How to choose her Everyday? Author Bryan Reeves

Join Nyomi for a special live show of Ask Nyomi as she welcomes Guest Author and Relationship Coach, Bryan Reeves, a retired Air Force Soldier with a passion for fostering deep connections and bridging gaps in relationships. Get ready to delve into insightful conversations, valuable advice, and transformative strategies to enhance your relationships. Discover Bryan's unique perspective on love, communication, and connection as he shares his wisdom and experience from both his military service and coaching journey. This engaging live show promises to offer practical tips, heartfelt stories, and authentic discussions on how to strengthen the bonds that matter most in your life. Don't miss out on this opportunity to learn from Bryan Reeves and engage with Nyomi in a dynamic and interactive setting. Turn on your notifications to receive updates and reminders for this upcoming live show, and get ready to deepen your understanding of relationships, communication, and personal growth. #AskNyomi #LiveShow #RelationshipCoach #BryanReeves #AirForceSoldier #Connection #Communication #Love #RelationshipAdvice #DeepConnections #BridgeTheGap #ThursdayShow #AskNyomiLive

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Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Welcome to a podcast like no other. Get ready for insightful conversations, diverse
perspectives, into touch of inspiration.This is Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast.
Join your host, the dynamic NaomiBanks, as she delves into the
heart of various topics with a refreshingblend of curiosity and wisdom. Each week
as soon as Naomi is joined byspecial guests who bring their unique stories and

(00:36):
expertise to the table. And it'sa journey of discovery, learning and growing.
And let's not forget about the oneand only dog Pound in My money,
adding his flavor and the player tothe mix. Together they make him
dynamic fuel. You won't one ofthese. From thought provoking discussions to moments
of laughter and joy, Ask NaomiBridging the Gap podcast offers a space where

(00:57):
great topics meet amazing guests. Somark your calendars, set your reminders,
and prepare to be entertained into life. Join Naomi Banks and dog Pound Mike
weekly for an unforgettable podcast experience.Get ready to bridge the Gap, expand
your horizons, and immerse yourself inthe world of as Naom. Subscribe now
and stay tuned for a podcast journeylike no other. All right, well,

(01:30):
happy Thursday, my beautiful people.All right, my BTD crew,
Mike, Hey, all right,integrity guys, number banks here on ax
Naomi Bridging the Gap podcasts, andthis is where we talk about love,
sex, relationship, cultural differences andso much more, right, bridging the
gap between them all and teaching theworld on sex, language, and attitude

(01:52):
in spiritual uplifting. So today wehave a really amazing guest that's coming in
right after we take the I'm gonnabring him in. But when when I
was reading a book but also justgoing through all of the things that this
young man, I'm gonna say,young man, this young man has done
has been amazing, has been amazing. And even reading this book today,

(02:15):
I actually saw witness his transition inlife, was going from a boy to
a man. All Right, whoI'm speaking of is mister Brian Reeves.
He is the author of Choose Herevery Day or Leave Her. So we're

(02:36):
gonna take a quick break and thenwhen we're gonna come back, we're gonna
ask mister Brian about this amazing bookthat they have. And when I tell
you, that's amazing. He evenhaving a front to where he tells you
how to read the book. He'sgive you different ways to read the book
because you just can't read it oneway. It's so many different ways to
read the book. All right,This year gard he got his stummy bodings

(02:57):
to hear on as namby virgin aGap podcast. We'll be right back.
Welcome to the Season of Self Lovepodcast with Naomi Banks, where every day
is a chance to embrace self discoveryand personal growth. Join Naomi on a
transformative journey, streaming exclusively on Spotifyand Breaker with daily episodes from Monday through
Friday. Podcast is your daily doseof inspiration, motivation, and self love.

(03:23):
Dive deep into engaging conversations about selfcare, mindfulness, and personal development.
Nay only brings you expert insights,practical tips, end uplifting stories from
thought leaders in the field. Embarkon a journey of self discovery and unlock
the power of self love. Markyour calendars and two him to the Season

(03:44):
of Self Love podcast, available everyweekday on Spotify and Speaker. Remember it's
time to prioritize yourself and embrace thebeautiful season of self love. Get inspired
and join Naomi Banks on the Seasonof Self Love podcast. This March,
ask Naomi Bridging the Gap presents toextraordinary guests for breaking boundaries and sharing their

(04:08):
unique perspectives. On March fourteenth,join us as we welcome Brian Reeves,
a former US Air Force officer,chard relationship coach and author. Choose her
every day or leave. Get readyfor an eye opening discussion on love,
relationship and the power of daily choices. Then on March twenty eighth, prepare

(04:30):
to be cativated by Curtison Running Martyrsfrom the iconic Moonlight Money Ranch in Nevada.
Hear her inspiring story as she challengesstereotypes and shines the light on the
world. If the steps work,don't need these compelling conversations, subscribe now
and turning to ask Naomi, we'redoing the guest all right, well,

(04:59):
welcome back? Is your gourdy gothis Nammy banks Here on ax Naomi Bridging
the Gap podcast, and again thisis where we talk about love, sex,
relationship, culture differences, and somuch more by bridging the gap between
them all and teaching the world onsex, language, attitude, and spiritual
uplifting. Today, we have avery special guest with us today, mister
Brian Reeves. He's the author.He's a relationship coach. He does so

(05:20):
he got a lot of things goingon. And one thing is that I
love to see men in this way. I really do, and especially I
believe this book is I believe youmen, because I have a lot of
a lot of men fans out there. I believe this this book would definitely
help you grow from a boy intoa man. Can we bring him to

(05:42):
the stage right now, mister BrianReeves. How you doing, mister Brian
Reeves. Wait, we can't hearyou yet. No, there we go.
Yeahs Naomi is so good to meetyou, good to see you.
Yes, how's it going? Thebook is amazing. So let me say

(06:04):
this. Let me say this,all right, I told Dog cond Mike,
Mike, I said, because youknow, your team sent me the
pdf the whole review for it,and I said, okay, this is
a lot this, I mean,this is a long book and it's so
many things in there. So Isaid, okay, So I went and
got the audio. I went toget the audibum. I got that,

(06:25):
and so as I was working around, I was listening. So then I
said, no, wait, holdon because I have some note. Okay,
because I'm the type of person Ilike, you know the copy in
hen so I high like, yeah, take notes in that way. But
it was it was several different chaptersin the book. First of all,
it's sixty two chapters. Show it'ssixty two chapters, but he has it

(06:46):
broken up in three parts. Hehas it broken up and kind they kind
of short, they're not too long, most of them. They're not.
They're not they're not. But it'smy thing is just the way that you
do it. And even in thebeginning you say, and I'm going to
read it because I want to makesure that he said there is no wrong
or right way to read this book. So you can start from the beginning
or whatever chapters that speak to yourheart and jump around from there. So

(07:12):
I did want to do that.So let me tell you something. I
started off reading it from the beginning, so I got the whole the first
part, and I was like,wow, this is this is amazing,
and then I just went, youknow, going around through the rest do
everything else. My question is whatbrought you to write this book? Great

