November 8, 2024 • 26 mins
EP 89 Tolerance
In this episode of the All Things Good For You podcast, host Brian Bowen explores the intricate balance between tolerance and assertiveness in our lives. Drawing from personal experiences, Brian delves into how an excessive level of tolerance can lead to suppressed emotions, stress, and resentment, while a lack of tolerance can hinder healthy communication and relationships. Brian discusses practical strategies for self-reflection, setting realistic expectations, and adopting mindfulness practices to build a balanced level of tolerance and assertiveness. Tune in to find insights and actionable steps for enhancing your emotional resilience and personal growth.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Tolerance and Assertiveness
00:24 Welcome to All Things Good for You
01:07 Brian's Personal Experience with Tolerance
03:01 Understanding Tolerance and Its Importance
07:46 The Balance Between Tolerance and Assertiveness
11:51 Practical Tips for Balancing Tolerance and Assertiveness
14:52 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Tolerance
24:46 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
25:43 Disclaimer and Call to Action
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
In this episode of the All Things Good For You podcast, host Brian Bowen explores the intricate balance between tolerance and assertiveness in our lives. Drawing from personal experiences, Brian delves into how an excessive level of tolerance can lead to suppressed emotions, stress, and resentment, while a lack of tolerance can hinder healthy communication and relationships. Brian discusses practical strategies for self-reflection, setting realistic expectations, and adopting mindfulness practices to build a balanced level of tolerance and assertiveness. Tune in to find insights and actionable steps for enhancing your emotional resilience and personal growth.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Tolerance and Assertiveness
00:24 Welcome to All Things Good for You
01:07 Brian's Personal Experience with Tolerance
03:01 Understanding Tolerance and Its Importance
07:46 The Balance Between Tolerance and Assertiveness
11:51 Practical Tips for Balancing Tolerance and Assertiveness
14:52 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Tolerance
24:46 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
25:43 Disclaimer and Call to Action
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/all-things-good-for-you--4972263/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Ask yourself if your tolerance is constructive or if it's
causing hidden frustration. If you catch yourself or some of
those feelings, the resentment, any negative feelings, walking on eggshell
staying silent, then you know that there's some issues with
that balance of assertiveness.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
And I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Every day for a life well lived? Let your curiosity
flow with.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
All things give for you.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Hello, Hello, and thank you for tuning into All Things
Good for You. I am one of the hosts Brian Bowen,
and my cost Amy Christensen is not with us today.
She is out and about doing something fabulous. So I
am going to deliver a short today about something that
is going to be good for you, at least I hope,
So you don't have to listen to it very long,
(01:24):
so stay tuned. I promise there's going to be something
yummy in here, or at least something to make you think, contemplate,
get curious, explore a little bit. I do apologize I'm
a little n easily sinus I've been fighting a little
bit of a head cold. So if I disappear for
a second, it's because I muted this while I cough
my head off.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
That you do not need to hear that, that is
for sure. So I'm just going to jump into it.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I want to have this conversation selfishly for myself and
just something I've been thinking about. And I don't know
if you guys maybe I've had this experience or not,
but so I've had the experience in the past months
with some people in my.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Life where I've had.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I think some suppressed feelings where I'm a little stressed
around them and have maybe some resentment. And as i
I finally i think I've hit a level of something's
got to change, right, And then I started as contemplating.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
What is that about, what it's about.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
In the situations in my life where I'm having exposure
to that and having those feelings is some unspoken words,
and then I'm like, why what is going on? Why
am I not speaking up about some feelings I'm having
or some things I need to some feedback I need
(02:49):
to give in these situations. And then it's made me
think more and more about what the root of that is.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
And I started thinking about this.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Word tolerance, And so today we are going to be
talking about tolerance and what that means, how it shows up,
how it's showing up for me. And I had a
lot of pride for myself on the amount of tolerance
that I have developed. And I think it's very important
to have a high tolerance and being open minded and
(03:20):
respectful towards different opinions, beliefs, cultures.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Lifestyles, all the above.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Especially in today's world with politically everything that's going on,
I think that we have to have respect and show
some emotional resilience and tolerance to other people's ideas and
stuff like that. And it can be a challenge, right
because we have to have respect for where we are,
but respect for where the other people are as well too.
(03:50):
So developing a high tolerance level is valuable for building
resilience and managing our relationships and are and maintaining a
healthy emotional well being, especially when we are pushed with
different challenging situations and behaviors and emotions and stuff, because
if we don't, we can feel very overwhelmed and things
(04:12):
conspiral and we can get anxiety and all that good stuff.
So developing a high tolerance level can really help us
handle unexpected changes and challenges with west distress and whether
it's business or relationships, these things are going to come up,
so how do we handle them? The adaptability is essential
for us again being able to pivot and have personal
(04:34):
growth and avoid some of the setbacks and obstacles that
can compound if you don't have some.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Of those skills.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It also helps with emotional resilience and to have tolerance
to be able to cope with difficult emotions, whether it's anger, disappointment,
or sadness without reacting and or opposite giving up. It
allows for us to have a more thoughtful responses and
better emotional regulations. So therefore we're thinking more before we
(05:02):
are reacting. And that's very important because we all know
the extreme importance of communication and what the outcome is
if we do not have good communication.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
So again that.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
High tolerance level is a key component of being able
to think before we react, and how do we handle
what's going to come out of our mouths, what's next?
