February 26, 2025 • 20 mins
In this episode of Femme on the Spectrum, host Elizabeth discusses manipulation, social dynamics, and the implications when trust in close relationships starts to erode. The discussion begins with an analysis of the two types of people most vulnerable to manipulation: those who lack knowledge and those who seek approval. Elizabeth shares a personal story of betrayal within her family, shedding light on the painful experience of family scapegoating. The host then advises listeners on how to detect and cope with manipulative behavior, including sudden changes in behavior, repeating influenced narratives and demonizing without factual basis. She recommends trusting in actions over words, maintaining self-respect with firm boundaries, avoiding emotional blackmail, and holding to personal truths irrespective of external approvals. The episode closes with a call for listeners to share their experiences of manipulation and loyalty shift on the show’s social media page.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the spectrum where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. I'm
your host, Elizabeth, and if you're new here, welcome to
(00:25):
the family. And if you're a returning listener, you already
know that we keep it real around here. Today we're
diving into something deeply personal and incredibly relevant. Manipulation, social dynamics,
and what happens when the people you trust give in
to the crowd. Yep, It's about those moments when loyalty
(00:48):
isn't what it seems and the trust you've built starts
to crumble. I've got stories, insights, and some pretty eye
opening data to share with you today, so stick around.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this. I came
up with a quote recently and it's been sitting heavy
with me. Two kinds of people are easily manipulated, those
(01:12):
who lack knowledge and those who crave the approval of
the crowd. If you don't know who surrounds you, and
you're neither run and let me tell you I've lived this.
Let's break it down. The first group of people are
those who simply don't think for themselves. It's not about
academic degrees or fancy certificates. No, it's about mental curiosity
(01:38):
and the willingness to ask, Wait a minute, does this
make sense? These folks often fall prey to misinformation and
even petty family gossip because they never stop to question anything.
They might even still believe that swallowing gum means it'll
stay in your stomach for seven years. Now, let's move
(01:59):
on to the second group, the ones who absolutely need
the approval of the crowd. These are the folks who
can't stand being the odd one out. Their entire identity
is shaped by external validation, and that's precisely where their
vulnerability lies. When the wrong influence takes control, they're quick
(02:20):
to change sides. And this, my friends, is where my
story begins. Most of my life, my brother and I
were allies. We had to be. Our oldest brother was abusive, controlling, cruel,
and manipulative. Let's call him Christoph. He and I stood
against him together. It was us versus him. I even
(02:41):
went as far as defending Christoph's wife, Amelia, despite her
Victorian ideals and the fact that our family didn't accept her.
Why because I loved my brother. But things took a
turn I never saw coming. Christoph and Amelia, who initially
saw our old brother and his wife for who they were,
(03:02):
manipulative insecure, suddenly flipped. Whether it was the influence of
under educated cousins or just to shift in their need
for approval, they turned against me. The betrayal wasn't just hurtful.
It was a glaring example of how social dynamics and
the craving for approval can lead even the closest allies
(03:25):
to become enemies. And that's how manipulation works. Folks. Sometimes
the hardest lessons come from the people you least expect.
So stay tuned because up next we're going to delve
even deeper into how this played out in my life
and what it means for those navigating similar waters. Let's
talk about my brother, Christoph's and his wife Amelia. Amelia
(03:49):
came from a family with these Victorian ideals. Per her words,
I remember her telling me her grandmother was an old
Victorian lady, and it filtered down throughout the family. Everything
had to be just so and if you didn't fit
their narrative, you were judged. When she married into our family,
(04:10):
she got a taste of her own medicine. Our family
didn't accept her. But despite that, I defended her, not
because I agreed with how she was, but because I
loved my brother. I bent over backward defending her, even
when it meant putting my own reputation on the line.
And then things took a turn I never saw coming.
