Compassion Fatigue & Burnout = Cakebread | with The Dr. Jason Branch - 3 Parallels Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Three Parallel, three Parallel, three Parallel, Parallel. Welcome back to
the Three par Levels podcast, which our host, the doctor
Jason Branch, where we rediscover who we were, we embrace
who we are, and make room for who we're trying
to become. On today's show, were about to go somewhere, y'all.

(00:24):
And if you're watching, you can see where we at.
If you're listening, let me pick the picture for you.
We're in the basement, and we deep in the basement,
like we below the surface basement, like we clean that
one layer, we a little bit deeper. And this deeper
layer is the wine cellar. And it's bottles of wine
around me. It's barrels of wine. It's nice. It's dungeon esque,

(00:46):
but very very nice. I got a little dim light
and I'm down here with you in my basement because
today is the day that I'm choosing to share me
with you with the expectation that this episode will change

(01:07):
someone something. I believe that because what I'm going to
share is a lived experience that I have had where
I am currently where I'm about to go. It's three parallels.
This episode is specifically the podcast Who I Was, Who

(01:28):
I Am? Who I'm becoming, and it starts here in
this wine cellar. And I'm choosing to share this because
this is the last day that I'll be me, this
current forty three year old grown ass man, rusty grown
right last day. How is it the last day? Because

(01:51):
tomorrow my birthday. Let's go big shout out to all
the July birthdays. July fourteenth to be exact, that's mine.
So if you share that birthday me, what's that birthday? Twain,
I'll let you boy, I'll see you my cash app.
Don't send me yours. Put a couple of dollars in
the tank. So every year my birthday, I get really reflective.

(02:15):
I spent a lot of time in the basement, and
for the first time in my life, I'm allowed. I
have the capacity to allow people in this space with
me to talk about who I was, who I am,
who I'm becoming. And I'm excited about it because I
don't know where it's going to go, because that's what
the show is. It's organic. Put a dose and jaquita

(02:37):
banana sticker on my fauex head because it's organic and
we're going on a journey together. But before I even
talk about me and where I'm about to go. I
want to talk about the show, and if you've been
rocking with me since the beginning December four, twenty twenty four,
this show has evolved. I've evolved as well, and I

(02:59):
love of how the show is evolving. I love how
I'm evolving because the show is an aspect of me,
and I love who I'm becoming, who I've been, and
who I'm finna be. And the show is changing in
real time because I'm learning things as I go and

(03:20):
I'm creating on the way said this before. I love
saying it. I'm building the planet the same time i'm
flying it, and I'm a pilot. I'm the co pilot,
I'm the stewardess. I'm in first class feed up, serving
myself a drink. I'm in the middle aisle. I'm in

(03:43):
the window seat. I'm in the back of the plane
in low class, middle seat, right next to the bathroom.
I'm traffic control. I do it all and what I
don't do or not great at, don't have the skill set.
I got a team to help and I'm thankful for
my team. Big shout out to my team. And we're

(04:06):
building and it's a sad band that cannot highlight their team,
and I want to highlight mine while we go. So
first member of this team, because you know, how can
we be man? How can how can I be a
lead singer of the band and not talk about my team?

(04:26):
First thing when it comes to my team, it's my location. Yes,
we're in the cellar, but the seller is inside battle
Cat Studios, battle Cat Studios, it's wherever the hell I
say it is mm hmm, because it's anywhere I am
and I'm mobile, y'all, and I love it. My producer,
big shout out, Maestroke in the building. So Maestro's the

(04:49):
reason you've seen this podcast evolve visually, audibly, the thumbnails
and all. I don't know nothing about that life. Maestro does.
My stro got my back, and my show's phenomenal because
she has an ability to do things that I can't do,
and she's getting better and better at her craft. My

(05:13):
entire team, all of us, everybody that's on my team,
got a nickname alias, so you will never I can't
say never. It's not likely for you to know the
identities of the people of my team. And that's intentional
because everybody don't want to be in the spotlight. I
do now why you think it's audio and video. I
want you all to see me because I've been hitting

(05:34):
for a long time, not anymore, booboo. I have a
marketing an advertisement team as well. You know, marketing advertisement,
that's guru. Guru having a business there, right, so he
takes care of all this marketing promotional stuff, which we

(05:57):
all are getting better at. Financially. You know, I need
an accountant. My accountant, that's by do because she keep
the bag, she get to the bag, she helped me
keep the bags. Okay, that's by do. If you don't
know about doing erkobadu bag lady, okay, put it together.
Keep up with me, all right, and then we have uh.

