Episode Transcript
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(00:17):
Okay, so I am a loverof football, point blank. I can't
explain it. But it's more thanjust the finess men running around full of
adrenaline. I mean, they're screaming, they're bouncing, they're listening in those
brilliant uniforms, hugging them in allthe right places. Yes, these are
all reasons why I love football.However, I do thoroughly enjoy the strategy
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behind the game. How there areso many different plays, how one play
in the last two seconds of agame can really change the entire outcome of
the last two hours. It reallyis amazing when you think about it.
And I love watching the on thespot split decisions sometimes called audibos haha,
which is a foot We'll get tothat. My heart races when I'm watching
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my team on the field, themoment that they come out of the tunnel
and onto the field, we becomeone. That is my team. It's
like I'm out there playing and throughoutthe game, I'm standing up, I'm
sitting down, I'm sometimes yelling.Sometimes I'm cussing at the screen. To
be honest, and let's be real, I've cried tears of happiness and I've
(01:26):
also unfortunately cried too many tiers ofsadness on many occasions. Damn you,
super Bowl twenty twenty three side,I digress. Now, as an avid
football fan, I've watched countless games, and I've also, what we'll get
into a little bit later, mayhave dated a few NFL players in my
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twenties and in my college years.And I've had a few sweethearts who were
fighting their way through D one andD two, Division one and Division two
placement teams or placements on teams.Now, how does this all relate to
dating? Though? Well, I'msingle, I'm living in a booming metropolitan
city full of what I call datingADHD. I live in Los Angeles,
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and it's literally like Super Bowl twentyfour to seven. It's literally a party.
The amount of options, the seeminglylimitless in non stop swiping that happens
in this big city. The datingapps, Jesus, the dating apps,
dear Lord. After ten years ofbeing a divorced mother of two teenagers,
now there are teenagers. I've cometo learn my way around the dating field,
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and sisters, let me tell youit is very similar to the game
of football. You may not knowit yet, but you'll get to learn
this through this podcast, the strategiesthat are at work, the over abundance
of players. Sometimes there are playersand play us, some full of talent
and some who just need to goahead and retire. They just need to
(03:00):
give it up. LA has itall. So I decided to document some
lessons from my dating journey and createthis playbook series for all of you,
my fellow ladies. We're all andwe're all in this together. We're one
deam. Now I've done the work, so maybe you don't have to.
I mean, of course, bynow you've probably have been through your share
of dating experiences as well, whichis why the title of this podcast and
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book is so intriguing to you.But come on, let's huddle up and
let's all decide to do better.Can we do that? Can we huddle
up and say we're gonna do better? All right, let's do better together.
We are all in this game.It's all about how you strategize,
how we strategize, and we gofor the win, all right, So
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let's get to it. Come on, ladies, huddle up, huddle up.
We got this. This is mypep talk here. We got this.
And when I count a three we'reall gonna say game on, bitches,
all right, we could just saygame on, one, two,
three, game on. People wantto listen on the carry and picks up
and your okay, So let's jumpin technically. Right now, we are
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in preseason, and before any playersteps onto the field, they are prepped,
primed, and prepared for the gameahead. Now this episode is getting
you the woman ready for the biggame, and so we'll talk about the
self care that is needed to getyou primed and ready. So we'll walk
through some spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical exercises that you can do
(04:35):
to make sure you're up for whatlies ahead. Again, you said you
were ready, So game on.Now, the game begins in your head
first. There are so many studiesdone about visualization and how the world's greatest
athletes go through practices of visualizing beforethey get into the game. NFL star
Richard Sherman, number twenty five ofthe Seattle Seahawks, has credited the practice
(04:59):
of this as a key to hissuccess. Even though he has played countless
football games and is used to performingunder pressure, it is this mental health
practice that sets him up for hisgames. And this man has been to
two super Bowls, So he mightbe onto something here. Now here's his
technique. Before every game, hetakes a few moments to get into a
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clear mindset and to think about whathe would like to accomplish on the field.
