Black Men Do Go To Therapy | Ft. Kenny Carter - 3 Parallels Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Three Parallels podcast, which are hosts the
Doctor Branch, where we rediscover who we were, embrace who
we are, and make room for who we're trying to become.
The content of this podcast is for informational, educational, and
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to this podcast, is not a substitute for professional advice, therapy, diagnosis,

(00:21):
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The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are my own and
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(01:51):
Let's get the work, baby, Gators. Are you stuck in
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It's time to slide into the driver's seat with a
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(02:13):
and make room for who they're trying to become. Therapy
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(02:34):
at four O four four three six two five four zero,
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Check us out on the web at www dot doctor
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Speaker 2 (02:45):
Look forward to connecting with you. Have a great day.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Three Parallel three Parallel Podcas.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Welcome back to the show three Parallels Podcast with your hosts,
the Doctor Jason Branch.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Listen the guest today.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
I'm telling y'all he he gonna hit you in the
head with a honeybond. And y'all know I love when
I'm able to bring family on the podcast. So this
is my cousin, doctor Kenneth Carter. He got a doctor yet,
but I'm claiming it because it's going to happen, only
a matter of time before it happens. So I want
to tell you a little bit about this brother. He

(03:23):
is currently at the Stamford University, which is a really
big deal, and I got to give love on that.
Before Stamford, he was out cal Tech and before that
he was in school. So he graduated originally from Dayton, Ohio,
same place I'm from. And he decided, after graduation, graduating college,
I'm finna explore, I'm finn experiment, I'm finna see what

(03:43):
else is out there, and he decided to jump ship,
I mean completely jumped and decided to relocate from Dayton,
Ohio to Los Angeles, California.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Who does that?

Speaker 1 (03:54):
And the big thing about it is he's still there,
which means he's been able to maintain because everybody that
goes to LA don't stay in LA.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
So for people to be able.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
To leave and go and stay and he's still in
the state of California, it speaks volumes to him figuring
out who he actually is, who he isn't And now
we all get a chance to hear his story.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
So ladies and gentlemen, welcome mister. Thank you Kenny Carter.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
Thank you I appreciate it. Nice to I'm glad to
be here. Thank you for inviting me on. I'm sure
we're gonna get into some things, so let's do it.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Let's get right into it.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
So I'm curious because i'm sort of listeners curious, how
did you do that?

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Man?

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Like on your own to leave you know, the city
of Dayton and go to La on your own by yourself.
You didn't know anybody there. You just left and built
your own community. Man, how did you do it?

Speaker 3 (04:46):
What?

Speaker 1 (04:46):
What did it take? What were some of those fears,
the angst and overcoming it to be there and still
be able to thrive in that different state.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Absolutely, I think, I mean, I would say it's honestly,
honestly was gradual. So the way that the starter was
kind of like me going away for college. So I
went to the University of Toledo. I'm from Dayton, Ohio,
so it's about a two hour drive away from Dayton.
So that was kind of like my first introduction into
leaving my hometown. And I kind of like was like,

(05:16):
I want to be close, but I want to be
just far enough away that my mama can't, you know,
visit me. Unexpectedly. I can't receive like random family coming.
It's like everybody got a plan to come driving two
hours to come visit you. So it was like a progression, honestly.
So I went to University of Tolido, and I was
in Toledo for about ten years. I worked on my

(05:37):
bachelor's degree in sociology and counseling, and then I got
my master's degree in higher education. So after I got
my masters degree, I went to Oxford, Ohio, which is
about forty five minutes and it was a really small town.
I think that being in that small town is really
what exacerbated me wanting to be in a larger city.
And so I was like, okay, I was honestly applying

(06:00):
for jobs all over the country, Like I was looking
everywhere except California, because I always felt like California was
just way too far. I'm like, I don't know anybody
out there. I don't know anything about California except for
what I see on TV. So Texas was probably like
the furthest that I looked in terms of jobs and
stuff like that. And when I was in Ohio just
doing that for a while, I think I probably did

(06:21):
that for about six months and then I was like,
I know that I want to be in California, but
it just feels like such a big reach. It just
feels like the top of the mountain in terms of
like let me go halfway up the mount like let
me go to Texas. Let me go somewhere where I
can get back very easily. I was thinking about the commute, like, Okay,
would I be able to drive back? You know, us Midwesterners,

(06:41):
we definitely drive. We are We are people that were
hopping the car for eight hours with no problem. So
I was thinking about that too, and then I kind
of got I went through this phase where I was
just like, Okay, let me not do or apply for
jobs in a fearful way, where it's like I'm just
kind of like reducing what my possibility these are because
I'm scared. And so I kind of like moved into

(07:03):
it with a no fear aspect. And actually cal Tech
was the second job that I applied for, and there
was another school that I applied for first. It was
like a, uh, it was a university, but it was
like a not well known university. So I ended up
getting interviews at both of those schools. Ironically. So the
first time that I applied for a job in California,

(07:24):
I got an interview, they actually made an offer. So
I was kind of negotiating offers between cal Tech and
the other school at the same time. The other one
was in northern California, and of course cal Tech is
in Pasadena, which is basically LA and so you know,
the other school definitely, you know, it was an option.
I think that, you know, it just came down to

(07:45):
like where do I really want to be? And I
was like, if I want to go to California, I
want the real California experience, and so why not go
to La versus like going to a random city that's
in California essentially essentially, So yeah, I did that, And
that was kind of like how I made that move,
Like it was just like, you know, it was a
lot of thought process that went into that. I was

(08:05):
very scared. I was like, okay, you know, I'm like,
I'm moving away from my family now. It's like I'm
far enough away that I have to catch a flight.
Like I'm a flight away. It's not just like I
can just get in the car and come back if
there's an emergency or anything. Like that. But I feel
like I was ready, Like I feel like I was ready.
It's like, I don't think that anything worth doing is
going to be something that you don't have any fear for.

(08:27):
So it's like just the fact that I have here
essentially did not stop me from, you know, achieving what
I wanted to do. And I was moving all the
way to California.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Wow, So you didn't let fear stop you, which for
a lot of people, a lot of the listeners, fear
stops us from doing a lot of different things. So
not only did you overcome the fear, but you made
the move, like with no help, no support, no assistance.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
How did you do that?

