How to be in the Moment with PB & Elise

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Three Parallel, Three Parallel, Three Parallel, three Parallel podcast. Welcome
back to the Three Parallels podcast, which our host, the
doctor Jason Branch, where we rediscover who we were and
brace who we are and make room for who's trying
to become. On today's show, I got I got family. Okay,

(00:23):
I got family, and this is one of the most
organic interactions I've had and I got to share it.
And I got two guests on the show today, which
is rare for me to have too. But I think
where we going with the podcast, it's probably going to
be more because everything has happening organically and I'm just
allowing it to happen. So let me share what happened

(00:43):
to bring these two guests on. So I'm in DC,
mine of my own business, at a conference, doing my thing,
and just you know, when it comes to networking and conferencing,
I am an introverted. I'm an extroverted introvert. So I
can be here and shake hands, kiss babies and all that.
But when I get overwhelmed, over stimulated, I need to
get out of there. So that's what I did. I

(01:04):
did the conference and I got out of there, spent
some time by myself and ended up going to a
concert random which you heard from the previous episode. And
at that concert button Master, I just learned about the
artist butt Master. Shout out to butt Master and whenever
you're ready be on the show, I got you. So
I just learned about them that day and I just

(01:24):
showed up at the concert and there were two people
that was in front of me that were having the
time of their life before the show, during the show,
after the show, and it was like they were there
by themselves. Now, if you don't know about the Master,
I'll educate you a little later on. But they had
the outfits on and everything. So butt Master is a

(01:46):
producer artist in his beats and style and product production
connects to like video games. So it just takes you
right back to your childhood. It just takes you back
to those sounds and arcades and family and just safety
and the These two individuals were in the middle of
it and no one else was there, and that energy
was just contagious and I wanted a piece of it. Now,

(02:08):
they didn't know me at all. They just saw this
random dude trying to hug Hey, Can I can I
hug y'all? Can I hug y'all. I was like, I
guess this show is this man. So it was just
this energy and I took a risk and it paid
off because now we're here ladies and gentlemen and everyone

(02:29):
else in between. I would love to produce to introduce
p B, No Jay and Elise. Welcome to the show, y'all,
Thank you for having us. Thank you absolutely so. I
am curious, uh the story. What's the story of y'all
connection and going to the concert and like y'all, y'all
had the outfit. Where did you even find these outfits at?

(02:51):
Like y'all were prepared and y'all were there and had
a time of your life. I'm curious to know the story.
How does this happen?

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Do you hear what you were wearing?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
I don't remember everything, but I remember I was wearing
that jacket, that banana jacket, that pink and green, very
very discreech it words.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Did you say discrete? Your definition discreet in mind is different.
I mean, y'all are decked out and I was inspired
by it, and I was like, oh, I'm not prepared
because I just had some red clothes. Again, I just
learned about the guy. But you two were fans, you know,
and fans in the way of we like this no

(03:37):
matter what anybody else thinks or says, like, we like
it and we're here, and that required, in my opinion,
that requires you to be a certain type of person
and for y'all to have that kinetic energy together and
just brightening the whole room. Where did this come from?
How did this come to be?

Speaker 4 (03:59):
We met in a dating.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
App and we connected, and we connected through music. One
of our dates was going to a concert and dancing
together was great. She felt very nice and dating.

Speaker 4 (04:20):
Ended up not working.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
But then I was participating in a zumba class and
I told Philip about it and he started coming, and
I had my mood swings and sometimes like I wouldn't
talk and then I would. But I was very happy
when he started coming consistently and we started like playing

(04:44):
with choreography and the class together, and yeah, we have
been practicing together, like how you're getting sync and now
we're singing karaoke like every week it's our.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
Commitchment.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
And yeah, this Wednesday we did I did ice Sized
Baby and she did under Pressure and that was like
a real real fun combo.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Wow. Wow, Oh I love that. I love that, So
at last, thank you for sharing your perspective because I
love hearing perspective. Peb no Jay, I would love to
hear your perspective about this interaction and connection.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
I mean is that I would say, I wouldn't characterize
you as having mood swings. I do think there's that
point when, like, you go out with someone and they're like,
is this person trying to be my friend or they
trying to like secretly go out with me? And I
was like, I want to be this person's friend. And
I think it probably took a while for you, and
there's not stuff going on with you for you to
accept that. Like no, I was just showing up as

(05:42):
a friend and being around you, and I was happy
with that. So I wouldn't I agree with the characterization
except I characterize at least more positively than I think
at least characterized herself.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
That's y'all. Just y'all get on my nerves, Okay, I
just love y'all. I just love y'all. So I want
to talk about this because we don't talk about it.
What I hear is you're letting me know that even
if you you know, match or date someone that it
doesn't have to end in disaster if you decide like, hey,
we don't want to move in this direction romantically, but

(06:16):
platonically we can go here. In my opinion and my experience,
that's rare. It's very rare, and it's rare to be
public about that. So how did you to get to
the place of meeting in the same space even though
your intention was different initially? But you two decided okay,
we don't we're not going to go in this direction,
but we're going to go there. How did that happen?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
I mean for me, I don't know if most of
my friends or somebody want to date with, but a
lot of my friends with and it's it's just this
thing of like when when someone says, hey, let's be friends,
being like, do you mean it? Do you mean it? Actually?

