June 26, 2025 • 48 mins
Christine and Steve dive into the messy, magical value of friendship with Dee Dee Norman—attorney recruiter, writer, badass adventurer, and unapologetic truth-teller. From soul-nourishing bonds to learning from the “assholes,” this episode explores how friendships evolve, how to show up for each other, and why your friends might just be your greatest mirror
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:22):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin. Hey everyone, I'm Christine. Hello, and I'm
Steve and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit. Hey, thanks
for being back.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Hey, Dank you, I am your guest co host. This
is becoming a regular meeting point.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
For us, I know, and I'm love in every second.
I really look forward to when you're here and I'm like, yes,
what a realief. It's so great to have a fun
co host. I really enjoy this.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
So much going on in my head. We can just
talk about anything.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I know, isn't that wonderful. We should talk about future
topics too, Okay, I want to get kind of edgy
and and I also want to talk a lot more
about men's mental health and men's physical health, men's you
know where they are, because you know, I hear that
(01:37):
there's some epidemic about uh it's called oh shoot, what's
it called men's loneliness or something like that, some kind
of weird thing that's happening. I do want to talk
to you about that, because I think that's an important topic.
I also heard another thing this morning that I really
want to talk about is about the evolution of man
(01:59):
and how there are a lot of people doing videos
and topics lately about how there's not been any real
evolution in man in a long time. And I think
we're right in the middle of coming through one, are
coming in one because we know, I know this is
off topic for today, but I've been really jazzed about
(02:22):
this today. I heard this thing where they said when
man evolves, it takes many generations for it to really
start to happen. And I'm seeing a big thing right
now where women are not needing men for strength or
to be like this macho guy anymore is not needing
(02:45):
men a lot to provide because women are providing for themselves,
and so it's like selection of the finest, you know
what I mean. I don't know the exact wording for that,
but it's like natural selection is women are not picking
men who are not evolving mentally and emotionally. We want
(03:07):
men who are more emotionally available available, and you know,
so men are going to have to start evolving mentally
and emotionally and not just physically anymore. Does that do
you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
Well?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Yeah, And I think that also happened in the seventies.
With that there was a women's movement in the seventies.
I think there's constantly a movement of people who are
finding their voices, and it was women in the seasons
coming about again maybe in a more desire for more
emotional connection, and that we see people who are marginalized
finding their voices as well, So people with different gender
(03:46):
expressions and sexual orientations, they're finding their voices. So there's
these movements that force us all to evolve.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah, and I think that some men are getting love
behind and they're like, oh wait, what was happening. You know,
it's like, you know, let's learn to grow, let's learn
to evolve, or you're going to get left behind and
it's going to be natural selection.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Well, it's a great topic because we could highlight the
men who are growing and how they're growing. Because a
lot of the media nowadays is focusing on the patriarchy
and down with the patriarchy and the men who are
feeling powerless, acting out in ways that are inappropriate and
aggressive and you know, all those things. There's a lot
of focus on that. So it'd be great to maybe
(04:28):
highlight some of the issues about men and how we
are evolving, how we are growing. So I'd love to
talk about and that's what I find in my practice.
I find with the men that I work with, they're
real men. I love that, really willing to be vulnerable
about the real issues that they're dealing with.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
So I need to meet a few of those. Yeah,
I think that. You know, for a while, there was
hearing a lot of women say you know, no more,
no more, I mean, and good men out there because
we're not finding them, and we're all freaking out because
you know, men are evolving into the type of men
(05:06):
that we're needing and wanting in our lives, and then
now women are just going, you know what, fuck it.
I'm pretty happy single. I like parting when I want
to and need to, and I like going to the
bathroom with the door open, and I like to not
worry about where my man is on a Saturday night,
where his stingy thing he is, you know. And I
(05:26):
think women are just getting to the point that we're like,
you know, we're pretty self sufficient. And unless you're going
to be the kind of man that I need you
to be or want you to be, I don't need one.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah. Well, we'll put that on the docket for a future.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Topic, definitely. So today we're actually talking about fans with benefits,
but the good kind, not the naughty, naughty kin Steve,
tell us about this, and please introduce your friend who is.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Waiting, because she, I would say, is one of the
main reasons in my life that I'm a good man.
I would say, I would say great man, but I'll
let her say that. But because we keep each other real,
we've been friends for over thirty year. Shall we bring
her in?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, let's do it. Let's bring on Ded.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
Dedy.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Welcome to fifty shades. How are you?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
I'm great, thank you? How are you? And so is Steve?
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Thank you on you?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
He was waiting for that. Yeah, welcome. So Steve, tell
us why DEDI is here and why she is so
valuable in your life.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well, we were talking about friendships. Oh, now she gets
to get acknowledged. First of all, I married her. Wow,
she met her her husband, which was you could share
more about this. Also, this was her high school sweetheart
when they reconnected. I love that the service, so that
was a gift too, And he didn't really know me
(06:54):
that well, so he must really trust her to have me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Oh, speaking of before you finished with that, DD, we
definitely have to have you back on to talk about
that topic because that's a topic I wrote down recently
that I wanted to find somebody and have this discussion.
So we'll table it. But i'd love to have.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
You back Oh for reconnecting with someone.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yes, because I've experienced it a couple of times and
I want to talk to somebody who's actually done that
as well. So but go ahead, Steve, Sorry.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Let me finish telling you how great she is.
Speaker 7 (07:31):
Okay, Yeah, you run for over thirty years and it's
kind of from where you just we pick up the
phone and we know we talked these four or five
days a week.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And we never we always lose track of time, and
we never have things not to talk about. We always know.
It's almost like there's this kind of we're on the
same page about so many things, and yet we also
still challenge each other. And we know how to listen
with attunement is what I call it, like listen from
(08:06):
a place. I'll acknowledge that both of us in the process.
But this is how especially she is for me. She
knows how to listen when I just want to vent,
or if I want advice, or if I want support
and just kindness and tenderness. She knows how to listen
with attunement. And even when one of us is off
and we provide the wrong thing, we have we're comfortable
(08:28):
enough where you would say, hey, hey, I'm not looking
for your advice out, I just want you to listen
to me, and then we course correct immediately after a
little bit of sarcastic jab sometimes like oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
The two of you are friends, and do you check
in with each other specific amount of time during the week,
and do you structure because I want to talk about
what you're doing with these type of conversation and calls.
Do you structure your How did you get to having
it to where it is? Does you know? I can't
(09:08):
it is Monday. It's Monday for me right now, so
I can't speak, but go ahead. How how did you
guys get to this place? And tell tell us the
process of what you're doing as you know, friends with benefits?
What does this mean? Non sexual?
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Well, well, yeah, we're going to talk. Well, she came
up with the topic that has been on our morning
calls for at least three or four weeks now, where
we start talking about money. I'll let you bring up
what came up first, and then we both just kind
of dove in.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Yeah, And I mean our friendship has always had a
background of being better, Like we want to be better people,
we want to continue to grow, and so there's that
background in our friendship that's always there from when we
first met. So that's all always helped. And then we
kind of have communication that it's not like I magically
(10:10):
know when he needs to vent. We communicate that ahead
of time. I just need to vent for a minute.
So that's always helpful, and I think most people don't
have that in their friendships. A lot of times it's
just commiserating or that kind of thing. So we've talked
continuously for a long time, and I think it's been tuesdays.
We would always talk and have a conversation, and then
(10:33):
recently we're talking about money and all of our attachments
to it and all of our junk about it and
all of the underlying feelings about it. And so we decided, well,
let's let's talk about money every day, talk about what
we're noticing, and then some sort of possibility in that,
(10:55):
and we'll do that every day and see what shows up.
That's what we started doing recently.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Oh I love that. So just for our listeners who
are listening today, what Steve and de d do is
the deed do. God, I'm very childish right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
They get together by phone, right you guys phone, okay,
And they are each other's friends that are supportive in
the way that they have conversations, like Steve just said,
sometimes the event. Sometimes they have issues, and they they
pick topics and they do things that support each other
(11:36):
as friends in ways that maybe are are you know,
the people that we're closest to can't do sometimes, or
other friends who you know can't stop talking like me, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Can I say something about that? Because there's something about
and I noticed this a lot with couples or certain
relationships where you'll be vulnerable about this stuff. But gosh,
there's that one thing I just can't talk about. So
maybe I'll talk to my therapist about it, or maybe
I'll talk to just these friends about it. I think
that what's available in my relationship with Didi is that
(12:11):
there really aren't any forbidden topics or topics that are
two sensites like gosh, oh that's too vulnerable. I can't
remember what it was last week, but you shared something
with me it was like, oh okay, and to me
it was like no big deal, but you felt really
vulnerable about it. Oh it's like, oh, no big deal.
