We Do(n't) Podcast: Episode 16 Are The Kids the Cause of Your Stress?

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Episode Transcript

(00:04):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast starringhusband and wife Mojo from Mojo in the
Morning and his better half Chelsea.On this episode, Chelsea, know,
we're going to talk about during thispodcast why we should have never had kids,

(00:29):
the actual truth behind the fact thathaving kids all it does is cause
for you nothing but stress on thisepisode of the We Don't Podcast. Well,
all right, all right, allright, without further delay, here
are Mojo and Chelsea. Okay,So, had a couple of listeners who

(01:03):
are fans of the We Don't Podcast, actually two of them. One of
them I met out at our trunkor treat, which is that big event
where you know, parents bring theirkids to go out and get a bunch
of candy and then they lazily don'tgo out on Halloween like we used to
have to do with the kids.Yep. Why is it? Okay,
So, I want to talk aboutthis before I tell you what they told

(01:23):
me. Why is it that itseems like if we had kids nowadays,
I would be happier because it seemslike everything that caused effort for me back
when Joey, you know, ouroldest son who's twenty seven right now,
Jacob who's twenty five, and Lukewho's eighteen, who's twenty eight jo okay

(01:47):
a year who cares potato patata?Why is it that it seems like all
the stuff that was the hardest stufffor me to have to do as a
parent, tricker treating is no longerlike nobody tricker treats anymore. These kids
go out for like five minutes becausebecause it's stations like yours that do these
trunk er treat events. But theydid your They did harvest festivals and things

(02:10):
like that at churches before. Yeah, but it wasn't for candy. That
was I mean at my church,it wasn't candy. It was just like
what Bible pamphlets and stuff. No, we would they would bring in animals
and it was kind of like ait sounds like fun, it was,
don't. Yeah, Yes, itwas fun because it's funny when but we

(02:34):
also had the costumes. It washorrible costumes with the masks that you know,
you can't even yep. That's thestring that was on the back that
pulled tight and they would always breakoff. Yeah, with the stapler and
the eyeholes never mashed up with theireyes. Your the mouth hole was dangerous.
If you even talked, you'd cutyour lip or your tongue. It
was. But you know, ourparents sent us out. I would beg.

(02:58):
Actually I wasn't lucky enough to those. My mom would make all of
our costumes, and I would beg, beg for one of those costumes.
Yes, and she would. Andnow I look back on it, I
think, God, she was amazing. I was such an asshole because she
would make these homemade costumes for meand my brother, Like one year we
were bumblebees, one year we wereprisoners. She'd got styrofoam ball and with

(03:22):
a chain on it and we'd dragit. She was so good and so
creative, And all I wanted wasthe cheap, ugly costume. You wanted
the costumes that hurt everybody. Iknow, the costume, the one that
you're talking about that would hurt everybody. All I remember was the moment that
that rubber band thing broke off.You were screwed. The elastic, yeah,

(03:42):
because now you no longer had amask. Even if you tried to
restaple it yourself, never rip andbreak it. Do you remember what some
of them were like? They eitherare super they're only like five like superheroes
or Raggedy Ann and Andy, whichwe were my mom and me a handmade
one of those two. But yeah, yeah, it was just everything everything
that now and they would literally weara garbage bag that would rip as you

(04:04):
were walking. Everything that now iscanceled and they can't do anymore. You
cannot be. They used to callthem hobos. Remember that was like it
was an almost person and now itis no longer. And I remember that
I dressed up as my mom.I would dress up in my mom's clothing
and I would go as my mom, which I would think nowadays you probably

(04:24):
couldn't do that anymore because people wouldthink you're making fun of somebody that that
does drive. Yeah, yeah,okay, So this is the thing when
Joe Jacob not so much Luke.Luke had had a different kind of childhood
than the boys did. At thatpoint we gave up. Joe and Jacob

(04:44):
would go around our neighborhood. Welived in a neighborhood with probably about I
don't know. It seemed like whata couple hundred houses, and it was
non stop. I felt. Ifirst off, if you back then,
if you had an Apple Watch tokeep track of your steps, I would
have like twenty five thousand steps.Yeah. Well, with the amount of
walking that we had to do,not that we gave up. We moved

(05:05):
into a different house. Yeah,when Luke was three that only had like
ten homes on the street. Yeah, so we actually had to take him
to other neighborhoods. Yeahuk or treat. So it's funny that as a parent,
you know, looking back on thosetimes, I hated them because it
was always cold, the kids neverwanted to go back in Half the time,

