April 17, 2025 • 35 mins
I'm diving deep into my own vulnerabilities and pushing my growth to the limit—join me as I challenge myself to discover my authentic self!
Embracing vulnerability is the key to unlocking your true potential! Join host Lisa Urbanski in a captivating and transformative conversation with the insightful Elizabeth Jane as they unravel the profound impact of authenticity, vulnerability, and self-awareness on personal growth.
In this episode, we'll explore the transformative power of vulnerability and how it can help you discover your authentic self.
Learn how to break free from societal expectations and embrace your imperfections, and discover a more genuine and fulfilling life. By being vulnerable, you'll be able to tap into your inner strength, build meaningful connections, and find the courage to be yourself. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth, and uncover the authentic you! Tune in now to listen and start your inspiring journey.
To explore Elizabeth Jane's empowering book and artwork, visit her website at elizabethjane.com.au.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/free-to-be-me-self-discovery-authentic-living-empowerment--6448259/support.
Embracing vulnerability is the key to unlocking your true potential! Join host Lisa Urbanski in a captivating and transformative conversation with the insightful Elizabeth Jane as they unravel the profound impact of authenticity, vulnerability, and self-awareness on personal growth.
In this episode, we'll explore the transformative power of vulnerability and how it can help you discover your authentic self.
Learn how to break free from societal expectations and embrace your imperfections, and discover a more genuine and fulfilling life. By being vulnerable, you'll be able to tap into your inner strength, build meaningful connections, and find the courage to be yourself. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth, and uncover the authentic you! Tune in now to listen and start your inspiring journey.
To explore Elizabeth Jane's empowering book and artwork, visit her website at elizabethjane.com.au.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/free-to-be-me-self-discovery-authentic-living-empowerment--6448259/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Advisor. I have
Lisa Rubanski joined today by Elizabeth Jane. So Elizabeth Jane
and I are going to talk about authenticity. So in
a world filled with filters, facades, and expectations, Elizabeth is
calling for the return to what truly matters, authenticity. The
(00:27):
respected well Being and Mindfulness keynote speaker Relationship coach, celebrated
artist and author of the Amazon bestseller Free and First
Unlocking Your Ultimate Life said that being real is not
a weakness, it is our greatest strength. So Elizabeth knows
this from experience. After twenty five years of marriage, she
(00:50):
went through a sudden and traumatic divorce that shattered her
sense of identity and forced her to rebuild her life
from the ground Upizabeth is now respected well Being in
Mindfulness keynote speaker, Relationship coach, celebrated artist and author of
the Amazon bestseller Free and First Unlocking Your Ultimate Life.
(01:14):
So Elizabeth, before we get started, I just want to
thank our sponsors, Speaker and iHeartRadio. Without you, this would
not be possible. So welcome back. So excited to talk
about authenticity with you. How are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I'm very wealth Thanks Lidy for having me on today
and yeah, with your audience or your listeners and viewers
at there.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, yes, I really, really really think the audience is
going to really connect with our topic today because authenticity
is such a thing that I feel like more people
are striving to be like these days, more people want
to tap into who they actually are.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, well, I suppose I'd just like to start today
in saying how as you mentioned briefly, how shattered I
was when I married to twenty five years ended, because
it was also at a time that my four children
had just turned eighteen, you know, my youngest twins had
(02:13):
just turned eighteen. And then I really realized I'd lost
my sense of identity, as you said, because really I'd
lost myself slowly but surely in my roles as mother
of four wonderful children and as wife. And I really
(02:37):
I was in a lot of shock because it was
I really questioned my reason for being because every day
I had my to do list and it's centered around
my four children and my husband, and it was really
I think that it's so subtle, but we you know,
(03:00):
you hear it sort of mentioned, you know, we shouldn't
get lost in our roles that we're much more than
our roles. We're much more than than our mind, We're
much more than our body. But until you actually are
in a position where you have all your roles just
taken away from you, it's just you feel very vulnerable
(03:23):
and you and it's well. For me, it was a
very very scary, sad time. My whole you know, who
I thought I was was just shattered as well, because
I thought I was, you know, supportive, nurturing wife, fun
wife to.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Be there, and then all of a sudden that was
I was discarded and I my you know, rollercoaster of sadness, unworthiness, blame, blame,
I blame myself, you know, the victim.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
What had I done wrong? Had I called cook chicken
instead of fish? You know what? What had I done
wrong to lose my husband?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You know?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
In this? And but the wonderful thing was as soon
as I the thing that the hardest thing is, we
get so busy with our life. We get so busy
that unless we can stop and feel how we feel,
we can't be authentic because we don't know what we need.
(04:36):
So it's a bit of a it's a bad it's
a cycle that we're so busy with life. Everyone's busy.
Everyone is busy. We're busy with work, we're busy with family,
we're busy with friends, We're busy being busy. And until
we can actually stop and close our eyes and go,
what's the honest truth of me? What?
Speaker 4 (04:59):
What do I?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
What do I need? And to have enough courage and
vulnerability to feel into our feelings and to follow through
and stand up for what we need, meet our needs,
well we can't be free. And that's the whole key
(05:22):
of this authenticity. It sounds like a buzzword, you know. Oh,
you know everyone will see you if you're fake, and
and you know you won't be trusted. And that's truth too.
You know people won't if you're if you're pretending to
be someone else, well then you're not in your power
for you self. And as we know, you know, amazing
(05:45):
to think we're all unique on this planet. And when
when we can actually step into our uniqueness and celebrate
our uniqueness, that's when that's when magic starts to happen.
That's when magic starts to happen that we can tap in,
tap into so many other roles, you know. So that's
(06:07):
when I started to tap into you know my painting.
I've got a painting in the background, I don't if
you can see it, it's the the Amalfi Coast, which
I painted in a that's what. And so you know,
I've got a role of a painter, but I don't
get lost in that. I've got a role in keynote speaker.