How can we communicate better. Higher tolerance levels also is
extremely important for handling discomfort. So when we're trying to
grow and have personal development, we're trying to move forward
or we're trying to build something, but we're going.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
To have a lot of fear we're going to have
a lot.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Of challenges come up and learning new skills and learning
new processes and changing our behavior. So this allows us
to really expand our abilities and to be able to
step into those things without having as much distress and
anxiety and fear. It's extremely important for being able to
handle those discomforts.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
That are going to come our way.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Having a higher tolerance level is it's extremely important for
helping with having more patience with others. Having that high
tolerance level can improve our relationships as we're dealing with
people and helping them understand where they're coming from and
how they're feeling, and without you becoming as judgmental or frustrated.
Because we are all unique individuals and it's hard not
(06:20):
to step back and not be judgmental with some other
people's perspectives or where they're at or how they think.
And so that tolerance level really is extremely important for
that because when you're more patient with others, you're going
to be a better active listener. And it's really important
to be a good active listener. And even if you
don't agree with that person, even if you don't agree.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
With their ideas, we have to respect that they have.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
An idea and they have an opinion, and they have
a feeling, and we have an opinion and we have
an idea and we have a feeling, and we can
all feel the palpable sense right now of the impatience
on what's going on. So we need to adopt this
for ourselves to be good role models for the people
around us, so that can be a trickle down effect
(07:08):
for everybody else in the world too. Having a higher
tolerance level is a key ingredient for persistence and grit
building those calluses, getting the reps in.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And so when we're.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Striving for goals and we start to have a sense
of failure or things become difficult, it's that tolerance that
allows us and helps us to move forward and not
give up too soon. The persistence is key to long
term success in our own self improvement, in building something
new and trying to evolve. And honestly, it's one of
(07:41):
the things that kind of drives me nuts, is when
I see other people not have some of the persistence
or grit. But that's why I'm bringing up this conversation
because in my situation, my tolerance has actually become too high.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
So I've avoided.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
In a lot of scenarios in my life, whether it's
personal or whether it's work related business stuff. In speaking
up or addressing certain issues, you can have that imbalance
with patience because you're excessively too high in tolerance or
you're too low. So my question to you as we're
moving into this next little section of this is do
you know where you're at with tolerance?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Do you know what?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I had to really think about what tolerance means, and
it was gonna aha moment to realize have pride with
my tolerance level. But I've let it go excessive and
I've let it be too high. So it's caused me
to avoid speaking up and addressing certain issues and therefore
suppressing some emotions I've had, building some resentment and ultimately
(08:39):
negatively impacting me and the situation as a whole. And
it's much harder to come back and say something or
to speak up about something than it would have been
to have set it at the beginning. And this type
of excessive tolerance turns into a pattern called passive endurance.
And this is where you start it accepting. And I
(09:00):
started accepting situations that I actually found uncomfortable or that
I saw an opportunity where I should have said something
or given some advice or some guidance or some feedback,
but I didn't, and it actually created an imbalance for
me and suppress some emotions, and so I started feeling
(09:22):
some stress, some of that anxiety, some of that resentment.
So for you, that's something that was a key factor
that popped up for me to make me start really
thinking about what is tolerance. And I always found myself
as somebody who has an extreme amount of it. But
then I'm like, wait, something's not right, And after digging
a little deeper, I've realized I'm on the other side where.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
I have too much.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
So for me, it was suppressed emotions that were showing
up and some of that resentment and under stress and
distress with the situation.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Or the individuals. For you, it could be self worth.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
When you don't voice your needs, you might start to
feel undervalued. Not seeing lower self esteem might show up
a little bit differently, but it definitely creates unhealthy relationship dynamics.
And so you know, all of a sudden, you start
avoiding conflict with whether it's a partner or work colleague
or a friend, and then you're silently tolerating stuff and
(10:19):
that again becomes a compounding situation where it's going to
lead to misunderstandings and tension and like you're walking on
eggshells and that's not a good place to be. We're
just talking about this. Think about again, where's your tolerance level?
Are you somebody who is finding yourself where you are?
Like me, you had an extreme amount of pride with
(10:41):
the amount of tolerance you had, but you're having some
of these feelings show up. And then what does that
look like with this balance for you? If you're in
the excessive tolerance category, your growth requires you to have
bound and to advocate for yourself, and excessive tolerance can
(11:03):
hinder all that process and cause a lot of unhealthy
negative feelings to arise. So we have to therefore find
this balance within tolerance and assertiveness.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
And I like this thing.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I read that assertiveness we have to look at as
a form of self respect. It's not an aggression, and
it's important to have tolerance, but it's important to have
the boundary and to have this assert enough to speak
up with how you really feel in a healthy way
and to acknowledge your own emotion, to set clear boundaries,
(11:42):
to have good communication, a balanced assertive communication with that
mix of tolerance. What are some ways to find balance
between tolerance and assertiveness.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
First of all, we have to build.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
If you're on the other side where you don't have
we have very little tolerance for situations and people and
other people's ideas and stuff like that, it's very.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Important that you build.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
You build tolerance so that you can be more patient,
you can manage your stress. You have that grit and
persistence and you're better at handling discomfort and adaptability and
change and.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
More emotional resilience.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Right, So some ways that we can do that, of course, everybody,
we all need to spend time and more self reflection
and really seeing what are some of those triggers so
that we can manage those reactions to increase the tolerance.
