March 13, 2025 • 9 mins
In this episode of Femme on the Spectrum, host Elizabeth explores a paradox in society's attitude towards truth-telling; while honesty is publicly championed, those who expose inconvenient truths often face pushback. This behavior is linked to maintaining the social status quo, as well as an instinctive aversion to discomfort. Elizabeth further delves into the psychological reasonings behind this, highlighting the inclination of groups to defend toxicity and label those who challenge it as problematic. She offers advice for navigating these waters, stressing the importance of knowing your audience, selecting your battles, and seeking likeminded individuals who appreciate honesty. Above all else, Elizabeth champions the value of truth, asserting that authenticity and integrity prevail.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the spectrum where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. Welcome
back to them on the spectrum. I'm Elizabeth, your host,
(00:27):
your truth teller, and your local distributor of uncomfortable realities.
Today we're talking about something that makes people squirm in
their ergonomic office chairs. Truth, specifically why people say they
want it, but only if it doesn't shake up the
social hierarchy they benefit from. Buckle up because we're about
(00:48):
to spill some brutally honest tea. So let's start with
a fact. According to a twenty sixteen study in Psychological Science,
people claim to value honesty until they're on the receiving
end of it. And in case you're wondering, yes, that
includes your best friend when you tell her that her
(01:10):
boyfriend is a walking red flag. See, no one likes
a liar, but you know who else? They don't like
the person who exposes how much lying is happening around them.
It's like in the Emperor's New Clothes that kid who
pointed out the Emperor was naked. Yeah, he didn't get
an invite to the Royal Ball afterward. And let's not
(01:31):
forget that truth tellers, especially neurodivergent ones, tend to have
some Olympic level pattern recognition. They don't just notice one
shady act. They see the whole toxic cycle. They see
the way Greg doesn't just take credit for one idea,
he consistently manipulate situations to look like the hero while
(01:54):
throwing others under the bus. The truth teller spots the
patterns others either don't notice or don't want to acknowledge,
which makes them even more dangerous to the status quo.
So here's where things get spicy. People don't just dislike
truth tellers because the truth is uncomfortable. They dislike truth
(02:15):
tellers because exposing one toxic behavior in a social group
threatens the whole house of cards. Think about it. Every workplace, friend, group,
or even family has that person, the one who gets
away with everything because everyone enables them. Maybe it's the
coworker who takes credit for your ideas, or the friend
(02:36):
who never apologizes but somehow always plays the victim. A
study from the Journal of personality and social psychology found
that people are more likely to defend toxic individuals in
their group rather than acknowledge their bad behavior, because admitting
the truth would mean questioning their own role in enabling it. Yikes.
(03:02):
So when you, the brave truth teller, come along and say, hey,
maybe Greg shouldn't gaslight us into thinking he invented post its,
suddenly you are the problem, not Greg, You because Greg
has social immunity and you just threatened it. Ever noticed
how people who call out bad behavior get labeled as
(03:24):
dramatic or negative. That's not an accident, it's a classic
social survival tactic. Surveys from the American Psychological Association show
a staggering sixty seven percent of people avoid conflict at
all costs, even when it means tolerating behavior they know
is harmful. Picture this. Instead of addressing the issue, they
(03:48):
isolate the person who points it out. Seems absurd, right,
but it happens all the time. Think about when someone
leaves a toxic job and the remaining coworkers whisper they
just couldn't handle it. Here it choose one eats no, Karen.
Maybe they just couldn't handle the gaslighting disguised as company culture.
(04:10):
When memnus some and unmackle wordy aar, so the narrative
gets spun to make the truth teller seem like the problem,
making others question their own experience. This isn't just about workplaces, though,
It's in social circles, families, you name it. People hate
the discomfort truth brings so much so that they'll often
(04:33):
sacrifice the truth teller on the altar of social order
just to keep things smooth. And that's why us truth
tellers get the difficult label. It's the world's way to
dodge the real issues. Neurodivergent people tend to see things
before everyone else does, and why that's often the fastest
(04:54):
way to become the villain in someone else's story. If
you've ever felt like living in a world where everyone
else is six moves behind, congratulations, you might just be
cursed with the ability to notice things. Here's a fun fact.
Studies have shown that autistic and ADHD brains are wired
for high level pattern recognition. In fact, a twenty twenty
(05:19):
study from Nature Neuroscience found that neurodivergent individuals tend to
outperform neurotypicals in tasks that require spotting patterns and inconsistencies. Translation,
you see the bs before everyone else does. It's like
being that one person in a horror movie who notices
(05:41):
the lights flickering and says, hey, maybe we shouldn't split up,
while everyone else is like, nah, let's investigate the basement
one by one. You're not paranoid, your perceptive and that
makes people deeply uncomfortable. Now here's where things get messy.