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Try?

Speaker 2 (06:54):
And then sometimes that doesn't work out, and then I
think more often than not, it does. I mean, I'm
very charming. People don't even looking you know.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
I agree. I mean, listen, look, we didn't even meet
on a date and app and look at us were together.
I love it. I love it excellent. So go ahead,
I'm sorry, go ahead, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
For me, like I was always like a very academic
wordeep person and like talkative and I know Pybe.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
It's also good with words.

Speaker 3 (07:28):
But we when we started doing dance classes together, we
entered in this realm of experience of expressing ourselves through
our bodies and that.

Speaker 4 (07:38):
Really went along.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Well.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
Now we're doing a meditation class, which is also talking,
but mostly experiencing things together and reflecting. So it's it's
not intellectual, it's not something that we are an agenda
or just like living experiences together.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah yeah, so so it sounds like experiences are greater
than things. Yeah, well, I don't think y'all because again,
y'all live this normally. Okay, this is not the norm.
I need to try to know that it's not the norm,
but y'all just live it so normally, like yeah, it's
just this is what it is. We're gonna do this,
gonna do that. So I'm curious to know individually, like

(08:23):
where did this mindset come from where you're just open
and it's connection and it's it's people, it's human. So
you two come from a very humanistic perspective where it
doesn't have to be negative or bad or jaded it
like we can, we can be friends. How did that
develop from you individually and then to get here collectively?

Speaker 2 (08:47):
So so, for some reason, at some point I went
from like having friends that were only boys to like
boys be minority of my friends. And it started out
I was like very intentional about I don't want girls
and women that I'm befriending to think I'm hitting on them.
And I was like really focused on that. The point

(09:09):
that really irritated some of my friends. They're like, yeah,
but that persons sperit is like I don't care. I
just want to meet the person's friend. And so I
think I just am more used than a lot of
people to being friends with people that that other people
would ship you with if you will.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
And so, oh, you gotta break that down. You gotta
break it down. Break it down for me. What are
you meaning by this? Because again, this is your norm.
Everybody doesn't know, so I want to make sure everybody's
understanding what you're sharing.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
I've had like multiple friendships where other people be like
you took in a date and it's like no, it's
like I'm happy with this thing that's happening. That other
thing you're asking for is like a different thing. You know,
no one sees you eating like drinking milk and being like,
see you can get some ice cream, Like no drinking
milk right now? As I think, I what why ask

(10:02):
me if I'm going to change this thing?

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, yeah, like PB.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
It's a special skill of his, like being content with
what it is, being the moment, like meeting, connecting and
meeting in the level that things are not really pushing
for more for less, like yeah, we're here now, we're
doing this. If it's for a long time, so be it.
If it's for a short time, see you next time.

(10:30):
So yeah, this is something special. I was more like
I had an agenda with my relationships with my friendships
and wanted to transform.

Speaker 4 (10:40):
I wanted to push and.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Sometimes it would work, but most of the time I
would be very tired and like fuel was controlling the situation.
But yeah, this this was more natural. Was a lot
of try or error some I think something interactions. We
wouldn't really connect, we wouldn't really talk as much, but

(11:04):
we kept the consistency and yeah we found stuff that
we both like it.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
Yeah, and like.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Both personalities can come up and we don't do everything together,
like we're good at communicating. I can't do this. I'm
not going to do this without hurting each other's feelings.
I feel that it's very special.

Speaker 4 (11:28):
I really wanted this. I would see other people having that,
and I said, how can I have this?

Speaker 3 (11:33):
Do they have to be a romantic relationship? Do I
have to promise my life and to the person. But yeah,
and we like we're trying and failing, and sometimes I
would think, I.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Don't know, maybe we're not going to really be connected
and all.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
But the consistency and the clarity, the honesty of saying
yes or no.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
Really really helped.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yeah. I just can't also.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Dance, Okay, okay, okay, but you've tried, you've tried.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
I sort of tried.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
Okay, I'm gonna let you have that one. I'na let
you have that one. So I'm curious how long how
long y'all? Y'all been connected?

Speaker 2 (12:13):
Late twenty three?

Speaker 4 (12:14):
Right right before?

Speaker 2 (12:18):
It was before twenty three.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
Because my dog died in the end of twenty three.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Or it was right but I got my double respectomy
December seventh, twenty.

