Billboard Bachelorette, Eating Peacocks For Spite, and A $10M "Seed Round" For Sperm Races

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Everything you are about to hear is true.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
None of the names have been changed because no one
is innocent from stupidity.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
It is a great bay stupid worldlings has well, stupid, Gray, stupid,
way stupid.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Welcome to insane Eric Lane's stupid world.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
And if you see something stupid, say something stupid.

Speaker 5 (00:37):
And now here's the man who has given a piece
of his mind to so many people. He barely has
a mind left. The host of this stupid world, Eric Lane.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Welcome to my stupid world. I've got five stars stupidity
for you, so please rate the podcast with five stars.
My Insane Florida neph you Pocho Guero, and I will
underwhelm you with some of the dumbest stupidity and test
your sanity with the insane game show. So relax and
let your mind go to mush as you enter the
realm of reality, Oh America, Land of the Free, Home

(01:12):
of the brave, apparently the place where you now need
a Google calendar invite just to talk to your own kid.
According now to a new survey, so many surveys, nearly
half of the parents are scheduling appointments for family bonding.

(01:36):
I'll give them a name for an effort. But that's right.
Once upon a time, you remember, back in the good
old day, as a child might say, Hey, Dad, want
to throw the ball? Now it's more like, please hold,
I'll check your availability. Between Wednesday four point fifteen and
Thursday at six thirty, assuming Fortnite doesn't run long.

Speaker 6 (01:55):
I ought to give you a piece of my mind.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Even during these precious scheduled hangouts, more than half of
the time, someone is, you know, still glued to their screen.
So yeah, Mom finally was able to carve out special
family hour. But well, you know, Dad's over there really

(02:24):
busy doom scrolling and juniors perfecting as TikTok dance. Yeah, well,
connection achieved anyway. Well, look, the stats are pretty bleak too.
Fifty two percent of kids hold their phones while talking,
not put talking in quotes to their parents. Fifty and

(02:44):
fifty eight percent of partners can't resist checking their devices
mid conversation. You know, you're in the middle of talking
and you hear a buzz or something and oh, they
guy like at the phone, which means the modern American
family is basically what just for four people, four people
really silently scrolling in the same room. Occasionally grunting when

(03:09):
uber eats arrives.

Speaker 6 (03:12):
That.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Meanwhile, nearly a quarter of parents admit it's been over
a year since they've actually had a real intense face
to face conversation. Now, not a parting glance, I mean
an actual sit down over a table, looking each other
in the eye conversation all but just about their hopes

(03:35):
and dreams. But hey, I mean, who needs heartfelt talks
when you can share a quote unquote genuine laugh, like
an lol once a week over a cat meme. That'st
you know, coming into your dms. And yes, seventy one
percent of parents say they wish that they could, you know,

(03:55):
go back to a less digitally connected world. Well, of
course we all do, right, It's like we always want
what we really can't have. But unfortunately that time machine
is broken, and even if it did work, I think
everybody would be too busy checking their phones to really
step inside and give it a spin. You know, I

(04:16):
think maybe the solution again in quotes, according to this study,
spending more time outside because you know, apparently nature is
really the only thing strong enough to compete with Instagram notifications.
You know, maybe a little walk in the park strolled
down a rails to trails somewhere. Eighty nine parents said

(04:39):
they'd hang out more outdoors if only their backyards were
more inviting. Well they you know, they do have landscapers,
you know, translation not. I guess grass is fine, But
if we had a fire pit and some string lights,
maybe Timmy would look up from this, you know, screen
every on in a while. You know, you know, family

(05:02):
time in twenty twenty five really isn't dead. It's just
penciled in between soccer practice and zoom calls and of
course your child's ongoing love affair with snapchat ah progress.

Speaker 7 (05:30):
Help spread the stupidity, share, rate, and review the podcast
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(05:53):
helps it stand out when people are searching for stupidity.
After the episodes are published each week, the story links
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(06:16):
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Speaker 2 (06:52):
Make you understand, Come with me, let me be young only.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh yes, another week I wrote, But you I got
my my insane Florida nephew Pontacuero coming to us from
the lovely uh ocean side city of Jacksonville, Florida. Yes,
we had it.

Speaker 6 (07:23):
Makes it sound so good.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Well right now though, you might want to live in
Pennsylvania because we had spectacular fall weather up here. I
mean we're talking cool like seventy four degree days and
nice and cool like fifty three degree nights. Perfect weather
for setting out by a nice open fire pit and
enjoying an adult beverage and looking at a clear sky.

(07:47):
So this is the few times in Pennsylvania this time
of the year, you know, like late summer, early fall,
when the weather is just perfect.

Speaker 6 (07:55):
That sounds really good there, Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Now, what I'm really hoping that doesn't happen is, you know,
I hear that we're going to have a really good fall,
that we're gonna have a lot of good color. That's
what the forecasters are saying, because we had a did
not have a dry summer, and it wasn't overtly wet,
and so that's good. But what usually happens is right

(08:19):
about the time that we want to go leaf peep,
and that's when we have a whole line of storms
to come through and the wind blows and the rain
pounds and knocks all the leaves off the trees, you know,
and it's like, oh, look at all the pretty red
and orange and yellow leaves on the ground, you know.
So we're hoping that it stays where we can see
them on the trees. My wife was to take a

(08:41):
train ride, you know, through the Pennsylvania Mountains and look
at all the foliage and do some leaf peeping and
all that kind of good stuff. But we'll see, we'll see.
I mean, what we want to do is go and
I don't know if you've ever heard about this when
you're in p eight, but there is a place that
you must It's a must see when it's in the fall,
and that is jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania. Okay, there's like a

(09:02):
train that rides through jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania and it is out.
I mean, it's literally like picture postcard beautiful. And so
this is where she would like to spend some time
in jim Thorpe, Pa. So I don't know if we're
going to get to do that or not. But I don't
know what I'm going to get to do this weekend
when the podcast actually is published, I will probably be
sliding down a water tube in the Poconos because our

(09:29):
church is taking our kids, our youth to one of
the many indoor water parks in the Poconos. And the
thing is, they don't know that we're going. So by
the time this podcast actually hits, and if any of
them listen to it, they will have already figured it out.
But we call this destination unknown, and so what it

(09:51):
is the kids have no idea where we're going to go.
Somebody in our church purchases a like a bus liner. Okay,
so we get like a nice, very cushiony, nice quiet,
you know, cruise bust and with a packet full of
like fifty kids and we take off and they won't
know where we're going until we're five minutes away from
the destination. The parents, the parents get a sealed envelope

(10:14):
when they drop their kids off with all the information,
and so the parents at least know so and so
of course all the youth leaders know where we're going
to go. And so the kids are persistently asking us
for at least six weeks, you know where we're going
to go. And so what I've been doing I just
look at him and say, look, if you promise that

(10:34):
to tell, I will give you an idea where we're
going to go. And so obviously this just feeds into
their curiosity, and I just say, have you ever worked?
I say, have you ever worked on an Amish farm before?
And their eyes get really big. So this last week
at our youth group, we had this seventh grader coming
up to the youth director and he's like, so, there's

(10:56):
destination and I'm going to be a water park. And
I leaned over and I said, I hear it's going
to be an Amish farm. And his eyes got really
big and he looked at me like in total shock.
And the youth director looked at him and says, you
might want to take your pitch for him. Might come
in handy throwing the hay up into the loft. So, yeah,
we don't they don't know what. It's all speculative, you know.

Speaker 6 (11:18):
So they come prepared for water sports just in case.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Well that's the kicker. That's the kicker when they are
when they're given the packing list, they're given things like
snow skis, swimsuits, hiking boots, you know.

Speaker 6 (11:33):
Everything severe overpacking for this.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
So it's great, it's great, and and so it's a
lot of fun. Now, one year they decided, you know,
they were so you know, full of anxiety over you know,
not knowing where they wanted to go. They wanted they said, okay,
one year, we will call it destination known. And so
they they told them where they were going to go,
and they didn't like it. They wanted to be surprised,

(11:59):
so we took go back to the other one. So
but yeah, that's what we're gonna do. So we'll be
doing that this this coming weekend. Then next week we'll
have what I say, I told you it was a
bye week because uh, we're heading to Lynchburg to the beautiful,
sprawling campus of Liberty University for fall break to spend
with our college boy. Yes, right, so that's where we'll be,

(12:23):
and I hope to goodness, I don't I don't know
where I went wrong. Maybe maybe you can help me
out here. I don't know where I went wrong. You
know you, because you know you spend all your life
trying to be a good parent, trying to be a
good influence, trying to lead your kids the way they're
supposed to go. And what does he do? He goes
to college and ends up rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles.
I don't know what happened. I just I don't know.

(12:45):
I failed somewhere along my parenting. I don't know.

Speaker 6 (12:50):
Yeah, maybe maybe he's just used to well, I don't know,
like I think of living at your house, I guess,
well maybe so.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
I think black and gold is far more prettier than
you know, turquoise or some other.

Speaker 6 (13:05):
Black and gold is my school's colors.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, see there you go. See that's right. But but yeah,
he's he could you know, we we FaceTime every week
when he contextas and so he's watching the screen with
one eye and the other eye he keeps his eye
on on the football game. So, and this is great.
You're gonna love this. I don't think you may already
know this. But he's in a quad. So but in

(13:29):
his in his quad with he's got three guys, all
of them are named Jeremy. And then, by the way,
they may be listening to the podcast because we told
him about the podcast the last time, and so and
so and and I said, I said, maybe they'll subscribe it,
and so my son says, yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Yeah. So,

(13:52):
but but the best part is in order to keep
everybody's names straight because they're all named Jeremy, We've got
one white dude and two black dudes. So they're nicknames
are Coffee, Cream and Sugar oh boy. And that was
that was that was their decision to do this. So
it's like, I'm gonna like these guys already. I'm already
gonna like these guys. So so so my son says,

(14:14):
my son says, yeah, he said, Coffee is we're looking
forward to to getting to meet you. I'm like, so
we've talked to him a few times on the video
chat too, So so this will be this will be fun.

