October 8, 2024 • 51 mins
EP 85 Values and Letting Go
In this episode hosts Amy Christensen and Brian Bowen delve into the intricacies of understanding one's values and letting go. They discuss the importance of self-reflection in discovering what truly aligns with our core beliefs and how this can impact personal growth. The conversation touches on various aspects of life, from relationships and career to personal self-worth, using different frameworks like the seven primal questions and emotional wheels. The hosts also share personal anecdotes and insights into how values can shift over time and how to identify and let go of experiences or beliefs that no longer serve us. The episode highlights the significance of connecting actions with our values to cultivate a fulfilled life. Join Amy and Brian for a thought-provoking exploration of personal values and the journey towards self-alignment.
Link to the All Things Good For You podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-things-good-for-you/id1576544396?uo=4
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Values and Letting Go
00:25 Welcome to All Things Good for You Podcast
01:05 Sunday Fun Day and Football Talk
02:15 The Science of Competition and Testosterone
04:58 Diving into Values and Personal Development
07:07 The Complexity of Letting Go
09:15 Understanding Deep-Seated Values
14:55 Aligning Actions with Values
16:46 Exploring the Layers of Values
24:06 The Evolution of Values Over Time
25:38 Self-Worth and Self-Reflection
26:56 Understanding Your Core Values
27:55 The Power of Emotions
29:16 Tools for Self-Discovery
31:12 Aligning Actions with Values
32:29 Challenges to Self-Value
41:20 Cultivating New Values
43:35 Final Thoughts and Reflections
48:45 Living Your Values
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
In this episode hosts Amy Christensen and Brian Bowen delve into the intricacies of understanding one's values and letting go. They discuss the importance of self-reflection in discovering what truly aligns with our core beliefs and how this can impact personal growth. The conversation touches on various aspects of life, from relationships and career to personal self-worth, using different frameworks like the seven primal questions and emotional wheels. The hosts also share personal anecdotes and insights into how values can shift over time and how to identify and let go of experiences or beliefs that no longer serve us. The episode highlights the significance of connecting actions with our values to cultivate a fulfilled life. Join Amy and Brian for a thought-provoking exploration of personal values and the journey towards self-alignment.
Link to the All Things Good For You podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-things-good-for-you/id1576544396?uo=4
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Values and Letting Go
00:25 Welcome to All Things Good for You Podcast
01:05 Sunday Fun Day and Football Talk
02:15 The Science of Competition and Testosterone
04:58 Diving into Values and Personal Development
07:07 The Complexity of Letting Go
09:15 Understanding Deep-Seated Values
14:55 Aligning Actions with Values
16:46 Exploring the Layers of Values
24:06 The Evolution of Values Over Time
25:38 Self-Worth and Self-Reflection
26:56 Understanding Your Core Values
27:55 The Power of Emotions
29:16 Tools for Self-Discovery
31:12 Aligning Actions with Values
32:29 Challenges to Self-Value
41:20 Cultivating New Values
43:35 Final Thoughts and Reflections
48:45 Living Your Values
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Where do you let go.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And how do you let go? Really is defined around
your values. But I think people will get a little
confused and about what values are, and what values are,
what strengths are, what interests are. It's like, it sounds
so obvious and simple, like a lot of things, but
when you really dig into it, it's not that simple.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach, and.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
I'm your co host, Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and every day for a life well lived?
Let your curiosity flow.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
All things good for You?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Hi there, everybody? Oh my gosh, I am Happy Sunday.
Good morning, good happy fun.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Day, Happy Funday. It is going to be a fun day.
I love Sundays because it's truly my weekend and I
like it.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I get to go to the Amy and I are
going to the Bronco game today.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, you guys are gonna fun time. You're Amy, miss
Amy Bowen.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Mm hmmm hmm. I think ye.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That could be confusing to people that we were telling
them we were going to Bronco game, because I am
not going to a Bronco game, but you guys go
and have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We are, We're gonna We're gonna watch the Broncos tear
up those Raiders because we're Raider haters. But if you're
listening to this podcast near a Raider fan, we love you.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Though, Raider haters in the nicest traditional way of fun
and friendly competitive sports.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That we say, yes, yeah, I don't actually heckle anybody
or shame them or not that guy. Yeah, but it
is fun to have a team that you root against.
And we've lost eight straight games to them, and so
today's today. Today's day we win, we conquer overcome.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That competition, especially in men. But competitive sports and competitive
thinking actually triggers more testosterone in men. I feel like
I just I didn't research that part, but it's probably
is also in women, but it's definitely more of a
man's driven focus. It's naturally made in you to build
(02:39):
more testosterone when you have competitive spirit. So I found
that very intriguing and interesting people's history.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
The flip side of that, then, is going into when
people are younger. And I think we've talked about this before,
and I'm sure there's research on it, but people who
tend to be more competitive naturally, like younger kids or whatever.
But again, some women are as well. But is there
do you think they're naturally higher in testosterrum that helps
(03:08):
also drive competitiveness. Can the flip side be true?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Maybe I might have to go actually read deeper into
the research, because sometimes I just read the things, that
read the things and I talk about them. I pay
really smart people for their knowledge and they tell me
what they developed from it. And sometimes I'm in a
hurry and I just read a little quick blurb. You
(03:31):
sure it's true, but those things so you got to
dive into it. So I'll have to ask mister mister Norton,
doctor Norton, if he's did his due diligence, which I'm
sure he did, before I start quoting the depths of
that research.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, I'm sure there's plenty of podcasts out there in
testacha and by the way, those of you listening right now.
We're sidetracking a little bit. This is not a podcast
about hormones, but we can do that some day, which
totally can.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It just highlights that, Okay, you have you enjoy a football,
and we both enjoy research and education. And I think
that there's many Americans and all over the world. Right
they might call it by a slightly different name, but
the competitive sports and getting out on a brisk fall
(04:25):
weekend and going and cheering on your team and your
commitment to that and sharing that with your friends, and
it's something that you build a value around. And both
of us truly value education and research and learning things
and sharing things and understanding stuff at a deeper level.
So there we were talking about something that ties into
(04:47):
what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I saw how you drop. I saw how you drop
that in there. That was beautifully done. So if you
guys didn't pick up on that, there was a word
that was used, like five times value. And we did
a previously around letting go. And this conversation stems from
a framework of five elements and kind of seasonal changes.
(05:12):
Five elements. One component has seasonal changes, but there's a
lot of other attributes that go into it, and I
love using it as a framework even with personal development
and growth, and the previous one that we had talked
about around letting go is one of those attributes of
that element and the other component that is the foundation
(05:34):
of letting go is value and what we value and
how we think about values. And so seems a little surfacey,
but I thinking about this and you and I having
this conversation, it's amazing how many little nooks and crannies
of things that slip in there that do not align
(05:55):
with our values. In some cases, for some people can
greatly erode their quality of life. It shows up in
so many different ways. It's a great time to have
some introspective and just start thinking about the way you
show up or act in your life, how congruent you are.
(06:16):
And we'll dive into all that stuff. I'm just going
to keep talking to them.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Thank God, you don't actually sound like that. But okay,
do you think somebody would just listen to our podcast
if we just.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I'm sure somebody could definitely say that we've developed our
own language and maybe write some sort of guide. I'm like,
I noticed every time she her blood is blah, what
she really means.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I bet they could. I heard this tone in that blow.
But I think when we talk about values in relationship
to letting things go, when you let go and how
do you let go really is defined around your values.
But I think people will, you know, get a little
confused and about what values are and what values are,
(07:05):
what strengths are, what interests are. And we talked about
this before we jumped on. It's like it sounds so
obvious and simple, like a lot of things, but when
you really dig into it, it's not that simple. Like
on my short podcast, I had mentioned, okay, letting go
of something that you don't like and you're already tired
of it, or you already see how you don't like it,
(07:27):
It's really not that hard. That's pretty easy. I don't
like this wasp nest sitting here by my back door.
I'm gonna let that go. That's pretty easy. And while
that might be helpful to your world and your life,
it's oftentimes not that deeper process that you need to
work on that's causing you internal strife and suffering and
(07:50):
pain and frustration and energy seeping. It's harder to look
at the stuff that we don't really want to look
at because we've either up to the story around it
or consistency, or we're just trucking along and being unaware.
And self reflection when we're trying to correct ourself is challenging.
(08:12):
There's just no way around it. Like it even when
it's hard. Sometimes we can take that mentality of okay,
a good failure mindset of this is learning, this is progress.
It's it's still you're going to rub up against some
stuff that it's man, this is really confronting, and this
is really self challenging, and I feel possibly bad about
(08:36):
how I might be feeling or reacting to something. So
when we talk about the stuff like values and things
that we're going to get into today, you can do
it at different depths and levels. Right if you just
look at your life and go, ah, yeah, I can
see what that's not good. My shoe bin being where
it is and my closet is creating my messiness not
(08:58):
getting to it, and I need to rearrange my cal
I need to just let that go. I don't know. Yes,
is that beneficial and great for you?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
But when we get into man, I grew up with
this deep seated idea of what marriage and commitments supposed
to look like. I don't know, Brian, if you appetually listened,
but I know I snuck that short in there because
you were busy last week. But I touched briefly on
the process of me come dealing with letting go and
finding pain in the body and how that came up
(09:27):
for me during back in massage school, way back when,
and to this day, even though I am fairly at
peace with my choice to go through divorce and how
I went through that, and it's been a very long
time and it's still to this day when I reflect
back on and I put myself in that space of
(09:51):
thinking about how I felt, that pain is still so real.