Speaker 4 (12:33):
So maybe it was October twenty three.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, actually that late Yeah, okay, yeah, fall of twenty
twenty three.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
I love y'all, I really do, because you too are
so authentic and I felt that from the dance floor
to all the way here where there's so much value, energy,
love within the relationship. And to me, what I'm hearing
is you two have been sharing life with each other
on a very high level and it sounds like it's

(13:02):
a it's a puzzle piece that fits really nicely where
you are presently, and that's a that's a gift because
from my experience and being a therapist, I've worked with
a lot of different types of people that's in situationships
not really relationships that yeah, you're sharing life, but you're
sharing even more and it's hurtful what that what's being

(13:26):
shared and for you to it's it's enhancing both of
your lives in different ways. And whenever you two do
decide to go or or or transition or evolved, what
you two share together and those experiences will last you
a lifetime. And on the outside looking in, it's a
beautiful thing that I don't think a lot of people

(13:47):
get an opportunity to experience. You know, like, there's trust there,
there's there's there's respect, there, there's like, you know, I
feel like y'all got each other's back, and it started
in one direction, now it's shifted differently, and you know,
I just want you to imagine living your entire life
without experiencing what you two have. And there's a lot

(14:11):
of people listening to the show now that know exactly
what that's like. So I'm curious to know from both
of you, like, how do you develop a platonic friendship
where you do have these activities together and even with
two different personalities, you know, pb being present and at
least being in the past or the future, like these

(14:32):
two different parallels, how do you how what would you
recommend for people to consider living life differently related to
what you two did or what you two are doing rather.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
Yeah, I think we're very different people where we found
like safe containers, safe environments where we could express parts
of our personality that weren't very clear. I feel like karaoke,
for example, maybe it's a.

Speaker 4 (15:05):
Very good singer.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
It's not gonna allow, it's not gonna.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Agree, but I'm very but.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Here before he was saying no, no, you're better. That
has changed, which which is is good.

Speaker 5 (15:21):
Anyway, He's very good, and I'm kind of ridiculous, but
it's it takes a lot of courage to be that,
and it's funny like that he's good and he always
gets compliments and he doesn't really like it because he
doesn't want to be famous and everything, so it's weird strangers.

Speaker 6 (15:40):
He's really like exposing himself, but it's beautiful because it's
a gift and he's sharing with us, and yeah, and
I get to enjoy that. I like to sing to
or like to be theatrical, and this is a place
to do that. And then we we think about the
soul and we plan and we.

Speaker 4 (16:01):
Share with each other.

Speaker 3 (16:03):
And also like the meditation class, we've been talking very
deep things, so aligning emotions and meditation and we talk
about emotional episodes, joy sadness, anger, discuss fear, and then
we think about the emotions as energy and we megitate

(16:28):
and it takes a lot of vulnerability to be able
to do that, but we think. Of course, we share
about my old episodes with a whole group and we
have been consistent with that, and yeah, I was able
to learn so many things.

Speaker 7 (16:46):
Sorry, and like about the Yeah, how he's lived like
very nuanced things and how he could connect or not,
and yeah in the caveats.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Like I did this, but I know there's that and
like there's so.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Much nuance, love, so much layers, so many layers. So yeah, yeah,
another thing that's greats like theater. He's a very good actor.
Like we went to the theater workshop and he did
the same scene twice, two totally different characters. So that
was like I was so entertained. I will always remember that.

(17:28):
It's something like, oh my god, it's it's an artist.
So yeah, just like by being by his side, just
just a little bit, like just get a glimpse of
the geniality.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
It's it's it's great.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
I feel very okay, but this is a person I'll
go to events. We went to an event of the
Black Cat. Once someone else was performing, this wasn't supposed
to perform. I turned away. Atleast is on stage directing
people to dance, like like what like like finds a
way to become the center of a thing. And I

(18:06):
think sometimes you cantention, but sometimes it's not. I think
it's I think sometimes people are just like who's this presence?
But to directly answer your question, I mean it takes effort,
like you have to we worked on our friendship. It
would have been easy to be like, oh, well, I'm
not going to go dancing the place over there, or

(18:27):
I'm not going to go to this event this time,
and you're allowed to, you know, on your own boundaries
and on your own energy, but also know that you
do have to exert some effort. People can't just fall
into your life and be super easy all.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
The time to have like anything specific, There was difficult
that you had to do and then it got easier
or more.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I mean I mean asking to go to Zoomba in January.
I mean that was like I really agonized over that
because it was like, oh, am I actually putting this
person in a position where they wouldn't want to say no,
but they actually do want to say no. And so
that took real courage on my part because I'm the
type of person to be like, it's not so much

(19:14):
that I'm afraid of getting a no, it's like I'm
afraid of having to make someone else say no. It's like, oh,
like I should have known they didn't want to do
a thing, And so that was hard for me. And
also there's things like not too that I haven't enjoyed
that's right, you know. And then sometimes I thought I
wouldn't enjoy them, and I enjoyed or a part of them,

(19:35):
or so I would.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
Saying didn't shake the core of the friendship. Like some things.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
I do many things and I invite maybe you chew
the things and he comes and sometimes he enjoys, sometimes
he doesn't.

