Becoming the Woman I Was Looking For | Ft Tahirah Gaillard - 3 Parallels Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Three Parallels podcast, which are hosts the
Doctor Branch, where we rediscover who we were, embrace who
we are, and make room for who we're trying to become.
The content of this podcast is for informational, educational, and
entertainment purposes only. The information shared, including any materials link
to this podcast, is not a substitute for professional advice, therapy, diagnosis,

(00:21):
treatment from a physician, therapist, coach, or other qualified professional.
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are my own and
do not reflect any of those organizations or affiliations that
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Viewer and listener discretion is advised. Gator Talk Getter Talk

(00:42):
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Speaker 2 (01:02):
Me, Doctor Jason Branch, and fellow listeners.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Let's break it all down together of what resonated will
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you were to who you are and who you are becoming.
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(01:48):
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Let's get the work, baby, Gators. Are you stuck in
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Speaker 2 (02:07):
I got you with.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Over twenty years of experience. I help people move from
who they were to embrace who they are and make
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is real, raw, intentional, authentic, and of course hilarious. Let's
break some cycles together. Shift your mindset and I'll lack
your best self. I'm on the passengers hot messing with

(02:28):
the radio, holding.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
The map up.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
But we're going wherever you would like to go. Give
us a call today at four O four four three
six two five four zero or shoot me a text
to book your free consultation. Check us out on the
web at www dot doctor Jbrast dot com.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Look forward to connecting with you. Have a great day.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Three Parallel, three Parallel podcast. Welcome back to the Three
Parallels podcast, which your host me doctor Jason Branch. Where
we were just who we were, We embrace who we
are and we make room for who we're trying to become.
And today's show, I got a nice special guest today.
Every guest is special, y'all know that, but this guest
is family. This is my sister from another myster and

(03:12):
we met recently through networks relationships exactly what.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
We've been talking about.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
This relationship came from a really close good friend of mine,
colleague that used to be a supervisor, and shared, like, Yo.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
You need to meet this woman.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
She is all these things and some bag of chips, brownies, cookies,
cakes and pies. This woman has it all. And I'm like,
you know, I don't know, man, slow down, let me
meet her first first conversation. He was absolutely right. I
mean full dinner, okay, seven course meal. That's what I
got from for our first conversation. And that conversation led

(03:51):
us to this conversation where we're just gonna going to
invite you all in, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
I would love to introduce the one to Horror Gillard.
Welcome to the show.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Thank you, thank you. You know I need to start paying
you to do like all my intros anytime I speak somewhere,
just like I have my own person.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Sit down down. I got hit. He good.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
That was like that's kids, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yes, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Full course mil your full course mil. I don't know
if you knew that or not. It's a full course
and I ain't talking about like, you know, a little salad,
little dessert. No. Seven cores, eight course, ten course with
a drank, and everything else in between. So I am
a fan. I'm a fan from a farm, and I
feel as though the respect and love is mutual. And
I'm proud to have you here because you have a story,

(04:43):
you have a mission, you have a purpose, you have
a gift, and now I can share that gift with
the world with all the listeners here.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
So let's dive in. Let's get to it.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm curious to know what made you decide I'm going
to dedicate my time, my life, my career to helping
other people, especially people that look like me. Where did
it start?

Speaker 3 (05:05):
It came from me needing something, me needing someone. And
it's not that that person didn't exist. I just couldn't
find them. They weren't right there. They weren't presenting themselves
to me, they weren't in my sphere of influence. And
so it was like, there's no way that I'm the
only person struggling like this that can't find that girl.

(05:28):
Like I needed that girl and I didn't know where
she was. So I was like, I gotta become that
girl for myself and then for others. And honestly, a
lot of things I do, my workshops, my retreats, the
books I write. It's selfish just because I need it.
And so I'm like, well, I'm gonna just let you
in on what I'm doing for me, Like you might
as well just come along on this ride because this

(05:49):
is me. I mean a lot of it is like
this is me and guy, and I'm gonna just let
you come and sit with us. That's that's really, that's
really what started it.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Wow. Wow, So just curious, like how old?

Speaker 1 (06:01):
Where were you at the time, Like what was going
on when you decided like need I need more? I
need help and I can't find it, so I'll create
it for myself. When did that happen?

Speaker 3 (06:09):
I mean, when I realized that I needed to do
it and honestly agreed to the call to go back
to school and to do all the things. I was
probably around, I want to say, like twenty five twenty six,
and that's when I put the I put God on
hold and was like, okay, God, just give me a minute. Honestly,

(06:30):
I was like, I hear you, and I agree the
hold one. Let me running street to live my life
be a little reckless for a second before I got
to be accountable for somebody else. And then I pursued
my second master's in mental clinical health. By the time
I was twenty nine. Twenty nine, I went back and

(06:53):
I said, all right, let me do this thing for real.
I can't half step. Yes, I'm nosy, so I can
listen to anybody's story and I will be all locked in,
but I want to show up correctly. And because automatically,
when most people see me, they see this girl with
lax who usually got on big earrings and jeans and

(07:15):
Jordan's It's like, what can she do for me? But
when you see you know the degrees I got on
my wall, and when you hear about the certificates that
I've received and the places I've been and the people
that I know, their whole mentality changes. So I had
to make sure I was stepping in and stepping correct.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Wow. Wow, that's that's powerful. That is so powerful.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
I appreciate you sharing all of this and you sharing
you authentically, because you just gave a lot of women
permission to be her. I'm talking about capital ht R,
not the army singing with the guitar. I'm talking about
her capital R. I mean, you saw it, you figured
it out. So I'm curious because it sounded like you

(07:56):
had to make a pivot, like you were headed in
one direction, were going somewhere, and then something happened and
you decided, no, I'm gonna go over here. I'm gonna
running streets first, but then I'm gonna go over here. So,
if you could paint that picture, where were you haded?
What caused the shift to get to where you are
right now?