Speaker 3 (08:52):
Well? I drove.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
That was the first thing.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
There was no U shift in my car to California
or anything like that. You know, I was on a
budget for sure, but I definitely I wanted to drive.
Though actually like driving was like a it was more
than financial. It was also like I wanted to see
the country. I'm like, okay, I've never actually like been
through these states, so let me just like drive and
just to say that I did it. It was a
thirty four hour drive, Like it took three days and

(09:19):
four nights, wow, or three nights and four days, and
so I drove and you know, that's kind of like
how I did it. Like it was just like the Luckily,
because of my job, I was able to live on campus,
so I didn't have to think about housing in any way.
Like it was a it was a good time for
the moment that I was trying to make the move
to California. It was like my job already had my

(09:40):
housing kind of figured out. I did not have to
pay any rent or bills because I lived on campus.
In my role in higher education, I was a residential
life coordinator, and so that means that you know, I'm
basically living on campus. It's an apartment. It's not a
dorm room, but it you know, it's like an apartment
that you live next to students essentially. And so yeah,
that was a big part of while I was able

(10:00):
to do it is because of the fact that my
housing was covered. All I had to do was just
make sure that I got there and then you know,
they gave me a little bit of relocation assistance, but
it wasn't enough to cover even the gas.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
But I definitely did academia academia all day long. Absolutely so.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
So I'm curious, man, like you know, three parallels is
coming up. You know, who you were, who you are
you becoming. So I'm sure that transition from being in
the Midwest, growing up in the Midwest, growing professionally in
the Midwest, and then deciding to shift gears to go
to the West Coast and the cultural differences there, I'm sure,
and just you continually developing as a person as a
man in a totally different state. So how would you

(10:41):
describe who you were and then who you are now
being there like thriving in the state of California.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
Yeah, I would definitely say, like, you know, who I
am is definitely who I was. It is definitely different
than who I am now. Of course, I definitely grew
up in you know, poverty, for sure. I grew up
in the hood. I don't shy away from that in
any in any fashion, I think that who I was
was definitely like someone who just kind of was like stunted.

(11:09):
Like I always say, like, I feel like I was
stunted in a way because it was like I knew
that I had potential. It's just like I wasn't living
up to it. I wasn't really like reaching forward. It
always felt like it was just so far away. But
the one thing that I will say is like, you know,
growing up in growing up in poverty and kind of
like a you know, at risk, you know situation. If
we will, I will say that I think that a

(11:32):
lot of people, a lot of teachers, professors, anybody that
was really in my life at that time when you
used to tell me like, you know, you have so
much potential and I feel like you're not using it.
And I was like, what do you all see? Because
you know, I'm just like I feel like I'm doing
all right. But you know, I was just like very
much not in touch with who I was as a person,

(11:53):
not in touch with my emotions. I feel like I
definitely was just someone who it was like, I think
that when you grew up in the environment that I
grew up, I always said, like you can laugh, Like
laughing is okay, or being angry is the second emotion,
Like those are the two extremes that you're able to
have growing up where I grew up. It's like you
can either be angry or you can laugh. Those are

(12:14):
the two freedoms that you have. But all the other
emotions that we experience as men are not allowed, Like
you can't cry, you can't smile, Like you can't like
just smile at somebody. You have to, like, you know,
kind of mind your business. You can give them a
head nod or something like that if you see someone
just walking down the street. But I feel like it
was very stunted place to live. Like it was a

(12:35):
very stunted place to live. I always knew that I
had emotions, and I'm like, okay, you know, I feel
like there's something here, but I don't feel free to
share it essentially, and so moving like just moving out
of my hometown, even the first move to college was
like an eye opening experience where I was like, man,
I have to shit so much of who I was

(12:56):
just to even fit in here because people are smiling
at me, people are talking to me when they walk
past me, and I don't even know how to respond
because that's not something I grew up doing, Like it's
like why are these people looking at me? Yeah? And
it was like a very gradual thing where it was
like I just feel like I was like blossoming almost
where it was like okay, you gotta and I had
to move away. I don't think that I would be

(13:17):
who I am today had I not moved out of
my hometown and moved to Toledo, moved to Oxford and
moved to California. Course, but I'll definitely say who I
am now is way more observant. I feel like I'm
way more understanding of like who I am as a person.
I think that, you know, my vocabulary has increased as well,

(13:38):
so I'm able to like kind of talk about how
I feel. And I feel comfortable doing that. And I
think it's like a muscle, like the more that you
use it, the better that you get at it. And
so I feel like that's who I am now. Like
I'm I'm definitely like more self assured. I feel like
there's nothing that I can't do. It's like it's just
in this perfect timing that's really you know, kind of

(13:59):
the model I live about this point.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, wow, Wow, that's that's next level.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
So I want to dive into it a little bit
more because what I hear you you're talking about is
emotional intelligence. So you're very emotional intelligent, and growing up
where we grew up, you weren't allowed to be you
were we all majority for black man, specifically emotionally immature,
and we was okay with it because we didn't know.
So how did you become more emotionally intelligent and in

(14:24):
tune with yourself? And it sounds like just learning how
to be more authentic, learning how to be exactly who
you are and shedding who you thought you had to be.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
How did you do that?

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I'll start by saying, like, I think that first I
asked myself why, Like that was always the question, that's
always the question cycling in my mind is why? Why?

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Why?

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I drive my friends crazy because I'm always like why this?
Why that? But what I will say is like I
think that my first emotion and only emotion that I
felt in terms of you know, just life, was always anger.
I used to be very angry. I feel like I
used to snap on people all the time, and it
was just like, okay, I can fight. So it's like, okay,
you know, you can just fight after you know, getting

(15:04):
to arguing with somebody, so it's like you either argue
or we're fighting, and those are the two things that
we can do. And then I started asking myself like
why am I angry? And it's like an introspective thing
that you have to do. It's like, where's the anger
coming from? It's like, Oh, I'm actually hurt. It's like,
I'm actually hurt by this situation. This situation actually hurt me.
But it's like I also am in this environment where

(15:26):
I can't explain, I can't express being hurt. Hurt sounds soft,
Hurt sounds like feminine. It sounds like, you know, you're
tapping into your feminine energy if you tell somebody that
you're hurt. And so I was like, why can I
not tell someone that I'm hurt? It's like, Oh, it's
because the thing is vulnerability. I think that vulnerability is

(15:47):
the hardest thing to conquer as a man, especially growing
up in the hood where it's like it pays the
most dividends, but it is the hardest thing to get
comfortable doing. And I have to be vulnerable myself. And
then I got comfortable, comfortable, comfortable enough to be vulnerable
with other people. But I would say, like, that's definitely

(16:08):
the trajectory that I went from. It went from just
basically asking why, like where's these emotions coming from? Why
am I angry? And then from there it was just
like knocking down blocks and bricks. That was just like
over you know, just over my heart, over my soul.
It was just like, Okay, I have to shed these
things and be able to talk about it freely so
that I can actually free myself from these emotions. And

(16:28):
you know, just being stunted. I always feel like I
just feel like I was just like, you know, I
was just covered up and I was like, okay, I
have to like you know, kind of bust out of
this thing so that I can really get in touch
with who I am as a person.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah. Wow, that's next level.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
And I think you're speaking for so many black men
who you know, come from different towns or cities that
we just don't have a lot of access to the
emotional intelligence, access to express ourselves with more than one
or two emotions, because there are plenty, but we don't
know about them. So if I don't know, they don't exist.
And it sounds like because you decided to move, you
just decided to get away, you decided to step outside.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
Of your comfort zone. It's changed your life forever.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
Absolutely. I think, you know, it's like I feel like
it's like one of those things where it's like I
don't know how it would have been had I stayed,
but I feel like I definitely wouldn't be who I
am now. And it's like, you know, I still have
my friends back from home and things like that, Like
you know, I still keep in touch with people who
I grew up with and things like that. But I

