Death-Themed Coffee, Mushroom Mocktails, and Diarrhea In The Face

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Everything you're about to hear is true. None of the
names have been changed because no one is innocent from stupidity.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
It's a great basit of worlds.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Stupid. I'm inst Eric Lane. Welcome to my stupid world.
It's the MIDWEK Bonus episode with extra stupidity to get
you through the week. And if it's stupid enough, give
it a five star rating, because you're getting five star stupidity.
You know, if you ever have to spend time in

(00:45):
a hospital, part of it is, you know, you want
to get physical healing, but you kind of want to
get a little mental healing as well. And obviously when
you go to the hospit the last feeling you want
to think about is not making it out of the hospital,

(01:07):
you know what I'm saying. And especially if you're visiting
a dying grandparent in the hospital, you know, maybe you're
going to stop by and grab a cup of coffee.
Would you ever grab a cup of coffee? Though? Called
the formaldehyde as you walked in? Well, the Mayo Clinic

(01:27):
Hospital in Phoenix, they've booted a death themed coffee truck.
It's called the Graveyard Shift coffee truck. Kicked them out
of the parking lot. I can't imagine why the truck
actually has been a regular fixture between nine pm and
one am. They specifically catered to the hospital staff night

(01:50):
shift workers. You see in fact, the logo a smiling
skeleton wearing green hospital scrubs holding a cup of coffee.
Quite inspiring, isn't it.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Well?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
On social media, Graveyard Shift Coffee said, due to our
logo and name, we are no longer allowed to serve
coffee there, effective immediately. Well, they had up other hospitals
as well, including a children's hospital. Oh that's even better.
It's unclear if they're still welcome at those places, and
maybe it was a little over the top. The menu

(02:27):
included drinks like the Bloody Eye with chocolate and strawberry,
the aforementioned Formaldehyde with lavender and honey, and then of course,
the very popular Murder Spice with honey and cinnamon. Wow,
I think you're going to get more than a caffeine
boost with that cup of Joe Well straight out of Iowa.

(02:51):
I got a story here that proves America's relationship with
alcohol well has gone from cheers to maybe just water
with vibes. The World Health Organization declared in twenty twenty three,
that no amount of alcohol is safe zip none, not
a gushfinkto not even that one glass of red wine

(03:12):
that your aunt swears by while telling you it's good
for the heart. Turns out it's just good for the hangover.
And some people actually are listening. Only fifty four percent
of Americans say that they drink booze, now the lowest
since Gallup started asking in nineteen thirty nine. So congratulations

(03:35):
were all finally sobering up. It only took eighty four years.
And now enter pesh. That's spelled pesch. Maybe it's pchet,
I don't know, but anyway, it is a mushroom mocktail.
That's right. Some Iowa couple decided the perfect replacement for

(03:56):
whiskey was fungi in a can. And well, here are
the owners, Zach and Taylor Grasso, talking all about mushroom mocktails.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Of us, being in that sober and sober curious category,
were like, well, we'd still want like something fun to
drink because I'm tired of carrying around water or like
a pop or poppy or whatever it was.

Speaker 5 (04:17):
We were kind of trying to bridge that gap between
just na beverages like a beer or wine, and then
you know THHD beverages are another really big one. Right
now versus this is not really giving you any sort
of psychoactive effect. It's just providing that benefit that you're
getting from the functional mushrooms.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Zach and Taylor they're new parents and they're entrepreneurs. They
came up with this idea when they realized that hangovers
hit differently after college. Suddenly, pouring tequila at midnight feels
less fun when you have a nine am zoom call
or a newborn screaming in your ear. So they launched Pish,

(04:53):
a functional mushroom beverage. Now it doesn't get you drunk,
it doesn't get you high. It just does something supposedly,
it gives you the benefits without the psychoactive effect. It's
market speak for well, we put mushrooms in the soda
and prayed someone would buy it. Well, people are buying it.

(05:18):
A downtown Des Moines restaurant even put Pesh at the
top of their menu, which was a pretty bold move
in the state that invented bush Light as a food group.
The customers say it's not too sweet, which is the
same compliment people give to the cousin that you don't
want to date but really can't find anything else nice
to say about it. I Meanwhile, the founders are juggling

(05:40):
a new baby and a new business because nothing says calm,
responsible parenting like experimenting with mushroom drinks in your basement
while your infant is teething. Yeah, humanity's journey from moonshine
to mocktails proves one thing. We put literally anything in
a cup if you tell us too and say it's functional. Yeah, yeah,

(06:02):
so America, it's where we now give up the booze,
but still insists the beverages come with side effects. And really, honestly,
you're paying six dollars for mushroom juice, maybe you just
should be drunk. Well, this is the kind of headline
that makes you wonder if civilization is actually moving forward

(06:25):
or if we're just circling the toilet bowl. Quote. South
Carolina inmate sentenced to fifteen years for throwing a cup
of diarrhea at a prison guard. Yes you heard that right,
not punch, not a punch, not a weapon, not even
a sharpened toothbrush. Nope, this man, Donald Harper Junior went

(06:49):
with diarrhea nature's most horrifying paintball. See. Harper is already
in prison for shooting and killing a college instructor back
in twenty fifteen, twenty four years, but apparently murder wasn't
enough to cement his resume of terrible decisions. January eleventh,
and twenty twenty five, a guard brought him dinner. Harper

(07:10):
decided to upgrade his menu spaghetti, cornbread, and a piping
hot cup of well Fico latte straight into the guard's face,
eyes mouth, full contact sport people. And the court did
not take this lightly. The judge slapped another fifteen years

(07:33):
the maximum sentence. Now, imagine being the guy who's like, well,
already got twenty four years from murder, what's another day,
only to learn that throwing poop carries almost as much
weight as killing someone. America Baby, think about this. Harper
was supposed to get out in twenty thirty six. Now,
thanks to his duty diplomacy, he'll be out in twenty

(07:56):
fifty one, fifteen extra years to contemplate life choices that
led him to weaponize his own plumbing. And can we
pause for just a moment to pity the correctional officer.
This poor guy, went to work expecting danger. Sure, maybe
a shank, maybe a fistfight, but not a splash zone
of human sewage. They had to rush him for medical

(08:20):
treatment because the fecal cocktail hit him in the eyes,
in the mouth. Ew. Somewhere in there is an HR
department writing a new memo effective immediately. Goggles are now
part of the uniform. Assistant solicitor Doug Fender even asked
for the max penalty, citing Harper's long rap sheet of burglary, robbery,
and manslaughter. But you know what, none of these crimes

(08:43):
required the phrase. The fecal matters struck the officer in
the eyes and mouth. So it's a whole new tier
of evil. So now Harper is stuck until twenty fifty one,
proving once again that in prison time flies, unless, of course,
you start flinging di arhea, in which in case, it
just splatters everywhere. You know, when you're delivering lunch around

(09:06):
the dorm and the inmates cup is warm. I'm not
condoning this behavior, but fifteen more years is a lot
of time to get creative with guard harassment.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
You know.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Wow, Well, weddings are supposed to be about love, about commitment,
maybe a few regrettable dance floor decisions. But now, thanks
to TikTok, we've learned they're also the perfect place to
update your LinkedIn headshot. Enter the user that goes by

(09:38):
the name of tel Chantel. This was This person was
a guest at a New York wedding who looked at
the photo booth, you know, the one meant for goofy
group shots and bad prop hats, and thought, forget about
celebrating the happy couple, this is my chance to look employable. So,
in a move that well screamed both for source ful

(10:00):
and slightly unhinged, she borrowed her husband's gray suit jacket,
draped it over her party dress, and posed for a
brand new professional headshot because you know, nothing says corporate
ready like a photo taken five feet from an open bar.
And of course, naturally, she posted it on TikTok and

(10:22):
the internet swooned over a million and a half US
nearly one hundred and fifty thousand likes and commenter is
calling her a genius and a queen. Some even joked
that she should be CEO for this level of innovation,
because in today's society, apparently all it takes to qualify
for the C suite is hijacking someone else's wedding photo booth.

(10:44):
And let's not overlook the backstory here, shall we. Her
old LinkedIn picture professionally done, but she didn't like it
because she was quote freshly postpartum. So after focusing on
herself for a year, she did the perfect way to
mark her progress was by transforming a wedding memento machine
into a job hunting tool. Now, well, here's the bigger picture.

