March 27, 2025 • 33 mins
Join me as I dive deep into the signs of toxic relationships and challenge myself to break free from their grip!
Are toxic relationships hindering your path to living your best life? Join host Lisa Urbanski and guest Elizabeth Jane as they dive deep into the signs and impacts of toxic relationships on mental and emotional well-being. Discover how to identify red flags, establish healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care to liberate yourself from the cycle of toxicity.
Whether it's a toxic partner, friend, or family member causing you distress, this episode offers essential guidance on breaking free and paving the way for a happier, healthier life. Elizabeth's insights and experiences will illuminate the pathway to recognizing, addressing, and ultimately overcoming the challenges posed by toxic relationships.
Visit elizabethjane.com.au to uncover more transformative wisdom from Elizabeth.
Unlock a life of limitless potential and purpose by grabbing your copy of Elizabeth Jane's empowering book, 'FREE AND FIRST - UNLOCKING YOUR ULTIMATE LIFE' today! https://elizabethjane.com.au/book/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/free-to-be-me-self-discovery-authentic-living-empowerment--6448259/support.
Are toxic relationships hindering your path to living your best life? Join host Lisa Urbanski and guest Elizabeth Jane as they dive deep into the signs and impacts of toxic relationships on mental and emotional well-being. Discover how to identify red flags, establish healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care to liberate yourself from the cycle of toxicity.
Whether it's a toxic partner, friend, or family member causing you distress, this episode offers essential guidance on breaking free and paving the way for a happier, healthier life. Elizabeth's insights and experiences will illuminate the pathway to recognizing, addressing, and ultimately overcoming the challenges posed by toxic relationships.
Visit elizabethjane.com.au to uncover more transformative wisdom from Elizabeth.
Unlock a life of limitless potential and purpose by grabbing your copy of Elizabeth Jane's empowering book, 'FREE AND FIRST - UNLOCKING YOUR ULTIMATE LIFE' today! https://elizabethjane.com.au/book/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/free-to-be-me-self-discovery-authentic-living-empowerment--6448259/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Advisor. I'm Lisa Orbansky,
co host of the show. I am back here today
with Elizabeth Jane. So today we are diving into how
to manage toxic relationships. This is a huge, huge, important topic.
We are going to learn how to step up and
stop being stepped on and toa here to help us
(00:24):
navigate that in this conversation is Elizabeth Jane. She is
a relationship coach, a mentor, and a fierce advocate for
personal development. Elizabeth has helped countless people break free from
unhealthy dynamics and reclaim their power. So in this episode,
we're going to explore how do identify toxic relationship patterns,
(00:47):
the power of boundaries, how to step into your self
worth and personal power without guilt, and practical steps to detach, heal,
and move forward in a way that serves you. You've
ever felt trapped on herd or durined in a relationship,
whether it's a romantic, professional, or personal, this episode is
(01:07):
for you, And if you did not listen to the
last episode that Elizabeth and I did together, we spoke
about forgiveness and the power of forgiveness and how that
will set you free, So go back on our channel.
Check it out. It's amazing. Before we get started, I
just want to thank our sponsor, speaker and iHeartRadio. Without you,
(01:30):
this could not be possible. Nice to see you, Elizabeth.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Very well? Thanks Lisa. Yes, good, Bud good.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
So we had a really really powerful conversation last time.
Do you want to just give everyone a quick little update,
quick intro on who you are, and we'll get started there.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well, well, I'm an author and I wrote a book.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It just sort of happened really because I was I
was trying to.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Move through the trauma of a difficult divorce, and I
was thinking, well, what's helping and what's not helping, And
so the book organically grew about all the tools and
tips to actually move through a trauma. And I realized
(02:23):
just the power of forgiveness, because no matter what you believe,
someone has done to you and caused you in any way,
it's caused you pain or.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It's it's so important for you to forgive.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It doesn't mean you condone their behavior, that's by no means,
but forgiving makes it easier for you and it's healthier
for you.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Because if we hold all that grudged in that revenge
within us. It doesn't do us any good. So I
was I was really blessed to you know, the divorce
was was very tricky, but was it really helped me.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Empower myself and realize the importance of standing up for
what mattered to me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, Wow, what a time, What a time for transformation
in your life.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yes, well it was. It was a gift.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I mean, just doesn't feel like a gift at the time,
you know, it felt like, you know, how how could
this happen to me? You know, I was totally in
victim mentality. And it was only when I had time
to reflect after you know, a couple of years, that
I realized that this was an opportunity, a massive opportunity
(03:47):
to actually work out. You know, we all come on
to this planet Earth, and we all deserve to be
happy and know and free and to be able to
be the leader of our lives.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
And I just.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Didn't realize I had lost myself in my roles as
not any wife, but as a mother.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Of four children.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
And then I realized, as I started to reclaim me,
that I was actually helping my children because you know,
we role model for our kids.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And I'm just so relieved.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That I'll see that the next next generation won't be
doing what I did in terms of not putting myself first.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And it's tricky.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
People don't think about, you know, they think it's selfish
to put themselves first. Oh, I've got children, and I
can't put myself first. I've got no elderly parents and copy.
But when we put ourselves first and we lift and
we self care enough, then they get all the happy energy.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And the good vibes.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Whereas if we're putting ourselves last, which is sort of
like the program often you know, for mothers. You know,
they think I will sacrifice this and put our children first,
But then then we're not We're not any good to ourselves,
but also not any good to our loved ones.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yeah, I agree, I agree. We got to be strong
look after ourselves first so we can be the foundation
and then we can hold everybody up right.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yes, yes, yes, I mean it was that the flight
attendance on the plane put your mask on first, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Before you help others. Yeah, I know, it's just powerful. Yeah,
so let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Then today we're talking a little bit about toxic relationships.