(07:34):
question. Well, you know inthe introduction, which I'm at that age
where I really appreciate when someone callsme a young man. I finally reached
that age. Thank you. Iam forty nine years exquisitely aged. Oh
yeah, to me, you're young. I take it. Thank you,

(07:55):
yes, thank you not. Andlook, I wrote this because so you
know, you know, my backgroundis I was in the military. I
was in the Air Force for tenyears. Very educated. I had a
master's degree in human relations from theUniversity of Oklahoma, like a master's think
about that, masters of human relations. And Naomi, my relationships with women

(08:18):
sucked. I was so bad atit, over and over. And I
got three sisters, I got twomothers. They weren't married to each other,
they were married to my my fatherand stuff. But like I figured,
anyone should know how to do relationshipwith women, it would be me.
I just because I'm surrounded by women. I have a healthy respect for
women. I'm educated. I havea master's degree in human relations for Nope,

(08:43):
disaster after disaster after disaster, andand you know, I got about
thirty six years old and another,you know, I spent five years in
a relationship that just brought me tomy knees. And you know, I
find this a lot in working withmen that we get to our late thirties
herbally forties. That tends to bethe age that a lot of men these

(09:05):
days start to hit the limits oftheir adolescent way of being in the world.
And it's oftentimes relationship with an intimatepartner that brings us to this confrontation
with Okay, I cannot get awaywith acting like a child, like a
boy in the ways that I usedto. It's like, I have to

(09:28):
cross that threshold into psychological manhood orI'm just gonna suck at this for the
rest of my life. I'm nevergoing to have what I really deeply want.
And you know, so this bookwas born of that realization of all
the mistakes, of all the thingsthat, like I wish people would have
told me when I was younger.So let me ask you something, because

(09:50):
from the beginning to the end ofit, I mean, it's a growth.
How many years did it take youto write it? Oh, that's
a good question. I probably wrotethat book over the course of maybe maybe
four or five years. Yeah.Yeah. And in that time, I
also I started working with couples,so I was actually seeing behind the scenes,

(10:16):
getting to know all the things thatI had been studying for just my
own benefit. Because I didn't wantto suck at relationships anymore. That I
was putting into practice and experimenting withnow is also getting to work with actual
couples and other people that wanted todo the same and to see, you
know, to learn that not everythingworks for everybody, and and every couple

(10:37):
is its own beautiful little mess thatthey got to find their way with.
And uh, but there are somethere are some universal truths about relationship that
that that can serve us to beaware of. So you said that you
have your degree, your master's inhuman relations and I remember reading the first

(11:01):
part and I actually had wrote itdown to where you were saying that the
women in your life, your twomoms, was the one who specifically taught
you how to be a man.Yeah, And I guess I'm going to
and I do this sometimes I apologizeI'm gonna say this, but I kind
of go deep into to ask too, where were the male role models in

(11:22):
your life to show you how inthose relationships of how to treat a woman
in a relationship. You understand whatI'm saying, because sometimes we mimick what
we see, you know, versusin what they say. Yeah, I
think a lot of men of mygeneration and many generations were we were really
raised by our moms. In mycase, my father left when I was

(11:46):
four years old and was mostly nota part of my life. I didn't
really get to know him again untilI was an adult in my twenties.
And honestly, what I started,what I what I when I when I.
So he lived like a fantasy inmy head. He wasn't a reality.
I had this fantasy of a fatherin my head, and when I
actually met the man, I didnot like him. So that's a whole

(12:09):
other trip. But then and thenI also there were other men in my
life there's but there was a lotof alcoholism. So like these men were
not able to hold a stable presencefor me to give me a model of
manhood that I could aspire to.If anything, what they taught me was

(12:30):
a model of manhood that I didn'ttrust, that didn't feel good in my
body as a boy. And so, you know, I think a lot
of us men the role models weget, it's one of two extremes.
It's the dominating tyrant that will competeand conquer and it just seeks to own

(12:52):
everything right. And on the otherextreme, though we get the weakling,
impotent, pushover role model, thenice guy. Yeah, you know,
these are kind of the two extremesthat that men tend to be presented with,
you know, and neither of thoseare very attractive role models. Neither
of those are I don't think onsome deep level. Now, I know

(13:15):
a lot of men will step intothat dominating, tyrant, conquer role because
that's how we survive, right,That's how we create status, that's how
we get what we think is comingto us, et cetera, et cetera.
But that that runs its course prettyfast. I mean, an intimate
relationship that doesn't really serve us.Well, you know, we can't be

(13:37):
vulnerable. We don't know how tolet our partners in to see what's really
going on with us. Not onlydo we do. It's interesting. And
we talk a lot about women nottrusting men, like that's kind of a
common thing. Women women don't trustmen. What we don't talk about is
that men also don't trust men.We men don't even trust each other.

(14:01):
That's a problem, that's a realproblem because if I can't trust men,
well I am a man, whatdoes that say about my ability to trust
myself? A lot. You know, my even to this day, I'm
forty nine and I still hunger forelder male role models, models, mentors.

(14:26):
Yeah, so men are starving forthat by and large in the world
today, you know what, andwhen you Okay, So I can see
that happen, especially now because youhave so many different people that create these
different platforms. And I remember talkingto a friend of mine just the other
day and we were talking about howa lot of people, excuse me,

(14:48):
they misuse the their platform to wherenow it seems like we're more into a
man and woman battle that's going on. You know, you understand what I'm
saying. And so what I've beenseeing for the past few years is that
I've seen a lot of men getattached to the negative stereotypes of what they

(15:11):
look like for women. So whenwhen I saw your book and was reached
out about your book, I said, will this I want to read this.
I think it's going to be amazing. Just a title along choose her
every day or leave her? Andthis is just basically just like that.
And so I'm trying to I don'twant to skip around because it's so many

(15:35):
it's so many things in here.You had so many quotes in here that
I want to ask you about too, And where were you at at that
moment, at that time, howdid you feel? It's something that I
love about you that you are intomindfulness and things that that sort like that.
That's something that I'm about and it'ssomething that you talked about. Also
here about self love. Yeah,you don't have self love. This that's

(15:56):
something that I teach. This isour foundation. This is a core of
us. So if we don't loveourselves, how are we going to be
able to love anybody else? Andwhat I mean love I'm talking about in
a more intimate relationship. Knowing whoyou are completely And when I say I'm
reading your book and seeing your whenI say, I think that's why I

(16:18):
knew it took more than a year. It has takes some time because what
you were saying in the first chaptertook towards the end. What's different and
you truly send you grow It waswritten. Amazing, Thank you, thank
you, It really was. Yeah. I want to comment on that because
I appreciate you observing that actually thatthat that that means a lot to me

(16:40):
to hear hear that reflection from youas a woman in particular because it is
the very first chapter. The titleis no One Ever taught Me how to
be a man? Mm hm,and it is I partitioned it into three
what do you call these sort ofI don't know, a box or something,
volume of something stages that's good's that'sthe word for it. Yeah,