(11:07):
Though people are applauding this like she just cracked it
a n C code and early all she did was
just put on a blazer and stand in front of
the decent lighting. That's not resourceful. I mean, that's just
basic survival in the age of influencers. But look in
a world where people go from when they go viral
for what eating cheese wrong? Or why do not make

(11:28):
a career move into the middle of somebody else's reception.
You know, some people were giving her, you know, a
little bit of hate on TikTok, saying that the photo
did look that good. Well, here is a tel Chante
responding to these people.

Speaker 6 (11:40):
I didn't think I was doing something groundbreaking. I don't
think the photo was better than a professional photographer, but
I was freshly postpartum in that photo.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
I've been spending the.

Speaker 6 (11:47):
Last year trying to feel like myself, trying to get
myself back. And I saw I took a picture of
my friend on the photo booth. I was like, oh wow,
I actually really liked the way I look for the
first time in a very long time. So I said,
you know what, me, take a photo form my LinkedIn here,
And that's what I did.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
So remember, the next time you were at a wedding.
Forget the champagne toast, forget catching the bouquet. Remember the
true market success leaving the party with a husband's jacket
on your shoulders and a brand new LinkedIn profile pick
in your pocket. Ah. Yes, Well maybe she'll get that
job she's been looking for. Well here we are, though,

(12:25):
as a society. According to the new Pew Research Center survey,
one in five American adults now get their news from TikTok.
That's right, TikTok, the app ooriginal design for teenagers to
lip sync and dance awkwardly and film their pets. Now
is apparently the nation's newsroom. And he gets better Among
adults under thirty, nearly half forty three percent say TikTok

(12:50):
is their regular news source. Back in twenty twenty, that
number was just nine percent. So in just a few
short years, we've gone from cute dance app to trusted
source on global affairs. Because nothing screams reliable journalism like
a twenty two year old doing a goofy skit with
text bubbles explain international conflict. Oh and more than half

(13:12):
of the US TikTok users now say they get their
news there, which means if you thought journalism was struggling before,
well it's now competing with a guy named Kyle who
explains the economy while shotgunning and chugging and an energy drink.
And of course, meanwhile, the government's worried about national security.
Right remember the whole Trump executive order about spinning ticked
off into some US based entity. Yeah, because clearly, the

(13:36):
real threat to democracy isn't misinformation or collapsing trust in
the media. It's who owns the servers where people are
watching dance tutorials about inflation. So what we have as
a growing number of Americans who are replacing newspapers and
magazines even television with sixty second clips designed for maximum
dopamine hits. Yeah, world events are now sandwich between cat memes,

(13:58):
conspiracy theories, and recipes for baked feet of pasta. Forget
Walter Cronkite, it's now Walter cringe bite. I can thankfully
say I do not have a TikTok profile. I've got
everything else. I will not get TikTok. It's just something
I haven't That's a bridge I haven't been able to

(14:18):
cross yet. Well, I usually as you're working in a radio.
I've tried about everything for snacks, eating about everything I can.
I mean, there's really not a whole lot of things
I won't eat. I'm even you know, one to try haggis.
When we went to Scotland, in case you thought maybe

(14:39):
all of us here had run out of ways to
glorify mediocrity, aside from eating a cracker barrel, we now
have TikTok that has proven you, yet again wrong with
the kitchen sink sandwich. And it's exactly what it sounds like.
You take the sad scraps that are, you know, rotting
in your fridge, some stale bread, half a carrot, maybe

(15:00):
a jar of salsa you open back in twenty nineteen,
slap it all between two slices. Congratulations, you are now
a content creator. Now. This innovation comes courtesy of Aaron Hogaboom,
who decided the world needed to watch her make sandwiches
out of leftovers. The millions of people, apparently desperate for entertainment,

(15:21):
tuned in to see bread stacked with things like cheddar,
sour dough, cherry jam, turkey, jalapeno, lime, chips, and wait
for it, grapes. Because nothing says poona pe tea like
biting into a sandwich. It tastes like someone dropped a
sharcuttery board into a blender, and of course the Internet

(15:42):
loved it. TikTok users are praising Huggaboom for her creativity
and for quote reducing food waste as if she liked
salved world hunger. Well no she didn't. I mean, she
just you know, mashed blueberries into hummus and called it innovation.
Of course. Meanwhile, we got millions of people cheering yes
queen over the radical concept of you know, not throwing

(16:05):
away your food. Naturally, every one of these Frankenstein sandwiches
go straight into the toaster, rub and because milted cheese
apparently doubles this duct tape for loose ingredients like corn, salsa,
and pomegranate seeds. Yes, yes, pomegranate seeds. In the sandwich
here she is piling it on, including those jalapeno lime chips, the.

Speaker 7 (16:28):
Last quarter of a bell top at the end of
this corn and chili, salt of cherry jam bround turkey.
We have grapes that are getting soft. Obviously were doing micet,
honey and chips right today reasons like cheddar sour dooda.
Now I'm just gonna take their maning cheese slices West
have mold on them. I found a cheese in the
first It's an espresso dusted bella.

Speaker 6 (16:47):
The Tano cheese.

Speaker 7 (16:48):
Oh yeah, I just check it out with a toaster.
Let's give it a try. The crunch from the chip,
with the halpinio seasoning, with the corn and the grapes.

Speaker 3 (16:57):
It is so good.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
I mean, this is where we are as a society, folks.
But people aren't just watching these videos. They're actually making
their own kitchen, seeing sandwiches and sharing them online like
they unlock some secret defined dining. Who knew food scraps
could become a lifestyle brand. But maybe that's the real
genius here or stupidity, depending on how you look at it.

(17:20):
In a culture where we celebrate people for rebranding basic
survival tactics as content, makes perfectly good sense that turning
leftovers into sandwiches gets treated like a culinary innovation. I mean,
forget the Michelin stars. The new standard of excellence is congrats,
you didn't waste your last three grapes. So the next
time you find yourself staring at a sad fridge full

(17:40):
of expired yogurt and limp lettuce, don't panic. Just don't
even think about going grocery shopping either. Just shove it
all in some bread film yourself wait for the Internet
to crown you the next Martha Stewart. The question is
how long can you keep it down? Well, nothing says
happily or after quite like almost suffocating child with your
cleavage during a marriage proposal. This is a great video.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
This is what.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
Happened to Emmy Duran. She's a mother of two who
managed to turn her engagement into both a TikTok moment
and an unintentional PSA on why babies and big hugs, Well,
don't always mix. You see your boyfriend pops the question
with the baby strapped to dad's chest and a carrier,
and Mom says yes, And in the excitement of the moment,

(18:27):
Mom goes for a hug, a big, huge embrace. That's
really sweet, right, One problem, the baby's face ended up
wedged directly between dad's chest and mommy's boobs otherwise known
as nature's original airbags. Yeah, poor kid's tiny little legs
started flailing like she was signaling for help and Morse code,

(18:49):
while mom and dad were too busy celebrating to notice
their infant was briefly fighting for her life being motorboarded
by mama's boobs. Of course, the Internet loved it. They
had opinions, Some laughed, some cried. Some even clutched their
pearls and typed out long comments about how this gave
them anxiety. One person even moralized the whole thing with

(19:10):
the timeless wisdom of that's why you get married first, Yes,
because you know, standing before the Lord in a holy
union could keep you from motorboarding your baby. Most people, though,
thought it was hilarious. Jokes poured in about the baby
six month of life. Flashing before its eyes and how
she was actually fighting for her life because nothing says
comedy gold like the possibility of an infantsuffocating in real

(19:32):
time from mommy's melons. In the end, though, no babies
were harmed, just traumatized, and mommy got a fiance and
a viral TikTok video out of the deal, which, let's
be honest, I mean, in twenty twenty five, it's probably
the real goal of any proposal. So congratulations to the
happy couple. May your marriage last longer than the Internet's
attention span, and may your next family milestone not involve

(19:53):
calling child protective Services. It was pretty funny though, that
baby be mashed into mommy's melons there. That was pretty funny. Yeah,
kids do say the darnest thing sometimes, and in this
case maybe even the stupidest.

Speaker 8 (20:08):
It was.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
A Florida first grader recently told his teacher he wasn't
feeling well and no, it wasn't a cold or a
stomach bug. According to him, he had morning sickness. Yeah,
morning sickness, as in the thing pregnant women get. Here's
the moment when the teacher got a funny answer to
why one of our first graders, was under the weather

(20:29):
you coughed, and.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
You said the reason you cough was what morning sickness?
Morning sickness? So do you have morning sickness? Sometimes? Sometimes
you know who had morning sickness? Pregnant women? Are you
a pregnant woman? So you don't have morening sickness? You
just got the sniffles?