When you point out an inconsistency, a manipulation tactic, or
(06:03):
a red flag in someone's behavior, their first reaction usually
isn't gratitude, its defensiveness, and if that person holds social power,
oh honey, you just made yourself public enemy number one.
A study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that
people in dominant social positions are more likely to deflect
(06:25):
criticism by projecting their own negative traits onto others. This
means that if a neurodivergent person calls out toxic behavior,
the toxic person will often flip the script and accuse
them of being the real problem. It's classic gaslighting. You say, hey,
Greg always takes credit for other people's work, and suddenly
(06:49):
Greg is telling everyone that you're difficult. To work with.
Before you know it, you've gone from helpful observer to
office drama queen in record time. Now, I'd love to
tell you that society rewards truth tellers and that standing
up for what's right will always end with a slow
clap moment from a feel good movie. But let's be real.
(07:12):
We live in reality, not in a Hollywood script. How
to survive being the unwanted truth teller? So what do
you do when your brain won't let you unsee the
patterns but speaking up makes you the villain? A few strategies.
Gather receipts. If you're going to call something out, make
sure you have the evidence. Neurotypicals love a well documented
(07:36):
spreadsheet of inconvenient truths. Find allies. You are not the
only one who sees it. Get back up before you
go full expose mode. Know when to let it go.
Some battles are worth fighting and some aren't. If you're
about to call out Greg in a room full of
Greg's supporters, maybe save your energy for people who actually
(07:58):
care about fairness. All right, let's wrap this up with
some closing thoughts. First off, let's recap the main points.
People say they love honesty, but their enthusiasm waivers when
honesty turns the mirror back on them. Exposing toxic behavior
doesn't just make you unpopular, it threatens the entire social
(08:21):
house of cards, and that scares people. Consequently, they'll often
label you as difficult or dramatic just to avoid facing
the ugly truth themselves. So what do we do about it?
Know your audience, pick your battles, and find your tribe
of like minded truth tellers who value your honesty rather
(08:42):
than shun it. Now for some encouragement, keep being honest,
even if it makes you the odd one out At times,
your courageous truth telling could inspire more people than you realize.
And remember, you weren't put on this planet to maintain
someone else's comfort at your own expense. As we close
today's episode, let's affirm the value of truth telling. It's
(09:06):
not always the easiest path, but it's the one paved
with authenticity and integrity. In the long run, it's the
people who cherish honesty that will stand by you. Thank
you for joining me on fem on the spectrum. Stay loud,
stay real, and never let anyone silence your truth. If
you enjoyed today's episode, go ahead and share it with
(09:29):
your fellow truthtellers. If you didn't, well maybe I struck
a nerve. Check the show notes for any articles or
links mentioned in today's episode. Until next time, this is
Elizabeth signing off.
Step into a world where being neurodivergent is celebrated and
the conversations are as real as they are eye opening.
Welcome to fem on the spectrum where autism, ADHD and
life's biggest issues collide in the most empowering way. Welcome
back to them on the spectrum. I'm Elizabeth, your host,
(00:27):
your truth teller, and your local distributor of uncomfortable realities.
Today we're talking about something that makes people squirm in
their ergonomic office chairs. Truth, specifically why people say they
want it, but only if it doesn't shake up the
social hierarchy they benefit from. Buckle up because we're about
(00:48):
to spill some brutally honest tea. So let's start with
a fact. According to a twenty sixteen study in Psychological Science,
people claim to value honesty until they're on the receiving
end of it. And in case you're wondering, yes, that
includes your best friend when you tell her that her
(01:10):
boyfriend is a walking red flag. See, no one likes
a liar, but you know who else? They don't like
the person who exposes how much lying is happening around them.
It's like in the Emperor's New Clothes that kid who
pointed out the Emperor was naked. Yeah, he didn't get
an invite to the Royal Ball afterward. And let's not
(01:31):
forget that truth tellers, especially neurodivergent ones, tend to have
some Olympic level pattern recognition. They don't just notice one
shady act. They see the whole toxic cycle. They see
the way Greg doesn't just take credit for one idea,
he consistently manipulate situations to look like the hero while
(01:54):
throwing others under the bus. The truth teller spots the
patterns others either don't notice or don't want to acknowledge,
which makes them even more dangerous to the status quo.
So here's where things get spicy. People don't just dislike
truth tellers because the truth is uncomfortable. They dislike truth
(02:15):
tellers because exposing one toxic behavior in a social group
threatens the whole house of cards. Think about it. Every workplace, friend, group,
or even family has that person, the one who gets
away with everything because everyone enables them. Maybe it's the
coworker who takes credit for your ideas, or the friend
(02:36):
who never apologizes but somehow always plays the victim. A
study from the Journal of personality and social psychology found
that people are more likely to defend toxic individuals in
their group rather than acknowledge their bad behavior, because admitting
the truth would mean questioning their own role in enabling it. Yikes.