So it's always better to pause before you react, and
then pull the thumb and look atself before you point
(12:43):
the finger at somebody else. And it's really hard pulling
the thumb. Is it's easy to point the finger. Pulling
the thumb's really hard. But I think it's an important
exercise to building tolerance in personal development, setting realistic expectations,
being realistic about personal progress and to help reduce your
frustration and disappointment is critical.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Incremental exposure to.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Uncomfortable situations, other people's ideas, beliefs, and don't worry, the
world is full of them.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
You're going to have all.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Kinds of opportunities to practice this, but we'll just take
away incremental and just dive in with both feet. But
how can you be in those situations with less judgment?
Speaker 4 (13:24):
How can you put yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
In the observer seat and really just actively listen, be present.
You don't have to agree, and you also don't have
to tell the person that you don't agree. Like just
practicing being in somebody else's shoes or situation and hearing
them without having to bring up an argument, having to
(13:49):
disagree with them, telling them they're wrong because most of
the time it's unnecessary. Right, So this is about you
right now and not them. This is about your tolerance.
This is about you being able to hear. Now, it
doesn't mean that we again fall into the other category
where we have excessive tolerance. Right, we have to be
true to ourselves, but I think most of us probably
(14:12):
aren't in that situation, So that's really good. And last,
but not least, is mindfulness and meditation now the root
of everything, right, Just practice more meditation. It helps promote awareness,
really get in tune with that nervous system, that pair
sympathetic sympathetic nervous system, and we're in sympathetic most of
the time. That's that fight or flight And how can
(14:33):
we put ourselves in a situation without shifting to that
fight or flight, without going to those higher levels of
nervous system level and being able to stay more grounded
and calmer in the pair sympathetic nervous system is extremely important.
Mindfulness and meditation is good for just about everything. So
on the flip side of that, if you catch yourself
(14:55):
like I am, in the excessive tolerance level and lack
of assertiveness here, we need to balance that tolerance and
assertiveness levels. This is really hard for me because I'm
so in this category. So all of us need to
pause and go back to that self awareness. And I
need to do this a lot and just reflect on
(15:16):
that situation and ask yourself if your tolerance is constructive
or if it's causing hidden frustration.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
So if you catch yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
With some of those feelings, the resentment, any negative feelings,
walking on eggshells, staying silent, then you know that there's
some issues with that balance of assertiveness and what are
some triggers and how can you help clarify when it's
time for you to speak up? Really having that awareness
of oh eggshells, Oh what's that mean?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Am I?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Is there something I'm not saying? Am I being too
tolerant in this situation? Am I not being assertive in this?
What do I need to do? Did I have some
boundaries that I wasn't true to myself and have enough
self respect to speak up about? And that's happened to
me a ton in my life. Is my tolerance again,
was so high that I didn't have enough self respect
(16:06):
for myself to draw clear boundaries and just allow them
to be cross because of my excessive tolerance levels. And
so I could go back to my teenage yeers, just
employ this one thing and my life it would have
been dramatically better in that time. Practice a sort of communication.
(16:27):
This is my homework for the week. Assertiveness isn't just
about confrontation. It's a self respect right, and so put
that in the front of your mind and practice the
small ways of saying no, or sharing your opinions or
offering feedback constructively.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
And so I always liked the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Frame it before you say it, and it's amazing every
time I've done that, like, it works out so well.
I just don't know why I don't do it more.
So you just be like, hey, do you mind if
I give you some feedback? Do you mind if I
give you some feedback that might hurt your feelings? Whatever?
Frame it, but then say it is always a good
way to ease into that. But just practice saying no,
(17:03):
Practice putting up those boundaries and making sure if you
feel like your boundaries are being crossy, you're like, hey,
I just need to pause here for a second. I
feel like I'm crossing some boundaries of myself. Offering feedback
more constructively are all clear and important things to do.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Acknowledge your emotions, and for you.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Guys out there that are listening to this that are
a little out of touch with your emotions, like myself,
start paying attention a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Are you having some negative feelings? Right?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Are you having some frustration?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Are you having a little anxiety?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Feel it and say it, be able to put a
flag and that feeling and know what it is, know
that it's there, and then pause and go back to
that self awareness and just ask yourself again, am I
not being assertive enough?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Here? A lot of us know people who are.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Really assertive, right, extremely exsertive, And again there's not enough.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Tolerance where some of us have extreme tolerance but not
enough assertiveness. So where is that balance?