Speaker 6 (14:24):
And you know, like coffee is all I need and
I don't need the cream. I don't need the sugar.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
The sugar all right, Well, but for me, the fun
will come when I get there. And you know that
my son has to has to put up with the
fact that Dad has become more popular with his roommates than.

Speaker 6 (14:44):
He that is possible.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
So and then it's even And then you know, I'll
say things like well, I'll follow him on Instagram. He's like, Dad,
why do you have to follow my friends on Instagram?

Speaker 6 (15:00):
I know what.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yes, So it's just it's just where it is, man,
I'm sorry, you know, so it is so so yeah, Now,
last week you were saying that you were going to
take an adventure to Lego Land. Did you I wanted
to know if you did you go to Lego Land barefoot?

Speaker 5 (15:17):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (15:17):
Well no, we didn't go barefoot, but who it is.
So we realized before we left a couple of days
before we left, it's actually a three hour drive, not
a two hour drive.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Oh wow.

Speaker 6 (15:29):
So that was a little bit of a surprise. And
then we we also figured out that there is construction
and there has been I should have known this on
the bridge, like the only real good bridge to get
out of where we live. Okay, five minutes from our house.
They've been doing joint repair in construction on the joints

(15:54):
of the bridge, and it's like a four mile bridge
almost right bride to get over with the Saint John's River.
So our our three hour drive ends up becoming a
three hour forty five minute drive because we get a
forty five minute delay five minutes from our house. Right
when we were leaving.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
It was awful, don't you don't you guys use ways?
Oh we know.

Speaker 6 (16:18):
We we looked at other options, and the other options
were just as long, if not longer, because you would
have to go out of your way to cross that
bridge or to get to another bridge to get over.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
You know what I have found though, I have found
sometimes I would actually go somewhere longer because at least
I would be moving.

Speaker 6 (16:39):
So that was the conversation, and the risk was like,
all right, well we could do that. But also, like
when you've got young kids, right like, every minute it
becomes I'm so thankful that that was on the way
there and not the way back, because all the way there,
everyone's at least excited for Lego Land. On the way back,
right after about two hours, everyone was like, one of

(17:03):
our kids fell the other home. Yeah, the other fell
asleep and then started whining. I couldn't tell if he
was whining in his sleep or just awake and tired,
because it was almost seven hours of driving there back.
But man, we stayed there way too late. We had
a ton of fun. My oldest rode all kinds of
roller coasters, the first time he's ever been on the one,

(17:24):
and really we were I didn't know if he was
going to do good or not. Is he gonna cry?
Is he gonna love it? And he loved it.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Man, he just he ate it. Ador sounds like sounds
like he's got a little popa puncho in him.

Speaker 6 (17:38):
I know. Yeah, so I was. I was proud of him.
I was real proud of him. Yeah, we have to
send you some video and stuff. My brother was there
and so him and his friend, they were able to
take some video of him on his first roller coaster.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Ride other things.

Speaker 6 (17:54):
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah, oh wow, that's good. That's good. So so well,
then and and so now you know you're getting them
prepared when you take them to Canobles in Pennsylvania and
they get on the really big wooden roller coaster and
then it'll be a lot of fun.

Speaker 6 (18:08):
He went on a wooden roller coaster here and a
couple other roller coasters that were One of them was
pretty high up and had a quite a steep drop,
quite a drop. We wrote every roller coaster at least twice,
that's what we would get off of it. And he's like,
I want to do it again, like right after.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Oh yes, So the kid came home with a dopamine high.

Speaker 6 (18:32):
Absolutely, man, he is still running off that high right now.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
I'm telling oh my, oh my gosh. So now you
have to see if you can maybe have Santa Claus
bring a backyard roller coaster for Christmas.

Speaker 6 (18:44):
Then I don't know how to do that, but yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
That's crazy. So well that's good. So and and hopefully
you'd be brought home some souvenir legos we have we.

Speaker 6 (18:57):
Uh, we have plenty of legos, but yeah, we did
bring back a little souvenir that. Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Well, what I want to know, I mean, with all
the fun you had there, hopefully you did not have
to make an appointment to meet with your kids to
go to Lego lamp.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
No.

Speaker 6 (19:16):
I saw your whose schedules in appointments with their kids,
like it's a business meeting.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
I know, but apparently it must be. I mean, if
you if your whole family is full of screens, I
guess that's what you got to do.

Speaker 6 (19:30):
You know.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
It's like, I just I cannot well, I mean, look,
I mean the technology is just getting out of hand
and waiting here, what's coming next week? For well, the
next I should not say next week the next episode,
because it's more technology stupidity, all right, So yeah, that's
all I got to tell you. But yeah I saw that.
I'm like, wow, I mean it's it's you know, you

(19:54):
remember the commercial on on TV and I can't. It's
like a public service announcement that they used to do
about getting your kid up to exercise, And it's some
kid he's, let's just say, a rather heavy boy, and
he's up. He is up in his room, eating a
candy bar and watching TV. And the grandmother is downstairs

(20:15):
and she's trying to get a hold of him. So
she picks up the phone and or no, the phone
rings and it's the kid upstairs calling his grandmother downstairs. Hey, grandma,
can you bring me another candy bar? Or something like this.
Oh so that was like back in the I don't know,
eighties or something like this. I don't know that means probably,

(20:36):
but I mean that was considered technology and how you
know technology, You need to get your kids up and
out and help them to get exercise. It's gotten worse,
you know. I mean with all the technology like this.

Speaker 6 (20:48):
Who needs exercise now? When you can just give your
kids o zepic.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
Well, that's true, that's it.

Speaker 6 (20:56):
Jo Exercise super important. I do a lot of it.
That's why I keep looking looking fly out of Yeah.
It probably makes me sound old, now, doesn't it.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, it does. You're pretty fly for a white guy. Yeah,
you're right, you know that's good, that's good. But yeah,
I just I had to I had to get my
get my my, get it off my chest. The fact
that you now have to literally do Google calendar with
your parents. Who can sit aside some quality time with
your kids?

Speaker 6 (21:25):
Right when you when you have a Teams meeting with
your kids and you have to and you have to
force them to turn their video camera.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
On the Yeah, right exactly? Oh my god. Well you know, look,
I guess I guess, you know, getting them out and
doing some exercise is one thing. Maybe getting them to
eat healthy is another thing. You know, so you know,
get some good probiotics in their body.

Speaker 6 (21:49):
Oh yeah, that's right, and in some protein as well.
It's hard to get kids to eat protein. But yeah,
one of the tricks that my wife does. It's not
really trick, but there is if you get the right
kind of yo there is a decent amount of protein
and yogurt.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
True, there is, right, right, and and that's why my
kids actually do they actually enjoyed well, you know, you
know what really with our kids, what was the saving
product for them? They ate more packages of gogurt. They
loved gogurt.

Speaker 6 (22:17):
Okay, yeah, I remember gogret. I used to like to
put it in the freezer and then.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Oh yeah yeah, yeah yeah, so we we bought more
packages of gogurt. When these kids are in school.

Speaker 6 (22:27):
Anything in the world, well, my kids are not so
lucky because googurt is fullish sugar, and they my wife
will buy like this, like I think, I think it
makes a difference. It's like Greek yogurt, and it's like
a two organic Greek yogurt. A two is like the
kind of I guess what milk or protein that's like

(22:49):
kind of okay, whatever it is, it's it's actually really good.
She won't even do like, you know, if it's non fat,
She's like, nope, she wants the full fat. Oh yeah,
the five percent.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
I would agree with that. I would totally agree with
that because I think, why are they taking fat out
of things? The kids need that stuff.

Speaker 6 (23:09):
Oh yeah, no, your body needs it. Yeah, and the
fat free stuff, I think sometimes since it being like.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Worse for you, it is, it really is.

Speaker 6 (23:18):
So Anyways, let's say you have a hard time, you know,
getting kids to eat though, which is often when you
can get them to play with their food, that's when
you kind of find the perfect like equal the groom.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yeah, well I played with my food a lot actually
in the school cafeteria.

Speaker 6 (23:40):
Well, yeah, my kids are constantly trying to i don't know,
every dinner. Every dinner you're like to just eat, just eat,
and then it's only like a matter of seconds after
the meal starts before one of their their utensils falls
on the floor and you're like, oh, and then they
start crying and complaining about it. Ye play with your food,

(24:01):
but yeah, look what about yogurt. What if yogurt became
a finger food instead of food. That is, that's my
my lead in for the first story of the week,
or at least of our section. So, yeah, welcome to
the podcast. Next seven stories are going to get progressively

(24:22):
weirder or grosser or more immature, depending on the week.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
And yeah, depending on depending on the ones you pick.

Speaker 6 (24:31):
That's right, And then how you you feed him to me?
Eric gives me the worst ones to read, the first.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
One, the best ones. The best ones are saved for last.

Speaker 6 (24:41):
That's true. First one, the.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Best for me, not so best for you.

Speaker 4 (24:47):
I know.

Speaker 6 (24:50):
We're speaking of We've got a sperm raising update coming.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
That's right, go back a few episodes for that one.