(06:21):
I don't want to reveal too much, but I have
a partner who has an apparel company. Because we're bringing merch. Okay,
I tell I said, the show is changing. We seven
months in. Merch is coming. You know three parallels, Gator, salamander,

(06:45):
honey bun, who house my house, the sayings, the things
that we do. It's coming, y'all. I'm telling you now, pens, mugs, books,
I'm going to flood you with what I have. Ain't
no choice. I'm just gonna give it to you can
do whatever you want to do it, okay, because I
got it. It's amy and it's coming out. It's on
this way. I'm birthing this thing. So the goat got

(07:08):
me covered there. And then one of my favorites uh
people on my team is Legal. Legal makes care taste,
takes care of copyright and and law and ethics, and
make sure I'm on point because I'm out here. I'm
a balloon, you know, and I need a string on
my team. That string keeps me grounded, a streaming or

(07:28):
the details and the structure, and hey, you may not
want to do or say this or that because of
this or that. So Legal keeps me straight. Legal keeps
me in line. And last but not least, one of
my favorite members of the team is MJ. And MJ's
like the goat. MJ is every MJ that you can

(07:52):
think of who has done really well for themselves, for
the culture, for life, alive or dead. MJ number one,
Michael Jordan greatest basketball player of all time period. It's
not up for debate. And for me, everything Jordan does

(08:13):
or has done, I have been a fan my entire
life because Jordan exemplifies personifies greatness on a lot of
different levels by being who he is authentically. He's not
perfect by any means, but who is. He developed a

(08:35):
level of mastery in his clack, in his craft to
provide people with an experience that they'll never forget. His brand,
his image, you know, the shoes. It represents the culture,
it represents greatness, reping business, so many things. And I'm

(08:56):
a fan and always will be. You think you know
Michael Jackson, Magic Johnson? Any yeh, MJ? Okay, any MJ.
I just think greatness. Okay, you got those niches, You're good.
So yeah, yeah, that's MJ. So I'm a huge fan

(09:17):
of MJ because MJ helps me keep everything together when
it comes to this level of greatness. So that is
my team. Okay, that's the band. That's the band, y'all.
And what I love about the alias of my team
is all these people are on my team and they
don't know each other by their real names. They know

(09:41):
the alias and many of them have never met, never
been in the same room because we work virtually. And
I cannot wait to the day y'all gonna hear about
it that I bring all the people of my team
together and they only know the alias, and they get
to meet each other in person, in real time. I
know everybody, they don't know each other. I cannot wait.

(10:02):
It's going to happen because if you remember my team,
I'm gonna take care of you. I ain't got no choice.
That's what I believe. So if I win, we win.
Get your team, fam get you a team. You cannot
do this alone, okay, get you a team. Wherever you're
trying to go, you're trying to go to that next level.
You cannot do it by yourself, and it's very time

(10:24):
consuming to learn everything to do it yourself. And if
you're trying to do it all yourself, no say no disrespect,
but it might be a trauma response. Ah, put that
couch down and put defrigerator down. Okay, ask for help.

(10:45):
It's okay to ask for help. So that's my band.
I'm feeling like a celebrity right now. Celebrity meaning freedom.
There's a level of freedom there having a team. And
I got a really big thing. We're getting bigger. This
is who we are. We're getting really big. And there's
a song on the playlist podcast playlist Drake really big team.

(11:11):
That song is dedicated to my team. So check out
the podcast playlist, hit shuffle, hit play, whatever comes up
is what you're supposed to hear. But now I'm moving
into this place. I want to share stories related to
the why behind things, and that's why this show is evolving.
So I want to prepare you for what she had
to come. And the core of three parallels connects to authenticity, integrity, love,

(11:36):
giving of self, we were who are becoming, and creativity creating.
I'm a content creator. I never thought, but I am.
I'm a content creator, but outside of the content creator world,
because you can have a lot of thoughts beliefs about that.
There are three professions that I share with other people

(11:57):
of what I do, who I am. This is within
the past month or so. Initially I would just introduce
myself as a professor or a licensed therapist, but now
I introduce myself as three things. A Licensed Professional counselor LPC,
private practice counselor, educator, professor, and I'm podcast host. Those

(12:18):
are three full time jobs and I do them all
and that's because I can. Everybody can't, though, So if
you can do some things, do it and do it well.
Doing it well means just keep doing it and you'll
get better as you go. And that's what I'm doing
here air flight traffic Control, Okay, just figuring it houts

(12:41):
ago and I'm sharing this with you because if I
can do it, I have no doubt that you can.
And I'm learning and building and growing and giving it
back to you. And today's the last day that I'll
ever have this time, this grace, this space, this this age.
I will never this age again. That's something truly amazing

(13:03):
to me. And tomorrow my birthday. O did I tell
you tomorrow my birthday? Let's see you my gash. Yeah,
just in case you want to bless me. I'm joking,
but I'm dead serious. So let's get to the basement, okay,
because this is why we're here, and this is my
birthday show. This is my birthday episode show. Because as

(13:23):
I was reflecting today in the basement, I went really
deep and I went further than I thought I could go.
I had a spiritual awakening in eight minutes today, and
that spiritual awakening came from exposure, education, engagement, mentorship. I

(13:50):
was doing some meditation, prayer, breath work, and listening to
the ambient sounds and just allowed myself to just go
into space. And this is one particular song that's on
Alist that's about eight minutes and some change long, and
I listened to that too reconnect with me and to
bring me to me. And today was a very intense days,