Speaker 4 (08:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (08:14):
So I was a teacher, classroom teacher. I went that
direction honestly because my parents were both in education. My
mom was a preschool teacher for twenty five plus years,
my dad was a principal for God only knows how long.
Like education was in the family was what seemed like
it was the thing to do. It also seemed like

(08:34):
that was gonna be one of the easier degrees to get.
I also thought in my head that that meant summers
and holidays off. So I was I'm not gonna lie.
I was that girl. I was looking for the easy
way out, like if I got to get a degree,
because my mama told me I either live in her
house or live in a dorm. Okay, I'm a living
in a dorm and I'm gonna get the easiest degree
I can get. Like this education thing, I should be

(08:56):
able to do this. If I need help with papers,
you're all right here, Like I got a port system
that's doing something that I know that they know. So
I was teaching. I did everything preschool, third grade, sixth grade,
taught ged programs, taught on university levels, like all the things,
and the same pattern kept coming up. My lessons would

(09:19):
be interrupted because I could just since something was off.
Girl was going on, Why are you looking at me
like that? Miss TI, y'all want to talk about it?
All right, You'll have to talk about it right now. We're
gonna talk about it matter in fact, No, we're gonna
talk about it right now. Y'all do something else, Come
in here, let's go. I was, honestly, I was answering
that call before I realized that that's what it was,
because there were so many times in my childhood where

(09:41):
I wish somebody would have looked in my eyes and
saw the hurt or heard the tremble in my voice,
or just grabbed me by the hand and noticed I
was shaking and just was like it's gonna be okay,
or just gave me that time to express what was
going on and let me tell them, like I don't
know what to do. You don't gotta give me an answer.
I just need to know. Let somebody you know that
I don't know what to do. I have to say this.

(10:04):
And so I became that by accident. And honestly, my coworkers,
out of frustration, are really what motivated me to go
back to school, because they got tired of me being
the only teacher that I was the last one to finish.
Every parent teacher conference like locking down the building. Parents
etre conferences is supposed to be ten to fifteen minutes
per kid. Mine's were half an hour per family. Like

(10:25):
people coming out crying and snotting and you know, healed relationships.
And I'm like, all I did was listen. I simply asked,
what's going on? How can I serve you? And next
thing I know, they was really telling me what I
could do and what they needed to get off of them,
And so everybody was like listen Stephens. At that time,

(10:45):
before I was married, I was Stevens. They was like, listen, Stevens,
we can't do this with you no more. You can't
be a teacher. You need to go do this somewhere else.
This therapy thing you're doing, you gotta do this somewhere
else because you holding up all night, and eventually I did.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
So.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, I was in the classroom, teaching and I saw
a need that I just could not ignore.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Wow. Wow, that's next level. That is next level.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
I really appreciate you sharing the story because there's so
many listeners that connects to it. They went in a
certain direction because they thought this is what I'm supposed
to do. This where I was supposed to go for
whatever reason, and then the pivot happened when you recognize
who you were.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I'm a therapist, I'm aist.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Everybody else knew, and everybody else told you, and eventually, okay,
let me make this shift. So I'm curious. I do
want to go back, and we're gonna go on the basement.
If you're okay with that. Only if you're okay the basement,
Let me explain. Let me explain. So for the new listeners,
the old listens, you already know the deal. New listeners,
there's three levels. I look at us from a house.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
Three levels.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
The top layer is the attic, middle layer liber room,
bottom is the basement. The attic is where we spend
our most time, most of our time, which is in
our head. Liberal room is where we are presently. The basement,
we don't go down there at all, is locked up,
it's dark, it's nasty. As think, there's a lot of trauma.
There's a lot of drama things that happen. But when
you and your mama is in the basement. So I'm

(12:02):
curious because I heard a think of that door of
the basement of you needed something that you didn't get
and I'm curious, how did you need something that you
didn't get from two well educated parents that work with kids.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm curious.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, yeah, we can go there. Therapist is like talk
about a girl. I'm like, don't tell me what good time.
So my dad is a minister and he was so
service focused, Like if you were in the community and
you needed something, Alice Stevens was the one that call,

(12:39):
is the one to call, like he the plug. He
gonna get you. You need someplace to stay, he got you. You
need your bills played, he got you, you need food,
he got you. So my dad was that for everyone
in our community. He's also I'm gonna say this, and
if my family listens, they some people might feel some
type of boy. But he's one to be most stable
people in our family. And he's one of the most

(13:01):
stable men in our family. So everybody kids called Uncle Ale.
No matter what it is, we call uncle you need math,
homework help, called Uncle Al. You can got somebody locked
up called Uncle Ale. He was everything for everybody, and
that meant he wasn't always at home. I'm in a

(13:22):
place now at thirty five that is just starting to
feel like that's a blessing that I still have my
father and he could do that for everybody. If you
asked little eight year on me, No, I'm mad because
he can't stay at my daddy daughter dance because he
got to go get this one out of jail. Or
he can't come to parents breakfast because he got to

(13:42):
take the homeless person to a shelter. So there was that,
and I was I still am. I'm a daddy's girl,
Like I wanted my daddy at everything. I wanted to
make Daddy proud. So if he wasn't there to see
the moments, it was like, well it ain't happened, I
ain't do it. No big deal. Yeah, I'm also the youngest.

