We Do(n't) Podcast Episode 41: Father's Day

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast,starring husband and wife Mojo from Mojo in
the Morning and his better half Chelseaon this episode. Coming up on this

(00:23):
episode of the We Don't Podcast,I wonder if Chelsea will cry during this
episode. No, no, youwant to put money on it. Let's
put lots of money on it.Actually, how about this. Let's put
lots of money that you will notspend on it. No, okay,
that would be the worst thing foryou. All right, let's be again.

(00:45):
Well, all right, all right, all right, without further delay,
here are Mojo and Chelsea. Sowe're taping this on Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day you You're welcome andI appreciate it so much. By the

(01:08):
way, happy Father's Day to you. Who has two fathers? I do?
Do you feel lucky? Now?I do? It's pretty wild,
isn't it. Yeah, you wentfrom none to two, that's true.
Yeah. Can I want to askyou some questions about but it took me
until I was forty and a halfto have two dads. Yeah, yeah,

(01:33):
I want to ask you some questionsabout this because I truly believe that
you have the greatest father in theworld, and I love Joe, who
is your dad? And you knowyou have two dads. You have Rick
also, that is your dad,and where I don't know Rick as well
as I know Joe. I reallybelieve like Joe was a lot of the

(01:55):
model of me being a father asmuch as my dad was a model,
you know, for me being afather. I saw your dad a little
bit more hands on as a dadthan my dad was. And so for
people who don't understand what he's talkingabout, Joe is my dad that married
my mom when I was nine andadopted my brother and myself. And Rick

(02:16):
is my biological father that left whenI was three, and then I got
back in touch with him when Iwas forty, which was a big moment
for your life, but also ahuge moment for our marriage. Yeah,
it was a big one. Okay, So let's talk about this for a

(02:37):
second. And I want to goback to being a little girl and stuff,
because I do not know what it'slike to have a parent to choose
to leave. Yeah, And Ithink as a dad, and I look
at my boys, and I lookat those guys, you know, and

(02:58):
there are times now where I wishthat I could just leave them, even
as grown adults when they you know, our pains in the asses. I
could never ever conceive the idea ofthem not in my life, right,
Like to me, that just isnot the case, right, And I
say, choose to leave because thisis something that you and I have discussed
before. You lost your mom whenyou were fourteen, and it was such

(03:21):
a devastating loss for you, ahuge hole. And I always made your
loss bigger than my loss in mylife. You know, I let you,
not let you, but I yougrieved for it more outwardly than I
ever grieved for my dad and leadingAnd until I turned forty when I realized,

(03:43):
you know, hey, my lossand it's not a competition of whose
loss is greater whose loss, youknow, but it's a different kind of
grief and a different kind of lossobviously when there's a parent that doesn't choose
to leave and there's a parent whodoes choose to leave. So my parents
got divorced when I was three.My dad was very upset about my mom

(04:06):
wanting the divorce, and he insteadof co parenting and being involved in my
brother brother's life in my life,he left the state and never came back,
never contacted us. Well, heactually he did. When my mom
got remarried and my dad asked orsaid that he wanted to adopt us.

(04:31):
He reached out to me at thatpoint one time. Maybe I was eleven,
because it took a little bit.And then I want to say,
my dad can correct me when helistens to this. But and then I
was ten or eleven. And thenwhen we got married. Right before we

(04:55):
got married, I reached out tomy aunt, who then I wanted to
reach out to my dad, andhe started talking a little bit, and
then he disappeared again. And thenI started talking to him again after I
was forty, and we have talkedever since. What do you remember of

(05:19):
the earliest stages of your life rememberingyour dad leaving? So I don't.
I mean, I think I havea memory so very Again, I was
three years old, so I havea couple of good memories of him when
I was a child. You know, I remember him taking me to the
circus and he was a smoker.I remember blowing into his ash tray and

(05:42):
getting ashes in my eyes, andmy mom was out, so I just
remember him running over to the kitchensink and you know, and seeing my
eyes out with water and I remember, but I don't know if I remember
this because my mom has told methis story. You know how sometimes people
tell you a story so many timesthat it just becomes a memory for you.