(14:10):
so I had to bring myself back, and when I
brought myself back, I brought myself forward. Let me explain
the reason I'm in the wine cellar is I found
out that me, a wifey is taking your boy to
nap before his birthday. Yes, Lord, I'm finna go to

(14:32):
Napa Valley for the first time ever. Now it's been
a lot of first time ever my son. Last week
we went to Disney, first time ever. I went to
Disney for the first time ever with my son just
turned to turn four when Disney last week. And we're
finna go to NAPO tomorrow and it's going down. I

(14:52):
don't know what to do with myself because you all
know or if you've been there, and I've never been there,
I don't know. So the only thing I know is
what I think. So I'm telling you in real time
what I think, which I don't know. I've never been
so there's a lot of stuff I don't know about
what's there, and all I know is what I think,
which is not real. God, dog, they need you all

(15:13):
to see this, that's the addict. So everything I think
about Napa Valley and my excitement about it is related
to my emotion based off of a thought or image
or an idea or stories or whatever somebody gave me.
So I feel like I've already been there, but I've
never been, so I don't know. One of the most
rude awakenings I've experienced was La La Land, like the

(15:38):
real La La Land La. So before I ever moved
to California, I visited several places here, and La was
a place that I was so excited to visit because
of the glitz and glamour and all the hype, and
it's been in our face for years. So I always
thought La was this thing, you know, the Walk of
Fame and Chinese theater and all these things. And I

(16:00):
finally went and I was disappointed. You know, the soot,
the filth, the homelessness, I'm sorry, unhoused. I didn't know
the cost. Like ever, it was. It was a dream deferred.
It was a dream that died tragically in Lax, I

(16:26):
didn't even get I didn't even get to the star
it isn't in Lax because my ideas and my beliefs
did not align with the reality. And it was a
wake up call like, oh my god, you live here now?
Mind you the level that I am at the oh

(16:47):
I was at that time. I don't know. People that's
living large in La who I'm becoming, I shall, but
who I was I didn't, So you know, I didn't
have access, but what I did have access too, I
was not impressed. And for me going to NAPA, I'm

(17:09):
not even giving myself that much expectation because I've been
disappointed before and I'm still hurt by it. That was
years ago. So I'm just going with an open mind,
open heart, and ready to receive whatever I'm supposed to experience.
So Napple for the first time, happening for your boar birthday,
celebrating big. Now, why is NAPA so important? It's because

(17:31):
Mia is surprising me. Well it was a surprise, but
Mia has a whole time holding secrets, especially good ones.
So I kind of pulled it out over you know,
just being an only child. You know how that goes
be and me kind of got it out of her
and she gave me a little bit and that's all
I needed. So I know we're going to a whinery

(17:52):
and I'll leave it at there for now because now
we're going to go back into the basement. So I'm excited.
I want again who us who I am homecoming. So
I got to go back in time, and I'm gonna
go back in time to go to who I used
to be. So when I first got into this profession,

(18:12):
helping profession, I had expectations as well that everybody was
in it wanted to help, wanted to serve, wanted to save,
wanted to assist, and everybody that was getting help wanted it,
needed it, ready for it the whole. Not just beliefs flawed,
but there were reliefs, and I believe that everybody was
here to serve and everybody wanted help, really seriously wanted help.

(18:33):
And I recognized the reality that's not true. Just because
somebody's a therapist don't mean they got they ish together,
and just because somebody is a client doesn't mean they're
ready to change. So it's been these beliefs ideas in
reality my entire life. But I'm seeing it, noticing it,
connecting the dots more now than ever. So during the

(18:54):
early years of my profession, trying to be everything to
everyone hashtag superman, I believe that I could say the
world and I wanted to be great at this profession.
So I'm doing everything. I'm working with any client population
you can think of, I'm working on them. Why because
I want to be great, not recognizing that I was
great already. I didn't have to know everything, because you can't,

(19:17):
but I believe I could. So I'm studying, learning and
figuring it out. I'm going to work. I'm there early,
i leave late, and I'm working in a residential treatment
facility for substituting abuse. And that's a very difficult CLI
client population for those who don't understand the culture of addiction,
the disease of addiction. It's a tough place to work.
And I didn't know I was getting my degree in

(19:40):
that life. And while I was getting that degree, I
experienced compacity fatigue can burn out, and it almost killed me.
It almost took me out mentally, emotionally, almost took me out.
And I didn't recognize it until I had a supervisor.
Big shout out Katie Abbot. Katie pulled me to the side.
I was hip passed up the time in Birmingham and

(20:02):
Katie but went to the side. Hey, just curious what
do you do after you leave work? Like you work hard,
you here early, you stay late. Just curious, what do
you usually get into after work? You know she was
setting me up because she's a therapist. You know she
set me up. I ain't even know. I'm like, yeah,
when I get down work, I go home and I