(06:29):
I've got a role in relationships, coach or a mother
or you know, we change our hats. But if one
role is downplayed or lost overnight, it doesn't mean the
end of us. No, it doesn't mean the end of me.
And and I try not to get too tied up
in my roles now, and I just play play between
(06:52):
different roles and what role I you know, I'm very
aware that it's just a role, and it doesn't change.
It just disappears overnight. It doesn't really changed me. It's
just bye bye rocks.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And so I feel like we're forever changing. Right. So
would you say that the end of your marriage was
that kind of the catalyst for true authenticity or was
that where you became passionate about showing other people how
to be free.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Well, I just realized I was in such a bad
way that my nature was a that I wanted to
get out of the deep dark well that I was in.
And this is how my book Free and First Unlocking
Your Ultimate Life came about because I was working out
(07:49):
what was working and what wasn't. So I had had
a list what's not working, what is? And I started
to follow the list that was working, getting supportive people
around me, who who supported me, being me, being who
I was. I am no, and that's constantly changing, you know,
(08:14):
I was, I am You know, we're we're we're we're
all evolving, you know, So we we have to be
constantly on track of what we need and our needs change,
you know, our needs change from day to day. But
if we can hone in on what we were, how
we feel, you my book, my Charlie Chapman's quoted the
(08:36):
problem with humanity is they think too much, all tied
up in their head, and they feel too little. So
unless we can feel how we feel, we can't stand
up and meet our needs and be free. And you know,
the only way we have to be honest with ourselves.
(08:58):
We have to be honest with what we need. But
then we won't know what we need unless we stop.
So it's it's it's a few in the book, I
say the A B C of me meaning a acknowledge
how we feel, allow it, accept it, b set our
(09:18):
boundaries and see communication of the boundaries. Because unless we
can work out what we need, what is truth for us,
well then we can't be free. We're just we're conforming
where we're often complaining about what's you know, trying to
(09:39):
control others. But that's that's They've got their part. You
do you and I do mean And when we stop
judging ourselves and judging others, well, then it all it
takes it. It takes a turn for the better. No
magic starts to happen once we start running our own
(10:00):
show and having compassion for where people are at. Not
everyone's on the same path, and that's that's the good news.
You know, everyone's at different different stages.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, So we're all so different and you know, or
we're all we all tie like without even thinking, we
put emotion, we use our emotions and we tie it
to a story. Like our our mindset is so affected
(10:34):
by that. So you're you're right, Like, if we can
slow down and think about why we're feeling and thinking
the way we are about a situation and stop putting
our own spin on things, you know, and and as
you said, and to quote our you know, Mel Robbins,
let them and let me and then you'll be a
(10:56):
free So it's like, just stay in your lane and
do your thing, and you know, like what you're putting
out there is what you're getting a back. So I
love that advice.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes, yes, and I think it's it's just so important
that you know, as soon as we can just step
into our truth and keep living our truth, the world
just starts to change around us. But I must admit
it's it's it's it's taken me a few years to
(11:31):
have the courage to be able to stand up for me,
to be able to sort of put yourself out there
so to speak and go, well, actually that's not what
I feel, that's not what I want. And that's why
my book Talk has a whole chapter dedicated to self
(11:53):
care or self love or whatever you want it to
call it in terms of because not because well, speaking
for myself, you're not going to stand up if you
and speak how you feel. If if you haven't got
yourself worth backing you, you won't have the courage. Oh
(12:16):
I didn't have the courage you know, it's much easier
to people please and be just step quietly around people
then sort of stir the pot sometimes, but it doesn't
you know, I think, you know, and it takes courage.
(12:36):
But we don't need to get aggressive. Of course, it's
just if we it's having that empowered conversation doesn't have
to be aggressive, doesn't have to create conflict.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I just actually, you know, well, I with a potential
suitor just yesterday, everything going right. Then I realized that
he couldn't understand me from where from from my perspective,
(13:10):
and and I couldn't change him because that's not my job.
You know, He's gone his path. I got my path,
and so we weren't sort of getting each other at
that level. And so I had to decide to let
(13:31):
to let that go. You know, we've gone back to
you know, a plutonic relationship and hopefully that will be
a relationship for the whole of our time here on
planet Earth. You know, but from that romantic side, I
needed to have. I stood back it felt into how
(13:52):
I felt and realized that my needs weren't being fully met.
And yeah, so that was a that's sort of the
timing of that conversation was just a few hours ago actually,
so yes, I think he understood, but it was it
(14:12):
took me courage to have that conversation and to stand
up for me because you said, oh, you can do
what you want to do in your own little corner,
and you know, like I'll do. But it was I
needed more than that. I needed someone who connected me
on that deep level.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yes, amazing, I love that. Thank you so much for
sharing that with the audience. I mean that's so important
to listen to that. And you had the ability to
tap into that and say, you know, this isn't for me,
you know, and have the courage to keep looking for
that person that is for you. And you did that
by you know, being authentic. So let me ask you this, Elizabeth,
(14:59):
what are some of the signs of inauthenticity? Like, how
can I if you're being in authentic? How what are
some of the signs and how do we change that?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well? I think, well, I think we if we're always
comparing ourselves to others or trying to compete with others,
we're trying to be someone that we're not really If
we're always looking to the left and to the right
(15:34):
and judging, comparing or competing even kind of like my
tennis game, you know, don't don't get me wrong, you know,
like you know, some some people saying, oh, you know,
you don't have any competition. Everyone's at their own level
and it's no winning, and there was. But I think
that I believe that's taking it a bit far. I think,
(15:56):
you know, we as long as we're having fun and
following our job, that's that keeps us on an authentic path.
Because if we're feeling into what what what brings us joy?