(14:04):
I had two older brothers at home, and my brothers
were My mom did an amazing job at making sure
that we stay busy. Like my brothers were big and
heavy into basketball, I was in dance. We were always
doing stuff. But my mom was also dealing with her
own life as it was happening, and so there were
moments where Mommy couldn't understand. Mommy was also old school

(14:29):
Catholic girl, so very traditional. There are certain things we
just don't talk about. There are certain things we just
gonna pray about, and that's that period. And probably around
my teenage years, I would now say that I probably
struggled severely with depression, and we didn't have that term.

(14:52):
It was just what you said, for why are you
being so moody, Why are you crying, Why are you angry,
why are you this, why you're that? Why are you
isolating yourself? And some of that was just environmental. There
were a lot of things happening. My dad struggled with
cancer with a brain tumor, so health things were scary.
I grew up in New Orleans. Hurricane Katrina hit and

(15:16):
that sucker rocked my world, like literally figuratively, emotionally, spiritually,
all the things. So going through that at the age
of fifteen was probably when I saw that something was
off and I'm like, m this doesn't feel right, but

(15:37):
I did not have the language to express it. We
moved to Philadelphia and my parents placed me in an
amazing education program, but I was one of eight that
looked like me and my whole high school wow, and
that's faculty staff included wow. Whereas in New Orleans everybody

(16:01):
was black, all black, everything like everything. So talk about
culture shock, it was who what? So I struggle with
identity because I have these girls that are into these
things and doing this and talking about that, and I'm like, whoa, No,
this is not I can't bring that back to South Philly.

(16:24):
This don't work. So finding who I was, I had
to be one version of to Hara at school, one
version to Herod in the neighborhood, another version of Herod
in the home. Because neither one of those versions were
good enough to be who I needed to be as
this good girl. And so there were a lot of

(16:45):
spaces and places that people missed it. And I blamed
that on the lack of representation because there to this
day personally, No, maybe twenty five female therapist. Personally. No,
I know there's tons of them out there now, but
like somebody I could pick up the phone and call.

(17:07):
And that's because I'm in this field that I know
that many yea before that, No, And you know, Mama
told me you won't be telling them white people in
your business. You don't be. Don't go to that school
and embarrassment. No, people don't even know what's going on.
If you got problems, we can talk about it and
then we're gonna pray about it. And if I'm not
good enough, you bet talk to one of your aunties.
Like that's what it was.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Do we got the same mama? Or what like a
minute like most.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Of us, most of us, I'll really be like thirty
thirty to like maybe fifty. We all got the same mama.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
That's real, that's real.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
We all got the same She went through the same stuff,
she saw the same thing, she was told the same stuff,
and then she tried to find that happy medium of
I don't want to be my mama. But then her
mama slipped out because I used to call my mama
and all the time, I'm like that sounded like grandmama.
I know they might make you mad, but you sound
like your mama right now.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
Oh you, Oh you was bold too, this right here,
Oh it's still I can only imagine, I can only imagine.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
So this goot trouble though.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
I'll take that.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
I'll take that and shout out to all the mamas. Okay,
auto mamas, especially black mamas. Shout out all the black mamas,
because you're speaking facts. You're speaking facts, and I don't
care who you are, where you are. It's kind of
hard to dispute this truth because I've discovered that all
of us were going to be just like our parents,
the complete opposite or somewhere in the middle. And we
can connect because I don't care where you are, where

(18:34):
you're from, where you where you are currently. There's that
connection that we have, just like you sharing because I've
never heard about your mom and your parents, but there's
a connection. I share those sentiments and many of us
do and don't know how impactful that is. Rather good
bad of being healthy and unhealthy. We're not aware because
it's the norm. So I'm curious, how did you.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Escape the norm or escape our norm?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Because there was a there was a shift how did
you do it to go from the humble beginnings and
all the things you experienced to get.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
To where you are right now.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
And I say that because for a lot of people
who experience what you described, don't go further to where
you went and to give back.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Oh wait a minute, let's talk about it.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Not to do it. It's as interesting or as strange
as it may seem. The same environment that was the
challenge was also telling me, but you got to do
something different. So I had two parents that were like, Jesus,
pray about it, keep it in here. But there's something

(19:41):
different about I don't know what to tell you. I
don't know how you're gonna do it, but you're gonna
be different. It's something something about you that's not going
to be like this, something about you that's going to
be dare I say better. My mom had a lot
of friends that were very influential in my life in
terms of a variety of what could be. So she

(20:04):
exposed me to other women that were educated. She exposed
me to people who had doctorate degrees. She kept me
in the circle of women that were national speakers and
book writers. And like she didn't she didn't just keep
me in the hood and like, this is all you
can be. She's like, no, you want to know somebody.

