You are SO Going to Like This Movie

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome. I'm Rabbi David Lane fromCongregation Beth Israel in Houston. I don't
usually give a movie review, butin this case, a new movie came
out that is all about the Jewishcommunity, especially when it gathers to observe
a barn bob mitzph for young preteensuch a seminal moment in the Jewish community.

(00:23):
Very often it's given a lot ofattention, but because the subject matter
are preteens, it also invites somecommentary and sometimes some rolled eyes. Preteens
are still preteens. They haven't changedmuch in all the generations. But this
seminal moment in the Jewish community isn'tunlike other seminal moments in your community.

(00:45):
Whether it's a debut, a keensigera a confirmation, they are lifted up
as special moments in the life ofa family and a community, sometimes portrayed
in movies accurately and sometimes not withJewish rites of passage. In movies,
they often are not well represented,and sometimes we feel a little embarrassed,

(01:07):
maybe sometimes even offended. So atthe end of a long day, I
sat down to watch this movie.You are so not invited to my bat
Mitzvah. It's a new movie starringAdam Sandler, Idina Menzel, among other
greats. I settled into my chairwith skepticism. Would this be another movie
to lay on the pile of caricaturesin Jewish life and holidays that we can't

(01:30):
live down easily or that would offendus? I watched with an open mind
and without judgment as a Jewish parentand as a rabbi. It turned out
that the story was not unrelatable.Pre adolescent angst we've all felt and witnessed
was reformulated rather accurately. Cell phonesand techs, TikTok and other videos became

(01:53):
characters in the show, with importantroles to play instead of notes passed between
preteens. Of phones and texts createdthe natural gap between an up and coming
generation and their lame parents. Butin this story, the lame parents weren't
as lame or as stereotypically Jewish,meaning that the parents weren't detached from the

(02:15):
contemporary world, and they weren't indifferentto their commitment to Jewish life. As
the kids gathered at Hebrew School andlooked forward to their barbuppets for celebrations with
a big highlight on the party.In the movies, they dealt with all
the issues they were ever faced bypreteens. They worked through fears about how
they looked, how to identify theirreal friends, and if they would ever

(02:38):
be loved by their crushes. Asit turned out, young love is still
short lived, and in this movie, lessons about friendship sorted out. So
so soccer players and wannabees from realfriends who knew how to forgive and move
on. So far, so good. In this movie the adult all the

(03:00):
roles were cast in a refreshing newlight too. The parents, played by
Adam Sandler and Idina men Zelle weretypical, but not without being effective role
models. When their daughter, playedby Sunny Sandler, refused to go to
synagogue on her own Bob Mitzvah day, her father physically put her in the
car gently. The rebellious daughter's refusalwasn't going to end the family's duty to

(03:23):
Torah, to culture and to heritage. Good thing. There was a hip
rabbi played by Sarah Sherman, who'salso a new cast member on Saturday Night
Live. She was not just asilly or overly exuberant rabbi to reach preteens
and give them some torah. Shewas fairly spot on as young rabbis go.

(03:46):
She played a rabbi who was reallyhip, spontaneous and accessible, but
also compassionate without being permissive. It'sbeen a long time since a rabbi said,
or you won't have your bob mitzvahwithout losing the child and the family
on the bima on the altar.She read the situation right, except for

(04:08):
the part where the bob mitzvah girlran from the synagogue. Only in the
movies, right. But the youngrabbi played by Sarah Sherman could have been
a young minister, a young pastorin any church setting where they have to
be hip, accessible and do thingsthat relate to and attract young people.
I don't think the rabbi role inthis movie was overplayed. I think she

(04:30):
was rather catchy and rather relatable too, because when she sat down with a
young bob mitzvah girl and said,if he don't study and if he don't
prepare, we're going to cancel yourbob mitzvah, she really meant it,
because accessible and relatable doesn't mean notserious and not committed to the task.
And the goal at hand, whichwas to bring a young girl, in

