August 7, 2025 • 49 mins
Steve and Christine dive into the controversial world of psychedelics, asking: are they a legitimate healing tool or just an excuse for people to get high? We’ll explore both sides of the argument from the scientific research on mental health benefits to the stigma of recreational use. We discuss personal experiences, societal perceptions, and the future of psychedelics in therapy, medicine, and culture. Are we witnessing a true revolution in mental wellness, or a new trend disguised as healing?
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Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:21):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin. Hey everybody, I'm Christine and I'm Steve,
and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
So here we are.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Here we are another week of bullshit.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hi.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Well, I think also, we debunk bullshit. It's part of
what we do. We have a job to do. It's
very important, right.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
We debunk a lot of bullshit. We expose a lot
of bullshit. We talk a lot about bullshit, and we.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Just You're more about the exposing bullshit and I'm more
about the revealing. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I love it. It's all about the bullshit and that's
my favorite word.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah, well, there's some wisdom and bullshit sometimes I think
there is. We just need to know the difference. I
think maybe that's where the wisdom is, sifting through bullshit
versus yep.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I agree, it's shifting through and finding the uh the
I don't know, the knowledge, the truth, the the you know,
exposing crazy shit that you know people might be.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Given the conversation we're going to have today, I think
it's really interesting for me thinking about what is bullshit.
Bullshit is kind of like when you expect something to
be something and it really doesn't deliver, you know, or
something you know is presented as something that's not.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I agree, I never thought of it. I never thought
of it that way, but I think you're right.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
People presenting themselves in a way that's phonny or believing
in things that you know are debuncable.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I was gonna say shady, but I like debunca and.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I just made that word up, debuncable, debuncable.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I put my sweater on because it was chilly and
I had a tank on, but now it's hot as
Haiti's in here, and I'm under the lights and talking
about bullshit, and I'm gonna start sweating when I start
talking about, you know, my psychedelic experience.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Why don't we start there? Because you had something you
did some research this past weekend. Yes, I did.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I actually I'm trying to find that article that I
that I just sent to you. Yeh, here I go.
I'm gonna, oh, here we go. So I said, I
got this. It's funny because we started talking about, you know,
doing this show on psychedelics, and then I actually am
(03:17):
on a mailing list for a place in Oregon. Who
is a you know, I think it's a I don't know,
four to six day or seven day psychedelic. What's the word?
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I'm retreating?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Thank you retreat? And it it sent me this article
and when I clicked on the full story, it gave
me something a little bit more that I that I
wasn't expecting. It's great. It talks about what is, what
it is, and and how, you know, how does it work,
as well as the origins of what they call the
(03:54):
stoned age theory, which I find very interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Theory APE, as in, isn't that what you mean?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
It's ape? It's what I meant to say. It is
not what I said, but it's what I'm meant to do. Yeah,
So ape ape theory stoned ape theory, which we'll get to.
So first, Steve pell us, what it is you do
when it comes to a psychedelic mushroom experiences?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Yes, Well, let me back up a little bit because
people have heard me talk about a lot of things
if you if you've been on the show, that that
I do. But I think that what if we could
frame it inside of I've really my whole life taken
on examining things that are either unconventional or difficult to
(04:48):
talk about. People have shame around, so you know, I've
studied the area sexuality and became a somatic sex educator
and sex and relations ship's coach because I really saw
that people have shame in that area of your life
and I really wanted to see, h where do I
have shame? So I took a deep dive in that
and that became a big part of how I support
(05:10):
people and really having conversations about sexuality and about jame
and trauma that they have. That was one area that
I worked in and then I started to explore this
whole thing that started to emerge maybe ten or more
years ago about psychedelics. And when I was a teenager
didn't do anything. I never smoked, I never drank, I
(05:33):
never did any kind of drugs. Didn't even smoke. My
brother smoked, but I was not that was a prude.
But when I heard about you were.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Well, I think the reason why I was is because
I grew up in a family where drugs were really
prevent prevalent. Alcohol and drugs were really a big thing,
and I was being abused. So I associated the abuse
with the drugs and thought that that's why they were,
(06:05):
you know, behaving the way that they were behaving because
of that, So I steered clear. Plus, you know, I'm
from the eighties, and we saw all those commercials like
here's the frying pan, here's an egg, this is your brain,
this is your brain.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Yeah, don't just send your yeah, And I acquired me
and I grew up. I was born in the sixties
and grew up throughout the seventies, and that was in
a very liberal city, so it was a very liberal time. However,
what led the very liberal part of that time is
(06:42):
what led to Nancy Reagan really making a statement about
the dangers of drugs, and in many ways that was true,
how people were using drugs recklessly. However, at the time,
in the sixties and seventies, you may have heard of
Timothy Leary, you may have heard of some who is
called Richard Albert who later became Ramdas, and many others
(07:05):
who started doing legitimate academic research with psychedelics. They were
really studying up how we could access deeper states of consciousness,
more awareness, spiritual and personal growth, and even and then
this is what's coming to the forefront now, treating specific
mental illness such as PTSD and many more by using
(07:29):
these substances. And back then, what I heard of mostly
was magic mushrooms, which most people know of as psilocybin.
There are a few other strains of mushrooms that people
might hear about, but mostly when people refer to magic mushrooms,
they're talking about psilocybin, which is a particular substance within
(07:53):
the mushrooms that cause of psychedelic experience when ingested. That
was mostly And then I also heard about LSD made
in a laboratory, and I heard about that. I thought
it was fascinating, but I was like I said, a prude,
and I was chicken. So both a prude and a
chicken heavy stay away from it.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Not only that, but you know, in the seventies, I'm
from a small town, and in the seventies there was
a prevalent family, a very wealthy ranching family whose son
did like acid or LSD or something like that, and
he could not function as a normal human being in society. More.
(08:35):
He just was messed up. And all he did was
wander around town all fucked up. And that was terrifying.
I thought, oh my god, if I ever try any
kind of drugs, I'll have a heart attack or my
rain will go crazy, and I'll i'll, you know, be
like this person. And so it terrified me for a
very long time. So I didn't even start smoking wheed
(08:59):
until I was almost fifty.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Wow, I smoked pot. No, I've done edibles, but I
have not smoke pot.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
It's uh pretty. I think it's it's a much smoother
transition when you're smoking weed rather than taking edibles, because
a lot of edibles have you know, in my research
with having my own cannabis infused edible company, I use
the highest quality and I extract and and infuse myself,
(09:29):
where a lot of these places are just taking you know,
what's left over from their trimmings, and they're not using
the best quality. You don't know what all is going
in it, and you can get different kind of reactions
with like gummies or brownies or whatever. It's not great.
So it is a little different. I mean, I tend
(09:49):
to do a weed pin of ape pin instead of
you know, I'll smoke a joint or hit a bong
with somebody, but that is a harder, stronger, you know
hit like experience. I go, I go there quickly. But
with what we pin, it's just much smoother. I am
(10:10):
a lot more in control in it. I can just
do a little bit. It takes a little bit of
the pain away, or it relaxes me, takes my anxiety away,
anything like that. That's it's a completely different animal. And
it's just not even remotely close to what I experienced
with mushrooms compared to weed, because we doesn't alter my perception,
(10:32):
and but it allows me to when I meditate, to
go into a different dimensions travel. I don't know what
the word is that I'm trying to find. It's easier
for me to I don't want to say time travel,
but kind of you know what I mean. It's like
(10:53):
I move into different things and I'm in control of that,
whereas with the how do you say it, the sill
cybo siven whatever, I like, I.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Like silly sibon.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, I had a silly Simon experience and I had
no control none. I wanted off that ride, like how fast.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, I'm going to share today so that people can
kind of get a different sense about the different kinds
of experiences. And then you already touched on something where
you talked about bathing or smoking some kind of substances.
Even with cannabis, THHD and CBB, if you ingest it,
the same thing with uh, you know, mushrooms. They are ingested,
(11:38):
so it's processed through digestion and then it's processed through
the liver. That's going to give you one kind of experience.
And some people actually and I have had have psychoactive
experiences with THHC from cannabis edible so and I've never
smoked it, as I've said, so, you know, so there
(11:58):
are different ways that these substances are delivered that will
make a difference. And I think if we just scratch
the surface, and people who are desiring to explore that
they do their due diligence, and they should also know
this is not legal in most places in the United States.
