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June 29, 2025 12 mins
In this week’s episode of A Woman’s Playbook for Dating, we’re breaking down penalties — because in the game of love, not every foul can be ignored. From delay of game to unsportsmanlike conduct, we’re calling out the behaviors that deserve a flag — and how to recognize them before they cost you time, energy, or your peace.Whether you’re benched, back in the game, or just reviewing your tape, this episode will remind you to know your boundaries, call the plays, and never hesitate to eject someone who’s out of line.

Key Plays from Today’s Episode
  • Your Personal Rulebook: Why defining your boundaries is your first defensive line

  • Delay of Game: When he’s stalling, and how to stop waiting on the sideline

  • Personal Fouls: From subtle disrespect to straight-up red flags — recognize the signs

  • Holding: If he’s keeping you stuck without commitment, it’s time to throw the flag

  • Quick Fire Penalties: Common behaviors to stop overlooking (married? ghosting? game over)

Takeaways You Can Use Right Now
  • ✍️ Write down your top 5 dating boundaries — this is your rulebook

  • 🚩 Stop rationalizing red flags — start calling them penalties

  • 💪 Remember: enforcing your standards isn’t mean — it’s how you win

Join the Team: 📸 Tag @womansplaybookfordating with your “Let Them” moment
💌 Need help staying grounded when the game gets messy? Write in to womensplaybook4dating@gmail.com
⭐ If this episode helped you stop chasing and start leading, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, ladies, and welcome back to a Woman's Playbook for Dating,
where we call the plays, set the tone, and always
keep the ball in our hands. I'm your host, schavan Lee,
your teammate, your sideline sister, and today we're talking about
something crucial for winning the game of love. Penalties, Because

(00:24):
just like in the NFL, in dating, not every foul
is worth ignoring, and some plays need you to throw
that flag, girl and make the call. So go ahead
and grab your headset, your iced coffee or your wine.
I like machha to be honest, no judgment, And let's
break down the red flags, the yellow flags, and the

(00:45):
times when the offense is just offense. Before we can
talk about penalties, we have to talk about the rules
of the game, your game. Every woman has her own
playbook that means your values, your limits, your non negotiables,
and football teams spend weeks learning the rules so that

(01:08):
they can avoid penalties and dating. Some men break the
rules because they either don't care or they assume that
you won't call them out on it. So first things first, ladies,
get clear on your boundaries. Is canceling last minute with
you okay? Is that an okay thing? For them to do.
How do you feel about ghosting and then reappearing? Called

(01:31):
that the comeback route? What are your deal breakers when
it comes to communication, effort and respect, Because listen, if
you don't define your rules, you'll always be playing on
the defense. Now, let's talk about one of the most
common penalties, delay of game and football. This is when

(01:55):
the team takes too long to start the play on
the field. And dating, this looks like let's hang out soon,
but they never set a date, or they talk to
you for weeks but never plan a meetup. And you know,
another thing is say he isn't ready for a relationship
but still wants access to your time, your body, and

(02:16):
your energy. Girl. Now those are flags. If a man
is stalling, he's either not that serious or not that capable,
and neither is a win for you. Time is your
most valuable resource. I say, it's a commodity that you
cannot waste. Don't waste it in waiting on someone who

(02:37):
doesn't even know the snap count, Call the delay, reset
the play, move on. All right. Now, let's talk about
personal fouls in football. That's anything that shows unsportsmanlike conduct. Now,
what does this look like in dating? Well, this is

(02:57):
when someone talks over you. They can't let you get
a word end, they don't ask you about yourself, or
a man splainer, which just like ooh, irritates me to
no end because I'm not a child and I wasn't
born yesterday. This could also mean making backhanded compliments, dismissing
your feelings, or big one disrespects your time, body or boundaries.

(03:22):
This is not just the flaxis. This is grounds for
personal ejection. Sometimes we minimize these behavior because well, he's high,
I mean, look at him, he's busy, or maybe he
didn't mean it that way. But friend, you deserve someone
who respects you like a team mate, not someone who

(03:45):
tackles your self worth. If he's showing you his true
colors in preseason, believe him before the playoffs. Let's get
into holding, and I don't mean hand holding now. This
is when he does not want to commit, but he
also doesn't want to let you go, so he's not
claiming you, but he's low key getting jealous. When you

(04:07):
date other people. He may say things like I don't
want to lose you, but I'm just not ready or
let's see where things goes, and that drags on for
seven months, no, ma'am. Or here's another one. I'm just
not good at relationships. That is not romance. That's called holding,

(04:28):
and in football it's a penalty for slowing down the
play and dating, it's a strategy to keep you stuck
on the bench while he goes around and he plays
on the field. Throw the flag. You are not anyone's placeholder.
You are a franchise player. Okay, there's a second. Now

(04:53):
here's your two minute drill. Dating penalties, you should always
watch out for illegal formation. He's married, girl taken, or
in a weird situation. Past interference. He keeps interrupting your peace,
then ghosting, he shows up, he stays around a lot,
a little bit, and then he's out and then he resurfaces. No, no, ma'am.