It was like, we make it easy to actually say
that thing that oh my god, I can't even hear
(12:33):
this coming out of my back my mouth, and then
we say it and the other one is like, oh
that's all. And it's usually like I have that too.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah. That's nice to know when you have friends that
relate to things and you don't know that they could
relate to it. You feel like you may be our
isolator alone in that. But that's cool. How do you
guys navigate because d D you're married, yes, okay, So
how do you navigate this type of friendship in relationship
(13:05):
that you talk so deeply and in depthly with and
could you know, give a lot of you know, your
personal space and time to with a significant other, you know,
and not feel jealousy or not feel like it's taking
something away from the relationship.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I have to say I have a unique situation because
I did marry the best man in the world.
Speaker 7 (13:28):
So aside from I know, I'm always.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
So yeah, that's just never come up. I understand what
you're asking, It's just never come up for me. I
will say that I reserve time with my husband evenings
and weekends, and the only people I really talk to
during those times is if somebody has an urgent aid
(13:57):
or if it's one of my children.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
So I have to have no urgent needs when it
comes to our relationship. I know, I only have my
time carved out.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
I think that you know, I'm trying to put myself
in this headspace, okay, and I can see both sides
a little bit like for me having a friend such
like ust or Udd if it was of the opposite sex. Okay,
and I'm having in depth conversations every every day or
(14:31):
once a week that you know, maybe my significant other
could be like, well, wait, are you talking about personal things?
Am I being talked about? Or are there things that
you're discussing with each other that you're not even talking
to me about. I can see where something could go
awry because you know, my husband had an affair with
somebody at work because he was so close to them
(14:53):
all day every day and they formed this bond that
he just stepped out of the marriage for. So I'm
curious how that works. Do you get to the point
where you're you know, you're that it's not feeling or
leading in that direction. Does that am I making sense
in that mind?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Yes, I would say personally, I understand what you're saying.
And I've known people who females in particular, that won't
have friends with males that they know on Facebook because
they feel it's disrespectful to their husband. And that to
me is like seriously, And I know that there are
(15:35):
some people who feel strongly that it's impossible for a
man and a woman to just be friends.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Like when Harry met Sally. And that's incredible to me
because I have close male friends me too.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
A male friend that I have is Steve, and our
relationship has never been about that, and in fact, it
doesn't come into play. Gender doesn't come into play. Really,
no other than.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, I don't really think of I don't look for advice. Hey,
tell me what a woman you would think about this. No,
it's it's it's about our relationship and our friendship, and
it is very intimate, but it has no And I
think what you were saying about your boundaries, if you
have time that you devote to your husband, your family.
And I'll just acknowledge one more thing about both you
and Jason that you're both you have grown children. You
(16:31):
both this is your second marriage, and so you're not
coming to being in relationship with each other with young
issues to resolve. Your Your couplehood is actually mature in
a way. So that's nice.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah, that actually sounds really amazing. D I want your
secrets because that's so elusive for me.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
My spot is the future co host is and that
she's taking over now is of no.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I mean, I need a man that's like that, you know.
I think that, you know, a lot of people struggle
with this type of thing, but I really think it's
really valuable. And I too have very close friends that
are male and that's all they've ever been and that's
all they will ever be. And there's no designs in
any way, shape or form. So I do understand where
(17:24):
this comes from. I think that people put some weird
stipulation on why men and women can't be together, you know,
just you know, friends. I think that if you come
in with the right mindset that you can be successful
at it. So I'd love to know more about what
these calls are like.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
It's so funny because it is, they're also so organic.
It just happens to be something. I'll give an example
of what we were just talking about earlier.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
I was going to see if you wanted to bring
that up.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
Because it's usually something you notice about yourself and you're like,
what is that about? And so we just talked about it.
So my husband and I have been traveling for six
months for his work and we have been staying in airbnbs.
So now we're in Sacramento currently, we're a week into
our airbnb and I just got an email from the
(18:23):
host and it said, we got a complaint from the
neighbor that your tire has gone onto the grass and
made a skid mark, and so we just want you
to be conscious of that and if you need any
help with that, let me know. In my head, I'm like, oh,
(18:45):
so if I need any help putting my car on
the driveway. But my immediate thought was it was almost
like a dear you think you are his neighbor.
Speaker 8 (18:59):
Immediate anger, defensiveness. Look, somebody noticed it, they said something.
They told the host. He mentioned it to me, this
is not a big deal, but I noticed it had
some juice in it for me, like I wanted to
go out there. I wanted to videotape it. Yet defensive
and be angry about it.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
So we just started talking about what is that, what's
going on with me that I'm defensive and angry, And
we were talking about it feels like somebody is getting
mad at me, and somebody's telling me I did something wrong,
and I power in that. I am I've been told
(19:40):
my whole life. It was too sensitive and just came
to grips with you know what I am what I am,
but in the face of anger or upset a power
which makes me feel weak, and if I feel weak,
anger feels stronger. So my immediate response to being correct
it even is defensiveness and anger because it feels better
(20:04):
than feeling small. But then that would be our topic
for a week.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
The first step is usually teasing one another about how
unique we think our wounding is. I was like, oh,
I've got that one. It's like we always think that
whatever came from our child is so unique to me.
Then we laugh because we realize it's really just the
nature of human beings to She just kind of laid
(20:31):
out something when we could have taken any other kind
of set of circumstances and seeing, oh, these are some
of the mechanisms. Now may not unfold that exact same
way for other people, but you can start to see
the mechanisms falling into place. And that was her response,
And then I talked about mine, and it was like
we could laugh at the nature of humanity. And it's
(20:53):
almost in our conversations we get a bird's eye view
of ourselves and each other, and in doing so can
have a laugh at the stuff that serious and heavy.
And then lighten up about life in general.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I actually love this because as you were talking about
this situation, DD, I kind of saw myself and I thought,
what the fuck is that really? What's happening to me?
I had no idea. I just thought I was too
sensitive and that I get overworked about anybody saying any
(21:29):
kind of criticism at all to me, or any self
any kind of correction, and I freak out. And then
I freak out because I'm freaking out and I don't
know how to control it, and I don't know where
it's coming from. And I just got a sneak peek
into what it actually is. And you know, I had
no idea I need a person like this to make
(21:50):
phone calls with.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Well exactly, because what usually happens is we'll share that
story with a friend and then the friend will either go, oh,
you need to call them back and you need to
write them a nasty even, and all of a sudden
it blows up into something either that or they take
the other side, why didn't you, why didn't you park
(22:12):
the car more properly, or so you know what we
have then and then they become ex friends.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
But that's how we listen in our culture and our friendships.
But this is a different kind of relationship where we
could actually take a step back and look at a
bigger view and just have some laughs.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
It's about what is happening with and about it mentally
and emotionally, rather than how to react or not react.
It's about figuring out what's going on and maybe why,
and how you can work on ignowledge. I think that
the best part of finding ways to work on things
(22:55):
is just finding what to acknowledge, Like what's my issue?
I just realized, because of this little story which I'm
going to hang on to this for a good while,
that I think that if I, if I'm acknowledging that
whoa wait, I'm feeling small and I'm feeling weak and
(23:16):
my in uh oh my god. I just got like
a like a epiphany. No one ever stood up for me, Okay,
So I was always belittled and told I was wrong,
and there was no It's just always I was never
good enough, never right, never ever ever. And so now
(23:37):
as a grown ass woman, I defend myself. I'm standing
up for myself, and I realized with your story that
that's what I do and there's no reason for it. There.
Just it's acknowledging what's wrong, realizing it's they're not attack
on me. I I rolled my car on someone's grass.
I'm stupid. I can fix that, you know, and go okay,
(23:59):
cool things. If I have another problem, let me know.
You know, I didn't realize I could do that, So
thank you.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
Yeah, isn't that fascinating? But it is fret because I
realized why gender probably doesn't come into play in this relationship.
It's because everything we end up talking about in our
lives is about humanity. Very doesn't matter. Gender doesn't really
come into play because we have so much in common
(24:29):
just being human.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah, I'll and I'll take a little I'll give you
a little taste of what we do with each other.
