November 4, 2024 • 48 mins
EP 88 Reframe and Let Go
In this episode of the 'All Things Good for You' podcast, hosts Amy Christensen and Brian Bowen delve into the complexities of dealing with failures and regrets. They discuss the importance of honest self-awareness, setting realistic expectations, and leveraging negative experiences as opportunities for growth. Drawing from personal anecdotes, they explore how letting go can lead to a more fulfilling and empowered life. Tune in for practical tips, a fail-forward framework, and inspiring quotes to help you navigate life's challenges.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview
01:07 Casual Conversation and Banter
02:50 Discussing Failures and Regrets
06:16 Mindset and Overcoming Challenges
10:03 Personal Stories and Reflections
21:56 Quotes and Final Thoughts
24:24 Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thoughts
25:21 Celebrating Success and Positive Moments
27:10 The Power of Gratitude and Reflection
29:10 Understanding and Overcoming Negative Patterns
31:31 Evaluating Value and Purpose in Life
34:01 Letting Go of the Past and Moving Forward
35:00 Practical Tips for Decluttering Your Life
40:45 Introducing the Fail Forward Framework
43:42 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
In this episode of the 'All Things Good for You' podcast, hosts Amy Christensen and Brian Bowen delve into the complexities of dealing with failures and regrets. They discuss the importance of honest self-awareness, setting realistic expectations, and leveraging negative experiences as opportunities for growth. Drawing from personal anecdotes, they explore how letting go can lead to a more fulfilling and empowered life. Tune in for practical tips, a fail-forward framework, and inspiring quotes to help you navigate life's challenges.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview
01:07 Casual Conversation and Banter
02:50 Discussing Failures and Regrets
06:16 Mindset and Overcoming Challenges
10:03 Personal Stories and Reflections
21:56 Quotes and Final Thoughts
24:24 Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thoughts
25:21 Celebrating Success and Positive Moments
27:10 The Power of Gratitude and Reflection
29:10 Understanding and Overcoming Negative Patterns
31:31 Evaluating Value and Purpose in Life
34:01 Letting Go of the Past and Moving Forward
35:00 Practical Tips for Decluttering Your Life
40:45 Introducing the Fail Forward Framework
43:42 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I ask these questions. Like you said, it's hard to
just say just let it go, because sometimes you just
it's not that easy, and you do have to ask yourself,
what are you getting out of holding onto this theme
or this process and this feeling. What is it really
reinforcing for you? What is the underlying place that it's
(00:28):
taking you to?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach, and.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and every day for a life well lived?
Let your curiosity flow with all.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Things Good for You.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Good morning, Brian, Good morning to you, and happy Happy Saturday.
Happy Saturday, post Halloween.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yes, post Halloween and the Eve of the fallback.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Oh shoot, I forgot about that.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I thought we were stopping this, thought we were not
going to do the time changes anymore. I thought we
voted that out.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's just to keep us of intrigue. We like drama
as human beings, and so it's just to keep us
on our toes. We talk about it and it sounds
like it gets voted out, but then it doesn't, and
you really don't even know because when it gets to
that phase, they brush it under the rug.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
So keep us going, keep us talking about this.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That way, we can just talk about the weather, time
change and gas prices.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And we can all get up at four am started
eating cereal or be up in the middle of the
night and it will make us all feel like we're
a little old people.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Well, okay, when we get to that point, let's just
have a conversation with each other. We will about can
you believe amy today is high? It's only going to be.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I don't know why they won't change time back. I
don't like it like this?
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Yeah, no care?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yeah, I remember when?
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Yes, you can't remember when? What?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
No, that'll be Those are good old people conversations.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I remember when. So I think Today is a funny,
funny podcast. And for those of you who are listening,
this podcast is called All Things Good for You, So
go back and listen to all of them if you're
just jumping in the first one because you might be
wondering what the hell's going on right now. But our
conversation today has to do around failures and regrets. And
we actually have already done this podcast, but we failed
(02:57):
to hit the record button. I was very regretful, or
just say it, and it was fire. I don't even
know what's going to happen on this one, but it
was so good. Oh my god, we'll see, we'll see
what happens. But because we know the frameworks to work with,
we did not let it break us down. We were
(03:17):
moving forward and we analyzed, and we went through all
the that we can't tell you all the tips and
tricks how you have to hang in there. But here
we are doing it again with smiles on our faces
and coffee in our hands.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Hey, but in all honesty, I get it. There's stuff.
We're both juggling a lot. And so it wasn't that
there wasn't a moment of complete meltdown and frustration, because
there was mostly on my part because that's my side
of things, and we were both super busy. It was
not that it was not irritating and frustrating and there
(03:51):
was just like some going on in there. Yeah, But
once we got that passed and said, okay, what are
we doing, how do we make it better? How do
we fix it? What do we need to do? Because
we're on we have a little bit of a deadline
and we've set a little bit of an expectation for
ourselves and this there was a little bit of a
kink in it, but we just had to say, Okay,
this is what it's going to require, and let's get
(04:13):
in and get it done.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
So we're not letting the fear stop us for future
attempts of moving forward. In this podcast, we do not
have any shame or embarrassment because.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
We've let that go. We don't have self doubt that
we can do this.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I have four things recording us this morning.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
We are amazing. We have motivation.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
And in the big scheme of it, even though it's
something that is important, but it's not like we had
to take I have to take a step back and
be like, Okay, we do this for fun. This is
not a cornerstone of our income and it's not gonna
take us down in some way. And so the frustrations
(05:00):
that we allow sometimes it's those little things that like
the final straw that broke the camel's back, that they
don't need to be.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
I've been getting crazy checks in the mail. You haven't
got a check in the mail.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You're getting checks in the mail? Wait? Wait, good, do
you have a mailbox?
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Still? Yeah? I do?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
So yeah, So all things good for you again for
those of you who are just tuning in, are about
all things good for you. So sometimes we chat about
mindset stuff and how to overcome things or how to
reframe things.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Sometimes we talk.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
About different services and things like that that you can
implement in your life. We're just trying to get people
curious to explore health, wellness, mindset, all things good for you.
So we've been talking a little bit in the theme,
a little bit of five element framework, and this is
the fall season, and fall season has a lot to
(05:53):
do with letting go, being able to really sense things
of value, what's valuable to you, what's not valuable to you,
and that sometimes that comes in the a sense and
of language that we have inside of our heads. Sometimes
it's behavior, sometimes it's people in our lives. Sometimes it's
(06:13):
whatever it is. And so we're continuing the conversation. If
you haven't listened to the one on value. If you
haven't listened to some of the other ones before this,
like the last three, you should.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Go back and listen to those.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
And we're picking up a little bit and tapping into
failure and regrets today and exploring what that means, how
that shows up in your lives, giving you some tricks
to overcome that. That's take it over, and you got this.
I'm gonna sit back and have coffee and I'm going
to listen to you.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Go all right.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I didn't realize I was the main focal point today,
but let me be you all now. I think, first
of all, just like what we just pointed out for
me personally, I believe that you can't just ignore the
reality of a situation. I don't believe in the whole
thing of don't name or no, don't say it or
it is what it is like. You can't do affirmations
(07:04):
and tell yourself that you are something that you absolutely
have no belief that you are. So you can't ignore
the reality. If you think something is a failure or
something as a regret or a frustration, I think you
have to name it. It's what you do with it
after that. Makes all the difference. We are human beings.
We have expectations, we have desires, we have wants, we
(07:26):
do things and there is are there things that don't
work out. There are things that you do that don't
go the way and you can label it a fail. Right,
what is a fail? And I know long ago we
talked a little bit about the topic of mindset around
failure and just how the children that were taught to
(07:47):
look at quote unquote failing something as a lesson and
a learning and an experiment and it was still a fail.
Like they did a project and it didn't go the
way it needed to go, and it didn't achieve the
thing that it was supposed to achieve, or they didn't
learn the thing they were supposed to learn. It failed.
But the fact that they could take that and look
(08:08):
at that as not a negative, not a shame, not
a definition of who they were or their abilities. It
was data, information and feedback. What do you do now?
