Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to forty five Forward with host, journalist and speaker
Ron row Out. Ron's mission is to make your second
half of life even better than your first. Most of
us are just approaching our half life when we reach
the mid forties, with many productive years ahead. Ron is
here to help prepare us for this kind of longevity
(00:28):
by providing vital strategies to shift the traditional waiting for
retirement model to a continuous, evolving journey of compelling life chapters.
So now please welcome the host of forty five Forward,
Ron row Out.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Welcome every one to forty five Forward on Bowl Brave TV.
I'm your host, Ron Roell. As we get Older Americans
month every May. This year we recognize the achievements and
accomplishments and legacy of older Americans. But what about your legacy?
Your personal legacy. I'm not talking about your personal assets,
(01:23):
your state. I'm talking about your memories, your remembrances, how
you want to be remembered to your heirs and your family.
So on today's show, we are a special guest is
Susan Caperso, who is indeed a renowned legacy specialist and consultant,
and she will be talking to you about how she
helps individuals and families to preserve their stories, their wisdom,
(01:46):
their memories, and their love for future generations. Susan will
talk about an array of her projects and why it's
important to start thinking about them but rather than waiting
for a rainy day and as a legacy, an end
of life doula and funeral celebrate, she'll also describe her
unique holistic approach to legacy preservation and the end of
(02:09):
life care. So now let's beat my guests. Susan CAPERSO. Susan,
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Hi, Ron, thank you for having me. I'm so excited
to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, I'm excited too. So I've been doing this almost
five years and you've been on a few times. I
think this is your trifecta. Every time you come on, though,
I'm pleased to have you because there's always some new stuff,
these new things to talk about, new ways to look
at things. So before we get into all of that, though,
let's remind our viewers a little bit about you and
(02:41):
about how you got into this field, because you weren't
always in this field, and unlike a lot of people,
you've had an interesting journey as well. So let's talk
about that a bit.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah, so thank you for asking that I switched gears
a little bit. I was in the corporate world for many,
many years, and within a two year period, I had
lost fourteen family members and friends, very close people in
my life, all unrelated, but within two years. That's a
(03:11):
short amount of time, and it made me realize that,
you know, life is so fragile, and I hadn't realized
that until that happened to me, you know, until you
walk in the shoes, right. So I felt that. Of course,
I felt the grieving, and I was mourning one continuous
well i'say after another, but I felt hurt and sadness
(03:36):
with each passing because I was saying that it didn't matter.
It was everybody, my mother, my brother, my husband, their
stories and their memories and their wisdom and the way
that they told them were just gone. They turned to
dust with them, you know, they weren't in the room anymore.
(03:56):
And it made me frustrated because there was nothing tangible
afterwards once somebody goes away. So I realized that while
we can't control, you know, when we leave this world,
we can certainly control what we leave behind for others.
So this realization kept snowballing, and it became my mission
(04:20):
to help other people create meaningful legacies that can transcend
generations to come.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
All right, that's great, that's great. So but let's expand
little bit now, So what does what do you do
as a legacy specialist and why is it important?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
So it's really important one, and I know you know
a little bit about the work and you're a big
believer in it as well. So I help individuals and
families capture and preserve the essence of their lives, like
you said, their memories, wisdom, values, and love, okay, in
ways that can be shared with not only their family
even today, but for future generations, the ones they may
(04:56):
never get a chance to meet. So it goes far
behind beyond the financial aspect of it. I I'll talk
more about that later, but I create something that's tangible
that tells the story of their life. So the importance
of this work, it cannot be overstated. I can't talk
about it enough. We live in such a fast paced
(05:17):
world and often disconnected society, as you well know with
many of your own guests, But our legacies ron can
serve as bridges between generations, right, Something our ancestors should
have done for us, but did not. So we all
have the power here to offer that guidance, that comfort,
(05:40):
that sense of identity for those that we do leave behind,
and more important, the love for our family and for
the future generations, their children and their children, and that
we're not lost to time. I know we will be
lost in time. We're all here for such a short period,
but you know it just it continues to enrich the
(06:04):
life of future family members that are connected to you.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Right, And it's so easy today to lose that kind
of connection because we're living in a society which is
so fast paced. Life goes so fast, you know, I remember,
you know, as we get older, we say, well, god,
think time seems to be speeding up, speeding up. And
yet now these days I hear that even from our kids.
I remember growing up, you know, the time seemed to
(06:30):
go so slowly. I know, not anymore, not anymore, our
children of the time goes fast, and you know you
don't have time, you know, so there are times, but
there are fewer times when you sit down on your
parents' lap, or your grandfather's lap or grandmother's and say
they have a time to tell you their stories, and
(06:52):
yet when they're gone, you kind of wonder, like, God,
I wonder what dot dot dot, what do they think
about this? You know? So this is this is a
time to be proactive and think about these sorts of things,
you know, before it's the time is gone.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
So yeah, yeah, and you know it's it's it is
frightening as I get older, even you know, because you
think you have so many years left and then you're
going towards the sun. Now things are getting warmer. But
we have to surrender to that. And this is what
your show is all about. And we have more baby
boomers and seniors than ever and if we learn to
(07:31):
embrace that, it won't be so scary and we can
live beautiful lives for the rest of our lives. Right,
So that's the point of it all. So I created one.
I started out with just a couple of projects. That's
why I'm so excited to be here with you today
because I have six different projects that I work with
with clients, and they're all different, and I say that
(07:55):
they need to be different, run because everybody is different, right.
I began my journey with my first book, Remember Me,
the Story of My Life, and that was a book
filled with pumps on top of the page to trigger
a memory, and then lines down the page of the book. Okay,
so what would happen is you would sit down and
(08:16):
fill out two pages and then it would go on
a bookshelf and collect us. And I know this is
true because I've done it myself. You have another book.
Somebody gave me a book and I started in the
two pages. But since then I've talked to thousands of
people who have said the same exact thing, same exact thing.
So I know that these are the reasons why our
(08:37):
stories maybe are not getting done because people need a
little more guidance. They need more guidance to get it
done that know the project and say hey, this is
what you need to do. I'd like to tell you
about them now if I can, real quick, and then
later on later I want to share on a few
ways that you can work on your own legacy projects
(08:58):
at home.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It's starting today, right, Okay, let's go.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
So the first it's just a memoir book and we
all know what those are. They're on Amazon, you know,
nice small softcover book, ten chapters, and it's really about
a lot more about your history and the ancestors that
you know about and in this project. This project takes
months and months to get done. This is the biggest project,
(09:24):
right but we get a lot of information into that book,
and that eventually, after its edited, goes on Amazon and
you can sell it just a family or to the world,
whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
The second one is one of my more popular ones
in the past. It's the twelve x twelve hardcover Legacy Book.
It's more like a coffee table book. Remember Kramer's Coffee
table book. Okay, It's like that. It's hardcover with pages
that don't rip and tear. It's filled with over one
hundred photos and filled with all your memories, history and stories,
(09:59):
and it's beautiful visually to look at, and its quality
is unbelievable. And it lasts for several general. I can't
tell you how many generations because I won't be here,
but it feels like that, you know, when you're hold
it in nions And then I do a legacy interview,
which is fun. It's sort of like this one, like
(10:19):
you and I are having a casual conversation, but I
know the three hundred things that I want to discuss
with you. So I have conversation with you and you
talk about this and that. I have people cry, sometimes
you have tears, you have left or I've done these
all over the world. I finished one of these with
(10:40):
a woman in Ireland and she has seven children and
at the end all of the audio and video gets
transferred to USB drives and each one of the siblings
get that USB drive with twelve hours worth of material
from the opendred. Yeah, not at one time. We work
two hours of week. If you want to do something shorter,
(11:03):
we have what you call a legacy letter, and that's
a two hour project, right and again it's on zoom.
I get to know you. We talk about a lot
of these things in a smaller nutshell, and then I
created into a beautiful letter or a document that's usually
six to eight nine word documents, depending how chatty you are.
You know, I like to get all the information in there.
(11:26):
My favorite is, as you know, the Forever My Voice Project,
and that's a radio project. It's an old fashioned radio
and we do the same thing. We have four sessions,
but all that audio gets transferred onto this radio. I
began this project run it's so close close to my heart.
I had a man called me. He says to me,
(11:48):
I saw you last year at one of the events.
You had a table and I took your card, and
I knew I wanted to do one of the projects,
he said. And then my wife died. And he's crying
on the phone. And it's a year later, but he
says to me, Susan, all I could ever wish for
(12:09):
in a million years is to hear her voice again.
And it made me tear up right, So we hang up.
And I like to solve people's problems, you know. I
like to get down to what they need. And what
could I do to help people to hear their voice again?
(12:31):
And I couldn't figure it out. It took me a
few years to bring this to Fruition, but I finally
came up with exactly how to do it. Put it
on this radio so that if you're not here tomorrow
and your wife can't get out of bed because you're
her soulmate and she can't stop thinking of you while
(12:51):
she has turned the little dialogue and hear you talking
to her telling her I love you, with memories of
their wedding, their children, have that glass of wine and
go on that walk and stop you know it'll be okay.
Reassurance and guidance, and it's an amazing project because you
(13:12):
don't hear my voice, right, So I guide a person
with exactly what they need to do. They follow the
prompts and it's all completely in their voice talking to
that person. I've been reaching out to first responders, you know.
I think it's a good project for them because it's
(13:33):
a life insurance plan.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
My son's girlfriend, her father died on nine to eleven.