Speaker 6 (25:00):
Yeah, yogo several months ago. But now but yeah, so look,
you could stay tuned for the the epilogue or maybe
I don't wanna call it apologue. I bet there'll be
more more stories to look about it. Yeah, so stretchy yogurt.
I guess the good thing about TikTok trends is that
they're usually short lived, but this might have a chance

(25:23):
of sticking around for better or worse. There's a new
trend called stretchy yogurt. It originally became a hit in
China and now has shops in New York City and
a few other places. One place in particular is called
Mammy's Yogurt Yummy. It kind of that feels I don't
know if I want to have yogurt from Mammy, you

(25:45):
know Mammy. Yeah, it's certainly oh yeah. Anyways, Look, it's
a little like the customized frozen yogurt trends from the
early two thousands, just with elasticity and a gummy texture.
Here's how it works. You choose a stretchy yogurt that

(26:07):
has the consistency of melted chocolate. They're apparently a little
guarded with what creates the texture, which is maybe a
little concerning. I don't know. Here, we actually have an
audio is at girl with a doge trying out stretch
of yogurt for the first time.

Speaker 8 (26:27):
It has a.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Unique mouthfeel, which you might find enjoyable.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Stretchy yogurt has a very viscous elasticity and a gummy texture.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Sure it's just yogurt, but Asian flavored yogurts.

Speaker 9 (26:39):
So what you do is you choose one yogurt and
you top it with five different fruits, one wet topping
and one dry.

Speaker 6 (26:47):
Topping, so it's not necessarily thick and sticky, it's just stretching.
The flavors include five vegetable, which is I think a
little odd, I don't know, yeah, rain which again a
five grain yogurt, mango, and coconut. Yeah, you get to
choose several different fruits along with one quote wet topping

(27:12):
and a quote dry topping. Usually want I think toppings,
I don't know. I don't really want them to be
considered wet for some reason, it.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Just wet odd.

Speaker 6 (27:25):
Yeah, I know, it does not make me want.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
I don't want any kind of a wet topping on
anything I'm gonna eat.

Speaker 6 (27:34):
Yeah, said so then oh yeah, well it's usually served
with a big cup and with a spoon. Now, if
you look online, there's there's videos you might put on
the telegram, right, videos, a couple of them, but people
either ordering it or some people even trying to make
it at home.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah. I saw the video and it just looks like soup.
I mean from the video. Maybe you have to try
it to get that full texture, you know. Yeah, but
I'm just like, I'm thinking it doesn't look appetizing at all.
Now to be fair. To be fair, I mean, I

(28:16):
will eat things in spite of what it looks like.
Oh okay, not because I've had you know, Scottish hagis
so and you know, if you have to know it's
inside hagas, you really don't want to eat it.

Speaker 6 (28:28):
You remember when we years back now tried the pumpkin
spice craft macaria.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
We had it and I tried it, and that's that's
probably the first and only time I'm going to have it,
so you know. But but I mean, really there we
went to a diner and suppose they had the place
they say, oh, they have the best breakfast, and it
was really affordable. I mean, my wife and I both

(28:56):
was able to eat a full breakfast in with under
twenty bucks. So I mean, but they had what they
on the menu was sausage gravy on home fries. Now
I like sausage gravy on biscuits, but I thought home
fries would sound good. Now, you know, when you when
you imagine getting your order with sausage gravy on home fries,

(29:21):
how would you expect that to look? I mean, you
know what, you know, I would think the flour gravy
with you know, pieces of sausage inside, yeah, poured over potatoes.
What I got looked like somebody had basically thrown up
on my plate. It was kind of brown and lumpy,

(29:45):
and it was like sitting on top of these little, flat,
little little home fried potatoes. And I'm like, Okay, this
really really doesn't look appealing. Okay, but you know, I
went on ahead and tried it. It was honestly the
best stuff I have ever had in my life. Oh
it was ok because they made the sausage gravy. They

(30:07):
did the crumbled sausage and they browned it in brown gravy,
and it's like I've never had sausage gravy. And they
put it on freshly cut home fried potatoes, and I'm like,
you know, okay, next time, I'm definitely getting this again.
I don't care what it looks like. So I mean, okay,
I'm all for the fact that if it doesn't look appetizing,

(30:27):
I'll still try it. And sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised. I
don't know if this story would fit that bill all right,
but this, of course it does come from Florida, so
it probably would explain an awful lot. But there's a
tail that comes from the land of pink, flamingos and peacocks,
of course, in Florida, Hudson, Florida, to be exact. I'm

(30:47):
not sure where Hudson, Florida is located, no idea, it
must be, it must be. But there is a sixty
one year old man that's there who got himself arrested
for you guessed it, cooking and eating his pet peacocks. Yes,
you heard that right, not chickens, not turkeys. Peacocks, those

(31:09):
majestic birds that strut around like royalty. Apparently, well, I
guess they'd been downgraded to weird backyard poultry or something.
I don't know, but authority said the man killed two
of his feathery pets because, get this, his neighbor kept
feeding him. Okay, and of course, in true Florida man fashion,

(31:30):
he instead of just asking the neighbor to stop, he
wrote a letter threatened to kill more peacocks to prove
a point. I'm not sure what that point.

Speaker 6 (31:38):
Is, because are such like a magical bird too.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, yeah, well, anyway, I guess I don't know. It
was quite a point for this man. I'll say this,
I mean, nothing says I'm a rational human being. Quite
like cutting the neck off of your own pet out
of spite and then tossing it in a frying pan
like it's breakfast sausage. You know, But forget the conflict resolution.
This guy went straight to peacock murder as a performance RD.
So when deputies hauled him off to jail, he proudly

(32:07):
declared that once he got out, he killed the rest
of his peacocks as well. Wow. So, because apparently the
new New Life mission for this guys to make sure
that no one else gets to enjoy their beauty. I
guess you know, if he can't have them, then nobody can,
you know, classic Florida logic.

Speaker 6 (32:22):
I didn't see what happened to his ex wife or
the divorce.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah right, you know. So my big question is what
happens to the remaining peacocks. I mean, are they witness
protection now? I mean maybe a safe house with a
tiny little sunglasses and fake mustaches, or maybe they're just
wandering around the yard wondering which one of them is
going to be next on the fryingpan roster. You know.
Either way, the man is facing felony charge of aggravated
animal cruelty. But Honestly, if stupidity were a felony in Florida,

(32:51):
half the state would be on death row by now,
you know. I mean, but remember, folks, Look, if you
got a problem with your neighbor feeding your pets, maybe try, oh,
I don't know, you know, to them, you know, maybe
being having a rational conversation or maybe another wild idea.
Just don't fry your pets in the skillet like it's
the world's worst episode of chopped. Job. You know. Wow,

(33:14):
I've never had fried peacock before.

Speaker 6 (33:17):
Yeah, neither of that kind of sounds exotic a little bit,
so I'm not gonna a little bit pod.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
It might taste a little like chicken.

Speaker 6 (33:27):
Yeah, and probably most likely, Yeah, peacocks, I do think
that they're they're really I don't know. Have you ever
hung out around the peacock before. I've rung around.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Several and a few like petty jews, right.

Speaker 6 (33:39):
They're still friendly. I don't know, I could, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (33:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
I've seen some stories where the peacock gets a little
irritated and has chased people around the pen.

Speaker 6 (33:50):
But yeah, goods for them, though, I say good for
them on that. No, I want to know, can I
eat my cat out of spite?

Speaker 1 (33:57):
Because if you go to a Chinese restaurant.

Speaker 6 (34:02):
Yeah, I I we, we regret. I don't know. She's sweet,
I guess, but I don't want a cat anymore. We
neither of us do. We made a mistake years back. Anyways, Look,
we got from eating peacocks too well to maybe not
eating your own cat, but maybe feeding them to another animal.

(34:25):
This is also maybe what I another viable option for
what I could do with my cat. In Albert, Texas,
the advanced animal science class got a little too advanced. See,
their teacher decided to spice up the curriculum by feeding
a live kitten into the classroom snake. Yeah, because nothing

(34:51):
says education like turning biology into a low budget episode
of Shark Week house cat addition or or what was
it a or like isn't it like this old like
horror movie cannibal Cannibal something?

Speaker 10 (35:09):
I am.

Speaker 6 (35:11):
There. They were like actual animals killed on the movie
sent to make that like basically yeah, well look before
you panics. School officials were quick to clear things up.
They said, don't worry, folks, no students saw it happen.
Oh than because as long as the traumatizing pet sacrifice

(35:31):
happens before the first spell. It's all good, right, Well,
I going to Superintendent Randy Brown. The teacher fed the
ailing kitten to the snake, you know, because in Texas
apparently went in doubt. Let nature handle it, forget event,
forget humane euthanasia. Now just just toss Fluffy into the
reptile tank and call it natural colection, and us pause

(35:56):
to appreciate the teacher follow ups after the whole kitten buffet,
and that she actually told her students what she did,
So that's right, show and tell without the show just
to tell. Then she offered the rescue the ailing kittens
to a student. I mean that point you kind of
think like, if I don't take them, then they're probably

(36:18):
snake food. With parental consent of course, now because apparently
it's signing a permission slip for kitten hospice duties now
part of the Texas school experience. Oh and spoiler alert,
those kittens died too, of course, So all this accomplished
was giving a snake, one weird breakfast and a bunch

(36:38):
of teenagers a new story to traumatize ther therapists with.
But don't worry justice was swift and decisive. The district investigated,
consulted with legal counsel, and then came up with the
harshest punishment possible, making the teacher remove the snakes from
her classroom. Oh that's it, you know, not like her

(36:59):
teaching life, her job, just the snakes. Because clearly the
reptiles were the real problem here. Superintendent wrapped it up
with the classic we understand some students and others repset
by the situation, and that's the last thing we want. Well,
no one's going to have in her classroom anymore, so
I think the goal was accomplished there, yea, which does

(37:23):
corporate speak. Basically, what they were saying was oops, sorry
about the kat buffet, Please don't do us. So in
our stupid world, we have a teacher who thought kitten,
I Love Python was a good idea. Students Scott then
so listened lecture on the food chain. The kittens didn't
make it in the snakes lost in three lunch privileges. Oh,

(37:43):
no winners in this one.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
That's right.