(04:32):
Christoph and Amelia used to see my oldest brother Marcus
and his wife Dianni for exactly who they were. Just
a couple of years ago, they were still talking badly
about Marcus and Dion, pointing out to me how manipulative
Dion was and how insecure Marcus was. In fact, Amelia
(04:53):
was the one who first pointed out how competitive Dione
is and my brother Christoph, he literally said, and I quote,
Dion has big opinions, but she goes about it in
a passive aggressive way. Amelia also had plenty to say
about how horrified they were by the way Marcus and
Dione treated their kids. I still have the text messages
(05:16):
from her and remember the phone conversations vividly about their
criticisms of Marcus and Dion, which is hilarious when you
consider the fact that Marcus and Diane later manipulated their
own kids into disliking Christoph and Amelia. I still remember
my niece, daughter of Marcus, casually throwing out their kids
(05:38):
are so needy, like she was reading off a script.
It's funny how the very people criticizing others end up
mirroring the same behavior when it benefits them. And yet
fast forward to now and suddenly they're all chummy besties,
one big, happy family. So let's get into how that happened.
(06:00):
At some point, Christoph and Amelia realized that the crowd
was shifting. The very same cousins who once distanced themselves
from Marcus and Dion. They got sucked in, the under
educated ones who don't question anything. Dion got to them first,
and suddenly Marcus and Dion weren't the ones on the
(06:21):
outs anymore. And what a crowd pleasers do when the
tide turns, they turn with it. Christoph and Amelia saw
the numbers, saw which side was gaining traction, and instead
of standing firm in everything they knew was true, they folded.
Just like that. It was no longer socially beneficial to
(06:41):
agree with me. So they jumped ship and started cozying
up to the same people they once ripped apart in
private conversations. I mean, the irony is unreal. The same
Amelia who whispered to me about how competitive and manipulative
Dione was telling me how she had made judgmental comments
about her at my wedding, and it went on and on,
(07:03):
and I feel they took advantage of my loyalty to
my brother. The same Christoph who literally said Dieon was
passive aggressive. They're now acting like Marcus and Dion are
family goals. Now, if this were a reality show, this
is where we'd cue the dramatic betrayal montage, you know,
the slow motion handshakes, the fake laughter, the backstabbing confessional interviews.
(07:28):
Except this isn't TV. This is my actual life. The
truth is they didn't have the spine to stand alone,
so they took the easier route, aligning themselves with the
very people they once claimed to despise. And here's the kicker.
Now they're trying to rewrite history. They act like they
never said any of those things. They act like I'm
(07:51):
the one who's out of line. For calling out the
manipulation that they once openly acknowledged. And because they've fully
integrated into the Marcus and Dione social club, they're now
participating in the same smear tactics. So what changed nothing
except the fact that they weren't strong enough to stand.
(08:11):
To this day, my brother can't name why he isn't
talking to me anymore. I literally had done nothing to him.
I believe they manipulated him and played off his sensitivity
to narcissism. What's even more ridiculous, my cousins justified it
by referencing a time when they claim I was talking
(08:32):
badly about my dad the irony. That exact moment they're
referring to was when Amelia was being outcasted by my
father and I was actually trying to explain the situation
to help her. Somehow that got twisted around and used
against me in this situation, because that's how manipulation works.
(08:54):
Take something out of context, strip it of its original meaning,
and suddenly you're the villain. And here's the part that
really got me. They didn't just walk away. They turned
against me. Now they call me the narcissist. They say
my loyalty to them was transactional because I expected them
(09:15):
to stand up for me the way I stood up
for them. At most, I had posted a few things
on my Facebook page calling out the actual abuse from
Marcus and the actual manipulation from Diani. And I know
what you're thinking, Ooh, Facebook drama. But let's be real.
If someone has a problem with me speaking up about mistreatment,
(09:37):
that's on them, not me. I wasn't doxing people, I
wasn't spreading lies. I was telling the truth, and that's
how I felt the sting of betrayal from those who
had been closest to me. It's a tough lesson, but
one that's important to recognize. Loyalty based on convenience is
not loyalty at all. Up next, we'll die into how
(10:00):
family scapegoating works and how to protect yourself from similar situations.