(17:27):
definitely feel like just moving away has broadened my horizon
so much, just being in different cultures. It's like even politically,
like you know, I feel like California's way more liberal
than Ohio, and I'm like, okay, I'm not used to
seeing pride flags. I'm not used to seeing people who
use dave them pronouns. That was my first interaction when
I came to California is meeting a trans person and
like having to remember to use day them pronouns, and

(17:50):
I'm like, okay, this is not my language. I have
to like adjust, I have to, you know, think about this.
It's like, what does that mean for me as a
person to you know, assimilate to California culture and so
all of those things. Bro, It's definitely something that I
had to adjust to.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, And it sounds like openness. You've had this ability
to be open to change, and that's something that I
don't recall being a normal thing from where we're from,
Like we do the same thing and it's okay to
do the same thing. But it sounds like for you
you got to a place where you decided to be
open and accept new and different things because you had to.
It's kind of hard to be in California and not

(18:28):
be open to new and different things. So you were
able to do that, which I think is phenomenal. So
I want to switch gears for a moment, like this
journey was it you know as far as this emotional
intelligence and growing? Did you have help? Did you have support?
Did you go to therapy? Like how did you navigate this?
Was it by yourself or you gonna have a team?
Just curious of how you were able to get to

(18:49):
that other side.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
I definitely would say I did go to therapy, but
that was kind of later in life. It wasn't like
I think that by the time that I went to therapy,
I was kind of like seventy five percent there. That's
probably a lot. That's probably saying a lot, like it
probably wasn't even seventified, but I feel like I was
still at least able to like speak on how I felt.
I feel like that's the first step that you know,
kind of allowed me to think about therapy in a

(19:14):
different way. Like it's like, Okay, I'm already comfortable kind
of you know, talking about how I feel. But I
will say, like, it's like, I think that having a
conversation I had. I have a cousin named Maria who
I used to have conversations with all the time, And
I think that just being on the phone with someone
who's able to, like, you know, let you express yourself

(19:34):
and be vulnerable, it opens your mind up to so
many things because you can kind of bounce ideas off
each other, and it's like, Okay, what am I missing
in this situation? Even though I feel like I'm right
and my coworkers getting on my nerves, it's like all
of these things, It's like, what am I missing from
the situation? And having someone that you can be vulnerable
with and you know, still maintain your masculinity, maintain who

(19:55):
you are as a man, like you're not giving up
those things just to be vulnerable. Even though it felt
that way in the beginning, I think that that was
kind of like the catalyst that kind of started me
thinking about like professional help in terms of like okay,
you know, let me actually, you know, go to therapy.
I feel like therapy definitely, uh it was a thing,

(20:16):
it was a thing, it happened, uh it. I think
therapy definitely helped me see my family differently in terms
of like family familiar struggles and things like that. And
it's like it helped me like like get off the
hamster wheel. Like the hamster wheel is always like I
kind of feel like I have it figured out where

(20:36):
It's like I have pretty high emotional talents, just like
I can kind of understand where this situation is going.
I can kind of understand where people are coming from.
But we still do we still seem to keep getting
back to the same place where it's like we're not
talking or we're going through a cycle of like you know,
like okay, I'm not dealing with you this time, and
it's like why do I keep circling back to the
same situation? And I feel like therapy helped me jump

(20:59):
off of that therapy that that hamster will and like
really attack, like Okay, what are these like even though
you have high emotional intelligence, you don't have it all
figured out. It's like you do have to look at
it a little deeper than the way you are. And
I feel like that was just like it was just
mind boggling the things that I thought that I knew
that therapy showed me I was clearly completely wrong about.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
So you got to give us more detail. Tell us
about that number one to the listeners, and especially the
black male listeners. Black men do go to therapy, and
that's not a therapist. So I'm a therapist. I'm a
black men therapist. I have a therapist. But to hear
someone who does this not in this professions directly to consider,
like he said, seventy five percent, he was figuring it

(21:42):
out on his own, but he was looking within himself
to figure it out. And then that twenty five percent, Yo,
let me connect with somebody, a professional to go even deeper.
So I'm curious to hear like that hamster will. How
did your therapist get you off of that hamster will
for you to start seeing things differently and moving differently.
So these two questions, and they're loaded. So that's the
first one, getting off the hamster. Well, the second one
you did mention early on about you know, wanting to

(22:05):
create some distance between you and your family too, where
they couldn't just pop up or just show up.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
So if you could talk about both of those things.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yeah, absolutely, I think I'll have to share more details
in terms of what I was talking about my therapist.
It's not you know, superperson or anything like that. But basically,
I feel like I always had issues with my dad
in terms of like my dad was. My parents were married.
Of course when I was born, they got a divorced.
My dad kind of like you know, did his own thing,
got married a few more times after that, and you know,

(22:34):
I felt like I always was like, man, why do
I not have the dad that I always thought that
I wanted? Like why is my dad different than all
these other dads and all these other fathers that I
see that are active and people, you know, you see
people around you that's talking to their dad all the time,
and it's like, man, I talked to my dad like
once every six months or something like that. Like it's
just like, why is this a thing? And I feel like,

(22:54):
you know, it's like you kind of go back to
who you were as a child, like all the times
that your dad left, you know, let you down, It's
like you kind of recycle those feelings where it's like, man,
he just never really was what I thought he would be.
And you know, that is definitely something that I felt
like I kept recycling, like it's like I would forgive,
but I would never forget. It was like I would forgive,

(23:14):
I would never forget. I would forgive, I would never forget.
And it's like not forgetting actually takes you back to
the point where you didn't forgive. It's like, uh not
that you have to like act like you didn't that
didn't happen. But I had to reframe how I saw
my past versus like recycling it in my head the
way that it went, Like in my mind, it was
like my dad wasn't there. He just doesn't want to

(23:35):
be a good father. He just doesn't want to be
And that makes you angry, like what's wrong with you?
Like why do you have so many issues? You know,
like why is this so difficult for you to embrace
your children? I have two older brothers. It's like, why
is it so difficult for you to embrace your children?
And I think therapy definitely helped me see my dad differently.