(03:02):
So when you, the brave truth teller, come along and say, hey,
maybe Greg shouldn't gaslight us into thinking he invented post its,
suddenly you are the problem, not Greg, You because Greg
has social immunity and you just threatened it. Ever noticed
how people who call out bad behavior get labeled as
(03:24):
dramatic or negative. That's not an accident, it's a classic
social survival tactic. Surveys from the American Psychological Association show
a staggering sixty seven percent of people avoid conflict at
all costs, even when it means tolerating behavior they know
is harmful. Picture this. Instead of addressing the issue, they
(03:48):
isolate the person who points it out. Seems absurd, right,
but it happens all the time. Think about when someone
leaves a toxic job and the remaining coworkers whisper they
just couldn't handle it. Here it choose one eats no, Karen.
Maybe they just couldn't handle the gaslighting disguised as company culture.
(04:10):
When memnus some and unmackle wordy aar, so the narrative
gets spun to make the truth teller seem like the problem,
making others question their own experience. This isn't just about workplaces, though,
It's in social circles, families, you name it. People hate
the discomfort truth brings so much so that they'll often
(04:33):
sacrifice the truth teller on the altar of social order
just to keep things smooth. And that's why us truth
tellers get the difficult label. It's the world's way to
dodge the real issues. Neurodivergent people tend to see things
before everyone else does, and why that's often the fastest
(04:54):
way to become the villain in someone else's story. If
you've ever felt like living in a world where everyone
else is six moves behind, congratulations, you might just be
cursed with the ability to notice things. Here's a fun fact.
Studies have shown that autistic and ADHD brains are wired
for high level pattern recognition. In fact, a twenty twenty
(05:19):
study from Nature Neuroscience found that neurodivergent individuals tend to
outperform neurotypicals in tasks that require spotting patterns and inconsistencies. Translation,
you see the bs before everyone else does. It's like
being that one person in a horror movie who notices
(05:41):
the lights flickering and says, hey, maybe we shouldn't split up,
while everyone else is like, nah, let's investigate the basement
one by one. You're not paranoid, your perceptive and that
makes people deeply uncomfortable. Now here's where things get messy.
When you point out an inconsistency, a manipulation tactic, or
(06:03):
a red flag in someone's behavior, their first reaction usually
isn't gratitude, its defensiveness, and if that person holds social power,
oh honey, you just made yourself public enemy number one.
A study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that
people in dominant social positions are more likely to deflect
(06:25):
criticism by projecting their own negative traits onto others. This
means that if a neurodivergent person calls out toxic behavior,
the toxic person will often flip the script and accuse
them of being the real problem. It's classic gaslighting. You say, hey,
Greg always takes credit for other people's work, and suddenly
(06:49):
Greg is telling everyone that you're difficult. To work with.
Before you know it, you've gone from helpful observer to
office drama queen in record time. Now, I'd love to
tell you that society rewards truth tellers and that standing
up for what's right will always end with a slow
clap moment from a feel good movie. But let's be real.
(07:12):
We live in reality, not in a Hollywood script. How
to survive being the unwanted truth teller? So what do
you do when your brain won't let you unsee the
patterns but speaking up makes you the villain? A few strategies.
Gather receipts. If you're going to call something out, make
sure you have the evidence. Neurotypicals love a well documented
(07:36):
spreadsheet of inconvenient truths. Find allies. You are not the
only one who sees it. Get back up before you
go full expose mode. Know when to let it go.
Some battles are worth fighting and some aren't. If you're
about to call out Greg in a room full of
Greg's supporters, maybe save your energy for people who actually
(07:58):
care about fairness. All right, let's wrap this up with
some closing thoughts. First off, let's recap the main points.
People say they love honesty, but their enthusiasm waivers when
honesty turns the mirror back on them. Exposing toxic behavior
doesn't just make you unpopular, it threatens the entire social
(08:21):
house of cards, and that scares people. Consequently, they'll often
label you as difficult or dramatic just to avoid facing
the ugly truth themselves. So what do we do about it?
Know your audience, pick your battles, and find your tribe
of like minded truth tellers who value your honesty rather
(08:42):
than shun it. Now for some encouragement, keep being honest,
even if it makes you the odd one out At times,
your courageous truth telling could inspire more people than you realize.
And remember, you weren't put on this planet to maintain
someone else's comfort at your own expense. As we close
today's episode, let's affirm the value of truth telling. It's
(09:06):
not always the easiest path, but it's the one paved
with authenticity and integrity. In the long run, it's the
people who cherish honesty that will stand by you. Thank
you for joining me on fem on the spectrum. Stay loud,
stay real, and never let anyone silence your truth. If
you enjoyed today's episode, go ahead and share it with
(09:29):
your fellow truthtellers. If you didn't, well maybe I struck
a nerve. Check the show notes for any articles or
links mentioned in today's episode. Until next time, this is
Elizabeth signing off.
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