Like I definitely teared up. I was choking up talking
through it because that was very hard. My commitment to
my marriage and that commitment to that belief system is
(10:13):
a huge value to this day. It hurts my heart.
Have I let go of a lot of the things
around it? Have I let go of some of the
stories that I was told and society tells and my
spiritual background was telling me around divorce. Yes, does that
negate the being able to remember how painful that is? No,
(10:35):
Like it's just there because that is such a deep
Even if my understanding of that value has shifted a
little bit, that value is still so deeply embedded in me,
and it is just what I choose over and over again,
and I don't ever want that to go away. That
is a characteristic and a value that I believe in
(10:56):
so deeply. I don't ever want. And I can look
at other perspectives and other people who choose to live
differently and have a different value set, and I can
appreciate their perspective. I can have compassion and understanding and
acceptance of their perspective. But for me, that is a
value that will never ever go away. I think you
(11:16):
can look at those things in your life for a
lot of things, like I value a clean and tidy house.
Have I learned to shift how much I devote myself
to that value as I've gotten into running my own
business and doing all the things and running away to
the mountains? Yes, which, to my children's sagrin, are like,
why aren't you cooler about dishes in the sink when
(11:37):
we were teenager's mom like, those values are softer and
have shifted. But so my point, as I've rambled on,
is it is it is, So you've got to really
sit down and be honest and allow yourself space. And
it comes down to that time and compassion and realness
with being aware of who you are, why you feel,
(11:57):
what you feel, what creates these big emotions in you,
and where are those thoughts coming from, and taking the
time to really just dig in and ask yourself what
is this really deep down core belief system and value
that I am working around.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, now, there's a couple of things that I'd like
to jump on that you said, and one is I
think that you can have an experience. I do believe. Obviously,
there's the epigenetics of the way we were raised, our
belief systems, of the people that we befriended. There's all
these things. Sometimes we have to drop some of those
things as we change and evolve, because there were somebody
(12:41):
else's and not ours, and we were letting somebody else's
values define us. Sometimes we have to change that. But
you mentioned even with the relationship and that marriage, talking
with clients and working with our patients over the years,
you can have an experience, and within that expences itself,
there's still things that you can hold on to and
(13:04):
things that you can let go of I think it's
amazing when somebody has and we'll just stick with that
relationship for a second. When you have a relationship that
maybe wasn't the most beautiful relationship that you imagined it
to be, but there was still amazing parts of it,
and you had maybe kids out of that or whatever.
But you don't have to let go of the whole thing.
(13:24):
But some people, just like we naturally do in life,
sometimes as we pay more attention, you know, kind of
sticks with us a little bit easier some of the
negative things, right, And that's why, of course, then the
media is riddled with all the negative things out there,
because for some reason we tend to grasp those or
hold on to them or whatever it is. So how
(13:46):
can we think about that? How can we recognize where
we're putting our emphasis within that experience of the relationship
and shift it to the good parts that we had
value and that really brought us so much joy, that
brought so much And something you said before that that
I really want to tap into. Just tying this together
(14:07):
is first of all for me, Like I'm reading Berne
Brown's book right now, Atlas of the Heart, I don't
even I didn't even know had eighty four motions. It
might have been ninety four. She talks about, I'm definitely
like I have four. So when so it makes it
hard to identify those things, those things that aren't that
(14:28):
we need to let go of, that are not aligned
with our values, because sometimes we have a harder time
just even going through the motion of it or connecting
to it. We just do so for those of you
who only have four emotions that we can I can recognize,
like myself, I'm here with you, I understand I might
not be able to connect to it because I just
(14:50):
don't have the perceived emotion around it, the emotions there,
I just don't. I'm not tapped into it. We you
mentioned about what gives us energy and what drains and
you've talked about are you cultivating or are you leaking energy?
First of all, just notice is the activity, the conversation,
the environment, the whatever you're engaged in. Is it giving
(15:11):
you energy? And does it make you feel joy? Does
it make you feel excitement? And if that's all you get,
is it giving you energy? Does it feel yummy I'm
gonna have to go back to yuck and yum, right,
Or is it something that's draining you. Is it freaking exhausting,
is it leaving you feeling frustrated, empty, whatever, Then there's
not an alignment with those actions your value. So the
(15:35):
action and value alignment is off, and so sometimes it
might show up as avoidance, right, I just don't want
to talk about avoiding this person. It's oh wait, what
is that about. They're draining my energy? Why are they
draining my energy? If you're draining your energy, the value
in action is not aligned. Maybe you're not setting It
might show up as you're not good with boundaries and
(15:55):
setting boundaries and just being like, dude, I really need
this to happen, and then we need to change this
or I'm not going to allow that to come into
my life because that is not in my alignment. So
there's opportunities there to back into it. So if you
can't attach, if you don't understand the emotion you're having
around it, does it feel yacky, does it feel yummy?
(16:17):
Is it dreaming? Is it cultivating? And then that can
you can just draw that conclusion that there's something that
there's something not aligned with my value and my action
in this circumstance, in this relationship, in this whatever it
is going on in your life, and then you can
decide what to do from there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Okay, people, what happen? So I think a nice way
to tie in everything. So this is the way we
can get tripped up and seeking out our values. So
when I just talked about the value that I had
for my marriage and commitment and all of that, that
marriage and commitment is a symbol of the actual value.
(17:01):
So you might value big team sports and football, but
that the football game is the symbol or the enactment
of the value. You might actually value fun, competition and
connection with other people, the having a loyalty process you
(17:23):
time and shared experience with your wife. Those are your values,
like those deep friendships, the growth, the stability. It's the
things like for me with my marriage, it was love, integrity,
pursuing peace and purpose and those are my values like connection.
(17:48):
And even through a divorce, I can look back and say,
did I live for my values? I do feel like
eventually it's always hard. Some people do it better than others.
It depends on the two people involved. Like ending something
that was built around a value base, can you still
(18:12):
uphold those values even in a transition of letting something go.
I can absolutely I still love and respect my ex husband.
I see the goodness in him. I see he's a
wonderful father. I see I would still sit down and
have a beer with him and pick his brain about stuff.
He's so friggin' intelligent. I valued that stuff about who
(18:34):
he really was. It just didn't bring up I'm not
gonna go into my divorce stuff, but that just because
the thing that encapsulated the values didn't mean that the
values had to go away. I did show up, even
in the letting go of that commitment level, in a
honorable way for my values with kindness and respect and
(18:56):
peace and even service right and the long term trustworthiness.
I can say that I felt like I did the
things that upheld my values in all of that, regardless
of how it is encapsulated. Again, you can take it
back to the football part. What do you really value
(19:17):
in that space of going with your wife to a
football game? And it might be harder for men sometimes
to dig down past their four emotions to find those
deeper emotions.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yeah, so's there's always a thing within the thing. So
let's just take so I'm married to my wife, I
love her, I value her, that's why I married her,
and so I'm all in. But there's times even within
that relationship. Let's say, and this is a common thing
I feel. And again, we don't have to always stick
in relationships here, but this is just a circumstance how
we can dig a little deeper. There's more to it
(19:47):
than what's on the surface level of I value this person,
so I married them. And so you can have some
strife in some communication. Let's say I respond to my
wife in a certain tone or inflection or whatever that
is not desirable that makes her feel terrible for me
(20:08):
to stop and be like, wait, why did I use
that tone? Because I don't like the way that makes
me feel That's not who I am. Then it's okay.
It was the thing that she said and I got defensive.
It made me feel defensive, and so that defensiveness made
me or not made me, but whatever, that defensiveness triggered
(20:30):
this response for me to respond in this tone. What
is that defensiveness about? That defensiveness was about me not
feeling worthy right, not feeling enough self worth, and so
I got defensive because of that, and so it's a wait,
why why do I not feel that self worth when
(20:50):
in the circumstance, and is there an opportunity to take
stock of that and let go of that so that
then later I do not get triggered to respond in
that way again, because value shows up as our self
worth or self esteem, those things, and they're very important.
So that's just a circumstance of a situation. On how
(21:13):
there's always another layer we can dig just a little
bit deeper to still discover more opportunities because when we
honor and fulfill our values, it brings us satisfaction, brings
us joy, it brings us those things. In that circumstance,
there wasn't joy, right, So clearly that alignment wasn't there.
(21:33):
If you violate and compromise as values, which in that
language I did, then it leads to more conflict, It
leads to a sense of unease, It leads to discomfort,
It leads to that yucky feeling. So it's oh, if
that's there, that's not in line with my values? Why
did I say it? But why did I behave that way?
(21:54):
Did I say those words? Why did I say it
with that tone? What was underneath the thing?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, what you're putting down here? I think when the
trigger things that we have to look at when we're
looking at the things that make us upset, helps unravel
or reveal what we're valuing or what's being a threat
to something we possibly value. And sometimes it's really hard
to look at what you value because it can be
(22:20):
made out to be selfish or arrogant or greedy. If
somebody values being important, if you put it that way,
what does that really mean if they value looking important
or giving the impression that they matter to somebody or
(22:42):
deep down I guess I just said it, it's like,
deep down, what it is that they matter? Right, that
they're wanted or they're loved, or that they're good enough
or whatever that might look like. There's a deeper purpose
and a deeper fulfillment of what you're getting from those
things that you quote unquote value. You find value in
(23:03):
getting something that's going to translate a deeper purpose for you, right,
a deeper meaning. I think it gets tricky because you
can get mixed up on oh, having a good job,
this job is important to me. This I value my
job with this company. I value that I've committed to
(23:26):
something and I have this consistent tenure at this company.