(17:03):
And it's like that first stage isOkay, I'm clueless, I'm making all
the mistakes. I don't know whatI'm doing here, but but at least
I'm starting to learn. I'm startingto wake up. I'm starting to understand
the foundation that I am standing on. That is shaky ground, that is
not setting me up for success.And I know that is true. I
have such I have such empathy andcompassion for men in the domain of intimate

(17:27):
relationships. We get beat up alot in there and look to some degree
rightfully so we we we are badactors over and over, and we have
been for eons and know our forefathersnobody set us up to succeed in this
domain. Nobody did. We havenot been set up to succeed. We

(17:48):
have been set up to fail inso many ways, and so I have
great compassion for us. And thatfirst that first, uh, what do
we call it? Stage? Yeah, kind of unpacks the the awakening of
that and and all of the differentflavors of that looks like. And then
that second stage is like, Okay, let's start, let's start practicing.
Let's what can we experiment with?What do we what do how can we
start to now put this into action. It's like, now I'm getting ready

(18:10):
to really step into relationship and doingthat, you know, self growth,
personal growth work, the looking atthe demons within. And then that third
is like, now we're in it. We're in the dance. We're in
the transformational fire of intimacy, andhere are things you can do to help
succeed. Here are are different approachesyou can take. So it very much
is I think I love how Ilove that you, that you that you

(18:33):
reflected that back. I don't thinkanyone's really put it that way. It
very much is a journey of fromboyhood to manhood, through the journey of
the arc of intimate relationship. Youknow it was you know, so let
me tell you one of my favoritechapters, was it? I mean,
is in? Is it? Chaptersix? Is in the first party?

(18:55):
You know what? So let metell you some sixty two chapters. I
don't remember, right, so Idon't know this a reason why men must
give up pornography. Oh yeah,that one? Yeah, that one?
You are you listening? I didn'tread that. Now you skipped that one,

(19:18):
I understand, you know, Butwhen I read it, I went
in reading it and first of all, let me say say this, thank
you so much, because you hadnotes within the book. You had notes
to make sure that you clarify thatthere was no prejudice in your heart at
all, that you understand exactly whatwhat is that you even yourself viewed,
you know, photography in a way. But it's more especially if you're not

(19:42):
you, if you're not watching responsibly. Come on, yeah, yeah,
I'm not anti pornography. I wantto be clear about that. And that's
one of the reasons that I alsoappreciated your invitation to your show and said
yes. I don't say yes toall invitations, and I wanted to really
appreciate what you are doing, Naomi. With your show. You're giving voice

(20:04):
to a community of people that ourarms are served, that don't get to
have their voice, that you know, very sex positive. I am not
anti that whatsoever. So it's reallyclear. But what I do know about
how many men use pornography. Weuse it as a as a tool to
check out, yes, to disconnectfrom our bodies, to check out of

(20:29):
relationship with actual human women or whoeveryou're into. It's and that's the frame
that I'm coming from too in thatchapter. It's not pornography is bad.
Hell no, it's the it's lookat how we're using it. That's not
serving us, and we need totake we need to to take inventory about
that. Yeah, let me askyou this question. Do you think they

(20:51):
use it because I don't want tosay a lack of but maybe fear,
fear of being committed to someone becausewhen you you know, I don't know,
in y'all my left, I don'tknow if you've ever been in a
relationship where you are intimate, youknow, sexually intimate and it's so good
that you actually have that moment whereyou're crying. Do you understand what I'm

(21:14):
saying? So, even when yousaid about disconnecting, so could that be
it? So why you know somany addictions to it is because it's given
them a shield, a shield frombeing emotionally connected to actually to something,
to something or someone that they don'teven understand, because guess what, they

(21:37):
don't even understand themselves. Yeah,oh yeah, I think you're You're right
on it. It's in pornography.I don't have to deal with an actual
human person these days. It's ascreen. You know. I grew up
it was a piece of paper.You know. You didn't swipe left,
you turn the page, and therewere only so many pages and then you

(21:59):
were done. That's all you haveto work with. These days, it's
endless. And but the point isis there's no human body actually present.
It's a magazine, a piece ofpaper, a screen. So I'm expressing
sexuality to an inanimate object. I'mmaking love essentially in the presence of a
of a piece of metal or paper, you know. And that's pretty easy

(22:22):
because that piece of paper, thatmetal, that screen is giving me exactly
what I want because I can golooking for it. I don't If I
don't want it, I just swipe, I go to the next video,
find another website. I can't dothat with an actual human woman, you
know, heterosexually speaking, like,I can't can't do that. I can't
just you know, swipe on herwhen she's upset about something I know we

(22:48):
men want to try. We wouldlove that feature. But it's and and
but this is what I personally loveabout relationship work and even you know the
title of the book, choose herevery day or leave her. I'm not
telling men you must do relationship.What I'm inviting men is to get off
the damn fence. Yeah, you'reyou're you're either all in, which means

(23:10):
you lean into the challenges even andit's gonna suck. Sometimes it's gonna be
hard. She's gonna she's not gonnawant to give you what you want a
lot of the time. That's justlife with another human. And again,
come back to porn. Porn willgive you what you want every time,
whenever you want it, on demand, on demand, on demand. Yeah,
so yeah, it's easy, that'seasy. And she's always you know,

(23:36):
porn, you know, if lookingat woman is your things, she's
always smiling, she's always happy tolet you do whatever you want to her,
like you know, doesn't matter.There's no time a month that comes
into play. Like there's just nocomplications with porn, whereas in an actual
human relationship there are. There arereal and valid, unavoidable complications that that

(23:57):
I say, for men, itis our pathway into our greatness as men.
They aren't most of us men.We've been taught to treat women,
to treat women's upsets, emotions,the things they bring is just obstacles to
peace of mind. That's not itat all that they are. They are
I say relationships I called transformational firesbecause they are, like you pointed out,

(24:21):
they are our journeys in the truemanhood at least they can be.
Yeah, like I said, thisbook is great. This book is good.
Y'all, y'all need to go getthis book. I am. I
am so serious, you know,because I know I have I have,
you know, some married people here, but I know I got a lot
of single men in here. Andit was one statement that you made in
a book, and you said aboutwhen people you know asked about, you
know, are you going to getmarried? You know how you feel about

(24:44):
Mary? How about asking me,you know, how does feel to be
single? Right? You know,sometimes people honestly when you when I read
it, well actually I heard youspeaking. I heard it, you know,
and I was like, you knowwhat he right? You know why
we all was pushing, you know, for people to be married in relationships
first of all, not knowing ifthey even got it together. Just because

(25:07):
they're together and you see them,do they have to get married? You
don't make sure that they're good individuallyby themselves before they even connect with somebody
else, you know. And Ilike that that You was like, let
me give myself together single first beforebefore I tried to do anything. So
just when I say, just readinga book, listen, I mean it