Is you just said something about yourself. You said, oh,
I just did something with my car and I'm stupid,
And so one of us would point out, no, you're
not stupid.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
I actually I was waiting for one of you to say,
and I thought I didn't mean that. I just I
should pay attention next time.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Yeah, and I would say talking about my friend like that,
you know, it's like being me because we some of
us do that, not everybody, but some of us take
digs at ourselves and if we can have someone gently
pointed out to us and we could like, oh yeah,
I just did that again.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
I love that. I love this. This is really cool
because you know, I kind of did this with you know, Janice,
like a week or two ago. She was struggling with
something and was asking my advice on what she should,
you know, do should she continue with her, uh situation,
relationship that she's in, the situation that she's in and
(25:37):
this relationship, or should she walk away? And I kind
of step back and I just said, Hey, how do
you want me to respond? Do you want me to
be your champion and say go girl, do it you
you know, blah blah blah, Or do you want my
honest opinion of what I see as an outside party
(25:59):
looking in and what I can observe about the situation
and give you my best advice or my best what
I'm seeing? And she was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
So I was able to help her see another side
to the other person and what she was giving to
that other person, because she there's always two things that
a person's doing. What we think we're doing and what
other people are seeing us doing. And so she was
(26:30):
able to see it from another side and it really
aided in her relationship. And the situation is now getting
fixed because they're working on it now. And I feel
very amazed about that, because I was thinking about your calls,
you know, getting ready for the show, thinking about that
(26:51):
when I was talking to her, and the inspiration of
hearing about the two of your call before Steve made
me step back and ask her that so it already
kind of helped, which I love.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Yeah. I think that.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
I think that we're in a culture nowadays of coaching.
People have a coach for everything, and coaching is not advice.
It's not the same thing not to give you a
formula for something. I'm not gonna instruct you or give
you more knowledge. That's a difference. That's more like consulting
or advising. As a coach, I'm just going to ask
questions that challenge you to think. And one of those
(27:29):
questions could be, how do you want me to listen
to you? I love it, yeah, because you might want,
like you said, I do want your advice. You know what,
You've You've lived a whole life and you have a
perspective here. I can actually suspend my frustration and listen
to what you have to say.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah, I really like the idea of having this almost
like an accountability and having somebody there to uh release too.
Like DD when you said venting early girl, I have
to vent. I have to because I see the turmoil
(28:08):
and the problem and the issue as toxicity in my body.
I see it doing toxic things for my physical body,
my mental and it just freaks me out and I
can't let it go until I release it. And for me,
once I release it out of my body, almost I'm
like good, I'm like a it's like a verbal But
(28:32):
the thing is is that not everybody can handle that,
and I don't realize I haven't realized in the past
that not everybody can be equipped to deal with that
and accept it for what it is and just go, oh,
I'm glad I was listening our sounding board for you,
and so I can see where this type of call
or this kind of relationship to be with a friend
(28:54):
who can help you get through that. So you're not
like maybe spewing it on your spouse or you're your
partner or whatever.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
Yeah, I think it's funny that you say that. I
feel that communication in general for most people is really awful,
even when we're talking about inventing. I don't know if
it's more prevalent for women, but there is a need
to get things out verbally, I think, and that may
(29:26):
be a very general statement, but I know for most women,
I know there are times where we just need to
get it out verbally and don't always necessarily know that
that's all we need in that moment. But it's coming out.
It's coming out and all over you, or it's coming
up in a safe space, but it needs to come out.
(29:47):
And there are sometimes in your relationship with someone and
you're starting to say that and then they are taking
it and wanting to fix it or intercheck, and you
can't communicate hate when you're your vessel is still full.
You need to get it out first, because you can't
hear anything until you've gotten it out, and people don't
(30:09):
know that you can't even know that. So I think
that communication much improved. I think for most human beings.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I think when I start talking to somebody, like I
start getting into like some form or relationship with somebody,
whether it be friends, uh, you know, dating or whatever.
I always warned them, Okay, let me explain to you
ahead of time how I am. Okay, Uh, there are
gonna be times I'm gonna spew and it's just to vent,
(30:40):
and once I get it out, I'm good. But then
there are other times I'm gonna ask you, what do
you think? Or how do you how does how could
you handle this differently? Or whatever? And I appreciate that,
and so I sometimes have to remind people I just
need to vent right now.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
You really don't need to do it apologetically, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Really, I think can overwhelm people sometimes. Well that's repaired.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Well.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You have to ask them if they can hold it,
can you hear this? It's actually not even holding, it's
just let it.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Be right, you know. I don't want you to hold it.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Yeah, And if they start giving you advice, then that's
not what you're seeking.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
Right And when you think about it, maybe it's just
if there's at least one person in the relationship that
can be one hundred percent responsible for their own communication,
they would be able to say, I just need avent
right now. Can you just hear it without contributing, and
then we can also have a conversation about it later.
(31:40):
If even just one person can be responsible for the communication.
It gives the other person guidance in it, and they
can do what you ask because you requested it.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
And that Do you have that with Jason where you
can ask for him to just listen?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (31:59):
Absolutely No. Half the time I'm telling him later to
call with me. Here's what we talked about, you know,
I mean? But yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I can't understand how you can get a lot of
growth from these types of friendships and conversations and then
being really excited to share it with your significant other
to say, hey, look I learned it lesson today. Absolutely,
I'm going to be telling people I got something today.
I really like, you know, I try every day to
(32:33):
think about, you know what lesson can I learn today?
What can I get from today that it's just not
another mundane day, that it's just I've just went through
the motions, and we forget so many days just go
by so fast as we get older, and it's like,
how can I remember what even happened on Tuesday? You
know what I mean? But now if we're trying to
(32:54):
really focus on saying, Okay, I can learn something today
or I can get something from today, that's it's beneficial
for me or somebody I love, and then days start
to become more meaningful.
Speaker 5 (33:05):
I think.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
I was just thinking about something that started to show
up in our conversations about money. That's correlated to this
is when you have a lot of stuff to say
a lot of time, it's just nonsense. And when we
start having conversations each morning about money, there's all these
beliefs and notions and ideas about money. It's just nonsense.
(33:29):
But in a way, it's kind of like I've been
exercising that muscle of nonsense. Well, if I could just
let it go and then focus on really what I
want to have more of, which is more facility with money,
more access to money, more creativity around money. We weren't
looking for solutions, but in the absence of all the
stuff I just let go of, I could put my
(33:50):
attention on some possibility around money. Now the next day
I have the same list, and like, where did you
come from? I thought I'd let go of you yesterday,
So it may take some time to keep letting go
of the stuff that's nonsense. But having someone who's just
there laughing with you, it's like, yeah, that's nusse and
not not adding to the significance of it. As you
let it go, there you are again, you know, the
(34:11):
same old nonsense about it's hard to make money or
it's oh my gosh, what all that stuff take where
we're why didn't you disappear yesterday? And so being able
to be like a sounding board for each other, really
I have I.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Have a feeling about that, Steve. Like when we are
trying to or don't hate the word trying, when we're
working on ourselves, you know, and we come up with
something like you just said, like I thought I got
rid of this yesterday because I acknowledged it yesterday. Why
is it still fucking here? And I realize a lot
(34:46):
I see every time someone says that. I just see
someone on the basketball court outside, you know, when it's
dark and the lights are on and they're just still
shooting baskets and shooting baskets and shooting baskets. You know,
our mental health, in our healing and our learning how
to not be like volatile or you know, to be
(35:06):
more empathetic or whatever we're trying to do. It's like
for me, it's like basketball, I see, as just we
have to keep practicing. So you releasing it once isn't
enough for our brains to let it go. It's like
working out. You need to be going an x amount
of time before it becomes a desired thing or a routine.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
You know, you made me realize something else that's really
important and valuable. And then we have this in our
relationship as well, which is acknowledgement. Like when you've grown
and you don't really realize how much you've grown, to
have someone else acknowledge you, who you know is not
going to give you bullshit. They're not trying to, you know,
(35:48):
impress you or make you feel good. They'll they'll pendpoint something.
It's like, oh my god, you're right. I don't complain
about that anymore, or I've been able to deal with
that much more powerfully. They'll point to something, an authentic
kind of acknowledgement, And Deidie and I do this with
each other all the time. That that's another piece to
(36:09):
our friendship. Is like you call out the thing that, Wow,
I didn't even realize how far I had grown with
this issue until they said that. So acknowledgement is another
I like that person.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
I like that that you guys have that kind of
element to your calls and your friendship, that that you're
getting the acknowledgment that you need, because a lot of
people in actual relationships don't get that. Sometimes you know
and and you know, if you have that in your
spouse or your significant other or your partner in whatever
(36:43):
way that is, that's great, but not everybody is capable
of acknowledging, and sometimes people really need that, and I
actually think that that's a huge value to what you have.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
Yeah, there's we've been friends for over thirty years, so
so this is really natural for us, but there is
for any listeners who want to kind of create this
with someone. There's something called co counseling, and it's a model.