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Okay, why.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
Morning sickness?

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Apparently this six year old genius decided that since he
was coughing in the morning, well logic dictated he must
be expecting. The only thing missing was a baby registry
at Target. His teacher, Gina Range, had the joy of
explaining to him that he was not, in fact with child,
just dealing with the sniffles. She managed to keep a

(21:11):
straight face, which is frankly more impressive than her teaching credentials,
because if a kid earnestly tells you he has mourning sickness,
the natural response is to either laugh in his face
or call Mauri. Of course, the internet loved it, I mean,
the TikTok clip went viral, racking of hundreds of thousands
of views, because apparently nothing unites us more than watching
a child fail basic biology. I mean, commenters piled in

(21:34):
with jokes like I get mourning sickness when it's time
for work. Another one chimed in that their student wants
faked hot flashes. So I guess it's comforting to know
the next generation is wildly unprepared for both science class
and real life. Of course, the kid was fine by
the way. He finished the school day like normal. No
baby bump, no ultra sound appointment, just a confused teacher

(21:55):
wondering why she had to clarify reproductive health to a
first grader before recess. This kid will probably grow up
to be the kind of an adult who WebMD is
a headache and convinces himself he has six months to live.
But for now, he's just another reminder that kids may
be our future, but they're also walking proof that the
future might be in trouble. We'll move over, Banksy. There's

(22:21):
a new artist in town, and his medium of choice
isn't paint, It isn't chalk, it isn't spray cans.

Speaker 9 (22:29):
No.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Meet the Bucks County Pisser and Michelangelo of micturition, the
rim Brandt of relieving himself. This anonymous performance artist has
built an Instagram following of over six thousand people by
doing what no sane human has ever put on their resume,
peeing on the sidewalk outside local landmarks. And if you're

(22:55):
wondering whether it's real or just water poured from a bottle, congratulations,
you're now thinking harder about this than the artist himself
ever did. Each post comes complete with the theme from
Dexter and Michael C. Hall's iconic line Tonight's the night,
and it's going to happen again and again, which is
kind of ironic because the only thing happening again and

(23:16):
again as a grown man filming himself pretending to whiz
on high schools like it's event guard Theater police said
that they're aware of the videos, but haven't confirmed its
actual urine, So translation, we've got bigger problems in playing
CSI porta potty. Meanwhile, the school districts have been alerted,
parents are horrified, and teenagers are gleefully racking up TikTok

(23:38):
views faster than the pisser racks up charges for public indecency.
And it's not just Bucks County, No, no, no, folks, no,
this is a full blown franchise. Now there's the Temple
Pisser the Penn State pisser, the North Pen pisser, even
the mailbox pisser, because why stop at sidewalks when you
can give the postman a splash of performance art with

(23:59):
the route. One of those mailbox masterpieces have already racked
up four million views. I mean, somewhere Andy Warhol is
probably rolling in his grave and asking, really, this is
what we're calling art Now. Police aren't exactly impressed either.
I mean when local officers summed it up perfectly saying
of the alleged artist, quote he has a strong stream,

(24:22):
so he must be young, folks. That is an actual
police commentary in twenty twenty five. Forget forensics, forget DNA evidence,
just evaluate the PSI move over in CIS. It's time
for law and order. Restroom unit. America's latest viral trend
involves grown adults pretending or possibly actually peeing on public

(24:45):
property for TikTok clout. Yeah, first we eat tide pods,
then we stacked milk crates. Now society has finally flushed
the last remnants of dignity down the toilet. Next thing
you know, they'll have a display at the local museum.
Forget that banana and duct tape thing. You know, that's
old that's old school. Now here's another example those stupidity

(25:10):
in society, where human brilliance takes the night off and
stupidity pulls up a chair, cracks a beer, and demand
screen time. And this one comes from Albany, New York.
We're fifty three year old Lawns. Krauss decided that the
best way to handle his little skeletons in the backyard
situation was to schedule an on air confessional with the

(25:31):
local CBS affiliate, because hey, who needs a lawyer when
you've got a news anchor and a camera crew. Now,
according to mister Kraus, he'd been hiding the fact that
his parents had been buried out back for eight years.
But instead of just staying quiet like he had for
about a decade, he woke up one day and thought,

(25:52):
you know what my murder confession needs is lighting, a
mic and maybe a teleprompter. So he emails the TV
station sends him a two page manifesto that basically screams,
dear local news, I killed my parents, Please book me
at seven. The news director, obviously rubbing his hands together
like he just got the golden ticket, says sure, come

(26:13):
on down, but only if you promise to spill the
tea on camera, and Kraus shockingly agrees. He walks into
the studio, probably expecting coffee donuts in a blake Q
and A, but at what he gets. Instead. He sits
across from the anchor Greg Floyd, who, bless his journalistic persistence,

(26:33):
asked the same question about forty seven times, did you
kill your parents? At first, Kraus played coy, I plead
the fifth but you know, after a few minutes of
Greg doing the verbal equivalent of poking him with the stick,
Krause just shrudged and said, yep, suffocated him. It was
quick anyway, what's next on the rundown?

Speaker 8 (26:51):
Huh?

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Whether Well, here's Laurence Kraus admitting to killing his parents
while being interviewed by CBS six News director Stone Grist.
Did you kill your parents to put them out of
their misery?

Speaker 8 (27:03):
My concern for their misery was paramount. It was a
huge burden to have to face this coming up, so.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
You alleviated that burden.

Speaker 8 (27:11):
I have to protect my Fifth Amendment rights on this
until the right time.

Speaker 10 (27:14):
They realized what you were doing to them.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
As it happened. Yes, they knew that this was it
for them. They were perishing at your hand.

Speaker 8 (27:21):
Yes, and it was so quick. I did the right
thing for them based on the situation. I did my
duty to them as a son. Everything fell into place.
I don't know how it happened that it all fell
into place.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
The whole thing aired like an episode of Dateline directed
by Monty Python. Krause claimed it was a mercy killing
because his mom tripped crossing the street and his dad
had cataracts. Cataracts, not terminal cancer, not a deathbed request.
Just sorry, dad, you can't drive any more. Better dig
the plot out back. But here's the kicker. All this time,

(27:56):
Kraus had been happily cashing in their social security well
because you know, hey, look, if you're gonna commit double homicide,
why not throw in a little federal fraud on top?
Makes the sentencing spicy. The police, of course, were waiting
in the lobby. Now imagine being the Plaine clothes officer
assisted or assigned to this gig. Yeah, just hang out

(28:17):
by the vending machine, wait until he's done confessing on
live TV. Then slapped the cuffs on him. Yeah. Efficiency
at its finest now Kraus has played it not guilty
in court, which I think is adorable. Like, sir, you
confessed on television in high definition with subtitles. I mean,

(28:38):
if that's not guilty, then I'm a six foot Swedish supermodel.
A neighbors. Look, by the way, he thought Kraus's parents
had just moved back to Germany, because apparently, if someone
disappears for eight years and you never see them again,
the most logical conclusion is all a must have gone
back to the old country. Yeah, sure, definitely not buried
three feet from the barbecue pit. And let's not forget
the cherry on top here. Public defender is already suggesting

(29:02):
the interview might not be admissible because the news station
was basically an agent of the police. Translation, you're honor.
My client only confessed on live TV because he thought
he was auditioning for a documentary, not a jail cell.
So a man confesses to killing his parents live in
the evening news after eight years of cash in their checks,
and now somehow wants us to believe he's not guilty.