What does that actually mean that you value. Dig another
layer and ask, but why is it consistency? Is it discipline?
Is it the learning and growth opportunity? Is it that
(23:46):
you've built a leadership and have connected with so many
other people and given them value and helped them along
and created a bigger purpose for yourself? Where is it
underneath the thing? That's underneath the thing? And that's where
you start to show up with how you've developed your values.
And maybe as we get older, there are things that
(24:08):
happen or life shifts, and our values change. When I
was twenty, I valued having a particular aesthetic. As you
get older, your value may still want to have a
certain aesthetic, It just may shift a little bit over
to I also want to live for a long time
and move my body and ski and climb mountains or
(24:29):
play with your grandkids or whatever. Your value is. Maybe
at the very base of that interaction and experiences, how
you feel your value of health really translates to how
you interact with all the other things you value. Now
(24:52):
did I just make that really confusing?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That's why I do feel like this can be hard
to talk about because again, it seems so uh like
I get it, But there's you know, there's some sneaky
things that are still just in there. Because again, when
we are diving into values, that is what builds are,
that is what gives us our self esteem, our self worth,
(25:18):
our self respect. When you have when that is really
abundant and you're really aligned with that, then we are
living and connected to purpose more. Right So, in terms
of medicine, five element, the metal is a mother of
water waters. It gets into purpose and resource and stuff
which we can talk about later. But the more balanced this,
(25:42):
the more balanced you are in here, then it feels
the next thing. So I guess you can be doing
things and living a life that you feel is in
lined with the values that you believe are yours or
maybe they're not yours, maybe somebody else gave them to
you and you feel like they're yours. So just stop
(26:02):
and check in, like, how is like how much self
worth do you have? How much self esteem do you have?
How much self respect do you have? Do you feel
like you're like, fuck, I got so much purpose, I
have so much going on, so many things I love.
I feel super connected, I feel super aligned with everything
in my life. Or are there areas that you don't
(26:25):
feel aligned, and even if you feel like you have
a lot of self worth, stop and check in. Are
there any little voices popping up in there that are
telling you, Oh, don't do this, remember last time you failed,
Oh you're not beautiful enough to do this, or I
hate to jump into the world of weight. But since
(26:45):
we're in this world like of Zempeics and all these things,
it's wait, what is this image about self about, right,
Because as there's some self esteem stuff there, so what
are the little things you're doing of actions that you
can stop and be like, Wait, I thought I had
really good self esteem, but these actions that I'm doing
are not reflecting my belief of who I am and
(27:08):
of my self esteem. So again that's where it's tricky.
It just seems like it's, uh, yeah, I get it.
I'm a good person, I'm moral, I'm ethical, like I
live a good life, I don't harm my neighbors, like
I'm living the Ten Commandments or whatever. But it's wait,
if you feel like you're somebody who really has self worth,
are the things you're doing the actions really reflecting that.
(27:29):
If you feel like you're somebody that has a lot
of purpose, are the things and actions you're doing aligned
with that. So it just it's a little sneaky. There's
little cracks in there. And if you're listening to it's
even thinking about how to have this conversation. Amy and
I talk and I'm like, man, there's so much more
to this. It seems like, how do you talk about it?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah? How okay? So for me, where my brain goes
back to, because it does make it more simplistic, is this,
I'm the seven primal questions. So if you think about
even if you took the marriage commitment, if you took
the football, if you took the job, career plan, and
(28:12):
you really unlayered all of these things, and you ask yourself,
what is this thing that I vow? What is this
stuff that I value? These the outside things, the receiving
of those things, the interaction with these things. Where does
it really come down and tell me that? What's it
translating to? If you understood your base driver, you can
(28:34):
always kind of look and say, am I doing this
out of Am I safe? Is it bringing me more
feelings of safety? Is it making me feel loved and
wanted or successful? Is it giving me a feeling of
feeling enough? And that I matter. Is it a purposeful
Is it bringing that security space for me? Is the
(28:55):
job giving you a purpose feeling? Is the career commitment
giving you a bigger feeling of success? Or is it
giving you that long term feeling of I'm secure? How
do you get those value based and your reactions to
things is a threat to that? So when I work
with people, a lot of times that they're like, I
don't even know how to determine what I value. Like,
(29:16):
let's start with the things that make you really excited
and the things that make you really angry, and the
stuff that makes you feel frustrated, or the things that
really make you feel happy and elated and uncovering. Not
just those things like I'll love go into a football
game or I love skiing. What is it underneath all
of that? Why does it make you feel that way?
(29:38):
What is the emotion? And as simple as it is,
the emotion wheel that I give out, and it's very common.
You can find it easily enough, and there's a few
of them, but the emotion wheel is one of the
favorite tools. And it's always surprising to me when I
give it to clients because I always think, oh, this
might be.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Only four is there only four in there? That's all I.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Can I'll give you this, I'll give you the emotion wheel, Brian,
So you can work on those language things. But it
is because of that, because it is we do act
out of these. It's more simple, it's more effective and
efficient for a brain to just go I'm angry or
I'm sad, or I'm happy. It's when you go to
(30:17):
those deeper and people can look at these different ways
of explaining how they're feeling. It does open up your
eyes to like, oh, I'm not just happy, I'm elated,
or I'm not angry, I'm feeling disrespected. And why where
does that disrespect show up? What does that mean to me?
Is it that I value being loved and wanted that
(30:40):
when you disrespect me it translates to I'm not wanted
by you, I'm going to be rejected by you? Or
does it mean that there's something I'm doing that the
essence of who I am just isn't enough. I don't
mean to make this a primal question podcast, but it's
just another tool that I really love being able to
use because it can bring such great insight to somebody.
(31:02):
It helps you look at what you prioritize why something
triggers you, why something is meaningful, and like the things
that are inspiring to you. If we go back to
the weight thing, just with me being in the nutrition
world again and doing a lot of coaching around that
body images, the idea of health, the idea of what
(31:24):
we're doing, that self worth and how that aligns with
what we do to our body, what we are putting
into our body, what we say and think about our body.
It's very different for everybody, but there is a general
theme out there. But when I can help myself and
help other people is man, is what I'm eating or
(31:45):
taking or doing consistently really aligning with how I have
self respect or self value for my body? And this
value of an image again what I had as an
image of what my body and health should look like
atw It's not necessarily the same at fifty or when
you get into your seventies, Like your values that are
(32:06):
gonna shift a little bit. But maybe that deep underlying
process of what your interpretation of health is does align
with Am I safe? Am I secure? Am I loved?
Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I good? Am
I good enough? Am I personful? If you really break
it down, it's are they are you really getting this
deeper core need met? If you can take a step
(32:30):
back and just start off with taking responsibility for how
you're feeling. First of all, we so quickly put all
responsibility and ownership on a life outside of ourselves, a spouse,
a job, the person on the highway. Yeah, so quickly
(32:51):
to put it on other people. If we can just
compassionately turn that back around towards ourselves and say, why
does it make me so angry that red light turned
red right when I got to it? Or I don't
have this, so don't everybody's had a moment on the
highway you're frustrated or angry, and you think the gods
that be and the internal complex of the highway system
(33:15):
or the road system turned that light on just when
I got there because it knew I was running late
for work. But where where if you uncovered these things?
Is like what really upsets me? Like I'm not really
mad at that person for cutting me off. Maybe I'm
mad at that person because you threatened my safety, yeah,
or you know what I'm saying. So getting in digging
(33:36):
into those topical things and getting down to what your
values really are.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Yeah, I think there's so much that to identify these things.
However you do it, whether it's seven primal questions or
the Emotional Wheel or five elements, whatever tools you can develop.
And again, this is why this is all things good
for you. It's about this is about self reflection and
where we need to let go. But we need to
have a foundation of values to really have those dialed
(34:04):
in and identify those little cracks or those things that
are draining us or those identify the things that really
bring us energy, and to help fine tune and optimize
ourselves as much as we can to have the most
beautiful life that we can. Why we're here and the
am I and those things. I love that we don't
(34:25):
ask enough questions. I want to do a podcast literally
just on questions that we can ask ourselves. And I
think that Brendan has so many great questions in his journals,
and there's so many other people who have these amazing
questions that can help trigger or help us dive into
things a little bit deeper. But so whether it's seven
(34:48):
problem questions or open ended questions like what brings me
a sense of join and fulfillment? When do I feel
most like myself, what qualities do I admire and others
and why? Things like that can be a pool to
help you identify where you're not aligned with your values,
whether again, whether it's in relationships, whether it's in career,
(35:09):
whether it's in self thought, whether it's the way you're
just acting and showing up your behaviors. Whatever it is,
this I'm going to make a leap here. There's other
like little tell tale. So we talked about is it
giving the energy or is it draining you? Is there
stuff around? Am I avoiding it? Is their resistance? Is
there friction? Because usually again there's some things that aren't
(35:32):
aligned with values in your actions. But if you are
somebody who catches yourself judging a lot, or are a
little self righteous, that's usually a value issue. So there's
other kind of hallelujah things if you will. That's oh wait,
I was just judging this person in my head. What
(35:54):
is going on with that? There might be some issues
any just because it's in my head. That's still an action, right,
that's still a thought, that's still a behavior that's still
or whatever. So you might it might not come out
of my mouth, but it's in my head and so
if I catch myself thinking a certain way, I have
to stop and be like, wait, is that really aligned
(36:16):
with my values? And or is that a conditioned trait
or response based off of my past on how people
taught me to think or behave And my values aren't there,
But there's still some transition that has not My neuroplasticity
has not adopted these new things totally, and there's still
(36:37):
some lingering things that's important. That's important stuff to think of.
