Time to Forgive and Grow

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Episode Transcript

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Thank you for joining me. I'mRabbi David Lyon from Congregation Both Israel in
Houston. This week, the Jewishcommunity all over the world enters a Hebrew
month called el Ul. It's theHebrew month that precedes them on the call
Ti Shre. It's significant because Tishreon the first day is Russia Shanna,

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the new year, and as weprepare for the new year, it also
begins what's called the ten Days ofRepentance. I hope you can keep track
of all of that. But asRussia Shanna begins, it does unfold into
the ten days of repentance that endswith Yom Kipoor, the day of Atonement.
Within those ten days, the daysof repentance, we are introspective,

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we are apologetic, We are forgiving. We come before each other and before
God to accomplish a great task,to find our way again, feeling whole,
in good company with family and friends. To accomplished so much means getting
ready for it, and therefore thewhole month before, called Elul, is

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set aside for such preparations. Inthis heat of summer, which is not
only a Houston phenomenon, but allover the country, all over the world.
Sometimes we think Allul might be thebeginning of a cooler season. Well,
maybe up north in September it is, but late August and September down
south and in Texas it's still hot. So the month of Allul might feel

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like a change of season, butnot at least outside. So we have
to change our heart in our headinstead and prepare for the Jewish New Year
that is coming. If you're notaware, that Jewish New Year will be
fifty seven eighty four. According tothe Rabbis of Old, it is the
birthday of the world, and therefore, according to their own calculations, the

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world is five thousand, seven hundredand eighty four years old. I know
what your thing. They are offby a few billion years, and I
agree with you. Even so,it does give us a sense of perspective
on our history, the long arcof our people's story. And even so
we enter the Jewish New Year withexpectations for what a new year can mean

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to us and those who are touchedby our lives. Now, Elul has
a special meaning to it, andthe rabbis, always turning the Torah and
their texts for insides, reveal somethingvery interesting that Elul can be read as
an acronym. Each of the Hebrewletters in the word elul, which are

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olive lahmed vav lahmed, can becomethe first letters of another important and meaningful
phrase found in the book Song ofSongs in the Hebrew Bible, and that
phrase is ani la dodi the dodilee. It means I and my beloveds
and my beloved is mine. Thosewords you might be familiar with are often

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written on a kutuba Jewish wedding contract, sometimes recited by the bride or the
huppah the wedding canopy to her groom, because to say I am my belovesm
my beloved is mine as as somethingintimate and intricate about the relationship. And
therefore the Book of Song of Songsis really by definition and allegory of the
love between God and the people Israel. When we read in the text,

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separate from the huppa, I ammy beloved and my beloved is mine,
it is really God saying to theIsraelite people, the Jewish people, that
we are wed, we are alwaysseeking each other. If you really want
to read a book filled with loveand sexual texts, poetry and intimacy,

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read Song of Songs in the HebrewBible. It's magnificent language, and I
recommend it to those who are oldenough to read, understand, and appreciate
it. To the acronym isn't justcoincidental. It highlights the theme of Song
of Songs, this allegory of thelove that God has for the people Israel.
And therefore the month itself reflects God'slove for our people's expectations too,

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that though the month of Teshre isfor repentance, we should anticipate that God's
love and God's mercy allowed what God'sjudgments and decrees. And I want to
pause to reflect on some expectations thatothers have of the Hebrew Bible, or
what some call the Old Testament inJudah, is that we don't call it
the Old Testament because we don't havea New Testament, as Christianity calls it.

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We have a Testament. It's ourHebrew Bible. And though God is
sometimes portrayed and certainly understood to beas we read an Exodus fifteen, a
warrior and one who passes judgments completelythrough the Hebrew Bible, God's love and
mercy is present. We read itabout it in Exodus when we speak of

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God being slow to anger, lovingthe thousand generation of those who love God,
and in many other settings, andhere especially in the month of Valu
leading up to Ti Shre, weoverlay the entire season not only with the
personal responsibility we have to get thingsright and to seek forgiveness and offer apology,

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but we also know that God's loveaccompanies us along the way. How
do we know, because there isa rule about the act of repentance.
When we approach somebody and say I'msorry, and we say it sincerely for
doing X, Y or z,the immediate response from the other is to
say, I forgive you. Now. The truth is found in actions in

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the future. If we're set upwith the same set of circumstances again in
the future and do the same thing, then we know very well that our
to shuva, our repentance, ourapology was insincere. But if set up
with the same that of circumstances againor even similar to them, and we
really have chosen to do differently thanthe proof is in the pudding, and

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our forgiveness is sincere. So wehave a duty to forgive because the opportunity
to prove it lies in the future, and ultimately God is the judge,
not us. But what if somebodysays I won't forgive you. Well,
then the person might return a secondtime and say I'm sorry for doing X,

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Y or Z, and maybe thatperson who hears it says I'm not
forgiving you. If the person approachesa third time and says I'm sincerely sorry
again for what I did to youor what I said, what I did
knowingly or unknowingly, if the personagain is unable to forgive, then what

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judaism offers is that the person whocomes with such contrition and such sincerity and
yet is rebuffed, nevertheless forgiven,and the person who should have forgiven the
first time, the second time,and certainly the third time is ignored,
so to speak, marginalized, becausethe opportunity for somebody to find forgiveness and

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move on is the goal. Itisn't to set up obstacles in front of
a person. It isn't to forcethat person to jump through unnecessary hoops.
The goal for all of us isto seek forgiveness, to apologize, and
to bring the whole community to asense of wholeness and sanctity. So that
we can move on in the bestways. In Judaism we also read and

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the prophets, God does not seekthe death of the sinner, rather that
the sinner should repent and live.And if this is God's goal, then
certainly it is a human goal too. Not to be God and to judge
more harshly than God would, butrather to be compassionate and merciful as God
is, and to do for ourfellow human beings what God would want to.

