We Do(n't) Podcast Episode 40: Masculine Feminine Energy

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast,starring husband and wife Mojo from Mojo in
the Morning and his better half Chelsea. On this episode. Coming up on

(00:23):
this episode of the We Don't Podcast, what are we talking about? We
are talking about masculine and feminine energy? Oh so which one am I?
We're gonna find out? All right, this is gonna be another one of
those podcasts where I'm gonna walk awaygoing I feel less than Let's go well,
all right, all right, allright, without further delay, here

(00:44):
are Mojo and Chelsea. All right, So do we address what happened as
far as the DM that was sentto you and how that became kind of

(01:06):
a little bit of a viral thingon our Instagram page. Sure, so,
we got a DM from a verynice listener of the podcast, which,
actually, I will say this,the follow up dms that she had
sent and you guys had gone backand forth with I thought were really nice

(01:27):
that she followed up with that,because a lot of times when people will
say something, and what was saidwas that she felt like there was no
love between you and I and I'mcold and why are we even together?
And it got you to address it, and then she came back after that,

(01:48):
and what was it that she DMedback with you. Well, she
just I mean, she said sheheard what the message, the message that
I had put out. Well,first I addressed her before I put the
message out, told her, youknow, I'm sorry that she felt that
way, that there is love there. And then she listened to the message
and she said she did not meanto offend me. She was, you
know, coming from a place whereshe has been with the same man for

(02:10):
thirty years. They got divorced,but now they're back together, and so
you know, I think she wasjust coming from a space of what she
heard and how And again people cancomment however they want and what they want.
She was coming from a nice place, a kind place. If she
was being mean and attacking, andthen that's a different thing. Yeah,
when you first initially hear I don'tfeel like there's love between you, guys,

(02:37):
if you initially hear that, youthink, okay, that seems really
negative. But she was saying itand almost kind of a little bit of
concern. And it has been acommon thread, and that's why I addressed
it. It's been a common threadthat has been said about me for years
and quite Honestly, we haven't hada lot of love for a lot of
those years. Like it has.We have not had the perfect marriage,

(03:00):
so there has been a lot ofups and downs, and so she was
right for a lot of it.But you know, also my definition of
love and what I think love isis a little bit different. Sorry,
our dog is he's like sneezing andstuff in the background. Don't know if
you can hear it. You know, my definition of love is a little
bit different. Yeah, I actuallyliked bringing this up on the air because

(03:24):
I think all too often you hearnothing but the perfect side of things.
Sure, and we talked about thisactually on our show, about how social
media has made everything look so perfect. And one of the things that nobody
ever told us when we were goinginto marriage was how imperfect marriage is.

(03:45):
Social media has made everything look likeit's perfect because you can edit everything,
but you can't edit real life.You can't put a filter to get erase
your wrinkles or your pimples or everyimperfection that you weren't happy with. You
take photo like the Kardashians are notoriousfor, and they can edit everything away,
but then they put a real photoof what they look like in real

(04:08):
life. And guess what they havepores, they have, wrinkles, they
have you know, they are realpeople. You cannot edit away and photoshop
away real life. But we compareourselves to the fakeness and it is so
sad because it has really caused alot of mental anguish and depression and self

(04:31):
mutilation and dysmorphia and all of thesethings, and it's really really sad,
you know, it's so sad.I think that this was a great opportunity
for us then to kind of leadto what this podcast is going to be
about, because it got you andI talking this week and you said that
you wanted to bring up on ourpodcast this week masculine versus feminine energy.

(04:58):
Well, what they and the rolesthat they play in relationships. Okay,
So all right, so go ahead, laid out on the table, okay,
And so I took a lot ofnotes from a lot of things that
I watch, and then at theend, I do want to, Oh,
I can't because I'm recording it.I wanted to play something funny,
but or maybe I'll stop the recordingand I'll and I'll play it. But
okay, So the definitions of masculineenergy is you know, you're going,

(05:25):
going, going, thinking, providing, determined, planning, and executing.
So the visual of masculine masculine energyis more like pushing yourself forward, right,
like just going, going, going. The definition of feminine energy would
be receiving, relaxing, being comfortable, being nurturing, and loving. So

(05:47):
when you visibly a visible definition offeminine energy would then be like relaxing back.
So you know, the masculine isgoing forward and the feminine is relaxing
being back. Okay. So havingsaid that, this is a very common