He was a firefighter, and she was four years old,
and she holds my radio. She did a little video
for me and she said, if I had only had
this through the years, I would know my dad a
little bit better. I would know that he loved me
and how he felt about me when I was born,
(13:57):
and I would hear it in his voice. She'll never
have that, you know. If my husband had only done something,
he only passed away a fifty two of the flow,
I would that would be a treasure for my boys
to be growing, you know, and and when they're having
children of their own, of their own to hear the event.
(14:17):
He was the funniest man in the world. He would
be hysterical on that radio for two hours, you know,
and oh, I get the chills thinking about it. I'm
just so passionate that one.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, go ahead, yeah, take a breath.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Well yeah, I think that's something we don't really think about,
you know, but it's it is important. There are lots
of ways to remember your loved when and you know
they're you know, they're they're the ways they provoke it.
I mean, sometimes a smell will provoke it, but I
think sometimes a voice, a sound will provoke it. So
it's another really valuable tool. So we'll talk a little
(14:56):
bit more of that, I know, and I want to
know how you start these projects. But we need to
take a quick break, so folks, this will be a
very short break. When you come back, there will be
much more. As Susan CAPERSO, she's a legacy specialist, end
of life DULO. We're talking about all of these things
when we come back, So don't go away, will be
(15:16):
right back.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
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six time national placer, including two seconds two thirds and
two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(15:39):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her tune her natural abilities, influenced her decision
(16:03):
to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zurich has enjoyed a
fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
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how I'm Family d Wilson, Join me for the Carrying
(16:42):
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(17:03):
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Speaker 2 (17:20):
Welcome back, folks once again, This is Ron Roell on
forty five Forward. We're talking today with Susan caperso legacy
specialist and end of life duelum. Before the break, we
were talking about a number of Susan's project ending with
her Forever My Voice project, which is a very interesting project,
and I wanted to ask her a little bit more
about what is the difference in your mind between you know,
(17:42):
this sort of personal legacy and financial legacies. How do
you differentiate well, you.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Know, can I just add one thing before we go
into that. I just want to mention. Because of your
show and because of your listeners, there will be so
many seniors in the world right more than we ever had.
And I see, I have so many friends that are
in their seventies okay even late seventies that have very
(18:08):
young grandchildren now and have great relationships with them, really nice,
takes them out all the time, has them over for sleepovers,
little kids. But in reality, they're getting older, so the
little ones are not gonna they won't even remember them,
and they're having the time of their lives right now.
(18:30):
So it's important for older people, especially for the younger generations,
because it can change so many lives. So, as we
talked about the projects, right, there are so many different modalities.
We know that, and thank you for letting me talk
about a few of them. But everybody's different and everybody
does their own in their own unique way. So the
(18:52):
difference between a financial legacy and personal legacy most know,
I hope so, but it's it's so important. I did
a lot of work for an attorney with legacy work.
He does a state planning legacy work. So it's important
to have all your financial documents and order your trusts,
your papers for your house your power of attorneys. All
(19:14):
of this is really important, but I feel like this
creative legacy is a missing puzzle piece. It really is.
It's the puzzle piece that connects it all and brings
it all full circle. It's so you can share the
most important things in your life. And that's not the
paper money that's in your bank account, you know, the
(19:36):
inheritance that they receive. It's more about your love and
wisdom and the lessons you've learned in your life. So
that's the difference between the two. It's important to have
both of them.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I believe right right, And when you say, as I
mentioned the introduction, it's something that's important to start, you know,
before the so called rainy day. You know there is
you know, as you get on it's like, oh oh
here it comes my end of life. So how do
you start talking people about these projects? Do they come
to you? Do they? I guess it probably happens a
number of ways. Sometimes you approach them. But how did
(20:11):
these projects start?
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Well? I try and do a lot of speaking over
the years, and then I get calls usually a year
or two years later. You know, when when you think
about it, or when you need a gift, for somebody,
and I do things like this, you know, and a
lot of referrals, a lot of referral basis that people
(20:33):
know about me. And what I try and tell Ron
is that you know, life is just so unpredictable. Waiting
for the right time to start preserving your legacy means
it will never happen, just like that dusty book on
the shelf. Right, So the fourteen people in my life
all left the world for a different reason, but there
(20:53):
was no pre warning and there was no diagnosis involved,
just so you know, they or trauma or spur of
the moment. And my husband was healthy as can be,
six eight two hundred and eighty pounds, healthy man, and
he got the flu. And this was way before COVID.
It was the regular flu and his lungs couldn't handle it. So,
(21:18):
you know what, You're sorry later on, You're sorry later on.
And I can't even tell you. I've worked now with
people in their thirties, they're late thirties all the way
to ninety eight. So when you realize the power of that,
you may not make it home tonight. And it's important
for your children to have something like this, or when
(21:40):
you're older you're seeing your timeline, you know, either way.
So it's a really a big age gap that the
importance and the different reasons for doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, so, as you mentioned before, it sometimes can seem
like an onerous thing to do, like you know, like
you're writing something in a blank piece of paper, blank
screen in front of you. But so that could stop
you from doing it. So how do people do you
have suggestions for how they can just start in small pieces,
you know, like I can sort of say, like, well,
before they come to you, you know, but thinking about
(22:15):
you in the future and start preparing for like whether
they start collecting what are they you know? It seems
to me like you just start start putting together folder
memories then that you would collectively put together.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Well, that's the beauty of my projects. It's all in
the conversation. So I take these audios and I go
through them afterwards, and then I create the project that
you're looking for. I really don't like preparation I have.
I do have a couple of people that will say
to me, no, I need to prepare, I need to prepare.
I do not give them everything that we talk about,
(22:49):
but I tell them to just if you want to
do that, jot down a few what's right this way.
If we don't cover it, you'll say, oh, I wanted
to talk about what happened in nineteen seventy two, right,
and they can go back to that. I don't do
that be for a lot of reasons, you know, trial
(23:10):
and error. So I've kind of perfected the way I
do it, and the spur of the moment memories work
the best now. I also, after we're done with each session,
and in a few of the projects therefore sessions, I
allow you to think about what we talked about today
and shoot me over an email if you think of
(23:31):
something tonight, like why didn't I say this? Or why
didn't I say that? That's never a problem. But my
suggestions for people you don't have to find a legacy
specialist to work on your legacy. There are a few
things to get started on right now, one of them
being in a simple journal. Get a pretty journal or
(23:52):
a marble notebook, who cares, keep it on your end
table in the living room, and every night, just write
down a few memories. Write down think of when you
were little, think about when you were a teenager in
high school. Believe me, the memories come. They do come
once you start thinking of a timeline. Okay, and you
(24:12):
know something, If anything happens to you tomorrow and you
don't wake up in the morning, having two or three
pages in that book is going to be a heck
of a lot better than having nothing, because family loves that.
They look for it and they want that. You talked
about before run the power of voice and the power
of words. Okay. Something that we don't talk about often
(24:36):
is the power of handwriting. So my anna wrote so horribly.
I can't even tell you. I think my handwriting is
starting to look like hers. Actually, But whenever I saw
anything that my mother had with her handwriting on it,
I got the chills on my neck. And the same
thing happens to me now. If ever I see something
(24:58):
with my husband's signature on it, it makes me feel
like he's right here. It's helpful in the handwriting. So
that's why I include the journal in different things that
I do. But that I suggest to you get yourself
a journal because your family will love that. Another one
is recording your family history, right Talk to you, even
(25:22):
if you're young, Talk to older people in your family,
get together with the more purpose on a Saturday and
just talk for an hour, talk about their first boyfriend
or girlfriend, talk about anything. You can pull up questions
online that can help guide you, and you can talk
about this story, these stories. And you know who I
tell to do this when I speak a lot ron
(25:43):
caregivers and you're all about the caregiver on because caregivers
have a golden opportunity to shut the TV off, to
get the recorder or a notebook out and just do
a little bit each day or each week. Wow wow, right,
there's an opportunity there. Whether you're a paid caregiver or
(26:06):
a family caregiver, there's time and this is something you
could be doing. You can create a photo album or
scrap book. But my thing is go through your photo albums.
We have a lot of photo albums from back in
the day. Take out your favorite We don't need tons
of pictures from the park you visited at that in siminate,
you know, and you can't see the animal out there anyway.
(26:29):
Take your favorite photos and if you put them in
a scrap book that you can get cheaply at Michael's right,
you can write next to it. You can write a
couple paragraphs next to it. On what exactly that was.
It's more meaningful than just opening the book and looking
at a picture. And lastly, also there's technology today, right.
(26:49):
You can start a blog, you can create a private
family website, and there are many other websites that you
can go on and leave memories and just hype on
the keyboard, different things, right, So many ways for you
to start, even tonight if you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, yeah, I'll get back to the second. I want
to follow up on that, but I I just you know,
I didn't want to lose the fact that when you're
talking before about handwriting, something I didn't think about, but
it's something quite powerful. It's very interesting because when I
think about my parents' handwritings, my mother had My mother
was an artist. She had a very florid, you know,
(27:26):
her flourish of her lettering him like wow, you know
it really you know, that's that's mom, you.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Know what I mean? Yes, when you're like, oh, you
get the chills like it.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Yeah, that's right. And then my father, in contrast, had
also very distinctive handwriting. He was an engineer, so his
handwriting was very angular, very you know, kind of that
perfect you know, slant of handwriting. I was like, so
that's my dad, you know, and I look at that,
like there he is, you know, I can see him, right,
And he did some journals. So luckily I do have
(28:01):
some things from them about their writings.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
That's wonderful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, And and so that's that's really important. And I
guess to your last point about you know, sort of
digital stuff, that's an opportunity now too, because it sometimes
makes it easier. You can, you know, get stuffed down quicker.