(20:24):
I might not know everybody, but oh so and so
it was going up to the protest and go with her.
I'm not going, but you go with her. What you
might call it is going to this conference. You go
over and she kept me in the circles of people
that had other options. So my eyes were open to

(20:45):
things that you know, I would come back and talk
to my cousin They're like, wait, I'm like, yeah, I'm
just Jackson. This weekend I saw and they're like, okay.
You know, because my mom and dad didn't want to
keep me in the same places that they felt like
they were stuck to or I mean stuck is my word.
They may not feel that way, but that's I was like, okay,

(21:08):
you have this, and they wanted to keep close. And
my dad will always tell you like his mission is
to his people, and that's why he stays. We're in
the home that he stays in, that's why he stays
in the church that he's at because those are the
people he's called to. He's like, your voice is meant
for other people, So you go do.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
That Yeah, Wow, powerful, powerful, And what I'm hearing is exposure, education, engagement, mentorship, Yes,
which created a pivot, meaning perspective. You developed a different
perspective and ran with it. Sounds like, so now I
want to talk about the other side, because many of

(21:46):
us can pivot, but we don't. We're not aware, we
don't know how we're comfortable as well.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
We could say stuck. I'm okay with that too.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
So you made a transition to explore so many different
things within yourself so early. The reason I say that
because you and I have very similar paths where it
wasn't until I was in my doc program and I'm
a NBCC fellow and I'm at this conference when this

(22:14):
is the most people of color I've ever seen since
I've been in here, and I'm searching the entire conference
for him, meaning this idea of this black male therapist
that I just want to connect with and be my
mentor and teach me the game. And I was searching
for that, not recognizing that I was always the guy.
I learned that way later, and you got.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
That so early.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
So I'm curious with making this transition and being her
come on this idea not just to be a therapist,
because you're not just a therapist. You do a lot
of healing, you do a lot of helping.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
Sounds like a dad, But I'm curious.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
I'm curious, how did you get to I want to
do this, I'm gonna host this, I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna do this and not only to do it,
but do it at a very high level.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
How did you make that transition?

Speaker 3 (23:08):
I get distracted easily, honestly. Okay, I'm doing this one
thing and it's been going great, amazing, keep that going.
Oh what else can I do? Let me put my
hands in something else. And I'm also I get positively
influenced easily. So when I hear somebody else is doing

(23:29):
this thing and it's going well, and it looks good
and they're enjoying it and people are walking away feeling better,
I'm like, tag me in, how can I do that too?
I recently went to an event celebrating my birthday with
my girlfriends and we made perfume and I'm sitting there
and I'm like, I need to do this with black
other black women like and we need to make this

(23:50):
like a healing thing. So I reached out to the
girl who hosted it. Listen, we're doing this event. I
know you haven't said yes yet. I know the yes
is coming. It's called sent and sent and Soul. We're
gonna make perfumes and talk about healing our soul and
like the fragrance that we as women care. And she
was like, yes, I'm just I'm just that I don't

(24:14):
I don't take opportunities and just sit there and wait anymore.
And I did that for years. I waited for other
people to ask me. I waited for somebody to come
along and offer me. And it's like, No, there's times
when waiting and being asked is appropriate and needed. And
then there are other times when I'm not even knocking
on the door. I'm that one that's opening the door

(24:36):
saying knock, knock as I open it, like hey, can
we can we make? Can we do? And I gotta
get full credit to my husband because he has definitely
pushed me out of my comfort zone. And that as
he grows as a business owner and starts to explore
this like I'm not asking people, you know, Uncle Myron

(24:56):
as he learns Uncle Myron's ways and he's getting more comfortable,
he's like, babe, I think you should try this, or
you know you you brought this up a little bit ago.
Why don't you da da da da da? And I'm like,
you know what, okay, dag like stop giving me. So
now it's like we gotta we gotta keep this thing afloat.
We can't just be sitting back. We got to get
out there and grab it and do it and make

(25:17):
it happen. And if it doesn't exist created.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yes, yes. Oh.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
If it don't exist created, oh, if it does, somebody
doing it, get to know them.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
This This is a whole other level.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
I'm curious as a black woman, how did you develop
this sense of number one audacity, number two confidence and
maintain it like sometimes like yeah, I'm confident here, but
I'm gona I'm gonna step back here. But it sounds
like for you, it's like no, let's go, let's get it,
let's do it. And it's consistent. How did you create
that or develop that that that confidence?

Speaker 3 (25:51):
I do it afraid. There are a lot of times
when I'm like I don't want to send this email.
I'm not gonna send this email. I'm not gonna Okay,
I find this, Lord, please let let that be okay.
Like if I say anything wrong, Jesus's fix it in
the ether. Lord.

Speaker 4 (26:05):
If I'd spell something, let them not see like I
do it afraid because otherwise I honestly I wouldn't do anything,
Like I would just sit on my couch and me
and my dog would just be chilling all day every day.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
But I have learned one, I have to walk in faith.
Two most of what I do, although I do it
for me, God is doing it for somebody else, And
so if I don't do it, then he gonna use
somebody else. I'm gonna be sitting here like, well what now.
So I have learned to just go with the flow.