There's more structure than what Dedie and I do. And
I actually have another friend where I do co counseling
with them where we take twenty minutes each and it's
(37:17):
just another way to describing it is listening turns and
you so twenty minutes, I'll talk and I'll say whatever
is on my mind, anything that I want to communicate,
and all he does is listen and then we switch.
And there's you could look it up co counseling and
get some pointers on how to create a structure with
a friend, it's not counseling, like you're not getting coaching
(37:42):
or advice. In fact, with this friend, I know he's
got some skills and knowledge about something, and there was
some coaching I wanted. So we actually set up a
separate call during the week where we will coach each
other like so, but this call is strictly listening terms.
And then one thing that we did add at the
end of the each person's turn is the other person
(38:03):
will say, is there anything you'd like to be acknowledged for?
So you actually have to look and see is there
something that I want to be acknowledged for that you
can actually ask for that kind of acknowledgment. And I
seem to come to that naturally where one of us
will acknowledge something or sometimes.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Watch I love that. So if someone doesn't have like
this natural kind of flowy friendship that can work in
this sense that co kind of what's that called against.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
You co counseling, And the structure I just described is
loosely based on that. It's not but there's probably much
fun like that. Yeah, you can look it up online.
Co counseling. It was created by someone at least twenty
thirty years ago.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
I'm sure I can't tell you how many times I've
talked to somebody and thought, I just want to get
it out and I don't want to hear anything else.
And that's that's hard to tell somebody you don't want
to offend your friends or your family, or your girlfriend
or your boyvern or whatever going. Can you just not
fucking say anything to me and just let you and
then go away? Because then I'm fine. You know, that's
(39:08):
kind of rude. So at least that's what I really
want to do sometimes, but I can't do that, So
I this could be very beneficial for that. I like
it realizing.
Speaker 5 (39:20):
In talking about it too, that I don't know that
there wouldn't need to be some sort of more formal
setup if you were gonna have a friend and decide
to have this kind of call every day, because this
because we have known each other for so long, this
is just who we are in a conversation, and we
know that no matter what's going to come in to
(39:43):
the topic any particular day, like driveway parking, there's gonna
be some gold in that for us. We will realize
something about ourselves, and he'll realize something about himself about that,
and then every single time it's just the nature of
(40:03):
who we are with each other and for each other.
But I think if you were going to set up
that kind of a relationship with someone, it's so hard
to get back into patterns of commiserating or I can
fix your life, here's what you need to do. So
maybe there there could be more formality around it. Or
(40:23):
let's have calls these days and here'll be the purpose
of the calls and see what happened with some guidelines
or something.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
It doesn't hurt that Steve is actually a professional, right
and you know, be.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Met doing personal growth courses together. So, like DDI said
in the very beginning, really the nature of our friendship
is about supporting each other and growing. So it's it's
never been just kind of shoot the shit be social relationship.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
I actually like this kind of structure and you know,
still being there and still having this type of you know,
conversations without it having to be something that maybe is
nothing near what I was thinking earlier that a spouse
or a significant other, a partner could be jealous of,
because this is really just you know, not only building
(41:14):
on a friendship, but it's it's a growth moments that
can only help your relationships, which is probably quite absolute.
I love that. I think it's cool.
Speaker 4 (41:25):
So I hear, does Jason have to say, oh, you
need to call Steve?
Speaker 5 (41:32):
I don't know so far.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
I'm surprised. That's funny. Oh I had a thought about money.
Have y'all had the conversation part about money? That about
how there's that that there's a lot of negative connotation
about money, because for me, I think it's a psychological propaganda.
(42:00):
You keep people from being able to be a higher
It's almost like, oh, man, do I how do I
express this? I feel like our society feels like it
has to have class distinctions, you know, the one percent,
the kind of rich, the middle class and the or
(42:22):
the one percent the middle class and the poor. And
it's like you can't allow people who are poor. I'm
not saying this personally. I'm just saying this is what
I've kind of got from something else. You can't let
the poor think good, positive thoughts about money because if
they make more money, then there's going to be no
lower class, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (42:41):
So?
Speaker 3 (42:41):
I always felt like there was always some kind of
psychological warfare on people's minds to keep them thinking low thoughts,
low vibration, and negative connotations about money, so that they're
constantly saying things like I don't need money to be happy,
our money can't buy you love or whatever, just to
keep people from being able to get in that higher
(43:04):
vibration of making more because then we lose that. Does
that make sense? Have you ever heard anything like that?
Speaker 4 (43:11):
I will tell you that one of the threads that
runs through all of our conversations is that we alone
are the source of our belief systems. So there may
be out there going on what you what you said,
that society's beliefs and views, and there may be times
that I'm victimized by that you know personally experience that,
But ultimately you just described a sort of victim consciousness,
(43:35):
and that part of our conversations all the time come
back to Okay, wait a minute, what if I created
this whole thing? What if I created this belief about
money that has me not have money right now, or
struggle with making more money, or move to the next level,
whatever the levels, Because the levels are just beliefs, and
even though happy out there somewhere, it's not it's no
(43:58):
longer an out there belief that became my personal belief
and that's where the trappings were that has me feel limited.
So we One of the things that Didi and I
keep returning to is Okay, well if maybe I created this,
and if I did create it, why would I have
created this? Create this? What was the what's the lesson
in this for me? About feeling powerless around whatever it is,
(44:23):
money or whatever experience of having.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
I think a lot of that has to do with
fear of failure. That if someone thinks, well, if I
don't think that money can't buy me love, or if
I think that, you know, money's I got this negative
connotation to it, then what happens is when I don't
get it, I failed. You know that it wasn't my
you know, I wasn't good enough to you know what
(44:47):
I mean. So I think people are have a lot
of fear wrapped around it. Like this. One time, I
did this conference call, like a seminar thing about money
and you know, pause more powerful connotations and thoughts of
around money. And they did these breakout rooms and they
had like four four or five of us in a
(45:08):
smaller room where we all just talked and helped each other.
And this guy said something about how money was a
bad thing and it's evil and and you know, he
really struggles getting it because he really believes it's evil.
And I I just finally said, dude, money isn't special.
(45:28):
It's it's it's a mental thing. It's an emotional thing,
it's a paper thing. It is all about what you're
putting on it. You're limiting yourself for what. Why? Why
do you why do you know? So we just talked
about how he associated money to evil, and it always
really got me thinking about, hah, who puts this in
(45:49):
our heads? Do we see it somewhere? Do we hear
it somewhere?
Speaker 5 (45:52):
Do we and then.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Try to associate to it because we don't know what
else to think for ourselves.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
Yeah, and there's somebody beliefs that get projected onto us
that we don't hang onto. That one doesn't fit for me.
Why do I pick these ones? You know they're and
their empowering beliefs that we have too, So we don't
agonize over them. We just have them power us.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
I love it well. I think that this is such
a great idea to have this type of support when
you are we're all in a world right now where
everything is chaos, everything coming at us fast, fast, fast,
and furious chaos. And it's kind of nice to have
someone to just sit down and be able to talk
about your fears, your beliefs, your feelings without somebody just
(46:36):
telling you that they're wrong or that you're not thinking
about it right or you know. I think this is
lovely and I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get this.
I need this in my life.
Speaker 4 (46:48):
Create it, right I am.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
I'm going to create this because I think I really
need this. I got too much shit rattling around in
my head all day long and someone's like, no, not you, Christy,
don't pick me. But yeah, thank you DEDI for being here.
I'm really grateful to have met you today.
Speaker 5 (47:12):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
And I really do want to talk to you about
coming on in. Maybe we can do July where we
talk about how you reconnected with someone from the past
and are married. And I think that that well, it's
always been a fantasy of mine and then when it happened,
it didn't work quite the way the fantasy meeting. But
(47:38):
let's have you back and talk about that.
Speaker 5 (47:40):
Well, thank you. I love that and I do want
to take a second to acknowledge Steve and the extraordinary
man that he is.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
He really is. I agree, Steve, You're amazing.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
And I appreciate both of you well.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
And obviously your friendships are a reflection of that. So
that's wonderful. So thank you Steve for being here today
with me again, as my co host did. I appreciate
you being on here and grateful that you're in our lives.
