Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, I'm Fabian and you're listening to Anxiety. Let's make
sense of this shit the podcast where we get real
about all the ways anxiety messes with our lives and
try to figure out what actually helps. If this is
your first time tuning in, Welcome. If you're back for
another round, I'm glad you're here tonight. We're diving into
(00:20):
something that hits just about everyone at some point, trying
to get a decent night's sleep when anxiety, family stress,
or the chaos of life just won't let your mind
settle down. Maybe you're listening to this late at night
because you can't sleep, or maybe you're grabbing a quiet
moment after a day of family drama, work, stress, or
(00:41):
just that background hum of anxiety that never really turns off.
I want to let you know right from the start,
if you find yourself staring at the ceiling, replaying every
awkward conversation, unfinished chore, or moment of tension with your family, yeah,
you're not the only one. The truth is sleep can
be one of the first things to fall apart when
(01:02):
life feels overwhelming, and sometimes just the idea of relaxing
is enough to make your shoulders tense up. I've been
there more times than I can count. You do everything
you're supposed to do. You cut down on coffee, you
turn off your phone, you read all those tips about
blue light and sleep hygiene, and yet somehow, when the
world gets quiet, your mind decides it's the perfect time
(01:26):
to remind you of everything you said wrong, every deadline
you missed, and every bit of family drama that's still
lingering from dinner. If you've ever had a sleepless night
that turned into a sleepless week because your thoughts refuse
to quit, this episode is especially for you. Sleep and
anxiety are tangled up in a way that makes it
(01:48):
hard to know where one ends and the other begins.
Sometimes it's the stress of an upcoming holiday or a
family gathering that throws you off. Other times, it's just
the little things piling up. A snide comment from a relative,
an unresolved argument, or even the simple fact that you're
in an unfamiliar bed for the weekend. If you've ever
(02:09):
traveled back home for the holidays and suddenly felt like
you were a teenager again, stuck in those old patterns
and tensions, I promise you're not weird. That's how our
brains work. We carry these old scripts with us, and
they tend to pop up when we're supposed to be resting.
I want to get into what really helps, Not the
one size fits all, just relax advice you see everywhere,
(02:32):
but the stuff that actually works for real people with
real lives and real worries. For me and for a
lot of people I've talked to, the key isn't some
grand overhaul of your routine. It's finding tiny, honest ways
to make the night a little easier. Maybe it's giving
yourself permission to say good night early, even if your
(02:52):
family doesn't get it. Maybe it's bringing your favorite pillow
when you travel, or creating a simple bedtime ritual that's
just for you, even if it's just five minutes of
deep breathing or writing out your worries on a scrap
of paper. You might notice that your anxiety gets louder
at night, especially when you're staying somewhere with a lot
(03:14):
of people, or when there's unspoken tension in the air.
The urge to scroll endlessly on your phone, to replay conversations,
to solve every problem before you let yourself drift off.
It's strong, but here's the thing. Your brain craves predictability
and safety, and the best way to help it relax
is to offer it a little consistency. That could be
(03:36):
something as small as always turning off the main light
and switching on a lamp, listening to a calming playlist,
or having a cup of herbal tea that signals to
your body, hey, it's time to let go. There's science
behind this too. Our nervous systems are always looking for
cues that it's safe to switch off the stress response.
(03:57):
Even the simplest rituals, a certain scent, soft pajamas, the
feeling of writing down your thoughts can help send those signals.
When your brain gets the message, it's much more likely
to ease into rest, even if the world outside your
door is loud or your family is still bickering in
the kitchen. One of the simplest tools I know is
the bedtime brain dump. Grab a notebook, a voice memo,
(04:21):
or even the back of a receipt, and jot down
whatever's taking up space in your head. It doesn't have
to be poetic or organized. It just needs to get
your thoughts out of your mind and into the world.