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Just remember to start small, begin with situations, smaller situations
that can build confidence in practicing these issues. And as
you get into bigger situations and issues, then it's going
to help you not feel as overwhelmed as much distress.
And then periodically assess how you feel about your tolerance levels.
I'm going to have any check on with me and say, Brian, hey,
(18:27):
how do you feel like that those adjustments have been
working for you?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Do you feel like there's more balance in your sort
of tolerance levels.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
And I'm really curious as I practice this week for
me and especially like post election, we're going to get
all kinds of different emotions coming up from different people,
from our friends, from our family members going into Thanksgiving.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
How are we going to be able to.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Handle Thanksgiving dinner this Thanksgiving with everybody's opinion on what
just happened, no matter what side of the part lying
you're on in our election.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
And this is an extremely important time.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
This is going to give you lots to practice people
with checking in on your tolerance. Can you listen to
somebody else's opinion? Is the person that's talking to you,
are they extra assertive with their opinion and have a
low tolerance of yours? Are you practicing and making sure
you don't have excessive assertiveness?
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And what is your tolerance levels?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
And how can you find Because if two people are
in a communication and you both have a very well
balanced level of assertiveness and tolerance, it's going to be
a really good conversation.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
It's going to go more.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I hear what you're saying, and I think it's an
interesting perspective coming from where I feel and how I think,
and clearly we can disagree.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
That's not the way I'm thinking or feeling about a
certain way.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
And I don't know necessarily how you got to that place.
Here's how I feel and think, and here's how I
got to that place. So it's really interesting, isn't it.
How like we are from the same family and we
both feel and think a different way. And I'm curious,
circumstance wise, life, circumstance.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Wise, maybe how where some of the things that got
you here?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
And if somebody starts to push too hard, oh wait,
I feel like we were having a good conversation, but
I feel like there's some boundaries that are starting to
get crossed with here with me, and I would like
to go back to where we were. And I feel
like you're just being a little assertive with this and
not respecting who I am or respecting my boundaries. So
if we could just back off, that's just drawing that
(20:37):
set assertiveness of drawing healthy boundaries right and being able
to speak up. So I guess I'm going to talk
longer about this than what I thought. But it's just
really amazing that I'm fifty years old. Fifty fricking years old,
and I'm just now, oh my god, I've had so
much pride on my tolerance for things, and I'm just
(20:59):
now reallyzing that I've developed excessive tolerance and don't have
enough assertiveness. It's interesting and maybe you're thinking, oh my god,
I can't believe I'm so assertive and I really haven't
built a tolerance. And then the other things is you
can build this extreme tolerance for stuff, but then all
of a sudden you're just exhausted, right, And I think
(21:21):
that's where I hit. It's like I'm exhausted a little
bit because I haven't been assertive. I haven't put some
of those boundaries up, or I haven't given that feedback
when it was needed. I haven't spoken up when I
needed to speak up. And I just feel like, I
guess when you're too tolerant, it can wear you down
a little.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Bit, right.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
And so we're all about building and cultivating energy and
not leaking energy. How can we build that energy back up?
And so if you are leaking energy because of excessive
tolerance and not enough assertiveness, or you could be a
leaking energy because you're way too assertive and not enough tolerance,
(22:02):
let's find the balance with that Let's find a balance
before you set down for Thanksgiving dinner with your family
to be able to have a much more pleasant experience
and deeper connections with your family members and the people
around you. Let's not have the imbalance of tolerance and
(22:22):
a servidness wreck and create more havoc than what it
already has in our lives as a whole. Because, as
I'm talking about it, it's just so fricking palpable. Smack
you in the face.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
It's irritating, it's frustrating, it's exhausting, it's anxiety driven, it's overwhelming.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
It deprives you of sleep. So if you've hit your.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Into the road and you're like ready to run away
just to take a break, I think you might potentially
have some balance from your tolerance assertiveness level. Okay, says
check In. This is about all things good for you.
I'm not preaching that you are one way or another.
All things good for you is about mindfulness. It's about
(23:16):
being curious on how we can find opportunities to.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Improve our lives. It's about exploring, trying things right, stepping
into personal agency. Big piece here, Big piece.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
As I talked more and more about it, it's even
more smacking me in my face. I'm going to be
working this week on a little bit more sertiveness, balancing
out my tolerance level, and I would love for you
to do the same. Work on your tolerance level, work
on your assertiveness. Identify I have some self reflection.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Where are you at?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Are you being able to identify some hallelujah symptoms as
we like to call them, Whether it's so you realize
you're having some undue stress, unspoken words, frustration, anxiety?
Speaker 4 (24:08):
What is that about?
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Make some adjustments, Start practicing some self awareness around that,
Start giving yourself some little incremental doses of sitting back
in the observation seat and just being more observant unless judgment.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
It's going to be a challenge.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
It's not going to be easy, but you know what,
if you have the right talent tolerance for it, you're
going to step into it. You're going to be able
to handle those frustrations better. You're going to be able
to continue to push through that, and it's going to
be very important that you do that. But always make
sure you don't go too far the other way. So
(24:47):
thank you guys for listening. That is my spiel for
the day. Sorry about the head cold and the sinusy
weird sounds coming.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Out of my nose and mouth.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I always appreciate you, miss you Amy having you here today.