Thank you everyone for coming and listening and watching every
week and same time, same place next week, and until then,
(48:15):
let's just keep this shit real.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Of Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Thanks so much for listening, and
Speaker 4 (48:33):
We really hope to see you again next week.
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:22):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin. Hey everyone, I'm Christine. Hello, and I'm
Steve and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit. Hey, thanks
for being back.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Hey, Dank you, I am your guest co host. This
is becoming a regular meeting point.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
For us, I know, and I'm love in every second.
I really look forward to when you're here and I'm like, yes,
what a realief. It's so great to have a fun
co host. I really enjoy this.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
So much going on in my head. We can just
talk about anything.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I know, isn't that wonderful. We should talk about future
topics too, Okay, I want to get kind of edgy
and and I also want to talk a lot more
about men's mental health and men's physical health, men's you
know where they are, because you know, I hear that
(01:37):
there's some epidemic about uh it's called oh shoot, what's
it called men's loneliness or something like that, some kind
of weird thing that's happening. I do want to talk
to you about that, because I think that's an important topic.
I also heard another thing this morning that I really
want to talk about is about the evolution of man
(01:59):
and how there are a lot of people doing videos
and topics lately about how there's not been any real
evolution in man in a long time. And I think
we're right in the middle of coming through one, are
coming in one because we know, I know this is
off topic for today, but I've been really jazzed about
(02:22):
this today. I heard this thing where they said when
man evolves, it takes many generations for it to really
start to happen. And I'm seeing a big thing right
now where women are not needing men for strength or
to be like this macho guy anymore is not needing
(02:45):
men a lot to provide because women are providing for themselves,
and so it's like selection of the finest, you know
what I mean. I don't know the exact wording for that,
but it's like natural selection is women are not picking
men who are not evolving mentally and emotionally. We want
(03:07):
men who are more emotionally available available, and you know,
so men are going to have to start evolving mentally
and emotionally and not just physically anymore. Does that do
you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
Well?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Yeah, And I think that also happened in the seventies.
With that there was a women's movement in the seventies.
I think there's constantly a movement of people who are
finding their voices, and it was women in the seasons
coming about again maybe in a more desire for more
emotional connection, and that we see people who are marginalized
finding their voices as well, So people with different gender
(03:46):
expressions and sexual orientations, they're finding their voices. So there's
these movements that force us all to evolve.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah, and I think that some men are getting love
behind and they're like, oh wait, what was happening. You know,
it's like, you know, let's learn to grow, let's learn
to evolve, or you're going to get left behind and
it's going to be natural selection.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Well, it's a great topic because we could highlight the
men who are growing and how they're growing. Because a
lot of the media nowadays is focusing on the patriarchy
and down with the patriarchy and the men who are
feeling powerless, acting out in ways that are inappropriate and
aggressive and you know, all those things. There's a lot
of focus on that. So it'd be great to maybe
(04:28):
highlight some of the issues about men and how we
are evolving, how we are growing. So I'd love to
talk about and that's what I find in my practice.
I find with the men that I work with, they're
real men. I love that, really willing to be vulnerable
about the real issues that they're dealing with.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
So I need to meet a few of those. Yeah,
I think that. You know, for a while, there was
hearing a lot of women say you know, no more,
no more, I mean, and good men out there because
we're not finding them, and we're all freaking out because
you know, men are evolving into the type of men
(05:06):
that we're needing and wanting in our lives, and then
now women are just going, you know what, fuck it.
I'm pretty happy single. I like parting when I want
to and need to, and I like going to the
bathroom with the door open, and I like to not
worry about where my man is on a Saturday night,
where his stingy thing he is, you know. And I
(05:26):
think women are just getting to the point that we're like,
you know, we're pretty self sufficient. And unless you're going
to be the kind of man that I need you
to be or want you to be, I don't need one.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah. Well, we'll put that on the docket for a future.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Topic, definitely. So today we're actually talking about fans with benefits,
but the good kind, not the naughty, naughty kin Steve,
tell us about this, and please introduce your friend who is.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Waiting, because she, I would say, is one of the
main reasons in my life that I'm a good man.
I would say, I would say great man, but I'll
let her say that. But because we keep each other real,
we've been friends for over thirty year. Shall we bring
her in?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, let's do it. Let's bring on Ded.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
Dedy.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Welcome to fifty shades. How are you?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
I'm great, thank you? How are you? And so is Steve?
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Thank you on you?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
He was waiting for that. Yeah, welcome. So Steve, tell
us why DEDI is here and why she is so
valuable in your life.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well, we were talking about friendships. Oh, now she gets
to get acknowledged. First of all, I married her. Wow,
she met her her husband, which was you could share
more about this. Also, this was her high school sweetheart
when they reconnected. I love that the service, so that
was a gift too, And he didn't really know me
(06:54):
that well, so he must really trust her to have me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Oh, speaking of before you finished with that, DD, we
definitely have to have you back on to talk about
that topic because that's a topic I wrote down recently
that I wanted to find somebody and have this discussion.
So we'll table it. But i'd love to have.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
You back Oh for reconnecting with someone.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yes, because I've experienced it a couple of times and
I want to talk to somebody who's actually done that
as well. So but go ahead, Steve, Sorry.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Let me finish telling you how great she is.
Speaker 7 (07:31):
Okay, Yeah, you run for over thirty years and it's
kind of from where you just we pick up the
phone and we know we talked these four or five
days a week.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And we never we always lose track of time, and
we never have things not to talk about. We always know.
It's almost like there's this kind of we're on the
same page about so many things, and yet we also
still challenge each other. And we know how to listen
with attunement is what I call it, like listen from
(08:06):
a place. I'll acknowledge that both of us in the process.
But this is how especially she is for me. She
knows how to listen when I just want to vent,
or if I want advice, or if I want support
and just kindness and tenderness. She knows how to listen
with attunement. And even when one of us is off
and we provide the wrong thing, we have we're comfortable
(08:28):
enough where you would say, hey, hey, I'm not looking
for your advice out, I just want you to listen
to me, and then we course correct immediately after a
little bit of sarcastic jab sometimes like oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
The two of you are friends, and do you check
in with each other specific amount of time during the week,
and do you structure because I want to talk about
what you're doing with these type of conversation and calls.
Do you structure your How did you get to having
it to where it is? Does you know? I can't
(09:08):
it is Monday. It's Monday for me right now, so
I can't speak, but go ahead. How how did you
guys get to this place? And tell tell us the
process of what you're doing as you know, friends with benefits?
What does this mean? Non sexual?
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Well, well, yeah, we're going to talk. Well, she came
up with the topic that has been on our morning
calls for at least three or four weeks now, where
we start talking about money. I'll let you bring up
what came up first, and then we both just kind
of dove in.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Yeah, And I mean our friendship has always had a
background of being better, Like we want to be better people,
we want to continue to grow, and so there's that
background in our friendship that's always there from when we
first met. So that's all always helped. And then we
kind of have communication that it's not like I magically
(10:10):
know when he needs to vent. We communicate that ahead
of time. I just need to vent for a minute.
So that's always helpful, and I think most people don't
have that in their friendships. A lot of times it's
just commiserating or that kind of thing. So we've talked
continuously for a long time, and I think it's been tuesdays.
We would always talk and have a conversation, and then
(10:33):
recently we're talking about money and all of our attachments
to it and all of our junk about it and
all of the underlying feelings about it. And so we decided, well,
let's let's talk about money every day, talk about what
we're noticing, and then some sort of possibility in that,
(10:55):
and we'll do that every day and see what shows up.
That's what we started doing recently.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Oh I love that. So just for our listeners who
are listening today, what Steve and de d do is
the deed do. God, I'm very childish right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
They get together by phone, right you guys phone, okay,
And they are each other's friends that are supportive in
the way that they have conversations, like Steve just said,
sometimes the event. Sometimes they have issues, and they they
pick topics and they do things that support each other
(11:36):
as friends in ways that maybe are are you know,
the people that we're closest to can't do sometimes, or
other friends who you know can't stop talking like me, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Can I say something about that? Because there's something about
and I noticed this a lot with couples or certain
relationships where you'll be vulnerable about this stuff. But gosh,
there's that one thing I just can't talk about. So
maybe I'll talk to my therapist about it, or maybe
I'll talk to just these friends about it. I think
that what's available in my relationship with Didi is that
(12:11):
there really aren't any forbidden topics or topics that are
two sensites like gosh, oh that's too vulnerable. I can't
remember what it was last week, but you shared something
with me it was like, oh okay, and to me
it was like no big deal, but you felt really
vulnerable about it. Oh it's like, oh, no big deal.