Stay with us. My therapist and I had a long
talk about all of this. Both of us agree that
speaking up was totally valid because if you don't call
out abusers, they get away with it, and that's exactly
what happened. She validated that I was being gas lit
(10:23):
and the narrative was being manipulated against me. She told
me to stay away because it is a very toxic environment.
Rip the band aid off. That's my style. Yes, it stings,
but for the right reasons. And it's important to recognize
that if someone's loyalty is based on convenience, it's not
loyalty at all. Stay tuned, folks. Up next, we'll dig
(10:47):
into how family scapegoating works and how to protect yourself
from similar situations. Stay with us. We'll be right back
after this short break. Welcome back everyone. Now, well, let's
dig into something that may shock you but will definitely
resonate with many of you. Family scapegoating families are complicated
(11:09):
but toxic families. They're on a whole other level. And
nothing highlights this more than the concepts of the scapegoat
and the golden child. In toxic family dynamics, you often
find two standout roles, the scapegoat and the golden child.
The scapegoat is the one who challenges dysfunction questions, the
(11:31):
abusive or manipulative behaviors, and hence gets labeled as the problem.
The golden child, on the other hand, is the one
who keeps the status quo, goes along with the toxic
family rules, and gets rewarded for it. Yes, they literally
get rewarded for pretending everything is perfect. But this isn't
(11:52):
just family gossip. This has been studied and the findings
are pretty jaw dropping. According to the National Institute of
Men Mental Health, a staggering seventy percent of family scapegoats
report experiencing gas lighting. Gaslighting is when your version of
reality is questioned so much that you start doubting it yourself.
(12:14):
Imagine experiencing this from those who are supposed to support you.
And that's not all. Sixty percent of scapegoats say that
family members turn others against them through triangulation. Triangulation is
basically a form of manipulation where one person uses a
third party to control or apply pressure on another person.
(12:36):
It's psychological warfare and it can do a real number
on your mental health. Let me tie this into my
story for you. Remember how I told you my brother
Chris and his wife Amy turned against me, suddenly calling
me a narcissist and discrediting my loyalty. Yep, classic scapegoating.
(12:57):
They conveniently flip the script, making me the bad guy
for standing up to our manipulative older brother and exposing
his and his wife's abusive behaviors and why did they
flip Because they needed to fit into the family's toxic dynamics.
They couldn't bear to be the odd ones out. They
traded loyalty and integrity for approval, becoming golden children by
(13:22):
default and pushing me further into the scapegoat role. It's
manipulative family dynamics at their finest and ugliest. Stay with us,
because next we'll look at how to spot signs of
manipulation and protect yourself from becoming a scapegoat. Be right back,
Hey guys, welcome back. In this segment, we're going to
(13:44):
talk about the telltale signs that someone is being manipulated.
Trust me, this is information you're going to want to
have in your back pocket because unfortunately, manipulation is everywhere.
First up, let's talk about sudden behavior changes. Have you
ever had someone be your biggest supporter one day and
(14:05):
then suddenly they're avoiding you like you handed them a subpoena.
Chances are they've been manipulated. This usually happens after a
group conversation or a private talk with the manipulator, who
fills their head with a new narrative. Recognize this if
someone's loyalty flips that fast it was never real to
(14:27):
begin with. Next, we have the repeating of influenced narratives.
When someone is being manipulated, they start spouting phrases and
accusations that don't sound like them at all. It's like
they've turned into a human parrot, regurgitating whatever the manipulator
has fed them. For example, your cousin suddenly tells you
you're just too aggressive, when last week they were saying
(14:51):
how proud they were that you stand up for yourself.
If someone's words take a complete one point eighty, you
know they're not speaking from their own mind. Now let's
talk about demonizing without facts. If a person suddenly treats
you like you're a Marvel super villain but can't actually
point to anything you did, they're in full manipulation mode.
