June 23, 2025 • 9 mins
In this episode, we’re calling one of the most powerful plays in your dating playbook: combining the viral “Let Them” theory with the strength of putting yourself first. If you’ve been chasing love, second-guessing your worth, or lowering your standards to keep someone on the roster — it’s time to get back in control. Chavonne breaks down what it means to lead with confidence, protect your peace like a solid defense, and stop running after teammates who won’t show up. Because in dating, just like football, you don’t chase the ball — you call the play.
What You’ll Learn:
💌 Need help staying grounded when the game gets messy? Write in to womensplaybook4dating@gmail.com
⭐ If this episode helped you stop chasing and start leading, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/a-woman-s-playbook-for-dating--6033561/support.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why “letting them” reveal themselves is your greatest filter
- How putting yourself first is a winning defensive move
- The difference between confidence and control
- Why rejection is a turnover, not a tragedy
- How to lead the game without losing yourself
- “You’re not sitting on the sidelines — you’re choosing to play smart.”
- “Let them sit on the bench if they’re not ready for the field.”
- “You don’t fall apart. You fall back — and let them show you they were never the right teammate.”
- Stop trying to intercept red flags — let them unfold
- Boundaries protect your peace, not your loneliness
- Lead the relationship with clarity and calm, not desperation
- You don’t have to prove your worth — just protect it
💌 Need help staying grounded when the game gets messy? Write in to womensplaybook4dating@gmail.com
⭐ If this episode helped you stop chasing and start leading, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/a-woman-s-playbook-for-dating--6033561/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
And here we go. Hey, sis, welcome back to a
Woman's Playbook for Dating. I'm your host, Chavon Lee, your
sideline coach, and certified hype woman, here to help you
call smarter plays in love and in life. Now that
we're well into the season, guess what, girl, You are
no longer just warming up. You are on the field.
(00:29):
And today's strategy is one that separates the frantic from
the focused. It's time to talk about combining two powerhouse moves,
the let Them theory and putting yourself first. All right, girls,
let's suit up. Have you read the book The Let
(00:53):
Them Theory by Mel Robbins. If you haven't, let me
tell you it's a must read. I love her podcasts
so factual, and I feel like every time I listen
that I'm growing as a woman with each episode. So
when she covered the let Them theory, I was all
over it. I wanted to know how I can apply
it to all areas of my life, my professional life,
(01:16):
parenting my two teenagers, with friendships, and yes, even with
my love life. So naturally, I wanted to see how
the let Them theory aligned with a Woman's Playbook for Dating.
And I've done the work. So let's go ahead and
dig in. There's a second on a goal. Let's talk
(01:43):
about letting them do what they want to do. Here's
the deal. In football. The quarterback doesn't run all over
the field chasing the ball. That's not his job. The
quarterback calls the place, drops back and trusts that their
team knows what to do next. And that's all about.
To let them theory, let them cancel, let them ghost,
(02:05):
let them breadcrumb, let them show you who they are,
where they're at, and what they're not capable of. The
mistake that many women make is trying to intercept every mess.
Trying to control how people show up besist. If you're
really calling the shots and calling the right play and
(02:26):
they're still fumbling, go ahead and let them. So let's
talk about putting yourself first, like a defense that doesn't fold.
And let's flip to the other side of the ball.
Your defense. Putting yourself first is like having an elite
defensive line. You don't let just anyone into the end zone.
Aka your piece, your energy, your heart, boundaries. They're not walls,
(02:52):
their strategy. They're how you protect your game and keep
yourself in a position to win and when you put
yourself first, you're saying I don't have to chase, I
don't have to beg and I don't have to compromise
my values to be picked. You're not sitting on the sidelines.
You're choosing to play smart. A recent dating experience that
(03:15):
I had was getting close to someone but moving with
intentional defense. Now I'm not talking about approaching the guy
with hardcore defensive walls, but I'm talking about protecting my time,
my space, and also my body as well. So after
a month of dating, I was very clear about what
I wanted. I held firm to my boundaries of not
(03:35):
just adding body counts. We don't need that in our lives,
and I did not just want to have unattached intimate experiences.