(20:22):
watch intervention. And she looked at me, and I looked
at her. She looked at me like there was a problem.
I looked at her like it was a problem. She said,
you watch interventions, yeah, A and E it come on,
I recorded, I watch it and she told me, like,
you never leave work. And I'm like, huh. She said, yeah,

(20:43):
you never leave work because you're doing all this at
work as a therapist, and then you go home and
watch therapy. You watch addiction, you watch Suster's bit, you
watch people going through recovery, and that's not a break.
And I didn't. I never recognize it. I this was
just what I did, and I did it for a
long time. And that was the moment where I started

(21:05):
to wake up because during this time, I was already
diagnosed with situational depression, and I'm taking medications, still showing
up for work, wanting to leave, but don't know how,
because mentally I thought this is what I was supposed
to do, and I kept doing it, and just like
an addict, I would say, this is the year January.

(21:25):
This is the year January came and went February. This's
the year February came and went March. This is the
time July Birthday came. All right, this is the year.
And I never left until it got so bad I
had to, And when it was time for me to
transition out, I didn't tell anybody because nobody was ready,

(21:48):
in my opinion, my belief, nobody was ready to accept
what I had to share, that the job was killing
me and taking me out, and mentally I was spent compassion, fatigue,
burnout was a fole head and I didn't know it
until I did, and once I did, I recognized I
gotta get the hell out of here. I can't tell
anybodycause they're gonna bring me back to stay, because many

(22:10):
of you know, once you do great work, especially for
somebody else, and you're really good at it, people want
you to do more work. When clients find out that
you're an easy win because you're green, they gonna give
you more hell. So that's what I experienced. So when
I finally decided, Okay, this July, this particular birthday, I'm

(22:33):
not going I'm not going to turn this age and
be at this place. And that was the thing I
finally left, put in thirty day notice, had some money saved,
and just decided to leave the profession altogether true story.
I left. I am about four years postmasters private practice thriving.

(23:04):
I'm sorry, surviving, because how can I practice thrive if
I'm not thriving. So I had a practice. I was
in practice, have my license, doing my thing, you know,
striving towards applying to doctoral programs. Like I was the guy,
but I was the guy that was dead inside. And

(23:29):
I was working in an environment where I'm constantly trying
to help and support and give when I'm working with
a client base that was constantly consistently taking, lying, cheating, stealing,
because that's what you have to do to maintain your addiction.
That's how you get to it. Got a lot cheating,
stell so it was a disconnect, but I didn't know
because I didn't have healthy boundaries like you. So I

(23:51):
decided to leave. And when I left, I'm like, okay,
what can I do to get me back to me?
I left the profession completely and I decided to go
to bartender school. True story, true story, one of my
favorite stories of all time because name a licensed professional

(24:12):
counselor and a license bartender. Alwait licensed mixologists to be exact,
but who's counting. So through my experience of doing something
completely different, and we've been talking about this, when you
are done, d you end, you make decisions that's different, uncomfortable,
and new, rather intentionally or unintentionally meaning life, what have

(24:37):
you done? Or you can decide to be done. I
decided and I couldn't tell people because of how people
perceive me and how I perceived myself. So I wore
the mask. And wearing this mask, I had a frat
brother in Atlanta because the Bartendent School was in Atlanta
at the time, and I told him, Hey, man, I

(24:58):
want to crash in your basement for a week opns
and dead. I want to hang out in your basement
for a week. Man, I'm going down for a conference
and stay in your basement. He was like, man, cool,
you good, do your thing. So it was forty hours
and I learned a lot of different things about bartending,
you know, customer service, that psychology behind it, different bottles,

(25:19):
different vineyards, wineries, you know, learned what I was. I
even considered becoming a samaya until I saw the process
and I'm like, nope, no, I'm good. If you haven't
and this is this is a gym. You can do
whatever you want to do with it. If you haven't
seen the documentary Palm SMM, phenomenal documentary around becoming a Samaya.

(25:42):
They interviewed some people who were on a journey to
become sayas and one of the greatest documentaries I've ever seen.
It became a movie later on with Courtney b Vance.
No story the other day anyway, phenomenal loved it. So
becoming a bartender, licensed bartender, license mixologists, I start learning

(26:04):
about different things outside of the profession, and it recharged me.
It re energized me. I'm learning about different spirits and
bourbons and whiskey. I'm learning about alcohol. I've never learned
about it, like officially, like learning. I learned through like
many of us college and whatever you got, I'll drink it.

(26:25):
So even to this day, people asking hey, do you
drink My response anything wet, I'm drinking it. Let's go now,
I'm not doing it. The disease of addiction related to
alcoholism or anything like that. And I don't even drink
as much anymore. But at that time, it was a
culture that I was learning about and I enjoyed it.