(15:13):
Imagine someone calls you a narcissist without solid evidence. They're
just echoing what they've been told. Manipulated people stop questioning
and start accepting everything they hear as the absolute truth.
And those are the major signs sudden behavior changes, parroting
(15:33):
someone else's narratives, and demonizing you without facts. So what
do you do with this info? First, don't doubt yourself.
If someone flip flops on you for no apparent reason,
question their sudden shift, not your worth. Coming up, we'll
dive into a few more personal examples and discuss how
(15:54):
to protect yourself from these master manipulators. Stick around, I'll
be right back. Welcome back, folks. Now that we've dug
into the signs of manipulation and how it can flip
the script on cherished relationships, it's time to arm you
with the tools to protect yourself. We're going to cover
(16:15):
a lot of ground here, so buckle up. Let's start
with one of the biggest lessons I've learned. Trust actions
over words. It sounds simple, but it's something we often overlook.
A person's words mean nothing if their actions contradict them.
If someone says they care about you but then ghosts
you when the pressure is on, believe they're actions not
(16:37):
their words. Words can be pretty, but actions tell the
real story. If their behavior doesn't match their promises, it's
time to reevaluate that relationship. Next up, stop explaining yourself
to those committed to misunderstanding you. Some people aren't confused.
They're committed to seeing you the wrong way because it
(16:59):
benefits them. If someone is determined to twist your words,
move goalposts, or ignore actual evidence in favor of a
made up narrative, let them have their delusions. Save your
energy for those who genuinely try to understand you, trust me.
Debating with a brick wall is a waste of time.
Let's talk about recognizing fair weather loyalty. True loyalty isn't convenient,
(17:23):
it's consistent. If someone only supports you when it's easy
but bails when things get tough, that's not a real ally.
That's a fair weather friend with no backbone. Look for
people who stand by you through thick and thin, not
just when it's socially convenient for them. Another key point
avoid playing the prove you're not a bad person game.
(17:46):
Once someone decides you're the villain in their story, no
amount of explaining, proving, or justifying will change their mind.
The hardest pill to swallow is realizing that some people
for the convenient lie over the inconvenient truth. You don't
need to prove your worth to people who were looking
(18:07):
for a reason to turn on you in the first place. Now,
let's get into the big step. Distance yourself without guilt
boundaries aren't punishment their self respect. If keeping someone in
your life means walking on eggshells, suppressing your truth, or
tolerating manipulation, then walk away. It's okay to create distance
(18:29):
from those who drain your energy and add toxicity to
your life. You're not wrong for prioritizing your mental health. Finally,
know your truth and don't waiver. Facts don't need validation,
Your experience doesn't need approval. The second you stop needing
other people to confirm your reality, you take away their
(18:49):
power to rewrite it. Remember your truth is yours, and
no one gets to take that away from you. In summary,
trust actions, set boundaries, and stand for your truth. These
are your shields against manipulation. Up next, we're going to
wrap things up with some final thoughts and a call
to action. Stay with us until the end. You won't
(19:11):
want to miss it. And here we are, coming full circle.
We've explored the depths of manipulation, the fragility of trust,
and how social dynamics can flip our world upside down.
If there's one big takeaway from today, it's this manipulation
doesn't just come from strangers or distant acquaintances. It can
(19:32):
come from those closest to us, and recognizing the signs
is crucial. We've talked about the two kinds of people
who are easily manipulated, those who lack curiosity and those
who crave approval. We've shared personal stories, dissected family dynamics,
and most importantly, uncovered the science behind scapegoating and manipulation.