(29:25):
Stupidity in society isn't just alive, it's just got its
own media booking team. Wo Man. Well, this guy probably
shouldn't have been attracting attention to himself either, for multiple reasons.
A twenty eight year old guy in Florida name Juan
Leon was arrested after he was caught doing a burnout

(29:48):
at a red light. Who's the bigger problem was he'd
been drinking, and the cops definitely noticed. One didn't do
the burnout because he was hammered though, no, he told
police he was just trying to uh impressed the girls.
Not to speak for an entire gender, but most girls
probably don't think burnouts are as cool as guys think
they are. The good news is the cops probably wouldn't

(30:10):
have noticed one if they didn't hear him revving his engine,
which means he could have kept driving drunken put innocent
people at risk. So one was charged with uy, reckless driving,
aggravated assault, and criminal mischief for the damage caused to
the crosswalk. Well, here's a man claiming to be Colonel

(30:31):
Sanders great great great nephew. He says KFC, formerly known
as Kentucky Fried Chicken, blocked him from complaining about them
sexualizing his great great great uncle Colonel Sanders. So what
did he do he leaked the secret chicken recipe. The

(30:52):
guy has the TikTok handle at real Colonel Sanders, and
his whole feed is about him being distantly related to
Colonel Harlan Sanders and wanting to protect his family's legacy. Now,
he's been at this for years, but he's been increasingly
viral recently, and he's upset because he believes the brand
has spent the past decade sexualizing Colonel Sanders in its

(31:16):
marketing campaign. Now, if you don't know what he's talking about,
well you probably should check it out. Just look it
up anywhere on YouTube. KFC is really sick of dealing
with this guy, so they blocked him on social media.
So he responds by leaking the secret chicken recipe with
those eleven herbs and spices. It even includes measurements, and

(31:36):
he says it's based on both publicity available info and
stuff that hasn't been released that's been passed down through
the family. So here he is explaining why he's taking
these measures.

Speaker 11 (31:47):
Kentucky Fry Chicken has blocked me on social media. For
those who are new on Colonel Sanders great great great nephew,
I'm the last Sanders in his family line. Over the
last decade, they have sexualized my uncle for marketing purposes.
They have encouraged fans to sexualize him as well. My
response to Kentucky Fried Chicken blocking me is, do you
want to know how to make their chicken truly? Generally

(32:09):
their chicken? This recipe I put together through facts. So
let Kentucky Fried Chicken deny this. If they do, I'll say,
prove it. I have faction receipts back up my recipe.
Show us what yours is.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
According to him, the eleven herbs and spices in KFC
chicken or sage, garlic, powder, cardamom, cayenne, cinnamon, clothes, nutmeg, coriander, ginger,
white pepper, and black pepper. So did he really spill
the beans?

Speaker 7 (32:36):
Well?

Speaker 1 (32:36):
I don't know. Maybe the guy's legit and is just
clinging to this bit of fame. Or it's possible that
this is an elaborate joke or publicity stunt me, either
by the random enterprising dude himself or maybe even by
KFC's brand. Although the content is really so dense, it's
unlikely KFC would be involved for so little of a payoff,

(32:58):
but time will tell. For more stupidity courtesy of American Airlines,
where one passenger recently discovered that sometimes the middle seat
isn't just uncomfortable, it's a full blown biohazard. According to
a now viral Reddit rent, a couple decided that the

(33:21):
middle seat of their row was the perfect place to
change their baby's rancid, poop packed diaper. That's right, folks,
right there between mom and dad in the middle of
a crowded plane. Because nothing says welcome aboard like a
cloud of EU day feces wafting through Economy class. The

(33:42):
stench apparently was so potent it woke up sleeping passengers.
I mean imagine dozing off mid flight, dreaming about peanuts
and leg room, only to be jolted awake by what
can only be described as the airborne version of a
landfill fire. But it gets worse. Of course. The parents
reportedly didn't even bother to clean up the mess. They

(34:05):
just left the seat dirty for the next unsuspecting traveler,
like some kind of horrific surprise. It's not turbulence, it's
turd residue. And as if turning Row seventeen into a
public restroom wasn't enough, they also treated the cabin floor
like their personal landfill, scattering snack wrappers and containers like
confetti at a trash themed parade. Of course, read it

(34:28):
as you might expect erupted. Some folks argued airplane bathrooms
are too cramped for diper duty. Others countered that basic
human decency doesn't come with leg room requirements. One comment
or even bragged that they carried chlorox wipes just for
this kind of thing, because apparently flying commercial requires the
same prep as surviving chernobyl and Look. To be clear,

(34:52):
this is not an isolated incident either. There was a
Delta Passager once it made headlines after reporting the same
midair diaper swap. Seems that this is becoming a trend.
Forget the TikTok dances. Apparently the hottest new viral craze
is turning your seat into a porta potty. Okay, baby's poop,
I know it's what they do. Look, but here's the thing.

(35:13):
Every commercial airplane comes equipped with a bathroom. Is it cramped, yes,
is it convenient no? But it does come with one
essential feature, a door. And that door is the only
thing standing between you and the wrath of two hundred
strangers trying to breathe recycled fart air while you play
guess that smell with your infant. So if you're ever

(35:36):
tempted to unleash a diaper bomb in the middle seat,
don't because while your baby might not remember the flight,
the rest of us will remember the smell forever. All Right,
we have a new Karen in sports fandom. She might
even be worse than her Philly cousin. We talked about

(35:58):
the Phillies Karen. In a re podcast episode will Now
Meet Karen of the New York Giants. She swiped to
Patrick Mahomes headband right out of the hands of a
little kid at MetLife Stadium after the Chiefs meet the
Giants recently. Karen and her man posted the video while
they were leaving the game, bragging about how Mahomes came

(36:18):
right to her to hand her his headband, But if
you look at the video, it clearly shows he was
trying to hand it to the kid, who is a
Kansas City fan. Karen, by the way, was wearing a
Giant's shirt she had to reach for it. After the
Internet tore into her, she posted a pretty defiant video
that well, frankly did her no favors. She admitted that

(36:41):
maybe the headband was meant for the kid, but she
claimed she didn't realize it at the time. Then she
blamed everyone around her for not speaking up and also
suggested that we need to make our young boys tougher. Anyway, what, well,
here's part of it. I'm not a thief.

Speaker 7 (37:00):
Boy.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
When Holmes came. If you look at the video, both
of our hands was on it. I didn't look at
mahomes eyes to see worthy look, and I just see
these hanging out. Something I put in my hand. Both
of our hands was on it. I took it. Why
didn't they stop me and say, hey, yo, give it
to my son or my brother.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
But no one didn't say nothing to me.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
But now you start posting it one week later, telling
me that I'm a thief. I'm not a thief.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
I'm not well as you might expect. That made things
even worse. So then she posted a follow up video
with just about all the attitude removed, said she would
like to make it right and get the headband to
the kid Mahomes was actually trying to give it to.
And of course, well now people are saying she's only
sorry because she got caught. I mean, you can see

(37:43):
Giant Karen's angry video at people dot com. It contains
a couple of uncensored B words too, just so you know.
But I look, I know, it kind of feels righteous
to call people out for stuff like this. Many of
us have seen things like this happen in our daily lives,
you know, people cutting in line, sealing a parking place.
We all kind of feel hopeless, right, but now, thanks
to the Internet, we can exact justice. The question is,

(38:04):
is our stupidity against someone else's stupidity worth basically ruining
a human life?

Speaker 12 (38:09):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Now, look, this person doesn't seem like a nice person
at all, But is she evil? I mean, can we
make ourselves feel better by thinking? Listen to her. You
can tell she's does stuff like this all the time.
But what if she doesn't, What if she just made
one simple mistake like any one of us could make.
I mean, I don't really want to defend this woman, obviously,
I means, she does seem kind of awful, just say.

(38:31):
I mean, but the next time that you do something
stupid that makes you look bad, you better pray to
God that it doesn't end up on social media. Because
even if it's an accident or a one off, you
could be settled with that forever, you know, So whatever
is done for you could be done to you. Hmm yeah,

(38:51):
I mean, stupidity has no favorites. Well here's a guy
who has an interaction with cops that could have ended
with a light chuckle but instead, Well, there were three
cops on horseback patrol around Ubbock, Texas when he saw
this guy walking on the street instead of on the sidewalk.
He seemed a bit suspicious, so they went up and

(39:12):
talked to him. They thought he might have drugs on him,
so they just asked to search his pockets. He said no.
Then one of the cops made a dumb joke that
got taken way too seriously. He joked that the horse
he was on was a drug sniffing horse. Well, the

(39:33):
guy immediately took off running, and there's chesscam footage of
the whole thing. Officer William Trotter is the one who
made the joke. His partner told a reporter that they
thought the guy fleeing was also a joke, but then
he didn't stop. Here's the officers, Bryson Lewis and William
Trotter talking about what happened.

Speaker 11 (39:51):
I guess als Trotter made a comment that was more
of a joke.

Speaker 6 (39:55):
That's cool. I have an arcotic spelling horse right here.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
He didn't take it that way. He took it here consideriously.

Speaker 11 (40:01):
And then the chase was on, I guess, but he
kind of took off down the alley and we thought
he was joking, so I said, hey, if we stop,
and then he kept running and I said, oh, he's
actually running.