I'm just going to take if I can. I have
two quotes that I think I'd love to pop in
here that really tie into this. So this one is
from hat Magandhi. Your beliefs become your thoughts, become your words,
become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits
(36:57):
become your values, Your values become your destiny. Do you
like how I change my really get my intense intensity
right there?
Speaker 2 (37:04):
With that?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
And I think that again, like that? I love that.
This next quote i've never heard actually a quote from
Elvis Presley, and I saw this, I'm like, this is
great because we are here on this life, we're here
in this life, and we are having interactions. This is
not his quote and his teeing it up. Okay, And
so everything we do, everything we do, every person we
(37:27):
interact with, every experience, is our energy and is our actions.
And so we have to again look at our values.
So Elvis Presley's quota is values are like fingerprints. Nobody's
are the same, but you leave them all over everything
you do nice and I'm it's wait a second, yeah,
so we're all going to die in Chinese medicine. We
(37:48):
all have a gate of destiny, which is death. And
and what fingerprints are you leaving behind? What are those
actions believed? Did you live that life of coming from
your values? And it's okay, we're not going to be
one hundred percent, but if we keep striving and we
keep digging a little deeper, if you just looked at
my fingerprints, you're going to be like you can look
(38:10):
back and be like, Eh, Brian was a little bit
of a hypocrite. He didn't totally live a life totally
aligned with his values. Because we're not perfect. But we
have opportunities of where we make mistakes, of where we're
not doing acting or thinking from our values and we
say something we should have set her, We think something
that isn't aligned with our values, or we behave a
certain way that's not aligned in our values. It's okay.
(38:32):
Did I recognize those? Did I make some sort of attempt,
some sort of attempt to move beyond? Did I make
some sort of attempt to realign? Did I? Was there
a value that isn't true, that isn't right, that isn't whatever?
So what fingerprints are you leaving?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah? I love that. I like the fingerprint thing. I think.
Another good question, and if we did a podcast on
questions I have, I don't know, close to two to
three hundred questions written down from my coaching courses that
cann't be asked at different places. Though. We got plenty
of questions.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
But it's going to be a four hour podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
We're going Hooberman. We're going Hooberman style. One of my
favorite one is what emotion anger for your anxiety, happening,
et cetera. What emotion makes you feel the most? It's
a two part question, most in control and what emotion
(39:32):
makes you feel the most out of control?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Now, remember I only have four emotions.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
You can pick two. It's so easy.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Fear, sadness, joy. Maybe we need to after I read
let's I'll answer that after I finish reading the Berne
Brown's book and develop my other eighty emotions.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
And it's the I think it's easy to just go
through a quick list of values. Again, you gotta know,
it's amazing your values. You may overlap with a lot
of people, but it's also really interesting to talk about
people in your life and look at your top ten
values and then narrow that down because I'm guessing we
(40:14):
have some real core values that we live on a
regular basis. That is, I can't remember the number if
it's three, but the outer bank of those things is
probably closer to ten. But and you can have a
ton of things that you like that you appreciate it.
I'm not sure that maybe a few people out there
(40:35):
don't want to have patience as a value. Everybody's going
to be like, oh, of course everybody wants patience, But
do you really value patience because it's going to show
up on the things that you couldnsistently do or the
things that consistently irritate you or upset you if you
are not having if you really have a value of patience,
(40:56):
and yet you can look at your life and you
don't have patience or or you might like that, I mean,
can see the goodness in it, but it may not
be one of your true core values. That's what I'm saying.
Like sometimes when we really get down to our values,
it's a little uncomfortable because we have these ideas that
we should value this, but maybe in a core we
(41:16):
really don't.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
No, I like that. Yeah, yeah, there's an opportunity there
then that if you don't have that value, and if
it is something that you feel like you want to
be important or you want to adopt, then there is
and there is an opportunity to cultivate values too. Right,
So just because it doesn't you don't naturally just doesn't
(41:38):
pop up for you, can you make it about can
you have new values? Absolutely? I think you can cultivate values.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, oh absolutely, of course. Okay, perfect example. Maybe your
innate self being didn't have a value of patients when
you're in your twenties and you're just out having fun
and you don't need to have a lot of patience.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
With other people.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
And maybe as you get older, you get grandkids and
you realize or children wherever it sneaks in for you.
Maybe with your grandkids it finally sets in, Oh, man,
I need to have patience with these kids, and I
value what that wisdom and quietness can have wisdom as
a value, Then you really cultivate that patience because that
value personality or that value has come up in a
(42:22):
more of a prioritized place. But I do think that
we have these core innate things that we just believe
long term that is part of who we are, that
will always rise to the surface or dig deeper in
our life. That when we get a really good grasp
(42:45):
of what that is and how that looks like in
our life, what that value reflects in our life, and
then start to spot how we may not be aligning
with that, we can let go of behaviors, of choices,
of thinking, patterns of interactions. That may not be easy.
(43:05):
That if we really can see the direct line of
how this type of behavior, interaction, thought process, choice, whatever
is really pushing me away from my real deep, core value,
it might be a little easier to let something go
so that you can get back into alignment with what
you really truly value.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, and again getting back to that letting go it
can be hard, and we have to also have clarity
about what that thing is and so we were trying
to identify value and an alignment of actions of that value.
But also we need to really spend time and identify
(43:46):
the challenges to self value. What are those things in life?
Or is there issues with external validation with self worth
tied to other people's opinions or comparing other people's achievements
to your achievements and so forth, because that can become
a challenge to self value. And so that whole comparing
and I'm not this and they're this, and judging and whatever,
(44:08):
or the unhealed past experiences that can be very hard
to let go of of trauma and neglect and criticism
like those can be challenges. So identifying the alignment of
action and value and identifying challenges to our self value
and being able to like really dive into those little
hidden little things that are just tucked away and cultivating
(44:32):
a value that can help you let go. And the
more value you have, the easier it is to let go.
So in that circumstance, where can you Because you can
have a past trauma and this is not obviously a
counseling or anything like that here, but you can have
a past trauma and if you build value fuck, I
made it through that. I overcame. Look at how I've
(44:56):
look at how I've risen above that. I did not
become that. I did not let that eye make my identity.
I did not da da da das. So look how
I freaking celebrate that. And that's okay, that's in the past.
I want to let that go on moving on.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
So there's lots of opportunities and you can start again.
You can do the seven primal questions. You can do
like Tony Robbins has his six areas of what life
and focus that he believes of these certain areas, you
can start with just and then Brendan has I think
six as well, like uh, Tony's is like love, is
(45:33):
like relationship, time, like productivity, time management, like how you're
spending time, physical health and vitality, emotions meaning work, career
and finance, wealth, that kind of stuff. Those are all
like Tony's I think, and he gets into like novelty.
And you can start with picking some areas of your life.
(45:54):
I like six, Six is a good number if you
want to do five, but I think if we four,
you got four. And Brendan Bouchard's is health, relationship, career, finances, spirit, adventure.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
And fun.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
And if you take those areas, because one of the
things that makes it hard is again taking a breath
and a moment at a quiet space and reflecting on
what you think and how you are feeling in these
different areas of your life. If you took your base
question of the primal question and applied it to all
(46:32):
these six different areas from Brandan Bouchard or Tony Robbins
or whomever, if you just took those or the life
wheel and you ask yourself, how am I living to
get this question answered? If you have a value that
you are questioning or looking in, what's your value? Put
that in? How am I getting this value met in
my health and my relationship with my career, my finances,
(46:54):
my spiritual process, my fun and adventure? How am I
showing up with this deep value in these different areas?
And maybe just take a day a week to look
at different values. For the next month, pick four core
values and see how you show up in those areas
(47:15):
of your life. And just take five or ten minutes
at the beginning or end of your day and ask
where am I aligning or how am I not in
alignment with this value? In these areas of my life.
Over time, I think you start to see where maybe
your frustration, your lack of fulfillment, your anger, your self
(47:36):
defeating behavior patterns are showing up. Your saboteurs.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Your saboteurs, go get it, people, go get it. Yeah,
ask yourself the questions, find the opportunities, identify and get aligned.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
If you can't read a book, hire a therapist, hire coach,
work with somebody, make an impact on your life. If
you're listening to a self development podcast, guessing, unless you're
one of our parents, that you're not listening to this
to just hear our voices that you're looking for some
self development, some clarity, some resolution and insight into something.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
So yeah, evolution, time to grow, time to evolve. We
fingerprints are you leaving behind?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I love that?
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Thank you? I do too.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
I gonna have to wear gloves.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Oh, Elvis, Elvis, thank you for spending this time today, Amy,
I really appreciate it, and thank all of you for listening.
Oh so grateful for you taking the time to spend
this time. And I hope you stay tuned for our
four hour podcast coming up. We are not We will
have some potty breaks in there.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Okay, so you go and live out your values. We're
going to wrap it up. I know you're trying to close.
What tell me the values you're getting out of going
to spend time with Amy at a football game today?
Really got throw it out there, like you think it.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Is now the biggest thing. It's not about the football
game today. For me, it is about the time with
this human being that I chose to spend my life
with and just being there so to sit next to
her for three hours, and then we're meeting some friends
before and to be a part of the community and
connect and love the people that I love in my
life and spend that time. That's what I value from
(49:21):
the game. I love it, and I value that We're
going to kick the raiders.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
And I'm going to go and do a nice quick
hike and pick another friend's dog out because I value
friendship and showing up and being of service. And then
I'm going to go help my daughter do some painting.
