November 7, 2025 • 23 mins
Suspense was one of the most popular and successful radio series during it's run of over 900 episodes, spanning 1940-1962. Guest stars included Orson Welles, Frank Sinatra, Lucille Ball, Agnes Moorehead, Marlene Dietrich and Humphrey Bogart. The plots were mostly engaging crime dramas, science fiction and some horror - usually with a surprise ending.
Hope you enjoy this episode of Suspense! Find all our OTR radio stations and podcasts at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Audio Credit: The Old Time Radio Researchers Group. - All Podcasts @ Spreaker | Apple | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon | iHeart
Hope you enjoy this episode of Suspense! Find all our OTR radio stations and podcasts at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Audio Credit: The Old Time Radio Researchers Group. - All Podcasts @ Spreaker | Apple | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon | iHeart
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
And now a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.
Name Betty Willoughby, missus Herbert Willoughby, thirty five, tall, blonde,
beautifully groomed, self controlled, neat, efficient, a perfect lady in
(00:21):
every respect. Lady Macbeth was a lady too. In a moment,
Act one of You Can Die Laughing, starring Evelyn Juster
and Larry Haynes, and written especially for suspense by Robert Arthur.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
The Lovely Crowd Today you green.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Those who think young.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Say pepsi please. They picked the right one, the modern
like one. Now it's pepsi. For those who think young,
so go ahain and pick the drink that lets you
drink young as you think yees, get the right one,
a modern life one. Now it's pepsie for those who
(01:04):
think younger.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Many people have a totally wrong idea about ladies. They
think ladies merely sit around looking helpless. On the contrary,
ladies are trained, they can do anything. They have to
run a large household or commit murders. And whether she's
giving a dinner for fifty or killing her husband, a
(01:41):
lady is efficient. So naturally, when I decided to kill
my husband Herbert, I planned every detail in advance, very carefully. Oh,
I don't want you to think I decided to kill
him for no reason. You see, there was Jack, Jack Holden,
(02:02):
dear sweet Jack. But Jack was only the direct cause
of my decision. The indirect cause, the thing that for
years had made me wish Herbert diad was Herbert's laughing.
Herbert was what men call a jolly, good natured man,
and he loved vulgue of practical jokes. He was always laughing,
(02:26):
laughing until I thought I would scream.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
I tell you, buddy, you missed a great show. I
was a great show. Answer rouse with jolly George Gordon, Yeah,
what a comedian that fellow was laugh I almost died laughing.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm afraid he doesn't amuse me, Herbert.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Those moronics stun you usual have seen them tonight? Listen
this young couple, See a young couple, They just married, right,
So he gives him a brand new car for a
wedding present, and the complete set of luggage and pulls,
and he sent them off an on.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Well what's so funny about that?
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Well there he reported to the police that the car
and the clothes and the luggage were all storm.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Herbert I don't think it's funny.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
Yeah, just take a look at this now, is this funny?
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Check for five hundred dollars?
Speaker 4 (03:27):
That's a that's a present for you. You know where
I got it from, Jolly George Gordon himself for when
I had lunch with him yesterday. I suggested a gag
for a show, and he's going to use it two
weeks from tonight. He paid me for him.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You suggested a gag for the Answer or Else program?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Sure, and you know what, he's going to give me
credit on the air for it. We're going over the
bill and Gene Rex replace to listen. There'll be whole
gag there.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
But Herbert, two weeks from tonight, you're flying to Mexican.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Cind him. Oh god, that's right. Business always business, better
as the man says. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
And how but I can catch you to the airport
before my plane leaves. You go on over to the experts.
(04:16):
I tell you, it's such a terrific gag. Here's the idea.
Well you you'll see it. You'll see it. To get
serious for change. I got some bad news.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Bad news.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It's about Jack Holden.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Jack has he been hurt.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
Is he sick?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
But he's sure going to be when I put him
in jail.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
In jail, that's right.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
But why well, he's been dipping into the two, stealing
from the company. But I can't believe, I'll tell you, Betty,
I couldn't either, that boy. I made him my personal assistant.
I trusted him. I had him out here to dinner,
all right. I treated him like a member of the family.
And and he turns out to be a thief.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Oh he can't.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
There's not a mistake about it. Believe me, I'm positive.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
But does anyone else know so far?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Just me because the whole office. Although tomorrow and I
have him arrested.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Does he know you suspect him?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Not a thing. He's going to be one surprised young fellow.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
No, Herbert, you mustn't. You mustn't arrest him.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
No bad for Pete's sake. Why not nobody steals from
Herbert Willoughby and gets away with it.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I mean, you mustn't arrest him before you make your
trip to Mexico. You need him to run the office
while you're away.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah, that's right. Sure things will really be in a mess.
