September 21, 2025 • 39 mins
After 14 months in the jungles of Vietnam, Dennis Nickel had a difficult time adjusting; drugs, alchohol and violent outburst plagued his life before PTSD was officially recognized. He and his wife Diana had their bumps and bruises for 40 years before unconditional love put them on a new path,
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
We all owe them, but very few of us know them.
They are the men and women of our military and
first responder communities, and these are their stories. American Warrior
Radio is on the air.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
WELLO, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to American Warrior Radio. This
is your host, Ben buler Garcia. American Warrior Radio broadcasts
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If you've been listening for a while, you know one
of my pet beeves is the stereotype that just because
once in Vietnam, they are irredeemingly broken or somehow damaged goods.
We've discussed this issue on the show several times with
(01:07):
the likes of B. G. Burget, who helped author the
National Stolen Valor Law Or A successful Hollywood actor and consultant,
Dale Dye, who did two tours of duty in Vietnam. Now,
part of what I enjoy about doing this radio show
is how much it allows me to learn from a
civilian's perspective outside looking in. And to learn one needs
to keep an open mind, recognizing that there can be
(01:28):
many perspectives, not necessarily one hundred percent right or one
hundred percent wrong. There's just a lot of grand life.
There is no denying that the trauma of war and
combat changes a person. There is no denying that PTSD
is very real and it can have very real impacts
on a person and their families and those around them. Today,
you're going to hear the story of Dennis Nicol, who,
(01:48):
after surviving fourteen months in Vietnam, came home to find
that he faced a second struggle for survival, burdened by
the change of drugs, alcoholism, and violence. Parts of the
story may be hard to hear sometimes in life, that's
exactly what we need to hear. Join us today to
tell the story of dennisis his wife of forty three years, who,
alongside Dennis Fothy's demons and some of our own, and
(02:10):
through many trials and tribulations, would eventually find redemption through
the power of unconditional love. Diana Nicol, Welcome to American
Warrior Radio.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Oh, thank you so much, Diana.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You're both both of your stories you'rs and Dennis is
sold in the book Surviving Vietnam. Now you, if I
get this right, you co authored this with Dennis h.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Yeah, this is actually the finish of a project that
goes back thirty nine years after we first met and
had such a crazy existence. A few years in I
thought I heard in my heart tell him write his
story down. And so there was literally like a twelve
chapter product of love, a thirty chapter product of love,
(02:53):
breaking chains twice and each time that life was going
on and we were learning things. His heart such an
amazing hero. My late husband's heart was always to try
and help others, no matter what he was suffering or
going through himself.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Just an absolute hero's heart.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
And so finally in the last year of his life,
he was going through all kinds of medical things related
to his fourteen months in combat and Vietnam, and so
one of the things that we realized is because of
our faith. Some of the books we had published were
very what we referred to as Christianese and that's fine,
but people that were not of that camp would not
(03:33):
understand that lingo. And the one thing my husband never
was was religious. He was very relational, you got his
whole heart, but he did not pick up on things
like I did. And so the last year we had
worked on our son had made our son, Isaiah Nicol
had made a YouTube series called Surviving Vietnam during COVID,
(03:55):
and so that kit it went viral. We have people saying,
my gosh, this was you know, really helped us. So
we decided to do a companion book. And I went
through and first I tore everything out that that I
felt wasn't veterancentric. Then Dennis went after it, and so
when he passed on September twelfth of twenty twenty one,
(04:17):
the book was like ninety five percent done. And so
this is actually the final of a very long process.
So I feel like I've been pregnant for thirty nine
years and here comes the baby.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
That's a that's a good.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I ran for elected offers twice. Diana and I described
as a year long root canal, so I can I
can sympathize.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
With that well, and I guess talking to the military community, which,
by the way, thanks to everyone, Oh my gosh, you
have a journal, Charles Faint.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Myke my sons, everybody involved.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I just know the military community knows nothing about patients, so.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I'll be perfectly candid with you.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Diana.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I got the book, I started reading it. I was
about five six, seven chapters in, and I started to
have second thoughts, honestly, because I mean it's a rough read.
You know, it pains me to read about what Dennis
and then you were going through. But you know, I
came back to that open mind thing. And then at
(05:19):
the end of the day completing the book, one word
came to mind, and that word is redemption. And that's
one of my favorite words in English language.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Mm. Yeah, well that's you know, It's like there was
a man named Leo Jabron that said, without the tears,
you wouldn't understand the smiles. And you know, we need transparency,
the old school thing which we were both raised. I'm
seventy now Dennis would have been seventy five. But the
(05:50):
thing about hiding your pain and acting like when you
go through things doesn't have any effect. It's like, come on,
get real, whether it's a divorce, rape, serving being my gosh,
our heroes signing a blank check with your life to serve,
so the rest of us can run around an act
like everything's fine. It's just like, oh, my goodness, what
(06:15):
an amazing life. But unless you're ready to get real,
you can't go forward with life. I believe there's fallout
anytime you take someone and you have them, even if
they don't go into combat. Thank you to those that
are willing to lay their lives down and sign that
blank check. But there's no way that you go through
the kinds of things that you go through without having
(06:36):
angry percussions. I mean, you know, it is what it is.
So that was Dennis's heart and mind. We always wanted
to address because of what we learned along the way,
and we wanted to tell people there is always hope, please,
time is on your side, and don't give up. And
so that was pretty much our hearts about the long
(06:59):
term project.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Now he came back from Vietnam. If I'm not mistaken,
dying in nineteen seventy one, that was a very different
time in our nation. And one of the things that
struck me about your story history combined is I've talked
to numerous Vietnam era veterans who made it very clear
to me, saying, Ben, we're doing everything we can to
(07:21):
help the global War on Terror veterans because we don't
want them to go through or experience what we did,
and we don't want that sacrifice to have been lost.
So I kind of see that what Dennis was doing
later in his life, and clearly there were not the
(07:42):
kind of support services back then that we have now
for these warriors and their families.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I actually have a quick funny story for you.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It wasn't even a few months when he was on
the seventh floor of the Fresno Va diagnosed with great problems,
human bites to his chest, battered knuckles from fights. But
they were trying they didn't know what post traumatic stress was,
and they also were trying to deny that any of
us was related to what was going on. So he
voluntarily checked himself in trying to seek help, and they
(08:15):
put him on the seventh floor and they filled him
full of meloreal thorazine value him and a few other things.
And then I actually have the record said if that's
not enough at night, you can give him more librium.
And then they handed to the man a pink puk
batal and so he knew. They decided that he needed
to go to a metal institution, and he decided he
(08:38):
was nuts, but not that nuts. So he escaped from
the seventh floor in his green pajamas with his little booties.
It was before they had locked down. He probably was
the reason they added lockdown to the seventh floor. And
he literally went out, pretended he was like a doctor,
went out in his greenies, went into the elevator, took
(08:58):
it down, and went walking across Fresno in his green
outfit and his little booties, and thus began his search
for you know, trying to find reality. So, yes, they
didn't understand.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, Diana, I'll tell you there's a lot of lessons
that the rest of us can learn from from your experiences.
And I don't want to say I'm glad that you
guys took the hits, because I'm not, but I mean, clearly,
clearly a lot of examples of well, we'll come back
to the answer to that here after the breaks. Other's
there's one particular phrase, but I don't want to let
that out too soon. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your host,
Ben Buler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nicol. She and
(09:35):
her husband wrote a book called Surviving Vietnam. There's also
a great YouTube channel that I want you to check out.