So how do we identify toxic relationship patterns? What are those?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Well?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think I think it's really just any any passions.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Whether it's it's.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Spoken behavior or actions that make you feel small, feel disempowered.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No, so it can be very actually something like this,
passive aggressive, like someone being passive aggressive, or like what
do you think?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, well it can be it can be anything. It
can be someone just sort of.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Not supporting you know, any any any behavior that is
not supporting you really needs.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
To be looked at. I believe.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So you know, if it's if it's behavior that that
is causing you to feel any way.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Belittled or not empowered, you know, like you're.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
You feel that you you can't speak up for what
you need or you don't even know what you need.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Because you're so lost with.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Looking after someone else and not getting any support or
in return. It's a two way straight. I believe no
relationship should be supporting you know, both parties need to
be able to support one another.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I recall, I mean I try and work on myself
in my relationship every day, and I know that there's
been some times where I've been it's coming from a
place of jealousy almost like if Matt's got plans to
do something and I'm home by myself and I don't
have plans, and he's like, oh, I'm going to do
this with so and so, and then I'm like, I
(07:45):
don't know. I say something silly like oh well what
about this? And it has nothing to do with it. It's
just because I'm like I miss him, I want to
see him. But it's coming from that place. But I
now can recognize those patterns and then know that, you know,
it's one nay, he's going to a good time. He's
going to be with like the people that he wants
to be with, and it's it's my issue. So it's
(08:06):
like really important to learn how to analyze the reactions
and everything that we're doing so we know exactly where
they're coming from, right something.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I try that from Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yes, well, I think I think that the best way
to work on it is to work on you, you know,
because once we change what, we change our internal landscape.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Like I mean, you know, there's a lot in you know,
in the press.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And media about self care and self love and what
is this self pin?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
You know, do I really need a bubble? Back every night.
You know, what what is this? You know, like, and
how will this help me? You know, like, yeah, so
I really wanted to.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Write my book, you know, Free and First Unlocking your
ultimate life in a way that would be straightforward so
people could say, Okay, well, because how are you going
to stand up.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And not be stepped on if you don't believe you're
worth it?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
You know, like you need you need to work primarily
on you in terms of building your self worth.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So that may be.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
There's so many ways, and I talk about it in
my book, so many ways, and yes it may be
the bubba, but you know, like it's really it's a
very individual thing.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And you know, like I just have you know, I
have a list.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Of ten things that I go to that make me
feel good, and I don't rely on someone else outside
of myself, whether that's you know, my children, or my
husband or my partner who or a best friend even
that Oh gosh, I need need to find that person
(09:57):
so I feel good.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I need need to spend time.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So I go, okay, as you said, you know your
partner's not there, they're out having fun. Right, I'm not
feeling too good, So then take yourself on a dat
you know, like buy yourself flowers, go.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And pick the neighbors flowers. Whatever it takes to bring
joy into your life, you.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Know, like just and that's what I would always find
that I could never stand up to bad behavior if
I didn't feel good about myself because I thought, oh,
it's just going.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
To drive them away.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I mean it's just I'm maybe just left with my
kids are just ignore me or leave me. And so
it's really important to practice this standing up. But we
can't stand up. I don't believe until we feel good
enough to stand.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Like you absolutely hit the nail on the head because
in that scenario for men, I'm totally fine and supportive.
I love when he goes out because I have my
own things, and I'm like, okay, well then now I'm
going to do this because I make myself happy. I
fulfill the needs of myself. Everything else is just gravy.
(11:14):
So yes, and I do not take a lot of
bubble baths. Just I just pictured bubbles everywhere when you
were speaking.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So so yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Well let me ask you this then. The power of boundaries,
I know how powerful they are. How do we set them?
How do we maintain them? How do we not step
over the line.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Okay, well, so once we've sort of stepped up, when we're.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Feeling good about ourselves, then we've got a chance of
following through and setting boundaries. But before that we have
to do something else because I believe that when we
get so busy.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
With life, you know, like we're busy with work, or
busy with family, or even busy with friends, you know, parshying,
and but we when we're busy.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We really I don't feel it was true for me.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
I don't know about you, Lisa, but you can't feel
how you really feel.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You're sort of numbing your feelings.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
You know, we were having a champagne or having a drink.
Speaker 7 (12:19):
Oh yes, life's good. Yep, yep, life's good. Or we're busy.
Oh no, as long as I keep busy. As long
as I keep busy, I'll be fine, and I'll be fine.
And what happens is we're botchling in and numbing ourselves
as to how we feel. So the number one step
is we need to stop. We need to sort of
(12:41):
get out of that hamster wheel, off that hamster wheel
of life.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
We have to stop, read and feel what are we're feeling?
We're feeling anger, is there any anger that we can feel?
Speaker 8 (12:55):
And he said anger is just there in a little
tiny inmsy wincy bit, it means it's a good sign
because it's a signal. It's a signal that we need
to feel into what we're missing, what we need, and
to step up and put a boundary in place.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
But until we feel we don't know what we need.
So we need to stop feel into our feelings and
then we know what we need.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
We're at a talk about the A, B, C of
me and my book.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
So a acknowledge allowed and accept how we feel.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
It's not bad.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
We don't shame and blame ourselves because we're feeling anger,
we're feeling sadness and we don't feel it. It just
gets gets stuck in us and it can have have
it with our health and it's not going to help us.
It's not going to be processed. It's going to just
stick heavy in our psyche and keep us, keep us down.
(14:00):
So we need to do a stop, acknowledge, allow and
accept how we feel.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
B is about setting the boundaries and C we need C.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
The communication of the boundaries. It is very very important
because you know, like if I say, oh, could you
just put the little the toothpaste, you know, like please,
and you're sort of saying it not in an authoritic way.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You don't have to get aggressive.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
We don't want to stay passive because we just won't
be heard we you know.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So it's as a.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Whole chapter in my book about a whole chapter of
my book about B and a whole chapter about C.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
To be free, we just do a.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
We need to do the ABC and we also there's
a whole chapter on that self care because unless we
practice this ABC, unless we feel good enough to actually
stand up and courageous enough to put this in place,
and we need to practice it, we can't, you know,
we won't necessarily art well. For me, I didn't succeed.