(06:15):
thread because I did some research onthis. Actually I wanted to be prepared
because you know, that's a bigthing with you, so I came prepared.
I like it. So the wayit is in society now, weak
men create masculine women. Strong mencreate feminine women. And what that means

(06:39):
it's not by force, but byloving well and leading well the man.
Okay, a lazy weak man createsthe space for her to step into this
space that he won't, so shehas to become more masculine, she has
to carry the masculine energy. Astrong, humble man creates the woman who

(07:00):
can. This makes me cry andI think a lot of women. I
don't know why it quite but itmakes me cry. And I'm not saying
that you're not this just so youknow, but it just really resonates a
strong, humble man, creates thewoman who can safely submit to her husband
without fear of losing who she isand fear that she is going to be

(07:25):
dropped. And then people get socaught up on the word submission. I
will not submit to another person,but submitting can be on both sides of
the coin. It's not just thewomen submitting to the man or the man
just submitting to the woman. Itshould be both, and submission is putting
yourself in the hands of one another, being able to fully trust the other

(07:46):
person. I watched so many ofthese videos, which is what I'm pulling
these notes from, and it mademe so emotional because I think so many
women feel this way, like it'ssuch a We feel that we have to
be this certain way for many,many, many reasons, and it's just
sad to me because we've lost somuch in what an amazing relationship could be.

(08:09):
So why does it make you cry? Though? Explain Explain why it
makes you cry, because obviously ithits home for you. It a lot
of this does, but a lotof it is self induce relationship. Right
now, Historically our relationship has beenyou know this, one woman said,
you know, when a man takesoff the pants, the woman has to
put it on. So if aman isn't fulfilling that role, someone has

(08:33):
to our relationship. What has italways been said about me that you wear
the pants? Family, which isnot a fun thing to be told and
to because a woman wants to bea woman in the relationship. And that
is not saying that a woman cannotbe successful in her career and go out
and kill it out there, becauseshe can. But when she comes home,

(08:56):
she wants to feel that there isa safe place, and this safe
place is simply someone that she cantrust. And a man that she trusts
is someone who says, I've gotthis, I'm gonna do this, and
he does have it, and hedoes do it. So one of the
common threads. So, okay,this is another thing that was said.

(09:18):
A woman will stay in her masculineenergy until a man makes her feel safe
to be in a makes her feelsafe to be comfortable in her feminine energy.
It's a defense mechanism, something shedoes to protect herself from all of
the trauma so that you know,I don't know why I'm crying. All

(09:39):
the trauma she's been through comes fromconstantly being let down and hurt by people
she loves or has loved, onlyhaving herself to rely on. She's independent,
doesn't have anyone to fall back on, and then refuses to waste time
on men who just keep taking timefrom her. She meets a safe place

(10:00):
to be feminine. Okay, sothere's that. I see where this is
going, because I'm gonna I wantto want and this is not an attack.
It's not an attack. And here'ssome science backing this up scientifically,
when a woman is living in hermasculine energy, it is hard for her
to open up sexually. It doesn'tand it's hard for to open up.

(10:22):
And this is like in a littleyou know, but it's hard for her
even her body to loosen up,to lubricate, to naturally lubricate, to
have all of that because she isin her head and living in the power
of her mind. There is nospace for her body and her heart to
open up to another masculine energy.So she's living in her masculine and it's

(10:45):
hard for her to you know,when all of a sudden that man wants
to be the masculine part, it'shard for her to do because because she
is already constantly in that. Solet's bring this back because of I want
people to understand this. I thinkin our relationship and and also so many
relationships, probably I think that theguy goes out and he's at work all

(11:11):
day, and in many cases,even if the wife is not a stay
at home mom, maybe she's awork you know, she's a working mom
and doing both. I think alot of times guys, I know a
lot of my friends will submit totheir wives and allow them to have the
opportunity to kind of like do thingsaround the house from everything from decorating to

(11:35):
taking care of the family and decidingwhere the family is going to be doing
things. And guys will do thatbecause at work they've done so much sure,
you know, tasks, and thenwhen the women is at home doing
all that, that's a job,right, yeah, yeah, exactly.
And a lot of times guys thatare in relationships, you know with women
who are are working women will dothe same thing too, because they just

(11:58):
look at it as I'm going tocome home and lay on the couch or
sit in my chair or whatever itis, watch my show, and I
think that this is again something thatwe were not probably talked told about,
or talked about or taught or taughtyeah, you know, by our by
our parents or whoever it was thatwas kind of our you know, marriage

(12:18):
mentors, right, And it getsemotional for you in an interesting way.
Is it emotional for you because thishas been a burden that you've had to
deal with now that you know allthis stuff, Like do you feel like
our it has affected our relationship?Because yeah, yes, yes, well
what makes a lot of sense.It's like I've I'm watching these videos and

(12:43):
I'm cheering up because, oh mygosh, this it's clicking like and I
think a lot of it too thatyou know, it's we are who we
are because of our past. SoI am who I am because of my
childhood. You are who you arebecause of your childhood and the things that
you went through shaped who you areand what you sought after in a relationship.