It's called Survive Vietnam dot com. Some of the stuff
that Dennis did in the last years of his life
and millions of hits and lots of great comments. So
stick around.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Welcome back to American Warrior Radio Laser. Gentlemen, there's your host,
Ben Butler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nickel. Dina and
her husband, Dennis had a I'll use the phrase tempetuous
temp it's not my first language. That a stormy, a
stormy forty three year marriage and lots of ups and down,
(10:32):
lots of bumps and passionate. Yes, okay, that's that's a
better word. I mean there there must there must have
been passion for you to put up with that. And
I you know, so we're talking about the challenges that
he faced coming back from Vietnam, and you know, a
lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs, a lot of violence,
(10:55):
and I kind of when you tell that story about
him breaking himself out of the seventh floor, you know,
the psychiatric ward. Now, in Fairness Diana, later on in life,
it's Christmas Eve, Fairness of Dentis, It's Christmas Eve. There's
a knock at the door and the cops. You're there
with a warrant for your arrest. So I don't know
if we can put this all on him.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Oh yeah, oh no. And that that's very true because
I was a sixties baby. I tell people, They go,
what's the reader's digest version of the book, And I say, well,
I met this man who I fell in love with
because he looked like a cross between Johnny Depp and
Elvis Presley. We fell in love lust he tried to
murder me, and then we eloped three weeks later and
(11:37):
came back and started our life under a tree. Now
that might give you a clue that in my world
and in my life, I had walked far away from
my upbringing and what was the norm. I was a
sixties baby, so I had been exposed to drugs and
alcohol and free love and all those things. But I
was actually coming back around the corner. And when I
(11:59):
met Dania I absolutely fell in love with him because
he had such a pure heart. I had spent years
down in LA working for the studios and meeting lots
of celebrities that were so full of anything but reality,
and so when I met someone like it or not,
when he said something, he meant it and got you
knew you were getting Dennis. And there were no errors
(12:21):
and there was no fakeness. And it was so refreshing
in a culture that was like, you know, you could
not stand somebody but shake their hand and smile, old school,
you know, do what was right, think about it. And
to meet someone that was so authentic was very attraction.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And You's like I said that the book is kind
of a tough read, but there's lots of lighthearder moments.
Are you talking about your marriage real quick?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Just telling you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I mean, you decided to a lope, You had what
fifty bucks in your pocket, You borrowed a car, drove
to Reno.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
We borrowed the fifty bucks, We borrowed the car. He
borrowed his brother's angel flight pants. He was a size
twenty eight. Then he borrowed my dad's shoes and shirt
or his brother's shoes and my dad's shirt.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
My dad was out of town.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
We borrowed the car and so here he'd had an
amazing deliverance, and we just knew we wanted to be together,
and so we decided that we just had to get married.
So we went to Reno and he borrowed sixty bucks
from his sister, Penny Nickel, funny name, and so we
got up there and we I on the way there,
(13:25):
I had gotten a flyer off the back of a
commode that said Starlight Wedding Chapel, which since has been
it's now a parking lot across from the courthouse in Reno.
But what was so funny was we walked in not
knowing what to expect, and they asked us did we
want this? Did we want that? And here we get
all lined up, We change our clothes we've already picked
(13:48):
up on. It was just a horrible velvet, like a
fake TV set thing. The guy was reading the National
Inquirer in the back like it was definitely not the
holy thing that we had both come to faith. And
it was like what every little girl dreams of on
her wedding day. And so here they line us up
and all of a sudden we hear the woman, the
same woman who lined us up, going and she charges
(14:12):
around out of where she's lined us up to go
up to the place to say our vows, and we
literally heard her butt hit a piano bench and she
starts playing the wedding march. We're already halfway down. I
start getting a giggle fest. I was just totally losing it.
And then the preacher looks at Dennis, all Sirius, going.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Do you have the rings? Well, we didn't know. We
told him we wanted rings, we didn't know we had
to do it.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So he stops everything. We go out, we do a
business transaction in the middle of everything. Then here we go,
the same lady lined us.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Back up, this worse than a great beat movie man,
and all of a sudden we hear I thought you
got it kidding me.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
We heard her butt hit the piano bench, and by
then I'm trying so hardened, and then I realized, I said, Lord,
these vows are between our maker and us, and I
pull it together and we did end up getting married
that day, and off we went for forty three years
of education.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
This is the hard question. Ben gets a dumb question
every show, But I'm going to make that a hard
question for you, Dinah. I mean, given what you all
went through for I mean forty three years, what made
you stick around?
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Am I okay? I mean what made me? I know
my faith?
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I absolutely I not only fell in love, but from
the moment that Dennis, who had so many issues and
so many things, and he ended up in his situation
where he came to faith in Jesus Christ and the
changes that happened, I knew his heart was pure and
so our hearts were pure. There was just this I
(15:58):
won't encourage anybody went through anything.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Process. Process is the key.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
And you know, standing and seeing what God sees and
not thinking that if there's a problem that your spouse
is the enemy, or the kids or the enemy, usually
the enemy is your own belief system or your own
boxing and not allowing healing in. So yeah, I just
and the minute we had kids. I have right here
(16:26):
in the front of the book who Dennis had helped
me write this originally that he had dedicated the book
to our three sons, Isaac, Isaiah, and Israel.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
And what was.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Amazing was the minute, the minute this man had kids,
no matter what he suffered, he said, life is so unselfish.
Life is no longer about me. That we were given
treasures I don't count. They get everything. So there were
so many redeeming qualities that were just amazing.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
No one thing that really struck me about your journey. Also, Dinah,
I'm not I don't consider myself a religious person per se,
but I've always had faith. That's that's just I don't know,
it's in my DNA. So because I've always had faith,
I've always had hope. And and you know, so often
when I when I pray for others, I pray for
them to find that hope in their circumstances and bear
(17:20):
them through. And now one of the I don't know
if it's a cathartic thing for you, but one of
the things that you've done quite a bit, Diana uh
To to deal with this is write poetry. And some
of this stuff is very powerful and it applies I
think for all the veterans out there, their families, their
their loved ones, those like me who support them. So
when we come back, I'm like you to just, you know,
(17:41):
maybe pick one of those poems and share it for
our listeners. And I also want to talk about just
a coincidence is not the right word, but so often
through your story, in the deepest, darkest troubled times, things
just happened. And I'm I'm a I believe there are
no coincidences in life, and your story is a perfect
(18:04):
example of that. So maybe you can share a couple
of those with us as well when we come back,
and I want to through our conversation, Diana, I'd like
to hope that we're carrying on Dennis's legacy of sharing
this information and for people out there who are struggling,
whether it's a Vietnam era VET, or a global War
on Tara VET, or just a civilian like me who's
(18:24):
having a rough time, I want them to be able
to find hope in our conversation. So when we come
back from this commercial, Brander, I'd like you to share
your choice of one of those poems. Folks can find
all those poems at the Havoc Journal Havoc Journal with
a K dot com. Ladies and gentlemen, there's your host,
Ben Biler. Garcia will be back with more with Diana
right here in American Warrior Radio stick around. More information
(18:51):
may be found at American Warrior Radio dot com. Welcome
(19:13):
back to American Warrior Radio. Laser and gentlemen. This is
Ben Bueler Garcia. We're coming to you from the Sallencer
Central Studios. Slencer Central is the largest salncer dealer in
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(19:35):
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We're back with Diana nicol. Diana Nickel and her husband
Dennis wrote a book called Surviving Vietnam. They also there's
a great YouTube channel. Your website is Survive Vietnam dot com.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Correct, because yeah, surviving was taken. Survive dot com is
web Surviving Vietnam. Dennis Nickel is the YouTube.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, and there's you know, I mean, millions of views
on your YouTube channel a lot. But what it really
struck me DOWNNA, is that when I read through the
comments and so many people said that's exactly what I
was going through. That's exactly you know. You've helped me
so much by sharing your story, and that's a powerful
(20:26):
testament to what you and he did well.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I think you know you can't share what you don't
own and what you haven't experienced and people know whether
it's for real or not, and that's where you know
you're paying for gain. I actually I was really torn
because I've got fifty five poems that have poured out
that I don't even want to take the credit. They
come like I'll be doing something completely not and I
(20:50):
do have a background that I could sit down and
make something up. But ninety nine percent of the time
what I've produced after Dennis went in to Heaven was
I'll get hit with a thought or like one line
and it's like, go sit down now, and then the
rest pores. At the end of the book, we have
an epilogue. We put it down as the epilogue, but
(21:12):
I think you mentioned this one and it really touched us.