(05:27):
I didn't even know where my kidswere. Half the time, I'm
walking and I'm like, yeah,my kid's Superman, and people are like,
hey, where's Joey and Jacob.I thought I saw him like five
houses up the street. You werewith other men. You're with all the
dads. The mom stayed and handedout candy. Yeah, and we had
a million trigger treaters. I meanit was crazy, oh many. I
mean you would go through bags uponbags of Costco size, you know,

(05:50):
yeah, bags of candy and stuff. So I so the trunk or treat.
A woman by the name of Denisecame up to me, and she
had the cutest kids, and shemakes her kids costumes and she actually the
kids were really awesome costumes. Butshe said she's a fan of THO We

(06:11):
Don't podcast, and she was likefangirling about you and talking about how much
she loves and she actually DMS you. I guess a bunch on that we
don't Instagram, which, by theway, if you never Chelsea actually will
she'll answer everybody. Really, I'mlike, what are you doing? You
know? She complains about me beingon my phone all the time. Now

(06:31):
this podcast has caused for you toto, you know, spend a lot
of time on your phone. Butshe said, hey, you know what
you guys should talk about. Tellthe listeners what have what have been the
most stressful times for you guys parentingwise, and how did that stress affect
your marriage? And I was tryingto think about this because I look back

(06:55):
on it and I think to myself, this is the most stressful time.
And I don't know if it's becauseI'm living in it right now. But
when I look at Will and Jessicaare friends who have Danny and Sloan who
are how old are Danny's Loan fiveand six? I look at them and
I go, it looks stressful,but it looks like fun, Like I
like, I miss I miss it. Yeah, I go over there just

(07:18):
to get hugs from them, andyeah, but I missing What would you
where would you say? And Iknow you have stats on what the most
stressful is because we did some researchon this. Yeah, what what would
you say was the most stressful forus? Well? I think it's different
stressful for you as a couple orstressful for you, you know both.
Let's say, so how about us? How about you personally? What was

(07:40):
the most stressful? So parenting wise, I think it's always stressful, it
is just a different stress And Ialways said, bigger kids, bigger problems.
So you know, at the beginning, you're not sleeping, you know,
if you're breastfeeding, you're completely drained, like everything is, you know,
if it's new, if your firstone, you're trying to figure out

(08:01):
if you're screwing them up and whatyou're doing wrong. And then the second
one comes along because you think youhad it down the first time by the
time you have another one, andthen you realize you had no idea what
you were doing, and now it'sdouble and the cycle starts again. And
I think with every new phase thatwas I would say my favorite with the
boys was six months to eighteen monthsbecause they're discovering things now and they're reacting

(08:24):
and you can have interaction with them. That was really fun. But then
also, you know, it's juststressful. And I think with every as
far so as far as me,as far as I would say being a
mom, I would think letting themgo into the world and hoping that everything
you said to them and did withthem resonates when a situation pops up for

(08:48):
them. It's more stressful for meright now because they're not under our roof.
I don't you know, you don'tknow what choices they're making, and
which is ridiculous. Yeah, becauseold As is twenty eight, he can,
you know, make his own choices. But I still sit there as
his mom and worry never stops.Never, like I lose sleep over.

(09:11):
I share locations with two of ourchildren. I do not with one Jacob,
because I just haven't yet. Butand we know where he is.
He never leaves it, never,but except for to go to school or
work. Yeah, right, so, or Chris's so, I'm I very
I just I will wake up inthe middle of the night. I checked
to make sure, they're both,you know, just in I know obviously

(09:33):
where Joe's apartment is, and Lukeis in a couple of locations that I
know that he's at. I thoughtthem, I thought, for me some
of the most stressful times for me. When they were little, it never
seemed stressful to me because I waschecked out, yp I was okay,
I was just working. Were checkedout? You were working, yeah,
And but for me stress stress feltlike it got really big when the kids

(09:56):
started doing things that required them toactually be somewhat good at it or they
weren't going to make it. Ifelt like when the boys, Joe and
Luke, especially because Jacob really likeso although Jacob did have things that he
would try out for, Jacob wouldtry out for like plays and musicals and

(10:16):
things like that. And also theacceptance of you know, deep in my
heart knowing, Okay, I thinkJacob is gay and I don't want anybody
picking on them. So that wasprobably more so than the boys with their
sports. But when the boys starteddoing like travel sports, and they would
run across a coach that didn't seethe talent that I saw or that the