(13:07):
What I sought after a relationship iswhat I went through as a childhood
or in my childhood. And forthose that don't know your childhood had your
mom running. My biological father leftwhen I was three. My mom remarried
an amazing man, my dad.But my yeah, but my biological father

(13:30):
left when I was three. Mymom, my mom had to work three
jobs. My aunt moved in withher kids. And it was a you
know, it was a quote unquotevillage. My uncles, my grandfather,
you know, everyone. It wasa big family. And for me,
my mom was sick throughout most ofmy childhood and eventually passed away when you
were fourteen. When I was fourteen, so I saw I didn't really see

(13:52):
my parents have a relationship with eachother. I saw my dad nurse my
mom. Well, it wasn't somuch not having a relationship, it is
that you it's a important to havea relationship to model after and to look
up to or a but what you'reand you're looking either way, a child
is looking at either the lack ofor what is there. That's what a
child, that child is looking atand will eventually mirror or look for in

(14:18):
a spouse or a partner, significantpartner. But I think for us,
I think, you know, let'snot even forget the fact that you and
I were so young. But forus, a lot of it was again,
you were looking to fill the voidof your mother dying when you were

(14:39):
young, and I had that fatherwound from when I was super young,
and so I think whoever comes inand can fill that hole fill that gap
pretty quickly with what we think iswhat we need, then we get really
comfortable in those behaviors that come withit. So I was really quick to

(15:00):
taking care of everything for you andmaking sure, in my opinion, taking
care of everything for you and makingsure everything was okay for you and being
your mom. I did everything,and you then took you were fine with
that I wanted to do. Ithink that my biggest thing I wanted to
give you was I wanted to giveyou stability because I thought that one of

(15:24):
the things that you didn't have waswas a male stability, a stable person.
You had your your adoptive dad.It is great, but you always
kept referring back to your dad walkingout on your Well, there is he.
There is no way that anyone,not even your spouse, And it's
not fair to ask or depend onyour spouse to fill that wound, right

(15:46):
but or to fill that hole,but it will never even to this day,
there is I will always be wounded, Yeah, always right, But
it's who I am and it's notfair for me to expect you to fill
that hole or to make me betterin that sense. And it's not fair

(16:08):
for me to expect that. Yeah, you know. So it's interesting when
you bring this up and talk aboutmasculine energy versus feminine energy, and knowing
that the whole joke, all ofour marriage has been that you are the
masculine. I am the feminine.You know, I'm the more emotional one
everything. I hear this and Irealize what our relationship could have been if

(16:34):
we would have done it the waythat they say that it should have been
done. And I have a levelof guilt. I don't know how you
feel about that. Do you feela little guilty at all that? I
don't know if it's guilt as much. You know, Wow, like it's
a light switch went on which youcan feel validated why you feel the way
that you do, And I feelright, but also, okay, this

(16:56):
is such validation. And again we'renot alone this because I guarantee you a
lot of relationships are like this,whether people realize it or not. And
being you know, I'm not sayingthat women have to or there has to
be one person in the relationship thatdictates anything, because that is not what

(17:17):
masculine energy is, right. It'snot someone coming in and dictating the rules
and controlling and telling you what todo. It is someone that you feel
completely safe with, that you canand you know you can trust them,
and so you can really open yourselfup. Otherwise you're on the defense constantly,
so you feel like you have toyou're the only person you can rely

(17:38):
on. I can't rely on youbecause you tell me you're going to do
something and you don't do it.So now I realize I can't rely on
you, So I'm just going tohave to be that person for myself.
Well, that robs a huge partof a relationship, because a relationship should
be two people coming together. AndI just think that this is so so
common and this is why people fallinto a lot of problems. Yeah,