Just have to make sure people can access it. For
some reason, you know, you disappear. You know, that's been
(28:27):
a problem, right that sometimes you know, people don't have
their their parents' Facebook password or something like that where
they can't access these memories.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
It is and it's and it's a little more difficult
technology as we get older. You know, if we can't
get on or we don't know how to get into
zoom or you know, it's really frustrating. So and I
know that. So when I do work with older people,
if they hear on Long Island, I try and make
it a point to go to their homes because it's
easier in person that if you're not good with technology.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right now, speaking of stories. Are there any particular stories
that you want to share us in terms of working
with clients that you found, you know, particularly compelling and interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Well, I would like to share a personal story. I
was having dinner here in my house and this was
one of the reasons I started my projects about seven
seven eight years ago. Now, my niece Julia was over
for dinner and at the time she was eighteen, maybe
(29:34):
nineteen eighteen. And that afternoon somebody had given me a
little box with a couple of my mother's things, because
my mother had was one of the people who passed away.
And in that box was a letter from my mother's
aunt in Eastport. She had a farm, she grew wine,
(29:55):
She had animals and chickens. She can't pickle, pickled vegetables,
had gardens, the whole kaboodle she had wrote. My mother lived,
I guess far at the time it was only in Mineola.
She was in Eastport, but back then it was a
big distance to travel. So she wrote her a two
(30:15):
page letter and it was nice for me to see
it because I remember Aunt Josie's handwriting too. Now that
was my great aunt. So I said to Julia, my
eighteen year old niece, this is your great great aunt.
H you want to read this. So she was all
over it. So she stood at the counter and she's
(30:35):
reading and reading and reading, and she has tears coming
out of her eyes. And I didn't understand because it
wasn't a sad letter. But when she was finished, I said, Julia,
now tell me what's wrong. It was a nice letter,
and she said, Aunt Sue, this is my family. She's
(30:56):
my ancestor. Did I look like her? You know? Did
I talk like her? I want to know more? Do
you have any more of these? And that was a
big decision maker for me to jump from one business
to the other, because if it was important to an
eighteen year old, my gosh, do you know many people
(31:17):
I talked to Ron in the course of the week
that that hear about what I do and say, oh,
if I only knew, if I only knew last year
or the year before or three years ago, you know,
but people don't think about it until after the fact.
So that's why we talk about these things.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Right, yeah. Yeah, And I think there's something also compelling
about talking about these things because you know, when you
think about ancestry, you know, yeah, you know, on answerstry
dot com. You know all these genealogy sites, which is
which is fine, but it's just like, Okay, these are
my answers, but what did they think?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
I mean a note about that. I love ancestry dot com.
It's powerful. It's another modality, right, another thing. But I
can almost guarantee you you'll find a cousin or a
distant aunt. Yes you will. They're wonderful for that. What
I love about the most is that if your mother
(32:20):
gave you up for adoption and she goes on there,
you can find a parent. It's helping people connect and
that's powerful to me. So you can find a cousin, Okay,
you can know what country your roots are from. You
know that you're from Greece and Poland. You know. You
learn these things, but you're never going to know the
(32:42):
personal and intimate information of their day in the life
of right or what they did or what they aspired
to do, or what their dreams and wishes were for
your mother or your grandmother, depending on how far tackle going,
you know. So that is a beautiful thing. But it's
(33:02):
connecting generations. Ron that's what it's doing.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah, yeah, but and it is. But what you're talking
about though, is is you know, broadening that piece, which
is it's not just like okay, that was my answer.
That was my grandfather, you know. To me and perhaps
it's me because I'm a writer too, I want to know, well,
what was this person, what did they think? What how
did they see the world, you know, what was important
(33:27):
to them? You know, and sometimes you know it's like
you get insights about yourself, like about what was important
about you to them, which you know sometimes you know
it's it doesn't come up in day to day you
know instances, but when you stop and pause for a
second about it, I think that's when you can really
(33:47):
put these things together. So I think it you know,
I think it contributes in many ways to both sides
of the equation. You know, the person who's you know,
giving it, you know, they describing their legacy as a
gift to their errors, but also the process of doing
it and enriches yourself, you know, it makes you think
(34:09):
about like, oh yeah, it makes it you know, it
connects pieces of your life that you hadn't thought about,
you know. So it's a very interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Process, absolutely, absolutely, and it does make you think about
your own mortality and that can be difficult, right, So
I try to reframe the conversations and to focus on
life rather than end of life or death, because now
ninety percent of my clients are not end of life,
(34:38):
not terminal, and I started out with terminal clients. Okay,
so they are healthy and vibrant people now that are
choosing to do this. So I encourage them that it's
a celebration of their life for their loved ones even today,
and it's an insurance that your presence will continue to
be felt and you can I knew to guide and
(35:00):
inspire your family through your words and through your stories.
So most of my clients getting back to your point,
absolutely find a therapeutic. It allows them to reflect on
their own lives and find meaning in their experiences. And
most don't want to stop our sessions after four weeks.
(35:21):
They want to keep going, and that's exciting. I had
actually one client that I was afraid to work with.
She was going to do it, but she really had
nothing to talk about, and she had a sad life,
and she had nothing to say, and her children wouldn't
want to hear it anyway, And I got to tell you,
by the time we were finished, she cried because she was
(35:44):
so thankful that I made her go through the project
and that we got it done, you know, and that
was the important thing. She didn't realize the value that
she had in this life, and it took a project
like that to see. She had a lot of children,
She was blessed, She had a big family, she has grandchildren,
(36:04):
She has so many wonderful things to be thankful for.
There was another woman who was really in the late
stages of life. She had COPDA, I guess with the
oxygen machine right right, And she passed away as a
matter of fact, just a couple of months after we
(36:25):
finished her book. But her family told me that from
the day I left, she had that book right there
on her couch next to her, and every aid, every nurse,
every doctor, every neighbor that came in to see her.
She said, this is the story of me. This is
my life. You want to see. She was proud. She
(36:47):
was proud. So I think it does. It does magical things.
Ron it does have become full circle in a sense.
If he asked me, what I see right right?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah, it takes a little prompting, And that's what your
goal is. Your role is to prompt people, you know,
past these initial means, I can see like people, Oh,
I got nothing to say and nothing happened in my life.
You know, what do you want to what do I
want to talk about?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
You know?
Speaker 2 (37:16):
But it's just sort of like okay, okay, and just
you just listen to them and then just get them started.
And once they start, as you say, things start to roll.
But it's it's yeah, it's it's it's and that could
be sort of fun, right And when you when you
see that opening up, you know, and that you know,
it's the floodgates open, and it's just like, uh, you know,
(37:39):
and that is.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
The best part of my job, ron and that's I'm
so passionate about it. And we're on the short time
time period right here today. So I may be talking
a lot, okay, but but with clients, they do most
of the talking. I just have to get throwing on
a certain topic. But then I engage, I laugh, I cry,
(38:04):
I clap my hands. I'm so proud of them, you know.
I appreciate that interaction and good about what their life
was about.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Yeah. Yeah, it's that that other part of connection, you
know that you're not sitting there and doing a soliloquy,
and but you're but you're you're engaged with the person
while you're doing that. So I think that's a very
helpful process. So I want to talk a little bit
more about that. But we got we got to get breaking.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
You you want.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
To, I'll come back, Okay, all right, So we'll stop
by there, but we'll be right back again. Folks. We're
going to take another break, our last break. But don't
go anywhere. We have one more great segment with Susan
Caperso coming up, so don't go anywhere.
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Speaker 2 (40:54):
Welcome back, folks. Ron Roel here with forty five forward
on Bowl Brave TV. We're talking with Susan Caperso, the
Legacy Specialist and then of Life Duela. So before the
break we were talking a little bit Susan about some
of her stories and some of helping people open up,
and I just wanted to follow up a little bit
on that because I do know that when people, you know,
(41:15):
they're reluctant, they think their life, you know, didn't have
much sense of purpose. I think this process helps people
really come to realize what their purpose has been and
what they've done, and that's such an essential part of life.
And people often talk about, you know, you know, the
secrets of longevity, you know, and leading a good life
(41:36):
all the way to the end, and it's a continued
sense of purpose. There's a big part of that. So
I think this helps people, you know, kind of articulate that,
you know, and then think about themselves in ways that
they hadn't thought about.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah. Absolutely, And what's been blowing my mind on over
the past two years, especially that I'm working with a
whole new clientele younger people, younger people that are like
in their late thirties early forties, that have younger, younger children,
(42:11):
because they realize how fragile life is and that anything
can happen in a second, and they want to be
sure that their kids are not only taking care of financially,
but wait, we need to implement some other things in
their life. One of her favorite projects was that big
coffee table book, and it was for a young mother
(42:31):
in her forties. She was an attorney. She spent to
thirteen countries. She speaks thirteen different languages. She had to
be one of the most brilliant women I ever met.
She only wanted to do the eighth of the book
about her history and experiences. The other three quarters she
talked to her children about every age in their coming lives.
Now they were only eight and ten. She since passed.
