From Culinary Arts to Counselor: The Recipe for Becoming HIM | Ft. Mr. David Barnes - 3 Parallels Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the Three Pallels podcast, which your host
d Doctor Jason Branch, where we rediscover who we were,
we embrace who we are, and we make room for
who we're trying to become. On today's show, as y'all know,
it's June Black Men Mental Health Month, I'm gonna claim
the whole month for us when it comes of mental
health and wellness. And I have someone that I connected
with recently who I consider to be my brother from

(00:21):
another mother, because there was just instant connection, instant chemistry,
and it's like when you know when you connect with
someone and you just know, it just feels real. It
feels familiar, it feels like family, feels like culture, it
feels a connection. You don't ignore those things. So this
particular brother I had the opportunity to meet a little
while back from another black male therapist who was also

(00:42):
on the show, mister Lewis Johnson. Shout out to Lewis,
who is one of my supervisors and now colleague business partner.
He introduced us because he felt as though there was
a connection, there's energy, these guys need to be connected,
and he was right. So our first conversation led us
to all the way where we are now, and now
I have the pleasure of giving you access to a

(01:04):
phenomenal man who will be doctor Barnes one day. Ladies
and gentlemen, everybody else in between. Welcome mister future doctor
David Barnes. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Baby. Yeah, thank you so much, such a warm welcome,
and right back at.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
You like, yeah, I feel like the same of your
brother from another mother, and like I'm so glad that
lewis connected us because yeah, I can tell we're going
to be friends for life.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah it's done until you say all right, I've had enough.
You stuck with me. That's just what it is LifeWise.
So I want to dive in, as you know, us
as black men having conversations about mental health wellness. It's
not a common thing. I wish it was, and I
feel as though one day it will be, but it's
not yet. But we are in a space to have

(01:48):
these conversations. So I'm curious where did your insight, understanding,
or even desire to get into this profession to serve
as a clinician, especially as a black male.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Yeah, that's a good question, I guess you could say.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
So I'll quick backstory.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
When I was a kid, I went from living in
Philadelphia to the suburbs and a little town called Royce.
Uh in Philly, everything that we were about to learn,
everybody in Roysborg had just learned Royce Rose, mostly white neighborhood.
In the school, I think it was me and my

(02:27):
sister and one other kid were the only black.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Kids the elementary school.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
And I went through school, I went wound up getting
into like special ed because you know, I couldn't learn
everything uh in a short amount of time that all
these other kids had just finished learning. So I went
to special education. And you know, I think I took
the lesson from that point that like, uh, if you
don't do well with something, they're gonna make it easier
for you. So I didn't really try too hard. Fast

(02:53):
forward to high school. You know, I wasn't a really
good student, so naturally they pushed me into like a
tech career path. And you know, I went to the culinary,
which was cool. I loved the cook still love the
cooks to this day. But I looking back years later,
I was like, you know, I wish someone was really
there to help me find my path.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
So once I kind of got out of my own
way because you know, I.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Went to culinary school, didn't think I was smart enough
to like get like a you know, four year degree
stuff like that. School wasn't for me because I wasn't
getting good grades. Didn't really realize still later it was
just because I wasn't really trying, really applying myself.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
I didn't realize that I needed to for what I
should do.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
And then I looked back and I was like, man,
I wish I had somebody who helped me find my path.
So when I went back to school, I decided to
go for psychology, and it wound up going into the
school counseling track because I really wanted to be somebody
for the young people who could help them find their path,
find who they are.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
And just you know, believing themselves a lot more than
I did at that time.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Man, that is incredible. That's incredible. And another example of
brother from another mother. I had a very similar experience
of just not knowing how great I was, because that's
what I heard you just say. You didn't know, you
didn't know how great, how brilliant you were, and you
didn't have anyone at the time to let you know that,
to share that. So it sounds like you know, full circle.

(04:14):
Your experience in that environment gave you an opportunity to consider,
how can I help somebody else like that, that little boy,
that person that I was, which led you to this career,
which I think is phenomenal. Man. So thank you, thank
you for sharing that story, sharing your truth. And you know,
I'm curious to know, like you could have chose any

(04:34):
career path like you could have been in culinary. You
love to cook, but you decided I want to go
in this different direction. But not only going into a
different direction, you're still hungry for more. Tell us tell
us more about that, because you could have even said
I got the degree, I'm good, No, but you didn't
do that, so tell us more.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
I was just talking to my wife, who is doctor Barnes,
about you know, what makes us do certain things and
how when you know, like I said, didn't get didn't
get good grades all throughout high school and everything. And
it wasn't that experience it made me go back to school.
It wasn't that experience it made me want more. It

(05:14):
was something else. It was like a thirst for knowledge,
a curiosity about things. I think curiosity is a great
antidote to a lot of the bad things in this world.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Being curious.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
But I don't know, Like when you like something, when
you get good at something, you want to get more
of it.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
You want to you want to keep going, like I
don't know. We we I think humans.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
We we're not easily satisfied with things. When we get something,
we want more of it. And that can be a
bad thing a lot of times, but it can also
be a good thing. With education, with learning, with connection
with people, more you connect more, you want to connect, Like,
I don't know. I was just talking to a kid
right before this who was saying, you know, before he's
on the spectrum and making friends has never been like

(06:00):
really easy for him, but he didn't. He was okay
with that until he made a really good friend, and
then that friend went away and it was like, oh man,
now I want I want more friends. And something about
us that we want more of what we get but
before we get it, you know, we don't know that
we want it. We don't know how good it is.
But you know, I didn't know how wonderful education and learning.
Now I've listened to books all the time. I didn't

(06:20):
know how awesome it could be just to keep learning
things and keep finding out new things and being curious
about STUFFE.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Wow, wow man, I'm loving all of this. All of this.
I hope to the listeners you're paying attention, and I
hope you' writing this stuff down. If you haven't wrote
it down yet, now's an opportunity to get your journal,
get your notebook. If you don't have either, go to Amazon,
get you gator Stairs notebook, journal, so you can write
this stuff down. Because these are gems, these are breadcrumbs.
These are ripples in the pond. And with what I

(06:47):
know about ripples is they make an impact. And what
you're sharing right now is impactful information because it's your truth,
is your story, and there's somebody else, another black man
listening that's in the space now where you were in
the past. I think it's really important for you to
know that. So with this, I agree with you one
hundred percent, especially if it's something that we like that
we didn't know. So this exposure, it sounds like, played

(07:09):
a huge role in you knowing, Okay, there's other things
out there that I could do that I like that
I enjoy and helping other people and you moved in
that direction. I'm also curious related to counseling itself, because
for many of us, as black men, we would never
we would never consider being a client, a counselor a
councilor educate. We wouldn't consider that. So not only did

(07:31):
you consider it, you're on this side and even considering
going higher. How did this happen? Where was this exposure
for you to consider, like, this is the career, this
is where I want to go, even though many of us,
as black men specifically, are not there. What's the story?