And that's different. We're all unique, you know, like I
(16:17):
can have my list of top ten of things that
bring me joy, and so can your listeners, and they
can be totally different lists. Well, I'm sure they will be.
But if we if we keep following what brings us
joy and standing up for what we need, we get
(16:37):
onto that golden path of being authentic, and then we're free.
Because we're standing up, we're no longer confined. We're no
longer confined to oh what will they think of me
looking for approval outside of ourselves? What will they think
if if I do this? I wish I was like
(16:59):
this person, and or you know that oh gosh, I'm
glad I'm not like this person.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
Like it's either you know, when we're when we're unconscious
of the time and we don't really realize that we're
making an immediate Oh I'd like to be like this person,
or I wouldn't like to be like that person, rather
than going.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Okay, well we're I'm my own person. No, like and
that's that's exciting. No. And then when we're when we
really tap into our uniqueness, that's when I believe our
creativity is tapped into and our wisdoms are tapped to
and that and I want to talk about this because
(17:43):
you know, in this world of AI, you know, I
hop on chat all the time, you know, with this concept.
You know, so I come up with this concept and
then I'll go, okay, well, computed AI, can you please
write this right this, This is how I feel, This
is what I want, and this is what I need.
(18:04):
Could you write out from and so, but the idea,
the creativity, the well within is being tapped into, which
is it's just amazing to think, you know, how many
people in the world, eight billion and eight billion souls
and not one of us is we're all unique and
we've all got our own cap We've all got our
(18:25):
own well of creativity within us and wisdoms within us,
but we have to learn to tap into them. So
we can't be authentic unless we're tapped in No, unless
we're tapped into truths. So we have to tap into
our truth to be authentic. And how do we do that?
My book says we have to stop feel how we
(18:48):
feel and follow through with how we feel, you know.
And then and then it's exciting because we're no longer comparing, judging, complaining, complaining.
Why are we complaining? We're complaining because they're not like us,
because oh, you know, like, can't they just like, no,
(19:09):
you can't expect eight billion people to be like us.
Were all unique and special in our own way. We're
all on our own path. And some of us, you know,
maybe you know, kindergarten and getting up to a bit
of mischief, But we don't go my kindergarten child just
(19:33):
having tantrums every day, and I don't like my child anymore,
you know, we don't say that. We don't go, Oh,
I love my university child. She's just so much she
has so much wiser and not so reactive. But oh, no,
I can't handle my kindergarten child anymore. And so likewise,
that's the analogy that everyone on this planet is on
(19:56):
a different level of understanding or different diferent level of consciousness.
And so when we can just go you do you, Noma,
stay you know you do you, I'll do it. And
I'm going to stand up for me because I'm here.
I've arrived on this planet and I'm leaving on this
planet alone, arrived here by myself leaving, and I'm going
(20:20):
to have a good life being being and living and
doing my truth. And I'm not going to I could
spend all the time banging my head against a wall
trying to change everyone around me, but it's going to
be it's going to be a bit of a battle.
And that's what takes us down when we when we
(20:42):
when we're not open surrendered to change, when we're were
we when we we get stuck in our roles and
we go, oh, I have to hold onto this role.
I have to hold onto this role of mother. Gosh,
well I be without that, And you know that's a
it is a scary place because we do you know,
(21:03):
I had four children under five years when they were
born and so you know, my time and my energy,
as of most mothers, it goes into your children. And
then they're gone. You know, they have got their own families,
they've got their own friends, they've got their own homes. Ooh,
(21:23):
and it's it is very scary. But if we can
learn to surrender and realize how dynamic these roles are.
And they come and they go, and some stay longer
and some are only here for a short time. It's
like White Wise with friends. People come and then no,
you might jump up to university and you can't understand
(21:46):
your your toddler children friends, you know, and so they
make kept coming for a season for a reason, but
then then they move on. And so as as we
become I don't like the word wiser, but as we
become get to know ourselves again, get to know the
(22:09):
truth of who we are.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Well, then we we we find that we have different
needs to Yeah, we're all all evolving and we're all
on our own little path.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
We want to call it a spiritual path or a
it's just a journey of life, our journey of life,
and it's our own unique journey of life. No dot
religions and things into it because we don't need to know.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Mm hmmm. I love what you say about the comparison
game because it's something I always say, is like, the
comparison game is a dangerous game. You can aspire to
be like people I know, like my mentors, I'm obsessed
with them, not a weird way, but I'm obsessed with
them because I aspire to be like them. I'm not
comparing myself to them, but I'm looking at their what
(23:07):
their their values, and what they do and how they act,
and I aspire to be that way. Right, So it's
not a comparison, but comparing yourself to other people and
other situations is a dangerous game. And I love how
you said that and really talked about that because we
never know what someone is actually going through or what
(23:28):
their life is like based on a little snapshot of
what we see or how we interpret their life to
be right.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yes, and and and just just well I think of
it with role models. It's fine to have role model.
I believe it's fine to have role models because you
need to have to keep to find out more about you. You.
You you say yes to things that support you and
(23:59):
on your journey, and hopefully you're saying no to things
that don't support you, and so the role models fall
into the group of yes on the things that make
me feel good, what's good for me, what's working, and
so they should be there. But we still have to
realize that we're our own little we can add our
(24:21):
own self to the whole. We will never be the
same clone as the other person. And it is exhausting.
It's so exhausting trying to be someone we're not. It's
very it's exhausting. It drains our energy. Whereas if we
can just be free, go oh, I'm messed up here,
(24:44):
and you know I've skipped in the garden today or
whatever whatever takes your fancy. But you're not, okay, what's
my neighbor going to think? You know, like when we
can let that go, well, then we're totally no. We
just we're not sort of thinking at the back of
our mind about no judging ourselves, you know, within our
(25:11):
mind we might not even know, but we're judging ourselves.