It changed their entire trajectory on all of their life
but their academics and what they wanted to achieve in
their self esteem. So how do we take those things
(08:29):
in this place of letting things go and knowing that
we're going to have quote unquote failures, knowing that we're
going to do something that maybe didn't go very well,
or that we're disappointed, and that whole word of regret,
And that's another big one for me. I personally have
again a problem with folks who say they have no regrets,
(08:49):
because I think that is narcissistic sociopathic behavior. Matter, if
you don't have a regret, you are completely disconnected with
the lessons that life gives us. There's no way that
we're in this life as human beings and we don't
mess up. There's just no way. It's again, how are
you characterizing it? What is a regret something that you
(09:11):
did that was maybe you were unaware of how it
affected a situation, or you missed opportunity, But even in
that opportunity for growth and development and honoring that there's
a part of you. If you are a horrible person,
you don't have any regrets. So if you're having something
that you have a disappointment or you feel bad about,
(09:33):
then that is a message to yourself that you're actually
a good person, that there's something nice in there, there's
something of a desire that you want to do better
and that should be an encouragement to you. It's again,
what are you going to do with that feeling.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
It's amazing how some people when we think about like
genetic and epigenetic and all this stuff on is how
we're wired genetically, and the other one is the learned
behaviors and traits and neuro wiring from observation and people
around this and experiences. And I just think back to
taking my kid's skiing when they were younger. And I
(10:07):
have three kids, and all of us who have kids
will notice that kids are all different, but they come
from the same family. So you're just like, what's going
on here? Remember my kids skiing and my oldest love
her and she's amazing, and I remember her skiing and
falling and being like, I hate this, I suck at this,
I'm no good at this, I fail. I don't want
(10:27):
to ever do this again. And then my middle one
and my youngest they would just eat it and get
back up and they're like, that was epic and you
want to jump back up there and immediately do it again,
And I was like, that's freaking crazy. That's very interesting
how the interpretation of that experience was very different for
both of them, and the one key thing I think
(10:48):
about is my oldest ability. Two years later, we were
up with a big group of people and I was
so concerned, Oh my gosh, what are we going to
do with Bella? She's not going to ski and I
don't want her to. Like everybody else loves it so
much that was up there with us and had all
this language going through my head and just I'm like, hey,
love it if you want to do it, and supported her,
but it was really her friends who supported her and
(11:09):
encouraged her, and she got back up there and just
freaking conquered it and was so proud of herself. Some
people never get back up right. Some people don't have
that experience of getting back up. And it's just, again,
there's this amazing area of what happens in our brains
when we take it in and we have an experience,
how do we interpret it? What do we do with
(11:30):
that information? And there's a time and an opportunity to
pause and just reflect and be like, wait a second, Okay.
I felt like I hated that and I felt like
it sucked. But sometimes it just slam shut and it's
just there's no internal dialogue with it. But it's good
to stop and have that internal dialogue and decide what
do we do with that information? And so I'm super
(11:52):
proud of her for getting back up there because for
her to have that experience where she conquered it ankered
that fear just builds that foundation for her self esteem
and for her to want to get back up again
from something else that maybe she had an unpleasant experience
with and to help dissolve some of those other things.
(12:15):
And again, like she didn't have regrets for not going
up with everybody and spending the day and having all
those memories and experiences. So I just rambled for a
little bit, but again just genetically and epigenetically, like how
what are the influences that are influenced in us? And
how can we have an experience and not let it
(12:36):
define us? And how can we pause and interpret where
that comes from and think about it a little bit
and just freaking conquer it.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah, And again I think she like she didn't necessarily
go in with the expectation of becoming an expert skier either.
Maybe she did in the beginning, I don't know, but
our expectation of what we get from something has such
a big definition or a big role to play in
(13:03):
our interpretation of success or failure. My daughter also, I'm
a big skier, and my son and my daughter both
came up when they were older to ski and snowboard,
and my son did snowboarding. He did pretty good at it.
It was not his favorite thing either, but he did
it more and we did it a little bit more
(13:24):
adventurous than my daughter. My daughter decided that she just
liked the easy greens, and then in the end she
was like, if you want to go snowshoeing or cross
country skiing, I just don't like the feeling of going
downhill fast. And she's I don't mind going and making
a couple of runs. She said, it's not my favorite thing.
And if you want to spend a day together in
(13:45):
the snow, let's do it this way. I'm like, that's perfect.
But she would go and have the enjoyment. But for
her it wasn't a failure, Like she just realized it
was not something that really brought her a lot of
joy and meant fun. It was more scary and challenging
than she really wanted to do. So she just was like,
here's what we can do. I like this and I
(14:07):
like that, and then she knows I will go and
do just about anything with her in the snow. Your
expectations of yourself. If she had gone up and thought
that I needed her to be an expert skier and
skiing double black diamonds by the end of the season,
I think that probably would hurt a little bit more
we would have it would have ended in irritation and frustration.
So we get to look at how what we are
(14:28):
putting on ourselves and other people in our expectations. And
that's another trigger word for me, right, people who say
they don't have any expectations, no expectations, and no regrets
is literally, I think a psychopath. I don't know, so
I think we just have to again reframe those things
and look at how are we defining this, and in
(14:50):
the moment of frustration when something isn't going the way
we wanted to the way we thought it should, to
sit back and ask ourselves how what was our expectation?
Were those realistic? What did I do to actually fulfill
those expectations? Is there failure quote unquote in the mechanism
(15:11):
my expectation or my participation and the regret part is
really all about shame and going into the negative. You
can regret, like I said, you can regret something off
of the pin off the point of this didn't go
the way I wanted, or I'm disappointed in that I
(15:34):
didn't do this. But when you put it into the
context of who you are as an individual and that
growing going into the shame aspect of it, that's where
we tend to become more self critical. We become bitter
and anger angry, and you end up swirling in this
(15:57):
place of stagnation, or you just go forward with the
anger in general and you carry that with you into
other things.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Just to go back real quick to the psychopath, I
just have to comment on that because maybe, like some
people believe that another perspective, another mindset of this, it
is that letting go or sorry, is that expectations and
regrets for when you're striving for enlightenment.
Speaker 5 (16:23):
That is part of that process too.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
When you have none attachment, right, so you're either a
psychopath or your area or enlightened, but there's not any
space between.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, and you can't go. I think the whole thing
do we need to go in the definitions of no,
I'm just kidding sociopath. No, but I appreciate what you're
saying because that is true. It's not that, and I
can understand the pendulum swinging for people who aren't clinically
psychopath or sociopath or narcissist. I get it, But we do,
(16:53):
I think, have to be careful when we're striving in
society to get these new developments and these growth areas
where that becomes a trendy word and a trendy idea
of having no expectations and having no regrets. A lot
of people have adopted these because they heard a Hollywood
(17:13):
figure say something like this, and or they read a
book and they didn't really study the depths of it,
and they took it out of context. Because I think
most of the time, when we look at our wisdom teaching,
the expectations and regrets are all about how you are
utilizing them. And we have expectations. There's no way that
(17:35):
you don't have an expectation. It's just that you're probably
surrounding yourself in a lifestyle and interactions that reinforce your
unspoken expectation. And when something comes in that's not in
your control or not how you designed, then you put
up a barrier or a wall possibly, but.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
I think we're just jumped into a whole another podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Going. But in the way it is because we can
have The whole. Thing that we're talking about today is
how do we let go of something? Right? Letting go
of the things that upset you or frustrate or bring
you distressed or feelings or that keep you burdened and
(18:20):
heavy and unhealthy in your mindset and your choices, Like,
how do we let go of those things? And I
think if we don't look at the things that bring
us frustration and anxiety or regrets or disappointment, and those
things we label as failure, how have we designed our
world that we are so overprotected from feeling anything that
(18:45):
we've classified as a failure or a regret, that we
don't have quote unquote any expectations. But we've created such
a world of lack of interaction and we're actually cause
pain to other people. We cause lack of experiences in
our life because we're trying to create this perfect little bubble.
(19:06):
If you want to live in a bubble, I would
think that's great, But we all know the story of
the bubble man, right. I guess if you want to
live in a bubble. You can if you want to
live your life in such a safe, protected space that
you don't experience other things. My personal experience, my personal opinion,
and what I've seen from so many other people is
that when that happens, you actually end up finding yourself
(19:30):
sad and alone and in regret anyway, So we have to,
I believe, get into a place where you look at failure, regret,
and expectation in that middle of the pendulum, like how
do we protect ourselves and let go of things and
not be attached to stuff when it happens, but also
learn from it and grow from it and create an
understanding of not everything it will go our way, but
(19:54):
we can grow from that and we can have a
better experience through those Uncomfortableness, through the uncomfortable, that's through
the pushing through in the challenges. I think that's there
to really grow to be enlightened.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Yeah, I think there's there's a lot of ingredients and
it's easy to say let go. Working with patients all
the time, there's so much conversation around letting go of stuff,
whether it's family experiences, relationships.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Jobs, like what there's so that it's such.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
A big arena, and people really hold on and they
overthink and they, you know, hold tight to some of
this stuff. And it's easy to say, you got to
let go of that, you got to move on from that,
you gotta that was in the past.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Here you are.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
And it's easy to say that, but it does to
some of the ingredients. You have to have some courage, right,
You have to have some courage to be able to
look at it for what it is, to step into
that and be able to ask the right questions to yourself.
You have to have some compassion to yourself. Like we
all eat shit, just like my daughter going down that
ski hill. We're all gonna eat shit sometimes and it's
what do you do with that? And I think we
(20:56):
forget sometimes that we are all human beings that all
have the same experiences and it doesn't matter. Some of
the some billionaires in the world have failed many times
over and over and when it comes to financial and
business stuff, and clearly there's people in relationships, but then
(21:16):
they continue on, they push, they let that evolution pull
them forward and they don't quit, and then they end
up having a successful business or they end up having
a successful relationship. If you have a failed relationship, and
you do not look at what the ingredients of that,
where you don't have the courage to own some of
the stuff that you participated in, or you don't have
(21:38):
the compassion to give yourself a little bit of grace,
or you don't have the patience, whatever it is. You
can get stuck in that easily. But we're all humans
and we all have these shared experiences. But it's like,
how can we learn from them? How can we grow
from them? I'm just going to throw a couple of
quotes out real quick. I love some of these, so
(22:01):
I couldn't pick one, so I picked four. But there's
this one is failure is not falling down, but refusing
to get up Chinese proverb. Our greatest glory is not
in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
Confucius.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
The only real mistake is the one from which we
learn nothing.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
Henry Ford, I picked five.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Every adversity, every failure, every headache. I'm gonna switch that out.