And that's because I value my family and also another
act of time service together. And yeah, I value those
(49:47):
things of being a good human with good integrity and
service and love. So go out and pick a value
and emphasize it today. How can you align it?
Speaker 1 (49:56):
And if you value this podcast, which I value you
Amy and during this podcast, and if you really value
this podcast, please hit that like button, Please leave a review,
Please pass us on to friends, families, and maybe even
some strangers, and you just a.
Speaker 2 (50:12):
Random person for them. Please walk up to a random
person and say, hey, I got a podcast for you.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
Yeah, hey, hey, let's attach the QR code and make
sure the QR codes are too, just to make it
easier for everybody to still share the podcast. We'll share
that QR code in the note. I think there's a
way to do that. I'm sure I'm off here that
there's some other special way that it's just already attached.
But we'll make it easy for you to share.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
Share it all right, Brian, thank you for sharing this time.
And I value you and I value what we do.
And I hope you have a beautiful day with your
lovely bread. I adore back at you. All right, I
have a good one. Bye everybody.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Hey, friends, thank you for tuning in to the All
Things Good for You podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas,
or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only and not intended as medical advice. If anything
piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or personal
medical professional. And if you're enjoying all things good for
(51:16):
your podcast, pop on over and leave us a five
star review so we can continue delving in and providing
great content. Thanks again, and we hope you are inspired
to stay informed and responsible along your health and wellness
journey
Where do you let go.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And how do you let go? Really is defined around
your values. But I think people will get a little
confused and about what values are, and what values are,
what strengths are, what interests are. It's like, it sounds
so obvious and simple, like a lot of things, but
when you really dig into it, it's not that simple.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach, and.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
I'm your co host, Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and every day for a life well lived?
Let your curiosity flow.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
All things good for You?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Hi there, everybody? Oh my gosh, I am Happy Sunday.
Good morning, good happy fun.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Day, Happy Funday. It is going to be a fun day.
I love Sundays because it's truly my weekend and I
like it.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I get to go to the Amy and I are
going to the Bronco game today.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, you guys are gonna fun time. You're Amy, miss
Amy Bowen.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Mm hmmm hmm. I think ye.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That could be confusing to people that we were telling
them we were going to Bronco game, because I am
not going to a Bronco game, but you guys go
and have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We are, We're gonna We're gonna watch the Broncos tear
up those Raiders because we're Raider haters. But if you're
listening to this podcast near a Raider fan, we love you.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Though, Raider haters in the nicest traditional way of fun
and friendly competitive sports.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That we say, yes, yeah, I don't actually heckle anybody
or shame them or not that guy. Yeah, but it
is fun to have a team that you root against.
And we've lost eight straight games to them, and so
today's today. Today's day we win, we conquer overcome.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That competition, especially in men. But competitive sports and competitive
thinking actually triggers more testosterone in men. I feel like
I just I didn't research that part, but it's probably
is also in women, but it's definitely more of a
man's driven focus. It's naturally made in you to build
(02:39):
more testosterone when you have competitive spirit. So I found
that very intriguing and interesting people's history.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
The flip side of that, then, is going into when
people are younger. And I think we've talked about this before,
and I'm sure there's research on it, but people who
tend to be more competitive naturally, like younger kids or whatever.
But again, some women are as well. But is there
do you think they're naturally higher in testosterrum that helps
(03:08):
also drive competitiveness. Can the flip side be true?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Maybe I might have to go actually read deeper into
the research, because sometimes I just read the things, that
read the things and I talk about them. I pay
really smart people for their knowledge and they tell me
what they developed from it. And sometimes I'm in a
hurry and I just read a little quick blurb. You
(03:31):
sure it's true, but those things so you got to
dive into it. So I'll have to ask mister mister Norton,
doctor Norton, if he's did his due diligence, which I'm
sure he did, before I start quoting the depths of
that research.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, I'm sure there's plenty of podcasts out there in
testacha and by the way, those of you listening right now.
We're sidetracking a little bit. This is not a podcast
about hormones, but we can do that some day, which
totally can.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It just highlights that, Okay, you have you enjoy a football,
and we both enjoy research and education. And I think
that there's many Americans and all over the world. Right
they might call it by a slightly different name, but
the competitive sports and getting out on a brisk fall
(04:25):
weekend and going and cheering on your team and your
commitment to that and sharing that with your friends, and
it's something that you build a value around. And both
of us truly value education and research and learning things
and sharing things and understanding stuff at a deeper level.
So there we were talking about something that ties into
(04:47):
what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I saw how you drop. I saw how you drop
that in there. That was beautifully done. So if you
guys didn't pick up on that, there was a word
that was used, like five times value. And we did
a previously around letting go. And this conversation stems from
a framework of five elements and kind of seasonal changes.
(05:12):
Five elements. One component has seasonal changes, but there's a
lot of other attributes that go into it, and I
love using it as a framework even with personal development
and growth, and the previous one that we had talked
about around letting go is one of those attributes of
that element and the other component that is the foundation
(05:34):
of letting go is value and what we value and
how we think about values. And so seems a little surfacey,
but I thinking about this and you and I having
this conversation, it's amazing how many little nooks and crannies
of things that slip in there that do not align
(05:55):
with our values. In some cases, for some people can
greatly erode their quality of life. It shows up in
so many different ways. It's a great time to have
some introspective and just start thinking about the way you
show up or act in your life, how congruent you are.
(06:16):
And we'll dive into all that stuff. I'm just going
to keep talking to them.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Thank God, you don't actually sound like that. But okay,
do you think somebody would just listen to our podcast
if we just.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I'm sure somebody could definitely say that we've developed our
own language and maybe write some sort of guide. I'm like,
I noticed every time she her blood is blah, what
she really means.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I bet they could. I heard this tone in that blow.
But I think when we talk about values in relationship
to letting things go, when you let go and how
do you let go really is defined around your values.
But I think people will, you know, get a little
confused and about what values are and what values are,
(07:05):
what strengths are, what interests are. And we talked about
this before we jumped on. It's like it sounds so
obvious and simple, like a lot of things, but when
you really dig into it, it's not that simple. Like
on my short podcast, I had mentioned, okay, letting go
of something that you don't like and you're already tired
of it, or you already see how you don't like it,
(07:27):
It's really not that hard. That's pretty easy. I don't
like this wasp nest sitting here by my back door.
I'm gonna let that go. That's pretty easy. And while
that might be helpful to your world and your life,
it's oftentimes not that deeper process that you need to
work on that's causing you internal strife and suffering and
(07:50):
pain and frustration and energy seeping. It's harder to look
at the stuff that we don't really want to look
at because we've either up to the story around it
or consistency, or we're just trucking along and being unaware.
And self reflection when we're trying to correct ourself is challenging.
(08:12):
There's just no way around it. Like it even when
it's hard. Sometimes we can take that mentality of okay,
a good failure mindset of this is learning, this is progress.
It's it's still you're going to rub up against some
stuff that it's man, this is really confronting, and this
is really self challenging, and I feel possibly bad about
(08:36):
how I might be feeling or reacting to something. So
when we talk about the stuff like values and things
that we're going to get into today, you can do
it at different depths and levels. Right if you just
look at your life and go, ah, yeah, I can
see what that's not good. My shoe bin being where
it is and my closet is creating my messiness not
(08:58):
getting to it, and I need to rearrange my cal
I need to just let that go. I don't know. Yes,
is that beneficial and great for you?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
But when we get into man, I grew up with
this deep seated idea of what marriage and commitments supposed
to look like. I don't know, Brian, if you appetually listened,
but I know I snuck that short in there because
you were busy last week. But I touched briefly on
the process of me come dealing with letting go and
finding pain in the body and how that came up
(09:27):
for me during back in massage school, way back when,
and to this day, even though I am fairly at
peace with my choice to go through divorce and how
I went through that, and it's been a very long
time and it's still to this day when I reflect
back on and I put myself in that space of
(09:51):
thinking about how I felt, that pain is still so real.
Like I definitely teared up. I was choking up talking
through it because that was very hard. My commitment to
my marriage and that commitment to that belief system is
(10:13):
a huge value to this day. It hurts my heart.
Have I let go of a lot of the things
around it? Have I let go of some of the
stories that I was told and society tells and my
spiritual background was telling me around divorce. Yes, does that
negate the being able to remember how painful that is? No,
(10:35):
Like it's just there because that is such a deep
Even if my understanding of that value has shifted a
little bit, that value is still so deeply embedded in me,
and it is just what I choose over and over again,
and I don't ever want that to go away. That
is a characteristic and a value that I believe in
(10:56):
so deeply. I don't ever want. And I can look
at other perspectives and other people who choose to live
differently and have a different value set, and I can
appreciate their perspective. I can have compassion and understanding and
acceptance of their perspective. But for me, that is a
value that will never ever go away. I think you
(11:16):
can look at those things in your life for a
lot of things, like I value a clean and tidy house.
