March 18, 2025 • 11 mins
Femme On The Spectrum, a podcast by Elizabeth, focuses on uncovering the behavioral similarities between people-pleasers and covert narcissists in a particular episode. The episode starts by unraveling the different strategies, though aimed at the subjective manipulation of people's perceptions, adopted by grandiose narcissists, people-pleasers, and covert narcissists. Next, it delves into the reasons why such manipulative characters show a strong aversion to autistic and neurodivergent individuals. According to Elizabeth, these individuals cut through the manipulative layers unknowingly, which disrupts the emotional manipulation game of the narcissists. Towards the end of the podcast, she provides useful strategies to handle manipulators effectively without causing psychological damage to yourself. She stresses the importance of staying authentic and surrounding oneself with genuine people to counteract the emotional manipulative tactics played by narcissists.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the Spectrum, where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. Hey everyone,
Welcome back to fem on the Spectrum, the podcast where
(00:26):
we dissect human behavior, call out nonsense, and drop truth bombs,
always with a little bit of wit. I'm Elizabeth, your
host for today. In this episode, we are diving into
a topic that's bound to ruffle some feathers. How people
pleasers and covert narcissists are actually playing the same game,
(00:48):
just with different strategies. Before you get your knickers in
a twist thinking, but people pleasers are nice? How dare
you compare them to narcissists? Trust me, We're about to
unravel this in a way that will make so much
sense you'll never look at manipulation the same way again.
So grab your coffee, your drink, or your emotional support
(01:12):
pet because we're going deep into the psychology behind these
behaviors and why they're eerily similar. Stay tuned because things
are about to get very interesting. All right, Let's kick
things off by diving into the nitty gritty of narcissists
and people pleasers. On the surface, they seem like they're
(01:34):
on opposite ends of the personality spectrum. Ones all about themselves,
the other all about everyone else. But when you scratch
the surface, you find they both have the same end goal,
manipulation and control over how people feel about them. Let's
break it down with the three main types we're talking
(01:54):
about today. First up, the grandiose narcissist. These are your
class textbook narcissists. They're loud, proud, and in your face
about how amazing they are. They demand admiration like its oxygen,
soaking up all the attention in the room. They're the
ones who say I'm amazing, Worship me. You can spot
(02:16):
them a mile away. Next, we have the people pleaser.
Now this one looks very different. On the surface. They're
the ones always going out of their way to do
things for others. They seem super nice and accommodating, right,
But here's the twist. They're doing it to earn admiration
and validation. It's manipulation dressed up as kindness. They don't
(02:39):
demand admiration, they earn it by self sacrificing. It's the
classic I'll do whatever it takes for you to like me.
Then there's the covert narcissist. These folks are the stealth
bombers of the narcissistic world. Their manipulation is wrapped in
layers of passive aggression and victimhood. They play the poor
(02:59):
me card to perfection, always angling for sympathy. Think I'm
the real victim here, Feel bad for me. They weaponize
their own suffering to get others to fawn over them.
Do you see the pattern here? Whether it's loud and proud,
self sacrificing or stealth and sympathy seeking, all three types
(03:19):
are trying to manipulate and control how people perceive and
react to them. It's all about that same ultimate goal,
emotional manipulation. So next time you encounter a narcissist or
an extreme people pleaser, remember they might be playing different characters,
but they're reading from the same playbook. Stick around, because
(03:42):
up next we're going to dive into why narcissists and
people pleasers have such a strong reaction to autistic and
neurodivergent folks. Believe me, you won't want to miss this.
Now here's where things get really interesting. If you're autistic,
neurodiv vergent, or just someone with a highly functional BS detector,
(04:04):
you've probably noticed that narcissists, manipulators, and extreme people pleasers
cannot stand you like irrationally, and here's why. First off,
we threaten their control. These people survive on carefully managing
how others perceive them. Autistic folks, we don't play those
(04:25):
social mind games. We call things as we see them straight,
no chaser. That's terrifying for people who rely on deception. Secondly,
we don't respond to manipulation the right way. Covert narcissists
love guilt tripping. Grandiose narcissists need admiration. People pleasers want
us to mirror back endless validation, but we don't always
(04:48):
pick up on those unspoken social cues, so their usual
tactics fall flat, and that drives them nuts. Third they'll
go to great lengths to discredit us. They will create
faith scenarios to turn people against us because we see
through them. They need to discredit us fast. Suddenly we're mean, rude,
(05:08):
or aggressive, even when all we did was point out
a contradiction in their story. They'll twist our words exaggerate
or straight up fabricate drama just to make us look
bad and protect their image. Lastly, they fear exposure. Narcissists
and manipulative people pleasers need people to believe their version
(05:29):
of events, but autistic people don't play along with social fakeness.