(19:57):
All these pieces form a larger picture that helps us
understand and protect ourselves better. Now, i'd love to hear
your thoughts. Have you ever had someone you trust flip
their behavior towards you because of manipulation? Share your experiences
with me on social media Tag me at effem on
the Spectrum. Your stories are powerful and they matter. Also,
(20:19):
if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone
who needs to hear it. We all know someone who
could benefit from understanding these dynamics. That's a wrap for
today's episode. You've been listening to FEM on the Spectrum
and I'm Elizabeth. Remember to check the show notes for
any links or articles mentioned today. Stay sharp, stay self aware,
(20:41):
and most importantly, stay you until next time.
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the spectrum where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. I'm
your host, Elizabeth, and if you're new here, welcome to
(00:25):
the family. And if you're a returning listener, you already
know that we keep it real around here. Today we're
diving into something deeply personal and incredibly relevant. Manipulation, social dynamics,
and what happens when the people you trust give in
to the crowd. Yep, It's about those moments when loyalty
(00:48):
isn't what it seems and the trust you've built starts
to crumble. I've got stories, insights, and some pretty eye
opening data to share with you today, so stick around.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this. I came
up with a quote recently and it's been sitting heavy
with me. Two kinds of people are easily manipulated, those
(01:12):
who lack knowledge and those who crave the approval of
the crowd. If you don't know who surrounds you, and
you're neither run and let me tell you I've lived this.
Let's break it down. The first group of people are
those who simply don't think for themselves. It's not about
academic degrees or fancy certificates. No, it's about mental curiosity
(01:38):
and the willingness to ask, Wait a minute, does this
make sense? These folks often fall prey to misinformation and
even petty family gossip because they never stop to question anything.
They might even still believe that swallowing gum means it'll
stay in your stomach for seven years. Now, let's move
(01:59):
on to the second group, the ones who absolutely need
the approval of the crowd. These are the folks who
can't stand being the odd one out. Their entire identity
is shaped by external validation, and that's precisely where their
vulnerability lies. When the wrong influence takes control, they're quick
(02:20):
to change sides. And this, my friends, is where my
story begins. Most of my life, my brother and I
were allies. We had to be. Our oldest brother was abusive, controlling, cruel,
and manipulative. Let's call him Christoph. He and I stood
against him together. It was us versus him. I even
(02:41):
went as far as defending Christoph's wife, Amelia, despite her
Victorian ideals and the fact that our family didn't accept her.
Why because I loved my brother. But things took a
turn I never saw coming. Christoph and Amelia, who initially
saw our old brother and his wife for who they were,
(03:02):
manipulative insecure, suddenly flipped. Whether it was the influence of
under educated cousins or just to shift in their need
for approval, they turned against me. The betrayal wasn't just hurtful.
It was a glaring example of how social dynamics and
the craving for approval can lead even the closest allies
(03:25):
to become enemies. And that's how manipulation works. Folks. Sometimes
the hardest lessons come from the people you least expect.
So stay tuned because up next we're going to delve
even deeper into how this played out in my life
and what it means for those navigating similar waters. Let's
talk about my brother, Christoph's and his wife Amelia. Amelia
(03:49):
came from a family with these Victorian ideals. Per her words,
I remember her telling me her grandmother was an old
Victorian lady, and it filtered down throughout the family. Everything
had to be just so and if you didn't fit
their narrative, you were judged. When she married into our family,
(04:10):
she got a taste of her own medicine. Our family
didn't accept her. But despite that, I defended her, not
because I agreed with how she was, but because I
loved my brother. I bent over backward defending her, even
when it meant putting my own reputation on the line.
And then things took a turn I never saw coming.
(04:32):
Christoph and Amelia used to see my oldest brother Marcus
and his wife Dianni for exactly who they were. Just
a couple of years ago, they were still talking badly
about Marcus and Dion, pointing out to me how manipulative
Dion was and how insecure Marcus was. In fact, Amelia
(04:53):
was the one who first pointed out how competitive Dione
is and my brother Christoph, he literally said, and I quote,
Dion has big opinions, but she goes about it in
a passive aggressive way. Amelia also had plenty to say
about how horrified they were by the way Marcus and
Dione treated their kids. I still have the text messages
(05:16):
from her and remember the phone conversations vividly about their
criticisms of Marcus and Dion, which is hilarious when you
consider the fact that Marcus and Diane later manipulated their
own kids into disliking Christoph and Amelia. I still remember
my niece, daughter of Marcus, casually throwing out their kids
(05:38):
are so needy, like she was reading off a script.