After all, he's been my right hand man.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Oh, but I don't see him. You're puzzled by something
in the accounts, and you're going to check up when
you get back. That way, he'll be sure to be
honest while you're gone, and then when you get.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Back into jail with him.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
But I couldn't let Herbert put Jack in jail. Dear
handsome Jack. He'd made these last few years worth living
for me By thinking fast. I'd got Herbert to postpone
accusing Jack. Now I had to think of how to
prevent it entirely, and in the end I saw that
there was only one way. The next day, Jack slipped
(06:28):
away from the office to come out to the house
to talk.
Speaker 6 (06:31):
He said he was gonna send me to jail.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
He said, you'd be behind bars but ten years, darling.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Betty, Betty, Maybe if I throw myself on this mercy.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Mercy, Oh, he has no mercy underneath that donkey laugh,
he says, merciless as a shark. Oh, he'll send you
to jail, and what will become of me?
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Well, why should anything happen to you?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
But when the detectives start investigating you, they'll find out
about us. Then he'll throw me out without a penny. No, Jack,
we can't let him. We've got to stop Herbert.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
Stop him.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
How well, there's only one way we have to kill him.
When I said we have to kill him, oh, I
was being very direct. I meant to kill Herbert, and
I said, so I had the whole scheme worked out,
(07:26):
we'd do it tonight. Herbert was supposed to leave for Mexico,
and for getting rid of him afterwards, well, the old
ruin of a supposedly haunted house Herbert owned out in
the swampy Woods would be ideal. My plan, like all
good plans, was simple and direct, and when Jack saw
there was no alternative, he agreed, all.
Speaker 7 (07:47):
Right, all right, Betty, we'll get rid of him the
night he starts for Mexico. He'll leave here, never get there,
and we just don't know what.
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Became of them.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
There's nothing to go wrong.
Speaker 7 (08:04):
Yeah, sure, But how will I How will I act
to him between all and then?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Just as usual, he won't say anything about your stealing
the money. He thinks it's going to be a great
joke to arrest you when he comes back. So the
night he leaves, you'll have dinner with us and drive
to the train.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
That kills me. I'll tell you here's another good one,
the little more on, the little more on, see, he says.
He asked me, what did the first wall say to
the second wall? Well, you give up better than Jack.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yes, yes, Herbert, we give up. What did the first
wall say to the second wall?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Why? It said, meet you at the corner. Get it,
meet you at the corner.
Speaker 7 (09:00):
Excuse me, mister Willoughby, mister Wilby. Yeah, Jack, I'm afraid
we made miss your train. My watch says eighteen.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
It does, mine says. Hey, Hey, look, Betty, my watch
is slow. We'll miss my train to New York. I
never get to the airport on top.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I'll tell you what. Let's drive to Ridgeville instead and
take the train there.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Ridgeville.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Yes, there's an express that stops thir at eight forty five.
We'll take that instead of the local.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Oh yeah, sure, that's right. You know sweet got you
get a good head on it. Come on, Jack, help
me with my bags.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Twenty minutes later, we were parked in the darkness at
the far end of the Ridgeville station. I had deliberately
said Herbert's watch back while he was dressing, so he'd
miss his usual train. Now we watched him go in
to buy his tickets.
Speaker 6 (09:46):
Betty, I don't think I can go through with this.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Course you can. Isn't it better than ten years in jail.
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Suppose what caught.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
We've planned everything and we can't be caught. Now Herbert's
and they're buying his ticket. This is an express, it's crowd. Later,
no one will be sure if he was on it
or not. The police will simply assume he was on it.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
Yes, I suppose they will.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I know they will. Now later tonight, you'll take his
bags to New York and check them in a paylocker
at the station. When they're found, the evidence is all clear.
Can you reach New York safely and vanished? Hundreds of
people vanish in New York every year. No one will
ever connect us with it.
Speaker 6 (10:25):
Right here, he comes. I better get out and be waiting.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I got the ticket, you got my bags out, Jack.
Speaker 7 (10:34):
I'm sorry, mister Willoughby. I dropped the key to the
luggage compartment in the back of the car and we
can't find it.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Dropped in the back of the car. How'd you do that?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
It was my fault. Jack reached into the window for
the keys and they slipped out of my fingers.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Oh well, fuck, oh, here comes my train. Light a
match and find the key. I'm sorry, sir, I don't
have a match and take What kind of an idiot
are you here? Let me look, I got a lighter.