Every regret carries with it the seed of an equal
or greater benefit. And another one is I've failed over
and over again in my life, and that is why
I succeed. Michael Jordan, and just to I have I
(22:47):
broke myself many times with failures. I've had some business failures,
I've had personal failures. I've had, just like many of us,
a combination of stuff. And of course this is always
relative to somebody else's story. But no matter what your
story is, and no matter how bad somebody else's can be,
or their failures appear bigger, whatever it is, it's relative.
(23:08):
And those experiences and feelings are very real. And I
remember just getting this just continuously. It was like one
thing after another that I just situations I put myself in,
and I definitely had regrets, and I definitely was disappointed,
and I felt shamed and embarrassed, and I had self doubt,
and I had all these saboteur languages popping up in
(23:31):
my brain.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
And then finally I had enough. And now when.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Something happens, whether it's an employee that drops a bomb
on me, or an unforeseen business situation that occurs, or
something my.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Kids, I stop.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
And the first trigger now in my mind is there's
an opportunity here. Like the first thing before, I'm like,
well not again, some of the old language out here.
Speaker 5 (23:59):
I go again. I get a roll with the punches.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 4 (24:02):
I didn't see that coming, even though I do want
to make that T shirt, because I didn't see that
coming as something I've said over and over, and that's
not like a good language to adopt, and so a
better language is oh hm, that's interesting now, I just
that's interesting.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
What do I do with that?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
I don't react for twenty four hours, or I try
not to. It's harder with my kids, though, and then
I just stop it. I'm like, Okay, there's an opportunity here.
What is that opportunity? But that repetitive language of regret,
the repetitive language of the self Sabogeur thoughts just continue
(24:38):
to create a pattern, and you do have to practice
practice a new language of kind of a new chapter
of Okay, this is this is, this chapter's close this,
I'm moving on to the next thing, or what's the
opportunity here? Or how can I redirect this focus to
something else? And we practice so much this. I think,
(25:01):
as you can see on the news right and the
things that we watch, it's easier to hang on to
the things with the big negative to it, the big,
the heavier energy, and we spend more time wallering in
that sewage of thought patterns, and we spend very little
time celebrating and wallering in the feelings of something successful
(25:27):
or an achievement. And I just taught a class a
couple of weeks ago in Toronto, and it was freaking
amazing and like the energy was so awesome and like
it was so yummy. And then you a couple of weeks,
like all of a sudden, that energy is like fading,
and we get caught up in the other things, like
now it's the election stuff, and it's like I've shifted
that energy and I'm like, no, don't do that. It's like,
(25:48):
how can we spend more time in the champagne and
the bubbliness and the funness of all that other stuff
and really let that repetition of feeling and let that
repetition language start to really shape us and to help
pull us forward and help us dissolve that dark energy
of that negativeness of some of this other stuff and
(26:11):
be like, this is who I am now, this is
where I'm at, this is what it feels like, this
is what I want, this is where I'm going. Screw
everything else, all those past experiences there in the past
this is.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Who I am. I'm going to conquer.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I am amazing, I am of Let go of that
embarrassment or self doubt or shame or frustration, and let's
move forward.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Baby.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Yeah, all good, All those are all good things as
good for you. I think the things that stand out
for me, and that is like the neuro pathways, right,
we're designed. We obviously pay more attention to the things
that are negative because they're usually threatening and we're just
to survive and stay alive, and we're going to focus
(26:54):
on those negative warning signs. It makes a bigger impact.
Quicker your hand on a stove versus seeing a field
full of beautiful flowers is going to hit different neuropathways.
It's going to hit different chemical releases in your body.
I think now we have the ability to create a
(27:16):
habit of savoring our happy moments. That's so I think
gratitude journals and daily reflection and really creating imagery in
our mind. I remember the first time I successfully quote
unquote pizza fried down a hill with a couple of
little hilly bumps in it and didn't fall. And my
(27:36):
boyfriend at the time that taught me to ski, who's
still a very good friend of mine was at the
bottom yelling, you got it, baby, you can ski. You're
a skier, and you got it. And it was such
a great and I remember the weather, I remember my
what ski gear I was in, I remember going up
and having a beer after. I remember like just the
(27:59):
feeling of six and then also sharing that with somebody
that I cared deeply for, and the true and honest
happiness that he had for somebody else winning something. And
I have savored that moment so many times, and even
though I have since skied. Kolars and deep coolars are
the little narrow shoots that go off of a really
(28:20):
steep mountain they have to hike up to. And I'm
not an expert skier. I'm pretty darn I'm pretty darn good,
we'll say that. And some seasons I'm much better than others.
And I remember my first really great, challenging ski run,
but nothing quite hits it like that very first run
(28:41):
that I made, in those moments that I shared with
a friend. If we train our brain to remember those moments,
and we train our habits to reflect on those moments,
it gets easier and easier. And I think it is
all about a chemical process in the body, maybe not
all about it, but largely contributed to the feelings that
(29:02):
we are used to having and the chemical reaction in
our body that we are familiar with that we enjoy
and sadly, I think there's a large portion of our
world that is trained on a regular basis. Whether it
was because they had that feeling so often in childhood
or throughout life it just became repetitive on the way
(29:23):
that they thought about a scenario, or they were truly
in a dangerous threat scenario that your body chemically becomes
addicted to that feeling being your norm. It's that thing
of you'll stay in the chaos rather than change that
chaos for something that you don't know, even if that's
something you don't know is very likely to be better
(29:44):
and to relieve you from the chaos of pain. We
will tend, as human beings to stay in a feeling
of familiarity, no matter what it is, so we can
create a habit for ourselves to steer away from the
negative thinking, the trauma thinking, the fear thinking, and train
ourselves to look at those happy moments, find ways to
(30:07):
remember and recreate down to the smell, the lighting, the feeling,
the laughter, all of it. Like as much content as
you can put into those happy moments and write them
down and relive them occasionally. And I know some people
out there are probably going, yeah, but that makes me
sad to think about those happy moments that aren't anymore,
(30:30):
And I don't. I have a hard time relating with
that a little bit. But I think you can ask
yourself in that scenario, why are you restricting that feeling
to that moment? Because if you look back at a
happy moment and it brings you sadness, you might be
(30:51):
missing it. You might be thinking, and a limited thinking
that will never happen again. And I get it that
maybe that particular moment with this particular person in that
particular si Anario may never happen again, but those moments
can happen again, and those feelings that you had in
those moments and those experiences can be recreated in another way.
And I guess it's like that thing of what's the
(31:12):
old saying of was it better to be loved than
to have never loved at all? Some people would say
you're risking pain, But yet if you don't risk for
that pain, how even if you only had love one time.
Doesn't it make life wonderful that you had that experience?
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yeah, I want to jump into just thinking about as
I was listening to, I think that sometimes when we're
stuck in that space it's awesome because we just don't
have enough.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
Purpose or there's remember of metal element.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Just to tie back into the five element framework, here
is also about value and there's what's called RWID relative
weight of importance and duration.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
And so the thing that you doing that you had that.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Experience in where there was a sense of failure or
lack of accomplishment, Like, what is the relative weight of
the importance of that and the time spent? So how
much value in that thing or in that project, or
in that career or in that relationship do you really have?
Speaker 5 (32:21):
And it's a.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Good time to pause and think about that, because ideally,
if you have a lot of value in.
Speaker 5 (32:29):
It, there's.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
You're going to have more drive to push through some
of those challenges, some of those speed bumps. Right, And
so maybe, and this is just an example, maybe you're
not pushing through it or you're getting frozen because really
you don't have as much value for that. That's not
driving you via purpose to be able to want to
stop and analyze where things are going wrong or what
(32:58):
lessons or what you done or how could you do
it different or pivot in whatever way you need to.
So it's a good time to take stock on really,
because I think sometimes we hold on to experiences or
we hold on to things that we're doing, and if
you stop, it's like there's really I just don't actually
value it as much as I think it's let go
(33:19):
of it, right, because the metal element again is about
identifying and holding on to the things that give us value,
that are valuable to us, and letting go of the
things that don't have value anymore. And so stop and
just maybe check in with yourself about whatever that experience is.
(33:40):
Because if you're holding on to something like from your
childhood and you've already learned your lessons or you haven't
learned whatever, what value is there right now as a
fifty year old man to still hold on to that
like it If you haven't got your lessons after thirty
five years of that, then.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
You need to really look at that.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
But so I'm just stopping and taking stock of what
value is there in that thing, to see what the
purpose or how it's aligning with the purpose and who
you are today and what do you do with that information?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
And then you need to let go of the things.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
That aren't that don't have the value just and that
can help you let go because if you realize you
don't really value it, then it can help you let
go of it.