Speaker 3 (07:48):
How like I decided to get into this even though
there's like not.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
A lot of Yeah, like you could you could have
did culinary or I'm gonna do this. There's a lot
of black chefs. You're like, Nah, I'm gonna go in
these white schools. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna be in
these spaces being one of one more often than not,
and I'm going to continue to pursue this thing.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
So I think being in a mostly white school was
a blessing and a curse.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
It was.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
It was bad because you know, it can be really
hard to find your identity when you're around a bunch
of people who are not like you.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
It can really really hard to figure out who you
who you are.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
And you know, I for many years, I just wanted
to fit in. I just wanted to not stand out,
So you know, I denied liking certain things that like
are stereotypical Black folks.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
You know, somebody passed me if you a fried chicken,
I'd be like, no, no, no, I'm good the other way
like I do Amelon.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
But but at the same time, like the blessing part
of it is is being around kids who who, for
lack of a better word, were privileged and didn't didn't
see that they couldn't do certain things. It helped me
to just be like, well, you know, I'm used to
being in spaces that aren't there are any other black people,
and I'm used to being in spaces where there aren't

(09:04):
other black men or men in so like, I can
do that. I think where I got my sense of
confidence through this would helped me go back to school
was reading a lot of like.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
Self help books.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
Seven Habits Highly Effective People is one of my top
books that like really helped me like break through some
of my own limitations and break through some of the
things that I was telling myself maybe I couldn't do
I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't good enough.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
For certain things.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
And I call it now positive brainwashing. I'm always trying
to listen to motivational things, trying to listen to positive things,
kind of be around other positive people like yourself, so that,
like my brain, my inner dialogue is always pushing me forward,
always saying what I can do, instead of saying, like
a lot of other people I know, like oh no.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
You can't do that. Are you too old for this?
You too for that? And like you know that doesn't
help me. Like I'm like, nah, let's see what we
can do.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Wow, incredible, this these are the moments and for me,
like hearing your story, this is your norm, you know,
it became to be your norm where it's just this
is who you are. And for a lot of people
they wouldn't consider this, but to me, I want to
highlight it because this is what helped you become this
version of you now, which is very different than who
you were growing up. And with this exposure, because that's

(10:17):
what I keep hearing you like, you've been exposed to people, places,
and things and you took advantage of it. Being a
student of life, being a student of the profession, being
a student period has really helped you grow in a
lot of different ways. And I'm curious to know what
does this mean for you, like having this mindset, this knowledge,
this awareness, especially self awareness because you mentioned confidence too.

(10:40):
They didn't come overnight. So where did you get this
level of self awareness, self discovery and curiosity. You just
seem to be curious about everything, especially the self health
piece self health piece. Where did this come from and
where you want to go with it? Just curious?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Well, kind of like you mentioned, like being exposed to it.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I think, hmm, one of the best gifts that you know,
we can give to the next generation is that kind
of curiosity and giving them that mindset of like what
they can think about what they can do. And it's
just like you said, being being exposed to these different things.
And it didn't come overnight. It was I have been

(11:25):
pretty insecure about my intelligence for a long time, and
probably it wasn't until like I got my master's agree
with the four point h mind you that I was like,
maybe I'm not dumb, you know, maybe maybe I'm not
super dumb.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
An so you so real quick we have to talk
about it because it's so similar. My lived experience is
very similar to yours. Not knowing what I was capable of, so,
you know, going through the ranks of education and even
to get to the masters, like thinking you were one
version of you and you were actually somebody different. How

(11:58):
did those worlds collide? You know, especially after you reached
the pinnacle of I made a four point oh on
a master's program.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Yeah, a lot of reflection, a lot of self thinking
about like you know, okay, well at this point, yeah,
I wasn't.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Getting it grades. Why Why was that? Was that? Because
like I was trying my best and.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
Like it just wasn't happening. Noah, I wasn't trying. And
then like reminding myself of like who I was back
when I was in Philadelphia schools in elementary, I was like,
wait a minute, I used to get like straight a's
back then. It wasn't until I went out into this
other environment that like my grades were not great. And
then I think I think it was because I wrote
my ironically. In my last English class at culinary school,

(12:40):
I had to write a reflective paper and that I
think that's what really sparked the idea that like, hey,
maybe you know, I have some more in me, maybe
I can I can do better in it. You know,
I really had to think about it, like, yeah, I
have not been like really trying. And when I was
in high school, it wasn't cool to try, so, like
you know what I mean, Like the cool kids they
were like, ah, no, I'm not study for a test.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Nah, We're gonna go over here, and so yeah, yeah,
really reflective.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
Wow, man, that is incredible And a lot of us
don't give ourselves time to do that. So you gave
yourself time for that. And I also heard a lot
and for the listeners that you all know a lot
of these concepts. We speak a different language here, and
what I hear is two plus two was five two
plus four beliefs in facts. You started challenging these beliefs

(13:28):
that you had about yourself and recognized they were not facts.
Was it. I wasn't capable? Absolutely not. I didn't try.
I didn't have to, Like that's a fact. That's a fact.
And when you start really diving into the facts, it's
hard to hold on to beliefs. And for many of us,
we hold on beliefs to so long for so long
they become facts even when they're not. And for you, you
decided to invest in yourself personally and professionally, and it