(06:03):
But I remember sitting on the backof my couch looking out the window
waiting for my dad to come becausemy mom had told me that he was
coming to see me and my brother, and I remember looking out our big
window that we had and waiting forhim to pull up. And he never
showed up, and so but thatwas you know, my mom has told

(06:26):
me stories, right, like shehas said, you know, when you
were little, this happened. SoI don't know if that's like a memory
that yeah, I just kind ofhave that she gave me, or that
I really have. Wow, it'suh see, I'm every time that you've
ever talked about your dad leaving,I think about myself and I think,

(06:49):
you know, how I could notimagine. I couldn't imagine leaving, you
know. And I also think about, you know, how would our kids
have been able to get through whatyou went through? Because I give you
a lot of credit, you're apretty strong person. I think a lot

(07:09):
of your strength is, you know, stuff that you got from your mom,
right, But I also think thatsome of it as you cover up,
using strength to cover up some ofthe emotion that happened so well,
I think, you know, whenI grew up, my mom, so
my parents got divorced. My momwas a stay at home mom. She
had two small kids, they werebuilding an a house, they had two

(07:31):
new cars, and my dad literallyleft her with all of that, and
so she had to scramble to figureout how to take care of two kids,
and so she worked three jobs.You know. My aunt moved in
with us with her kids, andso it was a rotation, you know,

(07:54):
of my mom and my aunt takingcare of us. My grandfather stepped
in. He was really because Ido remember from my first Father's Day that
I can remember. I remember beingin a classroom making Father's Day cards and
not knowing who to write my cardto because I didn't have a dad.
And so I remember asking the teacher, you know, I don't have a

(08:16):
dad, I don't know who tomake this card for, and she said,
well, who's really important in yourlife that you and I realized it
was my grandfather. So I mademy first Father's Day card for my grandfather,
which is why, you know,he was a huge part of my
life. He was a huge losswhen he passed. See you're crying,
and I'm not doing crying. Iget a little tears, but it's also

(08:37):
could be the sun, like okay, but yeah, and I think that,
you know, I do suppress alot of my feelings, but it's
I grew up in the generation alsowhere we just didn't sit around and talk
about our feelings all the time.That that's wrong, but that's just how
I grew up and I and honestly, you know, giving my mom credit.

(09:01):
My mom she never said, youknow, she never bad mouthed my
dad, and there was a lotto bad mouth about him. She never,
when we were growing up, eversaid anything against him, not one
time. She just whenever I wouldsay why did he leave? Why did
he leave? What happened? Whathappened, she would just say, I'll
tell you, and you're old enoughto understand and whether that was right or
wrong, because I think as achild you still then take that and you

(09:26):
think, Okay, what did Ido? I did something wrong to make
him leave and not come back.But she was also busting her ass,
taking care of two small kids,making sure we never went without. I
mean, I had no idea howmuch money we didn't have. I didn't
know it. I had no idea. You know, I don't have a
childhood where I felt I went without. I remember my mom, you know,

(09:50):
reading to me. I remember Ihave. I have good childhood memories.
I really really do. I don'tfeel that I went without. I
don't feel that I suffered in anyway. So I think my mom is
like the most amazing woman ever wouldin bad mouth because never the first thing
that you would think that you woulddo is you would bad mouth for your

(10:11):
own coping mechanism. Yeah, forsure, I mean I'm obviously I'm sure
she vented to her friends and myaunts and my uncle. I mean,
my family hated my dad, likeliterally hated my dad for the longest time,
so and you know rightly so,so now they would feel free to
bad mouth them. But my mom, they every once in a while,

(10:33):
did it hurt you when you rememberit did? Because I think you identif
like this is one thing I thinkis so important for parents to understand who
get divorced. And I've shared thiswith my friends. I've shared this with
my brother when he got divorced.You know, your children are half of
your spouse or ex spouse, andthat person when you were bad mouthing them

(10:54):
your ex, you are bad mouthingthat child. They identify with that parent,
and their first reaction is going tobe to try to defend their parent
because they love that parent. Andso that is why you have friends,
that is why you have counselors,that is why you It is so important

(11:15):
to not bad mouth your ex toyour children. You know, there was
one day when you love that personenough that you got married or decided to
have a child with this person,and you know, create another life.
Don't put your baggage onto your child. It is so unfair. And I
look at my mom and I thinkwhether she realized that that's what she was

