Trump Fights Museums, and Oklahoma Flunks the Constitution

Donald Trump is furious that museums dare to talk about slavery, calling the Smithsonian “OUT OF CONTROL” and demanding more exhibits about “Success” and “Brightness.” Meanwhile, Oklahoma unveils a fifty-question anti-woke purity test for teachers that was cooked up by PragerU—because nothing says academic rigor like a quiz your uncle found on Facebook.
Also: why Trump’s idea of “helping” Ukraine is basically cheerleading from 30,000 feet, and how one multiple-choice test thinks “In God We Trust” is in the Constitution. It’s a real day in America, folks.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Kalaruga Shark media from Washington, d C. Capital of the
hottest country in the world. This is valid and wait
until you hear about a teacher test. I don't think
I can pass. Let's hit this. I'm Patrick Gutfield and
Vladimir Putin has become the world's most wanted man, and

(00:23):
not in the fun way. The International Criminal Court issued
a warrant for his arrest back in March of twenty
twenty three for war crimes, specifically the forced relocation of
Ukrainian children. So now Putin's travel options are more limited
than a college student spring break budget. One hundred and
twenty five countries are obligated to arrest him if he
shows up. That's a lot of places Putin can't visit anymore.

(00:45):
His travel agent must be having the worst time, So Vlad,
how about Paris? No Rome? Also? No? Okay? How do
you feel about Bella? US? The map of countries where
Putin can safely travel looks like someone played connect the
dots with the world's most questionable vacation destinations Belarus, Katar,

(01:06):
Saudi Arabia, basically anywhere you wouldn't want to get your
passport stamped, but here's the kicker. Trump was able to
host Putin in Alaska last week because the United States
isn't a member of the International Criminal Court, so Alaska
has become the world's most awkward neutral territory. Other countries
Putin can visit include China, India, Thailand, and Singapore, so

(01:28):
he's basically limited to places where the food is great
but the human rights records are complicated. Hungary is actually
withdrawing from the Court next June, which means they're essentially saying,
you know what, we'd like to keep our options open
for hosting war criminals. That withdrawal becomes official on June second,
So mark your calendars for international make Hungry available for

(01:51):
dictator visits day. Putin's basically playing the world's worst version
of Carmen San Diego. Donald Trump promised that the US
won't send troops to Ukrae, giving what he called his
assurance to Fox News, he said, I'm president, and I'm
just trying to stop people from being killed. And if
Trump doesn't always keep his promises, then how do you

(02:11):
explain the completed southern border wall that Mexico paid for.
Trump suggested that Ukraine's European allies like France, Germany and
the United Kingdom would front load the security. Instead front load.
That's business speak for you guys handle the messy part
while we watch from a safe distance. Trump did say
the US would help, probably if you talk about by air,

(02:35):
which sounds like he's offering to provide technical support from
thirty thousand feet. Air support without the ground support is
like offering to help someone move but only carrying the
throw pillows. So the plan appears to be Europe provides
the troops, America provides the moral support. Aerial commentary think
of US as your very supportive friend who cheers you

(02:57):
on from the parking lot during your bar fight. Donald
Trump has discovered museums exist, and he's not happy about it.
The president posted on truth Social that the Smithsonian and
museums across the country are out of control, which is
quite an accusation for buildings where the most dangerous thing

(03:18):
is usually a velvet rope. Trump's main complaint museums are
talking about slavery. Apparently he feels like museums are being
too negative by mentioning that whole owning people chapter of
American history. He wants more exhibits about success and brightness,
which sounds less like a museum and more like a

(03:38):
motivational poster from nineteen eighty five. The President said he's
instructed his attorneys to review museums the same way they've
been reviewing colleges and universities. So basically, lawyers are going
to walk through the Natural History Museum going this dinosaur
exhibit is very anti asteroid. Where's the balance? But here's
the best part. Trump ended his rant by saying, woke broke,

(04:00):
and that we have the hottest country in the world.
Un bite. I'm not sure if he means attractive or
temperature wise, but given climate change, both might be accurate.
NBC reported that the White House is already examining Smithsonian
exhibits to make sure they matched Trump's view of history.
So get ready for the new American History Museum, where
the Civil War was actually about states rights to have

(04:21):
really passionate disagreements, and the Trail of Tears was just
a very long nature walk. I can already see the
new exhibit titles like Native Americans. They probably wanted to
move anyway. The gift shop will sell nothing but red
hats and books, where all the difficult parts have been
wided out. Meanwhile, Oklahoma's got a new screening test for

(04:42):
teachers from New York and California, and they're calling it
an anti Woken doctrinator Exam Superintendent Ryan Walls announced this
fifty question test that teachers have to pass with a
perfect score all fifty questions correct or you're out. The
test was developed by Proger University, which sounds like a
real university until you realize it's about as much of

(05:03):
a university as Trump University was. They specialize in educational
videos that make your conservative uncle's Facebook posts look like
peer reviewed research. Now, the sample questions they've released are fascinating.
Question one, what are the first three words of the Constitution?
And one of the multiple choice answers is in God

(05:25):
we trust. That's not even close. That's like asking what's
the capital of France and offering Hamburger as an option.
Hopefully they don't ask to spell Oklahoma because I almost
always start with Oak. But my absolute favorite detail is
that the state Education Board doesn't even get to review
the test before it's implemented. One board member said it

(05:48):
sounds like we're on the edge, which in Oklahoma politics
apparently counts as fierce opposition. Portions of today's program were
made with the help of AI