(25:30):
was, it was good. Itwas, it was really good, and
I thank Yeah, I'm gonna goaround to some more of those chapters too,
you know, because like I said, the first one I went through
and then everyone else I just youknow, taped around. But it was,
it was, it was amazing.So for you just say, we've

(25:51):
never read the book, never readthe book? At what part would you
send them to? Will be thefirst part that you would send them to?
I would send well, first ofall, just want to be clear,
this book is for women too,and I would send them to the
chapter that is the name of thebook, choose her every day or leave

(26:11):
her. I would send them rightto that chapter. I don't know what.
Don't ask me what number chapter thatis. I can tell you,
but I think it's like forty twoor something. Forty two. It's in
part two. It's in part two, in part two in the fire,
Yeah, dancing in the fire,Choose Her. That's the one I would

(26:33):
send them to because that so thatthat started as an essay that I wrote
in twenty fifteen, so nine yearsago, and that that caught fire.
I mean that that's what that Amillion people a day were reading that article,
that essay on my blog, andthat it's like that tapped into something

(26:56):
like that spoke to something so primalin people when it comes to again,
relationships, So many people are areplaying dabbling, especially men. And again
I wrote it as a man,and I could so I saw that part
of me that was just playing atrelationship all these years. I wasn't serious.
There's nothing wrong with not being serious, but I wasn't really honest about

(27:21):
not being serious. And I butnot even with myself. Now I'm not
talking about honest with a woman.I wasn't even honest with myself, right,
So, I mean, that's thechapter that I would send people too,
because I think that chapter encapsulates andit's only seven hundred words, it's
not even very long. That mostof them are. I promise you six

(27:41):
chapters ain't that long. And yep, you can jump around. You don't
have to read it at them back. But that chapter is, like you
read that, that's gonna be clarifyingin a deep way. Yeah, you
know what. And so let mesay this because he right, because I
didn't. It is for everyone,and he made sure that in the beginning
of the book. He made surethat everybody knew that it wasn't just for

(28:03):
a man. It just wasn't fora woman, that it was not gender,
you know, so that wasn't whatit was. And I like that.
Like I said, I love thenotes that you have as just make
clear on things on how you feelabout things, but also being able to
be there and teach and give tipson certain things and situations that's happening.
One thing is that I love isthat the accountability, the accountability that you

(28:25):
show as a man, as aheterosexual man, understanding what that is,
but also embracing your femininity as well. You understand what I'm saying and understanding
that going through your transitions from stageone, stage two, and then stage
three, where now I see somethingtotally different and even in the words and

(28:51):
the quotes that you say, it'sone hold on, let me, let
me grab it right. It wasa quote that you said, and this
is I believe you were writing home. Maybe you said, Brian, the
gap between her sensitivities in yours istoo great to bridge. This keeps coming

(29:14):
up. It's not going away.You only keep tormenting, tormenting each other,
even if innocently. So for aslong as you stay. The kindest,
most leaving choice is to end things. Now. Where were you at
in that space and that place whenyou wrote this, or when you would

(29:36):
think when you heard that? Ithink, I think one of the things
that I've had to confront around relationshipand when I work with a lot of
couples. I've been I've been coachingcouples for the last ten years, and
I can often tell in the firsttwo hours that I spend with a couple.
Again, I can always be wrong. I don't have a crystal all,

(30:00):
but I can I can see whenone partner is leaning out and they
are not willing to lean in tothe challenges of relationship that all relationships are
gonna have. I generally do nothave high hopes for that couple to succeed.
We all get we all get frustrated, we all have doubts at times,
or we may you know, relationshipshard. We have to we confront

(30:23):
stuff. We don't want to confrontrelationships. There's a there's a lot of
growing up for everybody, not justfor men. Women got to grow up
inside a relationship too and be throughadults in different ways. But that you
know, I've taken that stance.I think a lot of the work that
I do is is helping people.As I said, like, get off
the fence, because I was onthat fence for so long. Oh I

(30:45):
kind of want this. Oh mygosh, she's so hot, I'm so
attracted her. The sex is great. But this I'm going out of my
fucking mind. This sucks. Ihate this. I can't stand it.
I'm out no way to sing,and I'm back in no way to sing,
and I'm out. And that again, that's you know that in your
twenties, Fine, yeah, youknow, but there comes an age,
and for me, the age wasmy late thirties, whereas like this,

(31:07):
this can't sustain. I have toget off the fence. I need to
make choices. I need to I'meither I'm either a hell yes, and
I'm in this relationship, or I'mjust not. I'm not. If I'm
not a hell yes, there ain'tno such thing as a hell maybe,
so I'm just gonna be a nothen, And that's okay. I can
do that respectfully. I can dothat honestly. I can do that that
vulnerably. And and so I thinkthat's, you know, that's the mindset

(31:33):
that that I had to come tothat again. No, No, elder
man gave me permission to think likethat, right. You know. It's
like I was just told you youeither just just have sex with as many
women as you can, you know, love them, leave them, toss
them aside. They're just trouble anyway, or marry one up. Get married.
But also that's gonna suck. That'sgonna be no fun. Uh.

(32:00):
I don't know what the other optionsare. No, that was pretty much
it. Damn it sucks. Thisis a shitty choice. It's a shitty
buffet. The only two things Ican eat, and I don't like either
one of them. Right, Okay, let's do this. We go take
a quick break and then we're gonnacome back. And I have some questions

(32:21):
for you, ask some more questionsfor your vibe. It's your goody gout,
It's not me being here on axNaomi Bridging the Gap podcast and We'll
be right back. Washington wells intotwo focuses on healing always for me.
If I look good, then Ifeel good. If I feel good,
then I share the good. IfI share the good, then I celebrate
the good. If I celebrate thegood, then I live the good.

(32:45):
So I can be paid to bemy greatest. But I have to learn
the good to be the good.So what does it take to be the
greatest. It's as simple as afree fifteen minute consultation. Be kind to
yourself and you'll always Welcome to theSeason of Self Love podcast with Naomi Banks,

(33:07):
where every day is a chance toembrace self discovery and personal growth.
Join Naomi on a transformative journey streamingexclusively on Spotify and Breaker with daily episodes
from Monday through Fridays. Podcast isyour daily dose of inspiration, motivation,
and self love. Dive deep intoengaging conversations about self care, mindfulness,

(33:29):
and personal development. Nay only bringsyou expert insights, practical tips, end
uplifting stories from thought leaders in thefield, embark on a journey of self
discovery and unlock the power of selflove. Mark your calendars and two him
to the Season of Self Love podcast, available every weekday on Spotify and Speaker.