Speaker 7 (40:10):
Somebody is silly enough to eventually run from a horse.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
After we had taken him into cassidy, I asked him,
what were you thinking running from horses, you know, and
he was like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
He took off sprinting down the alley, but well, see
they were on horseback, so they immediately caught up with him. Now,
forty two year old Joseph Ramirez is facing charges for
evading arrest and tampering with physical evidence. It's not clear
if that evidence was drugs or not. Well, we got
Halloween coming up, and of course you can now rest

(40:42):
assured that Hershey's, you know, the chocolate people, will not
be banned from selling their famous Halloween candies. You remember
last year we talked about this, a woman in Florida
named Cynthia Kelly sued Hershey's for five million dollars. She
claimed their pumpkin shaped Reese's Peanut butter cups were falsely advertised.

(41:05):
She said the pumpkin packaging shows that pumpkins have cool
carved designs and faces, but in reality, there are no faces,
and well, you know that just really bothered her. That
wasn't the only thing. She pointed out that several of
their Halloween candies are also less spooky than they appear

(41:26):
on the wrapper. Well, Cynthia will not be getting a
five million dollar payout and the candies will not be
pulled from the store shelves where they're deceiving America. Apparently,
a judge just dismissed the lawsuit. She ruled that the
plaintiffs failed to prove any concrete economic injury and the
products were not rendered worthless. In other words, they're still delicious,

(41:52):
happy Halloween. Well. Despite years of warnings flashing signs, literal watermelon,
truck carnage drivers in Ohio continue to believe that they
are starring in their own version of Fast and Furious Movies,
only instead of ven diesel. We're stuck with Gary from Dayton,
who suddenly remembers, at seventy miles an hour that the

(42:15):
cheesecake factory exit was right there. In the latest episode
of How To Nearly Kill Everyone around You, a car
decided to cross multiple lanes at the last possible second,
cutting off a semi loaded down with watermelons. That's right, watermelons.
The driver of the semi, clearly the superhero in disguise,

(42:38):
managed to stop in time, scattering his watermelons all around
the highway, but still somehow prevented the world's saddest fruit
salad from becoming a fatal headline. O DOOTS spokesperson Matt
Brunning kindly reminds everyone there is no excuse for putting
people in harm's way just so you can avoid maybe
a two or three minute detour. But apparently, in Ohio,

(43:00):
three minutes is worth risking your life, your car, and
everyone else's afternoon commute. Here's Matt from ODOTT pleading with
Ohio drivers.

Speaker 13 (43:09):
There's no excuse for putting people in harm's way just
so you can avoid maybe a two or three minute detour,
you know, just because you happen to be in the
wrong lane and you don't have enough time to get
over to your exit. Just go to the next one.
We just need people to pay attention and drive responsibly.
And that's not a hard ask, that's an easy fix,
and it doesn't cost anything. But it could save lives.

(43:31):
And that's what we're trying.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
To do here. And if you think this is and
I said the incident, you would be wrong. A driver
in Columbus I saw this video thought that the shoulder
lane was a great spot for a starting point for
their three lane dash to freedom. Well, predictably, a crash
followed and a red van literally stopped in the middle
of I seventy one just to grab an exit. Because

(43:54):
nothing says responsible driving like turning a major interstate into
your personal parking lot. Of course, the best part the
driver took off, but later they caught, was caught and
was charged. Now imagine the courtroom defense. But your honor,
if I miss that exit, the nearest Taco bell was
three miles away. Yeah, Odutt continues to plead with drivers,

(44:15):
just take the next exit. But look, let's be real.
Asking some people to drive responsibly, it's kind of like
asking a toddler not to touch the shiny stove. It's
not happening. So look, remember, folks, Ohio highways are not
Mario Kart. You don't get extra points for drifting across
four lanes, and there are no golden mushrooms for waiting

(44:36):
at exit twelve B. Drive like your brain is turned
on people, or at least like you don't want to
become a cautionary tail involving airborne watermelons. Like I said,
I'm a safe driver. I'm just worried of everybody else. Well,
here's a very twenty twenty five way to pick a fight.

(44:57):
A pair of Texas idiots are facing charge after their
weird Netflix prank started a fight that involved gunfire. A
twenty year old guy in San Antonio hopped on Netflix
and realized somebody had changed his user name. That's not
really clear what they changed it too, but the cops
said it was some kind of an insult, So he

(45:19):
decided that the two guys he knew were the ones
who changed it. Nineteen year old Brian Reynolds an eighteen
year old Anthony Constant. I think so he pronounced it
so Anthony Constant, that's his name. So he tells police
he felt disrespected by the prank, he agreed to fight
both of them, so they met up and went at it.
Anthony and Brian, though had a gun with him, and

(45:41):
one of them used it to pistol whip the guy.
Then a shot was fired, apparently about mistake. One report
said they were fighting over the gun and the bullet
ricocheted off the ground and hit the victim. But apparently
he's okay. It sounds like the guy that they fought
took a beating, but it looks like Brian did too.
I mean, his face is all up in his mugshot
and well he's in a neck prace. He and Anthony

(46:03):
are both facing charges for aggravated assault with a deadly
weapon and I'm pretty sure that their Netflix account might
have gotten canceled.

Speaker 7 (46:12):
Well.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Looking for a suspect can be like, you know, searching
for a needle in a haystack, or it can be
like searching for a screaming baby in a haystack. A
man suspected of committing multiple robberies in Colorado was found
walking in the background while the TV news crews were
filming the segment about him. Yeah, it happened when one

(46:34):
of the reporters, a man named Justin Adams did a
double take as he watched him walk across the street
right behind him. He later said he was just in
a sense of disbelief when he saw the guy he
had just described live on the air. Here's the moment
when the reporter spotted the suspect. Yo, hey, put the

(46:56):
camera on him.

Speaker 8 (46:56):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
You see this person right here?

Speaker 4 (46:59):
Is this him?

Speaker 2 (47:00):
Would it be crazy if we actually found the guy
right now because we saw a person who was literally
fitting a description, who.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Just walked down walked by her camera. Suspect was twenty
six year old Richard applecust He was wearing a hood
and didn't seem bothered by the cameras, but the crew
called nine to one one and he was in police
custody within ten minutes, still being questioned. No word what
the charges are going to be. Sometimes it's just so easy. Well,

(47:29):
there's a retired forty nine year old Florida deputy that's
making some headlines for what might be the worst McDonald's
run in history. Robert Gray decided to take his Chevy
Tahoe through the drive through not once, but twice, because
nothing says stable adult like circling back for round two.
Of the bad decisions. So while there, he allegedly insulted employees,

(47:50):
had several open beer cans in the car, and led
his eighteen month old ride shotgun without a car seat,
because look, who needs basic safety when you've got mcparenting
skills like that. The deputy said that he appeared impaired,
shocking considering the whole open beer and baby in the
front seat combo. So when the law enforcement arrived, Gray

(48:11):
proved his training hadn't gone completely to waste. See he
hit the gas, ran a stop sign and a red light,
and sped away at a high rate of speed until
the deputies lost him. Well, his great escape didn't last
that long though, see his sud was later found abandoned
outside of cannabis business about a mile from his home.

(48:31):
Deputies eventually confronted him at his house, where he tried
the classic I'm not coming outside routine before finally giving
up and getting arrested. The toddlerd case you're wondering, was
not hurt, but the Department of Children and Wealth and
Families have been notified because well, obviously Gray now fasis
charges of fleeing police, negligent child abuse, and reckless driving.

(48:51):
Now our good friend Sheriff Grady Judd didn't mince words,
summing up things well like this. If you act like
a McNutt while mc drunk, say mcugly things to employees
and endanger a child, you're headed straight to mcjail. Here
is Sheriff Grady making the playful, lighthearted statement about it.