It's called if You Only Knew, And I just want
to encourage anyone who's struggling and does not realize how
powerful it is to take a breath and let time
pass because things are always changing. If you only knew,
fast forward time to the days that are fine, where
(21:34):
laughter replaces the screams, Fiery trials, challenges and pain diminish
with the passing of time. You laid the gun down
with no hope in sight, thinking of others, not your
own plight. This one small act the gift of time.
Not giving up or committing that crime. To swallow the
lie that there is no hope, just a victim that
(21:55):
cannot cope, would rob us all of your treasure. Decided
to stay just in case there might be a different
ending that hasn't been seen. And you're right. The second
you looked for the next open door, circumstances started changing.
No one could explain. Moment by moment. As time passes on,
(22:16):
perspective and wisdom arrive. This man, with no hope, full
of demons and rage, never knew what his future would hold.
Yet step by step he refused to give up. Help
came in miraculous ways. By the time the picture was
taken of the old wise veteran above, and I had
put this with a picture of my late husband. He
had thirty seven years of his best friend's love, sons
(22:38):
he admired and learned.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
How to father.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Their wives were the daughters he loved, eight grandchildren, strong,
with one more on the way. She arrived six months
before the day. The day that Denis left this earth
and entered eternity, he left a trail of love and friends,
changed lives, and so very much more. Next time you
reach for a pillar, agun pondering taking your life, wait,
(23:06):
take a breath. Time doesn't stand still. Each morning wipes
the slate clean. If you only knew what could be
your future, the joys that wait for you, you would reconsider.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
There was one point when he was in Anderson and
out of it and homeless and so heartbroken.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Before we met that.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
As he tells it, he had his mom and stepdad
had gone down to fish. They lived in a mobile
home park on the Sacramento River, and he had gotten
a gun and stuck it in his mouth, and he
was so tormented because nobody knew the answers, nobody knew
how to help, and he was so close, and they
(23:48):
drove up and all he could think of still thinking
of the other guy. He did not want his mother
to find him that way, and so he didn't do it,
and so to know that this man ended up sharing
his story internationally, touching millions of lives, having the most
beautiful family, and he did get to hold grand baby
(24:09):
nine for six months, and the legacy, like you said,
of the beauty that can come out of ashes. So
it's just you want to share that because there's nothing worse.
It says, we die for lack of knowledge, and you
don't want people to be hopeless when there's so many
reasons to hope.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I tell you, if people go to the Surviving Vietnam
YouTube channel, which which you all created, you mentioned in
twenty twenty, there's actually a statement there says, well, the
actual number of daily suicides committed by active duty and
veteran military members is up for debate. One thing is certain.
Any number greater than zero.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Is too many.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
The sad reality is that many of our bravest men
and women in uniform are choosing what they think is
their only option.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And it's not.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Easy for me to say. I've never never face that myself,
but there are particularly now, there is help out there,
and I just I can't help. But having just so
much praise for you and Dennis, now, now walk me
through how you all came to the decision to use
yours experience as a way of helping others. Was that
(25:18):
as a result from what you started to see on
the YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Well, the YouTube idea.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
We had had several books prior to this one, and
people had asked for audio that weren't readers or they
were on the road all the time, and they said,
you know, I'd love to know your story, but we
need an audio. And so as another one of those
little miraculous things, as life would have it. And I
don't think it's coincidence. Our middleson, Isaiah Laine, who had
(25:48):
done a Twitch channel, and his brother Israel Nicol.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
They had done a.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Twitch channel and done a green screen.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
They had the equipment.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
Life happened, and he ended up we had a very
large house with an upstairs men and he and his
family ended up moving in downstairs and right below literally
our apartment upstairs. He puts in this whole green screen
in this studio. And they had already decided the Twitch
channel as good as it was the time involved with
(26:18):
them raising children, homeschooling all these things, they weren't doing
that anymore. And so my lightning fast mind, I said
you know here we are and I can't help. But
notice people have been begging for audio and there's a
green screen below our bedroom. Do you think God might
be up to something? And so he said, you won't
believe this. My brothers and I we've been talking and
(26:40):
we already said if we could ever get Dad to
sit down and share his story, we want this so real. See,
we want authentic. We want to touch people's hearts. We
don't want to talk about.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
The next thing. We want them to feel.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
It said, We're going to throw up a background to
the wall and let him go. And if it hadn't
and his son, there's no.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Way we had had the joy.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Over the years doors opened, we got to work with
Moni Roberts, the horse whisperer, who became a personal friend
and like a father figure. They have amazing horse sense
and healing events four times a year, and the magic
of that. I watched a woman who had not been
out of her house since Vietnam other than to go
to a shrink and get groceries. After two visits, flew
(27:25):
back to Washington, d C. And gave her testimony about
sexual military trauma, her wounds, and what she had walked
through the magic of there's so many different great things
out there now and with the Internet, with people praying people,
you know, tunnel to tower, all these groups saying listen,
we get it. You've paid a price, my gosh, but
(27:45):
don't give up. And whatever road is going to help
you get there. We want to make sure you know,
as you said, Ben, there's so many options.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
And I encourage people if they go to Survive Vietnam
dot Com on your webpagehare there is a list of resources,
including this horse Sense and Healing with Wim Monty Roberts.
And it's interesting. I was watching, you know, some of
the YouTube and it's not really interviewed the conversation that
the dentist shared, and what struck me is he said
(28:16):
the thing that really came out with him and Monti
Roberts was number one. He said, Number one, He listened
and that's you know, that really struck me because one
thing I've learned over the years of being a radio
host is it's not about your talk radio host. But
it's not about talking, it's about listening, right, I mean,
people don't tune in to hear me, Diana, they tune
(28:37):
in to hear you. So I encourage people to go
to survive Vietnam dot com and check out those resources. Diana,
after this next break, I want to talk a little
bit more about your experiences in passing through those challenging times.
Ladies and gentlemen, Your host, Ben Llar Garcia will be
right back. Welcome back to American Warrior Radio. Ladies and gentlemen,
(29:16):
This is Ben Bueler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nicol.
Diana is the surviving spouse, if you will, a Vietnam
era veteran who spent fourteen years in combat in the
jungles and then I don't know because I wasn't there
in the mud with him, but it seems like he
had a second war that he had to fight the
rest of his life when he came back. And that
(29:37):
was basically the topic. When you talk about surviving Vietnam,
you're really talking about surviving after Vietnam. And you were
with him pretty much the whole way, Diana, with lots
of bumps in the road, but you came out okay.
And PTSD was not even officially recognized by the American
Psychiatric Association until nineteen eighty and your husband came back
(30:00):
Vietnam in nineteen seventy one. That's a pretty big gap
for him and somebody. Is another quote that I want
to share because I saw this, Dennis in your book.