At this point. It is still being researched. There is
(12:21):
a strong poll to have it legalized, and I believe
the legit research that's being done is moving things in
the direction of making it readily available for people who
want to do healing work. And there's something to say.
We could probably do a whole other show on the
recreational use of these substances. That is not my work,
(12:44):
that is not my focus. I really do support people
who want to do this in a facilitated experience that
is therapeutic or spiritual, because you know, there's challenges and
we'll talk about that in a bit. But but let
me just say that, so still silent is mushrooms, and
(13:09):
people grow them in a closet somewhere in their home,
but they also grow out there in the wild. I mean,
so so this is.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
From the wild. We didn't get them out of like
thin air, you know. And that's one of the things
that this article talks about is that you know, it
is a compound which is it's in a certain species
of mushrooms, and like you said, they're most famously known
(13:37):
as magical mushrooms. You know, they're saying that, you know,
the basic Stone Age theory is one that where the
it's a wild idea where evolutionary science they could be
very intriguing. That well, let's see Terrence McKinnon. Mckinna, he's
(13:59):
an I don't he is an ethno botanist, thank you,
he suggests. Yeah, he suggests the theory that our ancestors
encounter with philocybin. Did I say that ry mushrooms? He
said it played a critical role in the evolution of
(14:21):
human consciousness. He says that these magic mushrooms aren't just
exotic snacks, that they might have been given ancient humans
unexpected cognitive upgrades. Which now that I've done it, yes,
so you know it's uh. He says, Now, before you
start imagining crowds of ancient humanoids as a wild mushroom
(14:46):
at a wild mushroom party, remembered that the theory is
just that you know, they grow in the wild and
people were hunting and gathering and they had you know,
you had to experience what the mushroom was to know
what the mushroom was. Like, Uncle Joe probably died from
one that was poisonous, and I'm like, oh that one poisonous, Yeah,
(15:06):
touch it. Other ones are like, oh wow, I had
an epiphany of life, you know in the stone age,
you know, you never know. I think it's a valid theory.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
That's nice.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
I experienced it.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
Yeah, it's interesting because apparently, and I've read this somewhere
that that animals won't eat them. There might be some
species of animals at will, but most animals know not
to eat them.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, they probably experienced it and saw a you know,
a rabbit flip out. Well he didn't die, but he
had a hell of experience. So let's stay away from
that one.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Yeah. So I want to touch on because I know
there are a there's a lot of research and there's
a lot of information that can be accessed about what
happens biochemically, but I want to mostly focus on experientially
what happens and kind of speak in general terms about
what happens when we ingest psychedelic substances. So first, let
(16:08):
me just describe how we experience life. Is that that
the way we perceive the world through all of our senses.
We are looking. We are mostly concerned with our survival,
so we're looking for threats, we're looking to be looking
to have discernment about how to be in the world
so that I'm safe now that is, And there's centers
(16:31):
of the brain that are all about our safety. And
you know, everybody's heart of the term fight, fight or
freeze or fawn. So there are physiological things controlled by
the migdalave, the part of the brain that's all all
that cares about is our safety. But that's the more
sophisticated structures of the brain that developed later on still
(16:53):
have that as a template. So some of our social
engagement skills still have that in that you know, I
am I safe? Am I safe? Always looking to be safe?
So there's certain things that we stop seeing because we
learn not to look at them, or we we we
rule them out. So you know, for example, if you're
driving along, you can spot something that needs you know,
(17:15):
as you need to put the brakes on quickly. But
you also you know, like remember when you first learned
to drive, you know, you can jerking the wheel around
or stam you know, slaming on the brakes really quick.
Because everything looks scary, So you are much more jerky
as a driver. But now as time goes on, you
can include much more stimulus as you're driving and not
get you know, all jerky with the wheel or slam
(17:37):
on the brakes, because you can discern what information is
important what isn't. So I would say that what some
of these sub substances do is they soften and make
more malleable some of that discernment around some of the
emotional issues or spiritual issues in our lives. So where
(17:59):
we get stuck in certain behaviors that are not serving
us somehow but emotionally have kept us safe, we just
keep doing it. We can't see, you know, like God,
I know I keep doing that thing in relationships with people,
but I can't seem to change the behavior. I have
this belief or story about myself or about life that
(18:19):
has me redoing the same thing, and I can't seem
to unhook it. So a lot of people have a
lot of success with therapy and talk therapy, But what
some of these psychedelic substances, and a lot of people
are using them in conjunction with therapy, in conjunction with
dialogue and talking through things. And journaling and wondering about things.
(18:40):
Is they're making essentially their story a little bit more malleable.
So something in their emotional life there, how they engage
in the world around them, people and that are important
to them, becomes more access to experimenting rather than the
ways that they've been stuck that they know aren't working
for them. A broad brushstroke of how people are using
(19:02):
this to expand their ability to connect with themselves and others.
I know that was kind of long winded, but those.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah, no, no, no, I love it. I you know, in
the college age, I didn't go to college. I got
I got a modeling contract and that was in Denver,
and I worked at a couple different places outside of Denver.
So I lived in in uh Boulder, Colorado when I
(19:30):
was like eighteen, nineteen twenty. And during that time I
was really close to people who were going to college
there in Boulder because it's a small town and everybody
my age is in college are working and I was
just working. And I had a group of friends that
had mushrooms and coke and all that stuff all the time,
(19:50):
and they partied hard, and I just, you know, never
participated in it because it you know. Of course it
still terrified me, and I still had the negative connotation
attached to it. And all I knew from mushrooms is
that everybody's experience was they you know, the square in
(20:12):
the ceilings. They would say that when they were on
the mushrooms, that the ceiling would do this, and then
the wall would breathe and all these things, and I
was like, oh my god, he'll worry.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
It was like, I can't. I can't do that. I can't.
I just can't.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
And hmm, I should I say something about that really quick? Yeah,
Because if if our perception about things is that the
wall is going to always be where the wall is,
and somehow now it's moving, it's like whoa. Some people
get fixated and fascinated on that. The fact that the
wall is moving, Well, that might not be so valuable.
(20:50):
But what might be valuable is looking to see, how, wow,
what other beliefs do I have that I think are
set in stone that so you get the symbolism of
that experience. The moving wall is kind of entertainment. That's
the entertainment value. But what that makes or allows you
(21:11):
to start to question and consider, It's like, what else
in my life do I believe to be solid and real?
That may not be so solid and real. You know
people you can talk about seeing aliens and talking to
you know, people who have died. That might be what's
actually happening. I don't know, but what is possible if
(21:32):
that were so? Rather than getting so caught up and
fascinated by the experience itself, like, Wow, what can I
see about me in my life and resolving some issues
for myself that I couldn't see when I'm stuck in
my ways?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Right?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Well, you know, Missy asked a question, she said, what
changed your life that made you try things?
Speaker 4 (21:50):
And oh, great question.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I think that that was really kind of where I
was going to start out with my stuff, is that
I was so rigid in my pain from the past,
and you know, attaching something like this kept me from
being in the kind of mental anguish that I thought
(22:13):
I would be in if I realized that it wasn't
the drugs, it was the people that actually did, those
that chose to be that way with me, And I
think the thought of that terrified me more. But then
as I got older and realized that life circumstances kind
of shape you and shape the directions you go and
shape the things that you do. And also you know
(22:35):
how strong weak are whatever you tend to be as
a person. As I got older, I started, you know,
as a mom, even started realizing things that you know,
maybe I could have given my mom a break on,
you know, because I understood, and I started to think
that maybe there, like you just said, Steve, that there
(22:56):
could be some things that I'm rigidly stuck to that
aren't true, that I could actually take the time to
figure out if it's right or wrong for me, or
good or bad or whatever. So as I started getting older,
I started, you know, really looking into things like what
does weed really do to you? You know, what can
it do for you? You know, and especially you know,
(23:18):
knowing the kind of pain that my mother was in
in her last days of before she died, and the
only thing that gave her relief was weed, And you know,
it kind of led me on my journey to infuse
and do my bakery with this because right now, I
help people sleep, I help people with pain, I help
(23:39):
them get rid of their anxiety. And people think that
weed is what gives you the anxiety. It just depends
on the strand and it depends on what you're doing.
But and I thought, well, if my misconception of weed
was like that, could I have had a misconception of
the medicine of mushrooms. Now understand that heroin and LSD
(23:59):
and acid, those things aren't not natural. Those things are
are man made and uh, marijuana, weed whatever you cannabis,
whatever you want to call it, and mushrooms are natural made.