(26:47):
The simplicity of it. For example, what I learned being
a bartender, I integrate into the classroom. So I'm talking
about the future of me. Okay, so stay with me.
So as a bartender, one of the biggest key. There's
a big thick book to learn about all these different things.
And you have to know drinks, the ounces, the measurements

(27:08):
by heart. Like I have to study this so a
whole week and I have to take a test and
pass and everything. So I'm learning that the tools of
a bartender typically is a wine key or corkscrew, a lighter,
a pen, two ears in one mouth. Okay, those things

(27:28):
is what you need in time, a clock. It's what
you need to be successful, you know, in doing your
job as a bartender. It took that same concept and
applied to the counseling profession. We need an open mind,
open heart, and two ears on one mouth, a clock
to tell time, openness connectivity like so OFT will start

(27:50):
implementing the two. Now this came later. I just want
to share. But I learned how to be a bartender
in about a week. As soon as I finished. You know,
they help you get a job and all that I finished,
and by the time I got home, I was in
Alabama at the time. By the time I got home,

(28:11):
I had a job offer or job interview to work
at a club, not the club you would think, not
the club you would think. And when I finished bartending school,
you know, finished up that week. You know, I brothers,
you know, we got together and hung out at the
I mean, I had a conference and I just I

(28:33):
gave him what I had, knowing I had this secret
and there's so many people that never knew. So when
I went back home, the interview I had was at
one of the wealthiest country clubs in the state of Alabama.
Mind you, I'm good and grown, got all my credentials.

(28:53):
I'm that guy, and I'm putting that to the side
to be this guy that is a bartender at a
country club, and it was one of the greatest experiences
I ever had in my life. It taught me a lot,
it showed me a lot, and to this day there's

(29:15):
people that's there was there that still have no idea
I am who I am, and I love that. So
when I developed this new identity of being a bartender
and I interviewed for the job, they trained me well
because I was ready. They asked, you know, during an interview,
they asked me about certain drinks. How do you make
a Manhattan How what does it mean to you know,

(29:38):
have a drink that's up or on the rocks or shaken,
I stirred, or what do you do with ice and
temperature and refrigerator? Like it was deep and I killed
it so much so that the bar manager, you know,
was so impressed with my ability to know drinks, the
menu and everything else, Like got hired on the spot.

(30:01):
Come to find out, this bar manager was so impressed
with me. Within my first couple weeks of work, he
offered me a job serve as a manager because he
was retiring. I'll share more in a moment. And the
job offering for the manager was more than I was
making as a therapist, and I'm like, Tobartan, what so

(30:25):
let me break down more. I want to again. We're
on this journey together. We're in the basement. I hope
you're having a good time. Get your drink, get you something,
you know what I'm saying, little tea little call, whatever,
because we're going on the ride together. And this is
therapeutic for me as well, because I never gave myself
permission to go here. I started it today, which is
how I had that moment. But I'm giving more through

(30:45):
this conversation that we're having together, this journey that we've
heard together. So I got hired on the spot, and
this is the wealthiest country club and it was all white,
no signs on the door, nothing that said White's only,
none of that. But there were no black members, There
were no members of color, There were no members that

(31:06):
were a part of marginalized community communities. Based off of
what I could see, the only people of color that
was at this country club worked there, including me. And
it was a humbling experience to be who I am

(31:27):
and have this knowledge and awareness and humble myself enough
to be in this space to take care of myself
by serving other people. I went from encouraging people not
to drink to encouraging people to drink, because the more
you drink, the more I get paid, because the more
you drink, the more you going to drink. So I
did the complete opposite and it helped. So being at

(31:49):
this country club and the only people that worked there
were people of color, and all the members were white,
and there were families from all over. And these are
families that came from that came from money, like they
were born into it, you know, like different companies that
you may know love like these are the descendants of
the people that found these particular companies. Again, I'm keeping

(32:13):
things confidential because I ain't trying to get sue or
eat whatever. I don't want nobody to come from me.
I ain't got time. I ain't got it, I said
one of the wealthiest in the state. I ain't got it,
not yet anyway, So I'll be as discreet as I can.
But the you know, imagine the founder of ketch Up,

(32:36):
you know, Hines, like John Hines. Imagine John hines granddaughter
is a member of the club, you know, like that
was the club. And if you these are companies that
we know to this day. The family, the descendants were there,
and these people would come in there, and they were
three days, three times a day, you know, breakfast, lunch,
and dinner. They're at the club. And I learned so

(32:59):
much from being here because I was able to infiltrate
a space and nobody knew who I was. And if
I tried to go in a different route, even going
through the front door, I wouldn't have access as my
normal self. But I have access because I got this
kumba bun on boltie, you know, black slave, it was

(33:24):
black white. I was penguing all day long with a
name tag. And humbling isn't even the word. But the
humble wasn't about me having these credentials and degrees and
doing this work. The humbling was nobody knows who I am,
and I see everybody, and I know things that the
average person doesn't know. So looking at the staff, you know,

(33:46):
having a matre d, I learned what the matre d was.
I never heard the word in the day of my life.
The hell is a matre d. I ain't come from privilege,
I ain't come from money, okay, came from the streets.
After mud baby, we didn't have Matre D's, we had
Mickey D's. This close things to it. Okay, so you know,
learning these Matre D's and these bar managers. These people