So I asked for us to simply just focus on
each other for some time to see if we could
potentially be a long term match for each other. I
didn't feel like that was unreasonable. Now, when this person
(03:56):
shared that he wasn't ready to give up playing the
field just yet, I was very clear with him that
this is where our game would come to a pause,
because if he could not even call a time out
to huddle up with just me solely. Then I needed
to defend my heart, my mind, and my time. Now,
I will say in the long run that strategy played
(04:18):
into my favor because he was right back trying to
get on to my roster. He was searching for his
space on that team. Again. And while I did give
him a seat on the bench, notice I did not
say like on the field, but he was on the bench,
but also not completely off the roster. He will need
to continue earning his playing time with me. Again, there's
(04:46):
a second goal. Now, let's talk about offense. Yes, we're
letting people show us who they are, but we're also
leading the relationship, not with control, but with confidence. Now,
(05:09):
you are the one setting the tempo, the one that
chooses how fast the play moves. And just like a
quarterback needs wide receivers to show up, you deserve a
partner who matches your pace and catches what you're throwing.
So don't chase, don't force, just lead with clarity and
(05:30):
let them meet you at your level or step off
the field. Let's get into the topic of rejection. Now,
a turnover isn't always a defeat. Let's be real. Sometimes
the play it just breaks down. You may get rejected,
You may get ghosted, you may be disappointed. I am
(05:53):
raising my hand because I've had all three scenarios. This
is what we call a turnover. But just like an
football a turnover is not the end of the game.
It's a chance to tighten your playbook, to adjust your strategy,
and to come back with more power. You don't fall,
you don't fall apart. You fall back and let them
(06:15):
show you that you were never the right teammate. Now,
I want to have a little coach's pep talk here.
Let them then lead. So what I'm saying is, let
them show you who they are. Let them walk away
if they can't rise, let them sit on the bench
(06:35):
if they're not ready for the field. I told you
that's what I just did with one gentleman. And while
they're doing that, you keep playing. You don't get distracted
by bad defense. You don't fold for convenience, you don't
forget that you are the entire offense. Lead, protect your piece,
(06:57):
play smart. So in the scenario that I just mentioned
earlier about holding true to my boundary, and just like
calling a pause on the game with the one person,
I will say that once I benched that person, I
went full steam ahead with my dating experience. I did
(07:17):
not just in the game. I decided I am going
to stack, I am going to put people on my roster.
I'm going to date. So I was doing like two
days a day. I would do happy hour, I would
do a dinner. Sometimes I'll do a smoothie meet up
in the morning and dinner at night. I just felt
it was important to stay in the game. And you
(07:42):
know that could play a lot of different ways, but
I really was intentional about keeping the game going. And
(08:09):
that is it for today's episode of A Woman's Playbook
for Dating. I'm chevon Lee, and I'm headed to the
locker room to get ready for the next episode, because
next week we're breaking down penalties and when to throw
in the flag. Now, if today's episode hit home with you,
go ahead and do me a favor. Share it with
(08:29):
your girls, your sister, your coworker, your best friend, or
that woman who really needed to hear she doesn't have
to chase until next time. I want you to stay grounded,
stay ready, and let them show you exactly why they
don't deserve you or why they do deserve you, and
(08:49):
they better come correct
And here we go. Hey, sis, welcome back to a
Woman's Playbook for Dating. I'm your host, Chavon Lee, your
sideline coach, and certified hype woman, here to help you
call smarter plays in love and in life. Now that
we're well into the season, guess what, girl, You are
no longer just warming up. You are on the field.
(00:29):
And today's strategy is one that separates the frantic from
the focused. It's time to talk about combining two powerhouse moves,
the let Them theory and putting yourself first. All right, girls,
let's suit up. Have you read the book The Let
(00:53):
Them Theory by Mel Robbins. If you haven't, let me
tell you it's a must read. I love her podcasts
so factual, and I feel like every time I listen
that I'm growing as a woman with each episode. So
when she covered the let Them theory, I was all
over it. I wanted to know how I can apply
it to all areas of my life, my professional life,
(01:16):
parenting my two teenagers, with friendships, and yes, even with
my love life. So naturally, I wanted to see how
the let Them theory aligned with a Woman's Playbook for Dating.
And I've done the work. So let's go ahead and
dig in. There's a second on a goal. Let's talk
(01:43):
about letting them do what they want to do. Here's
the deal. In football. The quarterback doesn't run all over
the field chasing the ball. That's not his job. The
quarterback calls the place, drops back and trusts that their
team knows what to do next. And that's all about.
To let them theory, let them cancel, let them ghost,
(02:05):
let them breadcrumb, let them show you who they are,
where they're at, and what they're not capable of. The
mistake that many women make is trying to intercept every mess.