(10:41):
kids felt like they had, thatwas really stressful, and that was kind
of a time. And then therewas a lot of daddy ball that took
place where because I didn't coach themas they got to be older, I
was kind of scorekeeper guy and stuff, so I didn't really do a lot
of that. And then you startedseeing these other guys who were coaching kids,
and I'm like, going, God, their kids are you know,
they're good, but I think myit's better than their kid, you know

(11:01):
what I mean, And so youget kind of stressed. That was one
part of the stress. Then thenext stress is exactly and I feel the
same way that you do now.When Joe started getting in a radio was
stressful for me because again it goesback to the whole thing of here he's

(11:22):
doing something I think he's very goodat and some other people may not agree,
or some other people may be guidinghim down a path that I don't
necessarily find it to be a goodpath. I talked to one of our
friends who's a professional hockey player.He's retired professional hockey player, and I
said to him, I go,I know you coach your son, but

(11:43):
you're not going to always coach yourson. You know what. The hardest
part is going to be for you. And he said, what's that?
And I said, it's going tobe so hard for you to sit back
and watch somebody else coach your kidand think to yourself, I've been I'm
at the top of my game,you know, I've won Olympic medals and

(12:03):
Stanley Cups. And this asshole istelling my kid that he doesn't think that,
Yeah, what he's doing is good. And that's how I feel sometimes
with Joe in certain certain cases,because I know that I had great programmers
coming up as a as you know, a younger radio guy, so I
always worry about But you know whatthat's called for Joe and then I you

(12:24):
know, I'm not going to sayhis name, but Joe and yeah,
his son. It's called character buildingbecause there are going to be so many
people who, for whatever reason andthe nepotism like whatever, they'll feel that
they're in that position because of whotheir dad is or what. And that
is So that's difficult with Joey becausehe is so talented and then he hears

(12:48):
it so much and but then hehas some people that don't think he's that
talent. Well, that's what I'msaying. He is so talented, and
he hears that he's not talented,and he's where he's at because of his
dad. Which is so funny becauseand I say this, and you can
tell me if I'm wrong, Idon't step in and do anything. No.
No, I probably could and Iprobably should sometimes well. As a

(13:11):
matter of fact, when he wasworking here in Detroit, I could,
like daily I would get phone callsfrom the both of you about like what
was goal, like what each otherwas doing, because he was trying to
prove himself and show who he wasin radio and you were just trying to
let him be and also run yourshow like you're not. So it was

(13:33):
a very I would get phone callsfrom both of you about stuff that was
going on that each other was drivingeach other crazy with. And I just
think that it's it's it's good.And I would tell you guys all the
time, you're going to miss thisbecause this is rare when you get to
work with your dad, you're right, and so you will miss this.
Both of you are stuck on thesestupid little issues when just look at the

(13:54):
right right side and he says,you're right too. I'm always right.
I know you are but it is, but it's fun. And this goes
to the stress levels and we'll go, you know, get back to to
that. Those stress levels you talkedabout what's the most stressful for us as
parents and then what's the most stressfulfor our marriage? They all turn into
stress for our marriage. They thereare times that the stress of our kids

(14:16):
brings you and I closer together,right, And there have been times because
because I think that you will seeme step up more. And then there
are times where I see how youare as you know, as I know
you hate this as a mother bearer, you know what I mean, Like
you hate when I call you motherbe mom a bear thing, but you
you are very You're an amazing mom. Like I can never criticize anything you

(14:39):
do parenting wise. You're you're aa plus plus at that. But then
it automatically brings it brings stress tothe marriage because it's undoubtedly making us have
to talk about it all the timeor you know what I mean, live
in that moment, Yeah I doso then so then it would be okay,
So what is the most do itthe whole time? It was stressful

(15:01):
in their marriage, stressful you don'thave kids, It is a bet.
Listen, if you want to havekids, it's a don't have kids.
If you don't want to have kids, for sure, because then you're then
you're gonna always be stressed. Butit is by far the best thing that
absolutely ever happened to me, youknow, being called mom for sure the
best thing that's happened to us,because I you know, I think about