Speaker 4 (19:48):
But it doesn't mean like although we.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Went we went to this party that I organized and
I was speaking Portuguese. Everything was in Portuguese. It wasn't
you couldn't really connect.

Speaker 4 (19:58):
But he didn't like resenting me.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Or something like. It was just something, yeah, I'm here,
I can't it's not my thing. I gonna go see
you next time.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
And yeah, that's great.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
There was paltry kiser. I like palstracation.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
That's great.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
I have I have some.

Speaker 4 (20:19):
No no house.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
I love it. I love it. So it sounds like
it required you because you mentioned some of these key things.
It requires courage, taking risks, stepping outside your comfort zone, intentionality, communication.
So I'm curious for you PB, where did that come
from of I'm going to take this risk, I want
to go to Zoomba. I'm going to ask knowing that

(20:43):
how it could end up. You didn't take that as law.
It's an idea that, yeah, it could go into a
lot of different ways, but I'm going to make the
attempt anyway. And that's very courageous. Where did you get
this ability to take action and not worry about the consequences?

Speaker 2 (21:01):
Well, I did worry. It's okay. I mean a couple
of things. That one thing I think those connect us
is inside out because at least knows, like the background
of the psychology be inside out, and I just know
the I just know, I know the core tenant of
like your feelings are valid and and so to not
just I think a younger me would have been so

(21:24):
concerned and so full of worry that he would have
been immobilized by the worry. And I get and I
have cared for that younger me because that younger me.
There's this I've told you this thing before. There's this
idea that like if you get an email and the
email makes you anxious and you like don't know what
to do, that's because there was like a kid like

(21:45):
several thousand years ago who saw a wolf and he
got scared and he froze and the wolf went away,
and like the genes of that kid thousands of years
ago have been passed down to you, and so you
and so you see situations that are not stage wolves,
but you're like, if I just don't do anything, the
email will go away or something like that. And then

(22:06):
sometimes it serves you, but sometimes it doesn't. And so
I'm not mad at myself for having that feeling, but
I'm like, Okay, it's not gonna serve me in the moment.
And so so it's a combination of being like okay
with that feeling and going like, okay, you have that feeling,
Now what do you actually do? What do you actually
do with it? And there's also this aphorism that Michael

(22:27):
Jordan has, which is I can't accept not trying, and
I've learned I can't accept not trying. But I get it.
I get the idea. You you missed the show. You
don't take like that idea, Like I get that idea,
and I don't need to take every shot, but you
gotta take a shot eventually otherwise you're just sitting here.
One more thing a security guard once told me is

(22:50):
that not taking a risk is a risk. It is yeah,
shot to that guy. I don't think that I know
when you say people say shout outs on your show,
sometimes you go find them. Yeah, able to find this guy. Sorry,
But like that was like fifteen years ago, and it

(23:11):
really stuck with me that Like every time I think
I think I mean misky. First I think I'm being safe,
but actually is I'm keeping myself in a place where
I will not progress.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
Oh my goodness, y'all are dropping gems, breadcrumbs, ripples and
everything else in between. So I am curious because I
don't know y'all level of self awareness, emotional maturity and intelligence.
Have y'all experienced therapy before or just like because this
is underneath the surface, like to make those decisions and choices,

(23:41):
y'all done some work. I don't know what capacity, but
it sounds like you've done a lot of great work
because you are two great, beautiful humans. And it may
not be therapy specifically, but what have y'all done to
develop this version of you? Because you talked about who
you were, who you are, and who you were coming
like that's the show. How did you keep becoming this person?

(24:01):
For both of you? What did you do? What did
you experience to be who you are today?

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Baylor pain, but like, yeah, during therapy, during therapy was
really different, Like it really changed my inner discourse because
it was usually very pessimistic and we'll find some pleasure
on being pessimistic and being like distant from life and

(24:30):
seeing everything through a tragic lands and yeah, trying new
things and reflecting about them.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
And also like for a while I felt.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Therapy wasn't enough, wasn't like strong enough, and maybe like
there was some sort of manipulation to keep things as
they were, to keep me doing the same mistakes. So
for me, like vegitation really helped. And also going to
retreats because it's a whole week. You get away from

(25:03):
everything from the grind, from like the path you're going
your life, and you have a chance to restart to resent.
And I was really like a different person before during retreats.
I think like I had a path. I still like
have that path, like being an orcoholic. I'm an orcoholic
and recovery and like I still have that, but I know,

(25:31):
like there's so much more in life, And yeah, I was.

Speaker 4 (25:36):
I was very happy.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Like for me, there was there were some risks, but
that that thing that Bbe mentioned about going to zumba class,
like was something, Ah, I'm.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
Not sure if I should come, if you feel comfortable.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
And I said yes, Actually I wanted him to come in.
I wanted us to be friends, but I wasn't sure
was going to happen or not. It may not because also,
like there was this other guy that I was in
the zumba class that we were together and also didn't

(26:11):
work out and we ended up not talking and not yeah,
connecting at all. So I had that baseline. I said, yeah,
that might happen.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
To you, but it was so much better.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
It was just the beginning of doing all these deep
artistic things and like getting to know BB from a
place that's so deep and so beautiful and so artistic
that I really admired. And yeah, I don't think I
have any other friendship that I get to see someone.