Some nights I've written pages about things that turned out
to be completely unimportant by morning. But it's the act
of letting go that matters. Sometimes just seeing your worries
(04:43):
on paper makes them feel a little less overwhelming, a
little less urgent. If your body feels restless, maybe you've
eaten something heavy, had too much sugar, or you're just
not in your own bed, pay attention to what helps
you settle. Some people need to stres or do a
few gentle movements before lying down. Others need to adjust
(05:05):
their environment, like making sure the room is cool, putting
on white noise, or even using a sleep mask. You
don't have to get it perfect. You just need to
listen to your body and respond with a little bit
of care. Boundaries are the next piece. I know how
hard it is to set limits with family, especially if
you're worried about coming off as rude or difficult, but honestly,
(05:28):
protecting your sleep isn't just about being polite, it's about survival.
You can let people know you're heading to bed early,
that you're skipping the late night TV, or that you
just need a little time to yourself. If anyone pushes back,
you don't owe them an explanation I'm tired is a
complete sentence. Sometimes I even pretend I have an early
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call or a headache just to make the boundary stick.
And that's okay. You're allowed to protect your own energy.
What if you try all this and still find yourself
staring at the ceiling at two am, that's when it's
time for self compassion. One bad night doesn't mean you're broken,
and it doesn't erase all the progress you've made. Maybe
you wake up groggy or you're a little snappy the
(06:12):
next day. That's normal. It's proof that you're human, doing
your best and learning as you go. Every small effort
to rest, to slow down, to treat yourself gently, that's
a victory, even if it doesn't feel like it right away. Now,
let's talk about why this whole sleep and anxiety thing
is so persistent. A lot of us grow up thinking
(06:34):
sleep is just about being tired, but the truth is
it's a negotiation with your own mind and body, especially
when anxiety gets involved. Your brain is built to protect you,
to notice danger and keep you alert. That was great
for ancient humans who had to worry about wild animals,
but not so helpful when what you're actually worried about
(06:55):
is your aunt's passive, aggressive comments or a mountain of
work emails you have answered. When you finally turn out
the lights and everything is quiet, your mind gets loud,
convinced it needs to fix everything before you're allowed to
drift off. You can't really bully your mind into being quiet,
but you can give it new instructions. That's where little
(07:18):
rituals come in. Maybe you listen to the same song
each night as you get ready for bed, or you
take a few minutes to tidy your room before you
turn off the light. The predictability is a signal your
body learns that these actions mean we're winding down now.
Even if you don't always feel sleepy right away, these
cues build up night after night until your system starts
(07:40):
to cooperate. For me, it's a lamp with a warm
bulb and a particular herbal tea that's basically become a
sleep placebo. If I skip it, I notice. If I
stick with it, everything just goes a little bit smoother.
But what about those nights when you do everything right
and still can't sleep. This is where being honest about
(08:02):
your feelings can help. If you're stressed about an upcoming
family event, or anxious about tomorrow's workload. Name it. You
don't have to solve it, but calling it out can
take away some of its power. You might even want
to talk to someone else, send a text to a
friend who understands, or just say it out loud in
an empty room. I'm really anxious tonight. I'm worried, I
(08:24):
won't sleep and tomorrow will be hard. Sometimes just saying
it is enough to release some tension. And if you're
staying in a noisy house, there are real practical things
you can do. I know people who bring earplugs or
white noise machines when they travel, and others who sleep
with a podcast or gentle music to drown out background sounds.
(08:46):
Some use an eye mask to block out unfamiliar street
lights or hallway lamps. The point isn't to create a
perfect cocoon, but to give yourself any edge you can,
even if it's not the same as sleeping in your
own bed. These are justments tell your body, I care
about your comfort. I'm trying. Sometimes that's all it takes
to fall asleep just a little faster, or to wake
(09:08):
up feeling a bit less frazzled. Science backs this up too.
The body's stress response is built around routine, what scientists
call sleep hygiene. It's not about being strict or rigid,
but about building habits that support your natural rhythm. When
your sleep and wake times are all over the place,
your body never quite figures out what to expect. But
(09:30):
if you stick to even a loose routine going to
bed and getting up around the same time most days,
your brain gets better at winding down. This is especially
true if you avoid screens for a while before bed.
The blue light from phones and tablets really does keep
your brain awake, even if you feel tired. I know
it's annoying, but it's real. Let's get personal for a moment.