Speaker 6 (37:45):
The apology is nice, but still a weird thing to
do in the middle of ap English. I mean, I
guess it's better behavior than sleeping with the students.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
Yes, that's right, that's right exactly. I mean, at least
at least about you know, your teacher being on Megan's
law list or something like that. You know, Oh my gosh, yeah.

Speaker 6 (38:07):
Yeah, whatever. This feature is in Texas. If you need
another cat, I've got one.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Oh there you go. How big is your snake? That's
the questions you see. So well, look we've we've already
covered eating your pets, and then we've covered feeding your
pets to another pet. But now we're going to talk
about treating your boss like a pet. Yeah, now, this
will I mean it looks we're being honest. I mean,

(38:35):
we already live in a stupid world, pretty ridiculous out there,
but every once in a while I'll see some advice
columns push it to a whole new level of stupidity. Okay,
so here's a wisdom bomb for you. Okay, if you
want less stress at work, and I think we all
could probably use a little bit of that. Okay, then,

(38:56):
and Pancho, you out and take notes here. Treat your
boss like a pet. Okay, you heard that right. Don't
treat your boss like a leader. Don't treat them like
a professional, treat them like a cat or a dog
or maybe a hamster that bites you if you poke
the cage too much.

Speaker 6 (39:15):
So my boss gets dry food in the morning and wet.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Food at night. Wet topping wet toppings too all right,
So so now let's just walk through the logic here. Okay,
this article really gave me an entire playbook on how
to turn office survival into pet ownership. Right, so here's
the first step. All right, You learn their cues. Okay. See,

(39:39):
for pets, that means, you know, noticing when the cat's
ears your back or a dog's tail is wagging. So
for bosses, I guess if the boss's tail is wagging,
that might mean something altogether different. But for bosses, it
means noticing if they're cranky because a meeting ran too long,
or you know, they start pacing like a zoo animal
after a surprise deadline. Basically, don't rely on communication, don't

(40:03):
rely on clarity. Just watch their body language like you're
training to be a zoo keeper. All right, because apparently
your paycheck now comes from a free minor in animal behavior. Okay,
the next thing you do is you set boundaries, because
when you have a pet. You know, you have to
create them or you have to keep them off the
kitchen counter. Okay, okay. At work, that translates into don't

(40:26):
answer emails after nine pm, don't say yes to every request,
and don't let your boss think that they own you
twenty four to seven, all right, and I abide by
that rule. Okay, So yeah, congratulations, you're basically create training
your manager here, except instead of barking, they just send
you calendar invites. Right now, then we've got no when

(40:48):
to walk away. You know, when your dog's chewing on
your sneakers, you don't scream at it. You just walk
away until it calms down. The same applies to the boss, apparently,
so when they're ranting and spiraling or working themselves into
a meltdown about fonts on the PowerPoint slide, I guess
the best strategy is to just slowly back away. I
mean picture it. You know your boss is frothing at

(41:10):
the mouth about a missing comma or something, and you're
doing slow moonwalks out of their office like you're leaving
a bear cave or something. Because look, logic and reason
don't apply here, only survival instincts. Okay, now, let's just
talk about routine. I say, pets thrive on routine. You
feed them at the same time, you walk them at
the same time. Bosses, same deal. Okay, So send your

(41:35):
updates at predictable intervals so they don't freak out and
start micromanaging YouTube to death or here's a gym. Okay,
don't overstimulate them, and you really don't want to overstimulate
your boss, that's for sure. No surprisator emails, no big
piles of tasks, no dropping five different project updates on
their desk at once, because the bosses, like you know,

(41:57):
labradors in our room full of squeaky toys, apparent they
can't handle too much at once. Now here's rule number five.
Don't tease them the things that you won't give them. Now.
That means don't pitch big ideas that you can't follow
through one because your boss, you know, like I said,
puppy will whine endlessly about the shiny toy that they

(42:17):
thought they were getting and then they'll lose trust in you. Okay,
hopefully you're following along so far. Now. Also, you avoid
sudden movements. This is very important. Don't drop news out
of nowhere. Don't change course without a warning, and basically,
don't sneak up behind your boss and yell boo, unless,

(42:38):
of course, you want the workplace equivalent of a cat hiss.
I guess my personal favorite though, don't chase them where
they know when they hide. See if your boss disappears
into their office for some alone time, don't knock, don't hover,
don't chase them down, just wait. Okay, because apparently they're
exactly like that cat under the bed during a thunderstorm. Okay, now, okay,

(42:59):
if you're still like advents, your boss's a house pet,
the advice goes on, know they're triggers like loud noises,
scare pets, missed deadline scared bosses. See, once you learn
what sets them off, you can avoid the drama. So
then we here comes the offer solutions. Okay, don't just
bring them problems, you distract them with their favorite toy.

(43:21):
Oh sorry, I mean solutions. Yeah, so they stop panicking
and finally anticipate their needs. You See, a good pet
owner knows when their dog wants a walk or when
the cat's food bowl is empty. So it worked. That
means figuring out what your boss wants before they even
ask for it, you know, predict their hunger for updates,

(43:41):
you see, predict their thirst for meetings. Psychic powers strongly
encouraged here. Okay, and here's the big takeaway. Okay. Instead
of you know, expecting bosses to communicate clearly, manage effectively,
or respect their employees' boundaries, the new workplace survival strategy
simply is to train yourself to try eat them like
unpredictable animals. Forget leadership training, forget accountability. The system now

(44:07):
relies on you learning how to not spook your manager.
And that's what passes for professional development in twenty twenty five. Okay, now,
go out there and knock it out of the park,
all right, Yeah.

Speaker 6 (44:21):
I feel Yeah, I feel better already.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Yeah see, they're a little bit of management training here
on the podcast for you know, so that way you
don't look stupid.

Speaker 6 (44:30):
I'm assuming I should not treat her the way that
I talk about my cat, though maybe my way my dog.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Well, I don't recommend stroking their ears and saying good boy.

Speaker 6 (44:43):
Yeah that's fair, that is fair.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Well, I honestly I don't know who who goes to
school to learn how to treat your boss like a pet.

Speaker 6 (44:58):
I know, yeah, you know, one time I had a boss,
this is a long time ago, who's uh name was
I don't know if her name. I think her name
was actually Princess and uh the owner of the store
that I worked for at the time. This is like
an oh no, I was in high school right. The
owner of the store was like, oh, Princess, He's like,
that's the name of my dog. And she says that

(45:20):
and then realizes, oh, that did not come out very well.
We know, but the person was a pretty bad manager.
Princess was, so I don't know, maybe maybe we could
have used a little bit of treating her like she
was the owner's dog. That's the man.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Uh what what it is? What you you could like
treat your dog or to treat your boss like like
your pet dog when you fake who you you know,
fake a throw and then it sends the dog off
running off onto the endo the horizon. And if you
can do it with your boss, you know, fake something
and send the boss running off out of the out
of the horizon, that might wait way to get rid
of them.

Speaker 6 (45:59):
Could be I don't know, Yeah, I guess. Well, we've
got a campaign going on to try to start treating
our bosses like pets. There's a California bachelorette who has
launched her own campaign in our next story here a
billboard campaign to land mister wright. How have you ever
looked at billboards of the side.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
Yeah, Well, the funny thing about it is the irony
of this is, you know, we were, you know, busting
the chops on my kid about you know, you know,
he's going to soon graduate college and he hasn't found
himself a girlfriend yet. And you know, my wife is saying,
you know, hey, look, you know you got roommates. Maybe
your roommates, he'll be your wingman. And I made the
suggestion that he could actually ran a billboard and he

(46:42):
didn't think it was a smart idea.

Speaker 6 (46:45):
Oh yeah, ask the Three Jeremies.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah yeah, because he if coffee, cream and sugar can't
help out, just maybe don't.

Speaker 6 (46:57):
Invite them out to coffee.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
Right.

Speaker 6 (47:03):
Look, so I guess dating apps are officially dead. People
are you know what's the old school traditional way to
do this, Well, it's wiping left and right is apparently
too subtle for the marn age. So one Bay Area
woman in California has decided to take the search for
a husband to the next logical level digital billboards. So yes,

(47:30):
while you're stuck in traffic on Highway one on one,
steering at brake lights, and contemplating the meaninglessness of existence,
you can also contemplate whether or not you'd like to
marry Lisa Catalano. Her face is plastered above the freeway
along with the website Mary Lisa dot com. You apply
to be her husband, and yes, that's right, apply like

(47:53):
a job, only with worst benefits. Now, Lisa says she's
not doing this for attention fame. Definitely not, even though
she's got a viral TikTok post, giant flashing billboards and
a literal application portal for mister Wright. Nope, this is
all about finding true love, because nothing says romance like

(48:14):
filling out an online questionnaire between your Amazon Prime log
in and your tax forms. On her website, Lisa Listard
likes dislikes in non negotiables, religion, politics, lifestyle, healthy habits,
you name it. It's basically match dot com, but instead
of quietly swiping in the privacy of your home, the
whole Bay Area gets to watch your dating life unfold

(48:37):
while merging onto the freeway. And let's not go the
business side of this. She doesn't even know how much
money she's spent on these billboards, which honestly might be
the biggest red flag of all. If your future spouse
can blow thousands of dollars broadcasting your face on a
highway in hopes of catching a husband, imagine what Christmas
shopping looks like. Yeah, we've got audio here of Lisa

(49:01):
talking about her bold new dating strategy.

Speaker 11 (49:04):
I've rented space on a dozen digital billboards on Highway
one oh one in Silicon Valley between Santa Clara and
San Francisco to advertise my personal dating website, Mary Lisa
dot com.

Speaker 12 (49:14):
It's been months since I've been on a date. I
can't even get men to talk to me on any
of the apps. I don't understand what's going on, but
I figured it's time for a bold move. And what's
bolder than running billboards on the side of a major
highway to essentially market myself now.