We ask the wrong questions, point out inconsistencies, and notice
patterns others ignore, and that makes us dangerous to their
whole act. So if you're ever wondering why you seem
to set some people off just by being yourself, remember this.
(05:50):
Your clarity and honesty are their worst nightmare. All right,
So what happens when an autistic person or anyone who's
just too honest threatens a narcissist's carefully curated image. Well,
they have two choices self reflect and grow or burn
(06:11):
the truth teller at the stake. To no one's surprise,
they typically prefer the latter. So let's dive into some
of their common smear tactics. First up, accusations of aggression.
When you confront a narcissist or manipulative person with the truth,
they'll often flip the script. Instead of addressing the issue,
(06:33):
they'll accuse you of being aggressive pretty much like you
told the truth and it made me uncomfortable. So now
I'll pretend you attacked me. Sound familiar. Next, labeling the
truth teller as negative. If you've ever pointed out something
unfair or called someone out on their manipulation, you might
(06:53):
have heard you're always so negative. Ah, it's their go
to move to disc credit you because they can't refute
your point. Instead, they shift the blame onto you. Classic deflection.
And let's not forget manipulating others to create a coalition
against you. They'll go behind your back, twist your words,
(07:15):
and exaggerate situations to turn others against you. Suddenly it's
everyone else agrees with me, You're the problem. They use
people like pawns to solidify their narrative and isolate you.
Now here's the kicker, the intense gas lighting that follows
you start doubting yourself, questioning your reality. So wait, am
(07:38):
I the problem? Nope, you just saw what you weren't
supposed to see and they can't have that. These tactics
are all part of the same old playbook, designed to
protect themselves at all costs. But let's be clear, just
because they're loud, repetitive, and manipulative doesn't mean they're right.
(07:59):
Stand your ground, keep your receipts, and never doubt your
perception of the truth. Up next, how to handle these
toxic individuals without losing your mind. Stick around all right,
we've reached the part of the episode where we arm
you with the tools you need to handle narcissists and
manipulators without losing your sanity. If you're autistic, neurodivergent, or
(08:24):
just playing tired of these mind games, this segment is
for you. Here's your game plan to navigate through their
chaos and come out unscathed. First up, and this is crucial,
do not argue with a narcissist. Seriously, it's a waste
of your energy. Narcissists don't debate in good faith. They
(08:46):
perform for an audience. They're not trying to understand your
point of view. They're trying to win, and they'll do
whatever it takes, including twisting your words and gaslighting you.
So save your breath and your mental energy. Next, keep receipts,
yes I mean it, screenshots, voice notes, emails, whatever you
(09:08):
need to document interactions, because believe me, they will rewrite
history to make themselves look good and you look bad.
When you have solid evidence, you can counteract their attempts
to manipulate the narrative. It's your best defense against their
gaslighting tactics. Another key strategy surround yourself with genuine people.
(09:29):
Not everyone is caught up in these toxic social games.
Find yourself a tribe of folks who value honesty and integrity.
The more you invest in relationships with genuine people, the
less these manipulators matter. They thrive on isolating you, so
don't let them. One of the most effective ways to
(09:50):
deal with narcissists and covert manipulators is to let them
expose themselves. You don't always need to call them out
or confront them directly. Sometimes just standing back and letting
their contradictions speak for themselves is enough. Eventually, their own
behavior will reveal the truth to those around them, and
(10:13):
the most important piece of advice, never dull your truth
to make others comfortable. You are not responsible for other
people's discomfort when you're being authentic. They don't like you
because you see them. That's their problem, not yours. Stay
true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel
like you need to perform or accommodate their toxic behavior.
(10:36):
So to recap, don't argue with narcissists, keep your receipts,
surround yourself with genuine folks, let manipulators expose themselves, and
always stay true to your authentic self. Stick around for
the final mic drop. Trust me, you won't want to
miss it. If this episode hit home, hit that follow button,
(10:57):
share it with someone who needs to hear it, and
drop a comment. If you've ever been the target of
a narcissist's smear campaign, you see narcissists and people pleasers
might be playing different characters, but they're reading from the
same playbook of manipulation and control. Understanding this is your superpower.