I hope you guys found a golden nugget in this
podcast today. This podcast, again just to recap, was about
tolerance level and our balance with tolerance and assertiveness. So please,
as always smash that like button, say something kind and awesome,
(25:20):
and to pass this on to somebody who you think
could benefit from it, and go beyond what.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
I'm saying here.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I'm sure there's a whole book, in many books written
about tolerance and assertiveness for many great minds out there,
So take it a step further innundate yourself with great information.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Appreciate you guys, Thank you very much for listening.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Bye, hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the
All Things Good for You podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas,
or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only and not intended as medical advice. I have
anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or
(26:03):
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for Your podcast, hop on over and leave us a
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providing great content. Thanks again, and we hope you are
inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health and
wellness journey
Ask yourself if your tolerance is constructive or if it's
causing hidden frustration. If you catch yourself or some of
those feelings, the resentment, any negative feelings, walking on eggshell
staying silent, then you know that there's some issues with
that balance of assertiveness.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey, friends, thank you for listening to the All Things
Good for You Podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions,
modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness,
and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your
curated mind coach.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
And I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc.
And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready
to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered,
and limitless each and.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Every day for a life well lived? Let your curiosity
flow with.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
All things give for you.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Hello, Hello, and thank you for tuning into All Things
Good for You. I am one of the hosts Brian Bowen,
and my cost Amy Christensen is not with us today.
She is out and about doing something fabulous. So I
am going to deliver a short today about something that
is going to be good for you, at least I hope,
So you don't have to listen to it very long,
(01:24):
so stay tuned. I promise there's going to be something
yummy in here, or at least something to make you think, contemplate,
get curious, explore a little bit. I do apologize I'm
a little n easily sinus I've been fighting a little
bit of a head cold. So if I disappear for
a second, it's because I muted this while I cough
my head off.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
That you do not need to hear that, that is
for sure. So I'm just going to jump into it.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I want to have this conversation selfishly for myself and
just something I've been thinking about. And I don't know
if you guys maybe I've had this experience or not,
but so I've had the experience in the past months
with some people in my.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Life where I've had.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I think some suppressed feelings where I'm a little stressed
around them and have maybe some resentment. And as i
I finally i think I've hit a level of something's
got to change, right, And then I started as contemplating.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
What is that about, what it's about.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
In the situations in my life where I'm having exposure
to that and having those feelings is some unspoken words,
and then I'm like, why what is going on? Why
am I not speaking up about some feelings I'm having
or some things I need to some feedback I need
(02:49):
to give in these situations. And then it's made me
think more and more about what the root of that is.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
And I started thinking about this.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Word tolerance, And so today we are going to be
talking about tolerance and what that means, how it shows up,
how it's showing up for me. And I had a
lot of pride for myself on the amount of tolerance
that I have developed. And I think it's very important
to have a high tolerance and being open minded and
(03:20):
respectful towards different opinions, beliefs, cultures.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Lifestyles, all the above.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Especially in today's world with politically everything that's going on,
I think that we have to have respect and show
some emotional resilience and tolerance to other people's ideas and
stuff like that. And it can be a challenge, right
because we have to have respect for where we are,
but respect for where the other people are as well too.
(03:50):
So developing a high tolerance level is valuable for building
resilience and managing our relationships and are and maintaining a
healthy emotional well being, especially when we are pushed with
different challenging situations and behaviors and emotions and stuff, because
if we don't, we can feel very overwhelmed and things
(04:12):
conspiral and we can get anxiety and all that good stuff.
So developing a high tolerance level can really help us
handle unexpected changes and challenges with west distress and whether
it's business or relationships, these things are going to come up,
so how do we handle them? The adaptability is essential
for us again being able to pivot and have personal
(04:34):
growth and avoid some of the setbacks and obstacles that
can compound if you don't have some.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Of those skills.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It also helps with emotional resilience and to have tolerance
to be able to cope with difficult emotions, whether it's anger, disappointment,
or sadness without reacting and or opposite giving up. It
allows for us to have a more thoughtful responses and
better emotional regulations. So therefore we're thinking more before we
(05:02):
are reacting. And that's very important because we all know
the extreme importance of communication and what the outcome is
if we do not have good communication.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
So again that.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
High tolerance level is a key component of being able
to think before we react, and how do we handle
what's going to come out of our mouths, what's next?
How can we communicate better. Higher tolerance levels also is
extremely important for handling discomfort. So when we're trying to
grow and have personal development, we're trying to move forward
or we're trying to build something, but we're going.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
To have a lot of fear we're going to have
a lot.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Of challenges come up and learning new skills and learning
new processes and changing our behavior. So this allows us
to really expand our abilities and to be able to
step into those things without having as much distress and
anxiety and fear. It's extremely important for being able to
handle those discomforts.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
That are going to come our way.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Having a higher tolerance level is it's extremely important for
helping with having more patience with others. Having that high
tolerance level can improve our relationships as we're dealing with
people and helping them understand where they're coming from and
how they're feeling, and without you becoming as judgmental or frustrated.