He said at the end, towards the end of the book,
he said, for all you men out there going through
change or for whatever reason, feel the need to act
out our youth again, I'd just like to say, be
(30:22):
patient with yourself and your wife and kids, and the
Lord will help you work things out. He promises to
do that. And one of the things so often that
I've seen or read or heard is it's people. You know,
there's a certain amount of pride, particularly if you're a warrior.
You're that type a personality. I don't know. I don't
(30:44):
if I show asks for help, it shows weakness and
not to me. That's just such a powerful statement for
anyone out there to learn to be patient with yourself
and that will translate into your relationships with the others
around you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Yes, it's that you brought up that one because I
was just I had opened up. I had the book
in front of me, and I had opened up right
where like you talk about miraculous things, to where you
just shared after twenty eight years, I started waking up,
and there were so many great things, but as you say,
our marriage was so dysfunctional.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
The way Dennis.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Operated, the way I reacted, I enabled behavior that I
didn't know what was post traumatic and what was just
male bravado, and what wasn't okay, what was okay, what
I should okay or whatever. And so finally we actually
had to separate for a few months, and when I
finally understood, it had nothing to do with me. And
(31:39):
as he writes in the book, it was like he
had tried, and he had actually for so many years,
and when our kids were growing up, because he was
so grateful to God for all he had done. There
was no drinking, there was no this, There was no that.
He was trying so hard to be perfect. And then
the kids are getting married, they're moving out, they're getting older,
(32:00):
and he's continuing through life and things are bubbling up
that hadn't been dealt with. Lots had been dealt with,
but not everything, And all of a sudden he finds
himself in literally a wrestling match with God. And I
didn't understand at the time. It took me a couple
of years to figure out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
This didn't even have anything to do with me.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
And I would tell anybody out there having these problems,
ninety nine percent of the time, it doesn't even have
to do with you. And the minute you realize this
isn't about you, and if you have your best friend
who's treading water. I had a situation happen in Tarrabella
in our early years. It was very profound. He was
going through backsliding and was drinking and writing is hardly
(32:43):
like crazy, this and that, and I was so worried
about what was going on, and I hit my knees
a lot during those days. And literally I believed I
heard from on high love never fails, and to give
him unconditional love. And so I found out in the
journey that the very areas that his quote dysfunction or
(33:04):
our challenges tested me. It was a gift for me
to learn, for me to grow, for me to see
bigger things. And so when I actually started walking and
seeing him through the eyes of the one who created him,
it was different than me being the victim. You know,
he's treating me bad, he's saying bad things, whatever, And
(33:25):
so finally there was like a period where it didn't
matter he could walk in the door completely out of it.
If I wasn't prepared to love him in that condition,
if I had go lock myself in the bathroom, run
out on the acre, run in circles, praying whatever, I
would not be part of the problem, and kick him
while he was down, which is what the enemy wanted
(33:46):
me to do. And later he told me, he said,
you know, when you gave me unconditional love, I came home,
I was already getting my brains beat out. I was
beating my own brains out. There's an enemy beating my
brains out. And when you didn't join in, I just
can't tell you what that did to me. And I
could no longer continue the way things were, and it
(34:06):
literally saved me. So in the end I came to
the realization people had such a view of, oh, Diana
did this, and Diana didn't know my husband saved me.
And if I hadn't had the challenges and the gift
of working through all these things in life, I would
not have the gifting.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
And the preparation.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
And you know, Mani Roberts said that he had over
seventy two broken bones before he was twelve by a
very abusive father, and he had his fourteen or fifteen
years old, he had his gun loaded, was looking at
him through a window. And he was raised in a
Catholic school, and he had this sister that told him,
you could do it, and you probably are justified, but
(34:45):
you will never get to be everything you are meant
to be, and you'll never get to do what you've
been called to do. And at the last minute he
decided that he would not take that life, and so
he would turn and use all this pain for good,
and he ended up change the way ninety You know,
so many horses now do things within a few hours
(35:06):
of joining up that they used to brutalize him for weeks,
and he's changed things all over the world. So that
was kind of like you find out. Corey ten Boom,
who went through AUSHWAZ, said, the thing that tribulates you
the most is actually a gift to help you grow
in love, You grow an understanding and compassion. So I
just am so grateful that he is my husband still,
(35:29):
we said, for eternity, So even though he's in heaven,
I haven't left.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Him there you go, And I thought that's you know,
basically that the takeaway there and maybe to share with
other spouses or family members who are experiencing some of
these things. Now, it's hard to fight unconditional love. And
you had an article on Havoc Journal where you say
you encourage, you encourage people to put on the rose
(35:55):
colored glasses of love, to look at their partner or
spouse or family through the rose colored glass of love.
And that's true on conditional love.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Well, and and it works, and it's the model, and
it's not about you, and you understand it's like you know,
you you come upon an accident and people are in
pain and they're in pieces. It's not the time to go, well,
how did this happen? Let me blame somebody, You get
them to help, and then you get you start finding
out details and you get to the root of the problem.
(36:27):
And when I understood he was wrestling his maker. It
wasn't for me to fix. God didn't want him going
to me. He wanted him to have that relational aspect
that would bring him peace far beyond what I could bring.
And when I finally got that and stopped fighting against
his need to be alone, and yet didn't take it
as a segue to say, well, I'm just going to go,
(36:50):
you know, forget you. I'm going to go make a
whole new life. Thank God, my my heart, my time
where I've devoted my time and my heart happened to
be in Kingdom things in my faith, and so that's
what came out. And the fruit of that is pretty
much it's you can see it with the children, the grandchildren,
(37:12):
where they're at, healthy, happy people in a world that
that doesn't seem to be the norm anymore.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You know, dan Unfirst of well, run out of time.
We got just a couple of minutes left. But I
want to touch real quickly on something that both in
you and I preach, if I can use that phrase,
and that's really getting people to recognize the price that
the members of our military pay on behalf of the
rest of us. And I mean Dennis's story is a
perfect example.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Should I read one more.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Well, if you can do it in a one minute forty.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Five seconds, okay, I'll do give it time. Then give
it time. You were taught to march, to run, and fire,
You trusted weapons and more, and yet coming home it
seems you've lost the big things, including before You're not
the same if you understand the price so many paid.
The key to surviving and running your race lies in
(38:05):
treasures of seconds, in time, Emotions run deep, truth deeper. Still,
your only one lifetime to use your strong will. A
grateful nation, the laughter of children, the joy of a
crisp bottom morn. The mind is the battlefield. Train it
to win over memories of days gone by. Choose where
to focus, what to believe that brings life and guards
(38:26):
your heart. I know you can make it fulfilling your days.
Dig deep, believe in your heart.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
We need you, we love you.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Your deep sacrifice. Freedom's cost is true. Your maker knows
every hair on your head.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 4 (38:43):
No one can replace you, and I just want to
thank everyone out there who has paid that price. Please
give God time and a chance and process to make
the most out of your life. Beauty for ashes, and
ask for help.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Be very to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Ask for help.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Dina. It's been a pleasure getting to know you, and
it's been a privilege to have you here on America.
We're radio anchourage folks to visit Survive Vietnam dot com.
You can find links to some of Dennis's YouTube work
there and very very powerful stuff and if it helps
even just one person. Oh and then, of course, the
book Surviving Vietnam is out now. You can find that
where you get your books, Amazon, local bookstore, wherever it is.
(39:26):
And Diana, once again, thank you so much for spending
your time and sharing your story and Dennis's story with us.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
You've been listening to American Warrior Radio. Archived episodes may
be found at americanwarriorradio dot com or your favorite podcast
platform
We all owe them, but very few of us know them.