(09:54):
One holiday, I ended up in a packed house where
privacy was nonexistent and the schedule was all over the
pl I was crashing on a fold out in the
living room, with people walking through at all hours. It
was chaos. After a couple rough nights, I realized I
needed to carve out a little time for myself, even
if it meant sneaking away during the day. I'd step
(10:16):
outside for some fresh air, just a few minutes with
no one around, breathing deep and letting my body know
it was safe. Sometimes I'd journal for five minutes right
before bed, even if what I wrote was just a
rant about how annoyed I was. That helped more than
any fancy trick or supplement ever could. If you've never
tried progressive muscle relaxation, it's worth a shot. Start at
(10:39):
your toes, Squeeze them tight, then release. Move up to
your calves, thighs, belly, chest, shoulders, hands, all the way
to your face. You might be shocked at how much
tension you're holding. Letting it go on purpose, piece by
piece tells your body it's okay to relax, even if
your mind is still chattering away. And if you want
(10:59):
something even simpler, focus on your breath. Breathe in slowly,
count to four, then exhale even more slowly. Repeat until
you feel a little looser. There's no wrong way to
do it, and you don't have to hit some magic number.
The effort itself is the win. Now about boundaries. This
might be the trickiest part, especially if you come from
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a family where togetherness is prized above all else. It
can feel rude to duck out early, or to say
you're skipping the movie marathon or late night gossip session.
But protecting your own well being isn't a crime. In fact,
it's a kindness to yourself and to everyone else. When
you show up rested, you're less likely to snap, more
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able to laugh things off, and much better at handling
whatever comes up The next day. You might need to
be firm, or even fib a little. I've got a
big day tomorrow, so I'm heading to bed, and that's okay.
You're allowed to be the one who chooses rest over chaos.
Some nights, despite all your best intentions, sleep just doesn't come.
(12:02):
That's when it's time to let go of the goal
and just focus on resting, Lying in the dark, breathing,
not judging yourself. That's still valuable. Your body gets something
from the pause, even if your mind doesn't. This isn't failure.
It's part of being alive. You might also notice that
your thoughts get stuck on repeat, going over conversations, worrying
(12:23):
about what someone thinks, or replaying that weird thing you
said hours ago. It helps to set a worry window
earlier in the day, ten minutes where you let your
mind go wild, write it all down, and then close
the notebook. That way, when the thoughts pop up at bedtime,
you can remind yourself, I already worried about this. I
can worry again tomorrow if I need to. It sounds simple,
(12:47):
but it really does help retrain your mind to give
it a rest. If humor works for you, bring it in.
Imagine your anxious thoughts as cartoon characters, or give them
silly voices. Visualize your worries bouncing off rubber walls, sliding
away like cartoon ducks in a bathtub. The more playfully
you treat your anxiety, the less power it has. Laughter
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at night might seem out of place, but it's actually
a great way to take yourself and your worries a
little less seriously. And please remember, you're not broken. If
you need to try these things, you're not failing. If
sleep takes effort. The fact that you're listening to this,
that you're searching for ideas and willing to experiment, means
(13:30):
you're doing the work. Every night. You treat yourself with
even a little more patience every time you let yourself
rest without earning it. That's healing in action. Don't forget
to ask for help if you need it. If anxiety
and sleep problems are taking over your life. Talk to someone,
a doctor, a therapist, a friend who understands you're not
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meant to go it alone. Everyone deserves real rest, and
sometimes you need a little backup to get there. Finally,
don't underestimate small winds. Maybe you got an extra fifteen
minutes of rest, or you actually went to bed when
you said you would, Maybe you skipped scrolling your phone
at midnight. It all counts. Progress with sleep is never
(14:13):
about perfection. It's about building a life where rest is possible,
even when the world feels messy. Before we wrap up,
just know that wherever you are, whether you're listening in
a crowded house, a quiet apartment, or somewhere in between,
you're not alone in this. Millions of people are lying
awake right now, wishing for just one night of easy sleep,
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wondering if they're the only ones who can't turn their
minds off. You're part of a very large, very human club,
and every night is a new chance to give yourself
a little more grace. Next week, we'll be tackling the
chaos and comedy of holiday stress and family gatherings. How
to protect your peace, hold your boundaries, and even laugh
a little when things get wild. Until then, be gentle
(14:59):
with yourself, try out some of these ideas, and don't forget.
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You'll find the link in the episode description.