(04:53):
this case to her bob mitzvah,her coming of age moment when she grasped
the responsibilities of being a young adult. And as we see in the end
of the movie, as Hollywood storiesgo, there was a happy resolution.
But more than a walk in thesunset, it was a walk into a
bob mitzvah party that, while overthe top by any measure, was also

(05:16):
a demonstration of some Jewish values forpreteens that shouldn't be understated or overlooked.
The truth is that Jewish parents andrabbis make a big deal about the barmbob
Mitzvah, as they should and wedo. If our children are going to
consider it a big deal too,then we need committed Jewish parents who aren't

(05:36):
lame, and rabbis, cantors andeducators who know how to reach kids where
they are Now. I'm glad Iwatched the movie. I'm also glad not
to be a bar mitzvah age.Would any of you ever want to return
to the age of twelve or thirteen? But I will admit that when I
was that age, I was eagerfor my turn to be a bar mitzvah.

(05:58):
Now, what should we do withthis movie? Where we can I
think rabbi's canters and educators might showit to barmbob mitz for cohorts to stimulate
conversation about this time of life,what's more important now and we should always
be important in the future. Ifthey're successful, they'll even sneak in some
fun Jewish lessons at Hebrew school too. Now. The reality is, though,

(06:23):
this is a movie by Adam Sandler, who's Jewish, about a very
Jewish topic that comes up in everygeneration for every barmbob mitzvah young person and
their families. It is true inevery religious faith, tradition, and culture
where we have moments when our childrenparticipate as we did when we were younger,

(06:43):
in those transitional moments, those seminaltimes when families take pride in having
transmitted to their young children a senseof faith and culture and heritage that they
should carry into the future with them. In Jewish history, like any history
of a culture or civilization, thereare transitional moments that threaten the existence of

(07:04):
that culture and that heritage, andcertainly within Jewish history, there have been
so many times over the last twothousand years that surely threatened the existence of
the Jewish people. Remarkable as itis a miracle, perhaps that the Jewish
community thrives today in remarkable numbers,despite the destruction of six million Jews and

(07:26):
the Holocausts, and certainly before thatin historical times too. But what is
remarkable about the Jewish people is theircommitment to God and to Torah, to
the teachings that guide them through life, to participate in meaningful ways, and
to strive for peace and goodness whereverwe may live today, all over the
world and especially in the land ofIsrael. Barbat Mitzvah is the beginning of

(07:47):
a young person's commitment to adult responsibilities. Those responsibilities, in the past were
only Jewish responsibilities, but today,of course, they are secular in nature
too, civil, religious, secular, humanistic. Call them what you will.
But a Jewish young person, likea Christian young person or a Muslim

(08:09):
young person, takes pride in theheritage and culture that they've been taught and
that they've inherited. But now whatwill they make of it? It can't
only land in the hands of adultswho will grow and eventually be gone.
My predecessor once said that Judaism istoo precious to leave only in the hands

(08:30):
of children. It must also bein the hands of adults too. He
was right, but it must beginwith prideful, meaningful, and deep lessons
that are relatable for young people,or they won't become the adults who treasure
their lessons. I actually heard froma young rabbi recently who said to me
that in his first job as ayoung assistant rabbi, that he felt like

(08:52):
a religious school bureaucrat. What hemeant by that is he was tasked with
a job of running the religious schoolon Sunday. It wasn't his favorite thing
to do, and he probably wasn'tterribly prepared for the role, But he
complained because he had to spend allof his learning that he had in rabbinical
school on young children who didn't alwaysappreciate his lessons. I empathized, but

(09:15):
I offered that the clever, interestingand accessible lessons that he can craft and
share with them today will go withthem for many years, because those young
children become the barmbop mits for students, the high school students, the college
students, and young adults too,who will remember the lessons of the Rabbi
when they were children and the lessonsthat went with them, and one day

(09:37):
will come back to see the Rabbibecause he was so meaningful to them.
So we can't always land exactly wherewe want to be and accomplish everything that
we want in the moment. Wegrow into the persons who are becoming,
and part of it is reaching youngpeople where they are. So the role
that Sarah Sherman played as a hipyoung rabbi might look a little ridiculous to