(15:08):
I had to keep trying and trying again and to
do it because if you if you've been passive or
people pleasing for a long time, it can be challenging.
Let's say, to feel good enough to stand up. And
it took me time, and it took me a lot
(15:30):
of perseverance, and but it was worth it in the
end because it great news. Is it just to help
build those relationships Because I thought it would scare them away,
you know, like I said, oh no, I can't speak up,
And it probably did scare them at first because they thought, oh,
(15:50):
this is not the normal Elizabeth Jane.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That I've seen.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You know, she's usually very helpful, she's usually happy to
put up with me with this.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
And then all of a sudden, as I was standing up.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I thought, oh gosh, I might lose my children, you know,
I might lose my best friend. But it ironically, when
we can be vulnerable enough to express our feelings, it actually,
I believe it builds intimacy and the walls come down that.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Are starting to be bricking up, slowly, but surely. You know,
I had a twenty five year marriage and you.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Know, I thought, oh, well, I'm just you know, I
go with the flow and keep everyone.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Happy, and it's all good.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
But what happens is the bricks start to go in
there and then you're left with, oh, you're not sharing
how you feel.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
What sort of relationship of we got?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And then it happens so well for me, it would
happen so suchly, and you know, we're all busy. I
was busy with children and busy with lots of things,
you know, different wres.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And it can catch up on you. And you know,
that's what that's my experience anyway. I think there's a
lot of things there.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I think when we have boundaries and we respect ourselves
and we stick to them, the other person, whatever relationship
that is, they see that respect and they respect us more.
I know for me, it's challenging sometimes for me to
hold on and like stick to my boundary in my
relationship because a I'm like, I need to choose my battles,
(17:37):
but it's so much easier to just let it go,
and especially because then I'm emotional and then I'm like,
I feel like I want to connect, but it's just
so hard to stay strong and actually like stick to
what I said I'm going to stick to sometimes because
I just it's hard to do that. But you're right,
(17:58):
like the more we work on ourselves, the more we
stay in our power, the more we fulfill our own needs,
it gets easier and easier to do, and then your
partner respects you more and then your relationship gets better.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
But it's not easy, No.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
No, And I think I think you know, I have
another chapter in my book about you know, when we
fall down, you know, when we when we don't succeed,
so you don't talk about that. We don't want to
judge ourselves it.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I said, talking about that, then like let us talk
to the audience about what that is like, and how
like what that looks like. How do you pick yourself
back up? Because it happens so often for so many people.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah, well, I think you know when you go through
a trauma, whether it's a relationship trauma, a health trauma,
of financial trauma, and some people have all three baskets
happening once, unfortunately, And and this book I wanted to
(19:03):
get out to the world because people need, people deserve
to feel good.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
And so when so when.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
We when we're experiencing a trauma, you know, it all
sounds good and well to say, oh, well, you know,
stand up for what you wanted, follow through. But in
the early days, when I was in such a bad way,
when I just could not get out of bed, and
(19:32):
the thing that I learned is baby steps, baby steps.
So I'd have a have a list on the fridge
of things that made me feel joy, and I'd only
tackle the things that.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I had to for that day.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And I try try not to feel shameful or judge
myself because if we're shameful and judge ourselves, guess what.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
We're feeling worse.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
And so then as a whole big chapter again on
when we're feeling yuck, when we're not feeling good about ourselves,
it's usually because we've stepped into the past with our
thoughts shaming and blaming and judging, or we're in the
(20:25):
future fantasy fearing our future. So it's a fantasy, so
we're fearing what do we do? My husband's going to
leave me? And where am I going to get the money?
And where am.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I going to live?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
And so our mind can play bad tricks on us
in a way because the past is spilt met my
grandmother used to say, it's gone, it's past, and the
future is a fantasy. So we need if we're feeling awful,
if we bring ourselves back into the present and we're.
Speaker 9 (20:59):
Mindful of okay, okay, okay, I'm in my bed, well,
got a roof over my head, and think about all
the things that make.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Us feel grateful, that the things we're grateful for can
actually make us lift us up, make help help me,
help you get out of bed when you're having a
bad day, and just anything, you know, hobbies, ten minutes
a day of doing something that brings you joy, just
playing like kids play.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Why can't we go skip in?
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You know how many people you see skipping down the
road to their coffee.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
We don't because oh no, better not be silly.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
What But you know, sometimes if we if we did
just skip in the street, or we did get a
piece of chalk out and did a hopscotch. You know, simple,
simple things that that are light and playful can act
to lift our mood. You know, dance into a silly song,
(22:03):
or you know, cooking our favorite meal or talking to
an uplifting friend. So have you have your list on
the on the fridge about.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
What you need to the real American? Yeah? Exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I mean I think they say, you know there is
one list I think where you can grab one one
idea grab ice from the freezer.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Because if you grab ice from the freezer.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
And you hold ice in your hands, you have to
be bought back into the into the now. You've got
no shots. You can't because you've got the ice in
your hands. You've got the sensation of this ice feeling
in your hands.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
You can't be in your mind. So it's it's it
is amazing that we can actually just.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Once we start to realize that we are not our
mind and we are much more than that, and then
and that really helps us to step up and then
we can start putting ourselves first.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
As my book goes on to say, because I go to.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Putting ourselves first, that sounds so selfish, That is so selfish.
