We Do(n't) Podcast Episode 43: Gone Too Soon

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast,starring husband and wife Mojo from Mojo in
the Morning and his better half Chelsea. On this episode, you know why

(00:23):
I love doing this we Don't podcastbecause it gets me out of having to
exercise or go for walks with you. I get to sit here with microphones
in front of our face and thenat the end say, hey, wasn't
that some kind of an exercise.Well, it's not a physical exercise,
but my watch is telling me thatI need to stand up. I've been
sitting too long. All right,let's begin this thing. Well, all

(00:44):
right, all right, all right, without further delay, here are Mojo
and Chelsea. Oh hello, Chelsea, how are you? Hello? I'm
good. How are you good?It's been kind of a crazy couple of

(01:06):
weeks. We have experienced some sadstuff going on in our lives. One,
thank god, my brother is doingokay. I talked about that on
our show. My brother Tony endedup having a heart attack and is doing
better, so that's great. Theygot no damage to his heart, they
got him to the hospital in time, and everything was good, so thank

(01:30):
god. So thank God for that. And then sad news in just a
really horrible situation. But someone weknow friend two people within the last month,
Yeah, fifty years old and onewas fifty and one was seventy.
Yeah, the seventy year old one, to me is just as tragic as

(01:51):
the fifty year old one, eventhough the fifty year old one is more
tragic because of you know, fiftyis just so young. But both just
seem way too young passed away.Yeah. So one, the seventy year
old Nick, was the little Ifyou think of a person who is the
life of the party, that isNick. He never left. You don't

(02:13):
leave a room without you know,everyone in that room is their friend.
It's not a stranger. And Nickgoes a step further and then they're part
of his family. Yeah, they'rea step further. They actually go on
vacations together. Yes, yes,Nick lets him stay over at their house.
Yes, it's amazing. Yes.And he had an amazing, amazing,

(02:36):
amazing life. He lived life tothe fullest, enjoyed it, drank,
smoked karaoke, you know, hadhe was very fortunate. He had,
you know, a lot of thingsin life, and he loved it
and lived it and it was amazing. So then the other one, our

(02:57):
friend of ours, Jason fifty yearsold and just died. Both were shockers.
Both were really shockers, like trulytook my breath away when we heard
about both. Jason a lot closergeographically to home. Nick was a Florida
friend of ours, but also kindof a Michigan friend. But Jason,

(03:21):
you know, is a person thatwe interact with a lot, more so
at least once, sometimes twice tothree times a week. Yeah, yeah,
and has a young son and yeah, a young wife and just you
know, beautiful family and yeah,just horrible. So I mean, why
do we talk about something like this. I mean, here we are,
you know, we're beginning this podcastin kind of a sad way. But

(03:46):
I think that one of the biggestreasons why I wanted to bring this up
is twofold number one, that youcannot take anything for granted, like we
can each in every day take forgranted, how blessed we are. Don't
take for granted. And when Nickdied, you know, I said to

(04:11):
his wife, and I said,you know, to a couple of our
friends that knew him, you know, you just got to live like Nikki
g like he again lived life tothe fullest. And you look at him,
and you thought, oh my god, like you weren't around him and
not laughing. And again, youweren't around him and not walking you were
not walking away without feeling. Youliterally were part of his family. And

(04:35):
I when he died, I thought, gosh, you know, there's a
reason that everyone comes into your life, and I need to live more like
NICKI g in some ways, likereally live life to the fullest. I
guarantee you. You know, ofcourse you would have wanted to live longer,
but I guarantee you that man hadno regrets, not one single one,

(04:59):
and his life like he literally lovedit to the fullest and loved to
the fullest, which is so funnybecause there's so many days that we just
wake up and we just get pissedoff about just something right that means nothing
right. Yeah. And then ourfriend Jason was a hard working guy,
really young. I wondered how company. I wonder how much that was going