(33:50):
Remember it's time to prioritize yourself andembrace the beautiful season of self love.
Get inspired and join Naomi Banks onthe Season of Self Love podcast.
All right, well, welcome back. Ishragurty got his Nammy Banks here on
ax Namy Brigina Gap podcast. AndI am here with mister Brian Reeves,
author of Choose Her every Day orLeave Her how you're doing it. I'm

(34:15):
loving I'm loving this interview. Ireally am. Like again, I thank
you for blessing our platform here.The honor is mine. I appreciate the
invitation. I know that this issacred work for you, and you don't
take this lightly, and that thatyou're only gonna invite on someone that you
trust to come on here and andand show up and be president and be

(34:36):
here. And I do I seeyou. I do not take that lightly.
I want you to know that.So you it is a deep,
deep honor for me to to tobe here with you. Thank you.
I appreciate I do. I trulydo appreciate it. When when when the
email came across and I read it. When I read the email and I

(34:58):
said, I went to my asI call it, Golden Rose room and
I prayed and did a meditation.I did because I do I have to
be very aware of what's going onaround me. I moved with intention.
I lived my day every day intentionally. My journey in life has been an

(35:22):
amazing journey that I now understand whatmy platform is for you understand, and
so for that much, I wantto make sure that I continue to stay
aligned to what has been brought tome. There was a chapter that you

(35:43):
talked a lot about surrendering. Youtalked a lot about surrendering, and for
that I connected with that so muchbecause probably about a year and a half
ago and I shared it on thisvery show, I read the book The
Surrender Experiment. Oh Yes, Ilove you. That was one of my
favorites. Yes, ye, yes, yes. After I read that,

(36:08):
I actually read that book twice.I read that book twice, and I
had to read it twice is becausethe first time I was doing it,
I was had my headphones and Iwas working out. I was listening to
it when I was working out,and it was some things that was hitting
me. So I had to getthe book. And as I'm listening and
I'm reading a book as well withit and highlighting some things out. But

(36:30):
it was some things that was inthere did I truly it was like,
it's time for you. All Iheard was it's time for you to surrender.
It's time for you to get outyour way. And it was a
chapter that you had about surrendering andgetting out your way. And even at
the end of the book you talkit's a quote that you say, sorry,
it's a quote that you say aboutsurrendering, about each other's surrendering and

(36:54):
what you're surrendering to, yeah,or and why that you surrendered to it?
And I thought that that the spokesvolumes just on that, and that
truly showed me your growth like Isaw it, you know before, but
then that statement along it just showedyour growth just so much. It did.
So this is the that I wantto ask you, because look,

(37:15):
I am I am what I calla recovering perfectionist. I know that one,
Yeah, a recovering perfectionist. Sothe myth of perfection, how does
the pursuit of a perfect relationship orthe perfect partner undermine the very essence of

(37:36):
choosing one's partner every day, andwhat mindsets your individuals adopt instead. Ah
well, I think I think wefirst have to come to a realization about
relationship, talk about recovering perfectionism.You know, there's this word hope.

(38:00):
It's a complicated word. It's acomplicated word, and it's a word that
that that I think actually on somelevel it serves us to let go of
and we look counterintuitive, tuitive.Well, you know it's interesting. My
my partner, my co facilitator inmy work with men, we we've debated

(38:21):
this word hope. He's been throughthe twelve step program in AA and like,
hope is like when you're at thein the throes of addiction and all
life is is just you're just hittingyour bottom. It's like you need hope.
You need hope that there's a bettertomorrow. So it's a complicated word
because in the domain of relationship,you know, it kind of serves to

(38:43):
abandon all hope. You know,all who enter abandon the hope that you're
gonna have it just the way youwant it, that your partner is going
to show up perfectly and give youall the things that you think you need,
deserve, et cetera. Again,it's a tricky word because relationship is
messy. Together is messy. AndI don't just mean sexually. I do

(39:06):
mean sexually, but I mean Imean in relationship. It is messy,
It is complicated, it is challenging, and until we are ready for for
it to be, then we're notready for relationship. And that and that's
all I mean by by hope.It's like abandon the hope that this is
going to be exactly how you thinkit should be. Now, I am

(39:29):
a huge proponent of having boundaries,of having standards, of creating agreements with
a partner. But again, untilwe let go, there is a surrender.
That word surrender. It is adaily practice. As you know,
I'm tickled that you that you gotso much out of that book. That
is one of my favorites all time, Michael Singer, fantastic. Go read

(39:52):
that book, everybody. It's soit's so good, and it is a
it is a practice daily surrender andnot surrender. Surrender doesn't mean giving up
screw it, you know, Okay, I'm powerless here, not at all.
It's really surrendering to being powerful withThis is the transformation that we have

(40:14):
to make in relationship. See,most of us come into it like we're
really good at being one person.If we're lucky, we're good at being
one person, if we've done somework, if we've done therapy, if
we've done personal growth rather books,whatever. A lot of us aren't even
good at being that one person.But let's just say we're good at being
one person. Then you come intorelationship and now there's another person here.

(40:36):
What we don't know how to beis a two person system. We're still
busy being a one person system.And in this one person system, it's
like it has its own physics,it has its own laws universal, and
I expect this person over here tojust conform to those, Like why aren't
you coming into my world and doingeverything the way I think it should be

(40:57):
done. That's the hope we haveto abandon. That's the you know,
the surrender, the willingness, thesurrender knowing how this should go, like
that mindset shift, that confrontation withreality has to happen for us to to
really be to do relationship well.And I say no, no, I

(41:19):
hear you. So okay, here'sanother book. Here's another book, and
I know you you read it.The Four Agreements. Of course, don
Miguel Ruis. I had break thatman once, really I did. Yeah.
Well that's a long story for anothertime. But he didn't say much.
I will say that his wife,his wife, His wife was wonderful
and she she she did all thetalking. But it was it was a

(41:39):
lovely breakfast. Yeah, that bookright there, I honestly, for me,
I think, especially if you aregoing through a healing journey or a
self love journey, that's one ofthe books that you really need to get
because what I believe it does,it helps you to because we can't control
anything except for us and how wereact to, how we allow things to,

(42:01):
you know, come with to us, how we're reacting for us.
Just that book along helped me onmy journey, that one. And yeah,
just like really and even when youjust spoke about the two relationships and

(42:23):
coming as one and how you knowwith the different dynamics that they are.
And this is why I'm getting readyto say this again. You have to
go get self love. You haveto figure out what self love is the
problem is is that majority of thisworld is broken. Rather you're rich,
poor, white, black, green, we are all broken some kind of

(42:45):
way. We all come from somekind of mental, emotional, spiritual trauma.
And that's the thing we don't searchfor healing within ourselves. So we
figured that out. If we're ableto heal within ourselves and go get help
and you know, for that,and find the tools to do that,
then we were able to be inthese successful relationships. And what I mean

(43:08):
successful relationships, I'm not talking aboutit's all good all the time, but
that you can be in a relationrelationship and respectfully disagree with each other and
still love each other regardless of that. And the love that you have for
one another is not a need,you know how we need and for that

(43:28):
love, it's not that it's anextra love just on top of what I've
already got going on. Beautifully said, Beautifully said, I got nohe else
said you said it, You saidit, you said it, you said
it. Yeah. But that's whatAnd this book, your book, it's

(43:52):
amazing. It is it is andas me as a woman reading it,
listening to a man be accountable forhimself as well as knowing, like I
didn't know. I didn't know.I took the time to learn to know.