For me, I was like, oh no, no, that's really
not stopped the way.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
You know, that's really selfish.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
And it's up myself to think that I could be
putting myself first, and when we were so programmed to
put ourselves last, where we've got children and elderly parents
or whatever the situation, husbands, partners, and but once I
realized that the program was wrong and I and it
(23:47):
wasn't empowering for anyone, including myself, including my loved ones,
that was really easy for me and to just drop it.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
But it still took time enjoying the program.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I know how many years have been on the planet.
It's hard to You can't just open not go okay,
well this is how it's kind of be now.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Try you know, but I yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
It's definitely it takes work, and it's like consistent work,
And something that you mentioned is so important and powerful
is that the mindset and that our ability to detach
from those thoughts and feelings and patterns and not let
them control your actions or put you in freeze mode.
(24:34):
So one of my mentors, who I just absolutely adore,
I was going, I was having a bit of a
rough day on Saturday, and she said, why is that
bothering you? You're putting that story in your mind. You
attached that story to the end of what whatever was
happening in that moment, and I snapped out of it,
(24:54):
and I'm like, you're right. I'm like, that's my story
that I'm attaching to. This message that doesn't shouldn't even
be affecting me. It should have zero of my attention
right now. And it's so important to remind ourselves that
that a lot of times we're reacting based on trauma,
based on our past, based on what we're learned everything
(25:16):
you just talked about having all these things ingrained in us,
but that's the story we are touched to situations, right
So having the ability to control and have a strong mindset,
as you mentioned, is very very important. What are your
thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Yes, well, you know, like I think, you know, in
the early days, I go to yoga and think, well,
you know, I'm doing something good for me and I
go and have my coffee with my girlfriends and we
go into the drama. We're going to a drama. Who says,
Then he says, and then yeah, It's just like I
guess what that would do. That would just undo all
the good work.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And take me down. There's all this drama.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Getting hooked in is like I think my spiritual teacher said,
it's just like being.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
It's like quicksand the more you.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
Go allow your mind to go over and over the drama,
it just it just it just builds the bomb of
dark energy and plugs us down into a place.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
So we really need to go okay, not going there, No, no, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Mind, I'm not going there. I you know, you've nearly
caught me get it going there. But I'm not going
to do that. I'm going to distract myself, bring myself
back into.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
The now with a hobby, being a friend, whatever, whatever
your list is sort of you know, excite you're excited
about that lifts you up and and then you're in
a position to go okay, now okay, now I'm in
a good place.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I'm going to look at what's really making me angry?
What's what's what?
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Why have I feeling this sadness and really feel into it,
like be.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
A detective and go okay, yes I could react to this.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
I could have an anger bomb, but again, we have
a road rage moment, and what do we know.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I mean, it just builds the energy in bomb of
lack energy and no one wins. No, we're actually.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Giving away our power when we react. But if we
look and go oh, not happy, and we take time
when we respond, we were taking back oup power. So
it's our choice. Everything is our choice, everything we do,
(27:42):
and we con choose to. You know, as we've said, no,
it's so easy to We could go into the drama
and go over and over it all day and we
can be going through a few.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Tissue boxes or punching a few pillows, but in the end,
it's not going to it set us free.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Absolutely absolutely. I love that, and you clearly outline that
in your book, and it's so brilliantly laid out for people.
So yeah, what an amazing, amazing book.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Well, thank you. Yes, you want to tell.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Everyone a little bit about where they can find your book.
So Elizabeth Jane wrote the book called Free and First,
Unlocking Your Ultimate Life, and we've been talking a lot
about that today and what an amazing thing. So where
can we find it? Where can we buy it?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yes, so it's it's the easiest way is to jump
on my website Elizabeth Jane dot com and dot au.
We have dot au in Australia here, so it's Elizabeth
Jane dot com dot au and if you or if you.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Choose to.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Instagram is Elizabeth Jane dot Life, l I F E
and I have all my interviews and all my podcasts
that I do around the world, and they're different themes
probably every week, a couple each week, and so you
can pick and choose one that's topical to you in
the situation that you're.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Being challenged with.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
But I just want to, you know, like I just
want to also tell your audience that the.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Great thing is is that I.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Couldn't see it at the time, and it's a really
hard thing until you really can have been there. Is
that each challenge that we get, each obstacle, no matter
how big or how small, and whatever theme it has,
it's coming with you know, the money obstacle, the health obstacle,
(29:51):
or the relationship obstacle is it is an opportunity. It
is an opportunity if we can just look at it,
stand back from it, and realize.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Okay, what he What am I meant to learn from this?
What am I meant to learn from this? Because the
trick is if we.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Don't learn from that experience, we tend to get more
assignments in the same genre, in the same theme. So
if we're not loving and respecting ourselves, we're getting.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
A boss or our partner or our.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Children disrespecting us. But if we don't learn to step
up and respect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
We might change work. We could change jobs.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Say goodness, I've got ready, that's disrespectful boss. But I
believe the chances are until we clear that energy from us,
we will go on find that the next boss is disrespectful,
and the situation will keep coming to us until we
look at our internal landscape. And when we build us up,
(31:03):
then then life begins to take on a different flavor.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yes, yeah, the universe will keep delivering us the same
thing over and we learn from it.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
It's like at Earth School, where is it of like
I just thinking about as a big classroom. Oh yes, okay,
well they delivered to me today.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yes, And then sometimes you're like, damn it, I thought
I learned this already.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah, it's true, and it's like the definition of insanity.