(15:22):
it too. I mean, we'vetalked about this on prior podcasts. I
don't know if what episodes it were, but one of the single digit episodes
we didn't have kids. I don'tthink you and I are still even looking
at each other right now. Probablynot. And I will say this someone
did actually before I forget, someonesent me a message that we should do
a podcast on how people should getthrough the younger years when they're parenting their

(15:43):
kids and the stress the stresses ontheir marriage. And you know, I
am not a professional ampus, soI would What I would say is that
I think, and it's what Ioften answer to a lot of people who
send me messages. It justmmunication,communication, communication, communication. It is
okay when you feel that you areat your wits end and you do not

(16:08):
even want to look at your childanymore. You've had a day and you're
just done and you love this kidwith everything and your beings, but you
also cannot stand the side of them. Like by the way, that's normal,
and you're okay and be able toyou know, hopefully when your spouse
gets home or your partner gets homeand you can look at them and say

(16:29):
your turn, you're you know,maybe give them a heads up on the
way home. Like I know withthe cell phones, when I was having
a bad day, I would sendyou like these emergency lights bad day.
Just this is your warning having abad day, having read day, and
I you know I think that.So communicate with your spouse and you know,
your partner whoever it is, andlet them know I I needed to

(16:52):
pick it up today, the parentingrole today just for me because I can't
do it. Go in your room, leave the room, whatever. And
then it's because it will bleed intoyour marriage. And it's just realizing the
times you would go into the roomor because you were sick or something like
you really were were not well,and the kids would be pounding. Oh,
they'd be knocking on the door orlaying on the floor and trying to

(17:15):
talk to me underneath the door,mom, Mom, Yeah, yeah,
which is just again so normal,like I just and it is let yourself
get frustrated in them. If youhave to go in the shower and cry
or scream or whatever, get itout. Realize that we have all been
there. You're going to go throughit again. I hate to tell you
this, like it is a neverending cycle. There is as many as

(17:38):
there great times, there are,there are some really shit times. I
had to go through the And thisis one last thing because I want to
go through the stats of like themost what they call the most stressful times,
make time to though for you guys. One of the things I regret
a lot was understanding why we didnot have time for each other, understanding

(18:03):
why we didn't do why we weren'tyou know, uh, well that's one
thing we did not do to beperfectly. We were horrible at that.
Yeah, we did not do that, like we like. There are times
I think that now we struggle whenwe are alone together because we never really
were alone together. We had thekids, and then we had too many
people around us, friends and thingsa lot, which is fine. And

(18:26):
do you know I was thinking,I don't know what I was talking to
about this the other day. Butwe have never had a wedding anniversary where
it was just the two of usbecause our first one, we had just
had Joey. We were in thechurch baptizing him, and you know the
same place that we literally on ourfirst anniversary where we got married with the

(18:49):
priest and then the countless ones afterthat, that these assholes would never go
away. Well stop it, andthen then we that is not true,
and I'm I'm so grateful and thankful, and honestly, this last anniversary we
were with friends, which was somuch fun because had it been just the
two of us and we went tothe football game, I would have been

(19:11):
miserable if I didn't have Lea there. But next year is going to be
you and I naked alone. Okay, no, then I'm gonna be so
not participating. So yeah, soI would just yes, like you said,
try to focus on each other becauseit is hard. Yeah, especially
those times where you know you justgot through or whatever it might have been,

(19:33):
that was a stressful moment, andif you can come out of that
thing and then just even even justsay to each other like, hey,
we did it, you know,It's almost like, you know, great
teams have an off season, andtheir off season usually can either make or
break the team for the following year. Either they go and they celebrate so
much and become fat and lazy,or they get actually like motivated to hey,

(19:55):
let's do it again. I feltlike parenting was kind of like that,
without an off season, never hadoff seasons. You would celebrate moments
like baptisms and birthdays and things likethat, yeah, and then the next
day it was here we go again. And also, stop comparing yourself to
other people and to their Instagram andto their social media posts and how many

(20:15):
you know how great their filters lookand how because I'm going to tell you
this, every mom who has themost amazing Instagram posts about her children and
she has some really shit time inthere too. And if you really broke
down with your girlfriends and just said, gosh, I am struggling with my
husband, my kid, whatever,every single if they're being honest, every

(20:40):
single person has gone through it,every single one. And if they're not
being honest, then you don't wantthem asure friends because they're liars. Go
by the well and their influencers,and then right and they don't have time
for you anyway, following those people. But can I tell you that it's
wild since we started doing this podcast, how many times people would say to

(21:00):
me, Man, I know youwould talk about times in your marriage,
but god, you never talked aboutany of this stuff because there it hey,
listen they it's well, I think. And also when you would talk
about times in your marriage, itwas just you. It's my perspective,
at your perspective, there is nocomeback from me or no. And I

(21:21):
think it's harder. I think it'shard for you sometimes when we turn these
microphones off and walk out the door, because you sometimes have felt very attacked
with what the last episode was atough one for me, which I just
find so interesting actually but interesting itmakes you feel And I don't know if
you, as a you know,person in your relationship ever feel this way.
But I felt felt attacked, youknow. And I I listened.