Speaker 4 (26:46):
In that level. And I really really appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
For me, improv was actually very helpful therapy. Also, specifically CBT,
I think connects to improv in a way because CBT
has all these prompts right to like think about this

(27:11):
thing that way, and it's like, oh, I'm playing an
improv game where I want to try to say good
things about myself happy.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
I love it. I love it. That's that's spot on,
that is spot on.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
Some people are like, look, you seem like a robot
when you do that. I'm like, okay, I might be, though,
you know some of us, some of us are more
robotic than others, and that's okay, And I think that's
so cool.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
I think that's something that we had in common, like improv.
And also you you mentioned something like I cannot just
wait to see how things will play out and have
to inter being in reality, and.

Speaker 4 (27:54):
That's something that we have in common that I didn't
really know until now. And yeah, that's something that that
bring cells together.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
But yeah, in prov, like for me, I had a
lot of difficulty and being honestly positive.

Speaker 4 (28:07):
I could be positive, I could be agreeable and people pleasing.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
But it was fake and would drain my energy and
then I would resent it and hate it. But like
with and improv, I can touch on beauty or positivity
and this artistic place. And like by trying and failing
and trying and succeeding, I get you learned that and

(28:32):
I get you exercise that.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Love it, love it, love it. So I am curious.
I want to go back to something. Maybe I'm curious, uh,
and I don't want to assume, but I I would
love to hear how you identify and as far as
being a male, I don't want to say black male
because you may I didn't find differently, but my assumption again,
I don't want to zoom. But they say people say

(29:00):
in number one, don't go to therapy, especially now black man.
So I would low to hear as far as your identity,
how you identify, and your decision to actually go to therapy.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
I do identify as a black man. It's kind of funny.
I mentioned my double mistake me for some reason, I
had like very high prolactin levels in the middle of
the pandemic, and how should I say in the podcast, whatever,
it's fine. There was like a mass near my pituitary
gland that we think is benign, and it was like, oh,

(29:35):
there's a part of my brain that's trying to turn
me into a woman. But there was also like a
part of my brain that was like saying, actually, you're
still a man. It's just what your body is. Like
your body like that doesn't make you, That doesn't erase
everything else that has happened to you, and I was like,
cool idea, I'm getting rid of those, but like cool idea.
Uh brain. And in terms of black men going to therapy,

(30:02):
I mean, first of all, black people were growing in therapy.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
Come on, come on, let's go.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
The second off the therapistent introduced me to kind of
behavioral therapy was a black woman who went to my
my prep school. So there was like a particular prep
school I went to that was mostly white, and she
also went there a little bit before that I did.
And I don't fully buy this, but it was very

(30:29):
validing to hear this. She was like, yeah, what you
experienced there was the trauma of white supremacy. And sometimes
I want to be like, no, I didn't. I'm not
a I'm not a victim worrese survivor. But it also
it helps to have someone be like you, no, that
that the ship phone sucked. It sucked. And then it's
because someone could be like, actually, you were lucky because

(30:49):
you and I was lucky because I mean, my local
high school got shut down because there are too many stabbings.
Like that's not like I'm I'm glad I didn't have
to go through that. And also there's this other foot
side of yeah, but you felt really alone and you
didn't and you were young and you didn't know how
to process it. M So I was sly a. I
think that would help the process later on. I'm still

(31:11):
doing that, still doing that? Do you think I'm mattering now?
Oh man?

Speaker 1 (31:15):
Thank you? Thank you for sharing again. This is your norm,
this is not everybody's norm, and I agree with you. Yes,
black folks do go to therapy. Black men go to therapy.
These are facts. Okay, how do we know their facts?
We're talking about two black men right now currently, and
I happen to be a therapist. They go to therapy.
We do go, So it's a belief, it's an idea.
And then at least yes, I go too, and even not.

(31:37):
You know, you speak por Portuguese, so I'm assuming you
from a different country or may have migrated here. I
would love to hear thoughts about that and connecting to
the culture here that may be different from where you
grew up. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
Yeah, I'm originally from Brazil, and I started therapy before
I moved, and I did therapy in Portuguese for a
long time, and I for a long time I felt
I could only do it in Portuguese because I could
only really express myself in the language, and I could

(32:13):
never connecting any level with Elish speaking people because I
could not understand the hidden rules of society and everything.
But yeah, I was married and I divorced and I
started doing that same kind of therapy.