Sometimes it's taken me a long time to learn certain lessons,
but it's it's it's pretty cool when you learn, and
then you can look back and see why those situations
happened and then kind of piece everything together and just
I don't know, it's just the way the universe works.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah, and your teachers and your loved ones, So you're
you're you'reldren and you're you know, your loved ones are
off and the teachers and that they look like the baddie,
the baddie because they're delivering the challenge.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
But there.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
But now I look back and I'm so thankful for
my ex because he was the he was the bad
one who delivered the challenge. But he gave me the
biggest gift, you know, he gave me the biggest gift,
even though it was pretty pretty challenging divorce. He gave
me the biggest gift in finding me and learn to
(32:32):
how to be the leader of my life and and know,
well the master of my mind, you know, like, and
that's that's the that's the freedom that I'm just so
thankful for, so thankful for that.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Well, that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing with
us today. Yeah, such a beautiful lesson and you're just
such a beautiful person.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Oh so it's same to you.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Thank you Lisa for having me on and and look
forward to chatting with you again soon.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Absolutely absolutely cannot wait. You guys, that was Elizabeth Jane
just such a bright light and so so smart. You've
been through so many things, and we all know that
the best teachers are the ones that have been through stuff.
So if you haven't checked out her website, all that's
(33:23):
going to be in the show notes. We'll have a
link to her book there. We'll have a link to
her social media so you can easily access her should
you feel called to. And what a brilliant show. Thank
you again Elizabeth, and to our audience until next time.
Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Advisor. I'm Lisa Orbansky,
co host of the show. I am back here today
with Elizabeth Jane. So today we are diving into how
to manage toxic relationships. This is a huge, huge, important topic.
We are going to learn how to step up and
stop being stepped on and toa here to help us
(00:24):
navigate that in this conversation is Elizabeth Jane. She is
a relationship coach, a mentor, and a fierce advocate for
personal development. Elizabeth has helped countless people break free from
unhealthy dynamics and reclaim their power. So in this episode,
we're going to explore how do identify toxic relationship patterns,
(00:47):
the power of boundaries, how to step into your self
worth and personal power without guilt, and practical steps to detach, heal,
and move forward in a way that serves you. You've
ever felt trapped on herd or durined in a relationship,
whether it's a romantic, professional, or personal, this episode is
(01:07):
for you, And if you did not listen to the
last episode that Elizabeth and I did together, we spoke
about forgiveness and the power of forgiveness and how that
will set you free, So go back on our channel.
Check it out. It's amazing. Before we get started, I
just want to thank our sponsor, speaker and iHeartRadio. Without you,
(01:30):
this could not be possible. Nice to see you, Elizabeth.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Very well? Thanks Lisa. Yes, good, Bud good.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
So we had a really really powerful conversation last time.
Do you want to just give everyone a quick little update,
quick intro on who you are, and we'll get started there.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well, well, I'm an author and I wrote a book.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It just sort of happened really because I was I
was trying to.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Move through the trauma of a difficult divorce, and I
was thinking, well, what's helping and what's not helping, And
so the book organically grew about all the tools and
tips to actually move through a trauma. And I realized
(02:23):
just the power of forgiveness, because no matter what you believe,
someone has done to you and caused you in any way,
it's caused you pain or.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It's it's so important for you to forgive.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It doesn't mean you condone their behavior, that's by no means,
but forgiving makes it easier for you and it's healthier
for you.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Because if we hold all that grudged in that revenge
within us. It doesn't do us any good. So I
was I was really blessed to you know, the divorce
was was very tricky, but was it really helped me.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Empower myself and realize the importance of standing up for
what mattered to me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, Wow, what a time, What a time for transformation
in your life.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yes, well it was. It was a gift.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I mean, just doesn't feel like a gift at the time,
you know, it felt like, you know, how how could
this happen to me? You know, I was totally in
victim mentality. And it was only when I had time
to reflect after you know, a couple of years, that
I realized that this was an opportunity, a massive opportunity
(03:47):
to actually work out. You know, we all come on
to this planet Earth, and we all deserve to be
happy and know and free and to be able to
be the leader of our lives.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
And I just.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Didn't realize I had lost myself in my roles as
not any wife, but as a mother.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Of four children.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
And then I realized, as I started to reclaim me,
that I was actually helping my children because you know,
we role model for our kids.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And I'm just so relieved.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That I'll see that the next next generation won't be
doing what I did in terms of not putting myself first.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And it's tricky.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
People don't think about, you know, they think it's selfish
to put themselves first. Oh, I've got children, and I
can't put myself first. I've got no elderly parents and copy.
But when we put ourselves first and we lift and
we self care enough, then they get all the happy energy.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And the good vibes.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Whereas if we're putting ourselves last, which is sort of
like the program often you know, for mothers. You know,
they think I will sacrifice this and put our children first,
But then then we're not We're not any good to ourselves,
but also not any good to our loved ones.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yeah, I agree, I agree. We got to be strong
look after ourselves first so we can be the foundation
and then we can hold everybody up right.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yes, yes, yes, I mean it was that the flight
attendance on the plane put your mask on first, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Before you help others. Yeah, I know, it's just powerful. Yeah,
so let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Then today we're talking a little bit about toxic relationships.
So how do we identify toxic relationship patterns? What are those?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Well?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think I think it's really just any any passions.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Whether it's it's.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Spoken behavior or actions that make you feel small, feel disempowered.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No, so it can be very actually something like this,
passive aggressive, like someone being passive aggressive, or like what
do you think?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, well it can be it can be anything. It
can be someone just sort of.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Not supporting you know, any any any behavior that is
not supporting you really needs.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
To be looked at. I believe.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So you know, if it's if it's behavior that that
is causing you to feel any way.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Belittled or not empowered, you know, like you're.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
You feel that you you can't speak up for what
you need or you don't even know what you need.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Because you're so lost with.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Looking after someone else and not getting any support or
in return. It's a two way straight. I believe no
relationship should be supporting you know, both parties need to
be able to support one another.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I recall, I mean I try and work on myself
in my relationship every day, and I know that there's
been some times where I've been it's coming from a
place of jealousy almost like if Matt's got plans to
do something and I'm home by myself and I don't
have plans, and he's like, oh, I'm going to do
this with so and so, and then I'm like, I
(07:45):
don't know. I say something silly like oh well what
about this? And it has nothing to do with it. It's
just because I'm like I miss him, I want to
see him. But it's coming from that place. But I
now can recognize those patterns and then know that, you know,
it's one nay, he's going to a good time. He's
going to be with like the people that he wants
to be with, and it's it's my issue. So it's
(08:06):
like really important to learn how to analyze the reactions
and everything that we're doing so we know exactly where
they're coming from, right something.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I try that from Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yes, well, I think I think that the best way
to work on it is to work on you, you know,
because once we change what, we change our internal landscape.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Like I mean, you know, there's a lot in you know,
in the press.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
And media about self care and self love and what
is this self pin?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
You know, do I really need a bubble? Back every night.