(21:45):
I listened back to it, andI wasn't as attacked as I felt like
I was in the moment. Iactually wasn't attacked at all. It was
how I was interpreting what the thing, the words that you were saying.
Yeah, and sometimes we don't andthat's the thing with doing this, I
can go back and listen to itand go, oh, really, that
wasn't that at or you know,things like that in your relationship with your
spouse. In you guys get intoarguments, you don't have them recorded to

(22:07):
be able to go back and listento and if you did, you could
go back and go, wow,I really I was too harsh, or
they I misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, which happens a lot in the heat
of the moment for sure. Allright, so what is the most stressful
time in a child's life, onyour marriage and in you as a couple,
So it's what is yeah, yeah, So what they're saying is the

(22:33):
hardest phase of parenting on a relationshipwould be the earliest years of parenting,
which is kind of what we said, sleep deprivation, things like that,
Yeah, you know, trying tofigure everything out. They said the easier
would be the tween years, whichI think that's wrong. Well, parenting.
I think tweens can be assholes,yes, but I think that they're

(23:00):
also trying to It's another point ofwhere them finding their independent you know,
kindergarten is the first time where theytry to get their independence, and then
I think tween is another time whenthey you know, and then which I
just I have to say. Ithink for me, the first year of
college was just for all three ofthe boys. Yeah tough, we're going

(23:26):
through it now. Yeah, Ihad the heart. I had the hardest
time with the boys in middle school. Remember each kid, I really had
hard time with them. They wereespecially because I think they were boys,
but they got they would get verytemperamental. They would get we'd get physical,
you know what I mean, likeone but they I don't think that.

(23:52):
I think for you, it's becausethey don't want to sit there and
be your a little shadow anymore.And you personalized it, and you're saying
it was my fault when they werebecause I think that all three acted similar.
So I just said they didn't wantyou know, like for you,
you're kind of losing your little buddy, although Jacob was more my little buddy,

(24:14):
but you kind of have lost youwould personalized. Joey was very similar
to you in the sense that hehated being alone, so he would always
always always be around us, eventhough he'd like try to have some attitude
sometimes, but he typically would alwaysbe down in the living room with us.
Jacob loves being alone, so yeah, you would personalize the fact that

(24:38):
he wanted to be in his roomand just wanted to be by himself,
and you too, I think youpersonalized that instead of just realizing this is
Jacob, you took it as ayou problem and not even a problem,
but this is He's his own person, this is just who he is.
And I think you deeply personalize that. And then when Luke went through,

(25:00):
I think it was and then wedidn't have, you know, other kids
in the house, and so youwere just like, why is he up
in his room? Why can't hecome down here? This is ridiculous.
Why can't you just you know,it's like, it's okay, it is
Oh. I think that you amI wrong. I think that they were
nos there. I think it wasa little bit different. I think that

(25:21):
Jacob I knew those were definite.But I'm talking about at the times.
I'm talking about how awkward they theymust have felt about themselves, because middle
school was an awkward time and Ifelt like they all three went through periods
where you even had struggles with themindependence. Though, like I think again,
I think it's another point of themtrying to break away from us and

(25:45):
form their own person and for differentreasons. You know. I think Jacob
was coming into realizing who he wasand trying to fit into that and trying
to you know, I think therewas bullying situation. First of all,
the middle school years for a kid, I think are the worst years.
Boy girl doesn't matter. Yeah,all three had issues at school. All

(26:07):
three head school issues. Joey hada school issue in middle school, Jacob
had had a bullying school issue,and then Luke had an issue at school
too with it where he had likean administrator that got, you know,
way out out of control over somethingthat happened. But all three had issues
in school and how they reacted issuenot issues, but yes, so they