You've got a hurry. Now, where did you drop him?
I don't see anything I can I might be any guy.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Pushing Get the car, rap the door between the door.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
He's he's dead, Be next dome.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
The worst is over. It had worked perfectly. Not a
soul had paid us any attention. As far as the
world knew. Herbert was on that train, headed for New York,
where his check bags would later be found. Actually, he
(11:46):
was in the back of the car as I drove
it deep into a swampy section of woods a few
miles away.
Speaker 6 (11:51):
Why shouldn't we be there by?
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Now?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Well, the house is just around the next turn, and
you'll see it in a minute.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Up there, boy, what a monstrosity. Why it must be
two hundred years old?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Mm, two hundred and sixty. Herbert bought it because it
was supposed to be haunted. Oh you must have heard
him talk about it.
Speaker 7 (12:12):
Oh, yes, only a thousand times. I own a real
haunted house. He'd say, and then, and then he'd laughed
like crazy.
Speaker 8 (12:19):
Hm.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
He claimed it was haunted by a revolutionary war pirate. No,
that's just nonsense. But now he'll be able to haunt
it himself. Come on, we have to get him out
and bury him together. Jack and I lifted Herbert's body
out of the car laid him at the foot of
a tree. We left the raincoat covering him. I confess
(12:44):
that I felt a little squeamish about seeing his face,
but I felt no remorse. All I could think of
was how wonderful it would be, never, never to hear
Herbert's hideous, grating laughter again. In the trunk of the car,
we had tools and electric lanterns. Leaving Herbert until we
(13:04):
were ready, Jack and I entered the crazy rowined old
house and went down the creaking steps into the cellar.
There we selected a spot underneath the cellar stairs. Jack's again, stig, Oh, yes,
of course, And anyway, we have to hurry. We still
have to get to the exports later.
Speaker 6 (13:22):
All right, give me your hand, help me out of here.
Speaker 7 (13:24):
As what about the rexforts?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Do you forget? This is the night Herbert's silly gag
is going to be used on the Answer or Else program.
The Rexforts are going to be watching. We have to
be there.
Speaker 6 (13:36):
We better hurry. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 7 (13:39):
Come on, let's go get Herbert. All right, I still
have to drive to New York with those bags. After
the Rexforts.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Party, we went back up the steps and out to
the car to where we'd left Herbert lying beneath a tree,
and we stopped. I felt as if a great fist
had seized my heart and it was trying to stop it.
It was gone.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
In a moment, the concluding act of suspence.
Speaker 9 (14:20):
Your coffee nectar, that's what's been missing, is missing in
your instant coffee. New Instant, Chasing Sandborn has pure coffee nectar.
Speaker 10 (14:34):
Enjoy the richness of the pure coffee nectar in New
Instant Jason Sanborn, the rich new Instant from Chason Sandborn
mine coffee for nearly one hundred years.
Speaker 7 (14:52):
It's gone, said he. This is where we left him.
There's the ring court, but he's gone. Slim's found his born.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
No, No, that's impossible, heard them. Let me think, Let
me think, yes, of course he must have revived.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
He wasn't dead, and he's escaped.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
No, look these marks on the ground. He must have
been crawling, and he couldn't have gone far. We've got
to look for him, Jack, Shine your light around this
way toward the road.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Oh, oh, this way, baddie, my dear, I'm all my here,
shutting up against a rock. This is as far as
I could get. I wasn't as dead as you thought,
my dear. It's a good joke on you to find
(15:51):
me gone, wasn't it the expression on your faces? Herbert, Herbert,
he's faded.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Oh he's dead, jacket. At last, he's had his final joke.
He even died laughing. But now it's our turn. No,
it's our turn.
Speaker 6 (16:34):
How the celoplore looks long again? No one could tell
it's a private.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Graveyard, Darling, it's all right, it's almost all yes.
Speaker 6 (16:42):
I know, I know, Reddy, but I don't have nerves
of steel. Apparently you do.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh, it's just that I planned this so carefully, Darling.
I know everything's r Then he had the light. I
wanna shine it around one last time to make sure
we haven't left anything that might that's fact. What there
over in that corner?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Old? Let me look?
Speaker 7 (17:04):
It's U paper, did he I? It's a wrapper office
stick of chewing. Um, huh, someone's been here recent.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Let me see it. Hm, stamp its laying there for
a long time.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Days.