Speaker 6 (49:28):
To be fair, Lisa's backstory is tragic. She lost a
fiance to illness last year, and she says she's finally
ready to love again. But instead of you know, therapy
or normal dating, she's decided the way to honor the
next chapter is through a gorilla marketing campaign for Matrimo
and the chairry on top. She helps this will all

(49:51):
make a great story to tell their future children, which
it will. Right after those kids finish explaining to their
therapists while their parents met as Dad saw mom's face
glaring down from a billboard near San Butteo. So, yes, folks,
we've reached the point where dating is no longer by chemistry.

(50:12):
It's about or compatibility or awkward small talking. It's about
ads space Like everything, the future is advertisements, all right, Yes, yes,
forget finding love and a hopeless I might as well
set out some like ads on Pandora and Spotify.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
Yeah, why not?

Speaker 6 (50:30):
If anyone wants to you know, broadcast and advertise on
our podcast, then I would love to you know, fit
in And maybe in the ask Poncho section there read
forget finding love on a hopeless place, Now we're finding
it in rush hour traffic. Truly, nothing's happily ever after

(50:52):
like bumper to bumper romance.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Uh yeah, And I'm actually on our website now and
there's a video on there called kissing on a First
Date question mark, So uh it's quite an impressive website.
Copyright twenty twenty five, Mary Lisa, you know.

Speaker 6 (51:08):
So, yeah, I'm thinking I have to go check out
Marylisa dot com.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah, so, I mean it's a it's quite a professional
looking website.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
You know.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
I don't know, I mean, I would say maybe you
call this maybe trying too hard to get married? You know,
I don't know, are do you call this effective marketing?
You know, it's nowadays anything is possible, you know, I mean,
the the traditional methods of courtship and dating just flew

(51:42):
right out the window. I mean, and something else that
you might find that might be a little surprising, you know,
kind of like over the top. You know, this is
some people might think that, you know, Lisa is kind
of going a little over the top trying to find herself,
you know, a life partner. But we found one woman
and that went over the top in yawning. Okay, uh.

(52:05):
And if this doesn't unlock a new fear, I don't
know what will. All right, But you realize that if
you yawn, it is possible that you can yawn too hard. Okay,
So in fact, it could kill you if you yawn
too hard, all right, So that means, if you're really
sitting in a boring meeting with your boss, who you're

(52:27):
trying to treat like a pet, and you're you got
a yawn coming, be careful. It's always nice to greet
a new week, you know, when you head back to
work after a weekend and something new to spend the
week worrying about. Okay, we have a new fear. Don't
yawn too hard because, like I said, it could kill you.
We have a thirty six year old woman in England.

(52:50):
She's named Haley Black. She actually went on TikTok and
shared a story how a big yawn almost ended her life. Okay,
she was about to feed her baby, and of course
the kid yawns. When you see a baby yawn, you
know you have to yawn. You know, it's just one
of those things. And of course you know yawns are

(53:11):
that contagious. So she yawned as well. And while she
was yawning and stretching, she immediately felt a shock to
her neck. Okay, it turned out her yawn was so
forceful to vertebrae in her neck had shot forward into
her spine. Okay, what, yes, all right? Her spinal cord

(53:36):
got so compressed that she was actually paralyzed for a
while after yawning. Okay, now, doctor said there was a
fifty to fifty chance she'd even survive.

Speaker 6 (53:47):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yes, now, thankfully she's still with us. So we've got
Haley here talking about this bizarre injury.

Speaker 10 (53:56):
I yawned, and immediately two this shot forward into my
spinal card, compressing my spine, and I was having these
weird like caesars down one side and then the other side.
I was losing function. Surgeon had come to see me.
I just remember him saying, you need to have surgery now,

(54:17):
and it's fifty to fifty whether you're going to survive this.

Speaker 6 (54:20):
They said, it's the two discs.

Speaker 10 (54:21):
Had shot forward and compressed my spine, essentially breaking my neck.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
Now, she just shared the story, but the actual event
happened almost a decade ago, back in twenty sixteen. She
was in a wheelchair for months, had to learn how
to walk all over again, and now, almost ten years later,
she still has issues, including serious nerve damage. Ah, because

(54:47):
she yawned after her baby yawned, that's bizarre. Yeah, that
is very bizarre, very very bizarre, you know, I mean
that would be something I would want to bring up
with my chiropractor.

Speaker 6 (55:03):
Well, this is something I've got to raise some my
kids every time they fight bedtime and like better get
to bed on time or else you could die.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
Yeah, you could be yawning so hard you could be
paralyzed for life.

Speaker 6 (55:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Crazy.

Speaker 6 (55:20):
Oh my gosh, it's like when it isn't like a
famous sports guy who almost like broke his back from sneezing.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Yeah, that's happened.

Speaker 6 (55:31):
So goodness, man, I guess I'm.

Speaker 13 (55:35):
Yeah, you can't get avoid it.

Speaker 6 (55:37):
So what do you do to relieve stress when you
find out that even yawning can.

Speaker 13 (55:46):
Can can kill you?

Speaker 6 (55:48):
Well, I think one of the best stress relieving pastimes
for most men, it probably would be sperm racing. Most
people just probably don't compete it or do so competitively.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Yeah, I see, I see, all right, all right.

Speaker 6 (56:07):
Look I found my way.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
It's got to be the most got that's got to
be the most awkward transition.

Speaker 6 (56:15):
That's what was going for man. That's I make no apologies.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Okay, you know what I'm just going to say. In
the years you've been doing this podcast, you have certainly
matured in your delivery.

Speaker 5 (56:36):
Taking time.

Speaker 6 (56:40):
Man. Well, we come back to a story first covered
in an episode a few months ago, competitive sperm racing.
Remember we had quite the laugh about.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Oh it was great.

Speaker 6 (56:58):
It's one great one of the real classics I think
from this year.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Oh yeah, just remember in America you can do anything
and be successful.

Speaker 6 (57:08):
Right, yeah. Yeah, if there's ever an episode to go
back and listen to sperm racing and what is it?

Speaker 1 (57:17):
There's been too many long.

Speaker 6 (57:19):
Summer balls was another one.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Oh, that was another one. That's what That's what we
had difficulty getting through.

Speaker 6 (57:25):
Yeah. Those are two of my favorites of the year.
There's a few others were Anyway, Look, let's to go
on competitive sperm racing because apparently, like what started as
a late night dorm room joke, has I've become a
seventy five million dollar industry in America's proudest new sports.
I don't know if it's like America's proudest new sport

(57:48):
as it is America's stand proudest new yeah sport.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Yes, Wait, what we need ESPN to come in here
and do some live coverage.

Speaker 6 (57:58):
They've got some of the ESPN channels will be like
ESPN sixty nine sperm racing.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
That's right, man.

Speaker 6 (58:08):
All right, well, clearly this would be the kind of
ESPN sport that would show up on on their ESPN plus.
Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah. So the brainchild of an
eighteen year old wonder kid kind like kind Eric Zoom,
He's gone from what if sperm could drag race to

(58:30):
actual in person events where influencers provide samples to crowds
and crowds cheer on animated tadpoles projected on a big screen. So,
like I said, like, go back to ESPN, imagine ESPN,
but instead of Lebron James dunking, it's Jason Nash's sperm
wheezing across the finish line seven minutes late. Zoe's the

(58:56):
latest spectacle who he brought sperm ray into David Dorbick's
Los Angeles mansion, where contestants Harry Jowsey, Jason Nash, and
Ilia Federovic competed in the world's least dignified track meet
Boiler Alert. Ilia sperm clocked in at a blistering two minutes,

(59:18):
while Nash's needed a nap, a snack, and maybe an
uber just to finish. Now you might be wondering is
this real science? Well, early races were let's say a
little rigged. The Free Press revealed that the live sperm
derbies were actually CGI animations whipped up in twenty five days,

(59:39):
meaning the outcomes were known before anyone ever even plays bets. Yes,
folks literally gambled on sperm races that were pre recorded,
making this the only sport where performance enhancing drugs include photoshop.

(01:00:00):
But Zoo insists that things are different now. He's heart
A fifteen person team built a microscope crack race racetrack
and says audiences now watched sperm live injected onto a
course and superimposed with glowing neon graphic the way God intended. Yes, yes, yeah,

(01:00:24):
I don't know about that. Yeah. Well, when you say,
like performance dancing drugs, I think this is the one
sport where performance enhancing drugs would actually make make you
lose more likely to lose.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
True, it's true.

Speaker 6 (01:00:36):
Yeah, Okay, so we've got nothing, says medical breakthroughs like
making your DNA look like tron.

Speaker 4 (01:00:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:00:47):
Just in case you think that this is all a
frat boy like content, Zoo is already expanding. He's selling
sperm themed merchandise and launching gummy vitamins called Sperm Word
the flintstones, chewabules, weird cousin that promised to help you
load up and lock in. Finally, an answer to the

(01:01:09):
question what if g n C and a sex ed
class had a baby? Now I think that that Lisa
Marylisa dot com could put an ad right outside of
in this building.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Also, there you go.

Speaker 6 (01:01:24):
You definitely want to go with You want a winner,
all right, you want to marry a winner?

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 6 (01:01:30):
So even better, Zoo has teamed up with Total Frat
Move to take sperm racing on the road to college campuses,
tailgators and face paint chugging, natty light chanting, Let's go swimmers, America.