(18:02):
someone doesn't follow through with their wordor stay true to their word, or
doesn't you know, really there's abig hurt and instead of coming to you
and saying you know what, thataction or you know whatever, that really
hurt me, like shook me tomy core. I didn't expect you to
do that. I was depending onyou to do it this way or whatever

(18:22):
you told me you were going todo this, you didn't do it.
It really hurt me. And insteadof that person being defensive and saying,
you know what, I can't doeverything. I'm trying my best, like
I think it has to be,that person has to listen to what that
person is saying and then lean intoit. And you know what, I'm
really sorry. I'm human. I'mgoing to make mistakes, but you're right,
I didn't. I am not beingsomeone that you can rely on when

(18:47):
I'm not following through with my word. And then it's just a vicious,
vicious cycle that happens in relationships.Yeah, and then you go through Honestly,
you go through times and we haveand I'm sure others that are listening
to this probably are either in itright now or have been in it.
I guarantee something that was like this, Yeah, and you don't realize it,

(19:08):
and sometimes you don't realize it tillit's too late. But is it
ever too late? Could you andI pick this up like knowing this because
there's been a lot of times inour in our marriage therapy that we've done
over the years. There's been alot of times where you have just wanted
to be heard yes, and Ihave just wanted to be heard yeah.

(19:29):
And there have been times where wedon't hear each other and hear something right
now that's kind of screaming out.This is probably one of the first times
where you and I both go Okay, yeah, we get this. Yep,
yes. So here's here is someof the things that they say.
You know, how women can trustagain and get there okaya, because women

(19:51):
typically have been hurt so many timesthat you're scared to trust or to lean
into it, right, Okay,So this is healing the mask wound you.
This person said you should surround yourselfwith men who are more trustworthy.
But this is the important part.It's non intimate, non sexual, and

(20:15):
I wrote it and in a nonsexual setting because the stakes are higher in
that kind of relationship and in thatinteraction. So you're going to go find
a bunch of dudes to go hangout. That's not what that means.
So you have it could be somethingas simple as you're gaining your trust back
with someone who is consistent in theirbehavior and it's not someone that is your

(20:36):
and it could be dangerous because it'snot telling. And I think this is
more for single women, by theway, because it's because you're not because
you could be setting yourself up forfalling in love with somebody else if you're
so, you know what, Itake this all back. This would be
more for this would be more becauseis this why you wanted to join some
like men's clubs and things like that. That's exactly why. That's exactly why.

(20:57):
But you're looking for men who areconsistent in the behavior showing up to
you. So this is for thesingle woman showing up to you and saying
what they are going to do andthey actually do it. So it helps
bring trust back into your life,helps heal the initial father wound again because
this is what it also goes backto, bringing the little girl to the
surface so she can be heard andcan be loved and letting her express her

(21:21):
needs and that is a part thatyou didn't have those needs met. It's
keeping you, it's helping you havea voice. And there will be some
emotions attached to that, which issadness, anger, frustration, rage,
and grief. So it's helping yougo through all of that. I think.
So let's say in a marriage setting, I think it would be you

(21:45):
know, having that really upfront andhonest conversation with your spouse and saying I
need you when you tell me.For instance, and this is just a
just an example, when you tellme that you're going to take the garbage
out in an hour, that's likewithin an hour, it's not tomorrow morning.
And then you say, well,I did it. I took the

(22:06):
garbage out, like if you tellme, it's sticking by your word,
which to me is a big thingin our relationship. Oh yeah it is.
You know. I'll say can yougo do this for me? And
you either don't hear me by choiceor by you or you just don't hear
me. And so then I getup and do it, and You're like

(22:26):
I was going to do it,and I'm like, well, I'm just
going to do it because number one, I'm not going to ask you again.
I've already asked you. And it'sjust easier for me to do it.
And so it's breaking a lot ofunhealthy cycles that you have now put
into your marriage. But first youhave to have the uncomfortable, uncomfortable conversations

(22:48):
that won't end everything right away.It's a work in progress. It took
you that long to get to whereyou are now in these behaviors, so
it's going to take you a whileto get out of them. And it's
work, a lot of work.Well, And it's funny because I think
that you and I have gotten reallya lot better. We're not perfect at

(23:14):
it, at falling into us beingable to share with each other things that
are hurting with us, like stuffthat doesn't include you and I like outside
stuff, and just I've at leastI've tried to concentrate more on listening to
you because I've always been a horriblelistener, And then I know that you