They are they are the Earth's medicine of the world.
And I realized that, and then I really started to
look into what could it do for me? And I
(24:22):
realized that really, you know, the magic mushrooms are magic,
are our medicine. And I have, you know, been on
this healing journey that I talked about all the time.
Here we are almost four years in for a couple
months shy of four years. My god, thank you all
for being.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Here with.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Fuck yeah, it makes me so happy. But I thought,
you know, as I started growing and changing and learning
and experiencing and healing, that oh my god, I could
maybe I'm healed enough to experience something like this. And
like I started learning about what's the other thing that
(25:07):
you ingest and you have some crazy experience and you
could throw up a lot. Oh my god, what is ayahuasca? Yeah,
so I knew I wanted to try ayahuasca because a
lot of my friends had done it, and I really
was thrilled about the experience for them and fascinated. And
then Mannie said, you know, Christina, you really need to
(25:27):
do mushrooms first. It's the step before the ayahuasca. And
I think I realized that. I think I felt healed
enough to give it a shot. Maybe it was a
very good thing that I had come as far as
I had, but I really didn't think that I could.
You know, I thought I could go further with my growth.
(25:48):
But you know, I'm really good. I love myself, I'm
doing great. I had no idea how much more I
had to go until I had these experiences.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah, mushrooms and aahuasca. These are teacher plants.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Teacher plans will.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Open your perception to see things, experiencing things, real things
that you might have over time, like maybe when we
were infants, we were blown open and available to all stimuli.
And I don't remember being an infant, that's all, you know, hallucinations.
I don't remember that, but I do know that over
time we start to form a worldview that only allows
(26:29):
us to see certain things experientially and right biochemically too.
So these teacher plants open that for us, and so
people have really some of the experiences are dark for people,
and some of them are really beautiful and magnificent.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
I really think it depends on the journey you have
to take.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
One thing that comes to mind always when we talk
about any kind of psychedelic or anything like this, any
kind of teaching, you know, planter or whatever you want
to call it, is that we only use ten percent
of our brain. So I thought, you know, I know
that I think I use a lot more than ten
(27:12):
percent because I have tapped into a lot of my
own personal abilities. And so I think that people as
they start to really evolve and grow and really work on,
you know, the ability to do things psychically, that they
start to expand their brain. And I think that these
(27:33):
type of medicines help access parts of our brain that
we don't know. It's part of our subconscious And it
was dark for me, but it was it was something
I would never give away like that. My experiences have
(27:57):
literally changed me. I couldn't have done as much growth
without this. I will tell you now, I feel changed.
My brain feels changed. The kind of things I do now,
it is evolving, and I really have felt I think
(28:19):
the most important takeaway for me is that I needed
to have something clear the shit out of me that
I couldn't clear it in any way that I've tried
so far, okay, to be open for what's coming. My
higher self showed me what is coming and allowed all
(28:40):
the garbage to clear out, clean up, get rid of it,
so that I am a healthy, empty vessel waiting, not waiting,
allowing to show up in my life that I needed
to be. I couldn't still be holding on to things
and still be in the place that I need to
(29:00):
be to move forward in the directions that I need
to move forward. I can't. I couldn't. And that is
what this did for me more than anything.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Yeah, now this was a recent experience that you had.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Yeah, so I did two in a row, like about
a week apart. I didn't know I should wait a
month or so. I don't know, shit, I thought I
investigated enough. I didn't know it beforehand. Well, you know,
a good friend of mine did it with me, and
(29:35):
we you know he also you know, learned a lot
about it, and you know, we did our thing, and
I was really happy with how it turned out in
the end, but going through it was crazy. So a
lot of people who have been here listening to the
show for a very long time knows that I have
(29:57):
been through a lot of trauma, and when I did
this experience, I took too big of a dose, too
much all at one time. I didn't we didn't know.
You're supposed to start out little and work your way up.
(30:18):
But I'm the balls to the wall kind of girl,
and I go big or go fucking home, and I
just went. I just went all the way. And I
have to say that if I hadn't been as strong
as a person surviving what I have survived in my life,
I probably would have been way too overwhelmed and wouldn't
(30:39):
have been able to process it and handle it properly. Later.
Because I have been through so much and because I
have been healing so much, I think it was a
little bit easier to process and refocus my thoughts since then.
So a couple of weeks ago, I did my first
(31:00):
spatch and I did three grands out out the gate. Four.
I think it's the most you're supposed to take. Mickey says,
do you feel it would have been a better experience
with the person sober watching you and helping you walk?
Probably yes. But the person who did it with me
had a completely different experience than me. He did not
(31:23):
have anything dark, He did not have anything hallucinating. He
his was just feeling like he was out of body
and that was it, completely in control, completely aware, not
having any kind of crazy experience. What he realized is
what he said to me, was I just realized my
experience is to support you through yours, and thank God
(31:47):
for that. It was a little scary. It was a
lot scary because I had no idea, and I took
a lot and my brain just went carack open and
it just went hog wild on on the journey that
I went on. It was demons and entities and dark
(32:09):
Uh what's the word I'm looking for dark entities? I
don't I don't know what else to call them. Demons.
I call them demons. And it just felt like it
was all the horrible things that had happened to my life.
You know, when you have a negative thing that happens
darkness days, it's it's like with a house or or
(32:33):
an object that people call haunted. It is. It is
a residual dark energy, and I had a shit ton
of dark energy left in my body. Uh. They can
alter your way, your mind in a permanent way of healing.
Let's just put it that way, Missy said, do or
can these plants alter your mind in a permanent way
(32:56):
at all? In a pot? Personally, I'm truly believe that
it's in a positive way. It opened your mind like
it never has before, and it allowed some true healing.
I'm not as procrastination anymore. The thought process is stronger
and clearer. I don't feel like I live in a fog.
(33:18):
I don't feel like I live in heaviness or pain anymore.
I can. I just has completely changed me in the
most extraordinary way. I went through six hours because it
was three fucking rimps. Psycho. I'm a psycho. I'm a
(33:40):
psycho psych on psychedelics. It just really felt healing. The
whole time. When I opened my eyes, I could see
the dark entities, so I kept my eyes closed, and
the whole time I just could feel them. I knew
they were there, and I could feel them, and I
(34:01):
could see them in my mind side. But I wasn't
see every time I opened my eyes, I saw demons.
So I just kept my eyes closed because I knew
they weren't there, you know, like physically there. I knew
it couldn't hurt me. I knew, you know, I knew
these things. What I didn't know is that that that
what I didn't know going into is that you're still
coherent and you can still talk and have a conversation.
(34:25):
I did not know this, and this was helpful because
I was feeling like I needed to describe what was
happening a lot of the times, and oh my god,
it was a very difficult thing to go through at
the time. But what I was doing is I was
clearing and getting rid of the dark entities in my life.
(34:46):
I was fighting them in a battle. I was psychically, mentally,
emotionally killing them and releasing them and getting them out
of my life. That makes sense.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Yeah, But I need to say something here because this
is I think people in response to this question, can
it alter your mind permanently in any way at all? Yeah,
And it's not always a good thing. I think some
people are experimenting with these in a way that's reckless.
You said you did a lot. Yeah, you said you
did a lot of research and yet not us. You
(35:19):
still had an experience that, uh was kind of random,
kind of like Okay, you didn't know what you were
going to get, and you didn't have anyone there with
you who had been through an experience. They knew where
you were even though you're having your own experience and
they're not in your mind. A trained facilitator can actually
sense where you are. They they're like a tether to
(35:43):
this world as you're exploring something. So there's this sense
of emotional safety. So I definitely encourage people to have
someone who knows what they're doing, who's been trained. I mean,
there's there are formal trainings now that people can take.
Mostly this was trained through you know, this was a
(36:06):
community ment, This was tribal medicine. This was indigenous medicine
passed down and people learned by sitting with the facilitator
or the shaman in some cases. And and nowadays there
are also people who take a weekend workshop and then
they're calling themselves a shaman. So so be mindful about this.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Now. I agree, I will not do it again without
a facilitator. I won't. I've done it twice. I had
two different experiences, but they were both really traumatic while
I was having them. The first one was about dark entities.
But the thing is is that I was going through
(36:47):
a journey in during it. It wasn't just pointless, you know,
dark scary shit happening to me. I was literally clearing
it out of my life. I cleared it out of
my past, of my ancestral past, I cleared it from
my mom and my grandmother's left energy that is here.