Speaker 5 (34:26):
Again. I think it's easy.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Like you're cleaning your closet right and it's like your
closet's just overflowing with stuff and it's almost gives you
anxiety to walk into your closet right And I'm using
a real example right now of my closet and it's hard. Oh,
I might fit in this shirt someday, or.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
What if the eighties do come back and I might
want to wear this?
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Or what about if there's a themed party and you
stop and you're like, okay, actually, I don't even that color.
Speaker 5 (34:56):
I don't value that. Clearly, it's here and it's easier
to let go of.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Is just a stupid little example that can trickle down
to everything in our lives when it comes to understanding
taking stock of relative weight, of importance and duration. How
much time and energy am I putting into this thing
that I don't value? And is it moving you forward,
is it holding you back? Is it causing a leak?
Cheat a leak? Or is it cultivating energy? Where do
(35:21):
you do with it?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah? And I know, I think the closet is a
perfect example because I think a lot of people want
to deal with that. And it was funny because I
just had a conversation with a friend about the need
to hold onto things and getting rid of things and
just letting stuff go. And if you put it in
a box or if it's piled up, if you haven't
worn it, how long? Like how many of those do
(35:46):
you really need? Can is it easily replaceable if you
let this go? And I have a friend that I
had paid on a storage unit because they downsized and
they have to storage unit for seven years, And I
was like, how much you've been paying on that for
seven years? To be like calculate up? Could you have
replaced almost everything in there that you were holding on
(36:09):
to in case you got a bigger place.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
They were hoping to be on like the road show
one day or like the storage storage unit's broken into
And it's.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Because I get it, Yeah, And I get some of
it's emotional attachment and some of it is good memories,
and I'm thinking rationally, my brain goes, is it something
that you actually will utilize? And if it's just the memory,
can you take a picture of it put in a book.
That is the way I operate, But I and I
get that other people don't, so I ask these questions.
It's like you said, it's hard to just say just
(36:37):
let it go, because sometimes you just it's not that easy,
and you do have to ask yourself what are you
getting out of holding onto this thing or this process
and this feeling. What is it really reinforcing for you?
What is the underlying place that it's taking you to?
(36:57):
And then when you look at it in reality, did
you have a hope or an expectation a desire from
this scenario, this project, this job, this relationship, this adventure, whatever?
Did you have an underlying desire that you thought this
thing would give you That it's really not and you've
(37:19):
gotten caught up in the idea the label of this
thing being the thing, but it's not, and you just
need to let that place go, that process go. But
you don't have to let go of your desires and
your wants from what you were hoping to get from it.
It's maybe you need to let that label thing go
and move it to a different process and get what
(37:39):
you truly were wanting from the thing in the first place.
Speaker 5 (37:45):
Put down what's your carrium.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Eventually one of the podcasts he's going to hear it.
I'm able to do all of these things. It always
comes back to how are you building in your time
of compassionate self awareness and honest awareness like not when
a lot of times again you can do that pendulum
swing where you do compassion where you either just create
a fake bubble not being honest with yourself and having
(38:12):
some hard truths out of compassion and not shame. And
look at what you're doing and what you're choosing and
why what is it that ultimately you really would be
happy with? And how do you need to reframe, relabel
and move forward with something.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
Yeah, it's hard to me, and that's I'm saying it's
hard because that's what is the true experience with people.
It's really hard to let's go some of these things.
And the ego is I have a struggling business and
it's it took me a minute for the ego takes
a punch really hard and fast, but honestly, like my
value and where my time and energy is being spent
(38:50):
is not in this place. And from just a pure
non egoic perspective and just finances and numbers, like what
I need to do is totally shift and go all in.
But it's so hard when I have so many other
things that I'm that I really value more that I'm
putting my time and energy in. And so it's like
what do you do with that information? And there is
(39:11):
of course a sense of my God, I've put ten
years into this and it's painful, and not just you
know what you could lose, what you're giving up, but
the potential.
Speaker 5 (39:21):
There's all that stuff.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Again, I was like Brendan's lost pain, process pain and
so forth has three pains is hard. And I think
that to keep it simple, to keep it really simple,
and I do have a framework I'd love to share,
but to keep it simple, you do have to have
some courage. You do have to love what you said,
honest awareness, and I think that is hard because the
(39:44):
ego con taint those waters and make it really murky
to have clarity, to really have honest awareness.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Right now, I can say, am I going to use
this as a catalyst to grow Or Am I going
to use this for an opportunity to beat myself up more?
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Yeah? But again that's why it's passed. What value does
this have? None? Very little? What's how much time? Energy? Okay,
here's where it really is.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Put it in its place and kick it out the
back door, don't and then let something more beautiful in
your front door.
Speaker 5 (40:15):
That's a pretty good metaphor. Do I like that?
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Bring them new energy, bring the yummy stuff in your
front door, through everything else out the back door.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
Do you care if I share a framework real quick?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I love frameworks. Throw it out there.
Speaker 5 (40:26):
Let's go.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Okay, all right, I gotta take my son. He's just
really excited. He's on his last day of getting his
drivers permit. So watch out world, here comes another fifteen
year old on the road.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
All on how we look at it could be frightening
and scary, or it could be exciting and wonderful.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Okay, So here there's two frameworks.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
I'm just gonna give you this one because I like
the energy that it brings just by the name of it,
and so it's fail fail, but it's a fail forward
framework and I just like that because fail automatically brings
up that energy of holding back, of stagnation, of right
(41:08):
not moving forward. So I liked it's just to counter it, immediately,
counter that energy with forward fail forward framework. So F
is for face the facts. You got to just stop
acknowledge and separate your emotions. Put your ego in check.
Separate your emotions from the facts. What went wrong, Take
(41:29):
a clear look at the situation and the events and
actions that contributed to everything. So to separate the motions
from it. So take a pause, stop, face the fact,
separate the motions. What's up? The A is for analyze
the lesson? So again step back what ask yourself? What
did you learn from it? How did this experience? Can
(41:51):
it how can it shape your future? Pinpoint areas of
opportunities for improvement? Where can you pay it? What can
you add? Again looking at strategy plan, I think it's
important did you not have a plan?
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Did you not have a strategy? Did you have poor execution?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Where?
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Again, in that lesson is their opportunity. I is for
implement a new plan for improvement. Set some goals like
again what did you not do before? Where you can
put together a better plan. And again all this is
after you've looked at does this have the value in
my life that I need to put the relative weight,
importance and duration in and realistically set those goals and
(42:33):
put them together step by step, start putting your strategy together.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
And then the L is for let go and leverage.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
So I think this is a really big piece out
of this is just being able to let go of
the lingering effects that from that gut punch, right, and
letting go of the shame and regret. So, like my
business downtown, I'm not going to let that gut punch
stop me from building something else from something that maybe
(43:01):
gives me more joy or more energy. So you got
to let go of the gut punches. You gotta look
at the failure as an opportunity, a lesson, not just
a dead end, and and find those areas of opportunities
and switch that mindset, leverage the experience from that. What
(43:21):
have you learned from? Where's the opportunity? Was it not
in my wheelhouse? Do I need to shift?
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Is there? Did I not invest enough time? Energy? Was
my passion out there? Whatever it was? So that is
the fail forward framework.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Yeah, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
So for everybody listening again. This podcast is all thing
it's good for you. Where is there something in your
life that has a lingering feeling of disappointment, frustration, shame, rats,
loss of motivation?
Speaker 5 (44:03):
Is there an experienced situation?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
Is there that you're that you've been holding on to
that it's just time to let go of. This is
an opportunity right now is an opportunity. Sorry, I have
so many kids at my house right now on my
dogs round. Here's your opportunity to let it out.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Yeah. I love it and I like the framework. I
think it's a perfect way to just walk yourself through
the reality. Like you said, ask yourself one getting really
real on the facts. And one of the formats that
I love is the Byron Katie format of asking is
(44:46):
what are the real what's the reality? Is it one
hundred percent true? And then asking yourself outside of the
Byron Katie you can go check out her work, they'll work,
but is it one percent true? And then how are
you acting out of that? Are you acting out of fear?
Are you acting out of faith? Are you acting out
(45:08):
of honoring and growth? Are you acting out of reinforcing
old patterns of sabotage? What is staying in this framework
or thought process of this is a failure or you're
in something that you can't let go and it's keeping
you in this fear of failure and regret. What is
that reinforcing for you? Where have you seen this in
(45:29):
the past? What did it teach you? Did you overcome it?
Finding ways that you have one over a failure in
the past, what you learned from and rebuilt from or
learn better and grew from, And how do you apply
those past experiences to the experience that you might be
going through today. But all of it, like we said,
(45:49):
starts with that good and honest awareness with what's really happening,
What do you really want and what would it feel
like if you were to let it go? Even if
you don't, if you can't, just imagine for a moment,
if that wasn't a problem. Do you let go of
the thing, the process, or your expectation and control around
(46:09):
the process. How does that change what you're living in?
All right, Brian and kids and dogs and drivers lessons
and I have a day of clients, so we will
wrap up this lovely conversation of fear and regret and
failure and regret. That is a good thing.