(13:51):
changed everything. And I can't imagine what you do for
your clients because of what you've done for yourself. Ooh,
that's about I can't imagine, because you did it for you. Like,
in my opinion, that's what makes great clinicians, those who
are doing the work on themselves constantly, consistently to help
other people do the same because we're not here to

(14:13):
give advice tell people what to do. We're here to
help people help themselves. And it sounds like you're able
to do that because you did it for yourself from
that little boy all the way that he's grown. Ass man,
let's go listen. Listen. I told y'all, I told y'all
who was coming. I love it. I love it.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
You can't say something that jump in.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Let's go.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
You're right, But I think there's a fine line between
knowing that you made it from here to hear and
still being able to be empathetic and connect with people
who aren't there yet. Because when you're free, I don't know,
you know, like that old Plato's allegory in the cave,

(14:55):
but like when you break free from freedom and you
see the real world, it's hard to convince other people
who are in bond is that they can be free too,
you know. And I know mister Rogers is one of
my other heroes. He would say, like, the biggest mistake
parents make is forgetting their childhood.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
And I think a lot of us as those knew.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
I knew teachers who have been through trauma who were
less empathetic because they're like, well, I made it through myself,
so you know they need to too. And it's just,
really it can be. It's, like I said, a thin
line between like knowing that you made it through this
thing and reaching back to help other people, but still
remembering that, hey, it's hard down there and you don't
know that, Like you know, the water's not as deep

(15:37):
as it looks. All you see is like you drown it.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
You know.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
That's powerful. That's powerful. Thank you for sharing that. In
full circle. These are full circle moments that we don't
take credit for, we don't reflect on often. And what
I'm hearing from you is you became the person that
you needed in several different areas and aspects of your life.
You're him now, capital AI, I am you're him now,

(16:03):
And to me this also speaks volumes to the confidence
where you're not competing or comparing yourself to anybody else,
but you in different versions of yourself and big picture,
I feel as though you know your degree, your education,
your knowledge based being a student, especially with self self development,
has enhanced your awareness, and I agree with you one

(16:24):
hundred percent. We see life differently because of our awareness,
and the empathy allows us to go back and pull
people up with us, which you don't have to do.
So I'm curious what gave you that passion of I
feel moved. I feel that I have an ability and
I want to take people with me to see life

(16:46):
in a different way that works for me, so maybe
it can work for somebody else. You don't have to
do that, but you've chosen to do that. Where does
that come from?

Speaker 2 (16:57):
That's a really good question. It sounds like you're doing
us solution focus work question I would.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Ask, But yeah, you know, I don't know that I
ever thought.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
That I had the ability.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
I think I just thought I want to help other
people finor path I think that's why, you know, we
go to school and we get training and different things,
and I think I hoped that through that training, through
learning these things, I'd be able to use some tools.
But you're right, like it, it is so much deeper

(17:33):
than the tools we use, Like it's it's who we
are to try to help and.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
Lift other people.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
And you know, I think I did have a lot
of good examples in my life of people who did
try to uplift others, people who did try to help
others nothing more than an encouraging word. I think, you know,
that's that's one of the best things about the community that, like,
you know, I remember growing up not not not the
schools I went to, but you know, I I throughout

(18:00):
my whole life, I stayed at a church and I
have been a part of a really great community there.
So like though I was going to school with all
white kids, I did still get to hang out with
family members and friends who were black, and I was
able to develop some sense of identity there. Sorry rambling now, God.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
No, you're good. You're good. You're good. I am curious.
You mentioned church because that's a big thing within our community.
How did you navigate life because for many of us,
within the church setting, or religious setting, especially black sometimes
we hear the narrative that, you know, you go to God,
you go to Jesus, you don't go to therapy. You
don't do therapy. We don't do therapy. So how did

(18:42):
you overcome that in what was your lived experience? And
how did you overcome it to consider this profession rather
as a client or as a therapist or even going further.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
So I'm thankfully.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
I don't think anyone in my life actually said those
kind of words to me, but I know other people
who have. And I always thought it was funny because
I'm like, they don't say that when like you break
your leg. They don't say no, no, no, no no, don't
go to the doctor. Just just just pray on it,
you know what I mean, Like they tell you to pray, pray,

(19:14):
pray on the way to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Don't do it.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Don't let him out.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
And you know, my BITCHO will say, you know, uh,
God gave the doctors the ability to fix these things,
the ability to help these things, like and they can
set the leg, but guy's gonna heal it. Like it's
not that the doctors are God. It's not either or
it's you know, saying like you don't say that a
kid who's feeling the math, well, just just pray on it. No, no, no,
take your butt upstairs and do your homework, do some study,

(19:40):
like you just say, just leave it to.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
God like that. No, not ask guy.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
It's a co construction, you know, just like we talked
about therapy. It's a co construction. It's not one or
the other. Guy's got his part, the huge part. Couldn't
do it without guy. For me, couldn't do it without
church and religion and stuff like that. But there's also
something I can do it. Don't mean I just sit
sit by and say, oh I hope a blessing comes today.
Oh man, I hope I get a job today. No,
I go out there and work for it, go out

(20:05):
there and look good it.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
You don't look for it like that's real. That's real.
That is so real, so real. So for those listening
who may have heard that news, that info, you know,
we don't do therapy. We go to God. We trust God.
Like you made it plain that it's not consistent. So
how is it? You know, one way when it comes
to physical health, but something totally different when it comes

(20:27):
to mental health, it's a contradiction, and that contradiction is
us as human beings doing human things. So I'm glad
you weren't what was the word jaded? I would say,
I'm glad you weren't jaded by or had that narrative
growing up, because if you did, you we may not
be here. And I think for many people who may

(20:47):
have been curious, interested, or in need of support of
health may not have ever went or haven't gone because
of what they've been inundated with their whole lives. And
that's all of us, especially black folks, especially black men
to me, and statistics show that we needed to boast
and go to least period And why do we need

(21:08):
the most name any black man in America and tell
me they don't need therapy in these United States? Yes,
every day, every day we're dealing with something. So with that,
every day we're dealing with something, because you can relate
to this being a black man here, how do you
navigate these spaces? Like from childhood is one thing, but