I started picturing people in my life and I could
(37:10):
see what their demons were or their dark entities that
were clinging to them, and I was literally picking them off,
getting rid of them. And my higher.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Self I say something about this, because you're you're using
a kind of vocabulary that's going to appeal to some people,
which is great.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (37:30):
And I have a friend who she's way into that,
and she's a very highly trained facilitator. And then there
are some facilitators on the end that they have a
very clinical approach, kind of somewhere in the middle. But
I want to highlight this because I think it's important
to know how do I pick a good facilitator. Well,
one of the things is that language you're using is
(37:52):
familiar and comfortable for you to explore within. So you
want to find someone who can speak that language, who
knows us how to help you navigate when you talk
about entities, I mean I would have a different way
of phrasing it, but I could speak about it. But
that's not my home base talking about entities, and that's
(38:13):
not right. But I can certainly guide someone who's having
an experience like that because I've been around people who
are and use that language. So I want I just
want to highlight one thing to look at if you're
going to choose a facilitator, which I highly recommend, is
one one thing. Do I speak the language that I speak,
is their connection to spirit or God or whatever you
(38:36):
call it familiar to me, similar to mine, so that
I can actually be in conversation with this person when
I'm in a deep state. So There's a few others
that I want to touch on, but I just want
to highlight.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
You also have to keep in mind that I had
no fucking idea I was going to see dark entities,
you know, and my second time I didn't see them.
It was a completely different situation.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
But that you have the language dark entities made it
something that you could talk about where somebody else might think,
oh my god, I've lost my mind. I'm having a
psychotic break. They could and the a clinical person might
start talking to them that way. For better or worse,
I don't know, but you want to. I think one
(39:22):
of the things that the most important thing is that
people feel safe during their experience, even if they're off
there kind of you know, having this experience where they're
exploring something really outside of the realm of what they
ordinary experience in day to day life.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
I think for me while I was going through this
is that I realized that I had had a lot
of trauma in my life, and with that trauma comes
a footprint of darkness.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
Yeah that's enough. That's a great way to say it.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
And I had to get rid of those. I had
to clear those from my energy. I had to clear
it from my mind, I had to clear it from
my past. I had to clear it. And so it
would the facilitator have to have been through one of
these things. I would not want to do the plan.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
So absolutely you don't want to do this with a
facilitator who doesn't know the subject the subjects that you're doing.
You want them to know what it feels like in
all of these different stages, so that say, oh, I
can see where you are. I can see so I
I have facilitated quite a few journeys with groups, and
I could I could feel people and see oh. And
(40:35):
I think one of the key things is make sure
making sure people are not distressed and how to help
them feel grounded if they're exploring something scarier or that
might be so far outside of the range of what
they explore emotionally or spiritually in their day to day life,
and they're out there seeing things and thinking things that
you could actually, you know, sit with them and maybe
(40:56):
even without words, let them know that they're safe.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
I think that if I had had somebody who was
aware of what was happening to me while I was
going through it, to just be able to say this
is normal, it's okay, you're you know, I think that
would have helped me. Because the person that was with
me didn't know. He just was there supporting, you know,
just saying it's okay, it's okay, you know, take your time,
(41:22):
you know, which was fine. But you know, one thing
that I have to say is that I was very
comfortable with that situation because this person is very aware
of my all of my trauma, all of it. So
I didn't feel uncomfortable with experiencing and verbalizing and saying,
oh my God, that fucking dark devil entity that was
(41:45):
the footprint left over from my step monster is clouding
my life and clouding my brain and keeping me from
really healing because I can't understand how to get over
it or how to get past it and help me
do that. And the whole time I kept hearing from
my higher self, I kept hearing her say, you're a healer,
(42:07):
You're a creator. Because the three things that I set
my attention of before I did this was one that
I wanted to meet my higher self. Two I wanted
to know what my purpose was, and three I wanted
to understand, you know, certain things about myself, you know
that I did, and being a healer was one of them.
(42:29):
And it really helped me understand what that means that
I psychically was able to go in and heal some
things not only for myself but for other people in
my life. And I'm seeing little things that are leading
towards understanding what that actually meant. It was wild, but
my second time that I did. Within a week, I
(42:51):
did a different, lesser kind of mushroom that it's not
as supposed to be as strong. So I started out
at a point five and really nothing was happening, and
I wasn't really nothing was really and I thought, okay,
so I can add a little bit more. So I
added another point five and I skyrocketed. I went into
(43:12):
space again, but this time I went into the matrix
and I saw the grid, I saw my higher self
past it. I've had some big issues with religion in
my life. We had talked about this that my step
monster told me when I was a child and all
through my teenage years. And I have no problem discussing
(43:32):
this now. In the past, I wouldn't have been able to.
But he had said we were very religious growing up,
very I was all into the whole God thing and
no religion. And he said, you know, you need to
pray real hard that God will make me stop behaving
this way to you. The mental, the emotional, the physical,
(43:53):
the sexual trauma that he gave me. He said, you
gotta pray real hard so God can make me stop.
And that is a mental buck And I prayed. I
prayed hard every day, all day, and then when it
would repeatedly happen, he would say, well, first of all,
either God doesn't love you or you didn't pray hard enough.
(44:16):
So I left the world of religion and don't believe
in it, and I don't believe in a God. And
I you know, I believe in a higher power, but
it's a higher conscience where we're all connected to. I
believe in the universe, a karmic energy, regular energy, whatever,
psychic energy. But what I was shown in my second
(44:37):
one was that the saying in the Bible that we
are created in the image of God. And what was
shown to me is that my higher self is my
own personal God. Your higher self is yours somebody Mickey's
higher self is theirs. Misty's higher self is hers. And
so that's why I was shown. I was shown that
(45:00):
that is why we all have different religions and different gods,
but they're all the same, but yet we all see
them differently because it's in the own image of ourselves.
Also that whole you know, God knows everything, He only
knows every She only knows everything for me because she
is my higher self. It's my choice to come here
(45:22):
it was my choice to live this life. It was
my choice to have these lessons, and it was my
setting of certain things prior to coming to this life
that showed me the keys and the signs to wake
up and to find it. And that's what I felt.
This one was. Now, I will say it was very depressing,
(45:44):
but it was letting go of ego. I cracked my ego,
I killed my ego and because of that, the depression
that I felt my whole life, I was feeling it
in this second trip. But the thing about it is
that I didn't feel it in my bones like I
normally feel it. It felt kind of like kind of
(46:07):
sitting there, hovering there. And I kept thinking, this is
why people connect to, you know, unaliving themselves, because they
see things, they feel things, and they don't understand it
and it's too much for them. Because I have a
lot of experience with that. And the thing about it
was is that I realized that I was just seeing it,
(46:28):
acknowledging it and letting it go. And I don't have
the same pain and feeling and stress and depression that
I had before. That is all lifted. I don't live
under a fog of depression anymore. And I've lived under
that my whole life, so it was incredible. What's crazy
(46:53):
right now is that we have less than a minute left.
We don't have a guest next week, so why don't
we continue this next week because there's so much to
talk about that I think we'll do that. But I
will say that it was the most extraordinary experience for me.
While I was doing it, I kept thinking, Jesus, I
(47:15):
don't want to do this, but I hung in there
and I did it, and I did the self care
that all the things I needed to do after the
next day to really facilitate that for me and really
let it sink. And talking to another friend who actually
also is a facilitator for this type of thing, he
(47:36):
actually helped me emotionally and mentally through it the next day,
and that was amazing.
Speaker 4 (47:44):
I will just say one thing, because it would be
remiss not to say integration. Is integration important, more important
than anything else that you bring the lessons that you
learn in the experience itself into your day of day life.
And it's a shame we just scratch, just use the
word exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
Well, we are going to go more into detail next week.
Why don't we just continue this next week. We'll go
more into detail. We'll talk more about facilitating and about reintegration,
things that people are not going to understand what we're
saying right now, so we'll continue that next week. If
anybody see my hand while we're talking tomorrow is Lionsgate.
(48:27):
It's eight eight. It's one of the biggest portals for manifesting,
and it's a portal for money. And this is a
money symbol that I have on my hand. It's a
ruin and I wear it from today all through tomorrow,
and it's a it's a it's a portal to open money.
So I'm all about that. So thanks for today, Thank
(48:50):
you for coming everyone. We we just started scratching surface.
We'll be back next Thursday to talk about this again.