You know, what what is this? You know, like, and
how will this help me? You know, like, yeah, so
I really wanted to.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Write my book, you know, Free and First Unlocking your
ultimate life in a way that would be straightforward so
people could say, Okay, well, because how are you going
to stand up.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And not be stepped on if you don't believe you're
worth it?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
You know, like you need you need to work primarily
on you in terms of building your self worth.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So that may be.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
There's so many ways, and I talk about it in
my book, so many ways, and yes it may be
the bubba, but you know, like it's really it's a
very individual thing.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And you know, like I just have you know, I
have a list.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Of ten things that I go to that make me
feel good, and I don't rely on someone else outside
of myself, whether that's you know, my children, or my
husband or my partner who or a best friend even
that Oh gosh, I need need to find that person
(09:57):
so I feel good.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I need need to spend time.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So I go, okay, as you said, you know your
partner's not there, they're out having fun. Right, I'm not
feeling too good, So then take yourself on a dat
you know, like buy yourself flowers, go.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And pick the neighbors flowers. Whatever it takes to bring
joy into your life, you.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Know, like just and that's what I would always find
that I could never stand up to bad behavior if
I didn't feel good about myself because I thought, oh,
it's just going.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
To drive them away.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I mean it's just I'm maybe just left with my
kids are just ignore me or leave me. And so
it's really important to practice this standing up. But we
can't stand up. I don't believe until we feel good
enough to stand.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Like you absolutely hit the nail on the head because
in that scenario for men, I'm totally fine and supportive.
I love when he goes out because I have my
own things, and I'm like, okay, well then now I'm
going to do this because I make myself happy. I
fulfill the needs of myself. Everything else is just gravy.
(11:14):
So yes, and I do not take a lot of
bubble baths. Just I just pictured bubbles everywhere when you
were speaking.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So so yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Well let me ask you this then. The power of boundaries,
I know how powerful they are. How do we set them?
How do we maintain them? How do we not step
over the line.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Okay, well, so once we've sort of stepped up, when we're.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Feeling good about ourselves, then we've got a chance of
following through and setting boundaries. But before that we have
to do something else because I believe that when we
get so busy.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
With life, you know, like we're busy with work, or
busy with family, or even busy with friends, you know, parshying,
and but we when we're busy.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We really I don't feel it was true for me.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
I don't know about you, Lisa, but you can't feel
how you really feel.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You're sort of numbing your feelings.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
You know, we were having a champagne or having a drink.
Speaker 7 (12:19):
Oh yes, life's good. Yep, yep, life's good. Or we're busy.
Oh no, as long as I keep busy. As long
as I keep busy, I'll be fine, and I'll be fine.
And what happens is we're botchling in and numbing ourselves
as to how we feel. So the number one step
is we need to stop. We need to sort of
(12:41):
get out of that hamster wheel, off that hamster wheel
of life.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
We have to stop, read and feel what are we're feeling?
We're feeling anger, is there any anger that we can feel?
Speaker 8 (12:55):
And he said anger is just there in a little
tiny inmsy wincy bit, it means it's a good sign
because it's a signal. It's a signal that we need
to feel into what we're missing, what we need, and
to step up and put a boundary in place.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
But until we feel we don't know what we need.
So we need to stop feel into our feelings and
then we know what we need.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
We're at a talk about the A, B, C of
me and my book.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
So a acknowledge allowed and accept how we feel.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
It's not bad.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
We don't shame and blame ourselves because we're feeling anger,
we're feeling sadness and we don't feel it. It just
gets gets stuck in us and it can have have
it with our health and it's not going to help us.
It's not going to be processed. It's going to just
stick heavy in our psyche and keep us, keep us down.
(14:00):
So we need to do a stop, acknowledge, allow and
accept how we feel.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
B is about setting the boundaries and C we need C.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
The communication of the boundaries. It is very very important
because you know, like if I say, oh, could you
just put the little the toothpaste, you know, like please,
and you're sort of saying it not in an authoritic way.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You don't have to get aggressive.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
We don't want to stay passive because we just won't
be heard we you know.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So it's as a.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Whole chapter in my book about a whole chapter of
my book about B and a whole chapter about C.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
To be free, we just do a.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
We need to do the ABC and we also there's
a whole chapter on that self care because unless we
practice this ABC, unless we feel good enough to actually
stand up and courageous enough to put this in place,
and we need to practice it, we can't, you know,
we won't necessarily art well. For me, I didn't succeed.
(15:08):
I had to keep trying and trying again and to
do it because if you if you've been passive or
people pleasing for a long time, it can be challenging.