(26:40):
I find myself saying yes to a lot of things
that I'm like, why did I just say yes to that?
But I know that it's gonna work out. And the
things that I probably shouldn't have say yes to. God
shut it down anyway. Something happened is all through it
don't phones, don't work whatever. So I just started trusting God.
I am listening to his word. I'm constantly in the
world and like following these biblical women that are like

(27:03):
out here checking stuff up in the righteous, most righteous way. Possible,
and I'm yes, I want to be like that. Where
does she get that strength? Where does she? Oh? Okay,
I just got to do it afraid. I got to
be courageous and trust that the things that are for
me are going to come and the things that aren't
won't and everything else in between is just going to

(27:24):
be all righto ooh.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
You are blessing somebody me, So let's blessing me and
everybody listening. You are a blessing and I really appreciate
you sharing this because you've given people permission.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
I'll do it scared you're doing it anyway.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
So that leads to this next piece I'm curious about
of you know, the confidence and audacity is there. I'm
a fan, And authenticity is another arena that you don't
mind playing in because we have a similar experience of
graduating with the wearing the culture, you know, being able
to wear JA and yeah, you're a therapist, is this

(28:02):
or that? But just like no, I'm me. I'm a
black woman and I happen to be a therapist. Let
me show you who I am versus let me try
to emulate who I think I need to be. Tell
us about this experience and the story around the Jays
and graduation.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Yeah, so my formative years, my parents are very afrocentric,
even down to my name and how I show up
culturally in appearance, my lots, like everything. My parents were
very intentional to make sure that I knew who I
am and that I knew whose I am, so where

(28:41):
I came from, what's the history, what's the story? I
remember being a little girl, one of my first Black
history lessons from my parents was we didn't start with slavery,
And that has always been so like bone chilling for me.
Like we are we are kings, queens, first, mathematicians, first doctors,

(29:03):
Like we did it all before y'all even knew what
it was, and y'all still sitting back trying to figure
out how we did what we did without what y'all got.
So hello, But because of that, like I grew up
with this idea that black is beautiful, Black is excellent,
Black is superb. Like being black, the melanine of my

(29:23):
skin gives me something that some people just don't have,
Like I got this glitter that I'll that I just
get to sprink. Come on people that don't got it,
Like I got the spice and they want it. So
because of that, I was able to be like, in
any room, I'm meant, I'm always gonna be black. I
can't hide it, so I'm as well be proud about it.

(29:44):
There's no reason for me not to stand there with
a smile on my face and my head held high
because the color of my skin is something significant, Like
God chose this color for me. He didn't make me
black by accident. I didn't just fall into a chocolate
bin and stroll out like this, you know what. I'm like,
that's not what happened. I was black like this, I'm

(30:06):
supposed to be like, yes, love my loving all of me. Yeah,
And that was something that was so important for me
because I went through like a whole lot of other things,
and a whole lot of other identity issues and a
whole lot of other areas of life that I was
trying to find, but I never had to find my blackness.

(30:28):
That was something that was just there. I was like, Okay, yes,
I'm gonna love it because.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, so man, this is this is so powerful.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
It's so inspirational because where you are and where you're
about to go is a lot of white spaces. Because
the higher you go, the whiter it is. As you know,
in this profession for now agree in this profession. You
go to any conference, it looks like a bowl of
mashed potatoes with a few specs of black pepper.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
That's the norm.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
So sometimes for some people of colors, specifically black folks,
even with the culture.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Identity of blackness, we may.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
We may reduce our confidence, our authenticity in order to
fit in these spaces as far as education and the
professional whole, now, especially going further with the PhD, which
is gonna happen. There's so much elevation happening, but we
may bring ourselves down to not seem a certain way.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Around certain people.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
But it sounds like for you, you've never done that, or
you don't do that.

Speaker 3 (31:35):
I can't it just it doesn't feel right. Like I
had a cousin that used to always make fun of
his little brother because for whatever reason, his little brother
always had a wedgie, And for me, not being black
would be like walking around with a wedgie, like trying
to be somebody else's that's just so uncomfortable. So I'm
very strategic and intentional about my attire, like there's always

(31:59):
something on me that speaks to who I am about
what five years ago? Now, I locked my hair, and
I'm like, you will never not know that I'm black,
Like obviously my skin is very clear, but that just
can't I don't even know how to be anything else,
Like I don't know how. I know how to have conversation.

(32:21):
I know how to be professional. I can speak appropriate English,
I can hold a you know, hold my own. But
somewhere in there you gonna hear a girl please some
somehow one another. You won't be like, oh, yeah, she
definitely black like she wants she is yep, And I

(32:45):
don't want anybody to have to wonder. I don't want
anybody to be like, who is she? Who is she? Comfortable? No,
I'm going to be me because if you get to
be you all day, why can't I? What's wrong with
me being me?

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Come on?

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Oh you drop drop a jams hitting folks in the
head with a honey bun.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Needed to know that, I hope.

Speaker 3 (33:02):
So you know what, I gotta beef with you because
I haven't had honey buns in a long time. But
I started listening to your dad on podcast. You always
hitting somebody with honey bun And then I got to
go to the corner store and get me a honey
bunch because now you give me think about honey.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Buns, yo, it's the culture. What can I say?

Speaker 3 (33:19):
I blame you for all the honey buns that I
have purchased.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Hey, I'll take full responsibility. I'm cool with it. I'm
cool with it.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Okay, I'm gonna send you the Samdschu.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
I'm alright with that. I'm going with this. So the
story the Jays like again with graduation. For us black folks,
graduation is everything, and there's proper protocol that we're supposed
to follow within graduation, within academia, and we you and
I both decided, nah, we ain't doing that. So I'm

(33:49):
curious to know the story, the origin of what made
you decide this is what I'm rocking for graduations. I'm
letting y'all know beyond who I am, the culture and
what these things mean to me. So what's the story
that got you to step out your comfort zone with that?