(44:13):
Yeah, I know, but Iknow it's still more that I need
to learn, too, because there'sother different relationships that I can be in
in And I'm not even talking aboutthe love of a relationship. I'm even
talking about you searching for or lookingfor another a higher mentor for you as
a man, and knowing that youcan be that mentor for someone else down

(44:35):
the line. You understand what I'msaying. So there's more things that we
have to learn every day that wouldjust strengthened us even more. And I
love that you understand that, evenafter you had written this book years ago,
that you still understand that to thisday. Oh yeah, Well,
look, I'm married. I've beenwith my wife for about eight and a

(44:58):
half years now, and I stillevery day have to remind myself I don't
know everything that's going on here.I need to be humble, I need
to be willing to not because there'sthat for me. I'm very brainy,
I'm very you know, I gotmasters of grand human relations. I think
I know how humans relate. I'mso fucking clueless really in the end,

(45:21):
Like you know, I've got allmy programs, my projections, my stories,
my culture, all that stuff.You know. One of the things
that I loved about your show youtalk about it in your intro, is
like we also talk about cultural differences. Yeah, and I don't think we
can do relationship well, whether it'swhether it's you know, I'm also in
a men's group where there's thirteen ofus and there's five black men in that

(45:45):
men's group. We've been together forfour years, Like we started just before
like the whole George Floyd riots werehappening. I think it was at twenty
nineteen. Maybe I think it wasright before the pandemic a right around and
like wow, talk about you knowagain and also having to to uh have
the capacity to not know, tonot think, I know what is not

(46:08):
just my wife's experience, but likethese these men in my group their experience,
and to be willing to just listen, to be open again. Like
he's like again, whether it's myfriends, whether it's my wife, whether
it's another young man who's looking tome for mentoring, he's not. He's
not looking for me to tell himhow to live his life. He's looking

(46:28):
for me to help shape help himfind his own agency to become his own
man. Yeah, and and thatthat requires it requires a daily practice of
surrender, of letting go, offacing my own fears, of not knowing
what's happening, you know, theliving in an uncertain world, and having
to be honest with myself that,yeah, I don't have the answers I

(46:50):
really wish I had right now.It may even be tempted to think I
have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's something that you said
just a few minus ago with theMan's group that you have and going through
the whole George Foreman thing being ofthat for you, how was that?

(47:16):
What was that energy like in thosegroups for you? I mean I get
I get chills because you know,I was in the military and I did
a lot of I was very interestedin this. I grew up in Maryland.
My mom my grandmother were like activists. You know, they just just
saw the craziness of the world.You know, my my mom saw the

(47:38):
water fountains that said colors, youknow, colored only colored only water fountains,
Like my mom saw that. So, you know, I did a
lot of training in the military.The military, one thing I will say
for them, they do a lotof like, we did a lot of
racial sensitivity training, which was reallyhelpful. It was very instructive to me,
and so you know, I wasable to come into those conversations with

(48:00):
a with an understanding, with anopenness, with a understanding of both my
privilege and that as a white man, and also a realization that I don't
know their daily experience and humility insideof that. But it was interesting because
there were there's this is an amazingmen's group that I'm a part of,
and we got I'm a veteran,there's other veterans, other police officers,

(48:22):
white, black, with an Asianman in there. And it was messy
at the same time. You know, it was messy. It wasn't all
like, yeah, we're all onthe same so we're all we all have
the same thoughts about this. No, there was a lot of confusion.
There was a lot of tussling andwrestling what is this? You know,

(48:43):
what what is the whole like defundthe police? What's that about? You
know? From some of the fromsome of the white guys that just don't
understand you were guys that work withfirst responders, that help them with their
trauma, that are in my groupthat are doing that front line's work,
seeing how traumatized firefighters, policemen,you know, first responders, they're living
in trauma themselves. And again itwas that's not not an excuse for anything,

(49:08):
but it was it was, I'lltell you not For me, it
was it was like, that's aprivilege for me to be in on those
conversations with you know, these men. I mean, one of my one
of my one of my friends inthis group was raised in Detroit, a
black man, by a notorious drugdealer in Detroit. I mean, and

(49:28):
he said this publicly, so I'mnot divulging anything that he hasn't talked about
publicly, but I mean, hisown father put a hit out on him,
you know, had him selling drugsat like sixteen years old, driving
interstate delivery. Like, so,this is one of my brothers that I
get to be that is so farfrom my life experience. We're up in
the suburbs in Maryland, you know, it was it was fairly racially integrated,

(49:51):
but it was that was an experimentin the eighties. It wasn't normal,
you know, and that still hadits issue. So for me,
I get electrified by it. Ithink that's some of the most important work
important conversations having men talk about thesethings cross cultural. Yeah, it's to
me that it's such a rich,invaluable experience that I think all men need

(50:13):
to figure out how to have forthemselves. Yeah, yeah, brand this
is deep, dude. We needto do this again with you. I
know, I understand, I do. So you're now married. You're now
married. So did I read correctly? And I want to make sure if
I'm not. If I'm not,If I'm incorrect, please forgive me.

(50:36):
But she's a relationship counselor as well, right, she is. She's a
beast in her own right. Howdoes that work? How does that work
at home? Like I'm going,I'm coming to you'all house like doesn't work
at home? You'll be in arelationship. Yeah, and her as well?
How does this work? How doesthis? Well? Look, we're

(50:57):
both mature enough to not turn ourrelationship into just an endless workshop or therapy
session. We don't do that shit. We don't jargon each other, we
don't analyze each other. No,no, no, no, We're both
just humans where people. We havestrong boundaries, we're feisty, we're a
feisty couple, you know, sowe don't we hear some of that topic
like yo, huh huh. Youknow you're not gonna do that little thing

(51:20):
that you do with your clients nothappening, Like we don't. We just
don't go there. So but nowI will say when we watch shows like
Love is Blind the Bachelor, ohthat's a good time that we really need
to set up a camera because weare just like what is happening? Like
we that's where we just go offon what we're seeing. The insanity of

(51:40):
it. The I think it's tragicthat those shows don't have therapists and coaches
helping them navigate those challenges. That'sthat's really a tragedy because they don't know
what they're doing their kids in acontrived thing. So that's where our you
know, our therapy coaching stuff comesout. But with each other. But

(52:01):
I will say this though, Nami, we we we daily. We're again
eight and a half years in,we're still learning new things about each other.
We're still because we're learning new thingsabout ourselves, you know, Like
we're staying with my parents here inMaryland for the winter. I have been
here for a few months, andyou know, my wife is seeing family
patterns that explain a lot about whoI am. That went before she saw

(52:25):
them, she was like, whyare you like that? Like what is
that about? And now that shesees, oh that's your mom, that's
so helpful to know. And I'mlike, yeah, it's helpful for me
to know too, and that youknow, and now we can move with
it and dance within in a differentway. So it does look like I

(52:45):
love I mean, I enjoy it. I love it. I'm lucky to
be with this, this this womanto be in these conversations with, to
do this work with. But yeah, we do. We do a good
job and not turn it into onelong therapy session. Well that's good.
That is that's amazing. I'm tellingyou. When I read the book and
at twice again and I saw it, I was like like yeah, I

(53:07):
was like ok yeah, like Iwas, I knew you you had it
together. But I just really waslike, I'm happy to see that.
I'm happy to hear that because no, like when I googled you and went
down, I was like, okay, right here, he think he'll pimp?
Like did he really did somebody likethis man down yet? Like whatever.