(05:23):
to affect you, because he hadjust turned fifty. You guys are virtually
the same age. You get dayfifty. Yeah, there's about nine months
in between us. Yeahah, andyou have a birthday that is coming up.
And you also had a husband thatpotentially when I was fifty almost,
Well you have one now because Ifor those that don't know about my heart

(05:46):
surgery, my heart surgery came whenI just turned fifty. I turned fifty
years old in the greatest year ofthem all, twenty twenty. Yeah,
and in January of twenty twenty one. I ended up having to have open
heart surgery. Yeah. It wasweird because we were having this conversation about

(06:09):
going to the hospital, you know, and and you know our friends,
you know, both had to goto the hospital, and you said you
made a comment about as a spouse, you left the hospital wondering if that
was the last time that you wereever going to see me. Well,
yeah, And so for them,it's I can't imagine you rushed to the

(06:33):
hospital with them, you know,in an ambulance, Both of them went
in an ambulance with them, andthen you or follow behind them in a
car and then you leave the hospitalwithout them, and it's and they're not
coming home. And I cannot imaginethat. I I mean, I left

(06:53):
you at the hospital. But knowingthat there could you know, potentially,
there could be something that happened toyou. There was a small chance,
but you know, but you wereokay, and you're in good hands,
and if something were to go wrong, at least you were at the hospital.
And because you could have had astroke, like there were so many
things that could have happened after openheart surgery. And so to me with

(07:18):
Nick, it didn't hit me asmuch as when it hit me with Jason.
With you, you know, justthinking that, Okay, this is
really close to home. He's youngerthan you, you know, he's my
age, and man, life isjust so so short, and you know,

(07:40):
you don't know when your last dayis going to be. You don't
know, and so are we werestuck in this working because we have to,
because we have to pay our bills. But you know, you spend
so much time and achieving so muchin your career and at the end of
the day, what what are youleft with that you know, what are
the people that you love? Whatare they left with when it doesn't matter

(08:03):
all of the worldly things that youattained with your career, and but they
just want you, you know,more time with you. I mean,
think of you specifically and think ofyour you know, knowing that both of

(08:24):
these people were such meaningful people tous and there's certain things that they're not
going to be able to see nowthat they have passed. So what is
it for you that you take awayfrom this about yourself? Because I know
that you've been working really hard onyourself this year, which I always say

(08:45):
that the best things that can everhappen to a person is have a monumental
birthday or get divorced, because bothof them put you in the best shape
of your life. Yeah, that'strue. Well, there is one goal
that I've never said out loud thatI have, and it's not so much

(09:05):
when I turn fifty, but it'sfor our anniversary. Can you guess what
it is? You can't guess?No, let me think about it.
For our anniversary, Hue. Onegoal that you'll never guess. You want
to have a throupple? No,it's nothing, No, nothing sexual.

(09:28):
No. I would like to seeif I can fit back in my wedding
dress. I did not know thatreally. Yeah. Yeah, so that's
one goal that I have. Howclose are you? I haven't, do
you know? I've never tried iton since the day I took it off
when we got married almost thirty yearsago. Wow, I have it in

(09:50):
a closet, which you were twentyyears old the last time that you were.
Yeah, i'll be it's it's thirtyyears old anniversary. Are you going
to try it? I'm going totry it on. Yeah. I don't
know because I think my ribcage grewwhen I was pregnant with the boys.
I don't know if that's possible,but I feel maybe my ribcage grew.