(21:30):
now you're brown ass man like good and grown and
you're still in these places and spaces as you elevate
in your career that's predominantly you know, populated by white people,
white men, white women. How do you navigate and how
you stay authentic in this space because for some of us,
we assimilate, we find comfort, we conform. But it sounds

(21:56):
like just talking to you like, nah, that ain't the case.
No I'm not. I'm not found to make myself small
for you. That's a that's a superpower. And I'm curious
where did that develop? And how do you navigate these
spaces typically be in one on one.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Well, yeah, you know, and I certainly.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Guilty or not guilty, but I certainly code switch, you know,
act different different settings, and I think but again being
that introspective and noticing where you feel safest, where you
feel the most welcome and home, feel open to be
yourself and working in kitchens, I found that in the kitchen,

(22:39):
if it was a mixed uh group of people, it
was the most fun, Like we could just have fun.
We could we could get the job done and have
fun with each other. And that's what I like. I
like to think of it, like I like to be
in spaces that are like the Fast and Furious movies.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
You ever watch those movies, Like they got everybody in.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
There, like every everything and I'm not saying every every
space needs to be like that, but I just like
being in those areas the most because, like I said,
I did growth around white people, so I'm.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
Cool with them.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
But like it's something like but when it's all white,
like you know, you're looking for somebody else black out there.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Like anybody, like somebody out there. But like being authentic.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
I was talking to somebody about that recently, like and
I almost don't know what that means because just like
we say, like we're trying to learn more, trying to
be more, trying to do more. I know, somebody said,
like the worst advice you give is like don't change,
Like I'm always trying to be better, So like being authentic,
I don't know, Like I'm one of my mentors to say,

(23:37):
like pretend to be who you intend to be. So
I'm always trying to be somebody, not better, but the
next version of myself. So being authentic depends on what
I'm trying to be or trying to accomplish that day,
you know, because my you know, is my authentic self,
my lazy self. We don't feel like sitting up or
getting up or going to the gym or something yeah,

(23:58):
that's that's part of the authentic me. But the other
part of the authentic me is the guy who gets
up and goes to the gym and does it anyway
and puts on a smile in front of you because
he knows that'll make them happier, knows that'll make them
and make their day better and stuff like that. But
that doesn't meaning I'm always like just wanting to smile
like you. But I have different sides of my authentic self.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
I think I love it. I love it. We all do.
We all do. And I feel like these are the
conversations we don't typically have. We're not really talking about it,
especially as black man. We're not talking about authenticity. We're
not talking about emotional intelligence. We're not talking about those
things because we were trained not to, you know. And
it's not you know, no judgment, no shame, no nothing

(24:36):
like that. But for a lot of us, with our fathers,
that's what they got from their fathers, so they can't
give us something they didn't get. And I think that's
also the reason why we become different as fathers, you know,
because of our lived experience. So I really appreciate these
stories your experience and you sharing it because you're providing insight,

(24:58):
you're providing perspective, and there's people that's listening and watching,
looking at you and see themselves. Man, I can do
that too. So I want to go to a different
place where I feel like it's still salamander like salamander
and gator, right, so still salamon like, And that's becoming
doctor Barnes because this don't happen. So I'm curious this

(25:21):
journey to reconsider you know your abilities, and to go further,
and the journey of what did you think about the
PhD before, which is a very different thought than you
have now. So where were you before and where are
you now? Related to becoming doctor Barnes. The other doctor
Barnes shout out to you, Whye.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
So I guess where I was before? After I got
my master's.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
You know, you get that feeling like Okay, I'm done.
That's good, and like you've had enough of school for
a while at least.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
You know, I thought about and I think for why
I said, you know, it's just a dissertation.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
Part it is.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
It is daunting to me. I'm like, man, even trying
to keep my thoughts in the conversation. Linear is a
struggle for me. You know, I know you had somebody
on a while ago there was like I know he
was ADHD and you were talking about it a lot.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
I'm undiagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have it. They
told my.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
Mom when I was young there like he probably has
a d D. All this stuff if nothing else in
my brain jumps all over the place. So like thinking
about how to be linear. For like, I watched my
wife go through the processing and she's she's very meticulous
like that she can she can read something be blocked
in for probably hours. She can write papers for hours
and connect everything in the right way. Me I'm like, okay,

(26:40):
bang bang bang, you know, just all over the place.
And so like I was like, I don't know if
I could do that. But the more talking to you
and I was like, man, it would be really cool
to be able to do that. It was more like
like you know, like you said something like really resonated
with me because I had kind of an idea before.
I was like, the only way I would want to
be a doctor is if it just so to see

(27:00):
who I become, to become someone different. It's not about
having a title adoptor. But just just like I changed
as a person getting my master's, just like I practiced
martial arts, I changed as a person at every level
of my martial arts journey. So I want to see
who I could become in that regards too. So I'm like, man,
what if I could become an organized person? What if

(27:22):
I could become an extreme expert on one subject and
be able to have a whole body of work that says, yeah,
I know detailed. And one of my other mentors, doctor
Adam fro like he breaks down things and such like
he like anything we used to eat. Like if he
was listening to us right now, you probably be able

(27:43):
to tell us how many times we say it certain words,
how many times we said different types of questions. And
I'm like that type of detail, thinking like that's just
so cool. It's like a superpower. But you know, when
I was graduating high school, I wasn't thinking like this.
It's like I said before, like it's when you go
to the next level. It opens your minds to other
levels and other things you can do and make sure, Like, man,

(28:03):
that would be cool to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful, and I love that you've
unlocked this other layer, this other level. And that's him,
capital him who's always whispering. And I feel as though
our conversations allowed you to hear him a little bit louder,
a little bit more clearly. And part of this, this
is an iron sharpening sharpening iron. You have to understand

(28:27):
our differences because you and I are very similar to again,
brother from another mother. I've been raw dog in life,
in these ad h three streets for forty three years, unmedicated, undiagnosed,
and I got the PAHD and my mind works the
same way yours do. And the reality is what I
had to discover, which I want to share with you,
is completing your dissertation, you have to determine who you are,

(28:49):
how you work in order to finish it. So if
you come at it as the WiFi doctor Barnes, it
ain't gonna work. That ain't how you work, that ain't
how you process. And for me, mine was trying to
do it like everybody else that didn't look like me.
That didn't work either, you know, And so I had
to discover how do I think? How do I work?