They are the men and women of our military and
first responder communities, and these are their stories. American Warrior
Radio is on the air.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
WELLO, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to American Warrior Radio. This
is your host, Ben buler Garcia. American Warrior Radio broadcasts
from the Silencer Central Studios. If you're thinking of getting
a silencer for one or more of your weapons, there's
never been a better time to do so. For a
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(00:45):
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to your front door, making silence simple. Silencercentral dot com.
If you've been listening for a while, you know one
of my pet beeves is the stereotype that just because
once in Vietnam, they are irredeemingly broken or somehow damaged goods.
We've discussed this issue on the show several times with
(01:07):
the likes of B. G. Burget, who helped author the
National Stolen Valor Law Or A successful Hollywood actor and consultant,
Dale Dye, who did two tours of duty in Vietnam. Now,
part of what I enjoy about doing this radio show
is how much it allows me to learn from a
civilian's perspective outside looking in. And to learn one needs
to keep an open mind, recognizing that there can be
(01:28):
many perspectives, not necessarily one hundred percent right or one
hundred percent wrong. There's just a lot of grand life.
There is no denying that the trauma of war and
combat changes a person. There is no denying that PTSD
is very real and it can have very real impacts
on a person and their families and those around them. Today,
you're going to hear the story of Dennis Nicol, who,
(01:48):
after surviving fourteen months in Vietnam, came home to find
that he faced a second struggle for survival, burdened by
the change of drugs, alcoholism, and violence. Parts of the
story may be hard to hear sometimes in life, that's
exactly what we need to hear. Join us today to
tell the story of dennisis his wife of forty three years, who,
alongside Dennis Fothy's demons and some of our own, and
(02:10):
through many trials and tribulations, would eventually find redemption through
the power of unconditional love. Diana Nicol, Welcome to American
Warrior Radio.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Oh, thank you so much, Diana.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You're both both of your stories you'rs and Dennis is
sold in the book Surviving Vietnam. Now you, if I
get this right, you co authored this with Dennis h.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Yeah, this is actually the finish of a project that
goes back thirty nine years after we first met and
had such a crazy existence. A few years in I
thought I heard in my heart tell him write his
story down. And so there was literally like a twelve
chapter product of love, a thirty chapter product of love,
(02:53):
breaking chains twice and each time that life was going
on and we were learning things. His heart such an
amazing hero. My late husband's heart was always to try
and help others, no matter what he was suffering or
going through himself.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Just an absolute hero's heart.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
And so finally in the last year of his life,
he was going through all kinds of medical things related
to his fourteen months in combat and Vietnam, and so
one of the things that we realized is because of
our faith. Some of the books we had published were
very what we referred to as Christianese and that's fine,
but people that were not of that camp would not
(03:33):
understand that lingo. And the one thing my husband never
was was religious. He was very relational, you got his
whole heart, but he did not pick up on things
like I did. And so the last year we had
worked on our son had made our son, Isaiah Nicol
had made a YouTube series called Surviving Vietnam during COVID,
(03:55):
and so that kit it went viral. We have people saying,
my gosh, this was you know, really helped us. So
we decided to do a companion book. And I went
through and first I tore everything out that that I
felt wasn't veterancentric. Then Dennis went after it, and so
when he passed on September twelfth of twenty twenty one,
(04:17):
the book was like ninety five percent done. And so
this is actually the final of a very long process.
So I feel like I've been pregnant for thirty nine
years and here comes the baby.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
That's a that's a good.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I ran for elected offers twice. Diana and I described
as a year long root canal, so I can I
can sympathize.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
With that well, and I guess talking to the military community, which,
by the way, thanks to everyone, Oh my gosh, you
have a journal, Charles Faint.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Myke my sons, everybody involved.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I just know the military community knows nothing about patients, so.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I'll be perfectly candid with you.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Diana.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I got the book, I started reading it. I was
about five six, seven chapters in, and I started to
have second thoughts, honestly, because I mean it's a rough read.
You know, it pains me to read about what Dennis
and then you were going through. But you know, I
came back to that open mind thing. And then at
(05:19):
the end of the day completing the book, one word
came to mind, and that word is redemption. And that's
one of my favorite words in English language.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Mm. Yeah, well that's you know, It's like there was
a man named Leo Jabron that said, without the tears,
you wouldn't understand the smiles. And you know, we need transparency,
the old school thing which we were both raised. I'm
seventy now Dennis would have been seventy five. But the
(05:50):
thing about hiding your pain and acting like when you
go through things doesn't have any effect. It's like, come on,
get real, whether it's a divorce, rape, serving being my gosh,
our heroes signing a blank check with your life to serve,
so the rest of us can run around an act
like everything's fine. It's just like, oh, my goodness, what
(06:15):
an amazing life. But unless you're ready to get real,
you can't go forward with life. I believe there's fallout
anytime you take someone and you have them, even if
they don't go into combat. Thank you to those that
are willing to lay their lives down and sign that
blank check. But there's no way that you go through
the kinds of things that you go through without having
(06:36):
angry percussions. I mean, you know, it is what it is.
So that was Dennis's heart and mind. We always wanted
to address because of what we learned along the way,
and we wanted to tell people there is always hope, please,
time is on your side, and don't give up. And
so that was pretty much our hearts about the long
(06:59):
term project.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Now he came back from Vietnam. If I'm not mistaken,
dying in nineteen seventy one, that was a very different
time in our nation. And one of the things that
struck me about your story history combined is I've talked
to numerous Vietnam era veterans who made it very clear
to me, saying, Ben, we're doing everything we can to
(07:21):
help the global War on Terror veterans because we don't
want them to go through or experience what we did,
and we don't want that sacrifice to have been lost.
So I kind of see that what Dennis was doing
later in his life, and clearly there were not the
(07:42):
kind of support services back then that we have now
for these warriors and their families.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I actually have a quick funny story for you.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It wasn't even a few months when he was on
the seventh floor of the Fresno Va diagnosed with great problems,
human bites to his chest, battered knuckles from fights. But
they were trying they didn't know what post traumatic stress was,
and they also were trying to deny that any of
us was related to what was going on. So he
voluntarily checked himself in trying to seek help, and they
(08:15):
put him on the seventh floor and they filled him
full of meloreal thorazine value him and a few other things.
And then I actually have the record said if that's
not enough at night, you can give him more librium.
And then they handed to the man a pink puk
batal and so he knew. They decided that he needed
to go to a metal institution, and he decided he
(08:38):
was nuts, but not that nuts. So he escaped from
the seventh floor in his green pajamas with his little booties.
It was before they had locked down. He probably was
the reason they added lockdown to the seventh floor. And
he literally went out, pretended he was like a doctor,
went out in his greenies, went into the elevator, took
(08:58):
it down, and went walking across Fresno in his green
outfit and his little booties, and thus began his search
for you know, trying to find reality. So, yes, they
didn't understand.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, Diana, I'll tell you there's a lot of lessons
that the rest of us can learn from from your experiences.
And I don't want to say I'm glad that you
guys took the hits, because I'm not, but I mean, clearly,
clearly a lot of examples of well, we'll come back
to the answer to that here after the breaks. Other's
there's one particular phrase, but I don't want to let
that out too soon. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your host,
Ben Buler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nicol. She and
(09:35):
her husband wrote a book called Surviving Vietnam. There's also
a great YouTube channel that I want you to check out.