Let's say, to feel good enough to stand up. And
it took me time, and it took me a lot
(15:30):
of perseverance, and but it was worth it in the
end because it great news. Is it just to help
build those relationships Because I thought it would scare them away,
you know, like I said, oh no, I can't speak up,
And it probably did scare them at first because they thought, oh,
(15:50):
this is not the normal Elizabeth Jane.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That I've seen.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You know, she's usually very helpful, she's usually happy to
put up with me with this.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
And then all of a sudden, as I was standing up.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I thought, oh gosh, I might lose my children, you know,
I might lose my best friend. But it ironically, when
we can be vulnerable enough to express our feelings, it actually,
I believe it builds intimacy and the walls come down that.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Are starting to be bricking up, slowly, but surely. You know,
I had a twenty five year marriage and you.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Know, I thought, oh, well, I'm just you know, I
go with the flow and keep everyone.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Happy, and it's all good.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
But what happens is the bricks start to go in
there and then you're left with, oh, you're not sharing
how you feel.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
What sort of relationship of we got?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And then it happens so well for me, it would
happen so suchly, and you know, we're all busy. I
was busy with children and busy with lots of things,
you know, different wres.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And it can catch up on you. And you know,
that's what that's my experience anyway. I think there's a
lot of things there.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I think when we have boundaries and we respect ourselves
and we stick to them, the other person, whatever relationship
that is, they see that respect and they respect us more.
I know for me, it's challenging sometimes for me to
hold on and like stick to my boundary in my
relationship because a I'm like, I need to choose my battles,
(17:37):
but it's so much easier to just let it go,
and especially because then I'm emotional and then I'm like,
I feel like I want to connect, but it's just
so hard to stay strong and actually like stick to
what I said I'm going to stick to sometimes because
I just it's hard to do that. But you're right,
(17:58):
like the more we work on ourselves, the more we
stay in our power, the more we fulfill our own needs,
it gets easier and easier to do, and then your
partner respects you more and then your relationship gets better.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
But it's not easy, No.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
No, And I think I think you know, I have
another chapter in my book about you know, when we
fall down, you know, when we when we don't succeed,
so you don't talk about that. We don't want to
judge ourselves it.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I said, talking about that, then like let us talk
to the audience about what that is like, and how
like what that looks like. How do you pick yourself
back up? Because it happens so often for so many people.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah, well, I think you know when you go through
a trauma, whether it's a relationship trauma, a health trauma,
of financial trauma, and some people have all three baskets
happening once, unfortunately, And and this book I wanted to
(19:03):
get out to the world because people need, people deserve
to feel good.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
And so when so when.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
We when we're experiencing a trauma, you know, it all
sounds good and well to say, oh, well, you know,
stand up for what you wanted, follow through. But in
the early days, when I was in such a bad way,
when I just could not get out of bed, and
(19:32):
the thing that I learned is baby steps, baby steps.
So I'd have a have a list on the fridge
of things that made me feel joy, and I'd only
tackle the things that.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I had to for that day.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And I try try not to feel shameful or judge
myself because if we're shameful and judge ourselves, guess what.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
We're feeling worse.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
And so then as a whole big chapter again on
when we're feeling yuck, when we're not feeling good about ourselves,
it's usually because we've stepped into the past with our
thoughts shaming and blaming and judging, or we're in the
(20:25):
future fantasy fearing our future. So it's a fantasy, so
we're fearing what do we do? My husband's going to
leave me? And where am I going to get the money?
And where am.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I going to live?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
And so our mind can play bad tricks on us
in a way because the past is spilt met my
grandmother used to say, it's gone, it's past, and the
future is a fantasy. So we need if we're feeling awful,
if we bring ourselves back into the present and we're.
Speaker 9 (20:59):
Mindful of okay, okay, okay, I'm in my bed, well,
got a roof over my head, and think about all
the things that make.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Us feel grateful, that the things we're grateful for can
actually make us lift us up, make help help me,
help you get out of bed when you're having a
bad day, and just anything, you know, hobbies, ten minutes
a day of doing something that brings you joy, just
playing like kids play.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Why can't we go skip in?
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You know how many people you see skipping down the
road to their coffee.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
We don't because oh no, better not be silly.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
What But you know, sometimes if we if we did
just skip in the street, or we did get a
piece of chalk out and did a hopscotch. You know, simple,
simple things that that are light and playful can act
to lift our mood. You know, dance into a silly song,
(22:03):
or you know, cooking our favorite meal or talking to
an uplifting friend. So have you have your list on
the on the fridge about.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
What you need to the real American? Yeah? Exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I mean I think they say, you know there is
one list I think where you can grab one one
idea grab ice from the freezer.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Because if you grab ice from the freezer.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
And you hold ice in your hands, you have to
be bought back into the into the now. You've got
no shots. You can't because you've got the ice in
your hands. You've got the sensation of this ice feeling
in your hands.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
You can't be in your mind. So it's it's it
is amazing that we can actually just.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Once we start to realize that we are not our
mind and we are much more than that, and then
and that really helps us to step up and then
we can start putting ourselves first.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
As my book goes on to say, because I go to.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Putting ourselves first, that sounds so selfish, That is so selfish.
For me, I was like, oh no, no, that's really
not stopped the way.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
You know, that's really selfish.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
And it's up myself to think that I could be
putting myself first, and when we were so programmed to
put ourselves last, where we've got children and elderly parents
or whatever the situation, husbands, partners, and but once I
realized that the program was wrong and I and it
(23:47):
wasn't empowering for anyone, including myself, including my loved ones,
that was really easy for me and to just drop it.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
But it still took time enjoying the program.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I know how many years have been on the planet.
It's hard to You can't just open not go okay,
well this is how it's kind of be now.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Try you know, but I yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
It's definitely it takes work, and it's like consistent work,
And something that you mentioned is so important and powerful
is that the mindset and that our ability to detach
from those thoughts and feelings and patterns and not let
them control your actions or put you in freeze mode.