Speaker 6 (17:18):
Lease, how'd you get here?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Some tramp was here? Maybe some kid playing in this
old house.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
That's all I guess.
Speaker 6 (17:25):
You're right here? Help me with the school. Yeah, now,
let's get ourselves out of here. I don't know about you,
but I need a drink.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Drove back to the house and cleaned up. Then I
poured us bold drinks. It had gone off rather neatly,
I thought. But then, as I said, planning is so important,
whether you're giving a big party or murdering your husband. Here,
darling here drink?
Speaker 6 (17:56):
Oh yes, thanks, Betty. Oh I needed there.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Well we can relax now. Ah, it's all over.
Speaker 7 (18:09):
Almost almost all over, Betty. I still have to drive
to New York and plant those bags and a paylocker.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Yes, and the Rexford's party. Or I wish we could skip.
Speaker 7 (18:20):
That, Why don't we, Well, we're gonna be late anyhow,
Oh we can't.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Herbert made such a point that we watch when they
use his precious gag it.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
Looks suspicious or Herbert and his gags.
Speaker 6 (18:31):
Well let's go.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
No, wait, we could take a minute longer, what dilling?
We're alone now, we don't have Herbert to worry about.
Speaker 7 (18:46):
Oh yes, of course, sweet I didn't.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I guess I was just keyed up. Come here, m.
Speaker 8 (18:57):
S better, much better, Oh Jack, We're going to have
such a wonderful time now, Herbert.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Gone Jack's kiss. Maybe wanted to skip the Rexferts and
their party and the silly program and Herbert's stunt and
everything else, but we couldn't. So ten minutes later we
were ringing the bell at Rexford's place.
Speaker 6 (19:32):
I hope we can get away fast as soon as
this thing is.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Over the party, Jack, we can't rush off too fast. Well, Betty, Jack,
we thought you weren't going to naked, Come on in quick.
We had a little trouble with the car.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Isn't that always the way?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
We'll come on into the living room, Bill, Jack and
Betty are here.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
A good jolly George Gordon is just explaining about good
old herbs gag. It's a little kids here.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'll turn the set by all of you and lots
of life and so folks there go out for a
pair of contestants on tonight's special stunt. Eight happy people
without an idea what they're getting into. And now Jolly
George is going to let all of you out there
into the plot.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
I can't wait to hear ise.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
We've just sent those four couples out with road maps
and picks and shovels.
Speaker 6 (20:20):
To dig for buried treasure.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
What they don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
Is they're going to wind up in the cellar of
our hearted House. Yes, sir, the first one is to
get to that hearted house and dig in the right
part of the cellar. We'll find a chest with five
thousand dollars in.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
It, some treasurey.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
But to test their nerves while they're digging, we're going
to broadcast into that house all the ghostly noises you
can think of, howling dogs and clanking chains and squeaking
doors and everything.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
It's not a bad gake, hard, We just devil.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Our special thanks to Herbert Willoughby of Connecticut for thinking
of the stunt and lending us his own hearted house
in the woods for it. We buried the chest there
a week ago, but we have.
Speaker 11 (21:12):
Been that money is buried in Herbert's old haunted house.
This Hey, we've got as much right to dig in
it as anybody. It's an hour from now, that whole
seller will be dug up, and we want to get
there first. So come on, let's call Betty.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
You'll show us the way, and won't you, buddy?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
So you see, doctor, my plan for getting rid of
Herbert was a perfectly good one. I'm not ashamed of it,
of this, and if his silly stunt for that moronic
program spoiled everything, I'm prepared to take the consequences. A
lady does what she has to without. There only one
(21:54):
thing I want to ask you. Herbert is dead. Isn't
here laughing? Can't you hear you? Don't you make him stop?
Make him stop laughing like that day and night here laughing.
I can't stand it anymore. I can't, sir.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Suspence you have been listening to You Can Die Laughing,
starring Evelyn Juster and Larry Hayes, and written especially for
suspense by Robert Arthur. In a moment, the names of
our players, and a word about next week's story of suspense.
Athletes foot roots, like garden weed, roots go below the surface.
(22:48):
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And that's how NP twenty seven treatment works to root
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where other remedies can't reach, even into toenails.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
MP twenty seven.
Speaker 12 (23:02):
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seven Powder guards against new infection, keeps feet healthy dry
MP twenty seven Roots out, athletes foot or your Druggist
will refine Your money.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Suspence is produced and directed by Brunos Raju Junior. Musical
supervision by Ethel Huber. Featured into Night's story were Ian
Martin as Herbert Willoughby, Lee Vines as Jolly, George Gordon,
Gertrude Warner as Gene Rexford, and William Mason as Bill Rexford.