It's called Survive Vietnam dot com. Some of the stuff
that Dennis did in the last years of his life
and millions of hits and lots of great comments. So
stick around.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Welcome back to American Warrior Radio Laser. Gentlemen, there's your host,
Ben Butler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nickel. Dina and
her husband, Dennis had a I'll use the phrase tempetuous
temp it's not my first language. That a stormy, a
stormy forty three year marriage and lots of ups and down,
(10:32):
lots of bumps and passionate. Yes, okay, that's that's a
better word. I mean there there must there must have
been passion for you to put up with that. And
I you know, so we're talking about the challenges that
he faced coming back from Vietnam, and you know, a
lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs, a lot of violence,
(10:55):
and I kind of when you tell that story about
him breaking himself out of the seventh floor, you know,
the psychiatric ward. Now, in Fairness Diana, later on in life,
it's Christmas Eve, Fairness of Dentis, It's Christmas Eve. There's
a knock at the door and the cops. You're there
with a warrant for your arrest. So I don't know
if we can put this all on him.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Oh yeah, oh no. And that that's very true because
I was a sixties baby. I tell people, They go,
what's the reader's digest version of the book, And I say, well,
I met this man who I fell in love with
because he looked like a cross between Johnny Depp and
Elvis Presley. We fell in love lust he tried to
murder me, and then we eloped three weeks later and
(11:37):
came back and started our life under a tree. Now
that might give you a clue that in my world
and in my life, I had walked far away from
my upbringing and what was the norm. I was a
sixties baby, so I had been exposed to drugs and
alcohol and free love and all those things. But I
was actually coming back around the corner. And when I
(11:59):
met Dania I absolutely fell in love with him because
he had such a pure heart. I had spent years
down in LA working for the studios and meeting lots
of celebrities that were so full of anything but reality,
and so when I met someone like it or not,
when he said something, he meant it and got you
knew you were getting Dennis. And there were no errors
(12:21):
and there was no fakeness. And it was so refreshing
in a culture that was like, you know, you could
not stand somebody but shake their hand and smile, old school,
you know, do what was right, think about it. And
to meet someone that was so authentic was very attraction.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And You's like I said that the book is kind
of a tough read, but there's lots of lighthearder moments.
Are you talking about your marriage real quick?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Just telling you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I mean, you decided to a lope, You had what
fifty bucks in your pocket, You borrowed a car, drove
to Reno.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
We borrowed the fifty bucks, We borrowed the car. He
borrowed his brother's angel flight pants. He was a size
twenty eight. Then he borrowed my dad's shoes and shirt
or his brother's shoes and my dad's shirt.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
My dad was out of town.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
We borrowed the car and so here he'd had an
amazing deliverance, and we just knew we wanted to be together,
and so we decided that we just had to get married.
So we went to Reno and he borrowed sixty bucks
from his sister, Penny Nickel, funny name, and so we
got up there and we I on the way there,
(13:25):
I had gotten a flyer off the back of a
commode that said Starlight Wedding Chapel, which since has been
it's now a parking lot across from the courthouse in Reno.
But what was so funny was we walked in not
knowing what to expect, and they asked us did we
want this? Did we want that? And here we get
all lined up, We change our clothes we've already picked
(13:48):
up on. It was just a horrible velvet, like a
fake TV set thing. The guy was reading the National
Inquirer in the back like it was definitely not the
holy thing that we had both come to faith. And
it was like what every little girl dreams of on
her wedding day. And so here they line us up
and all of a sudden we hear the woman, the
same woman who lined us up, going and she charges
(14:12):
around out of where she's lined us up to go
up to the place to say our vows, and we
literally heard her butt hit a piano bench and she
starts playing the wedding march. We're already halfway down. I
start getting a giggle fest. I was just totally losing it.
And then the preacher looks at Dennis, all Sirius, going.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Do you have the rings? Well, we didn't know. We
told him we wanted rings, we didn't know we had
to do it.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So he stops everything. We go out, we do a
business transaction in the middle of everything. Then here we go,
the same lady lined us.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Back up, this worse than a great beat movie man,
and all of a sudden we hear I thought you
got it kidding me.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
We heard her butt hit the piano bench, and by
then I'm trying so hardened, and then I realized, I said, Lord,
these vows are between our maker and us, and I
pull it together and we did end up getting married
that day, and off we went for forty three years
of education.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
This is the hard question. Ben gets a dumb question
every show, But I'm going to make that a hard
question for you, Dinah. I mean, given what you all
went through for I mean forty three years, what made
you stick around?
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Am I okay? I mean what made me? I know
my faith?
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I absolutely I not only fell in love, but from
the moment that Dennis, who had so many issues and
so many things, and he ended up in his situation
where he came to faith in Jesus Christ and the
changes that happened, I knew his heart was pure and
so our hearts were pure. There was just this I
(15:58):
won't encourage anybody went through anything.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Process. Process is the key.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
And you know, standing and seeing what God sees and
not thinking that if there's a problem that your spouse
is the enemy, or the kids or the enemy, usually
the enemy is your own belief system or your own
boxing and not allowing healing in. So yeah, I just
and the minute we had kids. I have right here
(16:26):
in the front of the book who Dennis had helped
me write this originally that he had dedicated the book
to our three sons, Isaac, Isaiah, and Israel.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
And what was.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Amazing was the minute, the minute this man had kids,
no matter what he suffered, he said, life is so unselfish.
Life is no longer about me. That we were given
treasures I don't count. They get everything. So there were
so many redeeming qualities that were just amazing.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
No one thing that really struck me about your journey. Also, Dinah,
I'm not I don't consider myself a religious person per se,
but I've always had faith. That's that's just I don't know,
it's in my DNA. So because I've always had faith,
I've always had hope. And and you know, so often
when I when I pray for others, I pray for
them to find that hope in their circumstances and bear
(17:20):
them through. And now one of the I don't know
if it's a cathartic thing for you, but one of
the things that you've done quite a bit, Diana uh
To to deal with this is write poetry. And some
of this stuff is very powerful and it applies I
think for all the veterans out there, their families, their
their loved ones, those like me who support them. So
when we come back, I'm like you to just, you know,
(17:41):
maybe pick one of those poems and share it for
our listeners. And I also want to talk about just
a coincidence is not the right word, but so often
through your story, in the deepest, darkest troubled times, things
just happened. And I'm I'm a I believe there are
no coincidences in life, and your story is a perfect
(18:04):
example of that. So maybe you can share a couple
of those with us as well when we come back,
and I want to through our conversation, Diana, I'd like
to hope that we're carrying on Dennis's legacy of sharing
this information and for people out there who are struggling,
whether it's a Vietnam era VET, or a global War
on Tara VET, or just a civilian like me who's
(18:24):
having a rough time, I want them to be able
to find hope in our conversation. So when we come
back from this commercial, Brander, I'd like you to share
your choice of one of those poems. Folks can find
all those poems at the Havoc Journal Havoc Journal with
a K dot com. Ladies and gentlemen, there's your host,
Ben Biler. Garcia will be back with more with Diana
right here in American Warrior Radio stick around. More information
(18:51):
may be found at American Warrior Radio dot com. Welcome
(19:13):
back to American Warrior Radio. Laser and gentlemen. This is
Ben Bueler Garcia. We're coming to you from the Sallencer
Central Studios. Slencer Central is the largest salncer dealer in
the world. For a limited time, they'll even pick up
the cost of a tax stamp on selected suppressors. That's
a savings of two hundred dollars. Visit Slencarcentral dot com
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then select from a huge variety of suppressors. They'll complete
(19:35):
the paperwork and ship right to your front door, making
silence simple. Since two thousand and five Silencercentral dot com.