Speaker 5 (46:32):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Thank you Amy, and thank everybody for tuning in today
and spending your time with us. I know there's so
many other things that you could do. So if you're
listening to this, I appreciate you valuing this podcast to
implement in your day and giving us and sharing your
time with us. So I appreciate it. Share this podcast
(46:55):
and all the podcasts with any friends, family members, or
even me, be just random strangers. That's okay too, like us,
leave us a review. Do all the things you're supposed
to do. I'm so not into the social media world
and stuff. I don't know if there's we still liking?
Are there still likes or is there a new word
for things now or smiley faces? Do all the things
(47:16):
that you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Just do the one where the guy walks up and
gives people little love notes and just says nice encouraging
things to random strangers. Just start you guys, all write
these podcasts down on a little note card and start
handing the random strangers that would There we go, everybody happy,
all right? Brian, good luck with thank you the last
(47:40):
Driver's ed Day, and congratulations on launching a third into
the world and everybody have a populous day, Happy Saturday.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Bye, Hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the
All Things Good for You podcast.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Please note, any information, experiences, ideas.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only, and not intended as medical advice.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
If anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor
or personal medical professional. And if you're enjoying All Things
Good for Your podcast, hoop on over and leave us
a five star review so we can continue delving in
and providing great content. Thanks again, and we hope you
are inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health
and wellness journey.
I ask these questions. Like you said, it's hard to
just say just let it go, because sometimes you just
it's not that easy, and you do have to ask yourself,
what are you getting out of holding onto this theme
or this process and this feeling. What is it really
reinforcing for you? What is the underlying place that it's
(00:28):
taking you to?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach, and.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and every day for a life well lived?
Let your curiosity flow with all.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Things Good for You.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Good morning, Brian, Good morning to you, and happy Happy Saturday.
Happy Saturday, post Halloween.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yes, post Halloween and the Eve of the fallback.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Oh shoot, I forgot about that.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I thought we were stopping this, thought we were not
going to do the time changes anymore. I thought we
voted that out.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's just to keep us of intrigue. We like drama
as human beings, and so it's just to keep us
on our toes. We talk about it and it sounds
like it gets voted out, but then it doesn't, and
you really don't even know because when it gets to
that phase, they brush it under the rug.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
So keep us going, keep us talking about this.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That way, we can just talk about the weather, time
change and gas prices.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And we can all get up at four am started
eating cereal or be up in the middle of the
night and it will make us all feel like we're
a little old people.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Well, okay, when we get to that point, let's just
have a conversation with each other. We will about can
you believe amy today is high? It's only going to be.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I don't know why they won't change time back. I
don't like it like this?
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Yeah, no care?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yeah, I remember when?
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Yes, you can't remember when? What?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
No, that'll be Those are good old people conversations.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I remember when. So I think Today is a funny,
funny podcast. And for those of you who are listening,
this podcast is called All Things Good for You, So
go back and listen to all of them if you're
just jumping in the first one because you might be
wondering what the hell's going on right now. But our
conversation today has to do around failures and regrets. And
we actually have already done this podcast, but we failed
(02:57):
to hit the record button. I was very regretful, or
just say it, and it was fire. I don't even
know what's going to happen on this one, but it
was so good. Oh my god, we'll see, we'll see
what happens. But because we know the frameworks to work with,
we did not let it break us down. We were
(03:17):
moving forward and we analyzed, and we went through all
the that we can't tell you all the tips and
tricks how you have to hang in there. But here
we are doing it again with smiles on our faces
and coffee in our hands.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Hey, but in all honesty, I get it. There's stuff.
We're both juggling a lot. And so it wasn't that
there wasn't a moment of complete meltdown and frustration, because
there was mostly on my part because that's my side
of things, and we were both super busy. It was
not that it was not irritating and frustrating and there
(03:51):
was just like some going on in there. Yeah, But
once we got that passed and said, okay, what are
we doing, how do we make it better? How do
we fix it? What do we need to do? Because
we're on we have a little bit of a deadline
and we've set a little bit of an expectation for
ourselves and this there was a little bit of a
kink in it, but we just had to say, Okay,
this is what it's going to require, and let's get
(04:13):
in and get it done.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
So we're not letting the fear stop us for future
attempts of moving forward. In this podcast, we do not
have any shame or embarrassment because.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
We've let that go. We don't have self doubt that
we can do this.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I have four things recording us this morning.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
We are amazing. We have motivation.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
And in the big scheme of it, even though it's
something that is important, but it's not like we had
to take I have to take a step back and
be like, Okay, we do this for fun. This is
not a cornerstone of our income and it's not gonna
take us down in some way. And so the frustrations
(05:00):
that we allow sometimes it's those little things that like
the final straw that broke the camel's back, that they
don't need to be.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
I've been getting crazy checks in the mail. You haven't
got a check in the mail.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You're getting checks in the mail? Wait? Wait, good, do
you have a mailbox?
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Still? Yeah? I do?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
So yeah, So all things good for you again for
those of you who are just tuning in, are about
all things good for you. So sometimes we chat about
mindset stuff and how to overcome things or how to
reframe things.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Sometimes we talk.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
About different services and things like that that you can
implement in your life. We're just trying to get people
curious to explore health, wellness, mindset, all things good for you.
So we've been talking a little bit in the theme,
a little bit of five element framework, and this is
the fall season, and fall season has a lot to
(05:53):
do with letting go, being able to really sense things
of value, what's valuable to you, what's not valuable to you,
and that sometimes that comes in the a sense and
of language that we have inside of our heads. Sometimes
it's behavior, sometimes it's people in our lives. Sometimes it's
(06:13):
whatever it is. And so we're continuing the conversation. If
you haven't listened to the one on value. If you
haven't listened to some of the other ones before this,
like the last three, you should.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Go back and listen to those.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
And we're picking up a little bit and tapping into
failure and regrets today and exploring what that means, how
that shows up in your lives, giving you some tricks
to overcome that. That's take it over, and you got this.
I'm gonna sit back and have coffee and I'm going
to listen to you.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Go all right.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I didn't realize I was the main focal point today,
but let me be you all now. I think, first
of all, just like what we just pointed out for
me personally, I believe that you can't just ignore the
reality of a situation. I don't believe in the whole
thing of don't name or no, don't say it or
it is what it is like. You can't do affirmations
(07:04):
and tell yourself that you are something that you absolutely
have no belief that you are. So you can't ignore
the reality. If you think something is a failure or
something as a regret or a frustration, I think you
have to name it. It's what you do with it
after that. Makes all the difference. We are human beings.
We have expectations, we have desires, we have wants, we
(07:26):
do things and there is are there things that don't
work out. There are things that you do that don't
go the way and you can label it a fail. Right,
what is a fail? And I know long ago we
talked a little bit about the topic of mindset around
failure and just how the children that were taught to
(07:47):
look at quote unquote failing something as a lesson and
a learning and an experiment and it was still a fail.
Like they did a project and it didn't go the
way it needed to go, and it didn't achieve the
thing that it was supposed to achieve, or they didn't
learn the thing they were supposed to learn. It failed.
But the fact that they could take that and look
(08:08):
at that as not a negative, not a shame, not
a definition of who they were or their abilities. It
was data, information and feedback. What do you do now?
It changed their entire trajectory on all of their life
but their academics and what they wanted to achieve in
their self esteem. So how do we take those things
(08:29):
in this place of letting things go and knowing that
we're going to have quote unquote failures, knowing that we're
going to do something that maybe didn't go very well,
or that we're disappointed, and that whole word of regret,
And that's another big one for me. I personally have
again a problem with folks who say they have no regrets,
(08:49):
because I think that is narcissistic sociopathic behavior. Matter, if
you don't have a regret, you are completely disconnected with
the lessons that life gives us. There's no way that
we're in this life as human beings and we don't
mess up. There's just no way. It's again, how are
you characterizing it? What is a regret something that you
(09:11):
did that was maybe you were unaware of how it
affected a situation, or you missed opportunity, But even in
that opportunity for growth and development and honoring that there's
a part of you. If you are a horrible person,
you don't have any regrets. So if you're having something
that you have a disappointment or you feel bad about,
(09:33):
then that is a message to yourself that you're actually
a good person, that there's something nice in there, there's
something of a desire that you want to do better
and that should be an encouragement to you. It's again,
what are you going to do with that feeling.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
It's amazing how some people when we think about like
genetic and epigenetic and all this stuff on is how
we're wired genetically, and the other one is the learned
behaviors and traits and neuro wiring from observation and people
around this and experiences. And I just think back to
taking my kid's skiing when they were younger. And I
(10:07):
have three kids, and all of us who have kids
will notice that kids are all different, but they come
from the same family. So you're just like, what's going
on here? Remember my kids skiing and my oldest love
her and she's amazing, and I remember her skiing and
falling and being like, I hate this, I suck at this,
I'm no good at this, I fail. I don't want
(10:27):
to ever do this again. And then my middle one
and my youngest they would just eat it and get
back up and they're like, that was epic and you
want to jump back up there and immediately do it again,
And I was like, that's freaking crazy. That's very interesting
how the interpretation of that experience was very different for
both of them, and the one key thing I think
(10:48):
about is my oldest ability. Two years later, we were
up with a big group of people and I was
so concerned, Oh my gosh, what are we going to
do with Bella? She's not going to ski and I
don't want her to. Like everybody else loves it so
much that was up there with us and had all
this language going through my head and just I'm like, hey,
love it if you want to do it, and supported her,
but it was really her friends who supported her and
(11:09):
encouraged her, and she got back up there and just
freaking conquered it and was so proud of herself. Some
people never get back up right. Some people don't have
that experience of getting back up. And it's just, again,
there's this amazing area of what happens in our brains
when we take it in and we have an experience,
how do we interpret it? What do we do with
(11:30):
that information? And there's a time and an opportunity to
pause and just reflect and be like, wait a second, Okay.