(24:34):
So one of my mentors, who I just absolutely adore,
I was going, I was having a bit of a
rough day on Saturday, and she said, why is that
bothering you? You're putting that story in your mind. You
attached that story to the end of what whatever was
happening in that moment, and I snapped out of it,
(24:54):
and I'm like, you're right. I'm like, that's my story
that I'm attaching to. This message that doesn't shouldn't even
be affecting me. It should have zero of my attention
right now. And it's so important to remind ourselves that
that a lot of times we're reacting based on trauma,
based on our past, based on what we're learned everything
(25:16):
you just talked about having all these things ingrained in us,
but that's the story we are touched to situations, right
So having the ability to control and have a strong mindset,
as you mentioned, is very very important. What are your
thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Yes, well, you know, like I think, you know, in
the early days, I go to yoga and think, well,
you know, I'm doing something good for me and I
go and have my coffee with my girlfriends and we
go into the drama. We're going to a drama. Who says,
Then he says, and then yeah, It's just like I
guess what that would do. That would just undo all
the good work.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And take me down. There's all this drama.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Getting hooked in is like I think my spiritual teacher said,
it's just like being.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
It's like quicksand the more you.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
Go allow your mind to go over and over the drama,
it just it just it just builds the bomb of
dark energy and plugs us down into a place.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
So we really need to go okay, not going there, No, no, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Mind, I'm not going there. I you know, you've nearly
caught me get it going there. But I'm not going
to do that. I'm going to distract myself, bring myself
back into.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
The now with a hobby, being a friend, whatever, whatever
your list is sort of you know, excite you're excited
about that lifts you up and and then you're in
a position to go okay, now okay, now I'm in
a good place.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I'm going to look at what's really making me angry?
What's what's what?
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Why have I feeling this sadness and really feel into it,
like be.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
A detective and go okay, yes I could react to this.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
I could have an anger bomb, but again, we have
a road rage moment, and what do we know.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I mean, it just builds the energy in bomb of
lack energy and no one wins. No, we're actually.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Giving away our power when we react. But if we
look and go oh, not happy, and we take time
when we respond, we were taking back oup power. So
it's our choice. Everything is our choice, everything we do,
(27:42):
and we con choose to. You know, as we've said, no,
it's so easy to We could go into the drama
and go over and over it all day and we
can be going through a few.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Tissue boxes or punching a few pillows, but in the end,
it's not going to it set us free.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Absolutely absolutely. I love that, and you clearly outline that
in your book, and it's so brilliantly laid out for people.
So yeah, what an amazing, amazing book.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Well, thank you. Yes, you want to tell.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Everyone a little bit about where they can find your book.
So Elizabeth Jane wrote the book called Free and First,
Unlocking Your Ultimate Life, and we've been talking a lot
about that today and what an amazing thing. So where
can we find it? Where can we buy it?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yes, so it's it's the easiest way is to jump
on my website Elizabeth Jane dot com and dot au.
We have dot au in Australia here, so it's Elizabeth
Jane dot com dot au and if you or if you.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Choose to.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Instagram is Elizabeth Jane dot Life, l I F E
and I have all my interviews and all my podcasts
that I do around the world, and they're different themes
probably every week, a couple each week, and so you
can pick and choose one that's topical to you in
the situation that you're.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Being challenged with.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
But I just want to, you know, like I just
want to also tell your audience that the.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Great thing is is that I.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Couldn't see it at the time, and it's a really
hard thing until you really can have been there. Is
that each challenge that we get, each obstacle, no matter
how big or how small, and whatever theme it has,
it's coming with you know, the money obstacle, the health obstacle,
(29:51):
or the relationship obstacle is it is an opportunity. It
is an opportunity if we can just look at it,
stand back from it, and realize.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Okay, what he What am I meant to learn from this?
What am I meant to learn from this? Because the
trick is if we.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Don't learn from that experience, we tend to get more
assignments in the same genre, in the same theme. So
if we're not loving and respecting ourselves, we're getting.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
A boss or our partner or our.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Children disrespecting us. But if we don't learn to step
up and respect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
We might change work. We could change jobs.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Say goodness, I've got ready, that's disrespectful boss. But I
believe the chances are until we clear that energy from us,
we will go on find that the next boss is disrespectful,
and the situation will keep coming to us until we
look at our internal landscape. And when we build us up,
(31:03):
then then life begins to take on a different flavor.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yes, yeah, the universe will keep delivering us the same
thing over and we learn from it.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
It's like at Earth School, where is it of like
I just thinking about as a big classroom. Oh yes, okay,
well they delivered to me today.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yes, And then sometimes you're like, damn it, I thought
I learned this already.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah, it's true, and it's like the definition of insanity.
Sometimes it's taken me a long time to learn certain lessons,
but it's it's it's pretty cool when you learn, and
then you can look back and see why those situations
happened and then kind of piece everything together and just
I don't know, it's just the way the universe works.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah, and your teachers and your loved ones, So you're
you're you'reldren and you're you know, your loved ones are
off and the teachers and that they look like the baddie,
the baddie because they're delivering the challenge.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
But there.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
But now I look back and I'm so thankful for
my ex because he was the he was the bad
one who delivered the challenge. But he gave me the
biggest gift, you know, he gave me the biggest gift,
even though it was pretty pretty challenging divorce. He gave
me the biggest gift in finding me and learn to
(32:32):
how to be the leader of my life and and know,
well the master of my mind, you know, like, and
that's that's the that's the freedom that I'm just so
thankful for, so thankful for that.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Well, that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing with
us today. Yeah, such a beautiful lesson and you're just
such a beautiful person.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Oh so it's same to you.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Thank you Lisa for having me on and and look
forward to chatting with you again soon.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Absolutely absolutely cannot wait. You guys, that was Elizabeth Jane
just such a bright light and so so smart. You've
been through so many things, and we all know that
the best teachers are the ones that have been through stuff.
So if you haven't checked out her website, all that's
(33:23):
going to be in the show notes. We'll have a
link to her book there. We'll have a link to
her social media so you can easily access her should
you feel called to. And what a brilliant show. Thank
you again Elizabeth, and to our audience until next time.
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