(42:55):
She talked about them dating and high school and having
children by their first car, and it was, oh, my gosh,
that's a priceless treasure. Her daughter will have that on
her coffee table when she's a grandmother talking to her
grandchildren that.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
This is my mom mm hmmmm.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
You know it excites me. I'm so passionate about this mom.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, yeah, and it just gives opportunities for these things.
So a lot of times you do wonder, like you,
you know, even myself and thinking about, you know, my parents.
It's like you when you're growing up, you just see
your parents they're adults. But then you think back and like,
what was it like when they were my age? You know,
what were they thinking about? And sometimes that's where you know,
it's enlightening stuff. It's really it's liberating. It's like, oh,
(43:42):
you see certain things about your parents. It's like, well,
that's really nice to know that they they went through struggles,
they had these sorts of things you never knew about.
So it's a great process. So we have a few
minutes left. Are there any of the misconceptions people have
about this process that you want to clarify or just elucidate.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Well, just really that your legacy is not just about
the money you leave and material possessions. All right, So
we've talked about this. You're passing down a piece of yourself.
Another misconception is that people just need to do this
when they're older, at the end of their life, at
their terminal and like I said, I told you about
younger people who are doing this more every day. And
(44:23):
you know the other thing that's that's fascinating is that
it really does help you see the challenges you've overcome, right,
And that's a misconception that you're going to get such
a profound experience out of this project that you think
is such a simple project, But it's not. And there
are so many things you include. If you sent me
(44:46):
family recipes, they can go in that book. You sent
me music or things that you've done in your career,
all of that goes in the book. I mean, there
are always to make these really personal and unique to you.
And you're creating a treasure, a real treasure for your family.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I think that's the right word, treasure, you know, really treasure.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, So there are a few other things I want
to get into, but I want to make sure before
you get off the people know you know how to
find out more about you, and I know that we
can also tell a little bit about you know. You
also an end of life duel as well, so that
sort of fits into this piece. But as you mentioned before,
(45:30):
it's not just about an end of life process. It's
that concerned me part of it. But so we'll talk
about that, but just let's make sure we get in there.
How do people find you where they find out more
about your work and so forth?
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Sure, well, there you can google me. It's Susan Coperso.
So it's an s U s A N. Coperso c
A p U r SL dot com. That's my website.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Okay, just reach out.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
To me anytime. My phone number is six thirty one
nine four six eight one hundred and I'm happy to help.
And you'll always see this video so you'll you'll get
the contact information. I'm also that with you Ron in
New York, and I will travel Long Island to meet
people in person. But I've worked with people in Europe
(46:15):
and in Ireland. And that's the beauty that came out
of covid is zoom. It's so easy for everybody to
jump on right and.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
Just tell a little bit more about your websitecause there's
just some interesting stuff on your website. You have other
you have videos, you have articles, your blogs, you have
examples of your works. So just talk a little bit
about that and then we'll get back to some other stuff.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
Well, regarding end of life. That's how I started an
end of life duel in my business, but legacy work
has always been a big part of that. So these
projects that we work on, along with bucket lists and
many other things. When I come into a client's life,
depending where they are on the timeline, if it's very light,
we can't work on these things. If it's early, within
(47:02):
nine months a year before they diagnosis, that's a beauty
because we can work on a lot of these things.
I do have a YouTube video you can find all
about end of life. It's about before, during, and after
so people who are grieving, and I think there's about
one hundred and twenty videos on there now. So I
(47:24):
have ant that I do that with. So that's a
lot of fun and there's a few other things you'll
find on my website. I've dabbled into different types of things.
I'm a funeral celebrant, but that's only here on Long Island,
you know, I don't really travel to do that, right.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Yeah, Well, I think that's important because it is a
holistic piece that you work on and so that there
you know, at this end of life journey. I think, yes,
as you mentioned, people can do this at any point,
but you know, if you're doing it at that point.
It also is something that makes that the end of
life journey is still part of a journey. You're just
(48:01):
not sitting around waiting to die, you know, You're you're
basically this is part of the journey, and part of
that journey is a reflection on what that is and
really engaging others for them to think about what it
means for for for themselves and for you, so that
it's not because you've been through this before. You know,
you go to someone's funeral memorial service and you're like,
(48:22):
I never knew that about this person. You know, that's
you know, you kind of wonder like, jeez, it would
have been nice to know some of this stuff, you know,
before the person passes. So it gives them you some time.
It sort of expands the timeline. It gives you some
space to think about this and preserve it. And also
(48:43):
that it's it's it makes a more meaningful part of
the journey, you know. And I'm saying it's not just
this this you know, waiting room space you know before you.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
Pass on, and you know, ron this is why I'm
passionate about it. I spent every weekend with my grandparents
in Ness on their big property with all of my
cousins and barbecues and gatherings and get togethers, and oh
my god, I have the best memories of all of
that time. I can't tell you anything about how they met,
(49:14):
about when they were younger. I know nothing because why
we were outside playing ten, okay, because we're eating dinner
and the adults are talking and the kids were over
there talking. You know, you don't know these intimate details,
and they're really important. They tell us who we are
in our lives and it connects us.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Yeah. Yeah, I remember distinctly, and you know, family get togethers,
especially when we were visit our family in Brooklyn. There
was the adult table, there was the kids table, and
there was a time. I mean, I enjoyed my cousins.
That was always fun. But I do remember as I
got a little older, you know, I was like, I
(49:55):
want to be part of the adults table and yeah,
and it was actually because I wanted to be an adult. Really,
I just wanted to listen to what they were talking about.
What were they saying, you know, what was the what
was the were their lives like and what were they thinking?
You know, and uh, exactly, And I.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
Know nothing if you are a lucky one. If you're
a lucky one, and you can be watching this today
and say, oh, no, I know how my grandparents met,
where they dated, where they went, where they If you
know all that, you are rare and you're really really lucky.
Especially in day's age, we live in such a disconnected world,
or children go away to college and don't come home.
(50:37):
You know, it's not like it was back in the
day with older generations, where the families stuck by each
other and stuck together. Now we're all separating.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
Right. Yeah, So I know you touched on this a
little bit, but I just want to reiterate before we go.
If people are having a hard time getting started, if
they're having some emotional challenges to confronting this situation, you know,
what are some of the ways you kind of get
them started again.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
Again. You know, think of it as you're celebrating your life,
you're reviewing, you're reflecting. You know, you want to tell
some of these stories. You don't have to bring all
the sadness in. It's not good for us to hold
on to the sadness. Run. I'm even learning that at
my age right now, I'm listening to podcasts and surrendering
(51:26):
and letting go of the baggage that we've carried around
for years. So you don't need to reiterate those those
things unless it's vague and you need to, you know.
But there's important things you can leave family, medical history.
You know. You talk to your grandchildren and the little
ones and talk to them, you know, tell them how
(51:46):
much you love them. And you were over yesterday and
we did this, and we did that. And you know.
The process is like therapeutic, like I said before, and
it allows you to valid date your own existence in
the world. It really does by reflecting and knowing who
you are and where you came from and where you
(52:08):
how far your life's come. I have not worked with
one person one that it was a horrific experience where
they wish they didn't pull up these memories because my
story that I use it doesn't go into the bad things,
you know, it doesn't go into the hurtful things that
(52:29):
you choose to leave behind.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Talk about the positives right right.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
And some things that you have to interject because your
family exploded or life change. But I do it in
a gentle way.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
Yeah, you know, it's one thing I remember talking to
someone about you know, Alzheimer's patience, where you know they
talk about while you forget things, and I remember somebody
saying to me, you don't mean to remember everything. Some
things are good better to.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Forget, yes, and some people don't. People don't ron I'll
never forget. I did work with a client with dementia,
and she wasn't at the very early stages. She would
I say in the middle, and I was nervous about it,
but her characterver came and set her up on zoom
really nervous about it, and it went perfectly. She did
(53:19):
repeat herself a few times throughout, but I got so
much valuable information out of her, and her family was
so grateful. Only once halfway through the session she stood up.
She looked in the camera and said, I'm hungry. I
have to go have lunch now, and she walked out
of the room, and I sat here looking at my
(53:40):
webcoon going oh, that's.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
Great, fine, Wow, that's a great way to sort of
end on. So we have come to the end of
the show, and I just wanted to thank you Susan
for a terrific, thought provoking discussion. Once again, if people
want getting touch with you, just one more time Susan
dot com?
Speaker 3 (54:00):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (54:02):
And six three right?
Speaker 2 (54:06):
And if you want to get in touch with me
about my show, questions or comments, you can just email
me at Ron dot Rowell at gmail dot com. So
I want to thank Susan again for a great show.
I want to take that thanks you for coming. And
I want to also, as you will, thank my engineer Alex,
part of a terrific team that guides me through each
(54:27):
show each week. So let me just say that I
want to make sure you know that you can join me.
Next Wednesday again seven pm Eastern time, I'll be talking
with the entrepreneurial CEO Glowingolder Talk dot com. She's uh.
We'll talk about her mission to help older adults with happier,
(54:47):
healthier lives through new paradigms and healthy aging and innovations
and senior living. So until then, folks, keep moving forward.
Forty five.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
This has been forty five forward with host Ron Roell.
Tune in each week as Ron tackles the many aspects
of health, finance, family and friends, housing, work, and personal pursuits,
all as part of an integrated plan and to take
charge of your unretiring life. During these uncertain times. Wednesdays,
(55:28):
seven pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network, powered
by B two Studios,
Welcome to forty five Forward with host, journalist and speaker
Ron row Out. Ron's mission is to make your second
half of life even better than your first. Most of
us are just approaching our half life when we reach
the mid forties, with many productive years ahead. Ron is
here to help prepare us for this kind of longevity
(00:28):
by providing vital strategies to shift the traditional waiting for
retirement model to a continuous, evolving journey of compelling life chapters.