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Therefore, if God demonstrates love andmercy, that it must be for
those who are not wholly righteous right, but for those who make amends.
That is, when those who approachthe synagogue on Russia Shan and Yumkipoor on
the holiest of days, it isn'ta room filled with righteous people. On
the contrary, it's filled with peoplewho are broken. And God mends the

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hearts of the broken hearted and helpsus to find our way. God loves
the broken hearted because God is ahealer and a helper and a forgiver.
God loves those who et are broken, who make amends, and who leave
forgiven and hopeful. Is truly alifelong process through which we become the persons
we are created to be. Toshuva, the Hebrew word that means repentance,

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allows us, in our humility,to acknowledge what we fail to do,
and that we're prepared to do betterif we're face with the same or
similar set of circumstances again. Andthe Hebrew word to shuva, which I've
used, means not only to repent, but literally to return, to return
to our relationships with others and withGod, and to return to our best

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selves, even if that act ofbecoming is still unfolding, and truly it
is for all of us. Suchpersonal human hopefulness is a reason to prepare
for the high holy days in theJewish community without trepidation. A month to
get ready leaves us plenty of time, even if we procrastin aim. But

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why wait? The process is meantto be weighty, but the outcome has
already tipped in our favor. Inresponse to prayers, God says in numbers
fourteen, I pardon as you haveasked. Ultimately, God is waiting for
us. So are we ready toenter into God's holy place and make amends
together? What happens if the tendays of repentance begin and we're not as

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prepared as we should be, whilethe Rabbis of old were prepared for that
consequence to when they said, therabbis taught that God meets us where we
are to help us come the restof the way. That too, is
a reflection of God's love and compassion, so that intellectually, emotionally, and
spiritually, even if we aren't preparedto come all the way, we know

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that God's hope for us is thatwe will, and God will accompany us
and support us too. Now,this isn't only about a relationship between us
and strangers or us and God.We can really begin to demonstrate and model
how this process works within our familycircle and among our friends. Family is
the place where so much surists,aggravation, frustration, and angst can be

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felt, and where a lot offorgiveness needs to be extended and apologies granted.
This is the place where it canbegin because we also have the opportunity
to observe if our fellow family membersare really following through on what they were
sorry for, we can hold themaccountable, But we have to begin with

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compassion and mercy in the epologies.Since and we have no other choice truly,
but to say, I forgive you. Let's begin again. And if
we can do it at home,which is really the most difficult place to
do it, and we can extendthose concentric circles in all the places where
we work, live and play.Consider in the office, in the community,

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we hold grudges, or people holdgrudges against us, it's time,
if it's important to us, andI hope it is, to reach out
and make amends in those places,so that we can expect that the fall
season, even if one isn't Jewish, might be sweet and the opportunity for
a new and fresh beginning. Andso we do begin with a number of

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different efforts, and within the monthof Elul, about a week before Russias
shut up, we gather for whatare called Sleehote services. So the code
comes from the Hebrew wordslik, whichmeans forgive me and to grant forgiveness.
And in this service we hear themelodies which are special for high holy days.

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We read the prayers that begin toopen our hearts and minds to the
process of repentance. And what's more, when we open the holy arch that
contains the Holy Toras, we changethe mantles the covers that adore them,
from the covers they wear all year, to covers in pure white. Why

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white, well white is a symbolof purity, cleanliness, wholeness, And
so the expectation is already visible tous in our eyes. Will the process
of repentance and to shoot us leadus to holiness, forgiveness and sweeten ar
cleaning us late as a t Yes, that's what's the symbol of white holds

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out for us that this effort thatwe make will not be for naught.
But we can already see that.The Tora itself, the most holy text
in the Jewish faith and tradition,is promising us that we can arrive in
a place where things will be betterand sweeter for us and all who are
touched by our life. So faith, tradition, Judaism is not about condemnation,

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failing in God's eyes or in others. It's always about becoming and trying
to step over the stumbling blocks thateither we didn't see or we put in
front of ourselves by seeking out wholenessand relationships with others. And it often
begins with a word of kindness,and certainly a word sincerely spoken about forgiveness.

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Everybody has a way of accomplishing it, and I trust in every faith
tradition, as I'm well aware,does have a process for it. It's
meaningful to participate in it and toknow that the human soul and the human
spirit is bound for goodness found inbecoming through all acts of repentance and efforts

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we make for the good. I'mRabbi David Lyon from Congregation Beth Israel in
Houston. To listen again or sharethis message, please find it at my
podcast called Heart to Heart with RabbiDavid Lyon. You can find it at
Sunny ninety nine dot com, areon the iHeart media app. I'm so
glad that the season is beginning.Not only are we looking forward to cooler
temperatures and many parts of the worldand certainly close to home where we all

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live, but we also look fornew opportunities to begin with a new schools
season, a new fall season,and anticipating the fall holidays which are always
lovely. So as the week unfoldsin front of you, I hope you'll
take to heart your privilege and yourresponsibility to find a way to hear others.
Apologies to forgive quickly and compassionately,and then work together towards deeds that

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truly reflect a person's sincere forgiveness.And hope that everybody can get along and
move on towards a good year withhappiness. Thank you for joining me.
I look forward to being with youagain next time. M