Because we are all unique individuals and it's hard not
(06:20):
to step back and not be judgmental with some other
people's perspectives or where they're at or how they think.
And so that tolerance level really is extremely important for
that because when you're more patient with others, you're going
to be a better active listener. And it's really important
to be a good active listener. And even if you
don't agree with that person, even if you don't agree.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
With their ideas, we have to respect that they have.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
An idea and they have an opinion, and they have
a feeling, and we have an opinion and we have
an idea and we have a feeling, and we can
all feel the palpable sense right now of the impatience
on what's going on. So we need to adopt this
for ourselves to be good role models for the people
around us, so that can be a trickle down effect
(07:08):
for everybody else in the world too. Having a higher
tolerance level is a key ingredient for persistence and grit
building those calluses, getting the reps in.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And so when we're.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Striving for goals and we start to have a sense
of failure or things become difficult, it's that tolerance that
allows us and helps us to move forward and not
give up too soon. The persistence is key to long
term success in our own self improvement, in building something
new and trying to evolve. And honestly, it's one of
(07:41):
the things that kind of drives me nuts, is when
I see other people not have some of the persistence
or grit. But that's why I'm bringing up this conversation
because in my situation, my tolerance has actually become too high.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
So I've avoided.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
In a lot of scenarios in my life, whether it's
personal or whether it's work related business stuff. In speaking
up or addressing certain issues, you can have that imbalance
with patience because you're excessively too high in tolerance or
you're too low. So my question to you as we're
moving into this next little section of this is do
you know where you're at with tolerance?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Do you know what?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I had to really think about what tolerance means, and
it was gonna aha moment to realize have pride with
my tolerance level. But I've let it go excessive and
I've let it be too high. So it's caused me
to avoid speaking up and addressing certain issues and therefore
suppressing some emotions I've had, building some resentment and ultimately
(08:39):
negatively impacting me and the situation as a whole. And
it's much harder to come back and say something or
to speak up about something than it would have been
to have set it at the beginning. And this type
of excessive tolerance turns into a pattern called passive endurance.
And this is where you start it accepting. And I
(09:00):
started accepting situations that I actually found uncomfortable or that
I saw an opportunity where I should have said something
or given some advice or some guidance or some feedback,
but I didn't, and it actually created an imbalance for
me and suppress some emotions, and so I started feeling
(09:22):
some stress, some of that anxiety, some of that resentment.
So for you, that's something that was a key factor
that popped up for me to make me start really
thinking about what is tolerance. And I always found myself
as somebody who has an extreme amount of it. But
then I'm like, wait, something's not right, And after digging
a little deeper, I've realized I'm on the other side where.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
I have too much.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
So for me, it was suppressed emotions that were showing
up and some of that resentment and under stress and
distress with the situation.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Or the individuals. For you, it could be self worth.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
When you don't voice your needs, you might start to
feel undervalued. Not seeing lower self esteem might show up
a little bit differently, but it definitely creates unhealthy relationship dynamics.
And so you know, all of a sudden, you start
avoiding conflict with whether it's a partner or work colleague
or a friend, and then you're silently tolerating stuff and
(10:19):
that again becomes a compounding situation where it's going to
lead to misunderstandings and tension and like you're walking on
eggshells and that's not a good place to be. We're
just talking about this. Think about again, where's your tolerance level?
Are you somebody who is finding yourself where you are?
Like me, you had an extreme amount of pride with
(10:41):
the amount of tolerance you had, but you're having some
of these feelings show up. And then what does that
look like with this balance for you? If you're in
the excessive tolerance category, your growth requires you to have
bound and to advocate for yourself, and excessive tolerance can
(11:03):
hinder all that process and cause a lot of unhealthy
negative feelings to arise. So we have to therefore find
this balance within tolerance and assertiveness.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
And I like this thing.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I read that assertiveness we have to look at as
a form of self respect. It's not an aggression, and
it's important to have tolerance, but it's important to have
the boundary and to have this assert enough to speak
up with how you really feel in a healthy way
and to acknowledge your own emotion, to set clear boundaries,
(11:42):
to have good communication, a balanced assertive communication with that
mix of tolerance. What are some ways to find balance
between tolerance and assertiveness.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
First of all, we have to build.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
If you're on the other side where you don't have
we have very little tolerance for situations and people and
other people's ideas and stuff like that, it's very.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Important that you build.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
You build tolerance so that you can be more patient,
you can manage your stress. You have that grit and
persistence and you're better at handling discomfort and adaptability and
change and.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
More emotional resilience.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Right, So some ways that we can do that, of course, everybody,
we all need to spend time and more self reflection
and really seeing what are some of those triggers so
that we can manage those reactions to increase the tolerance.
So it's always better to pause before you react, and
then pull the thumb and look atself before you point
(12:43):
the finger at somebody else. And it's really hard pulling
the thumb. Is it's easy to point the finger. Pulling
the thumb's really hard. But I think it's an important
exercise to building tolerance in personal development, setting realistic expectations,
being realistic about personal progress and to help reduce your
frustration and disappointment is critical.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Incremental exposure to.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Uncomfortable situations, other people's ideas, beliefs, and don't worry, the
world is full of them.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
You're going to have all.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Kinds of opportunities to practice this, but we'll just take
away incremental and just dive in with both feet. But
how can you be in those situations with less judgment?