So now please welcome the host of forty five Forward,
Ron row Out.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Welcome every one to forty five Forward on Bowl Brave TV.
I'm your host, Ron Roell. As we get Older Americans
month every May. This year we recognize the achievements and
accomplishments and legacy of older Americans. But what about your legacy?
Your personal legacy. I'm not talking about your personal assets,
(01:23):
your state. I'm talking about your memories, your remembrances, how
you want to be remembered to your heirs and your family.
So on today's show, we are a special guest is
Susan Caperso, who is indeed a renowned legacy specialist and consultant,
and she will be talking to you about how she
helps individuals and families to preserve their stories, their wisdom,
(01:46):
their memories, and their love for future generations. Susan will
talk about an array of her projects and why it's
important to start thinking about them but rather than waiting
for a rainy day and as a legacy, an end
of life doula and funeral celebrate, she'll also describe her
unique holistic approach to legacy preservation and the end of
(02:09):
life care. So now let's beat my guests. Susan CAPERSO. Susan,
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Hi, Ron, thank you for having me. I'm so excited
to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, I'm excited too. So I've been doing this almost
five years and you've been on a few times. I
think this is your trifecta. Every time you come on, though,
I'm pleased to have you because there's always some new stuff,
these new things to talk about, new ways to look
at things. So before we get into all of that, though,
let's remind our viewers a little bit about you and
(02:41):
about how you got into this field, because you weren't
always in this field, and unlike a lot of people,
you've had an interesting journey as well. So let's talk
about that a bit.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah, so thank you for asking that I switched gears
a little bit. I was in the corporate world for many,
many years, and within a two year period, I had
lost fourteen family members and friends, very close people in
my life, all unrelated, but within two years. That's a
(03:11):
short amount of time, and it made me realize that,
you know, life is so fragile, and I hadn't realized
that until that happened to me, you know, until you
walk in the shoes, right. So I felt that. Of course,
I felt the grieving, and I was mourning one continuous
well i'say after another, but I felt hurt and sadness
(03:36):
with each passing because I was saying that it didn't matter.
It was everybody, my mother, my brother, my husband, their
stories and their memories and their wisdom and the way
that they told them were just gone. They turned to
dust with them, you know, they weren't in the room anymore.
(03:56):
And it made me frustrated because there was nothing tangible
afterwards once somebody goes away. So I realized that while
we can't control, you know, when we leave this world,
we can certainly control what we leave behind for others.
So this realization kept snowballing, and it became my mission
(04:20):
to help other people create meaningful legacies that can transcend
generations to come.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
All right, that's great, that's great. So but let's expand
little bit now, So what does what do you do
as a legacy specialist and why is it important?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
So it's really important one, and I know you know
a little bit about the work and you're a big
believer in it as well. So I help individuals and
families capture and preserve the essence of their lives, like
you said, their memories, wisdom, values, and love, okay, in
ways that can be shared with not only their family
even today, but for future generations, the ones they may
(04:56):
never get a chance to meet. So it goes far
behind beyond the financial aspect of it. I I'll talk
more about that later, but I create something that's tangible
that tells the story of their life. So the importance
of this work, it cannot be overstated. I can't talk
about it enough. We live in such a fast paced
(05:17):
world and often disconnected society, as you well know with
many of your own guests, But our legacies ron can
serve as bridges between generations, right, Something our ancestors should
have done for us, but did not. So we all
have the power here to offer that guidance, that comfort,
(05:40):
that sense of identity for those that we do leave behind,
and more important, the love for our family and for
the future generations, their children and their children, and that
we're not lost to time. I know we will be
lost in time. We're all here for such a short period,
but you know it just it continues to enrich the
(06:04):
life of future family members that are connected to you.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Right, And it's so easy today to lose that kind
of connection because we're living in a society which is
so fast paced. Life goes so fast, you know, I remember,
you know, as we get older, we say, well, god,
think time seems to be speeding up, speeding up. And
yet now these days I hear that even from our kids.
I remember growing up, you know, the time seemed to
(06:30):
go so slowly. I know, not anymore, not anymore, our
children of the time goes fast, and you know you
don't have time, you know, so there are times, but
there are fewer times when you sit down on your
parents' lap, or your grandfather's lap or grandmother's and say
they have a time to tell you their stories, and
(06:52):
yet when they're gone, you kind of wonder, like, God,
I wonder what dot dot dot, what do they think
about this? You know? So this is this is a
time to be proactive and think about these sorts of things,
you know, before it's the time is gone.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
So yeah, yeah, and you know it's it's it is
frightening as I get older, even you know, because you
think you have so many years left and then you're
going towards the sun. Now things are getting warmer. But
we have to surrender to that. And this is what
your show is all about. And we have more baby
boomers and seniors than ever and if we learn to
(07:31):
embrace that, it won't be so scary and we can
live beautiful lives for the rest of our lives. Right,
So that's the point of it all. So I created one.
I started out with just a couple of projects. That's
why I'm so excited to be here with you today
because I have six different projects that I work with
with clients, and they're all different, and I say that
(07:55):
they need to be different, run because everybody is different, right.
I began my journey with my first book, Remember Me,
the Story of My Life, and that was a book
filled with pumps on top of the page to trigger
a memory, and then lines down the page of the book. Okay,
so what would happen is you would sit down and
(08:16):
fill out two pages and then it would go on
a bookshelf and collect us. And I know this is
true because I've done it myself. You have another book.
Somebody gave me a book and I started in the
two pages. But since then I've talked to thousands of
people who have said the same exact thing, same exact thing.
So I know that these are the reasons why our
(08:37):
stories maybe are not getting done because people need a
little more guidance. They need more guidance to get it
done that know the project and say hey, this is
what you need to do. I'd like to tell you
about them now if I can, real quick, and then
later on later I want to share on a few
ways that you can work on your own legacy projects
(08:58):
at home.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It's starting today, right, Okay, let's go.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
So the first it's just a memoir book and we
all know what those are. They're on Amazon, you know,
nice small softcover book, ten chapters, and it's really about
a lot more about your history and the ancestors that
you know about and in this project. This project takes
months and months to get done. This is the biggest project,
(09:24):
right but we get a lot of information into that book,
and that eventually, after its edited, goes on Amazon and
you can sell it just a family or to the world,
whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
The second one is one of my more popular ones
in the past. It's the twelve x twelve hardcover Legacy Book.
It's more like a coffee table book. Remember Kramer's Coffee
table book. Okay, It's like that. It's hardcover with pages
that don't rip and tear. It's filled with over one
hundred photos and filled with all your memories, history and stories,
(09:59):
and it's beautiful visually to look at, and its quality
is unbelievable. And it lasts for several general. I can't
tell you how many generations because I won't be here,
but it feels like that, you know, when you're hold
it in nions And then I do a legacy interview,
which is fun. It's sort of like this one, like
(10:19):
you and I are having a casual conversation, but I
know the three hundred things that I want to discuss
with you. So I have conversation with you and you
talk about this and that. I have people cry, sometimes
you have tears, you have left or I've done these
all over the world. I finished one of these with
(10:40):
a woman in Ireland and she has seven children and
at the end all of the audio and video gets
transferred to USB drives and each one of the siblings
get that USB drive with twelve hours worth of material
from the opendred. Yeah, not at one time. We work
two hours of week. If you want to do something shorter,
(11:03):
we have what you call a legacy letter, and that's
a two hour project, right and again it's on zoom.
I get to know you. We talk about a lot
of these things in a smaller nutshell, and then I
created into a beautiful letter or a document that's usually
six to eight nine word documents, depending how chatty you are.
You know, I like to get all the information in there.
(11:26):
My favorite is, as you know, the Forever My Voice Project,
and that's a radio project. It's an old fashioned radio
and we do the same thing. We have four sessions,
but all that audio gets transferred onto this radio. I
began this project run it's so close close to my heart.
I had a man called me. He says to me,
(11:48):
I saw you last year at one of the events.
You had a table and I took your card, and
I knew I wanted to do one of the projects,
he said. And then my wife died. And he's crying
on the phone. And it's a year later, but he
says to me, Susan, all I could ever wish for
(12:09):
in a million years is to hear her voice again.
And it made me tear up right, So we hang up.
And I like to solve people's problems, you know. I
like to get down to what they need. And what
could I do to help people to hear their voice again?
(12:31):
And I couldn't figure it out. It took me a
few years to bring this to Fruition, but I finally
came up with exactly how to do it. Put it
on this radio so that if you're not here tomorrow
and your wife can't get out of bed because you're
her soulmate and she can't stop thinking of you while
(12:51):
she has turned the little dialogue and hear you talking
to her telling her I love you, with memories of
their wedding, their children, have that glass of wine and
go on that walk and stop you know it'll be okay.
Reassurance and guidance, and it's an amazing project because you
(13:12):
don't hear my voice, right, So I guide a person
with exactly what they need to do. They follow the
prompts and it's all completely in their voice talking to
that person. I've been reaching out to first responders, you know.
I think it's a good project for them because it's
(13:33):
a life insurance plan.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
My son's girlfriend, her father died on nine to eleven.