How how stupid was like to do that? That's ridiculous,
It's ridiculously sir. I mean, it's Elizabeth Least is my
little nickname. But you know, when I went to painting class.
I you know, it was just twenty nineteen, I write
in my book. And I walked into the painting class
(25:33):
and everyone looked like they were painting Mona Lisa's, you know,
like they were just painting masterpieces. I thought, in my mind,
I get through, what are you doing here? Ridiculous. You're
going to look like the circus clown. You don't know
how to draw a little like paint. And my teacher
had bought my paints and my canvas. Looked around. I thought, gosh,
(25:56):
where do I put my handbags? My handbag's going to
get covered with pain and right myself, well, I'm going
to give it a go. I'm not going to think about,
not going to judge myself, compare myself. I'm going to
play like a child. And that's a that's another key thing.
You know, when we play like children, then we can't
(26:20):
We have to we have to be authentic. We're not thinking,
oh God, a child who's about to paint doesn't go oh.
I haven't had my finger painting classes yet, so I really, yeah,
I'm not quite sure about how to do this finger painting.
And I don't know how to mix paints, so that
would be ridiculousness to have a paint painter finger painting.
(26:45):
So once we are in our childlike playing stage, that's
when we can really jump into our truth often and
I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I love that is that where you painted you're a
picture that you were just showing us. Was that your
first painting experience or when did you get into painting?
Do you want to talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yes, yes, So in my book I do talk from
experience and bring in my true life experiences to help
the reader to connect. And because painting was as I said,
it was May May nineteen, May twenty nineteen that I
(27:32):
walked into the class and my first painting is a
oil acrylic and lackage, you know, painting of a lotus flower,
lotus flowers, and it becomes the first painting. It's the first.
It's on the front cover of my book, and so
(27:54):
I'm about So it's just it's an analogy that we
when we delve into just when we let ourselves loose,
let ourselves play, we often find out we can tap
into that creative well that we all have within us,
our uniqueness. And so that sort of really assisted me
(28:16):
too when we hop in when we play in our hobbies.
It keeps us mindful, It keeps us in the moment,
out of our mind, out of our head going shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't,
or fearing the future, regretting the past. We're healing ourselves
(28:39):
because we're mindful and we're in our truth. We're in
the moment, which is all we've got really we have.
The past is past and the future's fantasy. So the
more we can bring ourselves into the now, that's the
way to that's when we're in our truth. And that's
(29:02):
when we're powering ourselves up rather than draining ourselves with
the drama. You know, the drama. You know, go to
my yoga and I'm in the now and I'm mindful
and feeling good. Then you come out and you have
your coffee, and everyone goes into the drama of life
or what's happening in America, what's happening in next door,
(29:28):
or what's happening in the school community or whatever it is,
and we get caught up without compairing, our complaining, our shaming,
our judging and all, and it brings us all down.
It does nothing to power us up. It's exhausting our energy.
(29:50):
Gets zapped. So we've all hard work we've done with
being mindful and having fun and lifting our feel good vibes.
It's taken from us.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yes, absolutely, absolutely, So Elizabeth, tell us where we can
find your book and just give us a little another
little kind of summary of what it is that you
wrote and where can we find it? Where can we
find you?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Yes? Well, so my book, so Elizabeth Jane dot com
dot au, and my book is is allows tools and tips.
In summary, it really allows tools and tips for you
to be able to journey through any obstacle of life.
(30:42):
Because whether it's a financial obstacle, a health obstacle, or
a relationship obstacle. And so there are tools and tips
to be able to see those obstacles or those challenges
as opportunity it is to get to know you and
(31:03):
to actually power you up. And so they're actually you know,
I sometimes think that challenges, you know, you think, oh gosh,
not another challenge? Why and why me? You know why
these obstacles like I just got rid of that obstacle
and now but another obstacle and why are they coming
(31:25):
towards me? But if you can stand back and look
at them and go Okay, well, what's trying to tell me?
You know, what's it trying to tell me? And we
can learn from that obstacle or problem or challenge or
whatever we want to sort of nickname it. If we
can learn from it, will we actually we can empower
(31:48):
ourselves and and then you know, power up basically into
more abundance and health and vitality, and you know, and
and we find that we're in flow with life rather
than in you know, always efforting. Just power up and
(32:15):
everything comes towards us more effortlessly.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know. Yeah, yeah, amazing. I love like the way
you say that, because like being in flow is so beautiful, right,
Like it feels like everything just feels good. And that's
when I feel the most authentic or like doing genuinely
what like my body needs and wants in that in
that moment is like just completely feeling free. And so
(32:42):
I love how you illustrate that in your book. Thank yous, Yeah, amazing, Well,
thank you so much for being here again today. This
was so great. I love talking about this stuff, and
you know, you lay it out so well, and and
so for people to kind of understand learning and how
to utilize that, they should use it in your book, right,
(33:03):
they should look through your book. What is the name
of your book? Again? Free and sorry, Free and first, unblocking,
Unlocking your own limited life. There we go, Oh my gosh,
tongue twister.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
One gets busy in life. So I wrote the book
as in summaries. So even if you just you can
open and just particularly can you can just start in
any chapter you feel like if you if you want,
you know, if there's there's something you want that you need.
There's a whole chapter on forgiveness, because if we if
we don't forgive, well then we're really just holding ourselves
(33:40):
back because we're sort of like stuck in the past
and we're holding onto that grudge or that resentment and
that can that can hold us back from you know,
blazing our best self. So the book is is I
didn't want to write a profuse book because you know,
like when I was going through the bad time of
(34:03):
the divorce, you know, some some psychologists handed me a
book on boundaries and it was like this big book
and I said, I can't be bothered with this. You know,
like when we're going through our challenges, we just need
something with you know, we we sort of want quick fixes.