It was like, we make it easy to actually say
that thing that oh my god, I can't even hear
(12:33):
this coming out of my back my mouth, and then
we say it and the other one is like, oh
that's all. And it's usually like I have that too.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah. That's nice to know when you have friends that
relate to things and you don't know that they could
relate to it. You feel like you may be our
isolator alone in that. But that's cool. How do you
guys navigate because d D you're married, yes, okay, So
how do you navigate this type of friendship in relationship
(13:05):
that you talk so deeply and in depthly with and
could you know, give a lot of you know, your
personal space and time to with a significant other, you know,
and not feel jealousy or not feel like it's taking
something away from the relationship.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I have to say I have a unique situation because
I did marry the best man in the world.
Speaker 7 (13:28):
So aside from I know, I'm always.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
So yeah, that's just never come up. I understand what
you're asking, It's just never come up for me. I
will say that I reserve time with my husband evenings
and weekends, and the only people I really talk to
during those times is if somebody has an urgent aid
(13:57):
or if it's one of my children.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
So I have to have no urgent needs when it
comes to our relationship. I know, I only have my
time carved out.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
I think that you know, I'm trying to put myself
in this headspace, okay, and I can see both sides
a little bit like for me having a friend such
like ust or Udd if it was of the opposite sex. Okay,
and I'm having in depth conversations every every day or
(14:31):
once a week that you know, maybe my significant other
could be like, well, wait, are you talking about personal things?
Am I being talked about? Or are there things that
you're discussing with each other that you're not even talking
to me about. I can see where something could go
awry because you know, my husband had an affair with
somebody at work because he was so close to them
(14:53):
all day every day and they formed this bond that
he just stepped out of the marriage for. So I'm
curious how that works. Do you get to the point
where you're you know, you're that it's not feeling or
leading in that direction. Does that am I making sense
in that mind?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Yes, I would say personally, I understand what you're saying.
And I've known people who females in particular, that won't
have friends with males that they know on Facebook because
they feel it's disrespectful to their husband. And that to
me is like seriously, And I know that there are
(15:35):
some people who feel strongly that it's impossible for a
man and a woman to just be friends.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Like when Harry met Sally. And that's incredible to me
because I have close male friends me too.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
A male friend that I have is Steve, and our
relationship has never been about that, and in fact, it
doesn't come into play. Gender doesn't come into play. Really,
no other than.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, I don't really think of I don't look for advice. Hey,
tell me what a woman you would think about this. No,
it's it's it's about our relationship and our friendship, and
it is very intimate, but it has no And I
think what you were saying about your boundaries, if you
have time that you devote to your husband, your family.
And I'll just acknowledge one more thing about both you
and Jason that you're both you have grown children. You
(16:31):
both this is your second marriage, and so you're not
coming to being in relationship with each other with young
issues to resolve. Your Your couplehood is actually mature in
a way. So that's nice.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah, that actually sounds really amazing. D I want your
secrets because that's so elusive for me.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
My spot is the future co host is and that
she's taking over now is of no.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I mean, I need a man that's like that, you know.
I think that, you know, a lot of people struggle
with this type of thing, but I really think it's
really valuable. And I too have very close friends that
are male and that's all they've ever been and that's
all they will ever be. And there's no designs in
any way, shape or form. So I do understand where
(17:24):
this comes from. I think that people put some weird
stipulation on why men and women can't be together, you know,
just you know, friends. I think that if you come
in with the right mindset that you can be successful
at it. So I'd love to know more about what
these calls are like.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
It's so funny because it is, they're also so organic.
It just happens to be something. I'll give an example
of what we were just talking about earlier.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
I was going to see if you wanted to bring
that up.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
Because it's usually something you notice about yourself and you're like,
what is that about? And so we just talked about it.
So my husband and I have been traveling for six
months for his work and we have been staying in airbnbs.
So now we're in Sacramento currently, we're a week into
our airbnb and I just got an email from the
(18:23):
host and it said, we got a complaint from the
neighbor that your tire has gone onto the grass and
made a skid mark, and so we just want you
to be conscious of that and if you need any
help with that, let me know. In my head, I'm like, oh,
(18:45):
so if I need any help putting my car on
the driveway. But my immediate thought was it was almost
like a dear you think you are his neighbor.
Speaker 8 (18:59):
Immediate anger, defensiveness. Look, somebody noticed it, they said something.
They told the host. He mentioned it to me, this
is not a big deal, but I noticed it had
some juice in it for me, like I wanted to
go out there. I wanted to videotape it. Yet defensive
and be angry about it.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
So we just started talking about what is that, what's
going on with me that I'm defensive and angry, And
we were talking about it feels like somebody is getting
mad at me, and somebody's telling me I did something wrong,
and I power in that. I am I've been told
(19:40):
my whole life. It was too sensitive and just came
to grips with you know what I am what I am,
but in the face of anger or upset a power
which makes me feel weak, and if I feel weak,
anger feels stronger. So my immediate response to being correct
it even is defensiveness and anger because it feels better
(20:04):
than feeling small. But then that would be our topic
for a week.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
The first step is usually teasing one another about how
unique we think our wounding is. I was like, oh,
I've got that one. It's like we always think that
whatever came from our child is so unique to me.
Then we laugh because we realize it's really just the
nature of human beings to She just kind of laid
(20:31):
out something when we could have taken any other kind
of set of circumstances and seeing, oh, these are some
of the mechanisms. Now may not unfold that exact same
way for other people, but you can start to see
the mechanisms falling into place. And that was her response,
And then I talked about mine, and it was like
we could laugh at the nature of humanity. And it's
(20:53):
almost in our conversations we get a bird's eye view
of ourselves and each other, and in doing so can
have a laugh at the stuff that serious and heavy.
And then lighten up about life in general.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I actually love this because as you were talking about
this situation, DD, I kind of saw myself and I thought,
what the fuck is that really? What's happening to me?
I had no idea. I just thought I was too
sensitive and that I get overworked about anybody saying any
(21:29):
kind of criticism at all to me, or any self
any kind of correction, and I freak out. And then
I freak out because I'm freaking out and I don't
know how to control it, and I don't know where
it's coming from. And I just got a sneak peek
into what it actually is. And you know, I had
no idea I need a person like this to make
(21:50):
phone calls with.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Well exactly, because what usually happens is we'll share that
story with a friend and then the friend will either go, oh,
you need to call them back and you need to
write them a nasty even, and all of a sudden
it blows up into something either that or they take
the other side, why didn't you, why didn't you park
(22:12):
the car more properly, or so you know what we
have then and then they become ex friends.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
But that's how we listen in our culture and our friendships.
But this is a different kind of relationship where we
could actually take a step back and look at a
bigger view and just have some laughs.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
It's about what is happening with and about it mentally
and emotionally, rather than how to react or not react.
It's about figuring out what's going on and maybe why,
and how you can work on ignowledge. I think that
the best part of finding ways to work on things
(22:55):
is just finding what to acknowledge, Like what's my issue?
I just realized, because of this little story which I'm
going to hang on to this for a good while,
that I think that if I, if I'm acknowledging that
whoa wait, I'm feeling small and I'm feeling weak and
(23:16):
my in uh oh my god. I just got like
a like a epiphany. No one ever stood up for me, Okay,
So I was always belittled and told I was wrong,
and there was no It's just always I was never
good enough, never right, never ever ever. And so now
(23:37):
as a grown ass woman, I defend myself. I'm standing
up for myself, and I realized with your story that
that's what I do and there's no reason for it. There.
Just it's acknowledging what's wrong, realizing it's they're not attack
on me. I I rolled my car on someone's grass.
I'm stupid. I can fix that, you know, and go okay,
(23:59):
cool things. If I have another problem, let me know.
You know, I didn't realize I could do that, So
thank you.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
Yeah, isn't that fascinating? But it is fret because I
realized why gender probably doesn't come into play in this relationship.
It's because everything we end up talking about in our
lives is about humanity. Very doesn't matter. Gender doesn't really
come into play because we have so much in common
(24:29):
just being human.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah, I'll and I'll take a little I'll give you
a little taste of what we do with each other.