(34:06):
have been in this club for twenty thirty years, working
for thirty years. So when I was there, a lot
of people was retiring. That's why the bar management position
was becoming open. This person was retiring. You've been there
twenty years. And it blew my mind because there was

(34:28):
also families there. So a lot of people I was working,
the servers that was family. They had generations. You know,
my son works here, my daughter works here. We're taking
care of and it felt like modern day slavery to
a certain extent, meaning tradition, culture, family, ancestral, generational, like
it's this system that's been happening for years and years years,

(34:52):
and not to the extent when I say modern day slavery,
I'm talking about the mindset was related. Not that we
were like slave and nothing like that, but the mindset
was and the mindset was, we're here to serve, and
you know, we could speak, we can be cordial, but
there are certain events and activities where we're viewed as furniture.

(35:17):
Yeah you're there, but you're not really there and you're
there to serve. Again, I'm in the middle of that,
and you know, there are times where didn't bother me,
and there was others where it did because this is
in the two thousands and it's just happening in real time.
And I never could have had access to this club

(35:41):
by being a member because the first time they even
considered a person of color was this really wealthy person
that came into town during the season. I was there
and his name was on the wall where he was considered.
That's it just considered one person. And you know, they

(36:06):
had a card room, men's card room, only men allowed,
and their women were not even allowed, not even the
workers card room. They had a golf course. I mean,
it was nice. It looked like a plantation. It was
NAIs I just hear Jim Carrey in the back, you know,
working work in a car room, like yeah, we you know,
we play on our greens. We don't eat them, you

(36:28):
know what I'm saying, Like I just saw it was.
It was. It was a time. It was a time
where I start seeing and learning about wealth on a
level that I never thought possible because a lot of
these members, you know, they played golf every day. You know,
they would wear a certain attire that was custom made
to play golf. They would have this person fly in

(36:49):
from France to measure people for their golf attire. Never
seen anything like it before. And I had access, full access,
because I was good at what I did and I
was curious about everything. And you know, men's card room
was exclusive. You know that popcorn, all these all these

(37:10):
different things there, but people weren't allowed in this space.
And then you know I was. I served as well,
but for the most part it was at the bar.
So as a bartender of the country club, there was
a certain station where that was the bar. But they
would have events and weddings and all these things where
I'll be barching for that, and then members get really
cool with you and they invite you to their home

(37:31):
to serve as a bartender. So I'm in these multi
million dollar homes serving and nobody knows who I am
at all, and I'm soaking it up. There will be
a book about this too. I'm just giving me a piece.
And I just saw things I would have never saw
and experienced things I never would experience if I did
not step outside my comfort zone. And do something completely different.

(37:56):
One of the greatest experiences that I had there was
my exposure to different spirits and the business model of
the selling of alcohol. So this country Glove had several
wine sellers with wines from all over the world, from

(38:18):
a bottle as low as twenty dollars to a bottle
as high as one thousand dollars, fifteen hundred dollars or more,
from all over the world, different years, different vin yards,
the whole nine. I was curious about it, so I
learned a lot about it, and it was this one
particular wine. So you had house, so you got house wines,
house liquor houses, whatever they got, like this is our norm.

(38:40):
And their house could be you know, gray goose fokon
instead of like smearing off, no shade, no respect, but
grey goose. You know, it's considered top shelf there. It
could be considered house. Another story for another day. This
is a lot. I guess I really need to write
this out because I'm having processing while sharing. So I

(39:06):
want to get to where we're going to. All these
wines from all over, and I tried several from all over,
champagnes and different things like that. That's what I love
about job and drinking the job. And we got automatic
twenty percent tip, so no matter what you bought, you
can get a coat twenty percent tip. Like people were
just not worried about money. But I learned about people
and how they lived from wealth, talking about you know,

(39:28):
vacation and going on holiday and having a house over
here and there, and you know, connecting with certain celebrities
and entertainers and they're just talking about it, and I'm
there right in front of them, but I'm furniture. They
don't see me. Just want to talk about it. And
one thing that I noticed at this club was a

(39:50):
particular bottle of wine that would stop the show every
single time. And I don't know why, but it was
this green bottle that people will order and you can
buy it by the glass, which was about twenty to

(40:11):
twenty five dollars a glass, or you can get it
by the bottle about you know, two hundred dollars a bottle.
And this particular wine was so popular because of the
culture there that it could be wines that cost way
more from all over the world. But this particular wine

(40:35):
was made of Napa Valley and it's called cake bread Chardonnay.
I don't know if you're familiar or not, but Napa
Valley cake bread, charne or it is called cake bread
cellars cake bread. This won't give you a little little hint, right.
It's a light golden color and it opens up with
a vibrant of roma's of green apple, lemon, and pear,

(40:57):
accented by hints of white flowers and baking spice. On
a pallette. The wine is a medium body with flavors
of ripe melon, lemon, curd, creme breulet, and vanilla fresh acidity,
and just pick citrus flavors that are balanced with the
subtle oak notes, delivering a long balance finished across your palette.