Listen again next week when we return with Bells. Written
by Jack Bundy. Another tale well calculated to keep you
(23:43):
in sa Spence, France in Focus David Schoenbrun's Your Man
in Paris weekdays on the CBS Radio network
And now a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.
Name Betty Willoughby, missus Herbert Willoughby, thirty five, tall, blonde,
beautifully groomed, self controlled, neat, efficient, a perfect lady in
(00:21):
every respect. Lady Macbeth was a lady too. In a moment,
Act one of You Can Die Laughing, starring Evelyn Juster
and Larry Haynes, and written especially for suspense by Robert Arthur.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
The Lovely Crowd Today you green.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Those who think young.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Say pepsi please. They picked the right one, the modern
like one. Now it's pepsi. For those who think young,
so go ahain and pick the drink that lets you
drink young as you think yees, get the right one,
a modern life one. Now it's pepsie for those who
(01:04):
think younger.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Many people have a totally wrong idea about ladies. They
think ladies merely sit around looking helpless. On the contrary,
ladies are trained, they can do anything. They have to
run a large household or commit murders. And whether she's
giving a dinner for fifty or killing her husband, a
(01:41):
lady is efficient. So naturally, when I decided to kill
my husband Herbert, I planned every detail in advance, very carefully. Oh,
I don't want you to think I decided to kill
him for no reason. You see, there was Jack, Jack Holden,
(02:02):
dear sweet Jack. But Jack was only the direct cause
of my decision. The indirect cause, the thing that for
years had made me wish Herbert diad was Herbert's laughing.
Herbert was what men call a jolly, good natured man,
and he loved vulgue of practical jokes. He was always laughing,
(02:26):
laughing until I thought I would scream.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
I tell you, buddy, you missed a great show. I
was a great show. Answer rouse with jolly George Gordon, Yeah,
what a comedian that fellow was laugh I almost died laughing.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm afraid he doesn't amuse me, Herbert.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Those moronics stun you usual have seen them tonight? Listen
this young couple, See a young couple, They just married, right,
So he gives him a brand new car for a
wedding present, and the complete set of luggage and pulls,
and he sent them off an on.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Well what's so funny about that?
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Well there he reported to the police that the car
and the clothes and the luggage were all storm.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Herbert I don't think it's funny.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
Yeah, just take a look at this now, is this funny?
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Check for five hundred dollars?
Speaker 4 (03:27):
That's a that's a present for you. You know where
I got it from, Jolly George Gordon himself for when
I had lunch with him yesterday. I suggested a gag
for a show, and he's going to use it two
weeks from tonight. He paid me for him.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You suggested a gag for the Answer or Else program?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Sure, and you know what, he's going to give me
credit on the air for it. We're going over the
bill and Gene Rex replace to listen. There'll be whole
gag there.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
But Herbert, two weeks from tonight, you're flying to Mexican.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Cind him. Oh god, that's right. Business always business, better
as the man says. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
And how but I can catch you to the airport
before my plane leaves. You go on over to the experts.
(04:16):
I tell you, it's such a terrific gag. Here's the idea.
Well you you'll see it. You'll see it. To get
serious for change. I got some bad news.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Bad news.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It's about Jack Holden.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Jack has he been hurt.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
Is he sick?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
But he's sure going to be when I put him
in jail.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
In jail, that's right.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
But why well, he's been dipping into the two, stealing
from the company. But I can't believe, I'll tell you, Betty,
I couldn't either, that boy. I made him my personal assistant.
I trusted him. I had him out here to dinner,
all right. I treated him like a member of the family.
And and he turns out to be a thief.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Oh he can't.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
There's not a mistake about it. Believe me, I'm positive.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
But does anyone else know so far?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Just me because the whole office. Although tomorrow and I
have him arrested.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Does he know you suspect him?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Not a thing. He's going to be one surprised young fellow.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
No, Herbert, you mustn't. You mustn't arrest him.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
No bad for Pete's sake. Why not nobody steals from
Herbert Willoughby and gets away with it.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I mean, you mustn't arrest him before you make your
trip to Mexico. You need him to run the office
while you're away.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah, that's right. Sure things will really be in a mess.