(29:11):
How do I get this thing? Done. And my method
was very unorthodox, and I want to share it. I
want to share it. So my method, again before I
even knew about new or divergence and all of that,
was I love. Being up at night was my thing.
So I'm up to two o'clock in the morning to
this day, it's just my normal routine. I'm up to
two o'clock in the morning, just up because everybody's sleep,

(29:33):
and that's what I can think, that's when I can process.
So my writing time was typically ten pm to two
am every day, ten to two every day, and I
would do this work on an old school card table,
you know, for the culture. So I'm on this old
school card table, got my laptop out behind me, big

(29:54):
screen TV, and I'm watching scary movies. Again this is
how my mind works. So I got scary movies playing
in the background, I'm killing the game, got a little
coffee going, and I'm getting it done. Two o'clock head,
I'll go to bed. I'm sleep till noon, have my day,
teach my class, do whatever they do, do it over again,

(30:14):
and then I would have to start relocating. I couldn't
stay in the same spot. So that may be Friday
on Saturday, I'm at the coffee shop. On Sunday, I'm
at the library. Next day, I'm in Texas. No, it
wasn't no Ohio at the time, so I had to
I had to learn how do I learn? How do
I write? Because I never wrote dissertation before. I don't
know anybody who did it before, so I have to.

(30:35):
I had to figure me out. And I feel like
for you, David, it's the same thing. You're gonna figure
you out by doing, by being, because you're a student
of life. So I want to give you your flowers
and let you know, like you gotta find your method,
your system. And that's for anybody listening who willing to
get out the damn way and consider a PhD. Because
the only reason anybody wouldn't consider is based off of

(30:57):
what they heard. I just want to talk about facts,
and everything you heard about a PAHD came for somebody
who ain't even got a bachelor's Come on, now, come on,
that's where it came from. So we're inundated with these
beliefs that I can't do. I can't be as this
as hard. That's coming from folks that never did it
or anything close to it. And to me, if I

(31:18):
does it, did it in these streets, new or divergent, undiagnosed,
no medication, no nothing. I have no doubt you can
and you will because you got me. I ain't gonna
write it for you, but I'm gonna help you. I
help you get it written. So, man, I appreciate all
of this because for a lot of listeners who have
that inclination, like I really want to, but there's always

(31:39):
a barrier. And that barrier to me is all belief.
It's not factual, it's what I believe. And again, two
plus two is five. So I really appreciate you sharing
this because you gave insight and for us as black men,
more people need to know this journey, this story, this
truth that we can and we will. Oh, I want

(32:00):
to switch gears for a minute, a little rapid fire,
learning a little bit more, diving a little bit deeper,
because I feel like you are a student of life,
which means you're also a student of people. So you're
constantly learning about people. So I'm curious, from birth to
where you are right now, what would you say you've
learned about other people? And what have you learned about yourself?

Speaker 3 (32:23):
Well, it's a good, good, good question. I'm still I'm
always learning about other people. So I'm also big geek
in a certain sense. Love superhero stuff, love Star Trek,
star Wars, all that.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
And I saw somebody breaking down this thing about.

Speaker 3 (32:44):
Star Trek and Star Trek everybody who doesn't know it's
like a futuristic society and it's supposed to be like
Earth is pretty much a utopia and like they've settled
all racism and classism and all that stuff, and people
don't even work for money. They work to better themselves,
you know, all this stuff. And it was like breaking
down why it doesn't work, or like why it doesn't

(33:07):
work now, and how people will like commented like uh.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
And I've even said like I don't think humanity is
ready for it.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
But this this thing had me think about the fact that,
like Noah, it's the systems in place make the people
like and I remember.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Hold on talking about I'm sorry because you going, you
going somewhere, and I want everybody to be ready. So
to the listeners, real quick, tune in, stop what you're doing,
turn the radio up a little bit more. I'm dead
serious right now, and write down these gyms that you
finish hit get hit with because this is another level
of thought and perspective and you got to take any

(33:44):
in and so please continue where you're going, but I
want to make sure the listeners are ready for what
you're finna deliver.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
And so this is where I think our adeohc brains
are really good. Because then I started pulling like a
whole bunch of different things. I'm thinking about the old
movie trading places. I'm like, yeah, that's it's the same thing.
I'm thinking about an experiment that I heard about were.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Not even it wasn't even experiment.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
There was a thing where they were studying these I
think chimpanzees or some type of monkeys, and they were
looking at their hierarchies and they were studying how to
apply to how to apply it to humans. They had
a very similar hierarchy as humans do, alpha chimp or whatever.
And something happened because the leader gets to eat first.

(34:25):
He ate food and it might have been him and
one of the other leaders type people. They ate this
food and they died because it was poison or whatever,
and the leadership died.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
And so what we were left with was all these.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
Nice or like the next level of the males and
then the women and children, and these nice, less aggressive
males and women developed like this culture. Like the researchers
like like, oh my gosh, the whole study is ruined
because the leaders died. But what they found was these
they it became a more harmonious culture. They became nicer

(34:59):
to you each other. They started they were grooming each other,
they were doing all these things that like didn't exist
when there was that hierarchy. And then like other monkeys
would come into the group, and when they would start
displaying some of those old like territorial or doministic things,
or be mean to the women or whatever, the monkeys say, hey, hey,
that's not we do here, and they would train the
other monkeys on how to be like cooperative and nice.

(35:22):
And I just feel like that was it was so amazing,
But still goes to that same thing, like when there's
a system in place, when when the norm is to
act like this things, that's when people evolve and when
they do the right thing. I often have said like
if you can't see that you could be a Nazi
or a slave master in the right situation, then you
don't understand humanity. But like it didn't really occur to

(35:42):
me that, like, it's not that we are not evolved
enough to be at a higher a society that like,
you know, we could get rid of money and get
rid of all these things. We haven't developed and implemented
the systems well enough to like be able.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
To do that. And I don't know when we will, because.