(26:30):
and I thought that those were kindof those were kind of stressful times.
I mean to go back to whatyou're saying here, the eight year old
time, like the being eight yearsold that to me, I don't even
have memories that much of anything thatwas bad or good. Those were kind
of like in between times. Ithink eight years old. It was an
age throughout there. Yeah, difficultin that in the study it said that
eight years old was the most stressfultime like, what is that? How

(26:53):
is that stressful? Yeah? Idon't. I don't, So I'm trying
to because I look at what isread what it says. Read some of
the stuff that it says, becauseyou were reading it to me before we
started the podcast, and I thoughtit was pretty interesting. Okay, I
gotta find where ex said about theeight year old because I have a couple
of things up here. First ofall, it said the back to school
season is the most stressful time forparents. Yeah, I mean that's busier,

(27:17):
and you're right, you just getdone doing nothing. So it says
age eight is so tough that themajority of the two thousand parents who responded
to the twenty twenty survey agreed thatit was the hardest year. Well,
age six was way better than expected, and age seven produced the most intense
tantrums. I mean, I justso, I don't remember, and it
didn't wasn't wasn't like that for us. No, I don't. Again,

(27:41):
No, I think our boys,I think a lot of here's the other
thing with boys. I think inmiddle school in those middle school years,
like girls, we allow them tohave tantrums or scream or be whatever.
Because I'm like, oh, it'sour period, and you know she's going
she's gonna get her period. Andjust emotional hormones, hormones, hormones,

(28:03):
Boys have them too, and wedon't allow boys to have that, you
know, outburst or and their hormonesare just as flowing and bursting. And
you know, girls, it's moreacceptable for them to go and cry and
go to scream and whatever. Andboys, I mean, we have holes
in our walls to prove what youknow, our boys did sometimes but when

(28:27):
they would get frustrated. I thinkthere has to be an equal level playing
ground for both. Emotionally in thetween years, the middle school years,
it is so much for these kids. And not only are they dealing with
everything that's going on and their bodies, and it's also all the peer pressure

(28:48):
that's around them to have perfect skin, look like this, and do that.
And you know, I say thisall the time. We when we
were growing up, we only hadto compare ourselves to our little peer group,
you know, these people that wewent to school, yes, and
maybe family that you know, Butthese kids compare themselves to people all over

(29:10):
the world and the intense and Ifeel like there's more. I feel like
that nowadays. And I could bewrong, but I feel like social media
also brought out more child like starsand people that are that are out there.
Even though there were shows that wereon TV where there was like child
actors and stuff. Now it's likepeople are idolized, you know, because

(29:33):
of the amount of followers that theyhave. It's just the pressure, I
think. I think the pressure thatis put on these kids will look back
and realize, man, we expectedthem to act a certain way and do
things, and so much more wasgiven to them that they could even handle
or compute, like their little brainscan't handle it, you know, or

(29:53):
and let them we took away somuch fun and you know, and gave
them. Well, I go backto the trunk or tree when we were
passing out candy to the kids.Kids wouldn't they didn't even no kids said
trick or treat. Okay, Sotheir parents were like, say trick or
tree. The kids are like,I don't know what the fuck trick or
treat means. I had no clue, and then very little kids, I

(30:15):
would say, you know, maybeten percent of the kids said thank you,
and then the other kids just lookedlike they were cold and didn't even
want to be there. And soI'm watching this and I'm watching the reaction
to the whole thing, and I'mthinking the parent is trying to keep this
thing going for them to bring themout there, like this is about the
parent. And I thought back tothis, and I thought, well,

(30:37):
one of the problems that we havewith the social media and technology and stuff
is we've taken out the person toperson interaction with you know, everything's interaction
on you know, some kind ofa device or some gaming system. And
I think that what it's done isit's caused for us to kind of almost

(31:00):
become I don't know, socially andapt a little bit. And so I
so where I go with your We'veput so much stress, there's so much
anxiety, there's so much you know, you know, we're hearing so many
stories about suicides. And I lookat it and I just go, man
it, I don't know what doeswhat comes into play to change things.