(01:01:51):
This is the culture we chose Zoo's. Zoo swears the
whole thing is about improving men's house. Once you lose
the sperm rais you really want to be healthier? Right,
because what motivates young men to change their lifestyle isn't
heart disease or diabetes. It's there's sperm placing third in

(01:02:12):
a microscopic drag race. Of course, Suly, the CDC should
just cancel their campaigns and let TikTok sperm derbies handle
public health. They proces are calling it cubic health, though
hashtag pubic health. So yes, Sperm raising is now a
fully funded multi city tour with investors lining out to

(01:02:33):
cash in and to think. Wow, it all started with
a billionaire. When a billionaire dared a team major to
follow his wildest dream. Forget curing cancer or solving climate change,
We're now measuring society's success in sperm laptile.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
That's right. Maybe that's my puppies can swim aw about yours. Yes, indeed, Wow,
I think it'd be kind of cool to have all
these live up like neon lights.

Speaker 6 (01:03:01):
Yeah, I mean, I think it could be. I guess
I'll leave it up to you on that one though.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
So you know, I have to say, you know, it's
a you have a pretty good idea with this uh
Mary Lisa concept here. You know, I think maybe that
Lisa needs to come to the sperm races and she
gets to marry the guy whose sperm crosses the finish
line first.

Speaker 6 (01:03:27):
That's what I'm saying. I mean, you you want the
highest chance of success, don't you.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
Yeah, you know, I mean I think you got you
got somebody who's who's successful in marketing, and somebody who's
successful in procreation.

Speaker 6 (01:03:40):
Well we that's true. Well, time will tell if Lisa
is successful in marketing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
Well that's true, that's right. Well, look, we've got some
folks that are trying to be successful in life, involving
a lot of interesting conversations here, and they've sent some
situations to you because they want to ask Pancho for
some advice here, all right, and you know, and maybe

(01:04:09):
if you've got some ideas on how to market yourself
for matrimony, maybe you can send a question to Pancho
and he can give you some ideas. Okay, I don't know,
but we've got one person here that's writing, and well,
they've they've they've been confronted about a cheating roommate and
so they don't know what to do. So they want

(01:04:30):
they want Pancho to find out to give them some
good advice. So they write, Dear Pancho, I've only been
in college for two weeks, and I'm already holding onto
a secret that's eating me alive. My roommate introduced me
to her boyfriend on day one. But then on Tuesday night,
I walked into her hooking up. I walked in on
her hooking it with a different guy. Her boyfriend came

(01:04:52):
over the next night and was completely clueless. So when
I got home from class yesterday, my roommate's boyfriend left
me a posted note on my DA saying he needed
to talk to me and to call him. What do
I say if confronted? And what if he already knows
that I know?

Speaker 6 (01:05:10):
Oh? Yeah, well, I tend to always think that the
best policy is the truth. But I mean also, like
someone morally cannot ask or expect you to lie for them, right, Yeah,
So I don't know, it's but you could also just

(01:05:32):
try to avoid it. But what is that? What if
he wants to talk with her because he's actually interested
in her and so yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
Unlikely, but that's a whole new situation there. Yeah. Oh man,
So yeah, it's like, especially if he knows that they
know that, that would be even more right, would you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 (01:06:02):
I think that's probably the stickiest situation, But I don't
know for me if I mean, of course, you know,
the boyfriend mind just need to be talking about something
totally unrelated.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
I mean, that's the thing. We don't know what he's
going to talk about. But if if this person is confronted,
I think the safest thing to say is, look, I
think you need to talk to your girlfriend about this, not.

Speaker 6 (01:06:25):
Me, right, Yeah, yeah, I definitely think that in general,
honesty is always the best policy for those things, because
all lies are going to do are going to lead
to more lies, more anxiety.

Speaker 12 (01:06:39):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 6 (01:06:40):
The tough thing would be that, like your roommate could
you know, be upset with you for kind of sharing,
but at the same time, like he's the one that
put you in that situation to begin with, so right right.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Yeah, And it's like I said, I mean, you can
go talk to your girlfriend about it, and then if
you want to come talk to me about it, and
then you can do that, But you need to go
talk to go for anybody first. Yeah you know, I
guess I don't know. Then then you know, then if
they have a breakup, then maybe we have a new hookup,
never know, I mean yeah, so yeah, yeah, that's that's

(01:07:13):
kind of sticky when you get into college and you
got to deal with all your roommates drama and your
own drama and everybody else's drama. I don't miss that
at all.

Speaker 6 (01:07:21):
I don't miss it all either. Well, I've got more
drama here. This is subtly different. They said, dear Poncho,
my cousin broke the law and may soon be wanted
by the police. She shouldn't have been driving and got
into an accident before leaving the scene. She then came
to my house and told me about it. No one

(01:07:42):
was hurt, but there was property damage. She's very nervous because,
as you know, there are cameras everywhere. I realized that, yes,
maybe you shouldn't have fled the scene. Yeah, all right,
because there are cameras everywhere. I realized I could get
in the trouble because I have not turned her in.

(01:08:02):
I've only told one person about what's happened. And they
say I should go to the police and protect myself
rather than my cousin. What would you do if you
were me? They say blood is thicker than water, But
is it also thicker than the police? Yeah, and the police.
You thought blood, thinking that water. The police have the
blue blood, which blue is like water. Yeah, I'm trying

(01:08:27):
to reach for something.

Speaker 4 (01:08:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:08:28):
Look, that's that's a tough situation to be in.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
And you know, look, you you are pretty close to
your cousins too. I mean, I will say that, Yeah, so.

Speaker 6 (01:08:39):
Again I would definitely be consulting, like if there is
legal recourse or real legal issues, because like if you
could go to jail for not doing anything for this,
then I would say that might be probably worth you know,

(01:09:00):
doing something about. But what happens if what happens if
you don't you know, because because like in one sense,
it's only like if you've murdered someone and you're protecting
and hiding that you're going to be problem that if
it's like a little hint run and no one was hurt,

(01:09:21):
there's a very low box. There's a very low chance
that that you know, they're going to try to pursue
with you as well. They would probably just try to
pursue with the one. So I would try to maybe
play dumb and act like you just don't know, or
we're told I don't know, you know, I thought she was,

(01:09:43):
I don't know. It's a tough situation. But you don't
want to go to jail yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
No, No, you don't, you don't, And especially if it's
a cousin that you're you know, particularly running fond of
or close to or something like that. And because yeah,
I mean, because you got cousins of besides your family
that you really have gotten attached to, and if one
of them, you know, like I said, it could be
something as minor is like you hit a male, you know,

(01:10:10):
or something like that. But still it's like, I don't know.
I would almost feel like, look, I think let's let
me go with you to the police, and I will
be your support person, you know what I'm saying. And
to me, it's it's it's really a no win situation

(01:10:30):
in any way. You and I would almost be the
kind of person I would say, look, you have to
at least fess up to what you did, and I'll
go with you, you know, kind of as a moral support.
I think that's about the only option that I could
see that you could kind of, you know, get yourself

(01:10:53):
out of the situation and get your cousin out of
the situation without damaging a relation.

Speaker 6 (01:11:00):
I can see that that honestly is at least then
they don't feel like they're surprised, you know, when they
find out, and if you could convince them to get
on board with it, because truth be told, it will
be worse for them if they try to hide as well.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
Oh yeah, absolutely, And then the worst thing is they
would end up getting in more trouble because they fled
the scene, which doubles the trouble with the law. And
then there you get in the middle of it and
get sideways with them and they're mad at you, and
so it's like, I don't know, it'll end up even

(01:11:37):
worse than it was even started. So I think really
because if you go with them and you convince them
to go, look, go and turn themself in and say
this is what happened, and you're there, it's kind of
a moral support and you're helping help them out. You're
you're the good guy, You're the one that's kind of helping,
and so you're you know, the police are are you know,

(01:11:57):
thanking you for talking to your cousin them to come forward,
and your cousin is thanking you for being there with them,
And I don't know, I just I don't know. I
think that's that's about the only solution in this situation,
you know, because you're both kind of tied at the
hips since you're related to each other. But either that

(01:12:17):
or find a different family. You know, it's one of
those situations where you know you're at a you know,
ass at a crossroads and you're not. You don't know
which way to turn. It's just it's one of those
things that you know almost as uh, almost as as
confusing as trying to work through some of these insane games.

(01:12:41):
Oh boy, well, you've had kind of a crazy week.
Do you feel mentally prepared for the challenge?

Speaker 6 (01:12:53):
Mentally prepared? Yeah, as good as I could get.

Speaker 1 (01:13:04):
You know, I'm open to talking about anything but love
talking about surviving in the stupidity that's always around us.
And if you're insane enough to ask, well, I'm insane
enough to reply, and I would love to hear from you.
You can leave me a message at podcasts dot Insanericlain
dot com, leave a comment there from a podcast, or
if you have a question, I'll be happy to address

(01:13:25):
either one. Your question or comment just might be talked
about in a future podcast. And if you are someone
you know would like to join in on the podcast,
you are more than welcome to participate. If you've got
the Podbean app on your phone, you can do just
that right from your smartphone, just like the other six
hundred thousand podcasters who also use it, Download the app
at your favorite app store and add this podcast to

(01:13:48):
your favorites. You can also email me with comments or
questions or requests at shout out at insanericlaim dot com,
and of course you should certainly subscribe to the podcast
if you listen on Apple Iheartbreaker to Amazon Music Player,
FM Podchaser, Boom Play, Overcast, pocket Cast Radio, Public, Spotify,
or any other podcast platform.

Speaker 14 (01:14:09):
Don't forget to follow me on Facebook and X at
Insane Eric Lane.

Speaker 1 (01:14:21):
It's time to play Eric Lane's insane game shild starring
his Insane Florida nephew Punchawuto. All right, well, we've got
some really good ones this time, and like I said,
some of these ones it's like you have to really
consider the fact that you're dealing with a minority percentage

(01:14:43):
as opposed to a majority percentage, and we've got something
like that right now. We have four different mind menders
in our Insane games, and we'll give you a statistic
and then you have three clues that can possibly get
you to the correct answer. The ideal thing is if
you can just get it without any clues. But the

(01:15:05):
fewer clues you can take, the better it is. All right,
So all right, we're ready for your first mind bender.
This is one of those ones where it's in the
minority here, all right, where twenty five percent of people
drink this for breakfast on a semi regular basis.