It's funny how the very people criticizing others end up
mirroring the same behavior when it benefits them. And yet
fast forward to now and suddenly they're all chummy besties,
one big, happy family. So let's get into how that happened.
(06:00):
At some point, Christoph and Amelia realized that the crowd
was shifting. The very same cousins who once distanced themselves
from Marcus and Dion. They got sucked in, the under
educated ones who don't question anything. Dion got to them first,
and suddenly Marcus and Dion weren't the ones on the
(06:21):
outs anymore. And what a crowd pleasers do when the
tide turns, they turn with it. Christoph and Amelia saw
the numbers, saw which side was gaining traction, and instead
of standing firm in everything they knew was true, they folded.
Just like that. It was no longer socially beneficial to
(06:41):
agree with me. So they jumped ship and started cozying
up to the same people they once ripped apart in
private conversations. I mean, the irony is unreal. The same
Amelia who whispered to me about how competitive and manipulative
Dione was telling me how she had made judgmental comments
about her at my wedding, and it went on and on,
(07:03):
and I feel they took advantage of my loyalty to
my brother. The same Christoph who literally said Dieon was
passive aggressive. They're now acting like Marcus and Dion are
family goals. Now, if this were a reality show, this
is where we'd cue the dramatic betrayal montage, you know,
the slow motion handshakes, the fake laughter, the backstabbing confessional interviews.
(07:28):
Except this isn't TV. This is my actual life. The
truth is they didn't have the spine to stand alone,
so they took the easier route, aligning themselves with the
very people they once claimed to despise. And here's the kicker.
Now they're trying to rewrite history. They act like they
never said any of those things. They act like I'm
(07:51):
the one who's out of line. For calling out the
manipulation that they once openly acknowledged. And because they've fully
integrated into the Marcus and Dione social club, they're now
participating in the same smear tactics. So what changed nothing
except the fact that they weren't strong enough to stand.
(08:11):
To this day, my brother can't name why he isn't
talking to me anymore. I literally had done nothing to him.
I believe they manipulated him and played off his sensitivity
to narcissism. What's even more ridiculous, my cousins justified it
by referencing a time when they claim I was talking
(08:32):
badly about my dad the irony. That exact moment they're
referring to was when Amelia was being outcasted by my
father and I was actually trying to explain the situation
to help her. Somehow that got twisted around and used
against me in this situation, because that's how manipulation works.
(08:54):
Take something out of context, strip it of its original meaning,
and suddenly you're the villain. And here's the part that
really got me. They didn't just walk away. They turned
against me. Now they call me the narcissist. They say
my loyalty to them was transactional because I expected them
(09:15):
to stand up for me the way I stood up
for them. At most, I had posted a few things
on my Facebook page calling out the actual abuse from
Marcus and the actual manipulation from Diani. And I know
what you're thinking, Ooh, Facebook drama. But let's be real.
If someone has a problem with me speaking up about mistreatment,
(09:37):
that's on them, not me. I wasn't doxing people, I
wasn't spreading lies. I was telling the truth, and that's
how I felt the sting of betrayal from those who
had been closest to me. It's a tough lesson, but
one that's important to recognize. Loyalty based on convenience is
not loyalty at all. Up next, we'll die into how
(10:00):
family scapegoating works and how to protect yourself from similar situations.
Stay with us. My therapist and I had a long
talk about all of this. Both of us agree that
speaking up was totally valid because if you don't call
out abusers, they get away with it, and that's exactly
what happened. She validated that I was being gas lit
(10:23):
and the narrative was being manipulated against me. She told
me to stay away because it is a very toxic environment.