I felt like I hated that and I felt like
it sucked. But sometimes it just slam shut and it's
just there's no internal dialogue with it. But it's good
to stop and have that internal dialogue and decide what
do we do with that information? And so I'm super
(11:52):
proud of her for getting back up there because for
her to have that experience where she conquered it ankered
that fear just builds that foundation for her self esteem
and for her to want to get back up again
from something else that maybe she had an unpleasant experience
with and to help dissolve some of those other things.
(12:15):
And again, like she didn't have regrets for not going
up with everybody and spending the day and having all
those memories and experiences. So I just rambled for a
little bit, but again just genetically and epigenetically, like how
what are the influences that are influenced in us? And
how can we have an experience and not let it
(12:36):
define us? And how can we pause and interpret where
that comes from and think about it a little bit
and just freaking conquer it.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah, And again I think she like she didn't necessarily
go in with the expectation of becoming an expert skier either.
Maybe she did in the beginning, I don't know, but
our expectation of what we get from something has such
a big definition or a big role to play in
(13:03):
our interpretation of success or failure. My daughter also, I'm
a big skier, and my son and my daughter both
came up when they were older to ski and snowboard,
and my son did snowboarding. He did pretty good at it.
It was not his favorite thing either, but he did
it more and we did it a little bit more
(13:24):
adventurous than my daughter. My daughter decided that she just
liked the easy greens, and then in the end she
was like, if you want to go snowshoeing or cross
country skiing, I just don't like the feeling of going
downhill fast. And she's I don't mind going and making
a couple of runs. She said, it's not my favorite thing.
And if you want to spend a day together in
(13:45):
the snow, let's do it this way. I'm like, that's perfect.
But she would go and have the enjoyment. But for
her it wasn't a failure, Like she just realized it
was not something that really brought her a lot of
joy and meant fun. It was more scary and challenging
than she really wanted to do. So she just was like,
here's what we can do. I like this and I
(14:07):
like that, and then she knows I will go and
do just about anything with her in the snow. Your
expectations of yourself. If she had gone up and thought
that I needed her to be an expert skier and
skiing double black diamonds by the end of the season,
I think that probably would hurt a little bit more
we would have it would have ended in irritation and frustration.
So we get to look at how what we are
(14:28):
putting on ourselves and other people in our expectations. And
that's another trigger word for me, right, people who say
they don't have any expectations, no expectations, and no regrets
is literally, I think a psychopath. I don't know, so
I think we just have to again reframe those things
and look at how are we defining this, and in
(14:50):
the moment of frustration when something isn't going the way
we wanted to the way we thought it should, to
sit back and ask ourselves how what was our expectation?
Were those realistic? What did I do to actually fulfill
those expectations? Is there failure quote unquote in the mechanism
(15:11):
my expectation or my participation and the regret part is
really all about shame and going into the negative. You
can regret, like I said, you can regret something off
of the pin off the point of this didn't go
the way I wanted, or I'm disappointed in that I
(15:34):
didn't do this. But when you put it into the
context of who you are as an individual and that
growing going into the shame aspect of it, that's where
we tend to become more self critical. We become bitter
and anger angry, and you end up swirling in this
(15:57):
place of stagnation, or you just go forward with the
anger in general and you carry that with you into
other things.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Just to go back real quick to the psychopath, I
just have to comment on that because maybe, like some
people believe that another perspective, another mindset of this, it
is that letting go or sorry, is that expectations and
regrets for when you're striving for enlightenment.
Speaker 5 (16:23):
That is part of that process too.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
When you have none attachment, right, so you're either a
psychopath or your area or enlightened, but there's not any
space between.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, and you can't go. I think the whole thing
do we need to go in the definitions of no,
I'm just kidding sociopath. No, but I appreciate what you're
saying because that is true. It's not that, and I
can understand the pendulum swinging for people who aren't clinically
psychopath or sociopath or narcissist. I get it, But we do,
(16:53):
I think, have to be careful when we're striving in
society to get these new developments and these growth areas
where that becomes a trendy word and a trendy idea
of having no expectations and having no regrets. A lot
of people have adopted these because they heard a Hollywood
(17:13):
figure say something like this, and or they read a
book and they didn't really study the depths of it,
and they took it out of context. Because I think
most of the time, when we look at our wisdom teaching,
the expectations and regrets are all about how you are
utilizing them. And we have expectations. There's no way that
(17:35):
you don't have an expectation. It's just that you're probably
surrounding yourself in a lifestyle and interactions that reinforce your
unspoken expectation. And when something comes in that's not in
your control or not how you designed, then you put
up a barrier or a wall possibly, but.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
I think we're just jumped into a whole another podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Going. But in the way it is because we can
have The whole. Thing that we're talking about today is
how do we let go of something? Right? Letting go
of the things that upset you or frustrate or bring
you distressed or feelings or that keep you burdened and
(18:20):
heavy and unhealthy in your mindset and your choices, Like,
how do we let go of those things? And I
think if we don't look at the things that bring
us frustration and anxiety or regrets or disappointment, and those
things we label as failure, how have we designed our
world that we are so overprotected from feeling anything that
(18:45):
we've classified as a failure or a regret, that we
don't have quote unquote any expectations. But we've created such
a world of lack of interaction and we're actually cause
pain to other people. We cause lack of experiences in
our life because we're trying to create this perfect little bubble.
(19:06):
If you want to live in a bubble, I would
think that's great, But we all know the story of
the bubble man, right. I guess if you want to
live in a bubble. You can if you want to
live your life in such a safe, protected space that
you don't experience other things. My personal experience, my personal opinion,
and what I've seen from so many other people is
that when that happens, you actually end up finding yourself
(19:30):
sad and alone and in regret anyway, So we have to,
I believe, get into a place where you look at failure, regret,
and expectation in that middle of the pendulum, like how
do we protect ourselves and let go of things and
not be attached to stuff when it happens, but also
learn from it and grow from it and create an
understanding of not everything it will go our way, but
(19:54):
we can grow from that and we can have a
better experience through those Uncomfortableness, through the uncomfortable, that's through
the pushing through in the challenges. I think that's there
to really grow to be enlightened.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Yeah, I think there's there's a lot of ingredients and
it's easy to say let go. Working with patients all
the time, there's so much conversation around letting go of stuff,
whether it's family experiences, relationships.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Jobs, like what there's so that it's such.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
A big arena, and people really hold on and they
overthink and they, you know, hold tight to some of
this stuff. And it's easy to say, you got to
let go of that, you got to move on from that,
you gotta that was in the past.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Here you are.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
And it's easy to say that, but it does to
some of the ingredients. You have to have some courage, right,
You have to have some courage to be able to
look at it for what it is, to step into
that and be able to ask the right questions to yourself.
You have to have some compassion to yourself. Like we
all eat shit, just like my daughter going down that
ski hill. We're all gonna eat shit sometimes and it's
what do you do with that? And I think we
(20:56):
forget sometimes that we are all human beings that all
have the same experiences and it doesn't matter. Some of
the some billionaires in the world have failed many times
over and over and when it comes to financial and
business stuff, and clearly there's people in relationships, but then
(21:16):
they continue on, they push, they let that evolution pull
them forward and they don't quit, and then they end
up having a successful business or they end up having
a successful relationship. If you have a failed relationship, and
you do not look at what the ingredients of that,
where you don't have the courage to own some of
the stuff that you participated in, or you don't have
(21:38):
the compassion to give yourself a little bit of grace,
or you don't have the patience, whatever it is. You
can get stuck in that easily. But we're all humans
and we all have these shared experiences. But it's like,
how can we learn from them? How can we grow
from them? I'm just going to throw a couple of
quotes out real quick. I love some of these, so
(22:01):
I couldn't pick one, so I picked four. But there's
this one is failure is not falling down, but refusing
to get up Chinese proverb. Our greatest glory is not
in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
Confucius.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
The only real mistake is the one from which we
learn nothing.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
Henry Ford, I picked five.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Every adversity, every failure, every headache. I'm gonna switch that out.
Every regret carries with it the seed of an equal
or greater benefit. And another one is I've failed over
and over again in my life, and that is why
I succeed. Michael Jordan, and just to I have I
(22:47):
broke myself many times with failures. I've had some business failures,
I've had personal failures. I've had, just like many of us,
a combination of stuff. And of course this is always
relative to somebody else's story. But no matter what your
story is, and no matter how bad somebody else's can be,
or their failures appear bigger, whatever it is, it's relative.