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Yes? So when I got my undergrad degree, I was,
you know, miss glamour. I had my heels on, I
was cute, cute. I still was afro centric because I
had an African skirt on and my shirt said proud black,
educated woman. But then I noticed, like that was under
my robe? Couldn't nobody see that? Like until graduation was over.

(34:28):
I mean, I don't get me wrong. I had three
different kintast stoles on because my guy father got me
a Kintes stole, my daddy got me a kintes stole,
and then I made sure that I ordered myself one
in case nobody else store. So I had all three
of them bad bodies on just wrapped all around me.
But I was like I something something else. So when
I got my first master's degree, I was very intentional

(34:48):
to do an afrocentric theme on my cat. And again
I was still in that like cutesy girl, like real
pressy one thar my heels, But when they went to
put the hood on me, my foot got stuck and
I almost fell, and I said, you know what, I'm

(35:09):
not doing these heels for graduation again, Like what is this?
So when I got this last masters, I'm at the
point now I'm so settled in myself. I know I'm QA.
So what's on my feet don't equal q B? I said.
I worked at the university. I was getting my degree
for so there was a lot of running around I
had to do right before the ceremony. So I said,

(35:31):
you know what, I'm wearing sneakers this time, Like I'm
just gonna be comfortable. I'm gonna be me, I'm gonna
show up, I'm gonna be fly. And I intentionally searched
out a shoe that had a kint print and I
wanted it to be by either a black designer or
the company had to be on something. It had to
be blackness, like all up and through. And Jordan had

(35:55):
a black history shoe. I forget which year it was,
but that was their black history shoe from a couple
of years ago. And I said, that's it. That's my shoots.
So my whole outfit fit around them, those Jordans, And
like I said, I worked at the Universe at that time,
and the students were like yo, miss teenum kids. I'm like,
I know, I know, but it was so interesting. So

(36:19):
many people complimented me, like him white and like like, oh,
I like your sneakers. I know history, go look them,
ug go look them up, go check it out. At
conversation piece. It was active a conversation piece.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
Absolutely, I love it.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
I love your audacity, your authenticity. I love that you
put it on display to let people know and to
give people permission. And I do feel as though we're
part of an era where we're breaking stereotypes and traditions
and ideas and cultures and customs and creating our own
what works for us.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
And anytime I go to a graduation and I.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
See a graduate with with sneakers on, with Jordan's on,
with their own custom it's like, that's the culture.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
That's us.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
And it's more and more people I'm seeing doing that, uh,
because I never saw it before I did it. And
then when I see you, it's like, man, this it's
it's we're not allow again. We got the same mama.
So it's across to you, it's happening. It's not happening
in mass numbers, but it's happening. And to me, that's
us being us in these different spaces. Oh man, you

(37:22):
are a blessing. You are a blessing.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Thank you, thank you, thank.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
You, thank you you too.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying to succeed.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
You're doing it.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
That's real, that's real. I accept all of that, honey, mom,
thank you. Now you're giving them back, So I want
to move into rapid fire. So some of these rapid
fire questions because I'm curious where we're going to go
with this, because you are a wealth of knowledge, got wisdom,
You're hilarious, so I can't imagine where we're able to
go next. So I'm curious from birth to where you

(37:53):
are now. You have dealt with a lot of different
people and different types of people. I'm curious to know
what have you learned about yourself over these years and
other people.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
MM, I've learned about other people when they're complex, and
so even how they show up, how they respond, what
they do or don't do, is layers to it. It's
not just what you see outside. There's something in there

(38:24):
that prompted that, and sometimes they don't even know what
that something is. So that has allowed me to pull
back on some of my attitude at times when I
don't like what's in front of me, and reminding myself
that there was once a time when things that come
out of my mouth didn't please people in front of me,

(38:47):
and so how would I have wanted to be spoken
to and handled and communicate all of the things. So
that's what I've learned about other people. But that's also
what I've learned about myself that I don't I don't
always have to answer like that therapeutic silence. Yes, time
it comes outside of the therapy wantman. Sometimes it's just
interactions with regular old folk with family, with family, with family, Like,

(39:11):
you say something and I'm just.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
This is so good. That is so good. You drop
it and listen. You're giving tools.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
I hope you know that you are giving tools for
how people can manage differently with family and others.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
This is so good. Yeah, I love it. I love it.
But your degree to you.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
For you, oh, definitely, definitely. That's saving myself putting up
my own boundaries because I can't be telling you set
up boundaries and put them into play and actually benefit
from them. And I'm over here letting everybody do and
say and be whatever whenever.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
However, mm hmmm, wow, impressive, impressive.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
I'm curious, what's a word phrase, memory or moment that
has stuck with you personally or professionally.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Hmmm, word phrase, memory or moment that doesn't waste anything.
I heard that a while ago, and at first I'm like,
what does that mean? Like I get it, but I
don't get it. And the more I love and experience,

(40:23):
I see things that happened to me when I was
a little girl that are now coming into to the
story again, but now from a Oh I got this
for you that happened to me so that I could
sit here with you and feel it.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yes, yes, that was.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
Said to me so that I could sit here with
you and give that that that black girl now like
m and you know, I know everything keep saying what
I was saying a word, and that has given me
so much joy. So when things are happening good, bed
are indifferent, I'm like, all right, God, I don't know
what you say, even this spot, but I can't wait