Steve can tell you more about what it's like as
a facilitator to go through that experience, and any questions
that you have about my experience, you're welcome to think
about them and join us next week on Our Life
and ask so, same place, same time next week, and
(49:14):
until then, let's keep this shit real.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Of Underscore bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:21):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin. Hey everybody, I'm Christine and I'm Steve,
and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
So here we are.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Here we are another week of bullshit.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hi.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Well, I think also, we debunk bullshit. It's part of
what we do. We have a job to do. It's
very important, right.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
We debunk a lot of bullshit. We expose a lot
of bullshit. We talk a lot about bullshit, and we.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Just You're more about the exposing bullshit and I'm more
about the revealing. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I love it. It's all about the bullshit and that's
my favorite word.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah, well, there's some wisdom and bullshit sometimes I think
there is. We just need to know the difference. I
think maybe that's where the wisdom is, sifting through bullshit
versus yep.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I agree, it's shifting through and finding the uh the
I don't know, the knowledge, the truth, the the you know,
exposing crazy shit that you know people might be.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Given the conversation we're going to have today, I think
it's really interesting for me thinking about what is bullshit.
Bullshit is kind of like when you expect something to
be something and it really doesn't deliver, you know, or
something you know is presented as something that's not.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I agree, I never thought of it. I never thought
of it that way, but I think you're right.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
People presenting themselves in a way that's phonny or believing
in things that you know are debuncable.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I was gonna say shady, but I like debunca and.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I just made that word up, debuncable, debuncable.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I put my sweater on because it was chilly and
I had a tank on, but now it's hot as
Haiti's in here, and I'm under the lights and talking
about bullshit, and I'm gonna start sweating when I start
talking about, you know, my psychedelic experience.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Why don't we start there? Because you had something you
did some research this past weekend. Yes, I did.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I actually I'm trying to find that article that I
that I just sent to you. Yeh, here I go.
I'm gonna, oh, here we go. So I said, I
got this. It's funny because we started talking about, you know,
doing this show on psychedelics, and then I actually am
(03:17):
on a mailing list for a place in Oregon. Who
is a you know, I think it's a I don't know,
four to six day or seven day psychedelic. What's the word?
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I'm retreating?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Thank you retreat? And it it sent me this article
and when I clicked on the full story, it gave
me something a little bit more that I that I
wasn't expecting. It's great. It talks about what is, what
it is, and and how, you know, how does it work,
as well as the origins of what they call the
(03:54):
stoned age theory, which I find very interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Theory APE, as in, isn't that what you mean?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
It's ape? It's what I meant to say. It is
not what I said, but it's what I'm meant to do. Yeah,
So ape ape theory stoned ape theory, which we'll get to.
So first, Steve pell us, what it is you do
when it comes to a psychedelic mushroom experiences?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Yes, Well, let me back up a little bit because
people have heard me talk about a lot of things
if you if you've been on the show, that that
I do. But I think that what if we could
frame it inside of I've really my whole life taken
on examining things that are either unconventional or difficult to
(04:48):
talk about. People have shame around, so you know, I've
studied the area sexuality and became a somatic sex educator
and sex and relations ship's coach because I really saw
that people have shame in that area of your life
and I really wanted to see, h where do I
have shame? So I took a deep dive in that
and that became a big part of how I support
(05:10):
people and really having conversations about sexuality and about jame
and trauma that they have. That was one area that
I worked in and then I started to explore this
whole thing that started to emerge maybe ten or more
years ago about psychedelics. And when I was a teenager
didn't do anything. I never smoked, I never drank, I
(05:33):
never did any kind of drugs. Didn't even smoke. My
brother smoked, but I was not that was a prude.
But when I heard about you were.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Well, I think the reason why I was is because
I grew up in a family where drugs were really
prevent prevalent. Alcohol and drugs were really a big thing,
and I was being abused. So I associated the abuse
with the drugs and thought that that's why they were,
(06:05):
you know, behaving the way that they were behaving because
of that, So I steered clear. Plus, you know, I'm
from the eighties, and we saw all those commercials like
here's the frying pan, here's an egg, this is your brain,
this is your brain.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Yeah, don't just send your yeah, And I acquired me
and I grew up. I was born in the sixties
and grew up throughout the seventies, and that was in
a very liberal city, so it was a very liberal time. However,
what led the very liberal part of that time is
(06:42):
what led to Nancy Reagan really making a statement about
the dangers of drugs, and in many ways that was true,
how people were using drugs recklessly. However, at the time,
in the sixties and seventies, you may have heard of
Timothy Leary, you may have heard of some who is
called Richard Albert who later became Ramdas, and many others
(07:05):
who started doing legitimate academic research with psychedelics. They were
really studying up how we could access deeper states of consciousness,
more awareness, spiritual and personal growth, and even and then
this is what's coming to the forefront now, treating specific
mental illness such as PTSD and many more by using
(07:29):
these substances. And back then, what I heard of mostly
was magic mushrooms, which most people know of as psilocybin.
There are a few other strains of mushrooms that people
might hear about, but mostly when people refer to magic mushrooms,
they're talking about psilocybin, which is a particular substance within
(07:53):
the mushrooms that cause of psychedelic experience when ingested. That
was mostly And then I also heard about LSD made
in a laboratory, and I heard about that. I thought
it was fascinating, but I was like I said, a prude,
and I was chicken. So both a prude and a
chicken heavy stay away from it.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Not only that, but you know, in the seventies, I'm
from a small town, and in the seventies there was
a prevalent family, a very wealthy ranching family whose son
did like acid or LSD or something like that, and
he could not function as a normal human being in society. More.
(08:35):
He just was messed up. And all he did was
wander around town all fucked up. And that was terrifying.
I thought, oh my god, if I ever try any
kind of drugs, I'll have a heart attack or my
rain will go crazy, and I'll i'll, you know, be
like this person. And so it terrified me for a
very long time. So I didn't even start smoking wheed
(08:59):
until I was almost fifty.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Wow, I smoked pot. No, I've done edibles, but I
have not smoke pot.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
It's uh pretty. I think it's it's a much smoother
transition when you're smoking weed rather than taking edibles, because
a lot of edibles have you know, in my research
with having my own cannabis infused edible company, I use
the highest quality and I extract and and infuse myself,
(09:29):
where a lot of these places are just taking you know,
what's left over from their trimmings, and they're not using
the best quality. You don't know what all is going
in it, and you can get different kind of reactions
with like gummies or brownies or whatever. It's not great.
So it is a little different. I mean, I tend
(09:49):
to do a weed pin of ape pin instead of
you know, I'll smoke a joint or hit a bong
with somebody, but that is a harder, stronger, you know
hit like experience. I go, I go there quickly. But
with what we pin, it's just much smoother. I am
(10:10):
a lot more in control in it. I can just
do a little bit. It takes a little bit of
the pain away, or it relaxes me, takes my anxiety away,
anything like that. That's it's a completely different animal. And
it's just not even remotely close to what I experienced
with mushrooms compared to weed, because we doesn't alter my perception,
(10:32):
and but it allows me to when I meditate, to
go into a different dimensions travel. I don't know what
the word is that I'm trying to find. It's easier
for me to I don't want to say time travel,
but kind of you know what I mean. It's like
(10:53):
I move into different things and I'm in control of that,
whereas with the how do you say it, the sill
cybo siven whatever, I like, I.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Like silly sibon.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, I had a silly Simon experience and I had
no control none. I wanted off that ride, like how fast.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, I'm going to share today so that people can
kind of get a different sense about the different kinds
of experiences. And then you already touched on something where
you talked about bathing or smoking some kind of substances.
Even with cannabis, THHD and CBB, if you ingest it,
the same thing with uh, you know, mushrooms. They are ingested,
(11:38):
so it's processed through digestion and then it's processed through
the liver. That's going to give you one kind of experience.
And some people actually and I have had have psychoactive
experiences with THHC from cannabis edible so and I've never
smoked it, as I've said, so, you know, so there
(11:58):
are different ways that these substances are delivered that will
make a difference. And I think if we just scratch
the surface, and people who are desiring to explore that
they do their due diligence, and they should also know
this is not legal in most places in the United States.
At this point. It is still being researched. There is
(12:21):
a strong poll to have it legalized, and I believe
the legit research that's being done is moving things in
the direction of making it readily available for people who
want to do healing work. And there's something to say.