Speaker 12 (49:10):
We expect more people who used to work for us.
I'm embarrassed for his family. But make no mistake, you
act like a McNutt at McDonald's and you make drunk
saying mcugly things to the girls and putting a child's
life in danger, you're going to jail mcjail. Every mcpie
have a good day.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
Of course, on the bright side, McDonald's can now add
a new item to the menu. Mcfellony combo comes with fries,
a dui and a free trip to mcjail. Nothing says
I've peaked in life quite like going from enforcing the
law to fleeing deputies over a drive through tantrum. Who
talk about mccareer downgrade. So in the why even bother

(49:54):
category of college sports drama, we have a guy by
the name of Joe Bullard. He's a lot time, Florida
A and m banded announcer, So Joe decides that halftime
was the perfect time to showcase his award winning lack
of taste. While he was introducing the Alabama State band
and their popular Honeybees dance team, mister Bullard apparently thought

(50:18):
it would be hilarious to body shame the women, joking
that they were quote the new face of ozimpic because
nothing says school spirit like roasting a group of college
students in front of a stadium. Here's what he said
about the gals from Alabama State, now the face of

(50:50):
as you would surprisingly guess. The crowd groaned and both
universities were quick to slam the remark. Now, fam u's
president issued a full on apology to the Honeybees, and
Alabama State promised to hold Bollard accountable. Alabama State President
to call the comments demeaning and shortsighted, making a crystal
clear that insulting hard working students who just want to

(51:12):
entertain is not, in fact a competitive strategy. Those aren't
professional performers, they're college students, mostly teenagers, who put in
hours of work to make halftime shows memorable. Apparently, Bullard,
though missed the memo that the point of a halftime
show is fun, not public humiliation. So congratulations, Joe, you've
officially taken the term halftime entertainment and turned it into

(51:35):
a cautionary tale about how not to be a human being.
Get up close and personal with my stupid world by

(51:58):
interacting with the podcast through Insane Eery Lane Stupid World
Telegram channel. I post the actual articles I use in
the podcast episodes every weekend from this week's collection of stupidity.
When you join the channel, you'll get to read the
actual stories, see the photos, watch the amazing videos from
the stupidity I talk about in each episode. You can
make comments about what you've read or seen, even comment

(52:20):
with your own suggestions or opinions about what I've talked about.
You can share some links to the stupid stories that
you've encountered. So visit t dot me slash insant Eric Lane,
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A n E and you get a preview of the
channel and the link to download the telegram messenger app
to your smartphone. It's also available in desktop versions as well,

(52:41):
and it's supported on Windows, Linux, Apple, and Android. Platforms.
Telegram it's a secure messaging app that is gaining in popularity.
To learn more, visit Telegram, dot o RG Now we'll

(53:03):
produce them call.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
It's a.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Fertility clinic in the Bay Area in San Francisco is
being accused of failing to pay women who donated their eggs.
Because if this happened to sperm donors, they probably wouldn't
even follow up. You know how chicken eggs are expensive nowadays, right, Yeah, Well,
I guess these eggs are way worth way, way, way

(53:28):
much more.

Speaker 6 (53:29):
You know.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
And despite Donald Trump's claims, a study of two point
five million births in Sweden shows no evidence that Thailand
all used during pregnancy increases a child's risk of autism. Look,
if you get a headache from listening to Trump too much,
so ticket Tyland all, I'm sure it'll help. Well, so
we'll turning off the TV. True, But I guess the
people are in Sweden are a little different. I guess

(53:52):
they don't even smoke during pregnancy. What do you know?
And in order to call more than four hundred ostriches at
a Canadian ostrich far has led to protests. Look, if
you're for killing these verds, you deserve to be ostracized.
M And by that I mean just kicked in the
butt by an ostrich. I mean, I get it. I

(54:12):
mean with this type of thing, you just can't stick
your head in the sand. And Amazon has reached a
two point five billion dollar settlement with the FTC over
deceptive Prime sign ups and making canceling the service difficult.
Good Canceling Prime was worse than trying to cancel a
gym membership. No, I will not send Bezos a handwritten letter.

(54:35):
I asked Alexa to cancel my Prime, and she responded
with I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
My name's not even Dave. A Polish mountaineer has become
the first person to descend from the highest point of
Mount Everest all the way to base camp without supplemental oxygen.
That's pretty impressive. Some Americans can even make it in

(54:57):
and out of Walmart without sucking down a can. Jimmy
Kimble says his mom cooked for him relentlessly during his suspension,
even made a special treat for his return show. I
thought he looked like he had put on some pounds. Frankly,
sounds like she still writes his name on his underwear too.
Rick moranis is officially ending his retirement to star in

(55:19):
Spaceballs Too, which has begun filming. Moranas is back in Spaceballs,
and Michael Caine is coming back for a Vendiesel movie.
Should have planned the retirements better. I haven't seen I
haven't even seen the guy in decades. Frankly, I wonder
if now he looks like Vader without his helmet. Comedy
legend Bill Burr is in talks to join production of

(55:41):
the social network Park two, follow up to the twenty
ten Mark Zuckerberg biopic. Of course, I expect to see
Bill's character yelling at a software engineer telling him JavaScript
is for pansies. That's if he makes it back from
the Rio Odd Comedy Festival alive. And William Shatner was
reassuring be One recently on social media he's doing very

(56:02):
well after he was rushed to the hospital for a
medical emergency. Nothing short of the Vulcan death grip will
take our beloved Captain Kirk. Look, he might be ninety four,
but that doesn't mean he's ready to be beamed up
Scottie due to being struck in the face by a
fastball while playing against the Detroit Tigers. Designated hitter David
Fry of the Cleveland Guardians will be out for six

(56:24):
to eight weeks. Really tough, especially at the end of
the season. There's no crying in baseball, you see. But
I think that we can make an exception in this case.
I mean, not many people get mulled by a tiger
and live to tell the tale. New York City, New
York City Mayor Eric Adams is ending his campaign for
reelection in the face of weak polling numbers and approval

(56:45):
ratings at historic loths. Well, the rats are position just
opened up, you know. I mean something to think about
too here, mister Adams. Turns out the Big Apple thinks
Eric Adams is rotten to the core. New research indicates
trying to be funny work can seriously backfire, as failed
attempts that humor will hurt your career more than successful

(57:06):
attempts to help it. Yeah, so should I probably stop
bringing whoopie cushions to work? Got it? Okay? I think
it really depends on the profession. I mean, server, sure,
joke around at the tables, funeral director, not so much.
Radio guy. I could joke around all I want to.
It's part of the job. President Trump attended to hastily

(57:29):
call meeting one hundreds of the nation shop generals and admirals.
All that brass in one room. And I'm not just
talking about Donnie's skin tone. I guess the President plans
to announce the latest recipient of the Medal of Honor himself.
The federal health officials are warning consumers not to eat
certain meats that were sold at Trader Joe's because they
may have been contaminated with asteria. Yeah. Good, Finally I'll

(57:52):
be able to get a spot in the parking lot,
as long as I can still get my teeny tiny avocados. Well,
Google has set up a deal, well with a startup,
to buy fifty thousand tons of carbon removal over the
next five years by way of injecting animal waste a
thousand feet below the Earth's surface. I don't know how
that works. Of course, you don't know how that works either, right,

(58:14):
So I guess we have to google it. Well, there's
a future Google. I guess there's a future story. Google
injected cowpoop into the ground, and now my neighborhood stinks.
I think the mold people might have something to say
about this. A wave of criticism has hit top comedians
like Dave Chappelle, Pete Davidson and Bill Burfer joining a

(58:36):
Saudi government back comedy festival. Apparently Bill Cosby was unavailable.
Some people are even worried about their safety. But comedians
are fine in Saudi Arabia. It's not like they're journalists.
Madonna opened up about her spiritual life in her first
ever podcast interview, saying that she wouldn't be here if
she didn't have one. Of course, with a career like hers,

(58:59):
I wouldn't stop it spiritual. I'd probably go with witchcraft.
Madonna is the original kookie white woman with crystals and
don't you forget it. Well, for seventy people the bore
the Royal Caribbean serenade have been confined to their rooms
after having fallen ill in a massive outbreak of no
outbreak of norovirus. Another dozen or having similar symptoms from

(59:21):
having eaten the oysters. Now the only serenade on the
Royal Caribbean is the sound of toilets flushing. President Trump
announced a new pharmaceutical director consumer website aimed at lowering
drug prices called Trump r X and I'm just happy
he didn't call it Trump Hub. I can't believe he
didn't call it doctor Donnie.