(23:08):
And those experiences and feelings are very real. And I
remember just getting this just continuously. It was like one
thing after another that I just situations I put myself in,
and I definitely had regrets, and I definitely was disappointed,
and I felt shamed and embarrassed, and I had self doubt,
and I had all these saboteur languages popping up in
(23:31):
my brain.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
And then finally I had enough. And now when.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Something happens, whether it's an employee that drops a bomb
on me, or an unforeseen business situation that occurs, or
something my.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Kids, I stop.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
And the first trigger now in my mind is there's
an opportunity here. Like the first thing before, I'm like,
well not again, some of the old language out here.
Speaker 5 (23:59):
I go again. I get a roll with the punches.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 4 (24:02):
I didn't see that coming, even though I do want
to make that T shirt, because I didn't see that
coming as something I've said over and over, and that's
not like a good language to adopt, and so a
better language is oh hm, that's interesting now, I just
that's interesting.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
What do I do with that?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
I don't react for twenty four hours, or I try
not to. It's harder with my kids, though, and then
I just stop it. I'm like, Okay, there's an opportunity here.
What is that opportunity? But that repetitive language of regret,
the repetitive language of the self Sabogeur thoughts just continue
(24:38):
to create a pattern, and you do have to practice
practice a new language of kind of a new chapter
of Okay, this is this is, this chapter's close this,
I'm moving on to the next thing, or what's the
opportunity here? Or how can I redirect this focus to
something else? And we practice so much this. I think,
(25:01):
as you can see on the news right and the
things that we watch, it's easier to hang on to
the things with the big negative to it, the big,
the heavier energy, and we spend more time wallering in
that sewage of thought patterns, and we spend very little
time celebrating and wallering in the feelings of something successful
(25:27):
or an achievement. And I just taught a class a
couple of weeks ago in Toronto, and it was freaking
amazing and like the energy was so awesome and like
it was so yummy. And then you a couple of weeks,
like all of a sudden, that energy is like fading,
and we get caught up in the other things, like
now it's the election stuff, and it's like I've shifted
that energy and I'm like, no, don't do that. It's like,
(25:48):
how can we spend more time in the champagne and
the bubbliness and the funness of all that other stuff
and really let that repetition of feeling and let that
repetition language start to really shape us and to help
pull us forward and help us dissolve that dark energy
of that negativeness of some of this other stuff and
(26:11):
be like, this is who I am now, this is
where I'm at, this is what it feels like, this
is what I want, this is where I'm going. Screw
everything else, all those past experiences there in the past
this is.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Who I am. I'm going to conquer.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I am amazing, I am of Let go of that
embarrassment or self doubt or shame or frustration, and let's
move forward.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Baby.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Yeah, all good, All those are all good things as
good for you. I think the things that stand out
for me, and that is like the neuro pathways, right,
we're designed. We obviously pay more attention to the things
that are negative because they're usually threatening and we're just
to survive and stay alive, and we're going to focus
(26:54):
on those negative warning signs. It makes a bigger impact.
Quicker your hand on a stove versus seeing a field
full of beautiful flowers is going to hit different neuropathways.
It's going to hit different chemical releases in your body.
I think now we have the ability to create a
(27:16):
habit of savoring our happy moments. That's so I think
gratitude journals and daily reflection and really creating imagery in
our mind. I remember the first time I successfully quote
unquote pizza fried down a hill with a couple of
little hilly bumps in it and didn't fall. And my
(27:36):
boyfriend at the time that taught me to ski, who's
still a very good friend of mine was at the
bottom yelling, you got it, baby, you can ski. You're
a skier, and you got it. And it was such
a great and I remember the weather, I remember my
what ski gear I was in, I remember going up
and having a beer after. I remember like just the
(27:59):
feeling of six and then also sharing that with somebody
that I cared deeply for, and the true and honest
happiness that he had for somebody else winning something. And
I have savored that moment so many times, and even
though I have since skied. Kolars and deep coolars are
the little narrow shoots that go off of a really
(28:20):
steep mountain they have to hike up to. And I'm
not an expert skier. I'm pretty darn I'm pretty darn good,
we'll say that. And some seasons I'm much better than others.
And I remember my first really great, challenging ski run,
but nothing quite hits it like that very first run
(28:41):
that I made, in those moments that I shared with
a friend. If we train our brain to remember those moments,
and we train our habits to reflect on those moments,
it gets easier and easier. And I think it is
all about a chemical process in the body, maybe not
all about it, but largely contributed to the feelings that
(29:02):
we are used to having and the chemical reaction in
our body that we are familiar with that we enjoy
and sadly, I think there's a large portion of our
world that is trained on a regular basis. Whether it
was because they had that feeling so often in childhood
or throughout life it just became repetitive on the way
(29:23):
that they thought about a scenario, or they were truly
in a dangerous threat scenario that your body chemically becomes
addicted to that feeling being your norm. It's that thing
of you'll stay in the chaos rather than change that
chaos for something that you don't know, even if that's
something you don't know is very likely to be better
(29:44):
and to relieve you from the chaos of pain. We
will tend, as human beings to stay in a feeling
of familiarity, no matter what it is, so we can
create a habit for ourselves to steer away from the
negative thinking, the trauma thinking, the fear thinking, and train
ourselves to look at those happy moments, find ways to
(30:07):
remember and recreate down to the smell, the lighting, the feeling,
the laughter, all of it. Like as much content as
you can put into those happy moments and write them
down and relive them occasionally. And I know some people
out there are probably going, yeah, but that makes me
sad to think about those happy moments that aren't anymore,
(30:30):
And I don't. I have a hard time relating with
that a little bit. But I think you can ask
yourself in that scenario, why are you restricting that feeling
to that moment? Because if you look back at a
happy moment and it brings you sadness, you might be
(30:51):
missing it. You might be thinking, and a limited thinking
that will never happen again. And I get it that
maybe that particular moment with this particular person in that
particular si Anario may never happen again, but those moments
can happen again, and those feelings that you had in
those moments and those experiences can be recreated in another way.
And I guess it's like that thing of what's the
(31:12):
old saying of was it better to be loved than
to have never loved at all? Some people would say
you're risking pain, But yet if you don't risk for
that pain, how even if you only had love one time.
Doesn't it make life wonderful that you had that experience?
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yeah, I want to jump into just thinking about as
I was listening to, I think that sometimes when we're
stuck in that space it's awesome because we just don't
have enough.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
Purpose or there's remember of metal element.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Just to tie back into the five element framework, here
is also about value and there's what's called RWID relative
weight of importance and duration.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
And so the thing that you doing that you had that.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Experience in where there was a sense of failure or
lack of accomplishment, Like, what is the relative weight of
the importance of that and the time spent? So how
much value in that thing or in that project, or
in that career or in that relationship do you really have?
Speaker 5 (32:21):
And it's a.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Good time to pause and think about that, because ideally,
if you have a lot of value in.
Speaker 5 (32:29):
It, there's.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
You're going to have more drive to push through some
of those challenges, some of those speed bumps. Right, And
so maybe, and this is just an example, maybe you're
not pushing through it or you're getting frozen because really
you don't have as much value for that. That's not
driving you via purpose to be able to want to
stop and analyze where things are going wrong or what
(32:58):
lessons or what you done or how could you do
it different or pivot in whatever way you need to.
So it's a good time to take stock on really,
because I think sometimes we hold on to experiences or
we hold on to things that we're doing, and if
you stop, it's like there's really I just don't actually
value it as much as I think it's let go
(33:19):
of it, right, because the metal element again is about
identifying and holding on to the things that give us value,
that are valuable to us, and letting go of the
things that don't have value anymore. And so stop and
just maybe check in with yourself about whatever that experience is.
(33:40):
Because if you're holding on to something like from your
childhood and you've already learned your lessons or you haven't
learned whatever, what value is there right now as a
fifty year old man to still hold on to that
like it If you haven't got your lessons after thirty
five years of that, then.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
You need to really look at that.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
But so I'm just stopping and taking stock of what
value is there in that thing, to see what the
purpose or how it's aligning with the purpose and who
you are today and what do you do with that information?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
And then you need to let go of the things.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
That aren't that don't have the value just and that
can help you let go because if you realize you
don't really value it, then it can help you let
go of it.
Speaker 5 (34:26):
Again. I think it's easy.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
Like you're cleaning your closet right and it's like your
closet's just overflowing with stuff and it's almost gives you
anxiety to walk into your closet right And I'm using
a real example right now of my closet and it's hard. Oh,
I might fit in this shirt someday, or.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
What if the eighties do come back and I might
want to wear this?
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Or what about if there's a themed party and you
stop and you're like, okay, actually, I don't even that color.
Speaker 5 (34:56):
I don't value that. Clearly, it's here and it's easier
to let go of.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Is just a stupid little example that can trickle down
to everything in our lives when it comes to understanding
taking stock of relative weight, of importance and duration. How
much time and energy am I putting into this thing
that I don't value? And is it moving you forward,
is it holding you back? Is it causing a leak?