After all, he's been my right hand man.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Oh, but I don't see him. You're puzzled by something
in the accounts, and you're going to check up when
you get back. That way, he'll be sure to be
honest while you're gone, and then when you get.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Back into jail with him.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
But I couldn't let Herbert put Jack in jail. Dear
handsome Jack. He'd made these last few years worth living
for me By thinking fast. I'd got Herbert to postpone
accusing Jack. Now I had to think of how to
prevent it entirely, and in the end I saw that
there was only one way. The next day, Jack slipped
(06:28):
away from the office to come out to the house
to talk.
Speaker 6 (06:31):
He said he was gonna send me to jail.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
He said, you'd be behind bars but ten years, darling.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Betty, Betty, Maybe if I throw myself on this mercy.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Mercy, Oh, he has no mercy underneath that donkey laugh,
he says, merciless as a shark. Oh, he'll send you
to jail, and what will become of me?
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Well, why should anything happen to you?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
But when the detectives start investigating you, they'll find out
about us. Then he'll throw me out without a penny. No, Jack,
we can't let him. We've got to stop Herbert.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
Stop him.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
How well, there's only one way we have to kill him.
When I said we have to kill him, oh, I
was being very direct. I meant to kill Herbert, and
I said, so I had the whole scheme worked out,
(07:26):
we'd do it tonight. Herbert was supposed to leave for Mexico,
and for getting rid of him afterwards, well, the old
ruin of a supposedly haunted house Herbert owned out in
the swampy Woods would be ideal. My plan, like all
good plans, was simple and direct, and when Jack saw
there was no alternative, he agreed, all.
Speaker 7 (07:47):
Right, all right, Betty, we'll get rid of him the
night he starts for Mexico. He'll leave here, never get there,
and we just don't know what.
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Became of them.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
There's nothing to go wrong.
Speaker 7 (08:04):
Yeah, sure, But how will I How will I act
to him between all and then?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Just as usual, he won't say anything about your stealing
the money. He thinks it's going to be a great
joke to arrest you when he comes back. So the
night he leaves, you'll have dinner with us and drive
to the train.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
That kills me. I'll tell you here's another good one,
the little more on, the little more on, see, he says.
He asked me, what did the first wall say to
the second wall? Well, you give up better than Jack.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yes, yes, Herbert, we give up. What did the first
wall say to the second wall?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Why? It said, meet you at the corner. Get it,
meet you at the corner.
Speaker 7 (09:00):
Excuse me, mister Willoughby, mister Wilby. Yeah, Jack, I'm afraid
we made miss your train. My watch says eighteen.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
It does, mine says. Hey, Hey, look, Betty, my watch
is slow. We'll miss my train to New York. I
never get to the airport on top.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I'll tell you what. Let's drive to Ridgeville instead and
take the train there.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Ridgeville.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Yes, there's an express that stops thir at eight forty five.
We'll take that instead of the local.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Oh yeah, sure, that's right. You know sweet got you
get a good head on it. Come on, Jack, help
me with my bags.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Twenty minutes later, we were parked in the darkness at
the far end of the Ridgeville station. I had deliberately
said Herbert's watch back while he was dressing, so he'd
miss his usual train. Now we watched him go in
to buy his tickets.
Speaker 6 (09:46):
Betty, I don't think I can go through with this.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Course you can. Isn't it better than ten years in jail.
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Suppose what caught.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
We've planned everything and we can't be caught. Now Herbert's
and they're buying his ticket. This is an express, it's crowd. Later,
no one will be sure if he was on it
or not. The police will simply assume he was on it.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
Yes, I suppose they will.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I know they will. Now later tonight, you'll take his
bags to New York and check them in a paylocker
at the station. When they're found, the evidence is all clear.
Can you reach New York safely and vanished? Hundreds of
people vanish in New York every year. No one will
ever connect us with it.
Speaker 6 (10:25):
Right here, he comes. I better get out and be waiting.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I got the ticket, you got my bags out, Jack.
Speaker 7 (10:34):
I'm sorry, mister Willoughby. I dropped the key to the
luggage compartment in the back of the car and we
can't find it.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Dropped in the back of the car. How'd you do that?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
It was my fault. Jack reached into the window for
the keys and they slipped out of my fingers.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Oh well, fuck, oh, here comes my train. Light a
match and find the key. I'm sorry, sir, I don't
have a match and take What kind of an idiot
are you here? Let me look, I got a lighter.
You've got a hurry. Now, where did you drop him?
I don't see anything I can I might be any guy.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Pushing Get the car, rap the door between the door.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
He's he's dead, Be next dome.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
The worst is over. It had worked perfectly. Not a
soul had paid us any attention. As far as the
world knew. Herbert was on that train, headed for New York,
where his check bags would later be found. Actually, he
(11:46):
was in the back of the car as I drove
it deep into a swampy section of woods a few
miles away.
