remember the days that you
would come over a lot, andyeah, but we would never my gosh,
but we would never like walk aroundholding hands. No, but you
were definitely more affectionate and you enjoyedthe affection early on well and I probably

(32:42):
and you know what, I probablydid a little bit more. And then
I think after I had our firstbaby and I, you know, was
sustaining life with another human and well, the kids definitely took over for sure,
your emotions, oh yeah, Welland my energy. To be fair,
I did pour pour myself into mykids. But where's that energy yet

(33:02):
now I've gone drained? No,I mean I think that I think what
ends up happening is it becomes theexcuse of the kids are the thing that
are dragging the energy down, andit is no doubt that that that they
Well, I think that's part ofit. It's tough. But also I'd
wake up at three thirty in themorning and I don't have very much energy
too. But I think that wehave to make that time for each other.

(33:24):
Sure, but I think also youknow, you go back and you
talk about when we were very ina first I'm sorry, I can't speak
when we were in a relationship inthe very beginning, Well, there was
no history and there was no baggagewith that. So fast forward, you
know, we've been mad for twentyyears, twenty nine years, but we've
been together for thirty one, sofor thirty one years there's built up,

(33:47):
you know, that could be memories, resentment, you know, and not
that I'm sitting there thinking to myself, I'm not going to hold your hand
because of what you did for afive year anniversary, like that's that's not
it at all. I think withme, and I've said this before to
you, and I think a lotof people are like this. You know,
every time that something happened, abrick was put up, and I

(34:12):
just toughened up and changed a littlebit. And I think that for me,
that's just how I am. I'mnot. It doesn't mean that I
love you any less. It justfor me, I think I'm just My
first reaction isn't to go and layin your arms when we're laying on the
couch. It's to you know,scroll on my phone or you know,

(34:36):
and that's that's a bad habit.But it's not. I think that just
over the years, so many thingshave happened and you turn a little bit
more callous and a little bit andthen we go to therapy and we soften
that a little bit. But Ithink you know, also there's routines,
there's there's just a lot that goesinto it. It's not where you know,
Okay, the kids are gone andnow we're gonna revert back to to

(35:00):
thirty one years ago. I don'tI don't know if that's possible. I
think that that's very rare. Butif every year or every moment that we
have something happened to us, thebricks go up, how do the bricks
come back down? I think withcommunication and stuff that we've worked on,
I think definitely I've built I personallyhave built a ton of walls up,

(35:21):
but I know I've also let myguard down. The problem with me,
and I've said this before, andI know it's a problem and I try
to work on it, is thatI know when I get hurt, I
quickly close up. I'm not thelovey dovey like, hmm, you did
this for me and let me knowmonth uh huh. But I am the

(35:42):
girl that I'm like, oh,well, you really hurt me, and
so I'm not gonna let you hurtme again. And so I have to
protect myself, and I think,you know, that is something I have
to work on. You know,the fact that we're still married is you
know, testament to the fact that, yeah, we're both willing to work
on things. You know, doyou you ever foresee that you'll want to

(36:09):
stay in floor? I'm hoping bythe way that you blow breaks down.
You live in two different states,No, I and listen, I think
that I I actually think I lookforward to this is every day I wake

(36:30):
up and I'm trying to reframe,like I don't have my kids at home
anymore, like you know, soI'm trying to reframe it every day like
this is a new day. Whatam I going to do for myself today?
What can I do that will makeyou know our relationship better? Like
I really think about that every day. And of course, you know,
it's harder when we're in different states, but it's also kind of exciting because

(36:53):
it is a new road for us. And it's also a choice. So
we can choose to make it shittyor we can choose to make it great
and so and and different and fun, you know, like it's it's kind
of fun for me because I'm inFlorida. Yeah, we should, uh,

(37:16):
we should talk about that more ona future podcast, because I think
that's a good one of uh.Of the bricks, the resentment bricks that
go up and there are on bothsides by the way. I think.
Actually, I'd love to sometimes getmy therapist on to talk about the resentment
bricks because a lot of times,you know, we have have had conversations

(37:36):
about that of how to break themdown, but also that there are some
people that have them up and don'teven realize they have them up, and
I'm sure I do. Yeah,well, no, I know you have
them up. Okay, I'm thisis Funness podcast, all right. That
does it for this We don't podcast.