Speaker 4 (32:31):
This is very interesting. We have a lot of things
in common that we didn't really talk, just feel, you know,
we just hang out and have this feeling.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
And I did behavioral therapy, I did group therapy, and
I'm a language teacher.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
I teach Portuguese.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
And it was.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
Fascinating to do that meeting because it was also like
reading the scenarios and have everyone comment on what has
happened to.

Speaker 4 (32:58):
Them and what they were doing that situation. And there
was a lot of expressions. There was a lot of
like words, new words, ideas, and I love that. I
love new words.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
I loved looking at the dictionary, and I got to
learn so much about the United States because they're they're
like as there are groups of immigrants everywhere, but Brazilian
immigrants they can be very insular.

Speaker 4 (33:27):
There are a bunch of.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Brazilian events and Brazilian music, and they can like just
hang out with themselves. When I was married, I spoke Portuguese,
so I could spend like days without really connecting and
without realizing there was in the United States. But then
like I said, no, I'm here, I'm at this country.

(33:48):
I want to see what's there to see. And yeah,
I did therapy in English. It was nice, it was expensive.
I ended up like now do.

Speaker 4 (34:00):
In the Brazilian therapists.

Speaker 3 (34:04):
But yeah, like being in spaces where we can talk
about emotions, talk about deep psychological things in English.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
Like It's great for me.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
Because like living the corporate living in the corporate world,
and like living our lives. People seeing very well put together.
They don't say like embarrassing things. And in Brazilian culture
it's more dramatic. I think in general we watch a
lot more soap operas, and it was very common for

(34:39):
me to meet someone in the bus stop and say
my whole.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
Life for all the traumas. But it was more like
playing the same things out.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Now I can see that, and I can see that
I was like that, and there's a game on who
is like that or But I want to also have
the space to live my life and to do things
in the moment and to interact in some level with
the culture here is and immigrants, but keeping like the

(35:12):
values and the ages are important for me. I feel
very different, like in terms of the way I express
my emotions, but I feel that's useful when it's fun.

Speaker 4 (35:24):
It's like an experiment, like all these people are being
very American, and I'm going.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
There and being very president just to see what happened,
and then the other way around, you like.

Speaker 4 (35:33):
Being the group of residents and kind of like being
the American one. It's a funny experiment.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
I love it. I love it. I appreciate you too.
I appreciate the authenticity, transparency, humility again, emotional intelligence, and
I don't believe in coincidences at all. And we're connected,
three of us because y'all don't know this, but you
about knowing now. My theoretical orientation is CBT and I
am and I happen. There's no coincidence. That's that's my

(36:03):
that's my framework. That's how I see life. And it
just it's a good match. And when when you connect
with the good therapist or great therapists, a good matches
healthy in the their method works like you can really
do some great work. So I appreciate it. We speak
the same language, and it's just like it's connecting, which
brings me to the next piece before we get out

(36:23):
of here. Related to connectivity and how you too connect
it is what I talk about on the show all
the time, food and music. Food in music connects human
beings period. I don't care who you are, where you're from,
and y'all confirm that with y'all connection and maintaining it.
So I am curious. How did you to individually or
collectively learn about button Masher because I didn't know about

(36:44):
them until that day, So people's marriage.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I also didn't know that. I'm caring familiar with video
game music. I like it At launch a lot of
my friends ex partners were video game players. But yeah,
it was like just a calcert that had all these
condensed parts.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
Of my life. And how did you?

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Oh, so you like pie?

Speaker 3 (37:13):
Yeah? I like the pilot. It was the pie Shop
and I like.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Pie there, so yeah, yeah, big shout out to the
pas shop in DC. There may be our sponsor's future. Okay,
is nice, very nice.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
I don't remember. I think the algorithm just served it
to me because I'm not like chip tone music.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
But I.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
Didn't. I genuinely don't remember.

Speaker 4 (37:39):
So like I didn't know you liked jazz. You usually
listened to jazz.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Oh I love jazz man, Yeah definitely, I mean I was,
I was. I was in jazz band in high school.
I didn't know, but I could feel it because it
was an opening jazz band that was like young black kids. Yeah,

(38:05):
that was so weird. They were good. Yeah, it's just
like you know, you know what, the urban youth of
DC love jazz.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
That's great.

Speaker 4 (38:15):
Like it was video game music, but he had this
jazz layer to it.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
So and like I don't know classical music, like yeah,
virtuosity and yeah that's different because I don't know video games.

Speaker 4 (38:28):
It's about virtuosity level.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, I love it. I love it. So to the listeners,
the reason that Button Master is on the Three Parallels
podcast playlist is because of Peb and alas. So that
part of that, and they're going to contribute more songs
to the podcast playlist because that's how the playlist is
being curated. Again, were connecting with music and food and

(38:52):
I'm feeding you knowledge. So with that being said, uh, PB,
you taught me something and I gotta talk about it
because it hit me really, really hard when I first
introduced myself and I went to PB first because of familiarity,
black male doing his thing, cartoon character Pj's automatically love.