(31:25):
Because as much as they want tostop certain stuff or start new programs,
honestly, the big thing that theyI wish that we could go back and
just get rid of is all thetechnology that we've come up with. Well,
it's only going to get worse,and it's only and when I say
worse, it's only there's going tobe more. So I think it's in
your home and I think it's andit's easy for me to say now because

(31:45):
my kids are old and older andgrown, but I think it is limits
and boundaries too, Like you don'thave to give your two year old an
iPad, you know. I knowit's easier and it's easy for me to
say. Listen, when the boyswere little, I was the mom that
brought the diaper bag in and Ihad every coloring book and all the crans

(32:08):
and I and toys, and likeI got the place mat that I could
put on their restaurant table and theboys would color. I'd bribe them with
smarties. I would, you know, would probably have all the electronic devices
now for sure, Like I Iget it, I totally get it.
But I think like when you say, you know, how can we you

(32:30):
know, what what could we doto change it? I would say that
there are boundaries and there should belimits, and there should be I just
I don't ye know. Sad partis, though, if you don't give
your kid that, then some peoplego, well, look, how smart
that kid is they know how towork this device, and then you feel
like your kids limited in what theyknow, not understanding. So I would

(32:52):
much rather have ahead, but Iwould much rather know. Yeah, I'd
rather have a child that knows howto play tag outside or you know,
go play kick the can with someof their friends outside, then knows how
to work, you know. Andthat's that's not a to me. It's
not bragging to but again I getit. I get it's it's very easy

(33:14):
to hand them on your phone whenyou're in a restaurant because they're throwing a
tantrum or to versus getting up andwalking them outside, you know, and
just saying. I mean there weretimes where we would hit the age of
we can't go out anymore. Wejust we have to. We're not able
to go out anymore because the kidsare throwing tantrums and it's just easier to

(33:36):
stay at home. And I meanit was you sacrifice, you know,
our time out. But you knowit's it's everything is there's a season to
it. But isn't it amazinga's end? I remember I might have been more
than once, but I remember onetime when we said, if if you
don't stop, we are going backhome, and I remember we actually followed

(33:59):
through on it once probably but maybewho knows, maybe we did a couple
of times. But I remember whatthe effect was because I remember the effect
was the kids came home, wentupstairs to the room, and then within
an hour we're downstairs and we wereall having a family time to go and
I remember it being such a coolthing, going, holy shit, this
actually worked. And it's amazing tosay this now in retrospect and to say

(34:22):
to people, how many times doyou say I'm going to take your phone
away and you never take the thingaway or I'm going to do this,
they never do it. So Iwill tell you this, you have to
learn your kid's achilles heel. Sodifferent kids, different things affected them.
So once I learned what affected eachboy like that was their punishment. Joe,

(34:43):
it was social. Jacob you'd makethem hang out with us and was
taking his phone. And so Ibecause I mean, I remember I tell
Luke, I'm going to take yourvideo I'm just king like Jacob, you
would take away video games, butyou would tell Luke I'm going to take
away. He was the hardest oneto figure out I'm going to take away
your video games. Fine, he'dlook at me and give me his video

(35:04):
game completely fine, like okay,this is not going to work. And
then so you know, we wentdown the list and then finally I realized
it was his phone. It washis phone. So i'd give him one
warning. If you continue to talkto me like this or act like this,
this is your warning. Get I'mgonna take the phone away. And
he, you know, would pushit and push it, and so I

(35:25):
would just it gave me. Ifelt bad, but I'd also felt so
good. I just wouldn't even sayanything. I just put my hand out
forgive me, and he'd have togive it to me. But the amazing
thing is, and this is somethingcool to see in your kids, The
amazing thing is when they realized thatthey screwed up and that they well,
at first they're like, oh,we want more chance. I'm sorry,

(35:47):
I'm sorry, but no. Butwhat was amazing was when they realized that
they did wrong, Like they realizedwhat they did was truly wrong, and
they realized the ramifications of it.And you know, I listen, I
say this, and we got toclose because we're way over right now.
But I will, but I willsay this about stress in parenting. They're,

(36:07):
like you just said earlier, thereis nothing greater that we have done
than be parents. It's also nothingharder. But with everything harder, marriage
is harder. Harder, marriage isharder. But with everything hard comes some
great satisfaction and some great things thatcome out of it. I just sit
there and I think, did ourparents ever give a shit? I look

(36:30):
back on this and maybe we callyour parents and we'll have them on one
time to ask if they ever gavea shit. But all right, that's
it for this podcast. Thanks forlistening and follow us on the We Don't
Podcast Instagram page. Do we havea TikTok too? We do. It's
the we Don't podcast I have.I've been slacking on that. If you

(36:50):
have any questions or any ideas thatyou would like to talk about, you
can always send us a d Mand Chelsea will be the one answering