(41:24):
Cake Bread Chardonnay was that wine? And I never heard
of it, never seen it, but the name alone gave
me chills. Cake bread. Whenever somebody said cake bread, we
everybody knew. Okay, Number one, who pouring it up? Because
you're fin get a nice tip? Number two? What table
is it going to? Because anybody that over ordered cakebread

(41:47):
was somebody because everybody in order, but those who did knew,
And I never understood this energy around cake bread just
did to this day, didn't understand it, but at this
particular country club, cake bread was everything. You can have

(42:10):
a table right next to it with a five hundred
dollars bottle from Australia, no one bad ni. But when
you have cake bread on the table, everybody named Mama
was trying to figure out who this person was, what
was their last name, cause the last name is how
people knew who was who. And there were no money
exchange for the most part. Everything was through the membership.

(42:33):
You just signed a ticket, you didn't. You rarely saw
cards and money rarely, so if you got a ticket,
it was on a ticket. If you got a tip,
it was on a ticket. Cash just wasn't really a
big deal deal at that time. So the entire time
I was there, I didn't have a chance. I didn't

(42:56):
have a chance to try cake bread until I was
us and usually it was like whatever's left, we're tried
out because it couldn't open a bottle, nothing like that.
So it wasn't until this wedding. So if people had
cake bread, like we just didn't. As a staff, as
a bart you just didn't have access to the bottle.

(43:17):
You can have the food and do all these different things,
but we just couldn't do a lot of things, so
I never tasted it, but I knew it was there,
not every every day, like anybody ordered cake bread, you know,
it's gonna be an event. And then it wasn't until
I worked the wedding. There was a wedding and at
this country club, people were competing against who had the
best wedding, you know, one point five million dollar wedding,

(43:39):
you know, two million doll a wedding. Like the dads
were in odds like yeah, we both members, but you know,
my daughter's going to get this or that, and it
was over the top, but it was it worked for them.
I didn't understand it, but I love working it because
I could drink all day and I did. I enjoyed
myself and I start trying to different things. And it

(44:00):
wasn't until this one particular wedding that they had cases
of cake bread flown in because that's how much they ordered.
We ain't even have enough. They had to get it
flown in and it was cake bread everywhere, and I'm like,
these people are those people my goodness? And it was

(44:22):
at this wedding. I've been there probably over a year now.
It was at this wedding when I finally had a
chance to try this amazing bottle that everybody raves about,
and I tried it, and I loved it more so
because of the experience, the story, the narrative, the energy. Again,

(44:44):
anybody have cack reread everybody in mom looking at them.
That's what made me enjoy the wine. I don't know
if it's good or bad. The experience of what I
had is what I find value in. So when I
finally had it, it was a moment of like, man,
I have made it. Whatever that means, one of the

(45:07):
greatest experience I ever had. And after that, I end
up finding myself. After you know, my stint at the
bartending ended up finding myself. And you know, I wasn't
dealing with compassionate fatigue and burnout anymore. I was getting better.
I was getting healthier. And this is where I created

(45:28):
the ESPM model for self care emotional, spiritual, physical, mental,
feel those four cups. That's where it originated from. By
being here in this space, having fun, meeting new and
different people, being a chameleon, being somebody I've never been before,
different versions of me because I can act and be
anybody that wanted to be every day. Nobody knew. Some

(45:50):
of the people you know have visitors and different things
like that. I could be whoever I wanted it every day.
So after my stint, I got better, I got healthier,
and me getting healthier, I didn't need to take medication anymore,
I didn't need to psychiatrist anymore, me getting better, my
self care was on point. I was flourishing. And I

(46:11):
always said, like, I'll never work in addictions again. Guess
what the first job was when I went back residential treatment,
outpatient clinical director? What the hell? So that experience gave
me what I needed again. I'll talk more about it
in the book. But cake bread became this symbolic thing

(46:34):
for who I was, who I am, and who I'm
becoming because I always had a dream that or the
thought that one day I'm gonna buy me a bottle
of cake bread, and that one day never came. Never
experienced it outside of the country club, couldn't find it,
couldn't find it anywhere. So I mean, for years, y'all

(46:57):
got cap bread. No, we just ran out, y'all, cake
bread man. We got this corn bread over here, though
you want some of that? No, I want cake bread.
Charonee Napple Valley cake bread sellers. I can't. I don't
want nothing else. And I tried other cake breads but
it was nothing like that and I never had access
to it. From that point, fast forward, got my life together,

(47:23):
moved on with my life, you know, still cake bread
is in the back of my mind. And I ended
up meeting this older couple that was celebrating like thirty
years of marriage and they were sharing their story about
their love for cake bread, and to celebrate their marriage,