Getting even more specific, he thinksabout his past success moments. In
an interview with CNBC, Sherman sheerthat, yes, he's had some really
great games before. He's made somegreat plays, and I've watched him.
The man is a beast on thefield, and he's done some things that
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he wants to replicate and do again. So he thinks about these moments.
He recreates the plays in his mind. He remembers how it fell in those
moments, and he does this especiallywhen he is feeling some bounts of self
doubt. Richard Sherman is a believerthat visualization creates reality. Whatever he wants,
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whatever he needs, he has theability to envision it and have it.
And Richard Sherman isn't the only SeaHawk doing this work. In fact,
the entire Seattle Seahawks team regularly doesvisualizing practice during their training camps.
Aaron Rodgers, quarterback for Green BayPackers, has mentioned in interviews that in
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the sixth grade, a coach taughthim about the importance of visualizing. Now,
when he's in a meeting, orif he's watching a film, or
in bed before he goes to sleep, he visualizes making plays. In fact,
he said that he has visualized themajority of plays before he has even
made them on the field. Comeon, he's onto something. Another grade
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that's in the game. Visualizing isone thing that separates elite athletes from lower
level athletes, and it's what canelevate you as an elite woman in the
dating game. Now, the techniquesdon't have have to be a cookie cut
way of doing this work, butthere are four key elements that you need
to consider. All right, let'sget started. Number one, Get into
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your mind what you want to achievewhat you're dating life. Are you looking
forward to getting out onto the fieldagain, having meaningful, passionate, exciting
date nights? Is that what youwant? Maybe a few date nights a
week, I mean, this couldbe your goal. Or maybe you're done
with recruiting season, you're ready tofind your star player, so you would
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want to visualize yourself in a committedrelationship. Get in your mind what it
is you want to experience. Okay, I let me give you a second.
You have that, all right.Now, here's the key element number
two. Find seven minutes of alonetime. Now, this can be in
the morning when you first wake up. It can also be right before you
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go to bed. But I wantyou to find dedicated time to do this.
Next step, find a comfortable spacewhere you will not be disturbed for
seven minutes. We can do sevenminutes. I think we can do seven
minutes. Get your body comfortable thatThis can be in a seated position with
your feet on the ground, orit can be laying down with a bunch
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of pillows deack behind you, whatevermakes you comfortable. Remember you're going to
be in this position for seven minutes, So get comfortable, all right now.
Once you're doing this work, andonce you are comfortable, the third
element comes into play. I wantyou to set a timer and you can
use your phone. Go ahead anddo that. Start by focusing on your
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breath. I want you to takea moment to breathe even a little deeper
than you would normally do, andI want you to do this for about
a minute. Breathe into your bellythrough your nose. As this triggers a
relaxation response that opens your mind toits power. Now, when you're doing
this, closing your eyes is optional. Again. I want you to be
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comfortable and do what is best foryou. All right now, once you're
settled, here's the good stuff.Start visualizing. Direct your thinking and your
focus to the act of experiencing thedating life or relationship you desire. Once
you're in this position, and onceyou've done your breathing, and once you're
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ready, I want you to spendfive minutes mentally experiencing the dating life or
relationship of your dreams. What areyou wearing on these dates? What does
it feel like when you're getting readyto head out the door, when you
arrive at the restaurant or the baror the lounge, how do you feel?
How does your partner look at you? Does he or she hold your
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hands? Are they smiling at you? Are you both laughing? Is there
a lot of conversation? Is itmeaningful? Is it passion in chemistry?
I want you to visualize these thingsnow. If you're past all of these
dating stages and you're looking for truecommitment, you're ready to lock it down.
Visualize your person holding your hand,making you feel secure. What does
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that feel like being going to commita relationship with your partner? What does
that feel like? What do youdo together that lights up your life?