(23:56):
The main thing that I will say is like I
think that therapy allowed me to empathize with the way
that my father grew up and also think about him
as a man, because as a kid, we always think
about our parents as our parents, as fathers, like, okay,
the role of a father is like you're there, you
put everything aside, But it's like, who is this person
as a man, because he was a man before he

(24:17):
became my father. He had a life, he had a childhood.
His dad passed away when he was like two years old,
so he never really had a father. And it's like, okay,
now I'm starting to see like there's other things that
are present here that have nothing to do with me.
And so it was like my dad as a as
a man, and the way that he treats me has

(24:39):
nothing to do with me specifically as a child. We
don't hear that, we can't feel that. We're like, no,
it's all about me.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
It's like to me, that is growth. By that is growth.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
It's like it's like because you, it's like your it's
a default position. It's like you brought me here. I
didn't ask to be here. So we have all the
anguish to make it their fault, like it's their fault,
like it's his fault, But therapy helped me see the
man behind the father. Like it's like, Okay, before he
was my father, he was a man, and it's like,
you know, I have to think about like who he was,

(25:13):
and it's like one thing I will say about my dad,
even though he was, you know, not the best father,
He's consistent. He is consistently hit the same way with everyone.
So it's not like, you know, for instance, if there
was like an argument or something that we got into,
or some some situations that I feel like could have
been resolved a little easier, he's gonna do. He gonna

(25:35):
keep that same energy with everybody. It's not just me.
It's not like he's like he can't make up with me.
He can't make up with anybody. He needs therapy. But
but I think that me realizing that, like me taking
myself out of the child's face and looking at him
as a man, allowed me to empathize with him in

(25:56):
terms of like he doesn't have it to give because
he was never taught it. And it's like I have
to like accept that in my heart, my mind, my spirit,
my soul. It's like I have to accept that who
I wanted him to be. He was never going to
be who I want him to be. He's never gonna be.
And it's like I have to look at who I'm
dealing with now, like who is this person in front

(26:17):
of me? And it's like, fine, I had to find
ways to interact with the man my father versus my dad, Like, okay,
how can I interact with him just as a man?
It's like this is somebody that I love and of
course I care about, and it's like, how can I
interact with him as a man? And I feel like
that took away so much angst that I had just

(26:38):
having a relationship with my dad. It's not what I
thought it would look like. And it was like it
always had to look like you know. That was also
a thing that I, you know, learned in therapy. Is
like I feel like when I started it, I always like,
how do I get my dad to be better? How
do I get him to like care about me? How
do I get him? And it's like what does care
look like? Like? What does kar feel like? And it's
like to me, it's you know, you calling me regularly.

(26:59):
It's like let's chat, let's get on the phone, Let's
see what each other's doing. And it's like it still
doesn't look like that, so I had to reshape, like
what that looks like. And it's like because I was
able to like understand my dad a little more in
terms of like him as a man, it's like I
was able to actually pinpoint moments where it's like, Okay,
I can see this is him caring, This is him
showing that he cares, even though it don't look like

(27:22):
the way that I thought it would look. I wanted
it to be bright white. I wanted to be in
my face. I wanted to I wanted to feel it.
But it's like he you know, he's he's his own person,
and it's like the way that he shows that he
cares is completely different than the way that I thought
it was. And so it was like and she asked,
like my therapist and asked me, like, you know, she
was like, do you feel like your dad loves you?

(27:44):
I'm like, yeah, I definitely feel like my dad's loves me.
And it's like and then she was like, how do
you feel like your dad loves you? Like and it's
like those conversations it's like what makes me go back
into my mind, like Okay, you know he did this
for me. You know, he he tried, like you know,
I know that he tried to do what he can good.
But it's like, you know, I think that just definitely
like seeing my dad as a different person allowed me

(28:05):
to kind of like move out of the space of
like this fairy tale that I was creating for myself.
When it's like if it doesn't master the fairy tale,
then it's not good.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
Time out. I told y'all he gonna bring it. I
told y'all he's bringing it.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
Listening, listen, I need y'all, get y'all Gator Scales Journal,
and I hope you're writing down these nuggets.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
These nuggets are very important.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
They're very powerful, especially for men dealing with issues related
to their father. Whether they're here, they're not, they're down
the street, you don't talk to them, they're dead whatever.
What Kenny is sharing is the ability to look at
your parent as a person and not just the parent.
And also I'm sure the other side of that being
able to look at yourself as a person and not

(28:50):
just a son or a grandson. But it's like, you know,
I'm a man too, I'm flawed, and I got my
own stuff too.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
I wouldn't know what to do if I have the
same upbringing. But I want you to attention to what's
being said and the freedom that Kenny was able to
give himself from a new or different perspective. The fairy tale,
this is the reality that he's talking about. The fairy
tale doesn't match with the reality. So therefore I get
to the side, do I still want to live in

(29:16):
this fairy tale?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Or do I want to create a new and different reality?
Wooh you dropping bars? Dropping bars here for it?

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Absolutely And that's literally what I did, Like I moved
out of the space of thinking like this is how
it has to look like and if it doesn't feel
if it doesn't look like this, then this is an
error in on my dad's side. It's like, let me
look at who he is as a person. Let me
find those nuggets in terms of, like, you know, showing
and feeling those moments that I showed them that my
dad does show me that he cared, even though it's

(29:46):
not the way that I looked at It's like, okay,
I think that also just becoming a man, like I
don't think I would have been able to do this
at like sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen twenty, It's like the
more older that I got, I was also like, you know,
we go through things like okay, you know, you know, rent,
all these things that we got to figure out, and
it's like, what I like that. That's why I don't
have any kids now, Like I don't have time. But

(30:08):
it's like if I had a kid right now, it's like, damn,
that would uproot my entire life. And like say she
moved away to a different area or something like that,
and it's like I'm away from my kid, and it's
like what I moved to a different state to follow
my child? Like what I changed my entire career, Like
you know, you got to think about those things as
we get older. It's like, you know, I definitely you know,

(30:29):
I feel like I just spent so much time like
trying to get my dad to see my point of
view that I had to like realize like my point
of view was the ear. It's like, my point of
view is why I'm angry. My point of view is
why I keep circling back. And it's like, let me
step out and think about it from you know, from
a different point of view. In terms of my perspective,
and I feel like it looks differently than the way

(30:51):
that I thought it was. But this is like the
best time that me and my dad has ever had
in terms of relationship. And we still only talk like
once every three months or something like that, but I
feel like it's what it's supposed to be. It's like,
you know, I don't talk to him with any answers.
Like when I do talk to him, we have decent conversation.
It's not weird or anything like that. But I do
feel like I just kind of shed that part of

(31:12):
me where it was like I'm just holding onto this
and I just can't let it go because he should
have did this, he should have did that, and I
just let it go, and I think that, you know,
not let it go. But it's just like I just
started looking at it from a different perspective and that
saved you know, I feel like that saved my life.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Wow, that's huge.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
That's huge, and it's powerful too, because I feel like
a lot of men are stuck in the place where
you were. You know, they can't get beyond the fairy tale.
They can't get beyond their desires, their passion. What my
dad should be doing and they can't move beyond that.
And now for the listeners who may be stuck, who
may be dealing with this, this is an opportunity. What
you're hearing is someone's lived experience, somebody's story about how