Speaker 6 (01:15:27):
What is twenty five percent of people drink this for
breakfast on a semi regular basis?

Speaker 1 (01:15:34):
Right, semi right, So you give twenty percent of the people
that do this, and they do it semi regularly, what
is it for breakfast? Twenty five percent of people drink
this for their breakfast on a semi regular bas I
had a feeling you would say that, you know, it

(01:15:58):
is not a protein shake, and it's also not coffee.

Speaker 6 (01:16:02):
I well knew that would be way higher if it
was coffee, So I knew that wasn't the case. The
percentage would be higher. All right, So let's say orange juice.

Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
Oh, good, one, non orange juice. I would think that
would be higher too. But your next clue is not
a protein.

Speaker 6 (01:16:24):
That does not help me at all. Yeah, exactly what
do you drink for breakfast?

Speaker 1 (01:16:32):
Well, remember you're only looking at twenty five percent of
the people, so it's really not that many people percentage wise,
not but and they do it on a semi regular basis,
So it's not like every morning, every morning for.

Speaker 6 (01:16:45):
Breakfas are people having a soda for breakfast?

Speaker 1 (01:16:49):
You know, I thought about that too, because people. In fact,
I was I was outside this morning getting something out
of my car in the parking lot at the radio station,
and right next door is like a Burger King and
their drive through speaker is like so loud you can
hear it echoing off the side of the mountain across
the street. And so somebody they ordered breakfast and you

(01:17:10):
heard them repeat the order back, and they included they
wanted a soft.

Speaker 6 (01:17:14):
Drink with their breakfast.

Speaker 1 (01:17:15):
I'm thinking, who, I'm like, why, But no, it's not
a soft drink. Okay. So your third clue and final clue,
red or white?

Speaker 6 (01:17:25):
Red or white? Oh man, I feel like this is
gonna end up making me look dumb here.

Speaker 1 (01:17:30):
Red yeah, red or white? Not coffee, not a protein shake.
But twenty five percent of people drink this for breakfast
on a semi regular ban. Red or white? Is your
final clue?

Speaker 6 (01:17:50):
Red or what in the world is this.

Speaker 10 (01:17:54):
What?

Speaker 6 (01:17:55):
I'm not gonna get this one here.

Speaker 1 (01:17:58):
You're gonna when you find that when it is, you're
going to really kick yourself.

Speaker 6 (01:18:02):
Yeah, red or white? Oh goodness, man, I mean a smoothie.

Speaker 1 (01:18:14):
Oh my gosh, that's it. I would think the SMOOTHI
would be higher than I.

Speaker 6 (01:18:18):
I don't know. I don't drink these things.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
The answer is, the answer.

Speaker 6 (01:18:23):
Is wine, wine for breakfast.

Speaker 1 (01:18:28):
Right, Yes, that's right. Twenty five percent of these people
drink wine for breakfast on a semi regular basis. So well,
you're not a lush so therefore it wouldn't apply to you. See,
So there you go. All right, So that that I guess,
you know, I don't know. I I would just prefer

(01:18:50):
grape juice if I was going to do that. I
don't know. Wine for me. I don't think it would
go well, that is, yeah, it wouldn't go with No,
it would not go well with my waffles. I'm sorry,
I don't think I could do that. I'm not sure
waffles pairs well with red or white wine. Frankly, but
all right, mind bender number two. Here we go. Thirty
one percent of people thirty one percent of people have

(01:19:15):
one of these or have had one of these. What
is it? Thirty one percent of people have had one
of these or have had one of these, have had
one of these or yeah, okay, can you follow that?
Thirty one percent of people have one of these or

(01:19:38):
they have had one.

Speaker 6 (01:19:40):
You're gonna say a hernia.

Speaker 1 (01:19:45):
That's good, I like, Ben, that was by the best
answer I've heard so far. But no, it's not hernia.
All right. Your first clue can be expensive.

Speaker 6 (01:19:57):
Can be expensive.

Speaker 15 (01:19:58):
Okay, it's almost a third of people either have had
one of these or they have one of these.

Speaker 6 (01:20:10):
Let's see, it can be expensive. Sports car.

Speaker 1 (01:20:18):
Oh man, I'd love to have a car, but not
a sports car. Your next clue monthly, monthly.

Speaker 6 (01:20:26):
Okay, all right, if it's like a monthly, I mean,
what kind of monthly subscription.

Speaker 16 (01:20:37):
Well, it can be it can be a no, you you,
this is in something you might be familiar with.

Speaker 6 (01:20:45):
Yeah, I feel like monthly subscription would be too vague.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
You'd be like, yeah, But I think the the percentage
might be higher too, because you're looking at thirty one peers.
They've either had one of these, they have.

Speaker 6 (01:21:01):
One of these monthly, and can be expensive, can be expensive,
Oh gosh, a monthly. Oh gosh, I'm not doing good

(01:21:21):
at the instant games this week. I'm literally clueless right now. Monthly, monthly,
monthly subscription box. I'm just gonna go with it, you're
gonna go.

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
I guess you could call it kind of a prescription.

Speaker 6 (01:21:37):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (01:21:39):
Your final clue is education.

Speaker 6 (01:21:41):
Education.

Speaker 1 (01:21:45):
So your clues are can be expensive monthly and education,
and of people have one of these or they have
had one of these?

Speaker 6 (01:21:57):
Is it like h monthly? That's what's throwing me off here?
Education is another education monthly can't be expensive, that's the

(01:22:20):
thing that expensive. And the things I'm thinking of are
not necessarily really expensive.

Speaker 13 (01:22:27):
Oh man, dude, I do not know, man, could be.

Speaker 6 (01:22:38):
Expensive A monthly educational thing, a field trip? I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:22:50):
Well the answer is a student loan. Okay, well, yeah,
you know, and they want the government to pay for it.

Speaker 6 (01:23:00):
I feel that's how higher than thirty percent.

Speaker 1 (01:23:04):
I believe it or not. It's about thirty one percent
of people either have had one or they currently have
one right now. So that's a third of the population
right there. So all right, so far then the challenge
has been a little heavy, a little harder to get
through this time. So your third mind bender is this

(01:23:24):
twenty percent? Only twenty percent of couples argue about spending
too much money on this? What is it? Only twenty percent?
So it's eighty percent of the couples are okay, twenty
percent of couples argue about spending too much money on this,

(01:23:49):
too much.

Speaker 6 (01:23:49):
Money on.

Speaker 1 (01:23:52):
So it's kind of a small percentage.

Speaker 6 (01:23:55):
Food too much money and food that might be a
higher percentage.

Speaker 12 (01:23:58):
But have.

Speaker 1 (01:24:02):
If the answer is grocery, yeah, so we'll call it that. Yeah,
so your clues could be an impulsive buy, not Amazon
purchases and every day. So yeah, not my wife she
goes to she goes to coupons. I mean she's got
like a stack of coupons on the floor, she's cut

(01:24:23):
out on the floor, she organizes, and then when she
gets to groceries, she spends an extra ten minutes in
the car closely examining every item on the receipt to
make sure she's overcharged. So so no, I don't think
we I don't think we've ever had any problem with
our groceries. But there are some people that they spend

(01:24:45):
argue about spending too much money on groceries. So I
would think with missus Poncho and her you know, attention
to detail on nutrition, that would be a problem in theory.

Speaker 6 (01:24:56):
No, yes, but I mean food is expensive, man, no
matter what when you try to eat healthy and stuff? Yeah,
you think health.

Speaker 1 (01:25:04):
I mean my wife will go in well, no, that's it.
That's the thing. I mean, hopefully with this make America
healthy again that they're pushing, that's what I would like
to see RFK work on. Look, if you want us
to eat healthy food and organic food and food that
is free of processing, bring the prices down, you know,
really so well. I mean because my wife talks about

(01:25:27):
going to the store and she tells me all the
things that she buys, and she goes and I bought
no meat and it still came to eighty five dollars.

Speaker 6 (01:25:34):
Yeah, oh man, you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:25:37):
It's crazy. All right. So mine that was bad. I
mean you actually got that one really technically.

Speaker 6 (01:25:43):
Yeah, yeah, that was good. All right. I feel better now.

Speaker 1 (01:25:47):
So that that that scored really well. So all right,
So my been are number four. All right, here we
go another like one third one third of people. So
thirty three percent of people would do this to their
body for free unlimited pizza. What is it thirty three
percent of people would do this to their body for

(01:26:09):
free unlimited pizza. So what is it that they.

Speaker 6 (01:26:13):
Would do to their body off of THEMB.

Speaker 1 (01:26:18):
Man, you're really going for the gold on that one. Holy,
I don't know that I'd do it for people. Wow, No,
I would be all right. Your your first clue may
not be able to see it.

Speaker 6 (01:26:34):
You may not be able to see it. Okay, they would.

Speaker 1 (01:26:41):
Thirty three percent of people would do this to their
body for free unlimited two themselves. That would be the
extra clue.

Speaker 6 (01:26:54):
Not big like Papa John or something.

Speaker 1 (01:27:02):
Right right, all right, so not get a tattoo, may
not be able to see it. Thirty three people would
do this to their body for free unlimited pizza.

Speaker 6 (01:27:14):
Okay, Oh man, man, I will see it. They would
do this would pierce, so it'd be like piercing certain
parts of your body.

Speaker 1 (01:27:23):
Oh yeah, that's a good answer. Not that all right?
So your final clue, men have more of it on
their body.

Speaker 6 (01:27:33):
Oh, shave all of their hair.