Speaker 3 (35:59):
I feel like there will always be the one who
when everybody else's passes, they're going to come in and
kind of dominate. But again, if the system is good enough,
those people won't be able to do it either, just
like those chimps, Like they had their systems set up
and it was enough for them that when one new
one came in they could be like, no, no, no, that's
not we do here.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
But yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
I love it. Yeah you do know, you do You
can't even say you do know. You're talking about systems, man,
You're talking about systems, and you can't have people without systems.
You can't have systems without people. It just doesn't exist
because the people create systems. Quote from Hamilton that I
will always quote whenever I talk about Hammelt Hamilton is

(36:41):
no one was in the room when it happened talking
about all you know, decoration independents who signed what nobody
was there, and in twenty twenty five, we're still living
by rules from these systems, from these people from the
eighteen hundreds. Come on, why do you think schools shoots
don't happen with a musk happens with ak I just

(37:03):
want to talk about it. Why do you think we're
still having school shootings? It's a system and you're talking
about it, David, and I appreciate you bringing it here
because it's the place for it, because we're not talking
about it. But I don't know anything entity that's not
systemized because of who we are all the way from
this podcast space to city government, politics and where we

(37:23):
are religion. It's all systems and it's people that's a
part of these systems of why things stay the same
and why things change. And I do feel I want
to connect this all together to the counseling profession. The
helping profession is a system as well. However, it's being
infiltrated and inundated with us people of color, who it's

(37:46):
never been before because if you look at you know
who we study and what we study ain't nobody in
there look like us. So therefore it brings question, how
can I do things exactly like Freud? It don't look
nothing like them. How can I do things like Adler
and get starting? They ain't even from here? It makes
you question, But I'm here and I do things differently.

(38:08):
And when what you were talking about that system, Uh,
it's not going to change until we change. And the
change that we do make a part of systems is
to create our own, which is called culture. Man. Listen,
we hear. It's culture. We can control that, we can
control who comes in and who it comes out, like
who's this and who's that. That's a system as well,

(38:30):
but it's a system that we own. That's culture. Oh man,
this is You got me excited, bro. All right, let's
keep going. That was just one other rabbit, all right.
Next thing, I'm curious to know a word, a phrase,
a memory or moment that has stuck with you personally

(38:50):
or professionally. What comes to mind?

Speaker 3 (38:54):
So the first thing that popped in mind I was
sinking a second ago, was I don't know if you've
seen the movie Coach Carter, I know, but there's a
poem in there that I like and you know, Coach
Carter's asking this kid who had you know.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Had a hard life and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
He said, what's what's your deepest fear? Kept asking them that,
and then at the end of the movie, the kid
presies this poem and I'm gonna I don't remember the
whole thing, but it's like, you know, our deepest fear
is not that we're inadequate, but that we're powerful beyond measure.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
It's our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
And tell us about how there's nothing enlightened about shrinking,
so the others don't feel small. He tell us about
how like we are all meant to shine as children do.
We're all meant to, like you know, essentially, be our
best selves. Be embrace our greatness, embrace what we're good at,
not be like, oh, I mean, there's nothing wrong with
being humble, but like, there's also nothing wrong with embracing

(39:44):
your greatness. There's nothing wrong with saying now, I'm really
good at this thing. Not doesn't have to be in
a braggy way, but like owning that you are good
at something helps you be better.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
At that thing too. I think like instead of being like, oh,
you know, just dabbling with the therapy.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
You know, how good am I going to be a
therapy if I think I'm just like, I'm just you know,
just I'm trying to be Okay, you.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Know, absolutely absolutely, I'm with you one hundred percent. All right, Yes, yes,
I feel the same way. I want to be great.
I feel as though I am great. And when it
comes to my students, I tell them there's three types
of therapists. I talk about this all the time. I'm
a professor, like I can't help but to teach. So
the three people, three therapists that I'll talk about are
good therapists, great therapists, and horrible therapists. We don't have

(40:27):
to talk about horrible therapists. Everybody already talking about them.
Good therapists people that just do enough. Great therapists are
the ones who do the work on themselves. David, that's you, so, yes,
you great? We great? These are our flowers. Okay, y'all
can spell them.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
All?

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Right? Next, Peas, I'm curious you did share some personal
stuff related to you know, comics in the multiverse, a
that I'm also curious of. More interesting or another interesting
fact about yourself that most people don't know what wouldn't suspect.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
I think I'm pretty vocal about martial arts, but like
that's that's something that like, well, well, yeah, martial arts
is something people wouldn't expect.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Like I said, I'm kind of a geek, some.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
People wouldn't expect. I think most people know that I
like religious. One unique thing is that my one of
my favorite types of movie or music is soundtrack music
from like movies. Like most of the time, either I'm
listening to a book or I'm listening to like soundtrack
music just like in the background.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, So top top two, top three greatest soundtrack albums for.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
You, So it's oh, man, that's good question. I would
say Number one is this is a really old one,
but the original Superman soundtrack. I mean it's just iconic,
so much so that it's in like the New Superman movie,
like you can't escape it, and it's it's.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Just yeah, really good. And John Williams, who was the
composer for they.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
Did Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, a whole bunch
of other things, like and he's just you know, really
awesome out Number two would have to be I'll say
Black Panther, but really anything by.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Lou Wig Organson.

Speaker 3 (42:18):
I'll probably mess up his name, but that dude is
a genius when it comes to music, and like he
understands music in a way that I don't think many
other people on this earth ever will.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Like, you know, when they.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Made Black Panther, you know, he went they all went
to Africa, but like they studied different sounds and stuff
they did there, and he incorporated that into that soundtrack and.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Just made it awesome.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
Also the one I think who did centers in most
of other Ryan Coogler movies and stuff.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
But like, yeah, that's the guy. That's the guy. Thank
you for that. I appreciate. Like this show is for
nerding out. Okay, that's what we do because this is you,
and I want you to be you here because there's
so many other people that's like you that we don't
get permission to be us. And to me, nerd is
a different term for being me, you know, a genius.