Speaker 4 (13:24):
How can you put yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
In the observer seat and really just actively listen, be present.
You don't have to agree, and you also don't have
to tell the person that you don't agree. Like just
practicing being in somebody else's shoes or situation and hearing
them without having to bring up an argument, having to
(13:49):
disagree with them, telling them they're wrong because most of
the time it's unnecessary. Right, So this is about you
right now and not them. This is about your tolerance.
This is about you being able to hear. Now, it
doesn't mean that we again fall into the other category
where we have excessive tolerance. Right, we have to be
true to ourselves, but I think most of us probably
(14:12):
aren't in that situation, So that's really good. And last,
but not least, is mindfulness and meditation now the root
of everything, right, Just practice more meditation. It helps promote awareness,
really get in tune with that nervous system, that pair
sympathetic sympathetic nervous system, and we're in sympathetic most of
the time. That's that fight or flight And how can
(14:33):
we put ourselves in a situation without shifting to that
fight or flight, without going to those higher levels of
nervous system level and being able to stay more grounded
and calmer in the pair sympathetic nervous system is extremely important.
Mindfulness and meditation is good for just about everything. So
on the flip side of that, if you catch yourself
(14:55):
like I am, in the excessive tolerance level and lack
of assertiveness here, we need to balance that tolerance and
assertiveness levels. This is really hard for me because I'm
so in this category. So all of us need to
pause and go back to that self awareness. And I
need to do this a lot and just reflect on
(15:16):
that situation and ask yourself if your tolerance is constructive
or if it's causing hidden frustration.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
So if you catch yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
With some of those feelings, the resentment, any negative feelings,
walking on eggshells, staying silent, then you know that there's
some issues with that balance of assertiveness and what are
some triggers and how can you help clarify when it's
time for you to speak up? Really having that awareness
of oh eggshells, Oh what's that mean?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Am I?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Is there something I'm not saying? Am I being too
tolerant in this situation? Am I not being assertive in this?
What do I need to do? Did I have some
boundaries that I wasn't true to myself and have enough
self respect to speak up about? And that's happened to
me a ton in my life. Is my tolerance again,
was so high that I didn't have enough self respect
(16:06):
for myself to draw clear boundaries and just allow them
to be cross because of my excessive tolerance levels. And
so I could go back to my teenage yeers, just
employ this one thing and my life it would have
been dramatically better in that time. Practice a sort of communication.
(16:27):
This is my homework for the week. Assertiveness isn't just
about confrontation. It's a self respect right, and so put
that in the front of your mind and practice the
small ways of saying no, or sharing your opinions or
offering feedback constructively.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
And so I always liked the thing.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Frame it before you say it, and it's amazing every
time I've done that, like, it works out so well.
I just don't know why I don't do it more.
So you just be like, hey, do you mind if
I give you some feedback? Do you mind if I
give you some feedback that might hurt your feelings? Whatever?
Frame it, but then say it is always a good
way to ease into that. But just practice saying no,
(17:03):
Practice putting up those boundaries and making sure if you
feel like your boundaries are being crossy, you're like, hey,
I just need to pause here for a second. I
feel like I'm crossing some boundaries of myself. Offering feedback
more constructively are all clear and important things to do.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Acknowledge your emotions, and for you.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Guys out there that are listening to this that are
a little out of touch with your emotions, like myself,
start paying attention a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Are you having some negative feelings? Right?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Are you having some frustration?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Are you having a little anxiety?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Feel it and say it, be able to put a
flag and that feeling and know what it is, know
that it's there, and then pause and go back to
that self awareness and just ask yourself again, am I
not being assertive enough?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Here? A lot of us know people who are.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Really assertive, right, extremely exsertive, And again there's not enough.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Tolerance where some of us have extreme tolerance but not
enough assertiveness. So where is that balance?
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Just remember to start small, begin with situations, smaller situations
that can build confidence in practicing these issues. And as
you get into bigger situations and issues, then it's going
to help you not feel as overwhelmed as much distress.
And then periodically assess how you feel about your tolerance levels.
I'm going to have any check on with me and say, Brian, hey,
(18:27):
how do you feel like that those adjustments have been
working for you?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Do you feel like there's more balance in your sort
of tolerance levels.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
And I'm really curious as I practice this week for
me and especially like post election, we're going to get
all kinds of different emotions coming up from different people,
from our friends, from our family members going into Thanksgiving.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
How are we going to be able to.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Handle Thanksgiving dinner this Thanksgiving with everybody's opinion on what
just happened, no matter what side of the part lying
you're on in our election.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
And this is an extremely important time.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
This is going to give you lots to practice people
with checking in on your tolerance. Can you listen to
somebody else's opinion? Is the person that's talking to you,
are they extra assertive with their opinion and have a
low tolerance of yours? Are you practicing and making sure
you don't have excessive assertiveness?