Speaker 4 (59:42):
I mean.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
He plans to announce his streaming service in the fall,
too right. Spotify co founder Daniel Eck is stepping aside
a CEO after nearly twenty years, though he still plans
to have a say in the company business. Of course,
after twenty years, Spotify is hitting shuffle. He's getting his
Spotify wrapped about two months e Research shows that waiting

(01:00:03):
in line can be beneficial to your brain as it
improves self control. You know, sometimes I'll go to the
DMV and when they call a number, I'll tell them
I'm good, just working on my self control and then leave.
Except for when you're waiting in line. Of course, at
the self checkout that just takes minutes off your life
with all the beeping and booping. And researchers say that

(01:00:25):
blending beef with insects would be a healthier and more
sustainable way of life, noting that two billion people already
have bugs in their diet. So the next time you
go to buy ground beef and it says eighty twenty,
make sure it's not beef. To bugs. Yeah, eating insects
probably sounds like a good way to get a stomach
bug myself. A number of multimillion dollar properties on the

(01:00:47):
California see Front or at risk of falling into the
Pacific Ocean after a mini landslide recently. I mean, any
more soil comes loose and these homeowners are going to
become beach boys. On a visit to New Zealand, FBI
director Cash Bettel gave the country's police gifts of plastic
and three D printed replica epistols that are illegal to
possess under local gun laws and had to be destroyed.

(01:01:11):
Didn't get any more American than that. Hey, I know
we just met, but here's a handgun. Might have better
luck with a NERF gun. Apparently, the police captain said,
you'll shoot your eye out and promptly confiscated the gifts.
At the premiere of the new film j Kelly, George
Clooney says he's grateful his eight year old kids still
like him, joking they're young. Plus he hasn't shown them

(01:01:33):
Batman and Robin yet. The CEO of American Eagle fired
back at critics of the controversial campaign that featured Sydney Sweeney.
He said, look, you can't run from fear. We stand
behind what we did. In fact, you can't run an
American eagle Janes at all. Frankly, of course that ad
dropped back in the early summer. Of course I'm surprised
he's bringing it up again. Couldn't beat the stirrups and sales,

(01:01:58):
couldn't be no. Former NFL quarterback Jake Cutler began his
four day jail sentence after pleading guilty to a misdemeter
diui charge. He tried to say this the swerving was
from CTE, but it didn't work. He rear ended someone
while drinking, but in football terms it's called the tush push. Groundbreaking.

(01:02:19):
Chimpanzee researcher jaink at All passed away at the age
of ninety one. Rest in peace, chain, unless you'd rather
monkey around, Yeah, rest in peace to the original chimp simp.
I always thought she was the Jane from Tarzan. Frankly.
A recent survey shows that over half of low income
American households have sacrificed food or groceries within the past

(01:02:40):
year to pay utility bills. I wonder if these folks
have considered farming. No point in buying food when the
fridge is warm, I guess right. And finally, a three
year old boy in Washington stage stumbled upon a live
grenade for World War Two while playing in the front yard,
then carried it inside this show as Mommy and Daddy yeah,
like a typical toddler through a pantrum. Once they took

(01:03:01):
it away, parents immediately raised their hands and said, you
can get whatever you want for Christmas. Okay, call talk, call,
come calm. You know I'm open to talking about anything
but love talking about surviving in the stupidity that's always
around us. And if you're insane enough to ask, well,

(01:03:23):
I'm insane enough to reply, and I would love to
hear from you. You can leave me a message at
podcasts dot Insanericlane dot com, leave a comment there from
a podcast, or if you have a question, I'll be
happy to address either one. Your question or comment just
might be talked about in a future podcast. And if
you are someone you know would like to join in
on the podcast, you are more than welcome to participate.

(01:03:44):
If you've got the podbean app on your phone, you
can do just that right from your smartphone. Just like
the other six hundred thousand podcasters who also use it,
download the app at your favorite app store and add
this podcast to your favorites. You can also email me
with comments or questions and requests at shout out at
Insanericlane dot com, and of course you should certainly subscribe

(01:04:05):
to the podcast if you listen on Apple Iheartbreaker, YouTube,
Amazon Music Player, FM Podchaser, Boom Play, Overcast, pocket Cast Radio, Public, Spotify,
or any other podcast platform. Don't forget to follow me
on Facebook and X at Insane Eric Lane.

Speaker 10 (01:04:26):
I wonder you this genius.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
I'm simply a human.

Speaker 9 (01:04:30):
It's like a caveman thing.

Speaker 6 (01:04:32):
You said.

Speaker 1 (01:04:32):
No, this week's a genius one and in this week's
Genius Awards. A thirty eight year old woman has been
arrested after allegedly breaking into a private aviation hangar at
Chicago's Midway International Airport, stealing a shuttle bus and driving
it on to a taxiway before telling police she was

(01:04:52):
just testing security. The woman is charged with the fellow
account of criminal trespass to the airport and to a
misdemeanor trespassing charges. CBS News Chicago is not naming the
woman who has a history of mental health issues. Every
possible port of entry at Midway and O'Hara International Airport
is supposed to be guarded by security and doors of

(01:05:12):
the runway. Another secure areas were equipped with keypads, requiring
special badges to pass through, but somehow this woman got
into the secured area at Midway and Rome freely where
planes are parked, before she hopped on a bus and
drove it around. According to a Chicago police report, she
was arrested after a witness saw her on the secured
side of the Signature Flight Support hangar at Midway, where

(01:05:35):
she claimed or climbed onto a Signature shuttle bus and
drove it onto the taxiway in front of the building
where the planes are parked. After driving in a circle,
she then returned to the hangar building, where the witness
has lost sight of her. Another witness said that she
had seen the woman hold the hanger door open for
her as the witness was pushing a food cart. A
third witness told police the woman had asked about using

(01:05:57):
the restroom and the signature hanger. Fonding officers spotted the
woman finally on an unsecured side of the hangar, and
when officers questioned her, she told him I was just
testing security. The security breach happened on the secure side
of Midway along Central Avenue. The hangar area is supposed
to be barb surrounded by barboar fencing with a security
post for vehicles to enter after being screened by aviation security.

(01:06:20):
After she was arrested, the woman informed police she had
a history of mental health problem since she was taken
to the hospital for evaluation. It remained unclear though how
or you know exactly where she was able to get
inside the secured area. Statement from Signature said that they're
working closely with the authorities investigating the security breach. The
woman does not appear to have a prior criminal record.

(01:06:42):
She listed her profession as a licensed social worker and
her home address is listed less than a block away
from the airport. At her first court appearance, she was
allowed to go free ahead a trial, but is required
to regularly check in with a probation officer. Yeah, mental
health problems or maybe mental health solutions and driving a
shuttle in a s and the taxiway sounds fun?

Speaker 11 (01:07:04):
Well.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
The noise Living a block from the airport will rattle
anyone's mental health frankly, and then there's this. A judge
sentenced an Arkansas woman to probation after she pleaded guilty
to stealing slushy machines to use in her food truck.
Appearing at a Jonesboro, Arkansas courtroom, Jacquela Kayana White entered

(01:07:27):
a negotiated plea of guilty to one counter of theft
of property previous conviction a class to felony. The second
charge was not processed. Second second of the Second Judicial
Circuit Court Judge Chris Steyer sends her to thirty six
months of probation in order her to pay four hundred
and eighty five dollars in court fees and costs and
fifty dollars monthly installments. An asset protection employee at the

(01:07:50):
Parker and Walmart found the spider wire security devices missing
from slushy machines in the store. According to the probate
cause affidavit Now, the worker reviewed the store's video footage
and observed White entered the store and removed the devices
from two slushy machines. White then went to the register
and did the scan or pay for the machines before

(01:08:12):
leaving the store with them. According to the court documents,
the items were reported costing about five hundred and ninety
eight dollars now. According to the document, White went to
another store at three thousand East Highland Avenue in Jonesborough,
where she entered empty handed. White walked to the small
appliant section, grabbed two slushy machines and walked to the exit.
Employees stopped her at the exit and asked for a receipt,

(01:08:34):
but White told them the two machines were a return
and proceeded to exit the store. Those machines were listed
at six hundred ninety nine dollars in ninety eight cents.
In a mirandized interview, Detective Luke Lane said White admitted
to ceiling the floor four slushy machines and said that
she used them for her food truck to make slushies
and sell them. You know, they must hate to see

(01:08:55):
a girl boss thriving. You know, maybe someone told her
the slushy machines would for themselves and she just misunderstood,
Or how about this? A twenty six year old Florida
man was arrested for simple domestic battery following a dispute.
It was a Florida woman. It happened at her Summerfield home.
Police responded to a ten pm domestic disturbance call where

(01:09:17):
Devon Driscoll advised she wants her ex boyfriend and ext
girlfriend kicked out of the house. Driscoll tells the officer
she was in a polygamous relationship with the two but
has since broken up and wants them out. Her former
partners were identified as twenty five year old Anisia Bolivar
and twenty seven year old Christopher Rosario, who share a
daughter together. During the incident, Driscoll allegedly struck Bolivar in

(01:09:41):
the head on the front porch. Boliver said she pushed
back in self defense and that caused Driscoll to fall
down the steps at the double white mobile home. Rosario
corroborated Bolivar's account. Deputy's determined Driscoll was the aggressor and
arrested her. She was released in order to avoid contact
with Bolivar. The domestic battery may have been simil but
the relationship seems anything but. Seems like a polyamory made

(01:10:06):
its way out of the trailer park and into the mainstream,
and then back into the trailer park again. Hey what
about this one? A fifty six year old Florida man
was arrested after police said they clocked him driving a
C eight generation Chevy Corvette Stingray convertible at one hundred
and seven miles an hour. While that may be well
below the vet's top speed such a velocity, the velocity

(01:10:30):
means the driver is subject to the state's newly instituted
super speeder law that applies to driving over one hundred
miles an hour, which means potential jail time in addition
to hefty fines and all that apparently over a haircut.
Police identified the alleged speeder as Michael Stenek of Welleka, Florida.
A video posted to the Fleagler County Sheriff's Office Facebook

(01:10:51):
page shows the pursuit and the arrest.