Speaker 6 (11:51):
Why shouldn't we be there by?
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Now?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Well, the house is just around the next turn, and
you'll see it in a minute.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Up there, boy, what a monstrosity. Why it must be
two hundred years old?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Mm, two hundred and sixty. Herbert bought it because it
was supposed to be haunted. Oh you must have heard
him talk about it.
Speaker 7 (12:12):
Oh, yes, only a thousand times. I own a real
haunted house. He'd say, and then, and then he'd laughed
like crazy.
Speaker 8 (12:19):
Hm.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
He claimed it was haunted by a revolutionary war pirate. No,
that's just nonsense. But now he'll be able to haunt
it himself. Come on, we have to get him out
and bury him together. Jack and I lifted Herbert's body
out of the car laid him at the foot of
a tree. We left the raincoat covering him. I confess
(12:44):
that I felt a little squeamish about seeing his face,
but I felt no remorse. All I could think of
was how wonderful it would be, never, never to hear
Herbert's hideous, grating laughter again. In the trunk of the car,
we had tools and electric lanterns. Leaving Herbert until we
(13:04):
were ready, Jack and I entered the crazy rowined old
house and went down the creaking steps into the cellar.
There we selected a spot underneath the cellar stairs. Jack's again, stig, Oh, yes,
of course, And anyway, we have to hurry. We still
have to get to the exports later.
Speaker 6 (13:22):
All right, give me your hand, help me out of here.
Speaker 7 (13:24):
As what about the rexforts?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Do you forget? This is the night Herbert's silly gag
is going to be used on the Answer or Else program.
The Rexforts are going to be watching. We have to
be there.
Speaker 6 (13:36):
We better hurry. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 7 (13:39):
Come on, let's go get Herbert. All right, I still
have to drive to New York with those bags. After
the Rexforts.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Party, we went back up the steps and out to
the car to where we'd left Herbert lying beneath a tree,
and we stopped. I felt as if a great fist
had seized my heart and it was trying to stop it.
It was gone.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
In a moment, the concluding act of suspence.
Speaker 9 (14:20):
Your coffee nectar, that's what's been missing, is missing in
your instant coffee. New Instant, Chasing Sandborn has pure coffee nectar.
Speaker 10 (14:34):
Enjoy the richness of the pure coffee nectar in New
Instant Jason Sanborn, the rich new Instant from Chason Sandborn
mine coffee for nearly one hundred years.
Speaker 7 (14:52):
It's gone, said he. This is where we left him.
There's the ring court, but he's gone. Slim's found his born.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
No, No, that's impossible, heard them. Let me think, Let
me think, yes, of course he must have revived.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
He wasn't dead, and he's escaped.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
No, look these marks on the ground. He must have
been crawling, and he couldn't have gone far. We've got
to look for him, Jack, Shine your light around this
way toward the road.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Oh, oh, this way, baddie, my dear, I'm all my here,
shutting up against a rock. This is as far as
I could get. I wasn't as dead as you thought,
my dear. It's a good joke on you to find
(15:51):
me gone, wasn't it the expression on your faces? Herbert, Herbert,
he's faded.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Oh he's dead, jacket. At last, he's had his final joke.
He even died laughing. But now it's our turn. No,
it's our turn.
Speaker 6 (16:34):
How the celoplore looks long again? No one could tell
it's a private.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Graveyard, Darling, it's all right, it's almost all yes.
Speaker 6 (16:42):
I know, I know, Reddy, but I don't have nerves
of steel. Apparently you do.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh, it's just that I planned this so carefully, Darling.
I know everything's r Then he had the light. I
wanna shine it around one last time to make sure
we haven't left anything that might that's fact. What there
over in that corner?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Old? Let me look?
Speaker 7 (17:04):
It's U paper, did he I? It's a wrapper office
stick of chewing. Um, huh, someone's been here recent.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Let me see it. Hm, stamp its laying there for
a long time.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Days.
Speaker 6 (17:18):
Lease, how'd you get here?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Some tramp was here? Maybe some kid playing in this
old house.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
That's all I guess.
Speaker 6 (17:25):
You're right here? Help me with the school. Yeah, now,
let's get ourselves out of here. I don't know about you,
but I need a drink.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Drove back to the house and cleaned up. Then I
poured us bold drinks. It had gone off rather neatly,
I thought. But then, as I said, planning is so important,
whether you're giving a big party or murdering your husband. Here,
darling here drink?