(41:01):
to see and it helps me move on. But it
also helped me move through like I don't I don't
feel like tragedies are just so weighed and heavy and
never ending. I know that there is an end, but
I also know that there is a lesson, and whether
I get the lesson today, tomorrow, or six months from now,

(41:24):
I know that it exists and that has given me
just like a piece that I can't even explain.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Wow, powerful, powerful man, this is this is is so
many layers everything that you're saying, and I hope you
accepting new clients, and I'm sure you are the best
with your clients because you sound like a female version
of me, just being you, and people love that because
it gives people permission to be themselves too.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
I'm curious to know your siro or hero or past, so.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Many, so many, and I would get in trouble if
I named somebody in the family, So I'm not gonna
say none of them, because if I say one of them,
it's gotta be a problem.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yes, for the.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Last For the last six years, Sarah Jakes Roberts has
been that girl for me. And if you don't know,
you need to know, so go look her up. She
got a podcast, she got books, she got all the things.
I go to the conference. This is gonna be my
third year going to her Woman Evolve conference. Her story

(42:28):
is like so relatable, and I think one of the
biggest things that I definitely got from her is that
you can be beauty and miss misuse. You can be
beautiful and mess up. You can be like she is
just like that diamond and the rough and now she's

(42:49):
all shiny and people see that. But she has no
problem telling you of how she was getting rough, and
I so connected with that, having a father who's a minister,
having this expectation, and because my dad is in the church,
I had to be in the church, because my dad
is preaching, I had to preach despite the fact that
that's what people got me doing now and I'd be
saying yes to it. But there were so many seasons

(43:12):
of my life where I was like, I'm never gonna
be good enough for the people of the church. That's
not me and my story is not nearly what sarah
story was. But but because sarah story was what it
was and she is now who she is, I'm like, oh, snap,
you can't tell me. I can't do nothing like sysup here,
just got handed her Daddy's mega church and as humble

(43:34):
as can be, like has women, thousands of women coming
to hear her speak, and it's just as calm and
quiet and chill as she want to be. And because
of all of that and some that girl could have
her flowers from me all day. Every day she do something.
She gonna get my money, I'm gonna be there.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
I'm with it. I love it. I hope she's listening.
I hope she's listening.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
I hope she super put me on the podcast.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Done and Done, not just the podcast, but I want
to speak a little. Life is hitting me, so I'm
just gonna give it to you. You're gonna be on
that stage before it's all said and done.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Just do whatever you want to do with it. It's
gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
I have no doubt about that in some capacity, because
you're you're working towards it, and it's only a matter
of time. It doesn't take much, it doesn't take long,
but it's not on our time. It's God's time. So
it's going to happen when it does.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Boy, So.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Yes, yesterday, I'm flying out just to do that. Here
you speak, and I'm gonna go to the crib. All right,
So a couple more questions we're gonna get out of here.
I am curious because the listeners are curious as well,
because you're so authentic, you so real, so raw, what's
an interesting fact about you?

Speaker 2 (44:52):
A lot of people don't know M.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
This question. I always like, I don't know because I
talk too much, so people know pretty much everything. Let's
see interesting facts. I mean at this point, a lot
of people right now don't know that. I just finished
writing a children's book and my children's books, so I

(45:21):
am like an eclectic reader. If you go into my
e reader, it's gonna be all type, all types of stuff.
And my children's book is a little bit of a
reflection of that. So I am like, I'm a good
Christian girl. I love me the Bible. I also love
me a nice little murder mystery. And then I also

(45:42):
love me some magic and some romance and some you know,
some all of the things. So my children's book is
a nice combination of all of that. It is about
my nieces and nephews living. They open up an old
Bible they find while we are helping clean not my
parents' addict, and they go on this journey through the

(46:03):
Bible on a magical experience, and they're learning about themselves.
It ties in a whole bunch of mental health challenges
and things that are addressed. It ties in just like
think whatever, like things that kids are experiencing right now.
And I wrote it to them because when I have
conversations or when I hear what's going on, I'm like,

(46:25):
somebody need to talk to you, and I can't do
it every time. So I wrote this book that encompasses
the kid that I was and the kid that they are,
and something that I would have found entreating, but also
introduces me to Christ at the same time.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
So yeah, phenomenal, phenomenal.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Thank you for sharing, Thank you for giving us access.
We want access to the book. I want to autograph, copy,
just laying you off the top. So after that time
comes because I got two boys and they need it.
They need all what you have to share. So a
couple more we get out of here. I am curious
to know you can use one word for each but
if you were to describe who you were, who you are,

(47:03):
who you're becoming, and one word, who would that be?
Who are those three different people?

Speaker 3 (47:09):
I prepare for this one because I heard you asking
on the other ones. Okay, so you ran, so who I?
So the simple answer all has to do with running.
I just picked up this this new exciting lifestyle. I'll
say of outdoor running. I was a treadmill runner forever
and give me air conditioning. But I just started outdoor

(47:29):
running and doing like half marathons and all these paying
people to run. Craziest thing. I don't know why that
ain't the black side of me. I don't know who
that is. That's the that's the girl I went to
high school with. But I would say I was the
person that was running from everything real like I just
wanted simple, I just want it easy. I was running

(47:52):
from challenge. I am the girl that's running with challenge.
It's a long side me. We're not the best of friends,
but we hear I want to be the grower ones
to the challenge.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Love it, love it. Oh, you were prepared, you were prepared.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
I see you all the other podcasts. I was like,
that's for me. I got you. I got you.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
You already know you, already know you attracted it. So
last thing, I've been asking you a lot of questions,
I've been giving you, You've been giving everybody a lot,
and now I want you to give one more thing.
And that one more thing is to help people pivot, shift,
or change. And to me, we can shift, pivot and
change anytime. Our perspective changes, and sometimes the things that
we hear from certain people, stories, whatever the case may be,

(48:39):
we can pivot because we see things differently. And on
this show, we can do life work instead of homework.
So life work is something that somebody can gain access
to that caused them to pivot. If you could offer something,
if you share something with the Lifteners listeners to help
them pivot, what would it be?