(31:53):
he decided to change. If y'all noticed, his dad ain't
did nothing different.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Kenny decided.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Kenny decided to do things different. And sometimes it's on us.
Sometimes it's on us. So I love the fact that
you were able to see you to shift your perspective,
and it took a lot of the burden, the weight,
the baggage. It took that away. You don't carry that
stuff anymore because it's not yours.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
It's not yours. That's hugely I see you out here
in these streets.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Look one day at a time, that's all.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Listen.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
I'm an advocate for therapy, as y'all know, I'm an
advocate for therapy. I feel as though therapy is one
sure way to change, to grow. However, here's another piece.
I want to dive into the issue that a lot
of us have when it comes to therapy. Number One,
we don't know about it, we're not aware. But not
only that, a lot of times we try therapy and
it's not a good fit, and we decide from therapy

(32:51):
not being a good fit, then I'll never go back again.
Not recognize that every therapist is different, just like every McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Every McDonald this is different.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
Sumb shake machines work depends on what neighborhood you in.
Most of them may not. But the reality is for
many humans, regular people, if we have a bad experience
at McDonald's, we're still going back, and we're gonna go
back to the same one. We may go back to
one down the street, but for whatever reason, when it
comes to therapy and I have.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
A bad experience, I never go back.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
Although in my humble opinion, therapy can offer you more
than McDonald's can.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Just my three and I can.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Speak to that too, because actually I saw three therapists
before I got to the one that I worked with
on a longer period of time. So it was like
I kind of went through phases like I was like, Okay,
I want a woman therapist, and so I found a
white woman that was my therapist, and I feel like
she was cool, like she just gave me tools and

(33:45):
it really wasn't like what I was looking for like
I want to dive a little deeper. And it's like
she's like, okay, use these tools to get yourself better,
which you know, I'm sure that somebody would benefit from that,
but that's not what I was looking for. Real good.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
This is important.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
You have to know who you are and what you're
looking for when it comes to therapy. Again, Kenny's dropping gyms,
He's dropping nuggets life changing information if y'all taking it,
so write it down, write it down, keep going.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
So then I was like, Okay, let me find somebody else.
And I was like, I think I want a black person,
Like I want somebody that can understand my experiences and like,
you know, really resonate from with where I come from.
So there was a black man. I was a black
man that was my therapist. He was cool, but he
didn't have his business together. He was like always late
to appointments, like you know, he just didn't show up,

(34:35):
like he just felt like it was felt like it
was just like a job to him, where it's like Okay,
I got a clock in and I'm late, so you know,
deal with it. But what you want to talk about,
Like it felt very like just like work, like I
don't know. It just felt very work to me. And
I was like, I don't like this vibe. I don't
like the fact that he's like late, and so I'm like,
let me go with a black woman. So I was like,

(34:58):
let me draw a black woman. And that was actually
who I found that allowed me to like just speak
so freely. I felt like I just she like really
created a safe space for me, and I you know,
I'm like super grateful for that because it was like
I just feel like I just talked and talked and
talk and I was like, are you tired of be talking?
Like do you want to interject? Do you want to

(35:19):
say something? And it was like and she was like
really a reaffirmer, like okay, you have emotional intelligence, but
she was like, okay, this part right here. Why are
you thinking that it should be this way? And it
was like she really helped me unpack things and unlearned
things that It's like we just especially when you have
hot when you know that you have emotional intelligence, you
almost kind of like can fake yourself out where you

(35:39):
think that you have it all figured out. It's like, no,
I am above it all. I have I have grown.
I am evolved, so none of these things should phase me.
And it's like that acknowledgment of like, no, I actually
don't got it all figured out. And it's like I'm
struggling too, Like I'm struggling just like everybody else is.
I don't care how much you know, And so I'm
like she really helped me unpack that. And it was

(36:02):
like we I did therapy for eight months and then
we got to the point where she was asking me like, Okay,
is there anything else you want to talk about? And
I'm like, you know what, I actually feel like I
have shared everything that I could possibly think of, So
I'm like, you know, let's take a break. Like I
ended up not going back. But it was honestly like
we just felt like it was we kind of did
what did the work? Like it was like the work
was done. She had homework for me. I was reaching

(36:24):
out to my dad like making phone calls and all
types of stuff and having difficult conversation. But it was
like it got to the point where it was like Okay,
I think I'm okay now, Like I think off the
hamster wheel and it's like I will definitely revisit it.
I actually am going back to therapy. Okay, I literally
just I got an intake appointment at the end of
this month, but like cause I switched you know, jobs

(36:46):
and providers and stuff like that. But yeah, I'm actually
going back to therapy. Like I feel like, Okay, you know,
I had two years of no therapy and I was cool,
and now I want to go back because I'm like,
you know, I feel like there's more to discuss and
more to unpack.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Wow, wow, this is huge, huge.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
I want to take a moment because now you serve
as an advocate for mental health, for therapy, and an
advocate because you can talk about your lived experience, which
for a lot of us, specifically black men, what we
know about therapy and mental health comes from people who
don't do it, who don't know anything about it, who's
not providing it. So it's going by beliefs or ideas

(37:22):
of what therapy is and not the facts. And now
for you, you've experienced it, you have facts around it. And
one thing I love about therapy is exactly what you're sharing.
You have to figure this thing out in real time
based off of what works for you. Nobody can give
you that. So you tried it one route. You know,
traditional white women doing therapy, the typically predominantly white women,

(37:45):
white women and white man. So you tried the traditional route.
That didn't work. You try to go black. Let's go black.
Let's give it to our community. With the community, y'all.
Shake machines still ain't working.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
So this is.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
This a work?

Speaker 1 (37:57):
So let me try a black woman and boom, Look
what happened. Look what happened. And to me, I love
this aspect of you participating in therapy because you are
an active participant in it and you got what you
needed during that time. And between that you've been living
your life doing you know, growing and getting better.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
And now here we are.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
Two years later where you start seeing other areas that
you can dive into.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
Okay, let me consider going back.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
So when I look at therapy, I love what you're
sharing because a lot of people don't look at therapy
in this way. They look at it as in something
I have to start doing and I do for the
rest of my life, which you don't have to, or
work with the same person for the rest of your life,
or this belief that whoever I picked the first time,
that's who I need to be working with and that's
not true at all. So I love that you had

(38:44):
some trial and error to figure out what works and
it worked for you to get to help you get
to where you are. Also with therapy, it's it's your
therapist's job is to help you become the best version
of you. And that's what happened. Your therapist helped you
become the best version you don't need any now. So
that's what that that's how I you therapy. I love