(11:37):
doing at the moment, Like shedidn't want to put that onto my brother
and I, And she had everyright too, she had every single right
to tell us. But I'm justsaying, I don't know if she's amazing
realize that this could affect my brotherand I if she did it, I
don't know. You know, Itried. My mom was so hurt in
that marriage that she and I reallyhaven't discussed it a lot, you know,

(12:01):
because I don't want to hurt herand I respect her so much,
and I I mean, she literallyis the strongest woman I've ever known to
do what she did, and soI've never really sat down with her.
I mean, before I got incontact with my biological dad, I did
talk to my mom and my dadabout it. I wanted to make sure

(12:22):
that they were okay with it,even though I was forty, but I
wanted I did not want to disrespectmy dad. Yeah, because he stepped
in and raised me, and heis my dad. There is no taking
that away from him. Let's canwe pick up from because I want to
talk more about Rick by your fatherin a bit, but I want to

(12:43):
talk about Joe. Yep. SoRick, Joe, all right? Doubled
the Father's Days. I actually waswith you when you were calling your Yes,
you called Joe first and then youcalled Rick and left him a message
for Father's Day yep. Which thatwould be the only downer of having multiple
dads is the multiple the multiple phonecalls. No, but I Joe,

(13:05):
So Joe comes in your life?How old are you at a time that
died? So you're nine years old? Maybe there was nine when they got
married. Came in a little bitearlier, and it's so wild because he
never had kids and was never marriedbefore. So here he is, and
he's younger than my mom. He'syounger, and he comes in and takes

(13:26):
on this role and it's so weirdto me. It's always wild because Joe
has never had biological children. Buthe is definitely like your biological father a
million percent. And he's never Iwas never. I've never felt like a
stepchild. I've never felt unreal likeI've never usually you see, yeah,

(13:46):
I have never seen in any facetof my life, through relatives of mine,
friendships, friends of ours, Ihave never seen anybody who is not
the biological parent ever, like yourdad treats both you and your brother and
actually your brothers. They adopt,adopted your little brother, and like,

(14:09):
to me, that's unbelievable because Ithink that's just out of human nature.
You would think that that would cometo place like your dad, Joe is
your biological father. He's I again, I have never And it's funny.
Growing up people would say, ohmy gosh, she looked just like your
dad, Like no, but heyou do, guy, well you guys

(14:30):
definitely act a lot of them.Yeah, I do get a lot of
my Yeah, he but yeah,he's I've never ever ever felt like a
stepchild. I've never felt like hewasn't my biological dad, even in the
beginning parts when he was stay inyour mind, I don't remember that.
I mean, it's funny because hesaid that my brother and I would take
turns not liking him, so Iwould, you know, And I think

(14:52):
he said when he came to thedoor the first time, my brother said,
are you going to be my dad? It's a zach go yeah,
And so you know, I itwas just I have such an amazing relationship
with him, but it took himto just love us unconditionally and love us
like his own children, his ownbiological children, like there was never have

(15:16):
I never felt it from his parents, my grandparents, my aunt and my
uncle, his brother and sister,like I have always felt that we were
biologically born into that family. Theynever ever ever treated us, And it
makes me That's why I don't Ican't comprehend then when I see people treating
their stepchildren like stepchildren, like Ithink it's so you know, kids are

(15:41):
going to act out and act differentways and cause problems. And because they're
kids, they're immature, they're young, they don't know if you were an
adult that makes a decision to comeinto a relationship where there is a child
that was there before you number one, You're not the number one in the

(16:02):
relationship. In my opinion, itshould be that child is the number one
in that relationship. And I thinkthat you have to establish that with them,
you know, not to be adetriment to you, to your own
self. Like you you know clearlyyour relationship with your spouse or significant other
is huge. But I think thatif you are making the commitment to love

(16:26):
someone who has a child, thenyou you love that whole situation wholly,
fully and with your everything. Ijust don't understand when step parents come in.
And granted, my dad did nothave to deal with somebody else like