(43:04):
You know, it's just different terms for us. So I
appreciate you sharing this because there's other people that have
the same passion that don't hear from other people that
share that. So I'm a music lover as well, but
another reason that we're connected. And this podcast has a
playlist which I'm adding some soundtracks because of you.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
So thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
Thank you, thank you. Thanking So Superman can't wait, Black
Panther cannot wait, lou Wig, whatever can't wait here, gonna
be on here. So I do want to step back
to something you mentioned martial arts. And you're in a
very unique space and place in your career where you're
integrating mental health, mental wellness and martial arts. So if
you could share more about you know, this integration of

(43:46):
the physical and to mental health and mental wellness.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
So it's really cool. You know.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Obviously people do somatic work, people do movement therapy, dance
therapy and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
And what I do is not necessarily that.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
It's I just give kids and other people the freedom
to do things while we talk. As you know, like
you mentioned already, for a lot of young black men,
like therapy is not on their agenda.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
It's not something people are usually recommended.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
If they are, they're like, now I'm not going to that,
but to see a guy and throw some punches, learn
how to throw a couple of punches, and maybe answer
a couple of questions, maybe talk about a couple of things.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
All right, yeah, we can we can do that.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
We can do that, and so it really is just
a way to lower that barrier to getting in to
see somebody. I also work with a company called grow
Now as an ADHD coach, and a lot of what
they do their office is also set up to like
be active, to do things, have a catch, throw a football,
do all these different things. Just because we know kids

(44:52):
with ADHD, the men in general, guys, boys, we need
to move.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
That's how we do things.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
As you know, historically, we were doing things while we're talking,
were talking about we're talking while we hunting, We're talking
while we you know, working on the assembly line. Were
talking while we're doing stuff. We're not just sitting down
and you know, bring each other's heads. You can breach
us heads once we're not just sitting down and having
necessarily a conversation. I think some of us are better
at this now, but like I think, historically, we've been

(45:21):
doing stuff while we're talking.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
Yes, yes, thank you for this, and I applaud you
for integrating different modalities of therapy because we were trained
not to. We were trained that you don't do things
a certain way where it has to be this way
and that way. And that's another reason I'm so excited
about more people of color getting into this profession because
we bring our culture, we bring creative energy, we bring dialect, intellect,

(45:46):
we bring so much that the profession does not have
because it excluded us for a long period of time
just won't talk about facts. Ain't gota like it, but
it's factual information. And now with what you're sharing, you
just gave permis to so many other people, therapists and
training students that want to integrate things with mental health

(46:08):
but don't feel as though they can, don't know how,
or don't feel as though it's okay to do. And
I really appreciate you for doing that because to me,
it speaks volumes to what's researched related to therapy outside
of the office. Eco therapy is an example of that.
But if we can do it related to nature, why
can't we do it related to anything else that we

(46:30):
want to do, from boxing to chess, to walk and
talk to whatever, you know, playing PlayStation, doing there whatever?
Why can't we Because Freud wasn't playing PlayStation, right, it
wasn't boxing. You know what I mean, he wouldn't work
when people either. I just want to talk about it.
He wouln't work on with us. So anybody that we

(46:50):
studied didn't work with people that look like us. So
this is why, man. So you just gave permission to
a lot of people to do what works best for them,
and I commend you for that. I support it. I'm thankful.
And for those that's listening, take this to heart. I
mean it, take it to heart because this is real,
this is real life, it's real time. It is happening.

(47:12):
And David decided to use his gifts, his abilities, his passion,
what he loved, what he enjoyed, and integrated into this profession.
And to me, it's going to blow up because now
there's people listening. Oh I like martial arts too. Oh
I want to be a therapist too. Oh I want
to do this. I want to do that. I can
get a PAHD. I'm telling you these conversations is how
we grow and change. So a couple more questions. I'm

(47:33):
gonna get you out of here because you got shit
to do, all right, If you were to describe three
different versions, three parallels, your old self, your current self,
your future self using one word, or you can go
further if you want. But those three diversions, how would
you describe the old David, current David future David.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Old David quiet, current David becoming?

Speaker 1 (48:05):
Mmm oh that's good, that's good.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
I think I saw that from Michelle Obama.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
But we ain't gonna tell what are gonna.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Future David unlimited?

Speaker 1 (48:19):
Mm hm oh that's a word. That's a word. I
love it, love it. Last thing. You get the plan
and see you get to give the gift that keeps
on giving. So on this show, we don't do homework.
I don't believe in homework because homework you take a home,
you do it. You never remember the game. Life work,
you take it home, you do it, you pivot. Your
life will change, can change. So if you were to
offer a keepsake some life work for the listeners, what

(48:41):
would it be for them to consider shifting.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
Stop looking and talking about what you don't want, and
shift that.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Focus to what you do want.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
Focus on that and focus on who you want to
be in every moment in life. You can complain about
all the things going wrong. You can complain about what
everybody else is doing, and it's valid. It's fine, you
can do that, but at some point you got to
ask yourself, what do I get me to do? Who
do I want to be? Okay, my boss is a jerk?

(49:18):
Who do I want to be with a boss is
a jerk? Do I want to quit?

Speaker 2 (49:22):
Maybe?

Speaker 3 (49:23):
Do I want to rise above what they're saying? Do
I want to look at them differently? I've had conversations
with people who, just by looking at their boss differently,
just by like we said, being curious, their boss is transformed.
They don't know how, but they talk to somebody les
they're like, my boss gave me an award. Now we
don't know how. They didn't do anything necessarily. All we
did was talk about, well, you know, be curious about them.

(49:45):
Why do you think they might be like this? You
know what made them be like this. I'm not trying
to justify their boss, but just be curious. Wonder, wonder
what makes them this way? And now the boss is
like getting along with them, give them, gives all this stuff.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Maybe it's coincidence, but I think I think when you
change the things you look at, the things you look
at change.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
Oh man, powerful, powerful. I hope y'all writing this down.
I hope you're getting it rewinded. Play it back. Okay,
you have access, take advantage of that, all right. So
last thing, anything you want to offer, anything you're want
to share, any product, services and connection if people want
to reach out to you and connect with you, like yo,
I love what you are sharing. I'm in Pennsylvania. I

(50:24):
want to connect. I want to take you have a coffee.
I want a box, shoot and do therapy whatever. How
can people connect with you yet?