You know, we want quick fixes to you know, and
(34:25):
and so my book is has it. Whether you start
from the back or start from the front, or open
the book in the middle, you'll get something that you
need from it. I'm sure amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I love that because, yeah, every day is so different,
so some days you may need different inspirations. So that's
so awesome. So Elizabeth, thanks again for being here. Is
one last thing you want to tell the audience before
we go?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, well, I don't know. I think I write a
lot of poems and a phrases coming to me that
which is sort of on this topic of authenticity, and
it's do you and do you well? Come out of
your shell and do you and do you well?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
That is beautiful. What a way to end the episode.
Thanks again, I'm excited for next episode. We'll chat about
that after the show, right, Thanks Lisa, amazing. And to
our listeners and our viewers, thank you so much for
tuning in. We appreciate you. And if you have yet
(35:37):
to like, or subscribe or follow, please do all three.
We would greatly appreciate that. Until next time, I'm Lisa
Urbanski with the Advisor. Bye bye for now.
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Advisor. I have
Lisa Rubanski joined today by Elizabeth Jane. So Elizabeth Jane
and I are going to talk about authenticity. So in
a world filled with filters, facades, and expectations, Elizabeth is
calling for the return to what truly matters, authenticity. The
(00:27):
respected well Being and Mindfulness keynote speaker Relationship coach, celebrated
artist and author of the Amazon bestseller Free and First
Unlocking Your Ultimate Life said that being real is not
a weakness, it is our greatest strength. So Elizabeth knows
this from experience. After twenty five years of marriage, she
(00:50):
went through a sudden and traumatic divorce that shattered her
sense of identity and forced her to rebuild her life
from the ground Upizabeth is now respected well Being in
Mindfulness keynote speaker, Relationship coach, celebrated artist and author of
the Amazon bestseller Free and First Unlocking Your Ultimate Life.
(01:14):
So Elizabeth, before we get started, I just want to
thank our sponsors, Speaker and iHeartRadio. Without you, this would
not be possible. So welcome back. So excited to talk
about authenticity with you. How are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I'm very wealth Thanks Lidy for having me on today
and yeah, with your audience or your listeners and viewers
at there.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, yes, I really, really really think the audience is
going to really connect with our topic today because authenticity
is such a thing that I feel like more people
are striving to be like these days, more people want
to tap into who they actually are.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, well, I suppose I'd just like to start today
in saying how as you mentioned briefly, how shattered I
was when I married to twenty five years ended, because
it was also at a time that my four children
had just turned eighteen, you know, my youngest twins had
(02:13):
just turned eighteen. And then I really realized I'd lost
my sense of identity, as you said, because really I'd
lost myself slowly but surely in my roles as mother
of four wonderful children and as wife. And I really
(02:37):
I was in a lot of shock because it was
I really questioned my reason for being because every day
I had my to do list and it's centered around
my four children and my husband, and it was really
I think that it's so subtle, but we you know,
(03:00):
you hear it sort of mentioned, you know, we shouldn't
get lost in our roles that we're much more than
our roles. We're much more than than our mind, We're
much more than our body. But until you actually are
in a position where you have all your roles just
taken away from you, it's just you feel very vulnerable
(03:23):
and you and it's well. For me, it was a
very very scary, sad time. My whole you know, who
I thought I was was just shattered as well, because
I thought I was, you know, supportive, nurturing wife, fun
wife to.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Be there, and then all of a sudden that was
I was discarded and I my you know, rollercoaster of sadness, unworthiness, blame, blame,
I blame myself, you know, the victim.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
What had I done wrong? Had I called cook chicken
instead of fish? You know what? What had I done
wrong to lose my husband?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You know?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
In this? And but the wonderful thing was as soon
as I the thing that the hardest thing is, we
get so busy with our life. We get so busy
that unless we can stop and feel how we feel,
we can't be authentic because we don't know what we need.
(04:36):
So it's a bit of a it's a bad it's
a cycle that we're so busy with life. Everyone's busy.
Everyone is busy. We're busy with work, we're busy with family,
we're busy with friends, We're busy being busy. And until
we can actually stop and close our eyes and go,
what's the honest truth of me? What?
Speaker 4 (04:59):
What do I?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
What do I need? And to have enough courage and
vulnerability to feel into our feelings and to follow through
and stand up for what we need, meet our needs,
well we can't be free. And that's the whole key
(05:22):
of this authenticity. It sounds like a buzzword, you know. Oh,
you know everyone will see you if you're fake, and
and you know you won't be trusted. And that's truth too.
You know people won't if you're if you're pretending to
be someone else, well then you're not in your power
for you self. And as we know, you know, amazing
(05:45):
to think we're all unique on this planet. And when
when we can actually step into our uniqueness and celebrate
our uniqueness, that's when that's when magic starts to happen.
That's when magic starts to happen that we can tap in,
tap into so many other roles, you know. So that's
(06:07):
when I started to tap into you know my painting.
I've got a painting in the background, I don't if
you can see it, it's the the Amalfi Coast, which
I painted in a that's what. And so you know,
I've got a role of a painter, but I don't
get lost in that. I've got a role in keynote speaker.
(06:29):
I've got a role in relationships, coach or a mother
or you know, we change our hats. But if one
role is downplayed or lost overnight, it doesn't mean the
end of us. No, it doesn't mean the end of me.
And and I try not to get too tied up
in my roles now, and I just play play between
(06:52):
different roles and what role I you know, I'm very
aware that it's just a role, and it doesn't change.
It just disappears overnight. It doesn't really changed me. It's
just bye bye rocks.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And so I feel like we're forever changing. Right. So
would you say that the end of your marriage was
that kind of the catalyst for true authenticity or was
that where you became passionate about showing other people how
to be free.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Well, I just realized I was in such a bad
way that my nature was a that I wanted to
get out of the deep dark well that I was in.