And if you're really really maybe alittle further along than all of this,
honey, go ahead and visualize thatring on your finger. Yes, this
is your visualization. Do it.What does that rock look like? Is
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it a princess cut, is itpear shape? Is it gold band,
a platinum band? Live it outfully in your mind and visualize it,
And that is step four. Thatis the practice. Your position in your
dating life is critical to how andwhat you are visualizing. Only you know
your unique place on the field andwhat you want to experience in your upcoming
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relationships. Listen, we're all atdifferent spaces in our lives and we want
different things, including different people todate. Now, let's take a look
back into the game of football fora moment and how different visualizations work for
different positions on the field. Quarterbackstend to mentally practice their footwork for every
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type of situation imaginable. Now,listen, if they're in the clutch and
they need to throw that ball far, that footwork will look very different than
if the team is very close toa touchdown and the quarterback may have to
run with the football instead of throwingit to a wide receiver or running back.
Now, offensive linemen these are theguys on the field helping the team
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to score alongside the quarterback. Well, their mental practice is a little different.
Their visualization recognizes that their defensive opponentsare coming after them while they're trying
to score. They are coming atthem full speed, so they have to
visualize being in the right position torun down the field, avoiding the defensive
(12:00):
players and getting the football across thoseyards on the field and into the end
zone for a touchdown. Now let'stalk about running backs. These are those
fast moving players who the quarterbacks getthe ball to large percentage of the time.
Well, they have an important jobas well, as it looks different
than the other positions, so theymay need to visualize having the ball in
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their hands and clutching that bad boylike they never want to let it go.
They have to hold onto it liketheir life depends on it and the
game depends on it. Because baby, if they drop that ball, which
is called the fumble by the way, that is not a good thing.
It can cost the team an entiregame. So again, with this visualization
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work, you must get specific aboutwhat it is you want in your dating
experience, and again, yours maylook very different than your sisters, your
girlfriends, or even your coworkers.To start can take during preseason, there
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are training camps and football teams holdto a day practices. They're called two
a day's. Typically, teams willdo one training session in the morning,
they'll break for meetings and lunch,and then return to practice again, maybe
late in the afternoon. This isprimarily to get the players in shape for
the season and learn new strategies.So for the next twenty one days,
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I want you to commit to doingvisualizing seven minutes in the morning and seven
minutes in the late afternoon or eveningbefore you go to sleep. Now,
I'm sure you have heard of researchas far as how it takes twenty one
days of doing something consistent to buildup a habit, right. We've heard
that from a number of different sources. I will tell you it's true.
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I know from personal experience that onceyou start doing this mental visual life,
it won't be long before you startto see this play out in real life.
I have seen it happen in myown life. I have done this
work where I have visualized in themorning also right before I've gone to bed,
and it is like a magnet pool. One of the things that I
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recently have been visualizing in the morningand in the evening and preparation for doing
this episode, but also doing thiswork because honey, you know, we
all have pre seasons in our life. And I've done this work, and
one of the things I visualized isjust being a magnet. I wanted to
be a magnet for men. Andrecently I have had so many experiences we're
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out of the blue. I've goneout and I've had drinks sent to me
at my table. I have literallyhad men coming to my table just saying
that they were so whatever captivated forwhatever reason. They may not have known,
but I know because I'm doing thework. I have been on hiking
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trails and literally having men just magneticallypulled to me and starting conversations out of
the blue. And so when Itell you that this works, it works.
So twice a day, no daysoff for twenty one days. I
want you to just try this.Go with me on this, commit to
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visualizing your person, your dating experiences, condition your mind to construct the most
high level elite dating experiences that youdeserve because sish you do deserve it.
And just like Richard Sherman said,if you're having self doubt, this is
especially why you should be committing yourselfto this mental workout and self conditioning before
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you can step back out into thegame, even if you are restarting again
after a few years, a fewmonths. I want us to all be
conditions and so well that we arealready winning. This man, this woman,
this partner of your dreams, theyare already coming because you are visualizing
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what it is you want to experience. And that is episode one, starting
at the basics, with self carecoming up. In episode two, we
will continue to talk about conditioning andgetting yourself ready before we can even think
about other people and bringing them intothe fold. We're going to get into
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a little bit of listening. Thankyou for being here. We are all
one team, and since I amover here rooting for you, let's go