Rip the band aid off. That's my style. Yes, it stings,
but for the right reasons. And it's important to recognize
that if someone's loyalty is based on convenience, it's not
loyalty at all. Stay tuned, folks. Up next, we'll dig
(10:47):
into how family scapegoating works and how to protect yourself
from similar situations. Stay with us. We'll be right back
after this short break. Welcome back everyone. Now, well, let's
dig into something that may shock you but will definitely
resonate with many of you. Family scapegoating families are complicated
(11:09):
but toxic families. They're on a whole other level. And
nothing highlights this more than the concepts of the scapegoat
and the golden child. In toxic family dynamics, you often
find two standout roles, the scapegoat and the golden child.
The scapegoat is the one who challenges dysfunction questions, the
(11:31):
abusive or manipulative behaviors, and hence gets labeled as the problem.
The golden child, on the other hand, is the one
who keeps the status quo, goes along with the toxic
family rules, and gets rewarded for it. Yes, they literally
get rewarded for pretending everything is perfect. But this isn't
(11:52):
just family gossip. This has been studied and the findings
are pretty jaw dropping. According to the National Institute of
Men Mental Health, a staggering seventy percent of family scapegoats
report experiencing gas lighting. Gaslighting is when your version of
reality is questioned so much that you start doubting it yourself.
(12:14):
Imagine experiencing this from those who are supposed to support you.
And that's not all. Sixty percent of scapegoats say that
family members turn others against them through triangulation. Triangulation is
basically a form of manipulation where one person uses a
third party to control or apply pressure on another person.
(12:36):
It's psychological warfare and it can do a real number
on your mental health. Let me tie this into my
story for you. Remember how I told you my brother
Chris and his wife Amy turned against me, suddenly calling
me a narcissist and discrediting my loyalty. Yep, classic scapegoating.
(12:57):
They conveniently flip the script, making me the bad guy
for standing up to our manipulative older brother and exposing
his and his wife's abusive behaviors and why did they
flip Because they needed to fit into the family's toxic dynamics.
They couldn't bear to be the odd ones out. They
traded loyalty and integrity for approval, becoming golden children by
(13:22):
default and pushing me further into the scapegoat role. It's
manipulative family dynamics at their finest and ugliest. Stay with us,
because next we'll look at how to spot signs of
manipulation and protect yourself from becoming a scapegoat. Be right back,
Hey guys, welcome back. In this segment, we're going to
(13:44):
talk about the telltale signs that someone is being manipulated.
Trust me, this is information you're going to want to
have in your back pocket because unfortunately, manipulation is everywhere.
First up, let's talk about sudden behavior changes. Have you
ever had someone be your biggest supporter one day and
(14:05):
then suddenly they're avoiding you like you handed them a subpoena.
Chances are they've been manipulated. This usually happens after a
group conversation or a private talk with the manipulator, who
fills their head with a new narrative. Recognize this if
someone's loyalty flips that fast it was never real to
(14:27):
begin with. Next, we have the repeating of influenced narratives.
When someone is being manipulated, they start spouting phrases and
accusations that don't sound like them at all. It's like
they've turned into a human parrot, regurgitating whatever the manipulator
has fed them. For example, your cousin suddenly tells you
you're just too aggressive, when last week they were saying
(14:51):
how proud they were that you stand up for yourself.
If someone's words take a complete one point eighty, you
know they're not speaking from their own mind. Now let's
talk about demonizing without facts. If a person suddenly treats
you like you're a Marvel super villain but can't actually
point to anything you did, they're in full manipulation mode.
(15:13):
Imagine someone calls you a narcissist without solid evidence. They're
just echoing what they've been told. Manipulated people stop questioning
and start accepting everything they hear as the absolute truth.
And those are the major signs sudden behavior changes, parroting
(15:33):
someone else's narratives, and demonizing you without facts. So what
do you do with this info? First, don't doubt yourself.