And this is how my book Free and First Unlocking
Your Ultimate Life came about because I was working out
(07:49):
what was working and what wasn't. So I had had
a list what's not working, what is? And I started
to follow the list that was working, getting supportive people
around me, who who supported me, being me, being who
I was. I am no, and that's constantly changing, you know,
(08:14):
I was, I am You know, we're we're we're we're
all evolving, you know, So we we have to be
constantly on track of what we need and our needs change,
you know, our needs change from day to day. But
if we can hone in on what we were, how
we feel, you my book, my Charlie Chapman's quoted the
(08:36):
problem with humanity is they think too much, all tied
up in their head, and they feel too little. So
unless we can feel how we feel, we can't stand
up and meet our needs and be free. And you know,
the only way we have to be honest with ourselves.
(08:58):
We have to be honest with what we need. But
then we won't know what we need unless we stop.
So it's it's it's a few in the book, I
say the A B C of me meaning a acknowledge
how we feel, allow it, accept it, b set our
(09:18):
boundaries and see communication of the boundaries. Because unless we
can work out what we need, what is truth for us,
well then we can't be free. We're just we're conforming
where we're often complaining about what's you know, trying to
(09:39):
control others. But that's that's They've got their part. You
do you and I do mean And when we stop
judging ourselves and judging others, well, then it all it
takes it. It takes a turn for the better. No
magic starts to happen once we start running our own
(10:00):
show and having compassion for where people are at. Not
everyone's on the same path, and that's that's the good news.
You know, everyone's at different different stages.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, So we're all so different and you know, or
we're all we all tie like without even thinking, we
put emotion, we use our emotions and we tie it
to a story. Like our our mindset is so affected
(10:34):
by that. So you're you're right, Like, if we can
slow down and think about why we're feeling and thinking
the way we are about a situation and stop putting
our own spin on things, you know, and and as
you said, and to quote our you know, Mel Robbins,
let them and let me and then you'll be a
(10:56):
free So it's like, just stay in your lane and
do your thing, and you know, like what you're putting
out there is what you're getting a back. So I
love that advice.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes, yes, and I think it's it's just so important
that you know, as soon as we can just step
into our truth and keep living our truth, the world
just starts to change around us. But I must admit
it's it's it's it's taken me a few years to
(11:31):
have the courage to be able to stand up for me,
to be able to sort of put yourself out there
so to speak and go, well, actually that's not what
I feel, that's not what I want. And that's why
my book Talk has a whole chapter dedicated to self
(11:53):
care or self love or whatever you want it to
call it in terms of because not because well, speaking
for myself, you're not going to stand up if you
and speak how you feel. If if you haven't got
yourself worth backing you, you won't have the courage. Oh
(12:16):
I didn't have the courage you know, it's much easier
to people please and be just step quietly around people
then sort of stir the pot sometimes, but it doesn't
you know, I think, you know, and it takes courage.
(12:36):
But we don't need to get aggressive. Of course, it's
just if we it's having that empowered conversation doesn't have
to be aggressive, doesn't have to create conflict.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I just actually, you know, well, I with a potential
suitor just yesterday, everything going right. Then I realized that
he couldn't understand me from where from from my perspective,
(13:10):
and and I couldn't change him because that's not my job.
You know, He's gone his path. I got my path,
and so we weren't sort of getting each other at
that level. And so I had to decide to let
(13:31):
to let that go. You know, we've gone back to
you know, a plutonic relationship and hopefully that will be
a relationship for the whole of our time here on
planet Earth. You know, but from that romantic side, I
needed to have. I stood back it felt into how
(13:52):
I felt and realized that my needs weren't being fully met.
And yeah, so that was a that's sort of the
timing of that conversation was just a few hours ago actually,
so yes, I think he understood, but it was it
(14:12):
took me courage to have that conversation and to stand
up for me because you said, oh, you can do
what you want to do in your own little corner,
and you know, like I'll do. But it was I
needed more than that. I needed someone who connected me
on that deep level.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yes, amazing, I love that. Thank you so much for
sharing that with the audience. I mean that's so important
to listen to that. And you had the ability to
tap into that and say, you know, this isn't for me,
you know, and have the courage to keep looking for
that person that is for you. And you did that
by you know, being authentic. So let me ask you this, Elizabeth,
(14:59):
what are some of the signs of inauthenticity? Like, how
can I if you're being in authentic? How what are
some of the signs and how do we change that?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well? I think, well, I think we if we're always
comparing ourselves to others or trying to compete with others,
we're trying to be someone that we're not really If
we're always looking to the left and to the right
(15:34):
and judging, comparing or competing even kind of like my
tennis game, you know, don't don't get me wrong, you know,
like you know, some some people saying, oh, you know,
you don't have any competition. Everyone's at their own level
and it's no winning, and there was. But I think
that I believe that's taking it a bit far. I think,
(15:56):
you know, we as long as we're having fun and
following our job, that's that keeps us on an authentic path.
Because if we're feeling into what what what brings us joy?
And that's different. We're all unique, you know, like I
(16:17):
can have my list of top ten of things that
bring me joy, and so can your listeners, and they
can be totally different lists. Well, I'm sure they will be.
But if we if we keep following what brings us
joy and standing up for what we need, we get
(16:37):
onto that golden path of being authentic, and then we're free.
Because we're standing up, we're no longer confined. We're no
longer confined to oh what will they think of me
looking for approval outside of ourselves? What will they think
if if I do this? I wish I was like
(16:59):
this person, and or you know that oh gosh, I'm
glad I'm not like this person.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
Like it's either you know, when we're when we're unconscious
of the time and we don't really realize that we're
making an immediate Oh I'd like to be like this person,
or I wouldn't like to be like that person, rather
than going.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Okay, well we're I'm my own person. No, like and
that's that's exciting. No. And then when we're when we
really tap into our uniqueness, that's when I believe our
creativity is tapped into and our wisdoms are tapped to
and that and I want to talk about this because
(17:43):
you know, in this world of AI, you know, I
hop on chat all the time, you know, with this concept.