We could probably do a whole other show on the
recreational use of these substances. That is not my work,
(12:44):
that is not my focus. I really do support people
who want to do this in a facilitated experience that
is therapeutic or spiritual, because you know, there's challenges and
we'll talk about that in a bit. But but let
me just say that, so still silent is mushrooms, and
(13:09):
people grow them in a closet somewhere in their home,
but they also grow out there in the wild. I mean,
so so this is.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
From the wild. We didn't get them out of like
thin air, you know. And that's one of the things
that this article talks about is that you know, it
is a compound which is it's in a certain species
of mushrooms, and like you said, they're most famously known
(13:37):
as magical mushrooms. You know, they're saying that, you know,
the basic Stone Age theory is one that where the
it's a wild idea where evolutionary science they could be
very intriguing. That well, let's see Terrence McKinnon. Mckinna, he's
(13:59):
an I don't he is an ethno botanist, thank you,
he suggests. Yeah, he suggests the theory that our ancestors
encounter with philocybin. Did I say that ry mushrooms? He
said it played a critical role in the evolution of
(14:21):
human consciousness. He says that these magic mushrooms aren't just
exotic snacks, that they might have been given ancient humans
unexpected cognitive upgrades. Which now that I've done it, yes,
so you know it's uh. He says, Now, before you
start imagining crowds of ancient humanoids as a wild mushroom
(14:46):
at a wild mushroom party, remembered that the theory is
just that you know, they grow in the wild and
people were hunting and gathering and they had you know,
you had to experience what the mushroom was to know
what the mushroom was. Like, Uncle Joe probably died from
one that was poisonous, and I'm like, oh that one poisonous, Yeah,
(15:06):
touch it. Other ones are like, oh wow, I had
an epiphany of life, you know in the stone age,
you know, you never know. I think it's a valid theory.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
That's nice.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
I experienced it.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
Yeah, it's interesting because apparently, and I've read this somewhere
that that animals won't eat them. There might be some
species of animals at will, but most animals know not
to eat them.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, they probably experienced it and saw a you know,
a rabbit flip out. Well he didn't die, but he
had a hell of experience. So let's stay away from
that one.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Yeah. So I want to touch on because I know
there are a there's a lot of research and there's
a lot of information that can be accessed about what
happens biochemically, but I want to mostly focus on experientially
what happens and kind of speak in general terms about
what happens when we ingest psychedelic substances. So first, let
(16:08):
me just describe how we experience life. Is that that
the way we perceive the world through all of our senses.
We are looking. We are mostly concerned with our survival,
so we're looking for threats, we're looking to be looking
to have discernment about how to be in the world
so that I'm safe now that is, And there's centers
(16:31):
of the brain that are all about our safety. And
you know, everybody's heart of the term fight, fight or
freeze or fawn. So there are physiological things controlled by
the migdalave, the part of the brain that's all all
that cares about is our safety. But that's the more
sophisticated structures of the brain that developed later on still
(16:53):
have that as a template. So some of our social
engagement skills still have that in that you know, I
am I safe? Am I safe? Always looking to be safe?
So there's certain things that we stop seeing because we
learn not to look at them, or we we we
rule them out. So you know, for example, if you're
driving along, you can spot something that needs you know,
(17:15):
as you need to put the brakes on quickly. But
you also you know, like remember when you first learned
to drive, you know, you can jerking the wheel around
or stam you know, slaming on the brakes really quick.
Because everything looks scary, So you are much more jerky
as a driver. But now as time goes on, you
can include much more stimulus as you're driving and not
get you know, all jerky with the wheel or slam
(17:37):
on the brakes, because you can discern what information is
important what isn't. So I would say that what some
of these sub substances do is they soften and make
more malleable some of that discernment around some of the
emotional issues or spiritual issues in our lives. So where
(17:59):
we get stuck in certain behaviors that are not serving
us somehow but emotionally have kept us safe, we just
keep doing it. We can't see, you know, like God,
I know I keep doing that thing in relationships with people,
but I can't seem to change the behavior. I have
this belief or story about myself or about life that
(18:19):
has me redoing the same thing, and I can't seem
to unhook it. So a lot of people have a
lot of success with therapy and talk therapy, But what
some of these psychedelic substances, and a lot of people
are using them in conjunction with therapy, in conjunction with
dialogue and talking through things. And journaling and wondering about things.
(18:40):
Is they're making essentially their story a little bit more malleable.
So something in their emotional life there, how they engage
in the world around them, people and that are important
to them, becomes more access to experimenting rather than the
ways that they've been stuck that they know aren't working
for them. A broad brushstroke of how people are using
(19:02):
this to expand their ability to connect with themselves and others.
I know that was kind of long winded, but those.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah, no, no, no, I love it. I you know, in
the college age, I didn't go to college. I got
I got a modeling contract and that was in Denver,
and I worked at a couple different places outside of Denver.
So I lived in in uh Boulder, Colorado when I
(19:30):
was like eighteen, nineteen twenty. And during that time I
was really close to people who were going to college
there in Boulder because it's a small town and everybody
my age is in college are working and I was
just working. And I had a group of friends that
had mushrooms and coke and all that stuff all the time,
(19:50):
and they partied hard, and I just, you know, never
participated in it because it you know. Of course it
still terrified me, and I still had the negative connotation
attached to it. And all I knew from mushrooms is
that everybody's experience was they you know, the square in
(20:12):
the ceilings. They would say that when they were on
the mushrooms, that the ceiling would do this, and then
the wall would breathe and all these things, and I
was like, oh my god, he'll worry.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
It was like, I can't. I can't do that. I can't.
I just can't.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
And hmm, I should I say something about that really quick? Yeah,
Because if if our perception about things is that the
wall is going to always be where the wall is,
and somehow now it's moving, it's like whoa. Some people
get fixated and fascinated on that. The fact that the
wall is moving, Well, that might not be so valuable.
(20:50):
But what might be valuable is looking to see, how, wow,
what other beliefs do I have that I think are
set in stone that so you get the symbolism of
that experience. The moving wall is kind of entertainment. That's
the entertainment value. But what that makes or allows you
(21:11):
to start to question and consider, It's like, what else
in my life do I believe to be solid and real?
That may not be so solid and real. You know
people you can talk about seeing aliens and talking to
you know, people who have died. That might be what's
actually happening. I don't know, but what is possible if
(21:32):
that were so? Rather than getting so caught up and
fascinated by the experience itself, like, Wow, what can I
see about me in my life and resolving some issues
for myself that I couldn't see when I'm stuck in
my ways?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Right?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Well, you know, Missy asked a question, she said, what
changed your life that made you try things?
Speaker 4 (21:50):
And oh, great question.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I think that that was really kind of where I
was going to start out with my stuff, is that
I was so rigid in my pain from the past,
and you know, attaching something like this kept me from
being in the kind of mental anguish that I thought
(22:13):
I would be in if I realized that it wasn't
the drugs, it was the people that actually did, those
that chose to be that way with me, And I
think the thought of that terrified me more. But then
as I got older and realized that life circumstances kind
of shape you and shape the directions you go and
shape the things that you do. And also you know
(22:35):
how strong weak are whatever you tend to be as
a person. As I got older, I started, you know,
as a mom, even started realizing things that you know,
maybe I could have given my mom a break on,
you know, because I understood, and I started to think
that maybe there, like you just said, Steve, that there
(22:56):
could be some things that I'm rigidly stuck to that
aren't true, that I could actually take the time to
figure out if it's right or wrong for me, or
good or bad or whatever. So as I started getting older,
I started, you know, really looking into things like what
does weed really do to you? You know, what can
it do for you? You know, and especially you know,
(23:18):
knowing the kind of pain that my mother was in
in her last days of before she died, and the
only thing that gave her relief was weed, And you know,
it kind of led me on my journey to infuse
and do my bakery with this because right now, I
help people sleep, I help people with pain, I help
(23:39):
them get rid of their anxiety. And people think that
weed is what gives you the anxiety. It just depends
on the strand and it depends on what you're doing.
But and I thought, well, if my misconception of weed
was like that, could I have had a misconception of
the medicine of mushrooms. Now understand that heroin and LSD
(23:59):
and acid, those things aren't not natural. Those things are
are man made and uh, marijuana, weed whatever you cannabis,
whatever you want to call it, and mushrooms are natural made.
They are they are the Earth's medicine of the world.
And I realized that, and then I really started to
look into what could it do for me? And I
(24:22):
realized that really, you know, the magic mushrooms are magic,
are our medicine. And I have, you know, been on
this healing journey that I talked about all the time.