We're back with Diana nicol. Diana Nickel and her husband
Dennis wrote a book called Surviving Vietnam. They also there's
a great YouTube channel. Your website is Survive Vietnam dot com.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Correct, because yeah, surviving was taken. Survive dot com is
web Surviving Vietnam. Dennis Nickel is the YouTube.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, and there's you know, I mean, millions of views
on your YouTube channel a lot. But what it really
struck me DOWNNA, is that when I read through the
comments and so many people said that's exactly what I
was going through. That's exactly you know. You've helped me
so much by sharing your story, and that's a powerful
(20:26):
testament to what you and he did well.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I think you know you can't share what you don't
own and what you haven't experienced and people know whether
it's for real or not, and that's where you know
you're paying for gain. I actually I was really torn
because I've got fifty five poems that have poured out
that I don't even want to take the credit. They
come like I'll be doing something completely not and I
(20:50):
do have a background that I could sit down and
make something up. But ninety nine percent of the time
what I've produced after Dennis went in to Heaven was
I'll get hit with a thought or like one line
and it's like, go sit down now, and then the
rest pores. At the end of the book, we have
an epilogue. We put it down as the epilogue, but
(21:12):
I think you mentioned this one and it really touched us.
It's called if You Only Knew, And I just want
to encourage anyone who's struggling and does not realize how
powerful it is to take a breath and let time
pass because things are always changing. If you only knew,
fast forward time to the days that are fine, where
(21:34):
laughter replaces the screams, Fiery trials, challenges and pain diminish
with the passing of time. You laid the gun down
with no hope in sight, thinking of others, not your
own plight. This one small act the gift of time.
Not giving up or committing that crime. To swallow the
lie that there is no hope, just a victim that
(21:55):
cannot cope, would rob us all of your treasure. Decided
to stay just in case there might be a different
ending that hasn't been seen. And you're right. The second
you looked for the next open door, circumstances started changing.
No one could explain. Moment by moment. As time passes on,
(22:16):
perspective and wisdom arrive. This man, with no hope, full
of demons and rage, never knew what his future would hold.
Yet step by step he refused to give up. Help
came in miraculous ways. By the time the picture was
taken of the old wise veteran above, and I had
put this with a picture of my late husband. He
had thirty seven years of his best friend's love, sons
(22:38):
he admired and learned.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
How to father.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Their wives were the daughters he loved, eight grandchildren, strong,
with one more on the way. She arrived six months
before the day. The day that Denis left this earth
and entered eternity, he left a trail of love and friends,
changed lives, and so very much more. Next time you
reach for a pillar, agun pondering taking your life, wait,
(23:06):
take a breath. Time doesn't stand still. Each morning wipes
the slate clean. If you only knew what could be
your future, the joys that wait for you, you would reconsider.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
There was one point when he was in Anderson and
out of it and homeless and so heartbroken.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Before we met that.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
As he tells it, he had his mom and stepdad
had gone down to fish. They lived in a mobile
home park on the Sacramento River, and he had gotten
a gun and stuck it in his mouth, and he
was so tormented because nobody knew the answers, nobody knew
how to help, and he was so close, and they
(23:48):
drove up and all he could think of still thinking
of the other guy. He did not want his mother
to find him that way, and so he didn't do it,
and so to know that this man ended up sharing
his story internationally, touching millions of lives, having the most
beautiful family, and he did get to hold grand baby
(24:09):
nine for six months, and the legacy, like you said,
of the beauty that can come out of ashes. So
it's just you want to share that because there's nothing worse.
It says, we die for lack of knowledge, and you
don't want people to be hopeless when there's so many
reasons to hope.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I tell you, if people go to the Surviving Vietnam
YouTube channel, which which you all created, you mentioned in
twenty twenty, there's actually a statement there says, well, the
actual number of daily suicides committed by active duty and
veteran military members is up for debate. One thing is certain.
Any number greater than zero.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Is too many.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
The sad reality is that many of our bravest men
and women in uniform are choosing what they think is
their only option.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And it's not.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Easy for me to say. I've never never face that myself,
but there are particularly now, there is help out there,
and I just I can't help. But having just so
much praise for you and Dennis, now, now walk me
through how you all came to the decision to use
yours experience as a way of helping others. Was that
(25:18):
as a result from what you started to see on
the YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Well, the YouTube idea.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
We had had several books prior to this one, and
people had asked for audio that weren't readers or they
were on the road all the time, and they said,
you know, I'd love to know your story, but we
need an audio. And so as another one of those
little miraculous things, as life would have it. And I
don't think it's coincidence. Our middleson, Isaiah Laine, who had
(25:48):
done a Twitch channel, and his brother Israel Nicol.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
They had done a.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Twitch channel and done a green screen.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
They had the equipment.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
Life happened, and he ended up we had a very
large house with an upstairs men and he and his
family ended up moving in downstairs and right below literally
our apartment upstairs. He puts in this whole green screen
in this studio. And they had already decided the Twitch
channel as good as it was the time involved with
(26:18):
them raising children, homeschooling all these things, they weren't doing
that anymore. And so my lightning fast mind, I said
you know here we are and I can't help. But
notice people have been begging for audio and there's a
green screen below our bedroom. Do you think God might
be up to something? And so he said, you won't
believe this. My brothers and I we've been talking and
(26:40):
we already said if we could ever get Dad to
sit down and share his story, we want this so real. See,
we want authentic. We want to touch people's hearts. We
don't want to talk about.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
The next thing. We want them to feel.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
It said, We're going to throw up a background to
the wall and let him go. And if it hadn't
and his son, there's no.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Way we had had the joy.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Over the years doors opened, we got to work with
Moni Roberts, the horse whisperer, who became a personal friend
and like a father figure. They have amazing horse sense
and healing events four times a year, and the magic
of that. I watched a woman who had not been
out of her house since Vietnam other than to go
to a shrink and get groceries. After two visits, flew
(27:25):
back to Washington, d C. And gave her testimony about
sexual military trauma, her wounds, and what she had walked
through the magic of there's so many different great things
out there now and with the Internet, with people praying people,
you know, tunnel to tower, all these groups saying listen,
we get it. You've paid a price, my gosh, but
(27:45):
don't give up. And whatever road is going to help
you get there. We want to make sure you know,
as you said, Ben, there's so many options.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
And I encourage people if they go to Survive Vietnam
dot Com on your webpagehare there is a list of resources,
including this horse Sense and Healing with Wim Monty Roberts.
And it's interesting. I was watching, you know, some of
the YouTube and it's not really interviewed the conversation that
the dentist shared, and what struck me is he said
(28:16):
the thing that really came out with him and Monti
Roberts was number one. He said, Number one, He listened
and that's you know, that really struck me because one
thing I've learned over the years of being a radio
host is it's not about your talk radio host. But
it's not about talking, it's about listening, right, I mean,
people don't tune in to hear me, Diana, they tune
(28:37):
in to hear you. So I encourage people to go
to survive Vietnam dot com and check out those resources. Diana,
after this next break, I want to talk a little
bit more about your experiences in passing through those challenging times.
Ladies and gentlemen, Your host, Ben Llar Garcia will be
right back. Welcome back to American Warrior Radio. Ladies and gentlemen,
(29:16):
This is Ben Bueler Garcia. We're talking with Diana Nicol.
Diana is the surviving spouse, if you will, a Vietnam
era veteran who spent fourteen years in combat in the
jungles and then I don't know because I wasn't there
in the mud with him, but it seems like he
had a second war that he had to fight the
rest of his life when he came back. And that
(29:37):
was basically the topic. When you talk about surviving Vietnam,
you're really talking about surviving after Vietnam. And you were
with him pretty much the whole way, Diana, with lots
of bumps in the road, but you came out okay.
And PTSD was not even officially recognized by the American
Psychiatric Association until nineteen eighty and your husband came back
(30:00):
Vietnam in nineteen seventy one. That's a pretty big gap
for him and somebody. Is another quote that I want
to share because I saw this, Dennis in your book.