Speaker 12 (01:10:53):
Now.

Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
The video clip begins with a black Corvette speeding by
a park patrol car. The police officer a meeting begins
to pursue. Now, once the officer pulls behind the Corvette
with his lights and sirens activated, the Corvette driver pulls
onto the shoulder. The drivers asked to exit the car.
He's padded down and handcuffed. The officer then asked the
inevitable question, why were you driving so fast? He replied,

(01:11:17):
I have an appointment with my barber. The officer repeats
the answer in an apparent disbelief. Stanik then says, but
you know that car is kind of cool to drive.
The officer, seemingly unimpressed, informs Stank that driving over one
hundred miles an hour in Florida is a criminal offense
and now he will be headed to jail and his
car will be towed. Florida House Bill three point fifty one,

(01:11:40):
referred to as the super Speeder Law, began enforcement on
July first of twenty twenty five. Under the new law,
if you're driving it either more than one hundred miles
an hour or fifty miles prior over the posted limit,
you can face criminal charges. The first offense carries a
penalty of up to thirty days in jail a five
hundred dollars fine for both. Stannic was taken to the
Sheriff Perry Hall in the detention center, according to police,

(01:12:01):
where he was later released on a one hundred and
fifty dollars bond. Yeah late for this barber, but also
basically confessing to not being able to drive fifty five
thanks to the Corvette right. Super speeder can probably mean
many things under Florida law, and driving over one hundred
miles per hour is but one. And you got to
check this one out. San Francisco Bay Area police officer

(01:12:23):
stopped a Weimo robotaxi for making in the illegal U
turn during a weekend dui enforcement operation. The driver's vehicle
performed the violation directly in front of the officers at
the traffic lights. That's right, no driver, no hands, no clue,
the department posted on social media. Officers could not issue
a citation because their citation books don't have a box

(01:12:45):
for robot. Police contacted Weimo, a subsidiary of Google's parent
company alphabet. A Waimo spokesperson until CBS News Bay Area
that the autonomous driving system is designed to respect the
rules of the road and that we are looking into
the situation and are committed to improving road safety through
our ongoing learnings and experience. Police said legislation is being

(01:13:07):
developed to officers who issue notices to driverless car companies. Yeah,
AI is coming for all jobs and will readily simulate
a drunk taxi driver ticket waymow. That's what I say.
Put points on this robotaxis license. Of course, you'll never
believe this. A thirty nine year old Connecticut man is
accused of breaking into the an Anatolely Elementary School in

(01:13:29):
the middle of the night and stealing food, drinks, pins,
and a lawn chair. Adam Weslawski of New Hartford was
charged with third degree burgulary, sixth degree larceny, possession of
a controlled substance, and failure to keep narcotics in their
original container. State Police responded to the school at thirty
Anatolely Drive around two forty two in the morning after

(01:13:51):
an alarm sounded. Troopers saw a shirtless man nearby in
front of the nepalg Fire Department at twenty Anatolely Drive
and notice he had multiple skin abrasions. The man, who
was identified to as Laowski, was wearing dark shorts, one
sock and was speaking rapidly. Wlaowski told police he was
walking in the woods and lost his flashlight and shirt,

(01:14:11):
says police, and he denied being near the school well.
Troopers noticed an unsecured window in the school property and
detained in searched Laowski. Police said he had two types
of prescription meds in his pockets, which weren't prescribed to him.
During a search of the school, troopers also noticed there
was recently consumed food in the kitchen. They found additional
food waste writing utensils in a single black sock at

(01:14:33):
the front entrance of the Nipog Fire Department, surrounding a lawnchair.
Troopers asked again if Walaowski had been at the elementary school,
and at this point police said he admitted entering the
school through a window and taking food, drinks, pens and
the folding lawnchair. Wasslowski, who is free on five thousand
dollars bond, now is due to appear in Superior Court

(01:14:54):
in Torrington. You know, sometimes you just take other people's
meds and are just happy enough to do this. But bro,
I guess he knew he was caught when they found
the other sock. He looks like Tony Hawk, right, Okay.
One more, a forty two year old Florida woman was
arrested after being accused of stealing a motorized shopping cart
from a Port Charlotte Publics market and driving it around

(01:15:16):
Airport Road in Punta Gorda. According to the Charlotte County
Sheriff's Office deputies responded to the store on taman Nami
Taminami Trail in Punta Gorda around twelve in twelve ten
twelve in the morning, deputy said they talked to the
store manager, who told him that a woman had come
to the store stolen a motorized shopping cart was seen

(01:15:38):
driving it south on Tamiami Trail from Airport Road. SO
deputies tracked the woman, identified as Robin Zick of Punta
Gorda to a Circle K gas station on South Taminami
Trail about a mile from the public's Deputies met with Zick,
who was still sitting on the cart and confirmed that
the cart, valued at about twenty five hundred dollars, was
indeed stolen from the publics. Emergency Medical Services then arrived

(01:16:02):
on the scene due to a phone call that Zick
had made prior to deputies speaking with her. According to
the CCSO, deputies questioned Zick, who told him that she
had taken the motoraiy shopping cart to go to a
medical appointment that she had. She told the deputy she
planned on driving the car to her appointment then bringing
it back to the publics. Zick was then transported to
the hospital for further evaluation. After being released from the hospital,

(01:16:25):
deputies arrested Zick. Now she faces charges a grand theft.
I mean, look, I wouldn't look twice if a public
scooter was zooming down the road to Circle K and
Florida Right, Zike did call EMS from Circle K. Luckily
her medical emergency wasn't too serious to go to jail. Yeah,
you can spread all this stupidity and share this podcast

(01:16:46):
on social media. With all the five star stupidity that
you've heard on this thing, it should deserve a five
star rating as well. And if you subscribe, you're going
to never miss an episode like the weekend episode featuring
Pacho Guerro, my Insane Florida nephew. You can ask Poncho
any thing and well he'll give you an answer with
his sage wisdom, and you can even test your stupidity
with Poncho in the weekly Insane game show. Of course,

(01:17:07):
this next week we will not have our weekend episode
because I will be on a college campus somewhere celebrating
a fall break with my college kid. So we'll have
another midweek episode coming up about a week from now.
But you can still rate and review the podcast so
it'll stand out in searches because folks are always looking

(01:17:29):
for stupidity, and the links to these very real stupid
stories will be then published a Telegram messenger when each
of the episodes have been published, and if you join
Insane Eric lane Stupid World Telegram channel you can check
them all out. You can visit t dot me slash
Insane eric Lane to get the full info. It's all free,
available for your desktoper mobile versions and support it on Windows, Linux,

(01:17:49):
Android or Apple platforms. If you want to follow me
on Facebook or x you can look up the handle
at Insane Eric Lane or visit my website Insanericlai dot
com and finally, ponder this, won't you? Stupid people are
like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake
them until the light comes on. Call Call cool Chong
call good call came.

Speaker 9 (01:18:14):
See Insane Eric Lane's Stupid World is produced with the
support from Envision, wise Llcanamericountry dot Com from Wise brother Media,
Universal Comedy at the United Stations Radio Network, Sheet Happens
dot com, Good Parts Media, and Mister Laughs.

Speaker 10 (01:18:30):
Thee music from Randy stone Hill. It's a great, big
Stupid World copyright nineteen ninety two stone Hillian Music, Word Music,
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Speaker 4 (01:18:41):
Thanks for making it to the end of Insane Eric
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