(47:46):
they went to cake bread sellers in Naple Valley and
they had a tasting experience and I'm blown away. You
did what? This was random, this random couple celebrating You
did what it? Yeah, we went cakebread is a oh man.
It was great. I mean it's expensive, but it was great.
I mean, they talked about it and they never experienced
anything like that before, being who they are and at

(48:07):
their age, and I just got inspired, like, if they
can do it, I can do it. I didn't even
know there was an actual winery vineyard. I had just
my ignorance. I didn't know. I didn't even think about
that option, and cake bread always stood out to me.
So when I heard from the couple. That's when I

(48:28):
started moving this energy towards one day. I'm gonna go
to NAPA and I'm gonna go to cake bread sellers
and buy my first bottle from the source. That means
I'm him. I have to be. Who else can I be?

(48:48):
Because everybody who got that bottle was him, was her,
and everybody knew it. Tomorrow, to celebrate my birthday, I'm
going to this winery and I'm geeked, I'm giddy because

(49:10):
it's full circle. I had to become this version of
me in order to experience what I'm about to experience
that I haven't even experienced yet. It's going to be phenomenal.
You know why because I said so. It's going to
be great. You know why because I said so. All
the meaning that I give to it is my meaning.

(49:33):
Because everything in life that you give meaning to it's
your meaning, and whatever you say goes. I just want
to talk about facts. So for me and mine, we'ven
to have us a good time and I can't wait.
So when me and I met seven years ago, she
heard the story about the dream, and you know, pandemic happened,

(49:56):
and life was happening, and we was on all the
side of the country in jury, so it just didn't happen.
And this year is the year post COVID, we outside y'all,
where I finally get to experience the experience of going
to cake bread sellers and having several glasses to represent

(50:18):
the several versions of me that could only watch, that
could only sip what's left, that could only have leftovers,
that could have scraps, that could have a piece. Now
I get it at all, and it don't run out,
why would I drink anything else? So for those who've

(50:41):
never had cake bread, I'm guarantee you probably gonna get
something now. So I want you to think about exposure.
For many of us never heard of cakebread, sharnay, Now
you know of it or about it, and it means
something to you. Even if it didn't exist before you
listen to this episode, it exists. It exists now, and
I'm sure you googled it and now that it exists

(51:04):
to you, It's always existed for however long it did,
but now it exists to you in reality. Now you
have a choice. If you never knew about cake bread,
you didn't have a choice to ever try it. Now
you do. You have a choice to look at it
and research and learn more about it, and now to
try it and where to find it? Go luck with
that if you find it. Same here about it. But

(51:26):
I haven't found it anywhere outside of that country club,
which is so wild to me. And now I am
here and I am him. I share this story to
show you humanness, humility, authenticity, emotional intelligence and me. And

(51:50):
what's so interesting about this story. I just played up
how big cake bread is being in the wine and
spirits industry. I learned how things work and how I learned.
It's the other side of the coin. Because we get
so caught up on one side, I want you to
know the other side. The other side of the coin
is in this industry, you know, hospitality services, hospitality management,

(52:15):
wine and spirits, there's typically eighty two i'm sorry, typically
sixty five to eighty five percent markup on average, and
with this particular club, eighty five to one hundred percent
markup on every item sold. Why because everybody in there

(52:40):
could afford it. Why money didn't matter, It was the experience.
So although this bottle cake bread was sold for two
three hundred dollars, you can buy it at a grocery
store for about forty bucks. Now, the reality is my opinion,

(53:07):
my assumption, most people that had cake bread at the
country club wasn't getting cake bread at the house. Why
would I buck whine for the house. But I can
go right to the club and get it and be
around my people. So the truth around cake bread for

(53:29):
thirty forty dollars a bottle, the image, the idea, the feeling,
the emotion, the narrative, all the things around it that
was given to this bottle. That I gave to this
bottle because of the people. The fact remains, it ain't
that deep, it's not that expensive, it's not that serious.

(53:51):
We made it that So if we have that much
power to give to it ananimate object that we consume,
imagine the being that you can be by shifting your belief,
your perspective, your narrative. Because as human beings, that's all

(54:13):
we have. So if I'm choosing me, I'm doing the work,
and the work is in the basement, and if you
go deep enough, you'll end up in a seller. That's
exactly where we are right now. I hope this story,

(54:34):
this journey, this experience that we have in before my
forty fourth birthday is impactful, is inspirational, it's encouraging. It
gives you something, because that's all I can do is
give of me. And this the last day that I'll

(54:55):
be at this age, which means this version of me
is no more. I appreciate you for rocking with me
up until this point. And where we're going next, I
don't know, because I'm getting to know him, just like
you're getting to know you. This has been another episode

(55:20):
of the Three Parallels podcast hosted by Your Boy the Doctor,
Jason Branch, better known as cake Bread Hollo

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Compassion Fatigue & Burnout = Cakebread | with The Dr. Jason Branch

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Compassion Fatigue & Burnout = Cakebread | with The Dr. Jason Branch