(23:36):
are responding to it because you'll askme for my opinion, which is surprising
because before, for a lot oftimes you never would ask me for my
opinion. You would just want meto listen to Yeah. Yeah, well
I know. I mean I dohave to say, hey, can you
put your phone down? I needyour attention, like, hey, I
really needed to focus on me,which you know. Well, I can
also tell when something's really bothering you. Yeah, And I can tell that

(24:00):
it's still like getting you and nowI'm not talking about something that's bothering you
about me, yeah, because usuallyI can tell that when you're breathing.
Yeah, pretty much. This isinteresting because we have three boys, and
they're three masculines, and I wondersometimes about our boys seeing what our relationship
was like, and part of meworries that they saw what the what our

(24:25):
relationship was like. And I knowthat Jacob, you know, listens to
the podcast and obviously even you know, in gay relationships there's got to be
a masculine and a feminine, rightenergies, energies, that's what we're saying.
Yeah, more of a provider thatis the one, yeah, and
then more of a And I thinkthat that that the roles have to be

(24:47):
defined. And I think that Joeand Luke have witnessed, you know,
our relationship, and I think evenin our discipline of our kids. I
mean, you are always the onethat is more the disciplinarian with our kids.
And it's not so exhausting. Iknow it is, and I know
that you get emotional. And oneof the reasons why I think you're really

(25:08):
emotional is because it does stress youout. You don't want that relationship with
the boys to be that mom asalways well for twenty eight yes, because
for twenty eight years I have beenthe no parent I have been. You're
the Disney dad. I always callyou. You're the fun dad that comes
in and Hey, do you wantto go do this? Hey, let's

(25:32):
go to some like Pistons games.Hey, Jacob, I'm going to take
you. Let's go on some trips, which, by the way, Jacob,
I encourage your dad to do that, but he did follow through and
do it. But hey, likeyou were always the one who came in
and you were the fun one,Yeah, you were. I am the
one that is, you know,calling them out on their shit, telling

(25:55):
them that they need to be doingbetter. You should be doing this,
and I'm doing it because I wantthem to be better humans. But you
know what, they are amazing,Yeah, and it's exhausting. I came
to you recently and I said,I just I cannot be that mom anymore.
Like I want them to be like, man, my mom. This

(26:19):
It does make me so emotional becauseit is something I'm dealing with right now.
Like I want them to realize thatI can say yes too, and
I do love and support them ineverything that they do. But man,
if I think they're going down thewrong road, I want to say,
hey, don't do that, like, let's make better choices. But also

(26:40):
I do have to learn to letgo and let them fall. Let them
fall. I know that, butit's just so hard because I think that
what happens is with you and Chelseais exactly right. I'm saying this.
She is. She's an amazing mom, but she has been the one that
has had to guide them through almosteverything. But then after a while,

(27:03):
you become the negative person I am. And it gets to a point and
you, I think, almost sometimesyou do it in a way of that's
what you know, and I go, Chelse, they've got to be able
to make the mistake before we nowdo it. But you don't. I
don't. As a parent, youwant to save them. Yeah, it's
like there's a big I'm watching thistrain wreck in slow motion and I just

(27:30):
want to jump in and save themfrom making really bad decisions. But that's
how you learn, and I haveto remember that. It's not like I'm
gonna let my baby put his handon the fire like I clearly would never
we wouldn't do that, but theyare adults. Making adult decisions and it's
time. So it's interesting. It'sinteresting that we bring this up because I

(27:53):
think that I and i'd love tohear from people that are listening to this
if their relationships are like this,because I see so many of my friends
where their relationships are, and oneof them is a guy friend of mine
who was just telling me the otherdays, like mom will always say,
go ask your dad when she knowsit's something that she does not want him

(28:15):
to do, and then dad's gotto be the guy saying no. And
another relationship, it's the exact opposite. It's like how we were where you
know, I was always the goask your mom, but I'm okay with
it, you know, and Iand I completely and a lot of her
get you the support I mean that, and that honestly has been a problem

(28:36):
of ours forever but recently reared AT'sugly hud is that it's like you and
I discuss an issue that's going onor a problem that's going on with,
you know, one of our kids, and problem like just being in the
sense of this is the rules thatwe're establishing with what's going on with this
scenario? You and I both agreeon it. We say, Okay,