Have I learned to shift how much I devote myself
to that value as I've gotten into running my own
business and doing all the things and running away to
the mountains? Yes, which, to my children's sagrin, are like,
why aren't you cooler about dishes in the sink when
(11:37):
we were teenager's mom like, those values are softer and
have shifted. But so my point, as I've rambled on,
is it is it is, So you've got to really
sit down and be honest and allow yourself space. And
it comes down to that time and compassion and realness
with being aware of who you are, why you feel,
(11:57):
what you feel, what creates these big emotions in you,
and where are those thoughts coming from, and taking the
time to really just dig in and ask yourself what
is this really deep down core belief system and value
that I am working around.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, now, there's a couple of things that I'd like
to jump on that you said, and one is I
think that you can have an experience. I do believe. Obviously,
there's the epigenetics of the way we were raised, our
belief systems, of the people that we befriended. There's all
these things. Sometimes we have to drop some of those
things as we change and evolve, because there were somebody
(12:41):
else's and not ours, and we were letting somebody else's
values define us. Sometimes we have to change that. But
you mentioned even with the relationship and that marriage, talking
with clients and working with our patients over the years,
you can have an experience, and within that expences itself,
there's still things that you can hold on to and
(13:04):
things that you can let go of I think it's
amazing when somebody has and we'll just stick with that
relationship for a second. When you have a relationship that
maybe wasn't the most beautiful relationship that you imagined it
to be, but there was still amazing parts of it,
and you had maybe kids out of that or whatever.
But you don't have to let go of the whole thing.
(13:24):
But some people, just like we naturally do in life,
sometimes as we pay more attention, you know, kind of
sticks with us a little bit easier some of the
negative things, right, And that's why, of course, then the
media is riddled with all the negative things out there,
because for some reason we tend to grasp those or
hold on to them or whatever it is. So how
(13:46):
can we think about that? How can we recognize where
we're putting our emphasis within that experience of the relationship
and shift it to the good parts that we had
value and that really brought us so much joy, that
brought so much And something you said before that that
I really want to tap into. Just tying this together
(14:07):
is first of all for me, Like I'm reading Berne
Brown's book right now, Atlas of the Heart, I don't
even I didn't even know had eighty four motions. It
might have been ninety four. She talks about, I'm definitely
like I have four. So when so it makes it
hard to identify those things, those things that aren't that
(14:28):
we need to let go of, that are not aligned
with our values, because sometimes we have a harder time
just even going through the motion of it or connecting
to it. We just do so for those of you
who only have four emotions that we can I can recognize,
like myself, I'm here with you, I understand I might
not be able to connect to it because I just
(14:50):
don't have the perceived emotion around it, the emotions there,
I just don't. I'm not tapped into it. We you
mentioned about what gives us energy and what drains and
you've talked about are you cultivating or are you leaking energy?
First of all, just notice is the activity, the conversation,
the environment, the whatever you're engaged in. Is it giving
(15:11):
you energy? And does it make you feel joy? Does
it make you feel excitement? And if that's all you get,
is it giving you energy? Does it feel yummy I'm
gonna have to go back to yuck and yum, right,
Or is it something that's draining you. Is it freaking exhausting,
is it leaving you feeling frustrated, empty, whatever, Then there's
not an alignment with those actions your value. So the
(15:35):
action and value alignment is off, and so sometimes it
might show up as avoidance, right, I just don't want
to talk about avoiding this person. It's oh wait, what
is that about. They're draining my energy? Why are they
draining my energy? If you're draining your energy, the value
in action is not aligned. Maybe you're not setting It
might show up as you're not good with boundaries and
(15:55):
setting boundaries and just being like, dude, I really need
this to happen, and then we need to change this
or I'm not going to allow that to come into
my life because that is not in my alignment. So
there's opportunities there to back into it. So if you
can't attach, if you don't understand the emotion you're having
around it, does it feel yacky, does it feel yummy?
(16:17):
Is it dreaming? Is it cultivating? And then that can
you can just draw that conclusion that there's something that
there's something not aligned with my value and my action
in this circumstance, in this relationship, in this whatever it
is going on in your life, and then you can
decide what to do from there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Okay, people, what happen? So I think a nice way
to tie in everything. So this is the way we
can get tripped up and seeking out our values. So
when I just talked about the value that I had
for my marriage and commitment and all of that, that
marriage and commitment is a symbol of the actual value.
(17:01):
So you might value big team sports and football, but
that the football game is the symbol or the enactment
of the value. You might actually value fun, competition and
connection with other people, the having a loyalty process you
(17:23):
time and shared experience with your wife. Those are your values,
like those deep friendships, the growth, the stability. It's the
things like for me with my marriage, it was love, integrity,
pursuing peace and purpose and those are my values like connection.
(17:48):
And even through a divorce, I can look back and say,
did I live for my values? I do feel like
eventually it's always hard. Some people do it better than others.
It depends on the two people involved. Like ending something
that was built around a value base, can you still
(18:12):
uphold those values even in a transition of letting something go.
I can absolutely I still love and respect my ex husband.
I see the goodness in him. I see he's a
wonderful father. I see I would still sit down and
have a beer with him and pick his brain about stuff.
He's so friggin' intelligent. I valued that stuff about who
(18:34):
he really was. It just didn't bring up I'm not
gonna go into my divorce stuff, but that just because
the thing that encapsulated the values didn't mean that the
values had to go away. I did show up, even
in the letting go of that commitment level, in a
honorable way for my values with kindness and respect and
(18:56):
peace and even service right and the long term trustworthiness.
I can say that I felt like I did the
things that upheld my values in all of that, regardless
of how it is encapsulated. Again, you can take it
back to the football part. What do you really value
(19:17):
in that space of going with your wife to a
football game? And it might be harder for men sometimes
to dig down past their four emotions to find those
deeper emotions.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yeah, so's there's always a thing within the thing. So
let's just take so I'm married to my wife, I
love her, I value her, that's why I married her,
and so I'm all in. But there's times even within
that relationship. Let's say, and this is a common thing
I feel. And again, we don't have to always stick
in relationships here, but this is just a circumstance how
we can dig a little deeper. There's more to it
(19:47):
than what's on the surface level of I value this person,
so I married them. And so you can have some
strife in some communication. Let's say I respond to my
wife in a certain tone or inflection or whatever that
is not desirable that makes her feel terrible for me
(20:08):
to stop and be like, wait, why did I use
that tone? Because I don't like the way that makes
me feel That's not who I am. Then it's okay.
It was the thing that she said and I got defensive.
It made me feel defensive, and so that defensiveness made
me or not made me, but whatever, that defensiveness triggered
(20:30):
this response for me to respond in this tone. What
is that defensiveness about? That defensiveness was about me not
feeling worthy right, not feeling enough self worth, and so
I got defensive because of that, and so it's a wait,
why why do I not feel that self worth when
(20:50):
in the circumstance, and is there an opportunity to take
stock of that and let go of that so that
then later I do not get triggered to respond in
that way again, because value shows up as our self
worth or self esteem, those things, and they're very important.
So that's just a circumstance of a situation. On how
(21:13):
there's always another layer we can dig just a little
bit deeper to still discover more opportunities because when we
honor and fulfill our values, it brings us satisfaction, brings
us joy, it brings us those things. In that circumstance,
there wasn't joy, right, So clearly that alignment wasn't there.
(21:33):
If you violate and compromise as values, which in that
language I did, then it leads to more conflict, It
leads to a sense of unease, It leads to discomfort,
It leads to that yucky feeling. So it's oh, if
that's there, that's not in line with my values? Why
did I say it? But why did I behave that way?
(21:54):
Did I say those words? Why did I say it
with that tone? What was underneath the thing?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, what you're putting down here? I think when the
trigger things that we have to look at when we're
looking at the things that make us upset, helps unravel
or reveal what we're valuing or what's being a threat
to something we possibly value. And sometimes it's really hard
to look at what you value because it can be
(22:20):
made out to be selfish or arrogant or greedy. If
somebody values being important, if you put it that way,
what does that really mean if they value looking important
or giving the impression that they matter to somebody or
(22:42):
deep down I guess I just said it, it's like,
deep down, what it is that they matter? Right, that
they're wanted or they're loved, or that they're good enough
or whatever that might look like. There's a deeper purpose
and a deeper fulfillment of what you're getting from those
things that you quote unquote value. You find value in
(23:03):
getting something that's going to translate a deeper purpose for you, right,
a deeper meaning. I think it gets tricky because you
can get mixed up on oh, having a good job,
this job is important to me. This I value my
job with this company. I value that I've committed to
(23:26):
something and I have this consistent tenure at this company.
What does that actually mean that you value. Dig another
layer and ask, but why is it consistency? Is it discipline?
Is it the learning and growth opportunity? Is it that
(23:46):
you've built a leadership and have connected with so many
other people and given them value and helped them along
and created a bigger purpose for yourself? Where is it
underneath the thing? That's underneath the thing? And that's where
you start to show up with how you've developed your values.
And maybe as we get older, there are things that
(24:08):
happen or life shifts, and our values change. When I
was twenty, I valued having a particular aesthetic. As you
get older, your value may still want to have a
certain aesthetic, It just may shift a little bit over
to I also want to live for a long time
and move my body and ski and climb mountains or
(24:29):
play with your grandkids or whatever. Your value is. Maybe
at the very base of that interaction and experiences, how
you feel your value of health really translates to how
you interact with all the other things you value. Now
(24:52):
did I just make that really confusing?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That's why I do feel like this can be hard
to talk about because again, it seems so uh like
I get it, But there's you know, there's some sneaky
things that are still just in there. Because again, when
we are diving into values, that is what builds are,
that is what gives us our self esteem, our self worth,
(25:18):
our self respect. When you have when that is really
abundant and you're really aligned with that, then we are
living and connected to purpose more. Right So, in terms
of medicine, five element, the metal is a mother of
water waters. It gets into purpose and resource and stuff
which we can talk about later. But the more balanced this,
(25:42):
the more balanced you are in here, then it feels
the next thing. So I guess you can be doing
things and living a life that you feel is in
lined with the values that you believe are yours or
maybe they're not yours, maybe somebody else gave them to
you and you feel like they're yours. So just stop
(26:02):
and check in, like, how is like how much self
worth do you have? How much self esteem do you have?