(10:11):
But I think if I stay onthis track, I can get down to
my wedding weight for sure. Howmany pounds, awagh? Are you?
Do? You know? Ten?Really? Yeah? I have ten more
pounds and I'm down to it.Thank you. That's awesome. And I'm
down to the weight I was whenwe got married. You should have just
did it like I did it andjust be fat when you got married like

(10:31):
I was, And then I shouldhave you'd be a little closer. I
don't even know what my wedding weightwas. How close do you think I
am to my wedding weight? Idon't know because I'm so bad with numbers
about books wise. Oh, Ithink you're probably thinner than when we got
married right now, I am,don't you think I know? I don't.
I think I was probably thinner whenwe got married. Really, I

(10:52):
think so probably you know, maybefifteen or so pounds. See, we're
around the same weight. So Ineed to do that and then try to
get in your wedding dress tip ifyou know what I mean. No,
it's nothing to do. That's apretty interesting thing that that's something that's kind
of a goal for you. Yeah, well, I just I thought about
it. Actually, are on Christmas. I thought, you know what,

(11:13):
it might be interesting if I canget if I can just zip it up
a little bit. Wow. Yeah, should we get a tuxedo for me
and like take new pictures because wehave no wedding pictures. We do not
have any wedding pictures. Our weddingphotographer was bad. He I think I
don't think he was drunk on ourwedding, but I think that he It

(11:35):
was just really bad. Weave theguy ahead of time, which was a
bad idea because we didn't put depositdown and we never got any proofs or
anything. I think we only gotmaybe a handful of pictures. Yeah,
we didn't get a lot, andthey were horrible. There's one wedding photo
that I like from our whole weddingand it's you know that my aunt took

(11:58):
of you on me and you know, it's okay, it's it is okay.
It's funny talking about, you know, the loss of friends and when
my brother had his heart attack.My brother had a heart attack a couple
of weeks ago, and that wassomething that hit us. I mean,
you were you literally looked at meand you go, you're getting a fucking

(12:20):
trainer or you're going to start workingout. And okay, and let's be
honest, how many how many timeshave you worked out since then? Honestly,
and walking through Chicago with your sisteris not a workout. Well I
have done. I'm gonna be quitehonest with you. I've done minimum of
like ten thousand steps since that time, except except for today and yesterday.

(12:43):
No, the last two days havebeen probably the only two days that I
really haven't but physically work out,like actual workout. I got on a
treadmill once and it wasn't even thatgreat of a thing. I'm not a
big worker outer as much as Iam, I like to. I loved
golf and get it. And Iknow you don't think that you get a

(13:03):
lot of physical activity, but youget ten thousand steps even if you're in
a cart golfing and I don't seeit would. And my cardiologist said to
me that all I need to dois ten thousand steps a day. Yeah,
but you also have to get yourheart. Your heart is the muscle
and you need to get it movingand you meet. So if you're in
and out of a cart, yeah, you might be getting in the steps,
but your heart really isn't pumping consecutivelyfor a good thirty minutes. And

(13:26):
that's why I always say go takea walk, or get on the treadmill,
or go because you want you wantto get your heart working and then
bring it down and then get yourheart working. So like when you're golfing,
and I know, because I'm withyou, you're no that it's not
a very big cardio exercise. Yes, ten thousand steps is amazing and it's

(13:48):
so I'm not knocking that you're gettingthem in. But I would just prefer,
you know, maybe even if youdo twenty minutes on the treadmill would
be amazing, or twenty minute walk. I'd see how I'd almost rather do
the twenty mine walk then go twentyminutes on a tru problem though, is
when you go for a walk,you'll stop and talk to people, So
you literally could be gone for twentyminutes, but you'll just be up the
street talking to neighbors and then I'llcome back. No, I put head

(14:11):
futs on it and started listening tomusic. I do have goals, though,
And this is interesting because like whereyou say your goals are that you
wanted to fit in your wedding dress, my goals are I want to see
grandkids because my mom never got todo that. Yeah, and I always
this is some morbid I always thoughtI was gonna die of cancer since I

(14:35):
was a little kid, because mymom had cancer. So I always had
this belief that my mom died whenshe was what fifty one, just turning
fifty two, I believe, orjust around fifty two. I don't know
it was fifty two, because Iremember when I was fifty one. Because
I remember when I turned fifty two, I said, I've lived just as
long as my mom, and mysister said mom was only was fifty one