(53:28):
And that's before I got all theway to the end of the book.
And then I okay, all right, okay, yeah, and I'll
tell you let me talk. Iwant to tell you this too, because
again, we're we're we we haveour moments of breakdown. We have horrible
moment. I told you, we'refeisty. You know, we're we're what
you would call a high conflict couplein the sense that we just neither of
us. We don't implode, wedon't shut down. We explode in our

(53:52):
in our right go one way orthe other. Now we've it took us
years to learn how to understand eachother's sensitivities, how to what language each
other needed to hear that would helpnot inflame an argument, but actually calm
the argument, helped soothe each other, really helped soothe so that we're that

(54:14):
takes years. That takes a longtime to learn someone and figure that out.
And and you know, it's funnyyou talk about thinking I knew something,
thinking I'm a pimp. When wefirst got together, Naomi, I
was a world renowned relationship coach.Millions of people were reading my blogs on
relationships, and then I met thiswoman her name is Sylvie Cucasian, and
I was like, I got this. I know what's up this. I'm

(54:37):
I mean, I wasn't cocky inthe sense there's still a humility that I
have, but there was a partof me is like, I got this.
I've been studying, I'm so readyfor this. She broke up with
me four months into our relationship becauseI ran into stuff that I was not
prepared for with in me, notin her, but she brought up her

(54:58):
just her being her whoa You know, all the things I thought I knew
now had to be put into actionand to practice. And it turns out,
oh that's different. You know,know it in your head and practicing
it through your body and every daytwo different things. Yeah, yeah,

(55:19):
yeah, so y she I wishfor every man to have a woman who
respectfully knows how to challenge him,and who lovingly has standards and boundaries for
herself and and is an ongoing invitationfor that man to step into his greatness,
not a not an obligation, butan invitation for him to step into

(55:45):
his greatness as a man. Onthat note, because we're coming close to
this show, you made a statementat the end of it, and I
thought that it was. I likedit, and so it's so give up
once and for all of using women'shealing energy to feel the goddess size hole,

(56:05):
the ages of patriarchy ripped out ofyour heart. Stop trying to shrink
women into cute, manageable little petswho asked the little act so little of
you and whom you can easily loveand accept. That just turns them into
not enough for your daring soul.Anyway, that's rich. Yeah? Where

(56:30):
were you? Where were you at? Where? Where? Where's all of
that? Where? Where where wereyou at? Yeah? You know when
I wrote that, I was,I lit a candle and I sat in
my living room for a week andjust channeled that because I don't mean channeled
it from some spiritual source maybe maybe, but what I really mean I channeled

(56:52):
it from the pain of my ownpast experience and the pain that I knew
I had inflicted on women, notintentionally, just through my ignorance of trying
to get women to fit into whatI call my tiny little stress free box.
Like, get in there, women, because that's where I don't experience

(57:12):
stress. You know, your expression, your emotions, your feelings, your
thoughts like it's got to fit inthis box otherwise I can't. I can't
deal with it. What woman,you know? And and some women,
a lot of women, they willtry, they will try to fit themselves
in that tiny little box and thenand then they're not enough, not for
me, enough for themselves. Soyou know that that was just written from

(57:36):
the the Again this I think this, it's okay. If a man is
not ready for relationship or a womanis not ready for relationship, that's okay.
I mean, we're not always supposedto be in intimate relationship because life
is in seasons. Live the season. But when you're truly ready, go,

(57:59):
I mean just just know that itis going to challenge you in the
most delicious and excruciating of ways.Most likely I could be wrong, I
could be wrong, But what anadventure. What an adventure to go on?
And you know what, what anamazing book? Thank you, Yes

(58:20):
it really is. And my beautifulpeople out there, my BTG crew really
truly choose her every day or leaveher. It's an amazing book. It's
not just for men, but it'sfor women too. And when I say
that it's for women too, it'sbecause you can you can look at you
know, I'm all about empathy andcompassion and looking at things from a different

(58:40):
perspective. And sometimes we need todo that. Sometimes we need to hear
other people's stories to understand where theyare coming from. Because life is this
is a big school that we livein. It really is. Don't nobody
got it right the first time around. They don't second time, third,
even if it is that you knowway, But this book right here,

(59:00):
at least it's a tool to help. It's a tool to help you to
understand you as a man and womenas men that you have come across,
you know, path with, youknow once before. It's some things in
there that I've read that Brian andI said, wow that what was going
on with that guy? You understandwhat I'm saying. So it makes you
when I say that I saw yougrow from a boy to a man.

(59:22):
Yeah, it didn't matter that youhad, you know, served in an
army, that you was a captain. To me, you still was a
boy. Then you understand what I'msaying, and it yeah, And I
was like, okay, okay,so it was it was it was yeah,
yeah, yeah, I have togive you that math. I'm gonna

(59:44):
give you to thank you, Thankyou. I'm gonna give you too.
So do you have any last wordsthat you want to share with with my
audience here? Look, I justwant to I want to acknowledge you.
Mean, you are you, Youare a you clearly have a big heart,
you are you are a big soul. And again you are holding a

(01:00:06):
space for a conversation that is ofvital importance. And so I thank you.
I appreciate you. I mean thatgenuine from my heart. I know
this is sacred for you, andso you know, and I appreciate you
allowing me to come on here.And there's so many more things we could
talk about. Thank you. Ijust appreciate you. Thank you, Knowami,

(01:00:32):
thank you so much for giving methis opportunity. And when I say
this is because and I'm gonna bevery honest, I'm always honest on everything
I do. I was quite nervous. I was quite nervous before I came
in front of right here, infront of you. And why it's because
you have done so many amazing thingsin this world. And one thing that

(01:00:52):
I've been learning through my healing process, through myself loves is knowing my worth
and understanding my worth and sometimes wecan come in front of people and it
might you know, kind of shakeit a little bit, you know.
And like I said, I ama recovering perfection. Uh huh, yep,

(01:01:15):
yep, yep, you know,and so you will always want to
show up with your best foot forwardwith it. Yeah, and so again,
and that's why I say I amI'm very appreciative of you and very
honored that you are sharing this spacewith me. I'm here and I know
that this whole platform is going todo some amazing things that I'm just glad

(01:01:37):
that you have been a part ofit of doing some amazing things. Yeah,
I thank you for that. SoI'm gonna go dog pound Mike.
But you got anything to say?He's been very quiet today. Thing Mike?
Does he ever? Does he evercome on camera? No, and