How much self respect do you have? Do you feel
like you're like, fuck, I got so much purpose, I
have so much going on, so many things I love.
I feel super connected, I feel super aligned with everything
in my life. Or are there areas that you don't
(26:25):
feel aligned, and even if you feel like you have
a lot of self worth, stop and check in. Are
there any little voices popping up in there that are
telling you, Oh, don't do this, remember last time you failed,
Oh you're not beautiful enough to do this, or I
hate to jump into the world of weight. But since
(26:45):
we're in this world like of Zempeics and all these things,
it's wait, what is this image about self about, right,
Because as there's some self esteem stuff there, so what
are the little things you're doing of actions that you
can stop and be like, Wait, I thought I had
really good self esteem, but these actions that I'm doing
are not reflecting my belief of who I am and
(27:08):
of my self esteem. So again that's where it's tricky.
It just seems like it's, uh, yeah, I get it.
I'm a good person, I'm moral, I'm ethical, like I
live a good life, I don't harm my neighbors, like
I'm living the Ten Commandments or whatever. But it's wait,
if you feel like you're somebody who really has self worth,
are the things you're doing the actions really reflecting that.
(27:29):
If you feel like you're somebody that has a lot
of purpose, are the things and actions you're doing aligned
with that. So it just it's a little sneaky. There's
little cracks in there. And if you're listening to it's
even thinking about how to have this conversation. Amy and
I talk and I'm like, man, there's so much more
to this. It seems like, how do you talk about it?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah? How okay? So for me, where my brain goes
back to, because it does make it more simplistic, is this,
I'm the seven primal questions. So if you think about
even if you took the marriage commitment, if you took
the football, if you took the job, career plan, and
(28:12):
you really unlayered all of these things, and you ask yourself,
what is this thing that I vow? What is this
stuff that I value? These the outside things, the receiving
of those things, the interaction with these things. Where does
it really come down and tell me that? What's it
translating to? If you understood your base driver, you can
(28:34):
always kind of look and say, am I doing this
out of Am I safe? Is it bringing me more
feelings of safety? Is it making me feel loved and
wanted or successful? Is it giving me a feeling of
feeling enough? And that I matter. Is it a purposeful
Is it bringing that security space for me? Is the
(28:55):
job giving you a purpose feeling? Is the career commitment
giving you a bigger feeling of success? Or is it
giving you that long term feeling of I'm secure? How
do you get those value based and your reactions to
things is a threat to that? So when I work
with people, a lot of times that they're like, I
don't even know how to determine what I value. Like,
(29:16):
let's start with the things that make you really excited
and the things that make you really angry, and the
stuff that makes you feel frustrated, or the things that
really make you feel happy and elated and uncovering. Not
just those things like I'll love go into a football
game or I love skiing. What is it underneath all
of that? Why does it make you feel that way?
(29:38):
What is the emotion? And as simple as it is,
the emotion wheel that I give out, and it's very common.
You can find it easily enough, and there's a few
of them, but the emotion wheel is one of the
favorite tools. And it's always surprising to me when I
give it to clients because I always think, oh, this
might be.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Only four is there only four in there? That's all I.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Can I'll give you this, I'll give you the emotion wheel, Brian,
So you can work on those language things. But it
is because of that, because it is we do act
out of these. It's more simple, it's more effective and
efficient for a brain to just go I'm angry or
I'm sad, or I'm happy. It's when you go to
(30:17):
those deeper and people can look at these different ways
of explaining how they're feeling. It does open up your
eyes to like, oh, I'm not just happy, I'm elated,
or I'm not angry, I'm feeling disrespected. And why where
does that disrespect show up? What does that mean to me?
Is it that I value being loved and wanted that
(30:40):
when you disrespect me it translates to I'm not wanted
by you, I'm going to be rejected by you? Or
does it mean that there's something I'm doing that the
essence of who I am just isn't enough. I don't
mean to make this a primal question podcast, but it's
just another tool that I really love being able to
use because it can bring such great insight to somebody.
(31:02):
It helps you look at what you prioritize why something
triggers you, why something is meaningful, and like the things
that are inspiring to you. If we go back to
the weight thing, just with me being in the nutrition
world again and doing a lot of coaching around that
body images, the idea of health, the idea of what
(31:24):
we're doing, that self worth and how that aligns with
what we do to our body, what we are putting
into our body, what we say and think about our body.
It's very different for everybody, but there is a general
theme out there. But when I can help myself and
help other people is man, is what I'm eating or
(31:45):
taking or doing consistently really aligning with how I have
self respect or self value for my body? And this
value of an image again what I had as an
image of what my body and health should look like
atw It's not necessarily the same at fifty or when
you get into your seventies, Like your values that are
(32:06):
gonna shift a little bit. But maybe that deep underlying
process of what your interpretation of health is does align
with Am I safe? Am I secure? Am I loved?
Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I good? Am
I good enough? Am I personful? If you really break
it down, it's are they are you really getting this
deeper core need met? If you can take a step
(32:30):
back and just start off with taking responsibility for how
you're feeling. First of all, we so quickly put all
responsibility and ownership on a life outside of ourselves, a spouse,
a job, the person on the highway. Yeah, so quickly
(32:51):
to put it on other people. If we can just
compassionately turn that back around towards ourselves and say, why
does it make me so angry that red light turned
red right when I got to it? Or I don't
have this, so don't everybody's had a moment on the
highway you're frustrated or angry, and you think the gods
that be and the internal complex of the highway system
(33:15):
or the road system turned that light on just when
I got there because it knew I was running late
for work. But where where if you uncovered these things?
Is like what really upsets me? Like I'm not really
mad at that person for cutting me off. Maybe I'm
mad at that person because you threatened my safety, yeah,
or you know what I'm saying. So getting in digging
(33:36):
into those topical things and getting down to what your
values really are.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Yeah, I think there's so much that to identify these things.
However you do it, whether it's seven primal questions or
the Emotional Wheel or five elements, whatever tools you can develop.
And again, this is why this is all things good
for you. It's about this is about self reflection and
where we need to let go. But we need to
have a foundation of values to really have those dialed
(34:04):
in and identify those little cracks or those things that
are draining us or those identify the things that really
bring us energy, and to help fine tune and optimize
ourselves as much as we can to have the most
beautiful life that we can. Why we're here and the
am I and those things. I love that we don't
(34:25):
ask enough questions. I want to do a podcast literally
just on questions that we can ask ourselves. And I
think that Brendan has so many great questions in his journals,
and there's so many other people who have these amazing
questions that can help trigger or help us dive into
things a little bit deeper. But so whether it's seven
(34:48):
problem questions or open ended questions like what brings me
a sense of join and fulfillment? When do I feel
most like myself, what qualities do I admire and others
and why? Things like that can be a pool to
help you identify where you're not aligned with your values,
whether again, whether it's in relationships, whether it's in career,
(35:09):
whether it's in self thought, whether it's the way you're
just acting and showing up your behaviors. Whatever it is,
this I'm going to make a leap here. There's other
like little tell tale. So we talked about is it
giving the energy or is it draining you? Is there
stuff around? Am I avoiding it? Is their resistance? Is
there friction? Because usually again there's some things that aren't
(35:32):
aligned with values in your actions. But if you are
somebody who catches yourself judging a lot, or are a
little self righteous, that's usually a value issue. So there's
other kind of hallelujah things if you will. That's oh wait,
I was just judging this person in my head. What
(35:54):
is going on with that? There might be some issues
any just because it's in my head. That's still an action, right,
that's still a thought, that's still a behavior that's still
or whatever. So you might it might not come out
of my mouth, but it's in my head and so
if I catch myself thinking a certain way, I have
to stop and be like, wait, is that really aligned
(36:16):
with my values? And or is that a conditioned trait
or response based off of my past on how people
taught me to think or behave And my values aren't there,
But there's still some transition that has not My neuroplasticity
has not adopted these new things totally, and there's still
(36:37):
some lingering things that's important. That's important stuff to think of.
I'm just going to take if I can. I have
two quotes that I think I'd love to pop in
here that really tie into this. So this one is
from hat Magandhi. Your beliefs become your thoughts, become your words,
become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits
(36:57):
become your values, Your values become your destiny. Do you
like how I change my really get my intense intensity
right there?
Speaker 2 (37:04):
With that?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
And I think that again, like that? I love that.
This next quote i've never heard actually a quote from
Elvis Presley, and I saw this, I'm like, this is
great because we are here on this life, we're here
in this life, and we are having interactions. This is
not his quote and his teeing it up. Okay, And
so everything we do, everything we do, every person we
(37:27):
interact with, every experience, is our energy and is our actions.
And so we have to again look at our values.
So Elvis Presley's quota is values are like fingerprints. Nobody's
are the same, but you leave them all over everything
you do nice and I'm it's wait a second, yeah,
so we're all going to die in Chinese medicine. We
(37:48):
all have a gate of destiny, which is death. And
and what fingerprints are you leaving behind? What are those
actions believed? Did you live that life of coming from
your values? And it's okay, we're not going to be
one hundred percent, but if we keep striving and we
keep digging a little deeper, if you just looked at
my fingerprints, you're going to be like you can look
(38:10):
back and be like, Eh, Brian was a little bit
of a hypocrite. He didn't totally live a life totally
aligned with his values. Because we're not perfect. But we
have opportunities of where we make mistakes, of where we're
not doing acting or thinking from our values and we
say something we should have set her, We think something
that isn't aligned with our values, or we behave a
certain way that's not aligned in our values. It's okay.