He said at the end, towards the end of the book,
he said, for all you men out there going through
change or for whatever reason, feel the need to act
out our youth again, I'd just like to say, be
(30:22):
patient with yourself and your wife and kids, and the
Lord will help you work things out. He promises to
do that. And one of the things so often that
I've seen or read or heard is it's people. You know,
there's a certain amount of pride, particularly if you're a warrior.
You're that type a personality. I don't know. I don't
(30:44):
if I show asks for help, it shows weakness and
not to me. That's just such a powerful statement for
anyone out there to learn to be patient with yourself
and that will translate into your relationships with the others
around you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Yes, it's that you brought up that one because I
was just I had opened up. I had the book
in front of me, and I had opened up right
where like you talk about miraculous things, to where you
just shared after twenty eight years, I started waking up,
and there were so many great things, but as you say,
our marriage was so dysfunctional.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
The way Dennis.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Operated, the way I reacted, I enabled behavior that I
didn't know what was post traumatic and what was just
male bravado, and what wasn't okay, what was okay, what
I should okay or whatever. And so finally we actually
had to separate for a few months, and when I
finally understood, it had nothing to do with me. And
(31:39):
as he writes in the book, it was like he
had tried, and he had actually for so many years,
and when our kids were growing up, because he was
so grateful to God for all he had done. There
was no drinking, there was no this, There was no that.
He was trying so hard to be perfect. And then
the kids are getting married, they're moving out, they're getting older,
(32:00):
and he's continuing through life and things are bubbling up
that hadn't been dealt with. Lots had been dealt with,
but not everything, And all of a sudden he finds
himself in literally a wrestling match with God. And I
didn't understand at the time. It took me a couple
of years to figure out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
This didn't even have anything to do with me.
Speaker 4 (32:19):
And I would tell anybody out there having these problems,
ninety nine percent of the time, it doesn't even have
to do with you. And the minute you realize this
isn't about you, and if you have your best friend
who's treading water. I had a situation happen in Tarrabella
in our early years. It was very profound. He was
going through backsliding and was drinking and writing is hardly
(32:43):
like crazy, this and that, and I was so worried
about what was going on, and I hit my knees
a lot during those days. And literally I believed I
heard from on high love never fails, and to give
him unconditional love. And so I found out in the
journey that the very areas that his quote dysfunction or
(33:04):
our challenges tested me. It was a gift for me
to learn, for me to grow, for me to see
bigger things. And so when I actually started walking and
seeing him through the eyes of the one who created him,
it was different than me being the victim. You know,
he's treating me bad, he's saying bad things, whatever, And
(33:25):
so finally there was like a period where it didn't
matter he could walk in the door completely out of it.
If I wasn't prepared to love him in that condition,
if I had go lock myself in the bathroom, run
out on the acre, run in circles, praying whatever, I
would not be part of the problem, and kick him
while he was down, which is what the enemy wanted
(33:46):
me to do. And later he told me, he said,
you know, when you gave me unconditional love, I came home,
I was already getting my brains beat out. I was
beating my own brains out. There's an enemy beating my
brains out. And when you didn't join in, I just
can't tell you what that did to me. And I
could no longer continue the way things were, and it
(34:06):
literally saved me. So in the end I came to
the realization people had such a view of, oh, Diana
did this, and Diana didn't know my husband saved me.
And if I hadn't had the challenges and the gift
of working through all these things in life, I would
not have the gifting.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
And the preparation.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
And you know, Mani Roberts said that he had over
seventy two broken bones before he was twelve by a
very abusive father, and he had his fourteen or fifteen
years old, he had his gun loaded, was looking at
him through a window. And he was raised in a
Catholic school, and he had this sister that told him,
you could do it, and you probably are justified, but
(34:45):
you will never get to be everything you are meant
to be, and you'll never get to do what you've
been called to do. And at the last minute he
decided that he would not take that life, and so
he would turn and use all this pain for good,
and he ended up change the way ninety You know,
so many horses now do things within a few hours
(35:06):
of joining up that they used to brutalize him for weeks,
and he's changed things all over the world. So that
was kind of like you find out. Corey ten Boom,
who went through AUSHWAZ, said, the thing that tribulates you
the most is actually a gift to help you grow
in love, You grow an understanding and compassion. So I
just am so grateful that he is my husband still,
(35:29):
we said, for eternity, So even though he's in heaven,
I haven't left.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Him there you go, And I thought that's you know,
basically that the takeaway there and maybe to share with
other spouses or family members who are experiencing some of
these things. Now, it's hard to fight unconditional love. And
you had an article on Havoc Journal where you say
you encourage, you encourage people to put on the rose
(35:55):
colored glasses of love, to look at their partner or
spouse or family through the rose colored glass of love.
And that's true on conditional love.
Speaker 4 (36:04):
Well, and and it works, and it's the model, and
it's not about you, and you understand it's like you know,
you you come upon an accident and people are in
pain and they're in pieces. It's not the time to go, well,
how did this happen? Let me blame somebody, You get
them to help, and then you get you start finding
out details and you get to the root of the problem.
(36:27):
And when I understood he was wrestling his maker. It
wasn't for me to fix. God didn't want him going
to me. He wanted him to have that relational aspect
that would bring him peace far beyond what I could bring.
And when I finally got that and stopped fighting against
his need to be alone, and yet didn't take it
as a segue to say, well, I'm just going to go,
(36:50):
you know, forget you. I'm going to go make a
whole new life. Thank God, my my heart, my time
where I've devoted my time and my heart happened to
be in Kingdom things in my faith, and so that's
what came out. And the fruit of that is pretty
much it's you can see it with the children, the grandchildren,
(37:12):
where they're at, healthy, happy people in a world that
that doesn't seem to be the norm anymore.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You know, dan Unfirst of well, run out of time.
We got just a couple of minutes left. But I
want to touch real quickly on something that both in
you and I preach, if I can use that phrase,
and that's really getting people to recognize the price that
the members of our military pay on behalf of the
rest of us. And I mean Dennis's story is a
perfect example.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Should I read one more.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Well, if you can do it in a one minute forty.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Five seconds, okay, I'll do give it time. Then give
it time. You were taught to march, to run, and fire,
You trusted weapons and more, and yet coming home it
seems you've lost the big things, including before You're not
the same if you understand the price so many paid.
The key to surviving and running your race lies in
(38:05):
treasures of seconds, in time, Emotions run deep, truth deeper. Still,
your only one lifetime to use your strong will. A
grateful nation, the laughter of children, the joy of a
crisp bottom morn. The mind is the battlefield. Train it
to win over memories of days gone by. Choose where
to focus, what to believe that brings life and guards
(38:26):
your heart. I know you can make it fulfilling your days.
Dig deep, believe in your heart.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
We need you, we love you.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Your deep sacrifice. Freedom's cost is true. Your maker knows
every hair on your head.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 4 (38:43):
No one can replace you, and I just want to
thank everyone out there who has paid that price. Please
give God time and a chance and process to make
the most out of your life. Beauty for ashes, and
ask for help.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Be very to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Ask for help.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Dina. It's been a pleasure getting to know you, and
it's been a privilege to have you here on America.
We're radio anchourage folks to visit Survive Vietnam dot com.
You can find links to some of Dennis's YouTube work
there and very very powerful stuff and if it helps
even just one person. Oh and then, of course, the
book Surviving Vietnam is out now. You can find that
where you get your books, Amazon, local bookstore, wherever it is.
(39:26):
And Diana, once again, thank you so much for spending
your time and sharing your story and Dennis's story with us.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
You've been listening to American Warrior Radio. Archived episodes may
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