Speaker 6 (17:56):
Oh yes, thanks, Betty. Oh I needed there.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Well we can relax now. Ah, it's all over.
Speaker 7 (18:09):
Almost almost all over, Betty. I still have to drive
to New York and plant those bags and a paylocker.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Yes, and the Rexford's party. Or I wish we could skip.
Speaker 7 (18:20):
That, Why don't we, Well, we're gonna be late anyhow,
Oh we can't.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Herbert made such a point that we watch when they
use his precious gag it.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
Looks suspicious or Herbert and his gags.
Speaker 6 (18:31):
Well let's go.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
No, wait, we could take a minute longer, what dilling?
We're alone now, we don't have Herbert to worry about.
Speaker 7 (18:46):
Oh yes, of course, sweet I didn't.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I guess I was just keyed up. Come here, m.
Speaker 8 (18:57):
S better, much better, Oh Jack, We're going to have
such a wonderful time now, Herbert.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Gone Jack's kiss. Maybe wanted to skip the Rexferts and
their party and the silly program and Herbert's stunt and
everything else, but we couldn't. So ten minutes later we
were ringing the bell at Rexford's place.
Speaker 6 (19:32):
I hope we can get away fast as soon as
this thing is.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Over the party, Jack, we can't rush off too fast. Well, Betty, Jack,
we thought you weren't going to naked, Come on in quick.
We had a little trouble with the car.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Isn't that always the way?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
We'll come on into the living room, Bill, Jack and
Betty are here.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
A good jolly George Gordon is just explaining about good
old herbs gag. It's a little kids here.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'll turn the set by all of you and lots
of life and so folks there go out for a
pair of contestants on tonight's special stunt. Eight happy people
without an idea what they're getting into. And now Jolly
George is going to let all of you out there
into the plot.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
I can't wait to hear ise.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
We've just sent those four couples out with road maps
and picks and shovels.
Speaker 6 (20:20):
To dig for buried treasure.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
What they don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
Is they're going to wind up in the cellar of
our hearted House. Yes, sir, the first one is to
get to that hearted house and dig in the right
part of the cellar. We'll find a chest with five
thousand dollars in.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
It, some treasurey.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
But to test their nerves while they're digging, we're going
to broadcast into that house all the ghostly noises you
can think of, howling dogs and clanking chains and squeaking
doors and everything.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
It's not a bad gake, hard, We just devil.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Our special thanks to Herbert Willoughby of Connecticut for thinking
of the stunt and lending us his own hearted house
in the woods for it. We buried the chest there
a week ago, but we have.
Speaker 11 (21:12):
Been that money is buried in Herbert's old haunted house.
This Hey, we've got as much right to dig in
it as anybody. It's an hour from now, that whole
seller will be dug up, and we want to get
there first. So come on, let's call Betty.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
You'll show us the way, and won't you, buddy?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
So you see, doctor, my plan for getting rid of
Herbert was a perfectly good one. I'm not ashamed of it,
of this, and if his silly stunt for that moronic
program spoiled everything, I'm prepared to take the consequences. A
lady does what she has to without. There only one
(21:54):
thing I want to ask you. Herbert is dead. Isn't
here laughing? Can't you hear you? Don't you make him stop?
Make him stop laughing like that day and night here laughing.
I can't stand it anymore. I can't, sir.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Suspence you have been listening to You Can Die Laughing,
starring Evelyn Juster and Larry Hayes, and written especially for
suspense by Robert Arthur. In a moment, the names of
our players, and a word about next week's story of suspense.
Athletes foot roots, like garden weed, roots go below the surface.
(22:48):
You've got to penetrate the surface to root it out.
And that's how NP twenty seven treatment works to root
out athlete's foot MP twenty seven penetrates below skin surface,
where other remedies can't reach, even into toenails.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
MP twenty seven.
Speaker 12 (23:02):
Liquid stops itch, relieves pain, promotes healthy tissue MP twenty
seven Powder guards against new infection, keeps feet healthy dry
MP twenty seven Roots out, athletes foot or your Druggist
will refine Your money.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Suspence is produced and directed by Brunos Raju Junior. Musical
supervision by Ethel Huber. Featured into Night's story were Ian
Martin as Herbert Willoughby, Lee Vines as Jolly, George Gordon,
Gertrude Warner as Gene Rexford, and William Mason as Bill Rexford.
Listen again next week when we return with Bells. Written
by Jack Bundy. Another tale well calculated to keep you
(23:43):
in sa Spence, France in Focus David Schoenbrun's Your Man
in Paris weekdays on the CBS Radio network
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