(16:47):
it was just him. He didnot have to Rick didn't obviously come back
into the picture until again, Iwas in my forties. But I just
but I still think that he Ihe would have done it the same way.
He would have loved me the samehe would have treated me the same
way. He They're just there wereno conditions with his love zero. It

(17:08):
was unconditional. So here you are. You give this man come in your
life and treat you and love youlike you're his his you know, biological
you know, child, What wasit then that over the years felt that
felt like a hole was missing foryou? Like because there? Because I

(17:30):
know in just even our relationship,the fact that your dad walked out really
even affected our personal relationship, itaffected how your affected honestly you with men
right, Well, I will tellyou this, Yes, that him leaving,

(17:52):
Rick leaving made me very callous ina lot of ways. You know,
it made me guard my heart ina lot of ways. And I
did have a hole there for sure, which I didn't realize until I was
forty how big that hole was orthat the hole was there. But I

(18:15):
will say this, my dad,Joe also loving me unconditionally made me realize
what I wasn't going to settle for, like made me realize what I wanted,
made me know my worth. Youknow, I think that my mom
gave me a lot. But theysay that the opposite sex parent sometimes has

(18:41):
as far as a relationship goes,will will be, will give that child
what they're going to seek and whatthey look for and Joe coming in at
the Maybe it was the age thatI was. You know, there are
so many factors I'm sure that playinto it, but I didn't feel that
I had to settle for. Granted, we got we were together when we

(19:03):
were very young, but I didn'tfeel that I was settling for. I
knew what I was not going toaccept in a person, and I knew
what I was seeking. I wasseeking someone that was strong in their family.
You know, there are things thatI wanted, and it's because I
think I didn't have a void inmy life like he came in and he
filled the holes that I needed filledat that time and growing up now,

(19:27):
when I turned forty and started torealize, Okay, I do have some
holes there that I need to figureout, it was more or less wanting
to talk to Rick and wanting toI just needed to hear from him.

(19:47):
And I know not everyone gets thisand it makes me really sad, but
I just needed to hear from him. It was my fault that I left.
It was my fault that that marriageended. I'm owning up for everything
that I did in that marriage,which he did not have to, you
know, say that to me andlet's talk. Can we talk about that
real quick? Because you turned fortyyears old, you're in contact with your

(20:11):
aunt and even your grandparents. Youwere talking to your grandparents, grandma,
your grandma, and your grandpa beforeyour grand grandpa died, well he died
a while before, but they wereat our wedding. I remember that.
And so you're so you're having contact, you know in Okay, you're now
open to the idea of getting aface to face meeting with well talking to

(20:36):
him, not face to face oryeah, talking to your dad. And
then he had written me years beforeand I didn't answer it. Yeah,
So my aunt asked if he couldwrite me a letter that he had letters
saved up for me in cards,and I said, well, he can
go ahead and send them to me. And I did not acknowledge them.
I just didn't answer them. Andthat was let's say late twenties, so

(21:03):
probably you know, ten twelve yearswhen I got those letters and I did
not and I yeah, no,Luke was a baby. Luke was a
baby. Yeah, so I waskid thirty, yeah, thirty when that
happened, So probably ten years andthen you get this, Okay, I'm
turning forty years old, which fortyis eight is kind of what was a
therapist that I was talking to thatreally made me realize, Okay, I

(21:26):
have to this is this is somethingthat I need to address. I had
a therapist when you and I firstmoved here that said, write him a
letter. You don't have to sendit, but just write him a letter
everything that you want to say tohim. Again you do not have and
then come here and read it tome. That it was our marriage counselor
actually, and one of those sessionsthat you were sleeping in and I came

(21:48):
and I read the letter to him, and that was the time I told
you, I'm not coming back totherapy because I'm good. At this point,
you felt like he I felt likethat with that, Yeah, I
felt that he had really helped hethat part. But I think there's always
this again. It crept up whenI was forty. It was just this.
You know, I have a trulyJoe loved me like no other and

(22:14):
loves me like no other, likeI can do no wrong in his eyes.
I am the perfect daughter. Heis my perfect dad. Like,
but there is this part of youthat you can't help, like your inner
child, or that little three yearold girl that still holds on to the
hurt of But why did he leave? I know I have this amazing thing,