(11:19):
Knowing their tactics and standing firm in your truth is
a gift. So remember you're not the villain in their story.
You're just the person who saw through it, and that's
a treasure that many people don't possess. Stay true to yourself,
keep shining that light of authenticity, and never let the
(11:40):
puppeteers pull your strings. This is Elizabeth signing off from
fem on the Spectrum. Until next time, Stay real, stay sharp,
and stay unapologetically You
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the Spectrum, where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. Hey everyone,
Welcome back to fem on the Spectrum, the podcast where
(00:26):
we dissect human behavior, call out nonsense, and drop truth bombs,
always with a little bit of wit. I'm Elizabeth, your
host for today. In this episode, we are diving into
a topic that's bound to ruffle some feathers. How people
pleasers and covert narcissists are actually playing the same game,
(00:48):
just with different strategies. Before you get your knickers in
a twist thinking, but people pleasers are nice? How dare
you compare them to narcissists? Trust me, We're about to
unravel this in a way that will make so much
sense you'll never look at manipulation the same way again.
So grab your coffee, your drink, or your emotional support
(01:12):
pet because we're going deep into the psychology behind these
behaviors and why they're eerily similar. Stay tuned because things
are about to get very interesting. All right, Let's kick
things off by diving into the nitty gritty of narcissists
and people pleasers. On the surface, they seem like they're
(01:34):
on opposite ends of the personality spectrum. Ones all about themselves,
the other all about everyone else. But when you scratch
the surface, you find they both have the same end goal,
manipulation and control over how people feel about them. Let's
break it down with the three main types we're talking
(01:54):
about today. First up, the grandiose narcissist. These are your
class textbook narcissists. They're loud, proud, and in your face
about how amazing they are. They demand admiration like its oxygen,
soaking up all the attention in the room. They're the
ones who say I'm amazing, Worship me. You can spot
(02:16):
them a mile away. Next, we have the people pleaser.
Now this one looks very different. On the surface. They're
the ones always going out of their way to do
things for others. They seem super nice and accommodating, right,
But here's the twist. They're doing it to earn admiration
and validation. It's manipulation dressed up as kindness. They don't
(02:39):
demand admiration, they earn it by self sacrificing. It's the
classic I'll do whatever it takes for you to like me.
Then there's the covert narcissist. These folks are the stealth
bombers of the narcissistic world. Their manipulation is wrapped in
layers of passive aggression and victimhood. They play the poor
(02:59):
me card to perfection, always angling for sympathy. Think I'm
the real victim here, Feel bad for me. They weaponize
their own suffering to get others to fawn over them.
Do you see the pattern here? Whether it's loud and proud,
self sacrificing or stealth and sympathy seeking, all three types
(03:19):
are trying to manipulate and control how people perceive and
react to them. It's all about that same ultimate goal,
emotional manipulation. So next time you encounter a narcissist or
an extreme people pleaser, remember they might be playing different characters,
but they're reading from the same playbook. Stick around, because
(03:42):
up next we're going to dive into why narcissists and
people pleasers have such a strong reaction to autistic and
neurodivergent folks. Believe me, you won't want to miss this.
Now here's where things get really interesting. If you're autistic,
neurodiv vergent, or just someone with a highly functional BS detector,
(04:04):
you've probably noticed that narcissists, manipulators, and extreme people pleasers
cannot stand you like irrationally, and here's why. First off,
we threaten their control. These people survive on carefully managing
how others perceive them. Autistic folks, we don't play those
(04:25):
social mind games. We call things as we see them straight,
no chaser. That's terrifying for people who rely on deception. Secondly,
we don't respond to manipulation the right way. Covert narcissists
love guilt tripping. Grandiose narcissists need admiration. People pleasers want
us to mirror back endless validation, but we don't always
(04:48):
pick up on those unspoken social cues, so their usual
tactics fall flat, and that drives them nuts. Third they'll
go to great lengths to discredit us. They will create
faith scenarios to turn people against us because we see
through them. They need to discredit us fast. Suddenly we're mean, rude,
(05:08):
or aggressive, even when all we did was point out
a contradiction in their story. They'll twist our words exaggerate
or straight up fabricate drama just to make us look
bad and protect their image. Lastly, they fear exposure. Narcissists
and manipulative people pleasers need people to believe their version
(05:29):
of events, but autistic people don't play along with social fakeness.
We ask the wrong questions, point out inconsistencies, and notice
patterns others ignore, and that makes us dangerous to their
whole act. So if you're ever wondering why you seem
to set some people off just by being yourself, remember this.