(39:05):
when when a client decides to work with me, because
for me, I can't wait till my client fires me.
I cannot wait because that lets me know they got
exactly what they needed to get and they don't need
me anymore. My job is to help a client help themselves,
and if you're able to help yourself, you don't need
a therapist.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
So I love it.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
I love it because I definitely I feel like I
always looked at it as like a progression, Like I mean,
like the way that I kind of function in life
is like even with like medicinal medicines or anything like that,
it's always like how long do I have to be
on this? Because I want to get off, Like I
want to be the best version of myself and I
want to be a fully functioning adult, and you know,

(39:47):
I don't want to be like taking medicine for the
rest of my life. I don't want to be in
therapy for the rest of my life. It's like, how
do I get off of it? Like I need it
for now, Like this is medicine to me, Like this
is a help that I need at this moment, But
how do I get off of this situation so that
I can, like you know, be as functional as possible.
And I kind of look at uh it's like I
kind of look at therapy as like a monkey bar,

(40:08):
Like it kind of like, you know, you're on one,
you're talking to a therapist, and they get you to
the next one. You know, you swing a little bit
by yourself and then you talk to somebody and get
to the next thing. Like it's like, you know, I
definitely you know, I didn't even plan on being an
advocate for therapy. It wasn't like something in my cars.
We didn't talk about this beforehand, like come on and
talk about your therapies. Uh, but it was honestly, like,

(40:30):
you know, I'm honestly all for it because even when
I'm talking to my friends and stuff like that, and
they're telling me about something difficult. It's like we definitely
hit those mountains, we hit those bricks where it's like, Okay,
I think I've given you all the advice that I can,
but I think you need professional help. This ain't this
ain't something that's gonna go away real easy. And I'm like,
i'm words, I'm out of language, I'm out of perspective.

(40:52):
I can only take you so far. But it's like
you need to see somebody professionally. And it's like, you know,
knowing that too, it's like, you know, I'm you know,
I think that one of the things California really has
helped me really see it by myself in terms of
appreciating that I do feel like, like as a friend
and as a person in this world that I have
a gift of like creating safe spaces for people. And

(41:15):
it's like it took me a while to even realize
like what it was, because I'm like, man, why do
people be opening up to me? Why do people be
telling me all they deep is dark the secrets, And
it's like it's weird, Like you know, it's like these
are men that are like you know, they have their
toxic ways. It's man, but you're crying, like you're crying
in front of me, and I couldn't imagine you crying
like in front of anybody else. And it's like, I
know that this is a lot for you, and I

(41:36):
always be like, you know, you don't never have to
you know, you don't ever have to like not cry
in front of me. Like crying is like it's fine,
Like I feel like it's free actually, but you know,
I feel like that's something I kind of realized about
myself is that I do think that I am very
good at creating safe spaces for people. And it's like
even in my safe space where it's like, you know,
we can talk about it, we can unpack it, but

(41:59):
there's gonna hit a limit in terms of like I'm
only able to give you so much advice, so much
understanding of like what the situation is, and give you
from my perspective what I think what could help or
something like that. But I always like, all right, we've
hit that moment where it's like now comes from the
therapy recommendation, like Okay, you need to see it, needs
to see some help, because this seems deeply rooted especially
for things that are like all of us start with

(42:20):
childhood trauma. It's like I haven't met anybody that does
not have childhood trauma. It's like, who can say that
they had a perfect childhood and everything was perfectly fine.
It's like I've met people that had extremely rich parents,
and it's like they talk about how their parents weren't
there and they were always working, so they kind of
like raised themselves and they feel like they have a
lot of trauma about that. And I've had fans that,
you know, have grew up in poverty like I did,

(42:41):
and it's like, you know, you have the trauma around
that parents weren't their parents' death anything like that. And
so it's like therapy helps you reach back to things
that you didn't even think was still hindering you today.
And it's like, oh, this happened when I was eight.
I don't even remember that situation just happening. And actually
this is a funny story about not not forenty funny,

(43:01):
but the story about like my dad in terms of
like how I like held so much anger. I used
to think about like my therapist kind of had me
talking about my child and stuff like that, and I
thought about the times that my dad used to say,
like he would come and pick us up. So me
and my brother was those kids that literally would have
our coats, our jackets on, our book bags, were looking

(43:22):
out the window, were sitting by the door waiting on
my dad to show up, and my dad would not
show up, like multiple times. And I'm like it was
such an instant. It felt insignificant as a kid, like, Okay,
that's just dad being himself. But it's like I'm thinking
about that as an adult. I'm like, man, that really
impacted me to like wait on him multiple times, Like
it was like a it was like a forty percent

(43:43):
chance if my dad was gonna show up or not.
And it was almost every weekend, Like it was just
like almost every weekend my dad said he coming over.
He might not even have said, like and I think
that I will give my dad credit, like I don't
think he necessarily said I'm gonna be there. It was
more like, oh, I'll see what I can do or
know I may be able to come over and may
Me and my brother just interpreted that as like he's coming,

(44:04):
Oh we need to be ready, like let's be ready
just in case he comes and we're gonna sit by
the door and wait. Yeah, And so it's like just
the impact of that and like that psychology of a
child that's like going through having a parent, you know,
especially not be there like they think that they should be.
Was definitely something that I didn't think that was impacting me.

(44:25):
It was like kind of something I didn't even really
think about. I never really like went back to as
an adult. It's like I forgot all about that kind
of and just being in therapy recalling stuff, I'm like, Okay,
I remember this time that yes, my dad was not there,
and it's like, how does that play off of that?
Like how does your dad not being there? What does
that look like now? And it's like, oh, that looks

(44:45):
like I think that my dad is inconsistent and I
can't trust him. And it's like, oh, okay, let's go
back to that situation as a kid and unpack that.
And it's like I think that therapy does things that
you will never get from a regular person because one
they're usually biased too. They don't have enough time to
talk to you like you need to. It's like supostly

(45:08):
having stuff going on, kids in the background, screaming and crying.
It's like you on the phone crying and trying to
sell your deepest leuracy, Like let's wrap this up. And
so having somebody like give me their undivided attention and
just like really sit and listen to my shit, it
was like that's what I need. I need somebody to

(45:28):
because I'm always that person for other people. But it's like,
who do I have that can just sit and listen
to me wine? Like I just want to wine and
I don't want to feel bad for it. Wow, And
therapy allowed me that.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
That's powerful. This is why you're an advocate. Okay. So
I feel this, this is this is my heart, my gut.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
I feel as though this conversation will provide an opportunity
for several black men who's listening right now to reconsider therapy,
to reconsider it now. For many black men would never
consider therapy. So if I can't consider therapy, I'm not
gonna go. But with this conversation and you sharing your truth,
and this happened organically. We did not talk before the show.