(22:36):
but why did he leave? Andunlike you who lost your mother,
number one shouldn't choose to go.But number two is death. It was
final that you cannot talk to her. I still had the opportunity to talk
to him, and I think whenI turned forty, I just felt,
with the help of a therapist,Okay, this is what I need to
do for me. And because Ido, I can harbor some hard feelings

(23:03):
towards men in my life because wellI've told you that before, and you
know, I realized it, andI've got and most importantly, I have
three male children, and I neverwant to and I don't think that I
ever would, but I just don'twant to take that chance that I would
just be so hurt by them thatit would take me back to my childhood

(23:25):
and take me back to So itwas really important to me that I contacted
him and opened up the doors forthat. Do you remember the sitting down
at his house. Well, theorder of events it went was, I
reached out to my aunt first,she lived in California. Jacob and I
happened to be there for a trip. Just this was all craziness, and

(23:48):
so she brought my grandma up.My mom was there too, and so
we all sat down and we talked. And then Jacob, my mom and
I were on a plane leading Californiaand because my aunt said, well,
here's your dad's phone number. Youcan contact him. And I said,
no, you give him my phonenumber and he can contact me. He

(24:11):
was the one that left. Ididn't leave. He left. He can
crying beautiful. So I said,he can contact me. I'm not going
to contact him. And I rememberwe were sitting on the plane. I
was sitting in between my mom andJacob, and my dad sent me a
text message and I freaked out.What did it say? I just think

(24:34):
it said, Hi, this isRick aunt. Debbie gave me your phone
number, you know, and Iand I showed it to Jacob and I
showed it to my mom and Isaid, oh my god, what do
I do? What I do?What I do? And they both were
like, well, answer it ifyou want to answer it. So I
told him. I was on theflight, a flight back to Michigan,

(24:56):
and I, you know, wewould talk in a couple of days and
I said, you know, ifyou want to call me, you can
call me on a Sunday. AndI remember I was back in one of
the rooms in our house and hetold me what time he was gonna call
me, and I went in thatroom and I waited and it was it
was awkward at first, but thenit was great. And like I said,

(25:22):
he gave me what I needed tohear and you know, apologized all
that. Like we would talk everyday. We talked every day for a
while and then tapered off. Youknow, now we don't really talk as
often, unfortunately, but we justyou know, but at first I said
to him, you know, youI appreciate the apologies, but you have

(25:45):
to stop doing it because our relationshipcan't be that. Now it's I've you've
said it. I accepted it,and we're going to go forward and it
is what it is. And thenlike within a year I met him in
person. Yeah, that was abig moment. I I remember that moment.
First off, I remember that momentand your mom and I had many
conversations before and it was you know, she was worried because she was worried

(26:10):
that you you know, this ishere obviously there's somebody that had left and
want not want you to get hurtagain, right, And it was so
strange and maybe I am more dramaticin how the evening went, but he
said everything to you that you neededto hear because I remember we left and

(26:37):
we were staying at a hotel andwe were driving back to the hotel and
I could feel like a sense ofjust stuff like crap coming off of you,
Like you just felt super emotional forme. That was a really we
took Luke with us. It wasa really really it was an emotional and
healing at the same time. Likeit you know, I walked away from

(27:00):
that trip like I feel like Icould finally take a breath and wishing that
my brother had the same desire.No, he doesn't want one, and
that's okay because that's you know,his hurts are so different than mine and
they're his, and it's something thathe has to want to heal when he
wants to heal it, because it'snot you know, and something that is

(27:22):
so important as I because I wantedto do it. I wanted to make
sure that did this before Rick died. You know, I didn't want to
regret knowing that I have the chanceto reach out and do this. And
it wasn't for Rick. It wasn'tfor Rick to feel like, Okay,
I left my kids and now Ican die or like leave this earth knowing

(27:45):
that it's okay between us. That'snot why I did it. I did
it because for me, I'm theone that had to come to this realization
and it had to it for me. It had to meet what I needed,
what I was looking for in it. And if it didn't, if
he wasn't going to do that,I wouldn't have taken Luke to go meet
him, you know. And thenthe boys we went there the next summer
with the other two boys. Iwould not have I wouldn't have allowed him

