Differentiation, Exploration, and Red Flags with Author Tom Bruett

We’re joined by therapist and author Tom Bruett, whose book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men has genuinely impacted our relationship. In this honest and vulnerable conversation, we dive deep into the two stages that rocked us the most: Differentiation and Exploration.

We talk about what it really means to stay emotionally connected while becoming your own person, how to ask for what you want in bed (without shame), and why open relationships often bring up the deepest communication work. Tom shares what it was like writing his most personal chapter, and we open up about how the book has helped us become better partners.

💬 Learning to set boundaries without shutting down
🧠 The power of sex-positive, vulnerable conversations
❤️ Why differentiation can feel scary—but lead to deeper love

And of course, we close it out with a classic Koaty and Sumner game: Red Flag or Growth Lag? We throw out spicy relationship scenarios, and Tom tells us whether it’s a dealbreaker—or just a couple stuck in one of the book’s core stages.

This episode is heartfelt, hilarious, and deeply helpful for anyone in a queer relationship (or hoping to be in one).