(39:13):
So I gave a big hug and I said, Man,
I'm loving how y'all living and being and it's so authentic.
And I mentioned, like, man, look at everybody else and
they're not They're not like you. They're not I mean you,
and it text. I was saying a lot of things
that were assumptions and you called me out on it
where you were saying, like, just because they're vibe into

(39:34):
the music the way they do and we boy, the
way we do, doesn't mean they're not being authentic. And man,
that hit me in a head with a honey bun.
And I'm curious to know that mindset, that intellect to
know like, no, we're all Who's who am I to judge?
Who are we to say? Who's this or that? And

(39:54):
I appreciated the call in because it was with love,
it was with respect, and it was just like it
made me pause to reconsider my assumption. So I'm curious
for you, where did this level of awareness come from
of accepting of people for just being people.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
I mean, I had rather contemptious of some people. But
I will say I think people sometimes make suppositions, assumptions
based on how I look. You know, I have this
feeling that if you if you're like, oh, there's this
guy with dreads, you just have to make a half Behamen.
He's from the Bronx, And if I open my mouth,

(40:36):
you'd be like, that's not I thought was gonna happen.
And and this is just my voice. This is like,
I'm not I haven't code specially into this voice for
the purpose of this podcast, because I have a podcast.
I do have a podcast voice, and I can do it,

(40:56):
and I have not been doing it.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Thank god, you have a podcast. Now you have a podcast.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Now past voice, no, but no parcass voice.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
So I think there's, you know, subconsciously, there's this respect
for people might be living a life like I live,
where it's like, maybe you don't fit what people would
expect of your background or whatever you look like. And
also the work I've done to not make assumptions a
lot of people are thinking. It can be really easy

(41:36):
to get caught up thinking like this person's doing this
because of that, and then adding what I think are
their intentions onto it when the important part is, well,
how is it affecting me? So it's one thing if
like people not dancing is like it's kind of boring,
and I thot that for me, that's one thing. It's
nothing to be like they don't even get the music,

(41:59):
like I don't know they music or not, just because
they're not moving. All I know is maybe I want
to see the movie more. But that's about me. That's
just that's violent internal monologue.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
That's it's real. I didn't have that. I didn't have it,
so I had an assumption and I gave it to them.
And you didn't allow that to happen, not on your watch.
It's beautiful, man, And I just kept hearing your voice
for days. I just kept hearing people like how dare I?
And it was a moment that I'm thankful for and
I had to share it because that's who you are.

(42:30):
You gave me you and I received it, and it
changed me. I changed because of that because I've never
done that again since our conversation, never done again. I
don't put that those assumptions on anybody, because that's what
happened to us, all of us as humans, as human
beings doing human things. People assume based off of their
lived experience and a lot of times, as you just said,

(42:50):
this is their stuff, not ours. So thank you, thank you,
thank you. Last question before we get out of here,
I would love to hear individually and collectively the podcast
Who We Were, Who We Are, Who Becoming you to
discuss these three parallels with your relationship, connection and individual So,

(43:10):
if you were to describe who you were, who you are,
who You're becoming, give me one word or a sentence
or anything that you decide, how would you describe those
three versions of you? And how would you describe three
versions of your current connection relationship. So individually, three versions
and collectively three versions.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Who I was I was anorcoholic, I was addicted on working.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
And proving myself.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
And I am someone who is healing, learning, allowing myself
to make more mistakes, to fail, to be ridiculous, and
hopefully I will become child, become uh someone that's naturally playful,

(44:09):
someone that has fun being ridiculous, making mistakes. But like
I think, like I was very old. Now I am.

Speaker 4 (44:19):
A teenager and I hope to become a kitchen like
a kids. That's old and I don't know something that
doesn't fight so much.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Yes, I am basically.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
People.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
Anytime I'll come to DC. I'm rocking with y'all. Okay,
I don't even invite, invite. I love it, Peope, what
about for you?

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Man? You took my middle one and keep going because
it's literate. I think young me was hurt and uh slaightly.
Older me was his healing and hopefully I'll be happy.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Excellent. I love it. I love it. Last thing I
said that was the last. This is the last on
this show. I like to offer life work. Life work
is a little different from homework. Homework, take it home,
do it you never remember it? Life work. When someone
offers you a gem, a gift, a jewel, it can
create a pivot that allows us to change or shift,
so for you to individually or collectively, like y'all gave

(45:20):
a lot of gems. But if you were to offer
something to the audience, that's something that the gift that
keeps giving, like you did to me, honeybon what would
that be for them? What comes to mind?