Speaker 2 (50:33):
So I don't have products of my own, I want it.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
I would say that, like you know, I wouldn't be
the therapist I am if I hadn't found like we
talked about before Elliott Connie and the Solution Focus universe
that you know, before I found Solution Focus, I was
headed towards burnout. And I've only been in as a
school counsel for like two or three years at that point,
and already right, you know, feeling burnt out. But because
of this way of working with people, because of this

(50:58):
way of thinking again, looking for what I want, looking
for who I want to be, rather than how terrible
all these other things are, Like, it's shifted the way
I think.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
So I would highly recommend it don't have to be that.
But like we talked about before, it's not a lot of.

Speaker 3 (51:10):
Black men in this space, and he is one of them,
and it's been such a great thing to be able
to connect with them and be able to shift my mindset.
But find whoever your people are fine, whoever that person is,
who you can connect with, who allows you to not
feel like you are burnt out, who allows you to
do your job with passion, with joy, with love instead

(51:31):
of with dread, and with here comes.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
So and so again. Oh man, all they all depressed,
you know.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
And one of his big things is like finding the
hero in your clients. And like, once I started doing that, man,
I can work with anybody because like, no matter how depressed,
no matter how upset you are, you have survived something
that not everybody can survive.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
And so now I'm like.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
Oh man, let me find out how you You know,
this is just depart in your story where you find
it out you know who you are, and like you
know what things you can go to where you're becoming
more unlimited, Like I want to know this person. I
want to figure out how they got through the stuff
they got through and where they can go in the future.
But as far as me, you can find me at
David Barnes Therapy dot org.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
And yeah, feel free to reach out there. You can
text me.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
My business number is for eight four six eight one
two seven six eight. I'm always looking to connect with
people and you know.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Learn and help coach, get therapist whatever I can be
help you.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Hey, are you accepting new clients?

Speaker 2 (52:37):
I am still got a whole lot of here.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
First, and I don't know when it's going to air,
but listen, y'all heard it. Here first, Get in line, okay,
because it is one. It might be a waiting list.
Get in line. This brother is bad. He is next level.
And I don't recommend every therapist know that, but there's
some therapists I do. I would recommend David Barnes future
doctor Barnes to anyone who's interested in coaching, therapy, martial

(53:02):
arts and anything that he talked about, Like, you have
access to this person now because he gave you access
out of trust, trusted this process, plus to the podcast,
trust of me. Trust that we're just ripples, putting pebbles
in the pond and creating ripples and knowing is going
to come back. But We're not doing it for what's
coming back. We're doing it because we can. Man, you

(53:25):
just you just blessed me today. You just put a
sweater on my heart, a little one like you needed
it and put.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
This is emotional intelligence for those that don't know, that's
what this looks like. This is most intelligence all day long.
So also, I wanted to share a real quick before
we get out of here, big shout out to Elliott Connie.
Thank you for bringing him up and sharing your story
of how he kind of inspired a shift to begin
doing this profession differently, because I feel as though burnout

(53:54):
for many of us, especially people of color, in this profession,
is due to trying to be a therapist that we
think we need to be versus the therapist who we
actually are. And every program teaches you to be somebody
you or not. I just want to talk about it.
And if we don't have that interruption or disruption, then

(54:14):
we don't last long in this profession, or we don't
last long in life. It can take us out because
we just want to serve, we just want to give,
and we're not even considering pouring back into ourselves. So
big shout out to Ellie Connie. And I'll say this
publicly because I don't care. Elliott Connie, you are the
reason Elliott Connie is going to be a guest on
the show. I'm speaking it now, David Barnes, I'm sorry.

(54:37):
Future Doctor Barnes is the reason that Elliot Kannie will
be on the Three Parallels podcast because I don't know
if y'all know, Elliot Kanne just was on The Breakfast
Club a couple of times popping gyms. He's gonna be
on here dropping gyms. I'm telling you now why. Because
I said it. Everything will happen. Everything that's happening to
you in life is based off you said it. You broke,
you said it, You're hungry, you said it. Yeah, whatever

(55:01):
it is you said. You listening now, you said it
off and go check out the podcast. See what doctor
Brand's talking about. What it's wild? You know what he
been do? You said it, You said it, So I'm
saying it now in real time. Ellie Connie will be
on this show because.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
Of you, David.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
Just giving, that's what it is, man, And now I
don't know how you can give freely with no expectation
and not be blessed one hundred. Yes, come on, come on,
come on, anything else before we get out of because
we can do this all day. Anything else you want
to share before me, Just thank.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
You, thank you for who you are and you're welcoming
and accepting presence and like like that poone was saying,
like your light gives me permission to shine, and thank
you for that.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
Let's go shot hashtag lighthouse. That's that's the tag lighthouse.
Let's go. Man, Thank you so much for the love.
Thank you for being here. And again, I don't mind
giving people their flowers. I love giving people their flowers
on this show. You are an exceptional You're an exceptional human.
You're an exceptional black man. You're an exceptional therapist. You're
great at who you are and what you do because
you decided to live life on your own terms. You

(56:08):
are authentic, your genuine emotional intelligence. You are a vessel.
You are a gift to me and anybody you cross
paths with. So if you all get a chance to
cross path with this man, I want you to give
him a big bear hug because you may hug him
before I. Even though it's a brother, my brother from
another mother, we never met in person. Never be in
the same room, never breed, tame air. But it's the connection.

(56:31):
I don't even know what this man looked at look
like from the neck down. I have no idea. I'm
here here, we don't know. But it don't matter. It
doesn't matter. What does matter is who we are and
what we give. So thank you for giving to us.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Thank you. I'll say this one.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
All day long. I'm with it. I'm with it. Hashtag lighthouse.
This has been another episode of three Parallels podcasts with
your hosts The Doctor Jason Branch, where we rediscover who
we were, who we are, and we make room for
who we're trying to become. If this show, if this
episode has been a blessing, a gift, a light to
your lighthouse, Give it away, share it, like, comment, share, subscribe,

(57:12):
and spread the love. Have a great day, great morning,
great week, great life. Goodbye, Peace,

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From Culinary Arts to Counselor: The Recipe for Becoming HIM | Ft. Mr. David Barnes

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}From Culinary Arts to Counselor: The Recipe for Becoming HIM | Ft. Mr. David Barnes