(14:56):
when she died, and I go, oh my god, I way outlived
my mom. I lived her bya year. But for some reason as
a kid, that would traumatized meto make me believe that I was going
to die of cancer. And soI want to see grandkids and I don't
want to have to work anymore.Like I want to be able to retire,
just because my dad when he retired, he retired late in life,

(15:20):
and I always felt like my dadnever got to really enjoy retirement. And
I want to be one of thoseguys like Nikki G. Like Nikki G
was retired, but every day ofhis life, that guy did more things
in his retirement than most people doin their lifetime. Well, the thing
with you and the thing about yourdad is that your dad needed a hobby

(15:43):
or something to do after because theyou know, men sometimes when they retire,
then they become more sedentary. Andhonestly, I know you work and
you're out of the house, butif I look at you and you're on
that couch all goddamn day, Iwill throw that couch out and burn it,
Like I cannot. You there,you have to have something. You

(16:03):
have to have something that you doevery day, whether it's a hobby or
something, because you are the Ithink, the type of personality that would
just end up sitting on your couchall day. Yeah, I think one
of the things I've always said thatI wanted to do is consult and I
wanted to get Yeah, I thinkthat'd be great for you, which would

(16:25):
be good. And I can dotraveling. I was just gonna say you
can travel and yeah, that wouldbe really good, which would be cool.
But even more so than that,I want, you know, and
this is something you know that Ilook at how there are tragedies that happen
in lives where you see somebody gettingin a car accident or get diagnosed with

(16:48):
cancer and only have a short timeor heart attack and die. Yeah,
And I think if you look atall of the tragedies of how that God
takes them so soon and what itaffects on their family, is I always
wonder, like the person who died, I know their families are, you
know, struggling even more so thanthe person that died. But looking back

(17:14):
on it, to know that younever got to accomplish everything that you wanted
to accomplish, like you know,see family reach a goal. You know,
kids graduate from high school or whateverit might be. I think,
at the end of the day,it doesn't matter how old you are.
I feel I mean like I feelwhen my grandfather died at ninety. That
was a long life. It isamazing, you know, it wasn't long

(17:34):
enough for me. That he hadalways promised that he would live to be
a hundred, and I was reallybelieving he would live to be one hundred.
So I felt I was robbed often years with him. But ninety
is a great life. Do youever feel guilty that it was really hard
on you? And you, Iknow you still more in your grandfather's death,
But does it ever make you feelguilty that you realize here he was,

(18:00):
he lived till ninety, and Iknow it's so tough on you because
of what he meant to you.But then you look at somebody like our
friend Jason, who was fifty yearsold, and I don't feel robbed of
forty years. Oh, I don'tfeel guilty because in the sense that you
know, my grandfather was one ofthe greatest loves of my life, and
so his loss for me is itagain, it didn't matter. I would

(18:25):
still feel this way if he livedto be one hundred or one hundred,
and I just his loss was sogreat for me, just as Jason,
you know, and his loss forDanet and Jacob is just so huge,
and I can't comprehend that. Youknow, I don't feel guilty, because
I think a loss is a loss. I'm I it's amazing that I'm so

(18:45):
happy that my grandfather had the additionalforty years that you know, Jason didn't,
and that is tragic and that isso sad. But I don't I
don't feel guilty. I mean,of course I wish Jason had them,
because I I when we were atthe funeral, I was thinking to myself
as I got really tearful when Isaw Jacob, who his son. He's

(19:08):
a young guy. You know,he's in college. Yeah, he's you
know, just out of high school, you know what I mean. Like
to me, I look at himand he just seems like a kid.
And I cried more at a momentduring that funeral than I remember me crying
at my dad's funeral. And Ithink it was that my dad lived until

(19:30):
his eighties. But like, Idon't know what it is. I remember
mourning my mom dying because she diedso young. Yeah, and then when
I see sometimes when older people dieas much as it really does affect me
and make me very sad, Ithink Okay, well that was a great
life. Like I would love tobe able to live till I'm eighty one

(19:53):
years old, like my dad,you know, he was eighty years old.
Well see, and here's the thing. I Jason's death was tragic because
he was young. Fifty is soyoung, and any young death is very
tragic. Your mom's just tragic,she was young. My grandfather's was sad.