If someone flip flops on you for no apparent reason,
question their sudden shift, not your worth. Coming up, we'll
dive into a few more personal examples and discuss how
(15:54):
to protect yourself from these master manipulators. Stick around, I'll
be right back. Welcome back, folks. Now that we've dug
into the signs of manipulation and how it can flip
the script on cherished relationships, it's time to arm you
with the tools to protect yourself. We're going to cover
(16:15):
a lot of ground here, so buckle up. Let's start
with one of the biggest lessons I've learned. Trust actions
over words. It sounds simple, but it's something we often overlook.
A person's words mean nothing if their actions contradict them.
If someone says they care about you but then ghosts
you when the pressure is on, believe they're actions not
(16:37):
their words. Words can be pretty, but actions tell the
real story. If their behavior doesn't match their promises, it's
time to reevaluate that relationship. Next up, stop explaining yourself
to those committed to misunderstanding you. Some people aren't confused.
They're committed to seeing you the wrong way because it
(16:59):
benefits them. If someone is determined to twist your words,
move goalposts, or ignore actual evidence in favor of a
made up narrative, let them have their delusions. Save your
energy for those who genuinely try to understand you, trust me.
Debating with a brick wall is a waste of time.
Let's talk about recognizing fair weather loyalty. True loyalty isn't convenient,
(17:23):
it's consistent. If someone only supports you when it's easy
but bails when things get tough, that's not a real ally.
That's a fair weather friend with no backbone. Look for
people who stand by you through thick and thin, not
just when it's socially convenient for them. Another key point
avoid playing the prove you're not a bad person game.
(17:46):
Once someone decides you're the villain in their story, no
amount of explaining, proving, or justifying will change their mind.
The hardest pill to swallow is realizing that some people
for the convenient lie over the inconvenient truth. You don't
need to prove your worth to people who were looking
(18:07):
for a reason to turn on you in the first place. Now,
let's get into the big step. Distance yourself without guilt
boundaries aren't punishment their self respect. If keeping someone in
your life means walking on eggshells, suppressing your truth, or
tolerating manipulation, then walk away. It's okay to create distance
(18:29):
from those who drain your energy and add toxicity to
your life. You're not wrong for prioritizing your mental health. Finally,
know your truth and don't waiver. Facts don't need validation,
Your experience doesn't need approval. The second you stop needing
other people to confirm your reality, you take away their
(18:49):
power to rewrite it. Remember your truth is yours, and
no one gets to take that away from you. In summary,
trust actions, set boundaries, and stand for your truth. These
are your shields against manipulation. Up next, we're going to
wrap things up with some final thoughts and a call
to action. Stay with us until the end. You won't
(19:11):
want to miss it. And here we are, coming full circle.
We've explored the depths of manipulation, the fragility of trust,
and how social dynamics can flip our world upside down.
If there's one big takeaway from today, it's this manipulation
doesn't just come from strangers or distant acquaintances. It can
(19:32):
come from those closest to us, and recognizing the signs
is crucial. We've talked about the two kinds of people
who are easily manipulated, those who lack curiosity and those
who crave approval. We've shared personal stories, dissected family dynamics,
and most importantly, uncovered the science behind scapegoating and manipulation.
(19:57):
All these pieces form a larger picture that helps us
understand and protect ourselves better. Now, i'd love to hear
your thoughts. Have you ever had someone you trust flip
their behavior towards you because of manipulation? Share your experiences
with me on social media Tag me at effem on
the Spectrum. Your stories are powerful and they matter. Also,
(20:19):
if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone
who needs to hear it. We all know someone who
could benefit from understanding these dynamics. That's a wrap for
today's episode. You've been listening to FEM on the Spectrum
and I'm Elizabeth. Remember to check the show notes for
any links or articles mentioned today. Stay sharp, stay self aware,
(20:41):
and most importantly, stay you until next time.
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