He was a firefighter, and she was four years old,
and she holds my radio. She did a little video
for me and she said, if I had only had
this through the years, I would know my dad a
little bit better. I would know that he loved me
and how he felt about me when I was born,
(13:57):
and I would hear it in his voice. She'll never
have that, you know. If my husband had only done something,
he only passed away a fifty two of the flow,
I would that would be a treasure for my boys
to be growing, you know, and and when they're having
children of their own, of their own to hear the event.
(14:17):
He was the funniest man in the world. He would
be hysterical on that radio for two hours, you know,
and oh, I get the chills thinking about it. I'm
just so passionate that one.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, go ahead, yeah, take a breath.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Well yeah, I think that's something we don't really think about,
you know, but it's it is important. There are lots
of ways to remember your loved when and you know
they're you know, they're they're the ways they provoke it.
I mean, sometimes a smell will provoke it, but I
think sometimes a voice, a sound will provoke it. So
it's another really valuable tool. So we'll talk a little
(14:56):
bit more of that, I know, and I want to
know how you start these projects. But we need to
take a quick break, so folks, this will be a
very short break. When you come back, there will be
much more. As Susan CAPERSO, she's a legacy specialist, end
of life DULO. We're talking about all of these things
when we come back, So don't go away, will be
(15:16):
right back.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds two thirds and
two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(15:39):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her tune her natural abilities, influenced her decision
(16:03):
to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zurich has enjoyed a
fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure
how I'm Family d Wilson, Join me for the Carrying
(16:42):
Generation radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings,
six Pacific, seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where
I answer these questions and share tips for managing stress,
family relationships, health wellbeing, and more. Podcasts and transcripts of
the Carrying Generation on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com,
(17:03):
plus my caregiving library. Online caregiver support programs and programs
for corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and
support for caregivers is here on The Caring Generation and
Pamela d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Welcome back, folks once again, This is Ron Roell on
forty five Forward. We're talking today with Susan caperso legacy
specialist and end of life duelum. Before the break, we
were talking about a number of Susan's project ending with
her Forever My Voice project, which is a very interesting project,
and I wanted to ask her a little bit more
about what is the difference in your mind between you know,
(17:42):
this sort of personal legacy and financial legacies. How do
you differentiate well, you.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Know, can I just add one thing before we go
into that. I just want to mention. Because of your
show and because of your listeners, there will be so
many seniors in the world right more than we ever had.
And I see, I have so many friends that are
in their seventies okay even late seventies that have very
(18:08):
young grandchildren now and have great relationships with them, really nice,
takes them out all the time, has them over for sleepovers,
little kids. But in reality, they're getting older, so the
little ones are not gonna they won't even remember them,
and they're having the time of their lives right now.
(18:30):
So it's important for older people, especially for the younger generations,
because it can change so many lives. So, as we
talked about the projects, right, there are so many different modalities.
We know that, and thank you for letting me talk
about a few of them. But everybody's different and everybody
does their own in their own unique way. So the
(18:52):
difference between a financial legacy and personal legacy most know,
I hope so, but it's it's so important. I did
a lot of work for an attorney with legacy work.
He does a state planning legacy work. So it's important
to have all your financial documents and order your trusts,
your papers for your house your power of attorneys. All
(19:14):
of this is really important, but I feel like this
creative legacy is a missing puzzle piece. It really is.
It's the puzzle piece that connects it all and brings
it all full circle. It's so you can share the
most important things in your life. And that's not the
paper money that's in your bank account, you know, the
(19:36):
inheritance that they receive. It's more about your love and
wisdom and the lessons you've learned in your life. So
that's the difference between the two. It's important to have
both of them.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I believe right right, And when you say, as I
mentioned the introduction, it's something that's important to start, you know,
before the so called rainy day. You know there is
you know, as you get on it's like, oh oh
here it comes my end of life. So how do
you start talking people about these projects? Do they come
to you? Do they? I guess it probably happens a
number of ways. Sometimes you approach them. But how did
(20:11):
these projects start?
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Well? I try and do a lot of speaking over
the years, and then I get calls usually a year
or two years later. You know, when when you think
about it, or when you need a gift, for somebody,
and I do things like this, you know, and a
lot of referrals, a lot of referral basis that people
(20:33):
know about me. And what I try and tell Ron
is that you know, life is just so unpredictable. Waiting
for the right time to start preserving your legacy means
it will never happen, just like that dusty book on
the shelf. Right, So the fourteen people in my life
all left the world for a different reason, but there
(20:53):
was no pre warning and there was no diagnosis involved,
just so you know, they or trauma or spur of
the moment. And my husband was healthy as can be,
six eight two hundred and eighty pounds, healthy man, and
he got the flu. And this was way before COVID.
It was the regular flu and his lungs couldn't handle it. So,
(21:18):
you know what, You're sorry later on, You're sorry later on.
And I can't even tell you. I've worked now with
people in their thirties, they're late thirties all the way
to ninety eight. So when you realize the power of that,
you may not make it home tonight. And it's important
for your children to have something like this, or when
(21:40):
you're older you're seeing your timeline, you know, either way.
So it's a really a big age gap that the
importance and the different reasons for doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, so, as you mentioned before, it sometimes can seem
like an onerous thing to do, like you know, like
you're writing something in a blank piece of paper, blank
screen in front of you. But so that could stop
you from doing it. So how do people do you
have suggestions for how they can just start in small pieces,
you know, like I can sort of say, like, well,
before they come to you, you know, but thinking about
(22:15):
you in the future and start preparing for like whether
they start collecting what are they you know? It seems
to me like you just start start putting together folder
memories then that you would collectively put together.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Well, that's the beauty of my projects. It's all in
the conversation. So I take these audios and I go
through them afterwards, and then I create the project that
you're looking for. I really don't like preparation I have.
I do have a couple of people that will say
to me, no, I need to prepare, I need to prepare.
I do not give them everything that we talk about,
(22:49):
but I tell them to just if you want to
do that, jot down a few what's right this way.
If we don't cover it, you'll say, oh, I wanted
to talk about what happened in nineteen seventy two, right,
and they can go back to that. I don't do
that be for a lot of reasons, you know, trial
(23:10):
and error. So I've kind of perfected the way I
do it, and the spur of the moment memories work
the best now. I also, after we're done with each session,
and in a few of the projects therefore sessions, I
allow you to think about what we talked about today
and shoot me over an email if you think of
(23:31):
something tonight, like why didn't I say this? Or why
didn't I say that? That's never a problem. But my
suggestions for people you don't have to find a legacy
specialist to work on your legacy. There are a few
things to get started on right now, one of them
being in a simple journal. Get a pretty journal or
(23:52):
a marble notebook, who cares, keep it on your end
table in the living room, and every night, just write
down a few memories. Write down think of when you
were little, think about when you were a teenager in
high school. Believe me, the memories come. They do come
once you start thinking of a timeline. Okay, and you
(24:12):
know something, If anything happens to you tomorrow and you
don't wake up in the morning, having two or three
pages in that book is going to be a heck
of a lot better than having nothing, because family loves that.
They look for it and they want that. You talked
about before run the power of voice and the power
of words. Okay. Something that we don't talk about often
(24:36):
is the power of handwriting. So my anna wrote so horribly.
I can't even tell you. I think my handwriting is
starting to look like hers. Actually, But whenever I saw
anything that my mother had with her handwriting on it,
I got the chills on my neck. And the same
thing happens to me now. If ever I see something
(24:58):
with my husband's signature on it, it makes me feel
like he's right here. It's helpful in the handwriting. So
that's why I include the journal in different things that
I do. But that I suggest to you get yourself
a journal because your family will love that. Another one
is recording your family history, right Talk to you, even
(25:22):
if you're young, Talk to older people in your family,
get together with the more purpose on a Saturday and
just talk for an hour, talk about their first boyfriend
or girlfriend, talk about anything. You can pull up questions
online that can help guide you, and you can talk
about this story, these stories. And you know who I
tell to do this when I speak a lot ron
(25:43):
caregivers and you're all about the caregiver on because caregivers
have a golden opportunity to shut the TV off, to
get the recorder or a notebook out and just do
a little bit each day or each week. Wow wow, right,
there's an opportunity there. Whether you're a paid caregiver or
(26:06):
a family caregiver, there's time and this is something you
could be doing. You can create a photo album or
scrap book. But my thing is go through your photo albums.
We have a lot of photo albums from back in
the day. Take out your favorite We don't need tons
of pictures from the park you visited at that in siminate,
you know, and you can't see the animal out there anyway.
(26:29):
Take your favorite photos and if you put them in
a scrap book that you can get cheaply at Michael's right,
you can write next to it. You can write a
couple paragraphs next to it. On what exactly that was.
It's more meaningful than just opening the book and looking
at a picture. And lastly, also there's technology today, right.
(26:49):
You can start a blog, you can create a private
family website, and there are many other websites that you
can go on and leave memories and just hype on
the keyboard, different things, right, So many ways for you
to start, even tonight if you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, yeah, I'll get back to the second. I want
to follow up on that, but I I just you know,
I didn't want to lose the fact that when you're
talking before about handwriting, something I didn't think about, but
it's something quite powerful. It's very interesting because when I
think about my parents' handwritings, my mother had My mother
was an artist. She had a very florid, you know,
(27:26):
her flourish of her lettering him like wow, you know
it really you know, that's that's mom, you.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Know what I mean? Yes, when you're like, oh, you
get the chills like it.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Yeah, that's right. And then my father, in contrast, had
also very distinctive handwriting. He was an engineer, so his
handwriting was very angular, very you know, kind of that
perfect you know, slant of handwriting. I was like, so
that's my dad, you know, and I look at that,
like there he is, you know, I can see him, right,
And he did some journals. So luckily I do have
(28:01):
some things from them about their writings.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
That's wonderful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, And and so that's that's really important. And I
guess to your last point about you know, sort of
digital stuff, that's an opportunity now too, because it sometimes
makes it easier. You can, you know, get stuffed down quicker.