(20:14):
You know. Again, he liveda long life and that is amazing,
but it still impacted me, andit was a loss. Is a
loss. But I so if Iwere to use the word to describe each
I definitely Jason's was so tragic andunfair by the way, so unfair that

(20:36):
he was taken away from he andhis wife only there for twenty five years,
you know, and Jacob is young, and he had so much more
to live for. I mean youyou know, I when we were sitting
at the in the mass and hisone friend stood up and did the eulogy,

(20:59):
it was so heart wrenching because thenyou get to see who he was
as a person on so many levels, as a friend, as a son,
as a brother, as a husband, and as a father. And
it's you know, that is whattore me apart because I just you know,

(21:22):
then you then I was thinking aboutyou constantly. I'm like, okay,
how if I was in janet shoes? How how do you put your
other foot in front? How doyou put one foot in front of the
other? Like how do you getup and be around all of these people?
Knowing that physically she'll never see himagain, you know, And it's

(21:47):
just it's and for us, wego on with our day to day life,
but there's such a huge hole,Like there's such a huge hole for
Terry with Nick, there's such amassive whole for Janet, and Jacob with
Jason, and it's just, youknow, I can go forward, and

(22:08):
of course they will go forward too, but you know, it's for that
moment, it just takes your breathaway and I'm just trying to remember that
I need to be a good friendand send messages and tell them I'm thinking
about them, and you know,because I'm sure right now everyone's around them.
But that goes away, and thenthat loss, that big hole is

(22:30):
there, you know, comes andgoes. That's feeling of grief. Will
you ever read the letter that Iknow wrote to you. I don't think
so. I had my surgery.I don't think so. I don't even
know where it is. I wouldlove for you to. I think I
still have it. I still havethe audio version of it, but maybe
on one of our podcasts we dothat and we play all the letters there.

(22:53):
Why I like hearing myself cry.I was gonna say that. I
mean, I don't you know.And the other day you're listening to a
message from my grandfather on the phone, you know, on your voicemail,
and you're like, isn't this sogreat? And I that was the first
time I've listened to a message.I will not I have a ton of

(23:17):
messages because he would call me allthe time. If I didn't pick up
my phone, he would stalk me, basically. But I have so many
messages from him, and I cannotbring myself to play one message. I
just I can't. And it wasreally hard for me to sit there next
to you while you are doing it, and you know, all right,
you hardly ever cry, and Icould see the tears. I did listen

(23:40):
to it, but it's very hard. There's just some things, you know.
I know it's comforting for you tohear his voice, but for me,
not yet all right, So Iwant to ask you this last question
and then I'm going to let youjust ask the last question to me.
What is the biggest thing that youwant to accomplish before you take your last

(24:06):
breath? What do you what?One? Two, three things do you
really want to be able to see, like if you could have the magic
wish? So, I don't knowif there's something. Can I say what
I would want to be remembered forinstead of what I want to accomplish?
I don't know. So I thinkyou know, if I were to die

(24:30):
today or soon or when I die, I would want to be remembered as
a really great loyal friend, someonewho's always there for my friends, a
really great daughter, always there formy parents and my family, my extended

(24:52):
family. And a really really goodmom, a mom that a great mom
that was did everything and anything forher kids and love them unconditionally and showed
them you can be human and makemistakes, but and how to love people
and how to give people. Andthen I guess you know you could put