Is you just said something about yourself. You said, oh,
I just did something with my car and I'm stupid,
And so one of us would point out, no, you're
not stupid.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
I actually I was waiting for one of you to say,
and I thought I didn't mean that. I just I
should pay attention next time.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Yeah, and I would say talking about my friend like that,
you know, it's like being me because we some of
us do that, not everybody, but some of us take
digs at ourselves and if we can have someone gently
pointed out to us and we could like, oh yeah,
I just did that again.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
I love that. I love this. This is really cool
because you know, I kind of did this with you know, Janice,
like a week or two ago. She was struggling with
something and was asking my advice on what she should,
you know, do should she continue with her, uh situation,
relationship that she's in, the situation that she's in and
(25:37):
this relationship, or should she walk away? And I kind
of step back and I just said, Hey, how do
you want me to respond? Do you want me to
be your champion and say go girl, do it you
you know, blah blah blah, Or do you want my
honest opinion of what I see as an outside party
(25:59):
looking in and what I can observe about the situation
and give you my best advice or my best what
I'm seeing? And she was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
So I was able to help her see another side
to the other person and what she was giving to
that other person, because she there's always two things that
a person's doing. What we think we're doing and what
other people are seeing us doing. And so she was
(26:30):
able to see it from another side and it really
aided in her relationship. And the situation is now getting
fixed because they're working on it now. And I feel
very amazed about that, because I was thinking about your calls,
you know, getting ready for the show, thinking about that
(26:51):
when I was talking to her, and the inspiration of
hearing about the two of your call before Steve made
me step back and ask her that so it already
kind of helped, which I love.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Yeah. I think that.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
I think that we're in a culture nowadays of coaching.
People have a coach for everything, and coaching is not advice.
It's not the same thing not to give you a
formula for something. I'm not gonna instruct you or give
you more knowledge. That's a difference. That's more like consulting
or advising. As a coach, I'm just going to ask
questions that challenge you to think. And one of those
(27:29):
questions could be, how do you want me to listen
to you? I love it, yeah, because you might want,
like you said, I do want your advice. You know what,
You've You've lived a whole life and you have a
perspective here. I can actually suspend my frustration and listen
to what you have to say.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah, I really like the idea of having this almost
like an accountability and having somebody there to uh release too.
Like DD when you said venting early girl, I have
to vent. I have to because I see the turmoil
(28:08):
and the problem and the issue as toxicity in my body.
I see it doing toxic things for my physical body,
my mental and it just freaks me out and I
can't let it go until I release it. And for me,
once I release it out of my body, almost I'm
like good, I'm like a it's like a verbal But
(28:32):
the thing is is that not everybody can handle that,
and I don't realize I haven't realized in the past
that not everybody can be equipped to deal with that
and accept it for what it is and just go, oh,
I'm glad I was listening our sounding board for you,
and so I can see where this type of call
or this kind of relationship to be with a friend
(28:54):
who can help you get through that. So you're not
like maybe spewing it on your spouse or you're your
partner or whatever.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
Yeah, I think it's funny that you say that. I
feel that communication in general for most people is really awful,
even when we're talking about inventing. I don't know if
it's more prevalent for women, but there is a need
to get things out verbally, I think, and that may
(29:26):
be a very general statement, but I know for most women,
I know there are times where we just need to
get it out verbally and don't always necessarily know that
that's all we need in that moment. But it's coming out.
It's coming out and all over you, or it's coming
up in a safe space, but it needs to come out.
(29:47):
And there are sometimes in your relationship with someone and
you're starting to say that and then they are taking
it and wanting to fix it or intercheck, and you
can't communicate hate when you're your vessel is still full.
You need to get it out first, because you can't
hear anything until you've gotten it out, and people don't
(30:09):
know that you can't even know that. So I think
that communication much improved. I think for most human beings.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I think when I start talking to somebody, like I
start getting into like some form or relationship with somebody,
whether it be friends, uh, you know, dating or whatever.
I always warned them, Okay, let me explain to you
ahead of time how I am. Okay, Uh, there are
gonna be times I'm gonna spew and it's just to vent,
(30:40):
and once I get it out, I'm good. But then
there are other times I'm gonna ask you, what do
you think? Or how do you how does how could
you handle this differently? Or whatever? And I appreciate that,
and so I sometimes have to remind people I just
need to vent right now.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
You really don't need to do it apologetically, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Really, I think can overwhelm people sometimes. Well that's repaired.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Well.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You have to ask them if they can hold it,
can you hear this? It's actually not even holding, it's
just let it.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Be right, you know. I don't want you to hold it.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Yeah, And if they start giving you advice, then that's
not what you're seeking.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
Right And when you think about it, maybe it's just
if there's at least one person in the relationship that
can be one hundred percent responsible for their own communication,
they would be able to say, I just need avent
right now. Can you just hear it without contributing, and
then we can also have a conversation about it later.
(31:40):
If even just one person can be responsible for the communication.
It gives the other person guidance in it, and they
can do what you ask because you requested it.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
And that Do you have that with Jason where you
can ask for him to just listen?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (31:59):
Absolutely No. Half the time I'm telling him later to
call with me. Here's what we talked about, you know,
I mean? But yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I can't understand how you can get a lot of
growth from these types of friendships and conversations and then
being really excited to share it with your significant other
to say, hey, look I learned it lesson today. Absolutely,
I'm going to be telling people I got something today.
I really like, you know, I try every day to
(32:33):
think about, you know what lesson can I learn today?
What can I get from today that it's just not
another mundane day, that it's just I've just went through
the motions, and we forget so many days just go
by so fast as we get older, and it's like,
how can I remember what even happened on Tuesday? You
know what I mean? But now if we're trying to
(32:54):
really focus on saying, Okay, I can learn something today
or I can get something from today, that's it's beneficial
for me or somebody I love, and then days start
to become more meaningful.
Speaker 5 (33:05):
I think.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
I was just thinking about something that started to show
up in our conversations about money. That's correlated to this
is when you have a lot of stuff to say
a lot of time, it's just nonsense. And when we
start having conversations each morning about money, there's all these
beliefs and notions and ideas about money. It's just nonsense.
(33:29):
But in a way, it's kind of like I've been
exercising that muscle of nonsense. Well, if I could just
let it go and then focus on really what I
want to have more of, which is more facility with money,
more access to money, more creativity around money. We weren't
looking for solutions, but in the absence of all the
stuff I just let go of, I could put my
(33:50):
attention on some possibility around money. Now the next day
I have the same list, and like, where did you
come from? I thought I'd let go of you yesterday,
So it may take some time to keep letting go
of the stuff that's nonsense. But having someone who's just
there laughing with you, it's like, yeah, that's nusse and
not not adding to the significance of it. As you
let it go, there you are again, you know, the
(34:11):
same old nonsense about it's hard to make money or
it's oh my gosh, what all that stuff take where
we're why didn't you disappear yesterday? And so being able
to be like a sounding board for each other, really
I have I.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Have a feeling about that, Steve. Like when we are
trying to or don't hate the word trying, when we're
working on ourselves, you know, and we come up with
something like you just said, like I thought I got
rid of this yesterday because I acknowledged it yesterday. Why
is it still fucking here? And I realize a lot
(34:46):
I see every time someone says that. I just see
someone on the basketball court outside, you know, when it's
dark and the lights are on and they're just still
shooting baskets and shooting baskets and shooting baskets. You know,
our mental health, in our healing and our learning how
to not be like volatile or you know, to be
(35:06):
more empathetic or whatever we're trying to do. It's like
for me, it's like basketball, I see, as just we
have to keep practicing. So you releasing it once isn't
enough for our brains to let it go. It's like
working out. You need to be going an x amount
of time before it becomes a desired thing or a routine.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
You know, you made me realize something else that's really
important and valuable. And then we have this in our
relationship as well, which is acknowledgement. Like when you've grown
and you don't really realize how much you've grown, to
have someone else acknowledge you, who you know is not
going to give you bullshit. They're not trying to, you know,
(35:48):
impress you or make you feel good. They'll they'll pendpoint something.
It's like, oh my god, you're right. I don't complain
about that anymore, or I've been able to deal with
that much more powerfully. They'll point to something, an authentic
kind of acknowledgement, And Deidie and I do this with
each other all the time. That that's another piece to
(36:09):
our friendship. Is like you call out the thing that, Wow,
I didn't even realize how far I had grown with
this issue until they said that. So acknowledgement is another
I like that person.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
I like that that you guys have that kind of
element to your calls and your friendship, that that you're
getting the acknowledgment that you need, because a lot of
people in actual relationships don't get that. Sometimes you know
and and you know, if you have that in your
spouse or your significant other or your partner in whatever
(36:43):
way that is, that's great, but not everybody is capable
of acknowledging, and sometimes people really need that, and I
actually think that that's a huge value to what you have.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
Yeah, there's we've been friends for over thirty years, so
so this is really natural for us, but there is
for any listeners who want to kind of create this
with someone. There's something called co counseling, and it's a model.