Just have to make sure people can access it. For
some reason, you know, you disappear. You know, that's been
(28:27):
a problem, right that sometimes you know, people don't have
their their parents' Facebook password or something like that where
they can't access these memories.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
It is and it's and it's a little more difficult
technology as we get older. You know, if we can't
get on or we don't know how to get into
zoom or you know, it's really frustrating. So and I
know that. So when I do work with older people,
if they hear on Long Island, I try and make
it a point to go to their homes because it's
easier in person that if you're not good with technology.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right now, speaking of stories. Are there any particular stories
that you want to share us in terms of working
with clients that you found, you know, particularly compelling and interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Well, I would like to share a personal story. I
was having dinner here in my house and this was
one of the reasons I started my projects about seven
seven eight years ago. Now, my niece Julia was over
for dinner and at the time she was eighteen, maybe
(29:34):
nineteen eighteen. And that afternoon somebody had given me a
little box with a couple of my mother's things, because
my mother had was one of the people who passed away.
And in that box was a letter from my mother's
aunt in Eastport. She had a farm, she grew wine,
(29:55):
She had animals and chickens. She can't pickle, pickled vegetables,
had gardens, the whole kaboodle she had wrote. My mother lived,
I guess far at the time it was only in Mineola.
She was in Eastport, but back then it was a
big distance to travel. So she wrote her a two
(30:15):
page letter and it was nice for me to see
it because I remember Aunt Josie's handwriting too. Now that
was my great aunt. So I said to Julia, my
eighteen year old niece, this is your great great aunt.
H you want to read this. So she was all
over it. So she stood at the counter and she's
(30:35):
reading and reading and reading, and she has tears coming
out of her eyes. And I didn't understand because it
wasn't a sad letter. But when she was finished, I said, Julia,
now tell me what's wrong. It was a nice letter,
and she said, Aunt Sue, this is my family. She's
(30:56):
my ancestor. Did I look like her? You know? Did
I talk like her? I want to know more? Do
you have any more of these? And that was a
big decision maker for me to jump from one business
to the other, because if it was important to an
eighteen year old, my gosh, do you know many people
(31:17):
I talked to Ron in the course of the week
that that hear about what I do and say, oh,
if I only knew, if I only knew last year
or the year before or three years ago, you know,
but people don't think about it until after the fact.
So that's why we talk about these things.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Right, yeah. Yeah, And I think there's something also compelling
about talking about these things because you know, when you
think about ancestry, you know, yeah, you know, on answerstry
dot com. You know all these genealogy sites, which is
which is fine, but it's just like, Okay, these are
my answers, but what did they think?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
I mean a note about that. I love ancestry dot com.
It's powerful. It's another modality, right, another thing. But I
can almost guarantee you you'll find a cousin or a
distant aunt. Yes you will. They're wonderful for that. What
I love about the most is that if your mother
(32:20):
gave you up for adoption and she goes on there,
you can find a parent. It's helping people connect and
that's powerful to me. So you can find a cousin, Okay,
you can know what country your roots are from. You
know that you're from Greece and Poland. You know. You
learn these things, but you're never going to know the
(32:42):
personal and intimate information of their day in the life
of right or what they did or what they aspired
to do, or what their dreams and wishes were for
your mother or your grandmother, depending on how far tackle going,
you know. So that is a beautiful thing. But it's
(33:02):
connecting generations. Ron that's what it's doing.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah, yeah, but and it is. But what you're talking
about though, is is you know, broadening that piece, which
is it's not just like okay, that was my answer.
That was my grandfather, you know. To me and perhaps
it's me because I'm a writer too, I want to know, well,
what was this person, what did they think? What how
did they see the world, you know, what was important
(33:27):
to them? You know, and sometimes you know it's like
you get insights about yourself, like about what was important
about you to them, which you know sometimes you know
it's it doesn't come up in day to day you
know instances, but when you stop and pause for a
second about it, I think that's when you can really
(33:47):
put these things together. So I think it you know,
I think it contributes in many ways to both sides
of the equation. You know, the person who's you know,
giving it, you know, they describing their legacy as a
gift to their errors, but also the process of doing
it and enriches yourself, you know, it makes you think
(34:09):
about like, oh yeah, it makes it you know, it
connects pieces of your life that you hadn't thought about,
you know. So it's a very interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Process, absolutely, absolutely, and it does make you think about
your own mortality and that can be difficult, right, So
I try to reframe the conversations and to focus on
life rather than end of life or death, because now
ninety percent of my clients are not end of life,
(34:38):
not terminal, and I started out with terminal clients. Okay,
so they are healthy and vibrant people now that are
choosing to do this. So I encourage them that it's
a celebration of their life for their loved ones even today,
and it's an insurance that your presence will continue to
be felt and you can I knew to guide and
(35:00):
inspire your family through your words and through your stories.
So most of my clients getting back to your point,
absolutely find a therapeutic. It allows them to reflect on
their own lives and find meaning in their experiences. And
most don't want to stop our sessions after four weeks.
(35:21):
They want to keep going, and that's exciting. I had
actually one client that I was afraid to work with.
She was going to do it, but she really had
nothing to talk about, and she had a sad life,
and she had nothing to say, and her children wouldn't
want to hear it anyway, And I got to tell you,
by the time we were finished, she cried because she was
(35:44):
so thankful that I made her go through the project
and that we got it done, you know, and that
was the important thing. She didn't realize the value that
she had in this life, and it took a project
like that to see. She had a lot of children,
She was blessed, She had a big family, she has grandchildren,
(36:04):
She has so many wonderful things to be thankful for.
There was another woman who was really in the late
stages of life. She had COPDA, I guess with the
oxygen machine right right, And she passed away as a
matter of fact, just a couple of months after we
(36:25):
finished her book. But her family told me that from
the day I left, she had that book right there
on her couch next to her, and every aid, every nurse,
every doctor, every neighbor that came in to see her.
She said, this is the story of me. This is
my life. You want to see. She was proud. She
(36:47):
was proud. So I think it does. It does magical things.
Ron it does have become full circle in a sense.
If he asked me, what I see right right?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah, it takes a little prompting, And that's what your
goal is. Your role is to prompt people, you know,
past these initial means, I can see like people, Oh,
I got nothing to say and nothing happened in my life.
You know, what do you want to what do I
want to talk about?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
You know?
Speaker 2 (37:16):
But it's just sort of like okay, okay, and just
you just listen to them and then just get them started.
And once they start, as you say, things start to roll.
But it's it's yeah, it's it's it's and that could
be sort of fun, right And when you when you
see that opening up, you know, and that you know,
it's the floodgates open, and it's just like, uh, you know,
(37:39):
and that is.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
The best part of my job, ron and that's I'm
so passionate about it. And we're on the short time
time period right here today. So I may be talking
a lot, okay, but but with clients, they do most
of the talking. I just have to get throwing on
a certain topic. But then I engage, I laugh, I cry,
(38:04):
I clap my hands. I'm so proud of them, you know.
I appreciate that interaction and good about what their life
was about.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Yeah. Yeah, it's that that other part of connection, you
know that you're not sitting there and doing a soliloquy,
and but you're but you're you're engaged with the person
while you're doing that. So I think that's a very
helpful process. So I want to talk a little bit
more about that. But we got we got to get breaking.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
You you want.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
To, I'll come back, Okay, all right, So we'll stop
by there, but we'll be right back again. Folks. We're
going to take another break, our last break. But don't
go anywhere. We have one more great segment with Susan
Caperso coming up, so don't go anywhere.
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Speaker 2 (40:54):
Welcome back, folks. Ron Roel here with forty five forward
on Bowl Brave TV. We're talking with Susan Caperso, the
Legacy Specialist and then of Life Duela. So before the
break we were talking a little bit Susan about some
of her stories and some of helping people open up,
and I just wanted to follow up a little bit
on that because I do know that when people, you know,
(41:15):
they're reluctant, they think their life, you know, didn't have
much sense of purpose. I think this process helps people
really come to realize what their purpose has been and
what they've done, and that's such an essential part of life.
And people often talk about, you know, you know, the
secrets of longevity, you know, and leading a good life
(41:36):
all the way to the end, and it's a continued
sense of purpose. There's a big part of that. So
I think this helps people, you know, kind of articulate that,
you know, and then think about themselves in ways that
they hadn't thought about.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah. Absolutely, And what's been blowing my mind on over
the past two years, especially that I'm working with a
whole new clientele younger people, younger people that are like
in their late thirties early forties, that have younger, younger children,
(42:11):
because they realize how fragile life is and that anything
can happen in a second, and they want to be
sure that their kids are not only taking care of financially,
but wait, we need to implement some other things in
their life. One of her favorite projects was that big
coffee table book, and it was for a young mother
(42:31):
in her forties. She was an attorney. She spent to
thirteen countries. She speaks thirteen different languages. She had to
be one of the most brilliant women I ever met.
She only wanted to do the eighth of the book
about her history and experiences. The other three quarters she
talked to her children about every age in their coming lives.
Now they were only eight and ten. She since passed.