(05:18):
Another one is unsportsmanlike conduct. He mocks therapy, feminism, or
anything that you may care about, not for me. That
to me is a big flag. When someone talks about
something just jokingly, casually, not even knowing where I stand
on it, and then when I call them out on

(05:40):
their beliefs, challenging me and trying to get me to
feel bad about my beliefs. No, no, no, no, no,
all right. Another thing that we should talk about is
too many players on the field. This is when he's
entertaining multiple women and making it your problem. You know,

(06:01):
we haven't you know, defined our relationships, so I'm just
you know, seeing what's out there. Oh no, well you
could go ahead and keep on seeing what's out there,
and I'm gonna take my game elsewhere. The last one
we'll talk about is off side. He's moving way too
fast and then he pulls back just as quick. We're
not going to play this game now. If any of

(06:23):
these sound familiar, you don't need to explain your standards.
You need to enforce them. Don't be afraid to enforce
your standards and hold your boundaries. Here's the real talk.
Throwing a penalty flag in dating isn't about being dramatic.
It's about protecting your peace, your time, and your self respect.

(06:44):
And yes, sometimes people won't like it when you start
calling out those fouls. They won't like it, but that's okay.
They're not your team. They're not supposed to be on
your team. You are not here to coach grown men
through behavior that they should have learned in pee wee league.
You are here to find someone who plays your game

(07:06):
with your ruse or sits on the sideline. I was
dating someone and I just I kept giving them a
couple more chances because they just weren't stepping up in
the way that I thought that they should. They weren't
rising to the level that meets my lifestyle. And so
I had a conversation with them and I said, you know,

(07:28):
I don't feel like our LifeStyle's match. I don't feel
like we are in alignment in that way. And one
of the examples that I gave was how he was
planning dates for me and how I had to do
so much explaining around how to just navigate through booking
things like a concert. I had to go as far
as like this is the exact sea, or this is

(07:50):
the process, this is how we're going to meet up.
It was so much work. And so the person said
to me, well, can't you just teach me these things? Sir?
We are grown people. I need you to be my teammate.
I can't be coaching you through basic level stuff like
I want my man to come in already have gone

(08:11):
through training camp. I'm not here to do on the
field practice. So just what I'm saying is play the rules,
by your game and your rules. And this doesn't mean
to give grace. But are we really wanting to teach
someone like in real time how to just treat you

(08:33):
as a woman. I don't know about you, but no,
and that's not part of this playbook. All right, friends, Now,
I know we've been throwing out flags left and right,
but let's not forget that some plays deserve to be celebrated.
There may not be green flags in football, but in dating,

(08:56):
green flags matter because not every man is a penalty.
Some are proof that you are finally playing with people
who respect the game, your game. So let's run a
quick green flag drill. Now, these are the type of
plays that he shows that he's not just running game,
that he's here for the long haul, and he is

(09:16):
showing up for the game. This looks like when he
communicates clearly and consistently, there's no confusion, there's no games.
We love this, We love this green flag. We love
that when he makes plans and he actually follows through
without disappearing like Houdini, because who wants that. He respects

(09:39):
your time, your boundaries, and your No. He listens, he
doesn't necessarily listen to respond but he listens to understand.
He's there for you. You can talk to him not
just about surface level things, but you can go a
little further below, because in a relationship, don't you want

(10:00):
your partner to be someone that you can confide in,
that you can lean on, and not just talk about
a sexual things or surface level things. You want to
be able to go a little bit deeper, deeper. So
that's a green flag. And also that he wants partnership
and not possession, two different things. We need to put

(10:20):
that on a T shirt somewhere. He wants partnership and
not possession. He wants to be your teammate and not
your owner. All right, now, these are men who don't
make you question where you stand. They show you by
showing up. A green flag doesn't mean that somebody's perfect,

(10:40):
but it does mean that they're being intentional and that
my love is the standard. Because you've spent enough seasons
chasing players, now it's time to draft someone who can
run the right place with you. So while you're calling
out those penalties, don't forget to recognize when you're finally
watching someone move right. Let the red flags teach you

(11:04):
what to walk away from. Let the green flags remind
you what to walk towards. All right, sisters, Now that's
it for this week's of A Woman's Playbook for Dating.
If this episode made you clutch the pearls a little
bit or drop a truth bomb emoji, go ahead and

(11:25):
share it with your teammates. Those are your girlfriends. Let's
all start throwing those flags because we're not here to
play small anymore. Thanks for joining me on today's episode
of A Woman's Playbook for Dating. Until next week, I'm
Chavon Lee, and I'm headed into the locker room to
prepare for the next episode. Please share this podcast with

(11:47):
a friend, a sister, an auntie, a coworker, a neighbor,
or anyone that you feel committefit from taking their dating
life to the next level.
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