(28:57):
this is what we're doing, andthen we're going to sit down and have
a talk with this kid. Wesit down and have a talk with that
kid and go over what our expectationsare and this is what's happening. And
you undermine me. Well, canI be honest with you? I don't
undermine you. I bring the masculineenergy to the table because I reverse what
we agree on. No, it'sbecause of Listen, you want to bring

(29:18):
that whole thing up, I'll bringit up. I didn't agree with what
you were saying on that. That'syour By the way, when she does
that, that's her. I'm fuckingpissed off at you. Type think because
you did agree, Well, Ididn't know. I didn't. We can
get into it if you want to. I don't know. If you want
to get into it, well,it's not fair to the child. But
I think though that one of theproblems that you and I face sometimes is

(29:41):
I do think that you are waytoo hard sometimes and I think that they
need to have a little bit ofand I've I talked about this before.
They need to make that mistake,and they need to mistake made. Well,
that's fine, but I think there'salso when a child is a certain

(30:03):
age, it is our job asa parent to guide and to put boundaries
and so and to let the reinsoff one hundred percent, but you just
don't let them go free throttle sothey can make all of these huge mistakes
that can really impact them in thefuture or currently, like there are things
that can happen with really poor,poor, poor choices, and just telling

(30:26):
them, you know what, hereyou go, you're a certain age,
guess what we're done, hands off, have fun, because at the end
of the day, we live withsome of the repercussions that happens from their
choices and behavior as well. Soso far they've made good decisions so far.
But also it is and this isjust strictly still you are in our

(30:47):
home. You are still a youngman, and these are my expectations.
We're gonna have some house rules,and these are the boundaries, absolutely,
and when you and I agree onthem, and then what I thought we
agreed on, because apparently we didnot what I thought we agreed upon,
and then we sit down to havethe discussion, and then you say,
you know what, go ahead,and you can do it this way.

(31:08):
Don't worry about what we just said. That infuriates me us pisses me off
because that's not what our discussion,our discussion as parents first wore because historically
we wouldn't even discuss what was happening. I would just make the decision.
Now, I tell you, Iam exhausted being the single parent here.

(31:29):
I need your help. But youalso have to honestly trust me. Sometimes
I do and honestly I don't becauseno, no, no, I said,
I do need to trust you,but I know that I don't trust
you because I have done it bymyself for so long and I do feel
that my way is the right way. You're right, I do need to
open up and let you have someinput in that. But by the way,

(31:52):
when when I'm sitting there and likesaying, okay, this is what
we're going to say and this iswhat do you agree with that that's your
right? Then say no, Idon't agree with that. We should be
doing this, and then it's discussions. So then it's like one of because
I feel like I'm not being backed. So then, by the way,
then I'm put pulling the masculine pantson again. Well, let me tell

(32:15):
you I'm wearing the pants today,so take years off because no, but
I do think that this is Andyou said you had some questions and stuff
that you were was there some thingsthat no, these are just we have
yeah, questions, Oh question.I will get into the Hopefully they're not
too many masculine questions in there,because I might I might screw them up.

(32:36):
But I want to know. Iwant to hear back from some of
the people that that we are closeto or some of the people that will
DM and our dogs are. Iknow that you want to do it at
home, so there's probably someone ata start. Hey, I do think
that I do think that we shouldhear back from some people. D m

(33:00):
us talk to us, you know, call us, you know, call
me at the radio station, whatever, and let's hear if there is there
is a masculine feminine energy. Andit's funny. There was relationship how this
came up. There was a listenerwho was a therapists Yes, calls our
show regularly, so she had reachedout to me regarding the video that I

(33:23):
had made, and she basically thisis what we were talking about back and
forth, and I said, ohmy gosh, you are so right.
I've been watching videos on that lately, and you know, would you be
willing to come on and talk withus? So Jen, I apologize.
We just kind of we could talk. We can bring her on for other
se Yeah, yeah, we kindof. I was going to wait to

(33:45):
do this topic, but then lastnight I decided to do it. I
think it'd be nice to get Jenon. And she's such a a listener
of the show and of the podcast, and it'd be great to hear her
perspective as a therapist listening to youand I talk over time and have a
therapist tell us, Okay, youguys are I'm not always what's wrong?