(42:55):
She talked about them dating and high school and having
children by their first car, and it was, oh, my gosh,
that's a priceless treasure. Her daughter will have that on
her coffee table when she's a grandmother talking to her
grandchildren that.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
This is my mom mm hmmmm.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
You know it excites me. I'm so passionate about this mom.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, yeah, and it just gives opportunities for these things.
So a lot of times you do wonder, like you,
you know, even myself and thinking about, you know, my parents.
It's like you when you're growing up, you just see
your parents they're adults. But then you think back and like,
what was it like when they were my age? You know,
what were they thinking about? And sometimes that's where you know,
it's enlightening stuff. It's really it's liberating. It's like, oh,
(43:42):
you see certain things about your parents. It's like, well,
that's really nice to know that they they went through struggles,
they had these sorts of things you never knew about.
So it's a great process. So we have a few
minutes left. Are there any of the misconceptions people have
about this process that you want to clarify or just elucidate.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Well, just really that your legacy is not just about
the money you leave and material possessions. All right, So
we've talked about this. You're passing down a piece of yourself.
Another misconception is that people just need to do this
when they're older, at the end of their life, at
their terminal and like I said, I told you about
younger people who are doing this more every day. And
(44:23):
you know the other thing that's that's fascinating is that
it really does help you see the challenges you've overcome, right,
And that's a misconception that you're going to get such
a profound experience out of this project that you think
is such a simple project, But it's not. And there
are so many things you include. If you sent me
(44:46):
family recipes, they can go in that book. You sent
me music or things that you've done in your career,
all of that goes in the book. I mean, there
are always to make these really personal and unique to you.
And you're creating a treasure, a real treasure for your family.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I think that's the right word, treasure, you know, really treasure.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, So there are a few other things I want
to get into, but I want to make sure before
you get off the people know you know how to
find out more about you, and I know that we
can also tell a little bit about you know. You
also an end of life duel as well, so that
sort of fits into this piece. But as you mentioned before,
(45:30):
it's not just about an end of life process. It's
that concerned me part of it. But so we'll talk
about that, but just let's make sure we get in there.
How do people find you where they find out more
about your work and so forth?
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Sure, well, there you can google me. It's Susan Coperso.
So it's an s U s A N. Coperso c
A p U r SL dot com. That's my website.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Okay, just reach out.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
To me anytime. My phone number is six thirty one
nine four six eight one hundred and I'm happy to help.
And you'll always see this video so you'll you'll get
the contact information. I'm also that with you Ron in
New York, and I will travel Long Island to meet
people in person. But I've worked with people in Europe
(46:15):
and in Ireland. And that's the beauty that came out
of covid is zoom. It's so easy for everybody to
jump on right and.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
Just tell a little bit more about your websitecause there's
just some interesting stuff on your website. You have other
you have videos, you have articles, your blogs, you have
examples of your works. So just talk a little bit
about that and then we'll get back to some other stuff.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
Well, regarding end of life. That's how I started an
end of life duel in my business, but legacy work
has always been a big part of that. So these
projects that we work on, along with bucket lists and
many other things. When I come into a client's life,
depending where they are on the timeline, if it's very light,
we can't work on these things. If it's early, within
(47:02):
nine months a year before they diagnosis, that's a beauty
because we can work on a lot of these things.
I do have a YouTube video you can find all
about end of life. It's about before, during, and after
so people who are grieving, and I think there's about
one hundred and twenty videos on there now. So I
(47:24):
have ant that I do that with. So that's a
lot of fun and there's a few other things you'll
find on my website. I've dabbled into different types of things.
I'm a funeral celebrant, but that's only here on Long Island,
you know, I don't really travel to do that, right.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Yeah, Well, I think that's important because it is a
holistic piece that you work on and so that there
you know, at this end of life journey. I think, yes,
as you mentioned, people can do this at any point,
but you know, if you're doing it at that point.
It also is something that makes that the end of
life journey is still part of a journey. You're just
(48:01):
not sitting around waiting to die, you know, You're you're
basically this is part of the journey, and part of
that journey is a reflection on what that is and
really engaging others for them to think about what it
means for for for themselves and for you, so that
it's not because you've been through this before. You know,
you go to someone's funeral memorial service and you're like,
(48:22):
I never knew that about this person. You know, that's
you know, you kind of wonder like, jeez, it would
have been nice to know some of this stuff, you know,
before the person passes. So it gives them you some time.
It sort of expands the timeline. It gives you some
space to think about this and preserve it. And also
(48:43):
that it's it's it makes a more meaningful part of
the journey, you know. And I'm saying it's not just
this this you know, waiting room space you know before you.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
Pass on, and you know, ron this is why I'm
passionate about it. I spent every weekend with my grandparents
in Ness on their big property with all of my
cousins and barbecues and gatherings and get togethers, and oh
my god, I have the best memories of all of
that time. I can't tell you anything about how they met,
(49:14):
about when they were younger. I know nothing because why
we were outside playing ten, okay, because we're eating dinner
and the adults are talking and the kids were over
there talking. You know, you don't know these intimate details,
and they're really important. They tell us who we are
in our lives and it connects us.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Yeah. Yeah, I remember distinctly, and you know, family get togethers,
especially when we were visit our family in Brooklyn. There
was the adult table, there was the kids table, and
there was a time. I mean, I enjoyed my cousins.
That was always fun. But I do remember as I
got a little older, you know, I was like, I
(49:55):
want to be part of the adults table and yeah,
and it was actually because I wanted to be an adult. Really,
I just wanted to listen to what they were talking about.
What were they saying, you know, what was the what
was the were their lives like and what were they thinking?
You know, and uh, exactly, And I.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
Know nothing if you are a lucky one. If you're
a lucky one, and you can be watching this today
and say, oh, no, I know how my grandparents met,
where they dated, where they went, where they If you
know all that, you are rare and you're really really lucky.
Especially in day's age, we live in such a disconnected world,
or children go away to college and don't come home.
(50:37):
You know, it's not like it was back in the
day with older generations, where the families stuck by each
other and stuck together. Now we're all separating.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
Right. Yeah, So I know you touched on this a
little bit, but I just want to reiterate before we go.
If people are having a hard time getting started, if
they're having some emotional challenges to confronting this situation, you know,
what are some of the ways you kind of get
them started again.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
Again. You know, think of it as you're celebrating your life,
you're reviewing, you're reflecting. You know, you want to tell
some of these stories. You don't have to bring all
the sadness in. It's not good for us to hold
on to the sadness. Run. I'm even learning that at
my age right now, I'm listening to podcasts and surrendering
(51:26):
and letting go of the baggage that we've carried around
for years. So you don't need to reiterate those those
things unless it's vague and you need to, you know.
But there's important things you can leave family, medical history.
You know. You talk to your grandchildren and the little
ones and talk to them, you know, tell them how
(51:46):
much you love them. And you were over yesterday and
we did this, and we did that. And you know.
The process is like therapeutic, like I said before, and
it allows you to valid date your own existence in
the world. It really does by reflecting and knowing who
you are and where you came from and where you
(52:08):
how far your life's come. I have not worked with
one person one that it was a horrific experience where
they wish they didn't pull up these memories because my
story that I use it doesn't go into the bad things,
you know, it doesn't go into the hurtful things that
(52:29):
you choose to leave behind.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Talk about the positives right right.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
And some things that you have to interject because your
family exploded or life change. But I do it in
a gentle way.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
Yeah, you know, it's one thing I remember talking to
someone about you know, Alzheimer's patience, where you know they
talk about while you forget things, and I remember somebody
saying to me, you don't mean to remember everything. Some
things are good better to.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Forget, yes, and some people don't. People don't ron I'll
never forget. I did work with a client with dementia,
and she wasn't at the very early stages. She would
I say in the middle, and I was nervous about it,
but her characterver came and set her up on zoom
really nervous about it, and it went perfectly. She did
(53:19):
repeat herself a few times throughout, but I got so
much valuable information out of her, and her family was
so grateful. Only once halfway through the session she stood up.
She looked in the camera and said, I'm hungry. I
have to go have lunch now, and she walked out
of the room, and I sat here looking at my
(53:40):
webcoon going oh, that's.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
Great, fine, Wow, that's a great way to sort of
end on. So we have come to the end of
the show, and I just wanted to thank you Susan
for a terrific, thought provoking discussion. Once again, if people
want getting touch with you, just one more time Susan
dot com?
Speaker 3 (54:00):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (54:02):
And six three right?
Speaker 2 (54:06):
And if you want to get in touch with me
about my show, questions or comments, you can just email
me at Ron dot Rowell at gmail dot com. So
I want to thank Susan again for a great show.
I want to take that thanks you for coming. And
I want to also, as you will, thank my engineer Alex,
part of a terrific team that guides me through each
(54:27):
show each week. So let me just say that I
want to make sure you know that you can join me.
Next Wednesday again seven pm Eastern time, I'll be talking
with the entrepreneurial CEO Glowingolder Talk dot com. She's uh.
We'll talk about her mission to help older adults with happier,
(54:47):
healthier lives through new paradigms and healthy aging and innovations
and senior living. So until then, folks, keep moving forward.
Forty five.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
This has been forty five forward with host Ron Roell.
Tune in each week as Ron tackles the many aspects
of health, finance, family and friends, housing, work, and personal pursuits,
all as part of an integrated plan and to take
charge of your unretiring life. During these uncertain times. Wednesdays,
(55:28):
seven pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network, powered
by B two Studios,
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