You know, so I come up with this concept and
then I'll go, okay, well, computed AI, can you please
write this right this, This is how I feel, This
is what I want, and this is what I need.
(18:04):
Could you write out from and so, but the idea,
the creativity, the well within is being tapped into, which
is it's just amazing to think, you know, how many
people in the world, eight billion and eight billion souls
and not one of us is we're all unique and
we've all got our own cap We've all got our
(18:25):
own well of creativity within us and wisdoms within us,
but we have to learn to tap into them. So
we can't be authentic unless we're tapped in No, unless
we're tapped into truths. So we have to tap into
our truth to be authentic. And how do we do that?
My book says we have to stop feel how we
(18:48):
feel and follow through with how we feel, you know.
And then and then it's exciting because we're no longer comparing, judging, complaining, complaining.
Why are we complaining? We're complaining because they're not like us,
because oh, you know, like, can't they just like, no,
(19:09):
you can't expect eight billion people to be like us.
Were all unique and special in our own way. We're
all on our own path. And some of us, you know,
maybe you know, kindergarten and getting up to a bit
of mischief, But we don't go my kindergarten child just
(19:33):
having tantrums every day, and I don't like my child anymore,
you know, we don't say that. We don't go, Oh,
I love my university child. She's just so much she
has so much wiser and not so reactive. But oh, no,
I can't handle my kindergarten child anymore. And so likewise,
that's the analogy that everyone on this planet is on
(19:56):
a different level of understanding or different diferent level of consciousness.
And so when we can just go you do you, Noma,
stay you know you do you, I'll do it. And
I'm going to stand up for me because I'm here.
I've arrived on this planet and I'm leaving on this
planet alone, arrived here by myself leaving, and I'm going
(20:20):
to have a good life being being and living and
doing my truth. And I'm not going to I could
spend all the time banging my head against a wall
trying to change everyone around me, but it's going to
be it's going to be a bit of a battle.
And that's what takes us down when we when we
(20:42):
when we're not open surrendered to change, when we're were
we when we we get stuck in our roles and
we go, oh, I have to hold onto this role.
I have to hold onto this role of mother. Gosh,
well I be without that, And you know that's a
it is a scary place because we do you know,
(21:03):
I had four children under five years when they were
born and so you know, my time and my energy,
as of most mothers, it goes into your children. And
then they're gone. You know, they have got their own families,
they've got their own friends, they've got their own homes. Ooh,
(21:23):
and it's it is very scary. But if we can
learn to surrender and realize how dynamic these roles are.
And they come and they go, and some stay longer
and some are only here for a short time. It's
like White Wise with friends. People come and then no,
you might jump up to university and you can't understand
(21:46):
your your toddler children friends, you know, and so they
make kept coming for a season for a reason, but
then then they move on. And so as as we
become I don't like the word wiser, but as we
become get to know ourselves again, get to know the
(22:09):
truth of who we are.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Well, then we we we find that we have different
needs to Yeah, we're all all evolving and we're all
on our own little path.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
We want to call it a spiritual path or a
it's just a journey of life, our journey of life,
and it's our own unique journey of life. No dot
religions and things into it because we don't need to know.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Mm hmmm. I love what you say about the comparison
game because it's something I always say, is like, the
comparison game is a dangerous game. You can aspire to
be like people I know, like my mentors, I'm obsessed
with them, not a weird way, but I'm obsessed with
them because I aspire to be like them. I'm not
comparing myself to them, but I'm looking at their what
(23:07):
their their values, and what they do and how they act,
and I aspire to be that way. Right, So it's
not a comparison, but comparing yourself to other people and
other situations is a dangerous game. And I love how
you said that and really talked about that because we
never know what someone is actually going through or what
(23:28):
their life is like based on a little snapshot of
what we see or how we interpret their life to
be right.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yes, and and and just just well I think of
it with role models. It's fine to have role model.
I believe it's fine to have role models because you
need to have to keep to find out more about you. You.
You you say yes to things that support you and
(23:59):
on your journey, and hopefully you're saying no to things
that don't support you, and so the role models fall
into the group of yes on the things that make
me feel good, what's good for me, what's working, and
so they should be there. But we still have to
realize that we're our own little we can add our
(24:21):
own self to the whole. We will never be the
same clone as the other person. And it is exhausting.
It's so exhausting trying to be someone we're not. It's
very it's exhausting. It drains our energy. Whereas if we
can just be free, go oh, I'm messed up here,
(24:44):
and you know I've skipped in the garden today or
whatever whatever takes your fancy. But you're not, okay, what's
my neighbor going to think? You know, like when we
can let that go, well, then we're totally no. We
just we're not sort of thinking at the back of
our mind about no judging ourselves, you know, within our
(25:11):
mind we might not even know, but we're judging ourselves.
How how stupid was like to do that? That's ridiculous,
It's ridiculously sir. I mean, it's Elizabeth Least is my
little nickname. But you know, when I went to painting class.
I you know, it was just twenty nineteen, I write
in my book. And I walked into the painting class
(25:33):
and everyone looked like they were painting Mona Lisa's, you know,
like they were just painting masterpieces. I thought, in my mind,
I get through, what are you doing here? Ridiculous. You're
going to look like the circus clown. You don't know
how to draw a little like paint. And my teacher
had bought my paints and my canvas. Looked around. I thought, gosh,
(25:56):
where do I put my handbags? My handbag's going to
get covered with pain and right myself, well, I'm going
to give it a go. I'm not going to think about,
not going to judge myself, compare myself. I'm going to
play like a child. And that's a that's another key thing.
You know, when we play like children, then we can't
(26:20):
We have to we have to be authentic. We're not thinking,
oh God, a child who's about to paint doesn't go oh.