Trying to control how people show up besist. If you're
really calling the shots and calling the right play and
(02:26):
they're still fumbling, go ahead and let them. So let's
talk about putting yourself first, like a defense that doesn't fold.
And let's flip to the other side of the ball.
Your defense. Putting yourself first is like having an elite
defensive line. You don't let just anyone into the end zone.
Aka your piece, your energy, your heart, boundaries. They're not walls,
(02:52):
their strategy. They're how you protect your game and keep
yourself in a position to win and when you put
yourself first, you're saying I don't have to chase, I
don't have to beg and I don't have to compromise
my values to be picked. You're not sitting on the sidelines.
You're choosing to play smart. A recent dating experience that
(03:15):
I had was getting close to someone but moving with
intentional defense. Now I'm not talking about approaching the guy
with hardcore defensive walls, but I'm talking about protecting my time,
my space, and also my body as well. So after
a month of dating, I was very clear about what
I wanted. I held firm to my boundaries of not
(03:35):
just adding body counts. We don't need that in our lives,
and I did not just want to have unattached intimate experiences.
So I asked for us to simply just focus on
each other for some time to see if we could
potentially be a long term match for each other. I
didn't feel like that was unreasonable. Now, when this person
(03:56):
shared that he wasn't ready to give up playing the
field just yet, I was very clear with him that
this is where our game would come to a pause,
because if he could not even call a time out
to huddle up with just me solely. Then I needed
to defend my heart, my mind, and my time. Now,
I will say in the long run that strategy played
(04:18):
into my favor because he was right back trying to
get on to my roster. He was searching for his
space on that team. Again. And while I did give
him a seat on the bench, notice I did not
say like on the field, but he was on the bench,
but also not completely off the roster. He will need
to continue earning his playing time with me. Again, there's
(04:46):
a second goal. Now, let's talk about offense. Yes, we're
letting people show us who they are, but we're also
leading the relationship, not with control, but with confidence. Now,
(05:09):
you are the one setting the tempo, the one that
chooses how fast the play moves. And just like a
quarterback needs wide receivers to show up, you deserve a
partner who matches your pace and catches what you're throwing.
So don't chase, don't force, just lead with clarity and
(05:30):
let them meet you at your level or step off
the field. Let's get into the topic of rejection. Now,
a turnover isn't always a defeat. Let's be real. Sometimes
the play it just breaks down. You may get rejected,
You may get ghosted, you may be disappointed. I am
(05:53):
raising my hand because I've had all three scenarios. This
is what we call a turnover. But just like an
football a turnover is not the end of the game.
It's a chance to tighten your playbook, to adjust your strategy,
and to come back with more power. You don't fall,
you don't fall apart. You fall back and let them
(06:15):
show you that you were never the right teammate. Now,
I want to have a little coach's pep talk here.
Let them then lead. So what I'm saying is, let
them show you who they are. Let them walk away
if they can't rise, let them sit on the bench
(06:35):
if they're not ready for the field. I told you
that's what I just did with one gentleman. And while
they're doing that, you keep playing. You don't get distracted
by bad defense. You don't fold for convenience, you don't
forget that you are the entire offense. Lead, protect your piece,
(06:57):
play smart. So in the scenario that I just mentioned
earlier about holding true to my boundary, and just like
calling a pause on the game with the one person,
I will say that once I benched that person, I
went full steam ahead with my dating experience. I did
(07:17):
not just in the game. I decided I am going
to stack, I am going to put people on my roster.
I'm going to date. So I was doing like two
days a day. I would do happy hour, I would
do a dinner. Sometimes I'll do a smoothie meet up
in the morning and dinner at night. I just felt
it was important to stay in the game. And you
(07:42):
know that could play a lot of different ways, but
I really was intentional about keeping the game going. And
(08:09):
that is it for today's episode of A Woman's Playbook
for Dating. I'm chevon Lee, and I'm headed to the
locker room to get ready for the next episode, because
next week we're breaking down penalties and when to throw
in the flag. Now, if today's episode hit home with you,
go ahead and do me a favor. Share it with
(08:29):
your girls, your sister, your coworker, your best friend, or
that woman who really needed to hear she doesn't have
to chase until next time. I want you to stay grounded,
stay ready, and let them show you exactly why they
don't deserve you or why they do deserve you, and
(08:49):
they better come correct
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