Cheat a leak? Or is it cultivating energy? Where do
(35:21):
you do with it?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah? And I know, I think the closet is a
perfect example because I think a lot of people want
to deal with that. And it was funny because I
just had a conversation with a friend about the need
to hold onto things and getting rid of things and
just letting stuff go. And if you put it in
a box or if it's piled up, if you haven't
worn it, how long? Like how many of those do
(35:46):
you really need? Can is it easily replaceable if you
let this go? And I have a friend that I
had paid on a storage unit because they downsized and
they have to storage unit for seven years, And I
was like, how much you've been paying on that for
seven years? To be like calculate up? Could you have
replaced almost everything in there that you were holding on
(36:09):
to in case you got a bigger place.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
They were hoping to be on like the road show
one day or like the storage storage unit's broken into
And it's.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Because I get it, Yeah, And I get some of
it's emotional attachment and some of it is good memories,
and I'm thinking rationally, my brain goes, is it something
that you actually will utilize? And if it's just the memory,
can you take a picture of it put in a book.
That is the way I operate, But I and I
get that other people don't, so I ask these questions.
It's like you said, it's hard to just say just
(36:37):
let it go, because sometimes you just it's not that easy,
and you do have to ask yourself what are you
getting out of holding onto this thing or this process
and this feeling. What is it really reinforcing for you?
What is the underlying place that it's taking you to?
(36:57):
And then when you look at it in reality, did
you have a hope or an expectation a desire from
this scenario, this project, this job, this relationship, this adventure, whatever?
Did you have an underlying desire that you thought this
thing would give you That it's really not and you've
(37:19):
gotten caught up in the idea the label of this
thing being the thing, but it's not, and you just
need to let that place go, that process go. But
you don't have to let go of your desires and
your wants from what you were hoping to get from it.
It's maybe you need to let that label thing go
and move it to a different process and get what
(37:39):
you truly were wanting from the thing in the first place.
Speaker 5 (37:45):
Put down what's your carrium.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Eventually one of the podcasts he's going to hear it.
I'm able to do all of these things. It always
comes back to how are you building in your time
of compassionate self awareness and honest awareness like not when
a lot of times again you can do that pendulum
swing where you do compassion where you either just create
a fake bubble not being honest with yourself and having
(38:12):
some hard truths out of compassion and not shame. And
look at what you're doing and what you're choosing and
why what is it that ultimately you really would be
happy with? And how do you need to reframe, relabel
and move forward with something.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
Yeah, it's hard to me, and that's I'm saying it's
hard because that's what is the true experience with people.
It's really hard to let's go some of these things.
And the ego is I have a struggling business and
it's it took me a minute for the ego takes
a punch really hard and fast, but honestly, like my
value and where my time and energy is being spent
(38:50):
is not in this place. And from just a pure
non egoic perspective and just finances and numbers, like what
I need to do is totally shift and go all in.
But it's so hard when I have so many other
things that I'm that I really value more that I'm
putting my time and energy in. And so it's like
what do you do with that information? And there is
(39:11):
of course a sense of my God, I've put ten
years into this and it's painful, and not just you
know what you could lose, what you're giving up, but
the potential.
Speaker 5 (39:21):
There's all that stuff.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Again, I was like Brendan's lost pain, process pain and
so forth has three pains is hard. And I think
that to keep it simple, to keep it really simple,
and I do have a framework I'd love to share,
but to keep it simple, you do have to have
some courage. You do have to love what you said,
honest awareness, and I think that is hard because the
(39:44):
ego con taint those waters and make it really murky
to have clarity, to really have honest awareness.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Right now, I can say, am I going to use
this as a catalyst to grow Or Am I going
to use this for an opportunity to beat myself up more?
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Yeah? But again that's why it's passed. What value does
this have? None? Very little? What's how much time? Energy? Okay,
here's where it really is.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Put it in its place and kick it out the
back door, don't and then let something more beautiful in
your front door.
Speaker 5 (40:15):
That's a pretty good metaphor. Do I like that?
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Bring them new energy, bring the yummy stuff in your
front door, through everything else out the back door.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
Do you care if I share a framework real quick?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I love frameworks. Throw it out there.
Speaker 5 (40:26):
Let's go.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Okay, all right, I gotta take my son. He's just
really excited. He's on his last day of getting his
drivers permit. So watch out world, here comes another fifteen
year old on the road.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
All on how we look at it could be frightening
and scary, or it could be exciting and wonderful.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Okay, So here there's two frameworks.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
I'm just gonna give you this one because I like
the energy that it brings just by the name of it,
and so it's fail fail, but it's a fail forward
framework and I just like that because fail automatically brings
up that energy of holding back, of stagnation, of right
(41:08):
not moving forward. So I liked it's just to counter it, immediately,
counter that energy with forward fail forward framework. So F
is for face the facts. You got to just stop
acknowledge and separate your emotions. Put your ego in check.
Separate your emotions from the facts. What went wrong, Take
(41:29):
a clear look at the situation and the events and
actions that contributed to everything. So to separate the motions
from it. So take a pause, stop, face the fact,
separate the motions. What's up? The A is for analyze
the lesson? So again step back what ask yourself? What
did you learn from it? How did this experience? Can
(41:51):
it how can it shape your future? Pinpoint areas of
opportunities for improvement? Where can you pay it? What can
you add? Again looking at strategy plan, I think it's
important did you not have a plan?
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Did you not have a strategy? Did you have poor execution?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Where?
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Again, in that lesson is their opportunity. I is for
implement a new plan for improvement. Set some goals like
again what did you not do before? Where you can
put together a better plan. And again all this is
after you've looked at does this have the value in
my life that I need to put the relative weight,
importance and duration in and realistically set those goals and
(42:33):
put them together step by step, start putting your strategy together.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
And then the L is for let go and leverage.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
So I think this is a really big piece out
of this is just being able to let go of
the lingering effects that from that gut punch, right, and
letting go of the shame and regret. So, like my
business downtown, I'm not going to let that gut punch
stop me from building something else from something that maybe
(43:01):
gives me more joy or more energy. So you got
to let go of the gut punches. You gotta look
at the failure as an opportunity, a lesson, not just
a dead end, and and find those areas of opportunities
and switch that mindset, leverage the experience from that. What
(43:21):
have you learned from? Where's the opportunity? Was it not
in my wheelhouse? Do I need to shift?
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Is there? Did I not invest enough time? Energy? Was
my passion out there? Whatever it was? So that is
the fail forward framework.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Yeah, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
So for everybody listening again. This podcast is all thing
it's good for you. Where is there something in your
life that has a lingering feeling of disappointment, frustration, shame, rats,
loss of motivation?
Speaker 5 (44:03):
Is there an experienced situation?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
Is there that you're that you've been holding on to
that it's just time to let go of. This is
an opportunity right now is an opportunity. Sorry, I have
so many kids at my house right now on my
dogs round. Here's your opportunity to let it out.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Yeah. I love it and I like the framework. I
think it's a perfect way to just walk yourself through
the reality. Like you said, ask yourself one getting really
real on the facts. And one of the formats that
I love is the Byron Katie format of asking is
(44:46):
what are the real what's the reality? Is it one
hundred percent true? And then asking yourself outside of the
Byron Katie you can go check out her work, they'll work,
but is it one percent true? And then how are
you acting out of that? Are you acting out of fear?
Are you acting out of faith? Are you acting out
(45:08):
of honoring and growth? Are you acting out of reinforcing
old patterns of sabotage? What is staying in this framework
or thought process of this is a failure or you're
in something that you can't let go and it's keeping
you in this fear of failure and regret. What is
that reinforcing for you? Where have you seen this in
(45:29):
the past? What did it teach you? Did you overcome it?
Finding ways that you have one over a failure in
the past, what you learned from and rebuilt from or
learn better and grew from, And how do you apply
those past experiences to the experience that you might be
going through today. But all of it, like we said,
(45:49):
starts with that good and honest awareness with what's really happening,
What do you really want and what would it feel
like if you were to let it go? Even if
you don't, if you can't, just imagine for a moment,
if that wasn't a problem. Do you let go of
the thing, the process, or your expectation and control around
(46:09):
the process. How does that change what you're living in?
All right, Brian and kids and dogs and drivers lessons
and I have a day of clients, so we will
wrap up this lovely conversation of fear and regret and
failure and regret. That is a good thing.
Speaker 5 (46:32):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Thank you Amy, and thank everybody for tuning in today
and spending your time with us. I know there's so
many other things that you could do. So if you're
listening to this, I appreciate you valuing this podcast to
implement in your day and giving us and sharing your
time with us. So I appreciate it. Share this podcast
(46:55):
and all the podcasts with any friends, family members, or
even me, be just random strangers. That's okay too, like us,
leave us a review. Do all the things you're supposed
to do. I'm so not into the social media world
and stuff. I don't know if there's we still liking?
Are there still likes or is there a new word
for things now or smiley faces? Do all the things
(47:16):
that you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Just do the one where the guy walks up and
gives people little love notes and just says nice encouraging
things to random strangers. Just start you guys, all write
these podcasts down on a little note card and start
handing the random strangers that would There we go, everybody happy,
all right? Brian, good luck with thank you the last
(47:40):
Driver's ed Day, and congratulations on launching a third into
the world and everybody have a populous day, Happy Saturday.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Bye, Hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the
All Things Good for You podcast.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Please note, any information, experiences, ideas.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
Or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only, and not intended as medical advice.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
If anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor
or personal medical professional. And if you're enjoying All Things
Good for Your podcast, hoop on over and leave us
a five star review so we can continue delving in
and providing great content. Thanks again, and we hope you
are inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health
and wellness journey.
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