Here we are almost four years in for a couple
months shy of four years. My god, thank you all
for being.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Here with.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Fuck yeah, it makes me so happy. But I thought,
you know, as I started growing and changing and learning
and experiencing and healing, that oh my god, I could
maybe I'm healed enough to experience something like this. And
like I started learning about what's the other thing that
(25:07):
you ingest and you have some crazy experience and you
could throw up a lot. Oh my god, what is ayahuasca? Yeah,
so I knew I wanted to try ayahuasca because a
lot of my friends had done it, and I really
was thrilled about the experience for them and fascinated. And
then Mannie said, you know, Christina, you really need to
(25:27):
do mushrooms first. It's the step before the ayahuasca. And
I think I realized that. I think I felt healed
enough to give it a shot. Maybe it was a
very good thing that I had come as far as
I had, but I really didn't think that I could.
You know, I thought I could go further with my growth.
(25:48):
But you know, I'm really good. I love myself, I'm
doing great. I had no idea how much more I
had to go until I had these experiences.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah, mushrooms and aahuasca. These are teacher plants.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Teacher plans will.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Open your perception to see things, experiencing things, real things
that you might have over time, like maybe when we
were infants, we were blown open and available to all stimuli.
And I don't remember being an infant, that's all, you know, hallucinations.
I don't remember that, but I do know that over
time we start to form a worldview that only allows
(26:29):
us to see certain things experientially and right biochemically too.
So these teacher plants open that for us, and so
people have really some of the experiences are dark for people,
and some of them are really beautiful and magnificent.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
I really think it depends on the journey you have
to take.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
One thing that comes to mind always when we talk
about any kind of psychedelic or anything like this, any
kind of teaching, you know, planter or whatever you want
to call it, is that we only use ten percent
of our brain. So I thought, you know, I know
that I think I use a lot more than ten
(27:12):
percent because I have tapped into a lot of my
own personal abilities. And so I think that people as
they start to really evolve and grow and really work on,
you know, the ability to do things psychically, that they
start to expand their brain. And I think that these
(27:33):
type of medicines help access parts of our brain that
we don't know. It's part of our subconscious And it
was dark for me, but it was it was something
I would never give away like that. My experiences have
(27:57):
literally changed me. I couldn't have done as much growth
without this. I will tell you now, I feel changed.
My brain feels changed. The kind of things I do now,
it is evolving, and I really have felt I think
(28:19):
the most important takeaway for me is that I needed
to have something clear the shit out of me that
I couldn't clear it in any way that I've tried
so far, okay, to be open for what's coming. My
higher self showed me what is coming and allowed all
(28:40):
the garbage to clear out, clean up, get rid of it,
so that I am a healthy, empty vessel waiting, not waiting,
allowing to show up in my life that I needed
to be. I couldn't still be holding on to things
and still be in the place that I need to
(29:00):
be to move forward in the directions that I need
to move forward. I can't. I couldn't. And that is
what this did for me more than anything.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Yeah, now this was a recent experience that you had.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Yeah, so I did two in a row, like about
a week apart. I didn't know I should wait a
month or so. I don't know, shit, I thought I
investigated enough. I didn't know it beforehand. Well, you know,
a good friend of mine did it with me, and
(29:35):
we you know he also you know, learned a lot
about it, and you know, we did our thing, and
I was really happy with how it turned out in
the end, but going through it was crazy. So a
lot of people who have been here listening to the
show for a very long time knows that I have
(29:57):
been through a lot of trauma, and when I did
this experience, I took too big of a dose, too
much all at one time. I didn't we didn't know.
You're supposed to start out little and work your way up.
(30:18):
But I'm the balls to the wall kind of girl,
and I go big or go fucking home, and I
just went. I just went all the way. And I
have to say that if I hadn't been as strong
as a person surviving what I have survived in my life,
I probably would have been way too overwhelmed and wouldn't
(30:39):
have been able to process it and handle it properly. Later.
Because I have been through so much and because I
have been healing so much, I think it was a
little bit easier to process and refocus my thoughts since then.
So a couple of weeks ago, I did my first
(31:00):
spatch and I did three grands out out the gate. Four.
I think it's the most you're supposed to take. Mickey says,
do you feel it would have been a better experience
with the person sober watching you and helping you walk?
Probably yes. But the person who did it with me
had a completely different experience than me. He did not
(31:23):
have anything dark, He did not have anything hallucinating. He
his was just feeling like he was out of body
and that was it, completely in control, completely aware, not
having any kind of crazy experience. What he realized is
what he said to me, was I just realized my
experience is to support you through yours, and thank God
(31:47):
for that. It was a little scary. It was a
lot scary because I had no idea, and I took
a lot and my brain just went carack open and
it just went hog wild on on the journey that
I went on. It was demons and entities and dark
(32:09):
Uh what's the word I'm looking for dark entities? I
don't I don't know what else to call them. Demons.
I call them demons. And it just felt like it
was all the horrible things that had happened to my life.
You know, when you have a negative thing that happens
darkness days, it's it's like with a house or or
(32:33):
an object that people call haunted. It is. It is
a residual dark energy, and I had a shit ton
of dark energy left in my body. Uh. They can
alter your way, your mind in a permanent way of healing.
Let's just put it that way, Missy said, do or
can these plants alter your mind in a permanent way
(32:56):
at all? In a pot? Personally, I'm truly believe that
it's in a positive way. It opened your mind like
it never has before, and it allowed some true healing.
I'm not as procrastination anymore. The thought process is stronger
and clearer. I don't feel like I live in a fog.
(33:18):
I don't feel like I live in heaviness or pain anymore.
I can. I just has completely changed me in the
most extraordinary way. I went through six hours because it
was three fucking rimps. Psycho. I'm a psycho. I'm a
(33:40):
psycho psych on psychedelics. It just really felt healing. The
whole time. When I opened my eyes, I could see
the dark entities, so I kept my eyes closed, and
the whole time I just could feel them. I knew
they were there, and I could feel them, and I
(34:01):
could see them in my mind side. But I wasn't
see every time I opened my eyes, I saw demons.
So I just kept my eyes closed because I knew
they weren't there, you know, like physically there. I knew
it couldn't hurt me. I knew, you know, I knew
these things. What I didn't know is that that that
what I didn't know going into is that you're still
coherent and you can still talk and have a conversation.
(34:25):
I did not know this, and this was helpful because
I was feeling like I needed to describe what was
happening a lot of the times, and oh my god,
it was a very difficult thing to go through at
the time. But what I was doing is I was
clearing and getting rid of the dark entities in my life.
(34:46):
I was fighting them in a battle. I was psychically, mentally,
emotionally killing them and releasing them and getting them out
of my life. That makes sense.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
Yeah, But I need to say something here because this
is I think people in response to this question, can
it alter your mind permanently in any way at all? Yeah,
And it's not always a good thing. I think some
people are experimenting with these in a way that's reckless.
You said you did a lot. Yeah, you said you
did a lot of research and yet not us. You
(35:19):
still had an experience that, uh was kind of random,
kind of like Okay, you didn't know what you were
going to get, and you didn't have anyone there with
you who had been through an experience. They knew where
you were even though you're having your own experience and
they're not in your mind. A trained facilitator can actually
sense where you are. They they're like a tether to
(35:43):
this world as you're exploring something. So there's this sense
of emotional safety. So I definitely encourage people to have
someone who knows what they're doing, who's been trained. I mean,
there's there are formal trainings now that people can take.
Mostly this was trained through you know, this was a
(36:06):
community ment, This was tribal medicine. This was indigenous medicine
passed down and people learned by sitting with the facilitator
or the shaman in some cases. And and nowadays there
are also people who take a weekend workshop and then
they're calling themselves a shaman. So so be mindful about this.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Now. I agree, I will not do it again without
a facilitator. I won't. I've done it twice. I had
two different experiences, but they were both really traumatic while
I was having them. The first one was about dark entities.
But the thing is is that I was going through
(36:47):
a journey in during it. It wasn't just pointless, you know,
dark scary shit happening to me. I was literally clearing
it out of my life. I cleared it out of
my past, of my ancestral past, I cleared it from
my mom and my grandmother's left energy that is here.