(10:00):
some, but in reality she dida marvelous job and was portrayed while in
the movie because she did reach theyoung people and the lesson she taught,
though it was hard to get across, sometimes actually sunk in and settled in
with them because while they spend toomuch time in silly adventures and silly relationships
that are all part of growing up, eventually they discover the lasting and enduring

(10:24):
lesson, which was about friendship,about values, about being honest, and,
especially at this time of year,the power of forgiveness, so that
even between friends, when there areskirmishes and disagreements, a sincere apology can
do a lot of good to bringtwo people who really do care about each
other back together again. I believethat if we look at the movie with

(10:50):
a sense of concern, empathy,and interest, will find not only a
Jewish lesson, but a lesson forany faith tradition that cares deeply about transitional
moments and rights of passage. Becauseif we can build into them not just
a sense of history and culture andtradition, but also the sense of joy

(11:11):
and modernity and relevance, then wehave something that we can pass to the
next generation. And I don't believethat when we hand these things to them
in the way that they will receivethem, that they will discard it or
excuse it or reject it. Ireally think that they will appreciate what we're
giving them in the way that we'regiving it to them, and then they

(11:33):
will make it their very own.The truth is that I wouldn't want to
live my Judaism as if it wereeighteen hundred or sixteen hundred, or even
nineteen ninety. It's twenty twenty three, the twenty first century, and we
are living our lives so differently thanwe did even twenty thirty or certainly fifty
years ago. Our children, thosewho were born in the twenty first century

(11:56):
know nothing about the twentieth century exceptwhat they learned from their parents and grand
parents or in history, And asI learned recently from a young person,
many of them call the years ofnineteen ninety to two thousand the late nineteen
hundreds, not the twentieth century,or not just some time ago, but
the late nineteen hundreds. That soundsso awkward to me and horribly old to

(12:20):
my ears. But the reality isthat our young people are growing up at
a time that they are understanding betterthan we are, and that's no different
than generations before. But how wereach them is really relatable and certainly defined
by this movie. So if youhave some interests and about an hour and
a half to spare, I wouldrecommend that you watch it for the lessons

(12:43):
about Jewish life, but also aboutthe lessons of how we convey to our
young children what we want them toknow, what we want them to carry
with them and become in the futureout of them. I'm Rabbi David Lyon
from Congregation Both Israel in Houston.To listen again or share this message,
please find at my podcast called Heartto Heart with Rabbi David Lyon, you

(13:03):
can find at Sunny nine dot com, are in the iHeart Media app.
And as the week unfolds before you, please look at your young children and
consider the lessons that they need tohear from you. And even if it's
difficult to convey, or you needto convey them in ways that aren't comfortable
for you, please know that theseare the children who will grow up to

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cherish what you aim to give them, and the fundamental lessons that they will
ultimately learn to rely on as theybuild the foundation of their own life and
continue to grow and sore and becomeexactly what they're intended to be, maybe
a little different than us, maybedoing things different than we do them,
but certainly in their own way,connected to a source and history and tradition

(13:50):
that ultimately does tie us all together, no matter our age, but always
intending for the direction that our culture, our heritage, our faith will continue
in their hands from generation to generation. And as the Jewish High Holy Days
near, it is time to considerwho we are becoming. What is our

(14:11):
obligation to ourselves and to others whoare touched by our life. As we
consider these things, we all haveroles to play. Our job is never
done for those who are younger thanus, even for those who are older.
The promises we keep and the waysthat we convey them are extensions of
all that we hope will continue tobe meaningful in the world that we're making

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and sharing together. So thank youfor joining me today. I hope you'll
have a little time to watch agood movie, maybe with little popcorn,
with a friend, and maybe you'llshare with me, if you can,
your own review of a very specialmovie about a transitional time and a young
person's life. Thank you for joiningme. I look forward to being with

(14:54):
you again next time.