(25:17):
on their an okay, wife,because I was going to say nothing as
a wife is concerned. No,I mean, I I don't know.
And then you know a really goodand great wife. Yeah. I just
think really I would want to beremembered and then remembered for making people laugh,
because in my little small circle offriends, I definitely can make those

(25:40):
people laugh. Oh, your personalityis wickedly funny. It's just wicked wicked.
I think if somebody were to eulogizeme and go up and eulogize me,
I think that I would want themto say, similar to what you
said about Nick, and have itbe that there wasn't a stranger in the

(26:07):
guy's life. That anybody that wasa stranger, whether they knew me as
the as Mojo or knew me asTom, they left knowing me. Yeah.
And I love that, but moreso than that, because it is
funny that I feel like I havegreat relationships with some people that I fucking

(26:29):
have no clue who the hell theyare. But I want the people that
do know me to say, youknow what, this was a guy that
literally cared as much about you ashe cared about himself. Yeah, and
I think that that is something.I think that's my mom, like I
really do. I know you nevergot a chance to meet her, but

(26:52):
I think that was my mom.But I think you just described herself perfectly
for sure. Yeah. So,and with that said, I I think
we should go back to that throutlething that I thought for some reason you
want to do. This wedding dressthing is interesting because it's kind of and
I know that you think all Ithink about a sex, which I do,
and I think if we had sexmore often, I probably wouldn't think

(27:15):
about it as much or maybe notout really talk about it as much,
which, by the way, thatcould be something for you. I will
stop talking about it if you know, we do more stuff. But like
there's something kind of like fantasize wisethat you want to put that wedding dress
on. What do you mean fantasizelike for me? Like I'm thinking to
myself, like, tell me thatthat's not like something that as a guy.

(27:37):
And I don't know how many guyslisten to this, We don't podcast.
They're probably listening because their wives orgirlfriends aren't forcing them to. But
I mean, tell me that that'snot a great fantasy to know that you
well has nothing to do with you. Though, by the way, I
understand that what is the fantasy becausethe fantasy is just for me? Because
I've been really working hard on myself. And and that's when you think that

(28:00):
you were the best shape. Well, no, I think physically the best
shape I ever was in my lifewas right before I got pregnant with Luke.
Yeah, because I was thirty.Yeah, and I was working out,
like I mean to up my workingout at this point, but to
get more muscle toned. But definitely, right before I got pregnant with Luke,

(28:21):
I was in great shape. Andthen actually before I get my breast
implants put in, I was inreally good shape too. Yeah, and
that's screwed. Ever, don't getbreast implants. But we'll explain why.
Well, because there's this thing calledbreast implant illness. I know a lot
of people don't believe in it,but I you think it messed you up
million percent. I had implants putin and then my body became inflamed.

(28:45):
They were it was just it wasa mess. Literally within six months,
my whole body was. It wasawful, awful, and it's taken me
because I got them taken out Januaryof twenty twenty twenty, nineteen, twenty
nineteen, I had them taken out, not twenty twenty January twenty nineteen,
and it's taken me this long toget my hormones back and my body back

(29:10):
and anyway, So those were acouple of times that I was in the
way of shape. But it Iyou know, it's never I don't think
around an anniversary where I thought,oh, I should put that wedding dress
on and see if it fit's again, Listen, it could be a big,
huge, ultimate fail my body.That was when I was twenty years
old. I'm going to be fifty. Everything shifts and changes, so who

(29:32):
knows you're going to fit into it? You're going to accomplish that well,
even if I have to take itto a seamstress and they have to take
a little bit, You're gonna doit. We're and then you always you
never get photos taken of yourself.We got to have photos taken of that,
because that would be just awesome tobe able to say, well,
we can just take a video andsee if I fit in it, like

(29:52):
one of those not those videos.Now we need to and now that we
shut this thing off, stop this. We need to raise a glass to
Nikky g and to Jason and justto their family members and hope that they
are comforted by the fact that theyhad amazing men in their life, all

(30:15):
right. That has been the Weedowned podcast