October 17, 2025 • 5 mins
From Washington DC where apparently nobody in the military is gay, Patrick Gutfield takes you inside the latest moral panic — Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is furious about Netflix’s new gay Marine series Boots. Meanwhile, Trump’s busy scheduling imaginary peace summits with Putin, a woman at a Brewers game calls ICE on a Navy vet, and NASA discovers an asteroid just in time to tell us it almost killed us. Just another perfectly normal day in America.
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Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get all our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!
Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show!
We now have Merch! FREE SHIPPING! Check out all the products like T-shirts, mugs, bags, jackets and more with logos and slogans from your favorite shows! Did we mention there’s free shipping?
Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media and sign up for our newsletter here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where nobody in the
military is gay. This is ballad. That's right. You don't
see the commander in chief dancing to the village people, now,
do you. I'm Patrick Gutfield and breaking news from the Pentagon.
Apparently the military is on a mission to restore something
(00:24):
called the Warrior Ethos, which sounds like a rejected action
movie title starring Steven Segall. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is
mad about Netflix's new gay military series Boots. He's claiming
the streaming giant is pushing a woke agenda faster than
a drill sergeant can drop and give you twenty. The series,
(00:45):
based on a memoir, follows a closeted gay teen joining
the Marines with his straight best friend. Heg Seth's big
complaint Netflix is apparently serving up what he calls woke garbage,
a phrase that sounds like something you'd find in a
hipster compost bin. The Pentagon's hot take, they're all about
elite uniform and sex neutral standards. Translation, a rucksack doesn't
(01:10):
care if you're gay, straight, or confused about which TikTok
dance to do next. Trump who isn't gay. He just
likes dancing to the village people, says. He wrapped a
two hour phone call with Vladimir Putin that probably felt
longer than waiting at the DMV. Trump's promising a summit
in Budapest within two weeks or so, which in political
speak means maybe probably who knows. Longtime watchers of the
(01:35):
not at all gay president know that any time there
isn't a real timetable. He just says two weeks their
grand plan to end what Trump dramatically calls the inglorious
war between Russia and Ukraine. Meanwhile, Ukrainian President Vladimir Walls
is heading to the White House today. I'm guessing his
diplomatic small talk will be slightly more complicated than so
(01:57):
how about those phone calls. The Trump administration just unveiled
a new citizenship test that sounds more like a PhD
dissertation defense than a path to American citizenship. Forget six
out of ten questions. Now the applicants need to nail
twelve out of twenty, because nothing says Welcome to America
like making people jump through more hoops than an Olympic gymnast.
(02:20):
The test bank has expanded from one hundred to one
hundred and twenty eight questions. And these aren't your grandpa's
softball civics questions. We're talking about questions so complex they'll
make a Harvard professor sweat. Remember the old test, where
you could basically guess your way to citizenship gone. Now
immigration officers will keep firing questions until you pass or fail.
(02:43):
It's like a verbal pop quiz from Hell, where you're
done only happens after you prove you know more about
American history than most high school students. The administration's justification
the current test is too easy. Joseph Edlow from US
Citizenship and Immigration Services basically called the old testa joke,
saying it was so simple you could memorize the answers
(03:04):
in your sleep. Current pass rate ninety one percent. Trump's
message not on my watch. Picture this the Milwaukee Brewers
game where the most dramatic action isn't happening on the field,
but in the stands. Shannon kobo Archic tries, saying that
(03:27):
five times Fast decided to turn a baseball game into
her personal immigration enforcement fantasy. When the Dodgers fan Ricardo
Fosado started filming the crowd. Our protagonist went full Karen mode.
Her battlecry real men drink beer, which sounds like a
slogan you defined on a very sad tank top at
a county fair. But here's the kicker. Fasado is a
(03:51):
US Navy veteran who served two wars. Her brilliant plan
to call ice about a US citizen about as strategic
as try trying to steal home plate with a beach ball.
The consequences were swift manpower group. Her employer, which also
is definitely not gay, showed her the door faster than
a rookie get sent back to the miners make a wish.
(04:14):
Wisconsin also showed her the exit talk about a career strikeout.
The Brewers response they banned both fans from the ballpark.
I'm sorry, is not being able to attend a Brewer's
game some sort of punishment. Sign me up, baby. Breaking
news from the cosmos. We've got a space rock playing
(04:34):
cosmic Chicken with Earth, and NASA's playing Lookout even during
a government shutdown, because nothing says dedication like tracking potentially
planet destroying chunks of space debris while most of Washington
is at home binge watching c SPAN meet asteroid twenty
twenty five TP five sounds like a robot's social Security number,
(04:55):
which decided to swing by our planetary neighborhood yesterday at
four nine pm East. It cruised past at sixty three
hundred and twenty eight miles from Earth, which is basically
the celestial equivalent of a drive by wave. For context,
this asteroid is about the size of a six story building,
so essentially, it's like that one weird neighbor who gets
(05:16):
too close to your property line, except this neighbor is
made of rock and traveling at several thousand miles per hour.