I haven't had my finger painting classes yet, so I really, yeah,
I'm not quite sure about how to do this finger painting.
And I don't know how to mix paints, so that
would be ridiculousness to have a paint painter finger painting.
(26:45):
So once we are in our childlike playing stage, that's
when we can really jump into our truth often and
I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I love that is that where you painted you're a
picture that you were just showing us. Was that your
first painting experience or when did you get into painting?
Do you want to talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yes, yes, So in my book I do talk from
experience and bring in my true life experiences to help
the reader to connect. And because painting was as I said,
it was May May nineteen, May twenty nineteen that I
(27:32):
walked into the class and my first painting is a
oil acrylic and lackage, you know, painting of a lotus flower,
lotus flowers, and it becomes the first painting. It's the first.
It's on the front cover of my book, and so
(27:54):
I'm about So it's just it's an analogy that we
when we delve into just when we let ourselves loose,
let ourselves play, we often find out we can tap
into that creative well that we all have within us,
our uniqueness. And so that sort of really assisted me
(28:16):
too when we hop in when we play in our hobbies.
It keeps us mindful, It keeps us in the moment,
out of our mind, out of our head going shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't,
or fearing the future, regretting the past. We're healing ourselves
(28:39):
because we're mindful and we're in our truth. We're in
the moment, which is all we've got really we have.
The past is past and the future's fantasy. So the
more we can bring ourselves into the now, that's the
way to that's when we're in our truth. And that's
(29:02):
when we're powering ourselves up rather than draining ourselves with
the drama. You know, the drama. You know, go to
my yoga and I'm in the now and I'm mindful
and feeling good. Then you come out and you have
your coffee, and everyone goes into the drama of life
or what's happening in America, what's happening in next door,
(29:28):
or what's happening in the school community or whatever it is,
and we get caught up without compairing, our complaining, our shaming,
our judging and all, and it brings us all down.
It does nothing to power us up. It's exhausting our energy.
(29:50):
Gets zapped. So we've all hard work we've done with
being mindful and having fun and lifting our feel good vibes.
It's taken from us.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yes, absolutely, absolutely, So Elizabeth, tell us where we can
find your book and just give us a little another
little kind of summary of what it is that you
wrote and where can we find it? Where can we
find you?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Yes? Well, so my book, so Elizabeth Jane dot com
dot au, and my book is is allows tools and tips.
In summary, it really allows tools and tips for you
to be able to journey through any obstacle of life.
(30:42):
Because whether it's a financial obstacle, a health obstacle, or
a relationship obstacle. And so there are tools and tips
to be able to see those obstacles or those challenges
as opportunity it is to get to know you and
(31:03):
to actually power you up. And so they're actually you know,
I sometimes think that challenges, you know, you think, oh gosh,
not another challenge? Why and why me? You know why
these obstacles like I just got rid of that obstacle
and now but another obstacle and why are they coming
(31:25):
towards me? But if you can stand back and look
at them and go Okay, well, what's trying to tell me?
You know, what's it trying to tell me? And we
can learn from that obstacle or problem or challenge or
whatever we want to sort of nickname it. If we
can learn from it, will we actually we can empower
(31:48):
ourselves and and then you know, power up basically into
more abundance and health and vitality, and you know, and
and we find that we're in flow with life rather
than in you know, always efforting. Just power up and
(32:15):
everything comes towards us more effortlessly.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know. Yeah, yeah, amazing. I love like the way
you say that, because like being in flow is so beautiful, right,
Like it feels like everything just feels good. And that's
when I feel the most authentic or like doing genuinely
what like my body needs and wants in that in
that moment is like just completely feeling free. And so
(32:42):
I love how you illustrate that in your book. Thank yous, Yeah, amazing, Well,
thank you so much for being here again today. This
was so great. I love talking about this stuff, and
you know, you lay it out so well, and and
so for people to kind of understand learning and how
to utilize that, they should use it in your book, right,
(33:03):
they should look through your book. What is the name
of your book? Again? Free and sorry, Free and first, unblocking,
Unlocking your own limited life. There we go, Oh my gosh,
tongue twister.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
One gets busy in life. So I wrote the book
as in summaries. So even if you just you can
open and just particularly can you can just start in
any chapter you feel like if you if you want,
you know, if there's there's something you want that you need.
There's a whole chapter on forgiveness, because if we if
we don't forgive, well then we're really just holding ourselves
(33:40):
back because we're sort of like stuck in the past
and we're holding onto that grudge or that resentment and
that can that can hold us back from you know,
blazing our best self. So the book is is I
didn't want to write a profuse book because you know,
like when I was going through the bad time of
(34:03):
the divorce, you know, some some psychologists handed me a
book on boundaries and it was like this big book
and I said, I can't be bothered with this. You know,
like when we're going through our challenges, we just need
something with you know, we we sort of want quick fixes.
You know, we want quick fixes to you know, and
(34:25):
and so my book is has it. Whether you start
from the back or start from the front, or open
the book in the middle, you'll get something that you
need from it. I'm sure amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I love that because, yeah, every day is so different,
so some days you may need different inspirations. So that's
so awesome. So Elizabeth, thanks again for being here. Is
one last thing you want to tell the audience before
we go?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, well, I don't know. I think I write a
lot of poems and a phrases coming to me that
which is sort of on this topic of authenticity, and
it's do you and do you well? Come out of
your shell and do you and do you well?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
That is beautiful. What a way to end the episode.
Thanks again, I'm excited for next episode. We'll chat about
that after the show, right, Thanks Lisa, amazing. And to
our listeners and our viewers, thank you so much for
tuning in. We appreciate you. And if you have yet
(35:37):
to like, or subscribe or follow, please do all three.
We would greatly appreciate that. Until next time, I'm Lisa
Urbanski with the Advisor. Bye bye for now.
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