Speaker 2 (45:34):
People often assume more people have seen a thing than
actually have. If you think of the most watched thing
every year. It's the super Bowl in America, and it
gets about one hundred and at most one hundred and
fifty million years. It's actually less than that, which is

(45:55):
like forty percent of the country. I mean sixteen of
the country is not watching super Bowl. That's like the
most every everyone does this thing. Yeah, so like whatever,
you think everyone's doing this or everyone has this and
I don't have it. There's there's nothing like that. Something's
new to everybody. Yeah, same thing with Star Wars. Most

(46:19):
people haven't seen every Star Wars.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
That's me guilty.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
But you're not alone. So people think they're alone. It's like, no,
you're not. You're actually most people haven't done most things.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
That's real. Oh man, I love it. I love it
at least.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
Ah, if I could say something, it's like be warmer,
be the present.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
Say something, even if it's ridiculous, even if you don't
know what's going to happen, even if it's wrong, do it,
say and say sorry afterwards with honesty. Like I think,
like I've done bad things. I said inappropriated things to
PB and I said sorry. And I learned how to

(47:08):
say sorry.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
In our relationship.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
And I learned to be forgiven, and I think like
sometimes he would ask sorry and I would forgiven, and
like it was at first it didn't feel very natural,
but over time it felt honest and yeah, and I'm
not so afraid of making mistakes of looking ridiculous or

(47:31):
because I know it's okay and I'm going to say
sorry with honesty and it's it's going to be okay.

Speaker 4 (47:40):
I'm going to be understood, and that's that's great. I
really recommend that for everyone.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Love it, love it, love it, love it, love it.
Oh Man. Another parallel, I gotta talk about it at
least my supervisor. So in order for me to get license,
I had to work out under the super business. Someone
my supervisor happens to be from Brazil as well and
speaks Portuguese and just full circle. She's the reason I
got in the private practice. And she's also now a

(48:07):
college president. Yeah, she's gotta talk about it. Full circle.
So this is an opportunity to share of yourself, product, services,
anything you're doing. If people want to get in contact
with you, people want to reach out to say hey,
people want to go to a concert with you, I
guarantee y'all gonna have a good time. So if people
want to connect with you, if you're willing to share,
how can I get in contact or whatever products and

(48:28):
service you want to share, this is the time to
do it.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
Yeah. I have a group to practice Portuguese. So everyone
that knows Spanish or Portuguese or wants to go to
Brazil or Portugal whatever. We meet online once a month
and we meet in person. I host parties and everything.
It's a group in Halo. Halo is a platform like meetup,

(48:55):
and so it is practice Portuguese in Arlington, Virginia. And yeah,
I can send the link afterwards, yes, and yeah, so
if you want to enter that.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
And I also have Instagram.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
My name Elise Piedra one because I had used the
first one but I couldn't enter the account again, so
I created one.

Speaker 4 (49:19):
Pipe always made fun of me, like.

Speaker 8 (49:21):
Is one nobody has that name, but it's like I
robbed the name from myself. But yeah, Instagram, my Instagram
is open. I yeah, it would be great to talk
there too. And also like just come to the group.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Making mistakes in Portuguese together is fun, and like just
coming to the parties, to the in person events, just
getting the vibes you learn the language.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
By doing that too.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Love it, love it, love it.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
I have a TikTok account mx mx tc hi. It's
mostly just clips of Sarah Sherman, a big fan.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
Okay, done and done, all right, So anything else you
want to share, anything else you need before we close
this thing out? Anyone?

Speaker 8 (50:12):
No, thank you?

Speaker 3 (50:13):
This was great, This is very special. I love when
this happy coincidences happened and that we could all vibe
and all it's I'm very thankful for this.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
Same here, same here. I don't believe in coincidences. We
were connected intentionally and now we were family for life.
So y'all stuck with me and need y'all know that
y'all stuck with it, and none you can do about it.
You stuck with me, okay, So anyway I can support you,
we can support each other. I'm developing. I'm creating a
community of just people, like great human beings doing human

(50:45):
things in their own way to help us evolve and
elevate personally, professionally, spiritually, mentally, mostly hold on. So these conversations,
to me is how we continue to develop. And if
y'all noticed, you know, y'all been rocking by five years
or so and today on this show, y'all learn even
more about each other. And it goes back to so

(51:06):
what you were saying, people like, there's so much we
don't know, and that could be on a global aspect
or even the person that's sitting next to me, who
y'all bless me today, bless me so on the show,
I also get flowers. So I'm sending my flowers to
you all. Both of you are gems. You are jewels,
you are special. I am connected forever. Who you are

(51:30):
is enough, and I'm so thankful that you didn't just
take enough. You decided to give it away. Your energy,
your integrity, your humility, your authenticity. It's contagious and you
got me. And I appreciate you too being willing to
share you with the listeners, with the audience because you
to have made an impression in my life and I

(51:51):
can't imagine what you do for the listeners and viewers.
So to that, thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay,
So this has been another episode or a three Paleos
podcast which your host, the doctor Jason Branch, where we
rediscovered who we were, we embrace who we are, and
we make room for who we're trying to become. If
this episode has been a blessing to you in any way, shape, form,

(52:12):
or fashion, give it away, don't keep it, Share it like, comment, subscribe,
do whatever it is that you choose. We gonna do
what we do.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
That is it. That is all.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
Good night,

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