(28:10):
to come in and hurt my childrenthe way that he hurt me. That
was not going to happen. Buthe was a different man. So many
things had happened, and thankfully itwasn't uh blaming it on my mom,
like he took responsibility for everything,and he actually wanted to apologize to my
mom for stuff too. So itwas just so and I know, and

(28:33):
it's just sad to me that everyrelationship can't be like that because it was
so healing in the sense that man, he really took responsibility for everything that
he did. It didn't make itbetter, It doesn't make my hurt,
you know, any less, becauseit's still there, but the fact that
he took ownership of it is hugeor was huge for me. Yeah,

(29:00):
you know, you refer back tonot everybody is going to experience something like
this, and not everybody will,and there's a lot of people that Father's
Day is a tough day, youknow, it's you know, I think
of those that you know that havenot had a healing moment like you did,

(29:22):
yeah, or may ever have that. Yeah, I know. Which
then you know, I thought tomyself too, Okay, so what if
he died and I didn't have this, I wasn't able to say to him
what I needed to say or havehim hear it, whether he accepted it
or not. You know, Ithink it's super important for people. Then,
you know, I think I justwould have done again what I did

(29:45):
years prior, which is write aletter and just say what I had to
say and maybe read it out loudin the mirror or have someone listen to
you like I never I read itout loud to the therapist. But then
that was it. I ripped itup, through it away. I never
looked at it again. I thinkif this was something that I had to
do without having that person hear itor even be open to it, Like

(30:06):
honestly, you know, he couldhave said, he could have turned it
around and said, listen, youknow your mom, this this situation,
I had this problem. I didit because of this I you know,
but I the fact that he tookfull responsibility, even if he wanted to
blame somebody else, The fact thathe took full responsibility for everything in that

(30:29):
moment was so healing for the littlegirl in me. You know because I'm
gonna cry, gotcha because you're crying, But I because because then then I
didn't feel like I would have todefend my mom in that moment, because
it's just this cycle that goes backand forth. And you know who's the

(30:51):
person that gets so fucked in thesituation is the child. By the way,
these two adults are the ones thatthis situation is for, and the
one who gets hurt the most isthe child. And I guarantee you know,
when you are holding that newborn childin the hospital, when you both
love each other so much, you'renot thinking about down the road we could

(31:12):
end up divorced. And this is, you know, destroy each other's lives
on your own, but don't destroythat child. Don't destroy that perfect thing
that you created. It's like horror. I just feel for all of these
adults that are walking around with woundedhearts from their childhood that they are not

(31:32):
responsible for, you know, andhopefully maybe the first step is just to
realize, you know what, Ithis isn't my hurt that I caused.
I have this hurt, but Idid not cause this, and it's not
you know, that's awesome. Iuh, I'm happy. I'm really happy
that I was able to get youto cry during this. I love that

(31:56):
you will share that because it wassuch a huge moment for us. You
know, you brought up at thirty, the initial you know, text comes
through. At forty, you goand meet them. Now it's fifty.
What the fuck is happening? Now, let's go to the questions now.
I'm just kidding. I don't know. Maybe there will be something at fifty.

(32:19):
It's the decade thing though, itis, go ahead, what's yours?
What we got? We always atthe end of each of the we
don't podcasts, we have a questionthat we don't know and we answer it.
Go ahead, So this one,what does the voice inside your head
sound like? This one's for me. Huh yeah, what does the voice

(32:43):
inside my head sound like? Itsounds like you saying, pick up your
not that. No, no,the voice seven my head right now.
The voice my head says, youare very blessed that you have a very
blessed life, that you're so luckyto be able to call Joe, Jacob

(33:07):
and Luke your sons. Joe andI just did this golf thing together.
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie toyou. Uh. There were moments during
it where I thought, oh,this is gonna be fucking horrible, because
Joe is very competitive, and allhe wants to do is he wants to
be good at everything and stuff,and all I am I'm not as competitive

(33:30):
at anything other than radio, andso I'm like, I just want to
have fun. I just want toyour competitive. That's the only thing I
get competitive, because that's the onlything I think I'm good at. But
I but the other stuff around medoesn't make me compete, Like I don't.
I don't care that. I youknow, I'm not the best looking

(33:50):
or the skinniest or whatever, thestrongest or whatever. Oh thank you,
I appreciate it. Better looking thanthose names. But no, but that
the voices on my head because itis Father's Day and talking about this.
Listen, I'm not kidding you whenI say this to you. Joe,
your dad Joe, and my dadTony, those were in your grandfather Danny

(34:17):
were my examples of you know,I used to love watching my dad on
Father's Day because my dad felt likehe was king. Shit. You would
walk around with a pair of likeshorts on with no shirt, and he
had a pipe hanging out of hismouth, and he felt like he was
the god of the house, youknow, the king of the house.