Speaker 1 (01:27:38):
That's it, go completely hairless. So one third of people,
if you gave them free unlimited pizza, they would shave
every hair off of their body. Do you like pizza?

Speaker 6 (01:27:52):
No, not that much, that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:27:56):
That's I uh yeah, I don't think I love pizza.
I mean, my wife apologizes if we have to have
pizza twice in one week, and I'm like, no, you
don't have to apologize to me at all. I don't
mind that at all.

Speaker 6 (01:28:08):
I mean, I love pizza, but I have to limit
the amount that I have at this point so I
can keep my figure unlimited.

Speaker 1 (01:28:16):
Of course for that. Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. All right, So, okay,
that's good.

Speaker 6 (01:28:22):
You did.

Speaker 1 (01:28:23):
You did fairly well on that. You went through all
three clues for the most part. So your final mind
bender number five, forty two percent of people are scared
of this when driving? What is scared.

Speaker 15 (01:28:38):
Of of fort people are scared of this?

Speaker 6 (01:28:44):
Other drivers?

Speaker 1 (01:28:46):
Oh yeah, well I'd be that way too. Yeah, not so.
So your first clue is not road range.

Speaker 6 (01:28:53):
Road rangers, all right, afraid I know what this is
because I think this is replies to my wife. They're
afraid of tractor trailers their semi truck.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
Oh well, definitely, I see a lot of those going
to work. Not that. And so your next clue is
not parallel Okay, forty people almost fifty people are scared
of this when driving, I would say, my wife, is
what I.

Speaker 6 (01:29:30):
Would say, driving downtown?

Speaker 1 (01:29:35):
Oh yes, and just of course you're driving downtown Glasgow
on the wrong side of the street. Okay, that would
be now, but that is not the great answer. All right,
your last clue involves their vision.

Speaker 6 (01:29:49):
Involves Oh, I guess it was being blinded by the sun.

Speaker 1 (01:30:01):
Actually it is driving in the dark.

Speaker 6 (01:30:04):
Oh so there were people afraid of that, like sneezing.
You know, there's a moment when you see you have
to close your eyes.

Speaker 1 (01:30:12):
Yes, and you have your eyes that's right. Well, I'll
be honest with you. I mean used to driving in
the dark. Didn't bother mean year as much before as
it does now, and especially when it's raining and the
glare from the roads and the headlights ahead and you're
around tractor trailers at night. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, yeah,
I'm not a fan of that at all. So I

(01:30:34):
don't know, people get more stupid driving at night sometimes.

Speaker 13 (01:30:37):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 6 (01:30:38):
Yeah, you know people are stupid all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:30:41):
But yeah, well yeah, pretty much pretty much, you know.
So But still, I mean, i'd say you did about
an average job on it this week, so you know,
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. But anyway, so
next week we'll be doing some visiting for our college boy.
So the next time we get together We've got some

(01:31:02):
great stuff, and I'm sure we'll have a lot more
because we'll have an extra week that I have more.
The stupidity has not been coming as frequently here of late,
but this will give me a chance to catch up
on some stupidity. But when we get back together again,
here's what we got so far. Okay, if you have
you ever been catfished, or maybe you've heard someone who's

(01:31:23):
been catfish, I've.

Speaker 6 (01:31:25):
Heard of someone like being catfished.

Speaker 1 (01:31:27):
Yeah, Well it turns out we're now people are getting
career catfished. Four in five, yeah, four in five workers
have been career catfished into jobs they didn't really Okay,

(01:31:48):
oh oh yeah, oh yeah, so now that could work
both ways too. I just so that you know that.
So all right, I love this. This, This is beautiful
right here. Okay, in life and in Pthalyzer, a wife
and a husband arrested for DUI on the same night.

Speaker 6 (01:32:05):
Of that exactly right there.

Speaker 1 (01:32:11):
I don't know, I don't know, but still, I mean, look,
I guess you know they live life together, all right.
Another great story here, we have a New York City
man who pleads guilty after stealing a tow truck during
a repossession of his car. So apparently they were repossessing
his vehicle, so he stole the tow truck.

Speaker 6 (01:32:33):
With his vehicle attack.

Speaker 1 (01:32:37):
All right, so here's something that might be a little creepy,
but this is the future. Thanks to artificial intelligence, your
smart home system will listen to you and advertise what
you ask about, so like if you're asking about something,
you'll get an advertisement about it. So there you go.

(01:33:00):
All right, here's another thing that is a part of
our future. Coming soon, hotels may start offering scent based
alarm clocks.

Speaker 6 (01:33:12):
Okay, scents based alarm clocks.

Speaker 1 (01:33:15):
So that means you will actually begin to wake up
when you smell coffee and bacon in your room. So
this is a real thing, Okay, So yeah, this would
be kind of interesting, and of course to go along
with that, we'll have other things that Holiday Inn Express
can offer to enhance our stay besides scent based alarm clocks.

(01:33:37):
So anyway, and I love this, this, this would be
something that could possibly happen to me. A Florida man
was clocked doing one hundred and twenty four miles an
hour in his Camra because he quote needed to go
to the bathroom when you gotta go to get here. Look,
I mean, look, if it was in Pennsylvania, they just

(01:33:58):
pull over on the southe of the road and take
care of it right there, you know so. And here's
a perfect gag for grandma. It's a Howard Johnson's fried
clam soap. You can actually buy this now fried clam
soap from Togive to Grandma. I guess Grandma would probably
get a.

Speaker 6 (01:34:18):
Good stocking stuffer kind of gift.

Speaker 1 (01:34:21):
Wouldn't it though, wouldn't it though? I Mean I remember
the day when we would pass Howard Johnson's on our
vacations going somewhere, you know. So, all right, and here's one.
Would you call this wild or just gross? We've got
wellness hacks shared by celebrities, and some of these hacks
are pretty bizarre, all right, some hacks to Tom like

(01:34:46):
Tom Brady, Courtney Kardashian, Beyonce, Megan, Fox, Kasha, all of
these have got these wellness hacks that you're thinking they're
they're nuts. I'm telling you so. And and pretty much a gag.
I gagged on one of them. So yeah, that's pretty bad.

Speaker 6 (01:35:07):
Said, that's right for you?

Speaker 1 (01:35:12):
Trust me, when you find out what Who is it
that that I gagged on? It was the the oh
from Courtney Kardashian. I gagged on her her. Yeah, all right,
And here's a great story here where we have a
Maga hat wearing Florida teen shoots himself in the leg
in a fake kidnapping. Yeah, that's right. So I don't

(01:35:34):
know what the story. You have to find out what
the story is all about. But it's it's it's bizarre,
all right, and I love this. We have a Florida
woman who went around threatening neighbors with a gun over
a cell phone that she never lost. She kind of
went ape on that. We here's what I was telling

(01:35:54):
you about earlier. Talk about technology, Okay, out, you know technology,
you know making you know, making calendar days with your family,
to have appointments with you know, having a time with
your kids. Well, we've got some really clever students. The
future of our new next generation is in good hands
because man, they have found a way around this. We've

(01:36:16):
got some clever students who are getting around the cell
phone bands. Okay, because a lot of schools now they're
banning cell phones in class. Okay, because you know, they
they're being too distracting and was, but the students have
found a way around this, and they're doing it right
in front of the teacher's eyes, and you'll never guess

(01:36:37):
what they're doing. And it's it's worth just checking out
the next time.

Speaker 6 (01:36:42):
I'm going to see this.

Speaker 1 (01:36:43):
Okay, I told I told this to my wife. I
told her what it was, and she was just appalled.
She could not believe it. So all right, and then
then oh, yeah, now we and we also have a
man in Florida, Melbourne, Florida to be exact, who inappropriately
touched as a woman while he's exposing his own dollar tree.

(01:37:06):
So yeah, So that's just some of the bizarre stuff
that we've got coming that you can pick in our
upcoming episode. So should be should and I'm sure between
now and what two weeks from now, we'll have some
really good hum dingers we can pick from. So I'm
looking forward to that. So and uh, we'll tell you

(01:37:26):
when we come back, we'll tell you how the visit went,
uh with to the water park and to uh the
Liberty University. We'll have plenty of that kind of stuff
to take care of too, So all right, and hopefully
you'll have maybe an update on the possum out of
the deck into I hope.

Speaker 6 (01:37:46):
So maybe it's still there but I haven't seen.

Speaker 8 (01:37:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:38:09):
Get up close and personal with my stupid world by
interacting with the podcast through in Saint Eric Lane's Stupid
World Telegram channel. I post the actual articles I use
in the podcast episodes every weekend from this week's collection
of stupidity. When you join the channel, you'll get to
read the actual stories, see the photos, watch the amazing
videos from the stupidity I talk about each episode. You

(01:38:32):
can make comments about what you've read or seen, even
comment with your own suggestions or opinions about what I've
talked about. You can share some links to the stupid
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inst Eric Lane t dot m E slash insane e
r I K l A n E and you get
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(01:38:55):
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RG call Call coolcho Call.

Speaker 8 (01:39:16):
Good Call.

Speaker 4 (01:39:22):
Insane. Eric Lane's Stupid World is produced with the support
from Envision, wise Llcanamericountry dot Com from Wise Brothermedia, Universal
Comedy at the United Stations Radio Network, Sheet Happens dot Com,
Good Parts Media, and Mister Laps Thee.

Speaker 1 (01:39:37):
Music from Randy stone Hill. It's a Great, Big Stupid
World copyright nineteen ninety two stone HILLI and Music, Word Music,
Twitch and Vibes Music and is available anywhere you've purchased music.

Speaker 5 (01:39:47):
Thanks for making it to the end of Insane Eric
Lane's Stupid World. Please make sure you still have your
wits with you as you leave. And if this has
inspired you to start your own podcast, get started today
with Podbean, the podcast solution that trusted by over six
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(01:40:09):
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