Saints Preserve Us, It's a Batcast

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Episode Transcript

(00:27):
Welcome to Check with Chip, broughtto you by retire Smart. I'm Chip
Maxwell. Did you see the recentnews story about four hundred bats being released
in the Joscelyn Castle neighborhood. Thestory said a neighborhood resident expressed concern the
wildlife folks said, Nah, theywon't come to your house. They go

(00:48):
where they roosted before. Are youtelling me these bats from other neighborhoods or
nature preserves or whatever know the wayback to their original roosts. They're going
to do the same thing Jobbers Canyonbats did when their habitat was torn down.
The Jobbers Canyon bats did what generationsof Omahans have done. They migrated

(01:12):
west. They gravitated to the highestpoint in the metro area, the Joscelyn
Castle neighborhood, which has lots ofbig old homes that are bat magnets.
That's not something from the Cape Crusader'sutility belt. The bats love the rafters,
nooks and crannies of those classic oldhomes. Imagine the reaction of the

(01:36):
recently released bats. Wow, we'realready at the best habitat in the area.
Don't fight with each other. There'splenty for everyone. They also like
the insides of the homes. Fortwenty nine years, the Maxwells lived in
one of those big old homes inthe Joscelyn neighborhood. Like our neighbors,

(01:57):
we frequently had uninvited winged flying ratsin our home. They would come in
via chimneys or air conditioning units.We have stories. Our drill was to
grab whatever tennis rackets we could findand start swinging. We weren't necessarily swinging
with lethal intent. We were contentto stun and then release, which,

(02:21):
come to think of it, didn'tmake much sense because that bat probably would
return to what it considered its roost. Several times we were having a big
dinner party when a bat made asudden and dramatic appearance, making circles around
the dining room, then veering backout into the rest of the main floor,
then veering back into the dining room. Our parish pastor was politically kind

(02:47):
of a squishy lefty, but wherebats were concerned, whoa One night he
had a bat pinned to the floorwith a tennis racket and was stepping on
the tennis racket. The bat noquarter. That fatality almost became cubed bat
right there on the dining room floor. There was the time it was a

(03:09):
Christmas morning when the family was gatheringin the living room to open gifts.
Dad was in a horse collar becausehe had been in a car accident.
Obviously, he was not supposed tomake any quick moves. As we were
assembling and getting Dad settled, mybrothers and I simultaneously noticed up in the

(03:30):
corner of the room a bat,its clawed toes curled around the molding as
it hung upside down, apparently sleeping. We made a strategic decision to keep
calm and carry on without letting Dadknow that about six feet above and behind
him was one of those flying rats. Amazingly, the bat slept through the

(03:55):
cacophony of a maxwell Christmas and welater disposed of the critter with little drama.
That was not the case the nightI thought I heard Dad yelling,
grab a bat. My bedroom wasa converted attic space on the third floor.
There was an intercom system running throughthe house so people on different floors

(04:17):
could communicate. It was late atnight and I had just fallen asleep when
I was jarred awake by the intercomspeaker bursting to life. With a barrage
of noise. As I said,I thought Dad was yelling grab a bat.
My mind raced intruder in the house, or we under attack. We
were a baseball and softball playing familywith lots of those kinds of bats.

(04:43):
But there was nothing up on thethird floor. I rushed down the stairs,
figuring I might find something in thesecond floor hallway. I got down
to the second floor and all Icould find was a pair of pants on
a dresser. I grabbed the pantsand stumbled, still half asleep, toward
my parents' bedroom source of the commotion. The door was open and the light
was on. What I saw firstcaused me to wonder if I was having

(05:10):
the weirdest dream of my life.My brother Jim was bouncing up and down
on my parents' double bed, holdinga pillow with two hands and swinging it
around wildly like a signal corman fightingoff an attack of bees. I could
not see my mother, but Icould hear her alternately laughing and screaming,

(05:32):
laughing and screaming. Then my dadcomes into my field of vision, crawling
on the floor in his underwear witha shoe in his hand, occasionally trying
to duck and swing the shoe atthe same time. As I approached the
doorway, my eyes finally locked inon a bat flying in circles around the

(05:58):
room. I'm still not sure ifmy brother really was trying to knock it
down or was more like a matadorgiving it the aulet treatment to keep the
circus going. As I stepped intothe room, I saw Mom in the
far corner behind a TV. Thescene was so absurd that she could not
help laughing hysterically until the bat madeanother pass right over her head, at

(06:24):
which point she'd let out another scream. I finally adjusted to the theater of
the bazaar, and on my secondor third try, managed to whap the
bat with the pants, knocking itdown and sending it rolling across the floor
right to my mother's feet, whichcaused her to laugh and scream at the

(06:44):
same time. For those worried aboutthe critter, it was a casualty,
not a fatality. That's why Momwas screaming as well as laughing. It
was stunned, but still moving.I live in Bellevue now, in a
bat free and fire but those batmemories came flooding back when I saw the
story good luck to the current inhabitantsof the Joscelyn neighborhood. Keep the chimney

(07:10):
flu namper closed when you're not usingthe fireplace, and make sure those air
conditioner units are properly sealed or leavethem open. If you want to add
some spice to your family lore,that's check with Chip. I'm Chip Baxwell.
Thank you for listening.