Speaker 3 (48:59):
It would be a question, And my question is something
that I'm you're gonna be asking yourself in many different
arenas of your life, at many different times throughout your life.
What part of you are you silencing to be accepted?

Speaker 1 (49:15):
Mm hmm m just one more time, just put people
in the back.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
Those of you that you know, start chewing right then
and there, didn't hear it? I encouraging and invite you
to ask yourself what part of you are you silencing
to be accepted? I asked myself this question all the time,
and I'm often surprised at how I even answered because

(49:44):
I didn't realize, Oh, I told her that I told
that you go to be quiet? Why m h m hmmm.
Do what you will with it. Dig deep, talk to
your therapists, especially if you are silencing that part consistently
and multiple arenas, like that's the part that or maybe

(50:06):
that part of you hasn't spoken every month? Why who
told you they had to be quiet?

Speaker 2 (50:17):
Beautiful?

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Right?

Speaker 2 (50:20):
I love it? Who we're here for? It.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
Okay to the listeners, y'all heard it here first. Okay,
you heard it here first, but that sounds down. Start listening.
Start listening to her. Capitol hr to him, capital him,
the better version of us, the future version of us.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this, and
I gotta give the flowers again. You are a system
from another mister. I am so appreciative of you because

(50:44):
of who you are, what you represent, what you do,
and who you help. You're a helper, You're a healer
and you're going to continue to do that. So with that,
how can people get in contact with you? How can
people purchase? How can people get involved? How can people
going to treat with you? How can people get involved
with you and everything that you offer?

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Yeah, so one of the best ways to do it
is the website. So my website is well w E
L L Center, the number four dot com. I always
forget what my instagram is, so forgive me. I gotta
look at it my instagram. I'm like, what is that thing?
My instagram is very similar? It's my name, So T

(51:29):
A H. I r Ah underscore the word at Underscore
the well And if you go to that, you'll find
like all the things, I pretty much put anything that
i'm doing on there. You can find a link to
my website, you can find a link to my books.
I'm on Fox twenty nine News, which is a Philadelphia

(51:50):
local channel on Sundays, so every all of that information
is on there as well. But probably the easiest that
you could just text me. So the number is for
four four four two zero five five four. This texts
me and I will send you all of it. Four
eight four four four two zero five five four. If

(52:12):
you text me, I will send you whatever information you
are looking for. We can connect, we can link up that.
That's probably the best because I send it all to you.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
I love it. Thank you and for the listeners.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Y'all got access now, okay, take advantage of this access.
It will not always be this way. You got full
direct access. This is a blessing. This is a privilege,
and I highly recommend all of you take advantage of it.
So thank you again. Thank you for stepping out your
comfort zone. Thank you for taking a risk. And it
was easy, you know, and to me, when things are easy,

(52:46):
that lets you know this is what it's supposed to be.
So we're here and this is only the beginning of
the chapter where we are, and it only goes up
from here. So if I'm winning, you winning, because anybody
I'll connected to, they win it.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Let's get it.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
That's right. I like you because you you big dog ball.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
I'm trying to I ain't making no noise. I ain't making
no noise. I'm a little dog over here.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
Come on now, you pit bull out here, like, don't
do that. Okay, playing the calm and subtle, but I
appreciate you tremendously like and all seriousness. I am so
glad that Lewis said what he said when he said it,
and was like, no tea because he told me to say, no,
you don't. You ain't met nobody until you met the

(53:34):
doctor Jason, and I was like, you know what, You're right,
You're right, and not a moment was a lie. So
thank you for the flowers, the honey buns, all the things,
because you're out here doing it and we need you.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
I appreciate that, I really do. And the feeling is mutual.
Respect is mutual.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
And I can't wait to have you back because there's more,
there's so much more.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
So any final thoughts before we close.

Speaker 3 (53:57):
Out take care of you. Don't keep them quiet unless
they're supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Oh, Mike drop, We are out of here. Ladies and gentlemen.
Thank y'all for listening, Thank you for tuning in.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
This has been another episode of the Three Parallels podcast
which your hosts, the Doctor Jason Branch Wheen. We rediscover
who we were and brace who we are, make room
for who and try and become. If this show, this
specific episode has been a blessing for you any shape,
form or fashion, give it away. Don't keep this to yourself.
If you know a black woman in need of therapy,
this is her therapist. I'm speaking it, Okay, this is

(54:33):
her therapist. This is authentic raw And I'm not gonna
advocate and encourage anybody to see everybody, but there's certain
therapists I highly recommend seeing.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
So jump in, get involved.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
If you've never experienced therapy before as a black woman,
this to me is the black woman that you can
work with.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
When you are ready. Much love, peace, chicken, grease.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
We out

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Becoming the Woman I Was Looking For | Ft Tahirah Gaillard

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