(38:32):
Did I recognize those? Did I make some sort of attempt,
some sort of attempt to move beyond? Did I make
some sort of attempt to realign? Did I? Was there
a value that isn't true, that isn't right, that isn't whatever?
So what fingerprints are you leaving?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah? I love that. I like the fingerprint thing. I think.
Another good question, and if we did a podcast on
questions I have, I don't know, close to two to
three hundred questions written down from my coaching courses that
cann't be asked at different places. Though. We got plenty
of questions.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
But it's going to be a four hour podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
We're going Hooberman. We're going Hooberman style. One of my
favorite one is what emotion anger for your anxiety, happening,
et cetera. What emotion makes you feel the most? It's
a two part question, most in control and what emotion
(39:32):
makes you feel the most out of control?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Now, remember I only have four emotions.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
You can pick two. It's so easy.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Fear, sadness, joy. Maybe we need to after I read
let's I'll answer that after I finish reading the Berne
Brown's book and develop my other eighty emotions.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
And it's the I think it's easy to just go
through a quick list of values. Again, you gotta know,
it's amazing your values. You may overlap with a lot
of people, but it's also really interesting to talk about
people in your life and look at your top ten
values and then narrow that down because I'm guessing we
(40:14):
have some real core values that we live on a
regular basis. That is, I can't remember the number if
it's three, but the outer bank of those things is
probably closer to ten. But and you can have a
ton of things that you like that you appreciate it.
I'm not sure that maybe a few people out there
(40:35):
don't want to have patience as a value. Everybody's going
to be like, oh, of course everybody wants patience, But
do you really value patience because it's going to show
up on the things that you couldnsistently do or the
things that consistently irritate you or upset you if you
are not having if you really have a value of patience,
(40:56):
and yet you can look at your life and you
don't have patience or or you might like that, I mean,
can see the goodness in it, but it may not
be one of your true core values. That's what I'm saying.
Like sometimes when we really get down to our values,
it's a little uncomfortable because we have these ideas that
we should value this, but maybe in a core we
(41:16):
really don't.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
No, I like that. Yeah, yeah, there's an opportunity there
then that if you don't have that value, and if
it is something that you feel like you want to
be important or you want to adopt, then there is
and there is an opportunity to cultivate values too. Right,
So just because it doesn't you don't naturally just doesn't
(41:38):
pop up for you, can you make it about can
you have new values? Absolutely? I think you can cultivate values.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, oh absolutely, of course. Okay, perfect example. Maybe your
innate self being didn't have a value of patients when
you're in your twenties and you're just out having fun
and you don't need to have a lot of patience.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
With other people.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
And maybe as you get older, you get grandkids and
you realize or children wherever it sneaks in for you.
Maybe with your grandkids it finally sets in, Oh, man,
I need to have patience with these kids, and I
value what that wisdom and quietness can have wisdom as
a value, Then you really cultivate that patience because that
value personality or that value has come up in a
(42:22):
more of a prioritized place. But I do think that
we have these core innate things that we just believe
long term that is part of who we are, that
will always rise to the surface or dig deeper in
our life. That when we get a really good grasp
(42:45):
of what that is and how that looks like in
our life, what that value reflects in our life, and
then start to spot how we may not be aligning
with that, we can let go of behaviors, of choices,
of thinking, patterns of interactions. That may not be easy.
(43:05):
That if we really can see the direct line of
how this type of behavior, interaction, thought process, choice, whatever
is really pushing me away from my real deep, core value,
it might be a little easier to let something go
so that you can get back into alignment with what
you really truly value.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, and again getting back to that letting go it
can be hard, and we have to also have clarity
about what that thing is and so we were trying
to identify value and an alignment of actions of that value.
But also we need to really spend time and identify
(43:46):
the challenges to self value. What are those things in life?
Or is there issues with external validation with self worth
tied to other people's opinions or comparing other people's achievements
to your achievements and so forth, because that can become
a challenge to self value. And so that whole comparing
and I'm not this and they're this, and judging and whatever,
(44:08):
or the unhealed past experiences that can be very hard
to let go of of trauma and neglect and criticism
like those can be challenges. So identifying the alignment of
action and value and identifying challenges to our self value
and being able to like really dive into those little
hidden little things that are just tucked away and cultivating
(44:32):
a value that can help you let go. And the
more value you have, the easier it is to let go.
So in that circumstance, where can you Because you can
have a past trauma and this is not obviously a
counseling or anything like that here, but you can have
a past trauma and if you build value fuck, I
made it through that. I overcame. Look at how I've
(44:56):
look at how I've risen above that. I did not
become that. I did not let that eye make my identity.
I did not da da da das. So look how
I freaking celebrate that. And that's okay, that's in the past.
I want to let that go on moving on.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
So there's lots of opportunities and you can start again.
You can do the seven primal questions. You can do
like Tony Robbins has his six areas of what life
and focus that he believes of these certain areas, you
can start with just and then Brendan has I think
six as well, like uh, Tony's is like love, is
(45:33):
like relationship, time, like productivity, time management, like how you're
spending time, physical health and vitality, emotions meaning work, career
and finance, wealth, that kind of stuff. Those are all
like Tony's I think, and he gets into like novelty.
And you can start with picking some areas of your life.
(45:54):
I like six, Six is a good number if you
want to do five, but I think if we four,
you got four. And Brendan Bouchard's is health, relationship, career, finances, spirit, adventure.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
And fun.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
And if you take those areas, because one of the
things that makes it hard is again taking a breath
and a moment at a quiet space and reflecting on
what you think and how you are feeling in these
different areas of your life. If you took your base
question of the primal question and applied it to all
(46:32):
these six different areas from Brandan Bouchard or Tony Robbins
or whomever, if you just took those or the life
wheel and you ask yourself, how am I living to
get this question answered? If you have a value that
you are questioning or looking in, what's your value? Put
that in? How am I getting this value met in
my health and my relationship with my career, my finances,
(46:54):
my spiritual process, my fun and adventure? How am I
showing up with this deep value in these different areas?
And maybe just take a day a week to look
at different values. For the next month, pick four core
values and see how you show up in those areas
(47:15):
of your life. And just take five or ten minutes
at the beginning or end of your day and ask
where am I aligning or how am I not in
alignment with this value? In these areas of my life.
Over time, I think you start to see where maybe
your frustration, your lack of fulfillment, your anger, your self
(47:36):
defeating behavior patterns are showing up. Your saboteurs.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Your saboteurs, go get it, people, go get it. Yeah,
ask yourself the questions, find the opportunities, identify and get aligned.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
If you can't read a book, hire a therapist, hire coach,
work with somebody, make an impact on your life. If
you're listening to a self development podcast, guessing, unless you're
one of our parents, that you're not listening to this
to just hear our voices that you're looking for some
self development, some clarity, some resolution and insight into something.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
So yeah, evolution, time to grow, time to evolve. We
fingerprints are you leaving behind?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I love that?
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Thank you? I do too.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
I gonna have to wear gloves.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Oh, Elvis, Elvis, thank you for spending this time today, Amy,
I really appreciate it, and thank all of you for listening.
Oh so grateful for you taking the time to spend
this time. And I hope you stay tuned for our
four hour podcast coming up. We are not We will
have some potty breaks in there.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Okay, so you go and live out your values. We're
going to wrap it up. I know you're trying to close.
What tell me the values you're getting out of going
to spend time with Amy at a football game today?
Really got throw it out there, like you think it.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Is now the biggest thing. It's not about the football
game today. For me, it is about the time with
this human being that I chose to spend my life
with and just being there so to sit next to
her for three hours, and then we're meeting some friends
before and to be a part of the community and
connect and love the people that I love in my
life and spend that time. That's what I value from
(49:21):
the game. I love it, and I value that We're
going to kick the raiders.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
And I'm going to go and do a nice quick
hike and pick another friend's dog out because I value
friendship and showing up and being of service. And then
I'm going to go help my daughter do some painting.
And that's because I value my family and also another
act of time service together. And yeah, I value those
(49:47):
things of being a good human with good integrity and
service and love. So go out and pick a value
and emphasize it today. How can you align it?
Speaker 1 (49:56):
And if you value this podcast, which I value you
Amy and during this podcast, and if you really value
this podcast, please hit that like button, Please leave a review,
Please pass us on to friends, families, and maybe even
some strangers, and you just a.
Speaker 2 (50:12):
Random person for them. Please walk up to a random
person and say, hey, I got a podcast for you.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
Yeah, hey, hey, let's attach the QR code and make
sure the QR codes are too, just to make it
easier for everybody to still share the podcast. We'll share
that QR code in the note. I think there's a
way to do that. I'm sure I'm off here that
there's some other special way that it's just already attached.
But we'll make it easy for you to share.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
Share it all right, Brian, thank you for sharing this time.
And I value you and I value what we do.
And I hope you have a beautiful day with your
lovely bread. I adore back at you. All right, I
have a good one. Bye everybody.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Hey, friends, thank you for tuning in to the All
Things Good for You podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas,
or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only and not intended as medical advice. If anything
piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or personal
medical professional. And if you're enjoying all things good for
(51:16):
your podcast, pop on over and leave us a five
star review so we can continue delving in and providing
great content. Thanks again, and we hope you are inspired
to stay informed and responsible along your health and wellness
journey
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