(46:09):
I didn't know where we was going to go today,
but this is where we were supposed to go. You know,
if we were to ask you know a lot of
men would not consider therapy, but this conversation opens the
door to reconsider. So with that, It's something I started
doing on the show and I think it's important. I
think it's powerful, and I want to continue doing it.
And that is if you're open to it. Could you

(46:31):
shout out your therapist, that woman that you work with
that help you get to this place, Please take a
moment shut HERU.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
I would I would love to, but I literally do
not remember name.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
I am a.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
Horble with names like.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
Hey, no ay, no shame, no disrespect. What was the
most important is what you got from it. So rather
you remember her name anything, it didn't matter. It was
a black woman who gave it, who helped you get
to where you are, So no worries at all. If
it comes up later, we'll add it.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
Sure, let me look it up before.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
We get out of here.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
I got a few rapid questions I want to ask,
So we're gonna switch gears also, just to tie the
boat in this for any man, any man that's listening
right now, whether you black, white, bipop community, whatever, if
you are a male, if you are a man, please pay.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Attention to this story.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
Pay attention to what was shared because we all have
a father or lack thereof, but there was somebody, right
if it was just that a body.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Somebody who helped us get here.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
This is an opportunity for you to change your entire
life by choosing to do something you would never do,
choosing to do something you never considered doing. Because this
conversation is from two black men who decided, Yo, I'm
gonna try this therapything out and see what happens.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
And that's all it was. Its trial and air, trial
and air, trial and error.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
We gotta be willing to make a decision, to make
a mistake, make a decision to try something new and different.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
So if you thought about it, if you've.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Been contemplating on it, now is the time you can
stop the episode right now and reach out. Go to
psychology today dot com, put in your zip code, find
a therapist you in your area, therapeople black men, there's
plenty of resources out there. Find out, find a therapist
close to you, and reconsider therapy. All right, So putting

(48:20):
the bone at moving to the next piece question for you,
what would you say is your proudest moment or proudest accomplishment.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
I would say, my proudest accomplishment is more emotional, Like,
I think that my produest accomplishment is like the growth
that I've just been able to do as a human being.
I think that just being able to like see myself
in a different space and be able to actually create
that for myself is an accomplishment. I feel like that's

(48:51):
my biggest accomplishment. It's like, yeah, you know, I think
that the natural answers is being like, oh, my degrees
or you know, that could be an accomplishment, but I
really think it was the mind said that I had
that allowed me to get the degree. It wasn't like
I was lucky or like, you know I was, you know,
it was like it was just like my mindset is
my accomplishment. I think that just being able to shed

(49:12):
who I was as a teenager and a child and
really like buckle down in terms of like how I
view myself, be able to eloquently you know, convert that converted,
con convey that to someone else. I think that that's
my biggest accomplishment is like just the growth that I've
had as a man, you know, understanding who who I
am and how I show up in the world. I

(49:33):
would say that that's definitely my biggest accoplishment. That's the
one that I always read back to, like, man, I
feel like I'm doing all right.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
That's huge. That's huge.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
So from your experience in academia higher education administration all
these years in these different places from the Midwest all
the way to the West coast, what would you say
You've learned about other people.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
What I've learned about other people is that, you know,
in my role, I meet with students all the time,
so it's like, I, you know, I see them at
their darkest moments. I work in the student conduct side,
so it's like, these are students who are about to
get suspended or about to get expelled or something like that,
and so I kind of see them at times where
they're going through a lot. Usually when they are, you know,
committing academic dishonesty or something like that, it's because of

(50:18):
something going on behind the scenes. It's not just because
they're like, oh, let me I'm chilling today, let me
get on the online and start cheating. It's like, usually
they're going through something and branded those are they're probably
are some people like that, but majority are definitely going
through things so I feel like what I've learned about
people is that people need safe spaces to be able

(50:40):
to speak on how they feel. I think that people
are layered, multi layered, and I feel like nobody's perfect,
nobody has anything that you can't get for yourself. And
I just think that people, you know, need safe spaces.
And I would say, like, you know, just the being
able to be vulnerable is like a key for you know,

(51:02):
you know, just human beings in terms of like growth
in your own and your own life and how you
think about yourself. It's like that vulnerability key is like
I can't, you know, convey that enough. It's like I
think that that is the key to a lot of
things that allow people to keep people from like growing.
It's like, you can't be vulnerable. You feel like everybody's
gonna judge you if you say how you really feel

(51:22):
all of those things. It's like that vulnerability key is unmatched.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
Wow, Wow, huge, I'm loving all of this. Who is
or was your hero?

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Who is my hero? I would say my brother, my
oldest brother, Kevin. I would definitely say that I think
my hero's change based on my perspective and what I'm
going through in the moment, But for right now, yeah,
I think that I look at my oldest brother as
my hero just because I feel like he you know,
I know where he come from. I know where he
comes from the same environment as me, and I feel

(51:55):
like he has also adjusted his mindset in terms of
like shedding where we come from, and he's like reaching
and going for things that you know people could judge
him for or anything like that, you know, in terms
of like you know, rapping or you know, he's a compliant,
he's an accomplished career. I think that just seeing how
he's been able to grow as a man and as

(52:17):
a person allows me to see like, oh, I can
do it too. And it's also like, you know, we're
both doing it at the same time almost we have
a five year age difference. But I would say that
he's my hero definitely just because of how I've seen
just the work. It's like just being able to see
that upfront and up close, you know that that to
me is honorable for sure.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Wow Wow, big big shout out to cav Kevin Carter.
He will be on the show as well. He will
be definitely on the show. So what's a word phrase,
memory or moment that's stuck with you personally or professionally
you want to share with the listeners.

Speaker 3 (52:51):
I think I kind of talked about it. I think
vulnerability is the word of the day.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Okay, the word.

Speaker 3 (52:56):
Of the day. I think that because I feel like,
you know, a majority of my friends are men, and
I feel like that's the biggest thing that stunts the
growth of men, is that vulnerability key in terms of
being able to be vulnerable. And so I think that
I would just say, like the most the best thing
that you can do for yourself is really be able

(53:18):
to like move without fear, move without fear of judgment,
will move without fear of like the fear that you
have in your from yourself, Like I can't do this.
It's like if you remove that, I feel like everybody
can reach untapped potential, untapped situations and experiences. And it's
like sometimes you just have to just start walking and
start doing because like you can't just be like, Okay,
I got my plan, I'm writing everything down. I got

(53:40):
everything written down, and I'm not actually doing anything. It's
like move at the same time. And I think that
that's just what I would say. Bro. It's like I
think that the vulnerability key is like an unmatched thing.
Like women tap into it all the time. Like I
think that they have their circles, they have their friends
where they can sit and cry and talk about they
nothing do talk about the dude that tearing up their life.