There's more structure than what Dedie and I do. And
I actually have another friend where I do co counseling
with them where we take twenty minutes each and it's
(37:17):
just another way to describing it is listening turns and
you so twenty minutes, I'll talk and I'll say whatever
is on my mind, anything that I want to communicate,
and all he does is listen and then we switch.
And there's you could look it up co counseling and
get some pointers on how to create a structure with
a friend, it's not counseling, like you're not getting coaching
(37:42):
or advice. In fact, with this friend, I know he's
got some skills and knowledge about something, and there was
some coaching I wanted. So we actually set up a
separate call during the week where we will coach each
other like so, but this call is strictly listening terms.
And then one thing that we did add at the
end of the each person's turn is the other person
(38:03):
will say, is there anything you'd like to be acknowledged for?
So you actually have to look and see is there
something that I want to be acknowledged for that you
can actually ask for that kind of acknowledgment. And I
seem to come to that naturally where one of us
will acknowledge something or sometimes.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Watch I love that. So if someone doesn't have like
this natural kind of flowy friendship that can work in
this sense that co kind of what's that called against.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
You co counseling, And the structure I just described is
loosely based on that. It's not but there's probably much
fun like that. Yeah, you can look it up online.
Co counseling. It was created by someone at least twenty
thirty years ago.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
I'm sure I can't tell you how many times I've
talked to somebody and thought, I just want to get
it out and I don't want to hear anything else.
And that's that's hard to tell somebody you don't want
to offend your friends or your family, or your girlfriend
or your boyvern or whatever going. Can you just not
fucking say anything to me and just let you and
then go away? Because then I'm fine. You know, that's
(39:08):
kind of rude. So at least that's what I really
want to do sometimes, but I can't do that, So
I this could be very beneficial for that. I like
it realizing.
Speaker 5 (39:20):
In talking about it too, that I don't know that
there wouldn't need to be some sort of more formal
setup if you were gonna have a friend and decide
to have this kind of call every day, because this
because we have known each other for so long, this
is just who we are in a conversation, and we
know that no matter what's going to come in to
(39:43):
the topic any particular day, like driveway parking, there's gonna
be some gold in that for us. We will realize
something about ourselves, and he'll realize something about himself about that,
and then every single time it's just the nature of
(40:03):
who we are with each other and for each other.
But I think if you were going to set up
that kind of a relationship with someone, it's so hard
to get back into patterns of commiserating or I can
fix your life, here's what you need to do. So
maybe there there could be more formality around it. Or
(40:23):
let's have calls these days and here'll be the purpose
of the calls and see what happened with some guidelines
or something.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
It doesn't hurt that Steve is actually a professional, right
and you know, be.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Met doing personal growth courses together. So, like DDI said
in the very beginning, really the nature of our friendship
is about supporting each other and growing. So it's it's
never been just kind of shoot the shit be social relationship.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
I actually like this kind of structure and you know,
still being there and still having this type of you know,
conversations without it having to be something that maybe is
nothing near what I was thinking earlier that a spouse
or a significant other, a partner could be jealous of,
because this is really just you know, not only building
(41:14):
on a friendship, but it's it's a growth moments that
can only help your relationships, which is probably quite absolute.
I love that. I think it's cool.
Speaker 4 (41:25):
So I hear, does Jason have to say, oh, you
need to call Steve?
Speaker 5 (41:32):
I don't know so far.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
I'm surprised. That's funny. Oh I had a thought about money.
Have y'all had the conversation part about money? That about
how there's that that there's a lot of negative connotation
about money, because for me, I think it's a psychological propaganda.
(42:00):
You keep people from being able to be a higher
It's almost like, oh, man, do I how do I
express this? I feel like our society feels like it
has to have class distinctions, you know, the one percent,
the kind of rich, the middle class and the or
(42:22):
the one percent the middle class and the poor. And
it's like you can't allow people who are poor. I'm
not saying this personally. I'm just saying this is what
I've kind of got from something else. You can't let
the poor think good, positive thoughts about money because if
they make more money, then there's going to be no
lower class, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (42:41):
So?
Speaker 3 (42:41):
I always felt like there was always some kind of
psychological warfare on people's minds to keep them thinking low thoughts,
low vibration, and negative connotations about money, so that they're
constantly saying things like I don't need money to be happy,
our money can't buy you love or whatever, just to
keep people from being able to get in that higher
(43:04):
vibration of making more because then we lose that. Does
that make sense? Have you ever heard anything like that?
Speaker 4 (43:11):
I will tell you that one of the threads that
runs through all of our conversations is that we alone
are the source of our belief systems. So there may
be out there going on what you what you said,
that society's beliefs and views, and there may be times
that I'm victimized by that you know personally experience that,
But ultimately you just described a sort of victim consciousness,
(43:35):
and that part of our conversations all the time come
back to Okay, wait a minute, what if I created
this whole thing? What if I created this belief about
money that has me not have money right now, or
struggle with making more money, or move to the next level,
whatever the levels, Because the levels are just beliefs, and
even though happy out there somewhere, it's not it's no
(43:58):
longer an out there belief that became my personal belief
and that's where the trappings were that has me feel limited.
So we One of the things that Didi and I
keep returning to is Okay, well if maybe I created this,
and if I did create it, why would I have
created this? Create this? What was the what's the lesson
in this for me? About feeling powerless around whatever it is,
(44:23):
money or whatever experience of having.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
I think a lot of that has to do with
fear of failure. That if someone thinks, well, if I
don't think that money can't buy me love, or if
I think that, you know, money's I got this negative
connotation to it, then what happens is when I don't
get it, I failed. You know that it wasn't my
you know, I wasn't good enough to you know what
(44:47):
I mean. So I think people are have a lot
of fear wrapped around it. Like this. One time, I
did this conference call, like a seminar thing about money
and you know, pause more powerful connotations and thoughts of
around money. And they did these breakout rooms and they
had like four four or five of us in a
(45:08):
smaller room where we all just talked and helped each other.
And this guy said something about how money was a
bad thing and it's evil and and you know, he
really struggles getting it because he really believes it's evil.
And I I just finally said, dude, money isn't special.
(45:28):
It's it's it's a mental thing. It's an emotional thing,
it's a paper thing. It is all about what you're
putting on it. You're limiting yourself for what. Why? Why
do you why do you know? So we just talked
about how he associated money to evil, and it always
really got me thinking about, hah, who puts this in
(45:49):
our heads? Do we see it somewhere? Do we hear
it somewhere?
Speaker 5 (45:52):
Do we and then.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Try to associate to it because we don't know what
else to think for ourselves.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
Yeah, and there's somebody beliefs that get projected onto us
that we don't hang onto. That one doesn't fit for me.
Why do I pick these ones? You know they're and
their empowering beliefs that we have too, So we don't
agonize over them. We just have them power us.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
I love it well. I think that this is such
a great idea to have this type of support when
you are we're all in a world right now where
everything is chaos, everything coming at us fast, fast, fast,
and furious chaos. And it's kind of nice to have
someone to just sit down and be able to talk
about your fears, your beliefs, your feelings without somebody just
(46:36):
telling you that they're wrong or that you're not thinking
about it right or you know. I think this is
lovely and I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get this.
I need this in my life.
Speaker 4 (46:48):
Create it, right I am.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
I'm going to create this because I think I really
need this. I got too much shit rattling around in
my head all day long and someone's like, no, not you, Christy,
don't pick me. But yeah, thank you DEDI for being here.
I'm really grateful to have met you today.
Speaker 5 (47:12):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
And I really do want to talk to you about
coming on in. Maybe we can do July where we
talk about how you reconnected with someone from the past
and are married. And I think that that well, it's
always been a fantasy of mine and then when it happened,
it didn't work quite the way the fantasy meeting. But
(47:38):
let's have you back and talk about that.
Speaker 5 (47:40):
Well, thank you. I love that and I do want
to take a second to acknowledge Steve and the extraordinary
man that he is.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
He really is. I agree, Steve, You're amazing.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
And I appreciate both of you well.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
And obviously your friendships are a reflection of that. So
that's wonderful. So thank you Steve for being here today
with me again, as my co host did. I appreciate
you being on here and grateful that you're in our lives.
Thank you everyone for coming and listening and watching every
week and same time, same place next week, and until then,
(48:15):
let's just keep this shit real.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Of Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Thanks so much for listening, and
Speaker 4 (48:33):
We really hope to see you again next week.
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