(05:50):
Your clarity and honesty are their worst nightmare. All right,
So what happens when an autistic person or anyone who's
just too honest threatens a narcissist's carefully curated image. Well,
they have two choices self reflect and grow or burn
(06:11):
the truth teller at the stake. To no one's surprise,
they typically prefer the latter. So let's dive into some
of their common smear tactics. First up, accusations of aggression.
When you confront a narcissist or manipulative person with the truth,
they'll often flip the script. Instead of addressing the issue,
(06:33):
they'll accuse you of being aggressive pretty much like you
told the truth and it made me uncomfortable. So now
I'll pretend you attacked me. Sound familiar. Next, labeling the
truth teller as negative. If you've ever pointed out something
unfair or called someone out on their manipulation, you might
(06:53):
have heard you're always so negative. Ah, it's their go
to move to disc credit you because they can't refute
your point. Instead, they shift the blame onto you. Classic deflection.
And let's not forget manipulating others to create a coalition
against you. They'll go behind your back, twist your words,
(07:15):
and exaggerate situations to turn others against you. Suddenly it's
everyone else agrees with me, You're the problem. They use
people like pawns to solidify their narrative and isolate you.
Now here's the kicker, the intense gas lighting that follows
you start doubting yourself, questioning your reality. So wait, am
(07:38):
I the problem? Nope, you just saw what you weren't
supposed to see and they can't have that. These tactics
are all part of the same old playbook, designed to
protect themselves at all costs. But let's be clear, just
because they're loud, repetitive, and manipulative doesn't mean they're right.
(07:59):
Stand your ground, keep your receipts, and never doubt your
perception of the truth. Up next, how to handle these
toxic individuals without losing your mind. Stick around all right,
we've reached the part of the episode where we arm
you with the tools you need to handle narcissists and
manipulators without losing your sanity. If you're autistic, neurodivergent, or
(08:24):
just playing tired of these mind games, this segment is
for you. Here's your game plan to navigate through their
chaos and come out unscathed. First up, and this is crucial,
do not argue with a narcissist. Seriously, it's a waste
of your energy. Narcissists don't debate in good faith. They
(08:46):
perform for an audience. They're not trying to understand your
point of view. They're trying to win, and they'll do
whatever it takes, including twisting your words and gaslighting you.
So save your breath and your mental energy. Next, keep receipts,
yes I mean it, screenshots, voice notes, emails, whatever you
(09:08):
need to document interactions, because believe me, they will rewrite
history to make themselves look good and you look bad.
When you have solid evidence, you can counteract their attempts
to manipulate the narrative. It's your best defense against their
gaslighting tactics. Another key strategy surround yourself with genuine people.
(09:29):
Not everyone is caught up in these toxic social games.
Find yourself a tribe of folks who value honesty and integrity.
The more you invest in relationships with genuine people, the
less these manipulators matter. They thrive on isolating you, so
don't let them. One of the most effective ways to
(09:50):
deal with narcissists and covert manipulators is to let them
expose themselves. You don't always need to call them out
or confront them directly. Sometimes just standing back and letting
their contradictions speak for themselves is enough. Eventually, their own
behavior will reveal the truth to those around them, and
(10:13):
the most important piece of advice, never dull your truth
to make others comfortable. You are not responsible for other
people's discomfort when you're being authentic. They don't like you
because you see them. That's their problem, not yours. Stay
true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel
like you need to perform or accommodate their toxic behavior.
(10:36):
So to recap, don't argue with narcissists, keep your receipts,
surround yourself with genuine folks, let manipulators expose themselves, and
always stay true to your authentic self. Stick around for
the final mic drop. Trust me, you won't want to
miss it. If this episode hit home, hit that follow button,
(10:57):
share it with someone who needs to hear it, and
drop a comment. If you've ever been the target of
a narcissist's smear campaign, you see narcissists and people pleasers
might be playing different characters, but they're reading from the
same playbook of manipulation and control. Understanding this is your superpower.
(11:19):
Knowing their tactics and standing firm in your truth is
a gift. So remember you're not the villain in their story.
You're just the person who saw through it, and that's
a treasure that many people don't possess. Stay true to yourself,
keep shining that light of authenticity, and never let the
(11:40):
puppeteers pull your strings. This is Elizabeth signing off from
fem on the Spectrum. Until next time, Stay real, stay sharp,
and stay unapologetically You
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