I started picturing people in my life and I could
(37:10):
see what their demons were or their dark entities that
were clinging to them, and I was literally picking them off,
getting rid of them. And my higher.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Self I say something about this, because you're you're using
a kind of vocabulary that's going to appeal to some people,
which is great.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (37:30):
And I have a friend who she's way into that,
and she's a very highly trained facilitator. And then there
are some facilitators on the end that they have a
very clinical approach, kind of somewhere in the middle. But
I want to highlight this because I think it's important
to know how do I pick a good facilitator. Well,
one of the things is that language you're using is
(37:52):
familiar and comfortable for you to explore within. So you
want to find someone who can speak that language, who
knows us how to help you navigate when you talk
about entities, I mean I would have a different way
of phrasing it, but I could speak about it. But
that's not my home base talking about entities, and that's
(38:13):
not right. But I can certainly guide someone who's having
an experience like that because I've been around people who
are and use that language. So I want I just
want to highlight one thing to look at if you're
going to choose a facilitator, which I highly recommend, is
one one thing. Do I speak the language that I speak,
is their connection to spirit or God or whatever you
(38:36):
call it familiar to me, similar to mine, so that
I can actually be in conversation with this person when
I'm in a deep state. So There's a few others
that I want to touch on, but I just want
to highlight.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
You also have to keep in mind that I had
no fucking idea I was going to see dark entities,
you know, and my second time I didn't see them.
It was a completely different situation.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
But that you have the language dark entities made it
something that you could talk about where somebody else might think,
oh my god, I've lost my mind. I'm having a
psychotic break. They could and the a clinical person might
start talking to them that way. For better or worse,
I don't know, but you want to. I think one
(39:22):
of the things that the most important thing is that
people feel safe during their experience, even if they're off
there kind of you know, having this experience where they're
exploring something really outside of the realm of what they
ordinary experience in day to day life.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
I think for me while I was going through this
is that I realized that I had had a lot
of trauma in my life, and with that trauma comes
a footprint of darkness.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
Yeah that's enough. That's a great way to say it.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
And I had to get rid of those. I had
to clear those from my energy. I had to clear
it from my mind, I had to clear it from
my past. I had to clear it. And so it
would the facilitator have to have been through one of
these things. I would not want to do the plan.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
So absolutely you don't want to do this with a
facilitator who doesn't know the subject the subjects that you're doing.
You want them to know what it feels like in
all of these different stages, so that say, oh, I
can see where you are. I can see so I
I have facilitated quite a few journeys with groups, and
I could I could feel people and see oh. And
(40:35):
I think one of the key things is make sure
making sure people are not distressed and how to help
them feel grounded if they're exploring something scarier or that
might be so far outside of the range of what
they explore emotionally or spiritually in their day to day life,
and they're out there seeing things and thinking things that
you could actually, you know, sit with them and maybe
(40:56):
even without words, let them know that they're safe.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
I think that if I had had somebody who was
aware of what was happening to me while I was
going through it, to just be able to say this
is normal, it's okay, you're you know, I think that
would have helped me. Because the person that was with
me didn't know. He just was there supporting, you know,
just saying it's okay, it's okay, you know, take your time,
(41:22):
you know, which was fine. But you know, one thing
that I have to say is that I was very
comfortable with that situation because this person is very aware
of my all of my trauma, all of it. So
I didn't feel uncomfortable with experiencing and verbalizing and saying,
oh my God, that fucking dark devil entity that was
(41:45):
the footprint left over from my step monster is clouding
my life and clouding my brain and keeping me from
really healing because I can't understand how to get over
it or how to get past it and help me
do that. And the whole time I kept hearing from
my higher self, I kept hearing her say, you're a healer,
(42:07):
You're a creator. Because the three things that I set
my attention of before I did this was one that
I wanted to meet my higher self. Two I wanted
to know what my purpose was, and three I wanted
to understand, you know, certain things about myself, you know
that I did, and being a healer was one of them.
(42:29):
And it really helped me understand what that means that
I psychically was able to go in and heal some
things not only for myself but for other people in
my life. And I'm seeing little things that are leading
towards understanding what that actually meant. It was wild, but
my second time that I did. Within a week, I
(42:51):
did a different, lesser kind of mushroom that it's not
as supposed to be as strong. So I started out
at a point five and really nothing was happening, and
I wasn't really nothing was really and I thought, okay,
so I can add a little bit more. So I
added another point five and I skyrocketed. I went into
(43:12):
space again, but this time I went into the matrix
and I saw the grid, I saw my higher self
past it. I've had some big issues with religion in
my life. We had talked about this that my step
monster told me when I was a child and all
through my teenage years. And I have no problem discussing
(43:32):
this now. In the past, I wouldn't have been able to.
But he had said we were very religious growing up,
very I was all into the whole God thing and
no religion. And he said, you know, you need to
pray real hard that God will make me stop behaving
this way to you. The mental, the emotional, the physical,
(43:53):
the sexual trauma that he gave me. He said, you
gotta pray real hard so God can make me stop.
And that is a mental buck And I prayed. I
prayed hard every day, all day, and then when it
would repeatedly happen, he would say, well, first of all,
either God doesn't love you or you didn't pray hard enough.
(44:16):
So I left the world of religion and don't believe
in it, and I don't believe in a God. And
I you know, I believe in a higher power, but
it's a higher conscience where we're all connected to. I
believe in the universe, a karmic energy, regular energy, whatever,
psychic energy. But what I was shown in my second
(44:37):
one was that the saying in the Bible that we
are created in the image of God. And what was
shown to me is that my higher self is my
own personal God. Your higher self is yours somebody Mickey's
higher self is theirs. Misty's higher self is hers. And
so that's why I was shown. I was shown that
(45:00):
that is why we all have different religions and different gods,
but they're all the same, but yet we all see
them differently because it's in the own image of ourselves.
Also that whole you know, God knows everything, He only
knows every She only knows everything for me because she
is my higher self. It's my choice to come here
(45:22):
it was my choice to live this life. It was
my choice to have these lessons, and it was my
setting of certain things prior to coming to this life
that showed me the keys and the signs to wake
up and to find it. And that's what I felt.
This one was. Now, I will say it was very depressing,
(45:44):
but it was letting go of ego. I cracked my ego,
I killed my ego and because of that, the depression
that I felt my whole life, I was feeling it
in this second trip. But the thing about it is
that I didn't feel it in my bones like I
normally feel it. It felt kind of like kind of
(46:07):
sitting there, hovering there. And I kept thinking, this is
why people connect to, you know, unaliving themselves, because they
see things, they feel things, and they don't understand it
and it's too much for them. Because I have a
lot of experience with that. And the thing about it
was is that I realized that I was just seeing it,
(46:28):
acknowledging it and letting it go. And I don't have
the same pain and feeling and stress and depression that
I had before. That is all lifted. I don't live
under a fog of depression anymore. And I've lived under
that my whole life, so it was incredible. What's crazy
(46:53):
right now is that we have less than a minute left.
We don't have a guest next week, so why don't
we continue this next week because there's so much to
talk about that I think we'll do that. But I
will say that it was the most extraordinary experience for me.
While I was doing it, I kept thinking, Jesus, I
(47:15):
don't want to do this, but I hung in there
and I did it, and I did the self care
that all the things I needed to do after the
next day to really facilitate that for me and really
let it sink. And talking to another friend who actually
also is a facilitator for this type of thing, he
(47:36):
actually helped me emotionally and mentally through it the next day,
and that was amazing.
Speaker 4 (47:44):
I will just say one thing, because it would be
remiss not to say integration. Is integration important, more important
than anything else that you bring the lessons that you
learn in the experience itself into your day of day life.
And it's a shame we just scratch, just use the
word exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
Well, we are going to go more into detail next week.
Why don't we just continue this next week. We'll go
more into detail. We'll talk more about facilitating and about reintegration,
things that people are not going to understand what we're
saying right now, so we'll continue that next week. If
anybody see my hand while we're talking tomorrow is Lionsgate.
(48:27):
It's eight eight. It's one of the biggest portals for manifesting,
and it's a portal for money. And this is a
money symbol that I have on my hand. It's a
ruin and I wear it from today all through tomorrow,
and it's a it's a it's a portal to open money.
So I'm all about that. So thanks for today, Thank
(48:50):
you for coming everyone. We we just started scratching surface.
We'll be back next Thursday to talk about this again.
Steve can tell you more about what it's like as
a facilitator to go through that experience, and any questions
that you have about my experience, you're welcome to think
about them and join us next week on Our Life
and ask so, same place, same time next week, and
(49:14):
until then, let's keep this shit real.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Of Underscore bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week
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