(34:08):
Like I go to my therapist allthe time and one of the conversation I'll
say, so what's wrong with me? And he'll look at me and goes,
there's nothing wrong with you. You'rehere right now like you're talking about
it, and I actually like that. I like that more wrong with me.
I don't go to a therapy anyquestion. You pick a question,
and then I do want to playsomething funny at the end, so I'll
grab I'm going to stop recording onthe camera. They can't. They don't

(34:30):
know that we're doing that, soyou don't have to tell them that.
So do you just grab it?Okay, I'm just telling you all right?
Uh here is uh here's my questionfor you. What is the most
painful what if you live with?Man? I was hoping you were going
to get this one or I wasgoing to get it to ask you.

(34:54):
I'll answer it to so it's nota painful what if? Actually you know
what, I guess it is alittle painful. But I think the what
if that I live with is Iwonder what if I had had my dad
stay in my life and my parentshad a healthy relationship, Like, what

(35:16):
if I had that stable man figurein my life? Would I still be
here? What I still what Ihave, the family I have? Would
I be married to you? WouldI? You know? So what if
what if he had what if heessentially was a different person, you know,

(35:40):
because I do hold that, yeah, trauma from him. Well,
you've always said with my that Mysister said to you one time, if
my mom wouldn't have died, youand I wouldn't have been together. But
yeah, it was a very lovingshe was very loving with that. Yeah.
But she said with yeah, ifmy mom never died, you and

(36:00):
Tom would never be together. Yeah, thank you. By the way,
my what if would be? Whatif our energies were different in our relationship?
What if what would your in myyou know relationship be with you know,
I think maybe we might have hada little less struggles, but I

(36:20):
think we probably would have struggled justas much because I think that's just what
marriage is for sure. And again, it's work. It is always work,
work, work, Hey, listen, what if we put the work
in all the time? What ifwe did? Where would we be?
Now? What if we didn't staytogether? We talk about it and listeners
get driven crazy whenever we say listenersand joey, yeah, my son Joe

(36:44):
gets or our son Joe gets crazywhenever say you know, you know,
we almost got divorced a few times, and we don't know what the future
is going to bring. By theway, like I think that that is
I might find somebody feminine and youmay okay, but that would be too
feminine energy that so it wouldn't work. We'd be the best lesbians ever.

(37:05):
Go ahead with your okay, Somy question is what part of you do
you feel you can't totally express aroundme? This is a good question.
By the way, all these questionswere written for me. No, they're
not. I can't. I feellike sometimes I can't express to you that

(37:27):
sometimes you need to just let gothat you you are way too hands on
in both our relationship and our kidsrelationship. Do you know why I have
that longing for control because I thinkyou want me to take over control?
No, nope, So that's becauseI didn't have control when I was little.

(37:51):
Again, this always goes back tochildhood trauma. I believe every single
personality trait we have as adults camefrom our childhood. So my lack of
wanting to be in control, asidefrom the fact I'm a virgo, but
my my desire to have total controlis because I didn't have control and there
was chaos in my childhood. SoI'm trying to fix that by by being

(38:15):
in control. I get it.No, I understand that. So okay.
So I have this really funny thingthat Ali wong. I'm sure people
yep. So there is this feministyou know, feminist feminist move like the

(38:37):
feminist movement like someone My best friendLiah sent this to me the other day
when we were discussing this. Theidea of this podcast because she is,
you know, one of our numberone fans here. So this is what
she sent me, and it's justa funny way to end this podcast.
Get it right to the mic.Okay, here, let me see it.
I think feminism is the worst thingthat ever happened women. Our job

(39:02):
used to be no job. Wehad it so good. We could have
done the smart thing, which wouldhave been to continue playing dumb for the
next century and be like, we'redumb women. We don't know how to
do anything, So I guess webetter just stay at home all day and

(39:23):
he snacks and watch Allen because we'retoo stupid to have any real responsibility.
And then all these women had toshow off and be like, we could
do it, we could do anything. This shit up, don't tell him
the secret. They ruined it forus, and now we're expected to work.

(39:53):
When I hear the phrase double incomehousehold, I want to throw up.
A lot of women get very upsetwith me about those comments, and
they're like, BALI, we haveso many more options now, Oh,
you don't think we had a lotof options when our day was free,

(40:19):
unscheduled, unsupervised, and most importantlysponsored. You know how much shittier food
tastes when you know you had toearn it. A lot of my friends

(40:40):
and we walk around together, they'llget very judgmental about housewives that we'll see
on the street, and they'll belike, look at that fucking housewife not
doing anything. Look at that housewifejust walking around all day getting massages in
her Lululemon pants. Were like,that bitch is a genius. She's not

(41:02):
a housewife. She's retired.