(54:04):
But men do not have those spaces. And I think that,
you know, being vulnerable can help you create a space
because it's like I think that also what I will
say is like me being able to be in touch
with who I am as a person and be able
to be in touch with my emotion and stuff like that.
I think that that does show people that it's possible
and that allows them to see it as well, like, oh,
this is a moment, this is some a safe space

(54:26):
where we can talk about, you know, our childhood or
how our moms get on our nerves or anything like that.
It's just like, you know, I definitely think that that
is what I would say in terms of like really understanding,
like being vulnerable is a key that unlocks a lot
of things that you know, people get stunted by. Essentially,
I love it.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
I listen.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
I hope y'all writing stuff down again, dropping gems. Life
changing information is being shared right now. So if you
could share with the listeners, this is vulnerability at its fine,
it's what's an interesting fact about yourself that people don't know?

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Interesting fact. I don't know if people know that I'm
an introvert because I feel like I don't think that.
I think that. Every time I tell somebody an introvert,
they always kind of shocked, like what, because it's like
I think I have good social skills, and so it's
like social skills kind of get seen as being an

(55:20):
extroverted person, and it's like I'm really a legitimate introvert
when I say that. What I mean by that is
I don't like small talk. I hardly ever remember names
because I'm like, these people are not important. I don't
like it's like, you know, it's just like it's very
hard for me to remember a name because I always
and subconsciously I think like I'm never going to see

(55:42):
this person again. So does it really serve me to
remember your name? Which works terribly for networking, because you know,
networking is like the bane of my existence, Like I
hate doing it. I hate going into rooms and having
to walk up to people and shake hands that you
don't know and try to strike up a conversation, and
so I would say, like, definitely, being an introvert is

(56:03):
something that people do not know about me. Okay, introvert.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
And this also explains why you didn't remember your therapist name.

Speaker 3 (56:11):
This is something like I've never planned on ever recalling her.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
The reason I make it, you're connecting gods, you're connecting,
all right? Too much questions.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
So this is a big one because this is the
three parallels of the show, Who we were, who we are,
who were coming? So if you could use one word
to describe those three parallels of who you were, what
would that word be?

Speaker 2 (56:35):
Who you are? What would that word be, who you're
trying to become? What would that word be?

Speaker 3 (56:40):
So a word for each word? Yes, So who I was,
I would say stunted, Like and do I get to explain?
Or there's a rapid fires like all right, move on,

(57:02):
let's get it. I would just say stunted, like I
think that I had potential, Like it's like nothing was
actually seen in the you know, and you know, it
was like it was seen by other people, but it
wasn't seen by me. And I just felt like I
can only you know, do these things. I had to
stay in this situation. So I would say stunted is
who I was who I am now, I would say transitioning.

(57:30):
Transitioning would be the word like I just I just
feel like I'm always like trying to move on, Like
I'm always I always have a goal. It's always like
I'm working towards something. And so that's kind of like
who I am in this space is like you know,
at thirty four years old, it's like I am just
trying to be my best self. And it's like I
don't feel like I am who my best self now,

(57:51):
but I do feel like I'm working towards that. And
it's like acknowledgement is the first step. It's like, you know,
acknowledging that I am trying to get to this place,
and it's like I know that I'm not there yet.
I feel like, you know, that's the worth that I
use transitioning who I am becoming by God's grace. I

(58:12):
hope it's confident, Like I want confident to be, like
I just want confidence all around, like emotionally, spiritually, financially.
It's like I just want to be like confident and assured,
and it's like all of those things is who I'm becoming,
and it's like, that's what I want to happen. That's

(58:32):
what I'm transitioning to. So that was, you know, that's
what I would say for sure.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (58:39):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Last thing is an opportunity for you to give something
to your listeners outside of all the gyms you've already dropped.
So what we do on the show we give life work.
Life work is a little different from homework. Homework you
take it home, you do it, you never remember it again.
Life work, you take it home, you do it. Your
life will change. So if you could offer a keepsake
or a life work or a challenge to the audience members,

(59:00):
what would it be to get them to make a
small change to change their lives.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
Definitely, I would say have a difficult conversation is the
challenge that I have. I think having a difficult conversation.
I think we often wait on people to bring something

(59:26):
to us or like to make the situation happen. It's like, okay,
if I'll talk to that person, if they were to
call me, or I talked to that person, if you know,
even me standings, I'm like, oh, I got to take
my own advice. But I think that, you know, having
a difficult conversation, it's like a muscle that if you
use it enough and you keep doing it, it becomes

(59:47):
easier and easier where it's no longer difficult. It's like
that person that you feel like you want to talk
to or you have something to say to that you
haven't said. That's the challenge. Like, I think that you
really need to tap into the strength that you have
as a person, be vulnerable in the conversation and just
like reach out because I feel like a lot of
people it's like we kind of like do this, like

(01:00:08):
both people are kind of like holding on to something
and it's like we're not talking. But it's like, you know,
I challenge you to have a difficult conversation with somebody
in your life and it's like, you know, see how
that goes, and just practice vulnerability, Like keep that in
mind when you're when you're having a difficult conversation to
kind of talk about like how you feel and it's
like tap into those feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
That's powerful. That's parallel. You heard it here first.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
Thanks again, Thank you so much for the conversation. I
didn't know where we're going to go and That's what
I love about this show. I don't know what's going
to happen, and I love the fact that we whatever
does happen is exactly what was supposed to happen. So
for all of you listening, I hope you are paying
attention to what was said. I hope you're paying attention
to what was unsaid but you felt. It's a lot

(01:00:53):
of energy, it's a lot of passion behind the things
that were shared, and it's a lot of vulnerability there too.
This is a black man who decided I'm going to
be vulnerable. I'm going to share because I don't care
what you think about me. Had which he had to develop.
He developed it. So if he developed it, that means
we can develop it. We can do the same thing.

(01:01:13):
So thank you, doctor Carter. Okay, I'm giving you that now.
Thank you doctor Carter for being on the show, gracing
us with your presence. I love you, family, I'm proud
of you. I'm impressed by you. I love the fact
that you're living life on your own terms. And regardless
of where we come from, you can't tell based off
of where we are, and I'm very proud and I

(01:01:34):
really appreciate you for coming.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
So if the listeners want to get in contact with you,
how can they connect?

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
Just social media. My Instagram is Casey Jamal with two
underscores k C JA M A L two underscores and
I will be on there.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
There, it is there, it is.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Thank you all for listening, thank you for tuning in,
tapping in. If this show has done anything for you
in any kind of way, share it. Don't keep this
information to you yourself. Don't keep this episode to yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Share it. Give it away. The personal things we can
keep those confidential professional stuff. Give it away.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
But you heard you have some life work ahead, you
have some things that you can do. This is the
Three Parallels podcast where we are learning about who we were,
who we are, and who we are becoming. I hope
this podcast episode was able to bless you. Bless your
life today and if it wasn't, that's on you much love,
Have a great day until next time.

Speaker 3 (01:02:25):
Peace,

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Black Men Do Go To Therapy | Ft. Kenny Carter

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Black Men Do Go To Therapy | Ft. Kenny Carter