(34:38):
And and to me, I lovethat your grandfather I usedill love like your
grandfather and your dad celebrating Father's Daywith them, and they just you know,
they were the they were the guys, you know. So I don't
know. That's that's that's what's inmy head. That's all I got.
I got nothing else in my head. A lot of drugs in my life.
So oh please, here you go. Here's your quest. How would

(35:00):
you describe our love to someone who'snever been in love. Let's see.
I mean I think that I wouldsay our love is a commitment. I
would sum it up in one wordbecause and this is something I learned from

(35:23):
my dad, Joe. Love isnot this ui and my mom, It's
not this ui ouey feeling that you'regoing to have all the time, because
you're going to really of course,you're gonna yearn for that person and desire
that person and love that person,but you're also going to not like that
person sometimes and not want to bearound them and be repulsed by them.

(35:49):
But you have to every day goback to that commitment and realize, Okay,
this is a commitment that I made. Do I want to get out
of the commitment sometimes? Yeah?I do? But do I love being
in it? Sometimes? Yeah?You know, I just so I would
say it's the hardest thing I've everdone in my whole life, but you

(36:16):
know, it's also been the mostrewarding, with having three amazing gifts out
of it that I never would haveif it wasn't for us referring to purses
or I am but I'll post thoselater. But so, yeah, I
mean, I just I to meit is, and I know it is.

(36:38):
It's not that all love, youknow, birds flying around and that's
just nothing. All I wanted wasthe pink three heart things, you know
emoji that talking about I see peoplemake posts about how much they love what
a vomit. Here's the thing withthat, by the way, which is

(37:00):
so funny. Like Father's Day,birthdays, Oh to the the dad I
love the most, like about theirhusbands that they literally were just talking shit
to their girlfriends the night before,but all of a sudden on Father's Day,
their anniversary and birthdays, it isthe love of their life. I
can't I mentioned leving without you.Oh really, Sharon, because you just

(37:22):
earlier were telling me that you can. Well, how about how about my
favorite? It is my favorite arethe people that make their post And I
said, Sharon, because I don'thave a friend Sharon. But my favorite
is the people that post. Isaw a comedian talking about this recently.
The people that post how amazing ofa dad they had on Instagram, but

(37:44):
yet their father's not even on Instagram. I mean why, because that is
what social media is. You know. It's just like social media is the
worst. It's the worst it's theworst. Okay, I have a quick
question for you. Yes, ifyou could talk to your dad today,
what would you say to him?Why do you want me to cry more

(38:14):
that it's funny you talk about thelove in the commitment. I used to
sit there and go, God,my dad never really spent all that time
with me, because he really didn't. He worked a lot, worked and
he had six kids, so Iwas the youngest of sex at that point.

(38:37):
I think he pretty much threw inthe towel. But the Dad,
the biggest thing that you showed mewas how to love somebody more than yourself.
And I'm not even talking about yourkids. I'm talking about my mom

(39:01):
because I never saw even in therelationship of watching your parents too, and
I know your dad adores your mom. I never saw anybody love a woman
more than my dad, you know, And a lot of that was through

(39:25):
watching her battle for her life andmy dad know that he couldn't do anything
to help it because he was adoctor. She really struggled. Your the
love you showed for my mom,I believe really helped me, you know,

(39:46):
be able to to show Chelsea thelove that and I'm able to show
it to her, and then thereare times where I fucking hate her.
But that's but that's okay, that'swhat marriage is. And who's Sharon?
And I love you and happy fathers. Stay to me, Happy father stay
to you. What am I getting? Am I getting a gift? No,

(40:07):
you're not my father.