The real kicker. Astronomers only spotted this cosmic party crasher
on Tuesday morning. That's right, this asteroid has been playing
hide and seek with Earth since nineteen seventy nine, and
we just noticed the good news. No imminent planet destroying
scenarios today. NASA's asteroid tracking is so good now that
(05:39):
we're basically catching these space rocks like their softballs at
a company picnic. Just another day in the universe, folks.
Portions of today's show were made with the help of
gay I and Ai
Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where nobody in the
military is gay. This is ballad. That's right. You don't
see the commander in chief dancing to the village people, now,
do you. I'm Patrick Gutfield and breaking news from the Pentagon.
Apparently the military is on a mission to restore something
(00:24):
called the Warrior Ethos, which sounds like a rejected action
movie title starring Steven Segall. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is
mad about Netflix's new gay military series Boots. He's claiming
the streaming giant is pushing a woke agenda faster than
a drill sergeant can drop and give you twenty. The series,
(00:45):
based on a memoir, follows a closeted gay teen joining
the Marines with his straight best friend. Heg Seth's big
complaint Netflix is apparently serving up what he calls woke garbage,
a phrase that sounds like something you'd find in a
hipster compost bin. The Pentagon's hot take, they're all about
elite uniform and sex neutral standards. Translation, a rucksack doesn't
(01:10):
care if you're gay, straight, or confused about which TikTok
dance to do next. Trump who isn't gay. He just
likes dancing to the village people, says. He wrapped a
two hour phone call with Vladimir Putin that probably felt
longer than waiting at the DMV. Trump's promising a summit
in Budapest within two weeks or so, which in political
speak means maybe probably who knows. Longtime watchers of the
(01:35):
not at all gay president know that any time there
isn't a real timetable. He just says two weeks their
grand plan to end what Trump dramatically calls the inglorious
war between Russia and Ukraine. Meanwhile, Ukrainian President Vladimir Walls
is heading to the White House today. I'm guessing his
diplomatic small talk will be slightly more complicated than so
(01:57):
how about those phone calls. The Trump administration just unveiled
a new citizenship test that sounds more like a PhD
dissertation defense than a path to American citizenship. Forget six
out of ten questions. Now the applicants need to nail
twelve out of twenty, because nothing says Welcome to America
like making people jump through more hoops than an Olympic gymnast.
(02:20):
The test bank has expanded from one hundred to one
hundred and twenty eight questions. And these aren't your grandpa's
softball civics questions. We're talking about questions so complex they'll
make a Harvard professor sweat. Remember the old test, where
you could basically guess your way to citizenship gone. Now
immigration officers will keep firing questions until you pass or fail.
(02:43):
It's like a verbal pop quiz from Hell, where you're
done only happens after you prove you know more about
American history than most high school students. The administration's justification
the current test is too easy. Joseph Edlow from US
Citizenship and Immigration Services basically called the old testa joke,
saying it was so simple you could memorize the answers
(03:04):
in your sleep. Current pass rate ninety one percent. Trump's
message not on my watch. Picture this the Milwaukee Brewers
game where the most dramatic action isn't happening on the field,
but in the stands. Shannon kobo Archic tries, saying that
(03:27):
five times Fast decided to turn a baseball game into
her personal immigration enforcement fantasy. When the Dodgers fan Ricardo
Fosado started filming the crowd. Our protagonist went full Karen mode.
Her battlecry real men drink beer, which sounds like a
slogan you defined on a very sad tank top at
a county fair. But here's the kicker. Fasado is a
(03:51):
US Navy veteran who served two wars. Her brilliant plan
to call ice about a US citizen about as strategic
as try trying to steal home plate with a beach ball.
The consequences were swift manpower group. Her employer, which also
is definitely not gay, showed her the door faster than
a rookie get sent back to the miners make a wish.
(04:14):
Wisconsin also showed her the exit talk about a career strikeout.
The Brewers response they banned both fans from the ballpark.
I'm sorry, is not being able to attend a Brewer's
game some sort of punishment. Sign me up, baby. Breaking
news from the cosmos. We've got a space rock playing
(04:34):
cosmic Chicken with Earth, and NASA's playing Lookout even during
a government shutdown, because nothing says dedication like tracking potentially
planet destroying chunks of space debris while most of Washington
is at home binge watching c SPAN meet asteroid twenty
twenty five TP five sounds like a robot's social Security number,
(04:55):
which decided to swing by our planetary neighborhood yesterday at
four nine pm East. It cruised past at sixty three
hundred and twenty eight miles from Earth, which is basically
the celestial equivalent of a drive by wave. For context,
this asteroid is about the size of a six story building,
so essentially, it's like that one weird neighbor who gets
(05:16):
too close to your property line, except this neighbor is
made of rock and traveling at several thousand miles per hour.
The real kicker. Astronomers only spotted this cosmic party crasher
on Tuesday morning. That's right, this asteroid has been playing
hide and seek with Earth since nineteen seventy nine, and
we just noticed the good news. No imminent planet destroying
scenarios today. NASA's asteroid tracking is so good now that
(05:39):
we're basically catching these space rocks like their softballs at
a company picnic. Just another day in the universe, folks.
Portions of today's show were made with the help of
gay I and Ai
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