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And what is your tolerance levels?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
And how can you find Because if two people are
in a communication and you both have a very well
balanced level of assertiveness and tolerance, it's going to be
a really good conversation.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
It's going to go more.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I hear what you're saying, and I think it's an
interesting perspective coming from where I feel and how I think,
and clearly we can disagree.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
That's not the way I'm thinking or feeling about a
certain way.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
And I don't know necessarily how you got to that place.
Here's how I feel and think, and here's how I
got to that place. So it's really interesting, isn't it.
How like we are from the same family and we
both feel and think a different way. And I'm curious,
circumstance wise, life, circumstance.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Wise, maybe how where some of the things that got
you here?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
And if somebody starts to push too hard, oh wait,
I feel like we were having a good conversation, but
I feel like there's some boundaries that are starting to
get crossed with here with me, and I would like
to go back to where we were. And I feel
like you're just being a little assertive with this and
not respecting who I am or respecting my boundaries. So
if we could just back off, that's just drawing that
(20:37):
set assertiveness of drawing healthy boundaries right and being able
to speak up. So I guess I'm going to talk
longer about this than what I thought. But it's just
really amazing that I'm fifty years old. Fifty fricking years old,
and I'm just now, oh my god, I've had so
much pride on my tolerance for things, and I'm just
(20:59):
now reallyzing that I've developed excessive tolerance and don't have
enough assertiveness. It's interesting and maybe you're thinking, oh my god,
I can't believe I'm so assertive and I really haven't
built a tolerance. And then the other things is you
can build this extreme tolerance for stuff, but then all
of a sudden you're just exhausted, right, And I think
(21:21):
that's where I hit. It's like I'm exhausted a little
bit because I haven't been assertive. I haven't put some
of those boundaries up, or I haven't given that feedback
when it was needed. I haven't spoken up when I
needed to speak up. And I just feel like, I
guess when you're too tolerant, it can wear you down
a little.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Bit, right.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
And so we're all about building and cultivating energy and
not leaking energy. How can we build that energy back up?
And so if you are leaking energy because of excessive
tolerance and not enough assertiveness, or you could be a
leaking energy because you're way too assertive and not enough tolerance,
(22:02):
let's find the balance with that Let's find a balance
before you set down for Thanksgiving dinner with your family
to be able to have a much more pleasant experience
and deeper connections with your family members and the people
around you. Let's not have the imbalance of tolerance and
(22:22):
a servidness wreck and create more havoc than what it
already has in our lives as a whole. Because, as
I'm talking about it, it's just so fricking palpable. Smack
you in the face.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
It's irritating, it's frustrating, it's exhausting, it's anxiety driven, it's overwhelming.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
It deprives you of sleep. So if you've hit your.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Into the road and you're like ready to run away
just to take a break, I think you might potentially
have some balance from your tolerance assertiveness level. Okay, says
check In. This is about all things good for you.
I'm not preaching that you are one way or another.
All things good for you is about mindfulness. It's about
(23:16):
being curious on how we can find opportunities to.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Improve our lives. It's about exploring, trying things right, stepping
into personal agency. Big piece here, Big piece.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
As I talked more and more about it, it's even
more smacking me in my face. I'm going to be
working this week on a little bit more sertiveness, balancing
out my tolerance level, and I would love for you
to do the same. Work on your tolerance level, work
on your assertiveness. Identify I have some self reflection.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Where are you at?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Are you being able to identify some hallelujah symptoms as
we like to call them, Whether it's so you realize
you're having some undue stress, unspoken words, frustration, anxiety?
Speaker 4 (24:08):
What is that about?
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Make some adjustments, Start practicing some self awareness around that,
Start giving yourself some little incremental doses of sitting back
in the observation seat and just being more observant unless judgment.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
It's going to be a challenge.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
It's not going to be easy, but you know what,
if you have the right talent tolerance for it, you're
going to step into it. You're going to be able
to handle those frustrations better. You're going to be able
to continue to push through that, and it's going to
be very important that you do that. But always make
sure you don't go too far the other way. So
(24:47):
thank you guys for listening. That is my spiel for
the day. Sorry about the head cold and the sinusy
weird sounds coming.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Out of my nose and mouth.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I always appreciate you, miss you Amy having you here today.
I hope you guys found a golden nugget in this
podcast today. This podcast, again just to recap, was about
tolerance level and our balance with tolerance and assertiveness. So please,
as always smash that like button, say something kind and awesome,
(25:20):
and to pass this on to somebody who you think
could benefit from it, and go beyond what.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
I'm saying here.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I'm sure there's a whole book, in many books written
about tolerance and assertiveness for many great minds out there,
So take it a step further innundate yourself with great information.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Appreciate you guys, Thank you very much for listening.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Bye, hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the
All Things Good for You podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas,
or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking
purposes only and not intended as medical advice. I have
anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or
(26:03):
personal medical professional. And if you're enjoying All Things Good
for Your podcast, hop on over and leave us a
five star review so we can continue delving in and
providing great content. Thanks again, and we hope you are
inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health and
wellness journey
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