(01:01:58):
it's probably best that he don't indog house like like the dog should.
Okay, got you an outdoor youan outside dog, got exactly. But
I yes, some things going onyou have. Yeah, but three a
three part course. The three partI don't I don't want to so well,

(01:02:20):
I you know, right now,I'm really specializing in in helping men
that are really ready to do relationship, especially men that are in struggling relationships
and really want to to do betterin those and and and it's a program
I call Elevate your Relationship. It'sonly for men. So I still do
work with couples. Uh, Ido some private coaching, but I really

(01:02:42):
my my getting getting men together ingroups to have these real kind of conversations.
Oh, I mean it's profound.And and I think you know in
particularly I love again the cultural differencesthat that different people can bring from different
back an experience. It's so rich, it's so enriching for everyone. So

(01:03:06):
and I'm I'm super like I holdit, I hold a a I hold
a tight container, like I holda trustable space. You know, we
don't judge each other. We don'ttry to fix each other. We don't
try to solve each other's problems.We don't try to tell people how the
world is. It's like this.This is a place where men get to
come in, be witnessed in whatthey're experiencing and they're carrying, and get

(01:03:27):
support in ways that are meaningful tothem, be challenged and respectful ways,
and and be celebrated when we whenwe in all the ways big and small
that we that we succeed. Soit's that sacred work for me. Yeah,
and if anybody's interested, uhich Ijust my website or please do please
do. Yes. Uh, it'sBrian Reeves. It's Brian with a why.

(01:03:50):
That's important, Brian with the whyReeves. I say that because my
own sister, when I was inhigh school, she spelled my name wrong
with an eye like, how couldyou do that? Anyway, Brian with
a why. That's been my nicknamefor years now. Brian with Why.
I've said it enough. Hopefully it'sdrilled in Reeves dot com. Uh,
just contact me through my website.My book is on there, all my

(01:04:13):
socials. Uh, you can findmy book on Amazon and Audible as well.
Yeah. Well again, beautiful,thank you so much, Thank you
so much. BTG crew. I'msorry we didn't open up the line,
but we were just talking. Wewere just going, now, you're you're,
you're a fantastic host, Tess.I have. I've done countless interviews

(01:04:38):
over the years, truly, Imean so many. I've been doing this
a long time and I've done hundredsand and you're you're You're. I like
you you you, you got it. You you you come from heart.
I feel that you ask great questions. I appreciate you seriously, Thank you,
thank you. You know. Thething is is that we all have

(01:05:00):
a story. Everybody has a story. And my thing is, I know,
you know it's more for us toreview the book, but you are
the book, and so I wantpeople to look beyond the book and see
you and see who you are.And so even creating this podcast as Nanry
Bridging to get podcasts, it wasn'tinitially for you know, my my coworkers

(01:05:21):
might well I've been retired for almosttwelve years now, but for them to
be able to come on this platformand be able to show themselves as human
being, as soul, you know, soul for people and that you know,
people have to look at that.But then also I think, and
well, no, we need tolook at everybody like that, you know
what I mean, because you justdon't know whose story that you reach you

(01:05:44):
understand, whoever's in my world overhere that speaks. Sometimes we need to
reach out and find someone else inanother world to come in and speak to
us, to allow us to beable to find something that we didn't have
because we didn't have a reach toit. Yeah, you know, and
so that's that's what this is allabout. Yeah, Excelanry, Bridging the
Gap podcast is bigger than me,just like a self love podcast. It

(01:06:09):
is. It is bigger than me. It really is. And I just
love just going on this journey Ido. And it's amazing. Yeah,
I love that. Bridging the gap. Yes, that's I mean, bridging
the gap. I think that again, that is such sacred work. I've
had a few book clubs, likeeven like that are predominantly black members.
Book clubs reading my book and doingOh let me tell you like again that

(01:06:33):
oh that just who that lights meup because I feel humble, like it
humbles me because I approached that withreverence, you know, knowing that there's
a cultural divide potentially there. Andso you know, I just for me
bridging the gap, I'm all aboutit now on me. I'm with you.
I'm with you in that mission.Yeah, thank you. Oh wait,

(01:06:54):
okay, So I got a nicelittle joke for y'all talking to doctor.
So it was a chapter that youdo. I think you said balls.
You said ball, I've used thatword. You said balls. It
had to have time, did yousay night, Samuel L. Jackson use
emails funny, that's true. Itwas a chapter, yep, okay.

(01:07:17):
I was like, did he justsay bambaka? And he just kept going.
I was like, wow, Isaid, excuse me when I said,
he must got some big as ball. Well, it's fun I'm realizing
too. You heard me say itwith my mouth. You just read it.
It's different reading it because you're sayingit in your own voice. When
you're reading it. You heard mesay it, but I heard you say

(01:07:38):
it, and it was just Iwas like, yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, well you know that's that'sthat chapter is not just about balls.
It's about it's about it's about it'sabout putting our balls in our brain in
the service of our heart. Yes, that's what it was. But it

(01:08:00):
was just so I was going tosay the word balls quite a bit.
That's a fact. I need tothink about that. What's up about that's
your thing. But again, thankyou so much, Brian. It has
been a pleasure. It truly hasit, truly has it has. Thank
you so much. You welcome,you welcome all right, my beautiful people

(01:08:23):
out there, Thank you again forjust showing so much love. And being
so respectful. I'm sorry that wedidn't get a chance to open up the
lines right now. But make sureyou guys go check out his book is
on Amazon. Go to his website. He has a lot of things going
on over there. Especially my menare out there. I see y'all out
there. You know, just gosee what he's talking about, you know,

(01:08:43):
find out what it is that canhelp you with. If you don't
want to talk to him, goget the book. Go get the book.
Go get the book. All right, So we back next week,
Yeah, we back next week.But remember on the twenty eighth, we
have the beautiful Remy Martin that's comingin and she is going to share her
beautiful story as well as well asdon't forget to go check out the season

(01:09:05):
and Steff Love podcast. I'm Mondaythrough Friday there and we got I got
a great guest coming on on Monday. Yes, a great guest that's coming
on Monday, and check out today'sepisode. Today's episode was I kind of
did it on a whim. Iwoke up this morning and the word abandonment
was on my mind. The wordabandonment on my mind. But the way

(01:09:25):
that I talk about abandonment. It'smore to embrace abandonment in a positive way.
So go check that out. Gocheck that out the season and steff
lovepodcast dot com to see what I'mtalking about. All right, and again,
my beautiful people, thank you seriously. Y'all just don't know how much
that I man if y'all already knewhow I was feeling right now, what's

(01:09:49):
going on? I'm about to cryin a minute because I had some powerful
things that happened today. But Ithank you and I wouldn't be doing it
without y'all. And that's for realer. So as I always sayd be good
to one another, in yourselves andalways keep it sexy. I see you'all
next week. Hey is the GoddessNaomi. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed

(01:10:11):
that last episode of Ask Naomi Bridges. And if you do a piece a
like subscribe, press that notification buttonas well as comments. I see you
need speak keep it sexy, asksNaomi. What we talk about love relations different